Original subtitles

Season 3 Episode 11 The Rashomon Job

I'm sorry. There was no way that either of you

were within 100 miles of that place!

You were tapping away on a computer somewhere.

You were in a cave in Afghanistan, probably.

You guys came up with this idea together?

- What's going on? - ... been to Boston, man.

We'll close.

What is this? I thought we were supposed to be finding Moreau.

This is more important.

More important? We don't find Moreau, I might go back to prison forever.

- You did fine in prison the first time. - You got into shape.

- You look good in a jumpsuit. - Learned how to hypnotize people.

We're talking about the dagger of Aqu'Abi.

The dagger of Aqu'Abi, 10th century,

four perfect emeralds, six rubies, gold filigree.

It was a gift from a shah of Persia to a sultan.

Two dead guys. Whatever.

And why are we...

- That's why. - The dagger of Aqu'Abi is on display

here at the Boston Museum of Art and Antiquities

for the first time since it was stolen from this very gallery

five years ago.

That. Stolen. Five years ago.

I stole it!

The rich and powerful take what they want.

We steal it back for you.

Sometimes, bad guys make the best good guys.

We provide leverage!

The dagger of Aqu'Abi?

On display at the Boston Museum of Art and Antiquities?

Stolen five years ago? You were all there that night?

Didn't realize it till just now when the show came on.

And when I started telling them

- about one of my finest jobs ever... - Yeah, but I know she's lying.

She's a grifter. It's her job.

Wait, I'm confused. Now she's lying about lying?

Wait, I've got an idea. We let Nate decide.

We tell him what happened, he decides who the real criminal is.

- Fine by me. - You're all criminals.

Me, I got no choice.

You understand... it was the perfect plan.

I ran a long con for the entire four months of the exhibit.

Two. Not one,

but two separate identities.

First, the duchess of Barrington-Highsworth.

As the duchess, I donated art to the exhibit

so my pieces would be mixed in with the dagger.

- Where'd you get the art? - Bits and bobs I nicked over the years.

I made quite an entrance, I have to say.

You're here!

She's here!

Ladies and gentlemen,

the duchess Alexia of Barrington-Highsworth.

Thank you for donating such wonderful pieces from your collection.

You're too kind, Mr. Gladstone. But, really, it's nothing

compared to the magnificent beauty of your dagger.

- Now, who's this? - Edgar Gladstone.

Financier. Filthy rich. Owns the dagger.

Bit of a crush on me, of course.

Problem is, that's when Coswell decided to show up.

- Coswell? - Museum head of security.

Very clever. Have to dodge him.

You'll see why in a bit. Now, shoo.

Duchess, do you mind if I speak with Mr. Coswell?

I want to make sure security is locked down tight.

Is there cause for alarm?

I've had three pieces of art stolen from me in the past year.

It's the last night of the exhibit. I don't want they cut any corners.

Of course.

Gladstone's little chat with Coswell gave me a chance...

to look for someone.

Miss? Excuse me.

Please, could you send this over to minister Bioko with my compliments?

Robert Bioko.

Zimbabwe art minister. Yes, I've dealt with him. Quite nasty.

By reputation, a blood-diamond dealer, embezzler, and more importantly,

very allergic to shrimp.

Pardon me, ma'am.

Gosh. Did I get some on your dress?

Not at all.

Dr. Wes Abernathy.

Doctor. What's your PhD in?

I'm a surgeon, actually.

I fundraise for the museum.

After a long day of saving lives, I like to...

I like to appreciate beauty.

You're very forward, Dr. Abernathy.

What was that?

Just a little power surge.

Help! He's choking! Somebody help!

Dear.

There's shrimp in this. Are you allergic to shrimp?

- I am allergic to shrimp! - Everybody stand back! I'm a doctor!

- His throat's closing up! - A knife! Somebody give me a knife!

Thank you.

Don't worry, my friend. Death will not claim you this day.

Come on! Live!

Come on! Live!

I needed Gladstone's key card

to get access to the shipping and storage area.

Gladstone has 24-hour access.

My other identity...

does not. Shoo.

Dr. Karen Ipcress from the restoration department.

I've been bringing you coffee and doughnuts for four months now.

- You still have to do that? - Sorry. Got to check everyone tonight.

You don't usually work nights.

When the exhibit closes,

we have to process 200 items to be shipped out

to 63 museums and private owners.

They asked me to help out.

Dr. Ipcress.

You don't work nights.

Hi, Mr. Coswell.

I didn't expect you down here so early.

The gallery's closed because of a medical emergency.

So, we have to process the exhibits right now.

My men will scan the artifacts, tag them...

Green to be returned to their owners, red to stay here until collected.

Green items will then be packed according to their lot numbers,

shipped out to the proper owners by armored car.

No unauthorized personnel in...

or out.

I wanted to talk to you.

How long have you been working here?

Four months.

I saw my first duchess upstairs. She...

You look...

I'll be right back.

- Did she say where she was going? - No, sir.

Today is too important. We are not letting her slip through our fingers!

- You! - Yes, Mr. Coswell.

- Have you seen Dr. Ipcress? - No, sir.

- Call me as soon as you find her! - Yes, sir.

Brilliant, isn't it?

- You didn't steal the dagger. - The museum stole the dagger for me.

You see, first, every item is catalogued.

And Gladstone's dagger is placed

into one of the crates containing my personal collection.

Then the crate is shipped directly to the safe house in London...

Lot 21 to London on British air, leaving in an hour.

all under armed guard provided by...

the museum.

- Yeah, that's a good plan. - Yes. It was the perfect plan.

Except...

The dagger wasn't in the shipment.

So, yes, wait... I did steal the dagger.

I just didn't get to keep it.

I think I can explain it.

Pardon me, ma'am. Did I get that on your dress?

Pardon me, ma'am. Did I get any on your dress?

- Not at all. - All right.

I'm Dr. Wes Abernathy.

Pleased to meet you.

Now, I'm gonna tell you how I stole the Aqu'Abi dagger.

A dagger doesn't really seem your style.

It was actually more of a favor.

Come on.

Come on.

- Hello, Gutman. - Spencer.

I figured you'd be the one to pick up.

Why are you sending second-rate thugs to try and kill me?

If I'm not honest with you, you can't improve.

You let me down.

You didn't deliver the sapphire monkey.

You didn't tell me it was in north Korea.

Tell you what... I'll make it up in trade.

A client of mine, for whom I move rare merchandise,

has asked me to arrange a retrieval.

A dagger.

Where?

It's in Boston. Tonight.

That's why I'm asking.

I'll text you the details.

Get me the dagger and we're even.

Say no...

I'll keep sending men until one gets lucky.

You know what I got to do?

Don't talk.

I know it's your first instinct to talk, but don't.

Your best course of action is to nod.

Nod.

Good.

I'm gonna need a couple things from you.

I need your clothes, and I need your little invite to this party.

Is can go two ways: You can give them to me,

and I can stuff you in the trunk of this car, which...

by the way, looks pretty comfortable. Not a bad night.

Or you can not give them to me...

And I can do exactly

what you'd expect a crazy guy in your back seat to do to you.

That's the right choice.

I'm gonna need your glasses.

- So what was your way in? - The exhibit's closing.

That means all this is being shipped out.

Weakest spot of any transport is when the object's transferred to the vehicle.

I need to get downstairs.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

- Sorry. - Allo, 'allo. What's all this, then?

- Dr. Abernathy. - Cor blimey.

You're a bit of all right, ain't ya?

- Buy us a drink, will ya? - Drinks are free.

Wait, wait.

What's that voice? That's horrible... What is that?

- It's your accent. - That's what I sound like to you?

Okay, fine. I want to go back and change my story.

Pardon me, there, Missy!

Ain't you as pretty as a little filly in the moonlight?

Doc Abernathy here.

Wait, what, wait. What was that?

That's ridiculous. Shut up.

Sophie, you told your story. It's my turn to tell mine, okay?

It's not fair.

Drinks is free?

Bleedin' hell, that makes me a cheap date, didn't it?

- What was that? - You saw that, too.

That's lucky. I thought I was passing out.

- I do not feel well. - He's choking! Somebody help!

Cor blimey, gov'nor! That there's loaded with sea roaches!

That's British for "shrimp".

We have a different word for a lot of things. It's a bit stupid, innit?

I am allergic to shrimp.

Dear. That's all right. He's a bleedin' doctor.

I'm not...

Here. Come here. Do you have a corkscrew?

And pull the blade out. Pull the blade out of the corkscrew.

I'm gonna need you to calm down, sir. I'm gonna have to do this real quick.

- Duchess, I need... - Pills.

Pills.

That's better, buddy. Put that in your mouth.

I need to get this man to a comfortable place. Do you have an office I can use?

We have a first-aid station.

Perfect. Come with me, sir. Get up.

Where the devil did I...

- What's going on? - Medical emergency.

Perhaps we should close down the exhibit. Everyone is very upset.

You just stay here. I'm a doctor.

That doesn't make sense.

There you go. All right?

- Thank you. You are a lifesaver. - You got it, man. No problem.

- I am in your debt. - All right.

- I am in your debt. - Stay here. You got it.

I wanted to talk to you.

How long have you been working here?

- Four months. - I saw my first duchess upstairs.

She...

You look...

I'll be right back.

- Did she say where she was going? - No, sir.

Today is too important. We are not letting her slip through our fingers!

You! Have you seen Dr. Ipcress?

- Who? - Ipcress! Weird eyes, funny hair.

You sure you haven't seen her? Go! Call me as soon as you find her.

Lot 21 to London on British air, leaving in an hour.

This one goes on my truck.

- You stole it! You stole it from me! - Yes, I did.

Technically, you didn't have it.

It was en route. That's like stealing my mail.

What, is stealing mail a crime?

Your little smash-and-grab ruined my perfect plan.

Whatever it takes to get the job done, babe.

You didn't exactly get the job "done," did you?

So, you didn't get it? What happened to the guys who you owed money to?

Gutman had a lot of enemies.

They rolled him on some kind of racketeering thing

a couple of weeks later and took the heat off me.

Pretty much forgot about that till tonight.

So, I steal the dagger from the museum.

You steal the dagger from my truck.

Then who...

Hardison, is there something you want to share with the class?

Sophie has it first.

Then Eliot has it.

Or does Eliot have it?

Sophie never had it.

And then we have Hardison.

I don't buy it.

- Doesn't seem like your kind of crime. - No, not typically.

But the museum installed a Tanuki security system

- straight from Japan. - Tanuki. Not bad. Tough system.

It's got a sick encryption system

that protects both the database and the alarm.

Five years ago, whoever cracked that first

was gonna be like a hacker legend, man.

But to prove I did it, I was gonna need a trophy first.

Now, remember, Wi-Fi networks weren't as common back in the day.

I had to get in the building somehow. I just hacked the museum's e-mail

and grabbed the invite of some random dignitary.

- Name, sir? - Yes, I am minister Robert Bioko.

Thank you.

- Now what? What's that? - This?

I'm telling my computer at my Nana's hou...

- My house. - Your what? Your house.

To execute a brute-force attack against the Tanuki's firewall.

See, that'll soften it up so when I get physical access, not so tough.

But until then, I does what I do. Hey, come here, girl.

You want to come to my...

I live with my Nana but we can go to your spot, though.

Shake it one time, baby.

My dear, to you.

To you.

Thank you.

Power surge.

That's the Tanuki system resetting.

It means my backdoor's in place.

But you still have to get access to the mainframe.

You can't do that from out here.

Minister, are you all right?

I feel faint.

Do you have a-a first-aid room or a back office?

- Through that door. - I do not feel well.

There's shrimp in this!

You really can't tell?

Americans! Every accent sounds the same to you. I just...

I'm sorry. Go on.

I sound like one of the dwarves in "Lord of the Rings",

but please continue.

There's shrimp in this. You're allergic to shrimp!

I'm allergic to shrimp?

I got it. Come here, buddy. Hand me that knife.

- I'm gonna have to cut you, man. - What the hell?

- I'm good. I can breathe. - Let's get you somewhere quiet,

where there's no witnesses.

- Wait a minute. Those weren't pills? - Man, they were breath mints.

You were about to slice a hole in my throat. I had to think of something.

That explains it.

Just take it easy. Just lay down there.

Thank you.

You smell peppermint?

I smell peppermint.

Are you sure?

It's a very distinctive smell.

I'm gonna go sharpen this knife, maybe walk around the halls in the dark.

Don't leave.

Right now, I'm punching a hole in the museum database.

And now into the shipping information.

See, there. There. Right there. There's the dagger of Aqu'Abi.

So you're gonna change the shipping address, like Sophie.

I'm gonna make sure it never leaves the museum.

Good. Now I just have to wait for them to get done with the inventory

and go pick up my dagger.

Impressive.

Too slow.

- What are you doing there? - I'm patrolling, sir.

You recognize her?

No, I do not, sir.

This was a screwup.

This is why I am who I am. I live this job.

It is the only thing I care about. We are gonna fix this.

"Absotively, posilutely", sir.

What was that?

Call for backup!

You all right? You okay?

Let me out! Let me out of here!

What are you doing?

Where are you going?!

Let me out!

I don't believe it.

I beat you. And I beat you, too.

And nothing else matters.

Why does nothing else matter?

- It doesn't. It just doesn't... - "Nothing else matters."

What else doesn't matter?

You're just real inquisitive, aren't you? Just asking questions...

Bunch of questions.

I knew it.

Still beat you!

Nothing else matters!

And you two, y'all were nasty. I remember that.

What are you... this... He's lying, man, because...

Look, somebody took the dagger out of the museum that night.

Sophie didn't have the dagger.

Eliot didn't have the dagger.

- Hardison didn't have the dagger. - Still beat you.

What? I'm a thief!

So what's your way in?

This is my favorite bit. The first few seconds.

My gear's under the refreshments table next to the ventilation shaft.

I wait until there's a distraction.

Then I get downstairs.

Then I wait for the dagger to be exposed and make my move.

Excuse me, are these free?

You want one of them squishy things?

All right. Suit yourself.

As very wondering, you could, you know, my dingaling.

I hate you all.

- Here you go. Free booze. - Thanks.

Miss?

Miss?

Aren't you supposed to have drinks on a tray?

What if I wanted, say a drink.

This is a very important day.

You should probably go back and get some more refreshments for the guests, miss...

Where's your name tag?

On the refreshment table by the refreshments, where I'm going now.

Somebody just punched a hole in the security system.

Yes, I'm allergic to shrimp.

You said "shrimp". That didn't sound like "shrimp".

I think his throat's closing up! You're gonna have to open his airway!

I got to open the airway.

I can breathe! It's a miracle! I can breathe! I got this. I got this.

Are you kidding me?

Plan "B".

Have you seen Dr. Ipcress?

I don't know, Mr. Coswell. She just took off.

What do you mean "she just took off"?

- Did she say where she was going? - No, sir.

Today is too important. We are not letting her slip through our fingers.

Vault.

- Call for backup! - You're all right? You okay?

Roof, here I come.

What the what?

Nice try.

- That's what happened. - I told you.

That Coswell guy, he's smart. He could be even smarter than Nate.

No, because, see, the dagger was still reported stolen.

Somebody got up out of there with Aqu'Abi.

That means that one of us is lying.

- So says the liar. - Excuse me?

I couldn't even understand what you were saying. I'm a thief.

You're all forgetting to ask yourself the one central, crucial question.

- What? - The question is,

who was the insurance company for the dagger of Aqu'Abi?

You got to be kidding.

Why don't you come over and let me tell you what really happened?

I'll admit it. I didn't quite have all of it.

I mean not until this very second.

But now I can finally tell you what exactly happened the night

the dagger of Aqu'Abi was stolen.

I have to say, our security is pretty great.

I don't doubt that, Mr. Coswell,

but Edgar Gladstone has had three items stolen just in the last year.

Now, IYS is not gonna pay on that dagger.

Gladstone's inside. You want me to introduce you?

I'm gonna be going to the security office.

Meet you there. Swell.

Meeting you there, Mr. Ford.

Miss. Excuse me.

Please, could you send this over to minister Bioko with my compliments?

Whatever.

That duchess sure is pretty.

Could we focus on business, please, Coswell?

Sorry.

Thank you very much.

- I'm sorry. Excuse me. - Are you all right?

It just tastes funny. I'm Doc Abernathy.

Miss, miss!

Should I have a drink?

I am on duty.

What's wrong with wanting a drink?

Very special day or, night.

Would you mind just giving me

a glass just to get my courage up,

miss... No, I'm sorry!

- Where's your name tag? - On the refreshment table

by the refreshments, where I'm going now.

You're allergic to shrimp?

Yeah. I'm allergic to shrimp.

His throat closes, he's gonna die.

I'm gonna have to cut you.

Hey, Dr. Ipcress!

What a pleasant surprise! You don't,

work nights. Although, you're diligent. Of course I expected you to be here.

Hi, Mr. Coswell.

I didn't expect to see you down here so early.

Gallery's closed 'cause of a medical emergency.

Oh, dear.

So we have to process the exhibits right now.

Dr. Ipcress, I was wondering if we could talk.

Of course.

While we've been working together...

- How long have you been working here? - Four months.

What I mean to say I...

There's all these fancy people upstairs. I just saw a duchess, and she...

you look way better.

I'll be right back.

Stupid! Stupid!

Plan "B".

I don't know, Mr. Coswell. She just took off.

What do you mean, "she just took off"?

- Did she say where she was going? - No, sir.

Today is too important! This is the last day she's gonna be working here.

It's not your fault.

I am not gonna let this girl slip through my fingers!

You.

- Have you seen Dr. Ipcress? - Who?

Ipcress? Pretty eyes, funny little ponytail in her hair?

You sure you haven't seen her?

Okay, go. Call me as soon as you find her!

Coswell, what was that,

food poisoning? Kind of a weird coincidence...

Last night of the exhibit.

Okay, well, I'll go check that out.

Mr. Ford, do you have a wife?

Seems a shame to let these go to waste.

What are you doing, working late?

I'm just patrolling, sir.

Recognize her?

No, sir, I don't. No.

I screwed up.

I let her get away.

This is why I am who I am. I live for this job!

It's the only thing I have in my life to care about, and I thought, you know,

boy, it's time to fix this!

Right, right. You need a tissue?

What was that?

Call for backup! You okay, buddy? You all right?

Don't worry, buddy. I'll get us out of here.

This yours?

We have some really well-stocked supply closets here.

I'm gonna have to write a nice note to the janitorial staff.

Coswell, are you there? There's a bunch of unsecured doors down here.

You okay?

- Butterfingers! - It was my perfect plan!

Assuming we buy this...

- Poor Coswell. - There's one problem with your story.

- The dagger was still reported stolen. - Because it was stolen.

Wait.

Here he is now. Goodbye.

I've just reported the dagger stolen to the police.

- They'll be here any second. - I'm sorry about this, Mr. Gladstone.

Sorry!

You had the girl in your hands!

This robbery is the worst loss I have ever ex...

I don't know much about gold. It's not supposed to do that!

Worst loss,

Mr. Gladstone? Is it worse than

the first three pieces of art you'd have stolen.

You don't understand.

Why do you think I'm here?

I'm here to figure out why it is you've had so many expensive

pieces of art stolen

that IYS has had to pay for.

Well, now we know.

What you do is you sell the originals on the black market,

and then you stage a very public theft of the fakes

so you can collect the insurance.

You're double dipping.

That's a bad boy.

Please.

Please, I'll be ruined. I'll do anything.

Anything?

Anything.

Well, you'll...

you'll definitely pay back the settlements of the previous items.

- Have you sold the dagger yet? - No.

Then, IYS will take the dagger as an asset.

And I'd like the dealer.

You're small potatoes, Gladstone.

No, I want the man you've been hiring

to move your art and fake these thefts.

As soon as he finds out the dagger wasn't stolen, he'll run.

That's a good point, Coswell. We'll keep the story of the theft.

IYS just won't pursue the case.

As of right now, the dagger of Aqu'Abi

has been stolen.

- So none of us got it. - None of us got it.

Wait. Did it work? Did you get the dealer?

A client of mine, for whom I move rare merchandise,

has asked me to arrange a retrieval.

A dagger.

- Where? - It's in Boston. Tonight.

You took out Gutman?

You're welcome.

We just did all that work for nothing.

Not for nothing. No.

Sometimes it's easy to forget why it is you stopped working alone,

and became a team.

Here's why.

The dagger is now owned by Nigel Hayton, CEO of Baron Oil.

Baron Oil is, of course, responsible for the latest oil spill

in American waters.

And now this display has sparked protests.

Mr. Hayton, do you think it is appropriate,

as thousands lose their jobs because of your company's negligence,

to be showcasing the profits of that company?

On the contrary.

I think sharing my art collection with the people,

the little people, is a wonderful way

of showing how much Baron Oil cares.

Baron Oil cares.

I care.

- Dibs. - I bagsy it.

Not if I get there first.

What the hell.