All language subtitles for The Guest Book S1 E1_ Story One

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,316 --> 00:00:02,188 _ 2 00:00:03,282 --> 00:00:05,278 TIM: I'm in the middle of a crisis, 3 00:00:05,313 --> 00:00:07,246 but I wanted to leave some kind of record 4 00:00:07,282 --> 00:00:09,715 in case things go sideways and my plan doesn't work. 5 00:00:09,751 --> 00:00:11,784 It all started about a week ago. 6 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:14,642 - [BABY CRYING] - TIM: I'm looking! I promise! 7 00:00:14,762 --> 00:00:17,646 Honey, I'm sorry, but her stuffed lamb isn't in my car! 8 00:00:17,766 --> 00:00:20,204 Besides, I have a class to teach. I don't know what you 9 00:00:20,324 --> 00:00:23,278 - expect me to do if I find it. - Oh, I expect you to drive back here 10 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,532 and give it to your screeching shit factory of a daughter 11 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:28,501 so she'll shut the hell up! 12 00:00:28,536 --> 00:00:29,735 ♪ 13 00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:31,737 [TOY SQUEAKS] 14 00:00:31,773 --> 00:00:33,706 [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 15 00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:36,242 [CHILDREN SHOUTING PLAYFULLY] 16 00:00:36,277 --> 00:00:38,344 I'm sorry, honey. It's not here. 17 00:00:38,379 --> 00:00:41,163 [CELLPHONE RINGING AND VIBRATING] 18 00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:44,350 [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] 19 00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:48,058 [RINGING AND VIBRATING CONTINUES] 20 00:00:48,756 --> 00:00:53,226 All right, Newton's cradle, named after Sir Isaac Newton, 21 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:55,661 demonstrates conservation of momentum and energy 22 00:00:55,697 --> 00:00:57,997 using a series of swinging spheres. 23 00:00:59,801 --> 00:01:01,400 [POUNDING ON WINDOW] 24 00:01:01,436 --> 00:01:04,770 You're a liar, Tim, and an asshole! 25 00:01:04,806 --> 00:01:08,207 Kids, your teacher is a liar and an asshole! 26 00:01:08,243 --> 00:01:10,543 [BABY CRYING] 27 00:01:13,181 --> 00:01:16,282 You guys might have a substitute for the next few days. 28 00:01:19,697 --> 00:01:22,147 ♪ Wherever we go ♪ 29 00:01:22,267 --> 00:01:24,824 ♪ That's fine by me ♪ 30 00:01:24,859 --> 00:01:27,727 ♪ We'll settle our bones ♪ 31 00:01:27,762 --> 00:01:29,128 ♪ Eventually ♪ 32 00:01:29,163 --> 00:01:31,764 ♪ Yeah, I need a break, I need a minute ♪ 33 00:01:31,799 --> 00:01:34,498 ♪ Just give me one day ♪ 34 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:39,547 ♪ Let's get, get, get away ♪ 35 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,857 - Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 - - www.addic7ed.com - 36 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:45,478 Realizing Sandy needed some time away from the baby, 37 00:01:45,513 --> 00:01:48,229 I found your cabin online and left our daughter with my parents 38 00:01:48,349 --> 00:01:50,585 so Sandy could get some much-needed rest. 39 00:01:50,705 --> 00:01:52,051 ♪ 40 00:01:52,086 --> 00:01:55,054 I'm not promising to have sex with you up here. 41 00:01:55,089 --> 00:01:57,557 No one said anything about sex promises. 42 00:01:58,127 --> 00:02:00,459 I just want you to get some sleep. 43 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,390 Oh, here you are. Tim Davidson. 44 00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:05,943 Froggy Cottage. 3 bedrooms. Feel free to use them all. 45 00:02:06,063 --> 00:02:07,533 That's not why we're here. 46 00:02:07,569 --> 00:02:09,598 - We're just here to get some rest. - Oh, okay. 47 00:02:09,718 --> 00:02:11,537 Well, it's... it's very quiet 48 00:02:11,573 --> 00:02:12,738 and clean. 49 00:02:12,774 --> 00:02:14,807 Emma just gave it the once-over. 50 00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:17,577 That toilet downstairs runs like a canyon, 51 00:02:17,612 --> 00:02:19,845 so after you flush, you gotta take the top off 52 00:02:19,881 --> 00:02:22,551 and monkey around with the chain and that bobber thing. 53 00:02:22,815 --> 00:02:24,492 As long as you brought it up, 54 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,786 after you rest, I wouldn't mind having sex 55 00:02:26,821 --> 00:02:29,522 considering we haven't done that in almost a year. 56 00:02:31,392 --> 00:02:34,242 Ever since I gave birth, things aren't the same down there. 57 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,672 Well, luckily for you, it's been so long since I've seen it, 58 00:02:36,792 --> 00:02:38,731 - I don't think I'll notice. - Oh, you'll notice. 59 00:02:38,766 --> 00:02:40,988 It looks like someone punched a lasagna. 60 00:02:41,108 --> 00:02:44,637 Oh, if you like Italian food, there's a place on Maple. 61 00:02:44,672 --> 00:02:46,332 We prefer Chinese. 62 00:02:46,452 --> 00:02:49,775 Wang's Tastey Delightful is the best on the mountain. 63 00:02:49,811 --> 00:02:52,111 Our nephew does the deliveries. 64 00:02:52,146 --> 00:02:54,480 Don't tip him, though. He'll just use it for drugs. 65 00:02:54,515 --> 00:02:57,157 Claims he's clean, but you tell me what man 66 00:02:57,277 --> 00:03:00,086 misplaces his car 'less he's on the ganja. 67 00:03:01,537 --> 00:03:02,822 Here you go. 68 00:03:02,857 --> 00:03:04,223 [CROAKING SOUND] 69 00:03:04,258 --> 00:03:06,025 Froggy Cottage. 70 00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:09,228 Personally, I thought your place had a lovely mountain charm, 71 00:03:09,263 --> 00:03:12,098 but Sandy is a little tougher to please. 72 00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:16,520 - Okay. - [SNIFFS] 73 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,261 Smells dusty, musty, 74 00:03:19,381 --> 00:03:21,040 or rusty in here. 75 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:23,576 Something "usty," for sure. Maybe we should just go home. 76 00:03:23,611 --> 00:03:25,544 It'll be fine. I'll open a window. 77 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,647 [SIGHS] 78 00:03:35,952 --> 00:03:38,824 [BOY SHOUTING PLAYFULLY] 79 00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:50,431 SANDY: What the hell?! Are you shitting me?! 80 00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:53,072 - Tim! - Shh! Shh! Hey. 81 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,674 There's a little kid over there 82 00:03:54,709 --> 00:03:56,475 having a Cat Stevens moment with his dad. 83 00:03:56,511 --> 00:04:00,046 Tell me you packed my humidifier. 84 00:04:01,377 --> 00:04:03,849 Is it news to you that I have a sinus condition, 85 00:04:03,885 --> 00:04:06,385 that I can't sleep without my humidifier? 86 00:04:06,421 --> 00:04:08,020 No, it's not news to me. 87 00:04:08,056 --> 00:04:10,423 I knew this weekend wasn't about sleep. 88 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:12,258 I bet you didn't forget condoms, did you? 89 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,726 I bet you didn't forget 90 00:04:13,761 --> 00:04:15,461 that edible lube you like, makes your balls taste 91 00:04:15,496 --> 00:04:17,863 like strawberries grown in Chernobyl, did you? 92 00:04:17,899 --> 00:04:19,832 Did you, Tim? Huh?! 93 00:04:19,867 --> 00:04:22,168 The flavor's actually mixed berry. 94 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,420 Okay, go long, buddy. 95 00:04:27,875 --> 00:04:29,581 We got a dehumidifier. 96 00:04:29,701 --> 00:04:31,744 Want me to see if it has a reverse button? 97 00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:34,113 It needs to be a Boneco 7135. 98 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,048 They sell them at Bed, Bath & Beyond. 99 00:04:36,084 --> 00:04:37,917 Is there a Bed, Bath & Beyond nearby? 100 00:04:37,952 --> 00:04:39,590 You ever heard of something 101 00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:41,821 called a Bed, Bath and... What was it? 102 00:04:41,856 --> 00:04:43,589 - Beyond. - Beyond? 103 00:04:43,624 --> 00:04:45,357 EMMA: There's one in Winksville. 104 00:04:45,393 --> 00:04:47,793 Oh. There's one in Winksville. 105 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,229 - It's about an hour drive. - An hour. 106 00:04:50,264 --> 00:04:52,665 - Honey, maybe you could, like... - [KEYS CLATTER] 107 00:04:54,235 --> 00:04:56,535 Now, I had every intention to get the humidifier 108 00:04:56,571 --> 00:04:59,994 safely back up to the cabin as fast as I possibly could. 109 00:05:00,975 --> 00:05:02,942 - _ - [BRAKES SCREECH] 110 00:05:02,977 --> 00:05:05,010 ♪ 111 00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:13,164 But then something came up. 112 00:05:13,621 --> 00:05:15,821 ♪ 113 00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:23,878 I'm not normally a strip club kind of guy, 114 00:05:23,998 --> 00:05:26,772 but maybe it was the picture of the girl on the sign 115 00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:28,940 or maybe I just wanted to stand in front of a woman 116 00:05:29,060 --> 00:05:30,818 who wasn't going to yell at me. 117 00:05:30,938 --> 00:05:33,960 Whatever it was, it was calling the shots. 118 00:05:33,995 --> 00:05:37,296 [COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING ON LOUDSPEAKER] 119 00:05:37,332 --> 00:05:39,043 [DOOR CLOSES] 120 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:43,578 ♪ 121 00:05:44,372 --> 00:05:47,006 [PINBALL MACHINE CLANKS] 122 00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:49,623 ♪ 123 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:02,321 [WHISPERS] Bucha! Come on. 124 00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:05,524 Gentlemen, 125 00:06:05,644 --> 00:06:08,260 recently back from maternity leave, 126 00:06:08,296 --> 00:06:09,409 put your hands 127 00:06:09,529 --> 00:06:12,773 together for Kombucha! 128 00:06:15,036 --> 00:06:16,558 Let her earn it! 129 00:06:20,258 --> 00:06:23,659 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] 130 00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:26,965 [MAN SINGING INDISTINCTLY] 131 00:06:34,325 --> 00:06:37,906 ♪ 132 00:06:38,810 --> 00:06:41,911 [PINBALL MACHINE DINGING AND CLACKING] 133 00:06:41,946 --> 00:06:44,187 ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ Sing it. 134 00:06:44,307 --> 00:06:48,902 ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ Sing. 135 00:06:49,022 --> 00:06:50,319 Am I on? 136 00:06:50,355 --> 00:06:53,303 ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ Sing. 137 00:06:53,423 --> 00:06:57,865 ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ Sing. 138 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,962 ♪ Shake it up, shake it up ♪ 139 00:06:59,997 --> 00:07:01,297 ♪ 140 00:07:01,332 --> 00:07:04,367 Hi. I'm Tickles. 141 00:07:04,402 --> 00:07:06,469 Hello, Tickles. 142 00:07:06,504 --> 00:07:07,803 ♪ 143 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,607 Um, the girl on the billboard working today? 144 00:07:11,642 --> 00:07:13,961 Sweetheart, the girl on the billboard 145 00:07:14,081 --> 00:07:15,978 is a model from NYC City. 146 00:07:16,013 --> 00:07:17,480 We're mountain dancers. 147 00:07:17,515 --> 00:07:19,715 Come on. Why don't you treat yourself 148 00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:22,017 to a private dance in the VIP room 149 00:07:22,053 --> 00:07:24,153 with a mountain dancer? 150 00:07:24,188 --> 00:07:25,855 [WHISPERS] Full bush. 151 00:07:25,890 --> 00:07:28,478 ♪ Shake it up. Shake it up, shake it up ♪ 152 00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:31,127 [DOOR CREAKS] 153 00:07:31,162 --> 00:07:33,295 Sit down, Tiger. 154 00:07:33,331 --> 00:07:35,666 She gave me a nickname right away... "Tiger." 155 00:07:35,786 --> 00:07:38,081 Up until that point, the closest a woman has 156 00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:40,053 - ever come to calling me Tiger, - [DOOR CLOSES] 157 00:07:40,173 --> 00:07:42,550 was when my wife called me a pussy at my uncle's funeral. 158 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,448 I had never had a lap dance before, 159 00:07:44,568 --> 00:07:47,558 so I was basically following her lead so I didn't look like an idiot. 160 00:07:47,678 --> 00:07:50,746 [MUSIC CONTINUES, MUFFLED] 161 00:07:54,152 --> 00:07:55,684 [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY] 162 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,186 Yeah. 163 00:07:57,221 --> 00:07:59,688 [CHAIR CREAKS] 164 00:07:59,724 --> 00:08:02,356 [WHISPERS] Do you like feet, Tiger? 165 00:08:02,476 --> 00:08:05,089 I love feet. I have no idea why I said that. 166 00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:06,929 Not that I have anything against feet 167 00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:08,898 - [HEELS CLATTER] - but I certainly don't love them. 168 00:08:08,933 --> 00:08:11,901 Hopefully, it was just an innocent conversation starter. 169 00:08:11,936 --> 00:08:13,469 It wasn't. 170 00:08:13,504 --> 00:08:15,938 ♪ 171 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,414 [DOOR CREAKS, SWITCH CLICKS] 172 00:08:26,417 --> 00:08:28,818 [DOOR CLOSES] 173 00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:30,820 [RUSTLING] 174 00:08:30,855 --> 00:08:32,455 [CLANKING] 175 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:39,695 I don't want to get into too much detail 176 00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,339 - [SWITCH CLICKS] - about what happened 177 00:08:41,459 --> 00:08:43,047 during the next seven or eight minutes, 178 00:08:43,167 --> 00:08:45,147 but I can tell you this... 179 00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:48,370 It involved feet, and I'm not proud of it. 180 00:08:48,406 --> 00:08:50,536 ♪ 181 00:08:52,310 --> 00:08:54,710 [ENGINE STARTS] 182 00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:58,214 I can see her! I can see our mom in there! 183 00:09:04,074 --> 00:09:06,689 - I want to sell you something, bro. - No, thank you. 184 00:09:06,724 --> 00:09:08,791 I-I think you're gonna want to buy this. 185 00:09:08,826 --> 00:09:11,193 It's a one-of-a-kind video, Tiger. 186 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:21,437 - What's on the tape? - Not much. 187 00:09:21,472 --> 00:09:23,973 Just everything you did in the VIP room. 188 00:09:28,381 --> 00:09:29,612 Shit. 189 00:09:29,647 --> 00:09:32,481 You don't look so good. You need to sit down, Tiger? 190 00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:34,339 - Okay, stop calling me Tiger. - Oh, you prefer 191 00:09:34,459 --> 00:09:35,899 I call you something else? 192 00:09:36,019 --> 00:09:37,820 Foot-sniffer? Foot-licker? 193 00:09:37,855 --> 00:09:39,955 - Athlete's dick. - Okay, 194 00:09:40,075 --> 00:09:41,899 I don't even like feet. I was just being polite to Tickles. 195 00:09:42,019 --> 00:09:44,064 Yeah, and I appreciate you being nice to my stepmother. 196 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,109 Look, man, I'm not trying to make trouble for you. 197 00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:48,379 I just want to sell you the tape. I'll be on my way. 198 00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,426 - How much? - 700 bucks. 199 00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:52,535 - Seven hund... - [KNOCK ON WINDOW] 200 00:09:58,809 --> 00:10:01,559 Look. I think I have 30 bucks on me. It's all yours. 201 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,141 - Just please take it and leave. Please. - [CAR DOOR CLOSES] 202 00:10:04,261 --> 00:10:06,134 Mmm! Fried chicken? 203 00:10:06,254 --> 00:10:09,424 Color me jealous! My cholesterol's sky-high. Can't do it. 204 00:10:09,544 --> 00:10:11,787 Enjoy it, though! Good for you. 205 00:10:11,822 --> 00:10:14,356 Please take it. Take it. Please, please, please? 206 00:10:14,392 --> 00:10:16,058 - Come on, man. - What's going on? 207 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,860 Oh, hi! 208 00:10:17,895 --> 00:10:21,597 Look at you, all clean... Clean as a whistle. 209 00:10:21,632 --> 00:10:23,299 [WHISTLES] 210 00:10:23,334 --> 00:10:24,600 Who's this? 211 00:10:24,635 --> 00:10:26,689 [STOPS WHISTLING, SNIFFS] 212 00:10:27,705 --> 00:10:30,039 Maintenance guy... He just wanted to stop by, 213 00:10:30,159 --> 00:10:31,874 make sure that everything's working. 214 00:10:31,909 --> 00:10:33,469 Oh, you got, like right... 215 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:35,644 [LOWERED VOICE] Go in the house, and take 216 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,919 - anything you want. Anything. - Yeah. 217 00:10:38,932 --> 00:10:40,616 He's nice. 218 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:44,486 The shower pressure's for shit. 219 00:10:44,606 --> 00:10:47,222 Yeah, I think he's more of like an appliance/electronics guy. 220 00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:48,490 He's just gonna... [INHALES DEEPLY] 221 00:10:48,610 --> 00:10:50,300 you know, make sure everything's up to snuff. 222 00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:52,112 And if not, he's gonna take it with him 223 00:10:52,232 --> 00:10:54,478 and then bring back better stuff later. 224 00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:55,864 Whatever. 225 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,967 I want to open another bottle of wine. 226 00:10:58,002 --> 00:10:59,802 Okay. 227 00:11:04,675 --> 00:11:06,320 [DOOR CLOSES, BOX THUDS] 228 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,682 - Okay, why didn't you take anything? - Like what... 229 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,370 The world's first microwave, 230 00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:12,611 that old as hell combination TV-VCR, 231 00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:15,289 one of the myriad of ceramic frog statuettes? 232 00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:17,229 - Did you just use the word "myriad"? - Yeah. 233 00:11:17,349 --> 00:11:18,853 Why? Did I use it wrong? 234 00:11:18,973 --> 00:11:21,123 - No, you used it right. - Sweet. 235 00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:25,427 Look, I don't know what else to tell you. 236 00:11:25,463 --> 00:11:26,695 I have no cash. 237 00:11:26,815 --> 00:11:28,555 Well then, it looks like me and your wife 238 00:11:28,675 --> 00:11:31,767 are gonna find out if that combination TV-VCR works. 239 00:11:36,273 --> 00:11:38,307 ♪ 240 00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:44,847 Tiger, what did you do that for? 241 00:11:44,882 --> 00:11:46,382 You know exactly why I did that. 242 00:11:46,417 --> 00:11:49,118 Now you can't blackmail me! No tape, no blackmail! 243 00:11:49,153 --> 00:11:50,653 [SIGHS] 244 00:11:50,688 --> 00:11:52,321 - Yeah! - [CAR DOOR CLOSES] 245 00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:54,849 [UNDER BREATH] That was some Jason Statham shit right there! 246 00:11:54,969 --> 00:11:58,487 I'm-a be back later tonight with another copy of the tape. 247 00:11:58,607 --> 00:12:00,775 That should give you time to run to the bank. 248 00:12:00,895 --> 00:12:03,415 And I want $2,000 this time. 249 00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:08,737 [VEHICLE DEPARTS] 250 00:12:08,773 --> 00:12:09,838 [CAR DOOR CLOSES] 251 00:12:09,874 --> 00:12:11,774 Forgot the doughnuts. 252 00:12:11,809 --> 00:12:13,747 My ex-wife won't let our son have them, 253 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,078 so it's our little secret on my weekends. 254 00:12:16,113 --> 00:12:18,334 I'd give anything for a doughnut right now! 255 00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:20,362 [UNDER BREATH] And an ex-wife. 256 00:12:21,468 --> 00:12:23,451 My only choice was to figure out 257 00:12:23,486 --> 00:12:25,176 how to convince Sandy to leave 258 00:12:25,296 --> 00:12:27,488 before the guy with the tape came back. 259 00:12:27,524 --> 00:12:29,390 ♪ 260 00:12:29,426 --> 00:12:33,299 SANDY: Hey, Timmy. [SINGSONGY] Lasagna's ready! 261 00:12:37,171 --> 00:12:39,759 Did you see the way that guy looked at me, Tim? 262 00:12:39,879 --> 00:12:41,849 He didn't look at me like a mother. 263 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:44,343 He looked at me like a piece of ass. 264 00:12:44,378 --> 00:12:47,913 You're still married to a piece of ass, Tim. 265 00:12:47,948 --> 00:12:51,750 Why don't you come over here and cut yourself off a slice? 266 00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,022 Now, I knew the clock was ticking, 267 00:12:57,058 --> 00:12:59,507 but who knows when she was going to be in the mood again? 268 00:12:59,627 --> 00:13:01,493 And we hadn't had sex in over a year, 269 00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,429 which we more than made up for. 270 00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:07,199 ♪ Mr. Frog went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ 271 00:13:07,234 --> 00:13:09,935 ♪ Mr. Frog went a-courtin' and he did ride ♪ 272 00:13:09,970 --> 00:13:12,705 ♪ A sword and a pistol by his side, uh-huh ♪ 273 00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:17,142 [SANDY MOANING] 274 00:13:17,178 --> 00:13:19,129 ♪ Rode up to Miss Mousey's door ♪ 275 00:13:19,249 --> 00:13:21,213 ♪ Where he had often been before ♪ 276 00:13:21,248 --> 00:13:23,248 - ♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪ - [CLATTER] 277 00:13:23,284 --> 00:13:26,485 And just for the heck of it, I even tried some feet stuff. 278 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,188 Ow. Okay, I think I'm done. 279 00:13:29,223 --> 00:13:30,612 She didn't like it. 280 00:13:30,732 --> 00:13:32,291 [BOTH SIGH] 281 00:13:32,326 --> 00:13:34,613 - That was fun, right? - It was great. 282 00:13:35,429 --> 00:13:38,030 And now I can sleep. Oh! 283 00:13:38,065 --> 00:13:40,966 I'm gonna put my night guard in. 284 00:13:41,798 --> 00:13:43,435 Mmm. 285 00:13:43,471 --> 00:13:44,903 [WINE GLASS THUDS] 286 00:13:44,939 --> 00:13:47,067 Will you fill up the humidifier for me? 287 00:13:47,187 --> 00:13:48,374 Sure. 288 00:13:48,409 --> 00:13:50,209 And that's when I realized that while my erection 289 00:13:50,244 --> 00:13:52,877 might be going away, the guy with the tape wasn't. 290 00:13:52,997 --> 00:13:54,980 ♪ 291 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,266 And then it hit me... 292 00:13:58,386 --> 00:14:00,018 The perfect plan. 293 00:14:00,054 --> 00:14:01,769 [LISPING] What the hell do you mean, 294 00:14:01,889 --> 00:14:03,889 - you drank all the bottled water? - I'm sorry. 295 00:14:03,924 --> 00:14:05,624 - The sex made me thirsty. - [SCOFFS] 296 00:14:05,659 --> 00:14:07,662 I filled it up in the bathtub. Is that okay? 297 00:14:07,782 --> 00:14:08,917 No, it's not! 298 00:14:09,037 --> 00:14:12,030 You know I refuse to breathe tap water! 299 00:14:12,066 --> 00:14:13,665 I know. I'm sorry. 300 00:14:13,701 --> 00:14:16,517 - Maybe we should go home. - How are we supposed to do that, Tim? 301 00:14:16,637 --> 00:14:18,972 - We've both been drinking. - Well, you've been drinking. 302 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,381 - I haven't been drinking. - You had a glass of wine. 303 00:14:21,501 --> 00:14:24,196 - I had one glass. I don't think... - You're a lightweight, Tim! 304 00:14:24,316 --> 00:14:26,267 I can't let you get behind the wheel of a car 305 00:14:26,387 --> 00:14:29,006 and hit someone, go to jail, and get to sleep all day 306 00:14:29,126 --> 00:14:32,900 while I raise that screaming banshee you planted in my twat! 307 00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:35,312 Would it kill you to simply say "vagina"? 308 00:14:35,432 --> 00:14:37,055 I mean, you're college-educated. 309 00:14:40,461 --> 00:14:42,060 Honey, no no no, no. No, no. 310 00:14:42,096 --> 00:14:44,615 Do... Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't open... 311 00:14:44,735 --> 00:14:47,232 Finally! I ordered Chinese. 312 00:14:47,268 --> 00:14:50,102 You don't happen to have any bottled water with you, do you? 313 00:14:50,137 --> 00:14:51,236 I'm sorry, what? 314 00:14:51,272 --> 00:14:52,979 Oh, honey, you have your night guard in, 315 00:14:53,099 --> 00:14:55,788 - so it's kind of hard to understand... - [NIGHT GUARD CLACKS] 316 00:14:55,908 --> 00:14:59,244 [NORMAL VOICE] Bottled water. Do you have any bottled water? 317 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,644 - Not unless you ordered it. - [SIGHS] 318 00:15:02,783 --> 00:15:05,172 - What are you doing? - I'm going to walk forwards 319 00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:07,418 until I find a store that sells bottled water! 320 00:15:07,538 --> 00:15:10,589 Breathing tap water. What is this, Haiti? 321 00:15:11,865 --> 00:15:13,091 I'll get your money. 322 00:15:16,197 --> 00:15:18,630 [LIGHTER CLICKS] 323 00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:20,799 [FLAME CRACKLES] 324 00:15:24,205 --> 00:15:25,437 [EXHALES] 325 00:15:25,473 --> 00:15:26,638 [CRASH] 326 00:15:26,674 --> 00:15:28,006 [SANDY YELLS] 327 00:15:28,042 --> 00:15:31,944 [ANIMALS HOWLING AND HOOTING] 328 00:15:31,979 --> 00:15:33,612 [BICYCLE BELL RINGS] 329 00:15:33,647 --> 00:15:35,380 So here I am, 330 00:15:35,416 --> 00:15:37,416 getting ready to execute my latest plan. 331 00:15:37,451 --> 00:15:39,685 If I could just buy myself a few hours, 332 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,387 I could convince Sandy I was sober enough to drive home. 333 00:15:42,423 --> 00:15:44,576 But the guy would be back with the tape soon, 334 00:15:44,696 --> 00:15:47,025 and this time, he would be ready for me to try and smash it again, 335 00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:49,943 so I searched all over your cabin for a weapon. 336 00:15:50,354 --> 00:15:52,197 ♪ 337 00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:08,280 The only way I was going to overpower this guy 338 00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:10,215 was to use the element of surprise. 339 00:16:10,251 --> 00:16:13,285 So, taking a page out of Sir Isaac Newton's book, 340 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,189 I made my own cradle. 341 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,630 When this ball hits his balls, he'll drop the tape. 342 00:16:24,665 --> 00:16:27,266 Then I'll scurry down and smash it again. 343 00:16:27,301 --> 00:16:30,032 That should buy me some more time. 344 00:16:30,152 --> 00:16:32,970 Anyway, I'm writing all this down in your guest book 345 00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:35,403 so you can give it to the police in case he kills me. 346 00:16:35,523 --> 00:16:38,744 [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING] 347 00:16:38,779 --> 00:16:40,546 Hello? 348 00:16:40,581 --> 00:16:42,814 ♪ 349 00:16:55,829 --> 00:16:58,063 Oh, shit. 350 00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,134 [WHISPERS] Hey. 351 00:17:12,978 --> 00:17:14,729 [SNAPS FINGERS] 352 00:17:18,483 --> 00:17:20,360 [LIPS FLAPPING] 353 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:21,625 Okay. 354 00:17:22,838 --> 00:17:24,515 [BIRD CONTINUES CALLING] 355 00:17:24,635 --> 00:17:26,255 [HEARTBEAT] 356 00:17:27,404 --> 00:17:28,912 [SIGHS] 357 00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:31,248 ♪ 358 00:17:41,276 --> 00:17:43,737 Oh, boy. Okay. 359 00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:45,636 All right. 360 00:17:45,756 --> 00:17:48,483 [SLURRING] Timmy! There's my Timmy! 361 00:17:48,603 --> 00:17:52,401 Oh, my God, the guy at the store was totally hitting on me! 362 00:17:52,410 --> 00:17:54,110 He said my tits were leaking, 363 00:17:54,145 --> 00:17:56,192 but how would he know my tits were leaking 364 00:17:56,312 --> 00:17:58,381 if he wasn't looking right at 'em, right? 365 00:17:58,416 --> 00:18:00,116 - [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] - I am on fire! 366 00:18:00,151 --> 00:18:01,356 - [LAUGHS] - Mm. 367 00:18:01,476 --> 00:18:03,198 All right. Whoa! 368 00:18:03,318 --> 00:18:05,539 - [GLASS SHATTERS] - Mmm! [SMOOCHING] 369 00:18:05,659 --> 00:18:09,233 So, in the end, things turned out okay. 370 00:18:09,353 --> 00:18:12,562 I was able to put your bowling-ball lamp back the way it was. 371 00:18:12,854 --> 00:18:14,783 The owl was a little trickier. 372 00:18:14,903 --> 00:18:19,068 This turned out to be exactly the weekend my wife and I needed. 373 00:18:21,005 --> 00:18:23,473 Thanks for sharing your home with us. 374 00:18:23,508 --> 00:18:26,480 - Your pal, John. - [SEATBELT CLICKS] 375 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:30,486 - P.S.: That's not my real name. - [ENGINE STARTS] 376 00:18:30,606 --> 00:18:33,390 ["I NEED NEVER GET OLD" PLAYS] 377 00:18:40,325 --> 00:18:42,525 [CAR ALARM CHIRPS] 378 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,061 FRANK: Shit! [POUNDING ON TRUNK] 379 00:18:57,802 --> 00:18:59,942 ♪ Can we be there ♪ 380 00:18:59,978 --> 00:19:02,512 ♪ Oh, just think of the time ♪ 381 00:19:04,315 --> 00:19:06,782 ♪ Thought of love so strange ♪ 382 00:19:06,818 --> 00:19:09,385 ♪ Said you never knew ♪ 383 00:19:11,556 --> 00:19:14,557 ♪ While I try my best ♪ 384 00:19:14,592 --> 00:19:16,726 ♪ To cover our eyes ♪ 385 00:19:18,429 --> 00:19:23,380 ♪ It's a common way to blame and hide the truth ♪ 386 00:19:25,436 --> 00:19:28,538 ♪ I know that some will say ♪ 387 00:19:28,573 --> 00:19:31,807 ♪ It matters but little, babe ♪ 388 00:19:31,843 --> 00:19:35,144 ♪ Aw, but come on and mean it to me ♪ 389 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:37,597 ♪ I need it so bad ♪ 390 00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:39,515 [COMPUTER CHIMES] 391 00:19:41,286 --> 00:19:44,620 - _ - ♪ I needed to try ♪ 392 00:19:44,656 --> 00:19:48,124 ♪ I needed it so ♪ 393 00:19:48,159 --> 00:19:50,860 ♪ I needed your love, I'm burning away ♪ 394 00:19:50,895 --> 00:19:54,063 - [DOOR CLOSES] - ♪ I need never get old ♪ 395 00:19:54,582 --> 00:19:55,868 Hello. 396 00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:57,330 Oh, hi. 397 00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,830 We're here to pick up the keys for Froggy Cottage. 398 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,283 - Oh. Of course. - [KEYBOARD CLACKS] 399 00:20:02,403 --> 00:20:03,780 Let me, uh... 400 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,142 Let me find your reservations. 401 00:20:06,177 --> 00:20:08,344 [BIRDS CHIRPING] 402 00:20:09,046 --> 00:20:11,489 JEFF: Are you sure you want to go through with this? 403 00:20:11,609 --> 00:20:15,243 - We could go to jail, you know. - Don't get soft on me now, Jeff. 404 00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,457 We've got some heavy lifting for the Lord to do. 405 00:20:17,577 --> 00:20:20,178 Our son is not marrying an atheist. 406 00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,060 - Okey doke. - [OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING] 407 00:20:27,568 --> 00:20:30,995 - Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 - - www.addic7ed.com - 30696

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