All language subtitles for Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 05 Episode 13 & 14 - A Very Sunny Christmas

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala Download
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,071 - ¶¶ ["Jingle Bell Rock"] - [ Charlie ] How's this? This look centered? 2 00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,800 [ Mac ] Uh, no, you gotta move it a little to the left. 3 00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:10,843 - ¶¶ [ Continues ] - All right, here we go. How's that? 4 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,174 No, your other left. 5 00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,714 Uh, my other left? I only have one left. 6 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,717 It's just an expression. Just move it to the other direction. 7 00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:21,811 What would that expression be for- for someone who has two lefts? 8 00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:26,587 - No- No. Just move it the other way. Move it the other way. - Towards your left. 9 00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:28,786 Your left and my left are the same 'cause we're facing the same direction. 10 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,660 We're two different people. We can't have the same left. It doesn't make sense. 11 00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:34,063 - Here we go again. - [Mac] Hey-yo! 12 00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,261 - ¶¶ [ Stops ] - Ow. Well, all right. 13 00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:38,964 Hey, go in the back. We got some more Christmas lights. We need some help. 14 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,904 - No, we're not helping you. - Come on. It's almost Christmas. 15 00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,636 Get into the spirit. Let's put some decorations up. 16 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,644 Whoa. What in the hell is that? 17 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,647 [Mac] Yeah. You like that? That's an industrial-sized snow blower... 18 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,149 we got from some dude on the Internet from the Poconos. 19 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:54,550 You know how it never snows on Christmas. We got a backup plan this year. 20 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,816 We're gonna have a white Christmas out in front of the bar. 21 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,482 We're gonna make the snow ourselves. 22 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,924 If you guys love Christmas so much, why do you always wait... 23 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,554 until the last possible minute to put up the Christmas decorations? 24 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,190 - It is the day before Christmas. - That's our tradition. 25 00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:09,064 Yeah, that's what we do. We drink a lot of eggnog, we pass out. 26 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,729 And then we don't put anything up, so we do it all last minute. 27 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:14,865 Yeah. Then we wake up Christmas morning and throw rocks at trains. 28 00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:16,533 Why would grown men throw rocks at trains? 29 00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:18,907 Why wouldn't we throw rocks at trains? 30 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:21,071 It's awesome. It's what you do on Christmas morning. 31 00:01:21,147 --> 00:01:23,274 We've been doing it since we were kids. Look, whatever. 32 00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:25,840 I'm sorry that we love Christmas and we have awesome traditions and you guys hate Christmas. 33 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,116 They hate Christmas because I always got the best gifts... 34 00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,851 - And Frank always gave them shitty presents. - Oh. 35 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,052 You think we don't like Christmas 'cause Frank got us shitty presents? 36 00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:37,028 Is that really what you think? No, Frank didn't buy shitty presents. 37 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:39,395 Frank bought the most awesome presents in the entire world. 38 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,264 He would find out whatever Christmas presents we wanted that year... 39 00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,633 - and he would buy 'em for himself instead of buying 'em for us. - Yeah. 40 00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:47,537 - Really? - Yeah. 41 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:51,543 That must have been why he wanted me to walkie you guys when you got to the bar. 42 00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,375 'Cause he was trying to do something about making your Christmas better. 43 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:59,578 Yo, uh, Frank, the eagles landed. They're here. So, uh, over and out. Go ahead. 44 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,517 - [ Beeps ] - [ Frank] Tell 'em to go outside. 45 00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,988 No. Frank, whatever Christmas presents you bought for yourself... 46 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,525 you can bring 'em in the bar and ruin 'em in front of us in here. 47 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,754 - [ Beeps ] - No can do. 48 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,820 It's too big. And, Dennis... 49 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:14,423 you're really gonna wanna see this. 50 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,868 - It's your dream gift. - [ Beeps ] 51 00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:20,235 My dream gift? What does he- 52 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:24,003 Nah. No. Oh. 53 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,170 Oh, God, no. 54 00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:34,078 [ Tires Screeching ] 55 00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:37,779 [Frank Grunts ] 56 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,087 Goddamn it! 57 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,599 [ Sinister Laughter] Merry Christmas, bitches! 58 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,398 [Frank] Deandra? 59 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,058 Look at this. 60 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:26,970 A nice Sergio Giorgini bag. 61 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,632 - You wantee? - I don't want it. 62 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:32,474 Fake-out! It's mine. [ Laughs ] 63 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:36,982 And I use it to keep in my Cheesy Loops... 64 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,077 and... chocolate-covered malted milk balls. 65 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,645 What is your problem, Frank? Why do you do this to us every year? 66 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,816 I do it to you every year, Deandra... 67 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,917 because you and your brother... 68 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:51,430 never learn the lesson that I try to impart at Christmastime. 69 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,590 - Oh, my God. - And that is... 70 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,691 you have to earn what you get. 71 00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:58,259 This principle made me a multimillionaire. 72 00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,796 No. No, stealing millions of dollars from your ex-business partner... 73 00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:03,637 is what made you a millionaire, Frank. 74 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,508 Uh- Eugene Hamilton was a great man. 75 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,547 Do not speak ill of the dead. 76 00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,607 - She's speaking ill of you! - Oh, whatever. 77 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:15,882 I'm going to burn up the rubber with my Lamborghini. 78 00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:17,786 [ Imitating Engine Revving ] 79 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:22,521 Oh, I got my nice Sergio Giorgini bag. 80 00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,029 - Damn son of a bitch! - [ Grunting Loudly] 81 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,032 How could he do this? He's gone too far this year. 82 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,467 He's not even our dad anymore and he's still doing this. I can't take it anymore. 83 00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:33,300 Who puts cheesy snacks and chocolate in a designer bag? 84 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,500 Oh, Dennis, he's gonna ruin the lining. 85 00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:39,409 Well, I'm not even gonna begin to compare a $250,000 Italian sports car... 86 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,470 to a handbag, but I get your point. 87 00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:45,574 This has got to stop. However, the good news is I think there's a big opportunity in this. 88 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:50,715 - What kind of opportunity? - Frank seems to think his old business partner's dead. 89 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,451 - He's not dead? - Nope. 90 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:56,723 And that gives me a very interesting idea. 91 00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:04,593 So, you wanna talk to me about Frank Reynolds. 92 00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:08,368 Yes, we do. See, Mr. Hamilton, we heard about how Frank dicked you all up and down... 93 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,274 - and we thought we'd give you a chance to get some payback. - Mm-hmm. 94 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:15,041 We thought you might wanna help us because, you see, Frank thinks you’re dead. 95 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:18,709 Well, I have forgiven Frank. 96 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,776 - Uh, what? - Frank? 97 00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:25,085 You see, some years ago I had a near-death experience... 98 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,252 and I- I saw the light... 99 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,853 and I saw the truth... 100 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,455 of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 101 00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:35,865 - [ Teeth Click] - Oh. Uh-oh. 102 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:40,599 So, I have forgiven everyone who ever did me any harm. 103 00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:43,665 Okay, well, uh, that's cool, because you could probably still help us. 104 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,938 Frank has not found the Lord yet. 105 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,276 No. Frank's gotten nowhere near the Lord. 106 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,045 - Yeah, and so, in the spirit of the Lord and Christmas- - And God. 107 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:55,451 And, uh, all that, we wanna do a Christmas Carol type thing... 108 00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,455 where we show him the error of his ways... 109 00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,388 through his past, his present and his future. 110 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,690 See, Mr. Hamilton, we feel like if Frank can just understand... 111 00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,889 what a dick he's been to people in his past... 112 00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,592 and how he's just gonna probably end up old and alone like yourself... 113 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,898 then maybe he'll be able to make up for some of his past mistakes. 114 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:14,269 When can I talk to Frank about his salvation? 115 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:19,107 - At the end. You can do it at the very, very end. - The very end. 116 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,112 - The very, very end. Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. 117 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,616 But in the meantime, we need you to be our ghost. 118 00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:30,820 [Charlie ]Just being in your childhood room is giving me the Christmas spirit, bro. 119 00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,621 - Yeah, dude. It's awesome, huh? - It's pretty cool that your mom kept all your stuff. 120 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:37,925 Yeah, dude. I think I got an Omnibot around here somewhere. 121 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,931 - You remember Omnibot? - Totally. Those were amazing. 122 00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:42,331 - [ Sniffs ] - Oh, my God. So cool. Oh, check this out, dude. 123 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,336 - Look at that. Karate trophy. - Why do you have a karate trophy? 124 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,998 - I found that in the street. - That makes sense. 125 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,303 - And, oh! Captain Caveman! - Oh! 126 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:51,639 Remember when we would shave the neighborhood dogs... 127 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,305 and glue the fur to our faces and pretend we were him? 128 00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:57,508 Absolutely! And then we would bash away at him and we'd bash the dogs to pieces. 129 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,949 Yeah! Boom! 'Member that? 130 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,317 - [ Gasps ] Simon? - Simon. 131 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:05,323 Dude, this game was my favorite. Do you remember how challenging this was? 132 00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,359 - Yeah. But, Charlie, don't get lost in that. - [Beeps ] 133 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,225 - I got the first one, bro. - [ Beeps Twice ] 134 00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:12,491 Uh-oh. Ew. 135 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,728 Ew! It just threw me a curveball here. Did you catch that? 136 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,703 - Uh, it went- [ Beeps Twice ] - I know, but I don't know what order. 137 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,205 - Which one was- [ Beeps ] - Which one lit up? 138 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,141 - The yellow and the blue both lit up. - Then press yellow and blue. 139 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,837 - I don't remember which order it happened. - [ Beeps Twice ] 140 00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,574 - Oh. Okay. - Yeah. 141 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,640 - You got it. You got lucky, though. - [ Beeps Three Times ] 142 00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:35,585 Okay, now three happened, and I have no idea which three. 143 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:38,852 Hey-yo! ¶¶ [Scatting] 144 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,689 - Oh! ¶ Omnibot, the freaking robot ¶ - ¶ Omnibot ¶ 145 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,695 Dude, we're gonna put a Santa hat on him. 146 00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,732 - He's gonna serve us drinks and break-dance. - That is awesome, dude! 147 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:50,530 - Yeah, it's awesome. - What was he holding? Is this his instructional video? 148 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,333 "Christmas day, 1 985." Oh, shit! 149 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,432 - This is a home movie my dad made of Christmas. - Really? 150 00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,967 Oh, yeah. Every Christmas morning he would videotape me opening up my presents. 151 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,378 - [Charlie ] Toss that shit in. - Yeah, man. 152 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:06,544 Look, Son, a video camera. Hmm? 153 00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:09,952 [ Laughs ] Oh, this is something. 154 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,582 Can I open mine now? 155 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,218 No, no, keep your voice down. Let your mother open hers first, okay? 156 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,785 - Here we go. Here we go. - Mom. 157 00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:20,230 - Let's see. - Let's go, Mom. 158 00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:23,791 - Let's not wait. - [ Gasps ] Hon, wow! 159 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:27,806 Cashmere! Beautiful! [ Laughs ] 160 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:29,808 Mmm! 161 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,505 - That's gonna look good on you, baby. - Oh, yeah! 162 00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,104 - Now can I go? - Uh, not yet, Son. 163 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,548 - Let's see what Daddy got. Hmm? - Oh. 164 00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,984 [Wrapping Paper Rustles ] 165 00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:43,078 I think I know what it is. 166 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,089 Would you look at this? 167 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,284 A brand-new stereo. 168 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,555 [Mother] Oh! Look at that! 169 00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,063 - That's gonna be perfect for the living room. - Yeah! 170 00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:55,726 - Goddamn it! Can I goddamn go? This is taking forever! - Okay. 171 00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,895 Fine, fine, fine, fine. You go. You go. Yeah. 172 00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:03,135 - Okay. Let's see. - It's your turn. Let's see what you got. 173 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:08,340 - [ Screams ] A Cabbage Patch Doll! - Uh, shh- 174 00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,882 - Yeah- You don't- - [ Screams ] 175 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:14,386 - You don't have to keep yelling like that. - [Man ] Who's down there? 176 00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,251 - [ Woman ] Oh, my God! - [Dad] Time to go. Time to go. 177 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,622 Move it along. Yeah, Son, get your- There we go. Open the door. 178 00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,423 - [ Mac Screaming] - Get the stereo. Honey, get the stereo. 179 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,327 [ Mac Sighs ] 180 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,367 That was awesome. My dad looks really young, doesn't he? 181 00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:31,562 Dude, what was it- What was that? What happened right there? 182 00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,105 - Huh? - What was the family on the stairs? What was that? 183 00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:37,472 That was probably the next family coming in to get their presents. 184 00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:41,070 What-What are you talking about? What was happening there? 185 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,308 That was the Christmas tradition- 186 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,316 where you go from house to house collecting your presents. 187 00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,944 And then when the next family comes, you would run. 188 00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,181 I'm not aware of this tradition, Mac. 189 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,350 In fact, I think that you were just stealing from that home. 190 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,795 Oh, no. I was taking their presents, but they were taking mine. 191 00:09:57,863 --> 00:10:00,661 Yeah, dude. That's why there were never any presents at my house when I got back. 192 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,725 The neighbors took them. It's a South Philly tradition, Charlie. 193 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:07,364 No. Mm-mmm. People don't do that, dude. That doesn't make any sense. 194 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,671 You're telling me Christmas you would not go to your neighbor's house and take their presents? 195 00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,506 No! No one does that! 196 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,706 Well, my dad told me that that was the tradition. 197 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,477 And your dad is like a thief and a murderer who eats people... 198 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,485 so he's not really trustworthy. 199 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:24,011 - This is really dicking with my Christmas spirit. - Okay, whoa, bro. 200 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,024 I got a plan. Let's go to my house, you know. 201 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,686 You'll see how my mom does it. We'll get you right back in the Christmas mood. 202 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,524 - All right? - Okay, all right. Okay. 203 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:40,029 You think-You think these chains are really necessary? 204 00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,040 Yeah, they're necessary! It's part of the whole thing. 205 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,373 It's part of the look. This is how it's gonna work. I'm gonna pump this smoke under the door. 206 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,674 And then you blast in there and give Frank a good scare. 207 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,807 He's really gonna believe you’re a ghost, so he's gonna listen to anything you say. 208 00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:53,351 Definitely. You sit him down, you make him watch the videotape. 209 00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,819 And that's what's gonna prove how horrible he's been to us all these years. 210 00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:59,221 When you're doing the ghost thing, you really gotta sell it. [ Moaning ] 211 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,350 - You know what I mean? - Make it sound real, like a ghost would. 212 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,395 - Yeah, do it up. Do it up. - Okay. 213 00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:07,831 - [Smoke Hissing] - [Eugene Moaning] Frank! 214 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,697 Frank! 215 00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:12,602 - [ Snoring ] - Frank! 216 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,799 Put some vibrato into it. 217 00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:18,605 - Fra-a-a-nk! - [TV Continues ] 218 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,114 - Fire! Fire! Fire! We're gonna die! - Frank! 219 00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:25,912 We're all gonna die! We're gonna suffocate! I gotta get out of here! 220 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:29,113 - Frank! - Get out! We're gonna die! 221 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,248 Calm down, Frank. Calm down. There's no fire. 222 00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,554 - Eugene? - Yes. 223 00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:38,290 - A ghost! Ghost! - No. No, no, no. 224 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,491 - Ghost, ghost, get out! - No! 225 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:43,126 [Dee ] No, Frank! Stop! Stop. 226 00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,228 - Deandra! Deandra! - Frank, you're supposed to listen to the ghost. 227 00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:50,935 - No, he's dead! - Calm down. Go sit on the couch and keep your mouth shut. 228 00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,468 Just sit and listen. Thank you. 229 00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,983 Now, yes, you're right. Your old business partner is not dead. 230 00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,918 But, Mr. Hamilton, do you have something you would like to say to Frank? 231 00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:05,514 I do. Are you familiar with the forgiving nature... 232 00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,822 - of our lord and savior Jesus Christ? - Ooh, ooh, no. Eugene. 233 00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,192 At the end. Okay? "For the love of God" at the end. 234 00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:13,857 - Okay? This is the beginning. - But if you’re gonna bring God into it... 235 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,868 can you do like the Old Testament and the covenant... 236 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,097 and keeping your eyes closed or your face will melt... 237 00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,696 - and the coins and the fear and the Indiana Jones- - No. 238 00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,766 You know what? Just sit on the couch. We'll take it from here. Okay? 239 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,369 - Thank you. - Good job, buddy. Good job. Okay. Um- 240 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,676 - Bust out the video. Let's do the video. - The tape now, right? 241 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,651 - What the hell is this? - Welcome to your Christmas past, Frank. 242 00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:37,052 Is this gonna take long, because it's cutting into my Countach time? 243 00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:40,149 I was gonna go out and make some modifications to the car. 244 00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,989 - Modifications on the- - Yeah. 245 00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:45,360 No, no, no, no, no. You do not make modifications on a Countach. That car is perfect. 246 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,365 Yeah, but I can't reach the door when it goes up. 247 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,197 I was gonna put a wire rig and then drop the bag. 248 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,727 - You are gonna ruin that car, Frank! You're gonna ruin it! - Okay. Okay. 249 00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:56,468 We're gonna take you on a journey, like the Christmas Carol... 250 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,636 and you're gonna be a better person and your life will be enriched and fulfilled- 251 00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,180 - And just watch the TV. - Hmm. 252 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,376 [Frank On Tape ] Okay, Dennis, Deandra, come and get your presents. 253 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:09,148 - Yes! Yes, presents! - Presents! Presents! 254 00:13:09,221 --> 00:13:11,712 - Christmas, 1 986. - Mm-hmm. 255 00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,589 This is where you destroyed Christmas for us forever. 256 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:18,494 Oh, no, no, no. Open the biggest one first. That's the one. 257 00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:21,658 Look at that. Yeah. That's for both of ya. 258 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:25,363 Tear it apart. Go on. What's in there? 259 00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:32,500 There's nothing in there. 260 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,739 Fake-out! There's nothing in any of 'em! 261 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,214 - Now go wake up your pill-head mother. - [ Tape Machine Clicks ] 262 00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:41,583 Aw. Oh, this is bringing back such great memories! 263 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,055 The fake out was the best, right? Right, Eugene? 264 00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:47,490 No! No. Eugene, will you please tell him... 265 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,427 what a terrible person he's been for always doing this to us, please? 266 00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,933 What are you talking about? Eugene was the guy who taught me the fake out. 267 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,436 He's right. But I have changed, my good friend. 268 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,233 - Yeah, see? He's changed. - That's the point. 269 00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,900 - He changed. And now it's time for you to change. - Yeah. 270 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:06,411 They're right. Are you ready to find the loving arms of God? 271 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,571 - [Dennis ] God! - Where is your anger? 272 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,411 - This is time to get your vengeance, guy. - [ Groans ] 273 00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,747 - Let's all go to church. - [Dee ] No! 274 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,912 - Let's move on to Christmas present. - Yeah. This is- 275 00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,922 Let's just continue the journey. Grab your jacket. 276 00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:19,958 - Eugene, up, up, up, up, up. - All right. 277 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,118 - [Dennis ] Come on. - Come on, Eugene. Let's go with them. 278 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,625 [Door Opens ] 279 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,164 - Hi! - Wow! 280 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,598 Yeah, man! See, this is Christmas, right? 281 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,760 - Yeah, your mom's really into this, huh? - She loves it. Hey, Ma! 282 00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:33,100 - Oh! Oh, you! [ Laughing ] - Hey! 283 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,833 - Hey! - Merry Christmas! 284 00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,841 - I'm so excited! It's almost Christmas! - I'm so excited! 285 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,002 - Oh, merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas! 286 00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:41,478 Oh, you brought the vodka. 287 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:45,483 Glug, glug, glug, glug. Christmastime! Christmastime! Drinkin' our Christmas. 288 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,611 Thank you. Well, listen, you guys. Make yourselves at home. 289 00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:52,623 I'll be in the kitchen making gingerbread men for my gingerbread boys. 290 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,353 - Yeah! Gingerbread men! - All right, man. 291 00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,622 - See? Now, this is Christmas, man! - I feel it. I'm back. 292 00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:00,494 - Mac is back. - You got good tunes, good food on the way. 293 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,000 My mom and I would be excited about the Santas coming over. 294 00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,770 - Yeah. Yeah. - This is Christmas, bro! 295 00:15:05,903 --> 00:15:09,168 - The-The what? - The Santas that come over on Christmas to cheer my mom up. 296 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,367 - The Santas, plural? - Yeah. 297 00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:13,842 - What the hell you talking about? - Oh, dude. 298 00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:17,005 This was, like, the best tradition ever, man. 299 00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:19,345 [Man ] ¶ You better watch out, you better not cry ¶ 300 00:15:19,416 --> 00:15:21,407 - [ Charlie ] Every Christmas morning- - [Doorbell Rings ] 301 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:24,352 I would run to the door and I'd open it, and I'd find the first Santa Claus. 302 00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:26,355 ¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶ 303 00:15:26,423 --> 00:15:29,221 The Santa Claus would come in, and he'd give me a present, you know, or somethin '. 304 00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:31,887 Then he 'd go in the room with my mom, and cheer her up for a while. 305 00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:34,795 - ¶ He 's gonna find out who 's naughty and nice ¶ - [ Blows Kiss ] 306 00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:38,130 - [ Doorbell Rings ] - Then the doorbell wound ring, the next Santa Claus would come. 307 00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:41,228 And he'd give me a present or something or other, and he 'd go cheer my mom up for a while. 308 00:15:41,305 --> 00:15:44,536 - [ Doorbell Rings ] - [ Women ]¶ He knows when you're awake ¶ 309 00:15:44,608 --> 00:15:46,838 - [ Doorbell Rings ] - [ Man ]¶ He knows if you’ve been bad or good¶ 310 00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:49,505 ¶ So be good for goodness 'sake ¶ 311 00:15:50,681 --> 00:15:53,946 I didn't always understand the presents... 312 00:15:54,018 --> 00:15:56,486 but I always found a way to have fun with them. 313 00:15:56,554 --> 00:16:00,513 ¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶ 314 00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:03,583 Wait, dude. One year, Santa even brought one of his elves. 315 00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:06,494 It's like a goddamn sauna up there. 316 00:16:06,564 --> 00:16:08,691 [ Charlie ] I think it was an elf. 317 00:16:08,766 --> 00:16:10,825 ¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶ 318 00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:14,997 - The memory's kind of blurry for some reason. - Merry Christmas. 319 00:16:15,072 --> 00:16:18,200 - [ Laughing, Slowed Down ] - ¶ You better not pout, I'm telling you why ¶ 320 00:16:18,275 --> 00:16:20,607 ¶ Santa Claus is comin'¶ 321 00:16:20,678 --> 00:16:24,808 ¶ He's comin' to town ¶¶ 322 00:16:29,486 --> 00:16:32,387 Ah. Charlie? I- 323 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,684 I hate to break this to you, man, but- 324 00:16:35,759 --> 00:16:38,557 but based on the story that you just told me... 325 00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:40,597 I think your mother was a prostitute. 326 00:16:40,664 --> 00:16:43,656 - [ Chuckles ] What? - Yeah. 327 00:16:43,734 --> 00:16:47,500 - Come on, man! - I'm just saying, based on that story that you just told me... 328 00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:51,063 I'm fairly certain that those Santas were running a train on your mom for money. 329 00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:54,269 No, dude. They would just give my mom money and go in the- 330 00:16:54,345 --> 00:16:56,438 - [Bell Dings ] - [Bell Tolls ] 331 00:16:56,513 --> 00:16:58,447 Yeah. Chew on that for a second. 332 00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:01,815 - Let that settle in. - No, no. 333 00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,478 Yes. 334 00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,488 - No. - Yes. 335 00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:06,887 - No. - Yes. 336 00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:09,289 - No! - Yes. 337 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,954 - No! No! - Okay, but, no. Just relax. 338 00:17:12,029 --> 00:17:13,894 - Are you okay? - Ma! 339 00:17:13,964 --> 00:17:16,091 - Let's get you out of here. Let's get out of here. - No! 340 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,225 - Merry Christmas, Mrs. Kelly! - No! No! 341 00:17:18,302 --> 00:17:20,293 - No! No! - Relax, dude. Jesus, Mary and Joseph! 342 00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:25,002 - Okay, here we go. Come on in, guys. - What? 343 00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:27,566 Why would you take me to my old real estate office? 344 00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:29,977 Well, because, Frank, tonight's the annual Christmas party. 345 00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:32,914 We want to show you how much your ex-employees despise you. 346 00:17:32,983 --> 00:17:34,814 But I haven't worked here in years. 347 00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,910 I mean, why is this a Christmas present to me? 348 00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:39,649 It's not a Christmas present, Frank. This is the Christmas present. 349 00:17:39,723 --> 00:17:42,283 Uh, all right, Frank. Here's the plan. 350 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:47,126 We're gonna hide you somewhere in the office, so you can hear people talkin' shit about you. 351 00:17:47,197 --> 00:17:50,598 Oh, that's cool. Oh, I see where you're going with this now. 352 00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:54,661 - Sew me into the couch. - Sew you into the couch? What are you saying? 353 00:17:54,738 --> 00:17:57,639 Yeah. That's what I do at home all the time- hide in the couch. 354 00:17:57,708 --> 00:18:01,439 It's a great hiding place. I catch Charlie pounding off all the time. 355 00:18:01,512 --> 00:18:03,980 "Pounding off"? Where do you get these terms? 356 00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:06,881 Why do you wanna catch Charlie masturbating? No, I don't care! 357 00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,613 Let's just hide you in a closet, or under a desk, or something. 358 00:18:09,687 --> 00:18:12,121 You wanna do this Christmas Carol bullshit, you do it my way. 359 00:18:12,189 --> 00:18:14,521 - Okay, fine. We'll sew you into a couch, Frank. - Okay, right. 360 00:18:14,591 --> 00:18:18,027 Just rip off the back, take out the stuffing, put me inside and sew it up. 361 00:18:20,564 --> 00:18:25,024 [Man ] ¶ It's the most wonderful time¶ 362 00:18:25,102 --> 00:18:26,694 ¶ Of the year¶¶ 363 00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:29,762 Excuse me, folks. Hey, happy holidays, huh? 364 00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:34,243 - There we go. How we doing over here? - Uh, not well. 365 00:18:34,311 --> 00:18:36,472 This is ridiculous. People are definitely starting to notice. 366 00:18:36,547 --> 00:18:39,380 Of course they're starting to notice. There's a grown man crammed inside of a couch. 367 00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,384 They're gonna notice. 368 00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:44,012 Let's talk to some people. How 'bout them right there? Can you grab that guy? 369 00:18:44,088 --> 00:18:46,886 - Hey, you two. Hey, you two. - Hey! 370 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,891 How we doing at the Christmas party? We having a good time? 371 00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:50,927 - Yes. - Great. Great. 372 00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:54,658 - So, uh, Frank Reynolds. [ Blowing Raspberry] - We were just talking about him. 373 00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:57,394 - He's the worst, huh? - Do you- Do you work here? 374 00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,129 - Yeah, of course. Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 375 00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:00,795 - Well, we pop around. - We pop around here. 376 00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:02,566 - We're "consultationists." - For this. 377 00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:06,336 - So we consult here. We consult across the street too. - The whole street. 378 00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,571 Is there a man in that couch? 379 00:19:08,645 --> 00:19:11,011 [ Forced Laugh ] What are you saying? A man in a couch? 380 00:19:11,081 --> 00:19:13,106 - Hello! - That's absurd. 381 00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:15,276 I believe there's a man in that couch right there. 382 00:19:15,352 --> 00:19:17,081 There is no man. There's no man! 383 00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:19,019 Say some things about Frank Reynolds. 384 00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:22,081 Say 'em loud, make sure they're horrible things, then we'll deal with the man in the couch. 385 00:19:22,159 --> 00:19:25,595 - Okay, so there is a man in the couch. - Call Frank Reynolds an asshole! 386 00:19:25,662 --> 00:19:28,426 - Who is Frank Reynolds? - He's the man in the couch! 387 00:19:28,499 --> 00:19:30,899 Oh, my God! What are you people doing? 388 00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,596 Will you just say something about Frank that's horrible! Call him an asshole! 389 00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,467 - Frank Reynolds is an asshole! - Oh, thank you! 390 00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:38,406 - [ Creaking ] - Oh, great. Now you’ve- 391 00:19:38,475 --> 00:19:41,069 - [People Gasping] - [ Growling ] 392 00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:45,110 [Man ] Oh, Jesus Christ! 393 00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:47,446 - [Woman ] Oh, no! Oh, no! - What is happening? 394 00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:50,453 - [ Grunts ] Can't breathe! Too hot! - Why are you naked, Frank? 395 00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:52,580 It's too hot in the couch. 396 00:19:52,656 --> 00:19:56,114 - Did you hear? She called you an asshole. - She called you an asshole. 397 00:19:56,193 --> 00:19:57,785 [ Growling ] No air! No air! 398 00:19:57,861 --> 00:20:00,056 - [ Roaring ] - Oh, Jesus! 399 00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:02,795 [ Sighs ] 400 00:20:02,866 --> 00:20:04,800 - [Grunting] - [ Sighs ] 401 00:20:07,871 --> 00:20:09,429 [ Doorbell Rings ] 402 00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:11,770 - Dude, you are amazingly calm right now. - Yeah. 403 00:20:11,842 --> 00:20:14,174 Are you sure you’re not gonna suddenly flip out and massacre me? 404 00:20:14,244 --> 00:20:16,178 No. Well, I'm doing two things. 405 00:20:16,246 --> 00:20:18,180 One: I buried it down deep. 406 00:20:18,248 --> 00:20:21,411 And two: I'm deciding I might not believe that that actually happened. 407 00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:23,476 I could be remembering Christmas wrong. You know what I mean? 408 00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:25,749 Are you sure this is one of the houses you robbed? 409 00:20:25,823 --> 00:20:29,088 Yeah. This is Ricky Falcone's house. I distinctly remember getting the Omnibot here. 410 00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:31,457 - Wow. - I always thanked Ricky in school too. 411 00:20:31,528 --> 00:20:34,622 - He never had any idea what I was talking about. - No, he wouldn't know. 412 00:20:34,698 --> 00:20:36,632 Hey-oh! Ricky Falcone! 413 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,828 - Hey, buddy. - How you doin', man? Good to see you. 414 00:20:39,903 --> 00:20:45,034 - Can I help you? - Uh, well, why don't we have our friend do the talking? 415 00:20:45,109 --> 00:20:48,078 [Motor Whirring] 416 00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:51,637 [ Beeping ] 417 00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:01,424 Hello, Ricky. 418 00:21:01,492 --> 00:21:04,655 When you were a little boy, I was stolen from you... 419 00:21:04,728 --> 00:21:07,356 on Christmas day. 420 00:21:07,431 --> 00:21:10,229 It was a big misunderstanding. 421 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,996 I miss you. I love you. 422 00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:15,834 I'm sorry. [ Clicks ] 423 00:21:19,476 --> 00:21:22,468 So, you stole this from me... 424 00:21:22,546 --> 00:21:25,538 and now you're coming back 20 years later to return it to me? 425 00:21:25,616 --> 00:21:28,915 - Ooh. R- Return it? No. - Return? No. 426 00:21:28,986 --> 00:21:31,614 - No, not exactly. - We didn't think you’d want the robot back... 427 00:21:31,688 --> 00:21:34,521 - seeing how as you're an adult and everything now. - You are a grown man. 428 00:21:34,591 --> 00:21:36,752 - It was more about the apology. - The apology, so- 429 00:21:36,827 --> 00:21:39,057 - We're keeping the robot. - All right. Let me get this straight. 430 00:21:39,129 --> 00:21:42,155 You two assholes are coming over to show me something you stole from me... 431 00:21:42,232 --> 00:21:44,564 but you’re not giving it back? 432 00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:48,901 At this point, I believe the robot's falling under the finders-keepers law of America. 433 00:21:48,972 --> 00:21:51,304 - You didn't find it. You stole it. - Well, hang on a second. 434 00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,502 - I didn't steal anything. He stole it. - Technically, I am the one. 435 00:21:53,577 --> 00:21:56,011 - It was his family's tradition, going around stealing- - We're getting off topic. 436 00:21:56,079 --> 00:21:58,104 Ricky, obviously you’re in some kind of a rut. 437 00:21:58,182 --> 00:22:01,948 - I can tell by your clothes, and you don't look good. - I'm not in a rut. 438 00:22:02,019 --> 00:22:05,785 Listen, bro. Why don’t you just take the apology, stop being so hard on yourself? 439 00:22:05,856 --> 00:22:07,983 It's about forgiveness! We're trying to get the Christmas spirit, dude! 440 00:22:08,058 --> 00:22:10,390 - Where are we- - [ Groans ] 441 00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:12,519 - Some people can't be helped. - That didn't go as planned. 442 00:22:12,596 --> 00:22:14,655 I'm glad he didn't, you know, pound us. 443 00:22:14,731 --> 00:22:16,722 This is a test, dude. We're getting tested. 444 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,132 - It's a Christmas spirit kind of a test, you know? - Yeah? 445 00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:22,195 We're getting curveballs left and right, with my mom and your folks. 446 00:22:22,272 --> 00:22:24,502 We gotta rise to the occasion, dude. We gotta step up. 447 00:22:24,575 --> 00:22:26,805 - Okay. I got a plan. - I love it. I love it. 448 00:22:26,877 --> 00:22:28,811 - I got a plan. - You're good like that, man. 449 00:22:28,879 --> 00:22:32,337 Let's go to the mall, get him the hottest-selling toy this season, give it to his kids. 450 00:22:32,416 --> 00:22:35,943 - Oh, my God. - Then he'll forgive us, and we get the Christmas spirit back. 451 00:22:36,019 --> 00:22:38,920 Then everyone gets the Christmas spirit. Maybe we'll get him new clothes too. 452 00:22:38,989 --> 00:22:41,321 - That dude is in a rut. - Which way is the bus stop? 453 00:22:41,391 --> 00:22:43,723 Uh, well, we came this way. 454 00:22:53,203 --> 00:22:56,195 Yo. Mac, check this shit out right here, dude. 455 00:22:56,273 --> 00:22:58,207 I bought Ricky a new shirt, you know? 456 00:22:58,275 --> 00:23:01,073 Maybe he could wear it to, like, a job interview. It's gonna clean his look up. 457 00:23:01,144 --> 00:23:03,271 - Get him out of that rut. - Get him out of the rut! 458 00:23:03,347 --> 00:23:06,009 - Maybe we should pick him up some face wash too. - Oh, my God. His skin! 459 00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:08,677 - Did you see that skin? - Terrible. How's it going in here? Find any good toys? 460 00:23:08,752 --> 00:23:10,481 Not good. No, actually. Let's ask this guy. 461 00:23:10,554 --> 00:23:12,351 Excuse me, sir. Hi. 462 00:23:12,422 --> 00:23:15,949 What is the hottest-selling toy item that you have in this store right now? 463 00:23:16,026 --> 00:23:19,928 Actually, the hottest-selling item right now is Redman the Robot. 464 00:23:19,997 --> 00:23:21,726 - Are you serious? - Redman the Robot? 465 00:23:21,798 --> 00:23:23,925 - That's what the kids are into? - Shit don't change! 466 00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:25,662 - All right! - Shit don't change! 467 00:23:25,736 --> 00:23:27,829 - We'll take one Redman the Robot, please. - We're sold out. 468 00:23:27,904 --> 00:23:30,304 - Uh- - You're sold out? 469 00:23:30,374 --> 00:23:32,274 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, but it's Christmas Eve, dude. 470 00:23:32,342 --> 00:23:35,470 - You're not gonna sell out on Christmas Eve, right? - There were a lot of people here. 471 00:23:35,545 --> 00:23:37,479 But it's Christmas Eve. You would stock up. 472 00:23:37,547 --> 00:23:39,481 - What kind of business model is that? - I get it. 473 00:23:39,549 --> 00:23:43,144 Just run and go get us one of the special reserve toys I know you got back there. 474 00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:46,189 Um, I'm being very serious right now. We don't have any. 475 00:23:46,256 --> 00:23:48,554 Right. So, okay. So hold on a second. 476 00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,423 You're telling me that if Mike Schmidt were to walk in here right now... 477 00:23:51,495 --> 00:23:53,656 and say, "Hey, get me a Redman the Robot"... 478 00:23:53,730 --> 00:23:56,528 you'd say, "I'm sorry. We're all out. We're sold out, Mike"? 479 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,535 - Who is Mike Schmidt? - Who's Mike Schmidt! 480 00:23:59,603 --> 00:24:02,197 Bro, have some respect here, man. What are you talkin' about? 481 00:24:02,272 --> 00:24:04,706 I don't know who Mike Schmidt is. 482 00:24:04,775 --> 00:24:06,766 - You've never heard of Mike Schmidt? - Easy, dude. 483 00:24:06,843 --> 00:24:09,539 - Don't lose your cool. - Twelve-time All Star, three-time baseball M.V.P.? 484 00:24:09,613 --> 00:24:12,514 - Maybe he doesn't know- - I don't buy it for one second, dude! 485 00:24:12,582 --> 00:24:14,914 - Maybe he's never heard- - He's the all-time leading home run hitter. 486 00:24:14,985 --> 00:24:17,579 - No, he's not the all-time leading home run hitter. - For white guys he is. 487 00:24:17,654 --> 00:24:19,918 He's not even for white guys. Babe Ruth's got more than him. 488 00:24:19,990 --> 00:24:22,982 Next you’re gonna tell me you don't know who Von Hayes is or Steve "Bedrock" Bedrosian. 489 00:24:23,060 --> 00:24:25,221 - I don't buy it, bitch! - Maybe he's not a baseball fan. 490 00:24:25,295 --> 00:24:27,058 - He's lying! Go get me one! - Don't lose your cool! 491 00:24:27,130 --> 00:24:29,291 - He's lying, dude. He's got 'em back there. - Keep the Christmas spirit. 492 00:24:29,366 --> 00:24:31,357 Von Hayes walks in here, you got one for Von Hayes? 493 00:24:31,435 --> 00:24:33,869 Dude, nobody knows who Von Hayes is! Man, relax. 494 00:24:36,306 --> 00:24:38,638 - Aw, shit, dude. I'm sorry. - That's okay, man. 495 00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:41,542 - I lost my cool. - I don't know who doesn't know who Mike Schmidt is. 496 00:24:41,611 --> 00:24:43,602 - Right? It's ridiculous. - Let's just be calm, right? 497 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,171 It's a Christmas test. Another Christmas test. Think of it that way. 498 00:24:46,249 --> 00:24:48,046 - Okay. Charlie? I got a new plan. -Just like that? 499 00:24:48,118 --> 00:24:49,449 - Yeah, dude. - That's so fast. 500 00:24:49,519 --> 00:24:50,918 - I'm firing on all cylinders. - Okay. 501 00:24:50,987 --> 00:24:53,251 - It's a bit of a blessing and a curse. - Let me hear it. 502 00:24:53,323 --> 00:24:56,292 Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna wait till the mall closes, break into the store... 503 00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,590 - steal the robot, give that to Ricky. - No, no, no, dude. 504 00:24:58,662 --> 00:25:01,722 You're stealing on Christmas again. That's not very Christmas-like. 505 00:25:01,798 --> 00:25:03,459 Shit, dude. It's a vicious cycle. 506 00:25:03,533 --> 00:25:06,297 - I feel like my parents really screwed me up. - Yeah, but look at me. 507 00:25:06,370 --> 00:25:09,032 - I-I get curveballs from Mommy, you know? - Yeah. 508 00:25:09,106 --> 00:25:12,439 But I'm standing tall. I'm calm. I got the Christmas- 509 00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:16,044 - [Bell Tolls ] - ¶ You better watch out¶ 510 00:25:16,113 --> 00:25:19,378 ¶ You better not cry You better not pout, I'm telling you why¶ 511 00:25:19,449 --> 00:25:20,973 - ¶ Why¶ - Ho-ho-ho-ho! [ Laughing ] 512 00:25:21,051 --> 00:25:23,042 ¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶ 513 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,712 It's good. Your mom's gonna like that. 514 00:25:24,788 --> 00:25:27,655 [Echoing] ¶ He's making a list, checking it twice ¶ 515 00:25:27,724 --> 00:25:30,625 - ¶ He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice ¶ - Where are you going, dude? 516 00:25:30,694 --> 00:25:32,662 Charlie! What are you doing? 517 00:25:32,729 --> 00:25:34,890 - ¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶ - Charlie. What are you doing? 518 00:25:34,965 --> 00:25:37,559 - No! - I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. 519 00:25:37,634 --> 00:25:39,727 I'm sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry. 520 00:25:39,803 --> 00:25:41,464 Merry Christmas. Bye-bye. 521 00:25:41,538 --> 00:25:44,132 - We don't have time for this shit. - Ho-ho-ho-ho! 522 00:25:44,207 --> 00:25:46,835 Well, hello, and merry Christmas. 523 00:25:48,378 --> 00:25:51,347 So, where's your little one? Ooh! 524 00:25:51,415 --> 00:25:54,350 [ Laughing ] Oh, you're a big boy, aren’t you? 525 00:25:54,418 --> 00:25:57,182 [ Laughing ] Uh, is he retarded? 526 00:25:57,254 --> 00:25:59,313 Yeah. I got this one. 527 00:25:59,389 --> 00:26:03,723 So, son, what would you like for Christmas, huh? 528 00:26:04,928 --> 00:26:06,862 Did you fuck my mom? 529 00:26:08,365 --> 00:26:10,424 What? 530 00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:15,460 Did you fuck... my... mom? 531 00:26:15,539 --> 00:26:17,837 What do you mean? I, uh, uh- 532 00:26:17,908 --> 00:26:20,468 Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus? 533 00:26:20,544 --> 00:26:22,637 - Did you fuck my mom? - No. 534 00:26:22,712 --> 00:26:24,839 Did you fuck her? Did you fuck my fucking mom? 535 00:26:24,915 --> 00:26:27,145 Did you fuck my mom, Santa? 536 00:26:27,217 --> 00:26:29,185 - [Screams ] He's biting my neck! - Charlie! 537 00:26:29,252 --> 00:26:31,345 Get him off!. He's trying to kill me! 538 00:26:31,421 --> 00:26:33,616 - [ Shouting ] - [People Screaming] 539 00:26:33,690 --> 00:26:35,988 - No, no! - Did you fuck my mom? 540 00:26:36,059 --> 00:26:39,688 - Did you fuck my mom? - You're gonna kill Santa Claus! 541 00:26:39,763 --> 00:26:42,197 [Screaming] 542 00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:46,227 - Mommy! - [ Screams ] 543 00:26:46,303 --> 00:26:48,669 Oh, shit. I'm sorry, kid. 544 00:26:48,738 --> 00:26:50,797 Charlie, we gotta go, dude! Come on, bro! 545 00:26:50,874 --> 00:26:53,866 - Dude, what the fuck are you doing? - Did you fuck my mom? 546 00:26:53,944 --> 00:26:56,936 - [Mac] Let's get out of here! - Did you fuck my mom? 547 00:26:57,013 --> 00:26:59,345 - Did you fuck my mom? Did you fuck my mom? - [ Girl Screaming ] 548 00:26:59,416 --> 00:27:01,680 Santa's been attacked! 549 00:27:01,751 --> 00:27:05,414 - [ Screaming ] - [ Charlie Shouting ] 550 00:27:09,826 --> 00:27:14,058 [ Crying ] 551 00:27:18,969 --> 00:27:21,995 You think, when we leave, you could just, uh... 552 00:27:22,072 --> 00:27:24,233 you know, swing by my house and drop me off? 553 00:27:24,307 --> 00:27:26,639 No. No. We don't have time for that shit, all right? 554 00:27:26,710 --> 00:27:28,735 Listen, we're doing the Christmas future. We're doing it now. 555 00:27:28,812 --> 00:27:30,370 - What the hell is this? - You ready? 556 00:27:30,447 --> 00:27:33,939 That is Mom's grave, right? And this, right here? 557 00:27:34,017 --> 00:27:37,612 - This is your eternal resting- - Yo, Deandra. That-That is not my future. 558 00:27:37,687 --> 00:27:39,678 I'm not gonna be buried in a grave. 559 00:27:39,756 --> 00:27:41,690 When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash. 560 00:27:41,758 --> 00:27:45,091 - Okay. - You know what? Just change now. Okay? 561 00:27:45,161 --> 00:27:47,595 - It's time for you to change, okay? - It's time for that now. 562 00:27:47,664 --> 00:27:50,758 We did the Christmas past. We did the old man ghost. We did the grave thing. 563 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:53,496 - Here we are. - Now it's time for you to change and give us reparations. 564 00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:57,097 You give us reparations, and cars, and Lamborghinis, and goddamn money! 565 00:27:57,173 --> 00:27:59,107 - And purses! - You son of a bitch! 566 00:27:59,175 --> 00:28:02,372 - Aha! That's what this is all about, right? - [ Both ] Yeah! 567 00:28:02,445 --> 00:28:04,936 You don't give a shit whether I change or not, do you? Huh? 568 00:28:05,015 --> 00:28:09,247 It's all about you- what you want. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! 569 00:28:09,319 --> 00:28:12,413 Well, you're never gonna learn your lesson, Dennis. You're never gonna learn, Deandra. 570 00:28:12,489 --> 00:28:14,616 - Oh, screw your goddamn lesson! - Yeah? I'm out of here. 571 00:28:14,691 --> 00:28:18,855 Who gives a shit about your lesson? Just stop ruining Christmas... for us! 572 00:28:21,197 --> 00:28:24,997 I didn't think that I would still be involved at this point. 573 00:28:25,068 --> 00:28:27,093 So... 574 00:28:27,170 --> 00:28:30,571 why don't you just take me home? 575 00:28:32,475 --> 00:28:34,409 You know what, Eugene? 576 00:28:34,477 --> 00:28:38,140 - You are useless. - You have been an awesome disappointment to us. 577 00:28:38,214 --> 00:28:41,047 You have contributed nothing to any of this, Eugene! 578 00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:43,108 You, yourself, have ruined Christmas! 579 00:28:43,186 --> 00:28:48,021 You didn't let me talk to Frank about the peace that he would find in the Lord. 580 00:28:48,091 --> 00:28:50,457 - No, no, no, no! No! - We don't want to hear about the Lord anymore! 581 00:28:50,527 --> 00:28:52,688 - I can't stand it. - Why would I wanna hear about Jesus and the Lord? 582 00:28:52,762 --> 00:28:54,730 If you think Jesus and the Lord are so great... 583 00:28:54,798 --> 00:28:57,198 why don’t you have them swing by in their Lamborghinis and take your ass home! 584 00:28:57,267 --> 00:28:59,667 That's a good idea. 585 00:29:03,806 --> 00:29:06,240 [Charlie ] Hey, Mac. 586 00:29:06,308 --> 00:29:10,335 Now, I know things weren't pretty at the mall, but we have a chance to save Christmas. 587 00:29:10,413 --> 00:29:12,779 And check it out- We can still get some Christmas spirit... 588 00:29:12,848 --> 00:29:15,681 if we just bring that shirt I bought over to Ricky Falcone. 589 00:29:15,751 --> 00:29:18,242 The shirt. Is this the shirt that you’re referring to? 590 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,686 - Yeah! - It's covered in blood, Charlie. 591 00:29:20,756 --> 00:29:23,190 Santa's blood, you goddamn lunatic! 592 00:29:23,259 --> 00:29:25,420 - It's not gonna work, is it? - No, it's not gonna work. 593 00:29:25,494 --> 00:29:27,894 The only way that we're gonna get back the Christmas spirit... 594 00:29:27,963 --> 00:29:30,261 - is if we get back to the basics. - You're right, man. 595 00:29:30,332 --> 00:29:32,493 We're gonna throw rocks at trains. 596 00:29:32,568 --> 00:29:34,729 There’s just no way to get the Christmas spirit anymore, man. 597 00:29:34,804 --> 00:29:36,999 Take the Christmas decorations down, you guys. I am dead serious. 598 00:29:37,073 --> 00:29:40,406 Christmas is a bullshit holiday, and it is forever banned from Paddy's Irish Pub. 599 00:29:40,476 --> 00:29:43,206 - That's it! - [ Charlie ] Take it easy. Have a drink. We get it. 600 00:29:43,279 --> 00:29:45,213 - We're starting to feel the same way. - You are? 601 00:29:45,281 --> 00:29:47,272 Yeah. Christmas is just a bunch of bullshit. 602 00:29:47,349 --> 00:29:49,647 You just find out that your dad stole all your presents... 603 00:29:49,719 --> 00:29:52,586 and that your mom gets fucked by a series of never-ending Santa Clauses. 604 00:29:52,655 --> 00:29:54,589 Charlie's mom is a prostitute, by the way. 605 00:29:54,657 --> 00:29:56,989 - We don't know that for sure, okay? - We know it for sure. 606 00:29:57,059 --> 00:29:59,391 - Let's just move past it, accept it and go. - [Phone Rings ] 607 00:29:59,462 --> 00:30:01,089 - I can see that. - I definitely buy that. 608 00:30:01,163 --> 00:30:02,994 - I can see that. - I was thinking the same thing. 609 00:30:03,065 --> 00:30:06,398 Hey, guys. Frank's dead. 610 00:30:06,469 --> 00:30:08,528 What? 611 00:30:08,604 --> 00:30:12,301 Somebody from the hospital. Apparently, Frank was in a car accident. 612 00:30:12,374 --> 00:30:15,832 He's dead. They want us to come and identify his body. 613 00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:19,741 Oh, my God. 614 00:30:19,949 --> 00:30:21,712 [Machine Beeping] 615 00:30:21,784 --> 00:30:24,014 [ Sighs ] This is heavy, man. Really heavy. 616 00:30:24,086 --> 00:30:26,247 I don't know that I'm ready to see his dead body. 617 00:30:26,322 --> 00:30:28,813 Okay, this is his room, you guys. Just brace yourselves. 618 00:30:28,891 --> 00:30:30,882 This could be a little rough. 619 00:30:32,094 --> 00:30:35,257 - Yo! - What the hell is this? 620 00:30:35,331 --> 00:30:37,891 [ Laughs ] Well, I knew you guys would never come to see me... 621 00:30:37,967 --> 00:30:39,901 so I faked my own death. 622 00:30:39,969 --> 00:30:42,961 - Really should have seen that one coming, right? - Yeah. 623 00:30:43,038 --> 00:30:45,871 Really should have seen that coming. So there was no car accident. 624 00:30:45,941 --> 00:30:50,071 Oh, no, I spun out. Thank God the door was open, and I was thrown from the car. 625 00:30:50,146 --> 00:30:52,080 And I sprained my ankle. 626 00:30:52,148 --> 00:30:55,276 So you call us down here to show us that you have a sprained ankle? 627 00:30:55,351 --> 00:30:58,252 No, no, no, no. I called you down here to tell you something else. 628 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,311 I had a vision. 629 00:31:00,389 --> 00:31:03,916 I was drivin' out of the cemetery in the Countach. 630 00:31:03,993 --> 00:31:05,961 ¶¶ [Ballad: Backup Singers Vocalizing] 631 00:31:06,028 --> 00:31:10,431 I just finished my bag of Cheesy Loops and malt balls. 632 00:31:10,499 --> 00:31:14,128 I musta hit a patch of ice. I start swirlin' out of control! 633 00:31:14,203 --> 00:31:17,104 - I was thrown from the car. - [ Crash ] 634 00:31:17,173 --> 00:31:21,132 I musta hit my head on the pavement, 'cause everything went white... 635 00:31:21,210 --> 00:31:23,940 and I saw this magical land. 636 00:31:24,013 --> 00:31:26,004 [ Grunting] 637 00:31:26,081 --> 00:31:28,015 Whoa, this is freaky! 638 00:31:28,083 --> 00:31:30,449 Oh, hello there, Frank! 639 00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:32,487 Hey, who said that? 640 00:31:32,555 --> 00:31:34,489 Over here! 641 00:31:34,557 --> 00:31:38,516 I heard you've been a grumpy-Gussy Christmas grouch. 642 00:31:38,594 --> 00:31:40,186 Yeah? So what? 643 00:31:40,262 --> 00:31:42,492 Well, you need to get the Christmas spirit. 644 00:31:42,565 --> 00:31:45,295 I don't need to listen to this shit. Where the hell is my Countach? 645 00:31:45,367 --> 00:31:46,959 I'm gettin' outta here. 646 00:31:47,036 --> 00:31:49,095 Coun... tach? 647 00:31:49,171 --> 00:31:51,105 Yeah. It's a Lamborghini, shit-bird. 648 00:31:51,173 --> 00:31:53,004 You ever heard of one? 649 00:31:54,844 --> 00:31:56,778 [ Spits ] 650 00:31:56,846 --> 00:31:59,178 What the hell was that, you little green bitch? 651 00:31:59,248 --> 00:32:02,684 ¶ Christmas is a time for joy ¶ 652 00:32:02,751 --> 00:32:06,687 ¶ For every girl and every boy ¶ 653 00:32:06,755 --> 00:32:09,724 ¶ Rich or poor, old or young ¶ 654 00:32:09,792 --> 00:32:12,693 ¶The Christmas spirit's in everyone ¶ 655 00:32:12,761 --> 00:32:14,228 ¶ Fa-la-la-la ¶ 656 00:32:14,296 --> 00:32:17,424 ¶ But you’ll miss out on all the fun ¶ 657 00:32:17,499 --> 00:32:21,026 ¶ 'Cause you’re not nice to anyone ¶ 658 00:32:22,137 --> 00:32:25,368 ¶ A grumpy-Gussy Christmas grouch ¶ 659 00:32:25,441 --> 00:32:28,672 ¶Who hides out in his couch ¶ 660 00:32:28,744 --> 00:32:32,145 ¶Watching his roommate pounding off ¶ 661 00:32:33,949 --> 00:32:36,474 ¶ Pulling fake outs Pulling pranks ¶ 662 00:32:36,552 --> 00:32:39,680 ¶ Gives your friends the Christmas cranks ¶ 663 00:32:41,323 --> 00:32:44,918 ¶ And this is how they will react¶ 664 00:32:44,994 --> 00:32:46,484 ¶ When they finally crack¶ 665 00:32:47,997 --> 00:32:50,261 ¶ They'll rip your arm off at the bone ¶ 666 00:32:50,332 --> 00:32:51,492 ¶ Eat it like an ice cream cone ¶ 667 00:32:51,567 --> 00:32:53,933 ¶ And gouge your eyes out with a spoon ¶ 668 00:32:54,003 --> 00:32:55,595 ¶ Blow them up like two balloons ¶ 669 00:32:55,671 --> 00:32:57,195 ¶ Keep them close so you can see ¶ 670 00:32:57,273 --> 00:32:59,070 ¶ As they chain-saw off your knee ¶ 671 00:32:59,141 --> 00:33:00,403 ¶ Bash your body with a board¶ 672 00:33:00,476 --> 00:33:04,742 ¶ And hang you by your spinal cord¶ 673 00:33:04,813 --> 00:33:06,610 [ Grunting, Gagging ] 674 00:33:06,682 --> 00:33:08,240 Oh, shit. 675 00:33:08,317 --> 00:33:11,047 ¶ And then they'll rip you down so you survive ¶ 676 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,520 ¶ Grind your legs while you're alive ¶ 677 00:33:13,589 --> 00:33:15,716 ¶ Throw you to a gator-pit Let them gnaw on you a bit ¶ 678 00:33:15,791 --> 00:33:17,281 ¶ Pull you out and stab your face ¶ 679 00:33:17,359 --> 00:33:19,190 ¶ Spray your wounds all full of Mace ¶ 680 00:33:19,261 --> 00:33:20,489 ¶ Now they're really getting brazen ¶ 681 00:33:20,562 --> 00:33:25,226 ¶ When you're burned by racist singing raisins ¶ 682 00:33:25,301 --> 00:33:27,667 - ¶¶ [ Raisins Vocalizing ] - Broi I that jive turkey! 683 00:33:27,736 --> 00:33:29,431 Yeah, burn his ass off! 684 00:33:29,505 --> 00:33:31,871 - ¶¶ [ Vocalizing Continues ] - [ Raisins Laughing] 685 00:33:33,742 --> 00:33:37,576 ¶ But it's not too late to make amends ¶ 686 00:33:37,646 --> 00:33:40,206 ¶ With your family With your friends ¶ 687 00:33:40,282 --> 00:33:44,309 ¶ All you really have to do is ¶ 688 00:33:44,386 --> 00:33:47,150 - ¶ Get the spirit ¶ - ¶ Get the Christmas spirit ¶ 689 00:33:47,222 --> 00:33:50,020 - ¶ Get the Christmas spirit ¶ - ¶¶ [ Vocalizing ] 690 00:33:50,092 --> 00:33:52,151 ¶ Get the Christmas spirit ¶ 691 00:33:52,227 --> 00:33:54,661 ¶ Inside ¶ 692 00:33:54,730 --> 00:33:57,790 ¶You ¶¶ 693 00:33:57,866 --> 00:33:59,424 Good-bye, folks! 694 00:34:03,906 --> 00:34:07,467 Why did the elf have no pants on? 695 00:34:07,543 --> 00:34:09,909 I didn't say the elf had no pants on. 696 00:34:09,979 --> 00:34:11,776 Oh. 697 00:34:11,847 --> 00:34:15,647 I might have added something in my brain there at the end. I've had a very strange day. 698 00:34:15,718 --> 00:34:18,482 The point is, I'm a changed man... 699 00:34:18,554 --> 00:34:23,617 and I want another chance to give you guys the absolute best Christmas... 700 00:34:23,692 --> 00:34:25,455 you ever had. 701 00:34:25,527 --> 00:34:29,122 Too bad, jerk! The only thing your story proves is that you’re a demented asshole. 702 00:34:29,198 --> 00:34:31,291 Wait a second, Dee. W-W-Wait. 703 00:34:31,367 --> 00:34:34,336 Maybe there is a lesson to be learned in all of this. 704 00:34:34,403 --> 00:34:38,134 The best part of Frank's story was how the four of us came together as a group... 705 00:34:38,207 --> 00:34:40,141 to mercilessly slaughter him. 706 00:34:40,209 --> 00:34:43,645 You see what I'm saying? And I think that's what Christmas is really all about. 707 00:34:43,712 --> 00:34:46,146 After all, it's the four of us really sticking together. 708 00:34:46,215 --> 00:34:50,811 You're saying we've been relying too heavily on our parents to give us a good Christmas. 709 00:34:50,886 --> 00:34:54,822 If we stick together, we can give each other the Christmas spirit. 710 00:34:54,890 --> 00:34:58,053 That's right. I don't think it's too late for us to give ourselves a great Christmas. 711 00:34:58,127 --> 00:35:01,528 - Really? - I got something I gotta finish. Let's do it together. 712 00:35:01,597 --> 00:35:04,464 - All right! - Let's have a good Christmas! 713 00:35:04,533 --> 00:35:07,991 - What about me? - Oh, you go fuck yourself in your fat fuckin' ass. 714 00:35:19,848 --> 00:35:23,340 Hey, do you guys think it's too late to get a Christmas tree? 715 00:35:23,419 --> 00:35:26,354 - Yeah, dude, way too late. - I don't care for fir trees anyway. 716 00:35:26,422 --> 00:35:28,356 - What's wrong with 'em? - I don't like the smell. 717 00:35:28,424 --> 00:35:32,622 - Plus they're a fire hazard. - If you’re gonna get a tree, get a tree that does something. 718 00:35:32,694 --> 00:35:35,857 - Like an orange tree. - Where you gonna find an orange tree in Philadelphia? 719 00:35:35,931 --> 00:35:38,764 - We could get a bag of oranges! - Now you’re thinking! 720 00:35:38,834 --> 00:35:41,769 - And do what? Hang 'em in the bar? - No, it'll be awesome! 721 00:35:41,837 --> 00:35:44,772 - We give 'em to each other as gifts! - That's a terrible gift. 722 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,173 - All right, here we go. - ¶¶ [ Hums ] 723 00:35:48,243 --> 00:35:51,508 ¶ O holy night ¶ 724 00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:55,516 ¶The stars are brightly shining ¶ 725 00:35:55,584 --> 00:35:58,781 - ¶ It is the night of our dear savior's birth ¶ - What are you guys doing? 726 00:35:58,854 --> 00:36:00,788 It's 4:00 in the goddamn morning. 727 00:36:00,856 --> 00:36:03,848 ¶ Long lay the world in- ¶ 728 00:36:03,926 --> 00:36:06,895 Hey! Shut up! 729 00:36:06,962 --> 00:36:09,556 - What the hell do you want? - We want to give you some Christmas cheer. 730 00:36:09,631 --> 00:36:12,065 - A-And a new shirt! - Yeah! I got you a shirt! 731 00:36:12,134 --> 00:36:15,433 I got a little blood on that, but it's cool. It's gonna wash out. You're gonna look sharp. 732 00:36:15,504 --> 00:36:17,131 I don't want your stupid shirt. 733 00:36:17,206 --> 00:36:20,903 Do yourself a favor. Take the shirt, get out of that rut. 734 00:36:20,976 --> 00:36:22,944 Hey! Shut the hell up down there! 735 00:36:23,011 --> 00:36:25,878 - You shut the hell up up there! - Hey, jerk-off!. 736 00:36:25,948 --> 00:36:30,442 - Don't make me come down there! - Come down! See what happens! I'll bite you in your neck! 737 00:36:30,519 --> 00:36:33,955 - Get the hell out of here! - We're trying to give you the Christmas spirit, dick-hole! 738 00:36:34,022 --> 00:36:36,957 - I don't want it! - [ Woman ] Nobody wants it, assholes! 739 00:36:37,025 --> 00:36:39,653 - Goddamn it! Goddamn you, bitch! - You're gonna get it anyway! 740 00:36:39,728 --> 00:36:42,424 - Keep singin'! - ¶ Fall on your knees ¶ 741 00:36:42,498 --> 00:36:44,466 Here's your blood, bitch! 742 00:36:44,533 --> 00:36:47,400 - ¶¶ [ Continues ] - [Man ]¶ O hear¶ 743 00:36:47,469 --> 00:36:51,565 ¶ The angel voices ¶ 744 00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:57,010 - ¶ O night divine¶ - [ Screaming, Yelling ] 745 00:36:59,081 --> 00:37:03,279 ¶ O night when Christ was born¶ 746 00:37:03,352 --> 00:37:06,788 I knew I shouldn't have parked in front of the hydrant. I knew it. I did it anyway. 747 00:37:06,855 --> 00:37:10,723 - I was gonna say something. Don't know why I didn't. - Who tows on Christmas Eve? 748 00:37:10,792 --> 00:37:12,726 - Christmas. - Huh? 749 00:37:12,794 --> 00:37:14,728 It's been Christmas for six hours! 750 00:37:14,796 --> 00:37:17,230 I don't even give a shit. It doesn't matter. 751 00:37:17,299 --> 00:37:19,733 Let's just get blackout drunk and forget about this entire experience. 752 00:37:19,801 --> 00:37:23,259 - Aah! This is the worst Christmas ever! - Oh, yeah, by far. 753 00:37:23,338 --> 00:37:26,774 - Oh, it's a beauty. - [Electric Train Whistle Tooting] 754 00:37:26,842 --> 00:37:29,538 - Surprise! - Surprise! 755 00:37:29,611 --> 00:37:31,670 Holy shit! You put all the decorations up! 756 00:37:31,747 --> 00:37:35,706 - Yes, we did. - All right, all right. What's going on here, Frank? 757 00:37:35,784 --> 00:37:38,446 I told you in the hospital I was a changed man. 758 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,648 Right after I left I went to see my old business partner, Eugene. 759 00:37:41,723 --> 00:37:44,317 We made up, we came in, and we did all this. 760 00:37:44,393 --> 00:37:47,521 - Your old business partner? The "scumbag" Eugene? - [ Chuckling ] Yeah. 761 00:37:47,596 --> 00:37:49,325 He's not a scumbag anymore. 762 00:37:49,398 --> 00:37:53,630 He's a changed man just like me, Charlie. Go ahead. Look at all that stuff. 763 00:37:53,702 --> 00:37:56,694 - Are all these presents for us? - Yep. They're all for you. 764 00:37:56,772 --> 00:37:58,797 Fake-out? 765 00:37:58,874 --> 00:38:01,001 No. No fake outs. That's yours, hon. 766 00:38:01,076 --> 00:38:03,203 And I'm gonna pay for the dry-cleaning... 767 00:38:03,278 --> 00:38:05,178 for the Cheesy Loops and malt balls. 768 00:38:05,247 --> 00:38:07,477 [Squealing] Redman the Robot! 769 00:38:07,549 --> 00:38:10,313 You got me Redman the Robot! Redman the Robot! 770 00:38:10,385 --> 00:38:13,377 We tried to buy it in the store and the guy said it was all sold out! 771 00:38:13,455 --> 00:38:17,186 We wanted to buy one for Ricky Falcone, but it was sold out! 772 00:38:17,259 --> 00:38:19,250 I got the last one. I bought the last one! 773 00:38:19,328 --> 00:38:21,626 Should we give it to Ricky Falcone? 774 00:38:21,697 --> 00:38:24,757 - No, let's keep it. - [ Laughing, Shouting ] 775 00:38:24,833 --> 00:38:26,733 - Whoo! - Dennis. 776 00:38:26,802 --> 00:38:28,736 - What? - For you. 777 00:38:28,804 --> 00:38:31,898 - What do you mean? - This is yours. 778 00:38:31,974 --> 00:38:34,238 - Read it. - This is a Lamborghini. 779 00:38:34,309 --> 00:38:35,936 Yeah. Countach. It's for you. 780 00:38:36,011 --> 00:38:38,571 - Don't mess with me, man. - Honest. It's out in the alleyway. 781 00:38:38,647 --> 00:38:41,207 - It's in the alley right now? - It's for you, Son. 782 00:38:44,152 --> 00:38:47,610 [Dennis ] Oh, my God. This is amazing! 783 00:38:47,689 --> 00:38:50,021 I feel so good doing this. It's, like, scary! 784 00:38:50,092 --> 00:38:52,890 Whoo-hoo! Guys! That's- That's my dream car! 785 00:38:52,961 --> 00:38:54,724 - You're giving me the Countach? - Yeah. 786 00:38:54,796 --> 00:38:58,254 - Oh, my God. That's amazing! - Look at the look on his face. 787 00:38:58,333 --> 00:39:00,699 This is awesome! This is an awesome Christmas, Frank! 788 00:39:00,769 --> 00:39:05,103 I just want you guys to know that Eugene and I, guys like us, we can change. 789 00:39:05,173 --> 00:39:08,506 Oh, yeah. Eugene, dude. Sorry we left you at the graveyard, man. 790 00:39:08,577 --> 00:39:10,602 Oh, yeah, about that-we didn't mean it. 791 00:39:10,679 --> 00:39:13,944 Ah, don't worry about that. [ Chuckling ] 792 00:39:14,016 --> 00:39:16,610 But, in the spirit of Christmas reparations... 793 00:39:16,685 --> 00:39:19,153 I have a little present for you, Frank. 794 00:39:19,221 --> 00:39:21,382 Aw, you didn't have to do that, Euge- 795 00:39:21,456 --> 00:39:23,617 - [ Hammer Cocks ] - Oh! 796 00:39:23,692 --> 00:39:27,788 - A gun! I love guns! I got a gun of my own! - Shut up! 797 00:39:27,863 --> 00:39:30,161 You stole a lot of money from me. 798 00:39:30,232 --> 00:39:32,166 You wrecked my career. 799 00:39:32,234 --> 00:39:36,898 You left me all alone to rot in a shit-hole apartment. 800 00:39:36,972 --> 00:39:39,406 Now it's time for payback! 801 00:39:39,474 --> 00:39:42,910 Now, put all those presents right here in front of me. 802 00:39:42,978 --> 00:39:44,411 - What? - These ones? 803 00:39:44,479 --> 00:39:46,413 - No! Oh, man! - Why us too? Why not just- 804 00:39:46,481 --> 00:39:49,678 - Come on! - Oh, man! I don't even know you, dude. 805 00:39:49,751 --> 00:39:51,946 Put the keys here too. I'm taking the car. 806 00:39:52,020 --> 00:39:53,749 [ Groans ] 807 00:39:53,822 --> 00:39:57,588 - What happened to all the God stuff? - I thought you had changed. 808 00:39:57,659 --> 00:40:00,958 - I'm still a liar and a thief. - [ All Gasping ] 809 00:40:01,029 --> 00:40:03,827 Now, I want to leave you all... 810 00:40:03,899 --> 00:40:06,834 with a memory of this wonderful yuletide season. 811 00:40:06,902 --> 00:40:10,338 Ah! How about... 812 00:40:10,405 --> 00:40:12,339 a white Christmas? 813 00:40:12,407 --> 00:40:15,843 - [Engine Sputtering, Droning] - Oh, you dumb bastard. That thing is broken. 814 00:40:15,911 --> 00:40:17,845 That ain't gonna work. 815 00:40:17,913 --> 00:40:20,279 Yeah, it's from the '70s, dick. It's not gonna work. 816 00:40:20,349 --> 00:40:22,442 - Really loud though. - Are you sure it doesn't work? 817 00:40:22,517 --> 00:40:26,385 There's a bunch more tweaks we had to do to it. Plus, you gotta hook it up to a water line- 818 00:40:28,190 --> 00:40:32,684 [Bing Crosby] ¶ I'm dreaming¶ 819 00:40:32,761 --> 00:40:35,628 ¶ Of a white ¶ 820 00:40:35,697 --> 00:40:38,188 - ¶ Christmas ¶ - [ Slowed Down ] Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! 821 00:40:39,501 --> 00:40:43,096 ¶ With every Christmas card¶ 822 00:40:43,171 --> 00:40:46,368 ¶ I write ¶ 823 00:40:47,376 --> 00:40:49,571 ¶ May your days ¶ 824 00:40:49,644 --> 00:40:51,407 [ Laughing, Slowed Down ] 825 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,311 ¶ Be merry ¶ 826 00:40:53,382 --> 00:40:58,319 ¶ And bright ¶ 827 00:40:58,387 --> 00:41:01,379 - ¶ And may all¶ - [ Slowed-down Laughing Continues ] 828 00:41:01,456 --> 00:41:05,790 ¶ Your Christmases ¶ 829 00:41:05,861 --> 00:41:09,194 ¶ Be white ¶¶ 830 00:41:09,264 --> 00:41:10,060 [ Bells Jingling] 831 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,775 - I feel like that Eugene guy was a real prick, huh? - I know, yeah. 832 00:41:21,843 --> 00:41:23,777 Frank always said he was a scumbag. 833 00:41:23,845 --> 00:41:26,279 I was impressed with the snow blower though. 834 00:41:26,348 --> 00:41:28,282 I'm glad we don't have to return it. 835 00:41:28,350 --> 00:41:30,944 - I can't wait to blast the whole neighborhood. - Yeah, man. 836 00:41:31,019 --> 00:41:33,214 - Oh, here we go. - How you guys doing? You ready to do this? 837 00:41:33,288 --> 00:41:36,382 - What do we do? -Just throw rocks at trains. You're gonna feel better. 838 00:41:36,458 --> 00:41:38,085 - That's it? - That's it! Merry Christmas, everyone! 839 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,061 - Here we go! - Yeah! 840 00:41:41,129 --> 00:41:44,394 - ¶ Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ¶ - [ Laughing ] 841 00:41:44,466 --> 00:41:48,368 - ¶ Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring ¶ - Stupid train! 842 00:41:48,437 --> 00:41:50,302 ¶ Snowin' and blowin' up ¶ 843 00:41:50,372 --> 00:41:52,738 - ¶ Bushels of fun ¶ - You suck! 844 00:41:52,808 --> 00:41:56,437 - ¶ Now the jingle hop has begun ¶ - Watch this one! 845 00:41:56,511 --> 00:42:00,003 ¶ Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Jingle Bell Rock ¶ 846 00:42:00,081 --> 00:42:03,050 ¶ Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time ¶ 847 00:42:03,118 --> 00:42:05,052 - Merry Christmas, buddy. - Merry Christmas. 848 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,647 ¶ Dancin' and prancin' in Jingle Bell Square ¶ 849 00:42:08,723 --> 00:42:11,817 ¶ In the frosty air ¶ 850 00:42:11,893 --> 00:42:16,830 ¶ What a bright time It's the right time ¶ 851 00:42:16,898 --> 00:42:19,833 ¶ To rock the night away ¶ 852 00:42:19,901 --> 00:42:24,338 ¶ Jingle bell time is a swell time ¶ 853 00:42:24,406 --> 00:42:28,342 ¶ To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh ¶ 854 00:42:28,410 --> 00:42:32,346 ¶ Giddyap, jingle horse Pick up your feet ¶ 855 00:42:32,414 --> 00:42:36,851 ¶ Jingle around the clock ¶ 856 00:42:36,918 --> 00:42:40,877 ¶ Mix and mingle in the jinglin ' feet ¶ 857 00:42:40,956 --> 00:42:44,619 ¶ That's the Jingle Bell Rock ¶ 858 00:42:44,693 --> 00:42:48,857 ¶ Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ¶ 859 00:42:48,930 --> 00:42:52,730 ¶ Jingle bell chime in jingle bell time ¶ 860 00:42:52,801 --> 00:42:56,168 ¶ Dancin' and prancin ' in Jingle Bell Square ¶ 861 00:42:57,839 --> 00:43:02,367 [ Man ] ¶ To rock the night away ¶¶ 862 00:43:05,447 --> 00:43:08,382 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ] 863 00:43:09,447 --> 00:43:15,382 Prepared by Ikatiz. 76346

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.