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1
00:00:02,130 --> 00:00:04,000
MR. OCCIPINTI: Come in,
people! Come on in!
2
00:00:04,030 --> 00:00:05,450
Find a seat.
3
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:06,860
This is gonna be awesome.
4
00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,800
I can't wait to get behind that wheel.
5
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,490
Hang a Louie on the I-4.
6
00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:13,270
Dude, I've already been driving
all summer with my parents.
7
00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:15,650
Me too. Long trips.
8
00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:18,020
I drive, my mom stares out the window,
9
00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:19,856
and we both think of what
it would've been like
10
00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,220
if we never got out of Memphis.
11
00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:22,880
I didn't know everyone was driving.
12
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,440
Don't worry, Eddie. I'm with you.
13
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:26,510
My sisters refuse to let me drive.
14
00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:28,570
They say I get too many leg spasms.
15
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,640
Eddie, you have calm legs.
Why haven't you driven?
16
00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:32,300
Have you met my parents?
17
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,330
Are you gonna have trouble
18
00:00:33,340 --> 00:00:34,596
getting them to sign
the permission slip?
19
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,690
[THUMPS]
20
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,770
Mnh. No. I have an airtight plan.
21
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:40,940
I'm going to hit up my dad
22
00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:43,180
during a monthly father-son
trip to the mustard shop.
23
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,600
Fancy mustard always
puts him in a good mood.
24
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,430
[HORN HONKS "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT"]
25
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:50,600
♪
26
00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:52,360
What's up, suckers?
27
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,840
Pretty nice day.
28
00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:55,370
Figured I'd ride my hog.
29
00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,330
How did you get your driver's license?
30
00:00:57,450 --> 00:00:58,940
I'm older than you guys.
31
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,970
I stayed back in second grade.
32
00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:02,250
On purpose.
33
00:01:02,370 --> 00:01:03,690
Liked the upcoming talent better.
34
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,530
What's it like? Driving?
35
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:08,340
On your own? No one
screaming at your leg?
36
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,710
It's like... flying
37
00:01:10,790 --> 00:01:12,220
while sitting down.
38
00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:14,630
♪
39
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:18,530
Damn! I gotta get my license.
40
00:01:18,570 --> 00:01:20,890
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
41
00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:22,030
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
42
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,740
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
43
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:26,040
♪ If you don't know,
homey, now you know ♪
44
00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:27,310
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
45
00:01:27,490 --> 00:01:29,690
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
46
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,160
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
47
00:01:31,260 --> 00:01:33,960
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
48
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:35,500
♪
49
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,370
Permission slip for Driver's Ed.
50
00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:39,370
My airtight plan. How?
51
00:01:39,380 --> 00:01:41,230
Your teachers may take the
summers off from you,
52
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:42,260
but not from me.
53
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,470
I meet with them in July
54
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,300
and go over the upcoming lesson plan.
55
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:46,680
Even I didn't know she did that.
56
00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:48,290
Look, I need this. I'll do anything.
57
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,600
I'll... I'll cook. I'll clean.
58
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:51,140
I'll stop smelling bad...
59
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,950
Wait. You signed it?
60
00:01:52,970 --> 00:01:54,230
Of course.
61
00:01:54,340 --> 00:01:55,340
The quicker you can drive,
62
00:01:55,350 --> 00:01:57,440
the quicker I can stop
being the family taximan.
63
00:01:57,540 --> 00:01:59,240
Oh, my God. Let's go right now.
64
00:01:59,270 --> 00:02:00,890
No way. You learn on our car,
65
00:02:00,910 --> 00:02:03,110
we'll need new brakes,
new bumpers, new rods.
66
00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:04,760
You can learn at school.
67
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:06,640
But that's months of classroom time
68
00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,160
before we even get in the car!
69
00:02:08,270 --> 00:02:10,330
I know. I have the lesson plan.
70
00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:13,200
What your mom means to say is,
71
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:14,710
this is a big responsibility.
72
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,750
No need to rush. Enjoy the process.
73
00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:18,810
This is the milestone
of young adulthood.
74
00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:20,510
I can think of a better one.
75
00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:24,840
In Taiwan, I was driving
a bus when I was 11.
76
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,380
[SCOFFS] I didn't have the
luxury to take my time.
77
00:02:27,390 --> 00:02:28,780
I had to learn on the fly...
78
00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:31,420
with the constant fear
of delivering myself
79
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:34,140
and a busload of commuters
to a fiery death.
80
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:37,230
I lost my thermos on the first day.
81
00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,800
♪
82
00:02:43,470 --> 00:02:46,210
I have some vacuuming to do,
but maybe after I finish,
83
00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:47,670
we can continue our Boggle match?
84
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:48,800
[DICE RATTLING]
85
00:02:48,870 --> 00:02:50,500
Sorry. I have a commitment later.
86
00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:52,640
Oh, you have a commitment, do you?
87
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,260
I'd love to know what's more
important than Boggle Brothers.
88
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,940
Grandma invited me to hang
out at her new place.
89
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,150
It's the garage. The
old tenant was a car!
90
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:04,590
And in the future, when
we get invited out,
91
00:03:04,690 --> 00:03:06,500
can you put it on the
calendar so I know?
92
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,880
Luckily, I keep my Saturdays light.
93
00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:12,240
Actually, Grandma only invited me.
94
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:14,900
What?! We're a package deal.
95
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,900
Who invites butter but not the rolls?!
96
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,000
[SIGHS]
97
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,800
- I got you. I got you.
- [FUSSING]
98
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,270
LOUIS: [CHUCKLES]
99
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,970
Someone's a little fussy pants.
100
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,040
[CHUCKLES] A little?
I'm all fussy pants.
101
00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:29,210
- [LAUGHS]
- [FUSSES]
102
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,310
There we go. Okay.
103
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,980
- She just won't sleep, Lou.
- Mm.
104
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,660
I swear, Honey's serving up coffee milk.
105
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,380
- Can I drive?!
- Nope.
106
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:39,820
Where are you guys off to?
107
00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:41,960
Eddie and I are taking
our monthly excursion
108
00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,370
to The Mustard Squeeze.
109
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,320
Oh, man, I wish I had
had a dad like you.
110
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,080
- [CHUCKLES]
- You know, one that prepares
111
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:49,430
his son for the world
112
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,630
and everything in it.
113
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,800
I don't know about that.
114
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:52,830
I'm serious, Lou.
115
00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,500
I was thrown to the wolves.
116
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,870
No one protected me.
117
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:57,010
No one taught me
118
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,420
that there were good and
bad mustards out there.
119
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,880
Your kid, no matter what
sandwich comes his way,
120
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,120
is gonna know what to put
on it because of you.
121
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:06,950
[CHUCKLES] Is this still about mustard?
122
00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:08,800
Yeah. No.
123
00:04:09,150 --> 00:04:10,190
I don't know.
124
00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:11,250
[SIGHS]
125
00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,110
Well, you know, when Eddie was a baby
126
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,640
and wouldn't sleep, I'd put him
in the car and drive him around.
127
00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:16,830
He'd pass right out.
128
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,490
- Just like that?
- Huh?
129
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:22,460
Works every time.
130
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,050
- [MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYS]
- _
131
00:04:26,170 --> 00:04:28,340
♪
132
00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:31,040
[ALL SPEAKING MANDARIN] _
133
00:04:31,770 --> 00:04:33,380
_
134
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:36,370
_
135
00:04:36,650 --> 00:04:37,930
_
136
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:44,940
Why would you cover an
owl's cage at night?
137
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:46,320
They're nocturnal.
138
00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:47,810
Hmm.
139
00:04:48,930 --> 00:04:51,390
I was looking for the
hourglass timer for Boggle.
140
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,640
Hope I didn't interrupt
anything important.
141
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,130
No. Grandma was just telling me
142
00:04:55,140 --> 00:04:56,580
about how her and Yeye met.
143
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,730
Oh. I'd love to hear that story.
144
00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,120
_
145
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,580
_
146
00:05:09,030 --> 00:05:10,620
I can just hold the wheel and steer
147
00:05:10,630 --> 00:05:11,776
if you want to rest your arms.
148
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:12,860
I know what you're doing.
149
00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:14,730
You think because I'm
full of gourmet mustard
150
00:05:14,770 --> 00:05:16,250
and away from your mom, I'll give in.
151
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:17,530
Nice try.
152
00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:22,620
Oh, car trouble. I'm gonna
see if they need any help.
153
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,670
Stay in here.
154
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,160
Hey! You need some help?
155
00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:29,360
I think it's just overheated.
156
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,090
Probably just your rods.
157
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:33,880
[SIREN CHIRPS]
158
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,370
Oh. Hmm.
159
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,990
All right, sir,
160
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,616
can you tell me how you
caused the accident?
161
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,470
E-Excuse me?
162
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,860
No, it wasn't him. He was just...
163
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:44,160
No, you don't have to cover for him.
164
00:05:44,180 --> 00:05:45,420
We all know whose fault it was.
165
00:05:45,530 --> 00:05:47,220
Uh... his car overheated.
166
00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:49,200
I pulled over to help.
There was no accident.
167
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,880
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
168
00:05:50,990 --> 00:05:52,750
Well, that's a nice surprise.
169
00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:55,250
Normally, it's, you know...
[IMITATES RADIO DISPATCHER]
170
00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:57,010
"We got another crash
on Sycamore due to,
171
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:59,480
you guessed it, Asians. Over."
172
00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:02,090
Uh... what is that supposed to mean?
173
00:06:02,130 --> 00:06:04,380
Oh, come on, I'm joking.
174
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:07,100
You get it! [LAUGHS]
175
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,250
I'm not a racist. Come on.
176
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,550
My... My training officer was Korean.
177
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:13,830
MARVIN: Man, I wish I
had a dad like you...
178
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:15,270
One that prepares his son
179
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,610
for the world and everything in it.
180
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,600
No one protected me.
181
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:21,056
No one taught me that there were
182
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,050
good and bad mustards out there.
183
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,320
Hey, do you understand the words
184
00:06:25,330 --> 00:06:26,596
that are coming out of my mouth?!
185
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,790
[CHUCKLES]
186
00:06:28,870 --> 00:06:30,370
It's "Rush Hour."
187
00:06:30,410 --> 00:06:32,240
[SCOFFS] It's the best
movie of the summer,
188
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,310
possibly of all time.
189
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,060
I, uh, haven't seen it.
190
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,590
How have you not seen it?
191
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,550
You would love it!
192
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,450
[LAUGHS]
193
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,520
♪
194
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:45,990
I'm gonna teach you to drive.
195
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:48,010
You're gonna be the best
damn driver on the road.
196
00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:49,640
Holy... nuts.
197
00:06:49,740 --> 00:06:51,506
- Seriously?! What happened?
- [SEAT BELT CLICKS]
198
00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:53,220
The officer was just reminding me
199
00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:54,730
how dangerous it is out there.
200
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:56,700
And it's my job to make
sure you're prepared.
201
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,530
This is the best mustard trip ever!
202
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,540
All right, hydrate,
203
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,160
do some light stretching,
and get some sleep.
204
00:07:05,180 --> 00:07:06,320
Training starts tomorrow.
205
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:08,770
I can't believe I'm finally gonna drive.
206
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,640
I'm never walking into
another Wendy's in my life.
207
00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:13,650
- Heeeey!
- Heeeey!
208
00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:15,260
No mustard talk. It gives me a headache.
209
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:16,350
- Yep.
- We know!
210
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:19,750
- How you gonna convince her?
- Got an airtight plan.
211
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:22,140
First, a compliment... play to her ego.
212
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:25,020
Then a philosophical question
that we can debate for hours.
213
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:26,960
Once I exhaust her argumentative powers,
214
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,040
I'll put on the charm, and she'll cave.
215
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,680
[SIGHS]
216
00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,150
You're so good at
balancing the checkbook.
217
00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:46,620
So... you ever think
they'll create a robot
218
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:47,660
that can feel joy?
219
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:49,500
No.
220
00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:51,180
Mmm...
221
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,040
I love you so much.
222
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:56,080
You are up to something.
223
00:07:56,090 --> 00:07:57,490
My airtight plan. How?!
224
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:58,720
Spill it.
225
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:02,860
I want to teach Eddie to drive.
226
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,640
He needs to be ready. More than ready.
227
00:08:04,710 --> 00:08:05,730
No. We agreed.
228
00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:07,280
I know, but I forgot about this
229
00:08:07,390 --> 00:08:09,340
bad-Asian-driver stereotype.
230
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,620
You forgot about it?
231
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,200
You make those jokes all the time.
232
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,390
I do not!
233
00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:14,730
What about this morning?
234
00:08:16,340 --> 00:08:17,610
[THUMPING]
235
00:08:17,810 --> 00:08:22,040
[LAUGHS] Asian driver coming through!
236
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:23,580
It's okay, Louis.
237
00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:25,560
We can joke about it. We are Asian.
238
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,160
Also, I back into the
trash cans twice a week.
239
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,740
That's because you're a careless driver,
240
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:30,760
not because you're Asian.
241
00:08:30,820 --> 00:08:31,860
Are we sure?
242
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,820
I'm joking. Kind of.
243
00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:36,526
I thought it was just a dumb thing, too,
244
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,880
until I realized Eddie's
going to be facing it now.
245
00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:40,850
I'm sure he knows all about it.
246
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,230
He's 15 and he reads Angry magazine.
247
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:44,680
It's MAD magazine.
248
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:45,850
And there's a huge difference
249
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:48,050
between reading clever satire at home
250
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,550
and being out there, vulnerable,
251
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,460
exposed to this nonsense.
252
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,610
I never thought about it that way.
253
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,776
We stopped to help someone on
the side of the road today,
254
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,010
and the cop just assumed
that I caused an accident.
255
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,100
Did Eddie hear this?
256
00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:00,970
No, but it's only a matter of time.
257
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,570
If he stops too short or
leaves the blinkers on,
258
00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:04,890
it'll be thrown in his face,
259
00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:06,940
even though everyone else
drives the same way!
260
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,840
People do stick their
finger up at me a lot.
261
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,840
Jessica, the stereotype's out there.
262
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:12,860
We can't change that.
263
00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:15,400
But we can try to protect our
son from it the best we can,
264
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,770
which means he has to be
doubly prepared, not less.
265
00:09:18,130 --> 00:09:20,770
Okay, you can train him.
266
00:09:20,850 --> 00:09:22,800
Really? Yes, I'm gonna go tell Eddie.
267
00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:26,190
Louis, sometimes he can be a
little slow on the uptake,
268
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,180
so better triple train him to be safe.
269
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,880
♪
270
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:33,910
Where've you been?
271
00:09:34,230 --> 00:09:36,900
Went for a walk. Fresh air.
272
00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:39,940
I've asked you to walk
with me and the HOA ladies
273
00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:42,140
every day for four straight years.
274
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,250
Suddenly, tonight you catch a
hot case of walking fever?
275
00:09:46,290 --> 00:09:47,740
I heard the moon was
really big, and I...
276
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,920
I saw your bike parked on
the side of the garage.
277
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,736
It always is now that
Grandma lives in there.
278
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,070
How long have these little
hangs been going on?
279
00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:56,620
I don't know. When she
first moved out there,
280
00:09:56,650 --> 00:09:57,680
I thought she'd be lonely,
281
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,390
so I brought her a
housewarming present...
282
00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:00,710
a nice fern.
283
00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:02,690
That's it! Of course!
284
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:04,300
She hasn't invited me out there
285
00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:06,050
because she's mad I
didn't get her a gift.
286
00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:07,510
Maybe.
287
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:09,090
Now to figure out what to get
288
00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:11,770
for the woman who has everything.
289
00:10:11,950 --> 00:10:13,820
Did you get a pot to go with that fern?
290
00:10:13,940 --> 00:10:16,650
- Yeah.
- Ugh! Emery!
291
00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,810
All right. Let's do this.
292
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,580
I promise to keep it under 75.
293
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:21,890
What's that?
294
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:23,780
Oh, it's your first lesson.
295
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:25,460
Whoa. Robbing a bank!
296
00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:27,470
I'm gonna learn how to
drive getaway style!
297
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,920
No, it's a tire iron.
298
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,380
You have to learn how the machine works
299
00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,180
before you can be expected to master it.
300
00:10:32,310 --> 00:10:33,350
Rotate the tires.
301
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,600
Change the oil, the spark
plugs. Check the fluid.
302
00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:37,860
My friends didn't have to
learn any of this nonsense.
303
00:10:38,110 --> 00:10:40,050
They're already driving!
Brian has a hog!
304
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,800
I made a deal with your mom.
305
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,650
If you want to use our car,
306
00:10:43,770 --> 00:10:45,430
you're gonna have to learn my way.
307
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,990
You gotta stop making deals with Mom.
308
00:10:48,090 --> 00:10:49,790
She tricks you every time.
309
00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:50,890
- Go!
- [STOPWATCH BEEPS]
310
00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:54,830
♪
311
00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:59,010
♪
312
00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:00,120
10:00 and 2:00.
313
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:03,000
♪
314
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:04,500
Heavy mist.
315
00:11:04,810 --> 00:11:06,920
Steady rain.
316
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:09,610
Downpour.
317
00:11:09,830 --> 00:11:13,490
♪
318
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,650
Brake. Accelerate.
319
00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:18,150
- Right turn. Brake.
- [SQUEALS]
320
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,500
Rainbow Road!
321
00:11:21,650 --> 00:11:22,650
Go!
322
00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:26,790
♪
323
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,090
10:00 and 2:00.
324
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:29,460
[STOPWATCH BEEPS]
325
00:11:29,530 --> 00:11:31,900
♪
326
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,000
[CHUCKLES]
327
00:11:33,180 --> 00:11:35,420
I think you're ready.
Show me what you got.
328
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,620
Okay. I checked the tire pressure,
329
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:41,020
adjusted the mirror,
released the parking brake,
330
00:11:41,190 --> 00:11:43,460
turned off the radio, and
buckled my seatbelt.
331
00:11:43,610 --> 00:11:45,240
Is that everything?
332
00:11:47,860 --> 00:11:49,410
Forgot to check your blind spot.
333
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,100
No, I did. You just missed it.
334
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,620
Oh, yeah, Jessica?
335
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,850
I don't know how you
didn't smell my sunscreen.
336
00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:57,940
You just got in an accident
337
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,530
because you didn't
check your blind spot.
338
00:11:59,550 --> 00:12:00,890
I'm parked in my own driveway.
339
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,010
Most accidents happen
within a mile of home.
340
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,100
- I'm at home!
- That's within a mile.
341
00:12:05,410 --> 00:12:06,950
We can try again next weekend.
342
00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:08,170
Next weekend?!
343
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,370
Forget it. I'm just
gonna wait for school.
344
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,690
Listen, this is a big
moment in your life,
345
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,010
and I wanted it to be perfect.
346
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,120
But the truth is, there's
this stereotype...
347
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:17,290
Asians suck at driving?
348
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,020
Yeah, I've heard that crap. Who cares?
349
00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:20,500
You will! I know you.
350
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,890
When you get blamed for
every little thing
351
00:12:21,910 --> 00:12:24,230
that goes wrong on the road
whether it's your fault or not.
352
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,540
So, because people are stupid,
353
00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:27,930
I have to do twice as much work?
354
00:12:28,020 --> 00:12:29,420
I'm not saying it's fair.
355
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,960
Eddie, you can half-ass
this if you want.
356
00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:33,470
Maybe add to the stereotype.
357
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,300
Or you can try to rail against it...
358
00:12:35,460 --> 00:12:37,340
by being better.
359
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:38,840
It's your choice.
360
00:12:38,910 --> 00:12:41,450
I hate that your "be the change"
speech always gets to me.
361
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:42,650
[KEYS RATTLE]
362
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:45,410
[DOOR MOTOR WHIRRING]
363
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,540
Like what you see? Take a picture.
364
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:48,980
It will last longer.
365
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,180
_
366
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,710
Bearskin rug, eh?
367
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,940
_
368
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:55,780
So soft.
369
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:57,850
Maybe we all sit and break it in
370
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,080
while you finish the story
of how you met Yeye.
371
00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:03,650
_
372
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,520
_
373
00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:06,850
_
374
00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,400
All right, what's the deal?
375
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,210
I gave her a present 10 times
better than your lame-o fern,
376
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:18,400
and she's still not giving
me the time of day.
377
00:13:18,470 --> 00:13:20,070
Maybe you're trying too hard.
378
00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,520
I'm not buying your cheese. Spill it!
379
00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:25,540
Okay, Grandma doesn't like
telling her stories to you
380
00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:28,390
because, well, you know how you are.
381
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:29,460
A delight?
382
00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:32,010
You've been known to suck
the fun out of things.
383
00:13:32,230 --> 00:13:34,950
Or as Grandma says, you're
a stick-in-the-mud.
384
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:36,520
[GASPS]
385
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:38,200
A stick-in-the-mud?!
386
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:39,260
I'll have you know a
387
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,640
beaver would call that
the start to a house!
388
00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:45,210
I got to honk the horn
for the first time.
389
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,710
It felt so good!
390
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,800
Yeah, they say you never
forget your first.
391
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,660
I sure didn't.
392
00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:52,120
Hooonnnnnk!
393
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:55,100
My dad says the most effective
honk is good defensive driving.
394
00:13:56,690 --> 00:13:58,396
Why are you wearing those
gloves if you can't drive?
395
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:01,060
My sisters realized I can
be their designated driver.
396
00:14:01,290 --> 00:14:03,110
Now they let me drive all the time.
397
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:05,330
Trish met a guy from Tampa in a bar,
398
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,800
and I cruised them all the way home
399
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,610
while they got busy in the back seat.
400
00:14:08,770 --> 00:14:10,600
What?! You're driving now?!
401
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:12,840
Welcome to Honktown.
402
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:17,710
♪
403
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:20,640
_
404
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,760
_
405
00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,300
_
406
00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:26,080
Yeah, it's a good batch.
407
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:27,590
[ENGINE REVS]
408
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:28,640
Oh...
409
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:31,110
_
410
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,290
_
411
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:36,190
I wonder if he's taking
Maria for a drive
412
00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:37,470
to get her to sleep.
413
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,180
What the hell?!
414
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:46,020
♪
415
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:47,640
Eddie's on the lam! Where are my keys?
416
00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:50,090
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- [CRASHING]
417
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,850
Eddie!
418
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,800
Everyone's okay, Lou.
419
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:58,750
I was too tired to drive, so
Eddie was helping me out.
420
00:14:58,810 --> 00:14:59,850
No one got hurt.
421
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:02,230
Oh, really? Bianca looks okay to you?
422
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:03,300
Eddie, what did you do?
423
00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:05,520
Me? Why do you think I caused this?
424
00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:07,270
Because you're inexperienced.
425
00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:10,040
Brian just started driving, too.
Why don't you blame him?
426
00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:12,060
Is it 'cause I'm Asian?
427
00:15:12,180 --> 00:15:14,280
I don't see faces. I see cars.
428
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:15,840
Well, you didn't see mine!
429
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,520
Eddie's not at fault, Lou.
430
00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:19,760
Old lead-foot here came
screaming around that corner
431
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:21,070
way too fast.
432
00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:22,420
You are such a hypocrite.
433
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:25,290
You immediately blame me
'cause I'm the Asian driver.
434
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:26,870
That's not what I'm doing.
435
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,320
I just assumed because you...
436
00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:30,140
Are Asian?! [SCOFFS] Just own it.
437
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,550
Everybody's a little
bit racist. Even you.
438
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,740
First you joke about it,
439
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,500
then you hate it, then you play into it?
440
00:15:35,570 --> 00:15:36,570
Make up your mind!
441
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,270
You weren't supposed
to be driving at all.
442
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,100
Your car. This isn't your car.
443
00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:41,800
I have my learner's permit.
444
00:15:41,910 --> 00:15:43,610
Not anymore. I'm taking it away.
445
00:15:43,770 --> 00:15:45,610
Driving is a privilege, not a right.
446
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,060
Forget this, I'm out!
447
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,960
BRIAN: So, I guess we swap info
448
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,220
and let the claims adjusters
449
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:54,730
figure out who caused what?
450
00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:59,250
♪
451
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:02,810
Oh, sorry, I'll give you the room.
452
00:16:02,890 --> 00:16:04,610
Don't want to be a stick-in-the-mud.
453
00:16:06,830 --> 00:16:08,510
Oh, and I was thinking about it.
454
00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:10,850
How is a stick-in-the-mud
a bad thing anyway?
455
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:12,970
If it's lying flat, you can step on it
456
00:16:12,980 --> 00:16:14,060
to keep your shoes clean and...
457
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:15,770
You're doing it right now.
458
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,040
You pick apart every little detail.
459
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:19,610
When someone's telling a story,
460
00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:21,050
when they're watching TV...
461
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:23,030
I thought people liked
it when I corrected them
462
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,150
so they can learn.
463
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:26,480
Not really. Especially not Grandma.
464
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:28,430
But if I were ever wrong,
465
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,020
I'd want someone to correct me.
466
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:31,670
You're not like most people.
467
00:16:31,730 --> 00:16:33,000
You're special that way.
468
00:16:33,010 --> 00:16:34,370
But Grandma's stories are so...
469
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,810
Nonsensical? Who cares?
470
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,390
It's hard for me to enjoy something
471
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,190
when I know it's wrong.
472
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,090
The little voice in my brain won't quiet
473
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,560
until I fix the mistake.
474
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,020
That's Mom's voice.
475
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,100
It's okay to turn it off
every now and then.
476
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,580
Really? We're allowed to do that?
477
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,760
♪
478
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:54,860
[GEARSHIFT CLICKS]
479
00:16:55,030 --> 00:16:56,130
[CHUCKLES]
480
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,040
Wish they stayed that size forever.
481
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,150
Yeah.
482
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,710
Hey, thanks for driving us around.
483
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:03,050
And again, sorry. I didn't know.
484
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:05,800
It's okay. He just doesn't get that.
485
00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:07,320
That you're only trying to protect him.
486
00:17:07,340 --> 00:17:08,610
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
487
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,960
Learning to drive is a huge
moment in a kid's life.
488
00:17:11,070 --> 00:17:13,340
I didn't want this thing
to overshadow it.
489
00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:15,720
I never thought I'd be the
one he first felt it from.
490
00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:17,990
Well, look at the bright
side, Lou, it's the '90s.
491
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,270
People are getting hip.
492
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:21,330
All this race stuff is almost done with.
493
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,440
Who knew teaching your kid to
drive could be so complicated?
494
00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,770
[LAUGHS] Yeah. It was the
same for me and Nicole.
495
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,520
It's crazy for every parent.
496
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,420
You know, it's a time
of very mixed emotions.
497
00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:33,540
Not only is it one of the
last bonding moments,
498
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:36,960
but you're teaching them to
drive right out of the nest.
499
00:17:37,270 --> 00:17:38,730
I didn't even think of that.
500
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,690
Yeah. Maybe sandbagging your kid
501
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,320
wasn't just to protect him.
502
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:44,500
Maybe part of it was that
you're just not ready
503
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,730
to have him go out and
get mustard without you.
504
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,140
[CHUCKLES]
505
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:54,440
_
506
00:17:56,430 --> 00:17:58,110
_
507
00:17:59,450 --> 00:18:03,060
_
508
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:06,060
_
509
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,430
Hey. [CLEARS THROAT]
510
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,190
It has been pointed out to me
511
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:13,290
that I can be a stick-in-the-mud.
512
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,780
_
513
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,740
I tried to soften it.
514
00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:21,720
Well, either way, it is a
habit I am trying to fix.
515
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:24,860
Until then, I figured I'd
fill my mouth with taffy
516
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:28,370
as insurance should I feel the
urge to enlighten ignorance.
517
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:31,100
Great.
518
00:18:31,170 --> 00:18:34,410
Then I will stick this giant
piece of candy in my mouth
519
00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:36,000
and try to have a good time.
520
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:42,730
_
521
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,970
_
522
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,980
_
523
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:48,700
[LAUGHS]
524
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:50,590
_
525
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:54,360
_
526
00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:58,020
[OWL SINGING OPERATICALLY]
527
00:18:58,180 --> 00:18:59,780
[CHUCKLES]
528
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,500
I might need some of that taffy.
529
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:09,320
♪
530
00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:11,560
Hey, playing some football?
531
00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:19,670
Look, Eddie, when I was
a kid in Taiwan...
532
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:20,840
You drove a bus.
533
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,450
Hear me out.
534
00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:24,350
Yes, I drove a bus.
535
00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:26,130
But I learned to drive it in a place
536
00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:27,460
where everyone was Asian.
537
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,790
Sounds chaotic.
538
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,850
It was a little hectic, yes,
539
00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:33,076
but only because there were
so many people on the road.
540
00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:34,630
Of course. Sure.
541
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,300
I know I exaggerate the story.
542
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:37,920
I take after your grandma in that way.
543
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:41,290
But the truth is, I had
fun learning to drive.
544
00:19:41,490 --> 00:19:44,020
And then I came here and
it became less fun.
545
00:19:44,230 --> 00:19:46,820
So I learned to beat people to the punch
546
00:19:46,830 --> 00:19:48,790
by joking about it myself.
547
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:52,820
I don't know if making light
of it is good or bad or both.
548
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:55,970
I just want things to be easier for you.
549
00:19:56,970 --> 00:20:00,850
And I appreciate you clicking
in on this particular instance,
550
00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:03,390
but I deal with this
nonsense all the time.
551
00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:05,040
Do you know how many
people have asked me
552
00:20:05,050 --> 00:20:06,180
if I've seen "Rush Hour"?
553
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,250
Me too!
554
00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:10,350
I guess you were more ready than I knew.
555
00:20:10,450 --> 00:20:12,750
Dad, I'll be okay out there.
556
00:20:12,870 --> 00:20:15,150
I promise.
557
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,850
And I know you were just
trying to look out for me.
558
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,630
Yeah.
559
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:22,350
Also, maybe I was a little over-cautious
560
00:20:22,370 --> 00:20:24,130
because I was having a
good time with you,
561
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:25,270
and I didn't want it to end.
562
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,550
Now, let's go grab the
rest of the family and
563
00:20:31,610 --> 00:20:33,970
go to this movie everyone
thinks we need to see.
564
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,530
It looks good.
565
00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:36,710
I know.
566
00:20:37,610 --> 00:20:40,120
Hey, you know what? I'm a little tired.
567
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,350
Why don't you drive?
568
00:20:41,370 --> 00:20:42,950
Really?
569
00:20:43,050 --> 00:20:45,730
Oh, these are just the old house keys.
570
00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:48,010
That was the final test. You pass.
571
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,630
Well, what did everyone
think of the movie?
572
00:20:55,650 --> 00:20:57,740
The black man who talked
like a girl was funny,
573
00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,820
but I thought there was
one too many cheap jokes
574
00:20:59,850 --> 00:21:02,010
at the expense of Chinese stereotypes.
575
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,306
Coming from the lady who brought
576
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,730
food from home to the mall.
577
00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:06,570
That's not a thing. It's just smart.
578
00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:07,890
I'm just glad I got to see
579
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,840
some Asian representation
on the big screen.
580
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,936
Well, I was impressed that
a movie called "Rush Hour"
581
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,250
never once made a bad-Asian-driver joke.
582
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,710
Maybe there's hope for America yet.
583
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,560
_
584
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,720
_
585
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,780
- Okay, chopsticks.
- Oh.
586
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,680
♪
587
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:31,520
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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