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- ¶¶ ["Jingle Bell Rock"]
- [ Charlie ] How's this? This look centered?
2
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:07,800
[ Mac ] Uh, no, you gotta move it
a little to the left.
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00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:10,843
- ¶¶ [ Continues ]
- All right, here we go. How's that?
4
00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:13,174
No, your other left.
5
00:00:13,246 --> 00:00:15,714
Uh, my other left? I only have one left.
6
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,717
It's just an expression.
Just move it to the other direction.
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00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:21,811
What would that expression be for-
for someone who has two lefts?
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00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:26,587
- No- No. Just move it the other way.
Move it the other way.
- Towards your left.
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Your left and my left are the same
'cause we're facing the same direction.
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00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:31,660
We're two different people. We can't have
the same left. It doesn't make sense.
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00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:34,063
- Here we go again.
- [Mac] Hey-yo!
12
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,261
- ¶¶ [ Stops ]
- Ow. Well, all right.
13
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Hey, go in the back. We got some more
Christmas lights. We need some help.
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- No, we're not helping you.
- Come on. It's almost Christmas.
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00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,636
Get into the spirit.
Let's put some decorations up.
16
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,644
Whoa. What in the hell is that?
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00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,647
[Mac] Yeah. You like that?
That's an industrial-sized snow blower...
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00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,149
we got from some dude
on the Internet from the Poconos.
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00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:54,550
You know how it never snows on Christmas.
We got a backup plan this year.
20
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,816
We're gonna have a white Christmas
out in front of the bar.
21
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,482
We're gonna make the snow ourselves.
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00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,924
If you guys love Christmas so much,
why do you always wait...
23
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:03,554
until the last possible minute to put up
the Christmas decorations?
24
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,190
- It is the day before Christmas.
- That's our tradition.
25
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:09,064
Yeah, that's what we do.
We drink a lot of eggnog, we pass out.
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And then we don't put anything up,
so we do it all last minute.
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Yeah. Then we wake up Christmas morning
and throw rocks at trains.
28
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Why would grown men throw rocks at trains?
29
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Why wouldn't we throw rocks at trains?
30
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It's awesome.
It's what you do on Christmas morning.
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We've been doing it since we were kids.
Look, whatever.
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I'm sorry that we love Christmas and we have
awesome traditions and you guys hate Christmas.
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They hate Christmas
because I always got the best gifts...
34
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- And Frank always gave them shitty presents.
- Oh.
35
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,052
You think we don't like Christmas
'cause Frank got us shitty presents?
36
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Is that really what you think?
No, Frank didn't buy shitty presents.
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Frank bought the most awesome presents
in the entire world.
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He would find out whatever
Christmas presents we wanted that year...
39
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:44,633
- and he would buy 'em for himself
instead of buying 'em for us.
- Yeah.
40
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:47,537
- Really?
- Yeah.
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That must have been why he wanted me
to walkie you guys when you got to the bar.
42
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:54,375
'Cause he was trying to do something
about making your Christmas better.
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Yo, uh, Frank, the eagles landed.
They're here. So, uh, over and out. Go ahead.
44
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- [ Beeps ]
- [ Frank] Tell 'em to go outside.
45
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,988
No. Frank, whatever Christmas presents
you bought for yourself...
46
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,525
you can bring 'em in the bar
and ruin 'em in front of us in here.
47
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,754
- [ Beeps ]
- No can do.
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00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,820
It's too big. And, Dennis...
49
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:14,423
you're really gonna wanna see this.
50
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,868
- It's your dream gift.
- [ Beeps ]
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My dream gift? What does he-
52
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:24,003
Nah. No. Oh.
53
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,170
Oh, God, no.
54
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:34,078
[ Tires Screeching ]
55
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[Frank Grunts ]
56
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Goddamn it!
57
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,599
[ Sinister Laughter]
Merry Christmas, bitches!
58
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[Frank]
Deandra?
59
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:22,058
Look at this.
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00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:26,970
A nice Sergio Giorgini bag.
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00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,632
- You wantee?
- I don't want it.
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Fake-out! It's mine.
[ Laughs ]
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00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:36,982
And I use it to keep in my Cheesy Loops...
64
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,077
and... chocolate-covered malted milk balls.
65
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,645
What is your problem, Frank?
Why do you do this to us every year?
66
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,816
I do it to you every year, Deandra...
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because you and your brother...
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00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:51,430
never learn the lesson
that I try to impart at Christmastime.
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00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:53,590
- Oh, my God.
- And that is...
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you have to earn what you get.
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00:03:55,768 --> 00:03:58,259
This principle made me a multimillionaire.
72
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:01,796
No. No, stealing millions of dollars
from your ex-business partner...
73
00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:03,637
is what made you a millionaire, Frank.
74
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,508
Uh- Eugene Hamilton was a great man.
75
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,547
Do not speak ill of the dead.
76
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:11,607
- She's speaking ill of you!
- Oh, whatever.
77
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:15,882
I'm going to burn up the rubber
with my Lamborghini.
78
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:17,786
[ Imitating Engine Revving ]
79
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:22,521
Oh, I got my nice Sergio Giorgini bag.
80
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:25,029
- Damn son of a bitch!
- [ Grunting Loudly]
81
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,032
How could he do this?
He's gone too far this year.
82
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,467
He's not even our dad anymore and he's
still doing this. I can't take it anymore.
83
00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:33,300
Who puts cheesy snacks
and chocolate in a designer bag?
84
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:35,500
Oh, Dennis, he's gonna ruin the lining.
85
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:39,409
Well, I'm not even gonna begin
to compare a $250,000 Italian sports car...
86
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,470
to a handbag, but I get your point.
87
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:45,574
This has got to stop. However, the good news
is I think there's a big opportunity in this.
88
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:50,715
- What kind of opportunity?
- Frank seems to think
his old business partner's dead.
89
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,451
- He's not dead?
- Nope.
90
00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:56,723
And that gives me a very interesting idea.
91
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:04,593
So, you wanna talk to me
about Frank Reynolds.
92
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:08,368
Yes, we do. See, Mr. Hamilton, we heard about
how Frank dicked you all up and down...
93
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,274
- and we thought we'd give you
a chance to get some payback.
- Mm-hmm.
94
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:15,041
We thought you might wanna help us because,
you see, Frank thinks youre dead.
95
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:18,709
Well, I have forgiven Frank.
96
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,776
- Uh, what?
- Frank?
97
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:25,085
You see, some years ago
I had a near-death experience...
98
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and I- I saw the light...
99
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,853
and I saw the truth...
100
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,455
of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
101
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- [ Teeth Click]
- Oh. Uh-oh.
102
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So, I have forgiven everyone
who ever did me any harm.
103
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:43,665
Okay, well, uh, that's cool,
because you could probably still help us.
104
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:45,938
Frank has not found the Lord yet.
105
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,276
No. Frank's gotten nowhere near the Lord.
106
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:52,045
- Yeah, and so, in the spirit
of the Lord and Christmas-
- And God.
107
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:55,451
And, uh, all that, we wanna
do a Christmas Carol type thing...
108
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:57,455
where we show him the error of his ways...
109
00:05:57,523 --> 00:05:59,388
through his past, his present and his future.
110
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,690
See, Mr. Hamilton, we feel like
if Frank can just understand...
111
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:04,889
what a dick he's been to people in his past...
112
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,592
and how he's just gonna probably end up
old and alone like yourself...
113
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,898
then maybe he'll be able
to make up for some of his past mistakes.
114
00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:14,269
When can I talk to Frank about his salvation?
115
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:19,107
- At the end. You can do it at the very, very end.
- The very end.
116
00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:21,112
- The very, very end. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
117
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:24,616
But in the meantime,
we need you to be our ghost.
118
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:30,820
[Charlie ]Just being in your childhood room
is giving me the Christmas spirit, bro.
119
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:34,621
- Yeah, dude. It's awesome, huh?
- It's pretty cool that your mom kept all your stuff.
120
00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:37,925
Yeah, dude. I think I got
an Omnibot around here somewhere.
121
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,931
- You remember Omnibot?
- Totally. Those were amazing.
122
00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:42,331
- [ Sniffs ]
- Oh, my God. So cool.
Oh, check this out, dude.
123
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,336
- Look at that. Karate trophy.
- Why do you have a karate trophy?
124
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,998
- I found that in the street.
- That makes sense.
125
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,303
- And, oh! Captain Caveman!
- Oh!
126
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:51,639
Remember when we would shave
the neighborhood dogs...
127
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,305
and glue the fur to our faces
and pretend we were him?
128
00:06:54,380 --> 00:06:57,508
Absolutely! And then we would bash away
at him and we'd bash the dogs to pieces.
129
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,949
Yeah! Boom! 'Member that?
130
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:02,317
- [ Gasps ] Simon?
- Simon.
131
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:05,323
Dude, this game was my favorite.
Do you remember how challenging this was?
132
00:07:05,391 --> 00:07:07,359
- Yeah. But, Charlie, don't get lost in that.
- [Beeps ]
133
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:10,225
- I got the first one, bro.
- [ Beeps Twice ]
134
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:12,491
Uh-oh. Ew.
135
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:15,728
Ew! It just threw me a curveball here.
Did you catch that?
136
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,703
- Uh, it went- [ Beeps Twice ]
- I know, but I don't know what order.
137
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,205
- Which one was- [ Beeps ]
- Which one lit up?
138
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,141
- The yellow and the blue both lit up.
- Then press yellow and blue.
139
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,837
- I don't remember which order it happened.
- [ Beeps Twice ]
140
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,574
- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.
141
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,640
- You got it. You got lucky, though.
- [ Beeps Three Times ]
142
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:35,585
Okay, now three happened,
and I have no idea which three.
143
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:38,852
Hey-yo!
¶¶ [Scatting]
144
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,689
- Oh! ¶ Omnibot, the freaking robot ¶
- ¶ Omnibot ¶
145
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,695
Dude, we're gonna put a Santa hat on him.
146
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,732
- He's gonna serve us drinks and break-dance.
- That is awesome, dude!
147
00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:50,530
- Yeah, it's awesome.
- What was he holding?
Is this his instructional video?
148
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:53,333
"Christmas day, 1 985." Oh, shit!
149
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,432
- This is a home movie my dad made of Christmas.
- Really?
150
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,967
Oh, yeah. Every Christmas morning he would
videotape me opening up my presents.
151
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,378
- [Charlie ] Toss that shit in.
- Yeah, man.
152
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:06,544
Look, Son, a video camera. Hmm?
153
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:09,952
[ Laughs ]
Oh, this is something.
154
00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,582
Can I open mine now?
155
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,218
No, no, keep your voice down.
Let your mother open hers first, okay?
156
00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,785
- Here we go. Here we go.
- Mom.
157
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:20,230
- Let's see.
- Let's go, Mom.
158
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:23,791
- Let's not wait.
- [ Gasps ] Hon, wow!
159
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:27,806
Cashmere! Beautiful!
[ Laughs ]
160
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:29,808
Mmm!
161
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,505
- That's gonna look good on you, baby.
- Oh, yeah!
162
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,104
- Now can I go?
- Uh, not yet, Son.
163
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,548
- Let's see what Daddy got. Hmm?
- Oh.
164
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,984
[Wrapping Paper Rustles ]
165
00:08:41,053 --> 00:08:43,078
I think I know what it is.
166
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,089
Would you look at this?
167
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:47,284
A brand-new stereo.
168
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,555
[Mother]
Oh! Look at that!
169
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:52,063
- That's gonna be perfect for the living room.
- Yeah!
170
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:55,726
- Goddamn it! Can I goddamn go?
This is taking forever!
- Okay.
171
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,895
Fine, fine, fine, fine. You go. You go. Yeah.
172
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:03,135
- Okay. Let's see.
- It's your turn. Let's see what you got.
173
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:08,340
- [ Screams ] A Cabbage Patch Doll!
- Uh, shh-
174
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,882
- Yeah- You don't-
- [ Screams ]
175
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:14,386
- You don't have to keep yelling like that.
- [Man ] Who's down there?
176
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,251
- [ Woman ] Oh, my God!
- [Dad] Time to go. Time to go.
177
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,622
Move it along. Yeah, Son, get your-
There we go. Open the door.
178
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,423
- [ Mac Screaming]
- Get the stereo. Honey, get the stereo.
179
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,327
[ Mac Sighs ]
180
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,367
That was awesome.
My dad looks really young, doesn't he?
181
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:31,562
Dude, what was it-
What was that? What happened right there?
182
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,105
- Huh?
- What was the family on the stairs?
What was that?
183
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:37,472
That was probably the next family coming in
to get their presents.
184
00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:41,070
What-What are you talking about?
What was happening there?
185
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,308
That was the Christmas tradition-
186
00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:45,316
where you go from house to house
collecting your presents.
187
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:47,944
And then when the next family comes,
you would run.
188
00:09:48,020 --> 00:09:50,181
I'm not aware of this tradition, Mac.
189
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:53,350
In fact, I think that you were
just stealing from that home.
190
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,795
Oh, no. I was taking their presents,
but they were taking mine.
191
00:09:57,863 --> 00:10:00,661
Yeah, dude. That's why there were never
any presents at my house when I got back.
192
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,725
The neighbors took them.
It's a South Philly tradition, Charlie.
193
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:07,364
No. Mm-mmm. People don't do that, dude.
That doesn't make any sense.
194
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,671
You're telling me Christmas you would not go
to your neighbor's house and take their presents?
195
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,506
No! No one does that!
196
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,706
Well, my dad told me that
that was the tradition.
197
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,477
And your dad is like a thief
and a murderer who eats people...
198
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,485
so he's not really trustworthy.
199
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:24,011
- This is really dicking with my Christmas spirit.
- Okay, whoa, bro.
200
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,024
I got a plan.
Let's go to my house, you know.
201
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:28,686
You'll see how my mom does it. We'll
get you right back in the Christmas mood.
202
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:30,524
- All right?
- Okay, all right. Okay.
203
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:40,029
You think-You think these chains
are really necessary?
204
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,040
Yeah, they're necessary!
It's part of the whole thing.
205
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,373
It's part of the look. This is how it's gonna work.
I'm gonna pump this smoke under the door.
206
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,674
And then you blast in there
and give Frank a good scare.
207
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,807
He's really gonna believe youre a ghost,
so he's gonna listen to anything you say.
208
00:10:50,883 --> 00:10:53,351
Definitely. You sit him down,
you make him watch the videotape.
209
00:10:53,419 --> 00:10:55,819
And that's what's gonna prove
how horrible he's been to us all these years.
210
00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:59,221
When you're doing the ghost thing,
you really gotta sell it. [ Moaning ]
211
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,350
- You know what I mean?
- Make it sound real, like a ghost would.
212
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,395
- Yeah, do it up. Do it up.
- Okay.
213
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:07,831
- [Smoke Hissing]
- [Eugene Moaning] Frank!
214
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,697
Frank!
215
00:11:09,769 --> 00:11:12,602
- [ Snoring ]
- Frank!
216
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,799
Put some vibrato into it.
217
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:18,605
- Fra-a-a-nk!
- [TV Continues ]
218
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,114
- Fire! Fire! Fire! We're gonna die!
- Frank!
219
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:25,912
We're all gonna die! We're gonna suffocate!
I gotta get out of here!
220
00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:29,113
- Frank!
- Get out! We're gonna die!
221
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,248
Calm down, Frank. Calm down. There's no fire.
222
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:34,554
- Eugene?
- Yes.
223
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:38,290
- A ghost! Ghost!
- No. No, no, no.
224
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,491
- Ghost, ghost, get out!
- No!
225
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:43,126
[Dee ]
No, Frank! Stop! Stop.
226
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:46,228
- Deandra! Deandra!
- Frank, you're supposed to listen to the ghost.
227
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:50,935
- No, he's dead!
- Calm down. Go sit on the couch
and keep your mouth shut.
228
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,468
Just sit and listen. Thank you.
229
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:57,983
Now, yes, you're right.
Your old business partner is not dead.
230
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,918
But, Mr. Hamilton, do you have something
you would like to say to Frank?
231
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:05,514
I do. Are you familiar
with the forgiving nature...
232
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,822
- of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
- Ooh, ooh, no. Eugene.
233
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,192
At the end. Okay?
"For the love of God" at the end.
234
00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:13,857
- Okay? This is the beginning.
- But if youre gonna bring God into it...
235
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,868
can you do like the Old Testament
and the covenant...
236
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,097
and keeping your eyes closed
or your face will melt...
237
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:21,696
- and the coins and the fear
and the Indiana Jones-
- No.
238
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,766
You know what? Just sit on the couch.
We'll take it from here. Okay?
239
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,369
- Thank you.
- Good job, buddy. Good job. Okay. Um-
240
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,676
- Bust out the video. Let's do the video.
- The tape now, right?
241
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:33,651
- What the hell is this?
- Welcome to your Christmas past, Frank.
242
00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:37,052
Is this gonna take long, because
it's cutting into my Countach time?
243
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:40,149
I was gonna go out and make
some modifications to the car.
244
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,989
- Modifications on the-
- Yeah.
245
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:45,360
No, no, no, no, no. You do not make
modifications on a Countach. That car is perfect.
246
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,365
Yeah, but I can't reach
the door when it goes up.
247
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,197
I was gonna put a wire rig
and then drop the bag.
248
00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:53,727
- You are gonna ruin that car, Frank!
You're gonna ruin it!
- Okay. Okay.
249
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:56,468
We're gonna take you on a journey,
like the Christmas Carol...
250
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,636
and you're gonna be a better person
and your life will be enriched and fulfilled-
251
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:02,180
- And just watch the TV.
- Hmm.
252
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:05,376
[Frank On Tape ] Okay, Dennis, Deandra,
come and get your presents.
253
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:09,148
- Yes! Yes, presents!
- Presents! Presents!
254
00:13:09,221 --> 00:13:11,712
- Christmas, 1 986.
- Mm-hmm.
255
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,589
This is where you destroyed
Christmas for us forever.
256
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:18,494
Oh, no, no, no. Open the biggest one first.
That's the one.
257
00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:21,658
Look at that. Yeah. That's for both of ya.
258
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:25,363
Tear it apart. Go on. What's in there?
259
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:32,500
There's nothing in there.
260
00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:34,739
Fake-out! There's nothing in any of 'em!
261
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,214
- Now go wake up your pill-head mother.
- [ Tape Machine Clicks ]
262
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:41,583
Aw. Oh, this is bringing back
such great memories!
263
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:45,055
The fake out was the best, right?
Right, Eugene?
264
00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:47,490
No! No. Eugene, will you please tell him...
265
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,427
what a terrible person he's been
for always doing this to us, please?
266
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,933
What are you talking about? Eugene
was the guy who taught me the fake out.
267
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,436
He's right. But I have changed,
my good friend.
268
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,233
- Yeah, see? He's changed.
- That's the point.
269
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:02,900
- He changed. And now it's time for you to change.
- Yeah.
270
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:06,411
They're right. Are you ready
to find the loving arms of God?
271
00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:08,571
- [Dennis ] God!
- Where is your anger?
272
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,411
- This is time to get your vengeance, guy.
- [ Groans ]
273
00:14:11,483 --> 00:14:13,747
- Let's all go to church.
- [Dee ] No!
274
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,912
- Let's move on to Christmas present.
- Yeah. This is-
275
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,922
Let's just continue the journey.
Grab your jacket.
276
00:14:17,990 --> 00:14:19,958
- Eugene, up, up, up, up, up.
- All right.
277
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,118
- [Dennis ] Come on.
- Come on, Eugene. Let's go with them.
278
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,625
[Door Opens ]
279
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:26,164
- Hi!
- Wow!
280
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,598
Yeah, man! See, this is Christmas, right?
281
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,760
- Yeah, your mom's really into this, huh?
- She loves it. Hey, Ma!
282
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:33,100
- Oh! Oh, you! [ Laughing ]
- Hey!
283
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,833
- Hey!
- Merry Christmas!
284
00:14:34,907 --> 00:14:36,841
- I'm so excited! It's almost Christmas!
- I'm so excited!
285
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:39,002
- Oh, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas!
286
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:41,478
Oh, you brought the vodka.
287
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:45,483
Glug, glug, glug, glug. Christmastime!
Christmastime! Drinkin' our Christmas.
288
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,611
Thank you. Well, listen, you guys.
Make yourselves at home.
289
00:14:48,687 --> 00:14:52,623
I'll be in the kitchen making gingerbread men
for my gingerbread boys.
290
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,353
- Yeah! Gingerbread men!
- All right, man.
291
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,622
- See? Now, this is Christmas, man!
- I feel it. I'm back.
292
00:14:57,696 --> 00:15:00,494
- Mac is back.
- You got good tunes, good food on the way.
293
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,000
My mom and I would be excited
about the Santas coming over.
294
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:05,770
- Yeah. Yeah.
- This is Christmas, bro!
295
00:15:05,903 --> 00:15:09,168
- The-The what?
- The Santas that come over
on Christmas to cheer my mom up.
296
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,367
- The Santas, plural?
- Yeah.
297
00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:13,842
- What the hell you talking about?
- Oh, dude.
298
00:15:13,911 --> 00:15:17,005
This was, like, the best tradition ever, man.
299
00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:19,345
[Man ]
¶ You better watch out, you better not cry ¶
300
00:15:19,416 --> 00:15:21,407
- [ Charlie ] Every Christmas morning-
- [Doorbell Rings ]
301
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:24,352
I would run to the door and I'd open it,
and I'd find the first Santa Claus.
302
00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:26,355
¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶
303
00:15:26,423 --> 00:15:29,221
The Santa Claus would come in, and he'd give
me a present, you know, or somethin '.
304
00:15:29,293 --> 00:15:31,887
Then he 'd go in the room
with my mom, and cheer her up for a while.
305
00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:34,795
- ¶ He 's gonna find out who 's naughty and nice ¶
- [ Blows Kiss ]
306
00:15:34,865 --> 00:15:38,130
- [ Doorbell Rings ]
- Then the doorbell wound ring,
the next Santa Claus would come.
307
00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:41,228
And he'd give me a present or something or other,
and he 'd go cheer my mom up for a while.
308
00:15:41,305 --> 00:15:44,536
- [ Doorbell Rings ]
- [ Women ]¶ He knows when you're awake ¶
309
00:15:44,608 --> 00:15:46,838
- [ Doorbell Rings ]
- [ Man ]¶ He knows if youve been bad or good¶
310
00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:49,505
¶ So be good for goodness 'sake ¶
311
00:15:50,681 --> 00:15:53,946
I didn't always understand the presents...
312
00:15:54,018 --> 00:15:56,486
but I always found a way
to have fun with them.
313
00:15:56,554 --> 00:16:00,513
¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶
314
00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:03,583
Wait, dude. One year,
Santa even brought one of his elves.
315
00:16:03,661 --> 00:16:06,494
It's like a goddamn sauna up there.
316
00:16:06,564 --> 00:16:08,691
[ Charlie ]
I think it was an elf.
317
00:16:08,766 --> 00:16:10,825
¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶
318
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:14,997
- The memory's kind of blurry for some reason.
- Merry Christmas.
319
00:16:15,072 --> 00:16:18,200
- [ Laughing, Slowed Down ]
- ¶ You better not pout, I'm telling you why ¶
320
00:16:18,275 --> 00:16:20,607
¶ Santa Claus is comin'¶
321
00:16:20,678 --> 00:16:24,808
¶ He's comin' to town ¶¶
322
00:16:29,486 --> 00:16:32,387
Ah. Charlie? I-
323
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,684
I hate to break this to you, man, but-
324
00:16:35,759 --> 00:16:38,557
but based on the story
that you just told me...
325
00:16:38,629 --> 00:16:40,597
I think your mother was a prostitute.
326
00:16:40,664 --> 00:16:43,656
- [ Chuckles ] What?
- Yeah.
327
00:16:43,734 --> 00:16:47,500
- Come on, man!
- I'm just saying, based on that story
that you just told me...
328
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:51,063
I'm fairly certain that those Santas were
running a train on your mom for money.
329
00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:54,269
No, dude. They would just give
my mom money and go in the-
330
00:16:54,345 --> 00:16:56,438
- [Bell Dings ]
- [Bell Tolls ]
331
00:16:56,513 --> 00:16:58,447
Yeah. Chew on that for a second.
332
00:16:59,950 --> 00:17:01,815
- Let that settle in.
- No, no.
333
00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,478
Yes.
334
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:05,488
- No.
- Yes.
335
00:17:05,556 --> 00:17:06,887
- No.
- Yes.
336
00:17:06,957 --> 00:17:09,289
- No!
- Yes.
337
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,954
- No! No!
- Okay, but, no. Just relax.
338
00:17:12,029 --> 00:17:13,894
- Are you okay?
- Ma!
339
00:17:13,964 --> 00:17:16,091
- Let's get you out of here. Let's get out of here.
- No!
340
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,225
- Merry Christmas, Mrs. Kelly!
- No! No!
341
00:17:18,302 --> 00:17:20,293
- No! No!
- Relax, dude. Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
342
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:25,002
- Okay, here we go. Come on in, guys.
- What?
343
00:17:25,075 --> 00:17:27,566
Why would you take me
to my old real estate office?
344
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:29,977
Well, because, Frank,
tonight's the annual Christmas party.
345
00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:32,914
We want to show you
how much your ex-employees despise you.
346
00:17:32,983 --> 00:17:34,814
But I haven't worked here in years.
347
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,910
I mean, why is this a Christmas present to me?
348
00:17:36,987 --> 00:17:39,649
It's not a Christmas present, Frank.
This is the Christmas present.
349
00:17:39,723 --> 00:17:42,283
Uh, all right, Frank. Here's the plan.
350
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:47,126
We're gonna hide you somewhere in the office,
so you can hear people talkin' shit about you.
351
00:17:47,197 --> 00:17:50,598
Oh, that's cool.
Oh, I see where you're going with this now.
352
00:17:50,668 --> 00:17:54,661
- Sew me into the couch.
- Sew you into the couch? What are you saying?
353
00:17:54,738 --> 00:17:57,639
Yeah. That's what I do at home all the time-
hide in the couch.
354
00:17:57,708 --> 00:18:01,439
It's a great hiding place.
I catch Charlie pounding off all the time.
355
00:18:01,512 --> 00:18:03,980
"Pounding off"?
Where do you get these terms?
356
00:18:04,048 --> 00:18:06,881
Why do you wanna catch Charlie
masturbating? No, I don't care!
357
00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,613
Let's just hide you in a closet,
or under a desk, or something.
358
00:18:09,687 --> 00:18:12,121
You wanna do this Christmas Carol bullshit,
you do it my way.
359
00:18:12,189 --> 00:18:14,521
- Okay, fine. We'll sew you into a couch, Frank.
- Okay, right.
360
00:18:14,591 --> 00:18:18,027
Just rip off the back, take out the stuffing,
put me inside and sew it up.
361
00:18:20,564 --> 00:18:25,024
[Man ]
¶ It's the most wonderful time¶
362
00:18:25,102 --> 00:18:26,694
¶ Of the year¶¶
363
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:29,762
Excuse me, folks. Hey, happy holidays, huh?
364
00:18:31,809 --> 00:18:34,243
- There we go. How we doing over here?
- Uh, not well.
365
00:18:34,311 --> 00:18:36,472
This is ridiculous.
People are definitely starting to notice.
366
00:18:36,547 --> 00:18:39,380
Of course they're starting to notice. There's
a grown man crammed inside of a couch.
367
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,384
They're gonna notice.
368
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:44,012
Let's talk to some people. How 'bout them
right there? Can you grab that guy?
369
00:18:44,088 --> 00:18:46,886
- Hey, you two. Hey, you two.
- Hey!
370
00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,891
How we doing at the Christmas party?
We having a good time?
371
00:18:48,959 --> 00:18:50,927
- Yes.
- Great. Great.
372
00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:54,658
- So, uh, Frank Reynolds. [ Blowing Raspberry]
- We were just talking about him.
373
00:18:54,732 --> 00:18:57,394
- He's the worst, huh?
- Do you- Do you work here?
374
00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,129
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
375
00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:00,795
- Well, we pop around.
- We pop around here.
376
00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:02,566
- We're "consultationists."
- For this.
377
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:06,336
- So we consult here.
We consult across the street too.
- The whole street.
378
00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,571
Is there a man in that couch?
379
00:19:08,645 --> 00:19:11,011
[ Forced Laugh ]
What are you saying? A man in a couch?
380
00:19:11,081 --> 00:19:13,106
- Hello!
- That's absurd.
381
00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:15,276
I believe there's a man
in that couch right there.
382
00:19:15,352 --> 00:19:17,081
There is no man. There's no man!
383
00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:19,019
Say some things about Frank Reynolds.
384
00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:22,081
Say 'em loud, make sure they're horrible things,
then we'll deal with the man in the couch.
385
00:19:22,159 --> 00:19:25,595
- Okay, so there is a man in the couch.
- Call Frank Reynolds an asshole!
386
00:19:25,662 --> 00:19:28,426
- Who is Frank Reynolds?
- He's the man in the couch!
387
00:19:28,499 --> 00:19:30,899
Oh, my God! What are you people doing?
388
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,596
Will you just say something about Frank
that's horrible! Call him an asshole!
389
00:19:33,670 --> 00:19:35,467
- Frank Reynolds is an asshole!
- Oh, thank you!
390
00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:38,406
- [ Creaking ]
- Oh, great. Now youve-
391
00:19:38,475 --> 00:19:41,069
- [People Gasping]
- [ Growling ]
392
00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:45,110
[Man ]
Oh, Jesus Christ!
393
00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:47,446
- [Woman ] Oh, no! Oh, no!
- What is happening?
394
00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:50,453
- [ Grunts ] Can't breathe! Too hot!
- Why are you naked, Frank?
395
00:19:50,521 --> 00:19:52,580
It's too hot in the couch.
396
00:19:52,656 --> 00:19:56,114
- Did you hear? She called you an asshole.
- She called you an asshole.
397
00:19:56,193 --> 00:19:57,785
[ Growling ]
No air! No air!
398
00:19:57,861 --> 00:20:00,056
- [ Roaring ]
- Oh, Jesus!
399
00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:02,795
[ Sighs ]
400
00:20:02,866 --> 00:20:04,800
- [Grunting]
- [ Sighs ]
401
00:20:07,871 --> 00:20:09,429
[ Doorbell Rings ]
402
00:20:09,506 --> 00:20:11,770
- Dude, you are amazingly calm right now.
- Yeah.
403
00:20:11,842 --> 00:20:14,174
Are you sure youre not gonna suddenly
flip out and massacre me?
404
00:20:14,244 --> 00:20:16,178
No. Well, I'm doing two things.
405
00:20:16,246 --> 00:20:18,180
One: I buried it down deep.
406
00:20:18,248 --> 00:20:21,411
And two: I'm deciding I might not believe
that that actually happened.
407
00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:23,476
I could be remembering Christmas wrong.
You know what I mean?
408
00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:25,749
Are you sure this is one
of the houses you robbed?
409
00:20:25,823 --> 00:20:29,088
Yeah. This is Ricky Falcone's house. I distinctly
remember getting the Omnibot here.
410
00:20:29,159 --> 00:20:31,457
- Wow.
- I always thanked Ricky in school too.
411
00:20:31,528 --> 00:20:34,622
- He never had any idea what I was talking about.
- No, he wouldn't know.
412
00:20:34,698 --> 00:20:36,632
Hey-oh! Ricky Falcone!
413
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:39,828
- Hey, buddy.
- How you doin', man? Good to see you.
414
00:20:39,903 --> 00:20:45,034
- Can I help you?
- Uh, well, why don't we have
our friend do the talking?
415
00:20:45,109 --> 00:20:48,078
[Motor Whirring]
416
00:20:48,145 --> 00:20:51,637
[ Beeping ]
417
00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:01,424
Hello, Ricky.
418
00:21:01,492 --> 00:21:04,655
When you were a little boy,
I was stolen from you...
419
00:21:04,728 --> 00:21:07,356
on Christmas day.
420
00:21:07,431 --> 00:21:10,229
It was a big misunderstanding.
421
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,996
I miss you. I love you.
422
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:15,834
I'm sorry.
[ Clicks ]
423
00:21:19,476 --> 00:21:22,468
So, you stole this from me...
424
00:21:22,546 --> 00:21:25,538
and now you're coming back
20 years later to return it to me?
425
00:21:25,616 --> 00:21:28,915
- Ooh. R- Return it? No.
- Return? No.
426
00:21:28,986 --> 00:21:31,614
- No, not exactly.
- We didn't think youd want the robot back...
427
00:21:31,688 --> 00:21:34,521
- seeing how as you're an adult
and everything now.
- You are a grown man.
428
00:21:34,591 --> 00:21:36,752
- It was more about the apology.
- The apology, so-
429
00:21:36,827 --> 00:21:39,057
- We're keeping the robot.
- All right. Let me get this straight.
430
00:21:39,129 --> 00:21:42,155
You two assholes are coming over to show me
something you stole from me...
431
00:21:42,232 --> 00:21:44,564
but youre not giving it back?
432
00:21:44,635 --> 00:21:48,901
At this point, I believe the robot's falling
under the finders-keepers law of America.
433
00:21:48,972 --> 00:21:51,304
- You didn't find it. You stole it.
- Well, hang on a second.
434
00:21:51,375 --> 00:21:53,502
- I didn't steal anything. He stole it.
- Technically, I am the one.
435
00:21:53,577 --> 00:21:56,011
- It was his family's tradition,
going around stealing-
- We're getting off topic.
436
00:21:56,079 --> 00:21:58,104
Ricky, obviously youre in some kind of a rut.
437
00:21:58,182 --> 00:22:01,948
- I can tell by your clothes, and you don't look good.
- I'm not in a rut.
438
00:22:02,019 --> 00:22:05,785
Listen, bro. Why dont you just take
the apology, stop being so hard on yourself?
439
00:22:05,856 --> 00:22:07,983
It's about forgiveness! We're trying
to get the Christmas spirit, dude!
440
00:22:08,058 --> 00:22:10,390
- Where are we-
- [ Groans ]
441
00:22:10,460 --> 00:22:12,519
- Some people can't be helped.
- That didn't go as planned.
442
00:22:12,596 --> 00:22:14,655
I'm glad he didn't, you know, pound us.
443
00:22:14,731 --> 00:22:16,722
This is a test, dude. We're getting tested.
444
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,132
- It's a Christmas spirit kind of a test, you know?
- Yeah?
445
00:22:19,203 --> 00:22:22,195
We're getting curveballs left and right,
with my mom and your folks.
446
00:22:22,272 --> 00:22:24,502
We gotta rise to the occasion, dude.
We gotta step up.
447
00:22:24,575 --> 00:22:26,805
- Okay. I got a plan.
- I love it. I love it.
448
00:22:26,877 --> 00:22:28,811
- I got a plan.
- You're good like that, man.
449
00:22:28,879 --> 00:22:32,337
Let's go to the mall, get him the hottest-selling
toy this season, give it to his kids.
450
00:22:32,416 --> 00:22:35,943
- Oh, my God.
- Then he'll forgive us,
and we get the Christmas spirit back.
451
00:22:36,019 --> 00:22:38,920
Then everyone gets the Christmas spirit.
Maybe we'll get him new clothes too.
452
00:22:38,989 --> 00:22:41,321
- That dude is in a rut.
- Which way is the bus stop?
453
00:22:41,391 --> 00:22:43,723
Uh, well, we came this way.
454
00:22:53,203 --> 00:22:56,195
Yo. Mac, check this shit out
right here, dude.
455
00:22:56,273 --> 00:22:58,207
I bought Ricky a new shirt, you know?
456
00:22:58,275 --> 00:23:01,073
Maybe he could wear it to, like, a job interview.
It's gonna clean his look up.
457
00:23:01,144 --> 00:23:03,271
- Get him out of that rut.
- Get him out of the rut!
458
00:23:03,347 --> 00:23:06,009
- Maybe we should pick him up
some face wash too.
- Oh, my God. His skin!
459
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:08,677
- Did you see that skin?
- Terrible. How's it going in here?
Find any good toys?
460
00:23:08,752 --> 00:23:10,481
Not good. No, actually. Let's ask this guy.
461
00:23:10,554 --> 00:23:12,351
Excuse me, sir. Hi.
462
00:23:12,422 --> 00:23:15,949
What is the hottest-selling toy item
that you have in this store right now?
463
00:23:16,026 --> 00:23:19,928
Actually, the hottest-selling item
right now is Redman the Robot.
464
00:23:19,997 --> 00:23:21,726
- Are you serious?
- Redman the Robot?
465
00:23:21,798 --> 00:23:23,925
- That's what the kids are into?
- Shit don't change!
466
00:23:24,001 --> 00:23:25,662
- All right!
- Shit don't change!
467
00:23:25,736 --> 00:23:27,829
- We'll take one Redman the Robot, please.
- We're sold out.
468
00:23:27,904 --> 00:23:30,304
- Uh-
- You're sold out?
469
00:23:30,374 --> 00:23:32,274
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, but it's Christmas Eve, dude.
470
00:23:32,342 --> 00:23:35,470
- You're not gonna sell out on Christmas Eve, right?
- There were a lot of people here.
471
00:23:35,545 --> 00:23:37,479
But it's Christmas Eve. You would stock up.
472
00:23:37,547 --> 00:23:39,481
- What kind of business model is that?
- I get it.
473
00:23:39,549 --> 00:23:43,144
Just run and go get us one of the special
reserve toys I know you got back there.
474
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:46,189
Um, I'm being very serious right now.
We don't have any.
475
00:23:46,256 --> 00:23:48,554
Right. So, okay. So hold on a second.
476
00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,423
You're telling me that if Mike Schmidt
were to walk in here right now...
477
00:23:51,495 --> 00:23:53,656
and say, "Hey, get me a Redman the Robot"...
478
00:23:53,730 --> 00:23:56,528
you'd say, "I'm sorry.
We're all out. We're sold out, Mike"?
479
00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,535
- Who is Mike Schmidt?
- Who's Mike Schmidt!
480
00:23:59,603 --> 00:24:02,197
Bro, have some respect here, man.
What are you talkin' about?
481
00:24:02,272 --> 00:24:04,706
I don't know who Mike Schmidt is.
482
00:24:04,775 --> 00:24:06,766
- You've never heard of Mike Schmidt?
- Easy, dude.
483
00:24:06,843 --> 00:24:09,539
- Don't lose your cool.
- Twelve-time All Star, three-time baseball M.V.P.?
484
00:24:09,613 --> 00:24:12,514
- Maybe he doesn't know-
- I don't buy it for one second, dude!
485
00:24:12,582 --> 00:24:14,914
- Maybe he's never heard-
- He's the all-time leading home run hitter.
486
00:24:14,985 --> 00:24:17,579
- No, he's not the all-time leading home run hitter.
- For white guys he is.
487
00:24:17,654 --> 00:24:19,918
He's not even for white guys.
Babe Ruth's got more than him.
488
00:24:19,990 --> 00:24:22,982
Next youre gonna tell me you don't know who
Von Hayes is or Steve "Bedrock" Bedrosian.
489
00:24:23,060 --> 00:24:25,221
- I don't buy it, bitch!
- Maybe he's not a baseball fan.
490
00:24:25,295 --> 00:24:27,058
- He's lying! Go get me one!
- Don't lose your cool!
491
00:24:27,130 --> 00:24:29,291
- He's lying, dude. He's got 'em back there.
- Keep the Christmas spirit.
492
00:24:29,366 --> 00:24:31,357
Von Hayes walks in here,
you got one for Von Hayes?
493
00:24:31,435 --> 00:24:33,869
Dude, nobody knows who Von Hayes is!
Man, relax.
494
00:24:36,306 --> 00:24:38,638
- Aw, shit, dude. I'm sorry.
- That's okay, man.
495
00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:41,542
- I lost my cool.
- I don't know who doesn't
know who Mike Schmidt is.
496
00:24:41,611 --> 00:24:43,602
- Right? It's ridiculous.
- Let's just be calm, right?
497
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,171
It's a Christmas test. Another Christmas test.
Think of it that way.
498
00:24:46,249 --> 00:24:48,046
- Okay. Charlie? I got a new plan.
-Just like that?
499
00:24:48,118 --> 00:24:49,449
- Yeah, dude.
- That's so fast.
500
00:24:49,519 --> 00:24:50,918
- I'm firing on all cylinders.
- Okay.
501
00:24:50,987 --> 00:24:53,251
- It's a bit of a blessing and a curse.
- Let me hear it.
502
00:24:53,323 --> 00:24:56,292
Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna wait
till the mall closes, break into the store...
503
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:58,590
- steal the robot, give that to Ricky.
- No, no, no, dude.
504
00:24:58,662 --> 00:25:01,722
You're stealing on Christmas again.
That's not very Christmas-like.
505
00:25:01,798 --> 00:25:03,459
Shit, dude. It's a vicious cycle.
506
00:25:03,533 --> 00:25:06,297
- I feel like my parents really screwed me up.
- Yeah, but look at me.
507
00:25:06,370 --> 00:25:09,032
- I-I get curveballs from Mommy, you know?
- Yeah.
508
00:25:09,106 --> 00:25:12,439
But I'm standing tall.
I'm calm. I got the Christmas-
509
00:25:13,610 --> 00:25:16,044
- [Bell Tolls ]
- ¶ You better watch out¶
510
00:25:16,113 --> 00:25:19,378
¶ You better not cry
You better not pout, I'm telling you why¶
511
00:25:19,449 --> 00:25:20,973
- ¶ Why¶
- Ho-ho-ho-ho! [ Laughing ]
512
00:25:21,051 --> 00:25:23,042
¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶
513
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,712
It's good. Your mom's gonna like that.
514
00:25:24,788 --> 00:25:27,655
[Echoing]
¶ He's making a list, checking it twice ¶
515
00:25:27,724 --> 00:25:30,625
- ¶ He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice ¶
- Where are you going, dude?
516
00:25:30,694 --> 00:25:32,662
Charlie! What are you doing?
517
00:25:32,729 --> 00:25:34,890
- ¶ Santa Claus is coming to town ¶
- Charlie. What are you doing?
518
00:25:34,965 --> 00:25:37,559
- No!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.
519
00:25:37,634 --> 00:25:39,727
I'm sorry.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Sorry.
520
00:25:39,803 --> 00:25:41,464
Merry Christmas. Bye-bye.
521
00:25:41,538 --> 00:25:44,132
- We don't have time for this shit.
- Ho-ho-ho-ho!
522
00:25:44,207 --> 00:25:46,835
Well, hello, and merry Christmas.
523
00:25:48,378 --> 00:25:51,347
So, where's your little one? Ooh!
524
00:25:51,415 --> 00:25:54,350
[ Laughing ]
Oh, you're a big boy, arent you?
525
00:25:54,418 --> 00:25:57,182
[ Laughing ]
Uh, is he retarded?
526
00:25:57,254 --> 00:25:59,313
Yeah. I got this one.
527
00:25:59,389 --> 00:26:03,723
So, son, what would you
like for Christmas, huh?
528
00:26:04,928 --> 00:26:06,862
Did you fuck my mom?
529
00:26:08,365 --> 00:26:10,424
What?
530
00:26:10,500 --> 00:26:15,460
Did you fuck... my... mom?
531
00:26:15,539 --> 00:26:17,837
What do you mean? I, uh, uh-
532
00:26:17,908 --> 00:26:20,468
Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus?
533
00:26:20,544 --> 00:26:22,637
- Did you fuck my mom?
- No.
534
00:26:22,712 --> 00:26:24,839
Did you fuck her?
Did you fuck my fucking mom?
535
00:26:24,915 --> 00:26:27,145
Did you fuck my mom, Santa?
536
00:26:27,217 --> 00:26:29,185
- [Screams ] He's biting my neck!
- Charlie!
537
00:26:29,252 --> 00:26:31,345
Get him off!.
He's trying to kill me!
538
00:26:31,421 --> 00:26:33,616
- [ Shouting ]
- [People Screaming]
539
00:26:33,690 --> 00:26:35,988
- No, no!
- Did you fuck my mom?
540
00:26:36,059 --> 00:26:39,688
- Did you fuck my mom?
- You're gonna kill Santa Claus!
541
00:26:39,763 --> 00:26:42,197
[Screaming]
542
00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:46,227
- Mommy!
- [ Screams ]
543
00:26:46,303 --> 00:26:48,669
Oh, shit. I'm sorry, kid.
544
00:26:48,738 --> 00:26:50,797
Charlie, we gotta go, dude!
Come on, bro!
545
00:26:50,874 --> 00:26:53,866
- Dude, what the fuck are you doing?
- Did you fuck my mom?
546
00:26:53,944 --> 00:26:56,936
- [Mac] Let's get out of here!
- Did you fuck my mom?
547
00:26:57,013 --> 00:26:59,345
- Did you fuck my mom? Did you fuck my mom?
- [ Girl Screaming ]
548
00:26:59,416 --> 00:27:01,680
Santa's been attacked!
549
00:27:01,751 --> 00:27:05,414
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Charlie Shouting ]
550
00:27:09,826 --> 00:27:14,058
[ Crying ]
551
00:27:18,969 --> 00:27:21,995
You think, when we leave,
you could just, uh...
552
00:27:22,072 --> 00:27:24,233
you know, swing by my house
and drop me off?
553
00:27:24,307 --> 00:27:26,639
No. No. We don't have time
for that shit, all right?
554
00:27:26,710 --> 00:27:28,735
Listen, we're doing the Christmas future.
We're doing it now.
555
00:27:28,812 --> 00:27:30,370
- What the hell is this?
- You ready?
556
00:27:30,447 --> 00:27:33,939
That is Mom's grave, right?
And this, right here?
557
00:27:34,017 --> 00:27:37,612
- This is your eternal resting-
- Yo, Deandra. That-That is not my future.
558
00:27:37,687 --> 00:27:39,678
I'm not gonna be buried in a grave.
559
00:27:39,756 --> 00:27:41,690
When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.
560
00:27:41,758 --> 00:27:45,091
- Okay.
- You know what? Just change now. Okay?
561
00:27:45,161 --> 00:27:47,595
- It's time for you to change, okay?
- It's time for that now.
562
00:27:47,664 --> 00:27:50,758
We did the Christmas past. We did
the old man ghost. We did the grave thing.
563
00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:53,496
- Here we are.
- Now it's time for you to change
and give us reparations.
564
00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:57,097
You give us reparations, and cars,
and Lamborghinis, and goddamn money!
565
00:27:57,173 --> 00:27:59,107
- And purses!
- You son of a bitch!
566
00:27:59,175 --> 00:28:02,372
- Aha! That's what this is all about, right?
- [ Both ] Yeah!
567
00:28:02,445 --> 00:28:04,936
You don't give a shit
whether I change or not, do you? Huh?
568
00:28:05,015 --> 00:28:09,247
It's all about you- what you want.
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
569
00:28:09,319 --> 00:28:12,413
Well, you're never gonna learn your lesson,
Dennis. You're never gonna learn, Deandra.
570
00:28:12,489 --> 00:28:14,616
- Oh, screw your goddamn lesson!
- Yeah? I'm out of here.
571
00:28:14,691 --> 00:28:18,855
Who gives a shit about your lesson?
Just stop ruining Christmas... for us!
572
00:28:21,197 --> 00:28:24,997
I didn't think that I would still be
involved at this point.
573
00:28:25,068 --> 00:28:27,093
So...
574
00:28:27,170 --> 00:28:30,571
why don't you just take me home?
575
00:28:32,475 --> 00:28:34,409
You know what, Eugene?
576
00:28:34,477 --> 00:28:38,140
- You are useless.
- You have been
an awesome disappointment to us.
577
00:28:38,214 --> 00:28:41,047
You have contributed nothing
to any of this, Eugene!
578
00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:43,108
You, yourself, have ruined Christmas!
579
00:28:43,186 --> 00:28:48,021
You didn't let me talk to Frank about
the peace that he would find in the Lord.
580
00:28:48,091 --> 00:28:50,457
- No, no, no, no! No!
- We don't want to hear about the Lord anymore!
581
00:28:50,527 --> 00:28:52,688
- I can't stand it.
- Why would I wanna hear
about Jesus and the Lord?
582
00:28:52,762 --> 00:28:54,730
If you think Jesus
and the Lord are so great...
583
00:28:54,798 --> 00:28:57,198
why dont you have them swing by in
their Lamborghinis and take your ass home!
584
00:28:57,267 --> 00:28:59,667
That's a good idea.
585
00:29:03,806 --> 00:29:06,240
[Charlie ]
Hey, Mac.
586
00:29:06,308 --> 00:29:10,335
Now, I know things weren't pretty at the mall,
but we have a chance to save Christmas.
587
00:29:10,413 --> 00:29:12,779
And check it out-
We can still get some Christmas spirit...
588
00:29:12,848 --> 00:29:15,681
if we just bring that shirt I bought
over to Ricky Falcone.
589
00:29:15,751 --> 00:29:18,242
The shirt. Is this the shirt
that youre referring to?
590
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,686
- Yeah!
- It's covered in blood, Charlie.
591
00:29:20,756 --> 00:29:23,190
Santa's blood, you goddamn lunatic!
592
00:29:23,259 --> 00:29:25,420
- It's not gonna work, is it?
- No, it's not gonna work.
593
00:29:25,494 --> 00:29:27,894
The only way that we're gonna get back
the Christmas spirit...
594
00:29:27,963 --> 00:29:30,261
- is if we get back to the basics.
- You're right, man.
595
00:29:30,332 --> 00:29:32,493
We're gonna throw rocks at trains.
596
00:29:32,568 --> 00:29:34,729
Theres just no way to get
the Christmas spirit anymore, man.
597
00:29:34,804 --> 00:29:36,999
Take the Christmas decorations down,
you guys. I am dead serious.
598
00:29:37,073 --> 00:29:40,406
Christmas is a bullshit holiday, and it is
forever banned from Paddy's Irish Pub.
599
00:29:40,476 --> 00:29:43,206
- That's it!
- [ Charlie ] Take it easy. Have a drink. We get it.
600
00:29:43,279 --> 00:29:45,213
- We're starting to feel the same way.
- You are?
601
00:29:45,281 --> 00:29:47,272
Yeah. Christmas is just a bunch of bullshit.
602
00:29:47,349 --> 00:29:49,647
You just find out that your dad stole
all your presents...
603
00:29:49,719 --> 00:29:52,586
and that your mom gets fucked by a series
of never-ending Santa Clauses.
604
00:29:52,655 --> 00:29:54,589
Charlie's mom is a prostitute,
by the way.
605
00:29:54,657 --> 00:29:56,989
- We don't know that for sure, okay?
- We know it for sure.
606
00:29:57,059 --> 00:29:59,391
- Let's just move past it, accept it and go.
- [Phone Rings ]
607
00:29:59,462 --> 00:30:01,089
- I can see that.
- I definitely buy that.
608
00:30:01,163 --> 00:30:02,994
- I can see that.
- I was thinking the same thing.
609
00:30:03,065 --> 00:30:06,398
Hey, guys. Frank's dead.
610
00:30:06,469 --> 00:30:08,528
What?
611
00:30:08,604 --> 00:30:12,301
Somebody from the hospital.
Apparently, Frank was in a car accident.
612
00:30:12,374 --> 00:30:15,832
He's dead. They want us to
come and identify his body.
613
00:30:17,079 --> 00:30:19,741
Oh, my God.
614
00:30:19,949 --> 00:30:21,712
[Machine Beeping]
615
00:30:21,784 --> 00:30:24,014
[ Sighs ]
This is heavy, man. Really heavy.
616
00:30:24,086 --> 00:30:26,247
I don't know that I'm ready
to see his dead body.
617
00:30:26,322 --> 00:30:28,813
Okay, this is his room, you guys.
Just brace yourselves.
618
00:30:28,891 --> 00:30:30,882
This could be a little rough.
619
00:30:32,094 --> 00:30:35,257
- Yo!
- What the hell is this?
620
00:30:35,331 --> 00:30:37,891
[ Laughs ] Well, I knew you guys
would never come to see me...
621
00:30:37,967 --> 00:30:39,901
so I faked my own death.
622
00:30:39,969 --> 00:30:42,961
- Really should have seen that one coming, right?
- Yeah.
623
00:30:43,038 --> 00:30:45,871
Really should have seen that coming.
So there was no car accident.
624
00:30:45,941 --> 00:30:50,071
Oh, no, I spun out. Thank God the door
was open, and I was thrown from the car.
625
00:30:50,146 --> 00:30:52,080
And I sprained my ankle.
626
00:30:52,148 --> 00:30:55,276
So you call us down here to show us
that you have a sprained ankle?
627
00:30:55,351 --> 00:30:58,252
No, no, no, no. I called you down here
to tell you something else.
628
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,311
I had a vision.
629
00:31:00,389 --> 00:31:03,916
I was drivin' out of
the cemetery in the Countach.
630
00:31:03,993 --> 00:31:05,961
¶¶ [Ballad: Backup Singers Vocalizing]
631
00:31:06,028 --> 00:31:10,431
I just finished my bag
of Cheesy Loops and malt balls.
632
00:31:10,499 --> 00:31:14,128
I musta hit a patch of ice.
I start swirlin' out of control!
633
00:31:14,203 --> 00:31:17,104
- I was thrown from the car.
- [ Crash ]
634
00:31:17,173 --> 00:31:21,132
I musta hit my head on the pavement,
'cause everything went white...
635
00:31:21,210 --> 00:31:23,940
and I saw this magical land.
636
00:31:24,013 --> 00:31:26,004
[ Grunting]
637
00:31:26,081 --> 00:31:28,015
Whoa, this is freaky!
638
00:31:28,083 --> 00:31:30,449
Oh, hello there, Frank!
639
00:31:30,519 --> 00:31:32,487
Hey, who said that?
640
00:31:32,555 --> 00:31:34,489
Over here!
641
00:31:34,557 --> 00:31:38,516
I heard you've been
a grumpy-Gussy Christmas grouch.
642
00:31:38,594 --> 00:31:40,186
Yeah? So what?
643
00:31:40,262 --> 00:31:42,492
Well, you need to get the Christmas spirit.
644
00:31:42,565 --> 00:31:45,295
I don't need to listen to this shit.
Where the hell is my Countach?
645
00:31:45,367 --> 00:31:46,959
I'm gettin' outta here.
646
00:31:47,036 --> 00:31:49,095
Coun... tach?
647
00:31:49,171 --> 00:31:51,105
Yeah. It's a Lamborghini, shit-bird.
648
00:31:51,173 --> 00:31:53,004
You ever heard of one?
649
00:31:54,844 --> 00:31:56,778
[ Spits ]
650
00:31:56,846 --> 00:31:59,178
What the hell was that,
you little green bitch?
651
00:31:59,248 --> 00:32:02,684
¶ Christmas is a time for joy ¶
652
00:32:02,751 --> 00:32:06,687
¶ For every girl and every boy ¶
653
00:32:06,755 --> 00:32:09,724
¶ Rich or poor, old or young ¶
654
00:32:09,792 --> 00:32:12,693
¶The Christmas spirit's in everyone ¶
655
00:32:12,761 --> 00:32:14,228
¶ Fa-la-la-la ¶
656
00:32:14,296 --> 00:32:17,424
¶ But youll miss out on all the fun ¶
657
00:32:17,499 --> 00:32:21,026
¶ 'Cause youre not nice to anyone ¶
658
00:32:22,137 --> 00:32:25,368
¶ A grumpy-Gussy Christmas grouch ¶
659
00:32:25,441 --> 00:32:28,672
¶Who hides out in his couch ¶
660
00:32:28,744 --> 00:32:32,145
¶Watching his roommate pounding off ¶
661
00:32:33,949 --> 00:32:36,474
¶ Pulling fake outs
Pulling pranks ¶
662
00:32:36,552 --> 00:32:39,680
¶ Gives your friends the Christmas cranks ¶
663
00:32:41,323 --> 00:32:44,918
¶ And this is how they will react¶
664
00:32:44,994 --> 00:32:46,484
¶ When they finally crack¶
665
00:32:47,997 --> 00:32:50,261
¶ They'll rip your arm off at the bone ¶
666
00:32:50,332 --> 00:32:51,492
¶ Eat it like an ice cream cone ¶
667
00:32:51,567 --> 00:32:53,933
¶ And gouge your eyes out with a spoon ¶
668
00:32:54,003 --> 00:32:55,595
¶ Blow them up like two balloons ¶
669
00:32:55,671 --> 00:32:57,195
¶ Keep them close so you can see ¶
670
00:32:57,273 --> 00:32:59,070
¶ As they chain-saw off your knee ¶
671
00:32:59,141 --> 00:33:00,403
¶ Bash your body with a board¶
672
00:33:00,476 --> 00:33:04,742
¶ And hang you by your spinal cord¶
673
00:33:04,813 --> 00:33:06,610
[ Grunting, Gagging ]
674
00:33:06,682 --> 00:33:08,240
Oh, shit.
675
00:33:08,317 --> 00:33:11,047
¶ And then they'll rip you down
so you survive ¶
676
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,520
¶ Grind your legs while you're alive ¶
677
00:33:13,589 --> 00:33:15,716
¶ Throw you to a gator-pit
Let them gnaw on you a bit ¶
678
00:33:15,791 --> 00:33:17,281
¶ Pull you out and stab your face ¶
679
00:33:17,359 --> 00:33:19,190
¶ Spray your wounds all full of Mace ¶
680
00:33:19,261 --> 00:33:20,489
¶ Now they're really getting brazen ¶
681
00:33:20,562 --> 00:33:25,226
¶ When you're burned
by racist singing raisins ¶
682
00:33:25,301 --> 00:33:27,667
- ¶¶ [ Raisins Vocalizing ]
- Broi I that jive turkey!
683
00:33:27,736 --> 00:33:29,431
Yeah, burn his ass off!
684
00:33:29,505 --> 00:33:31,871
- ¶¶ [ Vocalizing Continues ]
- [ Raisins Laughing]
685
00:33:33,742 --> 00:33:37,576
¶ But it's not too late to make amends ¶
686
00:33:37,646 --> 00:33:40,206
¶ With your family
With your friends ¶
687
00:33:40,282 --> 00:33:44,309
¶ All you really have to do is ¶
688
00:33:44,386 --> 00:33:47,150
- ¶ Get the spirit ¶
- ¶ Get the Christmas spirit ¶
689
00:33:47,222 --> 00:33:50,020
- ¶ Get the Christmas spirit ¶
- ¶¶ [ Vocalizing ]
690
00:33:50,092 --> 00:33:52,151
¶ Get the Christmas spirit ¶
691
00:33:52,227 --> 00:33:54,661
¶ Inside ¶
692
00:33:54,730 --> 00:33:57,790
¶You ¶¶
693
00:33:57,866 --> 00:33:59,424
Good-bye, folks!
694
00:34:03,906 --> 00:34:07,467
Why did the elf have no pants on?
695
00:34:07,543 --> 00:34:09,909
I didn't say the elf had no pants on.
696
00:34:09,979 --> 00:34:11,776
Oh.
697
00:34:11,847 --> 00:34:15,647
I might have added something in my brain
there at the end. I've had a very strange day.
698
00:34:15,718 --> 00:34:18,482
The point is, I'm a changed man...
699
00:34:18,554 --> 00:34:23,617
and I want another chance to give you guys
the absolute best Christmas...
700
00:34:23,692 --> 00:34:25,455
you ever had.
701
00:34:25,527 --> 00:34:29,122
Too bad, jerk! The only thing your story
proves is that youre a demented asshole.
702
00:34:29,198 --> 00:34:31,291
Wait a second, Dee. W-W-Wait.
703
00:34:31,367 --> 00:34:34,336
Maybe there is a lesson
to be learned in all of this.
704
00:34:34,403 --> 00:34:38,134
The best part of Frank's story was how
the four of us came together as a group...
705
00:34:38,207 --> 00:34:40,141
to mercilessly slaughter him.
706
00:34:40,209 --> 00:34:43,645
You see what I'm saying? And I think
that's what Christmas is really all about.
707
00:34:43,712 --> 00:34:46,146
After all, it's the four of us
really sticking together.
708
00:34:46,215 --> 00:34:50,811
You're saying we've been relying too heavily
on our parents to give us a good Christmas.
709
00:34:50,886 --> 00:34:54,822
If we stick together, we can give
each other the Christmas spirit.
710
00:34:54,890 --> 00:34:58,053
That's right. I don't think it's too late
for us to give ourselves a great Christmas.
711
00:34:58,127 --> 00:35:01,528
- Really?
- I got something I gotta finish. Let's do it together.
712
00:35:01,597 --> 00:35:04,464
- All right!
- Let's have a good Christmas!
713
00:35:04,533 --> 00:35:07,991
- What about me?
- Oh, you go fuck yourself in your fat fuckin' ass.
714
00:35:19,848 --> 00:35:23,340
Hey, do you guys think it's too late
to get a Christmas tree?
715
00:35:23,419 --> 00:35:26,354
- Yeah, dude, way too late.
- I don't care for fir trees anyway.
716
00:35:26,422 --> 00:35:28,356
- What's wrong with 'em?
- I don't like the smell.
717
00:35:28,424 --> 00:35:32,622
- Plus they're a fire hazard.
- If youre gonna get a tree,
get a tree that does something.
718
00:35:32,694 --> 00:35:35,857
- Like an orange tree.
- Where you gonna find
an orange tree in Philadelphia?
719
00:35:35,931 --> 00:35:38,764
- We could get a bag of oranges!
- Now youre thinking!
720
00:35:38,834 --> 00:35:41,769
- And do what? Hang 'em in the bar?
- No, it'll be awesome!
721
00:35:41,837 --> 00:35:44,772
- We give 'em to each other as gifts!
- That's a terrible gift.
722
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:48,173
- All right, here we go.
- ¶¶ [ Hums ]
723
00:35:48,243 --> 00:35:51,508
¶ O holy night ¶
724
00:35:51,580 --> 00:35:55,516
¶The stars are brightly shining ¶
725
00:35:55,584 --> 00:35:58,781
- ¶ It is the night of our dear savior's birth ¶
- What are you guys doing?
726
00:35:58,854 --> 00:36:00,788
It's 4:00 in the goddamn morning.
727
00:36:00,856 --> 00:36:03,848
¶ Long lay the world in- ¶
728
00:36:03,926 --> 00:36:06,895
Hey! Shut up!
729
00:36:06,962 --> 00:36:09,556
- What the hell do you want?
- We want to give you some Christmas cheer.
730
00:36:09,631 --> 00:36:12,065
- A-And a new shirt!
- Yeah! I got you a shirt!
731
00:36:12,134 --> 00:36:15,433
I got a little blood on that, but it's cool.
It's gonna wash out. You're gonna look sharp.
732
00:36:15,504 --> 00:36:17,131
I don't want your stupid shirt.
733
00:36:17,206 --> 00:36:20,903
Do yourself a favor.
Take the shirt, get out of that rut.
734
00:36:20,976 --> 00:36:22,944
Hey! Shut the hell up down there!
735
00:36:23,011 --> 00:36:25,878
- You shut the hell up up there!
- Hey, jerk-off!.
736
00:36:25,948 --> 00:36:30,442
- Don't make me come down there!
- Come down! See what happens!
I'll bite you in your neck!
737
00:36:30,519 --> 00:36:33,955
- Get the hell out of here!
- We're trying to give you
the Christmas spirit, dick-hole!
738
00:36:34,022 --> 00:36:36,957
- I don't want it!
- [ Woman ] Nobody wants it, assholes!
739
00:36:37,025 --> 00:36:39,653
- Goddamn it! Goddamn you, bitch!
- You're gonna get it anyway!
740
00:36:39,728 --> 00:36:42,424
- Keep singin'!
- ¶ Fall on your knees ¶
741
00:36:42,498 --> 00:36:44,466
Here's your blood, bitch!
742
00:36:44,533 --> 00:36:47,400
- ¶¶ [ Continues ]
- [Man ]¶ O hear¶
743
00:36:47,469 --> 00:36:51,565
¶ The angel voices ¶
744
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:57,010
- ¶ O night divine¶
- [ Screaming, Yelling ]
745
00:36:59,081 --> 00:37:03,279
¶ O night when Christ was born¶
746
00:37:03,352 --> 00:37:06,788
I knew I shouldn't have parked in front
of the hydrant. I knew it. I did it anyway.
747
00:37:06,855 --> 00:37:10,723
- I was gonna say something.
Don't know why I didn't.
- Who tows on Christmas Eve?
748
00:37:10,792 --> 00:37:12,726
- Christmas.
- Huh?
749
00:37:12,794 --> 00:37:14,728
It's been Christmas for six hours!
750
00:37:14,796 --> 00:37:17,230
I don't even give a shit. It doesn't matter.
751
00:37:17,299 --> 00:37:19,733
Let's just get blackout drunk
and forget about this entire experience.
752
00:37:19,801 --> 00:37:23,259
- Aah! This is the worst Christmas ever!
- Oh, yeah, by far.
753
00:37:23,338 --> 00:37:26,774
- Oh, it's a beauty.
- [Electric Train Whistle Tooting]
754
00:37:26,842 --> 00:37:29,538
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
755
00:37:29,611 --> 00:37:31,670
Holy shit!
You put all the decorations up!
756
00:37:31,747 --> 00:37:35,706
- Yes, we did.
- All right, all right. What's going on here, Frank?
757
00:37:35,784 --> 00:37:38,446
I told you in the hospital
I was a changed man.
758
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,648
Right after I left I went to see
my old business partner, Eugene.
759
00:37:41,723 --> 00:37:44,317
We made up, we came in, and we did all this.
760
00:37:44,393 --> 00:37:47,521
- Your old business partner?
The "scumbag" Eugene?
- [ Chuckling ] Yeah.
761
00:37:47,596 --> 00:37:49,325
He's not a scumbag anymore.
762
00:37:49,398 --> 00:37:53,630
He's a changed man just like me, Charlie.
Go ahead. Look at all that stuff.
763
00:37:53,702 --> 00:37:56,694
- Are all these presents for us?
- Yep. They're all for you.
764
00:37:56,772 --> 00:37:58,797
Fake-out?
765
00:37:58,874 --> 00:38:01,001
No. No fake outs. That's yours, hon.
766
00:38:01,076 --> 00:38:03,203
And I'm gonna pay for the dry-cleaning...
767
00:38:03,278 --> 00:38:05,178
for the Cheesy Loops and malt balls.
768
00:38:05,247 --> 00:38:07,477
[Squealing]
Redman the Robot!
769
00:38:07,549 --> 00:38:10,313
You got me Redman the Robot!
Redman the Robot!
770
00:38:10,385 --> 00:38:13,377
We tried to buy it in the store
and the guy said it was all sold out!
771
00:38:13,455 --> 00:38:17,186
We wanted to buy one
for Ricky Falcone, but it was sold out!
772
00:38:17,259 --> 00:38:19,250
I got the last one.
I bought the last one!
773
00:38:19,328 --> 00:38:21,626
Should we give it to Ricky Falcone?
774
00:38:21,697 --> 00:38:24,757
- No, let's keep it.
- [ Laughing, Shouting ]
775
00:38:24,833 --> 00:38:26,733
- Whoo!
- Dennis.
776
00:38:26,802 --> 00:38:28,736
- What?
- For you.
777
00:38:28,804 --> 00:38:31,898
- What do you mean?
- This is yours.
778
00:38:31,974 --> 00:38:34,238
- Read it.
- This is a Lamborghini.
779
00:38:34,309 --> 00:38:35,936
Yeah. Countach. It's for you.
780
00:38:36,011 --> 00:38:38,571
- Don't mess with me, man.
- Honest. It's out in the alleyway.
781
00:38:38,647 --> 00:38:41,207
- It's in the alley right now?
- It's for you, Son.
782
00:38:44,152 --> 00:38:47,610
[Dennis ]
Oh, my God. This is amazing!
783
00:38:47,689 --> 00:38:50,021
I feel so good doing this. It's, like, scary!
784
00:38:50,092 --> 00:38:52,890
Whoo-hoo! Guys!
That's- That's my dream car!
785
00:38:52,961 --> 00:38:54,724
- You're giving me the Countach?
- Yeah.
786
00:38:54,796 --> 00:38:58,254
- Oh, my God. That's amazing!
- Look at the look on his face.
787
00:38:58,333 --> 00:39:00,699
This is awesome!
This is an awesome Christmas, Frank!
788
00:39:00,769 --> 00:39:05,103
I just want you guys to know that Eugene
and I, guys like us, we can change.
789
00:39:05,173 --> 00:39:08,506
Oh, yeah. Eugene, dude.
Sorry we left you at the graveyard, man.
790
00:39:08,577 --> 00:39:10,602
Oh, yeah, about that-we didn't mean it.
791
00:39:10,679 --> 00:39:13,944
Ah, don't worry about that.
[ Chuckling ]
792
00:39:14,016 --> 00:39:16,610
But, in the spirit of Christmas reparations...
793
00:39:16,685 --> 00:39:19,153
I have a little present for you, Frank.
794
00:39:19,221 --> 00:39:21,382
Aw, you didn't have to do that, Euge-
795
00:39:21,456 --> 00:39:23,617
- [ Hammer Cocks ]
- Oh!
796
00:39:23,692 --> 00:39:27,788
- A gun! I love guns! I got a gun of my own!
- Shut up!
797
00:39:27,863 --> 00:39:30,161
You stole a lot of money from me.
798
00:39:30,232 --> 00:39:32,166
You wrecked my career.
799
00:39:32,234 --> 00:39:36,898
You left me all alone to rot
in a shit-hole apartment.
800
00:39:36,972 --> 00:39:39,406
Now it's time for payback!
801
00:39:39,474 --> 00:39:42,910
Now, put all those presents
right here in front of me.
802
00:39:42,978 --> 00:39:44,411
- What?
- These ones?
803
00:39:44,479 --> 00:39:46,413
- No! Oh, man!
- Why us too? Why not just-
804
00:39:46,481 --> 00:39:49,678
- Come on!
- Oh, man! I don't even know you, dude.
805
00:39:49,751 --> 00:39:51,946
Put the keys here too. I'm taking the car.
806
00:39:52,020 --> 00:39:53,749
[ Groans ]
807
00:39:53,822 --> 00:39:57,588
- What happened to all the God stuff?
- I thought you had changed.
808
00:39:57,659 --> 00:40:00,958
- I'm still a liar and a thief.
- [ All Gasping ]
809
00:40:01,029 --> 00:40:03,827
Now, I want to leave you all...
810
00:40:03,899 --> 00:40:06,834
with a memory of this wonderful
yuletide season.
811
00:40:06,902 --> 00:40:10,338
Ah! How about...
812
00:40:10,405 --> 00:40:12,339
a white Christmas?
813
00:40:12,407 --> 00:40:15,843
- [Engine Sputtering, Droning]
- Oh, you dumb bastard. That thing is broken.
814
00:40:15,911 --> 00:40:17,845
That ain't gonna work.
815
00:40:17,913 --> 00:40:20,279
Yeah, it's from the '70s, dick.
It's not gonna work.
816
00:40:20,349 --> 00:40:22,442
- Really loud though.
- Are you sure it doesn't work?
817
00:40:22,517 --> 00:40:26,385
There's a bunch more tweaks we had to do to it.
Plus, you gotta hook it up to a water line-
818
00:40:28,190 --> 00:40:32,684
[Bing Crosby]
¶ I'm dreaming¶
819
00:40:32,761 --> 00:40:35,628
¶ Of a white ¶
820
00:40:35,697 --> 00:40:38,188
- ¶ Christmas ¶
- [ Slowed Down ] Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
821
00:40:39,501 --> 00:40:43,096
¶ With every Christmas card¶
822
00:40:43,171 --> 00:40:46,368
¶ I write ¶
823
00:40:47,376 --> 00:40:49,571
¶ May your days ¶
824
00:40:49,644 --> 00:40:51,407
[ Laughing, Slowed Down ]
825
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,311
¶ Be merry ¶
826
00:40:53,382 --> 00:40:58,319
¶ And bright ¶
827
00:40:58,387 --> 00:41:01,379
- ¶ And may all¶
- [ Slowed-down Laughing Continues ]
828
00:41:01,456 --> 00:41:05,790
¶ Your Christmases ¶
829
00:41:05,861 --> 00:41:09,194
¶ Be white ¶¶
830
00:41:09,264 --> 00:41:10,060
[ Bells Jingling]
831
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,775
- I feel like that Eugene guy was a real prick, huh?
- I know, yeah.
832
00:41:21,843 --> 00:41:23,777
Frank always said he was a scumbag.
833
00:41:23,845 --> 00:41:26,279
I was impressed with the snow blower though.
834
00:41:26,348 --> 00:41:28,282
I'm glad we don't have to return it.
835
00:41:28,350 --> 00:41:30,944
- I can't wait to blast the whole neighborhood.
- Yeah, man.
836
00:41:31,019 --> 00:41:33,214
- Oh, here we go.
- How you guys doing? You ready to do this?
837
00:41:33,288 --> 00:41:36,382
- What do we do?
-Just throw rocks at trains.
You're gonna feel better.
838
00:41:36,458 --> 00:41:38,085
- That's it?
- That's it! Merry Christmas, everyone!
839
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,061
- Here we go!
- Yeah!
840
00:41:41,129 --> 00:41:44,394
- ¶ Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ¶
- [ Laughing ]
841
00:41:44,466 --> 00:41:48,368
- ¶ Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring ¶
- Stupid train!
842
00:41:48,437 --> 00:41:50,302
¶ Snowin' and blowin' up ¶
843
00:41:50,372 --> 00:41:52,738
- ¶ Bushels of fun ¶
- You suck!
844
00:41:52,808 --> 00:41:56,437
- ¶ Now the jingle hop has begun ¶
- Watch this one!
845
00:41:56,511 --> 00:42:00,003
¶ Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Jingle Bell Rock ¶
846
00:42:00,081 --> 00:42:03,050
¶ Jingle bells chime
in jingle bell time ¶
847
00:42:03,118 --> 00:42:05,052
- Merry Christmas, buddy.
- Merry Christmas.
848
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,647
¶ Dancin' and prancin'
in Jingle Bell Square ¶
849
00:42:08,723 --> 00:42:11,817
¶ In the frosty air ¶
850
00:42:11,893 --> 00:42:16,830
¶ What a bright time
It's the right time ¶
851
00:42:16,898 --> 00:42:19,833
¶ To rock the night away ¶
852
00:42:19,901 --> 00:42:24,338
¶ Jingle bell time is a swell time ¶
853
00:42:24,406 --> 00:42:28,342
¶ To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh ¶
854
00:42:28,410 --> 00:42:32,346
¶ Giddyap, jingle horse
Pick up your feet ¶
855
00:42:32,414 --> 00:42:36,851
¶ Jingle around the clock ¶
856
00:42:36,918 --> 00:42:40,877
¶ Mix and mingle in the jinglin ' feet ¶
857
00:42:40,956 --> 00:42:44,619
¶ That's the Jingle Bell Rock ¶
858
00:42:44,693 --> 00:42:48,857
¶ Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock ¶
859
00:42:48,930 --> 00:42:52,730
¶ Jingle bell chime in jingle bell time ¶
860
00:42:52,801 --> 00:42:56,168
¶ Dancin' and prancin '
in Jingle Bell Square ¶
861
00:42:57,839 --> 00:43:02,367
[ Man ]
¶ To rock the night away ¶¶
862
00:43:05,447 --> 00:43:08,382
[ Voices Speaking Backwards ]
863
00:43:09,447 --> 00:43:15,382
Prepared by Ikatiz.
76346
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