Original subtitles

I want to know what's going on in your life, kid.

Really? 'Cause everyone thinks you hate us.

- I do not hate you. - You're a denier.

- I never signed that form. - Doesn't matter.

You walked out.

Not everything has to do with my split from Eddie.

What about his trip to Peru?

If Eddie went to Peru, I would know about it.

- Are you speaking with him? - Of course not.

They grabbed a building in Canarsie at an auction

through a holding company that we were able to link...

Five million dollars.

To Cal Roberts.

Sold property.

He didn't fall. He was pushed.

Man who killed Steve.

He says it was a white man.

Listen, I can't explain the world I was in, okay?

But it only works when you believe,

because once you pull that thread,

it just turns into nothing

right in your hands.

They get to live in this castle

while their factories are poisoning everyone's water.

It's so messed up.

Hawk, what are you doing? We're gonna get caught.

Fuck you, Dekaan!

I could turn you in for Silas.

You won't, because then it's over,

it's all over.

Synced and corrected by MasterCookie - www.addic7ed.com -

In the way that all living things must change and evolve,

Meyerism itself cannot remain static.

At last, here on the thirteenth rung,

I can reveal what I have known from the beginning,

that Calvin Roberts and Sarah Lane

will succeed me together as co-leaders of the movement

and guardians of The Light.

What... what did you do the last time

you were on St. Mark's Place?

What do you mean?

Nice work, Cal. Nice work.

Sadly my two stints in jail

gave me a one-way ticket...

How's that medicine feel?

- Oh boy. - Dance!

It's your first time on the medicine, honey.

You need to keep moving.

Dance in the moonlight, that's right.

There ya go.

Dance with me?

Richard!

Oh!

Yeah. I like dancing with you, Richard.

Hey, hey.

How ya doing?

- Doc, I'm so scared! - Where are you?

Back in the orphanage.

You're not there anymore, you're with us, right?

But I keep seeing myself back there

because I know someday you'll be able to...

Yeah, I'll have to go,

but the movement's gonna keep going.

But who will be our guide?

That's not a thing for me to decide.

That's for The Light, man.

That's not a thing for me to decide.

You may feel powerless.

You may feel overwhelmed.

You may feel out of control, but remember,

we are stronger than our damage.

No, no. Please continue.

I'm actually here for group.

No, really.

I'm here for the same reasons as all of you.

I get stressed and when the pressure comes on,

I feel the destructive urges of my damage.

Please go on.

Thanks, Cal.

No matter who we are or what rung of The Ladder,

we are vulnerable souls, but there's peace in that.

Not one of us is above the damage of the world.

So we meditate on what we need to change.

We look at the damage, not with anger or self-hate,

but locate it.

Locate it.

Have you found it?

Who wants to talk about what they found?

I guess I will.

I... I thought that being pregnant would be this magical thing,

but mostly I'm so nervous of doing something wrong,

of hurting the baby somehow.

Because before when I felt helpless,

I would just, like, take whatever drug I could get

my hands on and disappear.

That's okay, Mary.

Everything you feel is completely normal.

And we're here to help you get through it.

This baby will be born into a community of Light.

Can we all send strength to Mary and her baby?

Om...

Thanks, guys.

No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.

Oh, God, I just thought... I thought we were done.

What did they want?

Um...

Ms. Dekaan caught a couple of Novices

on a surveillance camera.

They broke into a yard.

They threw a rock through a window.

What Novices would do that?

Hawk and Noa.

He's the one who threw the rock.

It doesn't seem like

Ms. Dekaan's gonna press charges.

She wants an in-person apology.

I'll take him and apologize for both of them.

I can go.

With you, I mean, if you'd like the support.

No. Thank you.

He's my kid, I'll clean it up.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Come here. So good to see you.

Ah...

Everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, I just, uh...

can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah. What's up?

So I... I went on the AL retreat the other night.

Yeah.

How was it?

You know all the... all the confusion and anger

and frustration I've been feeling...

It... it all just became clear in the retreat.

I had it, Dad.

It happened.

What? What happened?

- I floated. - What?

Like, two feet off the ground, I fl... I floated.

Yeah, hey, no, that's...

that's AL for you, you know?

36 hours without eating, all your bearings are off

and the sun comes up.

You know, hey,

I remember feeling like I floated, too.

No! No, I... I didn't feel like I was floating.

I was floating.

Right.

See, it was just like everyone said.

And that... that was it. That was... that was my sign.

Sign of what?

I need to commit fully to the movement

and seeing you right now is really confusing for me.

What?

Also, I... I mean, it's against the rules.

I mean, technically you're a denier.

Wait, wait, wait.

Are you seriously even saying this right now?

I... I... I can't see you anymore, Dad.

You can't see me anymore?

For how long?

Hey. Hey, hey.

- I'm not... - Hawk.

Listen to me.

I get that you are feeling this right now,

but I am still your father, Hawk.

I... I... I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Oh, you're gonna talk about it...

No, you don't understand, I... I can't!

Yes, you can. We have to, Hawk.

You're not hearing me!

I'm ascending The Ladder now.

No, you are not ascending anything, Hawk,

because there is no Ladder to ascend.

See... see this? This is the problem.

- Hey, let's talk it out. - No. No. No!

- I... I... I have to go. - Hawk, no. Don't... don't go.

Hawk!

You threw a rock through one of these windows?

That one.

Look, I... I've been all messed up but I... I think I'm gonna be

a lot less confused, now.

What makes you think that?

You must be Sarah and Hawk.

Libby Dekaan.

Can I pour you some tea?

Thank you.

It's Da Hong Pao. Have you ever had it?

I don't believe so.

It saved my life.

I used to be so wound up, I couldn't sleep at night

and then I started to drink this and it gave me calm.

Mm. That's quite the endorsement.

Thank you so much for coming out.

I know that you're busy.

I've been watching some of the press on your group.

You do quite a lot of good work.

Thank you.

I...

I wanted to apologize for what I did.

It was immature and out of line.

Thank you, Hawk.

It's very important for you to understand

that this is not the way that we conduct ourselves,

and of course we will pay for it,

so if you just send us the cost,

we'll reimburse you for the window.

No need.

I think we can let this go.

Thank you.

- Thank you so much. I... - That's so...

And in return, I would ask that you stop your campaign

of false propaganda.

I know that it's not your fault.

You're a victim of the people of Clarkesville.

But I think it's important to understand

that they are taking advantage of your good hearts.

I've had the water tested repeatedly,

and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I have the results here.

Please take them.

Thank you.

You're so tired because you don't actually sleep

on a AL retreat.

It's like sleeping with your eyes open.

And then I saw...

- Who? - My dad.

And I realized at that moment

my dad never even wanted kids.

We used to come over to his house for the weekend.

Man, we were so happy to see him.

And he would spend the entire day mowing his lawn.

- Abe. - Huh?

We have an hour.

You really want to spend it

talking about your dad mowing the lawn?

No. No, no, no. No, baby.

No.

I'm sorry.

It was just kind of a revelation, you know?

You know, I've been having revelations of my own?

Mm-hmm?

You talk about your dad not wanting kids.

But at least you got to see your father,

which is more than I can say for your own kids, lately.

Come on, that... that's different.

You know, this is my job. That was his choice.

It feels like a choice to me.

I was stuck in a basement doing paperwork, baby.

Mark Penetti personally gave this to me.

Do you know how big of a deal that is?

Do you?

Shit, he's running for Senate next year.

I don't give a shit if the pope gave it to you.

I am asking you to be home with us.

Okay. Okay.

You know, it's almost done.

I got the leader cornered, he's all stressed out...

Ugh, here we go with the leader again!

Okay. You don't have any faith in me.

That's what your problem is.

I supported you for years before we had kids.

- Are you forgetting that? - No. I...

800 hours of training.

So what do you want me to do?

Just bring home the checks so you can have an easier life?

- Is that it? - Right.

'Cause you're spending your days with naked 20-year-olds,

but my life is easy.

Oh, wait a minute. I am doing this for our family.

Our family.

I don't want to end up like my father,

alone in some fucking V. A. hospital

with nothing to show for his life

but three missing fingers.

This is a mid-life crisis, Abe.

Go buy a car like a normal person.

Don't go on retreats in the woods

and say you're doing it for us!

You know, this is bullshit.

Absolute bullshit!

No, you are bullshit!

Your father has nothing to show for his life

because he alienated his fucking kids

and you're doing the same.

- This is my job. - I'm your job!

Our kids are your job. Our marriage is your job.

Until you wake up and realize that,

I'm going to Philly to stay with my mother.

You are not taking the kids to Philly.

Take your hand off.

Talk when you figure it out.

I let him down.

I just... I let him down.

No, you did not.

Steve had to go.

- He always had my back. - Right.

After I came home, and I was freaking out...

I know, baby, I know.

But don't forget, you did a lot for him, too.

You were the one who woke him up.

He always said it was Kodiak.

"I was testing out Kodiak, and I looked into his eyes

and I just couldn't do it anymore."

Breathe with me, okay? Just breathe with me.

I miss you so much.

No. You don't miss me. You miss him. You're confused.

No.

Gabby, I miss both of you.

Me too.

We can't go down that road ever again, okay?

It wasn't right then and it isn't now.

Nothing's right since Steve left.

He's in The Light. How could that not be right?

Kodiak.

Excuse me.

I hate to interrupt, but can I speak to you?

I'm sorry, but it's urgent.

Go on, it's free. Take them.

How's it going?

It's good.

I'm sorry about the whole rock thing.

It's okay. Ah, well, I mean

it's not okay, but at least now you understand

how careful we have to be when we do this kind of work.

Yeah.

I just...

Now all those people in Clarkesville

are gonna suffer because of me.

No, all those people are not suffering 'cause of you.

Your instincts were right.

You went about it the wrong way,

but... but the passion you showed, that is essential

to what we do here.

I was just so pissed off.

I mean, she's sitting in that castle while everyone else is...

No, I... I get it, but you need to learn to channel

some of that anger into the work.

I was... I was just like you as a kid.

I had so much rage.

Yeah.

I...

I gave up a girl that I loved.

Well, I guess she gave me up,

'cause this life didn't make sense to her.

- Then my dad... - Your dad?

Um...

how did you get a handle on all your anger?

Steve stepped in and helped me.

I can do that for you if you want.

You have great things inside you, Hawk.

You have that fight.

You can't learn it. You're born with it.

That is what makes a leader.

Hawk!

Eddie, what are you doing here?

I need to talk to my son, Cal.

Well, why don't we all go inside

where we can sit down and have a civil conversation?

No, we are not having a conversation.

I'm here to talk to my kid. Hawk?

I told you I can't do this anymore.

He doesn't want to talk to you.

Well, he's 16 years old, and in the state of New York,

he's still a minor, so if I want him to talk to me,

he's gonna talk to me.

Look, kid, just give me five seconds and I swear to you,

I will never criticize this movement again.

Okay?

And if you say you floated,

you floated.

Okay? I... I... I get that.

But I cannot lose you, kid.

Or you have to at least see me on Sundays.

All right, like, four hours on Sundays,

that is it.

You have to at least give me that.

Come on.

Hawk!

I'm not gonna let you take him from me.

I will fucking murder you

before I let you take him from me.

I wanted to see if Steve left some sort of clue

in the final rungs

about how he would leave us.

Steve is not in here.

That's what I thought.

So then I wonder...

who wrote these?

Did Cal write the last three rungs?

Did Cal and Sarah?

You think that's possible?

They would have the most to gain from writing them.

The man in the drawing on the wall in Peru...

What if that man was...

Cal?

Whenever you're ready.

I don't know who the father is.

I mean, I'm not sure if the baby is Sean's.

It might be someone else's.

Does Sean know that?

Does the other person know?

I'm not sure. I think so.

And what do they think?

I don't think he cares if the baby's his or not,

but Sean would care.

It would hurt him so deeply, and he's already been so hurt.

- We're transparent here. - I know.

It's just... I cause people pain.

Mary, we all cause people pain.

So I have to tell Sean the truth?

You know the most important truth

is the one that we feel in our hearts.

So I don't have to tell him.

If you... if you know the baby's Sean's,

and you want the baby to be Sean's, then he is.

And Sean will feel that, too.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Mary. It's an emergency.

What the hell did you say to him?

Who?

You can't text me a thousand times every time

you're upset, Eddie.

I'm not upset, I'm out of my fucking mind!

And I want to know what the hell you did.

Wait, slow down, I have no idea

what you're talking about.

Hawk! He said he can't see me anymore.

Wait, I know nothing about that, I swear.

- When did that happen? - The other day. And now, what?

- Him and Cal are all buddy-buddy? - Wait, why would you say that?

Because I went by the city center

- and Cal had his arm around him. - Wait, wait, wait.

You went by the city center? Yeah.

So now everybody knows that I've been letting you

- see the kids? - Look, I don't give a shit...

- Fuck, Eddie! - What people know, Sarah!

My son couldn't even look at me!

Do you know what that's like? Do you have any idea?

I'm sorry.

All right, I don't know what's been going on

with him lately, he's been acting out.

Okay, maybe it's because of our breakup.

Or maybe it's because you and Cal are putting ideas

in his head.

- Oh, stop it, Eddie. - No. You're gonna destroy him.

You know that.

You and Cal and your goddamn parents

and everyone else at that fucking place

are gonna destroy him.

No, don't walk away from me. You have to talk to him.

Okay? You have to get him to see me, Sarah!

The kids are all I have, okay, they're all I fucking have!

Sarah! Please talk to him!

All right.

I think that's the last of them. Thank God you're here.

This would have taken me ten more trips.

So if you don't need me for anything else, I'm...

Oh, my God, it's so awkward.

Listen, I'm sorry about the other day.

I was so confused.

My wife and I, we'd been together since we were 16.

- Being here, being apart... - It is okay.

I get it.

You know, being here, surrounded by people, you know,

it still gets lonely.

Are you kidding?

My house is the most chaotic, loudest place ever

and sometimes I look around and I feel devastatingly alone.

But that's what we're here for, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm doing the right thing.

I think I'm doing the right thing.

It was a harrowing scene as families took cover

from several hundred rounds of ammunition Sunday evening.

What was expected to be a peaceful demonstration

amongst residents and law enforcement

turned deadly when what was believed to be

a home-grown militia opened fire.

With officers acting as human shields...

That is so fucked up!

Hey, you remember my cousin Dick?

He is a lawyer now.

Yeah? Well, maybe I should talk to him.

I mean, you can't really force a kid to see you, you know?

Yeah, Eddie, you can. You can make your kids see you.

Especially when his mom is an unfit parent.

I mean, your wife is in a cult.

I'm so happy you came.

You still play poker?

Meyerists don't really believe in gambling, so...

- Ugh. - Okay, well, perfect then!

Let's go gamble!

So I don't want to build it up too much,

but I do have something really, really important

that I have to tell you.

Yeah? What's that?

So basically I'm, like, the best slot player

in the entire world.

Like, I could literally go to any machine

in this whole place and win in, like, two pulls.

Why are those two guys looking at me?

I don't know, they're security guards, Eddie.

They look at everybody. Come on.

Okay.

What did I say!

- Well, I guess I could... - Go ahead!

Thank you very much.

Feel me.

Okay, well, keep going.

My luck will rub off.

Hey! Eddie!

What... where are you going? Stop! What are you doing?

- They are following me. - Who's following you?

- The Meyerists! The Meyerists. - Eddie...

Okay, no! This is what they do.

I told you, Eddie, those guys were just security guards.

No, no, not them, okay?

There was this guy at my machine.

I saw him when I was in my car and now he is here.

- Are you... Eddie, are you sure? - Yes!

This is what they do! This is them, okay?

Okay. You know what, this was so stupid, okay?

We're just gonna... let's just go back to the room

and we'll have some water and chill out.

No, no, no! I'm... I'm not letting them control me, okay?

You mind if I...

Your dad said you don't want to see him anymore.

He's a denier.

He never signed the form.

The form doesn't matter, even Doc said that.

You didn't even come talk to me about it first.

- I'm... I'm just... - What is going on?

Dedicated to my work.

- You threw a rock. - That was a mistake!

I just have a lot of rage,

and I haven't learned to channel it.

Why? Because of the breakup?

Maybe.

Cal's gonna help me.

Are you spending more time with Cal?

He understands me. He can help me.

Is that what he told you?

- He's nothing like you. - His dad walked out...

- Your father didn't walk out. - Oh, no?

No, your father stopped believing.

And I pray every day that he gets his faith back.

Look...

I know that you're mad at me, but you cannot shut me out.

She lied to you.

Ms. Dekaan, about the water.

I've seen those people, they really are sick.

Of course she's lying.

You can only find what you test for.

I'm kind of glad you threw a rock through her window.

You should have said something.

She blackmailed you and you just took it.

You should've called her bluff.

I can go to jail if I have to.

I don't want to ruin it for all those people

just because I...

I am not letting you go to jail.

I've lost enough this year.

And you should see your father, he loves you.

He loves you, too.

I don't want to be a hypocrite.

- Hey. - You know about Eddie?

- That I let him see the kids? - I do.

I'm not gonna say anything to anyone.

You still see him, too?

No. Just the kids.

All right, well, I imagine it's not very good for them.

Right? Or you, for your... for your individuation.

Look, um...

you know, the problem is everyone in our community

knows that he turned his back on us, right?

And he... he hit me.

It wouldn't reflect well on you

or... or us as leaders of the community...

Stop acting like the morality police.

You don't have a leg to stand on.

I mean, you get your big, beautiful building

in the city and I get to go tell a farmer who's dying

that I lied and I can't help him test his water

'cause some corporate bitch is blackmailing me

into dropping the whole thing.

And even if she wasn't, we don't have any money

because you spent it all.

- We will find the money. - Where, Cal?

You don't just find money.

Jesus Christ, if we're gonna lead together,

let's lead together, which means you can't buy

a building for you for your conscience.

I know, you're right, and I will find a way

to help Clarkesville.

Yeah, well, why should I believe anything you say?

'Cause I told you the truth.

You asked me and I told you even though I... I knew it would

change the way you saw me.

I miss your Light.

The way you looked at me, that saved me as a kid.

I... I... I can't.

Fix it with the IRS. Get our exemption.

Get me the money to do what I need to do

to live with everything that you have done.

- Oh, my God! - Hey.

- You were brushing your teeth. - Yeah.

Yeah, it's 'cause you're pregnant.

The blood?

You have extra blood flow,

so your gums are super sensitive

and bleed a lot.

How do you know that?

I've been reading a pregnancy book

so I know what's going on.

No, hey, you're fine. You're okay.

What if it's not yours?

What are you talking about?

You were gone. I had other relationships.

Who?

Thank you so much. Here you go.

Hey, ooh, thank you.

Thank you, ma'am. Mm.

- This is so weird to me. - What? What's so weird?

No, no, no, it's just all the, like, casinos and hotels.

Yeah, well.

Isn't this world so much better just with me in it?

Say it's so much better with me in it.

- What the fuck! - Eddie, what?

Hey, you wanna tell Cal something for me?

Eddie! He doesn't know Cal, all right?

Tell Cal to fuck The Light.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

I will if you stay away from the center.

Eddie! Eddie.

She knows what she's doing.

Is it possible the results are real?

They're real, they're just not complete.

What do you mean?

The stuff that Dekaan puts in that water

isn't gonna show up on your average tests.

- Can you find it? - Yeah.

But it's not cheap.

How much?

I can't give you an exact number,

but offhand, this kind of testing

can run you hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Why do you think no one's done it yet?

All right, tell me something.

In your expert opinion, do you think there's something

in the water?

You've seen the community. You've heard them.

What do you think?

- Hey, there. - We're gonna test the water.

There's a private lab in Albany that's willing

to do the testing.

They can do it all quietly. No one will know.

And after that, we'll talk next steps.

I've been talking to a lawyer at the EPA about possibilities.

Great. Just give me a holler when you're done.

Is something wrong?

No, I got a sick cow again.

Look, we're gonna do this. Really.

All due respect, I've been through this before.

It's cause of the week for you. It's my life.

You don't have a clue what it is to have poison

running through your body.

And my animals are dying and my friends are dying...

Marshall, I promise, this is not

a cause of the week for us.

No. We'll see.

When Dekaan pulls out the stops, we'll see how far you go.

I will take on your burden.

Okay?

Lisa?

Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to startle you.

Cal. What are you doing here?

I wanted to talk to you about the exemption.

Are you sure there's nothing more that can be done?

- What... - I'm only asking because

I understand most of what you do

is paper pushing, so I... I don't understand

why you can't push our paper to the top of the pile.

Well, because...

Did someone tell you to stop it from going through?

Well, my boss called, saying we were holding back

exemptions for a couple months.

All exemptions?

I don't really feel comfortable

talking to you about this.

Oh... Lisa, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.

I just know that Meyerism helped you

at a very difficult time in your life,

and now the movement needs something from you.

We need your help.

Okay. I'll do my best.

Good.

Thanks, Lisa.

He's coming, isn't he?

Ask your question.

Steve, are you with The Light?

There is no Light.

Steve is not in The Light.

Eddie, you had too much to drink.

Mr. Lane, you're having an adverse reaction

to the alcohol you've ingested.

Mr. Lane? Can you hear me?

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