Original subtitles

- We are born free as children.

We love to run and play,

sing and dance, be happy.

Then we learn that there are rules.

Don't be independent, don't think for yourself,

don't question the church,

don't question the police.

Don't question corporations,

don't question the government,

don't be different, don't love anybody,

don't judge anybody, don't need anybody,

don't be a sexual being,

don't have any sexual thoughts,

don't look to the stars,

don't see the world as it is.

Don't look too deep,

don't point out hypocrisy,

don't say obvious things,

don't talk about real life.

Don't admit to being a deviant,

don't be original.

Don't be human.

Lenny Bruce changed the face of comedy.

Lenny Bruce was the first comic to talk

about his real life on stage.

Lenny Bruce was the first to openly

talk about sex on stage.

Lenny Bruce was the first to honestly

talk about drugs on stage.

Lenny was the first to be real.

Lenny was groundbreaking,

Lenny was dangerous,

Lenny was arrested for the word cocksucker.

Lenny Bruce was only on network TV six times.

Carrot Top has been on network

television over one thousand times.

Lenny refused to live in fear.

Lenny Bruce was the first rockstar comic.

Lenny Bruce was the brother Bob Dylan never had.

Lenny was arrested eight times for obscenity.

Lenny Bruce appealed his case

all the way to the Supreme Court and won.

Lenny received the only posthumus

pardon in the history of New York State.

Lenny Bruce was said to headline

the greatest underground comedy show ever

called The Sunshine Express.

August first 1966, Lenny Bruce died

of a heroin overdose before it could happen.

The Sunshine Express was supposed to take place

at the Flying Aces Club in Barstow, California.

August 1966, this was a secret event

organized by free speech advocates.

Jay Edgar Hoover had the Flying Aces Club

burned to the ground to stop the event.

Lenny Bruce died just days before the event

in a time of severe political correctness,

eight standup comedians attempted to recreate

the Sunshine Express on the very spot it almost took place.

- Slide your chair an inch to the right.

An inch.

- What the fuck happened to my fucking lighter?

My name is Brandon Graham and I set out

to make a cutting edge documentary on freedom of speech.

Everything went terribly wrong.

This is what happened.

The financing of the Lenny Bruce Experiment was...

Difficult.

- Here's all I'm saying, Brando,

when George calls, hand me the phone.

- Brandon.

Just be confident, dude.

Just tell him whatever he wants to hear, man.

You know, like you're trying to talk a girl into bed, dude.

- You need to accept The Secret.

You need to manifest it.

We're getting that money.

- Don't shush me. - Shh, shh, shut the fuck up.

- Give me the phone! - Shut the fuck up.

- Give me the phone! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I happen to be, uh, close...

With George Clooney.

Fucking assholes.

- If I was on that phone...

I'd feel better about this.

- Yeah, so you liked the treatment?

Oh.

Oh well.

Can you pass it along?

- Wait. - No.

- We got it.

- Making a movie, smiley face.

- I'm on the status updates.

- Fuck.

Fuck.

- High five, we're making a movie.

- Man, making a movie. - There he is, director--

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.

He passed. - What?

- Listen, listen, listen. - I'm not pleased.

- He's gonna pass it along.

That means there's a follow up.

He said it was really interesting,

he's got a lot on his plate.

- If he's gonna pass it along,

then he needs to talk to me

so he knows what he's passing along.

- There's another connection, okay?

- Okay.

- I'm gonna go to Saratoga.

I don't plan, I don't know how to get up there.

Oh, whoa.

No, no!

When your Hollywood connections don't work

when you're trying to get an independent feature going,

it's always best to go to family money

and, uh, I happen to be married to

a beautiful woman whose uncle is, um,

is big in horse racing.

Seriously.

Saratoga was a disaster.

It was a waste of money and time.

Wanna be in The Lenny Bruce Experiment with me?

Huh?

No, no.

What am I gonna say? - Don't be nervous, man.

We're going to a party and it's gonna be fun.

- My producer partners decided that they would have

Mike Tsirklin come with me to Connecticut

to meet with John Alhern, another potential investor,

a former professional golfer I used to caddy for.

What's going on, man?

- Hey, look who it is!

How are you?

- Fresh fish.

- What do you got for us?

- Guys, I got something that's gonna change your lives.

I got a pitch for you, okay?

We're gonna make a movie.

I'm going to do for comedy

what Al Gore did for global warming.

Okay?

And I thought...

You know, third time's the charm

that John's gotta give me something.

500 thousand dollars, are you guys in?

- We're in.

- I'll give you 13 thousand dollars.

- 13 grand...

Perfect, I can work with 13 grand.

- What?

13 thousand?

Dude, we're not making a movie in 1940.

This is a Talkie.

- Just one little caveat...

That dick...

Can have nothing to do with it.

Nothing.

13 thousand.

- It's a deal. - What?

Did you just sell me out for 13 grand?

- He's kidding, he's kidding. - No!

Kidding!

The dude from Cocoon is not kidding, dude!

- The realization that I wasn't gonna get

500 thousand dollars wasn't as difficult

as the realization that I only had 13.

I'm sitting next to him on the fucking plane.

- Well good luck with that.

- Who the fuck has a yacht in Connecticut,

you stupid fat cat yacht owners?

Fuck all of you!

Fuck all you!

- Mike, Mike... - And you know what, kid?

Smoke crack cause your dreams will never come true.

What the fuck, man?

I can't believe you sold me out for 13 grand.

You son of a bitch. - Fuck!

I had to replace Mike Tsirklin as a producer.

Fuck you! - Fuck you, man!

- I knew you guys were gonna come.

So...

What does it look like?

When Mike pushed me into the water...

Um, I got bacteria and I have a massive...

Infection on this side of my face.

So I had surgery...

And I drank a little bit of vodka last night.

- That's what you told me last time.

- I know.

- Good.

- I got pus coming out of my eye.

Enough.

You're such a dick.

Get the fuck outta here.

Mom, don't let the fucking cameraman in the fucking house.

While I'm not feeling fucking well.

I'm getting an implant, but...

I'm still missing a tooth right here

because of Mike Tsirklin.

I'm on my way to, uh, Dave Levin's place,

we're having a little barbecue

in honor of that we got some...

Some funds for The Lenny Bruce Experiment.

- It's a way to...

To talk about in the industry, you know?

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm making a movie. - Yeah.

- Wow, okay.

Oh, peach cobbler.

- Oh, here we go, peach cobbler.

- Nothing better than shirtless peach cobbler on a Sunday.

- Good ass peach cobbler. - Oh my God.

Dad, this is good cobbler.

- Let's celebrate with the fact that we did get money

for our fucking feature, we are going to make a feature.

Everyone let's, let's clang cobbler, okay?

Even you, douchebag.

Actually, you should leave.

- Thank you, that should help. - What?

- You should leave.

- You...

Really?

- I'll give you a call later, man.

- Hey, we're still shooting the potheads, man.

- Fuck you, man.

- Here's to 13 grand.

- We got the money for our first feature.

- Who's gonna pay for the peach cobbler?

- Are you rolling a joint and talking

to our investors at the same time?

- Our investors are cool.

Unlike you.

We made a crucial mistake by hooking up

with local drug dealers to coordinate our show.

But they were the only way to promote anything in Barstow.

- You guys want little lines or big lines?

- This just making me cool for everybody.

- Damn, dude!

- Can I, can I tell you two things, David?

- That's it, Mexican, let's go!

I'm shaving your beard, dude.

I'm fucking shaving it!

- You know what's funny, David?

- Whoa, oh!

- Anakin's selling crack at the same time.

- We're not insured yet, dude.

- Come here, Gabe, come here!

- You know what's funny?

That's not coke.

- It was a generic sweet and low.

- What is this?

An Adam Sandler joke?

- 13 thousand dollars, what the fuck do you do with that?

You don't do much with that.

So it was embarrassing, it was humiliating

talking to Randal Reeder

and having him help us out on this.

- Have a seat, Randal will be down in a few minutes.

- Hey, Brandon Graham.

Guys, sit.

Randal Reeder is a big character actor,

producer, director, he was excited

to come on the project.

- It's my God givin' right to kill and grill.

- How long is this? - Shh.

- I really had some, some big comedians

who were interested in the project,

that all sort of went out the window

and I sort of started having to rely on Randal for talent.

- So what are we doing?

Making a movie or what?

- We're making a movie.

- I'm gonna bring in...

I got, uh, T-Rex.

You seen him?

Black guy, he's great.

You know who I'm talking about?

That Kato Kaelin.

- Oh, Kato, Kato.

- Anyone see the thing?

Adam Hunter, maybe?

- We're working, we have 13 thousand seed money

but we're gonna--

- It's a passion project!

And we're gonna shoot grainy

and we're gonna shoot in black and white.

Seed money.

Fuck yourself with your fucking seed money.

I don't need this shit, okay?

I've done fucking Last Comic Standing season six, bitches.

- Well, he's not doing Killin' and Grillin',

that's for damn sure.

- I had slated Nick Swarzden...

Is it?

Is it Swarzden or is it Schwarzden?

- B-Swine, you wanna be in a movie?

- Hell yeah, man. - He's funny, man.

And he knows McConaughey.

- Yeah, yeah.

- How do you know McConaughey?

- You're a comedian? - Yeah, I was...

McConaughey's stunt stand-in in Lincoln Lawyer

and I drove his car around.

- Yeah, yeah, he's pretty a good body double.

- He's a stand-in.

- Yeah, well, you're in a movie now.

- Well, I'm in a movie now!

- You excited? - Yeah.

Whoo!

- Sweet dreams come true, right?

- Yeah, like I'm saying I'm not trying to come in

and take over your project.

You know me, I don't want a hundred percent of anything,

I want 20% of fucking everything.

I guess, we're gonna have nudity in 30 minutes.

Right?

- Um...

- So we can get foreign distribution.

- In the spirit of Lenny Bruce...

- We gotta make some money.

- I just wanna make sure the audition

is not just a stripper pole.

- I had been talking to them about

bringing in the mix of some sexy vixens

from the very beginning and I think that was a...

A bad call.

- Drums for Leffert.

- Dinah Leffert, brilliant comedian.

A real fine piece of ass.

- Who rolled this shitty joint?

My parents were quintessential hippies.

I mean, I was probably conceived on acid, okay?

Israel fits perfectly into Florida.

I think we should move all gay people into Israel

and call Israel our gay Australia.

Fudge Packistan.

Palestinians are gonna be throwing rocks at gays

and they're gonna be like...

Could we just get the Jews back?

- Oh!

- Georgia Cuylenberg.

Sweet Australian, comedian, actress with no hair.

- What? - I swear to God,

I grew no hair. - What?

- Since when? - Where?

- Um, I lost all my hair three years ago.

It's probably not the worst thing

because it's okay now.

But I got alopecia areata, so this isn't mine.

I can wear whatever hair I want at any time.

♪ Bubbles ♪

♪ Make me happy ♪

- Alicia Becker.

- This is the thickest rolled joint I've ever seen.

- Intelligent,

naive...

- I'm legitimately into that so much.

Probably would judge a person more on what

sneakers they're wearing than if they

were doing cocaine every day.

♪ Handful after, handful of Doritos ♪

- Shelley Michelle,

world's most famous body double.

- On Howard Stern, I remember those days.

- Oh, the old.

The most fun you never ever wanted to have.

- Wake up!

♪ Last night ♪

♪ I stayed up late to masturbate ♪

♪ It felt so grand ♪

♪ I used my hand ♪

- I'm coming for you.

- Slap him in the face.

- No, I'll hurt him.

- No, no, don't hurt him but hit him in the face.

Yeah.

Very con...

Oh shit.

- You're hired!

- Christina DeRosa.

Christina DeRosa was Ramsey's childhood friend.

Ramsey really pushed her into the film.

I thought, you know, it seemed like a great idea.

She's beautiful, she's successful,

she's done a lot of work in Hollywood,

she's done some softcore porn.

The male comedians...

Always trying to one-up each other.

Prove to themselves who has the smallest penis.

- What's your name? - Brad Pitt.

- Brad Pitt.

Glad to meet you.

- Kato Kaelin is a great guy. - Yeah.

- Is that that new Snickers phone?

Oh, who is this?

Kit Kat, hi!

It's Kato.

Oh shit, my phone melted.

I spent the night with Kato Kaelin

and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Everybody, T-Rex, very famous comedian.

He's been to Bangkok.

- I have not.

I've been to, uh...

I've been to a Thai massage place, though.

- T-Rex...

- Where's the fucking food?

Where's breakfast?

- Funny guy, Vegas performer.

- I just figured it out, rape stands

for a rejection after penile entry.

- Brian Swineheart.

Ladies' man.

- I hope you don't mind...

Asses in your face. - Oh, I don't mind.

7-11.

Not the typical place you wanna...

Pick up on somebody.

People that go to 7-11, desperate and not that smart.

Hello. - Hi.

- How are you?

- B-Swine, wait, you just picked up this girl right now?

- Swine, Swine, Swine, Swine.

- Johnny Blaze.

- Are you Brandon? - I'm Brandon, man.

- Oh.

- Now you're putting two and two together, dude.

- It takes me a little while.

- Invited himself to the experiment.

- Please tell me, for the love of God,

that Johnny Blaze as he's now calling himself

is not anywhere near this.

- We're gonna have him audition.

- What did the one lesbian piranha

say to the other lesbian piranha?

- What?

- See, we really do taste like chicken.

- You know what's annoying?

Mad shitty comics, or not even a fucking comic, does time.

What the fuck is that?

- I'm talk, I'm talking.

- You're right, I shouldn't act like you.

- Dave tried his best to entertain everyone.

♪ This is what I wanna do to your butt ♪

♪ This is what I wanna do to your butt ♪

- But he ended up annoying everyone.

- The less Dave talks, the better.

- I'm not a fucking PA anymore.

Look-it, he's always gotta fucking one up me, dude.

- Brandon, are you throwing up because he made you throw up?

- It became very clear, very quickly

that this movie was not about a bunch of ragtag comedians

pushing the limits of freedom of speech

and was about an oversized comedian

who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

- Brandon!

- I met Ramsey on the set of a television pilot

called the Real Potheads of North Hollywood.

- Pancakes and blowjobs.

Yippee Skippy!

Boo!

- It's important to see how Ramsey was

at the beginning of the day of the shoot.

- Ramsey, dude... - Yo.

- I'm giving you a flip camera.

- Alright. - You want it?

- Do I have to be awake for the flip cam?

- No.

- Okay.

- Start getting your shit together.

- Don't come here to take two.

- Is there any of those double shots

or some caffeine around?

I didn't sleep at all.

- Where's Ramsey?

- I don't know, dude. - Is he still in the room?

- Do you ever just get the feeling that...

No matter what you do it's not gonna be good enough?

- Come in!

- Your double shot espresso coffee, Ramsey.

- Like there's no pressure on you for this.

And no I'm not self-sabotaging, I'm just...

It's gonna work out, I understand.

This is how I always get.

I always...

I always have to, like, wig out about stuff

before anything good happens,

that's just the way it works for me.

- What time is it?

It's like fucking ten thirty and Ramsey's still in his room.

- He's our star.

- It's a, it's a lot of...

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Cause--

Yes?

- Yo, dude, everyone's here. - That's great.

Um, everyone's here?

- He's communicating but he's still in robe.

- Could you come here for a minute?

- They're fighting over there?

- Lover's spat.

- Yeah, a little bit.

- Come on, dude, it's me, T-Rex.

- What, you said don't open the door?

- What up?

- Just I got like no sleep...

- Are you not in a good mood, Ramsey?

- Not in a good mood and, uh...

Feel like I could do 45 minutes

and these guys got like a million lights, so it's...

I just wanna say a couple of things.

Let's, um, try to remember today's about

Lenny Bruce and free speech and that's what it's about.

That's free speech.

All the comics are far more concerned with

rounding up strange women to have sex with

than any kind of thing involving free speech.

They have no idea about their own art.

- Well, you know all I can say is that I hope you're wrong.

I'm not going in there again, dude.

I'm not going in there again.

Oh no, no, no, none of that.

- Relax.

- Relax, alright, thank you.

Thank you, aw, thank you.

This is what I really need.

Oh, a kiss from an Italian!

A real Italian!

- That's a real kiss, God damn it.

- Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I can smell it. - America.

- Oh, oh hey, looks who's here.

It was my idea to bring Ramsey's father in.

He...

Ramsey volunteered him as our attorney.

Everyone this is Reid.

This is Ramsey's father.

- Oh wow.

- He's also our lawyer.

- This is very important.

- He's going to stay here in LA

in case we get into some serious trouble,

it's two hours to Barstow.

So we're covered.

So feel free to get into some serious trouble,

he will bail us out. - Just like that.

- Just like that?

He's a big attorney,

he's a Palm Beach attorney.

I mean, Ramsey's father is an amazing fellow.

- It was a pleasure meeting you.

- Alright, I'm sorry you can't go.

- That's alright, they're gonna regret it.

Cause I'm funny.

Crash and burn, you gotta learn that way, right?

- Reid Moore, here.

Eh...

Alan, I understand...

- Cause even in my own movie,

I'm like the least important person.

- I didn't know their history

and I know people have claimed that I did know these things

that I orchestrated this whole thing to self-destruct.

- We're experiencing some turbulence.

- Get ready, baby, for a wild ride.

- Freedom is what it's all about.

- I think we had a real fascinating group of...

You know, of crazy fucks involved in this

and there's no way that we weren't

gonna get something absolutely fascinating.

- You always have to sound like you're

swallowing an ice cold water

after walking through the desert.

- Ramsey!

- Yes?

- Boobs were an important part

of The Lenny Bruce Experiment.

Georgia had agreed show her breasts,

Dinah Leffert had agreed show her breasts.

It marred the experiment,

it proved to be the unraveling of the whole experiment.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh my God, I'm never kissing you again, Ramsey.

God!

- I'm sorry. - That's terrible!

- I know, it's like...

- I'm sorry.

Um...

No, but it's not funny cause it's real,

it's funny cause it was kind...

Oh fuck.

- Oh my God. - Never mind, this...

This is pretty much the worst thing that ever happened.

- But that's also kinda hot, I mean.

She made something bad and made it good.

- And Ramsey?

- The worst thing that happened to me was, um...

- What?

- I was eight and I had a...

Younger brother that was a year and a half

and my dad was running for political office

and, um, my sister who was...

Ten was taking care of a year

and a half year old named Hiram.

And, uh...

She, uh...

Started the bath and uh...

Put Hiram in the bathtub.

And every day, you know, we were kids...

Every day like three o'clock or three thirty,

TBS they played the Three Stooges.

So she came in and...

Was watching the Three Stooges with us

and forgot about my little brother and...

He proceeded to drown in the bathtub.

And to make matters worse,

for political reasons, my father

made us pretend like it didn't happen for a month

so he could get elected.

Because he knew that would

hurt his chances of getting elected.

So we had to pretend like he was alive for a month.

That was the worst thing that ever happened.

- That's pretty shitty.

- But if I hadn't been through that

I wouldn't be a comic or an actor.

You know.

I'd be another schmuck going to Ivy League school,

working on Wall Street and dropping dead

of a heart attack at 42.

Thank goodness.

- Amen.

- Things seemed to calm down.

Guys, we are in Barstow!

That was until I found out that Johnny Blaze and Reid

were on their way up to the event.

- I hate these fuckin' people.

None of them make sense at all, it's like...

Can you...

- Uh...

- Ramsey, are you okay?

- I'm cool.

I'm pretty pissed that my dad's here.

Cause he was told specifically not to come.

- But he just wants to support you.

- No, he doesn't.

- What are you afraid of?

- I'm afraid that he's just trying to...

He's been doing this my whole life.

I'm afraid he's just trying to steal the spotlight and...

Glom his way into shit.

That's what I'm afraid of.

- You are gonna be awesome.

Don't worry.

- Alright, thank you. - You're welcome.

- You're awesome.

- What's up?

- Did we or did we not specifically say

you are not coming to Barstow to the show?

- Yes!

- And Dad, we specifically talked about

not coming to the show. - Oh, wait a minute, I came--

- Specifically!

- I came all the way out here to California...

- Yeah?

- To see the situation, now you think I shouldn't

come to the show? - No, come.

And I'm sorry, Johnny, come.

Come to the show. - Oh, so I--

- Come to the show because you know what?

Nobody else is doing what the fuck I want today,

so why would Johnny Blaze and my dad not be any different?

- You know what, since I'm here...

I will be a PA.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you.

I will, I did wanna come.

- If he goes off his rocker, it's not my fault.

- I know, Reid, can we take a little walk for a second?

I think he's a little jealous that you

sort of take some of the attention away from him.

You're a very charismatic guy, okay?

Sit sort of away from the stage.

I just don't want him to...

To see, see you.

- I'll try not to aggravate the situation.

- Alright, thank you, I know it sounds

a little unreasonable.

- Um, where's my limo guy?

What'd you say?

We're short a person, dude. - Okay.

- You're a limo driver but you're...

Yeah, uh, what...

What else do you do?

- As most people in LA, I came to be an actor so...

- Okay, you came to be an actor.

So you know how to PA?

- No.

- I need you to run follow a spot.

Okay, so take care of him

but you just gotta move the light around

so you can shoot the comedian with the light.

Ramsey wants to talk to the guys alone.

- Oh okay, okay, sure!

- Okay, so in five minutes I need you guys all out of here.

I think you should stay over there.

- Sorry. - Stay.

- Alright.

- Oh that's nice, fella.

- You like that?

It's a really nice cock.

- I thought it would be bigger.

- Can I talk now?

- I knew that things would...

Get a little messy with Ramsey at the helm.

- Comedy to me is a sacred fucking thing.

It is saying what no one can say in public

and saying it anyway and being cool with it.

It's saying I could fucking rape my sister

and making a joke about it.

It's saying my friend got shot in the face for crack

and making a joke about it.

It's saying the fucking Holocaust happened

and the Jews had it coming and making a joke about it.

It's about pushing the envelope,

it's about having an art form.

We are part of a fucking fraternity

and we're, the reason we're all shit on

over and over again as opposed to some fucking hack band

that's playing, you know, Matchbox 20 covers

is because the shit that went on today.

Realize the power you have in your hands

to get on the stage and say something

that no one else can say!

There's a whole country of people dying in cubicles

and having heart attacks and Lipitor

is the most popular drug because people

can't handle their lives!

We get to live free!

And people die for that.

And if you can shit it away on pussy

or you're a black man and you're acting like a fucking coon.

- How is that?

- Your pants are around your legs,

you're shoving your face in ass and stuff.

- Did you not tell me you wanted me to do this

for your fucking thing?

To go--

- But I also, I also thought

you'd know more once you'd be in the thing.

Did you even Wikipedia Lenny Bruce?

- Ramsey, I--

- Did you even read a book of Lenny Bruce?

Did you even, you know,

did you even look at a YouTube?

But you know, you know every single

thing about every girl you wanted to fuck ever.

- Well, that's probably the reason I got into standup

and I'm not gonna lie.

Cause I like it when girls laugh at me.

Since I was in fourth grade, I fucking love it.

I love when girls laugh at me.

- The whole part of the experiment

was that, was to be-- - Well the experiment

has motherfucking failed!

- Where's this shit coming from, Ramsey?

Like what the fuck?

- Let's go, let's go, out, out.

Please. - Yeah,

but that's immature, man. - Yeah, it is immature.

Please.

Please, all of you guys get out of here.

- Go have a good show, you heartless motherfuckers.

- Yeah, please, get out of the fucking...

Get out of the green room.

- Gotta get a chair, man.

- You too, Dave.

Cause you're not an artist.

- You know, you saying I'm not a fucking artist?

After all that I've suffered?

After all that I've done for you and for your shit.

For you and for your shit!

- And you don't get this, this is art.

- Fuck off.

- They may have not risen to the occasion,

I may fucking agree with you

but that was fucking wrong, man.

Fuck.

- I'm gonna be your host

throughout the entire night, so you can't get sick of Kato.

- In his twisted mind, how he sees the movie--

- Don't, don't listen to him, listen to Brandon.

- Yeah, as far as-- - He's not right.

He's not the director, fuck him.

- She's like, we got these super fans.

Here, Irene, do a quick supermodel set for us.

Give me that hair!

Walk towards me, baby.

It's Irene, modeling the latest from Nordstroms.

- My wife's at home with three kids by herself

and she's fucking calling me like,

these fucking kids are driving me crazy.

And I'm here and I'm not being appreciated for it?

- I appreciate you. - I'ma go home

and she's like, how was it?

It was fucked up.

- This is my time traveling machine,

where I reversed Kato's set and you never saw it

and you're better for it.

Holy fucking Christ.

If somebody dies tonight, it's his fucking fault.

He's got bad mojo.

Hey, you know what?

Actually, I said that to find out who the assholes are.

Sir, I'm sick and tired of people

fucking with my friend Kato.

Leggo my motherfucking Kato.

He didn't do it.

The only thing he's guilty of

is living in a fucking guest house like a bitch.

- Hi, sugar.

- You guys, this is a really dirty fucking business.

Like, let me just, can I...

I'm tired, can I talk to you guys?

Listen it's a dirty business, there's a lot of funny

female comics but you don't see a lot of funny

female comics cause they can't handle the environment.

It's like, it's kinda like being a fucking stripper.

- Do you really wanna know what I think about you?

- About me? - Yeah.

- I would love to.

- Do you really wanna know what I think about you?

- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

- Alright, come with me.

- The dance of shame at the end

where you have to pick up the dollars.

You fucking kidding me?

I'll go to Arizona and get, like,

a fucking illegal to chase me home

and just blow that shit backstage for me.

Just...

Shame on you, Arizona!

- What surprises me is that...

What the cameras didn't capture with Ramsey.

How did we not...

See what was going on?

- Okay, Alicia, do you got us in frame?

- Mmhmm.

Yeah.

We're back.

- So should I go first?

I'll tell you what I think of you.

- You sure you don't want me to go first?

- No, it's cool, I'll do it.

- Or you can go first, just be really honest.

- I will, I promise.

Okay, so, I think you're a wonderful guy.

Um...

Like you're just a big bowl of furriness

that, I don't know, I think you're really sweet and stuff.

- Would you fuck me?

- Um...

Um...

I might.

- Really?

- I don't know, I haven't really ever thought of it

that way before.

- What about right here with Alicia watching?

- No!

Then I would definitely...

Alicia, you do not need to watch that.

That's, that's...

- Do you wanna see that, Alicia?

- Um...

Uh...

- I don't think Alicia could handle something like that.

- Okay. - Uh...

- So your turn.

- Alright.

Do you know what I think about you?

- I would like to know.

- You ever been to a...

A Mexican party?

- Yes, Yeah, I have actually.

I live in LA.

- You're like a big beautiful pinata.

- Okay.

- And they string it up from a tree

and then all the kids whack it with a stick

until something falls out of it.

- What are you trying to say?

That I'm full of candy?

- No, I'm saying you're the empty pinata

after the candy's been eaten.

- What?

- You're, you know...

Beautiful,

charming,

and ultimately empty, no more to value.

- What are you...

I'm not empty.

I mean, you don't really know me that well,

how can you say that I'm empty?

- Oh, I know you.

I know your type.

- Yeah, but I'm not my type.

I mean, you should know that.

I've showed you a big part of me

that is not like everyone else.

- See that's just the thing,

all the people like you that are empty

and ultimately just zombies,

they think and people tell them

that they're special,

that they're filled with goodness,

but the ultimate joke...

There's nothing there.

- Oh, okay, Ramsey. - Ramsey, you're being weird.

- Show.

- Fine.

- Was that nice?

- You can play with it, I don't care.

Rub it for good luck.

- Yeah.

You have a nice head. - Thanks.

I thought you did, too.

- Oh, now you don't think I do?

- Well, you're saying horrible things to me.

- I don't think they're horrible.

Are those horrible things to say someone, Alicia?

- Okay, that's enough, Rams.

That is...

- Do I make you nervous?

- A little bit, yeah.

You're all sweaty.

- Oh, now I'm sweaty.

Artists sweat, too. - Apparently.

- And they bleed. - Okay.

- And they have bad times.

- Yeah, he's so much better

than us, right, Georgia?

- Do you think I look great right now?

- I think you look great, cause I think it's the real you.

- Yeah.

It is the real me.

- Wanna get drunk? - No.

- No? - No, I don't.

- Do some pills? - No, I really don't.

I've never done that stuff.

I don't need it.

- Need it? - Yeah.

- This has nothing to do with need.

- Okay, you're hurting me.

- Look, I fucking do what I do

but I fucking show up

and I fucking deliver.

- Okay-- - And I let people

see my pain and they laugh at it.

- Yeah, you deliver-- - That's what I do.

- You're always there, right? - Always.

- Until you're with...

You were there for your brother?

- I can't believe you'd fucking say that.

- Well, listen to the stuff you were saying to me.

- No!

No, no!

No!

- Your parents gave you everything

and it led you to this spot

where you thought you could say something to me?

You thought you could judge me?

I say what I want!

- No, no, but say what you want

but don't kill me.

Take care of.

- Never had to struggle!

- I think we have a sort of would-be comedian

who wants to do a little bit of time.

- Okay. - His name is Johnny Blaze.

- Johnny Blaze.

- There's a couple guys I know

and it's so crazy because they'll start talking to you

and they'll be like.

Yo, oh yeah, I'm over here.

Oh, come on in.

What the hell are you talking about?

People that gerbil their words, I can't stand em.

I just, come on, if you're gonna talk--

- You just got a phone-call. - Thank you.

- You just got a phone-call.

No, you did!

Johnny Blaze, everybody.

- Alicia's boyfriend followed her out here.

She said he's outside,

I don't wanna be a part of this anymore.

- Alright, okay.

- And then Georgia went with her.

- Ramsey pissed, pissed off some girls, okay?

So I'm gonna need you, so supposedly

they're over at Starbucks and we need you to go over there.

Okay and just check up on them?

Cause I can't get in touch with them

cause they're not picking up their fucking phones.

- I collect unemployment.

I bought weed with my unemployment

and, most important, I fuck fat white chicks.

Whoo!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Fucking A, right?

- The fact that the girls are now gone,

sitting over at Starbucks, crying about stuff

and I can't reach them

cause they're not answering their phone.

Take a ride, go apologize, dude.

Here are my fucking keys, okay?

Just go for a fucking ride, okay?

- You know once again, Brandon, I'm the bad guy.

- Dude, you are the bad guy right now.

Just be the good guy.

Be the good guy.

- Why did I take my shirt off?

I shouldn't have...

I shouldn't have smoked that much weed.

Like I smoked so much weed

that this seems like a fucking good idea.

- We're gonna have to go

and get these girls, they're at a Starbucks

sucking down frappuccinos with a bad attitude.

Let's...

What is funny about you?

- Um...

- No, tell me what's funny about you.

What's funny about Johnny Blaze?

- Um...

- It should come right out, Johnny.

If you have to think about it, it's a lie.

What's funny about you?

- My...

I'm funny.

- No, no, you can't say I'm funny.

What is funny about you?

- Um...

- Fucking retarded children are funny,

are you a retarded child? - No.

- Are you some down syndrome kid

playing in the park, can't even hit a baseball?

Can't run to first, are you one of those?

- No.

- Then you better have some fucking answer

to what's funny about Johnny Blaze.

Cause there's a hierarchy in comedy.

And the headliners are like the gods

and you're like the little man,

you're like...

You're like the people that die in earthquakes and stuff.

- Okay, yeah. - If this is Katrina,

I'd be in the helicopter

and you'd be left on the rooftop of a house.

Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

- Yes, yes.

- Now what's funny about Johnny Blaze?

Motherfucker, what's funny about Johnny Blaze?

- His energy!

- Okay, his energy.

What's his energy like?

- It's spastic, crazy!

- Right, like a retard.

Like a fucking retard, Johnny.

- Not a retard. - Yeah.

That's what you are, you're...

That's what's funny about you.

- I'm not retarded. - Yes, you are.

- I'm not.

- Your parents love you, you know why?

They didn't let you know you were dumb young.

- Ramsey Moore!

You're my only friend I have in the fucking world!

You know what it's like to grow up

and have no friends?

And everybody to hate you?

And spite you and you can't go over

to any of your friends' house?

Your mom won't even fucking talk to you?

- Johnny...

- You're, you said you were my friend.

- Johnny, you know what?

You just found something that is funny about you.

- You said you were my friend.

- You found...

Quit fucking, if you cry I swear to God,

I will knock your head through the roof.

You just found out what is funny about you.

You have lived your entire life

without a single fucking friend

and now you're just learning

because you think I'm your friend.

- You said you were my friend!

- I don't give a fuck about you!

If you're gonna cry...

Okay, pull over.

Pull over, I can't take the crying.

Pull this car the fuck over.

- I'm not, I'm trying--

- You dumb fucking monkey,

pull this car over.

- I'm trying to find a sp--

- Get this car off the road!

- Ramsey...

There's no Starbucks out here.

- Oh, God damn it.

- What?

- If you don't quit fucking crying,

I swear to God, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna rip your eyes out of your fucking head.

- You said you were my friend.

- You fucking pussy.

You fucking, this is why you have no friends!

Johnny.

Fucking even...

Did you cry all through high school?

Little Johnny cry eye?

Sob like a fucking bitch.

- You don't know what it's like.

- What do you see? - I don't see anything!

- Fuck you!

- My God, Ramsey, what are you doing?

Oh my God!

What are you doing?

I can't...

My eyes!

My fucking eyes!

I can't see.

I can't...

Oh God, Ramsey!

You're my only friend.

You're my only friend.

You're my only friend.

You're my only friend.

- Fuck you!

- You're my only...

Ramsey, you're my only friend.

- Fuck!

Fuck you!

- Please...

Please give it up for Randal Reeder.

Come on, everybody, it's the big man.

It's Big Bob.

- I mean, I've um...

You know, worked with Oliver Stone

and, you know, just amazing actors,

Edward Norton and all this and, um,

I'm forever remembered as Big Bob,

the cock meat sandwich guy.

I guess it's kinda like you...

You know, you build a thousand bridges

in your lifetime, you suck one cock...

- So what happened, dude?

- Oh, Johnny Blaze went back to LA.

- What?

Where are the fucking girls, dude?

Whatever, man.

Whatever, so what are they still over at Starbucks?

- No, they're not.

- So they all went back to LA?

- Yeah.

- Ramsey Moore...

- Brandon Graham.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm a lot better now.

- You ready to rock? - I'm ready to rock.

How are you, gorgeous?

- I'm well, laughing.

- Good.

Thanks for sitting with my dad.

I yelled at him earlier.

- It's all good, he's laughing.

- Yeah, good.

We'll see if he-- - Ready to rock?

- I'm ready to rock, see if he keeps laughing.

- Kick ass.

- Uh, let me tell you something.

I'm a pro, I don't care what the fuck you've seen before me.

I'm the real deal.

I don't fuck around.

I'm a real fucking professional

and I'm funny as shit.

And I'm not afraid of nobody in Barstow,

I know you got some bad motherfuckers out here.

But my name's Brian Swineheart

and my friends call me B-Swine.

B-Swine, the other white meat.

Cause I had an audition for a tampon commercial.

At first I thought, well that sounds kinda weird,

but then I realized something...

Who knows more about bloody pussy than me?

My whole life been cockblocked by bloody pussy

and it's become a problem.

You know, when I was a kid I was afraid.

Had a girl in my dad's pickup truck,

my dad let me take the truck out for the night.

Oh great, man, I'm gonna pick up this girl,

man, she's so cute.

I got bloody pussy.

Uh, you better get out of my dad's truck

cause he beat the shit out of me

when I let the candy bar melt.

- They say the sanctity of human life

is the most important thing itself.

Entire government.

Yes, in order to preserve life

or to keep it from harm.

But what happens when people start to kill each other?

Hey.

What's up, brother?

- How's it going?

- It's going good, dude.

You ever have a fucking...

Amazing day?

- Yeah, I have.

- I'm just fucking with you, man.

How you doing?

He having, if this motherfucker right here

hasn't even looked up from his plate

since I fucking grabbed the microphone.

This motherfucker is straight up chips and cheese

the whole fucking time, God damn.

What you get on your SATs?

Barbecue sauce?

I'm gonna come up with my own homeless dating service.

Fuck MySpace, No Place.

My name's Choo-Choo.

I like long romantic walks through alleyways,

crushing cans and arguing with buildings.

If this sounds like a good time to you,

go to the corner of 5th and Main and go ooh-ooh!

- Ramsey says he wants to talk to you,

he's being weird.

Just go over and humor him for a little bit.

Okay?

That cool?

Really?

- Christmas time, it's Christmas time,

Can I get a dollar?

Fuck you, you're not homeless, you're hanging out outside.

- Here piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.

Ramsey, found the perfect place to fuck.

♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪

♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪

♪ I said ♪

♪ Fie, fi, fiddly I, O ♪

♪ Someone's getting boned in the kitchen with Dinah ♪

And you are the lucky little piggy.

Hmm, interesting.

How'd you get so lucky, Ramsey?

- Alright.

Ramsey--

Ramsey doing a sex tape.

Take one.

- Oh yeah, Ramsey, you really turn me on.

Wanna fuck?

- That's not how you start a sex tape.

- Yes, it is.

Let's fuck.

- That's all you can hit?

- I'm not trying to hurt you.

- You doing this sort of sex tape with a slap,

slap the crap out of me.

That feels good.

Come on, harder than that.

That's ridiculous.

Come on.

Don't be a pussy.

Don't be a pussy.

Don't.

Don't be a--

- Oh!

- See that's how you start a sex tape.

- Wait!

Oh my God, Ramsey!

Why are you going so aggressive?

It's hot, but seriously back up, fool.

It's carb day.

It's carb day for Ramsey.

Isn't it carb day for you every fucking day?

You fucking sloppy fucking son of a stupid

fucking cunt bitch?

How about some apricot jam?

Oh, you know what I found?

Butter, how about eating a fucking stick of butter,

you douchebag?

Why don't you go try to find your fucking cock?

I couldn't find it.

Is it under the flap?

You're such a fucking dick.

Why do you...

You can't be fat and a dick, pick one.

You can be fat and nice or you can be a dick and hot,

but you can't be both, Ramsey!

Anything else?

Want some mayonnaise?

I need a fucking...

Just...

Where'd you go, Ramsey?

I'm gonna leave the camera in the refrigerator

for you to find, Ramsey,

because you're eventually gonna open the refrigerator.

Perfect place for you to find it.

Seriously, dude, you could've got laid tonight

but instead you had to be a...

Fat loser douchebag cunt and you're not gonna get fucked,

so why don't you learn a lesson--

Ramsey, stop, no!

- I hate you!

- My daughter's got dudes coming to the house

picking her up for fucking dates.

My 17 year old, my brother's like dude,

when they come over to the house,

get a shotgun and clean the shotgun

in the living room when they come over.

Look at, really?

I let 'em know that I'm crazy off the top.

They come to my house, I come to the door

in a sombrero and lime green Crocs.

Asshole naked and jerk off real slow in the doorway.

With no expression on my face,

like I don't like it, I'm just doing it.

- What did I miss?

How did I not see certain things coming?

Where...

Was I when things went wrong during the event?

- This guy starring in the film,

the Lenny Bruce film that we're doing.

Come on, give it up.

Also in the Real Potheads of North Hollywood,

our friend,

our funny man and you guys start clapping now,

it's Ramsey Moore!

Ramsey Moore.

Ramsey Moore!

Come on, keep it up, Ramsey, this is yours.

- You guys are all probably wondering

what I think about you.

I think if everybody in this room

got killed in an earthquake,

the world would be a better fucking place.

I think if a bunch of rowdy Al Qaeda

came in here and blew this room up,

man, woman and child, the world

would be a better fucking place.

- The fuck?

- A little kid, two years old

will fall down and bang his head,

but he won't cry until everybody looks at him.

You know why?

Because of the shame.

It's the same thing with girls that get raped.

Girls get raped all the time,

it's called rough sex.

It's called being choked out.

It's called being drunk and coked up,

but when they go home to daddy

he calls them raped, damaged.

They can never recover from that.

But you guys can't handle that kind of truth.

Cause of most of the guys in here

that probably raped somebody.

Let me tell you about the day I knew

I had to be a comic...

My mother was dying of cancer,

she was in a hospital...

And she was on life support

and all my family left, I was the only one

in the fucking room.

When the doctor brought me a clipboard

and said sign this.

And I said, why do I have to sign this?

He goes, cause we have to unplug the machine

and nobody else in your family will sign it.

So that's the day I knew I had to tell jokes

and laugh because life is not filled with laughter.

Life is filled with sadness and pain and suffering.

Shout me down, the fat man telling the truth

but laugh at the monkeys dancing.

Laugh at the pretty ones that tell you

what you wanna hear.

I will tell you what you don't wanna hear.

The truth.

This is all going to hell in a hand basket

and one day we'll all be dust

and you'll have to say to yourself,

what was I remembered for?

This work is great.

That's right, I'm fat.

That's the one thing you can say.

That's the one thing you can say.

You know what?

Cause you're a dumb motherfucker, sir.

A dumb motherfucker.

And you know what?

Fuck this place.

- Is Ramsey done already off stage?

- Fucking nice to say? - I know.

- Who gives a fuck, take your shirt off

and I'll come up there and play with your shit.

Fuck that dumb nigger.

Come on, Ramsey.

You're a funny, handsome kind person.

Fuck what that guy has to say.

Don't let that shit get to you.

- Alright, man.

Dude, dude, let's go.

Let's go, man, before shit gets even worse.

I didn't know what just happened there, man,

if it made you feel better...

It made you feel better.

The car's right there, dude.

Car's right there.

Get the fuck outta here

before someone puts a fucking bullet in your head, dude.

- The office is open from eight AM to six PM.

- Yeah, I know, but it has a buzzer.

You know like every hotel...

Is supposed to have a buzzer.

- Please use the night window.

- I did, push the buzzer.

Do you think I'm not doing it correctly?

- No, I think you are it's just really funny

that this is like...

Can we get a picture of this?

Could we...

- Here we are. - Hello!

Hello, hello.

I was like sitting, I was looking directly

at like a black woman and I saw her face...

When you said the n-word and then, like,

she got uncomfortable and then I was looking at her

and I got uncomfortable cause I was looking at her

and it was like, we're both uncomfortable.

♪ So refined ♪

- Christina's doing a song for us.

- Okay, that's great.

But get your guys...

You guys can go back to Shooters.

Get your ass back to Shooters.

Right past Shooters is a motel.

This is the last movie I'm ever gonna direct.

This is the end...

Of Brandon Graham's career.

- Chavez!

Cesar Chavez.

- Yeah, no, because my dad just called me from the hotel.

Yes, security in the room.

Oh, you are?

Thank you.

- What a disaster.

At least I took my shirt off, though.

That was kinda cool.

- Oh yeah, that was the highlight of the night.

- I don't think I should do any more talking.

- Shelley, do you wanna come to my room with me?

- Yeah, definitely.

Um...

Sure.

What do you got?

- I got a fun time for you.

- You do?

Come on, Daddy, don't you wanna play tonight?

Huh?

♪ My heart belongs to Daddy ♪

♪ So I want to warn you, laddie ♪

♪ That you know that I'm perfectly swell ♪

♪ That ♪

- Pull it apart for me.

- Here? - Yeah.

♪ So well ♪

- Oh yeah.

Spank yourself a little.

Oh yeah.

♪ My heart belongs to Daddy ♪

- Come on, come on, Daddy.

Oh, I want my Daddy to fuck me.

Oh God, you got the biggest...

Fuck me, God, ride me, oh!

Yeah!

Oh, God.

Yeah, fuck me.

- Accept it, take it. - Daddy, yeah.

Ah yeah!

Oh yeah.

Yes, Daddy, oh, oh God.

Yeah.

Oh!

Oh yeah!

Daddy...

- Bet you didn't see that coming, huh?

- Mm mm.

Yeah, that was pretty hot baby.

Oh yeah.

That was...

Hey, that was the best I've had in a long time, Daddy.

Yeah.

Yup, you know...

Keep that up, I'm coming back for more.

- They always come back for more if you fuck 'em good.

- Yeah?

You know what I like about it, though,

is like you just, you put everything,

you put your all into it.

I'm just like...

I can't get loose, there I am, you're just pounding me.

Oh.

I didn't know it was gonna be this fun.

I thought...

I had no idea it was gonna be this fun.

Uh uh.

- Shelley, that's the thing about me.

No one ever sees me coming.

- Nope.

I didn't see you coming, but...

You know what?

I don't know, maybe next time I'm gonna bring some like

kinky toys and so that, you know,

while you're like doing it from the back

you could be whipping me, too.

And then I could, like, you know...

Turn around and grab you by the cock and make you just...

Slam it, you know, so...

Something cool like that, huh?

- So you're talking bondage?

- Yeah.

I like bondage.

- I do, too. - You know.

And I'm gonna like, do something that you've never

expected before, I'm gonna...

Okay, you got it, right?

I'm gonna be like both knees over you

and I'm gonna put my crotch over your mouth,

sit right on your face.

You know what I'm saying?

And just squirt all in your mouth.

You're gonna be like uh uh.

Oh my God.

I mean...

- That's hot. - Is that hot?

You're gonna be like, oh yeah baby,

I wanna taste you every day cause you taste like honey.

Come to me.

- You know what they call me

in the bondage world, don't you?

- What?

- Flesh blanket.

- Flesh blanket?

Ooh, I like that, baby.

- You get these little 90 pound Mexican girls

and all they want me to do is just...

Lay on top of them and smother them.

- Is that right?

That's your fetish?

- It's their fetish. - Ooh.

I like that, flesh blanket.

Yeah, baby, give me a little taste of that flesh blanket.

Mmm.

Sounds kinda sensual.

Flesh blanket.

Ooh, yeah, baby.

Ooh, again?

Oh, do you know how I like...

Come on, Daddy.

We're not done yet.

Huh?

- Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

- It'd be really great to be with someone who

is trustworthy and generous and has a big heart and...

- You know, Christina, this is what

Ramsey has been wanting here all day.

- All I know is that God hates me.

I'm just saying.

- Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

- Uh...

It'd be cool if you come over to the room, man.

We'd like to talk to you.

- Um...

Okay. - Okay?

- Okay.

- Alright.

- I thought you were gonna go have a good time.

- Yeah.

- Just...

Ramsey.

Ramsey.

- Yeah?

- If Christina and Ramsey would've had

a human conversation prior to this event,

maybe things wouldn't have happened

the way that they did.

- Oh.

Been waiting all day for that.

Turns out Christina is actually way into me.

She's getting her stuff to spend the night

in Lee's double wide trailer with me.

Can you imagine?

This could've been the best day of my life.

- Hey, Ramsey.

- Gotta go.

- Good morning, sir. - Good morning, dude.

- I think I got some pretty good footage last night.

- You got some good shit? - Yeah, how'd you sleep?

- Fucking horribly.

We gotta go, what time is it, man?

It's like... - Yeah, it's getting late.

- Alright, uh dude, just wrap up your gear

and take a shower and stuff.

I gotta get back to LA.

I'm gonna get the car and stuff.

- Okay.

- Ramsey.

- What's up?

- Yeah, what's up?

Where's Ramsey?

- Your trailer.

Uh, can you get us over there, man?

We need the car, we gotta wrap.

- Alright, I'll meet you in the parking lot.

- Alright.

- And...

And what time is it?

- Six AM. - Is it really?

- I don't know.

I'm not tired, I don't have much.

- Wow.

Maybe we should go to bed.

- Could you do something?

- Yes.

What?

- Would you, uh, dance with me?

- Sure.

You wanna dance with me?

- Yeah, I always had this-- - What kind of dancing rules?

Salsa, merengue?

- I know you can dance me under the table but...

Ever since I've known you,

I've always wanted to just slow dance.

- Like we're in high school?

- Like we're in high school.

- Prom, baby.

Alright, I'm ready.

Let's dance.

I'm teasing.

- I...

I...

- We're slow dancing. - We're slow dancing.

- Oh, so we're like hugging?

That's a little tight.

Tight.

What's, what's going on?

Ramsey?

Ramsey?

Ramsey, what are you doing?

Ramsey.

Ramsey!

What are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing?

- God damn it!

- I lost a lot of what was important to me

through the process of making my first feature film.

Would I change anything?

Um...

No.

I'm happy.

- Do you know what I really think about you?

- Ramsey, come on, we gotta go.

Ramsey!

Ramsey!

Ramsey!

- What the fuck happened?

- Oh my God, Christina.

Call fucking 911 right now!

- What happened?

- Christina, what's wrong?

- Fuck!

- Jesus Christ, call fucking 911!

- Just wanna make sure that you understand,

that everybody understands that I didn't do anything wrong.

I did my job as a father

and I made sure that Ramsey got good Christian

orientation here and a full education throughout his life.

So he understood Christian principles

of love and mercy and duty and honor

and all of those things.

And so I had no part in anything he may have done

that wasn't like that.

Almost makes ill to think of...

What my son has done and...

No, I do not know where my son is

and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't tell you

so let me suggest that's the end of it.

I don't think we'll see each other again.

- Dad?

I remember the time I threw my Frisbee up in the trees

and I climbed up on the table to get it

and the table was made of glass.

I crashed through it and I bled.

And my mom was there to help me.

She's not there anymore.