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Previously on "You Me Her"...
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You actually named the bar "Therapy"?
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- I actually did.
- Just because you're suddenly
4
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an entrepreneur with a magical penis
5
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doesn't mean that you're the new
sheriff in town, capisce?
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00:00:12,938 --> 00:00:15,572
Mom's coming to town, and
Jack's gonna make nice with her,
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or I'm gonna go postal on his ass.
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Sheriff Lala is fining
us for Izzy's door.
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That door represents our lives,
our family, and our freedom!
10
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And scene.
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A-plus on the outrage.
12
00:00:28,186 --> 00:00:30,231
Jack and Emma, you stepped
outside of your relationship
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to find a spark, and
that spark's name is Izzy.
14
00:00:32,424 --> 00:00:36,025
So why shouldn't she have the
same opportunity to explore?
15
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:37,594
- Is that what you want?
- No.
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00:00:37,629 --> 00:00:40,396
Remember my boss Nathan?
17
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Last night, we made
some not-so-good choices.
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Holy shit.
19
00:00:45,803 --> 00:00:48,904
We just egged the holy
fuck out of Lala's door.
20
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:50,440
Hey, we're gonna lose our jobs.
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Why did I drag you into this?
22
00:00:52,144 --> 00:00:53,709
I wanted to be with you.
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00:00:53,745 --> 00:00:55,345
It's Lala, and she brought a movie.
24
00:00:55,380 --> 00:00:56,446
What kind of movie?
25
00:00:56,481 --> 00:00:58,281
A mash-up of my two favorite genres...
26
00:00:58,316 --> 00:01:00,249
true crime and found footage.
27
00:01:00,284 --> 00:01:02,118
From my neighbor's security camera.
28
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♪♪
29
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Neighbor burned me a copy of
his security cam footage...
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so I can take it to the police.
31
00:01:16,134 --> 00:01:17,366
What?
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00:01:17,401 --> 00:01:19,601
You're looking a little
rough, sugar baby.
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Excuse me?
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Did you break into the
grown-up's liquor cabinet?
35
00:01:22,774 --> 00:01:24,118
If you have something to say to me...
36
00:01:24,142 --> 00:01:28,310
Ooh! This is the good part!
37
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- Is that Nathan?
- Bam!
38
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- Huh?
- It's...
39
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[SIGHS]
40
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Nothing to see.
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What the fuck, Iz?
42
00:01:42,426 --> 00:01:43,725
Was Coach Remi right?
43
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,561
- Do you want to see other people?
- No!
44
00:01:45,596 --> 00:01:48,163
No, that's... are you
guys fucking kidding me?
45
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I mean, it... it...
it's not what it look...
46
00:01:50,267 --> 00:01:52,267
I mean, I ca... I can't. I...
47
00:01:52,303 --> 00:01:54,403
Okay, so you guys are
seeing what you want to see.
48
00:01:54,438 --> 00:01:56,305
That's clear.
49
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What... what is that supposed to mean?
50
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You think we wanted you to cheat?
51
00:02:00,444 --> 00:02:01,444
- I...
- Hey, how's about you save
52
00:02:01,445 --> 00:02:02,656
the therapy for some other time
53
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,178
and we circle on back to the tape?
54
00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:07,748
In what way is you making
out with Nathan our fault?
55
00:02:07,783 --> 00:02:09,417
- Or not.
- A, I didn't.
56
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[SCOFFS]
57
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And B, you know what?
58
00:02:13,289 --> 00:02:15,623
How about we just cut
the bullshit, okay?
59
00:02:15,658 --> 00:02:17,825
And let's just admit that
we're never leaving Stepford,
60
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:19,260
and I'm never having my own kids.
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00:02:19,295 --> 00:02:21,629
How about you cut the bullshit, Izzy?
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00:02:21,664 --> 00:02:23,497
Saying that we want you
to run off with Nathan
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00:02:23,533 --> 00:02:24,932
is the most desperate diversion
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00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:26,834
I have ever heard in my fucking life.
65
00:02:26,869 --> 00:02:28,769
Okay, so, when you got pregnant,
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00:02:28,804 --> 00:02:31,205
we didn't just circle right
back around to the life
67
00:02:31,241 --> 00:02:34,542
you dreamt of before we met, right?
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00:02:34,577 --> 00:02:35,843
If this isn't what you want,
69
00:02:35,878 --> 00:02:38,212
then why didn't you just say something?
70
00:02:38,247 --> 00:02:40,287
You know, instead of buying
us pumpkin spice candles
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00:02:40,315 --> 00:02:42,883
and planning a party.
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It seems implied, like,
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it's mixed into this great
big bouillabaisse of crazy,
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00:02:46,756 --> 00:02:48,421
but you are confessing, right?
75
00:02:50,525 --> 00:02:52,292
I'm sorry, Lala.
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00:02:52,327 --> 00:02:57,397
If I lose my job, we're
gonna lose this house, and...
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00:02:57,432 --> 00:02:58,676
I can't believe I'm saying this,
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00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:02,369
but Hawthorne Heights is
as good a place as any.
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00:03:02,404 --> 00:03:04,404
♪♪
80
00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:07,207
What? It is?
81
00:03:07,243 --> 00:03:13,146
♪♪
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I said I'd try, so I will.
83
00:03:16,685 --> 00:03:23,990
♪♪
84
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This is intense.
85
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Listen, uh, how's about
you stay off my lawn
86
00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:29,696
and clean that egg off my door,
87
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:32,332
and we'll call it a
day, okay, sugar baby?
88
00:03:32,367 --> 00:03:35,001
I will.
89
00:03:35,036 --> 00:03:37,236
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
90
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[CELLPHONE RINGING]
91
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Oh, fuck.
92
00:03:46,980 --> 00:03:48,714
It's Helen.
93
00:03:50,951 --> 00:03:52,851
Oh, God, I need this.
94
00:03:52,886 --> 00:03:55,788
♪♪
95
00:03:55,823 --> 00:03:58,457
♪ Hey ♪
96
00:03:58,492 --> 00:04:00,793
♪ Hey, Mr. Sunshine ♪
97
00:04:00,828 --> 00:04:03,295
♪ Come on and light my day ♪
98
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♪♪
99
00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:08,867
♪ Bringing on the good times ♪
100
00:04:08,902 --> 00:04:12,270
♪ When you come out to play ♪
101
00:04:12,306 --> 00:04:14,472
♪ Hey ♪
102
00:04:14,507 --> 00:04:17,209
♪ Oh ♪
103
00:04:17,244 --> 00:04:21,279
♪ Come on and light my day ♪
104
00:04:21,315 --> 00:04:25,717
♪ Shine down so we can play ♪
105
00:04:25,752 --> 00:04:27,719
♪ Come on, come out today ♪
106
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:31,890
♪ Come on, come out today ♪
107
00:04:31,925 --> 00:04:33,391
Guys, guys, guys.
108
00:04:33,426 --> 00:04:35,727
I got news. I got glorious news.
109
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- I just won the lottery.
- Is... Is that a joke?
110
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That... That's a joke, right?
111
00:04:39,432 --> 00:04:40,776
Please tell me that's a fucking joke.
112
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,734
Five hunny, baby.
113
00:04:42,769 --> 00:04:44,068
Dinner's on Daddy.
114
00:04:44,103 --> 00:04:46,404
Okay, for the record,
if he won five billion,
115
00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:47,639
I still wouldn't call him that.
116
00:04:47,674 --> 00:04:49,741
Unless you were
screamin' it, am I right?
117
00:04:49,776 --> 00:04:51,743
- A sex joke.
- Okay.
118
00:04:51,778 --> 00:04:53,310
So exciting!
119
00:04:53,346 --> 00:04:54,912
Hey, um, I'm gonna go pee for a while
120
00:04:54,947 --> 00:04:56,914
and maybe scarf your best vodka.
121
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Probably at the same time.
122
00:04:58,050 --> 00:05:00,485
So just, uh, have a wonderful day you...
123
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Uh...
You, uh...*
124
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Winner.
125
00:05:09,128 --> 00:05:10,862
"Daddy?"
126
00:05:10,897 --> 00:05:12,196
Oh, yeah, I'd go back
127
00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:14,965
and leave that one in
the chamber if I could.
128
00:05:15,001 --> 00:05:18,869
♪ Look at all these words I'm saying ♪
129
00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:22,206
♪ Oh ♪
130
00:05:22,241 --> 00:05:25,642
♪ Look at how our hearts beat ♪
131
00:05:25,647 --> 00:05:29,250
Uh, no, no, I understand.
132
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Well, thank you for being honest.
133
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Yeah, if we could just...
134
00:05:35,358 --> 00:05:37,424
[SIGHS]
135
00:05:37,459 --> 00:05:39,360
It's over.
136
00:05:39,395 --> 00:05:41,273
And houses on this block
hit the market, like...
137
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,130
- Never.
- Yeah, never.
138
00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:45,632
Yeah, somebody convinced
her to take a matching offer
139
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:47,967
and that no one wants
us in the neighborhood.
140
00:05:51,239 --> 00:05:53,706
We made up, remember?
141
00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:56,809
You guys can't possibly think
that this makes me happy.
142
00:05:56,844 --> 00:05:59,645
[SCOFFS]
143
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,647
[SIGHS]
144
00:06:01,682 --> 00:06:03,327
Honey, you're gonna hurt
yourself... just say it.
145
00:06:03,351 --> 00:06:05,462
I need to know that this
will never happen again, okay?
146
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:08,988
We're about to have twins.
We don't need a third child.
147
00:06:09,024 --> 00:06:12,959
Well, you've made that pretty
damn clear, haven't you, Em?
148
00:06:12,994 --> 00:06:15,128
You know what? Let's...
let's settle down, okay?
149
00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:16,473
Nobody's decided
anything about anything.
150
00:06:16,497 --> 00:06:18,197
No, you know what? She's right.
151
00:06:22,202 --> 00:06:24,136
I don't want any more kids.
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00:06:24,171 --> 00:06:25,670
Full stop.
153
00:06:25,705 --> 00:06:26,905
Iz, we're almost 40.
154
00:06:26,941 --> 00:06:29,041
We want to retire someday, travel.
155
00:06:29,076 --> 00:06:30,100
That's not gonna happen
156
00:06:30,101 --> 00:06:33,312
if we're paying college
tuitions into our sixties.
157
00:06:33,347 --> 00:06:36,148
And we've talked about
this so many times.
158
00:06:36,183 --> 00:06:38,183
Unless you've changed your mind.
159
00:06:47,694 --> 00:06:57,101
♪♪
160
00:06:57,136 --> 00:06:58,836
Well, there it is.
161
00:06:58,871 --> 00:07:04,675
♪♪
162
00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:12,249
Thanks, I guess.
163
00:07:12,285 --> 00:07:19,190
♪♪
164
00:07:26,099 --> 00:07:31,368
My issue isn't with the
concept of fitness, per se.
165
00:07:31,403 --> 00:07:34,371
It's with the people that
actually pursue it, you know?
166
00:07:34,406 --> 00:07:37,707
Mm-hmm. I pursue things
that are easier to catch.
167
00:07:37,742 --> 00:07:41,211
Like the perfect pairing of a
cheeseburger and a craft beer.
168
00:07:41,246 --> 00:07:46,782
But, like, my fear is that
the moment I find it, I die.
169
00:07:46,818 --> 00:07:50,086
[BOTH GIGGLE]
170
00:07:50,122 --> 00:07:53,390
I'm joking? Uh, cool.
171
00:07:53,425 --> 00:07:55,225
Brilliant.
172
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,827
I mean, you just get it, all of it.
173
00:07:57,862 --> 00:08:01,898
You just strip it down to its
most fundamental principles.
174
00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:03,766
I do all those things?
175
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:05,301
That seems so unlikely.
176
00:08:05,337 --> 00:08:07,969
- You're an amazing human.
- Hmm.
177
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:10,239
And I would love to
play just a small role
178
00:08:10,274 --> 00:08:12,241
in whatever it is that
you're creating here.
179
00:08:12,276 --> 00:08:13,942
It's a bar, okay?
180
00:08:13,977 --> 00:08:16,011
With stools and booths.
181
00:08:16,047 --> 00:08:17,679
Sorry, carry on.
182
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:23,152
♪♪
183
00:08:23,187 --> 00:08:24,853
All the love.
184
00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:27,256
Ahh.
185
00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:29,091
How 'bout her, huh?
186
00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:30,603
Got a signature sign off and everything.
187
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:32,327
She's certainly a... a shrew.
188
00:08:32,363 --> 00:08:34,163
Oh, my God, right?
189
00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:38,167
Horrible, horrible interviewee.
190
00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:41,169
- Wait, oh, you're leaving?
- Yep.
191
00:08:41,204 --> 00:08:43,971
Can you actually...
192
00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:45,873
Oh, a... are you seriously asking me
193
00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:48,042
to take out that bag of trash?
194
00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:49,810
Uh...
195
00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:53,781
I could easily lie to you right now.
196
00:08:53,816 --> 00:08:57,218
But I won't 'cause I
respect you too much.
197
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:59,398
And it's right there, and you
were just heading out, and...
198
00:08:59,422 --> 00:09:01,289
And... and... and what? You're the boss?
199
00:09:01,324 --> 00:09:02,668
Hmm? Is that what you were gonna say?
200
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:05,025
No, I was gonna say, it's
just full of Styrofoam,
201
00:09:05,061 --> 00:09:07,795
so it's not heavy or gross,
but if you don't want to...
202
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,063
I quit, okay?
203
00:09:09,099 --> 00:09:11,732
Good luck finding another
bartender with a PhD.
204
00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:13,366
Fun fact, seven of the applicants...
205
00:09:13,402 --> 00:09:14,867
Oh, Jesus, really?
206
00:09:14,903 --> 00:09:16,236
Oh, nope.
207
00:09:16,271 --> 00:09:17,971
Neen, you're not
seriously gonna quit a bar
208
00:09:18,006 --> 00:09:19,239
that I named for you?
209
00:09:19,274 --> 00:09:21,908
I'm, uh... I'm quitting everything.
210
00:09:21,943 --> 00:09:25,979
♪♪
211
00:09:26,014 --> 00:09:27,747
I'm so confused right now.
212
00:09:27,782 --> 00:09:30,016
Yeah, that is abundantly clear.
213
00:09:30,051 --> 00:09:36,323
♪♪
214
00:09:42,697 --> 00:09:46,266
Every bumpy road leads us to this rug.
215
00:09:46,301 --> 00:09:49,669
♪♪
216
00:09:49,704 --> 00:09:55,008
The hub of our universe.
217
00:09:55,043 --> 00:09:58,845
[BOTH LAUGH]
218
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:02,749
Because we know we can only get here
219
00:10:02,784 --> 00:10:07,419
and to each other by
sabotaging ourselves.
220
00:10:07,455 --> 00:10:09,689
Uh, speak for yourself, head shrinker.
221
00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:13,559
I'm the victim. Shaun did this to me.
222
00:10:13,594 --> 00:10:16,295
By getting his shit together?
223
00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:21,200
Uh, by naming his bar after you?
224
00:10:21,235 --> 00:10:23,636
By being really good at sex?
225
00:10:23,671 --> 00:10:27,439
Oh, and, like, firing off pheromones
226
00:10:27,475 --> 00:10:30,376
like a fireworks show? Come on.
227
00:10:30,411 --> 00:10:33,646
He won the lottery.
228
00:10:33,681 --> 00:10:36,048
Like metaphorically?
229
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:37,716
Literally.
230
00:10:37,751 --> 00:10:43,055
♪♪
231
00:10:43,090 --> 00:10:45,391
Of course he did.
232
00:10:45,426 --> 00:10:48,327
Okay, tell me your shit. It
always makes me feel better.
233
00:10:48,362 --> 00:10:51,397
♪♪
234
00:10:51,432 --> 00:10:55,267
Well...
235
00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:59,737
Jack and Emma don't want any more kids.
236
00:10:59,772 --> 00:11:01,673
"Full stop."
237
00:11:01,708 --> 00:11:04,008
Oh, fuck.
238
00:11:04,043 --> 00:11:06,444
I really thought that you
were in the batter's box.
239
00:11:06,479 --> 00:11:09,347
I was.
240
00:11:09,382 --> 00:11:13,751
And then Emma hit a, uh...
241
00:11:13,786 --> 00:11:17,088
two-child walk-off homer.
242
00:11:17,123 --> 00:11:19,857
They're never leaving Hawthorne Heights,
243
00:11:19,892 --> 00:11:21,826
and they don't want any more kids.
244
00:11:21,861 --> 00:11:26,664
♪♪
245
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:30,101
And we all keep keeping secrets
246
00:11:30,136 --> 00:11:31,769
because we're all scared shitless
247
00:11:31,804 --> 00:11:36,607
that our truths can't live together.
248
00:11:36,642 --> 00:11:38,675
And I think...
249
00:11:38,711 --> 00:11:45,449
I think that this commitment
party has become like a, um...
250
00:11:45,484 --> 00:11:47,183
A what?
251
00:11:49,388 --> 00:11:52,389
Like, a, um...
252
00:11:52,424 --> 00:11:54,658
like a deadline, or something.
253
00:11:54,693 --> 00:11:57,994
♪♪
254
00:11:58,029 --> 00:12:00,864
Hey... Hey.
255
00:12:02,868 --> 00:12:05,502
That is way too heavy
for one little girl,
256
00:12:05,537 --> 00:12:06,737
so let me help, okay?
257
00:12:06,772 --> 00:12:09,405
Okay.
258
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,242
So, don't buy the house with them,
259
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:13,509
and don't adopt their kids.
260
00:12:13,544 --> 00:12:18,347
Does that really mean
that it has to be over?
261
00:12:18,383 --> 00:12:22,085
I think it does, yeah.
262
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,687
Well, you'll always have me.
263
00:12:24,722 --> 00:12:26,355
Always.
264
00:12:26,391 --> 00:12:29,526
♪♪
265
00:12:30,061 --> 00:12:33,062
I mean, it's pretty clear at this point
266
00:12:33,098 --> 00:12:36,900
that we both keep blowing
up our other relationships
267
00:12:36,935 --> 00:12:40,703
so we can fulfill our destinies
of being stoned spinsters
268
00:12:40,738 --> 00:12:42,405
who can only stand each other.
269
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,775
♪♪
270
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:47,710
But for real, you, uh...
271
00:12:47,745 --> 00:12:50,780
you got to stop running to
me to tell me your truth,
272
00:12:50,815 --> 00:12:53,316
and you got to start laying it on them.
273
00:12:53,351 --> 00:12:56,118
You guys are all scared
shitless of rocking the boat...
274
00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,123
... but the boat needs to be rocked.
275
00:13:01,158 --> 00:13:05,394
♪♪
276
00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:06,562
Hey.
277
00:13:06,597 --> 00:13:08,397
Hello, you hear me?
278
00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:10,966
Say something.
279
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:12,668
Power washer.
280
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:18,105
♪ Calling me home ♪
281
00:13:18,141 --> 00:13:19,741
♪♪
282
00:13:19,776 --> 00:13:21,743
You're thinking about
Nathan and Izzy, aren't you?
283
00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:26,514
Yeah. That freeze-frame image
is seared onto my eyelids.
284
00:13:26,550 --> 00:13:27,915
Maybe Coach Crazy was right,
285
00:13:27,951 --> 00:13:30,084
and that's why she was
"almost kissing" Nathan.
286
00:13:30,119 --> 00:13:31,653
Yeah, well, I couldn't do it his way.
287
00:13:31,688 --> 00:13:33,928
No strings attached, each of
us free to see other people?
288
00:13:33,957 --> 00:13:35,757
I mean, I know myself.
I couldn't take it.
289
00:13:35,792 --> 00:13:38,593
- Same.
- So, tea, yes, maybe?
290
00:13:38,628 --> 00:13:39,806
You know what? No offense, Marty,
291
00:13:39,830 --> 00:13:41,307
but this is the opposite
of a tea situation.
292
00:13:41,331 --> 00:13:43,365
Oh, look. It's Polly.
293
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:44,632
And Polly's Penis.
294
00:13:44,668 --> 00:13:46,934
Will, the neighbors want
to talk to you about the...
295
00:13:46,970 --> 00:13:48,503
I don't care.
296
00:13:48,538 --> 00:13:50,171
- Hold on.
- Wait.
297
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,318
You're the one screwing us
over on the house, aren't you?
298
00:13:52,342 --> 00:13:54,976
Oh, because I'm gay
and fashionable and thin
299
00:13:55,011 --> 00:13:57,444
and therefore the nosy
neighbor all up in your beeswax?
300
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,948
Because you're an asshole.
Objective fact. Ask anyone.
301
00:14:00,984 --> 00:14:02,328
- Yeah.
- Ugh, I'm already bored of this.
302
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:05,186
Uh, sure, fine, yeah,
it was... it was me.
303
00:14:05,221 --> 00:14:07,355
Huh. So you're railroading
us out of this neighborhood
304
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:08,467
over an orange fucking door.
305
00:14:08,491 --> 00:14:09,491
Oh, I love your door.
306
00:14:09,525 --> 00:14:12,459
Gonna paint our bedroom Marigold 142.
307
00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:15,629
And by the time I'm
done, a nice normal couple
308
00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:18,165
with two and a half kids will
be moving into the Wilberg house.
309
00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:19,633
A... a normal couple? Normal couple?
310
00:14:19,668 --> 00:14:22,903
Yeah, I'm saying I'd rather
have a grotesque half-child
311
00:14:22,938 --> 00:14:24,737
lurching around than you three asshats.
312
00:14:24,773 --> 00:14:26,306
Wha... did I seriously just hear that
313
00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:27,874
from a member of our community?
314
00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:30,310
You can back that shit
up real quick, Polly.
315
00:14:30,345 --> 00:14:33,313
We are not members
of the same community.
316
00:14:33,348 --> 00:14:37,483
L.G.B.T.Q.
317
00:14:37,519 --> 00:14:39,898
The... The "G" and the "B" are,
like, literally side-by-side.
318
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,154
So, some chamomile?
319
00:14:41,189 --> 00:14:43,489
We're, uh... that's what we're...
320
00:14:43,525 --> 00:14:47,027
Spoiler alert: Your movie ends badly.
321
00:14:47,062 --> 00:14:48,094
Mnh-mnh.
322
00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:49,729
"Open" is a myth.
323
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,831
A toxic, destructive myth.
324
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:53,333
- I feel sorry for you.
- Yeah.
325
00:14:53,368 --> 00:14:54,368
Somebody hurt you.
326
00:14:54,368 --> 00:14:55,935
Wrong.
327
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:58,404
I did the hurting.
328
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,007
So much, and now I get
to drag all that behind me
329
00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:05,077
like some backasswards Sisyphus.
330
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:08,414
Fine, but you see us hurting anyone?
331
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:10,149
Yeah, I do.
332
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,119
So, vodka it is.
333
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:16,856
[DOOR CLOSES]
334
00:15:16,891 --> 00:15:18,524
Hey.
335
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,927
♪♪
336
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,261
Whoa.
337
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:25,731
Leave any for me?
338
00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:27,766
Beer or the self-loathing?
339
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,546
For an alcoholic, they're
both one in the same.
340
00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:30,869
I always forget that about you.
341
00:15:30,904 --> 00:15:32,604
That's good, because as a people,
342
00:15:32,639 --> 00:15:35,007
we can be intermittently insufferable.
343
00:15:37,078 --> 00:15:40,879
Up until three hours and...
344
00:15:40,914 --> 00:15:43,715
nine minutes ago, I had
the girl of my dreams.
345
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:45,550
Women started looking
at me like I was...
346
00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:47,786
like I was Ryan Reynolds' bigger-boned
347
00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,455
but more approachable brother.
348
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,923
I was $500 richer.
349
00:15:51,959 --> 00:15:53,258
You blew your fortune already?
350
00:15:53,294 --> 00:15:55,660
I gave it all away.
351
00:15:55,696 --> 00:15:57,062
Who does that?
352
00:15:57,098 --> 00:16:01,566
But what good is money
if your heart is... is...
353
00:16:01,602 --> 00:16:03,101
It's like that chocolate Easter bunny
354
00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:05,069
you forgot at the back of the fridge.
355
00:16:05,105 --> 00:16:08,239
It's... it's just cold,
and it's... it's hollow.
356
00:16:08,274 --> 00:16:11,175
And then when you bite into it,
it shatters into a million pieces.
357
00:16:11,211 --> 00:16:12,755
You been saving that one up for a while?
358
00:16:12,779 --> 00:16:14,757
- You might want to put it back.
- What the hell did I do?
359
00:16:14,781 --> 00:16:17,616
Why... why... why's she so mad at me?
360
00:16:17,651 --> 00:16:19,362
Just because things are
going my way for once?
361
00:16:19,386 --> 00:16:22,587
I mean, my successes are her
successes, and vice versa,
362
00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:25,757
because we're... we're a team.
363
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:28,259
Does she know that? That last part?
364
00:16:28,294 --> 00:16:29,294
Well, we're talking about a woman
365
00:16:29,295 --> 00:16:31,663
who openly refers to me as her slave.
366
00:16:31,698 --> 00:16:33,932
She literally texts me a
to-do list every Monday.
367
00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:36,212
I'm... I'm pretty sure she's
confident in this relationship.
368
00:16:36,236 --> 00:16:38,503
Yeah, but is she, though?
369
00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:39,870
C... can we...
370
00:16:39,906 --> 00:16:41,484
can we dispense with
the leading questions
371
00:16:41,508 --> 00:16:44,842
and get to the hard-earned
drunk-pants wisdom?
372
00:16:44,877 --> 00:16:47,845
Okay, coming atcha: In all honesty,
373
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,480
I have never seen a more literal example
374
00:16:49,516 --> 00:16:52,883
of zero-to-hero than you in all my life.
375
00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:54,985
Sorry, and you're welcome.
376
00:16:55,021 --> 00:16:56,687
No worries. Thank you.
377
00:16:56,722 --> 00:16:59,790
She's afraid of any man
who has more power than her
378
00:16:59,825 --> 00:17:01,959
because she's been hurt.
379
00:17:01,994 --> 00:17:03,794
Yeah, more like destroyed.
380
00:17:03,829 --> 00:17:05,796
Her first love. But come on, man.
381
00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:08,966
I'm... I'm Shaun the fuckin' bartender.
382
00:17:09,001 --> 00:17:10,633
Even I know I'm an affable dipshit.
383
00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:13,403
Yeah, but that was "Parks
and Rec" Chris Pratt.
384
00:17:13,439 --> 00:17:17,340
This is "Jurassic Park" Chris Pratt.
385
00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:19,676
- Ah.
- Ah.
386
00:17:19,711 --> 00:17:21,244
Yeah, don't... don't... don't do that.
387
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,979
See? I'm an affable dipshit.
388
00:17:23,014 --> 00:17:24,025
I've made peace with this.
389
00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:25,482
You're living the dream, man.
390
00:17:25,517 --> 00:17:26,761
She was the best part of the dream.
391
00:17:26,785 --> 00:17:29,386
And now we've come full circle.
392
00:17:29,421 --> 00:17:31,821
Does she know that?
393
00:17:31,856 --> 00:17:33,490
Oh.
394
00:17:33,525 --> 00:17:35,024
- See?
- There you go.
395
00:17:35,060 --> 00:17:38,228
That's a good one.
396
00:17:38,263 --> 00:17:40,830
Ben, you're like Yoda.
397
00:17:40,865 --> 00:17:43,243
You know, if he was a carpenter,
which would be more like Jesus.
398
00:17:43,267 --> 00:17:46,235
Holy shit, man, you're Jesus.
399
00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:48,170
Your words, not mine.
400
00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:50,172
Can't wear sandals on a
construction site, though.
401
00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:51,874
No, you can't.
402
00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:57,513
♪♪
403
00:18:03,221 --> 00:18:04,353
Hey.
404
00:18:04,388 --> 00:18:06,188
- What's this?
- Oh, this?
405
00:18:06,224 --> 00:18:08,024
This giant contraption
that I just hauled in?
406
00:18:08,059 --> 00:18:14,196
Um, well, it's a ridiculously
on-the-nose metaphor for a clean slate.
407
00:18:14,232 --> 00:18:16,865
Babe, let's keep this in perspective.
408
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,868
All you did was get
drunk and egg Lala's door.
409
00:18:19,903 --> 00:18:21,470
I think that it's more than that.
410
00:18:21,506 --> 00:18:24,940
Sometimes an egg is just an
egg and a door is just a door.
411
00:18:24,975 --> 00:18:26,275
Okay, Freud.
412
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:30,279
I don't think that this
is one of those times.
413
00:18:30,314 --> 00:18:32,948
I drank my frontal lobe into submission,
414
00:18:32,983 --> 00:18:36,818
and my id shat where I sleep,
and I'm gonna wash away the egg,
415
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,721
but I do think that we
need to talk about the shit.
416
00:18:39,757 --> 00:18:41,723
What is your shitty
id trying to tell us?
417
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:44,493
Isn't it obvious? She hates it here.
418
00:18:44,529 --> 00:18:47,163
That's not true.
419
00:18:47,198 --> 00:18:49,097
Okay, well, it's not entirely true.
420
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:53,934
I just think that maybe I'm
here sooner than I thought.
421
00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:55,970
We're keeping things to ourselves
422
00:18:56,005 --> 00:18:58,173
to protect our happy ending,
423
00:18:58,208 --> 00:19:00,608
and we're afraid to admit
that maybe we don't want
424
00:19:00,644 --> 00:19:05,012
exactly the same things
at exactly the same time.
425
00:19:05,048 --> 00:19:07,182
Yeah. Polly foul number 4.
426
00:19:07,217 --> 00:19:10,151
- Oh, fuck that shit.
- Yeah, fuck that shit.
427
00:19:10,187 --> 00:19:12,019
What are we?
428
00:19:12,055 --> 00:19:13,521
My dad was right.
429
00:19:13,557 --> 00:19:17,958
Don't tell him that, but
someone has to compromise,
430
00:19:17,994 --> 00:19:20,961
and this time it's gonna be me.
431
00:19:20,997 --> 00:19:22,597
Hawthorne Heights is your home,
432
00:19:22,632 --> 00:19:25,265
and it makes sense for
you and your babies.
433
00:19:25,301 --> 00:19:26,933
Our... our babies.
434
00:19:26,968 --> 00:19:28,302
Our babies.
435
00:19:28,337 --> 00:19:30,103
You're amazing.
436
00:19:30,138 --> 00:19:33,773
And we are family!
437
00:19:33,809 --> 00:19:35,809
And that's worth fighting for, I think.
438
00:19:39,147 --> 00:19:40,514
Okay, listen.
439
00:19:40,549 --> 00:19:41,848
- Focus.
- Dad, you said the thing.
440
00:19:41,883 --> 00:19:43,450
Yeah, well, just focus a little more.
441
00:19:43,485 --> 00:19:44,784
Well, then you do it.
442
00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:45,997
Don't... listen... don't
worry about the paint.
443
00:19:46,021 --> 00:19:48,488
HOA list has scads of
perfectly good options.
444
00:19:48,524 --> 00:19:50,691
No reason whatsoever to
stray outside of it, right?
445
00:19:50,726 --> 00:19:53,126
I was doing one spot just like you said.
446
00:19:53,161 --> 00:19:54,861
Oh, Will, Marty, you're here. Sorry.
447
00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:56,296
Um, could I have a moment?
448
00:19:56,332 --> 00:19:58,831
Thank you for coming.
Just hold on one sec.
449
00:20:01,402 --> 00:20:06,038
Okay, um, I want to apologize
450
00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:08,474
for all the trouble that I've caused,
451
00:20:08,509 --> 00:20:10,909
and I'm gonna paint our
door one of Lala's colors.
452
00:20:10,945 --> 00:20:12,378
I'm gonna say this real slow
453
00:20:12,413 --> 00:20:14,325
'cause you don't seem to
be grasping the concept.
454
00:20:14,349 --> 00:20:16,849
It's not about the fucking door.
455
00:20:16,884 --> 00:20:18,384
LALA: That's especially true now that
456
00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:21,220
I filled out a request for Marigold 142.
457
00:20:21,256 --> 00:20:27,260
And, after careful
deliberation, I approved it.
458
00:20:27,295 --> 00:20:28,827
Thank you.
459
00:20:28,863 --> 00:20:30,496
We disrespected the community,
460
00:20:30,531 --> 00:20:32,998
and we behaved like we were above it...
461
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:35,600
or outside of it or whatever.
462
00:20:35,636 --> 00:20:39,271
Look, it's on us to fit in,
and I think we know that now.
463
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,470
- However...
- You may just want to stop right there.
464
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:46,711
Almost done. However, you are
totally within your rights to bitch
465
00:20:46,747 --> 00:20:48,080
about the color of the door
466
00:20:48,115 --> 00:20:50,182
and anything that happens outside of it,
467
00:20:50,217 --> 00:20:54,953
but what happens inside is
none of your fucking business.
468
00:20:54,989 --> 00:20:57,355
- Oh.
- Are we clear?
469
00:20:57,391 --> 00:20:59,191
You made your point, Sugar Baby.
470
00:20:59,226 --> 00:21:00,859
Mm, that's gonna stop.
471
00:21:00,895 --> 00:21:02,928
I'm gonna need you to
say "We're clear, Izzy,"
472
00:21:02,963 --> 00:21:04,396
because that's my name.
473
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,898
- We are clear, Izzy.
- We're clear, Izzy.
474
00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:07,365
I never had an issue with you.
475
00:21:07,401 --> 00:21:09,267
I know.
476
00:21:09,303 --> 00:21:10,968
I will take that, so, thanks.
477
00:21:11,004 --> 00:21:15,273
Um, one last thing, I
want the house, okay?
478
00:21:15,309 --> 00:21:18,310
- I can't fuck this up for them.
- Sorry. It's out of my hands now.
479
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,278
Whoa.
480
00:21:20,314 --> 00:21:23,047
Okay, maybe I can make
the other offer go away,
481
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:25,082
but it won't be easy.
482
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,385
Done. Ah, I'm exhausted.
483
00:21:27,421 --> 00:21:28,553
You owe me.
484
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,121
I'm gonna go take a well-deserved nap.
485
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:31,222
Thank you so much.
486
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:32,568
Probably not hugging, though, sorry.
487
00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:33,592
- Okay.
- I'm hugging.
488
00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:35,393
- Thank you.
- Oh, you're a little wet.
489
00:21:35,429 --> 00:21:37,295
Oh, that's not a problem.
490
00:21:37,331 --> 00:21:38,663
I like that big stick.
491
00:21:38,699 --> 00:21:39,964
What's happening?
492
00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:42,399
- Is he in this, uh...
- No.
493
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,335
Just gonna ask if he used vinegar.
494
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:48,839
- Like that?- That's great.
495
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:56,012
♪♪
496
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:05,255
- Hey.
- Nope, you just sit.
497
00:22:05,290 --> 00:22:06,523
You can sit.
498
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,859
Cool... we're not,
uh... that's how it is.
499
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:09,894
No hugs.
500
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:11,428
Uh, sorry.
501
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,130
Um...
502
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,166
Here's the thing.
503
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:16,799
Um...
504
00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:21,137
There was this very
s... specific moment...
505
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,805
the other night when you...
506
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,675
when you joined me behind the hedge.
507
00:22:25,710 --> 00:22:27,410
The Almost Kiss.
508
00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:32,682
I just need to be perfectly clear
509
00:22:32,717 --> 00:22:38,321
that it wasn't that for me.
510
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:40,991
But then I... I watched
the security footage,
511
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,360
- and I realized that...
- You realized it was?
512
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:49,665
For you.
513
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,133
Oh, yeah, yeah.
514
00:22:51,168 --> 00:22:53,068
Look.
515
00:22:53,104 --> 00:22:54,569
We're extremely compatible.
516
00:22:54,605 --> 00:22:57,406
I mean, there's... there's
no... there's no denying that.
517
00:22:57,441 --> 00:23:00,409
- B... but... but Nina said...
- You talked to Nina about me.
518
00:23:00,444 --> 00:23:02,144
[STAMMERING]
519
00:23:02,179 --> 00:23:04,546
[SIGHS]
520
00:23:04,581 --> 00:23:08,517
Nina said that it was never about you.
521
00:23:08,552 --> 00:23:13,488
And shitty as that sounds, it's true.
522
00:23:13,524 --> 00:23:16,491
I mean, just imagining
any version of my life
523
00:23:16,527 --> 00:23:19,194
without them, it makes me, like...
524
00:23:19,230 --> 00:23:21,096
like, the saddest I've ever been.
525
00:23:23,801 --> 00:23:25,767
That's... that's gonna bruise.
526
00:23:25,803 --> 00:23:28,837
Hmm?
527
00:23:28,872 --> 00:23:32,073
Nothing.
528
00:23:32,108 --> 00:23:34,609
Can we be good? Please?
529
00:23:34,645 --> 00:23:37,512
'Cause I... I'd really
like us to be good.
530
00:23:37,548 --> 00:23:40,181
Yeah, yeah. Um...
531
00:23:40,216 --> 00:23:41,750
try this again.
532
00:23:41,785 --> 00:23:43,585
See you at school?
533
00:23:43,620 --> 00:23:45,386
Not if I see you first, nerd.
534
00:23:47,458 --> 00:23:50,959
♪ Got you running like a stream ♪
535
00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:54,596
♪♪
536
00:23:54,631 --> 00:23:59,434
♪ You know there's too
much world to see still ♪
537
00:23:59,469 --> 00:24:03,204
♪ But come home safe ♪
538
00:24:03,239 --> 00:24:08,376
♪ Come home safe ♪
539
00:24:08,411 --> 00:24:14,548
♪ Any given day, any given night ♪
540
00:24:14,584 --> 00:24:18,453
♪ You went running out the gate ♪
541
00:24:18,488 --> 00:24:20,888
♪ No, you never lost your place ♪
542
00:24:20,923 --> 00:24:24,993
♪ You never left my mind ♪
543
00:24:25,028 --> 00:24:26,995
♪ Won't you come home safe ♪
544
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:31,299
♪ The door is always open wide ♪
545
00:24:31,334 --> 00:24:33,234
♪♪
546
00:24:33,269 --> 00:24:36,003
Jack.
547
00:24:36,038 --> 00:24:39,406
Mom.
548
00:24:39,441 --> 00:24:43,510
♪ Just come home safe ♪
549
00:24:43,545 --> 00:24:48,281
♪ Come home safe ♪
550
00:24:48,317 --> 00:24:50,250
♪ Any given day ♪
551
00:24:50,285 --> 00:24:54,354
♪ Any given night ♪
552
00:24:54,390 --> 00:24:58,691
♪ You went running out the gate ♪
553
00:24:58,727 --> 00:25:00,994
♪ No, you never lost your place ♪
554
00:25:01,030 --> 00:25:04,797
♪ You never left my mind ♪
555
00:25:04,833 --> 00:25:07,367
♪ So, won't you come home safe ♪
556
00:25:07,403 --> 00:25:11,037
♪ The door is always open wide ♪
557
00:25:12,473 --> 00:25:17,473
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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