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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,670 BETH: So, Dad, guess what tomorrow is. 2 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:05,713 Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. 3 00:00:05,798 --> 00:00:08,257 No. Well, it... might be. 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,425 - It is. - Fine. 5 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,178 But also, tomorrow is your one-year anniversary 6 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,554 back in our lives. 7 00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,848 I'm gonna make you flying-saucer-shaped pancakes. 8 00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:17,600 Oh, t-t-there's no need to do that, Beth. 9 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,060 Regular pancakes are fine. 10 00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,812 [ LOUD WARBLE ] 11 00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,606 [ ALL SCREAM ] 12 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,108 [ GROANS ] 13 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,860 Oh, my god! Oh, what is happening?! 14 00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,186 Happy anniversary, Dad. 15 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,563 Oh, I get it. 16 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,399 Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers. 17 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,234 Mmm. l-I should be making you breakfast 18 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:10,111 for putting up with me. 19 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,238 You should be making us a whole restaurant. 20 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,365 Nonsense. We couldn't be happier to have you around. 21 00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:16,451 I just wish I got to see more of you. 22 00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:18,161 [ LOUD WARBLE ] 23 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,080 Rick Sanchez of Earth dimension C-137, 24 00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:23,666 you are under arrest for crimes against alternate Ricks 25 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:26,794 by the authority of the Trans-Dimensional Council of Ricks. 26 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,713 - Hey! What the heck?! - Neutralize the Jerry. 27 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,048 - Wait! No! I'll... - Dad! 28 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,425 - Dad! - Rick! 29 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:34,010 Everybody, relax. 30 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,970 If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, 31 00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:37,680 they just want to haul me to their stupid clubhouse 32 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,390 and waste my time with a bunch of questions. 33 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:42,018 - Let's get it over with. - Bring his [BURPS] Morty. 34 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,228 - Oh, man. - Leave my [BURPS] Morty out of this. 35 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,772 You lost the right to have a say in these things 36 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,816 when you refused to j... [BURPS] join the council. 37 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,734 W-W-W-What about Jerry? 38 00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:53,154 Will you at least unfreeze my daughter's idiot? 39 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,572 Give you anything! 40 00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,365 I have a rare antique- coin collection! 41 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,242 Just don't hurt me! 42 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,497 Okay, maybe not antique, but it was a limited minting. 43 00:02:02,581 --> 00:02:04,661 They have little R2-D2s instead of George Washington. 44 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,917 Our son's been abducted! 45 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:08,503 You hate me for buying those coins! 46 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,549 Geez, Rick, w-what is this place? 47 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,842 The citadel of Ricks. 48 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:17,428 It's the secret headquarters for the Council of Ricks. 49 00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,639 - Council of Ricks? - As you know, Morty... 50 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,390 I've got a lot of enemies in the universe 51 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,142 that consider my genius a threat... 52 00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,269 galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, 53 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,647 most of the entire intergalactic government. 54 00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,732 W-W-Wherever you find people with heads up their asses, 55 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,609 someone wants a piece of your grandpa, 56 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,612 and a lot of versions of me had the same problem, 57 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,031 so a few thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea 58 00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:39,659 of banding together like a herd of cattle 59 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,452 or a school of fish 60 00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:43,579 or those people who answer questions on Yahoo! Answers. 61 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,332 Hey! What do you know? It's a cowboy version of me. 62 00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,792 Geez, you're easy to impress. 63 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,156 Yeah, most timelines have a Rick, 64 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:50,711 and most Ricks have a Morty. 65 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:52,796 This place is a real who's who of who's you and me. 66 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:56,843 Turn your boring, old Morty into a f... hot fashion statement 67 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,594 with some Morty dazzlers. 68 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,555 Hey, check this out. 69 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,682 - DOLL: Show me the Morty. - Dumb. 70 00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,308 Excuse me, sir, is your Morty insured? 71 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,352 You know, every year, hundreds of Mortys are injured... 72 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:07,603 Back off! 73 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:08,938 Not my cup of tea, this place. 74 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,482 I say the point of being a Rick is being a Rick. 75 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,150 Save your anti-Rick speech 76 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,861 for the Council of Ricks, terror-Rick. 77 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,571 Hey, save your Rick rules 78 00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,656 for the [BURPS] sheep-Ricks, Rick-pig. 79 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,616 - Fuck me, pal. - Fuck you? 80 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,536 No, no, no, no, no. Fuck me. 81 00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,633 Bring up the holograms. 82 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:41,679 27 Ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines... 83 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:45,057 an unprecedented Rick-icidal epidemic. 84 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,810 What say you, Earth Rick C-137? 85 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,520 You think I did this? 86 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,523 Why am I the first Rick you pull in every time a Rick stubs his toe? 87 00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:54,442 You [BURPS] have a history of non-cooperation 88 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,360 with the council. 89 00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,571 Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as Rick. 90 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,698 W-W-W-W-W-Why isn't he here in handcuffs? 91 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,742 Because he's dead, too! 92 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,410 [ CROWD GASPING, GROANING ] 93 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,038 Who else would we question? You fit the profile. 94 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,332 Of all the Ricks in the central finite curve, 95 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,834 you're the malcontent, the rogue. 96 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,253 I'm the Rick, and so were the rest of you 97 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,255 before you formed this stupid alliance. 98 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,980 You wanted to be safe from the government, 99 00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:19,717 so you became a stupid government. 100 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,427 That makes every Rick here less Rick than me. 101 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:23,220 [ CROWD GRUMBLING ] 102 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,972 Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. 103 00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,141 Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home 104 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,267 with syrup on top of them. 105 00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:30,478 They're about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption 106 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,146 that turns the cakes into a gross paste, 107 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,106 and I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it, 108 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:37,109 but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top, 109 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,862 and I think we also like to be accused of crimes 110 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,447 when there's evidence! 111 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,950 So, as they say in Canada, peace oot! 112 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:47,620 Evidence! Good idea. Scan his portal gun! 113 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:48,913 Oh, come on. 114 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,749 Don't look at another man's portal-gun history. 115 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,793 We... we all go to weird places. 116 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,878 Yes, but it appears you alone 117 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,589 have been going to the exact timelines and locations 118 00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,675 in which the murders occurred. 119 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,760 What?! That's Rick-diculous! 120 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,428 I'm obviously being set up. 121 00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:08,099 Earth Rick C-137, the council of Ricks sentences you 122 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:10,893 to the machine of unspeakable doom, 123 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,604 which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, 124 00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,481 rendering your fantasies pointless 125 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,651 while everything you've known becomes impossible to grasp. 126 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,278 Also, every 10 seconds, it stabs your balls. 127 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,656 I've heard enough. 128 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,449 [ BURPS ] 129 00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,326 Run, Morty! - [ PANTING ] 130 00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:28,619 Unh-unh. Not you. 131 00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,705 [ PANTING ] 132 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,498 Aaaah! 133 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:40,506 [ SCREAMS ] 134 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:49,765 [ LOUD FARTING ] 135 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,892 [ STEADY FARTING IN DISTANCE ] 136 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,855 MORTY: Oh! Oh! 137 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,691 [ DIALING ] 138 00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,443 Yeah, I'd like to order one large person 139 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,695 with extra people, please. - White people. 140 00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,238 No, no, no, no. Black people. 141 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,948 And Hispanic on half. 142 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,950 [ PANTING ] 143 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,668 [ DIALING ] 144 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,628 Yes, I'd like to order one large sofa chair 145 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,630 with extra chair, please. - High chair. 146 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:22,923 No, no, no, no. Recliner. 147 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,967 And wheelchair on half. 148 00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,887 [ PANTING ] 149 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,431 [ ALL SPEAKING GIBBERISH ] 150 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,689 They could have gone into any one of these. 151 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,775 - [ GROANS ] - Son of a... 152 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,860 - Oh, geez. - We lost 'em. 153 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,361 Yeah, I'd like to order one large phone 154 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,030 with extra phones, please. - Cellphone. 155 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,490 No, no, no, no. Rotary. 156 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,700 And pay phone on half. 157 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,703 That'll keep 'em [BURPS] busy for a while. 158 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,624 Those guys were wrong, right? 159 00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:59,251 Y-Y-Y-You d... you wouldn't kill yourself... y-y-yourselves. 160 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,754 Of course not, Morty. How could that profit me? 161 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,422 But someone out there is killing Ricks, 162 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:05,132 and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me 163 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,635 until we clear our names... by finding the real Rick-killer. 164 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,386 I'm scared, Rick. 165 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,097 Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons, 166 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,848 like that show "Doomsday Preppers." 167 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,475 Not really my style, Morty. 168 00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:15,726 Besides, your home is most likely 169 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,728 swarming with Ricks by now. 170 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:21,148 All right, listen, Jerry. 171 00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,901 If Rick calls, this device is gonna trace his location. 172 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,862 You just gotta keep him on the phone for 30 seconds or longer. 173 00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,198 - Who wants lemonade? - Oh, yeah. 174 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,951 Mmm! Oh! Delicious! 175 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,036 Beth [BURPS] you're a treasure. 176 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,163 I have a Beth just like you in my [BURPS] reality, 177 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,957 except you know what? 178 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:40,751 She's not as brilliant or [BURPS] attractive. 179 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,170 Aw. [BURPS] Thank you. 180 00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,089 [ LAUGHTER ] Oh! She did! She did it! 181 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,008 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] 182 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,637 - H-hello? - Hey, Jerry, it's Rick. 183 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:53,722 Rick! Hey. [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] 184 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,182 What's... what's up? 185 00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:58,269 So, listen, the heat's on, and there's nowhere left to turn, 186 00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,354 so Morty and I are just gonna fly my spaceship into a black hole. 187 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,398 - What?! - Is that cool with you, dawg? 188 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,441 Rick, no! Morty!! - We got it. 189 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,235 The call's coming from... 190 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,154 ♪ Inside the house ♪ 191 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,197 - Look at his face! - You dummy! 192 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,241 Can't believe our daughter married you. 193 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,118 - Too easy! - [ LAUGHTER ] 194 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,661 The Ricks are probably gonna waste some time 195 00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,829 messing with Jerry. 196 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,414 They won't be able to help themselves. 197 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,541 But as soon as they get bored, they'll be onto us. 198 00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:22,665 Phones à la clams and phonesghetti with phone balls. 199 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,669 Anything else? 200 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,129 Yeah, more phone sticks, please. 201 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,046 Right away, sir. 202 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,673 You know, Rick, when I first saw 203 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,966 all those Ricks and Mortys, 204 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,093 I thought, "gee, that kind of devalues our bond." 205 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,469 but then I realized it just means 206 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,430 that our relationship must be pretty special 207 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,599 to span over all those different timelines. 208 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,976 Yeah, it's got to be that way. You're a camouflage. 209 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:42,188 Camouflage? W-W-W-What are you talking about, Rick? 210 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,939 Ricks have a very distinctive and traceable brain wave 211 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,733 due to our genius. 212 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,457 The best way to hide from an enemy's radar 213 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,278 is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves 214 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,113 that make ours invisible. 215 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,032 See, w-w-w-when a Rick i-is with a Morty, 216 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:56,243 the genius waves get canceled out by the, uh... 217 00:08:56,328 --> 00:08:58,495 [ CLEARS THROAT ] Morty waves. 218 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:02,166 Um... because o-our personalities are so different? 219 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,126 [ PORTAL GUN BEEPING ] Oh, shit, dawg. 220 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,128 My portal gun was hacked remotely, Morty... 221 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,130 obviously by the real killer, to frame me. 222 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,174 But I was able to trace the signal. Come on. Let's go. 223 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:11,926 [ DOOR BURSTS OPEN ] Uh-oh. 224 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:14,011 Excuse me. We've tracked a pair of dangerous criminals 225 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,721 to this exact location. 226 00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:17,806 They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, 227 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,850 I'm gonna mark us each with a red "X" right now. 228 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,727 That way, if someone has a gun 229 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,646 and we both tell you to shoot the other one 230 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,190 because they're the evil one, you'll know who's lying. 231 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,108 Hey, check it out. 232 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,694 Damn it! 233 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,530 Hey, you didn't pay your bill! 234 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,991 T-The red "X"! Red "X"! 235 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,993 RICK: Hey, it's a good thing that space outlet had lab coats 236 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,912 and your favorite kind of shirt in stock, huh, Morty? 237 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,789 Yeah, Rick, l-I heard you the first time. 238 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,624 You don't have to keep saying it over and over. 239 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,292 Man, this place is way off the grid. 240 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:47,086 This guy does not want to be found. 241 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:50,214 Well, if he's a Rick, doesn't he just have to stand by a Morty to hide? 242 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:53,050 I mean, isn't that what Mortys are... human cloaking devices? 243 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,970 Morty, you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is. 244 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,054 [ GROANING IN DISTANCE ] 245 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,847 Oh, my god, Rick, look! 246 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,684 There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building! 247 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,728 Not people, Morty... Mortys. 248 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:10,025 [ ALL GROANING, SCREAMING ] 249 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,194 Oh, god! 250 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,071 W-Why would somebody do this? It's horrible! 251 00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,323 Well, one Morty's enough to hide from the bureaucrats, 252 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,325 but you get... you get a whole matrix of Mortys 253 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,077 and put them in agonizing pain, 254 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:23,247 that creates a pattern that can hide even from other Ricks, motherfucker. 255 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,333 I fiddled with a concept like this once. 256 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,961 On paper, Morty. On paper. 257 00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,796 I wouldn't do this. It's barbaric overkill. 258 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,840 I mean, you could accomplish the same result with, like, 259 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,342 five Mortys and a jumper cable. 260 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,095 Which I also wouldn't do! 261 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,931 I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship. 262 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:43,350 BETH: Coffee time! RICKS: Yo, yo, yo, yo! 263 00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,228 That's what I like to hear! 264 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,022 - [ GROANS ] - Hi, Jerry. 265 00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:49,940 Leave me alone. I'm working. 266 00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,900 Oh, you are? W-W-W-What do you do? 267 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:55,029 [ SCOFFS ] I-I'm... I'm in between advertising jobs. 268 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,989 Advertising? Wow! 269 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,199 So, people need help figuring out what to buy, 270 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,659 and then y-y-you help 'em? 271 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:03,245 [ LAUGHING ] Well, it's a little more complicated than that. 272 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,539 Well, I mean, you do it, and you seem like a guy 273 00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:07,333 who really has it all together. 274 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,504 Dude, are you... w... you're being a dick, right? 275 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,964 Oh, gosh, l-I hope not. 276 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,508 I-I-I-l-I-l wouldn't want to offend you in any way. 277 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,469 You're really a Rick? 278 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,554 [ LAUGHS ] Y... of course I am... 279 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,514 just as much as my Morty's a Morty. 280 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,391 Hey, he looks a lot like Eric Stoltz 281 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,393 from the movie "Mask." 282 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,187 You know, the one with Cher in it? 283 00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,271 That's right, Jerry! 284 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,273 He... he's from a reality where everyone is 285 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,983 Eric Stoltz "Mask" people. 286 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,360 He's Eric Stoltz Mask Morty. 287 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,819 They assigned him to me 288 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,738 because I never had any kids of my own. 289 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,198 But if I did, boy, I'd love them 290 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,991 if they were as smart and as successful 291 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,159 as you are, Jerry. 292 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,744 Hey, get a load of this. 293 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,746 Jerry's hanging out with doofus Rick. 294 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,164 [ LAUGHS ] This is perfect. 295 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,749 I'm not doofus Rick! 296 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,042 I'm Rick J19-Zeta-7! 297 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,461 Oh, is that the timeline where everybody eats poop? 298 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,505 Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right? 299 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,215 Hey, I don't eat poop! 300 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:58,300 Y-You guys are always so mean to me. 301 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,886 - [ BOTH LAUGH ] - [ SOBBING ] 302 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,222 I guess it's only fair to tell you now, Jerry. 303 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:05,140 I'm the worst Rick of them all. 304 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,184 According to who... other versions of you? 305 00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,560 If I've learned one thing, 306 00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,354 it's that before you get anywhere in life, 307 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,398 you got to stop listening to yourself. 308 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,233 Wow. You really are wise, Jerry. 309 00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:17,194 I-I-I guess that's why you work in advertising. 310 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,196 The fact that you feel that way 311 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,198 makes you the best Rick of them all. 312 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,200 You don't care about me at all! 313 00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,164 I'm no different than that jacket you've got on! 314 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,204 Y-Y-Y... o-or your stupid portal gun! 315 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,665 I'm just a tool! I-I-I'm just an object! 316 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,542 Hey, it's your choice to take it personally, Morty. 317 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,293 Now, for the love of god, be quiet. 318 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,258 The point of this is to get the drop on the guy. 319 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,922 You know what, Rick? I'll tell you something! 320 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,591 I'm more than a human shield! - Yeah, that's right. You are. 321 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,344 You're a perfect, impenetrable suit of human armor, Morty, 322 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,304 because you're as dumb as I am smart, 323 00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,056 which is why when I say [BURPS] "shut up," 324 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,100 it's really good advice. 325 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,018 [ WHIRRING ] 326 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,770 Great. Nice work, Morty. 327 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,321 [ GROANS ] 328 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,241 [ HANDS CLAP SLOWLY ] 329 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,660 Ooh. Look at you, C-137. 330 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,704 You... aren't you a tough customer? 331 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,540 The slow clap? Really? Kind of played out, dude. 332 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,375 Not in this dimension, it isn't. 333 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,085 In fact [CHUCKLES] I invented it. 334 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,254 Nobody else has ever even done it here before. 335 00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:18,338 Well, la-Di-DA. 336 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,715 Hey, that's mine! 337 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,276 I don't like the look of that Rick, Morty. 338 00:13:25,346 --> 00:13:27,598 - We gotta escape. - I'm not gonna help you, Rick. 339 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:29,224 Y-You're a monster. 340 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,101 Don't be rick-diculous, Morty. 341 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,895 Will you stop saying that? It's stupid. 342 00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,396 Take his Morty away. 343 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,607 - Come with me. - Yeah, gladly. 344 00:13:36,691 --> 00:13:38,984 Geez, man. Ricks, huh? 345 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,986 Hey, man, you seem to know how this place works. 346 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,197 Is there any way we could shut down that grid 347 00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,865 and rescue all those Mortys outside? 348 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,074 It would be pointless. 349 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,244 Mortys have no chance of defeating a Rick. 350 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,329 In here. 351 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:52,915 [ MORTYS SOBBING ] 352 00:13:58,087 --> 00:13:58,962 [ FARTS ] 353 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:01,632 - Ah. Isn't it beautiful? - Yeah, yeah. 354 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:04,092 Looks like payday at Neverland Ranch in here. 355 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,594 Zing! - [ CHUCKLES ] 356 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,929 That guy got it. 357 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,388 Unh-unh-unh, Rick. Quiet. 358 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,307 You're missing my symphony. 359 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:13,435 [ MORTYS GROANING, SCREAMING] 360 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,271 Hey, I'll take it over Mumford & Sons. Zip! 361 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,148 - [ LAUGHS ] - This guy is on it! 362 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,234 He's not laughing at your dumb jokes, Rick. 363 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,736 That's just a random noise it makes every 10 seconds. 364 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,572 - [ LAUGHS ] - [ GROANS ] 365 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,658 You see, Rick, you're not as clever as you think you are. 366 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,743 I wanted you to find me. 367 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,620 We're not so [BURPS] different, you and I. 368 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,164 - Yeah, duh! - See this right here, Rick? 369 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,208 I crunched the numbers. 370 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,377 I created a spectrum of all the Ricks. 371 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:41,213 I listed them out from most evil to least evil. 372 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,965 Here's where I am. 373 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,050 And look it... right here's where you are, Rick. 374 00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:47,553 This guy right here... super-weird. 375 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,304 I get it. So you want me to team up with you to take down 376 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,473 The Council of Ricks? Is that where you're going with this? 377 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,016 'Cause that's where I'd be going. 378 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:55,310 Please. I think I'm doing pretty good on my own. 379 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,313 I'm simply gonna download the contents of your brain 380 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,567 and then kill you. 381 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,819 Okay, if we add a little more titanium nitrate 382 00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,072 and just a tad of chlorified tartrate... 383 00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,323 [ MIXTURE GURGLES ] 384 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,492 ovenless brownies! 385 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,286 Mmm. Mmm! 386 00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:14,413 It's incredible what a gifted mind can accomplish 387 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,081 when priorities are in order. 388 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,125 Well, come on. I can't take all the credit, Jerry. 389 00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:21,211 It was your idea. Come here, Jerry! 390 00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,297 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 391 00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,217 Hey, uh, come here. 392 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,678 I-I want to show you something. 393 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:31,763 Okay, look, everybody makes fun of me for getting these, 394 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,975 but you're a genius scientist. What do you think? 395 00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:38,687 See? There's little R2-D2s where the George Washingtons should be. 396 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,564 You know, Jerry, I'm not gonna tell you 397 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,441 that these will increase in value 398 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,276 or even hold their current value. 399 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,778 The truth is, you bought them because you like them. 400 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:50,073 They have value to you. That's what matters. 401 00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,619 [ VOICE BREAKING ] How long are you staying? 402 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,746 Until we find your Rick. 403 00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,789 I found mine. 404 00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,791 I found mine. 405 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,962 - Help! - There is no escape, my son. 406 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,506 We will find our peace in the next world. 407 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:09,259 So, what... y-y-y-y-you're just gonna give up? 408 00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,679 We're giving in... to the power of the one true Morty. 409 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,389 One day, he will return. 410 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:18,268 TOGETHER: Praise the one true Morty. 411 00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,521 Ugh. All right, Mortys, listen up. 412 00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:25,776 My name is Morty Smith, from Earth dimension C-137. 413 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,362 I know you're scared, because I'm scared. 414 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,614 But that's no reason to accept our fate! 415 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:31,531 We're Mortys! 416 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:34,284 We're not defined by our relationships to Rick! 417 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:36,578 Our destiny is our own! 418 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,747 This sounds like something the one true Morty might say. 419 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,749 I'm sick of being a human shield. 420 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,834 I-I-I w... I want to be a gardener! 421 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,338 I want to write really crazy, intense action novels! 422 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,465 I'm more than just a hammer! 423 00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,425 He is the one true Morty! 424 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,761 Hooray! The one true Morty! 425 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,680 Hey, keep it down! 426 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,265 [ MORTYS SHOUTING ] 427 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,732 You've lived quite a life, Rick. 428 00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:09,236 It's a real shame you won't be around to see it through. 429 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,830 You're crying? Over a Morty? 430 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,998 No, I'm just allergic to dipshits. 431 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,333 Ugh. Pathetic. 432 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:26,169 We both know that if there's any truth in the universe, 433 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,797 it's that Ricks don't care about Mortys. 434 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,842 [ MORTYS SHOUTING ] 435 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,469 Do your worst, you little bastards! 436 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,180 Kill me! Do it! Do i-i-i-i-it! 437 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:40,350 Morty! Thank god! Get me out of this. 438 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:43,186 - Come on! - You're lucky I'm not a Rick. 439 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:46,064 Point taken, but this is [BURPS] no time for arcs. 440 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:47,858 [ ENERGY POWERING DOWN ] 441 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,693 Oh! 442 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,612 [ DIALING ] 443 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,156 [ RINGING ] 444 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,365 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] Yeah, hello. 445 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,743 Hey, what do me and O.J. not have in common? 446 00:17:57,827 --> 00:17:59,494 Huh? W-Who is this? 447 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:03,081 I found the real killer, bitch! Get over here! 448 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:08,170 Yo, ding-dong, we're done here. Time to go. 449 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,172 Well, Jerry [BURPS] 450 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,340 I guess this means goodbye. 451 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,176 W-W-Well, does it have to? 452 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,136 I mean, you... you look just like Rick. 453 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,722 We could maybe, you know, get rid of him. 454 00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,557 I'm not saying kill him, necessarily. 455 00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:23,393 I... I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but... 456 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,146 Jerry, w-we both know it wouldn't work. 457 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:29,232 It's time to go back to our lives. 458 00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,318 I love you, Jerry. I love you. 459 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,403 [ SIGHS ] 460 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,120 [ WHIMPERS ] 461 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,085 TOGETHER: Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! 462 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:50,962 Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! 463 00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,343 W-What... w-what's gonna happen to all these Mortys? 464 00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,428 They'll go back to their families, 465 00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:02,599 attend school regularly, play video games, date girls. 466 00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:05,936 Poor little Rickless bastards. 467 00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:08,063 COUNCILMAN RICK: Earth Rick C-137, 468 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,233 the council apologizes for its false accusation, 469 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,819 and in the way of reparations [BURPS] for our terrible mistake, 470 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,197 we would like to compensate you with this voucher 471 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,741 for a free replacement Morty in the event 472 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,868 that y[BURPS]our current [BURPS] Morty should... 473 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,246 Uh, guys, not a good time. 474 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,206 Come on, Morty. Let's hit it. 475 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,293 MORTY: ls it time for arcs yet, Rick? 476 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:31,753 I did a pretty good job back there 477 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,922 for a human cloaking device. 478 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,366 Saved your ass. - All right, Morty. 479 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,133 Don't break an arm jerking yourself off. 480 00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:38,885 Man, I can't believe you, Rick. 481 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,887 That right there, that w... that was a great opportunity 482 00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:42,889 to show a little humanity, you know? 483 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,474 To connect with me a little. 484 00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,934 Hey, Morty, you want connection, 485 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,478 go be part of some stupid club, like all those dumb Ricks. 486 00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,981 You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the Rickest Rick. 487 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,358 And, you know, it would g... [BURPS] 488 00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,610 go without saying that the Rickest Rick 489 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,070 would have the Mortyest Morty. 490 00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,364 - It would go without saying, huh? - Yeah, it would. 491 00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:02,200 Did you hear me say it? - Nah. 492 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,202 The Mortyest Morty. 493 00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,496 Just don't get too big for your loafers, Buster Brown. 494 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,748 A cocky Morty can lead to some big problems. 495 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,709 It can be a real bad thing for everybody. 496 00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,377 Oh, yeah? How's that? 497 00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:15,380 U-Uh, I'll explain when you're older. 498 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,673 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 499 00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,924 What a mess. 500 00:20:18,009 --> 00:20:19,885 Pride cometh before the fall. 501 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,803 I guess he got what he deserved. 502 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:22,679 What is that? 503 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:23,847 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 504 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,515 Hand me the laser difibulator. 505 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,225 Hey, guys, uh, c-can I help? 506 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,602 No! Go clean the toilets. 507 00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,520 Maybe you'll make friends with some turds. 508 00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:33,023 You make us ashamed to be ourselves! 509 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,152 My god. I've seen this technology before. 510 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,528 [ DEVICE BEEPING ] 511 00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,530 This Rick was being controlled remotely... 512 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,115 puppeteered by somebody else. 513 00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:45,911 This is the receiver. - Yeah, but where's the transmitter? 514 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,246 [ BEEPING CONTINUES ] 515 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:37,253 Wubba dubba dub dub! Oh. Hey, Jerry. 516 00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,589 W-W-W-What are you doing in my room, buddy? 517 00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:41,758 Nothing. I was just, um... 518 00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,760 [SNIFFLES] checking the smoke detectors. 519 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:46,763 All right. Okay, get out. 520 00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,036 What's that dipshit doing out there? 521 00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,246 Are you friends with him? 522 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,123 You know he eats his own shit, right? 523 00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,041 [ LAUGHING ] Oh, my god, this is rich! 524 00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:18,044 I've got like [BURPS] 10 Ricks to call right now. 525 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:21,006 Did you get any of that? 526 00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,049 It's a good-a show! 39818

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