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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,575 Don't take things out of the donate box. 2 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,010 - That's all gotta go. - But these are the shoes Anna-Kat wore 3 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,377 right before the shoes she had learned to walk in. 4 00:00:11,418 --> 00:00:12,353 They're a keepsake! 5 00:00:12,379 --> 00:00:13,848 They're a crap-sake. 6 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,783 Anything we can't use is gone. 7 00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:17,117 We gotta clean out our basement 8 00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:18,551 so I can make it my Mom Cave. 9 00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:19,954 - Mom Cave? - Yeah. 10 00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,455 You have your office. 11 00:00:21,487 --> 00:00:23,223 - What do I have, Greg? - Well, you have... 12 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,025 I swear to God, if you say "kitchen." 13 00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:30,564 Look at them. 14 00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,533 They couldn't be happier. 15 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,435 How does a hideous vampire of a woman 16 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,622 like Chloe Brown Mueller 17 00:00:35,647 --> 00:00:37,582 have such a delightful daughter? 18 00:00:37,607 --> 00:00:39,243 Thanks for having me over. 19 00:00:39,277 --> 00:00:42,547 Penny said she can come over again next week! 20 00:00:42,579 --> 00:00:43,871 Come on! 21 00:00:43,896 --> 00:00:45,115 No way. 22 00:00:45,149 --> 00:00:46,750 I can't handle seeing Chloe Brown Mueller 23 00:00:46,783 --> 00:00:47,885 more than once a month, 24 00:00:47,918 --> 00:00:49,653 even if it's for pick-up and drop-off. 25 00:00:49,686 --> 00:00:51,890 Okay, but it's nice to see Anna-Kat making close friends. 26 00:00:51,923 --> 00:00:53,491 Of all the people 27 00:00:53,515 --> 00:00:54,590 she could be friends with, 28 00:00:54,591 --> 00:00:57,728 she had to choose the one whose mom I hate the most. 29 00:00:57,762 --> 00:00:59,497 She is the cilantro of people. 30 00:00:59,530 --> 00:01:01,166 Why don't you go meet Doris and Angela, 31 00:01:01,198 --> 00:01:02,600 and I'll handle pick-up with Chloe? 32 00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:04,068 By the time you get back, she'll be long gone. 33 00:01:04,139 --> 00:01:06,575 It is so nice to have a husband who supports 34 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,975 my hatred of other people. 35 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,248 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 36 00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:22,424 Hey! My old Pick A Pet. 37 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,182 - "D" is for... - Dog! 38 00:01:24,219 --> 00:01:25,922 - ...dog. - Nailed it. 39 00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:27,990 Taylor, did you do your presentation for History class? 40 00:01:28,023 --> 00:01:29,992 Yep. I just have to put on a few more finishing touches. 41 00:01:31,726 --> 00:01:33,461 Then I look forward to seeing it. 42 00:01:33,495 --> 00:01:35,064 And I look forward to you seeing it. 43 00:01:35,097 --> 00:01:36,832 - Great. - Super great. 44 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,570 You haven't even started, have you? 45 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,873 No. 46 00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:48,186 Can you believe Mom wants to get rid of this? 47 00:01:48,211 --> 00:01:49,446 Yeah. Because it's garbage. 48 00:01:49,479 --> 00:01:50,714 It looks like I picked the wrong guy 49 00:01:50,747 --> 00:01:53,285 to stroll down Memory Lane with. 50 00:01:53,318 --> 00:01:55,220 Hey, what's all your ballet stuff doing down here? 51 00:01:55,252 --> 00:01:56,353 I'm hiding it. 52 00:01:56,386 --> 00:01:57,755 Brie's coming over later, 53 00:01:57,788 --> 00:01:59,123 and I don't want her to know I take ballet. 54 00:01:59,157 --> 00:02:00,225 Why? You love it. 55 00:02:00,258 --> 00:02:02,193 I know, but she's gonna think it's lame. 56 00:02:02,225 --> 00:02:03,794 Dancing is part of what makes you unique. 57 00:02:03,827 --> 00:02:05,195 Without that, you're kinda hard to take. 58 00:02:05,228 --> 00:02:06,864 - Sorry. - No, I get that. 59 00:02:06,898 --> 00:02:08,098 You know, if Brie's worth dating, 60 00:02:08,132 --> 00:02:09,567 you should let her know who you really are. 61 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,735 I am. I'm really someone who holds things back 62 00:02:11,769 --> 00:02:13,571 that could be extremely embarrassing for me. 63 00:02:13,603 --> 00:02:15,472 Look, if she likes you, 64 00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,042 she won't have a problem with ballet. 65 00:02:17,074 --> 00:02:18,275 I don't know. 66 00:02:18,309 --> 00:02:20,612 I'm fifteen, I dance in a leotard 67 00:02:20,644 --> 00:02:22,380 to classical music about a swan. 68 00:02:22,412 --> 00:02:26,216 Swans are historically a fierce, aggressive bird. 69 00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:29,120 You know what? I'm hiding you in the basement, too. 70 00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:34,059 Can I have more lemonade? 71 00:02:34,091 --> 00:02:35,592 What are you doing? We're done. 72 00:02:35,626 --> 00:02:36,995 I gotta kill time. 73 00:02:37,028 --> 00:02:39,430 Chloe Brown Mueller is coming by the house 74 00:02:39,464 --> 00:02:41,733 to pick up Penny, and I don't want to see her stupid face. 75 00:02:41,765 --> 00:02:43,300 You should do I what I do... 76 00:02:43,334 --> 00:02:45,003 ban all playdates. 77 00:02:45,036 --> 00:02:46,937 And then start watching "The Masked Singer." 78 00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:48,506 What does that have to do with my problem? 79 00:02:48,538 --> 00:02:50,909 Nothing. I just want someone to talk about it with. 80 00:02:50,941 --> 00:02:52,977 But Anna-Kat and Penny are good friends. 81 00:02:53,011 --> 00:02:55,079 I feel kinda guilty keeping them apart. 82 00:02:55,113 --> 00:02:57,348 You have to put your kids' needs first. 83 00:02:57,382 --> 00:02:59,484 Celeste and I can barely stand to be in the same room with each other, 84 00:02:59,517 --> 00:03:01,519 - but we do it for the kids. - No. 85 00:03:01,552 --> 00:03:03,120 My kids do not come first. 86 00:03:03,154 --> 00:03:04,522 They come fifth. It goes... 87 00:03:04,554 --> 00:03:05,856 me, the dog, 88 00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,691 my $14,000 toilet, 89 00:03:07,725 --> 00:03:09,660 the maid who doesn't talk... love her... 90 00:03:09,693 --> 00:03:10,695 and then the kids. 91 00:03:10,727 --> 00:03:12,596 Where is Richard on that list? 92 00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,966 38th. Right after the cappuccino machine. 93 00:03:14,999 --> 00:03:16,501 Why doesn't she have to come up with real ideas? 94 00:03:16,534 --> 00:03:17,769 I come up with real ideas. 95 00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:20,704 Okay, you don't share custody with Chloe. 96 00:03:20,738 --> 00:03:22,806 Tell Anna-Kat that she can be school-friends with Penny 97 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,142 but not home-friends. 98 00:03:24,174 --> 00:03:25,943 That way, you can avoid Chloe 99 00:03:25,977 --> 00:03:27,512 but you don't hurt the kids. 100 00:03:27,544 --> 00:03:28,979 Win-win. 101 00:03:29,013 --> 00:03:30,348 Wow... 102 00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:31,716 that could work. 103 00:03:31,749 --> 00:03:34,352 Was that real enough for ya? 104 00:03:34,384 --> 00:03:35,320 - Mm. - Mm. 105 00:03:38,923 --> 00:03:40,625 I was thinking about you hiding 106 00:03:40,657 --> 00:03:42,292 what you're passionate about from Brie. 107 00:03:42,326 --> 00:03:43,695 Well, I was young once, too. 108 00:03:43,727 --> 00:03:45,701 I'm trying to picture it. 109 00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:49,334 The closest I get is just you in shorts. 110 00:03:49,366 --> 00:03:51,369 I had a hobby some people might've called lame, 111 00:03:51,401 --> 00:03:52,703 but that didn't stop me. 112 00:03:52,737 --> 00:03:54,038 I want to show you something. 113 00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:02,214 Oliver, this is Brad. 114 00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:05,549 I am so uncomfortable. 115 00:04:07,618 --> 00:04:08,887 You're uncomfortable? 116 00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:11,189 I've been in a suitcase for 20 years. 117 00:04:11,221 --> 00:04:12,389 Oh, my neck! 118 00:04:12,423 --> 00:04:14,726 Wow. Your lips didn't move. 119 00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,094 That's amazing. 120 00:04:16,127 --> 00:04:17,162 I should be surprised, 121 00:04:17,195 --> 00:04:18,997 but this is so on-brand for you, Dad. 122 00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:20,697 Brad and I used to be inseparable. 123 00:04:20,731 --> 00:04:22,867 Yeah, until you stole my girl. 124 00:04:22,899 --> 00:04:24,568 Brad, you know that's not fair. 125 00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,003 Helen pursued me. 126 00:04:26,036 --> 00:04:27,871 Yeah, but you didn't shut it down when... 127 00:04:27,904 --> 00:04:30,441 Please stop, or I call 911. 128 00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:32,409 The point is, I didn't hide my hobby 129 00:04:32,442 --> 00:04:33,745 just because it wasn't cool. 130 00:04:33,777 --> 00:04:35,518 And that's what you should do. 131 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,749 - Ballet's part of what makes you special. - I don't know... 132 00:04:37,781 --> 00:04:39,824 I thought about dancing ballet myself, 133 00:04:39,849 --> 00:04:40,995 but then I remembered... 134 00:04:42,553 --> 00:04:44,755 ...boneless legs. 135 00:04:44,788 --> 00:04:46,024 Now I know. 136 00:04:46,057 --> 00:04:47,926 Thanks for clearing everything up for me. 137 00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:49,259 I'm never telling her. 138 00:04:49,293 --> 00:04:51,696 Okay! I'm back! 139 00:04:51,728 --> 00:04:54,065 I had to drive around the block seven times 140 00:04:54,098 --> 00:04:56,034 because I didn't want to see that black-hearted devil 141 00:04:56,067 --> 00:04:57,202 Chloe Brown Mue... 142 00:04:57,235 --> 00:04:59,070 Hi, Penny! You're still here. 143 00:04:59,103 --> 00:05:00,472 Yeah, my mom must be running late. 144 00:05:00,505 --> 00:05:02,240 Huh. 145 00:05:02,272 --> 00:05:03,941 You know, I just remembered, 146 00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:06,177 I have a few more errands to run. 147 00:05:08,678 --> 00:05:11,949 Penny! Get your coat before I get poor all over me! 148 00:05:11,983 --> 00:05:13,817 No! She's here! 149 00:05:20,957 --> 00:05:22,426 Sorry about my mom. 150 00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:23,961 It's okay. I've got one, too. 151 00:05:25,329 --> 00:05:27,298 Penny, let's get out of here before I have to see... 152 00:05:27,331 --> 00:05:29,400 Oh, too late. 153 00:05:29,433 --> 00:05:30,735 There she is. 154 00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:32,770 I can tell by the Costco jeans. 155 00:05:34,137 --> 00:05:35,139 I'll have you know, 156 00:05:35,173 --> 00:05:37,242 I got these in a twelve-pack. 157 00:05:37,274 --> 00:05:38,775 Hm. 158 00:05:38,808 --> 00:05:40,577 Penny, what are you wearing?! 159 00:05:40,610 --> 00:05:43,680 They're just smocks from the donate box. 160 00:05:43,714 --> 00:05:46,684 This entire house is one big donate box. 161 00:05:46,716 --> 00:05:48,685 I'm not bringing Penny around here anymore. 162 00:05:48,719 --> 00:05:51,656 Fine. I won't be bringing Anna-Kat over to your house. 163 00:05:51,688 --> 00:05:53,524 It's a huge sacrifice 164 00:05:53,558 --> 00:05:55,759 because I always send her with an extra bag 165 00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:56,860 to steal your FIJI waters. 166 00:05:56,894 --> 00:05:58,763 Fine. Then we agree. 167 00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:00,865 - No more playdates. - They can be school-friends 168 00:06:00,897 --> 00:06:02,666 but the home-friend thing is over. 169 00:06:02,699 --> 00:06:05,435 I look forward to never seeing your face again. 170 00:06:05,469 --> 00:06:08,606 Not as much as I look forward to never seeing you again. 171 00:06:16,346 --> 00:06:17,514 Anna-Kat? 172 00:06:19,416 --> 00:06:21,185 Why did you lock the door? 173 00:06:21,219 --> 00:06:23,120 We're not giving up our playdates. 174 00:06:23,154 --> 00:06:24,988 You two stay down here until you're friends 175 00:06:25,022 --> 00:06:26,723 so we can play whenever we want. 176 00:06:26,757 --> 00:06:28,358 We'll be back in an hour. 177 00:06:28,392 --> 00:06:30,394 Anna-Kat! Anna-Kat! 178 00:06:30,428 --> 00:06:32,497 Greg! Taylor! 179 00:06:33,731 --> 00:06:35,699 If we can't come out 'til we're friends... 180 00:06:37,401 --> 00:06:39,094 ...we're gonna die in here. 181 00:06:44,942 --> 00:06:46,477 Anna-Kat! Penny! 182 00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:48,146 Let us out! 183 00:06:49,546 --> 00:06:51,548 You're not gonna get a signal. 184 00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:52,983 Kids! 185 00:06:53,017 --> 00:06:54,719 Katie's sad husband! 186 00:06:54,752 --> 00:06:56,187 Help! 187 00:06:56,219 --> 00:06:58,388 It's no use. We're locked in. 188 00:06:58,421 --> 00:07:00,857 God, I feel like a kid at the zoo 189 00:07:00,891 --> 00:07:02,894 who fell into a gorilla enclosure. 190 00:07:02,926 --> 00:07:03,894 Except at least they have sunlight 191 00:07:03,928 --> 00:07:05,730 and the gorilla can't talk. 192 00:07:05,762 --> 00:07:08,065 God, I have an appointment that I cannot miss! 193 00:07:08,098 --> 00:07:10,101 Need to go to the hospital for more baby blood 194 00:07:10,134 --> 00:07:12,070 because you drink the blood of babies? 195 00:07:12,103 --> 00:07:13,738 - I have things to do, too. - Right. 196 00:07:13,771 --> 00:07:15,607 I'm sure you have nothing on your schedule 197 00:07:15,639 --> 00:07:17,709 but "wear wrinkled clothes all day." 198 00:07:17,742 --> 00:07:19,211 And look! You're all set. 199 00:07:27,884 --> 00:07:30,187 - Dad? - Anna-Kat! 200 00:07:30,221 --> 00:07:32,290 Why are you putting things Mom told you to throw away 201 00:07:32,322 --> 00:07:34,258 - in the attic? - That's a good question. 202 00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:35,759 Have you seen your Mom? 203 00:07:35,793 --> 00:07:37,961 Is she close by or headed this way? 204 00:07:37,995 --> 00:07:41,132 Don't be mad, but I locked Mom and Penny's mom 205 00:07:41,164 --> 00:07:43,400 in the basement until they become friends. 206 00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:45,269 That is very... 207 00:07:45,303 --> 00:07:47,605 good for me. 208 00:07:50,141 --> 00:07:52,243 What do you think is on that doorknob? 209 00:07:52,276 --> 00:07:53,411 Your house smells like 210 00:07:53,444 --> 00:07:55,747 a wet dog opened a fried chicken franchise! 211 00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:57,714 I'm not touching anything. 212 00:07:57,747 --> 00:07:59,416 Hello? 213 00:07:59,449 --> 00:08:01,219 Greg?! Let us out! 214 00:08:01,252 --> 00:08:02,453 It's us. 215 00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:04,255 It's been an hour. Are you two friends yet? 216 00:08:06,524 --> 00:08:08,159 You know... 217 00:08:08,192 --> 00:08:10,428 we are friends now. 218 00:08:10,461 --> 00:08:12,230 You are? For real? 219 00:08:12,262 --> 00:08:14,565 - Mm-hmm. - Yes! We are. 220 00:08:14,598 --> 00:08:16,267 W... The best of friends. 221 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:17,669 We're hugging! 222 00:08:17,702 --> 00:08:19,937 Mm, so squishy! 223 00:08:19,969 --> 00:08:21,972 You can let us out now! 224 00:08:22,005 --> 00:08:24,341 Okay, if you're friends, 225 00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:27,045 Mom, what's Chloe's favorite animal? 226 00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:30,482 Uh... 227 00:08:32,849 --> 00:08:34,151 A horse. 228 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,090 A very pretentious horse! 229 00:08:40,123 --> 00:08:41,792 That's right. 230 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,860 Okay, Mom, what is Katie's favorite color? 231 00:08:43,893 --> 00:08:45,296 Uh... 232 00:08:45,329 --> 00:08:46,763 Purple. 233 00:08:46,796 --> 00:08:48,332 I-I'm gonna say... 234 00:08:48,366 --> 00:08:49,767 stained plaid? 235 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,202 You couldn't lie for one second?! 236 00:08:51,234 --> 00:08:53,637 Well, you couldn't dress not-terribly for one day?! 237 00:08:53,671 --> 00:08:55,272 Not friends. 238 00:08:55,305 --> 00:08:56,773 See you in another hour. 239 00:08:58,242 --> 00:09:00,844 Penny, I did not have a scheduled C-section 240 00:09:00,877 --> 00:09:03,180 and pay thousands of dollars to a Jamaican night nurse 241 00:09:03,214 --> 00:09:05,148 to have you grow up and treat me this way! 242 00:09:06,650 --> 00:09:08,720 Aah! I touched it! 243 00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,890 Ooh, what's this stuff? 244 00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:15,693 I don't know. It's not mine. 245 00:09:15,725 --> 00:09:18,061 It says "Oliver's stuff." 246 00:09:18,094 --> 00:09:19,464 Oh, yeah. 247 00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:20,698 A "Harry Potter" wand. 248 00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:22,899 - Is this yours? - No. 249 00:09:22,932 --> 00:09:25,335 It... says "Oliver's wand." 250 00:09:25,368 --> 00:09:26,503 My "Harry Potter" phase 251 00:09:26,536 --> 00:09:28,859 overlapped with my label-making phase. 252 00:09:28,930 --> 00:09:32,218 - I used to be kind of a nerd. - That's so cute. 253 00:09:32,243 --> 00:09:33,377 You don't think it's stupid? 254 00:09:33,411 --> 00:09:35,012 No, if it's something you liked, 255 00:09:35,045 --> 00:09:36,014 why would I think it's stupid? 256 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,350 Wait right here. I want to show you something. 257 00:09:41,719 --> 00:09:44,021 "The label maker that shall not be named." 258 00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:46,190 Stop looking in there! 259 00:09:50,728 --> 00:09:53,598 Just finishing up, Mom! I'll be done in a minute! 260 00:09:53,631 --> 00:09:55,031 Don't worry, it's just us. 261 00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:56,066 We want to play with you. 262 00:09:56,099 --> 00:09:57,868 I can't. I gotta finish 263 00:09:57,901 --> 00:09:59,871 my history presentation on the 1980s. 264 00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,371 If she finds out I didn't do it, 265 00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:02,774 I'm gonna get the Mom Speech. 266 00:10:02,806 --> 00:10:05,442 Oh, yeah. Those Mom speeches are the worst. 267 00:10:05,475 --> 00:10:06,943 "You're so unfocused. 268 00:10:06,977 --> 00:10:08,780 You never live up to your potential." 269 00:10:08,813 --> 00:10:11,949 "Stop giving your ponies Viking funerals in the bathtub. 270 00:10:11,982 --> 00:10:13,618 You're gonna burn the whole house down." 271 00:10:13,651 --> 00:10:15,051 Good one. 272 00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:16,921 I'm sure she's on her way to check on me right now. 273 00:10:16,954 --> 00:10:18,455 Well, what if I were to tell you 274 00:10:18,488 --> 00:10:20,590 that Mom is unavoidably detained? 275 00:10:20,623 --> 00:10:23,127 Then I would ask you what those last two words mean. 276 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:24,796 We locked both our moms in the basement 277 00:10:24,829 --> 00:10:26,464 until they become friends. 278 00:10:26,497 --> 00:10:27,765 How about this... 279 00:10:27,797 --> 00:10:29,767 we'll help you do your presentation, 280 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,068 you'll play with us after, 281 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,869 and you won't get a Mom Speech. 282 00:10:32,902 --> 00:10:35,440 - Everybody wins. - Cool! 283 00:10:35,473 --> 00:10:37,608 Wait, won't my teacher be able to tell 284 00:10:37,641 --> 00:10:39,977 the project was done by a couple of fourth graders? 285 00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,507 Mm, my gut says she won't know the difference. 286 00:10:45,281 --> 00:10:46,651 Well, hey. 287 00:10:46,684 --> 00:10:48,286 You want to help Brad and I put boxes in the attic? 288 00:10:48,319 --> 00:10:50,921 I'm doing all the heavy lifting. 289 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,223 I'm getting worried about you. 290 00:10:52,256 --> 00:10:53,491 I'm just having fun. 291 00:10:55,658 --> 00:10:57,728 - Where's my ballet stuff? - Why do you ask? 292 00:10:57,761 --> 00:10:59,730 I'm not talking to him. 293 00:10:59,762 --> 00:11:01,298 You know, you might be right, Dad. 294 00:11:01,331 --> 00:11:03,133 I think Brie's cool with whatever I'm into, 295 00:11:03,166 --> 00:11:04,734 so I thought I'd show her my ballet gear. 296 00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,336 You're really good. I'm sure she'll be impressed. 297 00:11:06,369 --> 00:11:08,104 Yeah, just like how Mom must've been impressed 298 00:11:08,137 --> 00:11:10,975 - with you being a ventriloquist. - Right. 299 00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:13,009 - She wasn't impressed? - Um... 300 00:11:13,042 --> 00:11:14,611 You never told her. 301 00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:15,985 Of course not! You know your mom. 302 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,415 She'd think it was stupid! 303 00:11:17,448 --> 00:11:19,150 That's what I said, and you said I was being silly! 304 00:11:19,182 --> 00:11:21,251 Hypocrite! You're telling me to be honest, 305 00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:23,286 and you never told Mom about this little weirdo? 306 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,857 I'm never telling Brie. 307 00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:34,832 Ugh, what are you doing? 308 00:11:34,864 --> 00:11:36,633 It's called ice cream. 309 00:11:36,666 --> 00:11:38,502 You combine cream and sugar 310 00:11:38,536 --> 00:11:40,204 and make it cold. 311 00:11:40,237 --> 00:11:43,040 It brings you happiness... 312 00:11:43,073 --> 00:11:44,775 which is an emotion where you feel good. 313 00:11:44,807 --> 00:11:46,810 I know what ice cream is. I love ice cream. 314 00:11:46,844 --> 00:11:48,045 I used to eat it 15 years ago 315 00:11:48,078 --> 00:11:50,180 before I went on a strict carrot soup diet. 316 00:11:50,214 --> 00:11:51,835 Hold on. 317 00:11:52,382 --> 00:11:53,984 You only eat carrot soup? 318 00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,118 Once a year on my birthday, 319 00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:57,924 I treat myself to a frozen grape. 320 00:11:57,949 --> 00:12:00,690 If I'm gonna cheat, though, it's gonna be with alcohol. 321 00:12:00,723 --> 00:12:02,653 Well, here. 322 00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:05,161 I also found this in the freezer. 323 00:12:05,195 --> 00:12:07,198 - Mmm, Mama likes. - Yeah. 324 00:12:08,331 --> 00:12:09,966 Huh. It's still vodka. 325 00:12:09,999 --> 00:12:11,668 Hasn't been replaced with water. 326 00:12:11,701 --> 00:12:13,236 Guess Taylor hasn't started drinking yet. 327 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:14,805 Nerd. 328 00:12:20,176 --> 00:12:22,412 And now I'm gonna miss my appointment. 329 00:12:22,445 --> 00:12:24,648 Can't you just reschedule the stupid thing? 330 00:12:24,681 --> 00:12:27,551 No. It took me weeks to get it. 331 00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:30,421 It's a... medical procedure. 332 00:12:30,454 --> 00:12:32,522 - Oh. - Yeah. 333 00:12:32,555 --> 00:12:35,026 And if I don't get there today, 334 00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:36,986 I don't know what's gonna happen to me. 335 00:12:38,262 --> 00:12:40,196 I didn't realize it was so serious. 336 00:12:40,229 --> 00:12:41,331 Well, it is. 337 00:12:45,201 --> 00:12:47,103 Don't do it. Don't let her in. 338 00:12:47,137 --> 00:12:48,672 Think about something else. 339 00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:51,041 Think about baseball. 340 00:12:52,142 --> 00:12:53,444 Okay. 341 00:12:53,477 --> 00:12:55,713 - Let's get you out of here. - What? 342 00:12:55,746 --> 00:12:57,747 Damn it. Doesn't work for Greg, either. 343 00:13:08,808 --> 00:13:11,429 Everything in this house is crap except this door. 344 00:13:17,468 --> 00:13:18,636 Hammer. 345 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,589 Katie, I'm stuck! 346 00:13:39,622 --> 00:13:40,757 I know! 347 00:13:40,791 --> 00:13:42,093 Get me out of here! 348 00:13:43,292 --> 00:13:44,728 Oh, hey, dog. 349 00:13:44,762 --> 00:13:46,464 Come over here. 350 00:13:46,497 --> 00:13:48,498 Listen, go for help. 351 00:13:48,531 --> 00:13:50,468 Go for help! 352 00:13:50,501 --> 00:13:52,803 Oh, God, you're as stupid as your whole family. 353 00:14:01,210 --> 00:14:02,512 I got you out! 354 00:14:02,546 --> 00:14:03,814 No, you didn't! 355 00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:05,249 We're still in here! 356 00:14:05,281 --> 00:14:06,517 I'm sorry, Chloe. 357 00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:09,620 You know, we are gonna get you another appointment. 358 00:14:09,652 --> 00:14:11,022 He's a specialist. 359 00:14:11,055 --> 00:14:13,190 Do you know how hard it is to see him? 360 00:14:13,223 --> 00:14:15,760 - It's too late. - Don't give up. 361 00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:17,661 Don't ever give up. 362 00:14:17,695 --> 00:14:19,763 You are gonna beat this. 363 00:14:19,796 --> 00:14:21,264 What am I supposed to do? 364 00:14:21,297 --> 00:14:23,400 I need to see Dr. Henry today! 365 00:14:24,535 --> 00:14:25,870 Wait. 366 00:14:25,902 --> 00:14:27,805 Dr. Henry? 367 00:14:27,838 --> 00:14:30,174 - The Westport Botox guy? - Yeah. 368 00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:32,676 That is your important medical procedure? 369 00:14:32,709 --> 00:14:34,978 - Botox?! - Yeah! 370 00:14:35,012 --> 00:14:37,515 You made me feel sorry for you. 371 00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:39,015 For you! 372 00:14:39,049 --> 00:14:41,151 I touched your shoulder. 373 00:14:41,185 --> 00:14:44,287 I thought you had a legitimate medical condition, Chloe. 374 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,157 I do! Age is a condition! 375 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,492 It kills people. 376 00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:50,461 You are the epitome 377 00:14:50,493 --> 00:14:52,696 of what is wrong with women in this town. 378 00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:55,699 You spend all your time and money on shallow garbage. 379 00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:57,068 I don't have to sit here and take this. 380 00:15:09,798 --> 00:15:12,183 This isn't an ordinary appointment for Botox, 381 00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:13,923 - just so you know. - Why? 382 00:15:13,948 --> 00:15:15,986 Because it has to be performed by an exorcist? 383 00:15:16,018 --> 00:15:16,887 No. 384 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,923 - Stan's getting married. - Who? 385 00:15:18,955 --> 00:15:21,157 Stan. My ex-husband. 386 00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:23,060 To a 30-year-old. 387 00:15:23,093 --> 00:15:24,594 And I have to go to the wedding. 388 00:15:24,627 --> 00:15:26,363 Why on Earth would you go? 389 00:15:26,396 --> 00:15:28,232 For Penny's sake. 390 00:15:28,265 --> 00:15:30,768 And to prove that I'm the totally cool ex-wife 391 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:31,901 who's fine with it. 392 00:15:31,935 --> 00:15:33,369 And who looks fantastic. 393 00:15:33,402 --> 00:15:35,906 - Chloe... - So I've been starving myself. 394 00:15:35,939 --> 00:15:38,409 I haven't had a sweet for years. 395 00:15:38,441 --> 00:15:39,743 And what good has it done me? 396 00:15:39,776 --> 00:15:42,345 I can't even squeeze through a basement window! 397 00:15:42,378 --> 00:15:44,882 I mean, how can I compete with a 30-year-old?! 398 00:15:44,915 --> 00:15:47,364 This is just all so humiliating! 399 00:15:48,417 --> 00:15:50,172 I have felt bad for you twice in one day. 400 00:15:50,197 --> 00:15:53,631 It is exhausting. Come on. 401 00:15:55,224 --> 00:15:56,926 Is this a typical snack they serve in Ravenclaw? 402 00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:58,929 First of all, how dare you. 403 00:15:58,962 --> 00:16:00,464 I was House Gryffindor. 404 00:16:00,497 --> 00:16:01,732 And second, this... 405 00:16:01,765 --> 00:16:03,234 Oliver, can you come into my office 406 00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:04,568 for a second? 407 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,570 - I'm good! - Okay! 408 00:16:06,603 --> 00:16:09,372 We'll just come out there to you! 409 00:16:09,406 --> 00:16:11,513 No, I'm on my way! I'm on my way! 410 00:16:13,243 --> 00:16:14,310 What do you want? 411 00:16:14,344 --> 00:16:15,746 I thought about it, and you're right. 412 00:16:15,778 --> 00:16:17,280 I am a hypocrite. 413 00:16:17,314 --> 00:16:18,983 I was telling you to do something I couldn't do myself. 414 00:16:19,016 --> 00:16:20,918 So you know what? I'm gonna do it. 415 00:16:20,950 --> 00:16:23,007 I'm gonna tell your mom about me and Brad 416 00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:24,053 to prove to you it's the right thing to do. 417 00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:25,890 Stop! I can't let Brie know 418 00:16:25,922 --> 00:16:28,458 my dad's best friend is a ventriloquist dummy. 419 00:16:28,492 --> 00:16:29,935 Also, don't mention you're a teacher. 420 00:16:37,499 --> 00:16:40,804 We are not going to call it quits yet. 421 00:16:40,838 --> 00:16:43,240 We are not gonna let that window 422 00:16:43,272 --> 00:16:44,774 or that door 423 00:16:44,807 --> 00:16:46,743 or this doorknob stop us. 424 00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:47,978 Your ex-husband dumping you 425 00:16:48,011 --> 00:16:50,447 to marry a younger woman is terrible... 426 00:16:50,479 --> 00:16:52,115 even more terrible than you are. 427 00:16:52,148 --> 00:16:53,983 That's why I'm going to help you get out of here 428 00:16:54,017 --> 00:16:55,419 so you can get a faceful of poison 429 00:16:55,451 --> 00:16:58,755 and show Stan that you may not be a 30-year-old, 430 00:16:58,789 --> 00:17:01,659 but by God, you're gonna have the forehead of a 30-year-old. 431 00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:04,093 Yes! 432 00:17:04,127 --> 00:17:05,361 You and me, 433 00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:07,932 we are going to run at that door at the same time. 434 00:17:07,964 --> 00:17:11,135 We are gonna "Thelma & Louise" that door down. 435 00:17:12,802 --> 00:17:16,640 One... two... thr... 436 00:17:18,742 --> 00:17:20,711 Hooray! 437 00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:22,847 We did it! 438 00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:29,853 Katie, I have someone to introduce you to. 439 00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:31,822 Nice to finally meet you, Katie. 440 00:17:33,557 --> 00:17:35,659 What are you doing? 441 00:17:35,692 --> 00:17:36,827 Why aren't you moving your mouth? 442 00:17:36,859 --> 00:17:38,494 My name is Greg Otto, 443 00:17:38,528 --> 00:17:40,998 and I am a ventriloquist. 444 00:17:41,031 --> 00:17:42,867 Good thing you didn't show me that when we were dating... 445 00:17:42,899 --> 00:17:44,868 ...because I would have never married you. 446 00:17:44,902 --> 00:17:47,071 But I'm stuck now 447 00:17:47,104 --> 00:17:49,006 because we have kids. 448 00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:50,240 Gotta go. 449 00:17:52,943 --> 00:17:53,845 Sad. 450 00:17:56,579 --> 00:17:58,214 That was rough. 451 00:17:58,248 --> 00:18:00,050 Yeah... 452 00:18:00,082 --> 00:18:02,252 Oliver, 453 00:18:02,285 --> 00:18:04,487 I'd hold off telling Brie about your ballet. 454 00:18:04,521 --> 00:18:06,522 At the very least, wait until you're married 455 00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:07,925 and have three kids before you even think 456 00:18:07,957 --> 00:18:10,194 - about revisiting this. - So, hide who I am? 457 00:18:10,226 --> 00:18:11,861 With everything you've got. 458 00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,263 Thanks for the lesson, Dad. 459 00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:22,239 I'll call you an Uber and watch Penny. 460 00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:25,442 Wait. 461 00:18:25,474 --> 00:18:27,011 No Uber. Come on! 462 00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:28,078 W-What do you mean? 463 00:18:28,110 --> 00:18:30,246 I-I can still make my appointment! 464 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:38,522 Forget the appointment. 465 00:18:38,554 --> 00:18:40,056 You need to make yourself happy. 466 00:18:40,089 --> 00:18:41,858 So instead of Botox, 467 00:18:41,891 --> 00:18:44,093 have what you really need to feel good. 468 00:18:44,127 --> 00:18:45,162 An ice cream cone. 469 00:18:46,396 --> 00:18:47,731 I'm feeling tempted. 470 00:18:47,763 --> 00:18:49,399 I gotta call my sponsor. 471 00:18:50,934 --> 00:18:53,070 Maria, I'm feeling kind of snacky. 472 00:18:54,349 --> 00:18:56,685 - No. - Stop wasting your happiness 473 00:18:56,724 --> 00:18:59,097 caring what other people think. 474 00:19:04,147 --> 00:19:05,983 Mm-hmm. 475 00:19:06,015 --> 00:19:07,450 Mmm. 476 00:19:07,483 --> 00:19:09,720 Thank you so much, Katie. 477 00:19:09,752 --> 00:19:12,289 Um, this flavor is really interesting. 478 00:19:12,321 --> 00:19:14,324 It tastes like... 479 00:19:14,358 --> 00:19:15,492 not carrot. 480 00:19:15,524 --> 00:19:18,329 Oh. Mmm. 481 00:19:18,361 --> 00:19:21,431 It's the best thing in the world. 482 00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:24,035 And I'm done. 483 00:19:25,635 --> 00:19:27,338 If you weren't here, I'd totally five-second-rule that. 484 00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:28,604 No. 485 00:19:28,637 --> 00:19:30,374 Anna-Kat! Penny! 486 00:19:33,976 --> 00:19:36,346 - Ice cream! - Ice cream! 487 00:19:38,281 --> 00:19:39,817 That's for locking us in the basement. 488 00:19:39,849 --> 00:19:40,917 You're grounded for a week. 489 00:19:40,951 --> 00:19:42,853 And so are you. But after that, 490 00:19:42,886 --> 00:19:45,455 you can be school-friends and home-friends 491 00:19:45,489 --> 00:19:46,690 whenever you want. 492 00:19:46,723 --> 00:19:47,858 So are you two friends now? 493 00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:49,659 - Ugh, no way! - Oh, hell no! Ugh. 494 00:19:49,693 --> 00:19:51,229 Maybe at-home friends? 495 00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:55,131 Truce until these things go to college. 496 00:19:55,165 --> 00:19:56,633 Sure. 497 00:19:59,468 --> 00:20:01,371 But then afterwards, I'm gonna run you over with my car. 498 00:20:01,405 --> 00:20:02,638 You're gonna have a tough time doing that 499 00:20:02,672 --> 00:20:04,274 because I'm going to kill you in your sleep. 500 00:20:04,307 --> 00:20:05,209 All right. 501 00:20:11,147 --> 00:20:12,515 You guys did a good job. 502 00:20:12,549 --> 00:20:15,386 Taylor, I found your assignment sheet under your bed. 503 00:20:15,418 --> 00:20:16,520 So? 504 00:20:16,552 --> 00:20:18,856 This isn't a project on the 1980s. 505 00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:21,190 It's a project on "1984." 506 00:20:21,223 --> 00:20:23,694 Fine, I'll just delete the stuff from 1985 or whatever. 507 00:20:23,726 --> 00:20:26,062 Not the year 1984, the book! 508 00:20:26,096 --> 00:20:28,062 George Orwell's "1984." 509 00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:31,835 And it's not for History... it's for English. 510 00:20:31,868 --> 00:20:33,837 What am I gonna do? I have to hand this in tomorrow! 511 00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:35,039 It's not due tomorrow. 512 00:20:35,071 --> 00:20:36,372 It's due next month. 513 00:20:36,406 --> 00:20:39,067 Well, at least my lack of detail got me an extra month. 514 00:20:40,676 --> 00:20:41,978 I don't believe this. 515 00:20:42,012 --> 00:20:45,381 I helped you do this entire project for nothing. 516 00:20:45,415 --> 00:20:47,684 Maybe Mom's right to give you these speeches. 517 00:20:47,716 --> 00:20:49,585 And since she's not here right now, 518 00:20:49,618 --> 00:20:50,820 I'm gonna give you one. 519 00:20:50,854 --> 00:20:52,089 I'm not gonna stand here and... 520 00:20:52,121 --> 00:20:53,656 Sit down! 521 00:20:53,689 --> 00:20:55,925 This is a wake-up call. 522 00:20:55,958 --> 00:20:57,693 You've got to get organized, Taylor, 523 00:20:57,726 --> 00:20:59,228 and not just about this... 524 00:20:59,262 --> 00:21:02,166 about every detail in your life. 525 00:21:02,198 --> 00:21:04,200 You've got so much potential. 526 00:21:04,233 --> 00:21:08,204 And if you just apply it, you could surprise everyone. 527 00:21:08,237 --> 00:21:10,406 Most of all yourself. 528 00:21:10,439 --> 00:21:12,675 I'm sorry. I'll try harder. 529 00:21:12,708 --> 00:21:14,043 I want to make you proud. 530 00:21:14,077 --> 00:21:15,579 That's my girl. 531 00:21:16,157 --> 00:21:21,157 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 37390

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