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1
00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:05,203
I have a premonition
that all this will end
2
00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:09,007
with Principal Lewis
buying a mattress factory.
3
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,342
Unbelievable premonition.
4
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:12,811
- Love those omens.
- Go, Billy!
5
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,712
_
6
00:00:16,831 --> 00:00:19,017
Oh, no. It finally happened.
7
00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,953
Klaus got the lunch lady job.
8
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:22,921
Next.
9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,957
Oh, Steve! It's me, Klaus!
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,425
You know, from home?
11
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:27,960
Oh, God, don't talk to me.
12
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,361
Come here, honey.
13
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:32,364
I saved you the crustiest
corner of mac and cheese.
14
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,699
It's so hard.
15
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,435
Steve, I know I should know this,
16
00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:38,436
but how are you related to Klaus?
17
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:39,904
I thought they were a couple!
18
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,906
I don't want to talk
about Klaus anymore.
19
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:43,007
I can't even eat.
20
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,176
[SNIFFS]
21
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:45,978
Is someone having Crepes Suzette?
22
00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:48,180
Ugh, the hall monitors.
23
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:50,248
I hate how they get special treatment.
24
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,450
Come on.
25
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,986
Principal Lewis takes
troubled kids from juvie
26
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:57,322
and molds them into
productive members of society.
27
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,657
Yeah, they made the cover
28
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:01,627
of Appropriate Relationships Magazine.
29
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,596
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
30
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,697
Uh-oh.
31
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,133
[RETCHING]
32
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,536
[ALL RETCHING]
33
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:18,276
Wow.
34
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:21,213
Look at how fast the
sawdust absorbs the puke.
35
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,748
This is why I became a janitor.
36
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,018
I became a janitor because it was fate.
37
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,619
As you can see...
38
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:31,156
this birthmark across my body
looks somewhat like a mop.
39
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,958
[PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
40
00:01:34,708 --> 00:01:37,247
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
41
00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:40,432
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
42
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:43,568
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
43
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:47,940
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
44
00:01:50,348 --> 00:01:53,511
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
45
00:01:53,526 --> 00:01:55,980
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:01:55,989 --> 00:01:57,082
Aah!
47
00:01:58,394 --> 00:02:01,253
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
48
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,695
Well, they fired me.
49
00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:06,164
They blamed me for all
those kids getting sick.
50
00:02:06,232 --> 00:02:09,233
It's ridiculous.
I always said "excuse me"
51
00:02:09,235 --> 00:02:11,435
when I farted into the mashed potatoes.
52
00:02:11,437 --> 00:02:14,772
It is a little odd how often
students are throwing up.
53
00:02:14,841 --> 00:02:16,975
That was the third puke-fest this month.
54
00:02:17,043 --> 00:02:18,910
And they always blame a lunch lady.
55
00:02:18,979 --> 00:02:20,979
I was the eighth one fired this year.
56
00:02:21,047 --> 00:02:23,447
Eighth... third.
57
00:02:23,449 --> 00:02:24,916
That's a lot of numbers.
58
00:02:24,985 --> 00:02:27,352
Maybe we should go take a
look around the cafeteria.
59
00:02:33,023 --> 00:02:35,423
Whoa. Sawdust.
60
00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:37,559
Hmm...
61
00:02:37,628 --> 00:02:40,895
Whoa. Sawdust.
62
00:02:40,965 --> 00:02:42,331
Hmm...
63
00:02:46,503 --> 00:02:47,836
That's odd.
64
00:02:47,904 --> 00:02:49,304
No sawdust.
65
00:02:49,373 --> 00:02:51,105
Or is it?
66
00:02:51,107 --> 00:02:52,116
What do you mean?
67
00:02:52,176 --> 00:02:54,309
I don't know.
68
00:02:55,732 --> 00:02:57,712
Just the usual dry, aged beef you'd find
69
00:02:57,714 --> 00:03:00,382
in any public high school cafeteria.
70
00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:01,750
Unless...
71
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,920
- Hmm...
- MAN: Hey! Who's in there?
72
00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:08,791
Hank Turlington, school detective.
73
00:03:08,859 --> 00:03:10,058
We need to talk.
74
00:03:10,126 --> 00:03:11,593
And you need to walk.
75
00:03:11,662 --> 00:03:13,796
Me and my partner are
also school detectives,
76
00:03:13,864 --> 00:03:15,930
and we're already on the case.
77
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,066
Maybe we can join...
78
00:03:18,134 --> 00:03:20,068
- forces.
- Maybe.
79
00:03:20,136 --> 00:03:21,203
Is that a yes?
80
00:03:21,271 --> 00:03:23,271
Yes. We have joined forces.
81
00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:24,673
Three man handshake?
82
00:03:24,741 --> 00:03:27,258
Yes. Steve, please join us?
83
00:03:27,293 --> 00:03:28,310
Yes.
84
00:03:28,378 --> 00:03:31,547
♪♪
85
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:38,720
Great idea to start mall walking, Stan.
86
00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:40,722
Hey, what's the name of Steve's tailor?
87
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:42,591
- Petruchio?
- No, his other tailor.
88
00:03:42,659 --> 00:03:44,192
- Carbunkle.
- Yes, that's right.
89
00:03:44,261 --> 00:03:45,327
Hey, Carbunkle!
90
00:03:47,864 --> 00:03:48,873
[CREAKING, BONE CRACKS]
91
00:03:48,933 --> 00:03:51,767
[SCREAMS]
92
00:03:57,274 --> 00:03:59,541
What's wrong, bud?
Looking a little pale.
93
00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:00,875
Lemme guess, you saw the price
94
00:04:00,945 --> 00:04:02,677
of a pan at Williams Sonoma.
95
00:04:02,746 --> 00:04:04,679
WOMAN: He's coming back out the top!
96
00:04:04,681 --> 00:04:06,648
[SQUISHING]
97
00:04:11,155 --> 00:04:12,754
Hey there, fellas. You mall walking?
98
00:04:12,823 --> 00:04:14,422
I've always wanted to try that out.
99
00:04:14,491 --> 00:04:16,558
Got room for one more?
100
00:04:16,627 --> 00:04:18,092
Guys?
101
00:04:18,162 --> 00:04:19,962
Eh, they're right, Al,
you'd just slow them down.
102
00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:22,764
So smile, you fat clown, and walk away.
103
00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:24,700
Catch ya next time, homies!
104
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:30,305
Something strange is
going on at this school,
105
00:04:30,374 --> 00:04:32,707
and it all centers
around Principal Lewis
106
00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:33,775
and the hall monitors.
107
00:04:33,844 --> 00:04:35,109
I've been working undercover
108
00:04:35,179 --> 00:04:37,512
as social studies teacher
"Mrs. Womanface."
109
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,514
I'm also the teacher in charge of
110
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,915
the Sadie Hawkins dance.
111
00:04:40,985 --> 00:04:42,450
This year's theme?
112
00:04:42,519 --> 00:04:43,986
"Everyone Must Get Laid."
113
00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:46,521
So, what can I do? I-I want to help.
114
00:04:46,523 --> 00:04:47,722
With the sex dance?
115
00:04:47,791 --> 00:04:48,857
Or the school mystery?
116
00:04:48,925 --> 00:04:50,192
The... second thing.
117
00:04:50,260 --> 00:04:52,861
I need someone undercover
in the hall monitors.
118
00:04:52,929 --> 00:04:54,863
Lewis only recruits bad kids.
119
00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:57,099
So you're about to get sent to juvie.
120
00:04:58,735 --> 00:05:00,002
[BODY THUDS, PUNCHING]
121
00:05:00,673 --> 00:05:03,271
Help! A student is attacking me!
122
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:05,674
- [THUD]
- Wow. You think you know
123
00:05:05,742 --> 00:05:07,075
all the things that turn you on,
124
00:05:07,143 --> 00:05:09,077
but then you see something like this,
125
00:05:09,146 --> 00:05:11,479
and suddenly you're at half-mast.
126
00:05:11,548 --> 00:05:13,148
Aah!
127
00:05:13,217 --> 00:05:14,816
It was this boy right here.
128
00:05:14,885 --> 00:05:17,753
He overpowered me, then he sat down.
129
00:05:19,023 --> 00:05:20,622
[INMATES "WHOO" ING]
130
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:22,691
TURLINGTON: AJ Slick,
the head of the hall monitors,
131
00:05:22,759 --> 00:05:24,292
has a brother in juvie, TJ Slick.
132
00:05:25,099 --> 00:05:27,161
I pulled some strings to
make you his cellmate.
133
00:05:27,769 --> 00:05:28,830
That's the easy part.
134
00:05:28,899 --> 00:05:32,367
The hard part's gonna be getting
this monster to trust you.
135
00:05:32,436 --> 00:05:33,568
Trust fall!
136
00:05:34,873 --> 00:05:38,107
You passed my test. Now
we're friends forever.
137
00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:40,775
STEVE: With TJ's trust earned,
138
00:05:40,777 --> 00:05:42,878
I spent the next month in the yard.
139
00:05:46,223 --> 00:05:47,182
GUARD: Steve Smith?
140
00:05:47,251 --> 00:05:48,783
You're gettin' out today.
141
00:05:48,853 --> 00:05:50,052
Already?
142
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,920
I've only been slamming my gams.
143
00:05:51,988 --> 00:05:54,056
Didn't even get a
chance to jack my sides
144
00:05:54,124 --> 00:05:56,759
or fran my front or clunk my neck.
145
00:05:59,212 --> 00:06:02,330
- Klaus?
- I fell asleep in your pocket.
146
00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:04,132
I've been in this storage locker
147
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,402
for a month surviving on
leaky AC unit drippings,
148
00:06:07,404 --> 00:06:12,274
rat piss, and, ucch, coconut LaCroix.
149
00:06:12,342 --> 00:06:15,677
♪♪
150
00:06:16,678 --> 00:06:20,348
Well, well, well,
if it isn't Steve Smith.
151
00:06:20,417 --> 00:06:23,285
Yeah, don't splooge
in your pants or anything.
152
00:06:23,353 --> 00:06:24,553
You wish.
153
00:06:24,621 --> 00:06:28,290
My anti-depressants make
that absolutely impossible.
154
00:06:28,358 --> 00:06:30,158
Told you this guy's a dork.
155
00:06:30,226 --> 00:06:31,493
I thought that, too.
156
00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:34,296
But I heard you were tight
with my big bro in juvie.
157
00:06:34,364 --> 00:06:37,863
I think Steve should be
our new hall monitor.
158
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,634
Yo, I don't know about this guy, AJ.
159
00:06:39,636 --> 00:06:40,835
He seems like a narc.
160
00:06:40,837 --> 00:06:43,505
Oh, yeah? Would a narc do this?
161
00:06:43,574 --> 00:06:45,173
Oh, hey, Steve.
162
00:06:45,242 --> 00:06:46,508
We miss yo... Ooh!
163
00:06:46,577 --> 00:06:47,709
Aah!
164
00:06:47,778 --> 00:06:50,779
Aaah!
165
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,783
Sorry! But I! Have to! Do this!
166
00:06:56,171 --> 00:06:57,920
Cold-blooded, Smith!
167
00:06:57,988 --> 00:06:59,854
Your cruel whispers
that we couldn't hear
168
00:06:59,856 --> 00:07:01,456
really added insult to injury.
169
00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,792
Welcome to the hall monitors, Smith.
170
00:07:03,860 --> 00:07:05,127
Here's your hat.
171
00:07:05,195 --> 00:07:06,861
Are the fanny packs part of the uniform?
172
00:07:06,863 --> 00:07:08,863
Nah. They're part of our bodies.
173
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,299
You'll grow one, too.
174
00:07:15,576 --> 00:07:17,271
Steve, forget class.
175
00:07:17,341 --> 00:07:18,806
You're a hall monitor.
176
00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:20,875
Lewis lets us do whatever we want.
177
00:07:20,944 --> 00:07:22,410
You wanna go to my house and watch
178
00:07:22,478 --> 00:07:25,279
"Wall Street:
Money Never Sleeps" on my bed?
179
00:07:25,281 --> 00:07:27,149
Oh, here we go. Hall pass?
180
00:07:27,217 --> 00:07:28,282
Um...
181
00:07:28,352 --> 00:07:29,217
Aah!
182
00:07:29,232 --> 00:07:32,220
You remind me of a dog
turd I once stepped in.
183
00:07:32,288 --> 00:07:34,422
It got into all the grooves of my shoe,
184
00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:37,025
and it took my mom weeks to clean it.
185
00:07:37,093 --> 00:07:38,560
Yeah, Steve! Yeah!
186
00:07:38,628 --> 00:07:40,628
He's hiding something.
187
00:07:40,697 --> 00:07:43,565
Let's see what he's
got in that backpack.
188
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,099
[ZIPPER UNZIPS]
189
00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:46,234
MERTZ: It's everything
190
00:07:46,302 --> 00:07:48,102
we need to make a spaghetti dinner.
191
00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:49,771
Nice haul, Double S.
192
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,639
Any chance you snagged a cabernet?
193
00:07:51,708 --> 00:07:53,641
No, but I got this kid's clarinet.
194
00:07:53,710 --> 00:07:55,643
Clarinet sounds like cabernet.
195
00:07:55,712 --> 00:07:59,113
No, it don't! Clarinet sound like this!
196
00:07:59,183 --> 00:08:01,650
[CLARINET PLAYS]
197
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,588
♪♪
198
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:10,324
Aah!
199
00:08:10,326 --> 00:08:12,194
Klaus? What are you doing?
200
00:08:12,262 --> 00:08:13,328
What are you doing?
201
00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:15,930
You're supposed to be getting
clues for the school mystery,
202
00:08:15,932 --> 00:08:18,266
not becoming a
Richard-Grieco-type bad boy
203
00:08:18,334 --> 00:08:19,801
who plays by his own rules.
204
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:22,537
Klaus, I'm fine. I-I'm undercover.
205
00:08:22,539 --> 00:08:23,738
It's all an act.
206
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:25,540
I hope so. You're supposed to be
207
00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,275
getting my lunch lady job back.
208
00:08:27,343 --> 00:08:29,343
And hey, bro, why you peeing
209
00:08:29,413 --> 00:08:31,345
in the stall like a shy guy?
210
00:08:31,415 --> 00:08:33,548
Your dick's super cool.
211
00:08:33,617 --> 00:08:35,617
[BELL RINGS]
212
00:08:35,685 --> 00:08:37,018
PRINCIPAL LEWIS: You guys sure about
213
00:08:37,087 --> 00:08:38,286
this goody-two-shoes?
214
00:08:38,354 --> 00:08:40,422
I don't trust you, Smith.
215
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:42,690
Maybe you need a little test.
216
00:08:42,759 --> 00:08:43,892
Jerk off in front of these prudes.
217
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:45,760
- What?
- Yo, we've been over this.
218
00:08:45,762 --> 00:08:48,430
You can't ask kids to jerk
off to prove their loyalty.
219
00:08:48,498 --> 00:08:50,899
Fine. Option two...
220
00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:53,167
go to this pet store
tonight and vandalize it.
221
00:08:53,237 --> 00:08:54,569
Why this pet store?
222
00:08:54,638 --> 00:08:56,871
Because years ago,
I bought a pet gecko there
223
00:08:56,940 --> 00:08:57,972
and it bit me.
224
00:08:57,974 --> 00:09:00,508
It's time to settle the score.
225
00:09:00,577 --> 00:09:06,314
♪♪
226
00:09:06,382 --> 00:09:08,116
Steve, I don't know about this.
227
00:09:08,184 --> 00:09:09,517
You're breaking into a pet store,
228
00:09:09,586 --> 00:09:11,586
you've driven all your friends away,
229
00:09:11,588 --> 00:09:12,854
and don't think I don't smell
230
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:14,989
those clove cigarettes on your breath.
231
00:09:14,991 --> 00:09:17,826
- Whatever.
- It's a slippery slope, Steve.
232
00:09:17,851 --> 00:09:18,893
First it's cloves.
233
00:09:18,956 --> 00:09:20,094
Then it's e-cigs.
234
00:09:20,171 --> 00:09:21,596
Then it's regular cigs.
235
00:09:21,598 --> 00:09:22,607
Then it's mary jane.
236
00:09:22,666 --> 00:09:23,675
Then it's cocaine.
237
00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:25,267
Then it's black tar heroin.
238
00:09:25,335 --> 00:09:27,001
That is the order.
239
00:09:27,003 --> 00:09:28,470
You think I like this?
240
00:09:28,538 --> 00:09:30,939
You think I'm enjoying
doing whatever I want
241
00:09:31,007 --> 00:09:34,408
with total impunity,
basically running the school
242
00:09:34,478 --> 00:09:37,479
and being less a student and more a god?
243
00:09:37,547 --> 00:09:40,414
Pray to me!
244
00:09:41,137 --> 00:09:42,350
Sorry, I missed all that.
245
00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:44,018
The lunch ladies and
I just about had our
246
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,755
escape room night planned,
and now Gretchen wants to change
247
00:09:46,823 --> 00:09:49,223
everything around for her son's funeral.
248
00:09:49,293 --> 00:09:51,025
I'm not a bad kid.
249
00:09:51,027 --> 00:09:53,495
I just need to gain Lewis' trust.
250
00:09:53,563 --> 00:09:55,563
I'll only release one animal.
251
00:09:55,632 --> 00:09:58,232
No harm, no foul, no big whoop.
252
00:09:58,302 --> 00:09:59,834
[MONKEY SCREECHING]
253
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,436
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
254
00:10:01,505 --> 00:10:02,514
No, no, no, no!
255
00:10:02,572 --> 00:10:04,105
Not the snakes!
256
00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:05,183
No!
257
00:10:05,241 --> 00:10:06,574
Oh!
258
00:10:06,643 --> 00:10:08,510
Not the pretty peacocks!
259
00:10:08,578 --> 00:10:09,978
♪♪
260
00:10:10,046 --> 00:10:12,514
[ANIMALS ROARING, SCREECHING]
261
00:10:13,383 --> 00:10:14,950
I'm sure they'll come back.
262
00:10:17,321 --> 00:10:18,987
- [PEACOCKS SQUAWKING]
- How do these stupid birds
263
00:10:19,055 --> 00:10:20,388
keep getting in our house?
264
00:10:21,303 --> 00:10:25,860
Oh, ladies, ladies,
this dancing has exhausted me.
265
00:10:25,862 --> 00:10:28,963
Let us step inside
for some refreshments.
266
00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:31,333
Myah! Myah!
267
00:10:31,401 --> 00:10:32,534
That laugh.
268
00:10:32,602 --> 00:10:34,268
It's enchanting!
269
00:10:34,338 --> 00:10:35,870
[SQUAWKING]
270
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:38,540
Hey, it's that wonderful
working-class Brit
271
00:10:38,608 --> 00:10:40,542
who owns the sunglass place at the mall.
272
00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:42,344
[BRITISH ACCENT] I found yer 'usband
273
00:10:42,412 --> 00:10:44,090
and this grey boy at the mall.
274
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,747
Why are they frozen like this?
275
00:10:45,816 --> 00:10:48,750
These geezas saw sum'ing terrible.
276
00:10:48,818 --> 00:10:52,086
Sum'ing that made them lose their words.
277
00:10:52,088 --> 00:10:57,425
Sum'ing that even $4,000
of sunglasses couldn't fix.
278
00:10:57,494 --> 00:10:59,161
I charged it to a credit card
279
00:10:59,229 --> 00:11:02,564
I found stickin' out the grey one's ass.
280
00:11:02,632 --> 00:11:04,232
Anyway, I gotta get back.
281
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:08,603
I'm expectin' a
'uge shipment of Oakley's.
282
00:11:09,573 --> 00:11:12,506
- What did he say?
- I think it was a poem.
283
00:11:12,508 --> 00:11:14,642
It was so beautiful.
284
00:11:14,711 --> 00:11:16,378
'Sup with them?
285
00:11:16,446 --> 00:11:18,646
[BELL RINGS]
286
00:11:19,786 --> 00:11:22,517
Today's chicken provencal was amazing.
287
00:11:22,586 --> 00:11:26,921
Really made up for yesterday's
pitiful trout almondine.
288
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,723
You should smile more.
289
00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:30,859
Steven. I need to see you.
290
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:31,793
Now.
291
00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:33,528
I'm worried about you, Steve.
292
00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:35,463
- I have half a mind to pull you out.
- You can't...
293
00:11:35,532 --> 00:11:36,798
Don't listen to Steve!
294
00:11:36,867 --> 00:11:39,201
He's been seduced by the
hall monitor lifestyle.
295
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:40,869
I have not.
296
00:11:40,937 --> 00:11:42,404
Then you won't have a problem...
297
00:11:42,472 --> 00:11:43,538
wearing a wire.
298
00:11:43,607 --> 00:11:45,874
Ooh, tonight's bad for a wire.
299
00:11:45,942 --> 00:11:47,609
We have a big dinner with Lewis.
300
00:11:47,677 --> 00:11:49,744
L-Let's pencil it in
for after Labor Day.
301
00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:53,748
That would give me a chance
to focus on the sex dance.
302
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:54,883
Steve doesn't want to catch Lewis
303
00:11:54,951 --> 00:11:56,751
because he's in too deep.
304
00:11:56,753 --> 00:11:58,286
Right. Steve wears the wire.
305
00:11:58,354 --> 00:11:59,421
Tonight.
306
00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:01,380
- Fine.
- I'm coming with.
307
00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:04,158
And if we get in trouble,
I have cyanide pills.
308
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,628
We cannot fall into enemy hands.
309
00:12:06,696 --> 00:12:08,963
Wait, they look just like my Tic Tacs.
310
00:12:08,965 --> 00:12:10,765
Why did I mix them together?
311
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:15,503
Oh, man, I was handing these out
like crazy at the post office.
312
00:12:15,572 --> 00:12:18,172
♪♪
313
00:12:18,174 --> 00:12:19,574
[LAUGHTER]
314
00:12:19,576 --> 00:12:22,043
Damn, guys. Smith cracks me up!
315
00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:24,178
KLAUS: They're on to us.
We got no way out.
316
00:12:24,248 --> 00:12:25,713
Take the pill.
317
00:12:25,782 --> 00:12:27,715
As you know, I gathered you here
318
00:12:27,784 --> 00:12:29,851
to reveal my diabolical scheme.
319
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:31,385
That sounds like dessert talk.
320
00:12:31,387 --> 00:12:32,921
It all started when I was wasted
321
00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:34,522
and bought a Christmas tree farm.
322
00:12:34,591 --> 00:12:37,259
But that thing makes no
money 11 months a year!
323
00:12:37,327 --> 00:12:40,194
I had to find a way to
make money year round,
324
00:12:40,196 --> 00:12:43,798
so I cooked up this
totally illegal idea.
325
00:12:43,867 --> 00:12:45,267
Hold that thought, I gotta take a dump.
326
00:12:45,335 --> 00:12:47,401
Hold that dump, I gotta share a thought.
327
00:12:47,403 --> 00:12:49,604
I've been grinding up
the trees for sawdust,
328
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:50,939
but nobody wanted this stuff.
329
00:12:51,007 --> 00:12:53,808
- [PLATES CLATTER]
- So I finally had the excuse
330
00:12:53,877 --> 00:12:56,544
to do something I've
wanted to do for years...
331
00:12:56,613 --> 00:12:58,146
poison children.
332
00:12:58,214 --> 00:13:00,682
Lots of vomit means lots of sawdust.
333
00:13:00,750 --> 00:13:03,085
I-I don't think any of
that could be tied to you.
334
00:13:03,153 --> 00:13:05,019
But that was small potatoes.
335
00:13:05,021 --> 00:13:06,888
This next part is big potatoes.
336
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:08,090
If someone were to record it,
337
00:13:08,158 --> 00:13:09,757
there's not a jury in the world
338
00:13:09,826 --> 00:13:12,160
that wouldn't lock me up
and throw away the key!
339
00:13:12,228 --> 00:13:15,630
I'm going to poison the
town's water supply!
340
00:13:15,632 --> 00:13:19,301
Me! Principal Brian Lewis!
341
00:13:19,369 --> 00:13:20,702
Oh, boy.
342
00:13:20,771 --> 00:13:23,104
Oh, man. What a sting.
343
00:13:23,173 --> 00:13:25,173
We got Lewis dead to rights.
344
00:13:25,241 --> 00:13:26,908
Didn't you think some
of the things he said
345
00:13:26,977 --> 00:13:29,444
had a jokey, inadmissible quality?
346
00:13:29,513 --> 00:13:31,846
Oh, no. This is airtight.
347
00:13:31,848 --> 00:13:33,047
Whoo-hoo!
348
00:13:33,049 --> 00:13:34,750
I'm gonna hit the sack.
349
00:13:38,655 --> 00:13:39,787
I can't sleep.
350
00:13:39,856 --> 00:13:41,189
I'm buzzing.
351
00:13:41,257 --> 00:13:43,658
Where are those cyanide pills?
352
00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:44,793
I'll just take a little half.
353
00:13:44,861 --> 00:13:47,529
Slow down the old super-computer.
354
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:49,063
What are you doing?!
355
00:13:49,065 --> 00:13:50,074
I-I have to do it!
356
00:13:50,134 --> 00:13:51,933
I have to! I'm in too deep!
357
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:54,802
Before you do it,
just let me say three words to you...
358
00:13:54,871 --> 00:13:56,738
telescoping driving cane.
359
00:13:56,807 --> 00:13:58,540
That means nothing to me.
360
00:13:59,237 --> 00:14:00,608
Hi-yaaaa!
361
00:14:00,677 --> 00:14:02,610
[THUD]
362
00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:04,679
He's coming to!
363
00:14:04,748 --> 00:14:06,614
Wh-What's going on?
364
00:14:06,683 --> 00:14:08,883
These are the women Lewis fired.
365
00:14:08,952 --> 00:14:12,220
They wander the streets,
still dressed as lunch ladies.
366
00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:14,822
They just want to put slop on plates.
367
00:14:14,891 --> 00:14:17,492
- Won't you help them, Steve?
- I will.
368
00:14:17,556 --> 00:14:20,162
Your whack on the head
knocked some sense into me.
369
00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:22,430
We've got to get this
evidence to Turlington.
370
00:14:23,284 --> 00:14:25,033
I'll drive.
371
00:14:25,101 --> 00:14:27,569
Where does one buy a
telescoping driving cane?
372
00:14:27,637 --> 00:14:28,903
- Eddie Bauer.
- Oh.
373
00:14:28,972 --> 00:14:30,305
[BOTH SCREAM]
374
00:14:30,841 --> 00:14:31,906
[BOTH SCREAM]
375
00:14:31,975 --> 00:14:33,175
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
376
00:14:33,258 --> 00:14:34,843
Do you think it was suicide?
377
00:14:34,911 --> 00:14:36,444
At least we have the recording.
378
00:14:36,513 --> 00:14:38,046
We can still take it to the cops.
379
00:14:38,114 --> 00:14:41,183
We should close his eyes.
380
00:14:41,251 --> 00:14:42,316
Oh, shit.
381
00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:44,853
This freak doesn't have any eyelids.
382
00:14:44,921 --> 00:14:46,755
- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
- Gather round.
383
00:14:46,768 --> 00:14:48,990
All you cops are gonna
want to hear this.
384
00:14:49,059 --> 00:14:51,259
Yeah, so put down
your doughnuts, piggies,
385
00:14:51,327 --> 00:14:52,360
and listen up!
386
00:14:55,799 --> 00:14:58,200
KLAUS: [GROANING]
387
00:14:58,268 --> 00:14:59,934
It's so dang hot under this.
388
00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:01,335
I'm dying.
389
00:15:01,337 --> 00:15:04,539
Why did I guzzle that Arizona Iced Tea?
390
00:15:04,541 --> 00:15:05,940
[CLICK, REWINDING]
391
00:15:06,009 --> 00:15:09,544
Steve's wearing a jacket
and a long-sleeve tee?
392
00:15:09,613 --> 00:15:11,079
What is wrong with him?
393
00:15:11,147 --> 00:15:14,082
[SIGHS] Well, we have nothing.
394
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:15,617
Wait, don't turn it off.
395
00:15:15,685 --> 00:15:18,086
I'm about to sing a song from "Wicked."
396
00:15:18,154 --> 00:15:20,021
The wizard is ready for you.
397
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:23,759
[VOCALIZING]
398
00:15:27,631 --> 00:15:29,631
Turlington's dead,
the whole town's about
399
00:15:29,699 --> 00:15:30,765
to get poisoned...
400
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:31,634
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
401
00:15:31,686 --> 00:15:34,969
And now Lewis wants to take
me up to the tree farm.
402
00:15:34,971 --> 00:15:36,704
Oh, God! He's gonna kill me!
403
00:15:36,773 --> 00:15:38,973
No. He's gonna kill us.
404
00:15:38,975 --> 00:15:40,374
You're not coming.
405
00:15:40,376 --> 00:15:43,377
It's sweet of you to worry about me,
but I'm coming.
406
00:15:43,379 --> 00:15:45,046
Fine. But to be clear,
407
00:15:45,115 --> 00:15:46,514
I wasn't trying to keep you safe.
408
00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:48,450
I just didn't want to be around you.
409
00:15:48,518 --> 00:15:50,452
Your little bowl bothers me.
410
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,320
All the scooting and scraping.
411
00:15:52,388 --> 00:15:54,656
It's... very unpleasant.
412
00:15:54,724 --> 00:15:58,460
- ♪♪
- _
413
00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,262
I thought it was about time you all saw
414
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:01,463
where the magic happens.
415
00:16:01,531 --> 00:16:03,131
I call it magic because I don't know
416
00:16:03,199 --> 00:16:05,133
what any of these machines do.
417
00:16:05,201 --> 00:16:09,203
I have a bunch of fat guys who
make the machines eat the trees.
418
00:16:09,205 --> 00:16:10,672
They're so fat.
419
00:16:10,740 --> 00:16:12,140
You should see their work pants.
420
00:16:12,208 --> 00:16:14,276
The size! When they hang them up to dry,
421
00:16:14,344 --> 00:16:16,278
they look like medieval tapestries!
422
00:16:16,346 --> 00:16:18,814
Some of them are truly gorgeous.
423
00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:22,484
I'm gonna sneak off and do some recon.
424
00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:24,486
Klaus, it's super-dangerous.
425
00:16:24,554 --> 00:16:28,290
Don't worry.
Ol' Klaus can take care of himself.
426
00:16:28,358 --> 00:16:30,292
♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum-bum ♪
427
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,159
Shh!
428
00:16:31,227 --> 00:16:33,962
♪ Bwaaaaa bwaaa! ♪
429
00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:36,965
♪ Bwaaaa, bwah-bwah! ♪
430
00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:38,767
Oop! I've been caught immediately!
431
00:16:38,835 --> 00:16:40,101
No! Not the toilet!
432
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:42,036
[TOILET FLUSHES]
433
00:16:42,105 --> 00:16:46,308
♪♪
434
00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:47,709
This isn't funny anymore.
435
00:16:47,778 --> 00:16:50,712
We gotta do something about
these Catatonic Cathys.
436
00:16:50,781 --> 00:16:52,381
It's been days.
437
00:16:53,383 --> 00:16:54,516
Okay, that was a little funny.
438
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:56,118
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Don't worry, Mom.
439
00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:57,452
I called in some help.
440
00:16:57,521 --> 00:16:59,654
Dr. Ray?
441
00:16:59,723 --> 00:17:01,323
I-I thought you died.
442
00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:03,257
- No.
- Oh, okay.
443
00:17:03,259 --> 00:17:05,327
Let's see what we've got here.
444
00:17:05,395 --> 00:17:06,404
Mm-hmm.
445
00:17:06,462 --> 00:17:07,929
With extreme cases like this,
446
00:17:07,998 --> 00:17:11,599
I find that returning to the
scene of the initial event
447
00:17:11,668 --> 00:17:15,003
sometimes helps snap
the patient out of it.
448
00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:17,672
How long could this take?
449
00:17:17,674 --> 00:17:19,674
I don't know. I gave up 30 minutes ago.
450
00:17:19,743 --> 00:17:21,475
Ooh! A Cinnabon!
451
00:17:21,477 --> 00:17:23,645
I have one last idea.
452
00:17:25,749 --> 00:17:30,352
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
453
00:17:30,420 --> 00:17:32,354
♪ Come, my lady, come, come, my lady ♪
454
00:17:32,422 --> 00:17:33,821
♪ You're my butterfly, sugar, baby ♪
455
00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:36,758
♪ Come, my lady, come, come, my lady ♪
456
00:17:36,826 --> 00:17:38,893
♪ You're my butterfly, sugar, baby ♪
457
00:17:38,962 --> 00:17:40,562
♪ Such a sexy, sexy,
pretty little thing ♪
458
00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:42,096
♪ Fierce nipple pierce
459
00:17:42,098 --> 00:17:43,965
♪ You got me sprung
with your tongue ring ♪
460
00:17:44,034 --> 00:17:46,234
♪ And I ain't gonna lie
'cause your living gets me high ♪
461
00:17:46,302 --> 00:17:47,435
♪ So to keep you by my side
462
00:17:47,504 --> 00:17:48,970
♪ There's nothing that I won't try ♪
463
00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:50,972
♪ Butterflies in her
eyes and looks to kill ♪
464
00:17:51,041 --> 00:17:53,441
♪ Time is passing I'm asking
"Could this be real?" ♪
465
00:17:53,510 --> 00:17:55,177
♪ 'Cause I can't sleep,
I can't hold still ♪
466
00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:57,645
♪ The only thing I really
know is she got sex appeal ♪
467
00:17:57,714 --> 00:17:59,514
♪ I can feel, too much is never enough ♪
468
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,050
Well, I'm out of ideas.
469
00:18:02,118 --> 00:18:03,385
Give it up, you guys!
470
00:18:03,453 --> 00:18:05,587
They're gonna be vegetables forever!
471
00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:08,256
[SCREAMS]
472
00:18:08,324 --> 00:18:10,759
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
473
00:18:13,864 --> 00:18:15,129
Oh, hey, fun.
474
00:18:15,199 --> 00:18:16,931
The whole family's mall walking.
475
00:18:16,933 --> 00:18:20,068
What do you think?
Could old Al use a few laps?
476
00:18:20,136 --> 00:18:21,335
[CHUCKLES]
477
00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:23,471
Do you even hear yourself?
"Oh, hey, fun.
478
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:24,606
"The whole family's mall walking.
479
00:18:24,674 --> 00:18:26,608
Yeah." Oh, you're the town fool.
480
00:18:26,676 --> 00:18:28,676
Just get of here with your dignity.
481
00:18:28,745 --> 00:18:30,945
Smell ya on the flip side, skater bois.
482
00:18:30,947 --> 00:18:33,147
What the hell was that?
483
00:18:33,217 --> 00:18:35,149
♪♪
484
00:18:35,219 --> 00:18:37,151
Huh? Huh?
485
00:18:37,153 --> 00:18:39,221
Ha. Those are funny.
486
00:18:39,289 --> 00:18:40,889
They're not supposed to be funny.
487
00:18:40,957 --> 00:18:42,757
I think they're incredibly moving.
488
00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:46,828
And now for the main event...
making the whole town puke.
489
00:18:46,897 --> 00:18:49,431
With this gross stuff
I found in my trunk.
490
00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:51,499
- [HISSING]
- ALL: Ugh!
491
00:18:51,568 --> 00:18:55,570
This pipe leads directly
to the town's water supply.
492
00:18:55,639 --> 00:18:57,906
- [GASPING]
- You think that's bad?
493
00:18:57,974 --> 00:18:59,641
Get ready to gasp again.
494
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,910
There's a mole among our ranks.
495
00:19:01,978 --> 00:19:02,987
[GASPING]
496
00:19:03,046 --> 00:19:04,178
[GASPS]
497
00:19:04,248 --> 00:19:05,980
This is Turlington's phone,
498
00:19:06,049 --> 00:19:10,518
and this is the contact labeled
"hall monitor spy."
499
00:19:10,587 --> 00:19:13,455
[CELLPHONE BEEPS, RINGING]
500
00:19:13,523 --> 00:19:15,189
We could have made a great team, Smith.
501
00:19:15,259 --> 00:19:17,992
But instead, you chose to be
murdered by your classmates.
502
00:19:18,061 --> 00:19:19,261
Get him!
503
00:19:20,931 --> 00:19:22,931
STEVE: You almost thought
of everything, Lewis.
504
00:19:22,999 --> 00:19:26,334
But there's one thing you
forgot to have thought of...
505
00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:30,204
In juvie, I only worked out my legs!
506
00:19:30,206 --> 00:19:31,139
[GRUNTS]
507
00:19:31,207 --> 00:19:34,876
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS]
508
00:19:34,945 --> 00:19:37,078
- Ooh!
- [THUD]
509
00:19:37,147 --> 00:19:39,481
[GASPING]
510
00:19:39,549 --> 00:19:41,549
Lewis, you've poisoned
your last person...
511
00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:43,852
[STOMACH GRUMBLING]
512
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:44,953
...me.
513
00:19:45,021 --> 00:19:45,954
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
514
00:19:46,022 --> 00:19:48,222
Hold it right there!
515
00:19:48,292 --> 00:19:50,358
Hey! I thought we flushed you!
516
00:19:50,426 --> 00:19:54,296
When you flush,
you've gotta check the bowl.
517
00:19:54,364 --> 00:19:56,765
Lunch ladies, attack!
518
00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:57,899
♪♪
519
00:19:57,968 --> 00:20:00,168
[GRUNTS] Oh!
520
00:20:00,904 --> 00:20:02,036
[GRUNTS]
521
00:20:02,038 --> 00:20:03,505
♪♪
522
00:20:03,573 --> 00:20:05,106
[THUDDING, POTS CLANGING]
523
00:20:05,175 --> 00:20:07,108
Ooh! [GROANS]
524
00:20:07,177 --> 00:20:09,111
[RETCHES]
525
00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:11,245
♪♪
526
00:20:11,247 --> 00:20:13,047
Aah!
527
00:20:13,049 --> 00:20:15,384
[GRUNTS] Aaah!
528
00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:19,453
Aaah!
529
00:20:19,455 --> 00:20:20,956
[THUDDING, CRASHING]
530
00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:25,760
Wh-Wh-What happened?
531
00:20:25,762 --> 00:20:26,795
Easy, bud.
532
00:20:26,863 --> 00:20:29,463
You're home safe in
the school cafeteria.
533
00:20:29,465 --> 00:20:31,265
Wh-What's going in my arm?
534
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:32,800
You lost a lot of fluids,
535
00:20:32,869 --> 00:20:35,403
so Agnes put you on a Salisbury IV.
536
00:20:35,472 --> 00:20:38,606
Look, the brown's returning
to your cheeks already.
537
00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:42,276
Thanks for saving me from Lewis,
and from myself.
538
00:20:42,346 --> 00:20:44,078
Hey, what happened to Lewis?
539
00:20:44,148 --> 00:20:45,613
He got away basically.
540
00:20:45,682 --> 00:20:47,749
Lewis gets away again!
541
00:20:47,818 --> 00:20:50,218
Hey, you wanna buy a mattress factory?
542
00:20:50,286 --> 00:20:53,155
[BLEEP] yeah, I do!
543
00:20:53,223 --> 00:20:54,723
[GASPS]
544
00:20:54,791 --> 00:20:58,893
- Billy?
- I had the premonition again.
545
00:20:58,962 --> 00:21:01,296
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
546
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,811
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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