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So, for Halloween...
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00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,540
I'm not doing a couples costume.
3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,320
That's not what I was going to say,
4
00:00:07,390 --> 00:00:08,866
but since you brought it up, this year,
5
00:00:08,890 --> 00:00:11,340
Halloween does fall on a
Saturday... date night.
6
00:00:11,460 --> 00:00:13,300
You wear a black dress, I go as ALF,
7
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,600
and you're my puppeteer!
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00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:15,980
You love black dresses
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00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,280
and putting words into my mouth.
10
00:00:17,450 --> 00:00:18,650
ALF was a puppet?
11
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,106
Yoo-hoo! It's us.
12
00:00:20,130 --> 00:00:23,150
Ooh, give me those fat baby thighs.
13
00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:27,180
Why is there no baby? Where's the baby?
14
00:00:27,330 --> 00:00:28,830
Sleeping safely at home.
15
00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:30,290
We're testing out the new baby monitor.
16
00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:31,690
Yeah. This is the farthest
17
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:32,990
we've ever gone without her.
18
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,960
I can sit on your stoop and
drink a glass of wine.
19
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,700
- Oh.
- Oh.
20
00:00:38,860 --> 00:00:40,310
End of the line. Listen...
21
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:43,160
we didn't just come here
for monitor science.
22
00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:45,340
We came to ask if you two would consider
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00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,050
being godparents to Maria.
24
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:49,400
Oh, yes, yes, yes!
25
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,470
- Oh!
- Oh!
26
00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:54,500
That's wonderful. Thank you.
27
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,370
I knew it would either be us
or Bill and Melinda Gates.
28
00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,010
We'd be happy to be your
death back-up parents.
29
00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:03,290
And you know the great
thing about godparents?
30
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:05,060
They're always up for babysitting.
31
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,180
We'd be honored. Any time.
32
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,380
Yes!
33
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,240
How about Saturday night? Date night.
34
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:11,560
Ooh!
35
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:13,330
But that's Halloween.
36
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,040
Is it? We'll do it.
37
00:01:15,190 --> 00:01:16,490
- All right!
- Yay!
38
00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:33,400
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
39
00:01:36,190 --> 00:01:37,860
I'm gonna make you an offer
40
00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:39,610
you can't refuse.
41
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:41,080
Are you The Penguin from "Batman"?
42
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:42,180
'Cause he wears a top hat.
43
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,000
I'm The Godfather.
44
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,970
You tried to kill Halloween
with babysitting,
45
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,540
but you've only made it stronger.
46
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:48,900
Now I can do a couples costume
47
00:01:48,910 --> 00:01:50,400
with Marvin and Honey's baby.
48
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:52,240
She'll be the severed horse's head.
49
00:01:52,270 --> 00:01:54,260
Her little face peeking
out of the horse's mouth?
50
00:01:54,310 --> 00:01:56,610
I die. I die just thinking about it.
51
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:57,830
What if she suffocates?
52
00:01:57,910 --> 00:01:59,330
Wasn't married to it.
53
00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:02,050
So, have you boys figured out
54
00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:03,690
your joint Halloween costume yet?
55
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,730
We're gonna be Fred and Barney
from "The Flintstones."
56
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,820
No. I'm gonna need you both in pants,
57
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:09,470
especially since the two of you
58
00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:11,190
are gonna be handing
out candy this year.
59
00:02:12,390 --> 00:02:14,860
- That is, if you're up for it.
- Listening.
60
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,450
One piece of candy per kid,
61
00:02:16,490 --> 00:02:18,740
nobody gets anything for
just a Dolphins jersey,
62
00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:19,960
and no white sheets.
63
00:02:20,070 --> 00:02:22,530
It's either a lazy ghost
or something much worse.
64
00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:24,730
Dad, don't worry. We've got this.
65
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,420
Good, because one false move,
66
00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:27,710
and the house gets egged.
67
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:28,950
Sure, we can clean it all up,
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00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:31,070
but the shame will last for years.
69
00:02:33,410 --> 00:02:34,410
Okay.
70
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,420
So, the plan for Halloween
is to meet the guys
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00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:37,950
at the cemetery at sundown.
72
00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:40,280
Spending the night there
is gonna be so creepy fun.
73
00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:41,670
Yeah, sure, cool.
74
00:02:41,830 --> 00:02:44,270
Eddie, I'm not feeling heard by you.
75
00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:47,320
Sorry. I'm trying to find
a job so I can buy a car.
76
00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:49,390
Ooh! The country club's hiring!
77
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,410
Do bathroom tenants get
to pee on the job, or... ?
78
00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,030
Do they have to hold it?
79
00:02:53,050 --> 00:02:54,060
If you want a job,
80
00:02:54,070 --> 00:02:55,660
why don't you just go
back to Cattleman's?
81
00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:58,130
I'm not trying to work at my
pop's restaurant my whole life.
82
00:02:58,170 --> 00:02:59,670
I got my own plans.
83
00:02:59,770 --> 00:03:01,540
I want to prove I can do this myself.
84
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,120
But you're still bringing
the day-old ribs
85
00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:04,410
to the cemetery, right?
86
00:03:04,450 --> 00:03:06,110
Of course. It's gonna be awesome.
87
00:03:06,210 --> 00:03:08,450
I've memorized things Brian's
dead grandma used to say.
88
00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:10,210
Gonna scare the crap out of him.
89
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,680
"I once got hit on by Ronald Reagan."
90
00:03:14,090 --> 00:03:15,320
You know what scares me?
91
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,730
That dancing bed.
92
00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:19,220
♪ When you need to rest
your sleepy head ♪
93
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,850
♪ Go to "Beds! Beds!
Beds!" and buy a bed ♪
94
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,650
Beds! Beds! Beds! I can work there.
95
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,360
I've spent half my life on a mattress.
96
00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:28,810
I'm the king of napping.
97
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:30,330
The California King.
98
00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,860
You know, it's a longer
mattress than a...
99
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,800
You know what? You're gonna do great.
100
00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:44,540
A Japanese man saved my
father's life once, so...
101
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,210
- you're hired.
- I'll take it!
102
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,110
And I'll take my commission
in cash, too, if that's cool.
103
00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,580
No, I can't put you on sales.
104
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,070
Lucas handles sales.
105
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,570
Oh, he's just setting the bait.
106
00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,690
Customers see a doze like that,
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00:03:59,790 --> 00:04:01,450
they want some for themselves.
108
00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:04,130
Now, you'll be in the
back assembling beds,
109
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,930
de-vacuum-packing pillows,
110
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,130
- making coffee.
- Sir, please.
111
00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:09,870
I can sell mattresses.
112
00:04:09,970 --> 00:04:11,800
Just give me a chance.
113
00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:14,150
Kid's got a set of springs on him.
114
00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:15,660
All right. Tell you what...
115
00:04:15,770 --> 00:04:19,250
you can work our all-night
Halloween Spooktacular sale.
116
00:04:19,370 --> 00:04:21,510
Oh, well I was gonna spend
my night in the cemetery,
117
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,880
but you know what?
118
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,610
I'll be here. I won't let you down.
119
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,320
Why are you throwing away candy?
120
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:35,510
I am saving the boys some guesswork.
121
00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:36,706
I'm chucking all the Smarties.
122
00:04:36,730 --> 00:04:38,310
Sweet chalk? I don't think so.
123
00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:40,400
Get this... Marvin and Honey
124
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:43,190
made us a list of baby instructions.
125
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,450
"Ask her permission before
you check her diaper.
126
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,440
No peek-a-boo after 4:00 p.m."
127
00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,920
"Don't let her watch lacrosse on TV"?
128
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,620
New parents.
129
00:04:51,690 --> 00:04:53,830
Did you tell them how amazing
we were with our babies?
130
00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:55,310
Of course, for like an hour.
131
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:56,606
And they still gave you the list?
132
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,940
White people love lists.
133
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,630
As if we need baby instructions.
134
00:04:59,830 --> 00:05:01,280
Hey, Evel Knievel, here's how you jump
135
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,100
15 buses on a motorcycle.
136
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,910
Let's file this with that
recipe for upside-down cake
137
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:07,870
that Honey gave me.
138
00:05:08,070 --> 00:05:09,470
Alley-oop!
139
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:12,440
Is this a Mervyn's bag?
140
00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:14,050
When are we gonna stop reusing bags?
141
00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:16,280
We're doing really well.
We can buy trash bags.
142
00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,760
Aah!
143
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,480
Trent, what are you doing here?
144
00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:37,710
Couldn't let my best bud work
the 'ween all by himself.
145
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,670
I did some trick-or-treating
on the way over
146
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,736
so you'd have enough chocolate
to stay up all night.
147
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,286
Aren't you supposed to
be at the cemetery?
148
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:44,640
Nah, I stopped by,
149
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,510
but, honestly, what's the big deal?
150
00:05:46,570 --> 00:05:48,370
You think I haven't been
to a graveyard before?
151
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:49,850
I've lost several loved ones.
152
00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:53,070
Die, Satan!
153
00:05:54,550 --> 00:05:56,190
Seemed like he was gonna
be a distraction.
154
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:01,540
I can't believe they thought
we were "Men in Black."
155
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,860
"Men in Black" wear sunglasses,
156
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:04,490
Mulder and Scully wear badges.
157
00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,260
When I opened the X-Files, I
knew there'd be doubters.
158
00:06:07,470 --> 00:06:08,930
People fear the unknown.
159
00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:10,650
We live in it.
160
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,220
The Baby Ruth is out there.
161
00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:13,540
You did it, Mulder.
162
00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,590
Trick or treat!
163
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:18,730
Thanks again for babysitting.
164
00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:20,776
Honey and I are gonna make
the most of our night out.
165
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,400
My spinach can is full of rum!
166
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:24,830
We are so happy to help.
167
00:06:24,850 --> 00:06:27,710
In fact, I don't think I've
ever seen Louis happier.
168
00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:29,440
It's-a me, Mario,
169
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:31,490
and my little helper, Yoshi!
170
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,910
There are no girl dinosaurs, Louis.
171
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,240
That's how they got extinct.
172
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:36,690
Okay!
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00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,210
So fun!
174
00:06:38,410 --> 00:06:40,810
Now, don't forget... bedtime is 7:30.
175
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,920
Well, I mean, you know that.
176
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,880
- You have the list.
- Memorized.
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00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,660
You two go enjoy your night.
This is nothing for us.
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00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:50,040
We'll get her down and have
time to clean your kitchen,
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00:06:50,140 --> 00:06:52,480
- which needs it.
- Hi.
180
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,780
There you go. Aww...
181
00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:56,930
I'm surprised to see the
daughter of a dentist
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00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,260
using a pacifier.
183
00:06:58,320 --> 00:06:59,620
That's what I say.
184
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,600
Everybody knows that the
suck leads to buck.
185
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,840
Teeth. Buck teeth.
186
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,340
We really need this night out.
187
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:09,510
Hey, guys,
188
00:07:09,710 --> 00:07:11,140
you're really good with babies.
189
00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:13,430
Do you think maybe you
could wean her off it?
190
00:07:13,450 --> 00:07:15,480
- Hallo-wean her off it.
- No problem.
191
00:07:15,580 --> 00:07:18,050
We got Eddie to take
the paci in one night.
192
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:21,220
♪ That with the sun's love ♪
193
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:23,690
♪ In the spring ♪
194
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:27,540
♪ Becomes the rose ♪
195
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:36,000
Emery was even easier.
196
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:37,466
Don't forget... you're looking at
197
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:40,530
a couple of seasoned baby whisperers.
198
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:42,300
Now, go neck in the
woods, you crazy kids.
199
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,130
We got this.
200
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,230
Thank you.
201
00:07:46,380 --> 00:07:48,190
Put it back in! Put it back in!
202
00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:53,890
Oh!
203
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:55,250
- Gosh!
- Uh.
204
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,070
This baby's broken!
205
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,630
We've sung "The Rose" eight times,
206
00:08:01,660 --> 00:08:03,250
and she still cries for the pacifier.
207
00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:05,100
- You must not be in key.
- Don't worry.
208
00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:07,020
Costume number two
should do the trick...
209
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:10,000
Kuato from "Total Recall."
You just don't recognize me
210
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:11,580
without a mutant baby coming out of me.
211
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,740
This chest hole will be
comforting like the womb.
212
00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:15,500
She won't even miss the paci.
213
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:17,220
Open your mind.
214
00:08:17,470 --> 00:08:19,370
I was wrong! Get her out!
215
00:08:19,470 --> 00:08:21,130
- Put her down! Put her down!
- Get her out! Ohh!
216
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,870
I don't understand what's happening!
217
00:08:23,010 --> 00:08:24,400
It was so easy with Eddie!
218
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,960
The truth is...
219
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,320
it might not have been as easy
with Eddie as you thought.
220
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,830
♪ The rose ♪
221
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:49,720
Louis! You were completely
undermining my parenting.
222
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:50,870
I wasn't undermining.
223
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:53,370
I was collaborating while
you were not in the room.
224
00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:55,640
Besides, I only did it once or twice.
225
00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:57,070
A night.
226
00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,590
- For a year or so.
- Oh, my God.
227
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:01,070
Well, you were finally
getting some sleep.
228
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:02,630
I didn't want him to wake you.
229
00:09:02,850 --> 00:09:04,680
Eventually, he outgrew the pacifier
230
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:05,930
and no one was the wiser.
231
00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:07,950
Not being wise is being dumb!
232
00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:09,180
You made me dumb!
233
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,626
Trick or treat!
234
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,380
I put a sign on the door!
235
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:13,470
Damn this holiday!
236
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,156
Okay, you take Halloween.
I'll take the baby.
237
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:17,520
Apparently, I'm the only one
of us who has the stomach
238
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,060
to do the hard work of good parenting.
239
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,510
Stomach? If that's a
dig at my Kuato hole,
240
00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:23,050
you're taking it a step too far.
241
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,930
Okay, here it goes...
242
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:28,740
sales pitch.
243
00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:31,800
I'm guessing you're a man who runs hot.
244
00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,370
You know I am. You make
me sit on paper towels
245
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,960
when I come over for "Crash Bandicoot."
246
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,780
Okay, just... You're not Trent.
247
00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:38,980
You're my pretend customer.
248
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,700
Yes, yes. Please go on.
249
00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,370
So, you sleep hot,
250
00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:45,440
but say your wife gets easily chilled.
Yes, my wife,
251
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,040
Sarah Michelle Gellar, runs cold.
252
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,240
I call her "Buffy the
Thermostat Slayer."
253
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,850
Fine.
254
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,560
You and your wife, the
gorgeous, famous actress,
255
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,450
will both love this hybrid model
256
00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:57,450
with our patented
hot-away foam on top...
257
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:58,910
Shh!
258
00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:01,720
D-Did you hear that?
259
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:05,776
Relax. It's just the vibrating function.
260
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,316
The only thing you should be scared of
261
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,440
is a delivery fee, which we waive.
262
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,740
I wasn't scared. Besides,
we're safe here.
263
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:13,180
I locked the door when I came in.
264
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,210
Trent! How am I supposed
to sell a mattress
265
00:10:15,220 --> 00:10:16,320
if the door is locked?
266
00:10:16,430 --> 00:10:19,200
Not by making excuses like that.
267
00:10:21,890 --> 00:10:23,690
Trick or treat!
268
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,260
Hello, friends. What have we here?
269
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:28,260
Britney Spears. Hit me
baby one more time?
270
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,900
And three Harry Potters!
271
00:10:31,950 --> 00:10:34,240
Please compliment your
mothers on your scar makeup.
272
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,940
I did mine myself.
273
00:10:36,180 --> 00:10:37,480
Mm.
274
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:44,740
Trick or treat!
275
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:48,150
Weren't you just here, Britney?
276
00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,730
I don't know what you're talking about.
277
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,106
I'm Hermione Granger.
278
00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:53,850
Candy-loriam! Chocolatose!
279
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:55,900
Mulder? A word.
280
00:10:56,470 --> 00:10:58,270
What do we do? It's the same girl.
281
00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,120
Dad said one piece of candy per person.
282
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,010
What if she's telling the truth, Scully?
283
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,910
I want to believe.
284
00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,280
Fine, but if we run out of candy,
285
00:11:06,350 --> 00:11:07,550
the egging is on you.
286
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,020
Sorry about my partner, Scully.
Such a skeptic.
287
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,580
Trick or treat.
288
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:20,340
I solved the trick-or-treat problem.
289
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,930
Snipping wires is not as stressful
290
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,580
as they make it seem in the movies.
291
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:25,540
Permission to sniff your bottom?
292
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,400
You brought the baby list?
293
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:29,740
Uh, no, this is... our will.
294
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,430
I wrote it up while you were gone.
295
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,010
You don't believe in wills.
296
00:11:33,070 --> 00:11:35,170
You said you want to be buried
with everything we own.
297
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,760
Give me that.
298
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,900
You dug through our trash?
299
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,130
I was afraid I'd need it.
300
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:41,746
Funny, I thought you were
the only parent here
301
00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:43,090
who had the stomach for all this.
302
00:11:43,350 --> 00:11:44,580
Okay, fine.
303
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,900
I may have cut a few corners with Emery.
304
00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:01,600
Shh.
305
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:05,990
_
306
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,320
You made my mother night-nurse my son?
307
00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:11,740
Yes, because of you!
308
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,710
You tricked me into
thinking Eddie was perfect.
309
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,060
I didn't want people to think there
was something wrong with Emery.
310
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,430
Well, now Marvin and
Honey are gonna think
311
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,580
something's wrong with us!
312
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,990
We promised we'd wean
Maria off the pacifier.
313
00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:24,290
We don't deserve to be godparents.
314
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,590
We were barely even parents.
315
00:12:26,790 --> 00:12:28,260
We need a hand.
316
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,470
I hear someone can't sleep.
317
00:12:37,030 --> 00:12:38,550
Trick or treat.
318
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:42,020
Welcome back, Hermione Britney.
319
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,590
As if. I'm Cher from "Clueless."
320
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,060
Mulder?
321
00:12:47,450 --> 00:12:49,470
She's back for a third time
322
00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:51,130
tricking us for treats.
323
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:53,030
This is everything Dad warned us about.
324
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,070
What if she's a clone? It's Halloween.
325
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:57,140
Strange things happen.
326
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,620
It's your show, Mulder.
327
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,800
We need you to wean her off the pacifier
328
00:13:04,830 --> 00:13:05,830
like you did with Emery.
329
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:07,310
_
330
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,670
Well, can you take off the knife gloves?
331
00:13:09,770 --> 00:13:10,940
No.
332
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:12,460
Well, then just tell us.
333
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:14,050
_
334
00:13:14,140 --> 00:13:17,280
_
335
00:13:17,410 --> 00:13:19,580
_
336
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,310
You gave Emery whiskey?!
337
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:24,010
_
338
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,830
- No whiskey.
- Well, that's it.
339
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,270
We're all out of tricks.
340
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,890
Wait. We still had one more baby.
341
00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:31,140
- What did we do with Evan?
- Evan was perfect.
342
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,770
He never even took the pacifier!
343
00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:34,486
Damn you, perfect Evan!
344
00:13:34,510 --> 00:13:35,510
- Aah.
- Ohh.
345
00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:38,020
_
346
00:13:39,930 --> 00:13:41,830
That was our only pacifier!
347
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,100
Well...
348
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,750
Now, we call this pillow
the faux-down hoedown.
349
00:13:51,060 --> 00:13:54,030
Just close your eyes and relax.
350
00:13:56,180 --> 00:13:58,090
What was that?!
351
00:13:58,210 --> 00:13:59,950
The phone?
352
00:14:01,650 --> 00:14:03,450
The call is coming
from inside the store!
353
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,400
You got to chill, man!
354
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:09,620
That could've been a customer!
355
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,580
Or a killer on the premises.
356
00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:14,180
Do you know how many people
die from pillow suffocation?
357
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,660
Every witness to every murder
358
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,800
who happens to be in the
hospital, for starters!
359
00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:19,280
I'm gonna go get a mop.
360
00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:21,240
Try not to mess anything else up.
361
00:14:28,250 --> 00:14:29,680
Hi! I'm looking for a bed.
362
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,480
I work a graveyard shift
and sleep all day,
363
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:33,950
and my futon from college sucks.
364
00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:37,140
Graveyard, sleep all day, sucks?
365
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,270
You're a vampire! I
didn't invite you in!
366
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,010
Spirito spirito santi!
367
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,540
Spirito spirito santi!
368
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,240
Take Eddie! He's full of blood!
369
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:46,780
I'm uncomfortable. So...
370
00:14:49,370 --> 00:14:51,000
Wait! No!
371
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,710
Damn it, Trent. This is my job!
372
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,150
I found six cigar cutters,
a maritime compass,
373
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:09,620
but not a single pacifier.
374
00:15:09,650 --> 00:15:10,966
Shh! It's okay. It's okay.
375
00:15:10,990 --> 00:15:12,550
I tawt I saw a puddy tat.
376
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:14,200
Are you kidding me?
377
00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,120
I thought the distraction
would be good for her.
378
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:18,680
Okay, for me.
379
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:22,080
Why can't I find another pacifier
380
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,710
in this entire house?
381
00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:25,120
This is all your fault.
382
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:27,350
This all started with you
sneaking in with Eddie,
383
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,720
and it ends here with
us failing at Maria.
384
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:32,520
You're the one who outsourced
our parenting to my mom.
385
00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:34,290
Besides, we wouldn't
even be in this mess
386
00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:35,850
if you hadn't tried to ruin Halloween.
387
00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:37,530
Well, you're not helping
with the outfits.
388
00:15:37,550 --> 00:15:38,840
Every time she sees you, she thinks
389
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,510
you're a terrifying, new stranger.
390
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:45,290
Don't cry!
391
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:47,590
It's me... Honey!
392
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:49,870
I-I-It's me, an older dentist
393
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:52,150
who loves floral shirts
and was in the Navy.
394
00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:54,350
In my day, you were only allowed to cry
395
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:55,730
if a bone broke through the skin.
396
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:58,000
Mama loves you!
397
00:15:58,050 --> 00:16:00,170
Mama wore a halter top the
day after you were born!
398
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:01,900
What's going on here?
399
00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:05,810
Oh, sweetheart!
400
00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:08,730
It's okay. Mama's home.
401
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,360
Now, I've had a few,
402
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,100
but did we do a body switch?
403
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,520
Okay, she's down for the night.
404
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:20,470
We are so sorry. Louis especially.
405
00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:22,790
- The clothes were his idea.
- We'll get them washed.
406
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,960
Maybe Jessica will ask
my mother to do it.
407
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,080
The pants are dry clean only.
408
00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:29,000
Whatever's going on between you two,
409
00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:30,720
can it go on in your own home?
410
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,700
This is yours.
411
00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:43,530
I know the timing's not great for this,
412
00:16:43,550 --> 00:16:45,830
but I could really use a pee buddy.
413
00:16:46,050 --> 00:16:48,320
Storage room is real dark.
414
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:50,750
Trent, just go to the cemetery.
415
00:16:50,950 --> 00:16:53,790
I can't. Look, the truth is...
416
00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:55,780
I'm scared.
417
00:16:55,950 --> 00:16:57,550
Yeah, I got that.
418
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,330
Why do you care so much
about selling a mattress?
419
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,246
I just wanted to prove that
I could make it in a job
420
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:04,100
that wasn't handed to me by my dad.
421
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:08,070
You know what?
422
00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:09,400
I'll buy a mattress from you.
423
00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:11,490
Trent, you don't have to.
424
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:13,070
I want to. You really sold me
425
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,550
on that hot-away foam earlier.
426
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:16,130
As my body is changing,
427
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,540
there's a heat radiating
from down south.
428
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,630
How much for this bad boy?
429
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,070
- $4,000.
- On sale?!
430
00:17:23,190 --> 00:17:25,790
But the gently-used twin
in the corner is only $75.
431
00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,540
- I'll take it.
- Thanks.
432
00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:31,680
I won't tell the gang you were scared.
433
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:34,210
Honestly, the cemetery just
sounds cold and boring.
434
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:36,410
And to tell the truth, kind of scary.
435
00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:37,780
- Trent, I know!
- Right, right.
436
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:42,370
Trick or treat!
437
00:17:42,490 --> 00:17:44,390
Ugh, Britney? Again?
438
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,810
No, I'm Mary Katherine Gallagher.
439
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,260
Superstar!
440
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:54,280
Mulder, this has gone too far.
441
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:55,580
You're right. It's weird.
442
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:58,160
The only explanation...
she's a shape-shifter.
443
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,300
Wake up, Mulder!
444
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,220
Sorry, that was Scully, not me.
445
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,990
But I am done with your
crazy conspiracy theories.
446
00:18:06,340 --> 00:18:07,540
The truth isn't out there.
447
00:18:07,610 --> 00:18:09,680
It's right in front of your face!
448
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:12,740
It's the same girl, and she's
not getting any more candy!
449
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,500
Scram, Britney. We know it's you.
450
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:17,060
Case closed!
451
00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:18,870
You guys are the worst!
452
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:26,240
Ready, girls?
453
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:28,180
Ready, Mother.
454
00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:30,320
That last house didn't
give me any candy.
455
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,250
You were right, Scully.
456
00:18:35,270 --> 00:18:37,110
I let myself get carried away.
457
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,310
Like my sister was carried
away by those aliens.
458
00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:41,440
Thanks for keeping me grounded.
459
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,460
That's why we're a good team, Mulder.
460
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:59,050
We really put our worst
godparent foot forward
461
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:00,200
- last night.
- Up late.
462
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:01,700
Almost overslept. Gotta get to work!
463
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,280
Maybe I'm the reason
Eddie's a bad sleeper.
464
00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:08,820
I'm lucky Emery broke his whiskey habit.
465
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:11,190
I'm gonna draw lines on
all our liquor bottles
466
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,620
just in case.
467
00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,930
Did we just pass Eddie in a tie?
468
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:17,080
For a minute there, I
thought you got a valet.
469
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,080
If you want us to step
down as godparents,
470
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,340
we totally get it.
471
00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:26,250
Oh, of course, we don't want that.
472
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:27,840
I mean, yes, we did come home
473
00:19:27,850 --> 00:19:30,250
to a real diaper show last night,
474
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:32,210
but it made us feel better
475
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:33,780
about the hard time we were having.
476
00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:35,650
Really? We thought we'd blown it.
477
00:19:35,770 --> 00:19:38,770
No. You two are the
best parents we know.
478
00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:41,870
Honestly, it was a relief to see
you having a tough time, too.
479
00:19:41,990 --> 00:19:44,820
So, the fact that we were
so bad made you feel better
480
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:47,360
- about also being so bad?
- Exactly.
481
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:49,560
And as a little thank you,
482
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,090
I made my upside-down cake
483
00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:53,110
- you love so much.
- Ohh.
484
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:55,030
You guys are amazing godparents.
485
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:56,370
There's no one we'd rather have
486
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,850
take care of this little butterball
487
00:19:57,870 --> 00:20:00,300
when Honey and I go to that
big Thanksgiving in the sky.
488
00:20:00,470 --> 00:20:01,540
Oh!
489
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:02,640
We got to go.
490
00:20:02,710 --> 00:20:05,740
Maria's got seashell
class in 10 minutes.
491
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:07,630
It's what you think it is.
492
00:20:12,070 --> 00:20:13,590
No idea what they're doing.
493
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,100
No idea.
494
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,670
But neither did we.
495
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,410
And our kids turned out pretty great.
496
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,440
'Cause we always had each other's back,
497
00:20:20,590 --> 00:20:23,060
even if it was behind each other's back.
498
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,780
So, should we share
everything we've done
499
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,940
without each other knowing?
500
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,580
Of course not. That would be crazy.
501
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,760
Nothing to tell.
502
00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:36,420
Special delivery for Mommy.
503
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:38,570
One Evan hug with a side of cheek peck.
504
00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:41,180
What was that for?
505
00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:43,500
After embodying Agent
Dana Scully for a night,
506
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,060
I have a new respect for women.
507
00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,070
It is not easy for you.
508
00:20:47,270 --> 00:20:48,970
Let me bus these wrappers.
509
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:54,940
- Are you sure you didn't...
- I never snuck in.
510
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,140
- I swear.
- You?
511
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,580
Never, not once.
512
00:20:57,630 --> 00:21:00,100
Huh. We really nailed it with Evan.
513
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,300
- We did. We really did.
- Mm-hmm.
514
00:21:10,010 --> 00:21:11,870
Hey, Evan. Can't sleep?
515
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,110
Me neither.
516
00:21:13,210 --> 00:21:15,880
I'm not scared, but I
thought you might be.
517
00:21:15,980 --> 00:21:18,710
Your big bro Eddie is just a night owl.
518
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:22,300
Man, you won't believe what went down
519
00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:24,020
on "Thirtysomething" tonight.
520
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,420
The Steadmans have asbestos.
521
00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:31,630
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