All language subtitles for Ruby.and.the.Rockits.S01E07.We.Are.Family.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-CRUD_track3_[eng]

♪♪

This makes
no sense at all.

If Ruby's teachers
want to meet me,

why don't they come
to my workplace?

Because this is how
parent-teacher conferences

are done all over the world
since the beginning of time.

And you show up
even if you're just an uncle

and technically could be home
watching the ball game.

Boy, do I feel loved.

Sorry, honey,
but it's just these chairs.

Don't public schools have
some sort of VIP lounge?

Okay, Dad, you are about
to meet my favorite teacher,

so you know the best
version of yourself,

the one that's
hard to maintain?

I need that guy
for five minutes.

Fine. I'll try
and keep my eyes open,

but don't expect me
to like it.

Hola.

Sorry I'm late.

No problemo.

♪ Hey, show me the way ♪

♪ What are the rules? ♪

♪ How do you keep a family? ♪

♪ What is the key? ♪

♪ How do you stay together? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa-oa-oa ♪

♪ If love is all you need
to get along ♪

♪ To be strong for each other ♪

♪ I'll give you
all I can give you ♪

♪ Where I live ♪
♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

Welcome to the home
of Patrick Gallagher,

of the '80s rock band
The Rockits.

Wait, your Web site said
he lived in a mansion.

How big is your house?

Does the tour
include the bedroom?

20 bucks gets you
into all family areas.

You'll also enjoy
a hot beverage

and you can keep
one of my dad's socks.

What's going on here?

Oh, my God,
it's the other son.

Ben, uh, I'm gonna
need a word with you.

Who are these people?

You know those crazy fans
who post on Rockits Web sites?

Yeah.
Here they are.

And they have money.

Wow!

They'll pay
to tour our house.

Okay, Ben, bringing
strangers into our home

is a serious violation
of Mom and Dad's trust.

How serious?

Half of whatever
you make.

Done.

Hey, there.

Bottom line is Ruby
is an exceptional student.

I'm blessed to have her
in my class.

Well, she tells us
you inspire her.

I'm pretty inspired myself.

It's true.
Watching the passion

that Miss Vasquez
has with us every day,

I just can't imagine
anything more fulfilling.

Well, maybe you'll end up
teaching someday.

Yeah, if some other stuff
doesn't work out.

So, does anyone have
any questions?

Yeah, just one.

Uh...recognize me?

A little band
called The Rockits?

I was the sex symbol.

I was the sex symbol.

I think Spanish
is the most beautiful language.

I don't think it,
I know it.

You know I'm here, right?

26 for you, 26 for me.

14 for you, 14 for me.

Why didn't you just
divide it up by tens?

Because this is harder
for you to follow.

Not that I'm stealing.

Ah, Patrick, you were
inappropriate with Ruby's teacher.

Who? You mean
Miss Vasquez?

No, I mean the shop guy
with three fingers.

Oh, that's right,
you met Miss Vasquez.

What was she wearing?

A white and brown wrap dress
with a medium sling-back heel.

What? I'm observant.

What am I wearing?

I wanna say...pants?

Why is the sink
full of teacups?

Oh, I was having
a tea party.

With my stuffed animals,
for old times' sake.

Was one of them
wearing lipstick?

Leave him alone.
12 is an awkward age.

You wear all the lipstick
you want.

Thanks.

Hey, champ,

anything you want to share
with your old dad?

Well, that was fun.

But, uh, I gotta go because
nothing here looks promising.

Thanks for meeting
all my teachers today.

Oh, no, thank you.

Because I actually
got a date out of it

with Miss Vasquez.

What?
Are you kidding me?

Man, you've got
the best life.

You get to sleep all day
and date Miss Vasquez.

With any luck I'll get
to combine those things.

Dad, my teacher
is off-limits.

But you're the one
who's always telling me

I should date someone normal.

Yeah. I mean like
a secretary or a fry cook

or a-- a cobbler.

Isn't that a dessert?

It's a person
who fixes shoes.

Isn't that a blacksmith?

Okay, Miss Vasquez,
she's like my hero.

What are you trying to say?

I'll take this, Ruby.

Miss Vasquez
is an extraordinary lady.

You are simply
the size of a lady.

Poor Patrick.

The size of a dinosaur,
brain of a dinosaur.

What do you think, Audie?

I think Patrick wants
to go out with Miss Vasquez.

No, I don't,
because I can't.

And because
I like you better.

A lot better.

You know what I'd do
if I went out with her?

Because I've given this
a fair amount of thought.

We'd take a drive
through the woods

on a snowy night.

Whoops, car broke down.

She's cold because
she's in a tank top.

So I build us a snow cave,

and suddenly, a second figure
emerges from the storm.

It's Kelly, my hot babysitter
from when I was ten.

Jordan,
you're not helping.

No, no.
Give him a minute.

What happens next?

Dad, please do not go out
with Miss Vasquez tonight.

Just tell her that you're
sick or something.

Yeah, right.

Do I look sick?

You look like a gay pirate.

Carly Simon went nuts
for this outfit.

I don't know who that is.

Look, if you wine and dine
Miss Vasquez,

and then dump her,
I'm going to have to sit

in that classroom,
wondering if she hates me.

Why would you think
I would dump her?

Because that's what
you always do.

Usually on the same night.

That's not true.
What about Margaret?

The crazy fan who hid
in the wheel well

of your tour jet?

Those were three of the
happiest weeks of my life.

She'd hide, I'd find her.

Dad, please,
I am begging you.

Do not destroy my relationship
with my favorite teacher.

Okay.

Okay, I have an idea.

What if I cancelled my date
with Miss Vasquez?

That was my idea.
That's why I came here.

Here I am,
trying to be nice,

and you have to make
a fight out of it.

Okay.

I'm-- I'm sorry.
Thank you.

Are you calling her?

No. Room service.

I need them to send me up
some hot butter

so I can get
out of these pants.

I'm running out of stuff
to give away on the tours.

Can you start saving
Dad's napkins?

Can't you just crumple up
any napkin and say it was Dad's?

Don't ask why, but that crossed
a line for me.

Hey. Is anyone else
missing all their belts?

Who cares?
No one wear belts anymore.

They don't?

Well, old people do,
but a hip guy like you?

You're too cool
to be working a nerd loop.

That's what the young people
call belts.

Really?
Are suspenders still okay?

Cool straps?
They're fine.

Good to know.

We can't keep this up forever.

Please,
he's completely trusting.

Like a baby elephant.

Jordan, should I take
my dad to a movie?

I just feel bad that he's home
alone tonight.

Well, feel better because he's
out with Miss Vasquez right now.

Oh, no, he's not.
He cancelled.

Then por qué
are they at Matelli's

enjoying white wine
and mushroom-based risotto?

What?
How do you know that?

My friend Spencer's there
having dinner with his parents.

He saw them come in, and he's
been sending pictures to everyone.

Why would he do that?

Well, it's his birthday, and his parents
wanted to take him somewhere nice.

No! I-- I mean my dad.

Check it out. I--

He lied to me.

Look at this one.

He-- He's dropped
his fork, and...

Oh, Uncle David!

Well, I guess this is gonna be
my new screen saver.

I had a dog once,
but I lost him at Farm Aid.

Oh, that's awful.
No.

What's awful is,
three years later,

I caught Willie Nelson
wearing his collar.

So, you were never
a Rockits fan?

Oh, I liked your stuff
on the radio,

but my sister
had all your albums.

Uh-huh.
She'll be so jealous.

You know what would
make her real jealous?

Oh, I, uh-- Excuse me.

Nah, it's just Ruby.
Oh, David.

Oh, right.
I should answer that

'cause that's what
good dads do.

Hey, Ruby.

No, I can hear you fine.

Uh, she says it's
too noisy in here. Oh.

I'll be right back.

A little bit more.

A little bit more.

There. Now I can hear you.
Now, hold on a second.

But don't move,
'cause it's really important.

Okay.

Hi, Miss Vasquez.
Well--

I mean, hola.

Ruby, what are
you doing here?

I don't think
you should be seeing my father.

We're just having a
friendly dinner. No.

One of you is. The other is winning
a staring contest with your chest.

I-- I don't understand.

Um, Dad, if I met
somebody online,

is it okay
to meet them in person?

Actually, the answer
to that is no.

Just hold on.
I have another question.

I just think you guys are
completely wrong for each other.

Then why aren't you having
this conversation with him?

Well, I tried, but--
I'm losing you again.

Why don't you go walk
behind the plant...

that I imagine is there?

Hold on.

Just promise me you won't
see him anymore. Please?

Ruby, I--
Oh, he's coming back.

Sorry about that.

Ruby just met a guy online.

Fingers crossed.

Remember, your reports on
Latin America are due Miércoles.

Miércoles.

Wednesday.

Miss Vasquez?

I just wanted to say sorry
for last night.

It was really inappropriate of
me to try and ruin your date.

Yes, it was.

So, did it work?

Well, I don't want my favorite
student to feel awkward,

so I left your father
a message this morning

saying that we're two very different
people, and it wouldn't work out, okay?

Oh, thank you, Miss Vasquez.
You're the best teacher ever.

In Spanish.

Close enough.

Hey, Dad,

you wanna go
for an early dinner?

Di-- Did we have plans?

I'm sorry. I've just been
a little out of it today.

Well, do you
wanna talk about it?

Or not.
We don't have to.

Maybe we'll both be more
comfortable not talking about it.

No. I wanna come clean.

Ruby, I lied to you.

I went out with
Miss Vasquez last night.

Really?

I know.
I said I wouldn't.

I'm sorry you're mad.
Why can't I change?

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's okay.
I still love you.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, I kind of got
the wind knocked out of me.

I've been out
with a lot of women,

and they usually
fall for me, hard.

Like, they have
support groups.

But this-- this has never
happened before.

Well, I told you. Miss
Vasquez is a little different.

A lot different.

That's why I feel like
I'm the happiest man alive.

Sorry?

Hug me, Ruby.
I'm in love.

This is crazy. You can't
be in love with my teacher.

Oh? Then why am I
writing her a poem?

"You're my hot,
Honduran flower.

I want to hug you
in the shower."

Too forward? Be honest.

First of all,
she's from Ecuador.

I know,
but it doesn't fit.

This is crazy!

You've only been out
with her once, Dad.

Doesn't matter.
When you know, you know.

Have you listened to
your phone messages today?

No, I can't.

The kid who does that for me
is out sick.

Okay, where is your phone?
Because I'm pretty sure

Miss Vasquez left you a message
that you really need to hear.

Really?

I can guess what it says.

I don't think you can.

You know, Ruby,
for the first time,

I really understand what a
normal woman has to offer.

She loves dogs.
She doesn't mind cats.

She sometimes has the same meal
two days in a row.

She calls it "leftovers."

Oh! Found it!

You have one new message.

Mm-hmm.

Hi, David. It's Vanessa.

Listen, I had a lot of fun
last night.

Me, too. But we're obviously
two very different people,

and I just don't think
it's gonna work out.

What? So thanks
for the lovely evening

and for the autographed
Rockits mug.

My sister will love it.

Maybe I can get you
that mug back.

So David really thinks
he's in love with Miss Vasquez?

Yes! I mean, who falls in love
after one date?

Birds? Monkeys?

I think monkeys
take their time.

Look, Ruby,
he's not really in love.

He just thinks he is.

I know. Right?
I mean, that's why

I had to show up on their date
and lure my dad

away from the table and tell
her not to see him anymore.

Why aren't
you guys laughing?

You did what?

Ruby, you sabotaged
their date?

Sabotage!

I mean, come on! It's
not like I sunk a battleship.

Okay, well, he did
a bad thing first.

But you also
did something bad.

Yeah, but I had a free pass.
So, you know,

if I do another bad thing,
then that's bad.

It doesn't work that
way. But it should.

But it doesn't.
Look,

Ruby, if we told you everything
you did was okay,

then you would have
no moral code.

I'm fine with that.

You'd end up
like your father.

- I knew you were gonna go there.
- And if you're worried

Miss Vasquez will end up alone,
trust me, she won't.

She's a beautiful woman.

You just had to shoehorn
that in, didn't you?

Hello? Dad?

You love me,

don't you, cake?

Um, don't you have a show
to do in a few minutes?

Do I? The days and nights
all seem to bleed together

since Vanessa threw me
to the gutter.

That was two hours ago.

Look, there's something
I need to apologize for.

I know.
You came to the restaurant

and destroyed my date.

Oh. So,
you talked to her?

Yeah, she told me everything--

that she had
second thoughts

about dating
a student's father,

and that
some of our conversation

freaked her out.

So, that means that if--

I'll never get to be
her bedroom matador.

Oh, I am so happy.

What?
Sorry.

No, that's okay.

I guess
I just don't belong

with a normal girl, Ruby,

or deserve a chance
at love.

Dad!

Nah, it's okay.

No, it's not okay.

You were talking
to a cake.

Cakes don't judge.

If you wanna have a real
relationship, you know it'll happen.

I can't do it, Ruby.
It just hurts too much.

Like a hangover,
but in your heart.

That doesn't mean
you should give up.

You think?

Yes! I mean,
aren't you the one

always telling me
the cure for a hangover

is to go out
and get drunk again?

I do say that.

We can't do a tour on a
school day. It's too risky.

What's risky about making
100 bucks at lunch

when Mom and Dad are at work?

That is a lot of money.

But I've gotta be back
in time for health class.

They're showing a video,
and I think it could be the one.

"A nation
of 13 million people,

Guatemala's chief exports are
fruits, vegetables and copper ore."

♪♪

♪ Va-Va-Va-Va-Vanessa ♪

♪ Va-Va-Va-Va-Vanessa ♪

♪ Now, she teach-a Spanish ♪

♪ And her skin is so tannish ♪

♪ And I think I love her ♪

Why is this not working?

You told me to keep trying.

Yeah. I meant
with other women.

- Really?
- Really.

Well, glad I stopped
when I did,

because these pants
are tear-away.

This is the best lunch we've
snuck away for in a long time.

And the cheapest.

Ooh!

You know,
you move pretty good.

Oh, you inspire me.

More than Miss Vasquez?

Honey, you're
the only one for me,

and I have 20 minutes to prove it
before I have to go back to work.

You wanna prove it upstairs,

or, uh, in the kitchen?

The kitchen.

We can have toast
right after. Mmm!

Oh, I've never
seen you like this.

I should make you jealous
more often.

The body of a dinosaur,

brain of a dinosaur.

Tyrannosaurus sex.

Ooh!

Nooo!

How much for that tour?

You're lucky you sold
all my belts.

Nerd loops.

I'm not buying that anymore.

Patrick--
It was Ben's idea.

But Jordan should've
known better.

He's so much older,

and I look to him
for guidance.

You guys, you don't get it.
These fans are crazy.

He's right,
you know.

Go away!

♪ Va-Va-Va-Va-Vanessa ♪

♪ Va-Va-Va-Va-Vanessa ♪

♪ Now, she teach-a Spanish ♪

♪ And her skin is so tannish ♪

♪ And I think I love her ♪

♪ Yes, I think I ♪

♪ Va-Va-Va-Va-Vanessa ♪

♪ Va-Va-Va-Va-Vanessa ♪

♪ Now, she teach-a Spanish ♪

♪ And her skin is so tannish ♪

♪ And I think I love her ♪