Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Let's make love ♪

♪ On my money ♪

♪ Spend my cash ♪

♪ I'll kiss you, honey ♪

♪ Let's get nasty ♪

♪ On my money ♪

♪ I'll cash some checks ♪

♪ For funky sex ♪

So, what'd you think? Does it still hold up?

Honestly, Dad, it's gross, sexist, and infantile.

So yes?

You're gold.

♪ Hey, show me the way ♪

♪ What are the rules? ♪

♪ How do you keep a family? ♪

♪ What is the key? ♪

♪ How do you stay together? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa-oa-oa ♪

♪ If love is all you need to get along ♪

♪ To be strong for each other ♪

♪ I'll give you all I can give you ♪

♪ Where I live ♪ ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

Good morning, guys.

Good morning, morning, morning. Uncle Patrick, Aunt Audie.

Happy anniversary! Ruby!

Ohh. Aw. Oh, it's a cute puppy.

"Doggone it, it's your anniversary."

Really? That's the joke?

Sorry. This is very thoughtful of you,

as always.

Boys, nothing, as always.

You didn't marry us.

You boys better learn to step up your games

if ever you wanna land a fine lady like your mom.

Oh, don't kiss, don't kiss, don't kiss.

Aahhh!

Every kiss reminds me of our first.

Did I ever tell you that story, Ruby?

Just say yes, say yes, say yes. No.

Aahhh!

It was on a Rockits video shoot. I was one of the dancers.

And as soon as I saw her, I knew she was the one.

And within 30 seconds, my lips were on hers.

Wow.

I'm Audie.

I think I just met the girl I'm gonna marry.

Aw, that's so romantic!

So, what are you guys doing tonight?

The Key Lime Lounge.

Like they do every year.

Is it really romantic?

Best skater taters in the county.

Can we get a table with a bug candle this time?

Really? You like the lounge, right?

Sure. It's fine. "Fine"?

It's good. It's really nice.

Aw, you're just making it worse.

"Really nice" is what we say when Ben shows us his artwork.

Honey, you know, I don't expect every anniversary to be like our first.

He took me to Paris.

Aw. It was really incredible, you know?

But things change, you know? Couples settle

Don't say it! Aahhh! into a routine--

That's like a dagger!

Honey, I don't know why you're taking this so hard.

You are a great husband. No! Yuck!

I don't wanna be a great husband.

I wanna be your Luke Studwalker.

I'm gonna give you an anniversary you'll never forget.

Luke Studwalker?

I don't wanna talk about it.

- Honey, come on. - Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry I took so long. I wasn't sure what to pack.

You've been so mysterious about your new anniversary plan.

Do I need a passport?

Okay, I may have raised expectations a little high.

Well, will I need to check luggage?

Are we camping in the backyard?

No. Don't worry. It's good.

We're going to the Inn at Monarch Bay.

Oh, my God! That place just opened!

It has a spa, a five-star restaurant, rooms overlooking the ocean.

And courtyard rooms which are also nice.

I'm very excited.

Now, Ruby, you sure you're okay looking after the boys?

Yep. What time should I give them their baths?

Why is she looking after me? I'm the oldest.

Because the last time I left you two alone,

you gave Ben a Mohawk.

He asked me to.

I was asleep.

Okay, bye, everybody. Be good.

Yeah. And no chocolates. Mom!

No chocolates. Mwah! Okay, bye. Bye.

Bye. Have fun.

Sorry. You heard 'em. I'm in charge.

Let's give her a Mohawk.

What if she screams?

You did. Nobody came.

Silence! As queen of this house, I declare that we are throwing a party.

What? Seriously? You?

Tonight is my entrance into high school society.

I've been able to float above it 'cause I'm the new girl,

but eventually, they put a label on you.

Yeah. Like Golden Devil

or Golden Boy.

Or Girl Face.

Anyway, that is not gonna happen to me.

I'm gonna be loved and respected and maybe even feared.

Now you get my iPod and start putting a party mix together,

and you go to the garage and get any snacks you can find.

It's a high school party. What's in it for me?

Paw.

Chocolate.

Aw, it must be an accident.

Oh, I'm sorry about this, honey. Aw, don't be sorry.

We're doing something different. We're on the road.

Just like the old days.

Hey, I've got an idea, as long as we're here.

Tell me a secret that you've never shared with me before, and then I'll tell you one.

Wow, that sounds like a bad idea.

Come on. It'll be fun.

It's our anniversary. Let's be dangerous.

You go first. Really?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Uh...

I got one. It's sort of stupid, but you'll laugh.

Okay. Is it about somebody I know? Yeah.

You know what? Maybe we should stop.

No, no, no. It's no big deal.

Um, you know that video shoot

where we first hooked up?

Yeah.

♪ Let's make love on my money ♪

♪ Yeah, my cash is sweeter than honey ♪

♪ Let's make love on my money ♪

♪ 'Cause I got a lot ♪

♪ That makes you hot ♪

Cut!

Cut!

Dancers-- Dancers, please remember

you fear the spacemen,

yet you want them!

One of them, anyway.

The song is called "Make Love on My Money."

Why do I look like the first hairdresser in space?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm going out in this outfit tonight.

And the power went out. I remember.

And I remember what happened next.

You know what? Let's not play the secret game anymore.

Honey, it's me. You can tell me anything.

Okay.

Well, um, during the blackout,

before you kissed me, something else happened.

What are you doing? Oh, come on.

Your little dancer friend said you had the hots for me.

Not you, Patrick.

Patrick?

That's okay. We share everything.

Whoa. Hold on.

David kissed you first? I know.

It's crazy, right?

Uh-oh.

♪♪

♪ Flowers in the sun ♪

♪ Smell as sweet as sunshine ♪

Ben, what are you doing? Jumping.

Why? I don't know.

But I can't stop.

On a scale of one to Kimberly's party, this is, like, an eight.

Kimberly's party is legendary.

Did she really have a live dolphin in her pool?

Oh, yeah. I rode it.

Hey, Ruby,

was Stella Webster just talking to you?

Yes. And she gave our party an eight.

Shut up. On a scale of one to Josh's party?

Kimberly's party. Shut up!

What the hell is going on here?

Hey, Dad, we're just hanging out with some friends.

A party?

You're throwing a party with Patrick and Audie out of town?

We would've invited you, but it's a high school par-- Nah-ah!

This is outrageous!

Lucky I stopped by before anything was broken

or impregnated.

All right. Everybody, let's go.

Out. Come on. Let's go. But--

Or I'll start taking names and calling parents.

Negative six.

Young lady, I wanna see you alone in the kitchen.

Come on.

Wait. Jordan, will you do something?

Like what, strange girl?

I don't live here.

What is the matter with you?

Since when are you the kind of dad that acts like a dad?

It was pretty convincing, right?

What?

I loved it when I said, "I'm gonna start taking names

and calling parents."

Uh, wait. Was that all a joke?

- '- Cause... - I want my friends back.

I'm sorry, hon, but I've got my own plans tonight,

and I really need the house.

But you're welcome to stay.

For what?

My party.

♪ Yeah ♪ Yo.

♪ It's a lovin' thing ♪

♪ It's a lovin' thing ♪

♪♪

You shut down my party so you could throw your own?

Yeah. I had to. All your friends are in high school.

Everybody here is over 18.

I won't make that mistake again.

But why?

Because the law is very clear on--

No!

I mean, why the party?

Oh. You see that guy over there in the white tracksuit?

That's Crayton Jones. He's a huge record producer.

He's here to talk to me and Patrick about a reunion album.

But Uncle Patrick won't do a reunion album.

I know, which is why I'm gonna talk to him

about my solo album.

So who cares what I was doing?

Once again, your needs always come first.

Thank you.

So, all these people are seniors.

How many times did they fail?

I can't talk to you when you're riding the cocoa train.

Wow! I thought I knew what hotness was,

but I was just a boy.

Hey, Crayton.

Hey, glad you could make it. Thanks for coming.

Hey! Look at you. It's the little Rockit.

He called you little.

Ooh, baby, we gonna lay down some tracks

and make some serious bank.

I love bank.

Not you, Kanye.

Who's that?

Oh, this is my daughter Ruby.

Not you, not you. Sorry, Kanye.

There's a lot of ambient noise.

Hey, Kanye.

Don't do that.

So, where is the big Rockit?

Uh, actually, I'm a solo act now.

Solo act? Now hold up.

You talked to me about doing a reunion album.

Right.

A reunion between me and my fans.

Hmm?

All right. You're a kid.

Would your friends buy a record from him?

Well, I would ask them, but they're not here.

I can't believe you kissed my brother before you kissed me.

Stop being such a baby. I mean, who cares?

It's so humiliating. What if the kids knew?

I'd lose face in my own home.

"Lose face"? What are you, a samurai?

It's not like I slept with the guy.

Are you sure?

All right. That's it. You turn this car around.

I would if I could.

Happy anniversary, butthead!

♪ Night and day ♪

I found out her name is Chanel.

So, when we speak, that is what I shall call her.

You're 16.

You have no shot. Okay.

All right. I admit the odds are long.

But if I can bring this goddess to junior prom,

I wouldn't have to accomplish anything else, ever.

Hey, what are you doing up here?

I just joined a new Facebook group.

It's called Ruby's Party Sucked.

I can't believe my dad...

What are you wearing?

Dad's blazer.

I'm trying to look older for Chanel.

Good luck.

Do I look older?

Good luck.

Oh.

Ahoy there, Admiral.

Hey, Ruby.

Listen, I know you're upset about your friends,

but I've got an idea.

Let's invite them all back.

What? Really? Yeah.

Then they can tell Crayton how cool they think I am.

Wow. You got me again.

What? This is good.

And we both get what we want.

Do you even know what I want?

Sure. To throw a party that impresses people you shouldn't even care about.

That's not true.

Okay, it's kind of true.

I'm doing the same thing.

I don't really care about Crayton. I care about my career.

Yeah. Believe me, I know.

Do you know what it's like to sing in front of 60,000 screaming fans?

It is awesome!

And Crayton can get me back there.

Well, what about here? What about me?

What about me? Dad, you're not listening.

You're not listening. Stop copying me!

These are my own thoughts.

They just happen to sound like yours.

You are so clueless.

I don't think I like your tone.

Dad, that Crayton guy

is never gonna wanna work with you.

You sing 20-year-old songs to 50-year-old people

in an Indian casino.

Maybe that's exactly where you belong.

Now I really don't like your tone.

Dad...

Dad...

Hey, what's the matter?

I think I just told my dad

it's wrong to have dreams.

That's a little harsh.

I know.

Hey, does this help?

So, what, you're not gonna speak at all now?

Hey, I bet I can make you laugh.

Who's this?

Aah, before my next guest,

let's do a little Jaywalking.

It's Jay Leno.

Have you kissed him, too? Ohhh!

I told you we shouldn't have played that game.

Boy, you've never been righter.

Patrick Gallagher, you have lost your mind!

You are the only Rockit I've ever loved,

and the only man I wanna spend the rest of my life with.

Look at me and listen carefully.

Ow.

You will let this go.

I love you, baby. I love you, too.

I'm so sorry I was so silly.

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm so--

Wait. Oh, wait.

Heck, I have to ask.

What was your secret?

Oh, uh, okay. Uh...

You remember that first Christmas we spent with your family?

Yeah. Remember your cousin Adele?

Yeah.

Never mind.

All right.

♪♪

Chanel? I'm-- I'm Jordan.

And, uh, may I say

it is enchanté to meet you.

What are you, nine?

Oh-- What-- Oh, yeah.

This blazer-- it really shaves some years off.

I'm 40.

Wait. Crayton, what are you doing? You can't leave.

Well, it's getting kind of late, little Rockit,

and Chanel and I gotta fly to the Hamptons tomorrow

to start work on her new album.

Crayton, come on. You don't wanna leave yet.

Look, we don't need the Rockits.

What we need is a twist.

See, now, the Rockits was the twist.

No, but I've got a better twist. Uh-huh.

It's something... It's--

It's me.

It's me.

The twist is me. It would be a father-daughter act.

My dad and I would have cross-generational appeal.

We've been working on some great new songs.

Oh, right. Great new songs.

And we can play one for you.

It's about how sometimes we get so caught up in what we want

that we forget about what other people need.

Do we have something a little snappier?

Sit down and play the piano. Come on.

Now, um,

I know that this is a small room,

but just imagine this blasting in front of 60,000 people.

♪♪

♪ For so many years ♪

♪ I dreamed of the day ♪

♪ When I would find you and hear you say ♪

♪ "You're all that I've missed, you're all I adore ♪

♪ You are everything that I've waited for" ♪

♪ Now I realize that you've had ♪

♪ Your dreams, too ♪

♪ No one needs to say they're sorry ♪

♪ We're a case of lost and found ♪

♪ If we hold ourselves together ♪

♪ We might find some common ground ♪

♪ If I take a step toward you ♪

♪ Will you take a step toward me? ♪

♪ And we might find ♪

♪ We're where we're supposed to be ♪

♪♪

That was great.

Dad, I'm really sorry about before. No, no.

You have nothing to apologize for.

Hell, no!

That was tight. And you know something?

If you sped it up, got rid of all the depressing stuff,

put you in a sexy little roller girl outfit

and let you skate around with a snake,

I could turn that into a hit.

Forget it.

Okay, sorry, folks, but, uh, the party's over.

Everybody out.

Wait. Wait. I thought you wanted to make a comeback.

I do,

but not with you.

Wow. That's cold.

Whoo! What a night.

At least Ben's finally out.

He got mean there at the end.

"I'm not tired! Don't touch me! I hate myself!"

What?

How are you feeling?

Much better. Good.

We both went through a lot tonight.

Oh, please no. I really can't hear that again.

♪ Oh, Chanel ♪

♪ Oh, Chanel ♪

♪ Oh, Chanel ♪

♪ You are the bomb ♪

♪ Why won't you go to my prom? ♪

Okay, stop! Stop!

♪ Oh, Chanel ♪

♪ Chanel, Chanel, Chanel ♪

♪ They thought I was sweet ♪

♪ Thought I was good ♪

♪ Said all the lines they thought I should ♪

♪ When did I change? ♪

♪ What had to die ♪

♪ To make me a fake who lives a lie ♪

♪ Say good-bye to everything ♪

♪ I thought I knew ♪

♪ 'Cause all that glitters isn't gold ♪

♪ I got lost along the way ♪

♪ Saw the horizons with my soul ♪

♪ It's the price you have to pay ♪