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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:07,800 (CAT PURRS, MEOWS) 2 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:11,679 (FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING) 3 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:14,224 (SCREAMS) 4 00:00:14,307 --> 00:00:15,307 (GIGGLES) 5 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,479 - (PUSS YOWLING) - El Gato! 6 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:23,690 (YOWLS) 7 00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,626 - (SWORDS CLANGING) - (THIEVES GROWLING) 8 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,044 (PUSS GRUNTING) 9 00:00:45,964 --> 00:00:49,133 Villains. You think you can beat Puss in Boots? 10 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,218 (GRUNTING) 11 00:00:50,802 --> 00:00:52,679 Honestly? Not really... (SHOUTS) 12 00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:56,307 I would've run away already but I'm afraid you'll stab me in the butt. 13 00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:57,559 (CHUCKLES, GRUNTS) 14 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:05,358 (ALL SCREAMING) 15 00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:12,991 Now, let us see what they have. 16 00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:17,245 Oh. 17 00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:18,371 What is this? 18 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,378 A storybook about me? 19 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:29,007 This can only be a wonderful thing and in no way menacing. 20 00:01:29,299 --> 00:01:30,591 (PUSS SHOUTS) 21 00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,803 (GRUNTING) 22 00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:38,141 Okay, maybe a little menacing. 23 00:01:38,558 --> 00:01:40,602 (MALE VOICE) Once upon a time, 24 00:01:40,685 --> 00:01:43,062 a cat was trapped in a book. 25 00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:44,646 Hello? 26 00:01:45,315 --> 00:01:46,149 Where are you? 27 00:01:46,232 --> 00:01:49,235 I am everywhere. (VOICE ECHOES) 28 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:51,279 You may call me... 29 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:52,905 the Storyteller. 30 00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,074 Did you say I'm trapped in a book? 31 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:58,953 Yes. And in this book, I control everything. 32 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:00,287 Almost. 33 00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:04,417 For I am compelled by Eldritch forces beyond my Ken 34 00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:07,086 to offer some choices to you. 35 00:02:07,879 --> 00:02:11,257 Choices that affect your destiny. 36 00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:13,468 I am not following you. 37 00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:14,552 (STORYTELLER SIGHS) 38 00:02:14,886 --> 00:02:19,265 It means that sometimes I'm going to let you choose what will happen. 39 00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,100 Ah. 40 00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,645 And now your first choice. 41 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,649 Choose now! 42 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:31,444 Will you fight a god, or would that be rather odd? 43 00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:36,074 If so, perhaps you'd rather be in pitched battle with a tree? 44 00:02:36,741 --> 00:02:37,741 Huh? 45 00:02:38,451 --> 00:02:41,120 Are you kidding? Why would I choose to fight a god? 46 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,289 You choose to fight a god? So be it. 47 00:02:43,373 --> 00:02:46,250 What?! Who are you, Storyteller? I must know. 48 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:49,379 - I must know your true identity. - I'll never tell. 49 00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:53,466 Wait, I have to fight a god? What if I do not want to? 50 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,426 (GRUNTING) 51 00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:56,803 You have no choice. 52 00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:01,140 (GRUNTS) Huh? 53 00:03:02,642 --> 00:03:03,893 (THUDDING) 54 00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:07,230 But, Taranis, we are friends! 55 00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:10,316 Taranis will not listen to your lying talk-words. 56 00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:12,276 We fight now, little fox. 57 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,821 Fox? I am clearly a cat. 58 00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,990 Taranis apologizes. 59 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,659 (GRUNTING) 60 00:03:21,119 --> 00:03:22,578 Ha. (GASPS) 61 00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:26,665 (PUSS GRUNTING) 62 00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,713 I have your magic wheel. 63 00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:34,507 Whoa. (GRUNTS) 64 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,051 Oh, no. Without it, I am powerless. 65 00:03:37,135 --> 00:03:38,386 (PUSS GRUNTING) 66 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,554 I know. 67 00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:41,639 (PURRING) 68 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,726 (SCREAMING) 69 00:03:45,351 --> 00:03:46,811 Ow! (GRUNTING) 70 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,819 Curse you, cat-fox. 71 00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,406 (WHIRRING) 72 00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,576 (PUSS GRUNTING) 73 00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,998 Curse you! (ECHOING) 74 00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:12,044 I am calling that a victory. I cannot be beaten. 75 00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:18,134 Oh, no? You will see, Puss in Boots, that you are at the mercy of my whims. 76 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:21,095 And the only way to escape from this book 77 00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:24,390 in which you've found yourself so disastrously trapped... 78 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:27,477 - Yes? - Is... 79 00:04:27,727 --> 00:04:30,354 Yes? 80 00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,648 To get to... 81 00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:34,065 the end! 82 00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:35,401 The end? 83 00:04:35,485 --> 00:04:36,485 The end. 84 00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,739 I accept your challenge, Storyteller. 85 00:04:41,157 --> 00:04:44,952 STORYTELLER: So, Puss in Boots, will you with a giant talk, 86 00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:47,330 or will you now be Goldilocks? 87 00:04:47,747 --> 00:04:50,917 How can I possibly make such a difficult decision? 88 00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:52,877 I do not want to wear that wig. 89 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,421 But that giant, he looks somehow familiar. 90 00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:57,924 I'm going to say this very clearly. 91 00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:00,885 - I choose the giant. - Your choice is made. 92 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,345 (PUSS SIGHS) 93 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,390 - TOBY: Fee, fi, fo, fum! - (RUMBLING) 94 00:05:06,474 --> 00:05:08,976 I smell a cat and I want some gum. 95 00:05:09,227 --> 00:05:11,312 Toby, why are you a giant? 96 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,231 Who is this Toby? 97 00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,358 I am a fearsome giant. 98 00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:18,069 I have stepped on so many people. 99 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,862 Not always on purpose. 100 00:05:19,946 --> 00:05:22,949 Sometimes it's just, like, "oops," and they go "squish"! 101 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:28,579 Anyway, I want gum! 102 00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:30,706 (GRUNTS) Fiendish. 103 00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:35,169 This Storyteller uses my own friends to populate his diabolical world. 104 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,089 Apparently, he's too lazy to come up with new characters. 105 00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,633 STORYTELLER: It's not laziness, it's recycling. 106 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,718 I said I want gum! (ECHOING) 107 00:05:42,802 --> 00:05:44,303 (PUSS GRUNTING) 108 00:05:44,554 --> 00:05:48,474 I am afraid I have no gum, but there may be a peppery-mint in here somewhere. 109 00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:51,102 But I must warn you, things stored in my hat 110 00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:53,938 tend not to remain at the peak of freshness for... 111 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,524 (GRUNTS) 112 00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:59,652 (STRAINED) Perhaps the other choice would have been better. 113 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,237 Can we go back? 114 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,824 STORYTELLER: Yes. I grant you a Goldilocks do-over. 115 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,916 Thank you. But this does not mean we are friends. 116 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,543 Understood. 117 00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:20,297 Hmm. 118 00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:24,844 Ah-ha! 119 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:28,264 This is the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. 120 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:32,226 I have but to go through the events of this story and I will reach the end. 121 00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,812 Easy-peasy, ham and cheesy. 122 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,648 (GROANS) 123 00:06:37,732 --> 00:06:38,733 Too hot. 124 00:06:39,317 --> 00:06:40,985 (SHUDDERS) Too cold. 125 00:06:41,611 --> 00:06:43,362 Ah. Just right. 126 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:45,615 Too tall. 127 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:46,949 Too wide. 128 00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:48,117 Just right. 129 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:49,952 (GRUNTING) 130 00:06:50,036 --> 00:06:51,078 Oh, no, it broke. 131 00:06:51,162 --> 00:06:54,040 (GRUNTING) 132 00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,166 Too hard. 133 00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:56,875 Too soft. 134 00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,420 Just right. 135 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,088 Then I go to sleep in this bed 136 00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:03,549 and await the arrival of the adorable family of bears... 137 00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:05,468 Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear. 138 00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,511 Nothing could be more simpler. 139 00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:09,012 (DOOR OPENS) 140 00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:11,557 (GROWLING) 141 00:07:11,641 --> 00:07:13,100 - (SHOUTS) - STORYTELLER: Hold it! 142 00:07:13,184 --> 00:07:15,186 You have another choice to make. 143 00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:18,731 Should these bears be friends or foes? 144 00:07:18,898 --> 00:07:21,275 Make your choice and let me know. 145 00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,654 PUSS: This seems like a trick question. Friends... 146 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,530 Did you say "foes"? 147 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:27,865 I said "friends." 148 00:07:27,949 --> 00:07:29,742 I know. Just kidding. 149 00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:31,285 Your choice is made. 150 00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:35,456 Well, hello, there! 151 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,249 We've got company! 152 00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:39,585 Is that a friend for me to play with? 153 00:07:39,669 --> 00:07:42,546 Howdy there, amigo. (LAUGHS) 154 00:07:42,672 --> 00:07:44,173 Samuel T. Bearinger. 155 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,801 - My wife, Gladys. She's a peach. - Who's my cuddle bunny? 156 00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:48,344 (EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY) 157 00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:51,806 - Oh, you simply must play with Sam Junior. - (GROANS) 158 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:54,266 Hello, friend for me to play with. 159 00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:57,353 We gonna play horsey rides. 160 00:07:58,020 --> 00:07:59,563 Do not make me the horsey. 161 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:01,357 You the horsey! 162 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,483 (PUSS GRUNTING) 163 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:05,569 - Horsey ride! - So, how was traffic? 164 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:08,864 Oh, not bad. I picked up those acorns you wanted. 165 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,867 That's nice. You know, Madeleine stopped by today. 166 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,869 Is her hip better? 167 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,414 Why are you so interested in Madeleine? 168 00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:17,623 Nothing. 169 00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,500 (PUSS SCREAMING, GRUNTS) 170 00:08:21,127 --> 00:08:22,127 (GROANS) 171 00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:24,714 (YOWLS) 172 00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:26,632 Ah. 173 00:08:26,716 --> 00:08:28,718 Kitty don't wanna play no more? 174 00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:31,470 STORYTELLER: I think I'd also like to see the angry bears. 175 00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:32,554 PUSS: What? 176 00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:35,099 (ROARING) 177 00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:38,686 (PUSS SHOUTS, GRUNTS) 178 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,149 - (ROARING) - (YOWLS) 179 00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,152 (PUSS GRUNTING) 180 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:48,319 (ROARS) 181 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:50,614 Oh, my... 182 00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:52,992 (FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING) 183 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,076 BEARS: Mmm? 184 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:57,913 (PUSS GROANING) 185 00:09:05,046 --> 00:09:06,046 Ah-ha! 186 00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:08,048 (PUSS YOWLS) 187 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,343 Huh? 188 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:14,722 Ha-ha! (GASPS) 189 00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:18,601 (GROWLING) 190 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,861 STORYTELLER: You know, I think I'd also like to see an interpretive dance. 191 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:30,279 PUSS: What? 192 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,573 (SLOW CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 193 00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,621 PUSS: What is this? What are we doing? 194 00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:41,123 I am not even in this. 195 00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:42,416 I kinda like that. 196 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,711 STORYTELLER: Obviously I am just messing with you. 197 00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:47,880 I'm sorry, was that not clear? 198 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,757 PUSS: Ugh. 199 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:54,053 Fine. I will watch their ridiculous dancing. 200 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:57,890 But this must be just as painful for you as it is for me. 201 00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:01,102 STORYTELLER: Ugh, you're right. I didn't think this through. 202 00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,648 PUSS: Oh. 203 00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,733 This part is actually pretty good. 204 00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:08,984 I like that. 205 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,028 Well, surely that is it. 206 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:13,322 You'll let me go now. Yes? 207 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:18,202 STORYTELLER: What? No. This is a book of stories, plural. 208 00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:21,122 You have to get to the end of all the stories to get out. 209 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:22,832 - Oh, no. - Oh, yes. 210 00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:25,084 Who are you, villain? I must know. 211 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:27,128 You will never find out. 212 00:10:27,545 --> 00:10:30,131 I will. And I will escape from your book. 213 00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:32,174 This I swear! 214 00:10:32,258 --> 00:10:34,677 (STORYTELLER CHUCKLES) Yes, we'll see about that. 215 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,179 Uh-huh. Here comes another story now. 216 00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:41,016 And whatever you choose, this one won't be so easy. 217 00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:47,189 Two tales you must choose between... Pirate Cat or Evil Queen. 218 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,568 Ooh. Pirate stuff. It is just the best! 219 00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:53,195 There is no way I am going to choose the Evil Queen. 220 00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:56,115 I heard you say "choose the Evil Queen." So be it. 221 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,491 No! I did not. 222 00:10:57,575 --> 00:10:58,868 Your choice is made. 223 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,160 (SIGHS) 224 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,705 The prince! 225 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,458 The prince is here to awaken Snow White. 226 00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,127 Uh... 227 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,087 I see. I am the prince. 228 00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:13,674 Thank you. Hmm... 229 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,676 You are less tall than usual. 230 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,970 Are you Dwarves? Should there not be seven? 231 00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:22,766 Don't believe everything you hear in the lame-stream media, man. 232 00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:26,645 I know this story. 233 00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:30,149 I kiss Snow White, she awakens and we are married. The end. 234 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,736 (YOWLS, GRUNTS) 235 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,323 No, no, no. 236 00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:40,284 She despises me. I will not kiss her. 237 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,536 Not even to escape this vile book. 238 00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,914 So you condemn her to eternal slumber? 239 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,166 What a big meanie. 240 00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:49,627 (ALL SHOUTING) Meanie! Big meanie! 241 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,880 I am not going to kiss her. No way, no how. 242 00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:54,757 STORYTELLER: We'll see about that. 243 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,175 It's choice time. 244 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:02,056 Harken now, your choice is this... Evil Queen or Awkward kiss? 245 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,808 Even though Señora Zapata despises me, 246 00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:07,144 I cannot leave her trapped in that coffin. 247 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,355 I must kiss her and set her free. 248 00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,440 Your choice is made. 249 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,566 Let us do this! 250 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,277 (PUSS GRUMBLING) 251 00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:16,361 Fine. 252 00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:19,323 (GRUNTS) 253 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:20,783 I will do the kissing. 254 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:23,827 But that does not mean we are getting married. 255 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:25,828 (GROANS) 256 00:12:29,959 --> 00:12:32,044 (HEART BEATING RAPIDLY) 257 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,971 - (PUSS YOWLS) - My hero! 258 00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:45,683 We are getting married! (GRUNTS) 259 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,768 - PUSS: Whoa! - (GIGGLING) 260 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,144 Oh, darn. 261 00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:51,230 (BELL TOLLING) 262 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:58,404 STORYTELLER: And so, with that, madame and cat were well and truly wed. 263 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:04,910 They named their children Marla, Milton, Blanca, Frank and Ted. 264 00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:06,495 (FARTS) 265 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:11,959 A house of stone they called their own, and there they laid their heads. 266 00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:19,091 And here they'll stay for all their days together till they're dead. 267 00:13:20,384 --> 00:13:21,384 PUSS: Wait, what? 268 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,222 That's right, Puss in Boots. You will remain with her for all eternity. 269 00:13:25,306 --> 00:13:27,433 (STORYTELLER LAUGHING) 270 00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,894 Maybe, we could go back and try the other choice? 271 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:32,938 Pretty please? 272 00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:34,815 I will take pity on you, Puss in Boots. 273 00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:37,317 (GRUNTING) 274 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,114 Kissing Señora Zapata was a disaster of epic proportions. 275 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,323 I will find the Evil Queen 276 00:13:43,407 --> 00:13:45,868 who cursed Snow White and make her reverse the curse. 277 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:47,953 (CHUCKLES) 278 00:13:48,037 --> 00:13:50,289 Reverse the curse. Reverse the curse. This is fun to say. 279 00:13:51,123 --> 00:13:53,542 But, wait. How will I find this Evil Queen? 280 00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:56,754 STORYTELLER: Uh, leave that to me. (CLEARS THROAT) 281 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,631 And so, after months of searching... 282 00:13:59,715 --> 00:14:00,841 Ah, a shortcut. 283 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,136 Prince Puss found the Evil Queen. 284 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,221 (SCREAMS, GRUNTS) 285 00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:11,602 THE DUCHESS: I'm just saying maybe we could occasionally have a conversation 286 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,854 about something other than who's the fairest. 287 00:14:16,065 --> 00:14:19,151 Like, I don't know, art, music? 288 00:14:19,234 --> 00:14:20,234 Silence! 289 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,277 (GASPS) 290 00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:23,280 Dulcinea is evil? 291 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,783 You have gone too far, Storyteller. 292 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:31,497 Magic mirror over there, who's the fairest of the fair? 293 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,666 Ugh! So we're doing this routine again, are we? 294 00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:38,921 Yes, we are. Because I am vain as well as evil! 295 00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,798 I know, I know. 296 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,010 DULCINEA: I'm so evil. Like, really evil. 297 00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:48,180 I'm so evil I don't even have my book. 298 00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,516 Yes, whatever, fine. 299 00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:54,144 Of course you're the fairest of the fair. You're always... 300 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:57,773 Ay, chihuahua. Mama like. 301 00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:58,690 What? 302 00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:01,235 THE DUCHESS: Fairest art thou not, forsooth. 303 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:04,154 Not pretty as that cat in boots. 304 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,782 We say "handsome." 305 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,118 (GIGGLING) 306 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:11,702 (DULCINEA GROWLS) 307 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,706 You must be destroyed! 308 00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:17,418 (GRUNTING, PANTING) 309 00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:19,460 (SCREAMING) 310 00:15:24,842 --> 00:15:27,177 I do not want to hurt you. (GRUNTS) 311 00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:29,054 You're not going to. 312 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:33,559 Demon wing and hangman's tree, let there now a dragon be. 313 00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:37,521 No matter how bad a day is, it can always get worse. 314 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:39,648 (GROANS) 315 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,407 - (ROARING) - (GRUNTS) 316 00:15:49,158 --> 00:15:50,158 (GASPING) 317 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,830 Aw, is the pretty kitty in trouble? 318 00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:55,998 Handsome! 319 00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,626 (GROWLING) 320 00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:04,840 You're pathetic! 321 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:07,926 You should just go live in a barn and catch mice. 322 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:10,220 How did you know my retirement plans? 323 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,852 (GROWLING) 324 00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:21,773 You are nothing but a sad little kitten with an adorable accent and tacky boots. 325 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,153 No one speaks ill of my boots! 326 00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,948 (GRUNTING, SHOUTS) 327 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:31,867 No! 328 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:32,951 (GASPS) 329 00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,035 No! 330 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,541 You! 331 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,794 What have you done? 332 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,923 That mirror was the source of all my power. 333 00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:52,846 It's not right. You're fairer than me so you have to die! 334 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:56,016 Pay no attention to the words of the magic mirror, Dulcinea. 335 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:59,394 You, my dear, are the fairest I have ever seen. 336 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,772 Aww. 337 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,525 STORYTELLER: What a lovely moment. 338 00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:06,944 (SIGHS) This guy. Am I right? 339 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,196 Tell me about it. Who is he, anyway? 340 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,783 I do not know. But I will find out. This I swear! 341 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,160 Not likely, me Bucko. 342 00:17:15,244 --> 00:17:18,413 And now, I think it's time to give you a choice. 343 00:17:19,623 --> 00:17:24,002 Will you kiss the Evil Queen, or would a handshake be more keen? 344 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:28,382 Well, the handshake would be more gentlemanly. Uh... 345 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:31,510 But, no. A kiss. A kiss would make a better story. 346 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:32,593 Very well. 347 00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,848 Before we do this, there are some things you should know. 348 00:17:36,932 --> 00:17:37,932 Yes? 349 00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:39,935 Yes. (CHUCKLES) Eh... 350 00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:42,604 First, I ate some blue cheese earlier today, 351 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,481 so I apologize for my breath. 352 00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:47,359 Second, I am real and you are not. 353 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,987 What makes you think you're real? 354 00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:56,451 I think I am real, therefore I am real. 355 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,287 I... think? 356 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,373 Stop wasting those lips on words. 357 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:11,174 (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 358 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:19,224 ♪ There's a cat So much in love that ♪ 359 00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:23,937 - ♪ A rainbow tickles his toes ♪ - (BOTH CHEERING) 360 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:27,107 - ♪ A lucky kitten ♪ - (BOTH LAUGHING) 361 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,484 ♪ Solidly smitten ♪ 362 00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:33,614 ♪ Flying and sighing ♪ 363 00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,949 ♪ He goes ♪ 364 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:40,746 - ♪ La, la, la, la-la-la ♪ - (SIGHS) 365 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:44,583 - ♪ La-la-la ♪ - (CHUCKLES) 366 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:48,879 This must be the end of the tale, no? I mean, we had a romantic kiss, 367 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,298 and you cannot get any more ending-y than that. 368 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,717 STORYTELLER: No, of course this isn't the end. 369 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,761 - What? - (STORYTELLER LAUGHING) 370 00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:56,844 "The end." 371 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,307 Why am I laughing? This isn't funny. 372 00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:02,976 That was only the end of this story. 373 00:19:03,060 --> 00:19:07,439 There will be another and another and another, forever! 374 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:08,522 (GROWLS) 375 00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,069 (SPUTTERS, COUGHS) 376 00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,030 (BLEATING) 377 00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:18,408 No! No Little Bo Peep. I have had enough of you, Storyteller. 378 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,827 Whoever you are, I am going to get you! 379 00:19:21,495 --> 00:19:23,080 (STORYTELLER LAUGHING) 380 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:28,460 Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no. I hope you don't hit my disembodied voice with your stick. 381 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,505 Show yourself. (GRUNTS) I demand it! 382 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:32,923 Whoa! (GROANS) 383 00:19:34,091 --> 00:19:36,885 (GRUNTING, SHOUTS) 384 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:39,970 What? 385 00:19:43,809 --> 00:19:46,353 STORYTELLER: Oh, uh... Don't bother looking in there. 386 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:48,188 It's nothing. You... 387 00:19:48,271 --> 00:19:50,607 Wait a minute, this is just a painting. 388 00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:56,697 What is this place? 389 00:19:57,155 --> 00:20:00,575 Well, well, so you've found me, Puss in Boots. 390 00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:03,537 And now you know that I am... 391 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:06,707 Fartholomew Fishflinger! 392 00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:07,833 (LAUGHING) 393 00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,878 It has been you this whole time? But you sounded so different. 394 00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:15,340 Mm-hmm. I can sound like anyone. (GIGGLES) 395 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:19,928 PUSS: I am a fancy-pants cat and I think I am better than everyone. 396 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,011 (PUSS GROWLS) 397 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:24,558 DULCINEA: I'm a goody-two-shoes and I don't know my book is dumb. 398 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,560 (GIGGLES, CLEARS THROAT) 399 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,771 (MIMICS MALE VOICE) Uh, I'm Steve and I smell like old dumplings. 400 00:20:29,855 --> 00:20:30,939 Uh... 401 00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:36,069 Okay, if you knew Steve, that was so totally him. (GIGGLES) 402 00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:37,529 Wait, when we last fought, 403 00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:40,615 you had turned from a mouse into a disembodied soul. 404 00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:44,703 - Why are you back in mouse form? - Oh, I'm so glad you asked. (GIGGLES) 405 00:20:44,786 --> 00:20:47,289 It all began months ago. 406 00:20:48,582 --> 00:20:51,918 As my soul floated up from San Lorenzo, 407 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,712 I saw before me a... 408 00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:54,838 Hey, wait. 409 00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:58,550 Do you really care, or are you asking out of politeness? 410 00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:01,136 - Politeness. En Garde! - (YELLS) 411 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,516 (GRUNTING) 412 00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:15,150 Oh, you should have stayed in the story. Think of what fun it would have been. 413 00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,568 It was no fun at all. 414 00:21:16,902 --> 00:21:19,613 I was maimed and beaten in every way imaginable. 415 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,573 Oh, I didn't say fun for you. 416 00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:22,866 (LAUGHING) 417 00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:28,287 (GRUNTING) 418 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:32,334 (GROANING) 419 00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:34,752 (LAUGHING) 420 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,005 PUSS: Ah-ha! 421 00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:41,092 Just as Dulcinea's power came from her mirror, 422 00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:43,720 your power comes from your pen. 423 00:21:43,804 --> 00:21:45,430 What? Uh, no, it doesn't. 424 00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:48,683 This story is over! 425 00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:49,810 (SCREAMING) 426 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:54,064 Hmm? Hmm? Uh-oh. 427 00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:58,151 No! 428 00:21:58,652 --> 00:22:00,445 (SQUEAKING) 429 00:22:00,529 --> 00:22:02,614 - (PUSS GRUNTING) - (SCREAMS) 430 00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:07,911 We will meet again, Puss in Boots. (LAUGHS) You can count on it. 431 00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:09,996 (GRUNTS, GROWLS) 432 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,164 Huh? 433 00:22:12,666 --> 00:22:14,584 (PUSS SCREAMS) 434 00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:21,132 Some stories are best left unread. 435 00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:24,719 (WHISTLES) 436 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:26,596 Ooh! 437 00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:30,267 The Adventures of Puss in Boots. Hmm. 438 00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:33,270 Never heard of him, but this could be interesting. 439 00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:35,564 (SCREAMING) 440 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,363 (FAST, LIVELY FLAMENCO MUSIC PLAYING)30524

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