Original subtitles

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I drink good coffee...

That's the last of it, mate. There you go.

- Thank you. - Drive safe.

Yeah, no worries. See youse up in Darwin.

I feel like I only just got the menu right.

- You ready? - Not really.

♪ And when I'm done ♪

♪ I feel like talkin' ♪

♪ Without you here ♪

♪ There is less to say ♪

♪ Don't want you thinking ♪

♪ I am unhappy ♪

♪ What is closer ♪

♪ To the truth ♪

♪ That if I lived ♪

♪ Till I was 102 ♪

♪ I just don't think I'll ever ♪

♪ Get over you ♪

Sorry, Bub.

But since we're all moving into one house,

everything you own needs to fit inside this suitcase.

Everything? That's impossible!

Whose stupid idea is that? It's so stupid.

- I don't even want to move into that stupid house. - Just... Please get on with it.

But how? I have so much stuff! It's not going to fit in the suitcase.

Just do it, please.

All good. We'll make it fun.

- You call this fun? - Oh, don't stress, love.

You know Aunty Lauren's old bedroom that you stay in for sleepovers?

Well, that's your room now.

Besides, I'm going to help you smuggle some extra stuff.

- How are you going to do that? - How about this?

No-one can see.

I'll hide it up there.

Oompa, oompa... Up me joomper.

There you go. See?

Aunty Lauren will see that straightaway.

Nah, she thinks I'm fat already, so don't worry.

- Right, what else? - Mmm, my clothes.

Yeah, your clothes. Oh, how about your ball?

- My footy? - Yeah.

- Now, what else have you got? - All of these.

Oh, your whole army, eh? Pop 'em in. Oh, crikey!

- This is my favourite book. - Now then, who have we forgotten?

We have to take Jaquavius Thompson.

Oh, yeah, of course. Give him to me. Right.

Now, can you see anything?

If you put more stuff in there, you're not even going to be able to walk.

Oh, I'll be... I'll be... I'll b...

I'll be fine!

Can't get up, I'm so fat.

Ugh! There we go. Do you think they'll notice?

You're a ridiculous man.

I know. I've been practising for a long time.

There you go.

Oi! What's in the box?

Aunty Lauren, what are you doing? Where are you going with that?

To the skip.

Look, we'll keep what we can, but we have to throw out some stuff.

But it's not your stuff! It's our stuff! It's Mum's!

You can't throw out other people's stuff.

- Bub! - That's rude, you're rude!

Bub, stop!

Taya!

Get out of the skip!

I'm serious. Out! There's rusty stuff in there.

You can't throw this out. Mum used to make my breakfast with this!

Hon, it's broken.

- Mum loved this plant. - But it's dead.

I mean...

Bub, I'm sorry. I understand.

No, you don't! There's no reason why I can't keep...

...keep...

Why don't you leave the tea towel here and we'll go see Uncle Ned?

It's Mum's favourite sarong.

So what do you reckon, Bub? Ready to go back to school?

- No. - Oh, come on.

I bet you're missing your friends after two whole weeks.

- I bet they're missing you too. - I don't care!

All sorted with the removal people.

I asked them to leave it all upstairs.

She alright?

Oh, hey, look! Who's a lucky girl?

Not hungry.

- Not even for ice-cream? - Oh.

Nup.

Oh, well. More for me.

- Yeah. - Ooh, chocolate.

- Hey, not fair! - Mmm!

Oh!

You're right, Bub.

These last couple of weeks haven't been fair at all.

Alright, let's do something fun.

So you're saying I get to boss you around like a real-life queen?

- Exactly. - All day?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know about this.

It's just a bit of fun before school tomorrow.

We can trust her not to be a tyrant, can't we, Bub?

That's Queen to you, minion. Queen!

- And footy, but inside. I've always wanted to try that! - What the hell?

I told them to leave it in the house.

...but just eating the dough, and...

What's with all the boxes? Is this your stuff?

Where are we gonna put everything?

- I have no idea. - Halt, minion!

I didn't say you could pick that up.

I'm so sorry, Your Majesty. You must forgive me.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Why do my plebs get to keep all this,

but the queen's only allowed one suitcase?

Because sometimes life isn't fair, Your Majesty.

And sometimes queens chop peasants' heads off.

Look, Bub, I know we said you could be queen for a day,

but we can't leave all of this stuff out here.

And I've got an important phone call later, OK? So...

Your first request, my liege?

Go back to mine and get all my stuff!

- Your second request, my liege? - I'll give you a hint.

It starts with 'c' and ends with 'ookies'.

And we're gonna eat them raw.

After this, can we play footy inside?

What?

The department have a few questions

re: your application for Taya's guardianship.

- Is now a good time? - Sure.

Uh, now, the biological father,

his name does not seem to be included on the birth certificate.

Yeah, no. Um... We don't know who he is.

That's how Ronelle wanted it.

OK. There is another thing that I'm a little confused about.

If you're on this top wage tier,

why are you moving back in with your parents?

Look, Victoria... Can I call you Victoria?

Before the, um, the tragedy,

Taya was already staying here twice a week.

My husband and I are only trying to keep it familiar.

And your husband's work?

Uh, between jobs.

- Unemployed. - Self-employed.

Look, Victoria, I have enough South Australian clients

to keep us afloat.

Yes, but a private legal practice

isn't as stable as permanent employment.

You think people in Darwin

screw around less than people in Adelaide?

Excuse me?

As long as people keep getting divorced, I'll keep getting hired.

Miss Ford, I am currently going through a divorce myself,

and I don't appreciate you making jokes about it.

Cool. Um, could we wrap this up?

Please don't get defensive, Miss Ford.

The Department of Child Services simply needs to know

that Taya is in a safe and stable environment.

S...

Um, what was that?

You're killing me here!

- Sorry. - Is everything OK?

- Uh, yes. - Right.

Well, I will see you at the inspection,

and we can discuss it then.

That's great. That's great, Victoria. Have a good one. Bye!

Right! That's enough!

Oh, don't stop. Missed your singing.

Don't you miss doing it for an audience?

How is she meant to go to school without her uniform?

- Well, take it with us. Here. - That's not the point!

Lauren is used to thinking about Lauren.

But now that she's got someone else to think about, this is what happens.

Have you ever thought about joining a choir or a band again?

Why are you so eager to get me out of the house?

Because we need something outside of the kids. Hobbies are healthy.

- Healthy for rich people. - Oh...

I... Honestly!

It's going to be a parenting shit-show

the way these two are going.

Right.

♪ Don't you worry ♪

♪ Something inside sayin' ♪

♪ Don't you worry...

You said all day!

This is still the day! I'm still the boss!

Queens need to keep their queendoms clean!

Minions need to shut up!

Bub! We can't leave the house looking like this.

Besides, you've got school tomorrow.

Queens don't go to school!

Ah! Strict tutelage: vital for running any kingdom effectively.

You lied. You're a liar.

Let's not end your reign like this, please, Your Majesty.

No more queen crap!

Stop acting spoilt and take these toys to your room

like I've asked you 30 times already!

Mum, I can explain.

She did it.

Bloody hell, Lauren.

We have to do better.

It's going to be a living hell if Mum's always pissed off with me.

Ah, she'll get over it.

No, you don't know Mum. She digs in.

Can you stop stressing all the time?

You're stressing me out with all your stressing.

Yeah, if you stressed a little more, maybe I could stress a little less.

It could be worse. Look at where we are.

Starry skies, tropical nights.

Oh, my God. This is it.

That thing that mothers are always talking about. The mental load.

Hop in. Feel the anxiety float away.

Ned, we need to get our parenting shit together, pronto.

How hard can it be? We drop her off to school.

We pick her up from school. We throw some food in her mouth.

We put her to bed. Repeat. Easy!

Listen...

I love you so much.

And we have been through so much together.

Wherever you go, I go.

And wherever I go, you go!

Agh!

- I hate you. - Oh!

- See? It's nice. - Yeah, it is nice.

- What's wrong? - What was that?

School starts in 15 minutes. It takes eight minutes to get there.

Bub, what's 15 minus 8?

- Um... - Too slow!

Seven! OK! You, brush your teeth. I'll get your uniform.

- Ned, lunch. - You mean breakfast?

- That too! Go, go, go! - Lunch! Breakfast!

- Where's the school uniform?! - I can't find my toothbrush!

- Bloody hell. - Look in the cabinet! - Breakfast! Come and get it! Oh!

Let the peacocks run the show.

Look, Taya is not your responsibility.

Hurry up, ya mob!

What do you want, then?

Late again, Joey?

Sorry, Miss Prissypull.

It's principal. It's pronounced 'principal', Joey.

OK, Miss Prissypull.

What are you...

Stop!

Agh!

Nice one, Aunty.

Go on, go to school now.

Sorry, sorry.

One dead bridesmaid not enough for you?

- Oh, don't. - Too dark?

Bit bloody soon, yeah.

Oh, my God.

How's the deep end?

Mummy learnt to swim yet?

Properly drowning, sis. I don't know how Ronelle did it.

Mmm. Missing her.

Me too.

Well, better get Art to Clag-up my broken sign.

- Love you. - Yeah, love you.

Dana! Wait!

Shame job, sis!

I know. But something's bothering me.

I know the feeling.

Bub's dad, do you think he knows about Bub?

Cudjeri, you, of all people, know how fast the Black Telegraph travels.

If he knew, every aunty this side of Tennant Creek would know.

But still, do you think he's mob?

'Course! You know she had a type.

Mm.

Can you spit it out

before someone catches me talking to the local crazy?

I'm thinking... maybe Taya should meet her dad.

- Oh! - Mmm!

When Bub was born, I said that to Ronelle and she told me to back off.

Same!

I thought it was wrong she kept him out of the picture.

Yeah!

But... what if he's a dawg?

There's only one way to find out.

- Maybe I shouldn't pry. - Cudjeri!

Your instinct on this is on-point.

I'm in! Let's find him.

Yeah, but let's not rush into it, eh?

Actually...

What?

You're just moving your mouth, sis. What are you saying?

- I know a guy who knows a guy! - OK, what does that mean?

I've said too much.

I'm in! Let's do it.

It's fine.

Can you go blow off some steam? You seem stressed!

O... OK.

♪ Ah-ah, ah...

- Morning. - Morning.

Good to get them toxins out.

- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

It really clears the head, totally.

Yeah, yeah. I'm really feeling those endorphins.

Yeah, yeah.

- Let's never do this again. - God, I love you for saying that.

You right?

Yeah, I haven't had a chance to unpack.

I just had to free-ball it.

Got runner's chafe.

Oh, God, that beach looks perfect.

- Oh. Adelaide calls. One sec. - Hi.

- Oh! Why did I do that? - Lauren, are you there?

- Hello? - Sorry.

Thandiwe! You surviving without me?

Yeah. I think if we're both working from home,

- we should sort out some strategies so that we don't lose time. - No! Get away from me! Agh!

- Ah! What happened? - Help!

Some dopey tourist went swimming.

I'll call you back.

- Agh! - Alright, mate. I got you.

God! It's like a stab and a sting and a burn all at once!

- Oh, Jesus. - Ned! Leroy!

Agh! Ah, it's my bollock.

- Got me right in the balls! - Yeah, jellyfish are pricks.

Here's a cold beer.

- Bit early, isn't it? - Well, I don't have Panadol!

Great first aid. Get the vinegar!

Lucky you were stung and not eaten.

There's crocs in there?

There's crocodiles everywhere, babe!

They're protected, you ning-nong.

I can't vasectomise another fella.

Ugh!

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll do this. I'll do this. I can handle it.

It's just a bit of vinegar, right?

I can't do it. I can't do it!

Is it bad? Oh! It's bad, isn't it?

- No! - No, it's...

- It's... fine. - It's totally fine. I've seen worse.

- Is it bad? - It looks like a mozzie bite.

No! Yeah, it's just...

Oh, God! It's really bad! It's very, very bad.

Thank you.

So how's my Bubinator going?

Sweet of you to ask, Leroy, she's...

She missed the last two games and the team's a bloody debacle without her.

That kid does love her football.

Yeah, and she's got training this afternoon.

Just saying.

You right, chef?

Lucky I'm not planning to become a dad.

What are you talking about, brother? You are a dad.

And dads take their daughters to footy training, don't they?

Speaking of dads, did Ronelle ever talk to you about Bub's?

Hey, that's none of my business.

Ronelle squashed that convo years ago.

But why? What if he's good for Bub?

Oh, hang on. I've just closed down my restaurant.

- Tuck shop. - Cafe.

Semantics. The point is, if finding her dad was an option,

then what am I doing here? I mean, Leroy just called me her dad.

Not her real dad. Just her dad.

That doesn't even make sense.

Look, I wouldn't have upended my life if I wasn't needed.

We're just spit-balling.

Ronelle didn't want him in Bub's life when she was alive.

I can't see her wanting him in the picture

now that she's... not alive.

Forget it. How you feeling down there?

Could do with another Panadol, to be honest.

Me too.

So, a big move for you two, yeah?

Yeah, pretty big. Getting used to it, though.

Not sure about the local wildlife, you know what I mean?

- So, where is Lauren? - Working.

Well, I did tell her about this appointment.

- But you also told her to work. - Yes, I did.

Exactly. And that's exactly what she's doing.

As you can see, Taya has a room of her own, and it's clean too.

Look, closeable door. Put that down in your little clipboard.

Right, uh, requirements are met

as long as Taya continues having her own room

and Lauren maintains her current wage.

Well, lucky idiots keep getting divorced.

Indeed.

Let me show you another closeable door.

It's just around the corner here. It's called a front door.

I said, whose ball is it?

Now, come on, answer me loud and clear,

or, true God, I'm gonna pop all these balls.

Oi, are your ears painted on? I asked, whose ball is it?

- Our ball, coach! - Well, it's about time.

Go on, then, tackle drills. Go, go, go, go!

Taya, you try handballing it to Marcus.

The rest of you, take turns attacking Taya.

Hey, settle, cuz.

Remember, use your second arm to grab her wrist

so she can't lever it to Marcus!

Oh, what are you doing? Attack her!

Are you lot actively trying to embarrass your parents?

Well, now that Taya's back,

I won't let these mongrels embarrass me again, you hear?

You might wanna just turn the temperature down a little bit.

Taya's been through a lot, you know?

And I honestly don't know that kids respond to that hairdryer treatment.

It's not good for you either.

I can see the veins popping out in your neck.

You need to take it easy.

They'll think that that's the way that they have to respond to pressure,

and I don't think that's a good lesson for kids.

They kind of reflect what you show them.

So maybe just a bit more of a softly-softly, gently-gently...

OK, you big hero!

You think it's easy? You do it.

No, I was just pointing out that yelling isn't working.

Yeah, alright.

Wait, Ned doesn't know anything about football.

Either do the kids. Match made in heaven!

No, I'm serious! He's never even watched a... game.

Don't put it on you, ya boob! They're gonna think you're...

- OK, gang. Do you wanna gather round? - He's got the jacket on.

- He's wearing the jacket! - Hi. I'm Ned.

I'm, uh... I'm your new coach, apparently.

So, can anyone tell me what this is?

- A ball. - A ball, right.

- And where are the bats? - There's no bats.

No bats? Well, how'd you get the ball through the big chopstick things?

- You kick it! - Huh.

Can someone show me how?

Oh, yes! That was awesome.

Woohoo!

All I'm saying is that we can't let their palaver become our palaver.

- Mm-hm. - Now, look how beautiful it is.

We need to find more time for each other,

just... just you and me, eh?

- Hey! Here they are. - Bub!

- Have you seen this girl kick a football? - Mm-hm.

I haven't even scored a goal all season.

Are you kidding me? You kicked that ball like a rocket.

What are you wearing that for?

'Cause I'm the new coach.

- Is he gammin? - Nuh, he's the coach.

I'm not gammining. No.

You won't win a game this season now, that's for sure, eh?

I think you'll be better than Leroy.

He'll be better than Leroy? Well, that's not hard, is it?

Anyone would be better than Leroy.

Leroy hasn't won a game in three seasons.

Oh...

Never mind, Ned'O, you'll be right.

I found him, kinda.

You mean the, um... baby daddy?

Don't be stupid. I'm deadly, but I'm not that deadly.

I found Cowboy. Why do I need a cowboy?

No, no, some muligah.

Rumour has it, any bastard gone AWOL, Cowboy's your man.

Even cops use him, time-to-time, like a tracker.

Oh, I want nothing to do with him. He sounds notherkind.

He is notherkind. That's the point.

You see that beautiful English crumpet over there?

He came to this backwater for me.

It would be cruel to take Taya away from him now.

What about the woman in her PJs who told me she was drowning?

She'd rather be drowning than signing her own divorce papers.

So, that's that, then?

Bub never gets to find out who her dad is,

where half her mob's from,

because of what? Ned's fragility.

Hey, promise me you won't get this Cowboy fella involved.

I promise.

Excuse me!

Beers, sav-blanc, menus.

- Lauren Ford. - I hear you're looking for someone.

Did Dana give you my number?

Do you know what a cock-sucking cowboy is?

You mean the drink or an actual cowboy that likes to suck?

Well, I drink at the Humpty Doo Hotel.

Guess what I drink.

Hey, I don't know what Dana's told you, but she's got the wrong idea.

You know what I drink and where I drink.

The rest is up to you, Jillaroo.