Original subtitles

♪♪

Morning, Ben.

Was there something you needed?

Nope. I just remembered you live here,

and I came in to look at you.

Hi, Ruby.

Hi, Aunt Audie.

Oh, don't think of me as your aunt.

I'd rather be more like your super-cool older sister

who you can share your clothes with,

tell your secrets to,

smell perfume ads with.

I've been the only girl in this house for so long.

The boys won't let me hug them unless they're sick.

What's up?

Hi, Jordan.

Yeah, I was in the hall. Thought I'd drop by.

Check out your crib.

No big.

What?

Hi, Ruby.

Hi, Uncle Patrick.

She's up. I know, right?

We checked on you an hour ago.

You were sleeping like a little woodchuck.

Oh, wow.

Okay, look. Here's the thing.

I really appreciate you guys taking me in,

and I love being here,

but the sooner you guys start treating me like a normal person,

the more comfortable I will be.

So you going to take a shower now?

Okay, everybody out.

♪ Hey, show me the way ♪

♪ What are the rules? ♪

♪ How do you keep a family? ♪

♪ What is the key? ♪

♪ How do you stay together? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa-oa-oa ♪

♪ If love is all you need to get along ♪

♪ To be strong for each other ♪

♪ I'll give you all I can give you ♪

♪ Where I live ♪ ♪ Ba, ba, ba, ba ♪

♪ It's a miracle of science ♪

♪ And they're building it for me ♪

♪ 'Cause I love the girls of London ♪

♪ And the women of Paris ♪

♪ It's called the Chunnel ♪

♪ Chunnel of love ♪

♪ I want to travel ♪

♪♪

♪ For the lovers who need that extra burst of speed ♪

Oh, no. He's showing her a Rockits video.

Ruby, don't. He'll just get all excited and start gyrating.

Hey, she asked me to play it.

Unlike the two of you,

she's interested in learning about our family history.

Um, actually, I just wanted to check my e-mail.

But the learning has been magical.

So Ruby, you want to go shopping after school,

maybe pick out a new paint color for your room?

Could we do sort of like a day-glow purple?

Or anything but that.

You know, actually, I can't,

'cause I have a meeting with the school dance committee.

Why? They're just a bunch of losers.

I'm the new president.

Well, if you're the head of it,

then that's really cool.

Anyway, we're going to have a father-daughter dance.

It was my idea.

Wow, and you only just started at that school.

Is it too soon?

'Cause I don't want to be that girl.

What girl?

You know, that new girl in school

who's trying so hard to fit in

that she joins all the clubs and committees

and writes "Go Manatees!" on her sneakers,

and everyone's all like, "Hey, I like your shoes,"

but really what they're thinking is,

"Hey, new girl who joins everything, I hate your hair."

You may be over-thinking this.

Well personally, I think a father-daughter dance is a great idea.

I can't wait to show you off.

Actually, I was going to ask David to take me.

David, why?

'Cause he's my father.

Oh, well, yeah, sure. But once you watch this video again--

And here we go.

You'll see that I'm by far the better dancer.

♪ Chunnel of love ♪

You don't have to stay for this.

♪ Ch-ch-ch-chunnel ♪

♪♪

No, no, no, no.

You're making all this noise while I'm trying to sing.

I'm just keeping the beat.

I'll worry about the beat. You just play the drums.

Hey, Dad. Hey.

So you mentioned something about a party?

No, it's not a party exactly.

A father-daughter dance.

What a great idea.

I could play your father.

You are my father.

Well, the best acting comes from a true place.

Anyway, I'm in.

Really? You mean it?

Of course. I get it.

I'm the famous father you never knew you had,

and you want to show me off, right?

Well, yeah. Something like that.

My God, think of the drama.

So you're sure that you'll be there?

Wait, you're not still upset about our beach trip, are you?

What trip? You never showed.

Because you were supposed to call the hotel and wake me.

I did call the hotel.

You didn't wake up.

So we're both at fault.

The point is, I will be at your dance.

In fact, what if I were to take the night off

and let your school use my showroom?

Here? The Totem Pole Lounge?

Are you allowed to do that?

Am I allowed to do that?

Honey, I am the Totem Pole Lounge.

♪ Well, it used to be so easy ♪

♪ In this house I call my own ♪

♪ But my heart's been bitten by a passion so forbidden ♪

♪ Love mosquito Leave me alone ♪

You know what's awesome about that song?

It's really obvious, and it sucks.

You couldn't possibly understand my pain.

You have a crush on Ruby,

your cousin.

What? That's crazy.

Is it? Yes.

Is it?

Stop saying "Is it?" you little freak.

So how cute is this dress I found for Ruby?

For the dance I'm not going to?

That's the one.

Oh, hey, stop pouting.

She asked you to emcee.

I guess. Always an uncle, never a father.

You have two beautiful sons.

Whatever.

Knock, knock.

I love how you say it, but never do it.

Me too.

Why are you here?

Ruby invited me to dinner.

And she mentioned your feelings might be hurt about the dance.

My feelings are not hurt.

Then why are you mad?

I'm not mad.

Who's right, Audie?

In a battle of toddlers, there can be no winner.

For your information,

I'm fine about the dance.

In fact, I'm hosting it.

Oh, like a spokesmodel?

I am not going to compete with you for Ruby.

Good, because you can't.

My daughter and I,

we talk, we laugh.

Last week, we practically went to the beach.

And that's why I have a problem with this dance.

Why do you assume I'm going to let Ruby down?

Oslo, '89.

We're headlining the Winter Fest.

"I'll meet you there," you said.

I swear, there's an Oslo in France.

Honolulu, '91.

Hundreds of kids have spelled our names with their bodies in the sand.

Not this again.

I told you to go to the bathroom

before we got on the helicopter.

I'm not comfortable using public facilities.

Oh, but you were comfortable watering our fans from a thousand feet?

What does any of this have to do with Ruby?

You're irresponsible.

You can't be trusted.

And I am not going to stand by and watch her get hurt.

You don't have to. I'm her father.

Oh, were you her father when you dumped her on our doorstep?

I don't have to listen to this.

Yes, you do.

Apparently, we all do.

We really should invest in a kitchen door.

Just forget the dance.

It was a stupid idea.

And I'm sorry I was dumped on your doorstep.

Ruby, I didn't mean it like that.

You know what?

It was a lot easier not having a dad.

At least I had that figured out.

Uh, that's a closet.

I don't care.

Come in.

Hey, I--

What are you doing?

You're not running away. This family loves you.

Now unpack those clothes.

I am unpacking them.

Oh.

Well, it's not like you moved in yesterday.

I thought you'd be further along.

Uh, look, Ruby, David's your father,

and I never want to come between the two of you.

Thank you.

And you're very, very sorry.

I'm getting to that.

And I'm sorry about saying you were dumped on our doorstep.

The truth is that David and I, we have a history together,

and he has disappointed me a lot,

so maybe I'm a little overprotective.

I understand.

I might have overreacted.

Maybe a little.

No, she didn't.

Audie, either come in or go away.

How you feeling, honey?

Better.

Oh.

Guys, listen.

I get that you're worried about me,

but I've been waiting 15 years for my father,

and I know that some part of him has been waiting for me.

He won't let me down.

Besides, he's really excited about this dance.

I mean, he even asked if he could wear his cape.

I knew he had my cape.

Ruby, we hear you,

and we'll stop worrying.

But just remember,

when you're on that dance floor

and he yells "Free style"?

Duck and cover.

Yo, Nicole, what's up?

Hey Ems, you decorating? That's cool.

Chicks around here dig me,

because I'm dark and mysterious.

Oh, really?

Yeah. You see, I'm kind of the sexy school vampire.

That's interesting,

because the girls call you Bambi.

Right, because...

I'm wiry and unpredictable.

Like a baby deer.

Hey, have you seen my dad?

'Cause I really want to practice this dance.

Oh, he was heading towards his dressing room.

Something about firing his drummer.

Oh. Thanks, cuz.

Anytime, cuz.

I got to say, I'm kind of getting into this hosting thing.

I mean, when you think about it,

I'm the star.

Okay.

Should I work up some material? Maybe a few jokes?

You mean like at my cousin's wedding?

Yeah. No.

Well, at least David did come through with the showroom.

Maybe being a father's changed him.

Forced him to step up.

Maybe his days of peeing on Hawaiians are finally behind us.

Sometimes at night, I can still hear the screams.

Hey, Dad?

Oh, I'm sorry. Have you seen my father?

He went to the track with two showgirls and my drum sticks.

Oh, no, he is not going to do this to me.

I'm not going to be that girl.

What girl?

The girl who is so desperate to have a relationship with her father

that she thinks she can change him,

but she can't, so she ends up at the father-daughter dance

with no father and everyone saying,

"Hey, look at the girl with the dumb sneakers and no dad."

Did she, uh, say anything about me?

He's still not answering.

Of course he isn't. That would make him a normal father,

and then we would miss all the excitement.

I thought we decided hair up.

Okay, I checked the horse track,

the dog track, and even the go-cart track.

Nobody's seen him.

But everybody knows him.

Maybe we should tell Mom and Dad.

No. If Uncle Patrick finds out

that David's blowing me off, he will kill him.

Well, won't you kind of want to kill him?

Yes. And if your dad does it first,

I won't be able to, okay?

Now zip me up.

Zip what? Why? With who?

My dress. Zip me up.

What are we doing?

This is what we're going to do.

We're going to the dance, put on a big smile,

and pray that we see his little feet coming across that floor.

I touched her back.

You're a mess.

So, where's David?

In his dressing room.

Where else would he be?

I'd better go check on him.

No. I mean, why?

He wants his cape back.

It really is a bad time.

You guys, he's so nervous about his dancing.

He should be.

Ah, I'll go help him.

No. Nobody sees him. Don't you know?

It's bad luck to see a brother on the father-daughter dance.

Everybody knows that.

Besides, I've been texting him all day.

David knows how to text?

Yeah. And Twitter.

Texting, Twittering, tweeting.

Oh, that's a good one, Pop.

I'm going to go eat some cheese.

Wow, she's nervous.

And she's not even hosting.

And that was Ashley Baker dancing with her father Paul.

Oh, and I've been asked to remind the football fans

that next Friday is the big game,

so come cheer our boys

as they go for their first win in three years.

Three years.

Maybe they should play the chess team.

Anyway.

Now, let's welcome the next couple to the spotlight,

Karen Jacobs and her father Michael,

dancing to "My Everything."

So Ruby, where is your rock star dad?

Um, I'm sure he'll be here soon.

Well, my dad has been here for hours.

Does your dad have a Grammy?

I'm sorry.

I just checked David's dressing room.

He hasn't been there all night,

according to the saddest drummer I've ever met.

So Ruby has been covering for David?

Exactly.

Well, the dance is almost over.

I'm going to kill him.

♪ You're such a wonderful surprise ♪

That's beautiful, guys.

Thank you.

Well, it's almost time to wrap things up,

but I've saved the best for last.

For the final dance of the evening,

Ruby Gallagher will dance with me.

And the song she's chosen is--

"Chunnel of Love."

♪♪

Ruby, I'm so sorry.

I just hoped he was going to be different with me.

So did I.

Thank you for being here.

Hey, that's what uncles do.

Hello, St. Augustine.

Are you ready to rock?

Hit it.

♪♪

♪ Chunnel of love ♪

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

David, what are you doing?

Dancing. With them?

Yes. They frame me.

Now get out of my light. This is for my daughter.

David, this is a father-daughter dance.

Fathers dancing with their daughters.

With their daughters?

Well, that's creepy.

Sorry about this, folks.

As you all know,

I'm Ruby's dad, David Gallagher.

Thank you.

Dad.

Ah, and here she is.

I need to talk to you.

Now.

Okay.

Don't get any sweat on this. It's my personal mike.

Are you serious with all of this?

Yeah, we've been rehearsing this for days.

Why?

Because you're my daughter,

and I wanted you to know how much you mean to me.

I guess I chose the wrong format.

No, it's okay.

You hate it, don't you?

No, no. I mean, yeah, I did.

In fact, I was really hating you.

But you did all this for me?

You are such a weirdo.

I mean, you really are not at all

what I thought a dad was going to be like.

Think you could bend a little?

Think I'm going to have to.

Then, may I have this dance?

Hit it.

Five, six, seven, eight.

All right, free style.

♪ Well, it used to be so easy ♪

♪ To keep my heart behind a wall ♪

♪ But when she is near ♪

♪ It all becomes quite clear ♪

♪ Nothing's really clear at all ♪

♪ Oh, she came and took my breath away ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Seems that she is here to stay ♪

♪ Turn my life upside down ♪

♪ Inside out, so confused ♪

♪ As I drown in shades of grey ♪

Oh, I'll get it next time.

No, my song sounds way better when you sing it.

I'll say.

Thank you.

So, um...

Who's the girl?

What girl?

The girl that you wrote the song about.

Her?

Oh, no. Oh, I mean, nobody.

I mean, nobody that you know.

Shut up.

♪ It's a miracle of science ♪

♪ And they're building it for me ♪

♪ 'Cause I love the girls of London ♪

♪ And the women of Paris ♪

♪ It's called the Chunnel ♪

♪ Chunnel of love ♪

♪ I want to travel ♪