Original subtitles

CAPRICE ITALIAN STYLE

THE NURSEMAID

Children!

Are you doing something NOT GOOD?

Are you reading comics? They're awful!

Are these comics?

"Diabolik"!

"Satanik"!

"Kriminal"!

It's awful! It's really awful!

Did you read this during my absence?

I can barely restrain my pain.

You shouldn't read these magazines...

...full of violence, immorality, fear and terror!

This is NOT GOOD! Away!

If you like to read or listen to stories...

...I, Trude, have some stories written by the good, old Perrault.

Do you know Perrault? Come.

- And Alessandro? - Alessandro, come here.

Come and read these nice stories.

- I threw it away. - Well done.

Come and listen to this nice fairy tale...

...not those awful comics.

Do you want me to read you the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

- Yes. - Yes. - There's a wolf...

..with big ears who eats her old granny.

Or the story of Little Tom Thumb. Do you know it?

- I do. - I don't.

Little Tom Thumb's father was a poor woodcutter...

...and they had nothing to eat.

So, he and his wife decided to get rid of their children...

...in the black, black forest!

During the night a storm breaks out.

Lightning, thunder and wind!

Little Tom Thumb and his brothers were very scared.

They walk and walk and walk and come to a little house.

Whose house was that?

The ogre's!

An ogre that used to butcher all the children and eat them.

The ogre comes back home; he smells something strange,

and he says:

"I can smell little boys' fresh flesh!"

Little Tom Thumb and his brothers hid under the sideboard. They started to tremble.

Their teeth were chattering...

...out of fear.

The ogre comes closer, he bends down...

...he draws a big knife...

...he reaches under the sideboard with his big hand...

...ready to butcher and eat the children, like chicken!

Why are you crying? This is a nice story by Perrault!

THE SUNDAY MONSTER

- Your villa must be beautiful. - Yes, baby, you'll see.

There's a small living room, a small kitchen...

...and a big, big bed; You can "WalloW" in it.

That bed was made especially for "WALLOWING".

Look out!

Would you give us a can of gas?

Yes, but only if you use it to set yourself on fire.

- What have we done? - Nothing!

Cut your hair, you're disgusting! we can't see if youre men or women!

I'd kill you all!

Gangway!

- Where are you going? You're crazy! - You scoundrel!

- You could have run them over! - That's what I wanted to do!

Hippies are just beetles and I'm used to crushing beetles!

No, beetles are bugs, "beats" means something else.

They're all bugs to me, dirty and gross...

...and I'll crush them as I crush beetles.

Help! Stop!

- It's time to have some fun! - He deserves it!

Do you need anything?

You left me alone like an idiot to stay with those two "creatures".

- What's wrong with that? - It's bad!

You'd rather stay with them and I cut my hair twice a week.

We just sang together!

- How much do you want for giving us a ride? - Are you kidding?

- Thanks, then.. - No, we have to thank you for inviting us to eat.

But... Just a second... You, "creatures"!

Just a second, stop everybody! Stop!

I'd like to know who invited you to eat.

Your little nephew.

My nephew! What in the world were you thinking, inviting these "creatures"?

It's noon; Joe and Ringo have to eat.

At noon Joe and Ringo have to eat at my house?

Come on, they've been very kind, don't be so grumpy.

I won't let those two bums inside my house - no offense!

Absolutely not! They will have to step on my corpse first!

Stop! It's in your interest, stop!

- What are you doing? - He can't go around carrying all those bugs:

Fleas, mice, cockroaches, beetles... My God!

- Enough! - This is what you need to get rid of them.

I'm setting you free. I'm going to find the other one now.

Where's that scoundrel?

Where are you? Damn bum!

What are you doing with those records?

- Are you crazy? - Why, are these records?

What are they? Trash? Crap? You tell me.

This stuff is useless. Verdi, Bach, Beethoven...

Beethoven, Verdi, Bach - that's all rubbish to you?

- I'll smash your head! - This stuff is useless with women.

What do women have to do with records?

- What did you use to do with women? - What did we use to do?

Send me your sister, I'll explain it to her!

Isn't your nephew enough?

First of all, that's not my nephew, she's...

You need music to create the right mood with women.

Do you play "La Traviata" for your nephew?

And what would you play, a military march?

You're making me laugh! You want to teach me how to conquer women!

Me! I have 50 years of service!

Honored service; I even earned a Medal of Honor!

Here comes the hippie and he wants to be the teacher! Get out of here!

As you wish, but you need our music to get the girls excited!

Enough!

That's enough!

- Ringo. - What is it? - It's ready!

Spaghetti, made by my own hands.

Are you crazy? All this stuff? Are you starving?

A little bit for everyone.

- This would be enough for an army. - They're coming.

- Who, the soldiers? - Here they are.

- Where are these Neanderthals coming from? - Rome; they're always ready to eat for free.

- Who told them they could eat here? - I did. I called them.

I feel like punching you!

Damned hippies! Striking you here would be too dangerous!

I'll outsmart you and strike you elsewhere!

Kid, as I told you, life is life and it's meant for the living.

On the contrary, death is death and it's meant for the dead.

- Were you close to anyone who's dead? - No. - Too bad.

Why?

I would have offered you many.

- Many what? - Condolences.

- You haven't been to confession for a long time, have you? - That's right.

I don't want to hear it!

- Would you like to cleanse your soul and your head! - Yes.

Come with me, son, I'll cleanse you.

Another hippie missing. The series of mysterious disappearances of "beatniks" continues.

Official police bulletin: the crime perpetrator is a MONSTER.

There!

May I?

It's marble!

- Are you foreigners? - No, we are from Rome. - Too bad!

- Do you have a car? - No. - I do.

It's very small, but it's like a big living room.

Follow me.

Follow me.

Two more HIPPIES missing.

- Chief, please tell us... - Just a moment!

You journalists are too demanding!

I can't promise you he'll be arrested tomorrow, but we're making progress.

- Have you found out who he is? - Not yet.

But certeinly he's a sadist, a sexual maniac.

Hey handsome.

You, black-haired beauty!

- Who, me? - Yes.

- Did you call me? - No.

No? I thought you did!

- You thinked wrong. - "Thinked"! How funny!

- What beautiful hair! Is it real? - Sure.

I thought it was a wig!

- No. - And who styles it?

- I do it myself. - Really?

Why don't you come to my barb... hairdresser, Alfonso?

He's great.. Is it far? - No, it's very close, at my house.

Come with me, I'll tell him to give you a discount.

- Don't tremble.. I'm not trembling. - Honey, are you single?

Four more victims of the monster. Four hippies mysteriously missing.

Attention: the sadistic criminal is believed to disguise himself in various baffling ways.

He could be anyone!

- Do you like bagpipes? - Yes, why?

If you want to learn how to play, I'll teach you.

Come to my house, everybody,

I'll give some lessons to each of you.

- I'd like to go. - Yes, let's go.

He's the monster! Run!

Son of a whore, come back!

You hippie, you figured everything out!

Excellency, we got him! He's here in front of me.

What does he look like?

Like a monster.

At your command. We'll make him confess.

- You'll see! - No attorney in Italy will be able to get you out.

I'll call Perry Mason.

Silence, you criminal! Are you trying to deny it?

- I'm not. - So it was you! - Yes. - He confessed!

- When did he confess? - Right now! - I didn't hear.

- Can you repeat it? - Should I write the transcript? - Yes.

- Just a moment. First the victims... - The victims?

- There's the monster! - It's him! Murderer!

- Where are we going? - Take the Salaria route; I'll explain everything.

- You must give us many explanations. - As many as you want!

Go.

He told us about a ditch, but this is a hut!

He wanted to mislead the law!

- Where are the corpses? There. - But they are alive!

It was him!

- What are you doing here? - We fainted and woke up in a ditch...

...and we hid here. - So you didn't kill them!

I'm no murderer!

I just want to punish this kind of behavior.

I enticed them, I brought them to my house,

I gave them chloroform and then I shaved their heads!

I held the scissors and the shaving tool...

...like the crusaders held their swords.

They should call me a crusader.

I'm the "Richard the Lionheart" of hippies!

What I enjoy the most is plucking them like chickens.

I go into raptures over that!

Chief, I confess my weakness, it's a pleasure for me.

That's all.

"That's all"! But that's a crime!

- He's right! - He must be condemned.

Go back home.

No. Not until our hair grows back; we feel ashamed.

You haven't killed anybody, but I'll report you to the judicial authority.

Is there a law that forbids cutting the hippies hair?

- I don't know... - Well... - There must be. - Sure!

The law is the law! And it protects individual freedom.

Everybody can grow his hair as he wishes and you cannot interfere.

You have perpetrated a crime, a serious crime... What kind of crime?

- I didn't study. - I know.

Practising the profession of barber illegally.

No, you have perpetrated a much more serious crime...

- You... Look in the code. - At once.

Hello? Yes, police station.

- No, the chief is out. - What are you saying?

- The usual hassles. - Hello?

- It must be the mortuary. - Nonsense! Oh, it's you!

- It's my wife. - Greetings, madam.

Don't answer, dear. Did you have a nice trip?

Yes, but I put my keys in my brown purse...

...which is inside my suitcase and the suitcase is coming by train.

So I'm stuck outside.

- So you don't have the keys? - No, you'll have to give me yours.

I sent Gianluigi to fetch them from you.

Very well! I'll give them to Gianluigi. By the way, did he study?

- I bet he hasn't touched a book in three months! - Hi, dad.

He's here. Bye, dear.

- Chief, your daughter's here. - You mean my son!

- What have you done? Don't react like mom, that cave woman.

- What did you call her? - A cave woman.

You can't understand, you're just old crocks.

Did you hear that?

Chief.

Yes?

Law section 537! We'll thrash the monster!

- Who? - The monster. - There is no monster!

- There are things much more important than that, get out. - Get out!

My dear friend! Gianluigi, these are the keys to the house.

This gentleman here is a very dear friend of mine!

- Give him a ride. Do you have your car? - I have a "bomb"!

- If you'll allow me, I'll take my briefcase. - Sure. - It's useful!

- Shall we go, kid? - Go, go!

- Goodbye. Goodbye and thank you! - You're welcome!

Greetings to the cave woman.

Eat. Don't make that long face; it will grow back soon.

You're young, your hair will come back! Eat your fruit.

Secret agent K07 Licence to shave

Return to the city from the week-end... Why?

is proceeding neatly and slowly. The police are using helicopters...

...to make sure that the flow of this impressive number of cars...

...takes place in accordance with the Highway Code...

...and with correct driving etiquette.

If we go on like this, it'll be tomorrow morning by the time we get there!

Hey blondie, no passing on the right!

I'm sorry, Che Guevara! I didn't recognize you!

Look how they drive around!

Even the biker is going faster than you!

Come on, kid! Push that holy foot of yours on the gas!

Screech your tires! Faster! Even an aircraft carrier could fit in there!

- Where? - Here, there! Come on, faster!

Is it a Ferrari or a milk truck?

If those idiots hadn't suspended my driving license...

...I would show you how to get out of this jam!

Come on! Move!

- Are you moving or not? - That one too!

What a wimp! I can't bear it any more! It's as hot as hell!

It's too hot!

- You idiot! Did you see what she did? Good-for-nothing!

Never mind! Look: speed limit of 50 kilometers!

Not 5, you idiot! Take your chance now!

Make him move! There's enough room! Now's the right time!

Push on the gas and let's go!

- What are you waiting for? - Hey! Watch out!

Here!

What is that old geezer doing? Are you going to let him beat you?

Good job, I'll clap my hands for you!

Operation Cinquecento! Get closer, come on!

You're so dumb! You'll see, he'll get out of the way! Come on, idiot!

What are you doing! Are you doing it on purpose?

Right!

Damn criminal! See what you made me do!

Unbelievable - the people you meet nowadays!

Are you going to let this retard offend you?

- Move, old geezer! - Scoundrel!

Come on, do something! Defend yourself!

What are you doing?

What have you done, you idiot?

CRYING ASSAILANT'S FIANCEE ASKS HERSELF: "WHY"?

May I be damned...

if I don't love you.

And if it wasn't true...

I wouldn't understand anything any more.

All my mad love...

...is blown by the wind...

...is blown by the wind.

- How happy I am! - Lucky you!

- How nice he is! - Why am I so happy?

- Because you've been born! - What does that mean?

- It means you exist. - Ah!

Ah, the delicate and sweet perfume...

...of a grass giving you pangs...

- Who is he? - The "garbage collector". He's singing.

The garbage collector? What does he do?

He's someone who comes and goes.

He comes, takes away the dead and leaves.

All my mad love...

...is blown by the wind...

...is blown by the wind... like this. WHAT ARE CLOUDS?

Now I'll show you how I'm going to cheat him!

Ah! You don't believe I hate Othello!

You don't believe me, do you? You know what he is to me?

It's something stuck here. Right on my chest.

What has Othello the Moor done to you?

What has he done? You dare ask what he's done to me?

- He's appointed Cassio as lieutenant instead of me. - Who? - Cassio!

That pile of rubbish!

The one that puts his perfume on like an old whore,

And brushes his teeth four times a day!

But you are his servant, his trustworthy assistant!

Sure, I'll serve him alright!

I want to see him dead, that damned Moor!

Are you sure I'll get laid with Desdemona...

...the woman that damned nigger has married?

You poor unaware man, you're already in bed with Desdemona.

You're already stripping her down.

- But you have to keep our deal. Everything I told you. - Yes.

And not a word to anyone!

So, Iago and Roderigo were secretly plotting...

...against the innocent happiness of Othello and Desdemona when...

Othello! Othello, my Lord!

There he is!

The Doge [Duke of Venice] has sent me: the Turks have set sail for Cyprus.

It's war!

Othello, my Lord...

...the Doge is asking you to take command of the Fleet...

...and leave tomorrow for Cyprus, to defend it from the Turks.

Well, Cassio, let's go and make war.

Now we need some sleep; tomorrow we have to get up early.

What a nerve these Turks have! We'll make them regret it!

You promised I'd already be in bed with Desdemona.

- Sure, I'll keep my promise. - How?

- Come with us to Cyprus. - To Cyprus?

Bed habits are expensive! Take lots of money with you!

- How much? - Lots. Lots of money!

Lots! Lots! Lots! Many, many - lots!

A mountain of money!

We are in Cyprus. A storm has wrecked the Turks' fleet.

You can't even smell the Turks' stink any more.

What has destiny decided?

My beloved Lord.

Right, beloved! Let's go make love!

- Those perverts! Perverts, my butt! I wish I were in that bed!

I have an idea!

Cassio! Cassio!

- What are you saying? - You see this?

This is a stone! And we'll kill two birds with this stone!

How long do you think Desdemona's love for Othello will last?

That dirty, stinky nigger.

He's black everywhere, you know? I saw him!

While Cassio is young, handsome, blond, clean and passionate!

He's passionate and she's passionate! Don't you think something will happen...

A "crash"!

I'll make Othello so jealous...

...he'll start banging his head against the wall!

You have to disguise yourself in such a way that nobody recognizes you...

...then you go to Cassio. That pure soul.

You arouse him, you incite him...

...you offend him in such a way that he'll do something he shouldn't!

Gee, Iago, and I thought you were a nice person!

So nice, so generous! Such a kind person! And instead...

...you're so mean! Why?

Anyway, you're not the only one. I'm disgusting too.

Why are we so different from how we believe we are?

Oh, my son!

We're in a dream inside a dream.

Meanwhile, Cassio was having an affair with a certain Bianca.

Scoundrel! You're threatening our women!

En garde, you dog!

You rude pig! En garde!

- What's going on? - He's threatening the honor of our women, Governor.

- Scandal! - Scandal!

Shame on you, my lieutenant! Shame on you!

My Lord, these scoundrels have attacked me!

Sir Othello, where's the fault?

Cassio is young and handsome, "turn a blind eye".

No, he's made a mistake and he must pay!

He will have to be lieutenant somewhere else!

Good night!

At least I have you, Iago, my only and honest friend.

You are good, kind and generous.

You think everybody's like you, but that's not true. Let's go, honest Iago.

- Poor Cassio! So you're unemployed now! Yes!

Mrs. Desdemona, please speak with your husband: put a good word in for me.

I'm sure he won't say no to you!

Please, I'm in your hands!

Yes! Yes! I really want to do this good deed!

Furthermore, you're so young and nice!

Yes! With all my heart!

Your husband is coming! It's better if he doesn't see me!

I'm leaving! Goodbye, Desdemona!

- Remember, I'm in your hands! - Goodbye! Goodbye!

I have no cups, nor goblets, nor glasses...

There is something...

...fishy about all this.

Wasn't it Cassio, talking to Desdemona?

What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve.

My Lord! Please make me happy!

- Tell me. I'd do anything for you. - Really? Swear it!

- Yes, I swear. - Poor Cassio, let him come back to his position!

- Cassio? - Yes.

It was Cassio. It was Cassio!

So, will you forgive him? You will let him come back, won't you?

- Yes, I said yes, that's enough, isn't it? - Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

- I wonder! - Why "I wonder""?

What are you thinking about?

Well...

Sure... It's not Cassio's fault!

He's young, handsome...

...white-skinned... who would have thought Desdemona...

- What? Don't get mad! You're turning black! Are you going to eat me?

What do you mean about Desdemona?

I meant Desdemona is just like all the others.

Desdemona is like all the others?

Yes, sure. Now that I've told you, my conscience is clear.

If it's true, I'm going to gut her! I'll wring her neck like a chicken's!

- Unfortunately, it's true. - How do you know?

How do I know? Come with me tonight and I'll provide evidence...

...that what I have said is the gospel truth, my Lord.

My darling, my little pumpkin, what have you done! I'm going to kill you!

God, I'm going to kill you!

Goodbye, honest Iago, my only friend!

I'll see you tonight.

You see this nice handkerchief?

Do you like this nice handkerchief?

- What a lovely present for Cassio! - For Cassio?

Yes! Go give it to him, tonight it must be in his hands.

"Goodbye, honest Iago, my faithful friend!"

"I trust you alone!"

He trusts only me!

My dear Cassio, these are hard times for lieutenants.

Right, don't even talk about it!

Sure, if it depended on Bianca...

...instead of Desdemona, things would be different!

Sure, that girl has a big crush on you, hasn't she?

Well, I don't want to boast...

- Listen... is it true what they say? - What do they say?

That she hangs on you like a leech, day and night?

Poor deluded girl!

- How is she in the bedroom? - What? - In the bedroom.

A naughty little girl.

I knew it!

- Bless you. - Thank you.

Damn this weather in Cyprus! I've got a cold!

- Can I borrow a handkerchief? - Yes. Here it is.

- There you go. - How nice!

What a nice handkierchief! Cassio, is this a present from her?

Yes.

I knew it!

It's a present from her!

- I have to go now. - Scoundrel!

I'm going to kill her! She cheated on me!

- Dirty cow! - With my subordinate!

- Dirty cow twice over! - She deserves to die!

Right, death!

Still, Iago, I feel merciful!

Merciful! Aren't you a man?

You're right; prepare some poison for me tonight.

Poison? Poison?

You must strangle her!

Strangle her in that same bed where she cheated on you!

I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer.

Who'd have believed it. Darn it, I'm a murderer!

Master, why must I believe Iago? Why am I so stupid?

Maybe because actually you want to kill Desdemona.

Why would I want to kill Desdemona?

Maybe because Desdemona likes to be killed.

- Really? Is it true? - Maybe it is.

Which is the truth? What I think of me...

...or what other people think, or what he thinks?

What do you feel inside? Concentrate on yourself.

What do you feel, huh?

Yes, I feel something!

That's the truth. But hush...

You must not mention it. Because as soon as you mention it, it's gone.

What a beautiful night; how many stars!

Brrr... and it's getting a little cold!

My love will be here shortly...

Come on, let's say our night prayers.

- Come, good hour... - Her last hour has come!

Go!

My lord! What have you decided regarding Cassio?

He must be worried, poor boy!

- Ouch! - Well done!

Why, what a slap you gave me! It's the first slap I've ever taken.

If you want to give me another one...

- Ahhh! - Kill her! Kill her!

- Mercy! - No mercy!

TRASH

But...

Brabazio, never mind. It happens to everybody, one person at a time.

May I be damned...

...if I don't love you.

And if it wasn't true...

I wouldn't understand anything any more.

All my mad love...

...is blown by the wind...

...is blown by the wind...

...like this.

Ah, the delicate and sweet perfume...

...of a grass giving you pangs.

There, he's taking them away.

We won't see them any more.

So long, Iago. So long, Othello.

So long forever.

All my mad love...

....is blown by the wind...

...is blown by the wind...

...like this.

The robbed man who smiles robs the thief of something.

But the robbed man who cries, robs himself of something.

So I tell you, as long as I smile...

...you won't be lost.

But these are only words...

...and I've never heard...

...that a broken heart...

...is cured by listening.

And all my mad love...

...is blown by the wind...

...is blown by the wind...

...like this.

What are those?

Those... are clouds.

What are clouds?

- Who knows! - How beautiful they are!

How beautiful they are!

Harrowing and wonderful beauty of all creation!

WORK TRIP

OUR BELOVED QUEEN VISITS BAAS THE AFRICAN PEOPLE FAITHFUL TO CROWN

I knew I'd get the hives with this kind of heat, and what they give us to eat.

But they're all so hospitable, darling!

It would have been better to send mom. Where are we?

I don't know - maybe central Katombo.

Independent?

No, associate State, the high Katombo is independent.

How confusing all these republics are!

Beloved nation of Katchumba...

...this visit is evidence of the ties existing between our States.

Her Majesty is reading the wrong sheet; let's hope they don't notice.

The tradition of Katchumba, the prosperity of Katchumba...

...its language, its work, guarantee the present...

...and the future of the beloved nation of Katchumba.

They noticed. Let's hope for the best.

What made them so nervous?

JEALOUS WOMAN

- It's beautiful! - Have you been here before? - Me? Never!

- Shall we dance? - Sure.

Are you coming?

Stop!

Paolo! Paolo!

Paolo!

Paolo!

Excuse me.

Excuse me?

You go off and play with little girls. You're so irresponsible!

Darling, we're making a spectacle of ourselves! There's no reason to get mad.

- Let's reason together. - Yes, let's reason.. So...

It's not true that I left you alone.

This is a 50 square meter room, not a jungle.

It's worse than a jungle - you know this place, admit it!

- You've been here before! - It's not true!

Darling, it's easy, just say: "I've been here before".

But it's not true!

- Let's calm down. - No! No, I'm telling you!

I don't want to calm down!

- You told me you wanted to come here, to the Piper! - It's true!

Because I knew this is your kingdom, and now I have proof!

When you're excited your "Adam's apple" goes up and down,

like a tennis ball!

- It's true! - Tell me what you know about me!

I have no prejudices, I'm a free woman!

But you wanted to come here for the little girls! Admit it!

- What should I say? - If you confess, I'll give you a hug,

I'll get down on my knees! Confess! Say it!

Why haven't you ever told me about the tennis ball?

- Didn't you know? - No.

- You really didn't know! - No.

You're beautiful when you're calm, when you smile.

- Shall we dance? - Let's dance.

- All in all, this place is amusing, it's nice. - Yes, really nice.

- So, will you admit you've been here before? - Never, I swear.

- This is the usual useless lie. - Never, honey!

You don't have to tell me how many times, just admit that you've been here before.

All right!

I admit I've been here a hundred times.

I live here, I eat here, I sleep here.

I'm the Piper's owner. I admit it...

if you admit you're jealous.

- Me, jealous? - Yes, you!

You must get this idea out of your head!

Me, jealous! You're attacking me to defend yourself; you're lying!

You say you've been here a hundred times to try to make me believe you've never been.

Very well...

Tomorrow morning at nine...

No, at eight! At seven, at dawn even!

Better still, I'm going to my lawyer right now!

There's an abyss between you and me, I'm already in the future, on Mars!

- You're still living in the caves. - Me? - A survivor from the middle ages!

Goodbye! It's over!

Wait!

Paolo!

- Stop! - I'm asking for a divorce! Consider us already divorced!

Wait! I completely trust you!

- You're a perfect man! - You admit you're jealous?

- I admit it, but... - You have to admit it without any "buts"!

- OK.. Shout it, or you'll never see me again!

- What do I have to shout? - That you're jealous!

- Yes, I'm jealous. - Shout it louder!

- Yes, I'm jealous. - I've become inhibited, alienated.

I'm neurotic, I'm afraid of even looking at a girl.

- When I walk down the street, I wear blinkers like a horse. - You shouldn't.

You're a man. Everybody knows men are hunters!

If you want to go with other women, do it! But tell me!

Or go with them and tell me later; I just want your loyalty!

Paolo, do you want to start over?

You've already said that thirty times. Maybe more.

This time I mean it, believe me!

I'm different; something's changed inside of me.

I'm better now. Do you like that girl over there?

It'd be silly if you didn't look at her, do you like her?

No. She's not my type.

Which one is your type, that one?

- No. - Or that one?

The one with the goat jacket? Or the one behind her?

No, she's too vulgar.

But she's vital and strong.

I like that one over there.

- Isn't she too slim? - No, she's just right.

- She isn't really slim. - How do you know?

You can see it. Let's go home now.

Enough with the nightclubs.

Old house, new air!

Nothing but the truth! The truth is the future!

When you tell it like it is... You live longer!

Are you staying in the elevator? Won't you come in?

Telling the truth is wonderful, but you have to tell it all!

- Sure. - Say you're a scary monster!

You're a scoundrel, a pig!

You'd get laid with every one of them! Beautiful, ugly, fat, slim!

Tall, short! Blondes, brunettes!

All of them! All of them!

- You! You must be that vile man of Via Pradella! - Me? - Yes!

- The monster that raped the old ladies! - You're crazy.

Don't touch me, don't come any closer! Sadist! Sadist!

- No! - Yes!

Don't behave like a false widower; you don't care if I throw myself out!

- Silvana, I love you. - You never gave me any proof of your love!

Silvana, climb down from that window, I beg you!

Tell me what I have to do.

I beg you!

OK. When a man loves a woman, he finds a way to convince her!

- What should I do? I love you! - Words! I want deeds!

I gave you the proof; I virtually threw myself out!

Morally, I'm already squashed against the asphalt!

You'd never give your life for me! You see how different we are!

Yes, I'd give my life for you!

Give it for me then: throw yourself out!

Should I?

- You want my death? - No, I just wanted an act.

But you only worry about your pants.

Between your mother and me, who would you throw off the tower?

I have to go to work tomorrow! I have to get up early!

I can't spend the whole night climbing up and down from windows!

What if I actually fall? What a stupid death!

I'm a steady person; I can't risk my life this way!

What a stupid way to die!

It would be annoying for you; you'd be a widow!

Just thinking of you as a widow, with your lovely face, at your age...

I'd come to you and pull your feet saying: "Go ahead and pick a man.

Even two! Even three!"

If you really love me, don't come, you'd scare me!

Don't be afraid, I won't die! I'm a healthy man!

I won't die before you because I don't climb up to windows like you!

You're crazy!

We've come to this point...

Silvana, I... hope you understand.

I'm talking seriously. we must do something.

Tomorrow I go to Camp Martin.

- Why are you going to Camp Martin? - Never mind, I'll go...

My God, I can't stand it any more! I'm having a nervous breakdown; do you understand?

Yes.

God, how beautiful you are!

There's no woman more beautiful than her in the whole East!

- Feel how firm she is! - Leave me alone!

You know you'll leave a mark! Paolo, don't!

You are a rose... with a shade of fatigue here.

And a little invisible wrinkle there, which suits you.

What wrinkle? I have no wrinkles.

- That's why I said "invisible". - You're right; I'm getting old.

Me too: "sun, stop!"

You have no gray hair, and your belly isn't getting fat.

That's because...

Because I fight!

- Is my blue suit ready? - Aren't you wearing your gray suit?

- No, today I'll wear my blue one. - Where are you going?

Where am I going? What if I don't tell you?

What happens if I don't tell you?

Nothing. If you tell me, I'll get mad.

Good.

I don't care about it, not at all.

- Well, actually I could tell you. - No!

Very good. I see you honor your deals.

What a nice tie, I never noticed it before!

It was about time I wore it: forest green.

- Do you like it? - How elegant you are!

You haven't made a single mistake with your colors lately.

True! Do you know since when?

Since I realized I'm in love with you!

Oh! I wore this underwear...

The other one is better... maybe I should change it.

Don't overdo it! You're behaving like a woman!

Here's my man.

Mine.

Oh! I almost forgot!

When are you coming back?

Are we starting again with your questions? Silvana, do you want me to get the agreement?

I'm going to read it again.

"We, Paolo and Silvana, commit ourselves to the following rules:

No more questions. Neither doubts nor suspicions.

Absolute trust, each one of us is free."

- That's right, isn't it? - Right.

Keep it, read it again.

That way, you'll remember.

Are you going by car?

- No. - You're not going far then?

- I'm sorry, it was just something to say. - We'll talk later; I have to go now.

- I'll call you, bye! - Paolo!

Mystery!

If I catch you, I'll kill you! First her, then you!

Scoundrel! Cheater!

- Where are you going! To the dentist's! - The dentist's? Come here!

- Have you seen a tall gentleman... - No.

What are you doing here, then? I saw him!

- Stop! You can't annoy the tenents like that! - Really?

- You're a pimp then! - I'm calling the cops.

My husband is visiting his mistress. I'll give you a check; where is he?

I don't know... Ah! No, her husband's home.

- Make an effort: think! - I'm thinking!

If you tell me where my husband is, I'll give you a million!

Honestly, it could be anybody... Ah! The notary's wife!

- Where is she? - Third floor!

- The number, quick! - But she has a wooden leg!

It doesn't matter, I have to get there before they undress!

They're kissing! They're kissing! I'm going to kill them!

I'm going to kill them! Paolo!

- Paolo! - what are you doing? Are you crazy?

Silvana!

Silvana.

Silvana.

- What happened? - Nothing.

We are used to shooting at home... It's just a game.

Come on, put your pants on.

What are you doing here in your underwear?

TAILOR SHOP