Original subtitles

♪♪

What's wrong with a family road trip?

Ask any movie ever made about a family road trip.

Come on. How about...

Louisiana, huh?

New Orleans. Baton Rouge.

We'll just pile in the car, head out on the highway.

We haven't done that since Ruby got here.

No. No, we haven't done that

since the great Baltimore disaster of 2006.

The exit was not clearly marked.

He drove our car into the Chesapeake Bay.

Wait, I saw that on the news.

Oh, no, I remember a blonde girl crying.

My hair was longer then.

♪ Hey, show me the way ♪

♪ What are the rules? ♪

♪ How do you keep a family? ♪

♪ What is the key? ♪

♪ How do you stay together? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa-oa-oa ♪

♪ If love is all you need to get along ♪

♪ To be strong for each other ♪

♪ I'll give you all I can give you ♪

♪ Where I live ♪ ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

Oh, hey, Ruby, can you help me out with this new song?

It's a duet, and I'd love to hear both parts.

Yeah, sure.

Just, my dad's going to be here any minute, so--

You know, we have a special Father-Daughter Day planned.

Okay, so you just sing the girl's part.

All right, just don't get mad if I have to leave.

It's cool. It doesn't mean that I don't like your song.

It's just if he comes in and says, "We got to go, or we're going to miss it,"

then I got to go. Fine.

Even though I don't really know what "it" is yet.

Just sing the song.

♪ Is it wrong to have these feelings for you? ♪

♪ Must be all right 'cause I have them, too ♪

You do?

♪ Feelings inside I've tried to keep hidden ♪

♪ 'Cause this love that we have is completely forbidden ♪

♪ I don't care ♪

♪ Totally into your sun-bleached hair ♪

♪ And new sneakers ♪

It's-- It's good. What's it about?

Nothing.

Everything.

Oh, my gosh, sneakers.

We might go hiking.

I've got to go get my shoes.

You are ridiculous.

I know she's my cousin,

but sometimes it's hard to think of her that way.

I mean, we didn't grow up with her.

Maybe she isn't our cousin.

Maybe Uncle David's not really Ruby's father.

You think Ruby's lying?

Of course not, but she might have been lied to.

Come on, that's crazy.

It's what daytime TV's based on.

Well, it doesn't matter.

There's no way that we'll ever know.

Look at this. I Googled "paternity test."

You just mail in 50 bucks and two DNA samples.

Like saliva or blood?

Sure, let's ask them to spit on us while we stab them.

Hair, you idiot.

I'm an idiot?

You still believe in the Tooth Fairy.

I saw her.

Ten bucks says David will be late.

Twenty says he'll be hung over.

I'll bet you a backrub I can jump up and touch the ceiling.

What does that have to do with David?

I don't know. Just rub my back.

Hey, honey, ready for our big Father-Daughter Day?

I don't know where we're going, so you tell me.

Do I look ready?

You look great.

I'm excited.

It's just going to be you and me.

Hello.

And this guy.

Ruby, meet Martin. Who?

So Ruby, what's a typical day with your dad like?

Excuse me, what's that for?

Just to make sure everyone's quoted accurately.

In? The article.

For? North Florida Parent Magazine.

About?

Parents in North Florida. Come on, Audie.

We're doing a piece on how a bad-boy rock star

discovers he's a bad-ass father.

Of course we can't say "ass" in the magazine.

We could at Rolling Stone.

This is our special Father-Daughter Day?

We could do anything there...

Come on, it'll be fun.

...except apparently drink on the job.

I don't see why you're all so upset about this.

North Florida Parent is a very reputable magazine.

"Do's and don'ts of breast feeding in public."

See? Informative stuff.

Models here are a little matronly, but still.

How is this supposed to be our special day?

Ruby, every day with you is special.

That's sweet.

We should do that in front of Martin.

I was hoping--

You could get your hair cut?

No, I was-- I would loan you money?

No, I'm just-- You could borrow my car.

David, she wanted to do something,

just the two of you.

Audie, let her say it.

You know what?

I think it's time we bid Martin farewell.

Wait, Audie.

You seem taller when you're mad.

Listen, the crowds at my shows have been a little thin lately,

and this magazine hits my demographic--

women who need a night out away from the kids they regret having.

I've never seen so many yogurt ads.

What? Oh.

Shame on you, David. Stop being yourself.

Look, I know this is not what you expected,

but we are doing it together, and it just might be fun.

Please, I've done a lot of interviews myself.

They're not fun.

It's a war--

Someone always trying to invade your privacy,

digging for whatever dirt they can find

while you do everything you can to fight them off.

I can't believe I just told you that.

If I ever go back to Spain, I am in so much trouble.

All he did was ask if you liked living on a cul-de-sac.

Patrick, the article is about Ruby and David.

Thank you.

So, Audie, I hear you're a dance teacher.

Oh, well, I don't know if "wonderful" is the right word.

He didn't use that word.

If you want to talk about yourself and have someone record it, now's your chance.

Wow, sounds like you're going through a lot.

No, it's my fault.

Trusting my dad is like asking a monkey to guard your bananas.

Yeah, no doubts. Hug?

No, I'm fine.

Come on, you need it.

No, really, I'm okay.

There, there.

No-- honestly, I'm okay.

Shh.

Ow!

Did you just pull a hair out of my head?

No.

Yes, you did. It's in your hand.

I don't think so.

Oh, my gosh, what is up with this family?

I got a sample.

Why didn't you just take a hair from her brush?

Same reason hunters don't hide in the market

and shoot frozen steak.

So, thanks for your time.

I'll be back tomorrow with the photographer.

What about a hair stylist?

There won't be any.

Makeup artist?

Nuh-uh.

They don't even give me gas money.

Rolling Stone used to pay for lobster dinners.

You know what I eat for dinner now?

Popcorn.

Remember the time I made you popcorn?

Actually, I don't.

Of course not,

because all you think about now are boys, boys, boys.

That's not true.

Boop.

Your father's quite a character.

He's always there when he needs you.

Oh, I did have one more question.

What are your memories of Ruby's late mother?

Oh, he doesn't remember my mom.

White curtain with red flowers

blowing through an open kitchen window

on a cool summer night in New Orleans.

What are you talking about?

The night I was with her mother,

Etta James was on the radio.

We kicked off our shoes

and danced around the kitchen for hours.

You remember all of that?

Why didn't you ever tell me?

You never asked.

Well, my mom said

that you wouldn't remember anything about her.

Well, I do.

White curtain,

red flowers,

New Orleans,

Etta James,

barefoot in the kitchen.

A magical night.

That's amazing.

It's almost overwhelming.

I think we could all use a good, stiff drink.

♪ He remembers the night like it was yesterday ♪

♪ No, I wasn't there ♪

♪ But I heard him say ♪

♪ That it was real ♪

♪ And it was true ♪

♪ And when I close my eyes ♪

♪ I can be there, too ♪

Good song.

Thanks.

I'm feeling inspired.

Something my dad told me.

Hey, where is your dad?

I need to get something from his head.

From him.

Head.

Cuckoo.

Um, he has a show tonight.

♪ And when I close my eyes ♪

♪ I can be there, too ♪

♪ Red flowers swaying in the white curtains ♪

♪ Blowing in the kitchen window ♪

Like ours?

Huh?

Sorry, just our curtains--

White with red flowers.

Huh.

That's weird.

♪ Etta James singing on the radio ♪

♪ Radio ♪

Etta James.

Was that CD there this morning?

New Orleans.

Dance barefoot in the kitchen.

Oh, my God, he made it all up.

I can't believe he did that to you.

You have no idea what I'm talking about.

I'm too mad to ask.

He just completely lied about remembering my mom.

What kind of person does that?

Okay, okay.

How do I explain David to you in a way

that respects the fact that he's your father

while bracing you for what could be a lifetime of disappointment?

I think you just did.

Honey, he doesn't mean to hurt you.

Really. It's just when you're that much in your own world

sometimes you do it anyway.

I just--

I wish I knew what to say to make him understand.

Ruby, words have no effect on David.

They just swim in and out of his ears,

never touching land.

The people on shore shout out, "Give us the information,"

but the words are like, "What? I can't hear you."

So what am I supposed to do?

What David does respond to are actions.

In 1990, the Rockits ended a world tour

with a concert in London.

For six months I kept telling him,

"Don't block me when I sing,"

but he never heard me.

So I acted.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ It's all that's gonna come between us tonight ♪

♪ Gonna wear my love mask, darlin' ♪

♪ It's all that's gonna come between us tonight ♪

Ahh!

Help.

Help.

Any questions?

What's a love mask?

It doesn't matter.

Is it a condom?

Yeah.

The point is if you want David to feel what you feel,

you have to show him, not tell him.

Okay.

Yeah, I can do that.

You have an evil little plan, don't you?

I think I do.

You've probably noticed there's no photographer here with me.

Not really, no.

Probably had a little chuckle

about how North Florida Parent was too cheap to spring for one.

Didn't cross our minds.

Although that is funny.

You like jokes, little man?

I've been living in my car since June.

Hey, guys.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, Martin, uh, for the photo,

I don't want you to glam me up.

Just, uh, capture me as I am--

a normal, ordinary, hard-working dad.

Who appears on stage every night riding a flaming pickle.

It's a rocket.

Why is it green?

Because later in the show it's a tree.

I'll be ready for you and Ruby in five.

Then I'm going to go brush my hair,

put on my face.

That brush is mine.

♪♪

Um, what are you doing?

Warming my face so I have a healthy glow on film.

Never get old, boys.

Hurry up. Take your hair and let's go.

There's no hair on this.

Not one.

That's impossible.

He just used it.

Maybe hair doesn't come out of his head.

That would make him an alien.

Wah, wah.

Eee, eee.

Wah.

We need a sample.

I'm going in.

Hey, Uncle David.

Looking good.

I think you got something in your hair.

Hey.

Nobody touches the hair.

But I thought I saw a spider in it.

Then that's between the spider and me.

Almost forgot. Don't touch that.

There's still a little flavor in it.

Get the gum.

You get it.

You have the baggie.

You're in love with your cousin.

This is my good side and this is my great side.

You pick.

Hey, Dad. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, no problem.

You ready to rock?

We sure are.

We?

Come on in, Thomas.

Who's he?

Silly, it's your son.

What? What?

She's joking.

I don't know this kid.

Daddy?

May I speak with you privately?

I'm going to say, "No."

What is going on here?

Nothing. He's not my child.

Oh, let me jog your memory.

Red flowers, white curtains.

Etta James.

Oh, is that what this is about?

Oh, hey, look. It's your other daughter, Pang Yung.

Hey, Pops, I can't wait to tell you about college.

Hey, Thomas. Hey, sis.

This is not a funny joke.

This is also not the article I promised the magazine.

Martin, I swear I've never seen these kids before.

Oh, hey, Thomas. Pang Yung.

Oh, look. Half of David's kids are here.

Ruby? Kitchen. Now.

Oh, Daddy, can I come?

No.

Great.

New article.

I wonder how soon they'll let me sell my blood again.

How could you do this to me?

Not fun hearing someone tell lies about your family, is it?

Ruby, I was in a tough spot.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

But you did.

You got me all excited about remembering my mom.

You gave me a history, and then you took it away from me.

Well, if you like it, keep it.

You know what? It's fine.

So you're not mad anymore?

There's no point.

You know, I'm just going to have to get used to it.

You don't remember my mom,

you probably will forget my birthday,

and if it's not about you, you probably won't remember.

Yellow top. Paisley skirt. Blue sneakers.

All right. What lucky lady was that?

You, the day I met you.

That is what I was wearing.

And I'll never forget it.

It may not mean anything to you anymore,

but I'm really, really sorry.

It does mean something.

Thank God,

'cause I'm tapped out.

Ruby's hair, David's gum.

Just drop them in the mail. In a couple weeks, we'll know.

Yup. And if Ruby's really David's daughter,

then my, uh-- Creepy crush.

...harmless feelings will go away.

And if she's not David's daughter, then...

well, I guess she'll go away. Why?

'Cause why would she stay here if she's not related to us?

True. She'd probably go to try to find her real dad.

Probably.

So either way, I kind of lose her.

So that's it?

Not quite.

Ow. What are you doing?

I'm going to get Dad's brush.

There's no way you're really my brother.

Hey. Can I help you paint your toes?

It's okay. I got it.

Oh, but I'd like to.

'Cause you know, I never get the chance to do girl stuff around here,

and because that's my grandmother's antique bedspread.

Meanwhile, that sad reporter

dropped off the latest issue of North Florida Parent.

Did we make the cover?

Eh.

Oh, it's just some dumb baby.

Where are we?

Page 94.

Wow. It's just a photo and a one-sentence caption.

"David and daughter Ruthie,

rocking out in St. Augustine."

Well, that was worth two days of emotional pain.

You okay, "Ruthie"?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You know, I've just been thinking about my mom a lot,

wondering what it must have been like when she met my dad.

Was she a Rockits fan?

No, she just thought that he was cute and sweet and had a nice smile.

Aw, like you?

Sorry I never got to know her.

Me too.

She was really awesome.

You're not too bad, either.

Well, thank you.

I know that you're not my mom,

but is it okay if sometimes I think of you that way?

Wow.

I'd be honored.

Um, Aunt Audie?

Yeah?

You're painting my foot.

Oh.

♪ But I don't care ♪

♪ I'm totally into your sun-bleached hair ♪

♪ And new sneakers ♪

I love it.

It's about nothing,

and yet everything.

Yeah!

So you really know people at Rolling Stone?

Tons.

We having dinner soon?

Sure. So, you really liked it?

You're not just saying that?

Of course I like it.

I also like chicken.

A lot.

Never get old, kid.

♪ Red flowers swaying in the white curtains ♪

♪ Blowing in the kitchen window ♪

♪ New Orleans in the summertime ♪

♪ Etta James singing on the radio ♪

♪ Slow-dancing on the checkerboard floor ♪

♪ But they're memories of long ago ♪

♪ I'm there ♪

♪ When I close my eyes ♪

♪ And if I'm only dreaming ♪

♪ If he just wants me to leave him ♪

♪ If none of it's real ♪

♪ Well, that won't change how I feel ♪