Original subtitles

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And that is why the Rockits broke up.

♪ Hey, show me the way ♪

♪ What are the rules? ♪

♪ How do you keep a family? ♪

♪ What is the key? ♪

♪ How do you stay together? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa-oa-oa ♪

♪ If love is all you need to get along ♪

♪ To be strong for each other ♪

♪ I'll give you all I can give you ♪

♪ Where I live ♪ ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ My coffee's cold ♪

♪ My cell phone is dead ♪

♪ Can't find my house key ♪

♪ Life, I love you ♪

♪ Not ♪

Wow. Good job, honey. I'm so proud of you.

So, what part did you like the best?

The part where my handsome son was singing.

Okay, Dad, you were a rock star.

You know music. What did you think?

Opinions mean nothing.

A lot of people hated Elvis when he started out.

But what do you think?

I love Elvis.

Hey, Uncle Patrick, guess who just joined the soccer league?

I'll give you a hint. She's not your daughter, but she lives here.

And guess who's coaching the team?

I'll give you a hint.

He's very handsome, and he's me.

What do you know about soccer? Nothing.

But I'm her father, and that's what fathers do.

Three practices a week,

early Sunday games, loud, angry parents.

I'm out.

It's okay. You tried in your own way.

That was nice.

We need a coach.

I accept. Why do you assume she means you?

Why don't you both do it?

There can only be one. Sure.

Wow. I'm gonna have to choose between my aunt and uncle.

I'm sorry, honey. This should not be so stressful.

Are you kidding? This is great.

I have two parental figures who wanna be involved in my life.

No offense.

Hmm? Oh, I tuned out.

Please, I've been waiting for years for a child in this house

to take an interest in sports.

Well, I just-- Please! Please!

I won't stop asking until you say yes.

How can I say no?

You can't.

That's exactly how he proposed to me.

Now, girls, I don't want you to just think of me as your coach.

I'm also your friend, your role model

and the guy who can do this.

Isn't that great?

He was up all night practicing.

No, I wasn't.

Don't be embarrassed. I'm not,

because it wasn't all night.

I guess the next thing to discuss is our team name.

Now, I was thinking-- It's the Lions!

Isn't that great? He couldn't wait to tell you.

And I almost got to.

I'm sorry. I'm just so excited.

And that you're excited. It's all really exciting.

And speaking of exciting, I've got a big surprise.

Uniforms!

Really?

I couldn't even have that one?

I need some honest feedback on my music, Uncle David.

My parents won't tell me the truth because they love me too much.

But I don't get that feeling from you.

Let's hear the tune.

♪ My coffee's cold ♪

♪ My cell phone is dead ♪

♪ Can't find my house key ♪

Stop. What's the matter?

Put the guitar down.

Now sit.

Take a deep breath.

Your song is dreadful.

Well, okay.

That's honest.

How can I make it better?

Stand up.

Grab your guitar.

Now get out.

Wait. You can't just tell me I suck

and then make me leave.

Oh, no? Okay, listen up.

Maybe somewhere inside you there is a real songwriter,

and maybe I can help you find him.

But it's gonna be hard, and it's gonna hurt.

Like bee sting hurt,

or will it make me cry?

Bee stings don't make you cry?

Uncle David, I promise you

if you can help me become great at my art,

I will do anything you ask.

You mean it? Absolutely.

Then take care of this hair. I may need it someday.

Ooh, your guacamole looks great, honey.

It's still lumpy.

A man only gets one chance to make a first impression.

You mean with the girls in there?

Well, I'm not making this for my turtle.

Hey, how's the guacamole?

Uh, it's just hitting puberty.

Ladies,

get ready to dip.

How's it going in there? Everyone getting along?

Yeah. And the best part is seeing how happy Uncle Patrick is.

And after every game, win or lose,

we're gonna meet right back here

to make bracelets and eat pizza!

Why? 'Cause we're the Lions.

- Rrrrr! - Rrrrr!

Oh, he was born to coach.

It's like I've unlocked something great inside him.

Well, you seem really happy, too.

Oh, I'm having so much fun. I can't even imagine

what the rest of the season is gonna be like.

The Lions!

You're not Lions! You're sheep!

You shouldn't be playing on grass.

You should be eating it.

Three to nothing?

Now, what have you got to say for yourselves, huh?

Huh?

Go Lions?

So Patrick just yelled at the whole team for an hour?

I couldn't believe it.

The girls are calling him Coach Buzzkill.

Oh, that's awful. Yeah. And the Grinch Who Stole Soccer.

Wow.

And Osoccer bin Laden.

That one's mine.

Are we done here?

I don't feel like working on this anymore.

Oh, come on. The Lions need a mascot.

Check it out.

Can you be more scary?

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

I just-- I don't get it.

I have never seen this side of Uncle Patrick before.

I was afraid this might happen. Patrick is so competitive.

He never does anything halfway.

He got into music, became a rock star.

He likes cars, he bought a dealership.

I understand competition. I can be competitive.

Yeah, yeah, but it's different with Patrick.

It all goes back to some high school football game

where he caught the winning pass, won the championship,

and had the most perfect moment of his life.

Try not to peak too early.

Can you just talk to him for me?

I mean, get him to calm down without upsetting him.

I just-- I know how much this means to him.

Oh, don't worry. I'll be gentle.

Okay, I got the lowdown on the other team.

It seems the goalie for the Ladybugs just had a nose job,

so tomorrow we aim for the face.

I love you.

You're fired.

♪♪

Wow. I've never been in a seedy bar before.

How does it feel?

Well, it's 10:00 a.m.,

so I'm gonna say tragic.

Here's the plan.

Pick a woman, tell her she's beautiful

and that you must have her.

And how will this help me with my music?

What do you think music is?

Sounds organized into patterns that please the human ear?

You really are an idiot.

Music is the book of your life.

What's in your book, Jordan?

"Went to school, watched TV,

ate a sandwich Mommy made for me"?

Is the taunting part of the teaching?

Or is it just something you quietly enjoy?

Here. See that girl

in the back by the pool table?

That's the one. Go get her.

She is my mother's age!

I wouldn't open with that.

Okay.

Go on.

Yeah. Thanks.

Ah, the Book of Jordan.

Rejection.

Oh, yeah? Think you got me, huh?

But you didn't see this coming.

Seriously, you kept me away from the soccer girls for this?

Ben, you're not gonna get a girlfriend wearing a kitty cat suit.

It's a lion.

You have a bow on your tail.

Yeah!

I win! Wanna go again?

Dad, I know you miss being Ruby's coach,

but I'm not really into competing.

We're not competing.

We're just keeping score to see who wins

and who's a loser!

We're home!

Oh, thank God.

How was the game? Great.

So, you won?

We lost.

Hmm. What was the score?

Uh...who cares? We had fun.

Hey, Ben, will you give me a hand?

Any of the girls ask about me?

Not that I can recall.

They're just playing it cool.

So, you had fun?

No. I mean, it wasn't all fun.

Sasha got a black eye, and I slid into a bench,

and now everybody's calling me Splinters,

which is kind of cool 'cause I've never had a nickname before,

and, oh, we all laughed so hard when Jenny made a point for the other team.

Yeah, it was fun.

Which is nothing to feel bad about, right?

Wrong. I am just trying to protect her.

From enjoying her youth?

Look, I wanna tell you both a little story. Sit down.

When I was in high school, I was an all-county wide receiver.

I know this. But Ruby doesn't.

Actually, you've told me many times.

Well, anyway, we had this great coach-- Coach Rickman.

Oh, he was a legend in our town.

He had six undefeated seasons in a row.

I know all this. But Ruby doesn't.

No, actually, I do. You-- The point is,

there's something no one in this family knows.

I've never shared it with anyone.

Oh, dear God.

Did the coach fondle you?

What?

Of course not!

Then what?

In the last seconds of the last game of Rickman's career--

You caught the winning pass and-- No!

I dropped the winning pass.

It went right through my hands, and it cost us the championship.

But you always said-- I know what I said.

Because I was too ashamed.

I ruined what should've been the coach's greatest night,

and he never spoke to me again.

And he didn't touch you anywhere?

Don't you get it?

That one moment has haunted me forever,

and that's why I don't want Ruby or any of those girls

to think losing is okay, because it's not.

It's not okay. It sucks!

But, Uncle Patrick, I'm sure your coach forgave you.

Did he? Or was he the one

who egged my house that very night?

We may never know. But the guy at the Fast Mart

said he bought eggs-- all of them.

I don't know what to do.

What are you afraid of? Losing my money.

This is three years of babysitting on the table.

Well, you have two choices: Play it safe your whole life

or feel the thrill of putting yourself out there

where something great could happen.

Hmm?

All in.

Three queens.

Full house.

Ouch!

What-- You said something great could happen.

And it did...to the Chief.

This isn't funny. I'm broke.

Poor kid. I feel bad. Mmm.

You want your money back? Yes, please.

Then go back in time and get it.

Regret and Humiliation.

All right, all right. That's it. This whole week

you've been promising to turn me into a real musician,

and instead you've dragged me to a dog race,

sent me to your drug dealer.

Chinese herbalist.

I have been hit, I've been threatened,

made to look like a fool.

What?

Let's hear that again... but with music.

Uh... Mm-hmm.

All right. ♪ I've been hit ♪

♪ I've been threatened ♪

♪ Made to look like a fool ♪

♪ The Chief took all my money ♪

♪ If this is life, then life ain't cool ♪

Hey, listen to me!

It's-- It's the book of my life.

You're welcome.

I gotta go write all this down. Thank you, Uncle David.

Ah. Fly away home, little artist.

Good kid. Great hair.

It's mine, you know.

Hey, you're up late. Uh-huh.

I heard about my dad flipping out

You probably feel like it's your fault.

Uh-huh.

Let me tell you something about life.

We...

We have enough of our own baggage.

You don't need anyone else's.

I mean, I've been through some stuff lately,

and I've realized, the hard way,

that it's all a journey,

not a destination.

So, travel light... Uh-huh.

and bring a toothbrush... Uh-huh.

You have a spider on your head. No, I don't.

So you have been listening.

Uh-huh.

And you're busy. Got it.

It ain't no thing, because that's where I'm at now.

I am out of the matrix and down the rabbit hole, baby.

Shut the door, and truth comes in the window.

I'm just saying.

What's going on? Ruby has something to share with you.

Obviously we can't go back in time and change history,

but we can say sorry to those that we may have hurt.

I've told you, I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your team.

Oh, no. I'm not talking about you.

Are you gonna apologize to me?

What for?

I don't know. You called me here.

Ruby went on the Internet.

We made a few phone calls. And I found

an old friend of yours in a retirement home in Miami.

Ben? We have picture.

Coach, you there?

Well, it's about time.

Coach Rickman, is that you?

That's my high school coach. How about that?

Hey, Coach. Gallagher.

Oh, crap. Boy, you got old fast.

Yeah, I guess life catches up with all of us.

Looks like it caught up, it passed you,

and beat you home in time to boink your wife.

He's colorful.

Uh, it's so great to see you.

What are you here for? You broke? You need money?

Hey, maybe you're dying. How about giving me your liver, huh?

Um, Mr. Rickman,

do you remember what we talked about?

How my uncle needs closure from that game.

Oh, you're still concerned about dropping the ball?

Well, of course. I ruined your winning streak.

Forget about it. I did. It was only a game after all.

The most important thing is you're a good kid

and you tried your best.

Really? No, you dumb son of a bitch!

What?

You ruined my career!

He said the B word.

I hadn't lost a game in six years

until butterfingers here took a crap

on what should've been the greatest day of my life.

What is the matter with you?

If your whole life depended on one stupid little play,

then you haven't led much of a life.

Who the hell are you? The maid?

What?

It's okay, Ruby.

You know something, Gallagher? Until this happened,

I was gonna put on my tombstone,

"Left the game undefeated."

And now I'll have to go with, "Beloved husband and father"

like every other schmuck in the graveyard.

Oh, and incidentally,

here's what I think of your music.

Charming.

Please hold.

Okay, for the record, when I asked if he would speak with you,

he said that he'd been looking forward to it

for the past 25 years!

Patrick, you okay?

He's so angry.

Have I been acting like that?

I mean, look at him.

I don't wanna be 80 years old

and still mad about football or soccer or anything.

I want my tombstone to say, "Beloved husband and father... and uncle."

You are so sweet...

and girly.

Hey, Jordan, where have you been?

Hanging on the streets, soaking in the vibe,

marching in the parade we call life.

Well, wash your hands.

Who are you Skyping?

No, don't!

I'm not senile. Leave me alone.

I'm telling you, I'm talking to some guy in the computer.

There. See? Who the hell are you?

Where the hell is the other guy?

This is my son. And you might remember my brother.

Oh, of course. David Gallagher, the big rock star.

Oh, kid, you made it big. Love your music.

I'm a big fan of yours. Big fan.

Thanks, Coach. You know, we were a duo.

Hey, nobody's talking to you, Garfunkel.

We're gonna say good-bye now, Coach.

Oh, imagine my disappointment.

Stop touching me, will you?

I don't wanna take a bath now!

Wow.

I've been carrying all that around.

Thank you, Ruby.

I feel I really learned something about myself.

I'll tell you what I just learned.

That's what you're gonna look like naked 40 years from now.

♪♪

♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

Who, uh-- Who is that?

Coach? Oh, there you are.

I've been waiting for hours.

Amanda, my beautiful granddaughter.

Oh, Coach Rickman, I'm not your granddaughter. I'm Ruby.

I know, but just let me call you Amanda because I'm so lonely.

Oh, well, sure. I guess that's okay.

Amanda?

Yeah, Grandpa?

You're the worst granddaughter in the world,

and you get it from your worthless father.

Good-bye, Grandpa. No, don't close that.

It's like a coffin in here. Hey! Hey!

♪ The sun is out ♪

♪ But it's raining on me ♪

♪ I got my own cloud ♪

♪ She's beautiful ♪

♪ But she doesn't see ♪

♪ My face in this crowd ♪

♪ She'll never know ♪

♪ The way I feel ♪

♪ Why am I so, so invisible? ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Life, I love you ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ I really do ♪

♪ She walks away ♪

♪ Yeah, isn't life great? ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Life, I love you ♪