Original subtitles

Narrator: Coming up, what's

got sal all wound up?

What the hell is going on?!

Why is Joe oversharing?

I have a wife and

bichon frise who spend money

like it's coming out of my

metaphorical wiener.

Narrator: And which joker

can't escape tonight's

punishment?

Aah!

Prepare for something

amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

I want my mommy!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!

We are at Sam ash giving

music lessons to students.

Aside from the fact that we

have no musical ability, we

won't know what instrument we're

teaching until they walk in.

And to make things worse,

we've recorded a secret song for

each other that we'll be forced

to play during the lesson.

The goal is to get your

student to sign up for another

lesson.

If you can't get them to sign

up, you lose.

Narrator: It's the jokers in

a double down challenge.

Hi.

How are you?

You're here for your guitar

lesson.

Electri guitar.

Have you done, like, any

chords?

You do that?

Okay, so...

Joe, from this point forward,

just refer to the guitar like

it's a piano.

So you've never played piano

before.

You want to make sure you

don't touch any of the black

keys in the middle.

The piano... those ebonies and

ivories.

You never heard that before?

Yeah, but this is a guitar.

Oh, you're here for guitar.

What?

I've been teaching you piano

on the guitar.

That makes more sense, yeah.

Hey, buddy, hit play on the

boom box over there.

In this boom box here, I have

a copy of my hit song.

I'd like you to hear it real

quick, and you can just give me

some honest feedback on it.

♪ Death, destruction

♪ diarrhea

♪ north and South Korea

♪ poo-poo

♪ poo-poo

♪ murder

♪ death and constipation

♪ all the western nations

♪ bathroom time frustration

so, let's get back to our

lesson.

"What the"

did you want to sign up for a

follow-up class, or...?

It's okay.

It's okay? Yeah.

Well, my new single's coming

out.

It's called "thumbs down."

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

What's up? How you doing?

What's your name?

Hey, Joe, what's going on?

Drums!

I'm actually in a band right

now.

I'm in a band right now.

Buddy, we got a song for you

to play.

Before we start, I got to

play you a song.

♪ I'm a sensitive guy

♪ with too much pride

♪ I'm a sensitive guy

♪ who loves a good cry

♪ just 'cause I'm a guy

♪ doesn't mean I don't cry

♪ I'll cry in front of you

♪ I'll cry on the moon

♪ cows say moo

♪ I cry with my shoes

♪ ah-choo

♪ god bless you

♪ let's cry

I'm delicate.

"So, let me show you how to

play," and just use your whole

arms and go up and down, sal,

and beat the drum.

Let me show you how to play.

This guy's doing great on

drums.

Sure is.

Sally, just slam that cymbal.

Good.

Sal, have a cymbal face-off

with this guy.

Just keep smacking it and

looking him right in the eye.

Stare at him.

Stare at him.

Oh, man.

It's a standoff.

Wind it up, wind it up!

Sal wins!

Sal wins!

Wow.

Would you think that you'd be

interested to sign up for

further lessons?

He got him!

Band.

This guy's serious about his

ukulele.

Oh, my god.

The ukulele.

The old uke.

"Well, here's a fun fact

about the ukulele."

Well, here's a fun fact about

the ukulele.

"I'm lonely."

I'm lonely.

"So, let's see... how's your

rhythm?"

Let's check your rhythm

first.

Put your ukuleles down.

Let's... put our ukuleles

down.

"Now let's just clap to the

rhythm."

And just... just clap to the

rhythm with me.

Clap as girly as you can.

1, 2, 1, 2.

1, 2, 1, 2.

What the hell?!

1, 2, 3! 1, 2, 3!

Okay, you're doing great.

Let's listen to your demo,

buddy.

This is my demo.

Okay.

♪ Music is everywhere around

you ♪

♪ just tiny cigarettes in a

suit ♪

♪ football, porno, duck sauce,

and popcorn ♪

I was born with both set of

genitalia.

Help me.

"Help me."

I wrote that song.

Do you think, based on how this

is going, do you think you'd

like to sign up for another

ukulele lesson with me?

Here she comes.

Oh, no!

Oh

The old stand-up bass!

Let me, uh... Get my stand-up

bass.

I sure had a...

He doesn't even know hot to

take it off the stand!

Oh

Have you ever played the

stand-up bass before?

Um... it's like a big violin.

"Have you ever played violin

before?"

Have you ever played the

violin before?

A violin is like a small

stand-up bass.

Like a guitar, you go the

opposite ways, right?

And you can hear the different

sounds as you go down.

"I promised myself I'd never

fall for a student again..."

I promised myself that I

would never fall for a student

again.

"Then you walked in."

Ho.

And then you walked in.

Oh, god.

And here we are.

"I might be playing the

strings..."

I might be playing the

strings...

"but you're pulling the

strings of my heart."

but you... Are pulling the

strings of my heart.

Why don't we show her your

demo?

I actually have a demo.

Me playing the stand-up bass...

So you can hear it.

♪ Doo-be doo bop, Dee ba

♪ ao-o-ga

♪ boo-ba-de da

♪ Scooby-doo-gop

♪ doo

♪ doo-be doo bop, wee da

together: ♪ ao-o-ga

♪ doo-ba-da da

♪ doo-ba-da geh

♪ di di

you heard all the quality

stand-up bass in there, right?

Yeah, s...

So, what do you say?

You want to sign up for another

class?

Don't do it.

All right!

How?!

We made it too fun!

All right.

Narrator: Joe couldn't hit

the right note, so he's on the

loser board.

Hey, hey!

Focus up, america!

Today, one of us will be the

moderator in a focus group...

And the other will be

participating in that same

group.

Now, the participant must

read all the answers on his

survey.

The thing is, his completely

embarrassing answers have been

written by the moderator.

If you can't read every

answer, in its entirety, you

lose.

Shh. Q's really focused.

Narrator: It's murr versus

Joe and q versus sal in a double

showdown.

Murr, the dress code today

was Steven seagal, so good job.

Hi, everyone.

Welcome to focus suites.

Look at this guy.

Joe has got to answer all the

questions that Murray wrote for

him as his own and own those

answers.

So, murr, if Joe answers all

those questions, you lose.

Okay. So, first, Michelle,

where do you get your news

primarily from?

Mostly from social networks.

Social networking.

So online. Okay.

And how would you, Erica?

Yeah, I said Twitter but also

social media in general.

Okay, and, Joe, where do you

get your news from?

Here we go.

I think I ate too much cheese

this morning.

That's what you wrote as the

answer?

Yeah. Uh, re-reading this, I

guess, uh... I misunderstood.

Okay.

How did you get here today?

Michelle?

Train.

You took the subway?

Mm-hmm.

And Alexis.

Subway.

Subway. And, Joe, same

question.

Oh. I took this a little bit

more.

This is all open interpretation,

but I said, "subway," but

originally, I came here from my

mom's Tallahassee, a.K.A. Her

rubber ducky...

a.k.a. Her strawberry

smoothy.

Murr's getting his ass handed

to him.

Does price greatly influence

your choice of technology

purchases?

Howie, how about you?

Yeah, for a student, I would

say it does.

It does, for sure.

And, Joe, how about you?

I wrote, uh...

I have a wife and bichon frise

who spend money like it's coming

out of my wiener.

Murray, you got to get Joe

here, man.

He's coming out swinging.

I'm sorry.

What is a bichon frise?

It's a bichon frise.

It's a little puppy.

How does the bichon frise

spend your money?

Oh, the bichon frise eats a

specialty diet, via the wife

spending the money like it's

coming out of my metaphorical

wiener.

Joe really took ownership of

that one.

I feel like there was some truth

there.

Okay.

You better pull out a big

gun, murr, because he has got

you on the ropes.

Final question... Joe, on a

lazy Sunday afternoon, what is

your preferred activity?

Mm. Yeah.

I Dutch oven my cats, mostly.

Look at this guy!

No, I Dutch oven my cats

'cause that's what I said.

Joey!

Looks like we've gotten

through every question.

All right, okay.

Here we go.

Q is in the driver's seat.

All right, sal.

So, q has written all of

sal's answers.

Yes.

Sal will be reading what q

makes him say.

Okay. We have Steven, right?

Courtney, uh, al...

He called him al!

Sal. Sal.

Sal.

Okay, cool. Sorry.

No problem.

And here we go.

Okay. We'll just start.

Dwayne, do you have a nickname?

No.

No, no nickname.

Uh, okay, al.

Do you have a nickname?

Sal.

Um... bologna cheeks.

Where did you get the

nickname "Bologna cheeks"?

Friends gave it to me.

Yeah.

It's relatively new.

"It's relatively new"!

Stuck, huh?

It better not stick.

You're coming out hot right

away, q.

Uh, okay.

Let me ask you another one.

Please, thinking about

smartphones, what comes to mind?

Courtney?

Apps, taking pictures.

Perfect.

That was an excellent answer.

But you know who I think is

gonna have a better answer?

Al?

Al's.

Okay, uh...

Al, think about smartphones.

What comes to mind?

The time that I...

Accidentally sent a naked selfie

to my sister...

Oh, my god.

And then she sent one

back, so...

Great answer!

"And she sent one back"?!

Wait a second.

She sent back a naked... a naked

picture of herself?

He's turning the screws!

We've all been there.

No?

Oof.

Next question.

Steven, you want to start with

it?

What do you do f for fun?

I play basketball in my local

community center.

Okay.

Al?

It's sal.

I thought I said "sal" and

you said it's "al."

No, it's...

It's been sal since I've been

born.

And what do you do for fun?

Uh, I love to paint.

Paint.

Mm-hmm.

What do you paint?

There's more to that answer.

What I wrote here was...

I use acrylic paint...

And a mirror between my legs.

What?!

It's a... it's art, man.

Okay, I'm just not

understanding how it works...

it's art.

It's subjective.

Q is gloating!

Q's got something up his

sleeve.

What are you painting?

I do whatever it takes to,

uh... make art.

Uh, very unclear on what's...

What it means.

Ha! You got to answer, buddy.

I guess I... I don't know.

Maybe I...

Taint paint.

All right, well, follow-up

question for you, then?

And I promise it'll be the last

one.

It all comes down to this.

On a lazy afternoon, what's

your preferred activity?

Well, it depends.

He's blowing...

If there's a girl...

He's pointing the guns at

him!

If there's a girl with me...

Right.

Oh! It's a Mexican standoff!

Sal's got a gun!

A Mexican standoff!

I like to be, uh...

Lazy all over her.

Let me know if you don't

get it.

Oh! He does it!

We're all done here.

Oh, too bad, q.

Narrator: Even after all of

that, Joe remains tonight's big

loser.

Joe!

Aren't punishments magical?

Super-magical.

Tonight, at the borgata hotel

casino & spa, the great nozini

is gonna dazzle a packed house

with a night of magic and

illusion.

We've billed you as a

world-famous escape artist.

You got to go in there and

thrill the audience.

Good punishment, boys.

This is a packed crowd.

We're at the borgata.

They don't put up half-assed

shows.

They're gonna expect the most

amazing magic ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, the

time has come to lay your eyes

upon the greatest escape artist

of our time.

Oh, yeah!

Joe gatto!

Good evening, and welcome to

a night of magic and illusion.

I am an escape artist, and

that's what I'll be doing.

I'll be escaping...

Before your very eyes.

I hope you are ready to be

amazed.

So, let's get on with the

escaping.

A straightjacket will be put on

me.

How do you like that, bud?

You're gonna have to get out of

a straightjacket.

Straightjackets are known for

being hard to get out of... some

would say impossible.

To that, I say...

Wait and see.

I will now escape from this

straightjacket.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

But that's not all.

I will be bound in steel chains

and rope around my ankles.

Thank you, ladies.

So, now I have a straightjacket,

steel chains, and rope around my

legs.

And I will now escape before

your very eyes.

Wait. There's more.

What?

What the...?

Not before i'm...

Lowered into...

Oh!

This... chamber of water.

I love you guys.

Lowered into the chamber of

water to up the ante.

Hey, Joe!

You!

I'm pretty sure this is how many

escape artists have died.

Hey, Joe, how do you feel?

Great?

Oh, that's cold.

Oh, what's going through his

mind right now.

I will now escape.

Oh, my god.

Any moment now.

Any moment now!

Oh, oh, wait!

What?

Nope.

This is taking a bit longer than

I expected.

They really did a number with

this straightjacket.

These chains are a

I mean, is there a...

Well, at this point, this is

useless.

I'm sorry.

He's apologizing!

Joe thought that being

embarrassed by not escaping

would be the punishment.

No.

That wasn't the punishment!

This part is the punishment!

There's just silence.

He's just staring at them like

he's a zoo animal.

There's people leaving?

There's people leaving!

Have a good day, ma'am.

People are booing!

People are booing him!

I appreciate your faith in

me, folks.

No, I can't.

Oh, my god.

Joe, you got to pee, buddy?

Just did.

The stage lights are off!

Guys, let's put him out of his

misery.