Original subtitles

Inside my memory, there's a list of forgotten things.

Chasing back to an end of needy and rich world.

And outside on the patio, there's a man named Horatio.

He makes his living selling dreams.

He calls them fantasy.

Give me some more, give me some more, some more

of your love.

I run a successful underground escort service.

I recruit from a rec room on the third floor of my dorm where I pimp the kids

from my boarding school. In fact, I have two of my boys right here, and they are

just one table away.

from one of my tricks.

Now I know you've probably got about 20 questions right on the tip of your

tongue.

Well, if you must know, then let us begin.

Sam!

Over here.

Sam, you've been kicked out of a couple of very prominent boarding schools in

this country.

Okay, yes, but about that. Stop!

I read your transcripts. You got a 3 .873 years in running.

You got some kick -ass writing samples to boot.

You also clearly have a problem with authority.

And it just makes my mind wonder, what exactly am I in for here, Sam?

Right, okay.

Noted, but here is the thing. I wasn't exactly kicked out of all of my schools,

per se.

I am somebody that you would consider a victim of, um... Circumstances?

Circumstances, yes. And you know what? Most people don't believe it, but... I

journaled about it, man. You can read it if you want.

Just give me the cliff notes. Summarize, Sam.

hey baby blue put your feet on the ground feet on the ground

That's tough.

Nah, you know, I was just kind of... A part of the course in your mom's next

playmate, you know?

Well put.

I know your mom.

Really?

You know, Sam, she's a nice lady.

That shit crazy, but she's a good chick. So is that you?

That, my friend, was the Eliminator Tour.

Eight years of more pussy than any one man could ever handle.

Which, by the way, is why you should wear a rubber.

Or you'll find yourself knocking up the wrong groupie and trading in your dream

of a harmonica solo with Billy Gibbons to become the headmaster of a private.

But I love my daughter.

She taught me how to respect women.

Some shit like that. You ready for the $5 tour?

This is our history department. Ian, get off that cell phone.

Oh, good, because I'm a history nut.

I'm a really big fan of the, uh...

French Revolution, especially Napoleon.

I love Napoleon. They're very tasty. Have you ever had one?

So, you're a writer and a dick?

I'd be careful of your roomie here.

I hear he's a bit of a strange bird.

Likes to whip out the Fifi bag when the nights go down.

What's a Fifi bag?

Bukowski term.

And what is a Bukowski?

A Bukowski?

Well, it's not a rusty trombone or gorilla mask. Bukowski is a writer.

A poet.

Come on, notes from a dirty old man?

Ham and rye? The post office?

Well, it's good you're continuing your education. You came to the right place.

You keep your GPA up.

No swearing with an earshot.

And stay out of trouble.

So I can keep you from getting your ass kicked out of this go -around.

Capisce? Yeah, of course.

Plus, how much mayhem could I possibly cause in a school that's got T -coats on

the wall?

F that, take the radio back.

I'm coming with that stadium rap.

I got the stadium packed.

From the front to the back, make the stadium clack.

Keep it moving, I see you working.

Fly girls, rakes in the virgin.

Take the radio back.

Chris Young coming with the stadium rap. Hello, B. Young with the stadium rap.

He ain't Kimora Simmons, but the baby is fat.

And I keep my cranium packed with more uranium than they didn't have in our

past.

Knock it off.

Look, I can explain. You know what, sir? I can explain. It wasn't his fault.

You call me Snoop, racist?

That's a lie.

And you know what you said degrading stuff about my stature, dipshit?

I mean, Sean.

Sir, it's true. He started it.

Sean.

What?

Come on.

You're not actually going to buy this side of the story, are you?

What, you're teasing and fighting with a new kid already?

And you wonder why you're a fifth -year senior?

Dan. Sir.

Sir.

He walked in, we were hanging out, he punched me in the face. Claim is the

sign of weakness.

Now, apologize.

Fuck that.

Fuck that!

Headmaster?

Language?

Demerits?

Does any of that ring a goddamn bell to you?

This is bullshit.

Tuck in that damn shirt and be in my office in ten minutes.

Come here.

Well, you do have a string of bad luck, don't you? That's the worst kid I got.

I told you.

You know?

Well, why don't we try to change that now?

That's a good idea.

Go make some new friends.

Now.

Sam. Sam.

You are our savior. I'm not going to lie to you. I mean, the guy's such a

douche. He does it all the time.

We should hang out sometime.

By the way, I'm Jimmy. This is Chuck. This is Teddy.

Where are you from?

I'm having a hard time, but I'm thinking it's Manhattan. I'm getting this tri

-state area kind of thing. New York? Yeah, it is New York with that handshake

that you're doing. Okay, calm down. Look, it's good to meet you guys, and I

really appreciate the camaraderie from the headmaster back there, but I

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

No worries.

Thank you.

And, you know, just in case you want to know, like, when you realize this place

is a complete shithole, we'll be waiting over here. Right here, bro. Cool. If

you need a friend.

No, I'm kidding. Thank you.

That's actually surprising.

I thought it would take longer.

You want to partake in some recreational activities with you?

I got some Scott.

That's good, actually.

I'm so stoked.

You guys are all right.

No, no, no, no.

No, you know what?

Oh, yeah, be quiet, because Jesus Christ, absolution is just mere steps

But seriously, I beat off to your mom.

What? What? Don't act like you're surprised. You know me.

It's no offense.

No offense.

No offense.

It's just, if you're going to be friends with us, you should know.

Multiple times.

Come on, dude. Come on.

She's fucking gorgeous.

It's fine. It's why I crossed the bear.

Look, to even the kill if it makes you feel any better, my dad's partner was

Bernie Madoff. Ouch.

And my mom's a freak.

And my dad, he's an ex -baller. Says I cramp as any given Sunday lifestyle.

Yeah, and I'm Asian.

He is. You should see this guy drift in a Honda Civic.

What else should I do around here?

This is Main Street, huh?

Yep. Open weekend.

Final frontier.

Fucking love the weekends, bro.

I love the girls.

Go talk to them.

What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean, man? We've been walking up and down the

street. You've seen the same girls, like, all day. Go up. Say hi. Go talk to

them. Hey, if you haven't noticed, we're not that cool. Oh, come on, Chuck.

Well, except for Jimmy, of course.

He's got all the bitches on lock, ain't that right, Hap? Alright, you know what?

Damn, fuck both of you. I'm plotting, assholes. You know that's how I do. Why

would you... What's a dick?

You know what? You guys hold that thought. I'll be right back. Where are

going, man? What do you mean? Oh, I'm gonna go talk to a girl.

I should have wingman that one, huh?

Hi.

I'm sorry, do we know you?

Um... This is the eye fucker from Moore.

Oh, my God, you're the eye fucker? Yeah, I guess I am the eye fucker, and I've

been completely called out, so... Congratulations.

Well, thank you, thank you.

So, uh, now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, do you care

down and join us for a latte?

Yeah.

Great. I'd love to.

I'm Courtney.

Hi.

And this is Angie, and you are?

Uh, Sam.

Oh, nice to meet you, Sam.

What up?

Hi.

Well, uh, what are you doing on this glorious sunny day, young Samuel?

I'm just kind of hanging out with my friends.

Oh, you have friends.

Well, that's novel.

All my friends are dead, if you're wondering.

Well, except for...

Her, but she's not really friends, so I guess that doesn't count.

Thanks, bitch.

I love you. I love you, too. Make out session later?

What's so funny?

You. You're funny.

He's charming.

God knows I'm charming.

Hold that thought.

Hello?

Yeah.

Okay.

Wow.

Fine. Fine.

Okay, bye.

We got to jam.

10 -4.

What do you mean? Why are you going so soon? We're just starting off so much

fun. My mom, she's crazy, and she's been in a bartender's face now, so we got to

go pick her up.

See? Crazy bitch.

Sounds like my mom. This is probably a carpool.

That's funny.

You're cute, too.

I'm thoroughly bored with this now.

I'm gonna get some motherfucking fudge. Do you want any?

I'm good on the motherfucking fudge, but thanks, girl. Bye.

So,

uh, same time, same place next weekend?

Yeah.

Phone, please.

I'm sorry, what?

So I can put my number in it, so we can make plans. Do you have Asperger's or

something? I don't know what's wrong.

Well, you know, I just don't think we really have to swap in.

Swapping digits, Faith. Yeah, it's all moving a little fast for me.

Oh, I see. It's so fast. Well, then, no number for you. Well done, Prince

Charming. Good job.

Yo, Tampon, we gotta go pick up your alky mother.

Wait two seconds.

Jesus, Angie.

Hi. Sorry. Yeah, here.

You sure?

Yeah.

Fucking work, dude.

Will you be my mentor?

Yeah, that'd be nice.

Amazing. Okay, let's not jump on them all at once. Let's have some coffee like

some civilized people.

You don't even drink coffee.

Does it taste like shit?

And so we return to the question at hand.

Do we resign ourselves to the sad truth that our existence is purely an exercise

in human folly?

Or do we embrace every moment of that existence?

and forget about what it might amount to one day. Now, we all know what Camus

thinks, but... Fucking Camus.

Crazy, right?

Camus, you idiot. Did you guys ever read?

Sam?

Hey. Hey.

Uh, sit down.

Yeah, in fact, I gotta tell you something, though.

A girl.

And one that's not in a straitjacket, which is a pretty big improvement for

Sam. And then I'm actually pretty sure I completely aced my literature

presentation thanks to your recommended reading, and I'm seriously going down

the streets with this because I had no idea that French Moroccan existentialism

could just be so damn fascinating.

Sam, I just got off the phone.

Your mother can't pay for your school anymore.

We had a good run.

You know, you were, uh... You were cool.

The brothers were cool. I got... a little Bukowski at it, but I guess at

of the day, even my mom's tits aren't recession -proof.

Come on, man. I left my ID in my room. I don't feel like going to get it. Can

you please just give me a drink?

Nice try, Junior.

He's with me.

Yeah, I'm with... I'm with her. And you know what? That's why I don't have my

ID, because I left it in our room. So how about you just pour me that drink?

And while you're at it, you can refill hers, and when you're done, you can

it to the table. How about that?

Thank you.

Thank you.

And also, thank you.

You look like you... Oh, boy, I did.

I actually still do.

I'm Sam, by the way.

Nelson.

A rough night?

Yes.

That's my husband's mistress who showed up at my house to complain to

me about how he's cheating on her tonight.

Good. I'm sure that he can explain. He's really good at explaining. He's

a very good explainer.

He could have explained that I was married.

Why don't we do this? Your husband's a fucking asshole, okay? I would...

What,

he goes out and he cheats on you?

Twice And then he fucking tries to explain What are you talking about? Who

hell cheats on you?

Look at you, you're beautiful You've got these eyes, they sparkle They're like

diamonds God,

what?

That was really bad

It's just some jam.

Oh, gosh.

No.

It's a good thing.

So... So you go to school around here or something?

Yeah, kind of.

Kind of? Kind of.

18. Yeah, I should probably get out of here and get going.

I promise you.

I need a drink.

My husband probably shouldn't cheat on me.

All right. Thanks.

Hello.

Like a roller coaster.

And you stay in there.

I'm going to take him down tonight.

Tell Riley that I love him.

Okay?

Bye.

This

is

creepy.

What?

Creepy?

Freaking amazing.

That's crazy.

I'm not that old, you know.

Not that young.

Technically, I'm not even a senior anymore because I can't pay for my

This is fun, right?

Yeah.

This is fun.

You have an amazing hair.

So, hey, you want to have fun again?

Absolutely.

I can have fun all day. I bet you can. I can.

Good. Great.

Let's talk more down the road. Okay.

This chick was hot, brought you to her suite, got you drunk, had sex with you

multiple times, and left you with a fucking check in the morning?

Yeah. That's fucking amazing. Why don't shit like that ever happen to me, Jimmy?

It can.

It can.

Yeah. Sam.

She's got friends, right?

Yeah. Yeah, and you, and you, my friend, have money problems.

Yes, I have money problems. Okay, so?

So what? So I'll keep up.

Dude, it's not what you think, okay? I don't even know if I'm going to call

girl again.

Okay, this is like a once -in -a -lifetime thing. Yeah, or like a once

-week type thing. You know what I mean?

If you haven't already guessed it, I'm a virgin, okay?

Yeah, I know.

$500 is good. I get it, okay?

I don't know what you did with it.

But the fact of the matter is, like, if we could parlay that into two grand a

week, Sam, we could pay for your tuition in two months or less.

Like that, and you can stay in school and we can all fucking hang out again.

Plus, we'd be bringing joy to unhappily married women everywhere.

Whoa, whoa. And Teddy, by the way, great valid point.

Selfless. I like where your head's at.

Well, you made a valid point.

Look, the fact of the matter is there are probably tons, tons of smoking hot

milk waiting for some young, guilt -free, guilt -positive, and all you have

do is make the connection, pimp the shit out, and it's done. It's a fucking

wrap. Bills on you. You want to lay in bills?

You want to, like, take a baton bill?

Okay, could you please stop looking at our fucking conversation? I'm sorry.

It just sounds awesome. I mean, do you ever need any help? Yeah, yeah, sure.

We'll give you a fucking call. Just stop looking at me.

Hey,

do you think we can carve out a little bit to do a scholarship for a kid who's

having some financial problems?

What?

Well, you said we had a little extra here. Well, not entirely extra.

It's for Sam Lowell.

We're a boarding school, not a commune.

I think we should concentrate on the kids that are already here as opposed to

some charity case that you might want to bring in.

Bruce, this is not a charity case.

All right? This is a good kid.

I mean, what do you think we do here as teachers? We're here to inspire.

Well, I'm all for inspiring, but we're in a recession.

I know that. I can't even get enough money for new band instruments.

Coach Jackson wants a new turf for his lacrosse field.

I'd like a little money for my women's lib program.

What do they need to know about women?

You tell the good -looking ones they're smart, you tell the smart ones they're

good -looking.

Look, I'm trying to have a decent conversation about financials. This is a

conversation. You're just not listening to me. You're trying to insult me. What

is it, Cy?

What?

Sam Lowell is back on campus and he says he could pay for his tuition.

Hello?

Hello?

Is that my mom? It's Allie.

It's Sam.

Sam? No, it's for your mom.

It's for Allie.

Hey.

Hey, who's that?

Uh, it's just a friend.

Your mom's a cougar.

So, um... I'm glad you caught me.

Yeah, me too.

Look, anyway, I was just thinking about how great last weekend was, and I was

wondering if maybe you weren't busy this weekend. We could... Do it again?

Yeah.

I thought you had to leave school.

No, I do.

Well, I did.

Anyway, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

I don't know if this sounds weird or anything, but I was wondering if maybe

weekend you could bring some of your friends. I could bring some of my

and then maybe some of your friends could give some of my friends some

too.

You know, to help my education fund.

Oh. Or not. I mean, it's totally fine. You know, it was just an idea. You know,

just a stupid...

Are you positive he's here? I'm dead positive. In here?

Yes. I mean, 95 % positive.

Hello? Sam?

Sam?

Sam. What?

Hold on.

He asked me.

Tell me.

Yes. I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

Sir. Sir, if I may, I think that we might have found a solution to Sam's

economic issue.

A solution?

Yeah, a job.

A job?

A job that pays $20 ,000 a semester?

What is it, Ponzi scheme?

Nah, man.

Well, sir.

My dad has some work we can do for his company, and, uh, you see, it's a tax

shelter kind of thing.

Tax shelter?

Tax shelter.

Yeah, like a 501c, sir.

Is this a fucking joke?

Sir? Um, we, uh, Sam has a down payment.

I can see it.

Okay.

Are you boys selling drugs?

I'm biting.

Welcome back, Sam.

Whatever you're doing, keep it clean.

Yeah. They're young boys, pick of the litter, and they're a hell of a lot

cheaper than a pair of Louboutins.

Which pair?

Wait, what are you talking about?

Judy, quit it.

We're not doing this.

Why do you two always exclude me?

It's because I'm younger, isn't it? You just don't think I understand what you

two are all on about.

Whoa. What?

Pesty. Shit.

For your information, Allison here is acting all bitchy because I want to set

some paid playdates with a few boys for more.

Playdates? Yes. You mean for shagging? I think it's so cool.

I think it sounds awful and completely illegal.

Yes, it is, Judy.

Stop being such a fucking square, Mary.

Mary is not a square.

She's old -fashioned.

I'm sorry, but marrying an agent who was going to help our little Ginger here

with her career and gave her a life of arm candy doesn't make her old

-fashioned. It makes her a fucking moron.

Oh, my God, excuse me.

I'm sitting there. Don't judge my marriage. Stop.

Mary, don't listen to her. And you, I've made myself clear.

I don't think we should do this.

It's a big deal. You already did it. And look at you.

I wasn't like that.

Really? No.

You gave him a check, though.

You gave him a check?

Mary, I love you, but we're much older than you, and there are certain things

that happen. This isn't just a shitty relationship as you. Stop justifying

We all know your husband. Fine.

I fucked him.

I paid him.

But I was just trying to help him out.

He's a decent kid who was having a hard time. So why don't you want to help out

your kid again?

It's the big deal.

It was a mistake, Judy.

Oh, please. It's a mistake. Are you kidding me? It's a mistake now that we

to have some fucking fun. But with you, it wasn't a mistake, right?

Right.

No, I don't know, Mary.

I think it sounds invigorating.

You know what?

Let's just set it up for us and we'll find some new girls for Sam.

What?

I need this. We need this. Come on. You know, I don't know about this.

Oh, shut up, Mary. When was the last time someone fucked you so hard you

couldn't walk?

Oh, my God.

Jesus fucking Christ, Judy.

You know what? Now that I think about it, I think it sounds really fun.

Are they fit? Fit?

And they are willing.

It's so true. There's nothing sweeter than a boy's worship with a female body.

Excuse me.

Who are you again?

Oh, this is Dominica, darling. She's from South America.

I met her at the PTA last week.

She's our new BFF.

By the way, you have a beautiful home.

So, what do you say?

Let's party till we die.

No plumbing, it's not gonna work. Hey babe, I'm off out.

Tell him to put it on hold.

What part of no don't you get?

Feeling so electric.

Feeling so electric.

Welcome to my party. Night of the living zombies.

I'm rubbing on the body. Me rolling on the molly.

Rollin' on the molly Rollin', rollin' Let's party till we die

Let's party till we die Let's party till we die Let's party till we die Don't

need a reason why Can't stop us, let them try Let's party till we die Let's

party till we die

Let's party till we die. Everyone is vibing. We fizzing and we buzzing. Can't

find nowhere in private.

So we do it in public.

I think they want to meet.

Let's do it. Are you ready to rock?

Are you ready to rock?

Oh, Judy, right?

Yeah? Judy, what do you think?

About what?

Come on.

Let's cut the bullshit. Let's get to what we came here for.

Excuse me?

Exactly.

Sorry about my friend.

It's okay.

Dude, change it!

I like your suit.

And, uh... I'm feeling these slippers.

I've got this here.

Where am I?

I think you're really handsome.

I am?

Hmm.

Mary.

Charles. What a lovely name.

It says Mary.

I know.

Thank you.

Wait!

That's perfect! Don't change it! That's perfect, thank you. Where is she? Ellie!

Nothing. Nothing?

Nothing. Let me tell them. It's a funny story.

Allison had a little more than nothing. With the lead singer up to push mode.

And her moody early 20s. Do you ever shut up?

No. I was a total rock and roll bitch.

But. Groupies.

Were we groupies?

Okay, we were groupies.

But our Allie here.

With so intimate to go home.

Personal penis.

Come on, at least we're in a groupie for In Excess or something.

What the fuck is In Excess?

Oh, shit.

Oh, just drink up, Dad.

Show me your room. I'm bored.

Right now?

Yes. Come on.

Let's go.

Bro, where are you going? I'm going to show him my fucking room.

Shit. You want to go to my room?

Okay.

You know, guys, we could leave you two alone, you know, if you like.

As well.

Oh, can we now?

Well, I mean.

If that's okay with you.

Yeah, all right. Why not?

Have fun, kid.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Is that your personal Jesus?

That's him.

My personal penis.

All the girls on the street like rocking to the beat. They like to talk about

the boys. Talk about the boys. All the girls on the street like rocking to the

beat. They like to talk about the boys. I haven't used my rabbit in weeks.

It's through and they're eating for life.

Really? Do they have more friends?

My boyfriend just dumped me.

Mine too.

I thought you were married.

Whatever.

Hey,

babe, guess where we're going?

What, Hawaii?

Minnesota. Final fucking four!

Right here, babe.

Look at this. Look at this. All right?

Locations, interests, cup size.

God, it's going to be amazing. It's going to give us a whole new clientele

all of our new recruits.

What new recruits? Just watch and learn. Okay, Chuck?

I don't know, Jimmy. I don't think Sam's going to like this. Shut the fuck up.

We're joining.

I will not disappoint you, sirs.

I'm Patrick, by the way.

Well, Patrick, prepare yourself for a whole new lifestyle.

Party people in the place.

This is dirt motherfucking nasty, baby.

If you a bitch, put your motherfucking hands in the air like this.

All the girls in the club tonight.

If you can get it out tonight.

Put your motherfucking hands in the sky.

Hey, y 'all can I get with you?

All the girls in the club tonight.

If you're gonna give it up tonight.

Put your motherfucking hands in the sky.

Hey, girl, can I get with you?

Hey, girl, can I sniff with you?

Hell yeah, I'm gonna get with you.

I live out in Malibu. Cause New York is less livable.

Where next you got your mama selling?

Flip -flop with the Donna Kessler.

Top -top speakers blaring. Fuck the world.

I'm an American.

Don't make it difficult.

My dick is biblical.

If I wanted to hit it, girl, I'd whip it out in your living room.

This shit got the haters rockin'. Even Dr.

Jermaine is bobbin'. And when the plot gets thick like Robin, I get Lil Wayne

spit on my album.

All the girls in the club tonight.

If you're gonna get it out tonight. Come on, buddy.

Tell me that you love me. I love you.

Say it like you mean it. I love you!

Oh, you got me a present.

What you got in that bag? Let me see what you got. Turn around and pull down

your pants.

What the fuck you mean, turn around and pull down my pants? I ain't doing that.

Now!

Sam?

Courtney.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

And don't forget little old me. Yeah, hi, Angie. And this is Todd.

Tom.

Whatever.

Been on Facebook?

Cool, man. I'm the third wheel.

Sounds like fun.

A full wheel.

I can hear you guys.

We know.

So how about you? What are you doing behind a liquor store at 10 p .m.?

Really? What?

He's wearing a suit in an alley. Yes, and I can explain.

Here you go. Four bottles plus one Alizé and one wet.

Thank you.

Where were we? You were lying. I knew he was lying. Aren't you supposed to be on

a date?

All right, fine. Fine.

Todd, let's go hook up in the car. That's what you do on a date. So, where

your car? Wow. Yeah.

Sorry.

I'm a bitch magnet.

Must be the DNA or something.

Yeah.

By the way, sorry about before. Well, not right before because you are lying

I am going to get to the bottom of that. But, you know, the before where we were

supposed to hang and I didn't show.

That before.

I just thought it's late.

No, I just, you know, I figured you'd... Well, the thing is, my mom, she's,

uh... She's been having issues, and I've been having to deal with them.

Dad thinks it's over, which means me and my agro -older brother have to take

care of Mommy Dearest for now.

Jesus.

Yeah. What can I say?

She's a nightmare.

But so are a lot of women like that in this town. I mean, you would be

on what goes on behind closed doors.

So what did you say you were doing again?

Whoa, are you okay?

Yeah, I think I just broke a champagne bottle.

Whoa, are you having a party or something?

Yeah.

No. Which one is it, yes or no?

Yes and no.

Gotcha.

Wait, look. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, look.

It's not like that, okay? My buddy Chuck, his mom's sick.

We're just gonna hang out, cheer him up, you know, talk shit.

Drink champagne?

Yeah.

You're lying again, aren't you?

Yes.

What are you really doing?

Nothing, okay? I promise, it's nothing.

Ow! Is that a retainer?

Fine, you, uh, wanna grab breakfast with me tomorrow or something?

I just asked you out.

Is that weird? Oh, no, no, that's not weird. That's great.

Amazing. Um... Breakfast.

Yeah, I'm not promising anything.

Just waffles.

Oh, and no Angie.

That's... Yeah. Oh, well, if there's no Angie, then yeah.

So, 10 a .m. at the coffee shop on 3rd?

Great. It's a date.

Well, I mean...

I can't wait.

Well, you gotta go, right?

Okay.

See you at ten.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Yeah.

It happens to everybody.

So maybe you're just drunk.

No, I'm not.

You don't drink that much.

Well, then maybe you should drink. No, I should not drink. I gotta

tell you something.

I met somebody.

Who?

Yeah, I met somebody. I haven't done anything with her or anything.

And we haven't even gone out on a date.

And I'm not even really sure what's going to happen with it. But it just

got me thinking a little bit, you know?

So thank you, man.

But I mean, you know, if you want to just... Wait a minute.

A couple minutes or whatever, I'm sure I can... No, but I know how much this

means to you.

Excuse me?

No, wait, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Look, that did not

out right, okay? I said that completely wrong.

Look, I can't do this like this.

I was

21

years when I wrote this song.

You know what?

I gotta take care of my family.

Where's my cat?

Can you wait? Please, just wait.

Wait.

Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl.

I didn't look close, but she faded in the night.

Like a poem I'm meant to write.

And the leaves that are...

And they crumble!

Sam? Hey.

What are you doing, man?

Yeah, I just... Oh, you're writing?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ in a place of worship.

Sam Lowe, I never thought I'd see the day.

Me too, Mr. Broderick. Oh, hey.

I got you a check last week.

Oh, you did? Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, work good?

Yeah. You know, just work. That's good. Yeah.

Yeah.

You want to grab something to eat?

I think the last shuttle's pretty crammed.

I'll take you wherever you want to go, and you can tell me all about how they

screwed up the village.

Sounds good, man, but I got... I got... I got... I got... I don't work.

You working now?

Well, not like this work, but I do like work, work a little bit. Chuck's dad

needs me to, like, drive around some of his business.

So she's acting like a valet? I don't even really know what the hell that

I think I gotta wear a tux.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Sorry.

All right, well, maybe another time.

You know what? I'd like to have you over to the house for dinner sometime.

Introduce you to my family.

Yeah, man, I'd love to meet your family.

Really?

Well,

you have, uh...

Fun time at work.

Shut off the light when you're done.

Yeah. There's a switch right over here.

Okay.

What do you think of him?

Strong hands, nice lips.

I definitely approve.

Or balloon boy.

Maybe he'll be a rocker. He's a child.

And what the fuck is Chuck?

Chuck don't have an age, Mary.

It's true.

You know what? Fuck this.

I'm getting a divorce and marrying someone my own age.

Well, that's a little overdramatic.

Right? I don't know what her fucking problem is.

No, seriously?

How much do you think it cost?

I think you can get him for five.

Fuck that. Get the charity cake.

Look at Allie.

That bitch.

She's going to fuck him and not even tell us.

Allie! Woo!

Over here, girlfriend.

Allie!

Rose?

Oh, aren't you yummy?

I'm Judy.

Jeeva. What?

Oh, where have you been?

I've missed you.

Sorry, I've just been really busy with Riley.

Really? You've been busy with a fucking three -year -old? Give me a break.

Fucking bullshit.

Nothing.

You're busy. You're busy. Sorry. You're busy with Riley. You're busy with this

bloom boy. Whatever else you're doing. What the hell are you talking?

What are you talking about? You.

You're trash at my son's birthday party.

No, I'm trying to scope out teenagers for your weekly hotel party.

Oh, yeah? Well, it's not at a hotel anymore, babe.

What? They moved it.

For your information.

I got a rental.

Oh, and Mary here is getting a divorce, by the way. Judy!

Fuck's sake!

Nicely done.

Enjoy the cake.

Fucking party pooper.

It's not a fucking rat, bro.

Sam.

What's up, man?

Take a walk with me.

How about it?

She's here.

I need to talk to you about something.

You do?

Yes.

I do.

Right. Well, here's the thing. I'm supposed to go into town with my buddies

I've never really been on a motorcycle before. Just jump on a goddamn bike.

What do you want to talk to me about?

Quit your job.

What? Quit your job.

Look, Dad, before we go any further, man, I think I should explain something.

I got a scholarship for you.

What? I got a scholarship for you.

I told Bruce, fuck you, told the board, fuck you.

I'm the boss.

Give this kid a scholarship. He deserves it.

And they did it.

So you can quit your job.

Go back to studying now.

Thank you. I thought I was in trouble.

Nah, nah.

I'm just fucking with you.

Are you in trouble?

Uniforms. Put them on.

There's a bathroom. You can use it if you want to to change. But remember,

women, like the fantasy of youth.

White is like heaven.

Real women like heaven. And boys, you're about to be dealing with some real

women.

Jimmy, what the fuck?

What are you doing?

Everyone, say hello to your founding father, Sam.

We got it.

Everyone talk among yourself for a second.

We gotta shut the fuck up.

What? You fucking ratted on us. Didn't get out. Look, he doesn't know anything.

Back off.

God.

Look, guys, we gotta quit while we're ahead here.

Why? Because he took me out and he told me that he was gonna pay for my tuition.

That's why. Fucking Dan Fox?

Dan, look, man, he's a cool guy, okay? I don't want to betray his trust anymore.

And it's the right fucking thing to do, Jimmy. I agree.

This whole thing is just aversive. At first I thought Mary loved me.

And I found out she just wanted me for my body. Yeah, and last week, Dominica

used a dildo on me, bro.

So what?

Who gives a shit? Open up your eyes, brothers.

This little thing that we started has turned into something bigger than we

ever imagine.

Sam, this is a cash cow business here, okay?

If we keep this up, bro, we can start franchising soon.

Franchising? Patrick's got a guy in Connecticut whose dad owns like a chain

hotels. What do you mean?

Patrick? I thought you hated that guy, Jimmy. When an opportunity knocks, you

gotta take it. This is our chance to go big leagues with it.

James, come on, man.

It'll be fine. Let's just put this puppy to sleep, man.

Fine. But, guys, for me, please, okay? We can end it. Give me tonight, okay? I

mean, Sam, there's people at the door. We can't cancel. The recruits are all

dressed up and excited.

Teddy, what do you say? You've known me the longest. What do you say?

One more night, one more party.

All of us together.

Fuck the girls. Fuck the bullshit, please Celebrate, huh?

Fine fine. Yeah.

Okay, but look I'm serious man. There's no more line. No more line after tonight

One more night of lines.

Bring it in Sam?

Courtney?

Oh shit What are you doing here?

I was just walking my dog, and I thought I saw my mom come up here.

Your mom? No.

Impossible.

Do you live around here?

Yeah, like a block away.

No shit.

So what are you doing here?

Chuck's parents are in town, and they're doing a little bingo for cancer thing.

We're just helping out.

Oh, cool.

Wait, what are you doing?

I'll help.

What do you mean you're going to help me?

Well, I'm done with homework.

You're here.

I'm here.

I'll help.

You know what?

How about this? If you don't have anything else to do,

and you don't really need me in there, why don't we just go back to your place?

Yeah? Yeah.

I mean, as much as I love just hooking up in the back of your Prius, you know,

we've been dating a little over a month, and I've never seen you play.

Right there.

Oh, no.

What? What?

Headmaster Fox is your dad?

Oh, shit. You didn't know?

I thought everyone knew.

Now I'm new.

Oh, that's right.

Well, that's my dad, and that's my train wreck of a mother.

Congratulations on your ignorance. Now you get to do the dean's daughter.

Hang on.

Oh, come on, Sean.

My brother?

Yep. He raised a total dick at school.

Yeah, you could say that.

So, now that we're done with the genealogy, What do you think of my new

Sexy? I got matching pants.

Wait, wait, wait.

Don't worry, my dad's working late at your school.

And you did say you want to maximize the space in my room versus my hybrid

toaster. So let's maximize.

I gotta kind of tell you something.

You're a virgin.

No. Great, neither am I.

And I'm really horny, and my bed is really comfy, and we've waited a month

speak now. Forever hold your peace.

What is it?

She tastes like lemonade.

She tastes like lemonade.

Oh, my God.

Good morning, Sam.

This is the girl's sand straight jacket.

Daniel.

This is perfect.

You know each other? What is going on?

I found your mother at a high school party down the street with a 17 -year

boy. 18.

Classy.

I should probably go.

No, no, no. Why don't you stay, will you?

Dan.

Sam,

man.

So, Sam.

Do you have anything to do with this?

Because Judy's date was your little dick friend, Jimmy.

I have? Uh -huh.

Dad.

Yeah, baby?

He was with me last night.

As you can see.

Well.

Seems like everybody was getting laid last night and I got fucked.

So.

You want to get some breakfast?

No, thank you, sir.

Dan. No, thanks, man. I'm good.

Judy, I'd like to pick up on that conversation we were having over eggs

bacon.

Fuck you.

Or not.

All right.

Why don't you two little birds work it out?

Talk amongst yourselves.

What were you doing at that house last night?

I need to know.

I don't know.

You really think you can... I don't know your way out of my family drama?

Well? What?

It's not what you think, okay?

What do I think, Sam?

I don't know what you think. I don't know.

Shit. I'm sorry.

Just leave.

We're done.

Dream's over, bro.

I'm sorry, man. I really fucked this one up.

No, we all fucked up.

Just a little louder.

Hey.

Do me a favor. If you see Courtney, tell her to say hi to Judy for me.

She's such an asshole, Jimmy.

I'm sorry I have feelings, butt dick.

Only time that I'm feeling right, I'm singing through the burning night.

Bet you think that's my husband, don't you? I don't know.

He's a friend, someone.

My subcontractor. Oh, that's the subcontractor.

Okay.

So, hey.

Yeah.

Think I'll go live by the beach, or in the mountains to the frozen reef, or in

the city where nothing's moving slow.

Only time that I'm feeling right, I'm singing

to the burning light.

Take my blues away.

You broke my sister's heart!

You stole my dad from me!

Fuck!

You know I'm gonna give him some.

Damn right I'm gonna give him some.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Is that a black guy?

Yeah.

Look, here's the... Here's the thing.

My friends are gone.

Your daughter won't talk to me and I can barely look you in the eyes anymore.

I can't concentrate in class. I can't concentrate outside of class. Your son

just came and kicked the ever -living shit out of me and I can't write

So I'm just going to talk for a minute and you can just shut me up whenever you

feel like, okay?

Go ahead, go ahead.

All right, so my friend... You know, the ones who were

pulling all the money together to pay for my tuition.

That money that we pulled together was dirty.

All right.

So what I'm basically trying to tell you is that we started an escort service

that catered to your wife and all of her friends, and...

I swear to God, I had no idea that it was your... that it was your wife and

her friends or just fucking... Once this whole thing started, man, I couldn't

stop it. I really, really... It was going just really well, and then you

came and you told me that you got the school to pay for my tuition, and I felt

awful.

It's so fucking awful, and I wanted to tell you about it, but I couldn't. I

didn't tell you about it. So then I went to the rental house where we would, you

know, do everything, and I tried to stop it, but I didn't stop it there because

I figured, what the fuck? One night.

One night, one more time. Let's have one more time. We'll go one more time, but

it's not going to be one more time.

Even if he hadn't caught us, it wasn't going to be one more time. And the only

reason he didn't catch me was because I was out alone with you. I was at your

house, your house with your fucking daughter.

Post -script, I had no idea it was your daughter, but...

I tried to come clean with her and...

I don't know man, I'm just really fucking lost and I know Brian's super

and you don't care

but...

Are you willing to join?

I'm listening.

You're not even mad?

Kinda.

Well, not really.

No.

Come on, man. I knew what was going on.

You did?

Huh? You did?

Well, of course I did.

Find all your buddies with a bunch of older women and magical cash.

I mean, I'm stupid, but I'm not a fucking idiot.

You know what? He said it.

You didn't fuck my wife.

You didn't know Courtney was my daughter.

And you did what you needed to do to stay here.

So now what?

Now what what?

You gonna kick me out of school?

Nah.

Your friend?

They took the heat for you.

Anyway, you know what?

You've been kicked out of too many schools.

So I told the new headmaster that... Whoa, hang on. What do you mean, new

headmaster? Oh, yeah.

I resigned this morning.

A new headmaster is English.

I hear he wears bow ties.

So, you can stay here.

Your scholarship is safe.

Look, man, thank you, but...

I have absolutely no interest in

staying here.

Without you or my friends, so... I figured as much.

You know what? You're going to be all right.

I don't know about that. No, you're going to be all right, man.

I know.

Really.

So what are you going to do about your family?

Well, look at that family.

My family's had problems for a long time, way before you came.

And Judy and I, well, we were done years ago.

Sean, he's a troubled kid.

I feel responsible for all that trouble he has.

But that's the gift the father gives the son.

Resentment and scorn.

He'll be all right. He'll come on.

Like when he's 29.

And that little girl of mine, I don't worry about her one bit.

She has got it all, man.

Got it all, that girl.

What about you?

Me?

Well, man, can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Seriously.

You think I'm too old to go back in the road?

No, just wrap it up.

Oh, I'm going to double bag it.

Oh, yeah.

You're making that mistake again.

Hey, do a bro salad, will you?

Yeah.

You take JetBlue out of Ontario home tonight?

Heroes aren't born.

They're cornered.

Bukowski.

Make your own.

Come on, get out of here.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Everything's gonna be all right now.

Everything's gonna be all right. Oh.

Oh.

Sorry.

Hey.

Hey, you need some help?

Sam?

What are

you

doing taking my flight home?

Your flight, huh?

Well, if you must know, I'm going to be living with my dad's parents in the

village for the last year and a half of high school.

I hear they're eccentric artists.

Oh, that's cool.

You really don't have to help me with that.

By the way, how the hell do you plan on getting all these bags past security?

I'm crafting.

Crafting?

Well, if you would like to ensure safe passage of your bags, maybe you should

let me take them.

Say we're together.

What?

It's cool. It's my bag.

Yeah, maybe, you know.

Okay.

Baby's okay.

So. So.

What's your real story, Samuel?

About five hours ago.

I don't know how, but I know I'm free.

There's a little road I use to walk.

It's about the same, the same as it was.

I know I'll see her eyes again.

She'll be with love.

It's mad

But I know he's free.