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- [Monty] It all started
with me saying goodbye to
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my significant other in
Boston and heading down
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00:00:10,858 --> 00:00:15,026
to University of Chicago
for a summer project.
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00:00:15,026 --> 00:00:16,178
That was the beginning of what
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00:00:16,178 --> 00:00:19,208
I would call my summer of love.
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The summer in which I met a variety of
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00:00:20,917 --> 00:00:23,218
colorful characters in
the seedy underground
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of the so-called night
life of the windy city.
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And colorful they were.
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00:00:29,917 --> 00:00:32,637
There was Quasimodo, the lovable troll
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who claimed to have invented
the first glory hole.
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Her archenemy "Baby" Jane Hudson,
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00:00:38,786 --> 00:00:42,010
and old time actor from years gone by.
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00:00:42,010 --> 00:00:44,200
Then there was Kunta, the illegal alien
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00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,570
who was rumored to sell
$5 blowjobs, then send
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00:00:47,570 --> 00:00:50,738
the money to his sick mother in Mexico.
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00:00:50,738 --> 00:00:53,129
John Bennet, who was once a beautiful
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00:00:53,129 --> 00:00:56,796
blonde beauty, but that
was a long time ago.
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There was Hal, Ryan, who was nothing
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00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,458
but trouble, the mid-lunch cowboy,
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Red Rider, Montezuma, Cleopatra.
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00:01:09,149 --> 00:01:11,232
And then there was Jamie.
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This time of night, Jamie could usually
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00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:16,318
be found in the late night Mexican
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dump on Halstead having a burrito or two.
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Or in one of the XXX video arcades.
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I met Jamie my first night out in Chicago.
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So now that I've brought you all to him,
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I'll give him the spotlight
and bow away gracefully.
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Well not too gracefully, as you'll see.
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- Oh, well if it isn't
super troll at large.
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- Look who's talking.
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(gentle piano music)
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- [Marcus] Come on Jamie, say it.
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00:02:05,155 --> 00:02:08,417
- [Jamie] This is a bad
idea, I can't go there.
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- [Marcus] Say it, Jamie.
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You've gone too far to go back now.
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- [Jamie] No I haven't.
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- [Marcus] Jamie.
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- I can't, I mean that would be too much.
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- Tell me what it is.
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I know every dirty little thought that
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goes on in that sick,
demented mind of yours.
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It helps me to help you.
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Interactive psychotherapy!
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Say it!
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♫ I want a stray lover
who is gay just for me
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♫ I don't compete with others
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♫ So you queens just let me be
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- Howdy, Sam.
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- Twice in one day, huh?
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(chuckles) Gonna be worn out.
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Go and have a good time.
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♫ Straight lover
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♫ Hot sex
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♫ Lust for me and me alone
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♫ The other boys don't get his bone
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♫ I let him see straight kinky porn
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♫ Then he lets me eat his corn
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♫ I'm the (mumbles) lust and joy
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♫ Eat your heart out
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♫ Straight lover
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00:03:40,522 --> 00:03:43,583
- Hey hey hey hey, can
I ask you something?
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00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:44,666
- Sure, what?
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00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:47,983
- Can I talk to you for
a second over there?
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- No, I'm okay right here.
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What's going on?
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- Can I take you out to dinner?
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I know this really nice place.
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- Thanks, that's very generous
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of you, but this is too exciting
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here and I don't really wanna leave.
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- Are you straight?
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- Why do you ask?
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- You look so fresh.
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00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,150
- I'm just plain.
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Is that okay?
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00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:17,695
- Yeah, I'm just not used
to a guy as attractive
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00:04:17,695 --> 00:04:21,605
as you paying much attention
to the older crowd.
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00:04:21,605 --> 00:04:22,634
I'm a little bit shocked.
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00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:23,717
- I can tell.
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00:04:24,906 --> 00:04:27,406
What can I say, I love trolls.
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I think they're hot.
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- Really?
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Why?
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00:04:31,979 --> 00:04:34,313
- They're so pushy.
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Being overly shy, I admire that.
88
00:04:37,264 --> 00:04:40,097
I'd like to learn to be like that.
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00:04:40,977 --> 00:04:43,206
Like this guy, check him out.
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00:04:43,206 --> 00:04:44,289
- You got me.
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00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:49,520
- I like the way he
puts himself out there.
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00:04:51,086 --> 00:04:54,169
It's hot in a disgusting sort of way.
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00:04:55,394 --> 00:04:57,097
(laughter)
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00:04:57,097 --> 00:05:00,944
- All right, look, can I give
you my phone number at least?
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00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:01,777
- Sure.
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00:05:04,755 --> 00:05:06,865
- You think you'll call?
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00:05:06,865 --> 00:05:10,366
- Listen, I don't wanna lead
you on or anything, but this
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00:05:10,366 --> 00:05:13,537
is more of the scene I'm
interested in, you know?
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00:05:13,537 --> 00:05:14,870
Sleazy quickies.
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00:05:15,886 --> 00:05:17,969
But thanks just the same.
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00:05:18,933 --> 00:05:20,350
- You're welcome.
102
00:05:21,494 --> 00:05:23,577
- So ready for round two?
103
00:05:30,865 --> 00:05:33,454
Actually, I'm gonna go get a Coke.
104
00:05:33,454 --> 00:05:35,454
- Let me get it for you.
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00:05:36,452 --> 00:05:39,452
(rhythmic drumming)
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00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:50,907
- So sorry.
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00:05:50,907 --> 00:05:51,740
- But--
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Fucking vultures!
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Fuck!
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Gay life is not for me.
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00:05:59,241 --> 00:06:01,452
There's gotta be something else.
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00:06:01,452 --> 00:06:04,121
- What do you have in mind?
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00:06:04,121 --> 00:06:05,812
- I wanna be the exotic novelty,
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00:06:05,812 --> 00:06:09,321
the Mata Hari, the femme
fatale of suburbia.
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00:06:09,321 --> 00:06:10,154
- Go on.
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00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:16,502
- I want straight guys to find me hot.
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(purrs)
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- [Marcus] You aim high, my friend.
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00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,915
Jamie, my feeling, in all honesty, is...
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Find yourself a nice gay boy or
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00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:34,205
man and stick to your own kind.
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00:06:35,713 --> 00:06:38,121
- May I have this dance?
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(rhythmic drumming)
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(rock music)
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00:06:51,722 --> 00:06:53,912
(loud moaning)
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(alarm rings)
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00:06:57,533 --> 00:06:58,882
- [Jerry] Good morning, all you party
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animals, this is your DJ Jerry Sans.
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00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,274
First thing I want you to do is
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00:07:03,274 --> 00:07:05,173
take that damn hangover, walk over to
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00:07:05,173 --> 00:07:07,653
your garbage can, and
junk it where it belongs.
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00:07:07,653 --> 00:07:10,143
If you can't do that, have a beer.
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00:07:10,143 --> 00:07:12,133
Something about a taste of the hair.
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00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:13,373
Hope you all are on your way to
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00:07:13,373 --> 00:07:15,632
the beach or to some barbecue, whatever,
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00:07:15,632 --> 00:07:18,482
I'll be your DJ for this Sunday afternoon.
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00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,382
Now that's not necessarily a good
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00:07:20,382 --> 00:07:22,093
thing if you know what I mean.
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00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:26,762
Trouble is on the way and
here's the first song.
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00:07:26,762 --> 00:07:28,634
(cheering)
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00:07:28,634 --> 00:07:30,394
- Mr. Spatula Man!
142
00:07:30,394 --> 00:07:31,982
- Hola, Jamie!
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(laughter)
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- Hey!
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00:07:34,515 --> 00:07:36,282
- Hey gorgeous, mwah.
146
00:07:36,282 --> 00:07:38,170
- Mmmm, me hungry, honey.
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00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:40,050
- Is that a warning, you horndog?
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00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:41,832
- You betcha.
149
00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:44,645
You animal you, it's been a while, huh?
150
00:07:44,645 --> 00:07:46,108
- Hey, need a hand?
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00:07:46,108 --> 00:07:48,811
Let me know, I am a gourmet cook.
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00:07:48,811 --> 00:07:50,388
- Don't tell me it's true.
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00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:52,139
- Taste my macho tacos.
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00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,536
- (laughs) Should've brought some
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00:07:53,536 --> 00:07:55,615
with you there, Wolfgang Puck.
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00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:57,294
Guys, this is my friend Jamie.
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Treat him right and he'll do you good.
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00:07:59,845 --> 00:08:00,816
- Hi Jamie, I'm Dave.
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00:08:00,816 --> 00:08:02,037
- And I'm Jack.
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00:08:02,037 --> 00:08:03,987
How about a hot dog with your beer, bud?
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00:08:03,987 --> 00:08:05,884
(laughter)
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00:08:05,884 --> 00:08:07,504
- Look at this motherfucker.
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00:08:07,504 --> 00:08:08,624
- Yeah.
164
00:08:08,624 --> 00:08:09,892
- How's the garage?
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00:08:09,892 --> 00:08:11,133
- Garage is good.
166
00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,784
Jamie, meet Ray.
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00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,725
He's gonna be working with us at the shop.
168
00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:15,693
- Welcome aboard.
169
00:08:15,693 --> 00:08:17,373
- Hi, I'm Ray Milano,
nice meeting you, man.
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00:08:17,373 --> 00:08:18,206
- Yeah.
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00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,475
- Ran into him the other day, he said
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00:08:19,475 --> 00:08:21,765
he needed a job, so here he is.
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00:08:21,765 --> 00:08:22,598
- Good choice.
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00:08:22,598 --> 00:08:24,892
- Thanks man, I'm sure
we'll be good friends.
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00:08:24,892 --> 00:08:26,493
Us grease monkeys gotta stick together.
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00:08:26,493 --> 00:08:28,744
- I hope so.
(laughter)
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00:08:28,744 --> 00:08:30,264
Hey, more beautiful people!
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- Made a salad and party favors.
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00:08:32,235 --> 00:08:33,818
- Love it, love it.
180
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:37,613
- Jamie and Ray, you got Tom and Jeanette.
181
00:08:37,613 --> 00:08:38,664
- How it's going guys?
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00:08:38,664 --> 00:08:40,581
- Hey, good to see you.
183
00:08:41,512 --> 00:08:42,345
How you doing?
184
00:08:42,345 --> 00:08:43,391
- Hi, nice...
185
00:08:43,391 --> 00:08:44,818
- Sorry, we'll try again, there we go.
186
00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:47,505
- [Tom] Nice to meet you.
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00:08:47,505 --> 00:08:49,534
(laughter)
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00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:51,553
- [Jeanette] Where are we
supposed to put our stuff down?
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00:08:51,553 --> 00:08:52,714
- [Chuck] Right over here.
190
00:08:52,714 --> 00:08:53,974
- [Jeanette] Thank you.
191
00:08:53,974 --> 00:08:56,233
(ethereal music)
192
00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:57,904
- [Tina] You're on vacation, sexy, so just
193
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:02,043
relax and enjoy the
scenery, you macho taco.
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00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:04,293
(laughter)
195
00:09:10,723 --> 00:09:12,640
- [Chuck] There you go.
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00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:18,966
♫ Sometimes I dream alone
197
00:09:18,966 --> 00:09:22,443
♫ In a world that's not all too real
198
00:09:22,443 --> 00:09:25,834
♫ True love, men with wives and vibes
199
00:09:25,834 --> 00:09:29,206
♫ Words can't tell how I feel
200
00:09:29,206 --> 00:09:32,574
♫ I'm lying in a sunny pool
201
00:09:32,574 --> 00:09:36,334
♫ Grooving on a beer
202
00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:39,424
♫ Imagining another life
203
00:09:39,424 --> 00:09:42,974
♫ Wishing you were here
204
00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:46,195
♫ I know just what I want
205
00:09:46,195 --> 00:09:49,593
♫ I love to touch and play
206
00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:52,995
♫ That bitch is getting jealous, dear
207
00:09:52,995 --> 00:09:56,553
♫ There will be hell to pay
208
00:09:56,553 --> 00:10:00,153
♫ Through the rainbow clouds I fly
209
00:10:00,153 --> 00:10:03,544
♫ From decades long gone by
210
00:10:03,544 --> 00:10:06,793
♫ Like an old time Quaalude buzz
211
00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:10,486
♫ Euphoric in the sky
212
00:10:10,486 --> 00:10:14,653
♫ Sometime on a sunny day in 2006
213
00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:20,686
♫ I felt a thrill so strange and new
214
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:24,094
♫ Full of heartaches, pain, and blue
215
00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:27,406
♫ But when it gets under my skin
216
00:10:27,406 --> 00:10:30,974
♫ I think of just one thing
217
00:10:30,974 --> 00:10:34,295
♫ In your face sure feels a need
218
00:10:34,295 --> 00:10:38,127
♫ No holding back indeed
219
00:10:38,127 --> 00:10:41,335
♫ I have some problem,
so what, my shrink said
220
00:10:41,335 --> 00:10:44,974
♫ In a certain smile
221
00:10:44,974 --> 00:10:48,063
♫ People get a little weird
222
00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:51,716
♫ Unable to (mumbles)
223
00:10:51,716 --> 00:10:54,906
♫ Along the way and don't go far
224
00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:58,575
♫ Just ask yourself one thing
225
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,847
♫ Are you afraid someone will find out
226
00:11:01,847 --> 00:11:05,221
♫ Who you really are
227
00:11:05,221 --> 00:11:06,054
- Faggot.
228
00:11:07,226 --> 00:11:09,295
(laughter)
229
00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:12,295
(rhythmic drumming)
230
00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:21,164
(gentle acoustic guitar music)
231
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:23,412
- [Jamie] Great pool party.
232
00:11:23,412 --> 00:11:24,983
- Wife and me was glad you could make it.
233
00:11:24,983 --> 00:11:26,452
- I had a blast.
234
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:29,023
- Jamie Jamie Jamie, you sure
were a hit with our friends.
235
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:30,892
- It was fun.
236
00:11:30,892 --> 00:11:33,284
- Should've stuck around
for the midnight special.
237
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:34,212
- Midnight special?
238
00:11:34,212 --> 00:11:37,198
♫ Oh the midnight special
239
00:11:37,198 --> 00:11:38,876
(chuckles)
240
00:11:38,876 --> 00:11:41,704
Sheila and me was in the
center of a hot orgy.
241
00:11:41,704 --> 00:11:42,542
- How many?
242
00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:43,569
- Nine ways.
243
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,369
- (whistles) Yikes.
244
00:11:45,369 --> 00:11:48,499
- Could've used the extra warm
body to make it an even 10.
245
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:49,788
- Sounds dangerous.
246
00:11:49,788 --> 00:11:51,901
- (laughs) Good times, baby, good times.
247
00:11:51,901 --> 00:11:52,871
(laughter)
248
00:11:52,871 --> 00:11:53,941
You know what I think?
249
00:11:53,941 --> 00:11:55,463
- What?
250
00:11:55,463 --> 00:11:57,020
- I think you're blushing.
251
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,252
- (laughs) No, no, not really.
252
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,431
I was very comfortable,
I wish I could've stayed.
253
00:12:01,431 --> 00:12:03,343
- What stopped you?
254
00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:05,061
- Let me think.
255
00:12:05,061 --> 00:12:05,894
Vinny!
256
00:12:09,842 --> 00:12:12,060
When you get a chance, those
two cars need an oil change.
257
00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:12,893
- You got it.
258
00:12:12,893 --> 00:12:13,726
- Okay.
259
00:12:15,771 --> 00:12:17,531
- Hey Ray!
- Morning.
260
00:12:17,531 --> 00:12:18,861
- Ray, Jamie and I was just talking
261
00:12:18,861 --> 00:12:20,820
about Sunday, good times, eh?
262
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,346
- Oh second that.
263
00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:25,639
Hey, you were that guy
in the lounge chair.
264
00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:29,063
- I confess.
(laughter)
265
00:12:29,063 --> 00:12:31,971
- We gotta get out of here and
work or do something, right?
266
00:12:31,971 --> 00:12:36,782
- Hey, I'm gonna take my
lunch to the park today.
267
00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:39,144
- Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
268
00:12:39,144 --> 00:12:41,644
- Jamie, you are a homosexual.
269
00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,683
You've always been a homosexual,
270
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:47,973
and you will die a homosexual.
271
00:12:47,973 --> 00:12:50,972
You can't help but be who you are, Jamie.
272
00:12:50,972 --> 00:12:52,305
That's life 101.
273
00:12:53,332 --> 00:12:55,083
Get it through your head.
274
00:12:55,083 --> 00:12:56,492
- How was the truck stop?
275
00:12:56,492 --> 00:12:59,012
I saw your old jalopy by the one in Elton.
276
00:12:59,012 --> 00:12:59,845
- Did you?
277
00:13:01,252 --> 00:13:02,515
Yeah, I was right in the middle
278
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,452
of something when the cops bust in.
279
00:13:04,452 --> 00:13:07,132
It was not a pretty picture.
280
00:13:07,132 --> 00:13:08,293
- [Jamie] Hope you got your teeth
281
00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:10,024
back from the highway patrol.
282
00:13:10,024 --> 00:13:14,172
- Don't make fun of her
gumjobs, it's her life.
283
00:13:14,172 --> 00:13:16,755
(jazzy melody)
284
00:13:23,563 --> 00:13:24,424
- [Ray] Jamie!
285
00:13:24,424 --> 00:13:25,257
- Yeah?
286
00:13:25,257 --> 00:13:26,363
- [Ray] I need you out here!
287
00:13:26,363 --> 00:13:29,331
- I was watching a nostalgic
70s TV program, this guy
288
00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:32,195
is running across the
baseball field buck naked.
289
00:13:32,195 --> 00:13:34,395
(laughs) Crazy.
290
00:13:34,395 --> 00:13:36,315
- [Jerry] Hey, Jerry Sans here.
291
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,521
If you are going out tonight,
stop by The Cell Block
292
00:13:38,521 --> 00:13:42,362
and say hi to Troy, the hottie bartender.
293
00:13:42,362 --> 00:13:43,453
- [Jamie] Tell me, Troy.
294
00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:44,933
- What's up?
295
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:46,784
- You know that creep Hal?
296
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,464
- Hal Stevens, yeah.
297
00:13:48,464 --> 00:13:49,297
Why?
298
00:13:50,232 --> 00:13:51,293
- Coming in tonight?
299
00:13:51,293 --> 00:13:53,533
- He's probably on his way.
300
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,366
- Good.
301
00:13:56,832 --> 00:13:58,403
- [Wilma] That's it?
302
00:13:58,403 --> 00:14:00,070
- That's all she said.
303
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,590
Thanks for the good times, goodbye.
304
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:04,845
- Just shows you men aren't the only dogs.
305
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,227
- Cheers.
306
00:14:06,227 --> 00:14:08,706
- I have got to find me a
straight woman from the suburbs.
307
00:14:08,706 --> 00:14:10,576
The hell with you city dikes.
308
00:14:10,576 --> 00:14:12,016
- Evening, Dracula.
309
00:14:12,016 --> 00:14:12,906
(hisses)
310
00:14:12,906 --> 00:14:14,547
- Keep your fangs in, dear.
311
00:14:14,547 --> 00:14:16,067
It's much more attractive.
312
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:19,835
- You know, penis envy
can lead to suicide.
313
00:14:19,835 --> 00:14:22,918
(country rock music)
314
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:28,901
- Hey, could I have a beer?
315
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:30,484
- Yeah, no problem.
316
00:14:34,694 --> 00:14:35,594
- Howdy.
317
00:14:35,594 --> 00:14:36,463
- Here you go, sexy.
318
00:14:36,463 --> 00:14:37,296
That one's on me.
319
00:14:37,296 --> 00:14:38,129
- Thank you.
320
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:39,135
- You're welcome.
321
00:14:39,135 --> 00:14:40,783
- What you been up to lately?
322
00:14:40,783 --> 00:14:42,754
- I found this new bookstore on Ashland
323
00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:45,794
with the most unbelievable trolls.
324
00:14:45,794 --> 00:14:47,743
Really hot, I had the best time.
325
00:14:47,743 --> 00:14:49,063
- Don't tell me.
326
00:14:49,063 --> 00:14:50,575
I get jealous easily.
327
00:14:50,575 --> 00:14:52,255
- All right, I won't.
328
00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:54,838
What's up with you, what's new?
329
00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:57,615
- Same old.
330
00:14:57,615 --> 00:14:59,846
Hey, I got an idea.
331
00:14:59,846 --> 00:15:03,422
(chuckles) Let me take you to the back.
332
00:15:03,422 --> 00:15:04,844
- I don't know.
333
00:15:04,844 --> 00:15:06,015
- Come on, I'll give you the
334
00:15:06,015 --> 00:15:08,823
grand ol' tour, and no obligations.
335
00:15:08,823 --> 00:15:09,656
- Really?
336
00:15:09,656 --> 00:15:11,375
- I got some passes.
337
00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:13,055
- All right, that sounds like fun.
338
00:15:13,055 --> 00:15:14,255
- Great, we'll grab some dinner
339
00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:16,495
beforehand and make an evening of it?
340
00:15:16,495 --> 00:15:17,604
- All right.
341
00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:19,066
- Hi, baby.
342
00:15:19,066 --> 00:15:20,566
Long time no fuck.
343
00:15:26,346 --> 00:15:27,179
Come on.
344
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,183
I want some action.
345
00:15:30,183 --> 00:15:32,594
That's right, I want
some of that tight body.
346
00:15:32,594 --> 00:15:37,210
- No, go ahead, have a good
ol' time, I'll be fine, Monty.
347
00:15:37,210 --> 00:15:40,303
- Looks like you lost another
one to the back room, huh?
348
00:15:40,303 --> 00:15:41,282
- We'll see.
349
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:42,591
(laughing)
350
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:45,341
(hip hop melody)
351
00:15:48,103 --> 00:15:51,642
- Tina, can I get that
package I gave you earlier?
352
00:15:51,642 --> 00:15:52,892
- Yes, sweetie.
353
00:15:58,002 --> 00:15:59,669
- Wilma, here it is.
354
00:16:00,932 --> 00:16:02,682
Just as we discussed.
355
00:16:05,562 --> 00:16:06,395
- Got it.
356
00:16:06,395 --> 00:16:08,242
This is gonna be hysterical.
357
00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:13,122
- (chuckles) Remember, I put
a lot of energy into this.
358
00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:14,622
Do not fuck it up.
359
00:16:15,802 --> 00:16:16,969
- Don't worry.
360
00:16:18,722 --> 00:16:22,889
- I think we're gonna have
to take a little rain check.
361
00:16:25,013 --> 00:16:26,930
Look, I'm really sorry.
362
00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:31,899
- Gerald.
363
00:16:31,899 --> 00:16:32,732
Benjamin.
364
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:45,533
Whoa.
365
00:16:46,954 --> 00:16:50,371
Check out that big dick twink over there.
366
00:16:51,652 --> 00:16:54,011
- Looks available too.
367
00:16:54,011 --> 00:16:55,330
- You know what, I'm gonna go size
368
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:56,561
that up before some of these other
369
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:59,394
sharks go in and get some of that.
370
00:17:03,171 --> 00:17:05,063
- Howdy, stud.
371
00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:05,896
- Hi.
372
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:08,977
- You into fucking?
373
00:17:11,324 --> 00:17:13,205
(snickering)
374
00:17:13,205 --> 00:17:14,317
(mumbles)
375
00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:16,241
- We'll talk about this for years to come.
376
00:17:16,241 --> 00:17:18,491
(shushing)
377
00:17:21,984 --> 00:17:23,817
- Shut up and suck it.
378
00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:34,477
(laughter)
379
00:17:34,477 --> 00:17:38,957
Like you said, penis envy
can lead to suicide, dear.
380
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,736
- [Betty] What the fuck?
381
00:17:40,736 --> 00:17:43,022
- Hi boys, good times.
382
00:17:43,022 --> 00:17:45,815
- Jamie, that was the funniest thing.
383
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,802
- (laughs) Thank you.
384
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,684
You know, let's get out of
here before she kills us both.
385
00:17:51,684 --> 00:17:53,767
- No, I'm all right here.
386
00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:57,163
- I mean I was hoping that we would...
387
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:58,913
- Hoping and wishing.
388
00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:01,775
Don't be disappointed.
389
00:18:01,775 --> 00:18:04,025
Can I get you a drink here?
390
00:18:05,204 --> 00:18:06,376
- Yeah.
391
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:07,209
Beers?
392
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:15,837
So you had a girlfriend and
then started experimenting.
393
00:18:17,312 --> 00:18:19,664
- No, quite the opposite, I started
394
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:23,164
experimenting and then I had a girlfriend.
395
00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:27,122
- She still around?
396
00:18:27,122 --> 00:18:28,622
- She's my fiance.
397
00:18:31,882 --> 00:18:32,715
- Oh.
398
00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:36,045
So you're gonna do the...
399
00:18:37,191 --> 00:18:39,824
Closeted double life thing?
400
00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:41,991
- Nah, it's too dishonest.
401
00:18:43,506 --> 00:18:45,534
My plan was this.
402
00:18:45,534 --> 00:18:48,534
A walk on the wild side
for a few months before
403
00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:51,454
the final hitch, then
once I become a husband,
404
00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:54,871
change gears, and all this will become...
405
00:18:55,745 --> 00:18:57,705
Nothing but a distant memory.
406
00:18:57,705 --> 00:18:59,370
- Does she know?
407
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:00,203
- No.
408
00:19:03,174 --> 00:19:04,595
- What's her name?
409
00:19:04,595 --> 00:19:05,715
- You really wanna know?
410
00:19:05,715 --> 00:19:06,548
- Yeah.
411
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:08,868
- Jamie.
412
00:19:08,868 --> 00:19:09,701
- Shut up.
413
00:19:09,701 --> 00:19:11,118
- I swear to God.
414
00:19:12,093 --> 00:19:13,512
- Woo hoo hoo!
415
00:19:13,512 --> 00:19:16,095
(techno music)
416
00:19:19,453 --> 00:19:22,262
(laughter)
417
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,099
- Must be good, care to share?
418
00:19:25,099 --> 00:19:27,472
- Yeah, some publisher is printing a
419
00:19:27,472 --> 00:19:29,012
calendar of the 12 most built
420
00:19:29,012 --> 00:19:31,573
car mechanics in the Chicago area.
421
00:19:31,573 --> 00:19:34,662
They're choosing the
best ones, one per shop.
422
00:19:34,662 --> 00:19:36,472
What do you think, Jamie?
423
00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:37,937
- Do it, Chuck!
424
00:19:37,937 --> 00:19:40,658
- You are too ugly, I will
be their personal choice.
425
00:19:40,658 --> 00:19:41,608
- [Jamie] Uh-oh.
426
00:19:41,608 --> 00:19:42,649
Let's see what you got.
427
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,899
- What do you think of this, Professor?
428
00:19:46,899 --> 00:19:47,925
- I don't know.
429
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:50,613
All right, Chuck you do it again.
430
00:19:50,613 --> 00:19:52,514
Ray, go to the background.
431
00:19:52,514 --> 00:19:54,034
Chill for a second, man.
432
00:19:54,034 --> 00:19:57,784
(hip hop synthesizer melody)
433
00:20:22,714 --> 00:20:26,881
Is this a regular calendar,
or is this a nude calendar?
434
00:20:30,945 --> 00:20:33,606
(western harmonica sting)
435
00:20:33,606 --> 00:20:36,174
- Who do you have to fuck
around here to get any service?
436
00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:38,702
(laughter)
437
00:20:38,702 --> 00:20:39,632
- Woo!
438
00:20:39,632 --> 00:20:42,632
(rock guitar music)
439
00:20:46,289 --> 00:20:50,460
♫ In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida baby
440
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:54,543
♫ Don't you know that I love you
441
00:20:55,618 --> 00:20:57,201
- Rock on, bitches!
442
00:20:58,199 --> 00:21:00,489
- Poppers, (mumbles)?
443
00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:01,988
- Only if you eat me first.
444
00:21:01,988 --> 00:21:03,303
- Welcome to the house of horrors.
445
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,150
- Ah.
446
00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:06,758
♫ Welcome to the house of horrors
447
00:21:06,758 --> 00:21:09,680
♫ Quasimoda is my name
448
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:13,263
♫ Scream, hide, run inside
449
00:21:15,549 --> 00:21:18,159
♫ Years ago, I was a hottie
450
00:21:18,159 --> 00:21:20,989
♫ Now I play a different game
451
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,131
♫ They call me
452
00:21:22,131 --> 00:21:24,149
- I still remember when
they opened this place.
453
00:21:24,149 --> 00:21:25,360
♫ A troll
454
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:28,440
- I made the very first peep hole.
455
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,949
♫ Talking about a hot troll
456
00:21:30,949 --> 00:21:34,449
- And (mumbles) that big.
457
00:21:35,668 --> 00:21:37,640
♫ Hot troll dig deep
458
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,807
♫ They told every single
time he played bingo
459
00:21:43,128 --> 00:21:46,723
- I was curious to take a
look, just a little glance.
460
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:49,635
♫ The cute boys, they all like my jokes
461
00:21:49,635 --> 00:21:52,581
- You can't blame me,
I wanted to see more.
462
00:21:52,581 --> 00:21:55,009
♫ Jealous ones just call the cops
463
00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,552
- Are you a cop?
464
00:21:56,552 --> 00:21:57,691
- No.
465
00:21:57,691 --> 00:21:58,524
You?
466
00:21:58,524 --> 00:22:02,107
♫ Competition gets me down
467
00:22:03,763 --> 00:22:06,451
♫ I had my day in this old town
468
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:08,051
- So you made the hole bigger?
469
00:22:08,051 --> 00:22:10,032
- Yeah, I came in that
day with some tools.
470
00:22:10,032 --> 00:22:14,199
I used to be a carpenter
you know, so it was easy.
471
00:22:16,091 --> 00:22:18,552
♫ A troll's lament
472
00:22:18,552 --> 00:22:21,443
♫ It's not your fault
473
00:22:21,443 --> 00:22:23,723
♫ Just let me vent
474
00:22:23,723 --> 00:22:26,211
♫ Sometimes I get so sad and blue
475
00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:29,261
♫ I think of all the years that flew
476
00:22:29,261 --> 00:22:33,428
♫ And all the hurt and
pain and love I never knew
477
00:22:35,181 --> 00:22:38,039
♫ It's not so bad after a while
478
00:22:38,039 --> 00:22:40,701
♫ It only hurts bad when you smile
479
00:22:40,701 --> 00:22:43,559
♫ My memory's so precious few
480
00:22:43,559 --> 00:22:46,688
♫ Of all the married men I blew
481
00:22:46,688 --> 00:22:48,171
♫ Hot troll
482
00:22:48,171 --> 00:22:50,680
- Yeah, one day when the hole was
483
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,800
big enough, a gas station attendant
484
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,312
came from across the street on his
485
00:22:54,312 --> 00:22:57,648
lunch break and stuck
his dick into my booth.
486
00:22:57,648 --> 00:22:59,814
- And he still resides in your pantheon.
487
00:22:59,814 --> 00:23:01,377
Five best drinks ever.
488
00:23:01,377 --> 00:23:04,085
- Oh yes, I think about it
489
00:23:04,085 --> 00:23:06,806
every day when I'm playing with myself.
490
00:23:06,806 --> 00:23:08,223
I just relive it.
491
00:23:10,187 --> 00:23:11,915
First came the head.
492
00:23:11,915 --> 00:23:15,536
Like a Roman helmet, that's my fav.
493
00:23:15,536 --> 00:23:19,703
Then the shaft followed all
wide and thick and hard.
494
00:23:21,446 --> 00:23:23,072
Come to think of it, I probably
495
00:23:23,072 --> 00:23:25,467
invented the very first glory hole.
496
00:23:25,467 --> 00:23:27,275
- You should've registered it as a patent.
497
00:23:27,275 --> 00:23:28,256
(laughter)
498
00:23:28,256 --> 00:23:29,089
- Touche.
499
00:23:30,289 --> 00:23:32,000
- That was my other mistake.
500
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,651
I could've had the rights to all
501
00:23:33,651 --> 00:23:36,099
the glory holes over the country.
502
00:23:36,099 --> 00:23:39,600
I would've collected royalties
every time one was used.
503
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,651
- You would've been a millionaire.
504
00:23:41,651 --> 00:23:43,796
- Dream on, baby, dream on.
505
00:23:43,796 --> 00:23:46,133
- [Quasimoda] Coulda woulda shoulda!
506
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,716
- I gotta go study.
507
00:23:48,983 --> 00:23:50,566
- It didn't happen!
508
00:23:52,644 --> 00:23:55,881
- Hey boss, got anything for the head?
509
00:23:55,881 --> 00:23:56,798
- Aspirins.
510
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,362
- Attention everyone, this is the police!
511
00:24:01,362 --> 00:24:02,511
(screaming)
512
00:24:02,511 --> 00:24:04,631
You're all under arrest!
513
00:24:04,631 --> 00:24:05,508
- Shit!
514
00:24:05,508 --> 00:24:08,238
- [Cop] Nobody moves, nobody gets hurt.
515
00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:10,286
- I need to see the lighting director.
516
00:24:10,286 --> 00:24:12,868
- It's not a movie, sister.
517
00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:16,057
- Oh God, what am I going to do?
518
00:24:16,057 --> 00:24:19,718
- Kuja, make a break for it,
the fire escape, come on!
519
00:24:19,718 --> 00:24:23,108
(fire alarm ringing)
520
00:24:23,108 --> 00:24:24,337
- Freeze!
521
00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:25,345
Don't you move or you'll be slapped with
522
00:24:25,345 --> 00:24:28,512
resisting arrest for trying to escape!
523
00:24:30,714 --> 00:24:34,855
- Well I guess we're in
it together this time.
524
00:24:34,855 --> 00:24:35,964
- Is everyone on board?
525
00:24:35,964 --> 00:24:40,684
- Let's make sure all the
cockroaches are checked in.
526
00:24:40,684 --> 00:24:43,243
- Cockroach Motel, you can
check in anytime you like.
527
00:24:43,243 --> 00:24:45,746
♫ But you may never leave
528
00:24:45,746 --> 00:24:48,413
(alarm ringing)
529
00:24:50,186 --> 00:24:51,353
- Hey Officer!
530
00:24:52,763 --> 00:24:54,680
Come here for a second.
531
00:24:55,964 --> 00:24:58,495
Did you see the movie The
Good, Bad, and the Ugly?
532
00:24:58,495 --> 00:25:00,226
That is my favorite movie.
533
00:25:00,226 --> 00:25:02,559
Eli Wallach, he was awesome.
534
00:25:05,226 --> 00:25:07,244
- When is that bail bondsman coming?
535
00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:10,513
- No one gives a shit about you two.
536
00:25:10,513 --> 00:25:13,015
- (Mexican accent) El Capitano!
537
00:25:13,015 --> 00:25:14,832
I am a poor peasant with two
538
00:25:14,832 --> 00:25:17,975
goats and a small piece of land!
539
00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:21,724
I did not mean to speak
against the revolution!
540
00:25:21,724 --> 00:25:22,815
- Shut up before I put you in
541
00:25:22,815 --> 00:25:25,512
an isolation tank, you crazy fruit.
542
00:25:25,512 --> 00:25:28,762
(Spanish guitar music)
543
00:25:43,830 --> 00:25:46,264
- Don't worry, baby.
544
00:25:46,264 --> 00:25:48,392
(coughs)
545
00:25:48,392 --> 00:25:51,142
It'll be over before you know it.
546
00:25:52,352 --> 00:25:54,922
- I wasn't built for this kind of cargo.
547
00:25:54,922 --> 00:25:59,482
Let's get out of here
before this gets messy.
548
00:25:59,482 --> 00:26:01,732
- You getting travel fever?
549
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,147
- Maybe.
550
00:26:10,246 --> 00:26:11,246
What's that?
551
00:26:13,126 --> 00:26:16,544
- Two tickets to Rio de Janeiro.
552
00:26:16,544 --> 00:26:17,864
I saved all the drugs we ripped off
553
00:26:17,864 --> 00:26:20,924
so we'll have enough to live on.
554
00:26:20,924 --> 00:26:24,395
- That money won't last forever.
555
00:26:24,395 --> 00:26:28,024
'Till you start singing at the Copacabana.
556
00:26:28,024 --> 00:26:29,441
- The Copacabana?
557
00:26:30,393 --> 00:26:33,193
- Booked you for three months.
558
00:26:33,193 --> 00:26:34,881
It's already sold out.
559
00:26:34,881 --> 00:26:35,798
- Sold out?
560
00:26:37,086 --> 00:26:38,836
- Standing room only.
561
00:26:40,435 --> 00:26:41,685
- I can't sing.
562
00:26:43,678 --> 00:26:45,166
- You'll sing like a bird!
563
00:26:45,166 --> 00:26:46,713
(dramatic sting)
564
00:26:46,713 --> 00:26:50,255
You know phone numbers,
you know addresses,
565
00:26:50,255 --> 00:26:53,516
you know drug dealers,
give me some drug dealers.
566
00:26:53,516 --> 00:26:55,495
- I don't know anything.
567
00:26:55,495 --> 00:26:57,217
- You think this is some
kind of fucking game!
568
00:26:57,217 --> 00:26:58,120
(dramatic sting)
569
00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,094
Lunch!
570
00:26:59,094 --> 00:27:00,177
Bon appetite.
571
00:27:01,244 --> 00:27:02,772
- A lovely sandwich.
572
00:27:02,772 --> 00:27:04,505
- Don't knock it, baby.
573
00:27:04,505 --> 00:27:07,305
Where's the toilet paper?
574
00:27:07,305 --> 00:27:08,138
Thank God.
575
00:27:12,350 --> 00:27:14,785
Peanut butter sandwich?
- Yikes.
576
00:27:14,785 --> 00:27:15,823
That's horrible.
577
00:27:15,823 --> 00:27:17,465
- Come on, you gotta laugh at it.
578
00:27:17,465 --> 00:27:18,882
- It's not funny.
579
00:27:20,054 --> 00:27:21,484
- Look, let's make the best of a bad
580
00:27:21,484 --> 00:27:25,317
situation Jamie, I don't
like it either, mmmk?
581
00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:27,023
- Okay.
582
00:27:28,502 --> 00:27:29,761
- Now they'll probably be closing the
583
00:27:29,761 --> 00:27:33,841
bookstore, what are you gonna do for fun?
584
00:27:33,841 --> 00:27:34,972
- I don't know.
585
00:27:34,972 --> 00:27:36,644
I'll have to think about it.
586
00:27:36,644 --> 00:27:39,422
I don't really like the bars.
587
00:27:39,422 --> 00:27:40,505
- Me neither.
588
00:27:42,092 --> 00:27:44,742
Funny, I came from a small town
589
00:27:44,742 --> 00:27:47,801
and there was nothing to do and I end up
590
00:27:47,801 --> 00:27:50,700
in a big city with less
than nothing to do.
591
00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:53,497
There must be some kind
of lesson in there.
592
00:27:53,497 --> 00:27:54,870
- Friends?
593
00:27:54,870 --> 00:27:56,203
- Sure, friends.
594
00:27:58,521 --> 00:28:00,368
- I need a partner in crime.
595
00:28:00,368 --> 00:28:01,285
- A friend.
596
00:28:03,601 --> 00:28:05,288
- I've always wanted someone who I could
597
00:28:05,288 --> 00:28:09,598
do things with and dream
with and share goals.
598
00:28:09,598 --> 00:28:12,637
- God knows I've dreamed my life away.
599
00:28:12,637 --> 00:28:13,470
- Me too.
600
00:28:14,990 --> 00:28:16,797
I think it's good to get out of
601
00:28:16,797 --> 00:28:19,329
the bookstore scene for a while.
602
00:28:19,329 --> 00:28:21,369
I'm glad the bookstore's closing.
603
00:28:21,369 --> 00:28:22,619
- Yeah, me too.
604
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:27,596
As an alternative, what do you
think about square dancing?
605
00:28:27,596 --> 00:28:28,918
- (laughs) No!
606
00:28:28,918 --> 00:28:29,835
Too cowboy.
607
00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:35,443
Can you really see the
two of us square dancing?
608
00:28:37,529 --> 00:28:39,423
- All right, you clowns.
609
00:28:39,423 --> 00:28:43,023
Turns out somebody actually
gives a shit about you.
610
00:28:43,023 --> 00:28:43,940
Time to go.
611
00:28:44,970 --> 00:28:46,103
- Chuck!
612
00:28:46,103 --> 00:28:47,314
How did you know I was here?
613
00:28:47,314 --> 00:28:48,364
- I have my ways.
614
00:28:48,364 --> 00:28:52,703
- Guess what, your big pal
got busted in a fag bookstore.
615
00:28:52,703 --> 00:28:54,023
- Who's your friend man?
616
00:28:54,023 --> 00:28:56,293
- Oh this is Hal, he's
considering a sex change.
617
00:28:56,293 --> 00:28:58,314
- Oh don't do it, just be yourself.
618
00:28:58,314 --> 00:29:01,716
- I was in the strip joint
next door, I was leaving.
619
00:29:01,716 --> 00:29:02,977
- Let me take you home, gang.
620
00:29:02,977 --> 00:29:03,810
- Aw man!
621
00:29:11,357 --> 00:29:12,197
- Right, well--
622
00:29:12,197 --> 00:29:13,037
- Oh, okay.
623
00:29:13,037 --> 00:29:15,287
(laughter)
624
00:29:18,666 --> 00:29:19,618
Freedom!
625
00:29:19,618 --> 00:29:21,089
- Hey guys.
626
00:29:21,089 --> 00:29:23,487
A daytime sighting, how unusual.
627
00:29:23,487 --> 00:29:24,633
- Busy night ahead.
628
00:29:24,633 --> 00:29:26,463
Hey Betty, hello Wilma.
629
00:29:26,463 --> 00:29:28,033
What are you girls up to tonight?
630
00:29:28,033 --> 00:29:29,383
- It's dike night at the The Baths.
631
00:29:29,383 --> 00:29:30,503
We're all in a tither about it.
632
00:29:30,503 --> 00:29:31,336
(laughs)
633
00:29:31,336 --> 00:29:32,732
- You girls do The Baths?
634
00:29:32,732 --> 00:29:35,684
- Yeah, we do steam rooms,
glory holes, all that stuff.
635
00:29:35,684 --> 00:29:37,404
Why, you think you got
a patent on that shit?
636
00:29:37,404 --> 00:29:39,172
- All right, way to go girls!
637
00:29:39,172 --> 00:29:40,844
You're gonna have to tell us all about it.
638
00:29:40,844 --> 00:29:43,124
- Oh we will, but it'll
have to wait 'till Monday.
639
00:29:43,124 --> 00:29:46,213
Wilma here's quite a hit,
she'll keep us busy all night.
640
00:29:46,213 --> 00:29:48,119
- She must be hung like a doughnut.
641
00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:50,660
- Fuck you, your dick don't
make you special, boy.
642
00:29:50,660 --> 00:29:51,788
(laughter)
643
00:29:51,788 --> 00:29:52,968
- [Hal] Nice seeing you too.
644
00:29:52,968 --> 00:29:54,780
- Gotta run, we'll see you boys later.
645
00:29:54,780 --> 00:29:56,048
- See ya.
646
00:29:56,048 --> 00:29:59,500
(gentle piano music)
647
00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:01,250
- Now this is living.
648
00:30:03,148 --> 00:30:04,810
- And I don't wanna get busted again.
649
00:30:04,810 --> 00:30:07,370
Whatever we do, it's gotta be legal.
650
00:30:07,370 --> 00:30:09,703
- What did you have in mind?
651
00:30:12,527 --> 00:30:14,610
- This is what I had in mind.
652
00:30:14,610 --> 00:30:16,468
Betty and Wilma, they could--
653
00:30:16,468 --> 00:30:17,468
- The dikes?
654
00:30:18,367 --> 00:30:19,479
- Yeah.
655
00:30:19,479 --> 00:30:23,646
We take them to the suburbs
with us and pose as our wives.
656
00:30:26,118 --> 00:30:26,951
- Why?
657
00:30:28,039 --> 00:30:30,958
- So we can blend in
with the married couples.
658
00:30:30,958 --> 00:30:35,125
That way we can work the
straight guys from within.
659
00:30:37,730 --> 00:30:41,237
- Why do you want them to
pretend to be straight?
660
00:30:41,237 --> 00:30:44,290
- Have you seen these guys?
661
00:30:44,290 --> 00:30:47,237
I talk to them all day long.
662
00:30:47,237 --> 00:30:48,798
They would never have
sex with an out and out
663
00:30:48,798 --> 00:30:52,460
gay guy, but with another married guy,
664
00:30:52,460 --> 00:30:55,710
like themselves, that is another story.
665
00:30:57,490 --> 00:30:59,868
It's like a closed set.
666
00:30:59,868 --> 00:31:02,348
It's like a club I wanna belong to.
667
00:31:02,348 --> 00:31:04,399
Don't you wanna join?
668
00:31:04,399 --> 00:31:05,919
- Are you nuts?
669
00:31:05,919 --> 00:31:07,581
Got any other ideas?
670
00:31:07,581 --> 00:31:09,976
- Let's go for a walk.
671
00:31:09,976 --> 00:31:11,913
Whatever we do, if I invest money
672
00:31:11,913 --> 00:31:13,931
in a changing lifestyle, you have
673
00:31:13,931 --> 00:31:16,913
to bring something to the table too.
674
00:31:16,913 --> 00:31:19,492
- [Hal] I'll try to make the
adjustment, that's plenty.
675
00:31:19,492 --> 00:31:21,364
- [Jamie] How do I know I can trust you?
676
00:31:21,364 --> 00:31:23,850
- [Hal] You tell me.
677
00:31:23,850 --> 00:31:25,673
- [Jamie] We sign a handshake contract.
678
00:31:25,673 --> 00:31:27,772
Whatever we conquer, we share.
679
00:31:27,772 --> 00:31:29,701
And we don't lie to each other.
680
00:31:29,701 --> 00:31:31,033
Deal?
681
00:31:31,033 --> 00:31:32,433
- [Hal] Okay.
682
00:31:32,433 --> 00:31:35,132
As long as it's a realistic plan though.
683
00:31:35,132 --> 00:31:38,170
Like making ourselves more popular
684
00:31:38,170 --> 00:31:40,052
at the gay bars or something.
685
00:31:40,052 --> 00:31:42,033
I even know that Miss Galena who gives
686
00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:45,973
lessons in how to be a star in gay life.
687
00:31:45,973 --> 00:31:47,140
- Miss Galena?
688
00:31:48,791 --> 00:31:50,151
- The most important thing to
689
00:31:50,151 --> 00:31:52,901
learn is how to make an entrance.
690
00:31:57,031 --> 00:32:01,692
When you enter a room, you
must create an impression.
691
00:32:01,692 --> 00:32:03,775
If not, all will be lost.
692
00:32:06,684 --> 00:32:08,634
- Show us how.
693
00:32:08,634 --> 00:32:11,884
(ethereal dance music)
694
00:32:26,983 --> 00:32:29,233
- Wow, that was impressive.
695
00:32:30,656 --> 00:32:33,739
- Thank you, I had years of practice.
696
00:32:34,995 --> 00:32:36,777
- What's next?
697
00:32:36,777 --> 00:32:37,944
- The outfits.
698
00:32:39,699 --> 00:32:41,248
- What about the outfits?
699
00:32:41,248 --> 00:32:44,248
- You must be noticed upon arrival.
700
00:32:44,248 --> 00:32:46,418
As Phyllis Diller once
said, if you cannot be
701
00:32:46,418 --> 00:32:50,251
chief of staff, then at
least make them laugh.
702
00:32:51,246 --> 00:32:53,329
(laughs)
703
00:32:54,965 --> 00:32:56,266
- Explain.
704
00:32:56,266 --> 00:33:00,433
- Now the idea is to inject
a little eccentricity.
705
00:33:01,555 --> 00:33:04,575
Draw attention to yourself.
706
00:33:04,575 --> 00:33:08,994
Especially when you're
going up the staircase,
707
00:33:08,994 --> 00:33:12,577
or coming down, just
don't walk the stairs.
708
00:33:14,221 --> 00:33:16,208
You fuck them.
709
00:33:16,208 --> 00:33:18,791
(techno music)
710
00:33:25,070 --> 00:33:26,942
- Everybody's staring at us!
711
00:33:26,942 --> 00:33:29,025
(laughs)
712
00:33:31,950 --> 00:33:35,033
♫ Run, now baby, run
713
00:33:37,462 --> 00:33:40,879
♫ Run to the sun and fly
714
00:33:42,324 --> 00:33:44,491
♫ Up high
715
00:33:45,782 --> 00:33:48,902
♫ Run, dark lady, tell me how
716
00:33:48,902 --> 00:33:51,319
- Draw attention to yourself.
717
00:33:52,153 --> 00:33:54,142
♫ Like a fool in love
718
00:33:54,142 --> 00:33:55,236
- Act lewd.
719
00:33:55,236 --> 00:33:57,319
(laughs)
720
00:33:59,609 --> 00:34:02,878
♫ (mumbles) up and down,
I'm gonna be a star
721
00:34:02,878 --> 00:34:06,438
♫ Boogie in my dancing
shoes will take me very far
722
00:34:06,438 --> 00:34:09,809
♫ Men are looking,
noticing my aura and appeal
723
00:34:09,809 --> 00:34:13,356
♫ Here comes Johnny Cannon
so let's all now make a deal
724
00:34:13,356 --> 00:34:16,649
♫ It's looking good, the night
is young and cooking gasoline
725
00:34:16,649 --> 00:34:20,860
♫ Hot (mumbles) run, run
726
00:34:20,860 --> 00:34:24,318
♫ Don't run from me
727
00:34:24,318 --> 00:34:27,940
♫ Don't break my heart
728
00:34:27,940 --> 00:34:31,357
♫ All I ask is to please
729
00:34:34,068 --> 00:34:37,818
♫ Let me be in love with you
730
00:34:43,009 --> 00:34:46,339
♫ Scare the one scene party
boys looking for a mouth to feed
731
00:34:46,339 --> 00:34:49,849
♫ Regis said one lifeline
left before we hit the skids
732
00:34:49,849 --> 00:34:51,609
♫ Cha cha queens and shaken hearts
733
00:34:51,609 --> 00:34:53,379
♫ Are looking for a guy to hold
734
00:34:53,379 --> 00:34:54,878
♫ All I want is to have fun
735
00:34:54,878 --> 00:34:57,025
♫ A fleeting moment in the sun
736
00:34:57,025 --> 00:34:59,209
♫ Run, run
737
00:34:59,209 --> 00:35:02,658
♫ Don't run from me
738
00:35:02,658 --> 00:35:06,575
♫ Don't break my heart tonight
739
00:35:07,478 --> 00:35:09,978
♫ Set me free
740
00:35:13,059 --> 00:35:14,889
- Here we are.
741
00:35:14,889 --> 00:35:16,987
You and me again.
742
00:35:16,987 --> 00:35:18,570
Just the two of us.
743
00:35:19,619 --> 00:35:20,869
- I don't mind.
744
00:35:23,298 --> 00:35:27,215
- Let's meet tomorrow to
make a plan of attack.
745
00:35:28,729 --> 00:35:30,179
- Sounds good.
746
00:35:30,179 --> 00:35:32,888
You got something in mind?
747
00:35:32,888 --> 00:35:34,758
- Now remember this, it helps
748
00:35:34,758 --> 00:35:36,668
to throw a little money around.
749
00:35:36,668 --> 00:35:37,708
Being broke will not make
750
00:35:37,708 --> 00:35:40,208
you popular, so tip, tip, tip.
751
00:35:49,817 --> 00:35:51,769
Straight men love massage.
752
00:35:51,769 --> 00:35:53,028
When they get touched by manly
753
00:35:53,028 --> 00:35:55,998
hands it's a big turn-on to them.
754
00:35:55,998 --> 00:35:57,817
And use expensive lotion.
755
00:35:57,817 --> 00:35:59,497
- 25 bucks a bottle.
756
00:35:59,497 --> 00:36:02,080
- One that gets under the skin.
757
00:36:03,097 --> 00:36:04,329
- It's okay, I'm okay.
758
00:36:04,329 --> 00:36:05,916
These beers are going right through me.
759
00:36:05,916 --> 00:36:08,226
Where's your bathroom?
760
00:36:08,226 --> 00:36:09,143
- Dear God.
761
00:36:11,476 --> 00:36:12,786
- What the fuck?
762
00:36:12,786 --> 00:36:14,094
What up?
763
00:36:14,094 --> 00:36:15,244
(screaming)
764
00:36:15,244 --> 00:36:20,104
- Let's face it Jamie, the
gay boys will never want us.
765
00:36:20,104 --> 00:36:23,255
They're too smart to buy our bullshit.
766
00:36:23,255 --> 00:36:28,094
However, the straight ones,
that's a different story.
767
00:36:28,094 --> 00:36:29,876
They're not as fussy.
768
00:36:29,876 --> 00:36:33,404
All they care about is what feels good.
769
00:36:33,404 --> 00:36:35,636
- What are you talking about?
770
00:36:35,636 --> 00:36:38,374
- Let's do drag as our next gimmick, baby.
771
00:36:38,374 --> 00:36:40,614
- You're not gonna start that again.
772
00:36:40,614 --> 00:36:41,986
Why would they want us?
773
00:36:41,986 --> 00:36:43,333
They want women.
774
00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:45,116
- And that's what they'll get.
775
00:36:45,116 --> 00:36:47,453
Or at least that's what they
think they'll be getting.
776
00:36:47,453 --> 00:36:49,933
This is as close as I'm
coming to your idea.
777
00:36:49,933 --> 00:36:51,695
- There's this sexual organ, Hal.
778
00:36:51,695 --> 00:36:53,746
It's called the vagina.
779
00:36:53,746 --> 00:36:55,066
It's a little hole that straight
780
00:36:55,066 --> 00:36:57,386
men like to put their dick into.
781
00:36:57,386 --> 00:36:58,886
We don't have one.
782
00:36:59,946 --> 00:37:01,055
- Oh?
783
00:37:01,055 --> 00:37:03,175
And what's this?
784
00:37:03,175 --> 00:37:04,946
- That's a different hole, Hal.
785
00:37:04,946 --> 00:37:07,546
I'm talking about the one
with hair all over it.
786
00:37:07,546 --> 00:37:09,276
- I'll grow a Fu Manchu mustache.
787
00:37:09,276 --> 00:37:11,426
- I'll call the paramedics.
788
00:37:11,426 --> 00:37:14,306
- Wait a minute, you can trust me on this.
789
00:37:14,306 --> 00:37:18,106
I know an old troll friend who
put on high heels and a wig.
790
00:37:18,106 --> 00:37:21,884
You wouldn't believe
the tricks he's getting.
791
00:37:21,884 --> 00:37:23,723
Look, let's go to my place.
792
00:37:23,723 --> 00:37:26,012
Miss Galena will loan me a few wigs.
793
00:37:26,012 --> 00:37:28,106
- Come on, you gotta be shitting me.
794
00:37:28,106 --> 00:37:29,356
The guys who are into drag queens are
795
00:37:29,356 --> 00:37:31,375
just as gay as the boys in the disco.
796
00:37:31,375 --> 00:37:33,695
- This is the best idea we've had so far.
797
00:37:33,695 --> 00:37:35,284
It's a combination of my idea
798
00:37:35,284 --> 00:37:37,803
and your straight guy obsession.
799
00:37:37,803 --> 00:37:40,615
There's a whole wonderful
wide world out there.
800
00:37:40,615 --> 00:37:43,516
A twilight zone of the sexual fringe.
801
00:37:43,516 --> 00:37:46,116
That's where we belong.
802
00:37:46,116 --> 00:37:48,844
- A twilight zone of gay life.
803
00:37:48,844 --> 00:37:49,761
- Isn't it?
804
00:37:52,164 --> 00:37:54,916
We'll call this Operation Dick Snatch.
805
00:37:54,916 --> 00:37:56,333
- Oh my God, yes!
806
00:37:57,684 --> 00:37:59,242
Yes, oh my God!
807
00:37:59,242 --> 00:38:01,724
We'll have them all, we'll have rude
808
00:38:01,724 --> 00:38:03,964
delivery men and gas station attendants!
809
00:38:03,964 --> 00:38:05,604
- Meat packers and bartenders.
810
00:38:05,604 --> 00:38:06,795
- What if we get excited?
811
00:38:06,795 --> 00:38:10,993
What if my crankshaft
sticks out like a pole?
812
00:38:10,993 --> 00:38:13,972
- Tell them it was a prosthetic
from your hernia operation.
813
00:38:13,972 --> 00:38:15,754
Those boys are stupid.
814
00:38:15,754 --> 00:38:17,421
They'll go for that.
815
00:38:18,743 --> 00:38:20,076
- Well let's go!
816
00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:22,943
- Let's go!
817
00:38:22,943 --> 00:38:26,314
♫ My baby does the hanky panky
818
00:38:26,314 --> 00:38:30,183
♫ My baby does the hanky panky
819
00:38:30,183 --> 00:38:34,194
♫ My baby does the hanky panky
820
00:38:34,194 --> 00:38:37,642
♫ My baby does the hanky panky
821
00:38:37,642 --> 00:38:41,559
♫ My baby does the hanky panky
822
00:38:42,912 --> 00:38:44,503
- Oh my God.
823
00:38:44,503 --> 00:38:45,586
Look at that.
824
00:38:46,592 --> 00:38:49,509
(sultry R&B music)
825
00:38:50,554 --> 00:38:51,912
- Good evening, ladies.
826
00:38:51,912 --> 00:38:52,745
- Hello.
827
00:38:54,394 --> 00:38:56,154
- Are you here for gas?
828
00:38:56,154 --> 00:38:58,322
- No, we're here for a hysterectomy.
829
00:38:58,322 --> 00:38:59,322
Fill 'er up.
830
00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:01,732
Act like a lady.
831
00:39:01,732 --> 00:39:03,065
- [Jamie] Right.
832
00:39:08,202 --> 00:39:09,702
- Act like a lady.
833
00:39:13,442 --> 00:39:14,711
- Oh my gosh.
834
00:39:14,711 --> 00:39:16,674
(mumbles).
835
00:39:16,674 --> 00:39:17,924
- He put it in.
836
00:39:19,222 --> 00:39:20,305
He put it in.
837
00:39:21,602 --> 00:39:23,242
- [Jamie] Didn't even use a condom.
838
00:39:23,242 --> 00:39:25,575
- He didn't, I noticed that.
839
00:39:28,034 --> 00:39:29,367
- Anything else?
840
00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:32,381
- [Hal] Could you check the oil please?
841
00:39:32,381 --> 00:39:34,631
♫ Hard sex
842
00:39:42,092 --> 00:39:46,259
♫ The other boys don't get his bone
843
00:39:50,554 --> 00:39:54,387
♫ But he lets me eat his corn
844
00:40:07,351 --> 00:40:10,101
♫ Straight lover
845
00:40:14,322 --> 00:40:15,471
- [Hal] Those (mumbles) they can get
846
00:40:15,471 --> 00:40:17,122
violated in the flick of a wrist.
847
00:40:17,122 --> 00:40:18,000
- Oh yes.
848
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:20,063
Oh shit, oh shit, what is he doing?
849
00:40:20,063 --> 00:40:21,480
What is he doing?
850
00:40:23,122 --> 00:40:24,789
- Oh, oh, oh my God.
851
00:40:25,922 --> 00:40:27,476
- That's all you get tonight, ladies.
852
00:40:27,476 --> 00:40:28,976
Have a good night.
853
00:40:34,567 --> 00:40:35,567
- Oh my God.
854
00:40:36,795 --> 00:40:38,716
I have never in my whole life wanted
855
00:40:38,716 --> 00:40:41,883
real breasts more than I do right now.
856
00:40:43,247 --> 00:40:45,447
- [Hal] All in due time.
857
00:40:45,447 --> 00:40:48,280
- It's just happiness in my world.
858
00:40:49,897 --> 00:40:54,754
- Look at all them hot
escorts in (mumbles).
859
00:40:54,754 --> 00:40:55,587
- Driving.
860
00:40:56,447 --> 00:40:59,148
- I heard there was a drag
queen contest tonight.
861
00:40:59,148 --> 00:41:00,127
- Where?
862
00:41:00,127 --> 00:41:01,754
- Rosco's.
863
00:41:01,754 --> 00:41:04,276
- [Jamie] Did you finally get
that amateur DVD in the mail?
864
00:41:04,276 --> 00:41:05,668
What's it called?
865
00:41:05,668 --> 00:41:07,607
- Urchins of Doom.
866
00:41:07,607 --> 00:41:09,857
(laughter)
867
00:41:10,876 --> 00:41:13,676
- Bring it down, we'll
watch it at my place.
868
00:41:13,676 --> 00:41:15,468
- [Hal] Why don't you come up?
869
00:41:15,468 --> 00:41:16,927
We'll watch it in mine.
870
00:41:16,927 --> 00:41:19,716
You've never been up there, you know?
871
00:41:19,716 --> 00:41:20,549
- Okay.
872
00:41:22,497 --> 00:41:25,747
Why do you have to live in such a dump?
873
00:41:41,456 --> 00:41:43,296
Do you have any hot chocolate?
874
00:41:43,296 --> 00:41:45,265
- [Hal] No, I'm out.
875
00:41:45,265 --> 00:41:46,348
Play the DVD.
876
00:41:48,965 --> 00:41:52,965
(Spanish acoustic guitar music)
877
00:41:54,576 --> 00:41:56,576
- (laughs) Nachos Grande?
878
00:41:56,576 --> 00:41:58,525
Whatever happened to him?
879
00:41:58,525 --> 00:42:00,275
I thought he retired.
880
00:42:02,717 --> 00:42:06,217
- Are you the man they call Nachos Grande?
881
00:42:07,277 --> 00:42:10,397
- All the way to the melted cheese, baby.
882
00:42:10,397 --> 00:42:12,647
(laughter)
883
00:42:14,967 --> 00:42:15,997
You want some?
884
00:42:15,997 --> 00:42:16,830
- You bet.
885
00:42:18,395 --> 00:42:21,562
Sure do look mighty tasty, Mr. Grande.
886
00:42:22,616 --> 00:42:26,783
- Well they don't call me
Nachos Grande for nothing.
887
00:42:28,856 --> 00:42:30,805
Show me your tool.
888
00:42:30,805 --> 00:42:34,055
Legend has it to be a monster of Japan.
889
00:42:35,906 --> 00:42:39,275
- [Porn Actor] They don't
call me 9/11 for nothing.
890
00:42:39,275 --> 00:42:40,358
- You betcha.
891
00:42:46,147 --> 00:42:47,477
- Jamie, I really wanna go to
892
00:42:47,477 --> 00:42:49,565
that drag queen contest tonight.
893
00:42:49,565 --> 00:42:50,648
Just for fun.
894
00:42:51,546 --> 00:42:53,478
I think it'll give me a lift.
895
00:42:53,478 --> 00:42:56,349
After all, we haven't
been very successful yet.
896
00:42:56,349 --> 00:42:57,520
- [Jamie] Come on Hal, let's just watch
897
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:01,187
the movie like the good
friends we are, huh?
898
00:43:03,629 --> 00:43:07,129
- You mean like the two old trolls we are.
899
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:08,873
- Oh yeah.
900
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:11,633
Oh yeah.
901
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,620
(moans) Yeah.
902
00:43:18,607 --> 00:43:20,357
- What are you doing?
903
00:43:21,814 --> 00:43:23,803
- Breaking all the barriers.
904
00:43:23,803 --> 00:43:26,035
Let's get it on, baby.
905
00:43:26,035 --> 00:43:28,003
Queen to queen.
906
00:43:28,003 --> 00:43:29,384
Bitch to bitch.
907
00:43:29,384 --> 00:43:31,003
Stud to stud.
908
00:43:31,003 --> 00:43:32,483
Motherfucker to motherfucker!
909
00:43:32,483 --> 00:43:34,733
(laughter)
910
00:43:37,734 --> 00:43:41,251
- (laughs) Stop!
911
00:43:41,251 --> 00:43:46,022
- Jamie, please let me go
to the drag queen contest.
912
00:43:46,022 --> 00:43:48,043
If I win, I might find a hot man
913
00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:51,626
who will notice me and
squeeze my tits too.
914
00:43:53,454 --> 00:43:55,763
- (sighs) All right.
915
00:43:55,763 --> 00:43:59,142
All right, but if he does, you call me.
916
00:43:59,142 --> 00:44:00,309
Friends share.
917
00:44:01,582 --> 00:44:03,262
- Of course.
918
00:44:03,262 --> 00:44:05,679
I'll drive you home, come on.
919
00:44:07,454 --> 00:44:10,473
- You know what, it's
okay, I'll watch the movie.
920
00:44:10,473 --> 00:44:14,473
It's already midnight and
shouldn't be too late.
921
00:44:15,714 --> 00:44:16,797
If it's okay.
922
00:44:18,101 --> 00:44:18,934
- Well...
923
00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:23,659
Okay, I'll be back soon.
924
00:44:25,174 --> 00:44:26,007
- Okay.
925
00:44:31,053 --> 00:44:33,113
- [Nachos] Oh yeah.
926
00:44:33,113 --> 00:44:36,280
("La Cucaracha" song)
927
00:44:47,211 --> 00:44:50,044
- Hey lady, what can I do for you?
928
00:45:06,457 --> 00:45:08,624
(snoring)
929
00:45:10,728 --> 00:45:11,561
- Hello?
930
00:45:11,561 --> 00:45:12,947
Roscoe's?
931
00:45:12,947 --> 00:45:14,398
Yeah, I was just curious what time
932
00:45:14,398 --> 00:45:16,819
does your drag queen contest end tonight?
933
00:45:16,819 --> 00:45:17,652
What?
934
00:45:19,477 --> 00:45:20,644
You're closed?
935
00:45:21,907 --> 00:45:23,490
There's no contest?
936
00:45:26,997 --> 00:45:27,830
Thank you.
937
00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:13,957
(snoring)
938
00:46:28,637 --> 00:46:29,887
Where were you?
939
00:46:30,805 --> 00:46:32,557
- You better go.
940
00:46:32,557 --> 00:46:34,427
It's getting late.
941
00:46:34,427 --> 00:46:36,176
It was all a bust anyway.
942
00:46:36,176 --> 00:46:37,926
- Oh, you didn't win?
943
00:46:39,005 --> 00:46:39,838
- No.
944
00:46:40,893 --> 00:46:43,094
There were better ones.
945
00:46:43,094 --> 00:46:45,594
- Oh Hal, you're being modest.
946
00:46:47,041 --> 00:46:49,102
Bet you got first place.
947
00:46:49,102 --> 00:46:50,435
- You better go.
948
00:46:51,462 --> 00:46:54,662
- Drag queen contest at Roscoe's?
949
00:46:54,662 --> 00:46:55,495
I called.
950
00:46:56,502 --> 00:46:57,752
There was none.
951
00:46:59,454 --> 00:47:01,272
- I'm sorry.
952
00:47:01,272 --> 00:47:04,203
I really needed to do this.
953
00:47:04,203 --> 00:47:05,536
- I trusted you.
954
00:47:06,672 --> 00:47:07,922
You lied to me!
955
00:47:09,651 --> 00:47:11,484
We had a pact, a deal.
956
00:47:13,557 --> 00:47:16,167
- And we still do, Jamie.
957
00:47:16,167 --> 00:47:19,834
I just couldn't get
this guy out of my mind.
958
00:47:21,046 --> 00:47:21,879
I'm sorry.
959
00:47:22,749 --> 00:47:24,646
I should have told you the truth.
960
00:47:24,646 --> 00:47:27,396
- [Jamie] Yes you should've, pal.
961
00:47:31,477 --> 00:47:33,894
- Will you please forgive me?
962
00:47:35,898 --> 00:47:37,315
- I'm afraid not.
963
00:47:39,037 --> 00:47:40,728
Let's get one thing straight.
964
00:47:40,728 --> 00:47:41,561
- What?
965
00:47:43,429 --> 00:47:46,983
- Just because I'm a glory hole queen
966
00:47:46,983 --> 00:47:49,612
doesn't mean I don't have any principles.
967
00:47:49,612 --> 00:47:50,445
- Okay.
968
00:47:51,932 --> 00:47:53,932
- Nice knowing you, Hal.
969
00:47:58,052 --> 00:48:01,552
(western harmonica music)
970
00:48:09,770 --> 00:48:11,051
I'll tell you something.
971
00:48:11,051 --> 00:48:13,801
Gay people are not to be trusted.
972
00:48:14,982 --> 00:48:19,083
They'd sell their own mother
out for a cheap trick.
973
00:48:19,083 --> 00:48:21,851
- I'm so glad they reopened this place.
974
00:48:21,851 --> 00:48:23,233
- Sam got a good lawyer, know him
975
00:48:23,233 --> 00:48:26,639
from a Union Station
toilet, huge cock dick.
976
00:48:26,639 --> 00:48:27,849
- Did you have it?
977
00:48:27,849 --> 00:48:29,516
- Unfortunately not.
978
00:48:30,369 --> 00:48:33,169
Sam was never the same after (mumbles).
979
00:48:33,169 --> 00:48:36,836
♫ I wrote a letter to daddy
980
00:48:49,159 --> 00:48:52,538
- Hey Jamie, how have you been?
981
00:48:52,538 --> 00:48:53,729
- I'm through.
982
00:48:53,729 --> 00:48:54,708
- What's wrong?
983
00:48:54,708 --> 00:48:56,889
- My life's over, that's what's wrong.
984
00:48:56,889 --> 00:48:58,980
I'm a real misfit.
985
00:48:58,980 --> 00:49:02,249
- Well I'll tell you
what, you have a minute?
986
00:49:02,249 --> 00:49:04,258
I wanna take you someplace.
987
00:49:04,258 --> 00:49:05,658
- Where?
988
00:49:05,658 --> 00:49:07,580
- Do you like pinball?
989
00:49:07,580 --> 00:49:08,740
- I love pinball.
990
00:49:08,740 --> 00:49:11,068
- All right, let's go.
991
00:49:11,068 --> 00:49:11,901
- [Jamie] Really?
992
00:49:11,901 --> 00:49:13,901
- [Monty] Yeah, come on.
993
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,340
- [Automated Voice] Your shoe is untied.
994
00:49:18,340 --> 00:49:19,423
- Hey, focus.
995
00:49:20,959 --> 00:49:22,260
- [Automated Terminator Voice] I'm not
996
00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:24,329
programmed to follow your orders.
997
00:49:24,329 --> 00:49:26,059
- [Jamie] Focus on what, my fuck-ups?
998
00:49:26,059 --> 00:49:27,820
- No, the ball.
999
00:49:27,820 --> 00:49:30,060
- Okay, I see it.
1000
00:49:30,060 --> 00:49:31,919
What's with the backpack?
1001
00:49:31,919 --> 00:49:33,951
- I'm going back home to Boston.
1002
00:49:33,951 --> 00:49:35,780
Summer's almost over and I'm gonna
1003
00:49:35,780 --> 00:49:39,689
miss all you guys, especially you, Jamie.
1004
00:49:39,689 --> 00:49:43,140
Do you wanna go sit down and talk?
1005
00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:45,359
Are you all right?
1006
00:49:45,359 --> 00:49:46,929
- Can't say that I am.
1007
00:49:46,929 --> 00:49:50,169
Everyone screams liberation,
gay rights, gay marriage.
1008
00:49:50,169 --> 00:49:51,500
Where's my liberation?
1009
00:49:51,500 --> 00:49:53,260
Where's my group?
1010
00:49:53,260 --> 00:49:56,390
Do I have to wait for another
500 years for it to form?
1011
00:49:56,390 --> 00:50:00,030
I wanna be adored for the exact quality
1012
00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:03,620
I'm rejected for in all the gay bars.
1013
00:50:03,620 --> 00:50:05,478
The women love me because they wanna be
1014
00:50:05,478 --> 00:50:09,968
like me, and the men
treat me like a novelty,
1015
00:50:09,968 --> 00:50:13,350
something unique that
enriches their lives.
1016
00:50:13,350 --> 00:50:14,900
My husband comes home every day
1017
00:50:14,900 --> 00:50:16,929
and I have dinner waiting for him.
1018
00:50:16,929 --> 00:50:19,248
When he sees me, he can't hold
1019
00:50:19,248 --> 00:50:20,540
himself back, so he attacks me
1020
00:50:20,540 --> 00:50:22,089
with a spatula in my hand as I'm
1021
00:50:22,089 --> 00:50:24,839
flipping the chicken-fried steak.
1022
00:50:25,849 --> 00:50:29,099
This would be totally acceptable to me.
1023
00:50:31,718 --> 00:50:35,998
I could live like that
for years and years.
1024
00:50:35,998 --> 00:50:37,718
It's so much more interesting than ending
1025
00:50:37,718 --> 00:50:40,635
up as some gossipy queen who thinks
1026
00:50:42,062 --> 00:50:44,321
Lily Tomlin snorts are funny.
1027
00:50:44,321 --> 00:50:45,298
(snorts)
1028
00:50:45,298 --> 00:50:47,620
(laughter)
1029
00:50:47,620 --> 00:50:50,769
- Come on, we have some
more pinball to play.
1030
00:50:50,769 --> 00:50:51,961
- [Jamie] Yes, master.
1031
00:50:51,961 --> 00:50:54,505
- Now seriously, let
me show you something.
1032
00:50:54,505 --> 00:50:55,738
- [Automated Terminator Voice] Come with
1033
00:50:55,738 --> 00:50:56,989
me if you want to live.
1034
00:50:56,989 --> 00:50:57,822
- See?
1035
00:50:57,822 --> 00:50:59,173
Schwarzenegger knows.
1036
00:50:59,173 --> 00:51:00,413
- I'm no Schwarzenegger.
1037
00:51:00,413 --> 00:51:01,354
- Thank God.
1038
00:51:01,354 --> 00:51:03,604
(laughter)
1039
00:51:04,794 --> 00:51:07,543
Now seriously, let me show you something.
1040
00:51:07,543 --> 00:51:11,274
If you wanna get what you
want, focus on the ball.
1041
00:51:11,274 --> 00:51:15,497
- [Automated Terminator
Voice] Rocket blitz.
1042
00:51:15,497 --> 00:51:20,201
- See, Jamie, you are the
ball, you're the game.
1043
00:51:20,201 --> 00:51:22,118
Now look at the mirror.
1044
00:51:27,033 --> 00:51:29,702
That is who you should be.
1045
00:51:29,702 --> 00:51:33,827
The person playing the game, not the game.
1046
00:51:33,827 --> 00:51:34,744
You get it?
1047
00:51:36,871 --> 00:51:37,704
- Yeah.
1048
00:51:38,682 --> 00:51:40,322
I think so.
1049
00:51:40,322 --> 00:51:41,155
- Cause...
1050
00:51:42,658 --> 00:51:44,718
- [Automated Terminator Voice] One to go.
1051
00:51:44,718 --> 00:51:46,159
- And effect.
1052
00:51:46,159 --> 00:51:47,492
Come on, try it.
1053
00:51:49,679 --> 00:51:50,512
- Cause...
1054
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,237
- [Monty] There you go.
1055
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:58,313
- Effect.
1056
00:51:59,711 --> 00:52:03,128
- See, now you're in control of the game.
1057
00:52:06,841 --> 00:52:11,791
All right, I gave you the
tools, now you do the work.
1058
00:52:11,791 --> 00:52:14,858
My train for Boston's waiting for me.
1059
00:52:14,858 --> 00:52:18,951
And the other Jamie's waiting for me too.
1060
00:52:18,951 --> 00:52:22,034
(gentle piano music)
1061
00:53:27,195 --> 00:53:29,265
- [Ray] Jamie, I need you out here!
1062
00:53:29,265 --> 00:53:31,015
- Yeah, okay, coming.
1063
00:53:34,977 --> 00:53:36,060
- Brakes 100.
1064
00:53:38,755 --> 00:53:39,672
Struts 250.
1065
00:53:41,004 --> 00:53:41,837
- Okay.
1066
00:53:46,305 --> 00:53:48,739
- Wheel cylinders 350.
1067
00:53:48,739 --> 00:53:49,572
Fuck.
1068
00:53:49,572 --> 00:53:51,069
- Great, wow.
1069
00:53:51,069 --> 00:53:53,120
- Hey, you getting those
figures right there, Jamie?
1070
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:54,440
- I think so.
1071
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:55,520
- I'll tell you what, you're a
1072
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:57,371
pretty honest bookkeeper,
that's why I let you
1073
00:53:57,371 --> 00:54:00,349
sign the checks, but don't
let it get to your head.
1074
00:54:00,349 --> 00:54:01,731
- I'll do my best.
1075
00:54:01,731 --> 00:54:03,668
- So you sign the checks?
1076
00:54:03,668 --> 00:54:06,960
- Yeah, occupational liability.
1077
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:08,971
- I've got extra tickets to The Cubs.
1078
00:54:08,971 --> 00:54:11,011
Buddy of mine can't come.
1079
00:54:11,011 --> 00:54:13,228
You wanna go, it's on me.
1080
00:54:13,228 --> 00:54:14,099
- Are you sure?
1081
00:54:14,099 --> 00:54:15,520
- Sure I'm sure.
1082
00:54:15,520 --> 00:54:17,560
We'll do a couple of
beers, raise some hell,
1083
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:20,089
and then you can tell me
all your hidden stuff.
1084
00:54:20,089 --> 00:54:21,651
- I can?
1085
00:54:21,651 --> 00:54:23,990
- (chuckles) Well maybe not all of them.
1086
00:54:23,990 --> 00:54:25,480
- Yeah.
1087
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:26,531
- Tomorrow?
1088
00:54:26,531 --> 00:54:27,931
6 o'clock?
1089
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:29,582
I'll pick you up.
1090
00:54:29,582 --> 00:54:30,582
- All right.
1091
00:54:31,478 --> 00:54:32,506
Let's get to it.
1092
00:54:32,506 --> 00:54:36,339
(triumphant orchestral music)
1093
00:54:39,874 --> 00:54:40,783
- What?
1094
00:54:40,783 --> 00:54:42,463
You gotta be kidding me.
1095
00:54:42,463 --> 00:54:44,263
(laughter)
1096
00:54:44,263 --> 00:54:47,263
(casual conversing)
1097
00:55:00,766 --> 00:55:01,766
Woo hoo hoo!
1098
00:55:19,576 --> 00:55:23,743
(casual conversing)
(easy listening music)
1099
00:55:32,796 --> 00:55:35,078
(laughter)
1100
00:55:35,078 --> 00:55:36,106
- I'll (mumbles).
1101
00:55:36,106 --> 00:55:37,523
- Yeah, go ahead.
1102
00:56:00,423 --> 00:56:01,707
- I pissed like a racehorse.
1103
00:56:01,707 --> 00:56:03,256
- Oh man.
1104
00:56:03,256 --> 00:56:04,566
Tell you what, if you were a racehorse,
1105
00:56:04,566 --> 00:56:06,467
I'd be a jockey, we'd win every round.
1106
00:56:06,467 --> 00:56:07,694
- No shit.
1107
00:56:07,694 --> 00:56:09,944
(laughter)
1108
00:56:13,827 --> 00:56:15,744
- You want another one?
1109
00:56:16,758 --> 00:56:19,241
- You know, how about after this we go to
1110
00:56:19,241 --> 00:56:23,860
The Admiral and check out
the lap dancers there.
1111
00:56:23,860 --> 00:56:26,780
I hear the chicks there are
supposed to be sexy as all hell.
1112
00:56:26,780 --> 00:56:29,197
- (mumbles).
1113
00:56:36,753 --> 00:56:38,086
Come and get it!
1114
00:56:39,256 --> 00:56:40,089
Come on.
1115
00:56:41,754 --> 00:56:43,186
(laughs)
1116
00:56:43,186 --> 00:56:45,151
I think she wants to take you home.
1117
00:56:45,151 --> 00:56:46,538
- No, she's on you.
1118
00:56:46,538 --> 00:56:47,828
- Fuck you.
1119
00:56:47,828 --> 00:56:48,846
Fire in the hole.
1120
00:56:48,846 --> 00:56:50,429
- Fire in the hole.
1121
00:57:04,454 --> 00:57:05,454
- I'm horny.
1122
00:57:07,014 --> 00:57:10,181
- Yeah, me too, those chicks were hot.
1123
00:57:12,022 --> 00:57:14,272
- What do you wanna do now?
1124
00:57:15,374 --> 00:57:17,724
- I got a six pack at home.
1125
00:57:17,724 --> 00:57:19,307
- You got any porn?
1126
00:57:20,364 --> 00:57:21,364
Tits, pussy.
1127
00:57:25,294 --> 00:57:27,211
- I got tits and pussy.
1128
00:57:29,181 --> 00:57:31,931
Got some beer, we can talk trash.
1129
00:57:34,020 --> 00:57:36,319
- You ain't gay are you?
1130
00:57:36,319 --> 00:57:38,152
- Nah man, no worries.
1131
00:57:39,079 --> 00:57:39,912
- Good.
1132
00:57:40,929 --> 00:57:42,512
Let's go and do it.
1133
00:57:45,129 --> 00:57:47,379
(car revs)
1134
00:57:56,783 --> 00:57:59,033
(laughter)
1135
00:58:04,175 --> 00:58:07,342
- Why am I laughing, I don't know why.
1136
00:58:09,385 --> 00:58:10,753
You wanna play the DVD?
1137
00:58:10,753 --> 00:58:11,836
- Yeah, yeah.
1138
00:58:21,972 --> 00:58:23,291
Action.
1139
00:58:23,291 --> 00:58:24,351
- Here we go.
1140
00:58:24,351 --> 00:58:26,518
(moaning)
1141
00:58:31,412 --> 00:58:33,329
Go ahead, I don't care.
1142
00:58:52,196 --> 00:58:55,137
(coughing)
1143
00:58:55,137 --> 00:58:57,098
You just made me a fucking queer, man.
1144
00:58:57,098 --> 00:58:59,265
I fucking hate you for it.
1145
00:59:00,636 --> 00:59:04,476
- So Jamie, how's your
real estate venture going?
1146
00:59:04,476 --> 00:59:06,228
We gonna be neighbors soon?
1147
00:59:06,228 --> 00:59:08,018
- Sooner than you think.
1148
00:59:08,018 --> 00:59:11,435
- We'll take good care of you, my friend.
1149
00:59:13,338 --> 00:59:16,916
Hey Ray, got any jokes to
spike up a fucked morning?
1150
00:59:16,916 --> 00:59:18,727
- Not today, boss.
1151
00:59:18,727 --> 00:59:19,916
- How are you?
1152
00:59:19,916 --> 00:59:21,416
- Nothing special.
1153
00:59:24,479 --> 00:59:28,146
- I'll be in the garage
if you guys need me.
1154
00:59:29,961 --> 00:59:31,313
- We gotta get Jamie a little chick to
1155
00:59:31,313 --> 00:59:33,141
play around with, otherwise people
1156
00:59:33,141 --> 00:59:35,023
might start to think you know what!
1157
00:59:35,023 --> 00:59:37,041
(laughs)
1158
00:59:37,041 --> 00:59:38,755
- Nah, not our Jamie.
1159
00:59:38,755 --> 00:59:39,956
- Right.
1160
00:59:39,956 --> 00:59:41,647
- Hey Ray, give the guy a break.
1161
00:59:41,647 --> 00:59:43,436
He's gonna be a future neighbor of ours.
1162
00:59:43,436 --> 00:59:44,565
- What?
1163
00:59:44,565 --> 00:59:45,815
- You heard me.
1164
00:59:48,786 --> 00:59:50,487
- Jamie Flowers here?
1165
00:59:50,487 --> 00:59:51,487
- That's me.
1166
00:59:52,356 --> 00:59:56,957
- I need a check for two hubcaps
and a bunch of spark plugs.
1167
00:59:56,957 --> 00:59:58,353
- One second.
1168
00:59:58,353 --> 01:00:00,436
You know what, follow me.
1169
01:00:02,614 --> 01:00:03,447
Alrighty.
1170
01:00:06,894 --> 01:00:09,444
- I forgot my monkey wrench here.
1171
01:00:09,444 --> 01:00:10,361
- Alrighty.
1172
01:00:15,161 --> 01:00:15,994
Here you go.
1173
01:00:15,994 --> 01:00:17,004
- Thanks a lot, see you next month.
1174
01:00:17,004 --> 01:00:18,004
- All right.
1175
01:00:19,622 --> 01:00:20,720
Did you find it?
1176
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,053
- [Ray] Not yet.
1177
01:00:23,106 --> 01:00:26,719
- Okay, look, when you're
done can you lock up please?
1178
01:00:26,719 --> 01:00:27,935
- [Ray] Will do.
1179
01:00:27,935 --> 01:00:28,768
Will do.
1180
01:00:36,017 --> 01:00:37,909
- See you on the weekend, Chuck.
1181
01:00:37,909 --> 01:00:39,409
I can use a break.
1182
01:00:45,598 --> 01:00:49,189
- Psh, them fags get worse by the minute.
1183
01:00:49,189 --> 01:00:51,921
- Damn it Ray, nobody be
asking you to watch it.
1184
01:00:51,921 --> 01:00:54,671
Change the channel if you got to.
1185
01:00:57,532 --> 01:01:00,282
(suspense music)
1186
01:01:31,669 --> 01:01:32,502
- Thanks.
1187
01:02:08,377 --> 01:02:10,877
(phone rings)
1188
01:02:11,999 --> 01:02:12,949
Hello?
1189
01:02:12,949 --> 01:02:15,145
- Oh hey, how are you?
1190
01:02:15,145 --> 01:02:16,876
- Oh, it's you.
1191
01:02:16,876 --> 01:02:19,412
- Well don't sound so excited.
1192
01:02:19,412 --> 01:02:22,225
God, you are impossible.
1193
01:02:22,225 --> 01:02:24,725
- I'll take these three items.
1194
01:02:25,766 --> 01:02:27,266
And the five DVDs.
1195
01:02:28,905 --> 01:02:31,155
- Gerald, I'm freaking out.
1196
01:02:32,897 --> 01:02:35,116
- Does your mother know you're here?
1197
01:02:35,116 --> 01:02:36,967
Let me see your ID.
1198
01:02:36,967 --> 01:02:38,876
- Get this, I just had the biggest
1199
01:02:38,876 --> 01:02:41,225
fattest dick of this incredible type.
1200
01:02:41,225 --> 01:02:44,516
Mid-thirties, a little
greasy like a mechanic.
1201
01:02:44,516 --> 01:02:47,925
Oh God, a bit beefy, but built.
1202
01:02:47,925 --> 01:02:49,916
- Oh shit, I left it at home.
1203
01:02:49,916 --> 01:02:52,687
The check is good (mumbles).
1204
01:02:52,687 --> 01:02:53,805
- I'm coming back in a few minutes,
1205
01:02:53,805 --> 01:02:55,927
I need to feed the meter.
1206
01:02:55,927 --> 01:02:56,760
- Okay.
1207
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:57,593
- Is it okay?
1208
01:02:57,593 --> 01:02:59,593
Mine's in the meter too.
1209
01:03:03,372 --> 01:03:05,455
- Here, take the receipt.
1210
01:03:27,539 --> 01:03:28,931
- You're gonna have this guy here?
1211
01:03:28,931 --> 01:03:30,360
You know who the fuck this is?
1212
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:31,320
- Hey, chill out man.
1213
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:32,639
- No, I'm not chilling out.
1214
01:03:32,639 --> 01:03:35,085
You know who this is?
1215
01:03:35,085 --> 01:03:36,857
He's a homosexual, that's what he is.
1216
01:03:36,857 --> 01:03:40,257
Do any of you have any
idea what a glory hole is?
1217
01:03:40,257 --> 01:03:43,097
Ask yourselves, do you want
our children exposed to this?
1218
01:03:43,097 --> 01:03:44,310
Next thing you know we're gonna have a
1219
01:03:44,310 --> 01:03:46,078
whole bunch of pedophiles running
1220
01:03:46,078 --> 01:03:49,118
around here and ending (mumbles).
1221
01:03:49,118 --> 01:03:50,430
- [Pool Woman] That's an outage.
1222
01:03:50,430 --> 01:03:51,750
- You want them to live around here?
1223
01:03:51,750 --> 01:03:52,739
No way.
1224
01:03:52,739 --> 01:03:54,297
What am I gonna tell my little children
1225
01:03:54,297 --> 01:03:55,649
when they see these fucking little
1226
01:03:55,649 --> 01:03:59,190
queens prancing up and down the sidewalk?
1227
01:03:59,190 --> 01:04:01,758
(mumbles) makeup and heels?
1228
01:04:01,758 --> 01:04:03,377
Before you know it, we'll have a whole
1229
01:04:03,377 --> 01:04:05,408
bunch of sissies standing
around holding hands.
1230
01:04:05,408 --> 01:04:08,088
- Come on Ray, you're
not being reasonable.
1231
01:04:08,088 --> 01:04:10,630
Have a heart man, love thy neighbor.
1232
01:04:10,630 --> 01:04:11,728
- I want him registered with
1233
01:04:11,728 --> 01:04:13,579
the police if he ever lives here.
1234
01:04:13,579 --> 01:04:16,219
- You're the one with the
problem man, leave him alone.
1235
01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,008
- Hey don't worry, Ray.
1236
01:04:18,008 --> 01:04:19,168
Look, I'll leave so you can raise
1237
01:04:19,168 --> 01:04:22,248
your children all rosy and peachy.
1238
01:04:22,248 --> 01:04:23,289
Hopefully they won't be cursed with
1239
01:04:23,289 --> 01:04:26,249
the same sentiments that you have.
1240
01:04:26,249 --> 01:04:28,089
Thank you all for your support.
1241
01:04:28,089 --> 01:04:29,649
- Jamie, come back!
1242
01:04:29,649 --> 01:04:30,849
We don't care about that shit around here!
1243
01:04:30,849 --> 01:04:31,750
- Fuck off!
1244
01:04:31,750 --> 01:04:33,417
- You, you're the asshole!
1245
01:04:33,417 --> 01:04:36,250
- Wait and see who the asshole is!
1246
01:04:37,386 --> 01:04:42,306
- Hey Jamie, can you come
over here for a moment please?
1247
01:04:42,306 --> 01:04:43,958
- Yeah, what's going on?
1248
01:04:43,958 --> 01:04:48,125
- Are you familiar with a
place called Gay Treasures?
1249
01:04:53,438 --> 01:04:55,355
There's your signature.
1250
01:04:56,670 --> 01:04:58,851
- Yeah, I mean I go there
from time to time, but I
1251
01:04:58,851 --> 01:05:03,019
would not use, I did not
write a check to that store.
1252
01:05:03,019 --> 01:05:04,339
- I didn't think so myself, so I went
1253
01:05:04,339 --> 01:05:05,401
down and talked to the guy at the
1254
01:05:05,401 --> 01:05:09,019
counter and he claims he knows you.
1255
01:05:09,019 --> 01:05:10,091
- I mean yeah, I go there from
1256
01:05:10,091 --> 01:05:11,378
time to time, but I'm tell you I
1257
01:05:11,378 --> 01:05:13,731
don't use company money for anything I do.
1258
01:05:13,731 --> 01:05:16,051
- Jamie, I treated you like a brother.
1259
01:05:16,051 --> 01:05:17,819
Go fuck over somebody else.
1260
01:05:17,819 --> 01:05:19,139
I can't trust you anymore.
1261
01:05:19,139 --> 01:05:20,571
Ray, fill in for this guy.
1262
01:05:20,571 --> 01:05:21,499
- Chuck, listen to me.
1263
01:05:21,499 --> 01:05:22,499
- Yes sir.
1264
01:05:22,499 --> 01:05:24,916
- 'Till we get somebody else.
1265
01:05:27,139 --> 01:05:29,299
- Good luck, Jamie!
1266
01:05:29,299 --> 01:05:31,830
One final word, stick to your own kind.
1267
01:05:31,830 --> 01:05:32,663
- Hey.
1268
01:05:38,841 --> 01:05:43,008
- All right, I gave you the
tools, now you do the work.
1269
01:05:44,497 --> 01:05:48,414
- [Automated Terminator
Voice] You're an idiot.
1270
01:05:49,870 --> 01:05:50,787
- 'Cause...
1271
01:05:51,971 --> 01:05:53,054
- And effect.
1272
01:05:57,291 --> 01:05:58,958
Sam, I need a favor.
1273
01:06:01,915 --> 01:06:03,998
Can you trace this check?
1274
01:06:06,402 --> 01:06:08,184
(phone rings)
1275
01:06:08,184 --> 01:06:09,202
- Yes, hello?
1276
01:06:09,202 --> 01:06:10,202
- Chuck, hi.
1277
01:06:11,352 --> 01:06:12,722
This is Hal.
1278
01:06:12,722 --> 01:06:14,693
You remember me, I'm a friend of Jamie's.
1279
01:06:14,693 --> 01:06:15,973
- [Chuck] I don't wanna talk to you.
1280
01:06:15,973 --> 01:06:17,442
- No, listen.
1281
01:06:17,442 --> 01:06:19,082
Jamie's in a lot of trouble.
1282
01:06:19,082 --> 01:06:22,499
It's because of one of your workers, Ray.
1283
01:06:23,352 --> 01:06:24,992
- That's the guy.
1284
01:06:24,992 --> 01:06:27,322
I never forget a face, all right?
1285
01:06:27,322 --> 01:06:30,482
He's the one who wrote me the bad check.
1286
01:06:30,482 --> 01:06:32,472
- (laughs) Come on.
1287
01:06:32,472 --> 01:06:34,055
It was a joke, man.
1288
01:06:35,122 --> 01:06:37,693
I mean the dildo, the faggot stuff?
1289
01:06:37,693 --> 01:06:38,802
This is funny!
1290
01:06:38,802 --> 01:06:40,885
(laughs)
1291
01:06:51,494 --> 01:06:53,085
Come on, man.
1292
01:06:53,085 --> 01:06:55,502
I helped you out with a bust.
1293
01:06:56,435 --> 01:06:58,935
I didn't even get a thank you.
1294
01:07:16,753 --> 01:07:18,920
We can work it out, Jamie.
1295
01:07:20,383 --> 01:07:21,216
Come on.
1296
01:07:22,684 --> 01:07:23,517
Come on.
1297
01:07:29,943 --> 01:07:31,193
Son of a bitch!
1298
01:07:42,848 --> 01:07:44,389
- Now I'm the lowdown cocksucker
1299
01:07:44,389 --> 01:07:46,017
who just beat the shit out of you!
1300
01:07:46,017 --> 01:07:48,434
What does that make you, Ray?
1301
01:07:49,536 --> 01:07:50,607
- Enough!
1302
01:07:50,607 --> 01:07:53,378
Ray, you'll go to jail for this shit.
1303
01:07:53,378 --> 01:07:55,058
Take your shit and get outta here,
1304
01:07:55,058 --> 01:07:57,168
we never wanna see you again!
1305
01:07:57,168 --> 01:07:58,001
- Fuck you, Chuck.
1306
01:07:58,001 --> 01:07:59,928
- No, fuck you.
1307
01:07:59,928 --> 01:08:02,050
- You're gonna believe a faggot
over an old school buddy?
1308
01:08:02,050 --> 01:08:02,883
- Yeah.
1309
01:08:02,883 --> 01:08:03,920
- He's a cocksucker, they always lie.
1310
01:08:03,920 --> 01:08:05,251
- No, I don't.
1311
01:08:05,251 --> 01:08:08,334
(gentle piano music)
1312
01:08:15,525 --> 01:08:17,655
- I thought you were straight.
1313
01:08:17,655 --> 01:08:19,238
- Nobody's perfect.
1314
01:08:24,857 --> 01:08:26,057
- Good luck.
1315
01:08:26,057 --> 01:08:26,890
- Thanks.
1316
01:08:29,495 --> 01:08:30,412
- Monsieur.
1317
01:08:31,287 --> 01:08:32,954
- Why don't I drive.
1318
01:08:35,876 --> 01:08:38,959
- [Chuck] Welcome to paradise, Jamie.
1319
01:08:42,207 --> 01:08:43,996
- How you ladies doing?
1320
01:08:43,996 --> 01:08:46,753
- Everything worked out so perfectly.
1321
01:08:46,753 --> 01:08:47,924
- Yeah.
1322
01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:52,091
Best of both worlds, just keep (mumbles).
1323
01:08:56,194 --> 01:08:58,423
- [Jerry] This is Jerry Sans from WGAY
1324
01:08:58,423 --> 01:09:00,303
signing off for this afternoon.
1325
01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:01,971
See you all next week.
1326
01:09:01,971 --> 01:09:06,103
Whatever you do, just don't get married.
1327
01:09:06,103 --> 01:09:10,270
♫ I want a straight lover
who is gay just for me
1328
01:09:16,212 --> 01:09:20,379
♫ I want a straight lover
who is gay just for me
1329
01:09:21,293 --> 01:09:23,254
♫ I don't compete with others
1330
01:09:23,254 --> 01:09:26,293
♫ So you queens just let me be
1331
01:09:26,293 --> 01:09:28,086
♫ When he comes home at 5
1332
01:09:28,086 --> 01:09:31,236
♫ I wait with dinner by the door
1333
01:09:31,236 --> 01:09:33,396
♫ He waves and jogs the distance
1334
01:09:33,396 --> 01:09:36,326
♫ Every day I want him more
1335
01:09:36,326 --> 01:09:39,076
♫ Straight lover
1336
01:09:41,105 --> 01:09:43,272
♫ Hot sex
1337
01:09:51,886 --> 01:09:55,469
♫ Lust for me and me alone
1338
01:09:56,966 --> 01:10:01,133
♫ The other boys don't get his bone
1339
01:10:02,076 --> 01:10:06,243
♫ I let him see straight kinky porn
1340
01:10:07,356 --> 01:10:11,273
♫ Then he lets me eat his corn
1341
01:10:12,405 --> 01:10:17,325
♫ I'm (mumbles) with lust and joy
1342
01:10:17,325 --> 01:10:21,492
♫ I lick my chops and pet his toy
1343
01:10:22,614 --> 01:10:24,985
♫ He's the man who craves the chase
1344
01:10:24,985 --> 01:10:29,152
♫ It's all about the time and place
1345
01:10:48,253 --> 01:10:53,232
♫ (mumbles) and tasty and so sweet
1346
01:10:53,232 --> 01:10:58,232
♫ Smiles a lot, he's tall and lean
1347
01:10:58,232 --> 01:11:02,149
♫ Works like crazy on his core
1348
01:11:03,312 --> 01:11:07,479
♫ And loves to chew on fat cigars
1349
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:12,557
♫ When I leave, he has no clue
1350
01:11:13,536 --> 01:11:18,178
♫ I have my cake and eat it too
1351
01:11:18,178 --> 01:11:20,928
♫ Straight lover
1352
01:11:23,087 --> 01:11:25,254
♫ Hot sex
1353
01:11:28,895 --> 01:11:33,062
♫ No one knows what's coming next
91667
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