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Previously on "American Princess"...
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And you can shred your Black Card.
3
00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:05,226
- Mom's cutting you off.
- You know what?
4
00:00:05,251 --> 00:00:07,281
You can tell Mom to keep
her emotional blood money.
5
00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:09,814
- I'm getting a job here.
- You're what?
6
00:00:09,839 --> 00:00:10,840
You're hired.
7
00:00:10,865 --> 00:00:12,407
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
8
00:00:12,656 --> 00:00:14,578
Huzzah for the tipper!
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00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:17,716
Look, I'm beyond sorry
that what I did upset you.
10
00:00:18,064 --> 00:00:19,345
Are you on our honeymoon?
11
00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:21,443
Oh, my God. Amanda.
You guys, it's Amanda.
12
00:00:21,468 --> 00:00:22,939
Oh. Hi!
13
00:00:23,406 --> 00:00:24,611
I just spoke to Brett.
14
00:00:24,636 --> 00:00:27,422
- How's rehab?
- MORGAN: Lexi, she's not in rehab.
15
00:00:27,447 --> 00:00:30,052
- That's just what we're saying.
- I know this is a weird time,
16
00:00:30,077 --> 00:00:32,866
but are you reimbursing us
for the bridesmaid dresses?
17
00:00:32,891 --> 00:00:34,342
What? No.
18
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,059
[SOBBING]
19
00:00:37,084 --> 00:00:39,716
How can you have known me for one day
20
00:00:39,741 --> 00:00:41,309
and be nicer to me than the people
21
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:43,473
who were supposed to be in my wedding?
22
00:00:43,498 --> 00:00:46,053
The man who broke your heart
was back to rub your nose in it,
23
00:00:46,395 --> 00:00:47,395
publicly?
24
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:50,342
He's such a dick. Always was.
25
00:00:52,413 --> 00:00:54,589
[WATER RUNNING]
26
00:01:06,372 --> 00:01:11,372
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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- [DELILAH MOANING]
- [VIBRATOR BUZZING]
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00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,905
[LAUGHING]
29
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[BANGING]
30
00:01:20,684 --> 00:01:23,121
[MOANING CONTINUES]
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- [SIGHS]
- [BUZZING STOPS]
32
00:01:28,859 --> 00:01:29,859
Morning.
33
00:01:32,397 --> 00:01:35,978
[YAWNS]
34
00:01:36,003 --> 00:01:39,647
♪♪
35
00:01:40,804 --> 00:01:41,979
Ew.
36
00:01:44,216 --> 00:01:45,522
[SIGHS]
37
00:01:45,547 --> 00:01:49,857
♪♪
38
00:01:49,882 --> 00:01:50,882
Huh?
39
00:01:50,907 --> 00:01:53,605
[WATER RUNNING]
40
00:02:01,041 --> 00:02:02,434
Oh.
41
00:02:03,501 --> 00:02:05,077
[GROANS]
42
00:02:08,202 --> 00:02:11,248
[MAGGIE SOBBING]
43
00:02:11,273 --> 00:02:16,171
♪♪
44
00:02:24,387 --> 00:02:25,387
Hi.
45
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:28,139
Uh, excuse me.
46
00:02:28,756 --> 00:02:31,194
Do you think I could
maybe borrow some shampoo?
47
00:02:33,629 --> 00:02:35,283
[WATER STOPS]
48
00:02:35,308 --> 00:02:39,660
♪♪
49
00:02:39,685 --> 00:02:42,688
Ooh! [GASPS] Excuse me.
50
00:02:43,650 --> 00:02:45,305
Hey. Are you okay?
51
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:46,941
- It sounded like you were...
- Upset?
52
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,438
Yes. I saw a spider,
53
00:02:51,086 --> 00:02:54,086
but it was washed down the
drain before I could rescue it.
54
00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:55,999
Nature is a bitch.
55
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:57,783
Well, maybe when the sun comes up,
56
00:02:57,808 --> 00:02:59,655
it'll climb up the spout again.
57
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,328
You're not supposed to be in here.
58
00:03:02,070 --> 00:03:04,928
I thought this was a communal shower,
like at Camp Mischpocheh.
59
00:03:04,953 --> 00:03:06,514
This is my private shower time.
60
00:03:06,539 --> 00:03:08,202
You can reserve private shower time?
61
00:03:08,227 --> 00:03:10,524
- Where's the sign-up sheet?
- There is no sign-up sheet.
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00:03:10,549 --> 00:03:14,170
There is seniority and time
spent and a position earned.
63
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:15,696
- But I-I guessed...
- Out.
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00:03:15,721 --> 00:03:18,828
♪♪
65
00:03:19,524 --> 00:03:21,328
So, she's the queen
of the bathroom, too?
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00:03:21,353 --> 00:03:22,633
She's the queen of everything.
67
00:03:22,658 --> 00:03:24,789
Well, she sure ain't
the queen of waxing salon.
68
00:03:24,814 --> 00:03:27,281
I just can't shake the
visual of her hair-ea.
69
00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:28,789
I'm not saying everyone
should get a Brazil,
70
00:03:28,814 --> 00:03:30,430
but they should at least
get out of Romania.
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00:03:30,455 --> 00:03:32,844
I once let my armpit hair grow
out to see if I could braid it.
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00:03:32,869 --> 00:03:33,875
[CHUCKLES] Could you?
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00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:35,531
I couldn't. It kept curling up.
74
00:03:36,475 --> 00:03:38,086
- So, Maggie was mad?
- She wasn't happy.
75
00:03:38,111 --> 00:03:39,914
- Oh. That's not good.
- Why not?
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00:03:39,939 --> 00:03:43,134
Because. Maggie's approval
means everything.
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00:03:43,159 --> 00:03:46,134
It means better shower time.
It means more beer tickets.
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00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,462
Oh, and if she really likes you,
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00:03:48,487 --> 00:03:51,204
she'll let you take a nap on
the sheepskin rug in her tent.
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00:03:51,823 --> 00:03:53,751
[SNIFFS, GASPS]
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00:03:54,482 --> 00:03:57,485
Honeysuckle.
Oats and grapefruit gobblers.
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00:03:57,510 --> 00:04:00,181
Oh, Fairemily breakfast.
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00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:01,206
Oh!
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00:04:02,569 --> 00:04:04,266
Sorry. So sorry.
85
00:04:04,317 --> 00:04:05,423
Stick.
86
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,494
♪♪
87
00:04:08,519 --> 00:04:10,695
[EXHALES DEEPLY]
88
00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,376
Oh, hey, Sugar Shack.
89
00:04:14,605 --> 00:04:17,205
- Hey.
- Omelets. Awesome.
90
00:04:17,230 --> 00:04:18,298
Are there onions?
91
00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,431
And I'll have whatever
cheese you've got, but light.
92
00:04:20,456 --> 00:04:22,806
Too much dairy is... Well, you get it.
93
00:04:22,831 --> 00:04:24,212
Yep. I got it.
94
00:04:24,237 --> 00:04:26,447
Oh, leave that flame so I get it.
95
00:04:27,836 --> 00:04:30,908
We cook for ourselves with the
food we buy ourselves, princess.
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00:04:31,307 --> 00:04:33,072
That's "pub wench" to you.
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00:04:33,498 --> 00:04:35,103
What, you only know
how to make reservations?
98
00:04:35,128 --> 00:04:38,361
- Rude and vaguely anti-Semitic.
- How about this?
99
00:04:38,386 --> 00:04:41,337
I will make a double-sized
cheddar-and-ham for myself,
100
00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:43,009
and I'll give you half on credit.
101
00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:45,337
Thank you. No ham in mine, though,
102
00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:48,384
unless you can assure me that
the meat is sustainably farm...
103
00:04:49,078 --> 00:04:50,572
- Ham is fine.
- Mm-hmm.
104
00:04:50,597 --> 00:04:53,653
And I'm guessing that there
aren't any egg whites?
105
00:04:53,678 --> 00:04:56,486
Got it, no. Cool. It's co... It's cool.
106
00:04:57,671 --> 00:05:02,361
Oh! Look at you all dressed in clothes.
107
00:05:02,599 --> 00:05:04,689
Amanda said you were
crying this morning.
108
00:05:04,714 --> 00:05:07,804
[SIGHS] When I get sad,
I think about fish.
109
00:05:08,289 --> 00:05:10,626
Don't focus on the plastic they eat.
110
00:05:11,116 --> 00:05:14,175
Think about their adorable faces.
111
00:05:16,885 --> 00:05:19,058
- Ugh. I'm off to Faire workshop.
- You're going to that, too?
112
00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:21,261
- Great. I was gonna maybe stop by.
- Ugh.
113
00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:25,986
Uh, FYI... Maggie teaches the workshop,
114
00:05:26,178 --> 00:05:28,956
- and it's mandatory for newbs.
- Even for pub wenches?
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00:05:28,981 --> 00:05:30,628
We mainly just pour beer and jiggle.
116
00:05:30,653 --> 00:05:33,558
We like our peripheral
employees to stay consistent
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00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,550
with proper Elizabethan dialect,
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00:05:35,575 --> 00:05:38,425
syntax, behavior as best they can.
119
00:05:38,450 --> 00:05:41,269
- Peripheral?
- Superfluous, extraneous, nonessential.
120
00:05:41,294 --> 00:05:44,722
- I know what peripheral means.
- Well, you should shine, then.
121
00:05:45,422 --> 00:05:46,527
Do you sleep in that?
122
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,565
DAVID: Whoa, all garbed up?
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I thought you were
going to a radio station.
124
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:53,152
- Thanks.
- I am. To be on the radio.
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00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:56,089
I am representing the Faire
as William Shakespeare.
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00:05:56,342 --> 00:05:58,566
It's fun for the disc jockeys.
127
00:05:59,513 --> 00:06:01,917
[CHUCKLES] Well,
I love the school spirit.
128
00:06:02,353 --> 00:06:04,746
You go knock 'em dead, son. I shall.
129
00:06:06,394 --> 00:06:08,487
- You going to Maggie's workshop?
- Can't.
130
00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:10,612
Me and Shart are gonna paper
the town with Ren Faire fliers,
131
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:12,253
you know, drum up the locals?
132
00:06:12,278 --> 00:06:15,870
Radio gigs and fliers... really
leaning into this Dark Ages
133
00:06:15,895 --> 00:06:18,112
- branding in every way.
- You know, the Dark Ages
134
00:06:18,137 --> 00:06:19,791
was actually a few
hundred years before the...
135
00:06:19,816 --> 00:06:21,073
- The Renaissance. I know.
- Mm-hmm.
136
00:06:21,098 --> 00:06:22,447
I was being nonliteral.
137
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:28,159
I'll be on the air in 47 minutes...
138
00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:30,730
in case you want to hear how it's done.
139
00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:33,670
[DOOR CLOSES]
140
00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:36,058
Shakespeare wore a smartwatch?
141
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:38,753
Eh, man was fastidious about
his 10,000 steps a day.
142
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I do.
143
00:06:40,622 --> 00:06:42,058
ALL: I do.
144
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:43,302
Thou dost.
145
00:06:43,327 --> 00:06:44,800
Thou dost.
146
00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:46,058
Huzzah!
147
00:06:46,083 --> 00:06:47,348
Huzzah!
148
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:50,473
Now, I couldn't help but
overhear multiple examples
149
00:06:50,498 --> 00:06:52,500
of dropped Elizabethan
phrasing last weekend.
150
00:06:52,782 --> 00:06:55,981
Whether you are serving
food or fitting corsets,
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00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:59,923
you are part of one cohesive
show here, people... our show.
152
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,879
- For instance...
- Hey, Natasha...
153
00:07:02,904 --> 00:07:05,570
It is not a smartphone,
it is a tiny, portable...
154
00:07:05,595 --> 00:07:06,911
- Did I miss anything?
- No.
155
00:07:06,936 --> 00:07:09,460
Just Elizabeth telling us
we suck at Elizabethan.
156
00:07:09,485 --> 00:07:13,924
Good day, mistress.
How gracious of thee to join us.
157
00:07:13,949 --> 00:07:16,254
Sorry. There was a crazy
line for the privies.
158
00:07:16,319 --> 00:07:18,020
- And who do I...
- As I was saying,
159
00:07:18,045 --> 00:07:19,903
I've noticed some slacking.
160
00:07:20,371 --> 00:07:21,371
Ow.
161
00:07:21,396 --> 00:07:23,247
- You okay?
- Cramps.
162
00:07:23,272 --> 00:07:25,153
Oh, I'm sure someone
around here has ibuprofen.
163
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,762
- Oh, no, babe. I don't do pills.
- She doesn't do pills.
164
00:07:27,787 --> 00:07:29,301
I'm saying, "Natasha doesn't do pills."
165
00:07:29,326 --> 00:07:30,326
That's right.
166
00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:33,708
It is our responsibility
to live, breathe,
167
00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:37,068
- and speak British history.
- Ooh.
168
00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:39,247
I know a ton about British history
169
00:07:39,272 --> 00:07:40,969
and the East London club scene.
170
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:44,271
- Awesome.
- As townsfolk of Shropshire,
171
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:45,927
seeing the Queen Elizabeth in person
172
00:07:45,952 --> 00:07:47,543
would be the greatest
honor you could ever have.
173
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,621
- [COUGHS]
- And you must pay
174
00:07:49,646 --> 00:07:51,847
the appropriate respect.
175
00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:54,551
The only person I bow down
to in real life is Beyoncé.
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00:07:54,576 --> 00:07:55,576
Slay.
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00:07:55,601 --> 00:08:00,394
We show deference by kneeling,
by bowing, by curtsying.
178
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:02,144
- Who's first?
- Ooh!
179
00:08:02,169 --> 00:08:04,475
Cardio Barre has me
curtsying like a boss.
180
00:08:05,879 --> 00:08:09,480
Natasha, maker of
the pockets of pork, come forth.
181
00:08:09,505 --> 00:08:11,254
Defer to your queen.
182
00:08:15,046 --> 00:08:16,046
Ow.
183
00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:17,636
- [APPLAUSE]
- MAGGIE: Most excellent.
184
00:08:20,183 --> 00:08:23,418
Callie, nurturer of horses.
185
00:08:23,829 --> 00:08:26,472
I mostly brush and ride, but okay.
186
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:33,553
- [APPLAUSE]
- Lovely.
187
00:08:34,019 --> 00:08:36,238
Very, very lithe.
188
00:08:37,722 --> 00:08:41,261
Juan Andrés, purveyor of fine flagons.
189
00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:43,549
Hail and well met, Your Majesty.
190
00:08:43,574 --> 00:08:45,004
- What the fo...
- [LAUGHTER]
191
00:08:46,922 --> 00:08:49,925
One punch takes out
the both of you. One.
192
00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:54,317
[SIGHS]
193
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:57,898
Okay, you. Beguile us.
194
00:08:57,923 --> 00:08:59,930
- Actually, I was thinking...
- Oh, f...
195
00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:03,031
You know how the queen would
literally never cross paths
196
00:09:03,056 --> 00:09:04,805
with a pub wench in an open-air bar
197
00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:07,485
where they serve cocktails like
"Gimlet, Prince of Denmark"?
198
00:09:08,011 --> 00:09:10,603
So how fun would it be if, instead,
199
00:09:10,628 --> 00:09:12,056
one of the queen's guards,
200
00:09:12,081 --> 00:09:15,275
or whatever, fell in love
with the pub wench
201
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,728
and he invited her to serve
the queen at her throne?
202
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,615
Fun, right? Oh, and...
203
00:09:23,624 --> 00:09:25,939
Like a palsied seal.
204
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:28,175
- Moving on.
- W-Wait. What about my idea?
205
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,675
Let's stick with the scenarios
we already do, all right?
206
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,441
I pass. You lower yourself.
207
00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:34,136
We give our guests
the immersive experience
208
00:09:34,161 --> 00:09:35,728
of a queen and her queendom.
209
00:09:35,753 --> 00:09:37,581
- But...
- Shh. That's enough.
210
00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,128
Sit.
211
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:43,708
Damn, girl. You sassed Beyoncé.
212
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:46,528
Lord Mason, prostrate thyself.
213
00:09:46,956 --> 00:09:48,919
- Did she say "prostate"?
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
214
00:09:48,944 --> 00:09:50,075
Mason, bow!
215
00:09:50,918 --> 00:09:55,996
♪♪
216
00:09:56,037 --> 00:09:57,822
Bravo.
217
00:09:58,470 --> 00:10:00,700
And that's how we do it.
218
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:08,911
Drew sleep out of mine eyes,
blood from my cheeks,
219
00:10:08,936 --> 00:10:11,067
musings into my mind,
220
00:10:11,599 --> 00:10:14,442
and finding little comfort
to relieve them.
221
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:16,153
- [SNORING]
- Uh-oh. She's out.
222
00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:18,224
[BOTH LAUGH]
223
00:10:18,296 --> 00:10:21,762
I thought it princely
charity to grieve them.
224
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:25,504
[HEAVY METAL VERSION OF
"GREENSLEEVES" PLAYS]
225
00:10:25,529 --> 00:10:27,401
- Ooh!
- Ah!
226
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:28,520
More cowbell!
227
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,329
- [RIM SHOT]
- [LAUGHTER]
228
00:10:30,354 --> 00:10:33,188
Oh, man. Good radio. Well done.
229
00:10:33,213 --> 00:10:35,028
Yeah, that rhymes.
230
00:10:35,053 --> 00:10:39,405
Oh, for all of you who think
you accidentally tuned to NPR,
231
00:10:39,537 --> 00:10:42,231
it's worse than that...
We're talking the Ren Faire.
232
00:10:42,256 --> 00:10:44,824
- Ooh!
- No offense, Mr. Shakespeare, Bill,
233
00:10:44,849 --> 00:10:47,635
if I may, Billy, uh,
but that was boring.
234
00:10:47,660 --> 00:10:49,903
That was really,
really boring. Am I right?
235
00:10:49,928 --> 00:10:52,887
I mean, that was more boring
than a one-woman improv show.
236
00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:55,145
- Excuse me. I did improv.
- Yeah, and then I...
237
00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:57,841
I rescued you from that,
and now you do radio.
238
00:10:58,084 --> 00:11:00,739
Your poem made me dry down thur.
239
00:11:00,764 --> 00:11:03,592
- [LAUGHS]
- Whoa! No. You did not just go thur.
240
00:11:03,617 --> 00:11:05,974
- Love you, mean it.
- [AS BORAT] She's my sister.
241
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,865
She's number-four prostitute
in all of Kazakhstan.
242
00:11:08,890 --> 00:11:09,928
Nice.
243
00:11:09,953 --> 00:11:11,607
[LAUGHTER]
244
00:11:11,632 --> 00:11:14,724
Um, actually, I-it's not a poem.
245
00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:17,107
It's a scene from "Pericles,
Prince of Tyre,"
246
00:11:17,132 --> 00:11:18,917
who flees Antioch...
247
00:11:18,942 --> 00:11:21,115
- [MUSIC RESUMES]
- Whoo!
248
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,055
[LAUGHS]
249
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,389
Oh!
250
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:27,006
Ooh, uh, quick question.
251
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:30,662
On a serious note, does Pericles
have both of his testicl-ees,
252
00:11:30,687 --> 00:11:33,092
or is that a different
"Shakespeare story"?
253
00:11:33,117 --> 00:11:34,420
Great question. Uh...
254
00:11:34,445 --> 00:11:36,818
He has two balls or not two balls?
255
00:11:36,843 --> 00:11:38,967
- [LAUGHS]
- That is the castration.
256
00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:40,849
I-I-I don't believe...
257
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,881
[AS VITO CORLEONE] I'm gonna
make an offer he can't refuse.
258
00:11:42,906 --> 00:11:45,038
[LAUGHTER]
259
00:11:45,063 --> 00:11:46,498
He is killing me today.
260
00:11:46,523 --> 00:11:47,904
Was that "The Godfather"?
261
00:11:47,929 --> 00:11:49,452
- How you hung down there, Willy?
- Ooh.
262
00:11:49,477 --> 00:11:51,131
[AS AUSTIN POWERS] Yeah, baby.
263
00:11:51,156 --> 00:11:53,740
Uh, I-I-I'm sorry. I-I-I don't know.
264
00:11:53,765 --> 00:11:54,959
T-T-That's actually a good question
265
00:11:54,984 --> 00:11:56,459
because anybody that dresses like that
266
00:11:56,484 --> 00:11:58,810
has got to be pretty confident
in other areas, right?
267
00:11:58,835 --> 00:12:00,670
Ooh. Careful there, Bacon.
268
00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:02,724
You're makin' my tinklebox sizzle.
269
00:12:02,749 --> 00:12:06,709
Oh, snap, Chode. She said "sizzle."
270
00:12:06,734 --> 00:12:09,467
- [SIZZLING]
- Oh, Schnapps shots.
271
00:12:09,492 --> 00:12:11,818
ALL: [CHANTING] Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
272
00:12:11,843 --> 00:12:14,654
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
273
00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:16,451
- Schnapps.
- It's 9:52 in the morning.
274
00:12:16,476 --> 00:12:17,678
It is somewhere, right?
275
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,482
[AS JOHN KIMBLE]
Stop whining. Stop whining.
276
00:12:19,507 --> 00:12:21,631
Who knew Shakespeare
was so uptight, huh?
277
00:12:21,656 --> 00:12:22,779
Maybe it's his tights.
278
00:12:22,804 --> 00:12:24,771
They're squeezin' on those testicl-ees.
279
00:12:24,796 --> 00:12:27,217
- [LAUGHTER]
- His testi... Are the tights tight?
280
00:12:27,242 --> 00:12:30,068
- On your... On your balls.
- Boo-yah!
281
00:12:30,093 --> 00:12:32,617
Mmm! All right. Let's take some calls.
282
00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:34,818
No one from nowhere,
you're not on the line.
283
00:12:34,843 --> 00:12:37,201
We've lost all of our listeners.
They're all gone.
284
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:40,732
[LAUGHTER]
285
00:12:41,054 --> 00:12:45,224
ALL: ♪ Sister, help to trim the sails ♪
286
00:12:45,755 --> 00:12:51,568
♪ Hallelujah ♪
287
00:12:51,593 --> 00:12:54,029
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
288
00:12:54,367 --> 00:12:56,295
Ah! [LAUGHS]
289
00:12:57,223 --> 00:12:58,974
[LAUGHTER]
290
00:12:59,598 --> 00:13:01,068
I'm okay!
291
00:13:01,303 --> 00:13:05,818
[LAUGHING] Whoo! Oh, my hero.
292
00:13:05,843 --> 00:13:07,357
It's a hot dog on a stick.
293
00:13:07,650 --> 00:13:09,459
Get it? Stick?
294
00:13:11,412 --> 00:13:12,974
It's a veggie dog.
295
00:13:13,470 --> 00:13:14,470
Meat is murder.
296
00:13:15,746 --> 00:13:17,288
You talk?
297
00:13:17,416 --> 00:13:20,249
- You've heard me talk.
- I've heard you say "stick."
298
00:13:20,658 --> 00:13:23,031
I mean, everyone here
does such amazing things.
299
00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:24,953
What's with the stick shtick?
300
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,981
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
301
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,078
Oh! Wha?
302
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:37,843
You should do more of that.
303
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,070
First I must master the stick.
304
00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:43,812
Hey, man. You got any
more of that oregano oil?
305
00:13:43,837 --> 00:13:46,448
When I can't hit the high C,
I know I got a cold coming on.
306
00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:48,005
- Totes.
- Yeah.
307
00:13:51,152 --> 00:13:52,239
Milady.
308
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,308
My debt to you is growing.
309
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:57,099
Aye, tell me more.
310
00:13:58,365 --> 00:14:01,731
Oh. Mmm. I needed this.
311
00:14:02,470 --> 00:14:05,091
- I mean, I don't needit. It's...
- Mm-hmm.
312
00:14:05,466 --> 00:14:06,771
... just refreshing.
313
00:14:06,796 --> 00:14:07,796
Uh-huh.
314
00:14:08,771 --> 00:14:10,075
Stick can talk.
315
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,888
- You've heard him talk.
- I... But...
316
00:14:13,904 --> 00:14:15,153
Never mind.
317
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:18,317
Where's Callie?
318
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,380
Oh, she's teaching G-Spot Awareness
319
00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:22,419
to Shart's wife and a couple other gals.
320
00:14:24,106 --> 00:14:25,364
You're a lucky man.
321
00:14:25,389 --> 00:14:27,169
Yeah, it's 'cause
I never walk under ladders.
322
00:14:30,751 --> 00:14:32,271
Maggie hates me.
323
00:14:32,296 --> 00:14:34,896
No. She just hates all
the things you do and say.
324
00:14:35,261 --> 00:14:38,294
The normal response would
be, "No, she doesn't."
325
00:14:40,132 --> 00:14:43,083
I just don't get it.
People always like me.
326
00:14:43,108 --> 00:14:45,481
I have the most-watched Insta
stories of all my friends.
327
00:14:45,506 --> 00:14:47,044
- [CHUCKLES]
- What?
328
00:14:48,528 --> 00:14:53,413
Uh, you do tend to...
To "No, but" a lot.
329
00:14:53,438 --> 00:14:56,256
This is more of a-a "Yes,
and" kind of place.
330
00:14:56,281 --> 00:14:57,935
No, I don't. But I...
331
00:14:59,985 --> 00:15:02,030
Wait. What?
332
00:15:02,055 --> 00:15:03,389
You're in Maggie's house.
333
00:15:03,844 --> 00:15:05,702
You just gotta take your
shoes off at the door.
334
00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:07,116
Even if they make the outfit?
335
00:15:08,132 --> 00:15:10,350
What, so I'm just supposed
to kiss her ass?
336
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,444
Just play along,
like what we do in the faireground.
337
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:15,584
I don't know what you're talking about.
338
00:15:15,609 --> 00:15:17,733
Ah, okay. Okay.
339
00:15:18,046 --> 00:15:19,825
- My sweet lady.
- Oh!
340
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:21,243
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
341
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,030
- [ALL CHEER]
- I love this part.
342
00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,230
Do it. Do it. Do it.
343
00:15:24,255 --> 00:15:25,821
Thou art a vision.
344
00:15:25,846 --> 00:15:27,749
Um, okay.
345
00:15:27,774 --> 00:15:29,311
When last I did see thee,
346
00:15:29,336 --> 00:15:32,280
ye were portly and covered in warts...
347
00:15:32,305 --> 00:15:34,524
- and hairs.
- [CHUCKLING] Oh!
348
00:15:34,549 --> 00:15:37,108
And thy stench was... whoa.
349
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:40,136
- [LAUGHTER]
- Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
350
00:15:40,161 --> 00:15:41,161
Uh...
351
00:15:41,186 --> 00:15:43,188
- But now...
- [LAUGHS]
352
00:15:43,907 --> 00:15:45,701
... I see thee hast transformed...
353
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:50,618
into a most beauteous
and wondrous creature.
354
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:55,772
Thy tresses, thy lips, thy cheeks...
355
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,483
Ye must have paid a great
wizard quite a price
356
00:15:59,508 --> 00:16:01,866
for such a strong spell
of boundless beauty.
357
00:16:04,483 --> 00:16:06,631
MAN: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
358
00:16:06,656 --> 00:16:08,701
- Got it.
- Oh, wow.
359
00:16:09,358 --> 00:16:10,756
That was thick.
360
00:16:11,217 --> 00:16:12,217
Ah!
361
00:16:12,242 --> 00:16:14,941
[ALL CHEERING]
362
00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:16,264
- All right.
- Bravo!
363
00:16:16,812 --> 00:16:18,702
If I said any of that to Maggie,
364
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,053
she'd think I was hitting on her,
365
00:16:20,078 --> 00:16:21,233
and she's not really my type.
366
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,530
I mean, there was this one time
367
00:16:23,555 --> 00:16:25,459
that I kissed my friend Lexi
after prom, but...
368
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:26,850
Boy, do I want to hear this story,
369
00:16:26,875 --> 00:16:28,944
but let's just focus on this.
370
00:16:28,969 --> 00:16:32,592
Um, what's the first thing
that you think of
371
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,922
when you look at me?
372
00:16:33,947 --> 00:16:34,999
- Your body.
- Your body.
373
00:16:35,239 --> 00:16:38,553
- [LAUGHTER]
- All right. All right. Okay.
374
00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:40,694
- MAN: It is.
- All right. Well, uh, let's try that.
375
00:16:41,484 --> 00:16:43,131
- Try your body?
- Yes.
376
00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,241
Try to endow my body. Oh.
377
00:16:45,266 --> 00:16:47,051
- Endow it? But... Well, how specific
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
378
00:16:47,076 --> 00:16:48,551
- do I have to be?
- I am waiting.
379
00:16:48,576 --> 00:16:50,841
Okay. Okay. Geez.
380
00:16:50,866 --> 00:16:53,520
[ALL "OOHING"]
381
00:16:53,545 --> 00:16:54,966
[MAN TRILLS TONGUE]
382
00:16:54,991 --> 00:16:56,514
Okay. Okay. Okay.
383
00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:57,896
Use your hands.
384
00:16:58,704 --> 00:17:00,388
Uh...
385
00:17:00,572 --> 00:17:02,029
Put your whole body into it.
386
00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,084
Woo me.
387
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,732
[LAUGHS]
388
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:06,130
Thy...
389
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:07,521
Louder!
390
00:17:07,999 --> 00:17:12,873
Wouldst that I were the sun
glistening upon thy back?
391
00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:15,896
- Ah.
- Ooh!
392
00:17:15,921 --> 00:17:17,879
[CHATTER INTENSIFIES]
393
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,310
[LAUGHTER]
394
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:22,005
But not for too long because...
395
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:24,443
melanoma?
396
00:17:24,835 --> 00:17:27,201
- [LAUGHTER]
- It's a strong start.
397
00:17:27,226 --> 00:17:29,161
Okay. All right.
398
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,277
- It's the first go.
- Strong... Strong start.
399
00:17:31,302 --> 00:17:32,716
In sooth? No.
400
00:17:32,741 --> 00:17:34,373
- Oh.
- MAN: Boo.
401
00:17:34,592 --> 00:17:36,377
It... It fell off there at the end.
402
00:17:36,402 --> 00:17:37,920
How about Tulum?
403
00:17:38,147 --> 00:17:40,671
There was just a mass murder there,
so it'll be dirt cheap.
404
00:17:41,245 --> 00:17:42,858
Are you scrolling through resort porn
405
00:17:42,883 --> 00:17:44,030
to take your mind off Colin,
406
00:17:44,055 --> 00:17:45,217
or are we actually going on this trip?
407
00:17:45,242 --> 00:17:48,662
Because if we are,
it's Dusseldorf or bust.
408
00:17:48,687 --> 00:17:51,334
Colin has been blocked and deleted.
409
00:17:54,679 --> 00:17:56,951
- Are we elitist?
- Oh, God, yes.
410
00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,678
It's one of the things I love about us.
411
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:02,098
No. I-I mean in... an insufferable way.
412
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,483
Blue cheese olive?
413
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:06,268
One blue cheese
and one regular on the side.
414
00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:08,469
And being elitist isn't a bad thing.
415
00:18:08,494 --> 00:18:09,866
Societies need a pecking order.
416
00:18:09,891 --> 00:18:11,452
Otherwise, we'd peck
each other to death.
417
00:18:11,477 --> 00:18:13,392
[CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
418
00:18:13,417 --> 00:18:16,022
Ugh, fools.
419
00:18:17,147 --> 00:18:18,483
Should we go out there?
420
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,546
Why?
421
00:18:21,821 --> 00:18:23,692
Maybe we're missing out.
422
00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:25,671
Have you been using the weighted blanket
423
00:18:25,696 --> 00:18:27,350
I bought you with that podcast code?
424
00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:29,986
- Could be fun.
- Oh, we have fun.
425
00:18:30,011 --> 00:18:31,710
Remember when we drank fuzzy navels
426
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,650
and watched "Call Me By Your Name"?
427
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,061
- Yeah.
- Hmm.
428
00:18:36,086 --> 00:18:39,358
[SIGHS] Those idiot deejays today
429
00:18:40,090 --> 00:18:43,061
made me feel like I was back
in a high-school locker room.
430
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:46,587
"Oh. There's Brian,
the Pillsbury Doughboy."
431
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:48,858
I liked the testicl-ees joke.
432
00:18:48,883 --> 00:18:50,186
[CHUCKLES]
433
00:18:51,545 --> 00:18:53,194
You know, I once got locked overnight
434
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,874
in my high school's equipment shed
435
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,219
after hiding there during P.E.
436
00:18:57,244 --> 00:19:00,029
- I detest sheds.
- It was terrifying.
437
00:19:00,311 --> 00:19:02,358
But I did finish "The Canterbury Tales."
438
00:19:02,383 --> 00:19:03,602
I had a penlight.
439
00:19:03,627 --> 00:19:05,889
Oh, "Canterbury Tales,"
440
00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:08,389
the original "Fifty Shades."
441
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,249
[SCOFFS] And I have
another promo tomorrow.
442
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:11,616
It's all I can think about.
443
00:19:11,641 --> 00:19:15,186
The original "Fifty Shades."
That's funny. [CHUCKLES]
444
00:19:15,211 --> 00:19:18,374
Ugh. Why didn't you tell me
I had lipstick on my teeth?
445
00:19:21,033 --> 00:19:22,671
I'm going out there.
446
00:19:25,228 --> 00:19:26,522
A poppy seed?
447
00:19:26,547 --> 00:19:32,038
Thy sensational smile doth shine
upon thy heaving bosoms...
448
00:19:32,063 --> 00:19:34,225
- Oh, my....
- just as said bosoms
449
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:38,132
do sit like clouds for angels' bottoms.
450
00:19:38,157 --> 00:19:41,639
Oh, Pizzle. Oh,
I'm gonna write that down.
451
00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:43,797
Did you mean both bosoms
or just the left one?
452
00:19:43,822 --> 00:19:45,288
I mean, 'cause it's the crowd favorite.
453
00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:46,350
Lefty Louie.
454
00:19:46,375 --> 00:19:47,983
[CHUCKLES]
455
00:19:48,861 --> 00:19:51,646
Well done, Master Pizzle. [CHUCKLES]
456
00:19:56,744 --> 00:19:59,054
Oh, light teal... Too risky.
457
00:19:59,663 --> 00:20:05,444
So, what's going on
here with you... guys?
458
00:20:05,469 --> 00:20:08,554
David's teaching me how to be
performatively nice to people.
459
00:20:08,579 --> 00:20:10,155
Yeah. Hey, uh, do me next.
460
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:13,952
Oh! Thy most bountiful
and glorious belly.
461
00:20:13,977 --> 00:20:15,125
[LAUGHTER]
462
00:20:15,150 --> 00:20:17,515
How many weeks before
we may expect little Shart?
463
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:20,594
- Yeah, third trimester, y'all.
- Oh, my God!
464
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:21,758
Congratulations.
465
00:20:21,783 --> 00:20:23,812
- I can feel him kicking.
- [LAUGHTER]
466
00:20:23,837 --> 00:20:26,508
Now, what you got for Maggie?
467
00:20:26,533 --> 00:20:29,555
N-Nothing that reminds you of your
high-school girly-girly action.
468
00:20:29,580 --> 00:20:30,914
DELILAH: Ooh. [LAUGHS]
469
00:20:30,939 --> 00:20:32,586
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What is it? What is it?
470
00:20:32,611 --> 00:20:35,080
No, no, no. I can't say.
It's too embarrassing.
471
00:20:35,105 --> 00:20:36,120
What, like Shart's gut?
472
00:20:36,145 --> 00:20:38,651
Hey! That's my baby
you're talking about!
473
00:20:38,676 --> 00:20:41,753
Just take the embarrassing...
and make it good.
474
00:20:41,778 --> 00:20:43,558
- This can't be made good.
- Come on.
475
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:45,370
- I'm sure it can.
- Come on. Come on.
476
00:20:45,395 --> 00:20:48,905
Come on. Say it. Say it.
477
00:20:48,930 --> 00:20:51,230
ALL: [CHANTING] Say it.
Say it. Say it. Say it.
478
00:20:51,255 --> 00:20:54,940
- I saw her bush!
- [LAUGHTER]
479
00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:57,784
I'm so proud of you!
480
00:20:57,809 --> 00:21:00,159
DAVID: That's not what I expected.
481
00:21:00,184 --> 00:21:04,144
And... it... was... huge!
482
00:21:04,169 --> 00:21:06,258
[LAUGHTER]
483
00:21:06,654 --> 00:21:10,386
Dude. I like a jungle. I'm Tarzan.
484
00:21:10,411 --> 00:21:11,934
[LAUGHTER]
485
00:21:11,959 --> 00:21:15,310
Hear me now, good gentles.
486
00:21:15,425 --> 00:21:19,245
'Twas a lush and glorious bush.
487
00:21:19,693 --> 00:21:23,026
- 'Twas the most radiant shrubbery...
- [ALL CLEARING THROATS]
488
00:21:23,051 --> 00:21:24,581
... I have ever laid eyes upon!
489
00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:29,302
Oh, don't let me interrupt
the merrymaking.
490
00:21:29,327 --> 00:21:31,255
Just need a bit of ice.
491
00:21:33,566 --> 00:21:36,265
[ICE RATTLING]
492
00:21:41,015 --> 00:21:44,044
[STIFLED LAUGHTER]
493
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,255
[LID CLOSES]
494
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,403
Ahh. I'll be up for
a little while longer.
495
00:21:50,428 --> 00:21:52,669
We could make fuzzy navels.
496
00:21:52,694 --> 00:21:53,694
Fuzzy.
497
00:21:53,719 --> 00:21:56,548
[LAUGHTER]
498
00:21:57,395 --> 00:21:59,357
Enjoy your evening.
499
00:22:00,927 --> 00:22:02,466
God save the queen.
500
00:22:02,491 --> 00:22:05,247
ALL: God save the queen!
501
00:22:06,627 --> 00:22:08,028
God shave the queen.
502
00:22:08,053 --> 00:22:12,274
[LAUGHTER]
503
00:22:12,299 --> 00:22:13,997
DELILAH: Oh, no.
504
00:22:15,759 --> 00:22:20,776
♪♪
505
00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:26,236
Maggie, Delilah, Amanda together...
506
00:22:26,711 --> 00:22:27,744
In a friendship wreath.
507
00:22:27,769 --> 00:22:29,580
- Uh...
- Means that you really took some time.
508
00:22:29,604 --> 00:22:31,257
- To make this extra great.
- I think Maggie is
509
00:22:31,282 --> 00:22:34,410
- more of a traditionalist.
- Oh. Whatever you think.
510
00:22:34,435 --> 00:22:36,890
I've never "Real Housewived"
the... out of anyone before.
511
00:22:36,915 --> 00:22:38,686
Well, I've never used
fruit cocktail juice
512
00:22:38,711 --> 00:22:40,843
to make mimosas before, so there you go.
513
00:22:41,085 --> 00:22:42,937
Can't believe you're a "Housewives" fan.
514
00:22:42,970 --> 00:22:45,514
It's like when the one
with the pointy nose
515
00:22:45,539 --> 00:22:47,623
offended the super-skinny one
516
00:22:47,648 --> 00:22:49,787
at the charity auction for blind cats,
517
00:22:49,812 --> 00:22:51,800
but then she took her out to brunch,
518
00:22:51,825 --> 00:22:52,961
and everything was great.
519
00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,257
I think I'm getting
the hang of this place.
520
00:22:56,572 --> 00:22:58,172
I traded compliments for the muffins
521
00:22:58,197 --> 00:22:59,895
and a hand massage for the eggs.
522
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,148
Oh, grasshopper.
You're learning so well.
523
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:05,219
- She's coming. It's happening.
- Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
524
00:23:10,007 --> 00:23:11,007
Mimosa?
525
00:23:11,596 --> 00:23:13,946
[SIGHS]
526
00:23:14,758 --> 00:23:16,796
- Thanks so much for meeting me.
- I didn't meet you.
527
00:23:16,821 --> 00:23:18,392
You're standing in front of my tent.
528
00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:20,007
I love your culottes.
529
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:21,352
They're not culottes.
530
00:23:22,454 --> 00:23:24,038
They're jorts. Why are you here?
531
00:23:24,063 --> 00:23:26,133
Actually, jorts are made from denim
532
00:23:26,269 --> 00:23:28,962
- and usually from old jeans.
- Why are you here?
533
00:23:29,899 --> 00:23:31,758
I was hoping maybe we could...
534
00:23:33,188 --> 00:23:35,384
... melt the ice a little over brunch.
535
00:23:35,627 --> 00:23:36,657
Cheers.
536
00:23:40,008 --> 00:23:42,538
Oh, wait. We didn't make
eye contact. It's bad luck.
537
00:23:42,571 --> 00:23:44,116
Let's... Let's do it again.
538
00:23:44,141 --> 00:23:45,141
Cheers.
539
00:23:45,460 --> 00:23:46,460
Okay.
540
00:23:46,485 --> 00:23:49,814
Can we get to the ice-melting?
I have plucking to do.
541
00:23:51,303 --> 00:23:54,758
Delilah tells me you're
one of this Faire's OGs.
542
00:23:55,164 --> 00:23:56,274
OGs?
543
00:23:56,719 --> 00:23:59,520
Original gangster.
That's the actual meaning.
544
00:23:59,633 --> 00:24:01,709
I was going for the figurative
meaning, you know,
545
00:24:01,734 --> 00:24:04,804
founding father,
or mother, in this case.
546
00:24:05,366 --> 00:24:06,901
You are the shot-caller...
547
00:24:07,249 --> 00:24:11,078
Who lives, who dies, who gets exiled.
548
00:24:12,578 --> 00:24:16,145
Oh, we are not in
the habit of exiling... anyone.
549
00:24:16,405 --> 00:24:19,022
I love how you use the royal "we."
550
00:24:19,047 --> 00:24:21,959
It's... It's so authentic,
551
00:24:22,218 --> 00:24:25,272
like so much of this place,
really hands-on.
552
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:27,334
Granted, sometimes,
those hands are on my ass,
553
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,187
but that's part of
the authenticity, right?
554
00:24:30,937 --> 00:24:35,242
I wanted to ask, how do
you decide what's okay?
555
00:24:36,156 --> 00:24:39,998
And as the queen, are you
actually the decision-maker,
556
00:24:40,023 --> 00:24:41,961
like the Great and Powerful Oz?
557
00:24:42,859 --> 00:24:44,434
I think if we put our heads together,
558
00:24:44,459 --> 00:24:46,311
we could really codify
what's appropriate
559
00:24:46,336 --> 00:24:47,820
and what's not, you know?
560
00:24:48,328 --> 00:24:49,545
Right, right.
561
00:24:50,992 --> 00:24:51,992
Let me guess.
562
00:24:52,417 --> 00:24:55,881
Mama Klein was supercritical
of little Amanda.
563
00:24:59,181 --> 00:25:01,996
Uh, she's actually a-a-a Lyons n-now.
564
00:25:02,021 --> 00:25:03,943
- Klein was my father, but then he...
- And judging by your love
565
00:25:03,968 --> 00:25:06,014
of the bottle, she's probably
also an alcoholic.
566
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,857
Nothing is ever right, is it?
567
00:25:09,227 --> 00:25:11,661
Is she still trying to envision
your ears pinned back?
568
00:25:12,170 --> 00:25:14,707
Did she lament the backhand
you never mastered?
569
00:25:14,732 --> 00:25:17,810
My backhand happens to be
very powerful and elegant.
570
00:25:18,771 --> 00:25:21,747
- And for your information, my mother...
- No. I don't really care, sweetie.
571
00:25:22,052 --> 00:25:23,552
Thank you for cleaning this up.
572
00:25:24,146 --> 00:25:25,519
♪♪
573
00:25:25,544 --> 00:25:27,539
You think you're so
insightful, don't you?
574
00:25:27,564 --> 00:25:30,417
Well, I'll have you know,
my mother is not an alcoholic.
575
00:25:30,442 --> 00:25:33,972
She's a pillhead and only
because they overprescribed her
576
00:25:33,997 --> 00:25:36,661
after she got her eyelids done, so...
577
00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:38,989
♪♪
578
00:25:40,935 --> 00:25:43,686
Damn it. [SIGHS]
579
00:25:45,079 --> 00:25:46,956
Don't you want to change
into your Pizzle clothes
580
00:25:46,981 --> 00:25:48,378
- before we get there?
- Nah, man.
581
00:25:48,403 --> 00:25:49,847
I'll just strip down in the car.
582
00:25:49,958 --> 00:25:51,177
Don't want to get it wrinkled.
583
00:25:52,411 --> 00:25:54,645
Thank you, again,
for coming with me today.
584
00:25:54,790 --> 00:25:57,787
I always work better with
someone to bounce off of.
585
00:25:58,153 --> 00:25:59,550
No prob. I got you.
586
00:25:59,575 --> 00:26:02,127
I've written out some improv for us,
587
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,887
study that.
588
00:26:05,512 --> 00:26:07,840
Um, I thought that...
589
00:26:08,973 --> 00:26:12,338
we'd just stay loose out
there, you know?
590
00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:13,730
Keep Shakespeare from...
591
00:26:14,754 --> 00:26:15,754
What?
592
00:26:16,077 --> 00:26:19,355
... you know... boring people.
593
00:26:20,277 --> 00:26:21,299
Excuse me?
594
00:26:21,324 --> 00:26:23,480
I mean, dude, on the radio, the lady...
595
00:26:24,988 --> 00:26:26,754
said you made her dry.
596
00:26:27,730 --> 00:26:28,744
[SCOFFS]
597
00:26:28,769 --> 00:26:30,785
Like I care about dusty vaginas.
598
00:26:30,810 --> 00:26:33,346
Hey, man. Shakespeare
was for the masses.
599
00:26:33,371 --> 00:26:34,527
Why always go highbrow
600
00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:36,393
when he was also the master
of a dirty joke, right?
601
00:26:36,418 --> 00:26:38,713
Well, we know that,
but most people don't.
602
00:26:38,738 --> 00:26:41,160
Come on. Shakespeare
was a dirty bastard.
603
00:26:41,222 --> 00:26:43,996
Just, like, try going low.
604
00:26:44,355 --> 00:26:46,531
Here. Start with this.
605
00:26:46,556 --> 00:26:48,832
There's got to be E. coli in
the salads at Greasy Buns.
606
00:26:49,328 --> 00:26:50,328
[CHEWING]
607
00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:52,363
[SCOFFS]
608
00:26:53,053 --> 00:26:54,053
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
609
00:26:56,816 --> 00:26:59,291
Hmm. Well-seasoned.
610
00:26:59,316 --> 00:27:00,877
Attaboy.
611
00:27:00,902 --> 00:27:04,095
Hey, Robin Hood,
what's that dick pouch for?
612
00:27:06,676 --> 00:27:08,118
It's a codpiece.
613
00:27:08,143 --> 00:27:10,928
♪♪
614
00:27:10,972 --> 00:27:12,527
Or a pouch.
615
00:27:15,126 --> 00:27:16,126
[SIGHS]
616
00:27:16,956 --> 00:27:18,542
For dicks.
617
00:27:18,567 --> 00:27:19,886
[CHUCKLES]
618
00:27:19,911 --> 00:27:21,129
Funny.
619
00:27:22,464 --> 00:27:24,433
- Happy now?
- I am. Thank you.
620
00:27:29,376 --> 00:27:30,683
Can I open my eyes yet?
621
00:27:30,708 --> 00:27:33,363
- Yes, you can.
- Groceries.
622
00:27:33,388 --> 00:27:34,620
It's like when the one with the lips
623
00:27:34,645 --> 00:27:36,777
took the other one with the
lips shopping to cheer her up.
624
00:27:37,595 --> 00:27:39,339
Now you're speaking my love language.
625
00:27:39,364 --> 00:27:42,288
Come. They have almond oil.
It makes the best lube.
626
00:27:42,793 --> 00:27:44,440
- Hey, there's David.
- Oh!
627
00:27:44,571 --> 00:27:46,660
Watch me eat mud for money.
628
00:27:46,685 --> 00:27:48,948
Ah! Hey-ho, friends.
629
00:27:48,973 --> 00:27:50,670
Good day, gentles.
630
00:27:50,695 --> 00:27:52,667
Allo, sweet lasses.
631
00:27:52,692 --> 00:27:54,259
Hear ye, come forth.
632
00:27:55,260 --> 00:27:56,260
You there,
633
00:27:56,285 --> 00:27:58,753
come forth to
the Royal Renaissance Faire
634
00:27:58,778 --> 00:28:01,191
for Shakespeare and history!
635
00:28:01,216 --> 00:28:04,198
- A little aggro, yes?
- Yeah. We're working on the fun.
636
00:28:04,223 --> 00:28:06,167
- Hmm. Good luck with that.
- Mm-hmm.
637
00:28:06,956 --> 00:28:08,581
I'm really feeling my motivation.
638
00:28:08,606 --> 00:28:10,651
- Yes. Everyone's feeling it.
- You, sir!
639
00:28:10,676 --> 00:28:12,620
You look like you need a sonnet.
640
00:28:12,889 --> 00:28:14,503
It's all local and homemade.
641
00:28:14,528 --> 00:28:16,292
- Hey.
- Hey, Delilah.
642
00:28:16,317 --> 00:28:19,206
- Hey, friend.
- Got those, uh, AA batteries
643
00:28:19,231 --> 00:28:20,636
you're always runnin' low on.
644
00:28:20,661 --> 00:28:21,745
- Yay!
- Excuse me.
645
00:28:21,770 --> 00:28:23,417
Do you have any Kérastase products?
646
00:28:23,442 --> 00:28:25,253
Davines, even
John Paul Mitchell will do.
647
00:28:26,977 --> 00:28:29,261
- For hair.
- Oh. Yeah. Hair stuff's all...
648
00:28:29,286 --> 00:28:31,433
- right over there.
- Thank you so much.
649
00:28:31,458 --> 00:28:32,630
Thank you so much.
650
00:28:32,655 --> 00:28:34,956
- Have you ever had peanut brittle?
- No. It sounds disgusting.
651
00:28:34,981 --> 00:28:36,981
It'll break your teeth,
but it'll change your life.
652
00:28:37,006 --> 00:28:38,653
Ooh, coconut oil?
653
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,942
- Lavender? Tea tree oil?
- Mm-hmm.
654
00:28:42,967 --> 00:28:45,090
[SNIFFS] Mmm!
655
00:28:45,115 --> 00:28:47,426
- Smells like Sally Hershberger.
- Oh!
656
00:28:47,451 --> 00:28:49,453
- Mmm!
- You know your friend's hair smell?
657
00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:51,088
- What's mine?
- [SNIFFS]
658
00:28:51,113 --> 00:28:52,442
Sunshine and unicorns.
659
00:28:53,134 --> 00:28:54,715
$4.99?
660
00:28:55,418 --> 00:28:58,247
I pay like $40 an ounce
for this kind of stuff.
661
00:28:58,398 --> 00:29:01,426
Aloe, shea butter.
662
00:29:01,766 --> 00:29:03,724
All organic?
663
00:29:05,670 --> 00:29:08,044
Can I, uh, help you with anything?
664
00:29:09,456 --> 00:29:10,456
No.
665
00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:13,004
But I can most definitely help you.
666
00:29:13,416 --> 00:29:16,680
♪♪
667
00:29:17,059 --> 00:29:18,919
The Royal Renaissance Festival.
668
00:29:19,056 --> 00:29:22,842
Come for the merriment,
stay for the fun.
669
00:29:23,511 --> 00:29:26,692
Hey. Hey, you giving
anything away for free?
670
00:29:27,111 --> 00:29:30,919
Uh, mayhap a soliloquy or a sonnet.
671
00:29:30,944 --> 00:29:34,489
Do you have any stickers? My stepkids
love when I bring stickers home.
672
00:29:34,514 --> 00:29:37,342
Sir William,
hast thou anything in particular
673
00:29:37,367 --> 00:29:40,501
to say about these beautiful women, huh?
674
00:29:40,917 --> 00:29:41,982
Yeah?
675
00:29:42,710 --> 00:29:44,834
Uh, yes.
676
00:29:44,859 --> 00:29:47,084
Yeah, yeah, I see. [CHUCKLES]
677
00:29:47,109 --> 00:29:49,553
Uh, uh, dearest ladies [CLEARS THROAT]
678
00:29:50,003 --> 00:29:53,350
some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
679
00:29:53,375 --> 00:29:56,959
and other have greatness
thrust upon them.
680
00:29:57,570 --> 00:29:59,092
Thrust. [LAUGHS]
681
00:29:59,117 --> 00:30:01,154
Loosen up. Yeah.
682
00:30:01,332 --> 00:30:04,178
Heh. Ha. Of course.
683
00:30:04,772 --> 00:30:08,858
Of course, let's not forget that I,
William Shakespeare,
684
00:30:08,883 --> 00:30:12,639
am also the master of the dirty joke.
685
00:30:12,664 --> 00:30:15,225
- Ohh!
- Risqué.
686
00:30:15,250 --> 00:30:16,623
I don't think they're ready.
687
00:30:16,648 --> 00:30:18,576
- No.
- Here it comes.
688
00:30:18,601 --> 00:30:19,709
Oh?
689
00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:24,858
Oh, that she were an open arse,
and thou a poperin pear.
690
00:30:25,582 --> 00:30:29,076
Hey! Her ass is closed, man.
691
00:30:29,101 --> 00:30:32,365
Ladies, ladies,
forgive my stupid friend.
692
00:30:32,390 --> 00:30:35,389
Forgive us all, for I, Pizzle Humpsalot,
693
00:30:35,414 --> 00:30:39,723
a grotesque and lowly mud
beggar, do cry your mercy,
694
00:30:39,748 --> 00:30:41,334
for I have forgot to tell thee
695
00:30:41,359 --> 00:30:44,014
how much fun
the Royal Renaissance Festival,
696
00:30:44,039 --> 00:30:46,955
Saturdays and Sundays,
10:00 to 7:00, can be!
697
00:30:46,980 --> 00:30:49,287
Come one, come all, preferably all.
698
00:30:49,312 --> 00:30:52,826
Gather ye round, for
the Royal Renaissance Mud Shows
699
00:30:52,851 --> 00:30:54,998
work according to the laws of physics.
700
00:30:55,023 --> 00:30:56,365
What goes up...
701
00:30:56,390 --> 00:30:58,131
[ALL GASP]
702
00:30:58,422 --> 00:30:59,764
... must come down.
703
00:31:00,786 --> 00:31:03,545
Ooh! [LAUGHS] Karma, man.
704
00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:04,637
[LAUGHTER]
705
00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:06,098
Oh, you got a little bit right there.
706
00:31:06,123 --> 00:31:07,846
Oh, and there.
707
00:31:08,005 --> 00:31:09,348
Dead serious.
708
00:31:09,446 --> 00:31:11,754
Have you ever tried getting
your products into Barneys?
709
00:31:11,779 --> 00:31:14,613
Barney's Friday Fish Fry.
Yeah, I go every week.
710
00:31:14,638 --> 00:31:17,285
This stuff is dying
on the vine back here.
711
00:31:17,310 --> 00:31:19,277
It really needs to be in
a clear, visible path
712
00:31:19,302 --> 00:31:20,473
facing toward the door.
713
00:31:20,744 --> 00:31:22,457
- Oh, my God, beeswax.
- No, no.
714
00:31:22,482 --> 00:31:23,981
This stuff is multiuse.
715
00:31:24,006 --> 00:31:26,262
Actually, multiuse should
have its own section.
716
00:31:26,287 --> 00:31:27,715
- Miss, please don't.
- And these...
717
00:31:27,740 --> 00:31:29,012
You're mixing messages.
718
00:31:29,037 --> 00:31:30,864
Why have you got bananas
next to cosmetics?
719
00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:33,363
Lady, if I needed someone to tell me
720
00:31:33,388 --> 00:31:35,926
how I'm doing everything wrong,
I'd call my wife.
721
00:31:35,951 --> 00:31:37,949
- Okay. That's a little dramatic.
- All right. Okay.
722
00:31:37,974 --> 00:31:41,349
Hi, yeah, I love you so much,
but I'm reading the room here,
723
00:31:41,374 --> 00:31:44,458
and I'm getting the feeling
that not everybody loves you
724
00:31:44,483 --> 00:31:47,380
- as much as I do, right at this moment.
- Oh, no. No.
725
00:31:48,046 --> 00:31:49,411
Someone has got to tell him
726
00:31:49,436 --> 00:31:51,802
what an eyesore that
Shelly's Jam display is.
727
00:31:51,863 --> 00:31:53,365
Okay, so I can hear you.
728
00:31:53,726 --> 00:31:56,544
And, "A," Shelly's my sister.
729
00:31:56,569 --> 00:31:58,592
So that's actually very hurtful.
730
00:31:58,617 --> 00:32:01,092
"B," she powerlifts,
so if you want to tell her
731
00:32:01,117 --> 00:32:03,772
how you feel about
her display, be my guest.
732
00:32:03,797 --> 00:32:06,779
"C," I am going to,
for the first time ever,
733
00:32:06,804 --> 00:32:09,319
use my right
to refuse service to anyone,
734
00:32:09,344 --> 00:32:13,045
which is you, in this case,
so congrats and goodbye.
735
00:32:14,237 --> 00:32:15,287
Bye-bye.
736
00:32:15,656 --> 00:32:18,178
Who might want a muddy kiss?
737
00:32:18,203 --> 00:32:21,029
- Oh!
- [LAUGHS]
738
00:32:21,342 --> 00:32:22,648
- Oh!
- Mwah!
739
00:32:22,673 --> 00:32:24,475
If you prick us, do we not bleed?
740
00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:26,990
And if you wrong us,
should we not have...
741
00:32:27,015 --> 00:32:28,647
Mud pie in thy face?
742
00:32:30,068 --> 00:32:32,592
Falling! Oh, oh, oh, oh!
743
00:32:33,003 --> 00:32:34,483
- Oh!
- [LAUGHTER]
744
00:32:35,097 --> 00:32:37,467
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
745
00:32:37,492 --> 00:32:39,342
Mayhap this be what ye want.
746
00:32:41,930 --> 00:32:45,472
[FARTING]
747
00:32:45,497 --> 00:32:48,722
Ah! [CRIES]
748
00:32:48,747 --> 00:32:50,222
[CROWD GROANS]
749
00:32:50,247 --> 00:32:53,604
[SIGHS] Are you not entertained?!
750
00:32:57,972 --> 00:33:00,646
Don't worry. You're the only one
who's never invited back.
751
00:33:00,671 --> 00:33:02,412
I'm good. [LAUGHS]
752
00:33:02,944 --> 00:33:03,944
Oh!
753
00:33:04,154 --> 00:33:06,391
I was just doing what
Marie Kondo always does...
754
00:33:06,416 --> 00:33:08,487
Clearing clutter and sparking joy.
755
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:11,190
Sparking joy is good,
756
00:33:11,503 --> 00:33:14,526
but trying to fix things
that aren't broken is...
757
00:33:16,057 --> 00:33:18,151
- Stupid.
- Stupid?
758
00:33:18,479 --> 00:33:19,995
No, honeybee.
759
00:33:20,909 --> 00:33:25,300
But... a distraction maybe
760
00:33:26,761 --> 00:33:30,458
from what really might
need fixing, perhaps.
761
00:33:30,483 --> 00:33:32,550
I could trim those for
you if you want me to.
762
00:33:35,597 --> 00:33:38,011
Oh. Wow.
763
00:33:41,292 --> 00:33:42,776
Maggie was right.
764
00:33:42,911 --> 00:33:45,038
I pick myself and everyone else apart.
765
00:33:45,063 --> 00:33:47,322
I find what's wrong in
almost every situation.
766
00:33:47,347 --> 00:33:49,222
I thrive on negativity. I...
767
00:33:52,567 --> 00:33:54,073
I am my mother.
768
00:33:56,084 --> 00:33:57,084
[SCOFFS]
769
00:34:00,425 --> 00:34:03,542
I have never witnessed such
rapid psychological growth.
770
00:34:05,034 --> 00:34:07,526
It's beautiful...
771
00:34:09,167 --> 00:34:10,716
like a sea monkey.
772
00:34:10,741 --> 00:34:12,581
[CHUCKLES]
773
00:34:12,606 --> 00:34:15,155
I'm sorry. I'm emotionally
leaking all over you.
774
00:34:15,180 --> 00:34:17,878
That's okay. Leak away.
775
00:34:17,903 --> 00:34:20,637
I'll happily collect all
your emotional fluids.
776
00:34:20,662 --> 00:34:21,662
Ew.
777
00:34:21,718 --> 00:34:26,770
♪♪
778
00:34:31,852 --> 00:34:33,255
Ah.
779
00:34:37,333 --> 00:34:38,333
David?
780
00:34:38,770 --> 00:34:40,224
Oh, uh, hey, man.
781
00:34:40,530 --> 00:34:43,272
- I want to apologize.
- No. Y-You don't have to.
782
00:34:43,426 --> 00:34:45,435
Obviously, I had no intention.
783
00:34:46,747 --> 00:34:48,606
I hope you don't think
that I meant to...
784
00:34:49,865 --> 00:34:51,136
I'm so embarrassed.
785
00:34:51,161 --> 00:34:52,442
I-It's all good, man.
786
00:34:52,747 --> 00:34:54,145
It's really not.
787
00:34:54,973 --> 00:34:57,464
Look, it's just about finding a balance.
788
00:34:57,489 --> 00:35:02,762
Like, fart jokes good,
actual ass explosions, bad.
789
00:35:03,653 --> 00:35:05,012
- Noted.
- Yeah.
790
00:35:05,692 --> 00:35:07,903
I also appreciate your
discretion about this.
791
00:35:08,699 --> 00:35:10,090
No one needs to know.
792
00:35:10,115 --> 00:35:12,908
Dude! I heard you... your pants
at the Country Market.
793
00:35:12,933 --> 00:35:14,284
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh, God.
794
00:35:14,776 --> 00:35:15,814
Epic, man.
795
00:35:15,839 --> 00:35:17,268
I mean, I never physically hurt anyone,
796
00:35:17,293 --> 00:35:19,954
but my record is clearing
like 500, 600 feet...
797
00:35:19,979 --> 00:35:21,548
- Yeah...
- on my stench-power alone,
798
00:35:21,573 --> 00:35:23,400
so congrats, man.
799
00:35:24,189 --> 00:35:26,860
I beg you to forget about this.
800
00:35:26,904 --> 00:35:28,416
No shame, friend.
801
00:35:28,622 --> 00:35:31,080
The body releases when it must release.
802
00:35:31,169 --> 00:35:34,216
Better an empty apartment
than a bad tenant.
803
00:35:34,259 --> 00:35:36,088
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
804
00:35:36,805 --> 00:35:38,760
- Hands in.
- Yeah, dude. Come on.
805
00:35:38,785 --> 00:35:41,179
Hey! Come on, join us.
806
00:35:41,223 --> 00:35:44,244
Yeah. "Fart brothers for life" on three.
807
00:35:44,416 --> 00:35:45,966
One, two, three.
808
00:35:45,991 --> 00:35:48,150
TOGETHER: Fart brothers for life!
809
00:35:49,167 --> 00:35:50,211
I'm not there yet.
810
00:35:50,236 --> 00:35:52,756
♪♪
811
00:35:53,119 --> 00:35:55,219
- I found your bra.
- Oh, great.
812
00:35:57,354 --> 00:35:58,998
Wouldn't it make more
sense to start the parade
813
00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:00,372
inside the fairegrounds?
814
00:36:00,397 --> 00:36:01,939
That way, people have
more time to get a beer.
815
00:36:01,982 --> 00:36:03,872
- You're doing it again.
- I'm doing it again.
816
00:36:03,897 --> 00:36:06,029
See, nothing needs to be fixed.
817
00:36:06,146 --> 00:36:07,154
Really?
818
00:36:07,576 --> 00:36:09,043
Hi. Hello.
819
00:36:09,068 --> 00:36:11,271
- Who left the damn hose on?
- I'll shut it off.
820
00:36:11,554 --> 00:36:12,554
Geez.
821
00:36:13,545 --> 00:36:17,215
[FANFARE PLAYS]
822
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:20,112
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
823
00:36:20,137 --> 00:36:25,969
♪♪
824
00:36:27,131 --> 00:36:28,835
Uh, uh...
825
00:36:28,860 --> 00:36:32,459
♪♪
826
00:36:32,484 --> 00:36:33,484
Your Majesty!
827
00:36:34,102 --> 00:36:35,102
Your Majesty!
828
00:36:36,498 --> 00:36:37,748
Your Majesty!
829
00:36:38,436 --> 00:36:40,630
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
830
00:36:40,673 --> 00:36:41,826
Uh...
831
00:36:42,936 --> 00:36:44,568
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
832
00:36:45,310 --> 00:36:47,133
- Aah!
- [CROWD GASPS]
833
00:36:47,373 --> 00:36:50,635
Cry your mercy, Your Majesty!
Pass not this way.
834
00:36:50,660 --> 00:36:53,213
T'would be mine honor to be sure
835
00:36:53,238 --> 00:36:55,949
thou dost not muddy thy most regal self.
836
00:36:57,386 --> 00:36:59,290
God save the queen!
837
00:36:59,315 --> 00:37:01,477
ALL: God save the queen!
838
00:37:02,956 --> 00:37:04,393
♪♪
839
00:37:04,620 --> 00:37:05,639
Better.
840
00:37:13,166 --> 00:37:15,886
[LAUGHS]
841
00:37:18,242 --> 00:37:22,548
Oh, my. Show me your jugs,
and I'll show you mine.
842
00:37:22,573 --> 00:37:24,713
Oh, On these fairegrounds,
and it'd be not a crime.
843
00:37:25,237 --> 00:37:29,154
- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh, my, milady.
844
00:37:29,179 --> 00:37:30,994
Care to make a trade?
845
00:37:33,619 --> 00:37:35,408
What are you supposed to be?
846
00:37:35,544 --> 00:37:37,618
A princess?
847
00:37:38,190 --> 00:37:40,971
Nay, good sirs.
I be William Shakespeare.
848
00:37:41,237 --> 00:37:43,969
Dost thou know of any
of mine great writings?
849
00:37:43,994 --> 00:37:46,344
I want to fight. En garde!
850
00:37:46,369 --> 00:37:47,893
I'm gonna stab you in the butt.
851
00:37:49,323 --> 00:37:50,619
Pardon me, gentlemen.
852
00:37:51,323 --> 00:37:54,221
Words are but wind, ay,
853
00:37:54,495 --> 00:37:57,759
and break it in your face
so he break it not behind.
854
00:37:58,330 --> 00:37:59,643
Pbht!
855
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,841
[BOTH LAUGH]
856
00:38:03,521 --> 00:38:07,665
♪♪
857
00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,188
[CHUCKLES]
858
00:38:35,213 --> 00:38:36,807
Aah!
859
00:38:36,948 --> 00:38:38,587
[LISPING] Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you asleep?
860
00:38:38,612 --> 00:38:40,518
Yes, very asleep.
861
00:38:41,011 --> 00:38:44,510
Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda.
862
00:38:45,221 --> 00:38:47,658
Sounds funny when you say it
over and over again, doesn't it?
863
00:38:48,424 --> 00:38:49,424
My name, too.
864
00:38:49,737 --> 00:38:51,987
Helen, Helen, Helen.
865
00:38:53,104 --> 00:38:56,188
Oh, my God. The real live hooker.
866
00:38:56,213 --> 00:38:57,237
Not a hooker.
867
00:38:57,767 --> 00:38:59,725
I know you think I'm here
to stab you to death,
868
00:38:59,750 --> 00:39:03,237
but the truth is, Amanda, we're square.
869
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:05,880
We are?
870
00:39:05,905 --> 00:39:07,491
I may have lost the tip of my tongue,
871
00:39:07,516 --> 00:39:10,782
but you lost your fiancé, your wedding,
872
00:39:10,807 --> 00:39:12,555
your whole life if what I hear is true,
873
00:39:12,580 --> 00:39:14,131
about you becoming a pub wench.
874
00:39:14,156 --> 00:39:16,717
Uh, how do you know all of this?
875
00:39:16,742 --> 00:39:19,823
Mama Klein and I came to a
very lucrative agreement.
876
00:39:21,530 --> 00:39:22,530
[SIGHS]
877
00:39:22,723 --> 00:39:24,901
Oh. Uh-huh.
878
00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:26,924
I get it.
879
00:39:27,674 --> 00:39:29,213
- My mom paid you off.
- Uh-huh.
880
00:39:29,238 --> 00:39:31,123
So, what, you came here to scare me
881
00:39:31,148 --> 00:39:33,204
before you move to South
America or something?
882
00:39:33,229 --> 00:39:35,743
South America? Ever heard of Zika? Nay.
883
00:39:35,768 --> 00:39:36,998
I'm here to reclaim my position
884
00:39:37,023 --> 00:39:39,362
as Lord Executioner
on Her Majesty's court.
885
00:39:39,908 --> 00:39:43,508
Now I can travel the circuit
in a tour bus with a hot tub.
886
00:39:43,807 --> 00:39:47,315
And one more thing.
Brett... small balls, right?
887
00:39:47,643 --> 00:39:50,252
Like, the shaft was good,
but the balls...
888
00:39:50,846 --> 00:39:52,338
like frozen peas.
889
00:39:52,846 --> 00:39:57,882
♪♪
890
00:40:03,885 --> 00:40:05,955
[WATER RUNNING]
891
00:40:05,980 --> 00:40:09,549
♪♪
892
00:40:25,575 --> 00:40:27,839
Little more on the left, no? Is it even?
893
00:40:30,597 --> 00:40:32,690
Seems a little chilly.
894
00:40:33,176 --> 00:40:34,176
Rad.
895
00:40:34,847 --> 00:40:36,565
Like, rad.
896
00:40:39,384 --> 00:40:40,831
Huzzah.
897
00:40:42,454 --> 00:40:45,854
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
63632
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