Original subtitles

Burglar!

Catch the burglar!

Don't you run away!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday...

Sammo Hung!

You're not Sammo Hung! He's not Sammo Hung!

Burglar...

Get him...

Hurry up.

Don't run...

What a coincidence!

We do not wish to be the parasites of society.

We do not wish to live off other people's harvests.

We only want to give comfort to the despaired.

Bravo!

Let me ask is it shameful to be in hard labor?

Let me ask is it a crime to support your husband and children?

No!

I hereby implore citizens of Hong Kong,

that there's no right or wrong in the entertainment business.

Right!

It's everybody's responsibility to legalize prostitution!

Curly, you were great!

We have to act like real men,

be free and go bravely forward! Alright!

Alright...

Brother Jack.

Want to buy me out? My principle is never to be a two-timer!

Say no more. We'll start demonstrating today.

Tomorrow we'll voice our complaints at the Council's office.

Then we'll protest at the Governor's House.

This is the situation. You can think about the consequences.

Talking to you is a waste of time!

Even $3,000 can't buy him. Junkie Ming!

Protest! Protest!....

Protest!...

Three in a row, three in a row!

More than three and we'll be booked for an illegal gathering!

Line up now.

Three by three...

Line up, line up!

Line up, line up!

Right. Line up just like that.

We protest wrongful termination!

Wrongful termination!

We must persist to the end!

What? What are you saying?

What are you doing? What do you want?

Sure, sure, I know what to do.

Jack said we don't need to respect the management.

Jack said we can tear down the factory. Jack said...

Sure, sure, I understand.

Jack ordered me to make a move right away.

I'll make a move on you first!

Sir, this has nothing to do with me.

It has nothing to do with me either. Get in!

Pal, can you please clean thatyellow car for me?

Thank you. I'm leaving very soon.

Where's my car key?

Shit!

It's notyour lucky day.

You've got some nerve!

Hold it! No need to shoot me for stealing a tire.

We citizens are very cooperative with the police, sir.

Do ityourself.

Done.

This will be evidence in court. Move!

Buddy, do you have anything more expensive?

Yes. One moment please.

Please look around. Okay.

Sir, I guarantee you will be satisfied with this watch.

This one? It's not bad!

Chan! Long time no see!

Can't believe I'd see you here.

Why don'tyou ever call your old friends?

Nowthatyou're rich, you never look me up...

I told you... I have nothing to do with that!

Never thoughtyou would shoot me!

You...

What's going on?

Don't look. Just go!

I have nothing to do with it!

Please show me that diamond watch.

Sure.

I'm sure you'll be satisfied with this one.

This one's not bad either.

This one suits you. That's right.

Chan! Long time no see! Never thought I'd bump into you here!

How's life?

I told you not to be trigger-happy!

I told you it has nothing to do with me!

Don't move! This is a hold up! Freeze!

Don't move. I'll shoot anyone that moves!

Don't look! On your knees!

Let's go!

Sir, how are you? Are you alright?

I'm fine. I go home, put some antiseptic on and I'll be okay.

How can that be? You're bleeding all over!

No problem. I'm used to it.

Sir, those robbers ran that way.

Follow me!

You can't move!

What's the matter?

He got shot!

Call an ambulance, quick!

No, don't call the ambulance!

Don't be scared, don't be scared.

Be careful No, really!

I'm alright!

You're covered with blood. What're you here for?

For a stick up, okay?

Of course it's not okay. Otherwise you wouldn't get arrested. Come on!

Why are you still standing there?

Sir, this is such a narrow street. We should go one by one.

Get on with it!

I'm in a good mood today.

Otherwise you would've bled to death!

Sir...

Sir what? Confess now!

Where did the counterfeit U.S. bills come from?

I withdrewthem from the bank, sir.

What? Those counterfeit bills were withdrawn from the bank?

Sir, those aren't counterfeit money.

Can it be genuine then?

Yes...

I'm no longer in a good mood.

It's counterfeit! I picked the money up from the street.

Smart. You just saved your own life.

You wouldn't have gotten a beating if you told me sooner. Try to lie to me?

You asked for it.

7086.

Sir, he has confessed.

They're all genuine.

I went to the bank and checked. He did take out $200,000 U.S.

You've beaten him senseless! You...

Sir, I know what to do.

Sir, he has agreed to accept today as though nothing has happened.

Don't go yet!

7086, you are now off the counterfeit money case.

I've already sent an undercover.

Sir, are there any other cases for me to take care of?

Sure. Go to the parks and catch litterbugs!

Why am I so down and out?

All because I'm so impulsive.

I'm the eldest, so I should be No.1!

I'm No.2.

I'm No.3.

I'm No.4.

Then I guess I'm No.5.

From now on, we'll share both joy and pain together!

Who's willing to clean the toilet?

Him!

Even the air breathes differently from the other side of the wall.

What's the matter? Asthma attack?

Just getting used to the air outside.

I don't think you'll get used to it. Go back in.

Honest to God, please don't follow us. Go, go!

Wait for Teapot!

No need to wait!

I said wait...

You're right. We better get going.

Is that how you guys treat me now, buddies?

Let's wait for him.

Look atyou. Put these clothes on.

Boss!

Daddy!

I've told you not to speak English with me.

Father.

Good.

Are you still fooling around with that chauffeur?

Not fooling around. We plan to get married right after you're out.

Future Father-in-law.

No need to be envious.

We'll get a cooler reception the next time we get out!

Maybe we have to use our legs to hail a bus now!

Let me!

A flat tire.

Pal, it's your lucky day. Even here you can get 5 passengers.

Bye!

When you're down in luck, there's simply no escape!

Oh well, better get some Palmolive leaves

to wash away all the bad luck!

Ah Sing, want to play poker today?

You can count me out. Today isn't my lucky day.

You're kidding!

Don't believe me? Come take a look and you'll know what I mean.

Each one of them has the word "convict" sculpted on their foreheads!

What are you honking at? Late for your own execution?

So, uh, Curly. Why are you in for?

Oh, nothing. I was on this minibus and the driver was talking shit.

So I grabbed him off the wheel, stabbed him a couple of times

and I got 3 years.

You thinkthat's bad!

Some guy just kept staring at me, so I cracked his eyeball with just one punch?

I got 2 years for that.

Then using sulfuric acid is better.

That time when I splashed it on the driver's head,

I only got 18 months!

Then your luck is better than mine.

I used sulfuric acid too! But I got 10 years!

10 years?? Where did you splash him?

I didn't. I forced it down his throat.

Doesn't matter how much time you get.

Whoever thinks he's tough? He's gonna get it!

I wonder how much time one will get for setting a minibus on fire?

Hey driver, got a light?

No! No!

Enough already. I'm getting all fired up.

Curly, is there a minibus that takes you straight to your place?

There used to be one. I don't know about now.

Then how do we get there?

Make a left here.

Then a right.

Go straight and through the puddle.

Stop right here!

How much, man?

All men are brothers! No need, no need!

Thanks!

Hard to believe you have property!

It's not mine. It belongs to my uncle.

His whole family is busy washing dishes in Canada.

I'm just house sitting for him. But Uncle is already 79,

and has no children. All of this will belong to me one day.

Help yourself, guys. There's beer in the fridge.

Sis! Sis!

Want to guess how Curly's sister looks like?

Just look at him and you'll know.

Thanks.

Not necessarily so.

Curly, come over here.

What's up?

We're going to ask you a question, and you must give an honest answer.

Say it!

Do you and your sister share the same parents?

Yes.

What about it?

Nothing.

Then it's hopeless!

What now? What's the matter?

Nothing. Going to the toilet.

What happened?

Nothing. Just being scared by my sister.

All these years and she still scares him!

We better have some mental preparation.

Cut the crap. Just be polite when you greet people.

Are all the guests here? All here.

Dinner's ready. Have a seat.

Actually, God is very fair.

A beautiful lady can never cook.

And a lady that cooks is never...

Say Hello to the uncles.

Hello uncles.

She's "helloing" you guys!

I'm Lin, butyou can call me Vaseline.

Sit down.

You all better not letyour imagination go wild.

Honestly, let me ask you one more question.

What was your father's occupation?

Seaman.

No wonder.

Burglar!

What is it? There's a burglar!

He's not a burglar. He is Teapot.

It's alright. Go away!

I'm Teapot.

Sorry.

No need to say sorry. It's perfectly normal to think he's a thief.

Say, does your foot hurt?

Are you alright?

I'm alright, just feeling a bit cheated.

It's okay. Just a misunderstanding. Come eat!

Come get some rice.

What's this? This is my house. No need to stand in line for food anymore.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Make yourselves at home.

Thanks.

Thanks.

She can get it herself.

Thanks.

Is the stuff ready yet?

All set.

Boss, can you tell which one is real?

The middle one.

Wrong, Boss!

It's the one above.

Wrong again, Boss. All three are counterfeits.

Come over here.

Don't fool me like that again.

Butyou've done good on this job.

I'm serious. Stop following me!

Hey man, it's all of you who told me to wear this rag!

What rag?

Is it so embarrassing for you to wear my dad's clothes?

I didn't say that. You were the ones who said it's ugly.

It is a little ugly, but it really suits you.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It's the inner beauty that counts.

Jack was right. Your only flaw is your awkward appearance,

otherwise you're fine.

Stop arguing. Let's go.

Don't touch!

That's no fun!

Not even a pat on the shoulder!

Of course. Curly Jack may think you two are perverts.

Look what a bad mouth you have!

What do you mean "may"?

They are perverts!

Her brother is here. It's hopeless.

Think of a plan to get rid of him.

What plan?

Can'tyou think of one?

Tonight...we two... brothers...are not selling...

...selling medicine.

How come I don't see Butcher Wing and his sister?

Medicine!

We're...here to...

heal the sick.

And...and...

nourish the healthy...

and...and...

Me? Of course it's you.

The smart ones talk and the dumb ones act.

Strengthen...

Strengthen your body. Most performers sell fake medicine!

The whole...whole...

body will be strong all over.

The pills...though they

are tiny,

but...they're...easy...

...to swallow. Three times a day, morning, noon and night.

That's why I've...never...

gotten sick in the last twenty years.

full...of...vitality...

Alright, folks. Enough with the small talk!

I beg your pardon!

I thought it's something special. See them all the time on those oldies rerun!

Look atyou. Use some force! Looks more like some old man pissing.

You've got guts!

How dare you hit Master Chiu?

Don't go away! I was just kidding!

No! I was just kidding!

Brother...

Relax, sis. Your brother is used to this kind of action.

He's run away from tougher battles!

Small matters like this are no big deal.

He'll be alright, sis. We'll take a stroll over there.

Windpipe! Are you going to compete with me?

Can'tyou tell?

Let me set the rules straight.

No need. We'll use our own cunning ways.

Now what? You like to pull men's pants off too?

You...

Look who's taken the gravy!

Come and get it! Brand name Walkie-Talkie only $65!

Last chance!

Sis, can you hear what I say? Over.

Yes. At this distance, anyone can hear you.

Got to move further. Give it to me!

This game is not for you and me.

Machinery is Windpipe's specialty.

This time you're right. I can tell right away.

Even though it says "Made in Japan",

it's actually made in Hong Kong.

But its reception capabilities are very strong.

I think its transmission radius should be 51.4 meters!

How can you be so sure?

He's bullshitting.

Bullshitting? You can askthe boss.

My friend, you do have some knowledge.

See? Listen, sis.

I'll nowtalkto you at the 51.4 meter spot.

Why am I hanging out with a dork like him?

Windpipe, over, over.

Hi, sis. Over.

Are you at the 51.4 meter spotyet?

Notyet. I'm on my way.

Sis, can you hear me clearly? Over.

Vaguely, over.

What about now?

Sis asks you to sing a song for her.

What? Sing a song?

Yes!

"Baby loves me from the heart,

I love baby from the start.

And we wish upon a star,

till forever do we part.

Nowthe sea is in between...

Who knows when we'll meet again?"

Dad, someone has taken over our turf!

"Brief reunion can be sweet..."

It's a tough living, my child.

They'll sing theirs, and we'll sing ours.

"...can be sad."

"Past joys are hard to forget..."

Sis, sis. Can you hear me? Over.

Sis? Sis your ass! I'm closing up!

Get me backthe walkie-talkie now!

Or I'll call the cops!

Teapot, go get some peanuts so you two can eat.

I want some too!

Get going. Do you need some change?

No, because I don't have any money at all.

God knows I tried hard to preserve your dignity. Here!

My dignity is worth more than 10 bucks.

Then how much?

150 bucks.

That's too much!

Too much? Then try and get rid of me too.

Alright. Let's get this over with.

Relax. I will pay this $150 backto you.

After three years in the cell, even a hooker is Princess to me now.

See ya!

Where's Ranks?

He must have sent him off!

I think he must've left on his own.

That's right. He has to take care of something.

Very nice!

That's a ladies' booth. Why are you standing there?

Nothing.

Even those with potential are gone now.

You should know what to do.

I know. I'm leaving,

but I want to say goodbye to Sis first.

No need. Just disappear.

No way! Sis was already asking me...

why they've left so suddenly.

I think it'll be beneficial to you if I let her know.

Sounds like you want to help me out.

That depends on whether it's worth it. How are you going to help me?

Alright. Here're 30 dollars for a movie and a late night snack.

You can keep the change.

Remember, don't take too long!

Okay.

Then how long is "don't take too long"?

I don't know how you can live for so long.

Fine. I'll give you a signal, then you can go. Remember now!

Sis. Vaseline told us to leave first.

Why?

Don't know. He said he has to take care of something urgent.

Why don'tyou go and ask him?

There's no need. Let's go.

TEAPOT!

So that's whatyou guys have been fighting for.

That's right.

Turns out I'm the one who has a chance to be with you.

Actually, you can just ask me out.

I don't dare. I know who I am.

Look at me. Aside from being healthy, smart,

kind-hearted, hard-working,

sincere, and honest,

I have nothing else in my favor.

Besides, girls nowadays only care about appearances.

That is true.

Even you agree. That's why I don't dare to approach any girls.

So what if I get to know...

an approachable girl like you?

I am shy and no good with words.

Just one look from a girl, and my heart would jump,

my knees would jerk, and my hands get numb.

I'll just be like right now, not knowing what to say.

You mean you've never asked a girl out before?

Asking a girl out, no. But paid a girl for a night out, yes.

I'm just kidding!

Where do we go now?

We can go to...

Go to hell! All those noises. You even scared my fish away!

Have people been calling you Teapot since you were a kid?

No. When I was little, everyone called me Little Teapot.

Actually, you hardly look like a teapot.

Hardly? I am from head to toe. There's even a song about it.

Song? Can you sing it for me please?

Right here?

So what? There's nobody around.

Promise me not to laugh if I sing.

I promise. Now sing!

"I am a teapot fat and short, I am a teapot fat and short.

This is the handle, this is the spout.

Water is boiling, tea is pouring!"

Teapot, you are a charmer!

Teapot. Where did you take my sister to just now?

Brother!

We went for tea.

That means you haven't eaten yet.

I've treated each of them with a hard-boiled egg.

I even saved two for you.

You bastard. No!

I got a beating because of you!

Where do you want to go now?

Anywhere.

Want to go see a movie?

Alright, but I don't watch horror movies.

What do you want to see then?

Comedies.

Your turn, kid.

"Maxim's smart, Maxim's best, Maxim's cakes beat the rest."

Answer one more question. What's Maxim best known for?

Any tips?

I'll give you three choices.

Pancake, pudding, or pastry.

Pancake.

Wrong. One more chance.

Pudding.

Wrong again. One last chance.

Pancake plus pudding.

This is for you.

I would like 3 ham and egg sandwiches and 2 hamburgers,

3 Cokes, and a coffee to go.

Also 2 pork chop over rice and 2 orange juices for here.

Eat in, thanks.

What would you like?

You can get a table first.

Okay.

Chubby, lend me your girlfriend for a while.

There's going to be a robbery here.

Don't worry. You two will be safe as long as I'm here.

Chubby, sit down and eatyour pork chop over rice.

Just duck when I tell you to.

For you.

I want money, not prizes!

Kid, you...

I was a kid 30 years ago. Now I'm a robber.

Give me your money now. My gun has very little patience.

And don'tyou dare scream.

Keep cool, keep your mouth shut, and put the money in this bag.

You'll soon forget aboutyour fears. Get used to it.

Better not scream till you think you're safe.

Freeze! Get down!

Let them go or I'll kill him!

Chubby, you've got some moves.

Just so so.

Teapot, are you alright?

I'm fine.

I don't understand, why do you let them bully you?

Actually, they should be glad you're not bullying them.

When I was a kid, I like fighting and bullying others.

And I ended up having no friends.

So now I treasure friendship much more.

As long as they are my friends, I don't mind them bullying me...

once in a while.

Robbery!

Now she yells!

Don't move! Or this bullet will go through your head, then theirs.

You fake! How dare you rob with a phony gun!

You need some help?

Sure.

Not that! Call the cops for me.

Don't move!

Shoot!

1, 2, 3!

Next time we'll throw when we count to 2.

What're you guys laughing at?

Don't tell, no matter what.

What're you two looking at? Sit down and let's finish the game, idiots!

Invisible, sure. Even if the body is,

you still can see the clothes!

This time it'll work for sure!

Shoot! You can't even shoot at the goal!

Shoot!

What a dumbass.

Just standing there and doing nothing.

Just shoot from midfield!

You think everyone is like thatZico? "Just shoot from midfield"!

Don't just stand there! Go after the ball!

You guys can forget about winning.

That No.9 just keeps punting around and doesn't pass the ball.

Go! Shoot!

What a great chance and he still misses!

Can't just stand there and wait for the ball, am I right?

That's why British soccer is much better. Every shot is aimed for the goal.

What commercial is this?

Longine Watch. You mean you haven't seen it?

This bald guy sure looks like Sean Connery.

How can they win if they don't even have teamwork?

This No.7 is always blocking the way.

No.8 is much better. He has strength in every kick.

They're doomed if they kick like this.

What was that for?

Who has time to mess with you?

I can kick better than him!

Not too hard, man!

Why did you hit me?

You're nuts! Why don'tyou askthem whether I hityou or not?

Go outside if you two want to fight.

We have a game to watch.

Hit me again and you're going to get it.

Forget it. I'll sit over there.

There's no escaping this one!

Blaming me again! Luckily I am miles away.

You sons of bitches! You tricked me!

Move! Idiots!

Better let her take it off herself!

I'll be letting Curly down if I do this.

Nice!

How come it's missing something?

I think of you when I can't see you. I'll love you more if I do!

If he goes out like that, I'll die laughing!

It's possible!

He can't be. He's upstairs...

Sis!

He's coming down.

Pass to the right! Kick! Pass!

Shoot!

Get the door.

Let me.

Registered mail.

Pal, you sign for it.

You can see me?

I don't want to, but my eyes aren't cooperating.

I can see even the smallest thing.

Are you sure, buddy? I'm invisible!

Invisible? I wish I was too!

Hurry up, pal. I need to go home and get an eye-wash.

Sore eyes are a pain in the ass!

What are you all laughing at?

Windpipe thinks he's invisible and we can't see him.

So?

He was there when I took a bath.

I just pretended that I couldn't see him.

So, do I have a nice figure?

Remember. Your contact person is a foreigner.

Both of you wear a red rose.

All you need to do is give him the case,

and bring the money back safely.

Then your duty is done. Is that clear?

Clear.

Repeat it for me.

The red foreigner...no, no. Rose...rose spray!

Father, what do you want him to do?

I've told you that women shouldn't...

barge in when men are talking business! Go backto your room!

No! I want to know whatyou want Chai to do.

Is it tough?

Relax. Nothing is as tough as relying on a woman for a living.

Go now.

Bill, Pat. You two look after him.

Chai, let them do the dangerous stuff. You be careful.

This is your first mission. Don't disappoint me.

Sure, sure.

Wait. Your pants.

When's my luck going to change?

Little kid, don't litter.

If you were an adult, I would have arrested you.

What's the matter?

He dumped my ice cream!

You're not done with it?

Don't cry.

There.

Still brainless atyour age!

I'm sorry.

Don't cry, mom will buy you another one.

Well?

I don't know. I may not be free.

Let's wait till the time comes.

Just forget it.

I'm not a man if I don't react in this situation.

Were you the one who whistled just now?

Yes.

You're such a creep!

What did you say?

Looks okay, but ugly manners.

Don't make me mad!

Mad? Can you?

Forget it. Let's go.

Freeze! I'm CID!

Should've said so earlier, partner!

Did I hurtyou?

Do I look like I get hurt easily?

You should be glad I didn't hurtyou!

Are you alright?

Look howfrightened your girlfriend is.

She's always afraid I might hurt somebody.

Let's go!

Bye.

Are you done fighting?

Not fighting, just practicing.

Don't hit on girls next time!

Hitting on girls?

Do you think my taste is that bad? That whistle was meant for you!

If you don't believe me...

Say no more. It's time for the competition. Let's go!

Okay.

The Roller Skates Obstacle Race is now commencing.

Your turn to get embarrassed. Go now.

Let me kiss you first.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

The first contestant, No.8.

Be careful!

Not a chance!

The second contestant, No.37.

Looks like something big.

Let's get him.

Why are you robbing my stuff?

Robbery! Someone just robbed me!

Hurry! Get them! Robbery!

Robbery! Get him!

Robbery!

Can't give yourself away.

I'm CID. I'll be responsible for any damages here!

It's too late! Split!

It's in the van!

Faster!

Monkey! Do you know howto drive?

I'm a cop. Help me catch the car up ahead!

I'm a cop. Help me catch the car up ahead!

Faster! Pass, pass!

Faster, faster! He's right behind us!

Why is your car so slow? You can't even overtake a truck!

I'm a cop...

Stop the car!

Or this bullet will go through your head, then through his!

I'm going to shoot!

Stop! Stop the car!

No!

How lucky!

Do you know howto drive?

Drivers are so careless nowadays.

Oh, shit!

Chai! Are you alright?

I'm fine.

Father-in-law, I've already chased after them.

Boss, they've transported the merchandise to Five Stars Cleaning.

Good. Send some guys to search Five Stars Cleaning.

Yes!

You! You're good for nothing, except in bed!

Get out of my sight! Yes.

Get me Housekeeper Chan.

From now on, I forbid you leave your room!

Father, don't be so mean.

Housekeeper Chan, use this name list to send out invitations for me.

I understand.

Bring the equipment in.

Got it.

You all should already know what to do here.

I won't say anymore.

Which one of you is in charge?

I am. My name is...

There are a few more points I wantyou to take note of.

First, don't bring in any tools thatyou don't need.

Leave the ones you don't use outside, by the door.

Second, these stairs lead to the second floor.

Bullshit.

"Weather today's Ha Ha Ha". He said I was talking crap.

You guys are absolutely not allowed to go upstairs.

Third. The toilet is over there. Butyou can only clean it, not use it.

Smoke?

Thanks.

Thank you.

Fourth. You can smoke, butyou can't light it up.

Nothing annoys our master more than all those ashes flying around.

Does your hair fall out constantly?

Not as much now.

You should wear a cap.

It's a health hazard to have hair flying around.

Fifth. Our contract states that...

you'll get paid after I deem your work satisfactory.

That's for certain.

Alright then, you may start working.

Finally! After hearing garbage spilling garbage, it's time to pick up garbage.

Go faster, faster! Go after him! Quickly!

Go after him!

7086 reporting.

Good afternoon, sir!

Sir.

7086 be seated!

Yes sir.

You were quite heroic this morning!

Thank you sir!

Do you know how many cars you smashed?

I didn't have time to count, sir.

It was more than 50 vehicles!

Thank you sir.

Still "thank you"?

No, no thank, sir.

Did you know what happened to those two muggers you caught?

They escaped?

That would've been better!

They're out on $500 bail each.

You have neither witness nor evidence.

How are we going to prosecute them?

Charge them for racing with a cop?

Do you know you are a big spender when it comes to solving cases?

I'm now considering where to send you next.

You are more suitable in places where there are more trees than people!

Sir, I was just doing my job.

Doing your job? Getyour dirty hands off!

Where are my two tortoises?

Hold it!

Sir, luckily I have quick reflexes.

If you've stepped on Rose, you would be guarding the reservoir for sure!

Albert?

Luckily it's just a pencil sharpener.

Sir, how many sharpeners do you have?

I've only got one sharpener.

Albert...

Sir, might as well send me to the reservoir.

Reservoir? You better have your traffic uniform ready!

You'll get to taste the scorching sun and the pouring rain.

That was a red light!

Really?

You just crossed a red light.

Sir, please give me a break.

Sure I'll give you a break. Let me see your license.

I know him!

Let me. Sir!

It's you, Chubby!

Yeah. Luckily it's you.

I've always said it's good to have connections.

My principle is to separate personal from official business.

Next time, tell your friend to drive more carefully.

Sir...

Sir no more. This is my job. Sorry if I can't help.

Let him then! Cops only know howto write tickets,

not catch thugs.

I was good at catching thugs!

Otherwise I wouldn't end up like this!

I'm pissed!

No use getting pissed off. Let me sit down and think of something.

Pack up the stuff.

Didn'tyou say you'll think of something?

It takes a brain to think. Do you have one?

Of course!

Of course? Let me ask you.

What are the five grains?

Rice, oat, wheat, wheat... large wheat...small wheat...

cornflakes!

For you to eat?

I can't think of it.

That means you don't knowthem.

Do you wantyour limbs to get numb?

No.

Then hurry up and packthe stuff!

Actually, what are the five grains?

If I knew, I wouldn't have asked him!

I should know. Rice, wheat...

I'm beginning to despise myself more and more.

Once upon a time,

others clean the toilet seat for me.

Now I'm the one doing the cleaning and getting sneered at.

I wouldn't call it sneering. But, that old hag was a little too picky.

That's howthe rich people are when they host a party.

I don't think so! If they invite me...

Would you go then?

Of course!

You wish! All the guests are rich.

So do we have to show our savings books to get in?

Right. We look like rich people at a glance.

Just a glance for you.

No matter where you look, I still have the appearance of an achiever.

In that case, let's all go then.

That's not right.

Are you scared? Didn'tyou say you know a lot of VIPs?

We may even solicit some business!

Right.

That's true. I'm sure I'll bump into many old buddies there.

I got it! Teapot.

Coming!

I've got it! The five grains are rice, wheat, barley, oats, and rye!

So now you know.

Let's go.

Where to?

To borrow a suit for you.

What for?

To show off!

Get the door.

Hey. Where's the stuff?

You sure they will work?

Why not? I even know howto make an atomic bomb!

Light them.

Go ahead.

Please.

Hi, how are you?

Those cigars are strong. Who are they?

Don't know.

Guests.

Stop smoking. Put them away!

"Wow" what? Such ordinary scenery is no big deal.

Your brother knows a lot of people.

Well said, but God knows whether they know who you are.

Isn't that Chan Chiu?

How are you? I'm fine.

Thank you for coming, Mr. Chan.

Acting like he's the host.

This is his house!

How come I didn't know?

You don't know a lot of things. Come on.

Hello, nice to meetyou.

Sis, let me introduce you to some friends.

Same old trick again!

I'm declaring a truce with you today.

Let me give you a hint.

No need to stickto one vegetable when you're at the market.

I still don't understand.

That means no need to bring your own lunch box to a restaurant.

I get it! Vaseline!

Courting along with Vaseline will getyou nowhere.

You should find a partner that has weight and makes you stand out.

Teapot!

Don't count me in.

I know. Nobody is telling you to go after girls.

Your job is to embarrass yourself as much as possible.

You can't go wrong with that! Just be yourself.

Let's go!

The gold just keeps going up nowadays.

Excuse me.

Master, Mr. Ho is here.

Take him to the library.

Yes.

Please.

Brother Chiu, congratulations.

Thanks.

Quite a party.

Thanks to everybody.

Sir, where are you going?

I...want to go to the restroom.

Follow us.

This way.

The restroom is downstairs and to the left.

Thanks.

Mr. Leung, if there's anything you need help on,

just give my secretary Susan a call, thanks.

Very well.

Brother, when did my name become Susan?

Have some class! Can't just call you Sis.

You need face to do business. Once you've got the tricks,

then it's smooth sailing.

Business has been tough lately...

Miss, has anyone told you how beautiful your eyes are?

Really?

And,

no one else here has such a figure like yours.

I can't go to bed with you. I have a husband.

Tell this to someone else.

Butyou said it pretty well. You'll get a chance.

I'm no longer available. Sorry.

Miss Chan...

Good evening. How are you?

Thank you.

It's her!

Do you know her?

Notyet, but I will soon. See howfeminine she is!

What do you mean by feminine?

You want to grab her the momentyou see her!

Enough said. Show your stuff!

Which one?

Playing dumb!

Come!

The floor sure is slippery!

Miss.

Brother Chiu. I hope nothing happened to your merchandise.

Of course not. You just get the money ready.

Money is no problem. When are you going to deliver?

In three days.

This is my business card. Hope we can do business.

Five Stars Cleaning?

How are you, Mr. Chan?

How do you do?

No problem then.

Brother Ho, we'll proceed as agreed. Thanks for coming.

I'm going now.

Bring him up here. Yes.

Wait for me outside.

Yes.

Your business must be pretty profitable.

Not bad.

Mr. Jack So, our brother Chiu would like to talk business with you.

Brother Chiu?

Hold my glass for me. Excuse me, I have some business to attend to.

No problem.

Please.

Teapot, shall we dance?

Sure.

Shall we dance, Mister?

No, thanks.

Boss, this is Mr. Jack So.

Brother Chiu, we've actually met before. How are you?

Really? I've heard you were pretty tough.

Not as tough as my two previous partners.

Scarface Wing and Cat Shit Keung.

They like to slash people.

Then what kind of a company is "Five Stars Cleaning"?

Awesome! Our cleaning company is strong and muscular.

We have a staff of more than 100 and 5 board of directors.

Brother Chiu, even your place here is under our management.

If you need any assistance from us, just give me a ring.

In other words, "Five Stars Cleaning" has one bright future!

Then, where did you hide the briefcase?

What?

Bring it back now, or something's going to happen to you.

What do you mean, "something"? I don't know whatyou're talking about.

So you are not talking?

I said, no!

Well?

Well? You kicked me for no reason.

I should ask you why!

Are you talking?

If you don't talk, maybe your partners will.

Take him down and round up all his partners.

What's going on?

That damn Chiu! He said to talk business, but he asked for a briefcase.

I said "I don't know". Then he pointed a gun at me...

and beat me so hard, I couldn't even scream for help.

It's alright. Don't panic. It's just a misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding? You even ordered your men to round up my partners!

But don't worry. I didn't expose you guys.

Now all my partners are here. Come and get me! Kill me!

Bugging us for no reason. Let's go!

Please make them stay here.

What? Try to stop me?

Go to hell!

Let go!

Go to hell!

Sorry. My apologies. Goodbye.

Father, what is going on?

Go back in. Go in!

You bastard!

As my master said, "It's all or nothing. Fight or die." Come on!

That's all you can do? I can take that! Come here!

I'm stronger!

Better not use your leg, or I'll break it!

I knowthat.

Freeze frame?

What the hell is going on?

I don't know what led to all this either.

Looks like it won't be easy to get away.

Teapot, light!

Teapot, you hold the fort!

If you killed him, how am I going to get my stuff back?

We'll wait for you outside!

Hey! Don't just leave me!

Get them!

"Get them" your ass! Put out the fire first!

Put the fire out!

Step on it!

I'm no longer scared.

That's whatyou think.

Don't move!

Stop the car! Wait for me!

Don't try anything funny. Stop the car!

Are you crazy? Just leave me like that?

Luckily I got away, or else!

There're no real friends after all!

Sorry, I hopped on the wrong van.

Couldn't be wrong, right?

Good. You young ones are quite impressive.

You even dared to touch Chan Chiu's stuff.

I'm a chivalrous man.

Bring backthe briefcase,

and I'll give you $200,000 as reward.

What briefcase?

Don't act dumb anymore, or I'll get mad.

We really didn't take it. Don't know whatyou're talking about!

Boss, let us interrogate them.

Looks like they need a few cuts before they'll talk.

Good. They are all yours. Save me the grief.

Hey, wait a minute.

By now we shouldn't be greedy anymore.

Actually, it's much better to deal with him.

At least he's straight to the point.

That's more like it.

Then let's settle this...

at Peak Parktomorrow at 9 a.m.

Okay. Let's go.

Be careful, man!

You think I'm an idiot?

The lady will stay as hostage.

No way! Brother, don't leave me here.

Brother and sister! That's even better.

Sorry, Boss.

Don't worry, Sis. We'll come back and getyou soon!

If I don't hear from you by dawn,

I'll kill the hostage!

You...

No problem. Let's go.

Remember.

Got it. Let's go.

Boss, should we tail them?

No need. It's not good if Chan Chiu finds out.

There is no briefcase! How could you say there is one?

That's right. How are we going to find one?

Now what?

Yeah!

Yeah what?

If I didn't say we have one, will we be here now?

I mean...

I know whatyou want to say.

You want to find just any briefcase.

This trick no longer works.

Not really. As long as they're convinced it's the real thing!

Are you crazy? Do you know how big it is,

what it looks like, and what's inside?

No.

Then how can we forge one?

You're always right.

What briefcase is this?

I thinkthis is the one they want.

Why didn'tyou say so earlier?

You guys won't let me speak when I wanted to!

Why wouldn'tyou let him speak?

Be quiet. Open it first.

Wow what?

Nothing. Just wowing in advance.

All U.S. bills! Look at this!

Money! We're going to be rich!

They all new! Smells good too!

All 100 dollars bills!

We're rich!

Look! There's a lot more!

They smell better than perfume!

Right, they do smell better than perfume.

Can'tyou guys tell these U.S. bills are counterfeits?

Stop joking!

This is the plate for printing the counterfeit bills.

That's even better! We can print them ourselves!

Do you know how?

No.

These things are useless to us.

You are all money-crazy.

We need these to save Sis.

That's right. Put them back.

All of you are heartless. You forget Sis the momentyou see money!

Let's go then!

Wait. There's no hurry. Let's change first.

Do you see them?

They're not here yet.

Then let's go!

Go where? Once we move, they'll find us!

We have to divert their attention.

You three lure Chan's men to the warehouse,

so we can buy some time.

Curly, you take the two plates and lure Ho here.

That's just like sending me to hell!

Don't worry. They won't kill you until they get what they want.

I'll go get help.

Help? Do we have any?

No, but don'tyou worry about this.

I feel we have a dark future.

Relax.

Chan Chiu won't kill us before he gets the plates.

And he won't kill us if he only gets one plate.

They're approaching.

All yours.

Go look! Don't slack off!

Yes.

Remember, be careful.

Will they trick us?

How would I know?

Doesn't matter to me. I'm used to being tricked.

Over there!

We're here!

Move!

I saw nothing! I don't know anything!

Did you kill him?

No. Just blasted off the lock.

Don't shoot for nothing!

Go!

Teapot, do you know howto drive?

Of course!

Get up there. What for?

Charge out of here!

By myself?

Have you heard of"one against many, many against one"?

Not me.

Go. I have to conserve my strength.

Fight further! Don't involve me. Go away!

All you know is shoot. What else are you good at?

Kung-fu.

Put the guns away!

You two have been acting cool all night. Get to work!

Where have you been? You're sweating all over.

I was looking for you guys.

There's one more here!

Behind me!

I'm nervous.

So am I!

It's safe here.

Why do you think I came here for?

You're a nuisance to both the living and the dead!

Don't mind me. You go ahead!

Just these three.

Bring the briefcase over. You can go over and finish them off.

Hold it!

Thank God!

Where are the other two plates?

We used it to buy life insurance.

What?

We gave it to our Big Brother.

Big Brother? Who's your Big Brother?

Vaseline, don't say it!

Talk! Or I'll kill you all.

You would if you could. Our Big Brother will be here soon.

Windpipe, we have to think of ourselves.

If Big Brother has any honor, he'll come and share our pains.

Otherwise, let him fall into the trap,

or go through our troubles with us.

Maybe he knows what's coming and bailed out on us.

That's right. Big Brothers are like that nowadays.

Alright. I'll wait for him here!

Big Brother! Don't come here!

Big Brother, this guy is nothing but trouble. Let's kill him.

No. It's hard to find such a loyal subordinate.

They're coming.

Ho Man?

Are you jerking me?

How would I dare, Big Brother?

I am notyour Big Brother.

Teapot, Windpipe, Vaseline, we're here!

Big Brother.

Don't mention "Big Brother" again. Whoever says them will die.

What?

They were right.

So you are the one behind all this.

Brother Chiu, you misunderstood.

Big Brother, you should step out to take responsibilities.

These two plates for you, and he has the other one.

You two settle this yourselves.

Brother Chiu, let's discuss this!

What's there to discuss? Men!

Yes! Get ready!

Charge!

Ho Man, we'll see who'll come out alive.

When two tigers fight, one of them will die.

And the one that's alive will finish us off.

Big Brother, the cops are here!

Let's go!

Go!

We're going too!

On your knees!

Wow! Feels like an epic.

Ranks!

Be quiet! You all stand aside.

Get the evidence.

Yes sir.

Do you think he's for real?

Sir, all the evidence is here.

This time we have enough evidence...

to keep you in jail for the rest of your lives.

Take them away.

Yes sir!

Get up, get up! Take them all away! Move!

Sir, can I ask you a question?

Go ahead.

Are you real or fake?

Of course I'm real.

I used to be in the Royal HK Police Special Force.

I specialized in organized crime undercover work.

Thank you all for your help in this operation.

But I still need you to go back with me for statements.

All the people I know are VIPs, and you're no exception.

No wonder you're so vulgar,

cause you're a cop! You're good!

I knew you were not a fake the first time I saw you.

We're heroes among heroes!

My master said that police are the most hated of professions.

I'm glad I never listened to my master.

Ranks, you look so handsome in that uniform. I like it!

I'll apply for police cadet tomorrow. Let's go.

Sit down! What's the matter?

Don't know why, but I feel like...

I'm about to meet my mother-in-law.

You have a mother-in-law?

No. It's just a metaphor. I don't feel comfortable.

You again, Chubby!

That's right, sir.

What're you here for this time?

Don't know. Maybe it's for some unfinished business.

Let me help you.

Sir, are you high in rank?

Do you know what three stars mean?

I don't know.

Three stars mean Chief Inspector.

Teapot, give me your hands.

Turn them over.

For me?

And here's $20,000 reward.

Thank you sir. We have money to get married!

7086.

Sir!

You're partially responsible for this case's success.

This is to reward you.

Thank you, sir!

Sir, just a gift? Will there be a raise?

Sure.

Really?

Not now. Wait until the government adjusts the wages.

That means never.

MADAM!

Ceci.

Well?

Gave me this little dingy.

That's good! It's to encourage you.

Getting a raise will be more encouraging!

I've something to tell you.

What?

I'm going to marry you.

Really? Sorry, Chubby.

She's willing to marry me! I've been waiting for this!

Congratulations.

Can'tyou shake my hands after I've kissed her?

I'll treatyou two to dim sum.

Good! Let's see who runs the fastest.

Okay.

Wait! You have to carry your girlfriend,

and I'll carry mine, Okay?

Sure!

1, 2, 3!