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1
00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:01,610
.
2
00:00:01,653 --> 00:00:03,786
[chiming tones]
3
00:00:03,829 --> 00:00:05,483
[car door creaks, slams]
4
00:00:05,527 --> 00:00:08,486
["The Fire
That Keeps You Warm" playing]
5
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:12,577
♪
6
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:16,538
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey
7
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:22,283
♪ Let me walk in the sunshine
of your smile ♪
8
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:27,070
♪ Let me hide in the shadows
of your eyes ♪
9
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,724
- ♪ Of your eyes
10
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:33,337
- ♪ Let me lie in the safety
of your arms ♪
11
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,122
- Hey, good morning, Lynette.
12
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,167
How's the cult going?
Has it turned yet,
13
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,387
or are you guys still
in the peace and love phase?
14
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:41,171
- Nice one, Jack.
- Thank you.
15
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:42,651
- But just so you know, you are
the one that's blowing it.
16
00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:45,393
- How so?
- Spirit week.
17
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:47,656
It's 70's day.
We play Prairie tomorrow.
18
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,832
- Okay, so you're doing
a whole new look just because
19
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:52,182
of a stupid school rivalry.
Why?
20
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,445
- Basic idea is
that it's fun.
21
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:55,577
Also, to be honest,
22
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:56,839
I really hope
we beat them by a lot,
23
00:00:56,882 --> 00:00:59,146
and hope their bus
crashes into the swamp.
24
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:01,496
- Gosh, it must be exhausting
pretending to care about stuff.
25
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:03,280
- Nope.
Not exhausting at all.
26
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,195
Suck it Prairie!
27
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:06,675
- Oh, suck it Prairie!
28
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,372
Yeah!
- Oh, this guy.
29
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:11,810
- Jack, happy Spirit Week.
My favorite week of the year--
30
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,203
oh, well, it would be
31
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:15,553
if we can just beat
the Prairie Rams once
32
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,338
during my regime.
- Wait, wait, wait.
33
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,730
They're the Rams too?
- Yeah.
34
00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:20,297
That's why it's called
the Ram Cup,
35
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,733
as I was telling you
last night.
36
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,300
- Right, right.
Speaking of,
37
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:25,259
thanks for helping move
my old fridge out.
38
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,564
I really appreciate that.
Yeah.
39
00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:28,827
And your delts
are thanking you as well.
40
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:31,134
- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.
41
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,570
Uh-oh.
- [laughs]
42
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:35,312
- Well, you know, anytime
you need an old appliance
43
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,618
moved to the curb,
you let me know,
44
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:40,404
or we could go to the gym
and you know,
45
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:41,623
lift weights for real.
46
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:42,972
That could be cool,
47
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:46,454
assuming no one there is mean.
- Right, right.
48
00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:48,151
Hay, since you offered,
49
00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,327
I do need some help
moving in my new fridge.
50
00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,242
- All I require
is my usual payment
51
00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:54,766
of 2.5 beers
and a full sesh of B.S..
52
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,507
- [laughs] You got it, pal.
Thank you.
53
00:01:56,551 --> 00:01:57,508
- Oh, and don't forget
54
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,249
about my birthday dinner
tonight,
55
00:01:59,293 --> 00:02:01,295
7:00 p.m. sharp at Mancy's.
56
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,601
- Oh, yes, that's right.
Yeah, tonight.
57
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:06,604
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Yeah. Okay.
58
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,651
[door opens]
59
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,957
- Hi, birthday boy.
60
00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,482
- Don't make a big deal
out of it, okay?
61
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:15,787
- [sing-song]
I wouldn't go in there
62
00:02:15,831 --> 00:02:17,441
if I were you.
63
00:02:17,485 --> 00:02:19,182
- Oh, my God.
64
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,489
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,404
Guys, you did not have
66
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:24,709
to do this.
I am very...
67
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,930
- [throwing up]
- Blessed.
68
00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,802
- Oh God, no, please, Helen.
69
00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:32,804
You were supposed
to keep people out.
70
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,589
Oh God, don't look at me.
71
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:37,287
Don't look at my body!
[cries]
72
00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:38,375
- He came in fifth
73
00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,421
in the snow crab-
eating contest.
74
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:42,292
Turns out all the snow crabs
were rotten.
75
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:44,642
- Helen, why did you tell me
not to come in here
76
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,296
in such a sing-song-y voice?
77
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,776
- I don't know,
maybe it's 'cause
78
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,648
you're my favorite person
in the whole wide world.
79
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:53,303
[sing-song] I wouldn't look
in that garbage can
80
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,870
behind you if I were you.
81
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:57,002
- Fine.
- [laughs]
82
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,570
- [throws up]
83
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,444
- Someone's a little dense.
84
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:04,836
- Ugh!
- Oh!
85
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,665
- ♪ Next time I'll listen
to my heart ♪
86
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:11,669
♪ Next time,
well I'll be smart ♪
87
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:17,588
♪
88
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,723
[clock ticking]
89
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:26,293
[door opens]
90
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:29,948
- Shh.
91
00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,951
[jaunty clock-like music]
92
00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:35,780
♪
93
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:36,955
Huh.
94
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,827
Today, guys,
I need excuses I can use
95
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,350
to ditch a birthday party.
96
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:42,439
- Just tell your mom there
will be drugs at the party.
97
00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:44,049
Then your mom will call
their mom
98
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,835
and it'll get canceled.
- That was you?
99
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,576
- You could say
you are memorizing
100
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:50,795
portions of the Torah
for a bar mitzvah.
101
00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:52,319
- Mm, mm-hmm.
102
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,538
Again, guys,
this would be me saying this,
103
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,540
an adult Gentile.
104
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,325
- So, I actually use this one
all the time.
105
00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,891
So you pour a glass of water
on your shoes
106
00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,850
and then you tell people
that your sister's water broke
107
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,330
right before you got there,
108
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,461
and they'll be like,
"Well, why don't you
109
00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,550
go be there with her
at the hospital?"
110
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,900
And then you jet, baby.
111
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,903
- Hmm, interesting.
Uh, anyone else?
112
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:13,557
- Mr. G, whose party is it?
113
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,472
- So, Durbin helped move
my fridge the other day,
114
00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:16,821
and he's leveraging that
115
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:19,041
into a forced appearance
at his birthday thing.
116
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,303
- He helped you move
your fridge?
117
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,565
- Mm-hmm.
- And furthermore,
118
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,045
he's inviting you to a party?
119
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:24,786
That's two good things:
120
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,701
moving the fridge as one
121
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:29,399
and an invitation to a party
as two.
122
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,400
Two good things.
123
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,488
- You have to go
if he helped you
124
00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:32,794
move your fridge.
125
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:33,969
- Yeah, okay.
All right, I get it, I get it.
126
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,057
Thank you.
127
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,928
All right, well,
I guess I gotta
128
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,408
at least make an appearance,
you know?
129
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,670
Especially since I need
his help moving
130
00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:42,020
my new fridge in tomorrow.
131
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,371
Ah, let's see.
Sarika, make a list
132
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,721
of reasons to leave
Durbin's stupid party early.
133
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,940
All right, everybody call out
those reasons again.
134
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,073
- Uh, there's the drug one,
135
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:52,553
the Jewish one...
136
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:53,771
- Just sit regular
and it'll be fine.
137
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,295
- And...
138
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:57,340
- Well, we did our part to win
the Spirit Week blood drive.
139
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,908
You know, if we won,
it'd make Durbin so happy.
140
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,910
- Plus, we got
these free cookies.
141
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,651
[laughter]
142
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,348
- It's so much fun
to spoil Durbs once a year.
143
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:07,611
- I spent the last three months
working on a banner
144
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,787
for the basketball game.
I hope he likes it.
145
00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:11,006
all: Oh!
- Nice.
146
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,442
Unrelated: I found us three
147
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:13,661
Barbara Streisand tickets.
148
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,489
- Oh!
- Eh, eh.
149
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:18,056
I won't seat above mezzanine.
I plan on dancing big
150
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,580
and I don't need some mom
telling me
151
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,582
that I'm blocking the view
for her sick son.
152
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,497
- Em, I think that was
a one-time thing.
153
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:26,413
- Yeah?
- Oh, shoot, my phone is dying.
154
00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:28,458
- Oh, plug it in!
- It's okay.
155
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,025
- Go.
- We have got to see this.
156
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,505
- Mm-hmm.
- I can't believe the Mom
157
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,942
from "Meet the Fockers"
is gonna try and sing.
158
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:37,162
[laughs]
- Sorry, classroom TV.
159
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,860
- What up?
160
00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:43,865
- Hi, I'm looking
for the Durbin party.
161
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,607
- Mr. Griffin?
- Yeah.
162
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,956
- So nice of you to show up.
163
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:51,002
That sweet man has been waiting
for over an hour.
164
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:52,047
- Oh, no.
165
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,527
Please tell me
I'm not this late
166
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:55,006
for a one-on-one
birthday dinner.
167
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,139
- Yep.
168
00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,401
- Agh.
169
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,011
[animated music]
170
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:02,927
.
171
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,581
- Hi.
- Jack, you're here.
172
00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,061
- Yeah, um, I made it.
[laughs]
173
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,454
Thank you.
Yeah, I'm so sorry I'm late.
174
00:06:07,497 --> 00:06:10,935
I, ah, I was um...
175
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,415
I had to study the Torah.
176
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,069
- Oh, you are converting
to Judaism?
177
00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,287
I had no idea.
178
00:06:15,331 --> 00:06:17,159
- Yeah, no, I'm--
I'm just considering it.
179
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:19,074
You know,
they want me pretty bad.
180
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,424
- Well... [laughs]
- [laughs] Yeah.
181
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,121
So is it really
just you and me, man?
182
00:06:23,165 --> 00:06:24,340
- Yeah, every year,
for my birthday,
183
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,559
I invite one friend
184
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,951
so we can really talk,
185
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,126
and this year,
186
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:29,476
you are that friend.
187
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:32,261
- Well, I am honored.
[laughs]
188
00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,480
- Can I get you started
with anything?
189
00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,612
- Yeah, no, I can be
probably be ready soon.
190
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,222
Birthday boy,
you want to go first?
191
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:39,094
- No, Jack, you go ahead.
I'm having surgery tomorrow,
192
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:41,401
so I can't have
any food after 8:00.
193
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:42,619
That's why I made
the reservation for 7:00.
194
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,578
- Oh, my God.
You're having surgery tomorrow?
195
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:47,189
- Super early.
Reverse vasectomy.
196
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,452
Kind of a birthday present
for myself.
197
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,454
- Oh, gosh,
everything you're saying
198
00:06:51,498 --> 00:06:52,673
is making me very sad.
199
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,457
- No, no, it should
make you feel happy.
200
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,981
- Oh.
- I'm reclaiming my virility.
201
00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:58,113
- [clears throat]
202
00:06:58,156 --> 00:06:59,288
I'm gonna give you
some more time.
203
00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:00,463
- No. no, no.
204
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:02,465
He is gonna have
a ribeye and a martini.
205
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,728
Nothing for me, of course.
At least I can see and smell
206
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:08,123
and maybe touch
my favorite meal.
207
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:10,691
- Oh, well...
[laughs] Okay.
208
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:14,608
Ah.
- So....
209
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,479
What's in the bag?
210
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:19,482
- The b-- Oh.
211
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,744
Uh, that's
your birthday present.
212
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:22,180
- What?
213
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:24,182
- Yeah.
Yeah, I had to.
214
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,575
Just from the bookstore
across the street.
215
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:29,492
- Jack.
216
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:34,105
"A Bayesian Perspective
on Queeny."
217
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,498
- Quine.
- Quine.
218
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,021
- Yeah. He was a philosopher.
- Oh!
219
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:38,327
I just learned two things.
220
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,329
- I thought maybe
you would love that.
221
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,505
- No one has ever given me
anything like this.
222
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,681
I cannot wait.
- Yeah...
223
00:07:44,725 --> 00:07:47,162
- I'm gonna save the bag.
- Cool.
224
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:50,339
Ah, so...
Yeah. Yeah.
225
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,342
[piano music]
226
00:07:53,385 --> 00:07:56,519
[loud swallowing]
227
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,522
[animated music]
228
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,655
♪
229
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,439
[phone chimes]
230
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,268
- I got the Streisand tickets!
[laughs]
231
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,226
Yes.
Okay.
232
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:10,228
All right.
233
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:13,057
[refrigerator whirrs]
234
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,189
♪
235
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:17,192
Oh no!
236
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:20,108
That's gonna be some hot blood.
237
00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:25,374
♪
238
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:29,421
- Ooh, that is cutting nice.
- It is. Ah, God.
239
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,553
Are you sure you
don't want a bite?
240
00:08:30,597 --> 00:08:32,599
- Oh, I wish. It's too risky.
241
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,731
It's only a couple of hours
before they re-doodle
242
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,559
my noodle.
- [laughs]
243
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,430
They're you gonna tinker
with your dinker.
244
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:41,608
- They are gonna let loose
my baby juice!
245
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,435
all: ♪ Happy birthday to...
246
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:48,223
- I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
247
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:51,095
- I just...
I can't believe I just
248
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:53,402
talked about my junk
to the wait staff.
249
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:55,230
Here, let me make a wish.
250
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:56,797
Hang on, no,
it's still happened.
251
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,320
- [laughs]
- Here, you know what?
252
00:08:58,363 --> 00:08:59,321
You can thank my doodle
for this,
253
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:00,322
'cause I can't eat it.
254
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:01,715
[both laugh]
255
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,586
[bell rings]
256
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,240
- I heard the hicks
from Prairie
257
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:06,546
are gonna toilet paper Whitlock
tonight.
258
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:09,113
- Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
259
00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:10,767
- We should kidnap
their peppiest cheerleader
260
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,464
and put her in a glass case.
261
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,641
- You guys talking
about Prairie?
262
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:17,426
I got mixed up with
one of those Prairie hicks.
263
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:22,126
It was the summer.
2017.
264
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:24,433
I met Chaz Gurd at 4-H.
265
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:28,611
He had a pond--rowboat,
frogs, the whole deal.
266
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,135
We skinny dipped
in the moonlight
267
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,920
and held each other
as the black night
268
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,443
bore down upon us.
269
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:37,707
- Okay, we get it.
All right.
270
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,753
[door opens]
271
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:43,844
- [laughs] Guys, you are not
gonna believe this.
272
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,628
I had the best time
273
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,500
at Durbin's birthday thing
last night.
274
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,459
Huh, what's this?
- Principal Durbin came by
275
00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:52,896
and returned your book.
He seemed pretty upset.
276
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,159
- I think he might
have been crying--
277
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,640
and limping.
- Oh, no.
278
00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:59,686
- What did you do this time,
Jack?
279
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:02,645
- Well, Marissa, I...
280
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,908
I left
a very incriminating bookmark
281
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:09,913
in the book I panicked-gifted
to Durbin.
282
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:11,523
Ooh!
283
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:14,918
.
284
00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,746
- This is a bad sucky feeling.
[laughs]
285
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:17,834
It's just an all-around
286
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:20,228
crappy, sucky-ass situation,
287
00:10:20,271 --> 00:10:23,927
and there's nothing
that can be done.
288
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,626
- You could apologize.
- Nah.
289
00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:28,323
No.
No, I thought about that,
290
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:31,065
but it kind of doesn't work
in real life, you know.
291
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,676
- You're right boss.
It doesn't work.
292
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,373
I tried apologizing
to Chaz Gurd
293
00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:37,071
for breaking his heart,
294
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:38,115
but he keeps sending me
295
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:40,248
shirtless photos
on his tractor.
296
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,337
- Counterpoint.
It worked when I wet
297
00:10:42,380 --> 00:10:44,252
my younger brother's bed
from beneath it.
298
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:45,296
He forgave me.
299
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:47,821
- You wet his bed
from underneath?
300
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,039
How did...?
301
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,911
- I'm not gonna discuss it
any further.
302
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,913
- Yeah.
303
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:57,265
Ah, hey, Helen,
is, um, Ralph in?
304
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:58,353
- No, he's at the morgue!
305
00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:00,007
He didn't make it
through surgery.
306
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,704
- Helen, let me handle this.
307
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:04,185
And could you get
some more crotch ice
308
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:06,753
for my paper underpants,
please?
309
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,277
Mr. Griffin, can I help you?
310
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,323
- Ah, do you mind if we...?
311
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,807
[loud typing]
312
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,471
- Ralph, I am, um...
313
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:31,952
I'm so sorry.
Man, really, I...
314
00:11:31,995 --> 00:11:33,301
I wasn't trying to get out
315
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,345
of a one-on-one dinner
with you.
316
00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:35,825
I need you to know that.
317
00:11:35,869 --> 00:11:37,305
I thought it was going to be
a whole big group thing...
318
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:39,699
Ralph, it's not about that.
- Jack, Jack, it's okay.
319
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,702
Hey, I realized
that this friendship
320
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:44,704
is--it's fool's gold.
321
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,401
Th-there's no gold
in this river,
322
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:49,056
so I'm gonna pack up
my pan and shovel,
323
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:51,362
and my sluice boxes
and my suction dredges,
324
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,234
and I'm gonna move on.
325
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:56,367
- You're reading
about gold panning?
326
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:58,065
- Maybe.
327
00:11:58,108 --> 00:12:00,937
But that's something
I would tell a friend,
328
00:12:00,981 --> 00:12:02,939
not a coworker.
329
00:12:02,983 --> 00:12:04,985
Have a good day, Mr. Griffin.
330
00:12:08,858 --> 00:12:10,381
- Okay.
331
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:13,733
[sighs]
332
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:21,175
[dramatic music]
333
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:22,176
Oh God!
334
00:12:22,219 --> 00:12:23,177
- Have a good day, Mr. Griffin.
335
00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:25,527
- I know.
Ralph, I'm--she's--
336
00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:26,789
All right, I'm going.
337
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,357
I'm gonna...
338
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,055
♪
339
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,144
[bell rings]
340
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:37,147
[animated music]
341
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,148
♪
342
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:39,367
- Ladies, do you see that?
343
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,412
Do you see that blood
being thrown out?
344
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:43,763
I did that.
I ruined that blood.
345
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,373
I unplugged the fridge
to charge my phone.
346
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:48,202
- You ruined
a full day of blood donations?
347
00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,812
- Don't say it
like I meant to do it.
348
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:50,813
It was a mistake.
349
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:52,162
- We have to catch Whitlock up,
350
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,034
or we're gonna lose
to those Prairie hicks.
351
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,992
- We need to find
more donors stat.
352
00:12:56,036 --> 00:13:00,780
- I hear you need blood!
353
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:02,869
We are winning
this blood drive,
354
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,393
and I will be God dang
if Jack is gonna ruin
355
00:13:05,436 --> 00:13:09,049
Spirit Week
and Ralph's birthday.
356
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:10,354
Drain me.
357
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:13,401
- Are you sure?
You've already given twice.
358
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:16,056
- Oh, honey, I'm
a regular tomato soup factory.
359
00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:18,014
I gonna make myself
go to sleep
360
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:21,452
and you tell them
to just keep on taking it.
361
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,412
- Okay.
- All right.
362
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,543
- Hey.
- Hey.
363
00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,589
- Word on the street
is Durbin hates you.
364
00:13:27,632 --> 00:13:29,417
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
it's a little rough.
365
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,984
You know I lost
my principal friend,
366
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,855
and just when he was
about to hook me up
367
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,465
with JV volleyball tickets.
368
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,424
Bummer, man.
Front row too.
369
00:13:36,467 --> 00:13:39,166
- You know, Jack,
this whole detached routine
370
00:13:39,209 --> 00:13:41,211
is getting a little boring.
371
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:42,909
I know you care about Durbin.
372
00:13:42,952 --> 00:13:45,085
Isn't it exhausting
pretending that you don't?
373
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:48,871
- Not exhausting.
Suck it, Prairie.
374
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,873
What?
Where are you going?
375
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:52,440
Wait.
376
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:55,443
[drum music]
377
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:57,575
♪
378
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:00,535
.
379
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,015
- Thanks.
- Enjoy the game.
380
00:14:02,058 --> 00:14:03,581
- And I can now announce
381
00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,670
that Prairie has won
the tug of war!
382
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:08,717
[applause]
383
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,502
- Oh my God, Mary!
384
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:13,809
That's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen.
385
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,506
- Ooh, I should get
a quick pic for Durbin.
386
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:18,596
He hasn't seen it yet.
I guess he's in the bathroom.
387
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,643
[animated music]
- Oh!
388
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:25,690
- Ah, I was trying to find
the dang camera app.
389
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,040
Why did I put it in a folder?
390
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:29,607
- And now for the results
of this year's
391
00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,653
Spirit Week blood drive
challenge.
392
00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,960
The winner is...
the Whitlock Rams!
393
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,700
[applause]
394
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,920
- Oh my God, Helen, you did it.
395
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,400
You gave so much blood
396
00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:40,749
that you won
the blood drive for us.
397
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,272
- Oh, that's so great.
398
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:46,189
- All right, next up, we've got
the mascot dunk contest.
399
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:49,627
First up, Helen DeMarcus
as the Whitlock Ram.
400
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:51,934
- That's me.
401
00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:55,546
I have a quick question.
Are we in a tunnel?
402
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:56,939
- No, we're in a gym.
403
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,811
- And you are not falling down
toward me from above?
404
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:02,118
- You sure you wanna do this?
- Oh, yeah, I'm good.
405
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,729
- Okay.
406
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:07,950
- For Durbin.
407
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,082
[cheers and applause]
408
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,736
Okay, Helen,
you've got this.
409
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,435
Stay focused.
410
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,959
All right, here we go.
411
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,744
No!
412
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:22,573
[distorted] This is not good!
413
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,880
Holy...!
414
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,100
[shattered glass]
415
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:30,973
Font!
416
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,540
[crowd murmuring]
417
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:35,021
- What do you think?
Low two?
418
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:36,065
- Two?
419
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,675
[whistle blows]
420
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:40,678
[animated music]
421
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:43,681
[cheers and applause]
422
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:50,732
♪
423
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,911
[doorbell rings]
424
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:03,005
- Ah, yo, a little help here?
425
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,789
- Ask one of your friends,
dummy.
426
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,966
See you.
Wouldn't want to be you.
427
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:33,688
[heavy breathing]
[grunts]
428
00:16:38,693 --> 00:16:41,652
[animated drum music]
429
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:45,787
crowd: Five, four,
three, two, one!
430
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,876
[buzzer sounds]
[cheers and applause]
431
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:50,183
- And Prairie beats Whitlock,
432
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:54,013
74 to 9.
433
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,145
- That was in poor taste.
434
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,278
- Damn, we got housed.
435
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:02,543
- Well, it all comes down
to this, ladies and gents.
436
00:17:02,586 --> 00:17:04,849
It's the principal showdown,
437
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,938
featuring Principal Durbin
438
00:17:06,982 --> 00:17:09,680
from Whitlock High,
439
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:15,164
versus Dr. Stumpf,
from Prairie High!
440
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,166
Remember,
the principals don't know
441
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,038
what the mystery challenge is.
442
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,127
Will it be a battle of wits?
443
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:26,132
No!
It's riding mechanical rams...
444
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,917
- Oh my God.
- From hell!
445
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,092
[engine roaring]
446
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:32,921
- What the hell?
447
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:35,706
Whichever principal
stays on longer wins.
448
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:38,231
- No.
449
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,972
- Ralph, you cannot do this.
Your tubes are too tender.
450
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:44,237
- Helen, I have to.
I can tough it out
451
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,977
for Whitlock.
- Hey, Ralph.
452
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,892
- This does not concern you,
Mr. Griffin.
453
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:50,808
- Come on, Durbin,
time for you to lose again.
454
00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,245
Tenth year in a row
for you to lose,
455
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:55,944
you loser.
[laughs]
456
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,903
- Ralph, you cannot do this.
He can't do this.
457
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:02,907
- That means Whitlock forfeits
and loses the Ram Cup.
458
00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:03,908
- Hold on a second.
Hold on.
459
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:06,259
What if, uh...?
460
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,348
What if I ride the bull
instead of Principal Durbin?
461
00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:10,263
You know, for medical reasons.
462
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:14,789
- That is some [bleep] typical
Whitlock [bleep].
463
00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:17,096
Eh, let me see.
464
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,836
- Jack, what are you doing?
465
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,664
I'm not gonna help you move
your new fridge in your house.
466
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,188
- My new fridge is in,
don't worry about it.
467
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,233
I'm doing this for you, pal.
So, you can, you know,
468
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:25,974
let loose you baby juice,
remember?
469
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,019
From the restaurant dinner?
470
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:31,153
- I agree to let you ride
if I can have
471
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,764
a designated rider as well.
472
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:36,767
- Yeah. That seems fair.
- Ah.
473
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:39,248
Hey, Chaz.
474
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,642
[cheers and applause]
475
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:45,167
- Alright from Prairie High,
third year senior
476
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:48,779
and semi-professional
bull rider, Chaz Gurd.
477
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:51,347
- Yeah!
Let's go!
478
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,784
[cheers and applause]
479
00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:55,873
- Is that?
- Yep.
480
00:18:55,917 --> 00:19:00,748
And from Whitlock,
middle-aged A.P. Bio teacher
481
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,185
Jack Griffin!
482
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,274
- Middle-aged?
- That's what it says.
483
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:07,276
- Come on, man.
I'm, you know.
484
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,235
- I crap bigger than you.
485
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:10,714
- Come on, dude,
that's from "City Slickers."
486
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,020
Eh?
- [spits]
487
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:13,674
- Oh.
488
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:19,288
[engines rev]
489
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:24,293
- And here we go!
490
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:26,208
- Let's go!
Get up!
491
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:29,385
crowd: Ride the ram!
Ride the ram!
492
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:32,345
Ride the ram!
Ride the ram!
493
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:35,261
Ride the ram!
Ride the ram!
494
00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:38,307
[cheers]
495
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:44,400
- On your mark, get set...
ride!
496
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:47,882
- [laughs]
[indistinct]
497
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:50,363
[engine roaring]
498
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,283
- Don't worry.
I got this.
499
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:01,939
Chaz.
[voice echoing]
500
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,942
[soft guitar music]
501
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:09,338
♪
502
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:13,037
Oops.
- Heather?
503
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,344
♪
504
00:20:15,388 --> 00:20:18,173
- Come to me.
505
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,919
- And Chaz Gurd
has been thrown!
506
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,487
Whitlock High
are the 2019 Champions!
507
00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:30,185
- Yes.
- Whoo-hoo!
508
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,927
Yeah, baby!
I did it! I did it!
509
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,233
[laughs]
510
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,321
- Aw, man.
511
00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,454
- Hey, so, friends?
- Best friends.
512
00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,064
- That's a little much.
513
00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:41,805
- Come on, just razzing you,
man,
514
00:20:41,849 --> 00:20:44,068
like friends do.
- All right.
515
00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,375
Go ice those balls.
- I will.
516
00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,378
- I'm not far behind.
Oof.
517
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,293
- [laughs]
- Hey.
518
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,469
- I see you found
your school spirit, Jack.
519
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,515
- No, I've just grown to hate
these Prairie hicks so much
520
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,343
that I wanted to see them lose,
you know?
521
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:58,474
And feel deep humiliation.
522
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,563
- That is exactly
what school spirit is.
523
00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:02,348
- Here.
524
00:21:02,391 --> 00:21:05,133
- [indistinct]
- Geez.
525
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,918
- Oh, come on, don't make
a big deal out of this.
526
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:12,836
- ♪ In the sunshine
of your smile ♪
527
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,577
- Why not, huh?
528
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:17,928
♪ That keeps you warm
529
00:21:17,972 --> 00:21:20,191
♪ I'll keep you warm
530
00:21:20,235 --> 00:21:22,237
- ♪ I'll keep you warm
34572
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