All language subtitles for Stardust.Memories.1980.1080p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AM]
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
EPG for IPTV - 80 countries 7000 channels
www.iptv-epg.com
2
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:16,533
Well, I thought it was terrible.
Absolutely terrible.
3
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,527
- I don't recall seeing anything this bad.
- You're not kidding.
4
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,404
This man is sick. What is this thing?
5
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,076
I thought this was
supposed to be a comedy.
6
00:05:22,197 --> 00:05:24,120
That was the most horrifying thing
I've ever seen!
7
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,369
- Seagulls. Dead cars.
- Just horrible. This is a disgrace.
8
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,870
- He has no balance left.
- I just don't get it.
9
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,873
- I think the guy's losing his mind.
- Somebody, please cut that projector.
10
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,999
- Something wrong with him.
- He's out of balance.
11
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,340
He's not funny anymore.
12
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,429
$12 million for that garbage?
What self-indulgence!
13
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,800
- OK, let's not panic.
- I think the man's lost his mind.
14
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,019
We can take the film away from him,
we can reshoot it, we can recut it.
15
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,432
Maybe we can salvage something.
16
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:48,683
He's pretentious.
His filming style is too fancy.
17
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,651
His insights are shallow and morbid.
18
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,236
I've seen it all before.
19
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,324
They try to document their private
suffering and fob it off as art.
20
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,158
What does he have to suffer about?
21
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,801
Doesn't the man know he's got
the greatest gift, the gift of laughter?
22
00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,086
No, I don't think I'm gonna make it.
23
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,252
We're sitting here in what looks
like a truck route or something.
24
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,343
I don't know what the hell's going on.
Hold on one second.
25
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:20,430
George, that guy's parked, you know?
You can just drive around him.
26
00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,595
It's crazy. The town is jammed.
27
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,016
Is the Pope in town,
or some other show-business figure?
28
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,389
Oh, my God. Do you know what I forgot?
29
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:32,768
I forgot to cancel your lunch with
the editor of "Newsweek". My fault.
30
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:37,023
And, you were supposed to tell me
about the public television thing.
31
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,444
I remembered that.
32
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,489
And you were supposed to send the
limousine to the airport for my parents.
33
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,953
I know, sweetheart.
34
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:46,539
The cast came off my finger,
so I was at the doctor yesterday.
35
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,626
Look, that one's my fault.
Listen, I made a couple of changes.
36
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,745
You have the analyst
at 2:00 instead of 3:00,
37
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:55,841
I moved your tennis lesson up an hour,
the chiropodist is at 4:00,
38
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:59,757
and we moved the hair treatment
to, erm... Friday.
39
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:04,475
I'm sorry, Wednesday. No, Thursday!
Thursday at 2:00 is the hair... treatment.
40
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:07,265
Can I please get your signature
on this oil shelter thing?
41
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,513
- Oil? You told me cattle.
- The cattle died.
42
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:13,188
Has anybody given any thought to "Time"
magazine? I said I'd get back to them.
43
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:15,356
Your cousin called.
He needs to borrow more money.
44
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,603
Oh, jeez!
45
00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:19,277
Don't bug him about the "Time" cover.
He can do it after the weekend.
46
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:23,368
I don't want to go away this weekend.
Who needs a festival of my old films?
47
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,862
- Sign here, please.
- It's ridiculous.
48
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:28,206
Don't worry about that income tax thing.
I'll be with you to see the Treasury agents.
49
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,701
Treasury agents?
Since when is it that serious?
50
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,919
Look, Sandy, this is two lousy days.
51
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,960
You drive up there, they honour you,
they show your films,
52
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:39,210
they ask you a couple of stupid questions,
and you go home.
53
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,756
I don't wanna be honoured. It's a hype!
54
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,300
Don't be ungrateful.
She's an important film critic.
55
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,049
You promised. They sold a lot of tickets.
You can't back out.
56
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,393
You might enjoy it.
The nice clean sea air.
57
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,638
Sandy, we've gotta talk
about the new picture.
58
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:53,356
What do you want me to say? I don't
wanna make funny movies anymore.
59
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,647
They can't force me to.
You know, I don't feel funny.
60
00:07:56,768 --> 00:07:59,863
I look around the world
and all I see is human suffering.
61
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,324
Human suffering doesn't sell
tickets in Kansas City.
62
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,067
They want laughs in Kansas City.
63
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,865
They've been working
in the wheat fields all day.
64
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:09,160
Hey fellas, I'm getting a headache.
Can I please get some privacy?
65
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,500
Your problem is, you never got
over Nat Bernstein's death.
66
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,994
Of course I never got over...
67
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:17,043
The guy was 30 years old,
never sick a day in his life,
68
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,838
and then suddenly, out of left field,
amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
69
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,256
It was horrible.
70
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:26,007
He was laying there in the hospital,
his body degenerated like Lou Gehrig.
71
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:29,135
You could use this weekend at
the seashore. You should take a month.
72
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:32,263
When I was a kid,
my mother took me to the seashore.
73
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,389
Little old decaying hotels and awnings.
74
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,982
Here's your Valium.
75
00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,568
Great! Another show-business tranquiliser.
76
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:42,690
Hey, did anybody read on the front page
of the "Times" that matter is decaying?
77
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:46,535
Am I the only one that saw that?
The universe is gradually breaking down.
78
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:48,653
There's not gonna be anything left.
79
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:51,156
I'm not talking about
my stupid little films here.
80
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,876
Eventually there's not gonna be
any Beethoven or Shakespeare or...
81
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,496
- Go to the seashore.
- Have a nice weekend.
82
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,193
Great!
83
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:30,953
What are you thinking about
when you look out there?
84
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,620
Just, you know, all those people and...
85
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,876
You know, how unhappy
most of them are and...
86
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:44,376
Those terrible things they do
to each other and, you know...
87
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,425
Everything's over so quickly,
88
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:54,519
and you don't have any idea
of was it worth it or not.
89
00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:58,436
Is there any way I can cheer you up?
90
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:03,107
No, there's... What do you have in mind?
91
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:05,356
- Hmm, you smell nice.
- Yeah?
92
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,903
That aftershave, it just made
my whole childhood come back
93
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,072
with a sudden Proustian rush.
94
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,742
That's cos I'm wearing
Proustian Rush by Chanel.
95
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,411
It's reduced, so I got a vat of it.
96
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,502
Listen, why don't I just run down
and get some food,
97
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,167
and we'll stay in tonight and I'll cook?
98
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,837
The last time you cooked,
the kitchen looked like Hiroshima.
99
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,052
Yeah, we had a good time.
100
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:33,221
I could do my mother's recipe for
Filet de boeuffourré Périgourdine.
101
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,553
I could do sweet potato rum casserole.
102
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,351
Yeah? No beverage?
103
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:48,319
I think they've been putting
something wonderful in your lithium.
104
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,658
I've stopped taking the lithium.
105
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,449
Oh, Jesus, you're kidding!
106
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,243
Dorrie, that's not a good idea.
107
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:58,082
You know, you can't just go
on and off it like that.
108
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:02,329
- I don't think it does much good.
- You're wrong, cos I notice a difference.
109
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,750
You know, you can't...
110
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,715
It's a pain to keep getting
my blood checked.
111
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,301
- I'm sure it is.
- I feel heavy, and...
112
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,136
But, you know, it's better for you.
113
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:13,598
You know, it's not a good thing
to just go... Really.
114
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:22,891
You are the best kisser.
115
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,319
That was my major in college.
116
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:36,199
Mr Bates! Mr Bates, come here at once!
117
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:39,165
- Please, Mr Bates, the stove's on fire!
- What's the matter with you?
118
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,785
- Put it out!
- Will you stop being so hysterical?
119
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,912
Every night it's a fire.
120
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,664
You don't know how to work the stove yet?
121
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,290
- I worked it perfectly.
- For God's sake.
122
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:51,315
You do nothing but start fires here.
Be careful.
123
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,172
Jesus. It's a simple stove!
124
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:57,425
And every night
you set the apartment on fire!
125
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,804
- Maybe it's defective.
- All right, relax. And no rabbit.
126
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,727
How many times have I told you? No rabbit.
127
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,849
I thought you only meant
just that one time.
128
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:08,194
No. Never! I never want rabbit.
I don't eat rodent.
129
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,813
- I understand now.
- You understand that?
130
00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,360
It's fur bearing. Never rabbit.
131
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:14,155
You never want rabbit. Now that's clear.
132
00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,590
Everybody is just ecstatic
that you're here this weekend.
133
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,212
The turnout is tremendous.
134
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,261
And these film culture weekends
are just absolutely fantastic.
135
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,055
They are getting so popular.
136
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,394
You're gonna love
our screening facilities.
137
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,481
When I had my Orson Welles weekend
here, you know what he told me?
138
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:49,023
He said that I had the best sound
and projection system he'd ever seen.
139
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,487
Bar none. Believe it or not, he did.
That's what... Oh!
140
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:55,158
This is Mr Payson, our chairman,
and Mrs Payson. They adore you.
141
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:57,653
We love your work.
My wife has seen all your films.
142
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,246
I especially like your early, funny ones.
143
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:03,242
Dick Lobel.
I'm with the museum film department.
144
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,789
We have a collection
of more than 20,000 prints.
145
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,083
This is my friend Libby.
She thinks you're a genius.
146
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:11,754
Libby just did a definitive
cinematic study of Gummo Marx.
147
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:15,549
Interestingly, he's the one Marx brother
that never made any movies.
148
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,843
Hello. A pleasure to have you here.
149
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,803
You're the best. Your work's fantastic.
150
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:25,555
Here. Read this.
151
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,688
- I think you're absolutely magnificent.
- You're really intense.
152
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,026
We love you!
153
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,543
Hello, Isobel?
154
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,883
Isobel, I'm up here.
Jeez, I'm going crazy.
155
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,345
Do you think you can get up here?
Well, I miss you.
156
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,007
In English. Speak to me in English.
157
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:04,432
Your English is perfect. Don't worry.
158
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,681
What's the matter? You sound...
159
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,269
You want me to call you back?
Can you not talk?
160
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:14,896
All right, I'll call you back.
161
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,778
# Three little words
162
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:23,497
# Oh, what I'd give
for that wonderful phrase
163
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:27,918
# To hear those three little words
164
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:33,962
# That's all I'd live
for the rest of my days
165
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:40,840
# And what I feel in my heart
they tell sincerely
166
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:45,890
# No other words can tell it
half so clearly
167
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:50,641
# Three little words, eight little letters
168
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:56,989
# Which simply mean I love you #
169
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,659
What were you trying to say
in this picture?
170
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:04,094
I was just trying to be funny.
171
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,541
Do you find it very hard
to direct yourself?
172
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,286
Er... hard? No.
No, I just have to resist the temptation
173
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,460
to give myself too many extreme close-ups.
174
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,176
Have you studied filmmaking in school?
175
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,717
No, no, I didn't study anything in school.
They studied me.
176
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,216
I understand
you studied philosophy at school.
177
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,718
No, that's not true. I did take...
178
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:31,349
I took one course in existential philosophy
at New York University.
179
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:36,945
And on the final,
they gave me ten questions,
180
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,610
and I couldn't answer
a single one of them, you know.
181
00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:42,108
I left them all blank. I got a hundred.
182
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:50,829
- Oh, you are marvellous, a genius...
- Good questions. Didn't you think so?
183
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,294
You handled them beautifully.
You're a genius!
184
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,039
One of the most intelligent films
I've seen in many years.
185
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,258
- Can I get a photo, Mr Bates?
- There he is.
186
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:02,470
Hi! I just think you're great,
and I just wanted to give you this record.
187
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:06,217
I'm with the Tuberculosis Association.
188
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:09,264
- We're doing a benefit...
- There you are. There you are.
189
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,103
Mr Bates! Mr Bates, may I have
your autograph, please?
190
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:14,394
If I could just have 10 minutes,
I'd like to ask you a couple of questions.
191
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:15,562
Sure.
192
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:19,028
I'm doing this piece on the shallow
indifference of wealthy celebrities.
193
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:22,866
And I'd like to include you.
I'd like to include you in my piece.
194
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,450
I'm starving.
195
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:37,584
Sandy, there's a phone call for you.
Let me show you where the phone is.
196
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,877
I'm Dr Paul Pearlman.
197
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,672
I did a paper on you and your films
at a psychiatric convention.
198
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:42,964
Oh, really?
199
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,133
It was very well received,
you'll be happy to know.
200
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:46,631
Glad to hear that.
201
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,758
For my own records, tell me,
202
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:51,011
have you ever had intercourse
with any type of animal?
203
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,684
With an animal? No... Hello?
204
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,522
- Yeah?
- Very good.
205
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,270
- Thank you very much.
- Keep up the good work, and good luck.
206
00:16:59,393 --> 00:17:01,771
- No, I don't think that's fair.
- Can I have a picture of you?
207
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:04,445
Over here, Mr Bates. Thank you so much.
One picture. One more picture.
208
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,033
I don't want him to touch the film.
209
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,118
Tell him to come up here tomorrow
and we'll talk about it.
210
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,079
They can't recut my film.
211
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,164
My name is Claire Schaeffer.
212
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:16,752
I do work with the blind, and we have
a celebrity auction this month.
213
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,792
If you could donate something,
like an ashtray or...
214
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,130
Sure. No problem at all.
215
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:24,128
Somebody told me you wear a truss.
An old truss would just be wonderful.
216
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:27,131
- No, I don't wear a truss.
- Thank you very much.
217
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,349
We went to Israel,
and they love you there.
218
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,469
They're just crazy about you! Shalom!
219
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,516
- I'm Jack Abel.
- Hi, how are you?
220
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:38,232
- I teach screenwriting at Columbia.
- What is this?
221
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:41,774
If I could get you to lecture
to my students, you'd make me a hero.
222
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,487
I'm not the type that lectures.
223
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,527
For your enjoyment,
with my genuine affection.
224
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:48,447
I really appreciate it.
It's exactly what I need.
225
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,536
People are always telling me
how much we look alike.
226
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:51,825
I can see that.
227
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,119
If you could take my name,
maybe next time you do a...
228
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,619
- This is a real madhouse!
- I have a suggestive item of food.
229
00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:01,247
Daisy and I were gonna go grab a beer.
230
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:03,841
- If you'd like to come, we'd love it.
- Oh, God, I would love it.
231
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:06,711
Would you?
There's a little roadside place...
232
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,759
This is unbelievable.
I don't know what's going on.
233
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,756
Can I talk to you about an idea
for a film I have...
234
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,849
- This is not the place. Really.
- Do you have a moment?
235
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:17,063
It's a comedy based on that
whole Guyana mass-suicide thing.
236
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:21,025
Sandy, this is what I did
in vaudeville years ago!
237
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,440
# Give me the spotlight, give me the stage
238
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,359
# And leave the rest to me
239
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:30,736
# Give me a hat and cane,
an old refrain, a sweet melody
240
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:38,290
# And so I dream of old Brazil
241
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,834
# Where hearts were entertaining June
242
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:45,208
# We stood beneath an amber moon
243
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,212
# And softly murmured, "Someday soon"
244
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:51,966
# We kissed and clung together
245
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:55,719
# Then, tomorrow was another day... #
246
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,722
Comedy is hostility.
247
00:18:58,846 --> 00:19:01,065
- Hmm.
- It's rage.
248
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,064
I don't have to give you
that clichéd speech.
249
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:07,234
What is it that the comedian says
when his jokes are going well?
250
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:11,576
"I murdered that audience. I killed them.
They screamed. I broke them up."
251
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,444
So what are you saying?
252
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:15,571
You're saying that someone like myself,
253
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:19,075
or Laurel and Hardy or Bob Hope
are furious?
254
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,623
Furious, or latent homosexual.
255
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:24,748
- It's hidden behind the jokes.
- I can't speak for those guys, but...
256
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,045
- Jack!
- We're only theorising.
257
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,168
What do you do, Daisy?
Are you a teacher, too?
258
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:32,217
- No. No, I don't...
- She's a brilliant violinist.
259
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,340
- Really? Is that so?
- That's an exaggeration.
260
00:19:34,465 --> 00:19:36,138
- Really?
- She's with the philharmonic.
261
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:39,808
- That's very impressive.
- Well, I sit way in the back...
262
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,852
- Get you some Camels?
- Yeah, thanks.
263
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,269
Excuse me.
264
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,688
So can I ask you a question?
265
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,610
Is it my imagination,
266
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:54,031
or have you been kind
of looking at me all night?
267
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:58,031
- I mean, tell me if I'm wrong.
- Does it bother you?
268
00:19:58,155 --> 00:20:01,125
No, no, no, I mean,
I was just wondering, you know...
269
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:05,247
I've never seen such a sexy
classical violinist before. I mean it.
270
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:08,420
Usually they're escaped Hungarians.
271
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,464
No, I'm from Winnetka, Illinois.
272
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,257
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
273
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,552
Funny, cos you remind me of somebody.
274
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,300
It's the strangest thing.
275
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,769
- Yeah?
- Hm... Yeah.
276
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,682
It's not that you look like her
or anything.
277
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,981
It's just that there's some kind
of odd sense that I have.
278
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,524
Really?
279
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:38,100
And now, the Brooklyn Boys' Club is
happy to present "The Amazing Sandy".
280
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,048
Incredible.
281
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:11,647
- Extraordinario. Divino.
- È vero, è magnifico.
282
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:15,241
The boy's a natural.
I've never seen anything like it.
283
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,950
A born magician.
284
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:20,537
He should be. He sits in his room
alone and practises for hours.
285
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:22,622
Sure he's not doing something else?
286
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:24,242
Oh, he does that, too.
287
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:26,710
I found these pictures hidden
in his drawer.
288
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:32,050
It causes him great guilt.
I don't know if I can ever cure him.
289
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,840
I've been treating him for years already.
290
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:49,146
Thanks for a nice time. I'll see you guys.
291
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:51,735
See you around. Good night.
292
00:21:51,852 --> 00:21:54,071
Hey, Sandy. Sandy.
293
00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:58,364
I hate to hassle you or anything,
but I just... I got to tell you, I love you.
294
00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,236
- I mean, I love your work.
- Thank you.
295
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:04,082
I'm an actor. Right now I'm working
as a busboy, but really I am an actor.
296
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:07,372
I don't wanna bug you or anything,
I just wanted to give you a picture.
297
00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:11,293
- You should mail this to my office.
- Here's a composite I have of myself.
298
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:14,087
- You should send this stuff to my office.
- And a résumé.
299
00:22:14,208 --> 00:22:17,303
I'm gonna go to sleep now,
so if you just...
300
00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:19,217
Just a second. I can give you...
301
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:22,057
Here's some reviews, some of the things
the critics have said about me.
302
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:25,348
- That's from "The Jersey Journal".
- That's great.
303
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:28,723
Here's me as Tevye in "Fiddler
on the Roof". I did that in high school.
304
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:31,727
- Did you? Did you?
- Let's see. Here's a résumé.
305
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,195
That's where I did Ensign Pulver.
I worked in regional theatre.
306
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,985
Ensign Pulver in "Mister Roberts", there.
307
00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:50,495
Hey, I'm crazy about you.
308
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:54,169
You don't even know who I am.
309
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:57,214
Yeah, but I've just been
looking at you all morning.
310
00:22:57,334 --> 00:23:01,089
I got to tell you, you're incredibly
beautiful, whoever you are.
311
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:04,592
Yeah, it's true, I am.
I guess I'm a little on the beautiful side.
312
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,845
Yeah, and you're real interesting.
313
00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:11,145
I've been watching you all morning,
just sitting off by yourself and reading.
314
00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:14,144
You got a real strange quality.
315
00:23:14,268 --> 00:23:16,487
Go on, keep going. You're getting through.
316
00:23:16,604 --> 00:23:20,984
- Yeah. How long you been acting?
- I guess I'm always acting.
317
00:23:21,108 --> 00:23:22,530
Yeah?
318
00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:25,871
- Can I sit next to you?
- Sure. Be my guest.
319
00:23:25,988 --> 00:23:27,956
Yeah? So tell me about yourself.
Who are you?
320
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:31,077
Give me a lot of personal information
immediately cos...
321
00:23:31,201 --> 00:23:34,045
Don't hold anything back.
Are you married, living with somebody?
322
00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:36,006
I'm fascinating, but I'm trouble.
323
00:23:36,123 --> 00:23:37,249
- Trouble?
- Yeah.
324
00:23:37,374 --> 00:23:40,173
Yeah? You said the right thing.
325
00:23:40,294 --> 00:23:43,093
So, are you free for dinner or what?
What are your plans later?
326
00:23:43,213 --> 00:23:46,717
Don't feel obligated to say yes
because I'm the director of the film.
327
00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,719
I mean, this is a big coup for me.
328
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:51,939
I'm a nobody with a one-line part,
and I managed to impress you
329
00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:54,229
just by sitting around
speed-reading Schopenhauer.
330
00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:55,693
You understand any of that stuff?
331
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,062
No. But I can fake my way
through most situations.
332
00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:00,485
Well, I got to tell you,
I'm fatally attracted to you,
333
00:24:00,606 --> 00:24:03,029
so don't blow it, because, you know...
334
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:07,155
Well, I'll do my best,
and it hasn't failed me yet.
335
00:24:38,769 --> 00:24:41,488
Your spaghetti could've used
another 20 minutes.
336
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:44,028
You said al dente.
I was giving you my best shot here.
337
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:47,369
- AI dente? That was so crispy.
- Didn't want a limp noodle, did you?
338
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:50,035
You want my spaghetti
with nice Czechoslovakian sauce.
339
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:52,624
- That's my specialty.
- I suppose it's different.
340
00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:54,584
Yeah. A congealed, disgusting spaghetti.
341
00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:57,251
- Where d'you learn so much about wine?
- My father's an expert.
342
00:24:57,371 --> 00:25:00,796
Her father! This is incredible.
What is this guy not an expert in?
343
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:06,264
He's a tennis player and an antique
connoisseur and a wine expert,
344
00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:10,135
and he's probably gorgeous, right, with
greying temples and the aquiline profile.
345
00:25:10,259 --> 00:25:11,602
A great-looking man.
346
00:25:11,719 --> 00:25:14,939
Whenever Mother was away in her
sanitarium, the ladies flocked around him.
347
00:25:15,055 --> 00:25:17,478
And what about you? Tell me.
Did you have a little crush on him?
348
00:25:17,599 --> 00:25:19,272
You can admit this to me, if you like.
349
00:25:19,393 --> 00:25:21,942
- Sure. We had a little flirt.
- A little, small flirt?
350
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:26,192
Mother away getting shock treatment
and the only beautiful daughter home.
351
00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:28,318
Long, lingering breakfasts with Dad?
352
00:25:28,444 --> 00:25:30,538
- Getting nauseating?
- No competition for my mother.
353
00:25:30,654 --> 00:25:32,076
She was very beautiful.
354
00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:34,040
- Your mother?
- That's nice. Yeah.
355
00:25:34,158 --> 00:25:37,753
- Your back is really knotted up.
- I know. It's very tense.
356
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:40,919
Jesus. What was your mother
diagnosed as? Schizophrenic or...?
357
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,042
She was schizophrenic,
she was depressive...
358
00:25:43,167 --> 00:25:46,341
I see, the full complement of nasties.
359
00:25:46,462 --> 00:25:49,432
Funny, cos in my family, nobody
ever committed suicide.
360
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:52,017
This was just not a middle-class
alternative, you know?
361
00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:54,387
My mother was too busy
running the boiled chicken
362
00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:56,388
through the deflavourising machine
363
00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:59,062
to think about shooting herself
or anything.
364
00:25:59,183 --> 00:26:02,858
God. So did you always
want to be an actress?
365
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:05,447
No. I'm not really an actress.
366
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:07,908
You're good, Dorrie. You have a...
367
00:26:08,025 --> 00:26:09,902
You have a real interesting
quality on the screen.
368
00:26:10,027 --> 00:26:12,280
- You're just saying that.
- No, you're wrong.
369
00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:14,748
It's not so.
You have a real charming quality.
370
00:26:14,865 --> 00:26:16,617
You got a real... You're a natural.
371
00:26:16,742 --> 00:26:18,335
I'm a natural at everything I do,
372
00:26:18,452 --> 00:26:20,546
then I wind up
not being able to do anything.
373
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:24,383
No, you're wrong. You've got real,
genuine charisma on the screen.
374
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,298
It's true. You're sexy.
375
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:28,762
You've got no confidence, of course,
376
00:26:28,879 --> 00:26:31,382
but you got a real charming quality
on the screen.
377
00:26:31,507 --> 00:26:34,010
- What was that? What was that?
- A pigeon.
378
00:26:34,134 --> 00:26:36,683
- Hey, that's pretty. A pigeon.
- No. It's not pretty at all.
379
00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:38,351
- They're wonderful.
- They're rats with wings.
380
00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,725
No, it's probably a good omen.
It'll bring us good luck.
381
00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:43,193
Get it out of here. It's probably
one of those killer pigeons!
382
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:47,531
Get something for it to eat. We can
coax it down. What are you doing?
383
00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:49,241
Wait. Wait!
384
00:26:49,358 --> 00:26:52,362
You see, it's got a swastika
under its wing.
385
00:26:55,823 --> 00:26:56,995
Stop that.
386
00:26:57,116 --> 00:26:59,619
I just wanna guide it
out of the apartment.
387
00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:03,168
Jeez! I don't want a winged thing
in my house.
388
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:05,086
We can keep it.
389
00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:20,481
Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me.
I'm in the wrong room.
390
00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,975
No, no, you're right.
This is your room. Isn't this fun?
391
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,774
I tipped the porter so I could meet you.
392
00:27:25,894 --> 00:27:29,944
Oh, Jesus, you're kidding.
You're telling me they let you in here?
393
00:27:30,065 --> 00:27:32,909
- Well, I know, you get this all the time.
- No, I don't.
394
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:35,700
But, you know, I have a psychic,
and I asked her about you,
395
00:27:35,821 --> 00:27:37,869
and she told me that
we were destined to make it together.
396
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:40,664
Look, whoever you are,
please, I'm tired. Go away.
397
00:27:40,784 --> 00:27:42,661
I won't stay over.
398
00:27:42,786 --> 00:27:44,663
I just know you're a Sagittarius,
399
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:49,794
and Sagittarians get along really well
with Pisces, cos I'm a Pisces.
400
00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:52,592
- And I just think that...
- Will you get out of the bed, please?
401
00:27:52,713 --> 00:27:56,138
Well, wait, here. And I drove all the way
from Bridgeport to make it with you.
402
00:27:56,258 --> 00:28:00,308
Yeah? What is this,
the traditional brownies with hash?
403
00:28:00,429 --> 00:28:04,434
No. Here's the hash on the side
cos I didn't know how much you took.
404
00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:07,232
What is it, hollandaise sauce?
What do you mean, how much I took?
405
00:28:07,352 --> 00:28:10,652
You got in a car
and you drove a long distance
406
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:12,945
to go through mechanical sex
with a stranger?
407
00:28:13,066 --> 00:28:16,866
- My husband drove me. We have a van.
- Your husband? You're kidding.
408
00:28:16,987 --> 00:28:18,955
Is your husband here?
409
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:22,451
He would be so honoured
if I could tell him that we made it.
410
00:28:22,576 --> 00:28:24,499
He's a great fan of yours.
411
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:26,418
- He's got all your albums.
- I'm sure.
412
00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:28,586
He sees every movie.
He talks about you all the time.
413
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:31,927
- You're one of his heroes.
- Yeah. He's not insanely jealous?
414
00:28:32,044 --> 00:28:33,762
No. We never have any problems with that.
415
00:28:33,879 --> 00:28:36,348
And exactly where is your husband
right now?
416
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,718
Well, he's sleeping in the van downstairs.
417
00:28:38,842 --> 00:28:40,844
Hey, look, I don't feel that well.
I'm tired.
418
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:43,563
I don't wanna go through
an empty experience.
419
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,854
Listen, empty sex is better
than no sex, right?
420
00:28:46,975 --> 00:28:49,103
Come on, don't be so angry.
421
00:28:55,859 --> 00:28:58,908
'We interrupt this program
to bring you a special bulletin.
422
00:28:59,029 --> 00:29:01,498
'Sydney Finklestein's hostility
has escaped.
423
00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:03,617
'Finklestein, a short man with glasses,
424
00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:07,372
'told police that he has been fighting
to hold his anger in for years,
425
00:29:07,496 --> 00:29:10,500
'and is very embarrassed that
it broke loose while he napped.
426
00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:14,754
'Police are combing the countryside
and warn all citizens to stay indoors.'
427
00:29:14,878 --> 00:29:18,883
Oh, my God, look.
That's my schoolteacher, Miss Reilly.
428
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:23,387
Oh, Jeez. Look, that's my ex-wife
and her alimony lawyer.
429
00:29:23,512 --> 00:29:25,014
And my brother Alvin.
430
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:28,267
He was the one that
they taught to speak up.
431
00:29:28,392 --> 00:29:31,111
He'd always come downstairs and recite.
432
00:29:31,228 --> 00:29:33,572
Look. That's my mother.
433
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:43,749
Please. We don't wanna hurt you.
We wanna reason with you.
434
00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:47,495
I'm a psychoanalyst. This is my pipe.
435
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,713
I want to help you.
436
00:29:52,249 --> 00:29:55,253
Your films are always
psychological, never political.
437
00:29:55,377 --> 00:29:57,880
- Where do you stand politically?
- What can I say to that?
438
00:29:58,005 --> 00:30:02,431
I'm for total, honest democracy.
439
00:30:02,551 --> 00:30:05,329
And I also believe
the American system can work.
440
00:30:10,309 --> 00:30:13,813
A lot of people have accused you
of being narcissistic...
441
00:30:17,399 --> 00:30:20,573
I know, people think I'm egotistical
and narcissistic, but it's not true.
442
00:30:20,694 --> 00:30:22,241
As a matter of fact,
443
00:30:22,362 --> 00:30:26,583
if I did identify with a Greek mythological
character, it would not be Narcissus.
444
00:30:26,700 --> 00:30:29,598
- Who would it be?
- Zeus.
445
00:30:33,206 --> 00:30:35,834
- Mr Bates, I'm with the Cancer Society.
- Right.
446
00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:38,803
It would mean so much to so many
people if you could appear at our benefit...
447
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:43,426
I would be glad to. Call me when I get
back into town. I do it all the time.
448
00:30:43,550 --> 00:30:44,802
Really.
449
00:30:44,926 --> 00:30:49,432
Did you know Russian scientists are
forcibly detained in insane asylums?
450
00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:53,151
Yeah, I'm on a committee for that.
So I've signed petitions and all that stuff.
451
00:30:53,268 --> 00:30:55,362
Would you sign this autograph for my wife?
452
00:30:55,479 --> 00:30:58,028
- Oh, yeah. Sure.
- Sandy Brockman from Flatbush Ave.
453
00:30:58,148 --> 00:30:59,866
- To Hilda.
- Jerry Abraham.
454
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:02,327
- We went to school together, right?
- I know. I remember you.
455
00:31:02,444 --> 00:31:03,991
You dressed as Superman, you tried to fly.
456
00:31:04,112 --> 00:31:05,910
- I remember.
- I know you're busy. When can we talk?
457
00:31:06,031 --> 00:31:07,874
- I'll be here all weekend.
- OK, take care.
458
00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:09,868
- What is this?
- Don't read it now. Wait until later.
459
00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:14,794
My son wrote it. It's perfect for you.
It's a spoof on jockeys.
460
00:31:14,915 --> 00:31:17,009
- On jockeys?
- Yes, a spoof on little jockeys.
461
00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:21,005
- That sounds great.
- Yeah. Call. Call, OK?
462
00:31:23,090 --> 00:31:25,684
Sandy! Can I have your autograph?
463
00:31:25,801 --> 00:31:28,429
Oh, sure. There you go.
464
00:31:28,553 --> 00:31:32,899
- I was a caesarean.
- Oh. That's great.
465
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:11,680
Isobel. My God, what are you doing here?
466
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:15,355
- But you called me. You were lonely.
- I know. But what a surprise!
467
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,193
What a treat!
468
00:32:17,310 --> 00:32:19,108
Oh, Jesus.
469
00:32:19,229 --> 00:32:20,321
Sandy?
470
00:32:20,439 --> 00:32:22,658
- Sandy? I really loved your last film.
- Oh, thank you.
471
00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,447
J'ai quelque chose
de très important à te dire.
472
00:32:24,568 --> 00:32:29,415
In English. I had a very erotic dream
about you last night.
473
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:33,786
I hope you brought your little
tiny white cotton socks that I like...
474
00:32:33,910 --> 00:32:36,333
Listen, I left my husband.
475
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:40,751
Really?
476
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:45,715
He knew I was having an affair
and I did not want to lie to him.
477
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:49,973
I'm stunned.
478
00:32:50,093 --> 00:32:55,566
- That makes you nervous, no?
- No, no, no. I'm not nervous.
479
00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:58,982
I'm just so... I just...
I know we talked about it...
480
00:32:59,102 --> 00:33:01,355
Sandy, I knitted this sweater
for you myself.
481
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,198
- Thanks very much.
- You don't have...
482
00:33:03,315 --> 00:33:05,738
- I just didn't think it'd happen.
- You don't have to worry about it.
483
00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:08,078
- No, I'm not worried about it.
- I'm just going to take care of myself.
484
00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:09,868
You know, what does that mean?
485
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:12,286
- We've seen all your films.
- They suck!
486
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:14,580
- They're terrific.
- Because I know your face.
487
00:33:14,701 --> 00:33:16,419
I know you are going to be sick.
488
00:33:16,536 --> 00:33:18,914
I'm not going to be sick.
I'm just so stunned.
489
00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:21,758
I can't... You know, we discussed it
and I... And I...
490
00:33:21,875 --> 00:33:24,970
I think I'm going to stay in a hotel
and find an apartment.
491
00:33:25,086 --> 00:33:26,679
Honey, you're not staying in a hotel.
492
00:33:26,796 --> 00:33:29,219
The whole point was that you would
leave your husband and stay with me,
493
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:32,060
that we would live together or marry,
but be together.
494
00:33:32,177 --> 00:33:34,521
- Can I have your autograph?
- That's the point of it.
495
00:33:34,638 --> 00:33:35,855
You're not gonna stay at a hotel.
496
00:33:35,972 --> 00:33:37,895
- No, I...
- That's ridiculous.
497
00:33:38,016 --> 00:33:40,565
No, I think it would be OK
if it is like that.
498
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,108
We could marry, but there is no pressure.
499
00:33:43,230 --> 00:33:46,655
I don't feel pressure. You know, I...
500
00:33:46,775 --> 00:33:51,497
It's funny. I had salmon for breakfast,
you know, and I feel nauseous a little bit.
501
00:33:51,613 --> 00:33:53,741
You know, they never serve it fresh.
502
00:33:53,865 --> 00:33:58,792
I just brought up a wonderful bottle
of wine and my white socks.
503
00:33:58,912 --> 00:34:00,289
You know, the ones you like.
504
00:34:00,413 --> 00:34:04,134
Isobel. Gee, I feel like such a fool.
505
00:34:04,251 --> 00:34:06,879
Excuse me, Mr Bates,
could I have your autograph?
506
00:34:07,003 --> 00:34:10,633
I've seen all of your films.
You're a master of despair.
507
00:34:10,757 --> 00:34:12,930
- Such a touch of Kafka.
- You know, I feel sick.
508
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,519
Can you give me 15 minutes?
509
00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,934
I will have a bath,
and you will come to the room.
510
00:34:17,055 --> 00:34:21,231
- What about the children?
- They are OK. They will come tomorrow.
511
00:34:30,235 --> 00:34:31,657
Hi.
512
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:35,498
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
513
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:38,164
I just came in to be alone
for a minute, to think.
514
00:34:38,285 --> 00:34:40,754
- What are you doing here?
- That's exactly what I was doing.
515
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:44,920
- I was just sitting around thinking...
- What are you thinking about?
516
00:34:45,041 --> 00:34:50,172
Me? Well, I was thinking about,
should I change my movie?
517
00:34:50,297 --> 00:34:54,427
Should I change my life? You know,
all kinds of, you know, serious...
518
00:34:54,551 --> 00:34:56,974
- Yeah?
- What a surprise.
519
00:34:57,095 --> 00:34:59,314
You know,
I had a dream about you last night.
520
00:34:59,431 --> 00:35:00,523
- Did you?
- Yeah.
521
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,018
- What did you dream?
- I can't tell you.
522
00:35:03,143 --> 00:35:06,147
- No, come on.
- No. It was really embarrassing.
523
00:35:06,271 --> 00:35:08,148
- Really? Was it one of those?
- Yeah, really. It was.
524
00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:09,490
God, that's terrible.
525
00:35:09,608 --> 00:35:12,532
If I get to know you better,
I'll tell you, but I can't now.
526
00:35:12,652 --> 00:35:14,529
- Can I have your autograph?
- You're kidding.
527
00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:16,497
- What do you guys do?
- Me, too.
528
00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:20,461
- Follow me around?
- We think you're so sexy.
529
00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:23,296
I'm sexy? They think I'm sexy.
530
00:35:24,956 --> 00:35:27,584
- Come on, Dorrie.
- Don't lie to me. You're attracted to her.
531
00:35:27,709 --> 00:35:30,588
I'm not attracted to her.
What are you talking about?
532
00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:33,556
Staring at her all through dinner.
Giving each other looks.
533
00:35:33,673 --> 00:35:35,846
- Stop it. She's 14 years old.
- Don't you think I see it?
534
00:35:35,967 --> 00:35:38,345
She's not even 14, she's 13-and-a-half.
535
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:40,893
I used to play those games
with my father, so I know.
536
00:35:41,014 --> 00:35:42,732
- I've been through all that.
- What kind of games?
537
00:35:42,849 --> 00:35:44,601
You think I'm flirting
with your kid cousin?
538
00:35:44,726 --> 00:35:47,354
- You can't take your eyes off her!
- She was sitting opposite me.
539
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:50,608
- You smile at her!
- I smile at her. I'm a friendly person.
540
00:35:50,732 --> 00:35:52,734
What do you want? She's a kid.
This is stupid!
541
00:35:52,859 --> 00:35:55,032
Don't tell me it's stupid!
542
00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:58,282
I used to do that with my father, across
the table, all those private jokes. I know.
543
00:35:58,406 --> 00:36:00,955
What private jokes?
We were talking about movies.
544
00:36:01,076 --> 00:36:03,955
She likes funny movies,
so we were discussing it.
545
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:06,423
What? Hey, what's the matter with you?
546
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:10,134
Dorrie, what's the matter with you?
You're nuts.
547
00:36:10,251 --> 00:36:13,721
You know how ridiculous this sounds?
What are you saying?
548
00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:16,887
That I'm flirting with your kid cousin?
549
00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:20,353
I mean, doesn't that sound...
That's absurd.
550
00:36:20,470 --> 00:36:21,972
Come on.
551
00:36:25,308 --> 00:36:27,731
- Oh, my God!
- I was in the neighbourhood.
552
00:36:27,852 --> 00:36:29,695
- I had to say hello.
- Why didn't you call me?
553
00:36:29,813 --> 00:36:32,066
- I'm appearing right near here...
- What a surprise? Come on in.
554
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,033
- This is Isobel, this is my sister.
- Hello, Isobel.
555
00:36:34,150 --> 00:36:36,573
Oh, my God! Sam's gonna die. Come on in.
556
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:38,914
Girls! My brother! Do you believe this?
557
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:41,874
- What are you shouting for?
- My brother Sam. We're relaxed.
558
00:36:41,991 --> 00:36:43,493
Did I come at a bad time?
559
00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,462
No, you didn't come at a bad time.
We're all doing yoga. We're all relaxed.
560
00:36:46,579 --> 00:36:48,673
You know everybody. You know Irene.
561
00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:51,589
- What happened, Irene?
- It's so ironic. Look at her face.
562
00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:55,340
We moved here to get away from the
crime and garbage, and look at this face.
563
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:58,091
Someone broke into her house last week,
they robbed her, they raped her...
564
00:36:58,216 --> 00:36:59,718
In the suburbs?
565
00:36:59,843 --> 00:37:02,471
Isobel, they raped her
over and over again.
566
00:37:02,595 --> 00:37:04,768
- They tied her to the bed.
- Horrible. With my scarf.
567
00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,607
- Really?
- I didn't even resist.
568
00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:09,148
I'm sure you didn't resist.
Knowing you, Irene, you...
569
00:37:09,269 --> 00:37:12,239
How about a drink? Isobel? Coffee? Tea?
570
00:37:12,355 --> 00:37:14,778
Sandy, you gotta go see Sam.
571
00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:18,779
- He's in the bedroom and he's meditating.
- I will. I'll see Sam.
572
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,952
- Hi. Would you please?
- Don't bother him.
573
00:37:22,073 --> 00:37:24,246
- To Kevin and Mendel.
- Kevin and Mendel?
574
00:37:24,367 --> 00:37:27,019
- What are they, children?
- They're my children.
575
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:33,005
I had two heart attacks
before I got the bicycle.
576
00:37:33,126 --> 00:37:36,096
- And since then?
- I also had two.
577
00:37:39,883 --> 00:37:42,557
This is us when we used to go
to the seashore every summer.
578
00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:44,099
- This is Sandy?
- That's Sandy.
579
00:37:44,220 --> 00:37:46,143
- And you. Where are you?
- That's me, the baby.
580
00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:48,608
- Nice baby.
- Yeah. My father stayed in the city.
581
00:37:48,725 --> 00:37:50,898
I think he fooled around. There he is.
582
00:37:51,019 --> 00:37:52,191
- And your mother?
- That's my mother.
583
00:37:52,312 --> 00:37:55,407
They were always fighting,
always screaming at each other.
584
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:58,402
Once the police had to come.
Here's Sandy in the Hebrew school play.
585
00:37:58,526 --> 00:38:00,699
Oh, my God,
I haven't seen this picture in ages.
586
00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:02,822
- He's so cute.
- Yeah, glasses, skinny.
587
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,370
- Look how skinny he was.
- Oh, yeah.
588
00:38:05,492 --> 00:38:07,620
'Remember how you got
into that fight? Awful.'
589
00:38:07,744 --> 00:38:11,169
'Well, I always resented Abraham
being so willing to kill his son.
590
00:38:11,289 --> 00:38:12,666
'I'm still bothered by it.'
591
00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:17,137
'I think it was jealousy.
You wanted the part of God.'
592
00:38:18,922 --> 00:38:21,471
- Oh, she's a lovely girl.
- I know. She's wonderful.
593
00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:24,686
- Are you gonna get married?
- I guess. You know, I suppose.
594
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:26,851
What do you mean, you guess? Yes or no?
595
00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:30,191
I mean, you know, that looks like
the direction we're heading in.
596
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:33,232
- Are you in love with each other?
- Yeah, I suppose so.
597
00:38:33,353 --> 00:38:36,698
You know, I don't know what to say,
because it's a package deal.
598
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:40,240
I get a wife. I get a French wife
and I get two kids, overnight.
599
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,158
- Yeah?
- The question is do I want that?
600
00:38:42,278 --> 00:38:44,201
I like the idea she's French.
That I find romantic.
601
00:38:44,322 --> 00:38:46,745
But do I want to have two kids suddenly?
And, you know...
602
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:49,710
- Oh, kids are nice, Sandy.
- I know, but you have to...
603
00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:52,172
Of course, I never hear
from my two older ones.
604
00:38:52,288 --> 00:38:54,711
- It's such a terrible...
- You still haven't heard anything at all?
605
00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:56,881
They're 13 and 14.
They hitchhiked to Texas.
606
00:38:57,001 --> 00:38:59,049
- I know.
- I had the police.
607
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:01,298
- I don't know their whereabouts.
- So they can't find any trace?
608
00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:04,392
The youngest one is selling stolen
cameras. I'm worried. I'm worried.
609
00:39:04,509 --> 00:39:05,761
- Take it easy.
- Yeah...
610
00:39:05,885 --> 00:39:08,058
Well, Sam doesn't wanna know about it.
611
00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:11,308
He keeps having heart attacks.
He never gets off the bike.
612
00:39:11,432 --> 00:39:15,983
- Do you hear from our parents at all?
- Yeah. You know, they sit in Miami.
613
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:18,277
- Dad's gonna be 80.
- That's amazing. Amazing.
614
00:39:18,398 --> 00:39:21,698
Good shape.
Mom's blind in one eye, deaf in one ear.
615
00:39:21,818 --> 00:39:24,867
I hope the same side of the head, right?
Because that's important. So she's even.
616
00:39:24,988 --> 00:39:26,990
- Don't make jokes.
- She should be even at that age.
617
00:39:27,115 --> 00:39:29,459
I miss you. I never...
618
00:39:29,576 --> 00:39:31,419
Sam! That's enough with that bell!
619
00:39:31,536 --> 00:39:33,959
I bought him a bell for Christmas
and I never hear the end of it!
620
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,673
So I send money to Miami all the time,
621
00:39:35,790 --> 00:39:38,384
but I don't know what else I can do
for our parents.
622
00:39:38,501 --> 00:39:40,378
You're good like that. You keep up.
623
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:43,473
You know, I like your sister.
She's very nice.
624
00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:44,933
She's a little screwed up.
625
00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:47,893
- She's very funny.
- She is.
626
00:39:48,011 --> 00:39:51,185
When you told her that
you had been a leftist, you know,
627
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:55,356
and that you had been in jail,
her mouth was hanging open.
628
00:39:55,476 --> 00:39:57,478
She's intensely middle-class, you know.
629
00:39:57,604 --> 00:40:00,528
I find that extremely difficult
to swallow, even now.
630
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:04,744
But I told you, things were
very different in this time, in '68.
631
00:40:04,861 --> 00:40:06,158
I know they were different,
632
00:40:06,279 --> 00:40:09,749
but I can't see you standing in
the streets throwing rocks and bottles.
633
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:13,120
I don't have that image of you.
You're too sweet to ever think of...
634
00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:15,167
Because we had to.
635
00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:19,543
It was the only way to change the spirit
of relationships between people.
636
00:40:19,667 --> 00:40:22,796
George, you're going too slow.
They're gonna get you.
637
00:40:22,921 --> 00:40:24,844
I know, but it's just such an odd thing.
638
00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:29,891
I can never picture you just hanging
in there with the workers and storming...
639
00:40:30,011 --> 00:40:31,854
The workers were not with us.
640
00:40:31,971 --> 00:40:36,317
They were fighting for their own salaries
and own conditions of life.
641
00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:37,731
Yes. And so...
642
00:40:37,852 --> 00:40:42,323
And we were fighting
for the spirit of the things and for...
643
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,192
Maybe we were romantic.
644
00:40:44,317 --> 00:40:46,490
- They thought we were romantic...
- Yes.
645
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:49,364
I remember, when I was in jail,
I thought it was so romantic.
646
00:40:49,489 --> 00:40:54,211
Oh, terrific. You met a lot
of interesting men in jail?
647
00:40:54,327 --> 00:40:57,422
You know, men and women
are separated in jail.
648
00:40:57,538 --> 00:41:00,712
I find it very, very difficult
to have a commitment like that.
649
00:41:00,833 --> 00:41:04,428
I feel to survive in life, you wanna
stay loose, you wanna keep flexible.
650
00:41:04,545 --> 00:41:08,175
What the hell is going on out there?
What are they...
651
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:11,803
- Hey, what's going on?
- Mr Bates, how are you?
652
00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:15,307
- I've always enjoyed your films.
- Thanks very much. What's he done?
653
00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:17,900
- Well, I've got a warrant for his arrest.
- You're kidding!
654
00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:19,985
- For what?
- Out of Pennsylvania.
655
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:23,403
- It's for mail fraud.
- Mail fraud? My chauffeur?
656
00:41:23,523 --> 00:41:25,446
Listen, do you have a licence?
657
00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:28,035
- Can you drive this car?
- I can drive it if I have to.
658
00:41:28,152 --> 00:41:30,120
- Are you gonna take him down?
- I have to. I'm sorry.
659
00:41:30,238 --> 00:41:33,242
- Are you sure you got the right guy?
- Yes, I do.
660
00:41:33,366 --> 00:41:35,835
By the way, Mr Bates,
the next time you do a film,
661
00:41:35,952 --> 00:41:37,829
how about doing one
about a police sergeant?
662
00:41:37,954 --> 00:41:40,503
- Jesus!
- I got a great story to tell you, OK?
663
00:41:40,623 --> 00:41:44,469
He's booking my driver for mail fraud,
if you can believe that.
664
00:41:44,585 --> 00:41:47,759
Really? You're kidding.
Oh, that doesn't make sense.
665
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,724
I checked every reference,
they're impeccable.
666
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:54,437
How can they be impeccable?
I had six chauffeurs in two years.
667
00:41:54,554 --> 00:41:57,683
You get me drunks,
guys who can't understand English.
668
00:41:57,807 --> 00:42:00,060
One guy ran over an old lady
with me in the car,
669
00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:02,312
and now this guy's wanted for mail fraud.
670
00:42:02,437 --> 00:42:03,984
Would you sign my left breast?
671
00:42:04,105 --> 00:42:06,528
By the way, Dr Melnikoff called.
672
00:42:06,649 --> 00:42:09,573
He said you should stop using
that shampoo solution
673
00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:11,571
he gave you to rub in your hair.
674
00:42:11,696 --> 00:42:14,370
He says they just found out
it causes skin cancer.
675
00:42:14,490 --> 00:42:18,040
He's had me on it for nine months.
Now he tells me it causes skin cancer?
676
00:42:18,161 --> 00:42:22,132
Ed Rich. I'm with the New York City
Landmarks Committee.
677
00:42:22,248 --> 00:42:26,128
- We're having a fundraiser next month.
- I'll be glad to come.
678
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:29,051
- Call me when I get to town.
- It's a wonderful cause.
679
00:42:29,172 --> 00:42:30,765
- To preserve old buildings.
- I'm sure.
680
00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:33,852
Call me when I get back to town.
I'll be happy to make it. Really.
681
00:42:33,968 --> 00:42:38,018
- Oh. OK. Fine. Thank you.
- And cheer up.
682
00:42:48,941 --> 00:42:50,568
What is that?
683
00:42:50,693 --> 00:42:54,323
What the hell is that?
That's the silliest thing I've ever seen.
684
00:42:54,447 --> 00:42:55,869
What is that?
685
00:42:57,075 --> 00:42:59,999
Those people that are marching
in the background.
686
00:43:00,119 --> 00:43:05,717
Those are all the people from the train
that wind up in the garbage dump.
687
00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:08,211
What the hell are they doing here?
688
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,684
They wind up in Jazz Heaven.
It's commercial, it's upbeat.
689
00:43:15,802 --> 00:43:17,896
It's upbeat, it's commercial.
690
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:20,515
- It's stupid.
- I thought you'd like it, Sandy.
691
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,062
You love jazz.
692
00:43:22,183 --> 00:43:25,027
Who is this guy anyhow
to rewrite the end of my movie?
693
00:43:25,144 --> 00:43:28,068
And since when
are all these guys involved?
694
00:43:28,189 --> 00:43:29,987
These are the new heads of the studio.
695
00:43:30,108 --> 00:43:33,157
What do you mean? Every six months
I meet a new group of studio heads.
696
00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:35,120
It's very disconcerting to me, too,
697
00:43:35,238 --> 00:43:38,162
but, you know, the mortality rate
in this business is unbelievable.
698
00:43:38,282 --> 00:43:41,252
I'll say. It's like the Black Plague.
Jesus!
699
00:43:41,369 --> 00:43:43,463
I think you're wonderful.
Can I have your autograph?
700
00:43:43,579 --> 00:43:45,923
I don't want anybody going to Jazz Heaven.
701
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,088
That's a nitwit idea.
702
00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:51,053
You know, the whole point of the movie
is that nobody is saved.
703
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:54,765
Sandy, this is an Easter film.
We don't need a movie by an atheist.
704
00:43:54,882 --> 00:43:58,056
To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition.
705
00:43:58,177 --> 00:43:59,303
Ha, Jesus!
706
00:43:59,428 --> 00:44:01,476
I'm your biggest fan.
I think you're terrific.
707
00:44:01,597 --> 00:44:03,816
- Thank you.
- His public adores him.
708
00:44:03,933 --> 00:44:06,402
Yeah, today they adore you,
and tomorrow it's one of these.
709
00:44:06,519 --> 00:44:09,443
- He's paranoid.
- You're being a little paranoid.
710
00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:12,317
No, you know what I'm being?
I'm being realistic.
711
00:44:12,441 --> 00:44:15,741
- That's why you don't like the movie.
- It's not a matter of what I like.
712
00:44:15,862 --> 00:44:18,866
Listen, I've been on this side
of the business for four years now.
713
00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:21,618
Too much reality is not
what the people want.
714
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:24,621
Jazz Heaven! That is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
715
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:27,123
You can't control life.
It doesn't wind up perfectly.
716
00:44:27,248 --> 00:44:30,627
Only art you can control.
Art and masturbation.
717
00:44:30,751 --> 00:44:33,755
Two areas in which
I am an absolute expert.
718
00:44:39,010 --> 00:44:41,229
- I feel very tired.
- Yeah?
719
00:44:41,345 --> 00:44:44,315
Isobel, I want you to come
and live with me.
720
00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:47,936
- Can we not talk about it tonight?
- No, I wanna talk about it.
721
00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:50,529
I've been thinking about it all day.
You know...
722
00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:53,024
I was just very, very surprised before,
that's all.
723
00:44:53,149 --> 00:44:57,154
But when I think it over,
it's a very, very important thing to me.
724
00:44:57,278 --> 00:45:00,282
- You know, you don't have to say that.
- I know I don't have to say it.
725
00:45:00,406 --> 00:45:04,627
But I feel that way. I have very, very
complicated feelings towards you.
726
00:45:04,744 --> 00:45:09,875
I like to be with you and
I don't want to screw up this relationship.
727
00:45:09,999 --> 00:45:12,468
You know that I love you,
I trust you, you know.
728
00:45:12,585 --> 00:45:16,715
You're one of the few people
that I really have fun with.
729
00:45:16,839 --> 00:45:22,141
Gee, if it wasn't for you this past year,
I'd have been absolutely, you know...
730
00:45:23,804 --> 00:45:26,603
What are you doing?
I'm pouring my heart out here
731
00:45:26,724 --> 00:45:29,193
and you're behaving like a crazy person.
732
00:45:29,310 --> 00:45:32,814
Isobel, will you stop that for a minute?
733
00:45:32,939 --> 00:45:34,941
Yes, but I'm just doing my exercise.
734
00:45:35,066 --> 00:45:37,865
Yes. But this is important,
what I'm saying.
735
00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:39,908
- Can you...?
- Yes, but my exercise, too.
736
00:45:40,029 --> 00:45:41,997
- Yes. I know, but...
- I need it for my muscle.
737
00:45:42,114 --> 00:45:44,742
- You look like you're having a fit.
- No, I'm not.
738
00:45:44,867 --> 00:45:48,713
Isobel. Isobel, I'm serious.
I want you to move in with me.
739
00:45:48,829 --> 00:45:51,002
I'm serious.
740
00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:53,546
I think that you should live with me
741
00:45:53,668 --> 00:45:57,047
and I think we would have
a lot of fun together.
742
00:45:57,171 --> 00:46:01,051
- I'm not sure about anything, you know?
- What do you mean?
743
00:46:01,175 --> 00:46:05,055
I'm just thinking of it.
It's such a big decision for me, too.
744
00:46:05,179 --> 00:46:06,726
I know it's a big decision for you, too.
745
00:46:06,847 --> 00:46:11,068
It wasn't so easy to leave my husband,
and now to think of the children...
746
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:13,153
It's good that you left
your husband, though.
747
00:46:13,271 --> 00:46:16,491
- I think it's a good thing.
- Yes, I'm sure of it, too.
748
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:19,781
But I'm not sure about the rest, you know.
749
00:46:19,902 --> 00:46:21,904
It frightens me, too.
750
00:46:24,949 --> 00:46:27,418
I think we have to think about it.
751
00:46:27,535 --> 00:46:30,459
I see. So now that I feel
that you should live with me,
752
00:46:30,579 --> 00:46:32,752
now, all of a sudden,
you feel differently, right?
753
00:46:32,873 --> 00:46:35,251
But it is not so clear.
754
00:46:35,376 --> 00:46:39,301
But don't you see?
To me, you may be the perfect woman.
755
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:49,394
You're mad. You're a respected,
well-known, established New York doctor.
756
00:46:49,515 --> 00:46:51,438
How could you get involved
in something like this?
757
00:46:51,559 --> 00:46:53,277
But I've never been able to fall in love.
758
00:46:53,394 --> 00:46:55,488
I've never been able
to find the perfect woman.
759
00:46:55,604 --> 00:46:57,857
There's always something wrong.
And then I met Doris.
760
00:46:57,982 --> 00:47:00,110
A wonderful woman, great personality.
761
00:47:00,234 --> 00:47:04,034
But, for some reason, I'm just not turned
on sexually by her. Don't ask me why.
762
00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:07,955
And then I met Rita. An animal.
Nasty, mean, trouble.
763
00:47:08,075 --> 00:47:09,668
And I love going to bed with her.
764
00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:12,834
Though afterward, I always wished
that I was back with Doris.
765
00:47:12,955 --> 00:47:17,085
Then I thought to myself, if only
I could put Doris's brain in Rita's body.
766
00:47:17,209 --> 00:47:18,461
Wouldn't that be wonderful?
767
00:47:18,586 --> 00:47:20,964
And I thought, why not?
What the hell? I'm a surgeon.
768
00:47:21,088 --> 00:47:23,716
Surgeon? Where'd you study medicine,
in Transylvania?
769
00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:27,436
So I performed the operation
and everything went perfectly.
770
00:47:27,553 --> 00:47:31,933
I switched their personalities and I took
all the badness and put it over there,
771
00:47:32,058 --> 00:47:35,312
and I made Rita into a warm,
wonderful, charming, sexy, sweet,
772
00:47:35,436 --> 00:47:37,063
giving, mature woman.
773
00:47:37,188 --> 00:47:39,441
And then I fell in love with Doris.
774
00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:43,907
Do you really feel there's such a thing
as a perfect mate?
775
00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:48,454
I mean, don't you think the basis of any
mature relationship is really compromise?
776
00:47:48,574 --> 00:47:51,168
I think any relationship is not based
777
00:47:51,285 --> 00:47:54,084
on either compromise or maturity
or perfection or any of that.
778
00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:56,799
It's really based on luck.
You know, that's the key thing.
779
00:47:56,916 --> 00:47:59,840
People don't like to acknowledge that,
because it means a loss of control,
780
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:01,962
but you really have to be lucky.
781
00:48:02,088 --> 00:48:04,011
I have a question for Mr Roberts.
782
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:06,805
Was the scene between you
and Sandy Bates at the wax museum
783
00:48:06,926 --> 00:48:10,976
a homage to Vincent Price's
horror movie "The House of Wax"?
784
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:15,301
An homage? Not exactly.
We just stole the idea outright.
785
00:48:31,117 --> 00:48:33,916
You set things up
so you can play a little golf,
786
00:48:34,036 --> 00:48:37,256
you get a little poon,
you smoke some good grass...
787
00:48:37,373 --> 00:48:39,592
- Yeah, keep going.
- And that's what life's about.
788
00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:42,837
- It's shallow. It's shallow.
- Shallow?
789
00:48:42,962 --> 00:48:44,964
Did you see the shallow girl
that I'm with?
790
00:48:45,089 --> 00:48:46,807
- No, I haven't.
- "Playboy" centrefold.
791
00:48:46,924 --> 00:48:50,554
- Perfect. You met her in a hot tub, right?
- She's a lovely girl. She's very healthy.
792
00:48:50,678 --> 00:48:54,148
- Into massage, right?
- She won't eat meat, sweets.
793
00:48:54,265 --> 00:48:56,267
- Just amphetamines.
- Yeah, exactly.
794
00:48:56,392 --> 00:48:59,566
You don't make such good picks.
A lot of your picks left a lot to be desired.
795
00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:02,281
Like what? Like Dorrie?
Dorrie was fabulous.
796
00:49:02,398 --> 00:49:03,866
- Dorrie was a loony.
- Dorrie was great.
797
00:49:03,983 --> 00:49:07,157
- She was bright, she was quick...
- She was bright, there's no question.
798
00:49:07,278 --> 00:49:09,201
Yeah. She had a perfect personality.
799
00:49:09,321 --> 00:49:12,370
She was completely self-conscious
out of bed,
800
00:49:12,491 --> 00:49:14,619
and when you got her in bed
she was completely unselfconscious.
801
00:49:14,743 --> 00:49:15,995
It's a perfect balance.
802
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:18,669
Yeah, she could be very fine
and funny and bright
803
00:49:18,789 --> 00:49:20,507
and wonderful two days a month.
804
00:49:20,624 --> 00:49:24,379
- The other 28, she was lost.
- But what a two days, let me tell you.
805
00:49:24,503 --> 00:49:27,302
When she was on, she was a 10.
She was dynamite.
806
00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:30,931
'Remember when we went
to that place with the pipes?'
807
00:49:31,051 --> 00:49:33,554
'Her photography period.
That was hilarious.'
808
00:49:33,679 --> 00:49:37,479
- 'You bought her a camera.'
- 'She kept hinting for a camera.'
809
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:39,568
'And graphics,
that's all she talked about.'
810
00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:42,234
'She was obsessed.
Well, you like to pose for pictures.
811
00:49:42,354 --> 00:49:44,356
'You were in all your hammy glory.'
812
00:49:44,482 --> 00:49:47,736
'I wanted to go hear jazz and you
wanted to go home and rehearse.'
813
00:49:47,860 --> 00:49:51,285
'We're artists.
We had work to do that night.'
814
00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:53,248
'I can imagine.'
815
00:49:59,371 --> 00:50:02,921
Hey, Sandy. Jerry Abraham.
Remember me? We grew up together.
816
00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:06,672
Of course. You asked me this
the other day. Why should I forget you?
817
00:50:06,795 --> 00:50:09,674
Well, people grow up, they become
big hotshots, they forget.
818
00:50:09,798 --> 00:50:12,426
- We played stickball together, right?
- Yeah. We went to Hebrew school, too.
819
00:50:12,551 --> 00:50:15,851
- So what are you doing?
- Know what I do now? I drive a cab.
820
00:50:15,971 --> 00:50:18,269
You look good.
There's nothing wrong with that.
821
00:50:18,390 --> 00:50:20,563
Yeah, but look at me compared to you.
822
00:50:20,684 --> 00:50:23,107
- Jesus!
- All those beautiful broads.
823
00:50:23,229 --> 00:50:25,152
- That's great.
- What do you want me to say?
824
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:27,741
I was the kid in the neighbourhood
that told the jokes, right?
825
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:32,364
So we live in a society that puts
a big value on jokes, you know?
826
00:50:32,488 --> 00:50:34,115
Think of it this way.
827
00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:37,961
If I had been an Apache Indian,
they didn't need comedians at all, right?
828
00:50:38,077 --> 00:50:40,421
- So I'd be out of work.
- Oh, come on.
829
00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:43,633
That doesn't help me feel better,
you know.
830
00:50:43,749 --> 00:50:45,922
I don't know what to say.
I got such a headache.
831
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:47,966
It's luck. It's all luck. I was lucky.
832
00:50:48,087 --> 00:50:50,431
I'm the first to admit I was a lucky bum.
833
00:50:50,548 --> 00:50:53,677
If I was not born in Brooklyn,
if I had been born in Poland or Berlin,
834
00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:55,724
I'd be a lampshade today, right?
835
00:50:55,844 --> 00:50:57,562
It could happen just like that.
836
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:00,399
So, you know, be thankful
that you're not Nat Bernstein.
837
00:51:00,516 --> 00:51:02,735
- Nat Bernstein?
- Yeah, wasted away.
838
00:51:02,851 --> 00:51:04,478
Incurable disease.
839
00:51:04,603 --> 00:51:07,527
- It was absolutely terrible.
- Oh, wow.
840
00:51:37,219 --> 00:51:42,146
Well, yes, of course, Harvey.
No, I understand that. Of course.
841
00:51:42,266 --> 00:51:46,487
The point is, it's immoral for them
to touch the end of my film.
842
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:49,941
Jesus. Well, I don't know what to say.
843
00:51:50,065 --> 00:51:52,113
So then we'll sue them.
844
00:51:52,234 --> 00:51:57,331
Can you call me back later this afternoon
at the hotel and find out?
845
00:51:57,448 --> 00:52:01,123
Well, yes, I'll be...
Later this afternoon.
846
00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,995
OK, OK.
847
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:07,003
The thing is, I'm kind of crazy right now.
848
00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:10,628
I just don't seem to be able
to sleep, you know?
849
00:52:10,753 --> 00:52:13,097
I have to do some practising
on the violin,
850
00:52:13,213 --> 00:52:17,218
cos I got to go back to the philharmonic
in a couple of weeks.
851
00:52:17,343 --> 00:52:19,721
But, you know...
852
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:24,976
Last night I had a migraine,
and so I took some Darvon,
853
00:52:25,100 --> 00:52:30,527
and that made me so nervous
that I took 40mgs of Valium, you know.
854
00:52:30,648 --> 00:52:34,653
And then I still couldn't sleep.
I was up all night.
855
00:52:34,777 --> 00:52:36,654
Yeah, well...
856
00:52:37,529 --> 00:52:41,284
Well, I got a message on my service
that Sarah called.
857
00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:44,127
Yeah, I know. I haven't talked to her
in about a year.
858
00:52:44,244 --> 00:52:48,215
And I got upset, I started eating.
859
00:52:48,332 --> 00:52:50,710
I ate a pound of cookies last night.
860
00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:53,587
Yeah, I'm really fat. Really fat.
861
00:52:53,712 --> 00:52:57,717
Jack was so sweet about it.
862
00:52:57,841 --> 00:53:01,015
No, he doesn't know
about my relationship with her.
863
00:53:01,136 --> 00:53:06,142
He knows that we lived together
in Israel, but he doesn't know the...
864
00:53:06,266 --> 00:53:09,236
He was so affectionate last night in bed.
865
00:53:09,353 --> 00:53:11,026
You know, he wanted...
866
00:53:11,146 --> 00:53:13,399
I told him I had herpes.
867
00:53:14,566 --> 00:53:17,695
Yeah. No, take the call. I'll hold on.
868
00:53:17,820 --> 00:53:19,914
No, I'll hold on a second.
869
00:53:21,490 --> 00:53:24,039
I don't like the idea of your kids
riding on the train alone.
870
00:53:24,159 --> 00:53:25,536
They'll be OK, I'm sure.
871
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,584
Who knows what goes on in those things?
872
00:53:27,705 --> 00:53:30,584
There's a lot of weird people out there.
A lot of perverts and crazies.
873
00:53:30,708 --> 00:53:32,927
They're liable to get molested or robbed.
874
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:35,592
Not my children!
Maybe the other way around.
875
00:53:35,713 --> 00:53:38,683
If I knew exactly when they're coming,
my chauffeur could've picked them up.
876
00:53:38,799 --> 00:53:40,597
He could've broken out of jail
and got them.
877
00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:42,470
- Are you Sandy Bates?
- No.
878
00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:44,562
- The kids'll probably be starved.
- Yes, you are.
879
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:45,727
No, no, no.
880
00:53:45,848 --> 00:53:48,601
My mother buys meat
in the same butcher's your mother does.
881
00:53:48,726 --> 00:53:50,478
- Great.
- Can I have your autograph?
882
00:53:50,602 --> 00:53:51,728
Oh, jeez!
883
00:53:51,854 --> 00:53:53,902
Could you write, "To Phyllis Weinstein,
884
00:53:54,022 --> 00:53:55,945
"you unfaithful, lying bitch"?
885
00:54:00,696 --> 00:54:02,073
OK, OK.
886
00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,917
We can sit by the window. It'll be nice.
887
00:54:07,619 --> 00:54:10,338
We'll sit by the window
and have a nice time.
888
00:54:10,456 --> 00:54:14,256
Don't attract attention.
Don't attract too much attention.
889
00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:16,344
OK, OK.
890
00:54:17,045 --> 00:54:19,719
Uncle Sandy... Can I put you down first?
891
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,889
Heavy kid! Jeez, she's really heavy.
892
00:54:23,010 --> 00:54:25,104
Uncle Sandy...
893
00:54:31,977 --> 00:54:34,696
We don't want to attract
too much attention.
894
00:54:37,274 --> 00:54:38,901
Blonde kids.
895
00:54:49,119 --> 00:54:52,123
- Shh! Shh!
- Ice cream!
896
00:55:10,015 --> 00:55:11,858
- Thank you.
- Happy birthday, boy.
897
00:55:11,975 --> 00:55:14,023
You didn't have to do that.
898
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,566
Wow!
899
00:55:18,690 --> 00:55:21,569
- What are you thinking about?
- I'm knocked out by this.
900
00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:23,912
You know,
you really didn't have to do this.
901
00:55:24,029 --> 00:55:25,622
- I never forget a birthday.
- This is so great.
902
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:28,117
But how did you know
it's exactly what I wanted?
903
00:55:28,242 --> 00:55:29,789
- You always wanted to learn.
- Yeah...
904
00:55:29,910 --> 00:55:31,628
Will this play the Mozart Flute Concerto?
905
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:34,794
- You have to do that.
- I have to do it? You mean it doesn't...
906
00:55:34,915 --> 00:55:37,759
Oh, Dorrie, this is a big day for me here.
907
00:55:39,044 --> 00:55:41,593
"The Way of Zen",
what are you trying to tell me?
908
00:55:41,713 --> 00:55:44,762
That I'm not at peace, right?
I think I need more than a Zen book.
909
00:55:44,883 --> 00:55:49,935
I need either a good rabbi analyst
or interplanetary genius to...
910
00:55:50,055 --> 00:55:53,810
What is that? Oh, Dorrie, what...
911
00:55:54,476 --> 00:55:59,482
Unbelievable. How did you get that?
I thought the museum was gonna buy it.
912
00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:02,280
- Yeah, well, I knew you loved it.
- This must've cost you a fortune.
913
00:56:02,401 --> 00:56:05,029
How could you do that?
It's so extravagant.
914
00:56:05,696 --> 00:56:08,074
That's... Gee, I...
915
00:56:08,198 --> 00:56:11,077
You got nothing else for me?
I mean, just three?
916
00:56:11,201 --> 00:56:14,250
When I was a kid, the thing that
I always wanted was an elephant.
917
00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:16,590
I could never convince
my mother to get one for me.
918
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:20,132
- I'd have got you an elephant.
- Yeah, but where were you?
919
00:56:20,252 --> 00:56:23,051
- Hey, look who it is.
- Hey, hi.
920
00:56:23,171 --> 00:56:25,265
- Hi, you guys.
- Hi, Sandy.
921
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:28,761
This is Isobel.
And this is Daisy and Jack.
922
00:56:28,886 --> 00:56:32,516
We were just at the train station.
Her kids just came in.
923
00:56:32,639 --> 00:56:34,858
- Great-looking kids.
- Yeah, they're wonderful.
924
00:56:34,975 --> 00:56:39,856
We got them some ice cream.
What have you guys been doing?
925
00:56:39,980 --> 00:56:41,982
- We were walking around town.
- It's dead, isn't it?
926
00:56:42,107 --> 00:56:44,201
Did you know "The Bicycle Thief"
is playing?
927
00:56:44,318 --> 00:56:46,787
- That would be a great...
- I've never seen it.
928
00:56:46,904 --> 00:56:50,249
- You've never seen "The Bicycle Thief"?
- It's a movie I've seen five times.
929
00:56:50,365 --> 00:56:52,367
We should see it.
Wanna see "The Bicycle Thief"?
930
00:56:52,492 --> 00:56:54,244
No, thanks.
I have to get the children home.
931
00:56:54,369 --> 00:56:55,621
She's never seen it?
932
00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:57,794
Why don't you guys go see
"The Bicycle Thief"?
933
00:56:57,915 --> 00:56:59,792
I'll go and read my Agatha Christie.
934
00:56:59,917 --> 00:57:01,840
I would love to see it.
I've seen it, but I would love to.
935
00:57:01,960 --> 00:57:04,429
I can take you back in the car
if you don't wanna go.
936
00:57:21,980 --> 00:57:26,110
It's a great film. It's great.
But you gotta look at it in context.
937
00:57:26,234 --> 00:57:29,033
- It's about survival in post-war Italy.
- I was looking at it in context.
938
00:57:29,154 --> 00:57:31,373
Right. But you can't divorce it
from its social roots.
939
00:57:31,490 --> 00:57:33,743
But it's much deeper
than a social problem.
940
00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:36,290
There's so many wonderful
ambiguities in it.
941
00:57:36,411 --> 00:57:39,130
- It's much more profound.
- But the conflict is clear. Right?
942
00:57:39,247 --> 00:57:41,716
He's got to have the bicycle
or he's gonna starve to death.
943
00:57:41,833 --> 00:57:44,928
Yes. Of course. But forget about
a social problem for a minute.
944
00:57:45,045 --> 00:57:48,094
I mean, you know, obviously...
What is this place?
945
00:57:48,215 --> 00:57:50,889
Obviously if you don't have
enough to eat or something,
946
00:57:51,009 --> 00:57:54,138
that becomes a major problem,
the issues become very clear-cut.
947
00:57:54,262 --> 00:57:57,732
But what happens if you're living
in a more affluent society
948
00:57:57,849 --> 00:58:01,149
and you're lucky enough to not have
to worry about that, you're surviving?
949
00:58:01,269 --> 00:58:04,944
So then your problems become
how can I fall in love,
950
00:58:05,065 --> 00:58:07,443
or why can't I fall in love,
more accurately,
951
00:58:07,567 --> 00:58:10,195
and why do I age and die,
952
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,618
and what meaning can my life
possibly have?
953
00:58:12,739 --> 00:58:15,868
The issues become very complex for you.
954
00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,870
For a guy who makes a lot of funny movies,
955
00:58:17,995 --> 00:58:19,963
you're kind of a depressive, you know.
956
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,129
I'm not a depressive.
I have a good time. I have laughs.
957
00:58:23,250 --> 00:58:24,968
- Do you?
- Why? Do you not think so?
958
00:58:25,085 --> 00:58:27,884
I don't know. Like what do you do,
for example, for laughs?
959
00:58:28,005 --> 00:58:31,976
What do I do? The usual, you know.
Read, walk, communicate, all that stuff.
960
00:58:32,092 --> 00:58:36,017
Get undressed and perform
the Heimlich manoeuvre on a loved one.
961
00:58:36,138 --> 00:58:38,732
I was having a good time this afternoon.
962
00:58:38,849 --> 00:58:42,479
Why, has this been dreary for you?
Have I been boring? Tell me the truth.
963
00:58:42,602 --> 00:58:45,630
No, I've been having
a really good time. Really.
964
00:58:45,755 --> 00:58:47,233
Sandy?
965
00:58:52,195 --> 00:58:55,415
Charlotte. Charlotte Ames.
966
00:58:55,532 --> 00:58:57,455
Your mother.
967
00:58:57,576 --> 00:59:01,001
How you doing?
I just knew that was you back there.
968
00:59:02,873 --> 00:59:06,047
- Ah, you don't recognise me, right?
- Sure I do.
969
00:59:06,168 --> 00:59:08,796
It's OK. I had some face work done.
970
00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:14,343
- You look astounding.
- Would you believe it?
971
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:17,142
Would you believe I played
your mother in a movie?
972
00:59:17,262 --> 00:59:19,515
- I'm amazed.
- Thank you.
973
00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:21,641
What a funny coincidence.
974
00:59:21,767 --> 00:59:24,737
I had my face done. I had
my breasts done. I had my ass done.
975
00:59:24,853 --> 00:59:27,231
I got some procaine and silicone,
some nipping and tucking.
976
00:59:27,355 --> 00:59:29,858
That's more work than they do
on the West Side Highway.
977
00:59:29,983 --> 00:59:31,985
- Well...
- But why? I don't understand you.
978
00:59:32,110 --> 00:59:35,034
You were always a wonderful-looking...
979
00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:38,830
You know! I'm an actress,
you got to keep young.
980
00:59:38,950 --> 00:59:41,874
- Otherwise the public loses interest.
- You always looked great to me.
981
00:59:41,995 --> 00:59:43,997
- Let me tell you.
- Wow. That's sweet.
982
00:59:44,122 --> 00:59:46,545
Listen, tell me, what the hell
are you doing up here?
983
00:59:46,666 --> 00:59:49,465
I was just driving through.
We were at the movies.
984
00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:52,055
I'm still stunned to see you, I must say.
985
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:56,894
You got to tell me whatever happened
to what's-her-name? That actress. Dorrie.
986
00:59:57,010 --> 00:59:59,058
Dorrie? Dorrie's OK.
987
00:59:59,179 --> 01:00:03,480
Dorrie's living in Hawaii,
and she's married, and she's fine.
988
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,228
- I liked her. She was special.
- She was great.
989
01:00:06,353 --> 01:00:08,276
I mean, I really dug her.
990
01:00:10,232 --> 01:00:12,280
I can't play this.
I don't have that kind of flair.
991
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,074
Will you stop it? You're fine.
You just refuse to trust yourself.
992
01:00:15,195 --> 01:00:16,913
I'm no good.
I don't know what you see in me.
993
01:00:17,030 --> 01:00:19,783
Will you relax?
You're a bundle of nerves. You're great.
994
01:00:19,908 --> 01:00:22,206
I should be playing Cynthia's role,
she should be playing mine.
995
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:24,250
She's much funnier
and a lot more beautiful.
996
01:00:24,371 --> 01:00:26,044
She's fine, but you're great, too.
997
01:00:26,164 --> 01:00:28,212
The crew laughs at her.
They can't take their eyes off her.
998
01:00:28,333 --> 01:00:31,212
- Oh, stop it. What are you taking?
- My diet pill.
999
01:00:31,336 --> 01:00:33,589
- That's speed.
- I don't wanna be fat!
1000
01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:36,136
Fat? How can you be fat?
There's no chance...
1001
01:00:36,258 --> 01:00:38,852
I am, I'm overweight.
You just refuse to see my bad points.
1002
01:00:38,969 --> 01:00:40,812
You're killing yourself with those diets.
1003
01:00:40,929 --> 01:00:43,978
First it's no pills, then it's all pills,
then it was no steak,
1004
01:00:44,099 --> 01:00:47,478
and then it was six steaks a day
and twelve glasses of water.
1005
01:00:47,602 --> 01:00:49,354
- I'm tired of feeling gross.
- You're not gross.
1006
01:00:49,479 --> 01:00:52,232
Obviously you're gonna kill
your appetite if you take speed,
1007
01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:55,031
but then you can't sleep nights, you got
to take those terrible sleeping pills.
1008
01:00:55,152 --> 01:00:56,870
And you mix that garbage
with your anti-depressants...
1009
01:00:56,987 --> 01:00:58,989
- The doctor said it was fine.
- You never asked the doctor.
1010
01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:02,709
Stop telling me. Is she fat?
Is she fat? Talk to her.
1011
01:01:02,826 --> 01:01:05,875
- Talk to her. I can't believe...
- Listen, Dorrie. Listen to me.
1012
01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:09,000
You are such a sweet,
young and beautiful...
1013
01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:10,501
Anything you do looks right.
1014
01:01:10,625 --> 01:01:13,003
Honestly, you're at the age
where you can't do anything wrong.
1015
01:01:13,128 --> 01:01:17,304
Hey, come on. If you had scar tissue,
it would be beautiful.
1016
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:20,098
Listen, I'm the one with crow's feet
on her crow's feet, huh?
1017
01:01:20,218 --> 01:01:23,347
You're wonderful!
The picture's almost over.
1018
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:25,394
Why don't we go away for a while?
We could drop out.
1019
01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:28,519
- We can have a kid.
- You know I'd like that.
1020
01:01:28,643 --> 01:01:31,112
All right. Of course, we'd have
to fool around a little bit,
1021
01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:33,823
but you could swing that
if you put your mind to it.
1022
01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:37,695
Oh, shit! Now my skin hurts.
That's a sure sign I'm getting depressed.
1023
01:01:40,530 --> 01:01:43,534
So do I really remind you
of an old girlfriend?
1024
01:01:43,658 --> 01:01:46,377
That's not bad for a little violinist
from Winnetka, you know.
1025
01:01:46,494 --> 01:01:48,917
Yeah, I got to give you
my one classical music joke,
1026
01:01:49,039 --> 01:01:53,010
which I put in every single picture,
and I invariably cut it out.
1027
01:01:54,002 --> 01:01:56,004
I don't know much about classical music.
1028
01:01:56,129 --> 01:01:57,802
For years,
I thought the Goldberg Variations
1029
01:01:57,923 --> 01:02:00,893
were something Mr and Mrs Goldberg
tried on their wedding night.
1030
01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:04,183
- See why it goes out of the picture.
- Great gag.
1031
01:02:04,304 --> 01:02:06,306
So, how do I remind you of Dorrie?
1032
01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:07,648
- How?
- Yeah.
1033
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:12,738
You guys are both, you know,
sort of seductive and attractive.
1034
01:02:12,854 --> 01:02:16,074
Stop me if this gets nauseating.
And, you know, beautiful.
1035
01:02:16,191 --> 01:02:18,740
And there's a...
Not a tragic sense, I wouldn't say,
1036
01:02:18,860 --> 01:02:21,704
but there's kind of, you know,
a lost feeling.
1037
01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:23,869
- Really?
- Little bit. Yeah.
1038
01:02:23,990 --> 01:02:27,290
A sort of... I don't know you
well enough to say that,
1039
01:02:27,410 --> 01:02:31,460
but, you know, I would guess
it's just kind of a lost quality.
1040
01:02:31,581 --> 01:02:32,833
Hmm. Yeah.
1041
01:02:32,958 --> 01:02:37,304
- Oh, Jesus.
- What's the matter? What's going on?
1042
01:02:37,420 --> 01:02:40,469
Yeah. The goddamn chauffeur
never takes care of the car.
1043
01:02:40,590 --> 01:02:44,060
Hang on. Oh, brother! I got to... Yeah.
1044
01:02:44,177 --> 01:02:47,977
Oh, Jesus. Really annoying.
1045
01:02:53,687 --> 01:02:55,530
- No, I know.
- This is absurd.
1046
01:02:55,647 --> 01:02:58,696
You know, it's starting to get dark,
there's no people, there's no...
1047
01:02:58,817 --> 01:03:00,034
There's, you know...
1048
01:03:00,151 --> 01:03:03,496
Well, I'm sure we're gonna
find something very soon.
1049
01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:05,365
- I don't know.
- There's got to be something around here.
1050
01:03:05,490 --> 01:03:08,118
They're gonna find us wandering
in the woods six months from now,
1051
01:03:08,243 --> 01:03:10,986
living on locusts and wild honey.
1052
01:03:11,447 --> 01:03:12,752
What the hell is that?
1053
01:03:17,168 --> 01:03:21,719
In the Earth's trinity there are three signs,
the Taurus, the Virgo, the Capricorn.
1054
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,844
The Taureans are determined,
the Virgos analytical,
1055
01:03:24,968 --> 01:03:26,811
and the Capricorneans persevering.
1056
01:03:26,928 --> 01:03:28,726
We're not discussing astrology.
This is science.
1057
01:03:28,847 --> 01:03:31,771
- Oh, come on! Science has failed.
- How can you say it's failed?
1058
01:03:31,891 --> 01:03:33,985
You're just saying that
because it hasn't solved every problem.
1059
01:03:34,102 --> 01:03:35,820
- Look at penicillin.
- And space satellites.
1060
01:03:35,937 --> 01:03:37,860
Open-heart surgery, heart transplants.
1061
01:03:37,981 --> 01:03:41,485
My husband's alive, six months now,
using a different person's heart.
1062
01:03:41,609 --> 01:03:43,828
It's a Japanese heart, but he seems happy.
1063
01:03:43,945 --> 01:03:47,620
Can we get back to the subject of UFOs?
That's what this party's for, isn't it?
1064
01:03:47,741 --> 01:03:51,211
- Is it true that you're a UFO freak?
- No, no. Our car broke down.
1065
01:03:51,328 --> 01:03:53,456
- I really admire your work, sir.
- Thanks very much.
1066
01:03:53,580 --> 01:03:55,423
- You have such a degenerate mind.
- Thank you.
1067
01:03:55,540 --> 01:03:58,259
They're in all different sizes
and they're in all different shapes.
1068
01:03:58,376 --> 01:04:00,253
- You actually see them?
- Every night.
1069
01:04:00,378 --> 01:04:01,595
Is this your girlfriend?
1070
01:04:01,713 --> 01:04:03,841
- She's just a friend.
- Are you both into Martians?
1071
01:04:03,965 --> 01:04:06,889
I know you don't like to do this,
but can I kiss you?
1072
01:04:07,010 --> 01:04:09,889
Hey, you should make a film
about flying saucers.
1073
01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:13,142
You only make films about people
with personality disorders.
1074
01:04:13,266 --> 01:04:16,110
I can prove that if there's life
anywhere else in the universe,
1075
01:04:16,227 --> 01:04:17,774
they will have a Marxist economy.
1076
01:04:17,896 --> 01:04:21,491
Mr Bates? Excuse me. I'm an occult
nutritionist. I was wondering...
1077
01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:24,737
Mr Bates? Excuse me.
What have you got against intellectuals?
1078
01:04:24,861 --> 01:04:28,161
- Intellectuals? Nothing. Why?
- Mr Bates, I've seen all your films.
1079
01:04:28,281 --> 01:04:30,750
- You really feel threatened by them.
- Threatened? You're kidding.
1080
01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:33,620
I've always said they're like the Mafia.
They only kill their own.
1081
01:04:33,745 --> 01:04:36,419
That's exactly the attitude
I was talking about.
1082
01:04:36,539 --> 01:04:39,008
You believe in magic.
I know, I've read all your interviews.
1083
01:04:39,125 --> 01:04:43,130
No, I used to do magic tricks
when I was a kid, but no more.
1084
01:04:43,254 --> 01:04:46,804
So you guys are here to see flying
saucers land? Is that gonna happen?
1085
01:04:46,925 --> 01:04:49,519
When they arrive, it'll be the dawn
of a whole new civilisation.
1086
01:04:49,636 --> 01:04:52,389
Space creatures conspiring
with the Soviet government
1087
01:04:52,514 --> 01:04:55,893
already control our thoughts
by sending out electrical currents
1088
01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:59,442
from the top of the Empire State Building,
and I'm the only one that knows.
1089
01:04:59,562 --> 01:05:01,530
If you're alienated,
can you still have children?
1090
01:05:01,648 --> 01:05:03,616
Sure. Alienation only affects the mind.
1091
01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:06,612
It has nothing to do
with the rest of your body.
1092
01:05:06,736 --> 01:05:10,536
Sandy! Sandy, you know,
this is exactly like one of your satires.
1093
01:05:10,657 --> 01:05:12,955
It's like we're all characters
in some film
1094
01:05:13,076 --> 01:05:15,849
being watched
in God's private screening room.
1095
01:05:17,205 --> 01:05:19,503
- So, I thought I saw a UFO once.
- Really?
1096
01:05:19,624 --> 01:05:22,673
Yeah, but I'd taken a lot of mescaline
at the time, so I don't know.
1097
01:05:22,794 --> 01:05:24,262
Well, that will do it to you.
1098
01:05:24,379 --> 01:05:26,381
I was down in Mexico
with my English professor.
1099
01:05:26,506 --> 01:05:28,508
We were having an affair, he was married.
1100
01:05:28,633 --> 01:05:30,931
- It was a really terrible situation.
- You thought you saw a UFO?
1101
01:05:31,052 --> 01:05:35,649
- Yeah, we both really thought we did.
- Well, that's a delusion.
1102
01:05:35,765 --> 01:05:38,518
I didn't know you did magic tricks.
1103
01:05:38,643 --> 01:05:41,692
Yeah, when I was a kid.
I always practised to be popular.
1104
01:05:41,813 --> 01:05:45,158
- So, I used to... I'm getting drunk.
- So can you show me one?
1105
01:05:45,275 --> 01:05:48,028
- You wanna see one?
- Sure.
1106
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:16,394
- Our son's a genius.
- He doesn't take after you for damn sure.
1107
01:06:16,514 --> 01:06:18,562
He surely doesn't take
after your side of the family!
1108
01:06:18,683 --> 01:06:20,185
- Go to hell!
- Shut up!
1109
01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:22,904
If he's such a genius, how come
he can't make funny movies?
1110
01:06:23,021 --> 01:06:26,321
Sandy, we'll sue them
if they touch one frame of your film.
1111
01:06:26,441 --> 01:06:27,943
I promise you, you won't win.
1112
01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:31,492
- By the way, we got killed by the IRS.
- They started looking at the back taxes.
1113
01:06:31,613 --> 01:06:35,083
You're my brother. You got to help me
change my life. I'm a mess.
1114
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:38,830
And don't forget lunch with the editors
of those high school newspapers.
1115
01:06:38,953 --> 01:06:41,331
What about the Cancer Foundation,
and the leukaemia victims,
1116
01:06:41,456 --> 01:06:43,299
and the political prisoners
all over the world?
1117
01:06:43,416 --> 01:06:47,296
What about the Jews?
The persecution in Europe, in Russia...
1118
01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:50,799
All those silly magic tricks you do
couldn't help your friend Nat Bernstein.
1119
01:06:50,924 --> 01:06:53,552
And what about Dorrie?
You know what that was like.
1120
01:06:53,676 --> 01:06:55,553
Remember the last time you saw her?
1121
01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:05,940
There's a doctor here that
thinks I'm beautiful and interesting.
1122
01:07:07,649 --> 01:07:11,153
There's a doctor here that
thinks I'm beautiful and interesting.
1123
01:07:13,404 --> 01:07:15,577
Are you seeing anyone?
1124
01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:20,503
You look thin.
1125
01:07:22,163 --> 01:07:25,007
There's a doctor here
that's crazy about me.
1126
01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:29,137
Are you seeing any...
There's... People's...
1127
01:07:30,255 --> 01:07:31,757
...be too close.
1128
01:07:31,881 --> 01:07:35,226
I used to swim a lot.
I can't feel anything. Yeah, me too.
1129
01:07:35,343 --> 01:07:38,472
I can't concentrate. There's no point.
Too much. Some fresh air.
1130
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:40,189
I feel better.
1131
01:07:48,648 --> 01:07:51,242
You were always searching
for the perfect woman.
1132
01:07:51,359 --> 01:07:53,953
You wound up falling in love with me.
1133
01:07:54,696 --> 01:07:56,664
I can't be alone.
1134
01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:01,452
But I can't be too close.
1135
01:08:02,954 --> 01:08:07,255
It's not you, I...
I just can't feel anything.
1136
01:08:09,919 --> 01:08:11,967
Are you going with anyone?
1137
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:15,763
Are you seeing anyone?
1138
01:08:17,385 --> 01:08:19,638
Are you in love with anyone?
1139
01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:30,114
How do I look?
1140
01:08:45,079 --> 01:08:48,424
Wait a minute. Don't go!
I've got some questions.
1141
01:08:48,541 --> 01:08:50,760
We can't breathe your air.
1142
01:08:50,877 --> 01:08:53,756
Yeah, at the rate we're going,
we're not gonna be able to, either.
1143
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:57,305
You guys got to tell me,
why is there so much human suffering?
1144
01:08:57,425 --> 01:08:59,473
This is unanswerable.
1145
01:08:59,594 --> 01:09:03,189
- Is there a God?
- These are the wrong questions.
1146
01:09:03,306 --> 01:09:06,901
Look, here's my point. If nothing lasts,
why am I bothering to make films,
1147
01:09:07,018 --> 01:09:08,816
or do anything, for that matter?
1148
01:09:08,936 --> 01:09:12,986
We enjoy your films.
Particularly the early funny ones.
1149
01:09:13,107 --> 01:09:15,610
But the human condition
is so discouraging.
1150
01:09:15,735 --> 01:09:18,363
- There are some nice moments, too.
- Yeah, with Dorrie.
1151
01:09:18,488 --> 01:09:21,867
- That's right. And Isobel. Be honest.
- You prefer Isobel?
1152
01:09:21,991 --> 01:09:24,665
There's no comparison,
she's a mature woman.
1153
01:09:24,786 --> 01:09:26,914
Mature woman? What are you, my rabbi?
1154
01:09:27,038 --> 01:09:28,915
Hey, I'm a super-intelligent being.
1155
01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:31,213
By Earth standards, I have an IQ of 1600,
1156
01:09:31,334 --> 01:09:33,428
and I can't even understand
what you expected
1157
01:09:33,544 --> 01:09:35,137
from that relationship with Dorrie.
1158
01:09:35,254 --> 01:09:37,097
- I loved her.
- Yeah, I know.
1159
01:09:37,215 --> 01:09:39,809
And two days a month, she was
the most exciting woman in the world,
1160
01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:42,349
but the rest of the time
she was a basket case.
1161
01:09:42,470 --> 01:09:45,144
On the other hand, Isobel is
someone that you can count on.
1162
01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:48,313
But shouldn't I stop making movies
and do something that counts,
1163
01:09:48,434 --> 01:09:51,938
like helping blind people,
or becoming a missionary or something?
1164
01:09:52,063 --> 01:09:55,112
Let me tell you, you're not
the missionary type. You'd never last.
1165
01:09:55,233 --> 01:09:58,112
And incidentally, you're also
not Superman, you're a comedian.
1166
01:09:58,236 --> 01:10:01,786
You wanna do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
1167
01:10:01,906 --> 01:10:04,750
Yeah, but I've gotta find meaning.
1168
01:11:23,154 --> 01:11:25,782
Wouldn't you know it,
that there would be hot air balloons?
1169
01:11:25,907 --> 01:11:29,081
- You didn't really expect saucers?
- I did, yeah. I was hoping...
1170
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:33,127
I had some very, very profound
questions that I wanted to ask.
1171
01:11:35,333 --> 01:11:38,587
You look incredibly beautiful to me.
1172
01:11:38,711 --> 01:11:42,887
Well, thanks. We should go back
to the hotel, don't you think?
1173
01:11:43,007 --> 01:11:46,432
- No, I don't want to.
- Come on, we've been away for hours.
1174
01:11:46,552 --> 01:11:49,897
- They're gonna be worried about us.
- I never wanna go back to the hotel.
1175
01:11:50,014 --> 01:11:51,812
What I wanna do is run away with you.
1176
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:55,483
I'm serious. I wanna get in the car
and just give up everything.
1177
01:11:55,603 --> 01:11:58,447
I just wanna give up everything,
and just... We'll move in together.
1178
01:11:58,564 --> 01:12:00,032
I would be no fun to live with.
1179
01:12:00,149 --> 01:12:02,743
You'd be nothing but fun. You'd be great.
1180
01:12:02,860 --> 01:12:06,615
I would be very bad trouble, believe me.
You don't know me.
1181
01:12:06,739 --> 01:12:10,039
- Why? What are your problems?
- I just... Men.
1182
01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:13,003
- I have terrible trouble with men.
- Why? Why?
1183
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:16,420
It's just that whenever a man
gets close, I get crazy.
1184
01:12:16,541 --> 01:12:18,885
- Well, you go with Jack.
- That's something else.
1185
01:12:19,001 --> 01:12:20,878
He's very sweet,
and he really cares about me.
1186
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:23,756
And it's solid, you know. I need that.
1187
01:12:24,549 --> 01:12:26,551
As soon as I saw you in the lobby,
1188
01:12:26,676 --> 01:12:28,929
I thought that you'd be
absolutely fun for me.
1189
01:12:29,053 --> 01:12:30,771
You have an incredible sixth sense
1190
01:12:30,888 --> 01:12:33,141
to pick me out
of the whole crowd of people.
1191
01:12:33,266 --> 01:12:37,897
- I'm nothing but trouble.
- Nothing but...? I can handle it.
1192
01:12:39,522 --> 01:12:42,275
There they are!
What is going on here, Sandy?
1193
01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:45,825
We sent the police! I thought
something terrible had happened.
1194
01:12:45,945 --> 01:12:49,119
- The car broke down.
- Out here carousing. I don't believe this!
1195
01:12:49,240 --> 01:12:51,959
What does everybody want from me?
Leave me alone.
1196
01:12:52,076 --> 01:12:54,670
I don't wanna go back.
I'm tired of everything.
1197
01:12:54,787 --> 01:12:59,293
I'm tired of my lawyer and my accountant,
and I can't help anybody.
1198
01:12:59,417 --> 01:13:01,590
I can't help the Cancer Society,
1199
01:13:01,711 --> 01:13:05,056
and I can't help the blind people
and the kidney victims.
1200
01:13:05,172 --> 01:13:07,925
I can't help my sister,
and I don't wanna get married, Isobel.
1201
01:13:08,050 --> 01:13:12,305
The last thing I need now is
a family and a commitment and a...
1202
01:13:12,430 --> 01:13:14,558
- Isobel!
- Sandy?
1203
01:13:14,682 --> 01:13:16,605
You know you're my hero.
1204
01:13:34,702 --> 01:13:37,296
- Oh, my God!
- He's dead!
1205
01:13:39,874 --> 01:13:42,127
It's a shame. Poor fool, he's dead.
1206
01:13:42,251 --> 01:13:44,925
And he never really found out
the meaning of life.
1207
01:13:50,343 --> 01:13:53,973
I treated him.
He was a complicated patient.
1208
01:13:55,389 --> 01:13:59,986
He saw reality too clearly.
Faulty denial mechanism.
1209
01:14:00,102 --> 01:14:04,608
Failed to block out
the terrible truths of existence.
1210
01:14:04,732 --> 01:14:10,705
In the end, his inability to push away
the awful facts of being in the world
1211
01:14:10,821 --> 01:14:13,244
rendered his life meaningless.
1212
01:14:13,366 --> 01:14:16,245
Or as one great Hollywood producer said,
1213
01:14:16,369 --> 01:14:20,215
"Too much reality is not
what the people want."
1214
01:14:20,331 --> 01:14:25,883
Sandy Bates suffered a depression,
common to many artists in middle age.
1215
01:14:26,796 --> 01:14:30,391
In my latest paper for
the "Psychoanalytic Journal",
1216
01:14:30,508 --> 01:14:34,603
I have named it "Ozymandias Melancholia".
1217
01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:38,307
Thank you very much. Thank you.
1218
01:14:40,101 --> 01:14:44,277
Well, Sandy Bates' works
will live on after him.
1219
01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:47,742
But what good is it if I can't pinch
any women or hear any music?
1220
01:14:47,858 --> 01:14:51,704
And now in this classic scene from his
Academy Award winning motion picture...
1221
01:14:51,821 --> 01:14:54,040
I would trade that Oscar
for one more second of life.
1222
01:14:54,156 --> 01:14:58,707
...he deals with the subject of immortality,
a subject that plagued him.
1223
01:14:58,828 --> 01:15:01,047
In this film, he played the part of God.
1224
01:15:01,163 --> 01:15:03,006
This was not easy, folks,
because, you know,
1225
01:15:03,124 --> 01:15:06,048
I didn't know what the hell I was doing,
and I don't have a good voice for God.
1226
01:15:06,168 --> 01:15:08,466
He received an Academy Award nomination
1227
01:15:08,587 --> 01:15:10,806
for his convincing portrayal of God,
1228
01:15:10,923 --> 01:15:13,597
although they had to use
another actor's voice.
1229
01:15:13,718 --> 01:15:17,723
And though this plaque
is not an Academy Award,
1230
01:15:17,847 --> 01:15:20,396
and its presentation is posthumous,
1231
01:15:20,516 --> 01:15:25,022
I want to present it to that great
comedian, the late Sandy Bates.
1232
01:15:25,146 --> 01:15:27,490
- Here you go, Sandy.
- Thank you very much.
1233
01:15:29,525 --> 01:15:33,405
Thank you so much. I'm very honoured
to get this, you can imagine.
1234
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:38,330
You know, some time ago I had
a love affair that ended sort of unhappily,
1235
01:15:38,451 --> 01:15:42,877
and just a little while back,
just before I died, in fact,
1236
01:15:42,997 --> 01:15:46,718
I was on the operating table,
and I was searching to try and find
1237
01:15:46,834 --> 01:15:51,055
something to hang on to, you know.
Cos when you're dying,
1238
01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:53,641
your life suddenly really
does become very authentic.
1239
01:15:53,758 --> 01:15:56,853
And I was reaching for something
to give my life meaning,
1240
01:15:56,969 --> 01:15:59,438
and a memory flashed through my mind.
1241
01:16:05,519 --> 01:16:09,194
'It was one of those great spring days,
a Sunday,
1242
01:16:09,315 --> 01:16:12,285
'and you knew summer would be coming soon.
1243
01:16:12,401 --> 01:16:16,281
'I remember that morning Dorrie
and I had gone for a walk in the park.
1244
01:16:16,405 --> 01:16:19,784
'We came back to the apartment,
we were just sort of sitting around,
1245
01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:24,085
'and I put on a record of Louis Armstrong,
which was music that I grew up loving.
1246
01:16:24,205 --> 01:16:28,176
'It was very, very pretty,
and I happened to glance over,
1247
01:16:28,292 --> 01:16:31,421
'and I saw Dorrie sitting there.
1248
01:16:31,545 --> 01:16:34,799
'And I remember thinking to myself,
how terrific she was
1249
01:16:34,924 --> 01:16:36,676
'and how much I loved her.
1250
01:16:36,801 --> 01:16:39,145
'And I guess it was
the combination of everything,
1251
01:16:39,261 --> 01:16:42,515
'the sound of that music and the breeze,
1252
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:46,144
'and how beautiful Dorrie looked to me.
1253
01:16:46,268 --> 01:16:50,023
'And for one brief moment, everything
just seemed to come together perfectly,
1254
01:16:50,147 --> 01:16:52,070
'and I felt happy.
1255
01:16:52,191 --> 01:16:54,785
'Almost indestructible, in a way.
1256
01:16:54,902 --> 01:16:58,372
'And it's funny, that simple
little moment of contact
1257
01:16:58,489 --> 01:17:02,665
'moved me in a very, very profound way.'
1258
01:17:02,785 --> 01:17:07,712
# Sometimes, I wonder why
I spend the lonely night
1259
01:17:08,207 --> 01:17:11,177
# Oh, baby, oh, I know
1260
01:17:11,293 --> 01:17:15,594
# Dreaming of a song melody in my memory
1261
01:17:15,714 --> 01:17:18,433
# And I am once again with you
1262
01:17:18,551 --> 01:17:21,930
# When our love was new, oh, baby
1263
01:17:22,054 --> 01:17:25,649
# Each kiss an inspiration
1264
01:17:25,766 --> 01:17:28,269
# That was long ago
1265
01:17:28,394 --> 01:17:30,772
# Now my consolation
1266
01:17:30,896 --> 01:17:33,490
# Is in the stardust of a song
1267
01:17:33,607 --> 01:17:36,577
# Beside a garden wall
1268
01:17:36,694 --> 01:17:41,916
# When stars are bright,
you were in my arms, baby
1269
01:17:42,032 --> 01:17:45,662
# The nightingale tells his fairy tale
1270
01:17:45,786 --> 01:17:49,086
# Of paradise where roses grow
1271
01:17:49,206 --> 01:17:51,959
# Though I dream in vain, oh, baby
1272
01:17:52,084 --> 01:17:56,464
# In my heart it will remain
1273
01:17:56,589 --> 01:17:58,967
# My stardust melody
1274
01:17:59,091 --> 01:18:02,391
# The memory of love's refrain
1275
01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:04,764
# The memory of love's refrain #
1276
01:18:07,266 --> 01:18:09,018
Cop-out artist!
1277
01:18:09,143 --> 01:18:11,487
That was so beautiful.
1278
01:18:11,604 --> 01:18:15,575
Why do all comedians turn out
to be sentimental bores?
1279
01:18:16,358 --> 01:18:19,953
He's all right, he just fainted.
I'm sure it's just nervous tension.
1280
01:18:20,070 --> 01:18:24,450
He had some hallucination about
being shot with a .32 pistol by a fan.
1281
01:18:24,575 --> 01:18:25,997
Dorrie...
1282
01:18:28,412 --> 01:18:30,881
Isobel. Isobel!
1283
01:18:31,749 --> 01:18:33,717
- I wanna talk to you.
- I don't want to talk to you.
1284
01:18:33,834 --> 01:18:34,926
Don't be silly...
1285
01:18:35,044 --> 01:18:37,046
I came to invite you
to my brother's restaurant.
1286
01:18:37,171 --> 01:18:39,344
My brother Ozzy's got
a terrific restaurant.
1287
01:18:39,465 --> 01:18:42,344
- Armenian food. My mother's the cook.
- I don't eat Armenian food.
1288
01:18:42,468 --> 01:18:44,516
We need a picture of you,
maybe sitting at a table.
1289
01:18:44,637 --> 01:18:46,480
- No, no, no.
- It'd really be terrific.
1290
01:18:46,597 --> 01:18:49,476
- What's the matter?
- The Rolls-Royce.
1291
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:52,149
Yeah, it's mine. This is mine.
I already went through that.
1292
01:18:52,269 --> 01:18:56,319
- Well, we found a .32 calibre pistol.
- That's mine, too. I carry a pistol.
1293
01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:59,284
I have a thing about Nazis.
1294
01:18:59,401 --> 01:19:03,281
- It's a little paranoid weakness I have.
- You have a permit, I'm sure.
1295
01:19:03,405 --> 01:19:05,499
I don't need a permit.
I never shoot the gun.
1296
01:19:05,616 --> 01:19:09,462
But, you know, I've had family
that's had problems, so I...
1297
01:19:09,578 --> 01:19:12,798
- I'm sorry, but...
- It's strictly a Nazi...
1298
01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:15,759
Sorry, but we'll have to have you come
down and answer a few questions.
1299
01:19:15,876 --> 01:19:18,220
That won't be necessary. Really.
1300
01:19:18,337 --> 01:19:21,511
You can make an exception
in my case. I'm a celebrity.
1301
01:19:43,946 --> 01:19:46,495
Listen, I want you to come
and live with me.
1302
01:19:46,615 --> 01:19:48,117
No, thank you.
1303
01:19:48,242 --> 01:19:52,213
- Really... Don't be ridiculous.
- You make me feel ridiculous.
1304
01:19:52,329 --> 01:19:54,627
I've been under stress lately.
You know what I mean?
1305
01:19:54,748 --> 01:19:57,217
Our broken romance
and the death of a friend.
1306
01:19:57,334 --> 01:20:01,760
- Go find Dorrie. She's better for you.
- No, no. Dorrie. That's over, believe me.
1307
01:20:02,715 --> 01:20:04,763
I don't want to hear you!
1308
01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:10,227
I love you. I mean,
I've really thought everything over.
1309
01:20:24,862 --> 01:20:27,866
I'm telling you, this has been a very,
very interesting weekend for me.
1310
01:20:27,990 --> 01:20:30,709
A lot of very strange thoughts
went through my mind.
1311
01:20:30,826 --> 01:20:32,624
And I feel very differently
about a lot of things.
1312
01:20:32,745 --> 01:20:34,418
- I am not your type.
- Yes. No...
1313
01:20:34,538 --> 01:20:36,916
You like those dark women
with all their problems.
1314
01:20:37,041 --> 01:20:38,258
Those dark women? No.
1315
01:20:38,375 --> 01:20:41,003
- They give you a hard time and you like.
- And you think I like that? Right?
1316
01:20:41,128 --> 01:20:42,380
No, you're wrong.
1317
01:20:42,504 --> 01:20:45,974
I'm telling you, I was thinking about
a lot of unusual things on the weekend,
1318
01:20:46,091 --> 01:20:48,640
and I feel much... I feel lighter.
Do you know what I mean?
1319
01:20:48,761 --> 01:20:52,811
And I had a very, very remarkable idea
1320
01:20:52,931 --> 01:20:55,275
for a new ending for my movie, you know?
1321
01:20:55,392 --> 01:20:58,987
We're on a train, and there are
many sad people on it, you know.
1322
01:20:59,104 --> 01:21:00,902
And I have no idea where it's heading.
1323
01:21:01,023 --> 01:21:04,027
Could be anywhere.
Could be the same junkyard. And...
1324
01:21:04,151 --> 01:21:07,246
But it's not as terrible
as I originally thought it was,
1325
01:21:07,363 --> 01:21:09,582
because, you know, we like each other,
1326
01:21:09,698 --> 01:21:11,325
and we have some laughs,
1327
01:21:11,450 --> 01:21:14,124
and there's a lot of closeness and
the whole thing is a lot easier to take.
1328
01:21:14,244 --> 01:21:16,372
I don't like it. It's too sentimental.
1329
01:21:16,497 --> 01:21:18,841
So? But so what?
It's the good sentimental.
1330
01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:21,631
That's what you...
You know, it's... And you're...
1331
01:21:21,752 --> 01:21:26,303
There's this character that's based
on you that's very warm and very giving,
1332
01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:30,678
and you're absolutely nuts over me,
you're just crazy about me.
1333
01:21:30,803 --> 01:21:33,022
You just think I'm the most
wonderful thing in the world.
1334
01:21:33,138 --> 01:21:36,984
And you're in love with me, and despite
the fact I do a lot of foolish things,
1335
01:21:37,101 --> 01:21:41,527
cos you realise that down deep,
I'm not evil or anything,
1336
01:21:41,647 --> 01:21:44,867
just sort of floundering around,
just ridiculous, maybe.
1337
01:21:44,983 --> 01:21:47,987
- Just searching, OK?
- I don't think it's realistic.
1338
01:21:48,112 --> 01:21:51,582
Now? Now you're gonna
bring up realism, after...
1339
01:21:51,698 --> 01:21:53,871
This is a hell of a time to...
1340
01:21:53,992 --> 01:21:56,836
I know one thing,
that a huge, big, wet kiss
1341
01:21:56,954 --> 01:21:59,958
would go a long way to selling this idea.
1342
01:22:00,707 --> 01:22:02,459
I'm very serious.
1343
01:22:02,584 --> 01:22:06,589
I think this is a big, big finish,
you know?
1344
01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:41,840
- It just killed me. Did you feel that?
- I think it was great.
1345
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:46,463
I just can't believe the stuff
he gets into. It's so deep.
1346
01:22:46,587 --> 01:22:50,888
All that stuff about life and
how everybody should love each other.
1347
01:22:51,008 --> 01:22:53,636
I mean, he's telling us
heavy, original things here.
1348
01:22:53,760 --> 01:22:55,603
He's always been heavy.
1349
01:22:55,721 --> 01:22:58,600
What did you think the significance
of the Rolls-Royce was?
1350
01:22:58,724 --> 01:23:03,195
- I think that's... It represents his car.
- Really?
1351
01:23:03,312 --> 01:23:06,111
- I look fat.
- Fat? Come on, you're not fat.
1352
01:23:06,231 --> 01:23:10,577
I am. I mean, it's just so ridiculous.
I'm gonna have to go on another diet.
1353
01:23:10,694 --> 01:23:15,450
I tried to play the role sympathetically,
but the role was just too thin.
1354
01:23:15,574 --> 01:23:19,374
He said to me, "Wear this moustache,
it'll be funny." So I listened to him.
1355
01:23:19,495 --> 01:23:23,796
- You looked so beautiful.
- Thank you. But you can hear me?
1356
01:23:23,916 --> 01:23:27,966
- Have you heard my English?
- Your English was fine.
1357
01:23:28,086 --> 01:23:29,963
By the way, I wanna ask you,
1358
01:23:30,088 --> 01:23:33,592
did you find when you did
kissing scenes with him,
1359
01:23:33,717 --> 01:23:36,812
did he open his mouth
and wiggle his tongue around?
1360
01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:39,557
- And he never lets you go.
- The most irritating thing, right?
1361
01:23:39,681 --> 01:23:41,058
It's funny.
1362
01:23:41,850 --> 01:23:45,855
It's amazing, Rash.
From this he makes a living?
1363
01:23:45,979 --> 01:23:50,655
I like a melodrama,
a musical comedy with a plot.
1363
01:23:51,305 --> 01:23:57,463
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/c4wk
Help other users to choose the best subtitles
120766