Original subtitles

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Oh, never mind!

The pillbox hat...

That's OK.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Zoé, what are you wearing?

No time.

It'll have to do.

Perfect.

There.

Mum.

Mum!

- I hate it when you do that. - Do what?

No, Zoé, really!

- It's not a fancy-dress party. - I can dress up too!

OK, let's go.

He'll be waiting. Stop messing about!

You had plenty of time to put your dress on.

- I'm here. - Don't hurry, whatever you do!

- I lost track of time. - You should have thought!

- Gently! - Don't worry.

If we miss Vincent again...

We won't. These things always run late.

You've got another jacket, right?

Hold your mum a second.

Don't move.

Zoé, don't make us late. Come on!

Shut the door.

Stop stressing me out.

Arielle!

It's OK, she's getting up.

Shit, shit, shit!

She was going too fast.

You're a maniac, driving like a twat!

Don't start shouting at me!

- Can't you be careful? - I was.

Do you think you're in the Grand Prix?

Don't shout at me!

A BUN IN THE OVEN

Hurry up!

It's OK.

Got it! Well, if you know that it's a submarine.

Are you OK? Nicole?

Couldn't you have been on time, just once in my life?

Come on...

I hate it when you sulk.

I said sorry. What more can I do?

I can't stop the submarine.

I realise that we've missed everything with Vincent.

Oh, come on.

Yes, really.

Look...

His first steps, I was in the garage.

His first school play, I was on a training course in Mulhouse.

He broke his arm at holiday camp.

We even missed his wedding.

- His wedding! - It was in Tahiti.

And he got divorced three months later.

I even missed his birth.

I was under general anaesthetic.

He'll end up thinking we do it on purpose.

Don't you have any ketchup? This is really dry.

Arielle, can't you eat with everyone else?

I was on the phone.

There are Flanbys!

- Want one? - Yeah!

- "Yes"! - Old Mother Time, a Flanby?

Yeah!

"Yes"!

Switch the TV off. School tomorrow.

That'll be hard, it's Fort Boyard .

It rhymes!

Shit, I'm late!

I've gotta go.

Bye, everyone.

And you say nothing?

This place isn't a hotel.

She needs to take some responsibility.

That reminds me...

Parks and Gardens have job vacancies.

What do you think?

- Shall I mention you? - Me?

- Yes. - Why?

About a job.

You know I don't have green fingers.

It's only the motorway.

Those lawnmowers are tractors. Wouldn't you like to drive one?

I dunno.

I do, Jean-Pierre. You've been out of work for two years.

That's not just a break.

Show some ambition!

Ambition, OK,

but mowing weeds on the motorway

doesn't get me hard.

I'm not asking you to get a hard-on, just to earn some money.

To take some responsibility. Christ!

Things here have to change.

Is that for me?

No, J-P.

- No, I'm really knackered. - Me too.

And my guts are playing up.

I won't kiss you on the mouth.

All right, then.

But turn the light off so you can't see the weight I've put on.

Your skin drives me wild!

Stop it, that hurts.

It hurts.

Ouch!

Pack that in!

They're breasts, not modelling clay!

Sorry.

This menopause is a pain.

I'm hot, I'm cold,

my breasts are about to explode, I keep wanting to cry...

It's worse than being pregnant.

Except that I also felt sick all the time.

Jean-Pierre.

Oh, no!

No.

So, how old are you?

Forty-nine.

Still...

- It might be a false positive. - Does that happen?

No.

False negatives do,

but a false positive... never.

But in medicine things never happen until one day they do.

Well, let's have a look, shall we?

What if it's cancer?

Pregnancy tests don't detect cancer.

It'd be well known.

But... until the day it does happen?

Come on, Mrs. Payan.

Now, then...

Don't worry.

Menopause and pregnancy symptoms are very similar.

Doctor.

What is it? I can take it.

It's an embryo.

A foetus, really.

Oh, shit!

The stress!

- Everything's OK. - No!

- It's so big! - Yes.

What a stupid bitch!

Fucking shit bollocks!

At last!

Don't make that face.

Especially when you're lucky enough to do this great job.

Are you OK, Nicole?

Hello.

5 euros 20, please.

- Would you like a receipt? - Yes, please.

Drive carefully.

Hello, madam!

There you go.

I have the exact sum.

Stop it, Jean-Pierre.

I can't pick you up tonight.

Why not?

General meeting. They go on for hours.

You still poorly?

Tonight, go to bed early.

Don't wait up for me.

And eat nothing but rice.

All right?

Are you sure you'll be OK? You look all...

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, I'm talking to my wife!

Miserable sod!

Jean-Pierre!

Hello, madam.

Then Véro said, "Cut me some slack."

- That's Véro for you! - Who's Pierrot?

Véro, not Pierrot.

My ex.

It's in one ear, out the other.

- Did I know Véro? - Yes.

Zoé, slippers!

No, Toussaint!

I told you not to. It's not good for her.

On the contrary, it does me good.

- Right, Toussaint, it does me good? - But, Mum...

- It's not what Dr. Samaille said. - Don't worry, Nicole.

- It was just a drop. - To help my pills go down.

Exactly!

Well, she's been to the physio.

- He seemed pleased with her. - Thanks.

I can't change my hours because my boss has done a "management" course.

No, I told you, I don't want paying.

Anyway, we had fun today. Right, Mamilette?

Yo, Mamilette!

Thanks for Zoé too.

That's a pleasure too.

Earth calling Mamilette! Earth calling...

Hello there! She's back.

Yes, Nicole's back. You saw her.

- Yes, yes... - Yes, Nicole is back.

Her absences are more frequent.

Arielle's? You're right about that.

No, your mum's.

Why do you say that? No!

I don't think so. She's just getting deafer.

No, no, it keeps happening.

It's like a bug. She's fine and then...

Haven't you noticed?

Not feeling so good, eh?

No.

I'm just a bit tired.

How can you be tired at your age?

Well, her hearing's fine.

Right, I'm off.

Try to get some rest.

See you, Wonder Woman!

See you, little toady!

What?

I bumped into Popelier.

The federation guy?

No, the baker!

Of course the federation guy!

- They need a sport academy coach. - Yeah, so?

So... I mentioned you.

Stop mentioning me to everyone.

Come on, Jacky.

For the sport academy? Are you stupid?

They'll want someone young without any baggage.

Do you have baggage? You don't have a job.

That's just it.

Nicole wants me to try for Parks and Gardens.

Shit!

Parks and Gardens? Are you serious?

I thought I was talking to J-P Payan, the great French hope. Too bad!

That was in 1979. The "hope" is a bit faded.

Stop putting yourself down!

Your youngsters are the best in the region.

Popelier knows that.

That's all because of you.

Get paid for doing it, at least!

Honestly...

Just believe and you'll get them on the podium.

You think so?

Of course I do!

We all do. Imagine the publicity for the club.

Jean-Pierre Payan is back!

Come on, let me dream.

Are you coming?

Yeah.

Really?

You two still do it?

I shouldn't have told you.

Can I have an aperitif?

To celebrate.

I'll give you eau de Cologne!

Keep it to yourself. He doesn't know.

Well, I never!

I'm trusting you.

Now hang on, Nicole...

You're too old to bring up a kid.

Thanks!

My gynaecologist fiddled with the dates,

but I still only have two days in which to decide.

Two days.

That or Holland.

It's up to 5 months there.

Not that I'll wait that long.

Fuck me, Holland!

It's such a cool country.

Here's an idea.

Take your time,

carefully think it over,

let the two days go by,

or whatever...

And I'll take you.

A little trip to Amsterdam with your colleague.

To think I was worried about the menopause.

- You shouldn't really. - It won't do me any harm.

Yeah, but it costs twelve euros.

Hang on...

The oldest pregnant woman in the world!

Wicked!

Well, I'm not.

She was German, I think.

65 years old.

Quadruplets.

You're way off!

Right, back to work.

But...

the father?

Don't start that again!

You asked that about Vincent and about Arielle.

- You think I'm a slag? - No, but...

"No, but..."

The father!

I didn't know that it was possible, that we could still...

Neither did I.

I thought...

Yes.

Me too. I thought...

Even...

Yes.

- This is shit. - Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm hungry.

We don't say anything.

Right?

I don't want it.

I don't want this baby.

But I don't want an abortion.

I just don't want to be pregnant.

Clara, if you don't mind?

Not bad,

but arms straighter, OK?

Good.

No, you haven't heard too?

- And? - And what?

We're in the shit.

If it's too late for an abortion here,

we can borrow Toussaint's ambulance.

Maya!

Not bad, but hold your tummy in.

Yeah, OK, great.

And she agrees?

Wait.

She doesn't want to be pregnant, she doesn't want this baby.

Why am I discussing this with you?

Come on now, concentrate.

More of a bounce.

What if I adopt it?

- I could adopt it. - Adopt it?

To keep it in the family. Shall I suggest it?

I'm starting to think your gran is the sanest of you all.

- I'm just trying to help. - Yeah, thanks!

- Can't I even joke? - It's hilarious!

Lili, move back a step.

That's it. Now go.

Wipe-out!

Again.

And you, get out! I can't concentrate.

Next.

- Mummy! - Zozo!

All right, sweetie?

Ms. Payan, can I have a word?

Sorry, no time. And it's not my fault.

Come on.

It's never your family's fault!

Cool! I'm going to have a little brother!

No. I'm going to have a little brother.

So what am I going to have?

A cousin?

Eh, Mummy?

No.

He'll be your uncle.

A baby uncle?

I didn't know grans could be pregnant.

Nobody knew.

Mummy, can you let me down?

Mummy!

Stop it, Zozo!

Jean-Pierre Payan, great hope of French gymnastics

Look, Nicole, I've thought it over.

Jean-Pierre.

I've thought it over.

It has to be an abortion.

It has to be an abortion?

- Is that what you said? - Yes.

- I don't want any misunderstanding. - Yes, it's what I said.

I was sure you'd want to keep it.

No.

We're too old.

I can't even bend down to pick up my socks.

You never have, anyway.

- I was only saying... - So was I.

Anyway, we've made the right decision.

- You don't want me to come? - It'll be easier if you're not there.

- Are you sure? - I'm sure.

Mrs. Matthew.

That's great!

Congrats, J-P!

She's having an abortion.

I'm sorry.

At their age, it'd be retarded.

The ones they had young aren't masterminds!

Really funny!

Go easy with that. It's an abortion, not a birth.

Well...

- You didn't? - No.

- You didn't? - No.

I didn't have an abortion at 15, I'm not going to start at 49.

Sorry, I couldn't.

I couldn't.

At one point I thought I could, but no, I still couldn't.

You're inhabited again.

You've got a tenant in your womb.

A tenant?

More like a squatter!

Arielle, please.

It's mental, though.

I'm the only kid you had at a normal age.

Vincent was our first time, we were 15...

And this was the last.

You're never touching me again!

- I'm off. - No.

I am.

The doctor told me to rest,

rest, rest.

And not to get upset,

which is hard as simply being pregnant upsets me!

I get it! For ninth months we'll be getting it in the neck.

Arielle!

It's six months, not nine.

And I've done all the work for 35 years.

Now it's your turn.

You were asking for it.

So, Holland?

Look.

I think it's a sign.

It's not just by chance that this has happened to us now.

Do you realise?

I wanted things to change. And they've changed.

- Don't you see that as a sign? - Oh, yes.

A danger sign.

Nicole.

- You're being totally reckless. - Yes, you're right.

And I haven't been that for a long time.

It feels good.

A tenant? Yeah.

My tenant.

And you'll see.

The landlady can be a right pain!

- Don't you want any? - I'm not hungry.

You should eat before school.

I'll get all the colours out.

You can pick the one you want to eat.

This is beautiful, pink and raspberry-flavoured.

The blue one.

Mummy!

Hi, everyone!

- Hi, Mamilette! - No, Arielle!

That's not a nice thing to do.

- Mummy! - Zozo!

No hello for me?

"Hi, everyone!" I said.

Have you seen the time?

I'm in time for school. Like a Swiss cuckoo clock!

Have you finished?

Cool! You're already dressed.

No, she didn't get undressed last night.

Well, I wasn't here last night.

I'm just pointing it out.

You get home, go out...

This isn't a hotel, you know?

Here we go again!

Finish that off and let's go.

You're her mother, not her big sister!

- Bollocking time, is it? - Arielle.

Zoé can't go to sleep by herself, and she's almost six.

Could it be because you go out every night and are never here?

- I think so. - I don't believe this!

Are you a perfect mum? No, you're not, and I'm the proof!

After the first two, I wouldn't try a third!

Come on, let's get out of here.

- Nicole, what's going on? - Nothing!

Can't I have a nice quiet pregnancy? Is that too much to ask?

Just a nice quiet pregnancy, for once in my life.

Shit!

Want it?

Are you smoking?

- No. - There's smoke in your mouth.

Because it's cold.

Hurry up, get inside.

Well?

She's going to be all right.

And it? Will it be all right?

I don't know, they didn't say.

- What? - You stink of smoke.

A doctor gave it to me, I was just doing him a favour.

It's us.

Hi, champ.

He's fine.

I was scared I'd lose him.

Sorry.

I was a bitch.

Me too.

I was a bit...

silly.

But I don't think you've had enough slaps in your life.

One good slap every 27 years is enough!

Here, some choccies.

My little frog!

Telling him some secrets?

She's not yet four months pregnant

but her blood pressure is high.

She's at risk of eclampsia,

which could cause a coma or a heart attack.

We'll be keeping her in for observation.

She needs rest. And we'll do an amniocentesis.

You mean there's a chance, I mean a risk, that the baby...

The ultrasound scan looks good. It's the protocol.

But whatever happens,

she must not be subjected to any more stress.

Not even the tiniest amount. It's too dangerous.

Is that clear?

- Yeah, absolutely. - Don't worry.

It'll be fine.

Thanks, Doctor.

Can you come?

Mamilette?

- Here I am. - Quick!

Yes, quick.

Hold on.

- All right? - Quick, quick!

Yes, I'm being quick. There you go.

How does Nicole do this?

I'm OK now.

I'm OK, I'm OK!

Well, I'm here. In the kitchen, I mean.

Call when you've finished, OK?

Zozo!

Zozo, brekky!

Zozo, hurry up or we'll be late!

By the way, don't forget my trainers.

- OK. - It's sport today.

Zozo, OK, it's cold, but you're going a bit far.

- Take that ski-suit off. - What? It's Pokémon.

Pokémon or not, I don't care.

What would your gran do if I let you go to school like that?

She'd kill one of us, but not you. So take it off.

No.

Hey!

Eat your brekky, then we'll sort it out.

Yes, I'm coming.

But I can't.

Even sitting down in the warm, I can't work.

No, hang on.

I may have a solution.

What? Why did you do that?

Because Arielle is right.

I missed both kids' childhoods.

I didn't see them grow up.

This time I want to make the most of every moment.

It's my last chance.

Yeah, I understand.

But the tollbooth?

- Here, your knickers. - Thanks.

You stink of smoke.

No.

You do.

I don't.

Listen, J-P.

Here's my idea.

After the birth

I'll take extended maternity leave.

As you'll already be my replacement,

they'll have to keep you for at least 3 years.

We'll be... swapping!

- But... - It's clever.

No.

There's a job at the feddy.

A job at the feddy? What's that?

A job at the federation.

A coaching job. A paid job, that's what!

If the girls win the championship, it's in the bag!

Jean-Pierre Payan is back!

- Jean-Pierre Payan is back? - Yes!

If the girls win.

One day, maybe.

Who knows? Come back down to earth.

I've had my fill of that gym!

Handstand, pike roll, front, back, flic-flac...

I can't take any more.

When will you understand that you're a father, for the third time?

- It's not hard to understand! - So...

I have no ambition: bad! Now I have ambition: bad too!

When will you stop castrating me?

I'm castrating you to stop you knocking me up!

What's going on

in here, Mrs. Payan?

Hello, hello.

Mr. Payan isn't upsetting you?

No, not at all.

We got a bit carried away.

Well, I've got good news.

The amniocentesis result.

It's fine.

The baby is quite normal.

That'll be a first in our family!

Well, you should rest now.

- Yeah. - OK?

Mr. Payan.

He was just going.

Thank you, Dr. Gently... Dr. Gentil.

I'm off.

I'm telling you, Nicole, the tollbooth is nyet, nada, no way!

I'm telling you!

If the guy has a Télépéage subscription,

you don't have to do anything, it opens by itself.

- Whatever you do... - OK, I think I've got it.

It's not rocket science.

OK, champ!

And don't forget to say hello, thank you...

Right,

here we go.

OK, then.

"Dearest Vincent,

"Everything's fine, don't worry.

"Two big pieces of news: I'm pregnant and your dad's working."

No, it'll get censored.

We can't wait two months to tell him the news.

We're not allowed to send bad news.

It's not bad news.

No, but there's an emotional response.

With 80 of them 200 metres underwater, they can't take the risk.

The mission is what counts!

They censored Zoé's appendicitis. This would never get through.

I know I said "comfortable clothes",

but really!

You've got quite a belly, you know.

Yeah, have you seen it?

Dr. Gentil explained.

Once your mind accepts the pregnancy, it lets the stomach out.

It's quite common.

Got any food? I'd prostitute myself for something sweet.

I'm on my way back from work, so...

- Nothing else? - This.

This.

What?

I know! I'll use our murder-by-death code.

What's murder-by-death code?

Me and Vincent invented it when we were kids

so Fanny Burdino couldn't understand us.

Vincent hated her. A great idea, murder-by-death code!

See, this is good to eat at any time of day.

"Dear Vincent..."

What's that?

If it doesn't have that thingy, how am I supposed to...?

- Is it delicate? - If in doubt, do a delicate wash.

Go on, then.

There we go.

- Delicate, then? - Yeah.

No.

Hang on, what if I do this?

- Everything you do, it beeps! - Damn it!

Wait, wait...

Zoé!

Zoé, come here, please!

Shit!

- Zoé! - No, don't worry!

- I'll go and get her. - I'll be right back.

"Start".

There!

Is it right that I pay for a babysitter

so I can sit here with Zoé every other day?

No.

Do you think she enjoys being here last?

No, and I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

You'll fetch her from the police station!

You, her mother, her grandmother, whoever!

Sorry, but her mother has to understand.

Goodbye.

Sorry, Zoé.

Mamilette.

It's OK, it's OK, it's OK!

Sorry, sorry.

You scared me.

I'm the one who's scared. You scared us to death.

All right? You can go back to sleep now.

Let's get this straight.

Football, your pals, going out, it's all over now.

We have to share the tasks.

Which means that I'll do...

the shopping,

the washing-up and the paperwork.

You'll do the food and laundry. Or, if you prefer,

I'll do the morning and you do the afternoon.

But we do it 50/50, understood?

It's quitting smoking that usually makes people tetchy,

not starting again.

Do you understand?

I want you to pull your weight.

It's not hard to understand.

Have you noticed that this isn't a hotel?

- Nicole, get out of his body. - Stop being clever!

I'll remind you too

that it's partly your fault we're in this mess.

No.

Technically, it's yours.

You should have pulled out.

You deserved that.

It's all the rage, isn't it?

Let it be a boy.

I've had my fill of girls!

No, Zozo, I'm exhausted.

Why were you arguing with Granddad J-P?

Because of Uncle Baby?

No, don't be silly.

Beddy-byes now.

Was it because of me?

We weren't arguing, it was a game.

We were playing "keep a straight face" and I lost.

I'm not answering any more questions.

It must be nice to be able to argue with your daddy.

OK, end of the line, everybody out!

- My Nicole! - Hang on.

Watch the step.

Careful, Mum, give me your hand.

Give her room.

I'm not an invalid.

- What's an invalid? - Like Mamilette.

- You brat! - Only joking.

Give me the keys.

Mamilette, I'll give you a hand.

No, I'm going to do it by myself.

I want to show Nicole

I can do it by myself.

- Mamilette! - She'll come back, wait a second.

There she is!

1, 2, 3, go!

Here, you can't do it all by yourself.

I'll just put this on you.

Hold it in place with your chin.

About turn!

- We've been burgled! - What?

No, not today!

Go on, don't bother with me, go and see.

That's all we needed.

What a welcome home, you poor thing!

It looks OK.

The computer's there.

Gran,

you see my cabin?

Oh, right.

We haven't actually been burgled?

Well,

I'll go and get Mamilette.

- We'll soon have it tidied up. - Yeah.

Don't worry, I'll help them.

I'll come earlier in the morning and stay later.

Thanks, Toussaint. I'm lucky to have you.

Don't mention it.

OK, relax.

Nicole.

- I have something to tell you. - What?

- Something bad? - No.

It's not very easy to say, but...

I can't keep it to myself any more.

Promise you won't say anything.

- Promise! - Yes, I promise. Spit it out!

I love you.

I've loved you since... Well, since forever.

You know I told you I'd fallen in love with this region?

It's not just the region.

It's you.

- No, Touss... - Let yourself go.

- Kiss me. - But...

Yep, that works great!

- But, Toussaint... - I was checking that it works.

Don't worry, it's only the region I'm in love with.

That's disgusting!

- Sorry, I know it was horrible. - Yes, it was!

But you weren't totally impervious to my advances.

The doctor said not to upset me, remember.

What, I'm upsetting you now?

Just then you were ready to run away with me!

Here. Your upsetter...

brought you this.

Pregnancy, Step by Step

I found it at home. It's more use to you.

- Thank you. - No probs.

- You read books like this? - Nothing else!

Everything about the placenta.

No, it's from when me and the blonde were trying to have a kid.

- I didn't know you'd tried. - Yeah.

We gave it the works.

In fact, we kept trying

until I found out I was sterile.

Stupidly I didn't tell Véro.

She wanted a kid and I didn't want her to leave me.

She left you in the end, anyway.

No, I left her.

Two years later.

When she told me she was pregnant.

I'm sorry.

I don't believe it!

I'm working the day of the semi-final.

Those bloody kids!

When Vincent was born, I was set to be selected for the French team.

I only had to win the championship.

But he came along that morning,

I couldn't compete, so the French team...

finished!

11 years later, I'd made Vincent a budding champion, better than me.

And along came Arielle.

Screaming her head off. Screaming, screaming...

She's still screaming.

And the night before Vincent's selection,

she screamed non-stop!

Non-stop!

He didn't sleep a wink.

Sport academy... finished!

I've coached this team for 8 years.

They're the best.

They could win the title.

Fuck, you don't half talk!

Nicole told me you never say anything.

Yeah, sorry. I don't know what's got into me.

I'll stand in for you the day of your semi-final.

In that way...

it's not finished.

No, it's my trial period. The boss said no swapping shifts.

We can help each other out.

He won't know, it's a Sunday.

Thanks, mate.

You know...

you seem a bit dim,

but deep down

you're a good bloke!

Thanks, really.

I could do with a bloke like you in the gym.

Zoé, what's that?

A panda.

Yes, so I see.

Mamilette.

She's done a job on you!

- You look lovely. - Really?

Don't tell Mother Superior we're eating in front of the TV.

I heard that, Arielle.

I'm still part of the family, right?

I'm not in prison.

Zoé, get dressed, out of your pyjamas.

I've got no clean knickers.

Turn the cleanest pair inside-out.

Go and get dressed.

One, two...

Little bull, little bull!

She's a pain at the moment.

- Jealousy. - Why? He's not her brother.

I won't be able to hold out for the whole pregnancy.

You could have my spare bedroom.

It'd help me out, we can share the rent.

And anyway, Zoé...

needs to realise who her mother is.

Maybe it's time you became a grown-up, yeah?

So... you're an ambulance-driver and a psychologist!

What's the fee, Doctor?

Stop thinking the whole world's against you.

- I'm just trying to help, OK? - I don't want any help!

"After 17 weeks

"the baby is about 16 centimetres long

"and weighs about 115 grams."

Amazing, isn't it?

What's this?

I smell a working man!

It's very exciting to have a real man in my bed.

No, Nicole, I'm knackered.

You've changed your tune!

Can't a man be knackered?

I'm all done in with that stupid fucking tollbooth.

Then there's training, cooking, housework, the girls,

the shopping,

your mother... What a fucking life!

Hey! This "fucking life" is my life!

No!

- Yes! - I really have to get some sleep.

No, you're not getting out of it!

There... Make love to me, Jean-Pierre.

What's going on here?

What's going on down here?

Look, Nicole, don't make me upset you, please.

Not a single sign of affection since I got pregnant.

We don't screw. You haven't even touched my bump.

It's not a disease, it's a baby.

This has to stop!

Are you done?

Goodnight.

A blow-job?

I'll sleep with your mother, it'll be better for everyone.

Sir, you wanted to see me?

Payan,

we got the week's messages.

- Has something happened? - You tell me.

"Clam.

"The prune farts backwards,

"but tutti is fruity.

"Damnation has a snorky.

"Boolala.

"The scruncher is nibbling."

"The scruncher is nibbling"?

I don't know, I don't understand.

Maybe it's from my mother... my grandmother.

She had a stroke a few years back.

- So maybe... - Don't let it happen again.

How do you get to have a normal family?

Set your fire alight...

Oh, no!

Hello, Nicole.

Dr. Gentil?

Isn't my scan tomorrow?

For you.

What a Gentil-man!

That's adorable.

Are you alone?

Yes. Well, no. My mother's asleep in there.

Can I come in?

It's a bit of a mess.

Let me in!

You're gonna feel my probe!

Gran!

Everything OK?

Zoé?

Everything's OK!

Gran!

Mamilette's pissed her pants.

No, Zoé, please.

Don't talk like your mum.

Don't say: "She pissed her pants."

Say: "She pissed herself".

Stop it, Mum.

- I don't want to be a burden. - Stop it.

You're being really silly now.

What will you do when...

when the baby comes and I...

- You can see it won't work. - Yes, it will.

Don't worry. I've managed fine so far.

Haven't I?

You're not a burden, OK?

I want you to get that idea out of your head.

Now we'll dry you.

There.

Like that.

Nice and warm?

I want to leave.

Really? And where would you like to go,

Mrs. Traveller?

Mum.

I'll go and get your clothes. Wait right here.

I'll be right back.

Know what we'll do, Mum?

We'll go for a walk.

We'll treat ourselves to a coffee eclair.

At least you look like a proper pregnant woman now,

not just like you're constipated.

If you only knew the trouble I have going to the bog!

I'd rather not. You should maintain some mystery.

Aren't they cute?

- Yes? - We're in the final!

We are...

You're ace, J-P!

See, it's not finished!

- What are you doing here? - Helping your wife.

Someone has to. He got out all of Zoé's baby things.

That's nice.

- Weren't you working? - It's Sunday.

Weren't you going to do someone a favour?

Oops!

- Oops? - What's oops?

No, he said oops, so I said oops.

But it was just an... oops!

Why did you say it?

- I don't know, I just said... - Why did he say it?

It's youth talk.

Why?

Is it illegal to say oops?

I'm sorry.

- I'm going, then. - Yes, you do that.

I'll leave you two lovebirds. See you tomorrow.

Nicole.

See you, thanks.

- Take care. - Thanks.

Look how cute this is.

You forget how small they were.

Yeah, it's...

Isn't he a bit, like... braindead?

Stop it, he's nice.

- He's an idiot. - Stop it.

That's enough.

- I'm sick of the Payan family. - No way!

It's not his fault.

Wait. I'll deal with you too.

Anyway, it'll soon be all automatic.

People prefer it.

In France

everyone moans about employment, of course,

but people prefer automatic tollbooths.

And just between us, it suits me.

Don't do it. I'm begging you.

You'll get your lay-off letter through the post.

With a handful of sweets!

Shit, shit...

Shit!

Fuck!

Fucking idiot Jean-Pierre!

Do we have to?

I feel it's all over.

It'll upset me, that's not good.

Probably a bit of water retention.

More like fat retention, but...

Right, the neck of the womb first.

Can I come in?

Everything's OK.

Let me in!

Everything's OK.

You're gonna feel my probe!

Excuse me,

I have to answer that.

Just in case it's the harbour master.

Excuse me.

Yes, speaking.

The police station?

Sorry?

Zoé? But what's happened to her?

What's going on?

Oh, OK. No, I'm on my way.

No, I'm coming right now.

I'll be twenty minutes.

Sorry, but I have to go, it's my granddaughter.

- Is everything OK? - Yes.

She's at the police station, I can't leave her.

I'll fix another appointment, OK?

- Just stay calm. - Sorry, Doctor.

Thanks.

Thinking the porridge would have cooled down by now,

the three bears went home.

"Who's been sitting in my chair?"

said Daddy Bear in his deep voice.

"Who's been sitting in my chair?"

said Mummy Bear.

"Who's been sitting in my chair? They've broken it!"

said Baby Bear... What are you doing?

- Shouldn't you be working? - Yes.

Yes.

Then they saw their bowls of porridge.

"Who's been eating my porridge?" said Daddy Bear.

Can we talk?

"No, that's not right!

"Someone's eaten up all my porridge!"

Angry Daddy Bear said, in his deep voice:

"Come on! We have to find who's hiding in our house!"

What are you doing?

Going for a ride.

At this hour?

Yep.

- Carry on. - Yes.

Come on.

She won't sulk for long.

No, she's right.

I'm shit at everything, I'm a shit mum.

I'm sick of it.

That's the first time you've said it.

That I'm a shit mum?

No. That you're a mother.

Yeah. A shit mum.

It's true, though. You are a shit mum.

What?

Yeah.

And I know what I'm talking about.

It's hereditary in our family.

But with you we've reached new heights.

Mamilette, you're not being serious?

Yes, I am.

But don't worry, it's not your fault.

The die is cast.

You're a shit mum, that's how it is.

Nothing you can do about it.

Of course...

If you had a little bit of willpower,

you'd try to pull your socks up

and change things.

Mark what I said.

I said "try", because...

it takes guts.

And I don't know if you've got any guts.

You're not being serious.

Is that what you think?

Mum!

You've been asking me for 6 years

to get my own place.

I was here "to get started" with Zoé.

Six years!

I think that's a long enough start.

It's time she realises who her mother is.

And where would you put your baby, otherwise?

But he won't grow up with you.

I won't be far away.

Well...

See you.

See you.

Zoé!

Mr. Krootz!

You nearly forgot Mr. Krootz.

You'll see,

moving house is great!

Let her go!

I want us to have a rest before the fireworks.

Can we go back and sleep now and then?

Of course.

You think you can get rid of them that easily?

In your dreams!

I know I'm not the perfect mum, but I swear I'll make an effort.

And...

It's a cliché but I really dig you, babe!

- Understand? - Yeah!

I dig you big-time!

Don't be sad, Nicole.

It's a good thing that she's gone.

It's in the order of things.

Yeah.

It all seems a bit rushed.

She's so young.

Zoé too.

Hang on.

Look, Zoé left me a drawing.

Isn't it wonderful?

The Payan family, all together.

Zoé,

her mum,

you and your tenant.

I'm here.

Toussaint with his ambulance.

And Jean-Pierre smoking.

Smoking?

She has an eye for detail.

She's even drawn Vincent's submarine.

What a lovely family we make.

We'll never all be together again.

But...

Not being under the same roof doesn't mean we're not a family.

The roof doesn't make the family.

Yeah.

But it'll never be the same again.

Since Vincent left it hasn't been the same.

It'll be so quiet.

Hang on.

This is from the tollbooth company. What is it now?

"...your dismissal."

- A problem? - No, it's nothing.

I'm having an anxiety attack.

Cut that out! Are you trying to kill me?

- How long? - How long what?

How long have you been lying to me?

I'm not, I just smoke the odd one.

It's only...

That?

I didn't mean to lie to you, it just happened.

I wanted to tell you but I couldn't.

I was afraid you'd lose the baby.

I don't know what to say any more.

I thought things were changing, I thought we agreed.

It's all you! I exist too!

Look, I exist! Hello!

I have a chance to achieve something.

Can't you see how important it is to me?

A shame you don't care about your family.

What will it be like when he's born and we can't depend on you?

We can never depend on you.

Did you tell the sport academy

that you're going to have a baby?

You didn't.

And you know why? Because you're selfish.

You only think of yourself!

- Me, selfish? - Yes!

You decide everything, all on your own, for everyone!

- Someone has to. - Well, I'm sick of it!

You're not the boss!

I didn't want that fucking job anyway!

I never wanted it!

I didn't want this kid either!

But you don't care, you never asked me.

This fucking thing!

Cut that out!

Come on, Mum, bedtime.

Mum.

Mum, please.

No, Mum, shit!

Jean-Pierre!

No, Mum, not now, please!

Wake up, Mum, wake up.

What is it?

Look.

- How's she coping? - She's OK.

Sorry.

It's all she'd wear.

You look lovely.

Come on.

There you go, girls.

We are here to say goodbye

to our sister Violette,

to commit her to the earth.

But first her daughter, Nicole,

wishes to bid her farewell.

Mum.

It's as if that word was invented just for you.

For me first of all, but also for Vincent,

whom you welcomed and...

raised like he was your own child.

He called you mummy before me,

much to my dismay.

You were more than a mother-in-law to Jean-Pierre,

a wonderful grandmother for Arielle,

and Mamilette to us all,

once Zoé came along,

your "stinky little princess", as you called her.

A mother

to all the children you raised,

and the older ones,

that you took under your wing or helped.

The larger ones too, from Quebec!

You had lots of children

and today we are all orphans.

Do you know what it says in my book?

It says that "mummy"

is the first word you speak

and the last one you remember.

I'll never say it again.

I'm really going to miss you, Mummy.

You know the way?

Arielle, you must tell your brother.

I sent a message this morning.

Poor Vincent, it'll be tough for him.

- You'll be nice to him? - Really nice.

Come to bed.

Just because Mum's dead doesn't mean I've forgotten what you said.

I know.

I'm sorry.

So am I.

To Mamilette.

With all this happening, I haven't thanked you for taking us in.

I'm not "taking you in".

You're paying rent.

I know, you big lump!

But I can thank you all the same.

The decoration's shit, but it's got potential.

Well, I don't really notice it any more.

Want to watch the ice hockey?

Got any popcorn?

Having your breakfast, nice and easy?

Want me to bring croissants?

The girls are already warming up. Those pyjamas!

Listen to me!

They're your responsibility!

- I'll be waiting in the car! - Jacky.

Jacky... I quit.

- What? - I quit.

You've been working up to this for years.

I've got Popelier to come along!

I'm sorry.

I quit, that's all.

I can't carry on afterwards.

It'd kill Nicole.

Now hang on.

At least come today.

It's the final. Do it for the girls.

Stuff Popelier and the feddy. The girls can win!

You can win!

Up on the podium for once.

Aren't you sick of being the fucking "hope"?

Go!

What?

Jacky's right. Hello, Jacky.

Hello, Nicole.

Go on.

And win.

OK, I'll wait in the car. Hurry up.

Hurry up!

The bells! Get a move on!

What don't you understand about "hurry up"?

Are you sure?

OK, then... I'm going.

Not in those sandals!

- I'll change in the car. - Not in my car!

Take them off right now!

Nicole, what the hell is he wearing?

Yeah, it's Nicole.

Can you do me a favour?

Just showing up like that? You could get me sacked!

Don't you care?

A lovely welcome!

You all knew I was coming home today.

I've been home. Where are Mum and Mamilette?

Didn't you get my messages?

Yes, I did, thanks very much! I didn't understand a word.

What? They're in murder-by-death code.

What are you on about?

Murder-by-death, Vincent! Our code!

We invented it when we were kids.

In '94, when you broke your leg.

So Fanny Burdino wouldn't understand us.

- Fanny Burdino? - Yes.

Who's she?

Fanny Burdino! Are you stupid?

Stop that right now!

- It's Mum. - Then tell her

that her "son" is home. Mamilette too.

We have to talk about Mamilette.

Hello, Mum?

Damien?

You're kidding.

OK, we'll be right there.

- Hurry, on my scooter! - Just a sec, I've got my bag.

I'll try to stall for time.

I'll do what I can, but you know her. Gotta go!

- What are you doing? - Nothing, why?

How are you?

OK?

Yes, why?

Isn't this a bit stupid?

No, the stupid thing has already been done.

I thought it'd work out, but no, it won't.

Let's go.

What are you doing here? I didn't know it was today.

So I see.

I'm sorry.

Why?

About Mamilette. He knows, right?

What?

You don't know.

Can this wait a couple of hours?

In two hours Mum'll be in Holland,

and not to buy cheese!

Sorry?

- More code? - For an abortion!

- Who? - Mum.

Fantastic, fantastic! Well done, sweetheart!

Mum's pregnant?

Five months.

And...

Mamilette's dead.

I'm sorry.

Girls.

If we've made it this far, it's not a mistake

or a slip-up, all right?

You deserve to be in this final. What you're doing is huge!

So let's do it!

We step up

and we win!

You too.

She's not doing that behind my back.

Hurry up!

- Shit! - How do we manage?

Three of us!

Have you about finished?

You're sad, we all are.

- But get a grip. - I can't stop it!

Wusses like you, defending France!

I'm a fucking cook!

A cook! Leave me alone!

What a girlie.

- I'll kill you! - Me too!

That's enough, both of you!

Can't you be together without falling out?

Arielle, he's just got home. Give him a break, for Christ's sake!

He's never here, and now I get shouted at.

It'll feel weird when he's born, eh?

Plenty to talk about.

Neither of you was wanted, you'll have that in common!

Fucking bitch!

I told you to stop it!

And it's stupid because you weren't any more wanted than he was.

What?

I wasn't any more wanted than he was?

You were what's known as a contraceptive accident.

It doesn't change anything. We've always loved you.

Shit, we love you both!

You look beautiful.

Yes, the mobcap!

- No, keep it on, I love it. - You're an idiot!

Yeah, apparently.

I want to tell you something.

A bit closer.

A bit more.

A bit more.

Look...

There are some things I don't like hearing.

On this earth,

you're wanted by at least one person.

I'd like to love you.

- I don't much like being loved. - Perfect.

I like that you don't like being loved.

Have you got Furby?

Are we going or snogging?

Toussaint?

Got a problem?

Did I say something?

- Your look! - That's how I look!

In actual fact, the operation will be at 8 tomorrow.

Eight o'clock.

Apart from "don't worry" I didn't get any of that.

You can have a shower.

It's important.

Go to the self-service if you need help.

Self-service?

Weird, eh?

"By the way"?

So you take

one now and another in the morning.

By the passage!

What does that mean?

Yes, right!

It's a suppository.

You take it the back way.

"By the way"!

Hello, madam.

I'm looking for my wife, who must have arrived last night.

Nicole Payan.

I'm looking for my wife, Nicole Payan.

I don't speak English.

She's blonde, my wife, Nicole Payan...

No, madam.

Sorry, but it's urgent. Do you speak French?

- My wife... - Where is she?

Nicole?

Sorry, madam!

Roux.

Dumas.

I love you.

Me too.

How lovely!

Make the most of it this time.

I'll enjoy every second.

Well, Captain!

All aboard!

There.

- Very handsome. - Take care.

I can't believe he'll be born when I'm next home.

She'll be born.

Don't worry, I'll let you know.

- "Tenancy over" is the code. - No, don't!

I'll end up being marooned!

See you, bro-in-law.

Take care.

Best of luck.

- Son. - Dad.

See you.

Have a nice flight.

We step up and we win!

Well...

- Everyone's looking. - Nicole.

Cut the cord, let him go.

Well, Payans.

I love you all.

Take care.

See you in 4 months.

Sorry.

A fine figure of a man.

Don't exaggerate.

Goodbye!

Mum!

Gran's pissing herself!

Shit!

- Not here! - Calm down!

- I don't want to give birth here! - You won't.

- Quick, quick! - Keep calm!

Move it!

Out of the way!

No!

Go, Jean-Pierre!

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