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1
00:00:03,204 --> 00:00:04,339
_
2
00:00:06,873 --> 00:00:08,554
Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!
3
00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:10,494
Oh-ho! Rock beats scissors. I win.
4
00:00:10,562 --> 00:00:12,630
These aren't scissors, it's
how many months rent you owe me.
5
00:00:17,988 --> 00:00:19,859
I was hoping it was you.
6
00:00:21,826 --> 00:00:23,211
That's not how this works.
7
00:00:23,461 --> 00:00:25,328
This is my boyfriend, who
called because he missed me.
8
00:00:25,369 --> 00:00:27,632
Yes, that is totally
the reason why I called,
9
00:00:27,658 --> 00:00:29,104
but also this.
10
00:00:31,184 --> 00:00:33,103
Is there anything you can do about that?
11
00:00:33,103 --> 00:00:34,670
I'm sorry, I can't help.
12
00:00:34,739 --> 00:00:38,012
Jackpot's official position is,
"You do you. We've seen worse."
13
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:40,077
Well, if this is what I have
to put up with to see you
14
00:00:40,144 --> 00:00:41,411
for the next three days, it's worth it.
15
00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:44,292
- It's probably worth it.
- It is.
16
00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:45,897
I'm so excited. This is your first time
17
00:00:45,965 --> 00:00:47,217
staying in L.A. with me.
18
00:00:47,217 --> 00:00:49,719
You finally get to see me in
my element, outside of work.
19
00:00:49,787 --> 00:00:51,521
And once I peel off these sanitary gloves,
20
00:00:51,588 --> 00:00:53,089
it's all fun all the time.
21
00:00:53,599 --> 00:00:55,007
You're not wearing gloves.
22
00:00:56,518 --> 00:00:59,045
Oh, my God. I-I touched the bathroom door.
23
00:01:06,477 --> 00:01:07,871
Can you believe this guy?
24
00:01:09,096 --> 00:01:10,379
Jackpot Airlines.
25
00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:12,281
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
26
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,888
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
27
00:01:19,398 --> 00:01:21,878
Ah, thanks again for letting
Bryan stay this week, Bernard.
28
00:01:21,878 --> 00:01:24,038
And, don't worry, we're
barely going to be home.
29
00:01:24,038 --> 00:01:26,188
I have a jam-packed
few days planned. Look.
30
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,471
I have a list.
31
00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:30,243
"Paddleboarding"? "Hiking
to the Hollywood sign"?
32
00:01:30,311 --> 00:01:31,578
"Yoga at Griffith Park"?
33
00:01:31,646 --> 00:01:33,380
You don't do any of these things.
34
00:01:33,447 --> 00:01:35,189
No, but they're things I want to do.
35
00:01:35,683 --> 00:01:38,259
Okay, fine. They're things
I want to want to do.
36
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,488
Look, this week is a big
relationship test for me.
37
00:01:41,555 --> 00:01:44,624
Bryan is going to see my real
life outside of this plane.
38
00:01:44,692 --> 00:01:46,593
I don't want to give off any red flags
39
00:01:46,661 --> 00:01:49,329
that might make him second-guess
our whole relationship.
40
00:01:49,397 --> 00:01:50,964
Yes, like when I first saw Tristane
41
00:01:51,032 --> 00:01:53,670
wearing flip-flops to
dinner. Slide away, child...
42
00:01:53,868 --> 00:01:55,969
I'm just trying to put
my best foot forward.
43
00:01:56,037 --> 00:01:58,151
Honey, I get it, but this ain't your foot.
44
00:01:58,246 --> 00:02:01,441
A linguine tour? That's
not you. I mean, look,
45
00:02:01,509 --> 00:02:04,110
this whole list is written
on an old Taco Bell receipt.
46
00:02:04,178 --> 00:02:06,459
A 10:00 a.m. Taco Bell receipt.
47
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:07,692
They serve breakfast now, Bernard.
48
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,527
You had three burritos and a cup of cheese.
49
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,630
Breakfast cheese.
50
00:02:12,747 --> 00:02:14,048
Hey there, passengers.
51
00:02:14,114 --> 00:02:15,548
As we approach L.A.,
52
00:02:15,616 --> 00:02:17,617
a little reminder... Next
time you're in Calabasas,
53
00:02:17,685 --> 00:02:19,663
stop by Calabasics,
54
00:02:19,664 --> 00:02:22,333
the destination for premium
business-casual ponchos.
55
00:02:22,842 --> 00:02:24,692
Half blanket and half shirt.
56
00:02:24,742 --> 00:02:26,709
They're the beautiful biracial
baby of women's fashion.
57
00:02:27,155 --> 00:02:29,390
Check out a sample on
our model in the aisle.
58
00:02:36,813 --> 00:02:38,681
How'd you like the plug
for your store, babe?
59
00:02:38,748 --> 00:02:41,917
Loved it. Next time,
could you mention our new
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00:02:41,985 --> 00:02:44,520
Frances McDormand signature
collection of shapeless apparel
61
00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:45,985
for middle school art teachers?
62
00:02:46,095 --> 00:02:48,363
Anything for you. I'll
call you when I land.
63
00:02:49,408 --> 00:02:51,884
Hey! Can I keep this?
64
00:02:51,884 --> 00:02:53,985
It hides all my problem areas.
65
00:02:54,052 --> 00:02:57,488
Yeah. Patricia has a such an
eye for sensible coverwear.
66
00:02:57,556 --> 00:02:59,753
- Hmm.
- God, she's amazing.
67
00:03:00,474 --> 00:03:01,574
Alan, can I tell you a secret?
68
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:03,909
Do not blow this, Alan.
69
00:03:03,977 --> 00:03:04,940
Yes.
70
00:03:04,965 --> 00:03:06,591
I think Patricia might be the one.
71
00:03:06,656 --> 00:03:09,181
- But I thought the sky...
- Is my first love? She was.
72
00:03:09,249 --> 00:03:11,851
But let's face it, Alan,
that's just stuff losers say
73
00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:13,054
when they're not getting laid.
74
00:03:14,323 --> 00:03:16,049
Ooh, I've heard that's a good book.
75
00:03:16,451 --> 00:03:18,786
Ask me, did I ever read Joan Didion?
76
00:03:18,853 --> 00:03:21,622
Okay. Have you ever read Joan Didion?
77
00:03:21,689 --> 00:03:23,760
Ask me did I ever read Joan Didion?
78
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,239
Did you ever read Joan Didion?
79
00:03:26,264 --> 00:03:27,624
No, I Didion't.
80
00:03:28,444 --> 00:03:30,912
Hi, I'm Colin... and of course I did.
81
00:03:32,915 --> 00:03:34,349
Colin, what's up?
82
00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:36,518
That's the third woman
I've seen you talk at today.
83
00:03:36,586 --> 00:03:38,553
- You can't blitz on every down, man.
- I know.
84
00:03:38,621 --> 00:03:40,355
I'm just... I'm trying to put
myself out there a bit more.
85
00:03:40,423 --> 00:03:41,890
You know, I haven't met anybody in ages,
86
00:03:41,958 --> 00:03:44,025
and I can't keep holding out for Ronnie.
87
00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,161
Smart move. And I'd lock
down somebody quickly.
88
00:03:46,229 --> 00:03:47,963
British men age like
that Hemingway quote...
89
00:03:48,313 --> 00:03:50,967
"slowly, then all at once."
90
00:03:50,992 --> 00:03:53,429
Ooh! Ask me, did I ever read Hemingway?
91
00:03:53,454 --> 00:03:54,986
Do you want to die alone?
92
00:03:58,352 --> 00:04:00,153
I think he's gonna... Oh, Bernard!
93
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:02,613
I was thinking, and you were right.
94
00:04:02,625 --> 00:04:04,226
I want to show Bryan
the best version of me,
95
00:04:04,293 --> 00:04:06,633
but none of the things I
planned were actually me,
96
00:04:06,658 --> 00:04:09,578
so I talked to Nichole, and
she knew exactly what I needed.
97
00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:11,597
- A new bra.
- Finally!
98
00:04:11,597 --> 00:04:12,597
- Right?
- No! The other thing.
99
00:04:12,665 --> 00:04:14,132
- A dinner party!
- Oh.
100
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,024
At my house? No, thank you.
101
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,874
Bernard, I need to do
something where I can be relaxed
102
00:04:18,942 --> 00:04:21,076
and confident, and I cannot
spend the next few days
103
00:04:21,144 --> 00:04:23,017
pretending I like going to those art zoos.
104
00:04:23,042 --> 00:04:24,009
Museums.
105
00:04:24,076 --> 00:04:25,471
It'll be small and tasteful.
106
00:04:25,471 --> 00:04:27,538
I promise. Just a few friends
that I want Bryan to meet.
107
00:04:27,607 --> 00:04:29,275
All right, I will allow this party.
108
00:04:29,342 --> 00:04:31,644
You may invite your gaggle
of Kelseys and Callies
109
00:04:31,711 --> 00:04:33,679
and other girls whose names
pumpkin when they turn 30.
110
00:04:33,747 --> 00:04:35,147
Yay! We're gonna have a dinner.
111
00:04:35,215 --> 00:04:36,764
You still need a new bra, though.
112
00:04:38,073 --> 00:04:40,274
This dinner party sounds
great. What time you need me?
113
00:04:40,305 --> 00:04:43,427
Oh, I'm sorry, Dave, I'm trying
to keep this separate from work.
114
00:04:43,469 --> 00:04:44,703
Come on, Ronnie. Tonight
was gonna be the night
115
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:46,471
I ask Patricia to be exclusive.
116
00:04:46,539 --> 00:04:48,873
I want it to be special and
in front of people required
117
00:04:48,941 --> 00:04:50,474
to applaud because I'm their boss.
118
00:04:50,474 --> 00:04:53,507
Okay. Dave, you're invited,
but please do not do that thing
119
00:04:53,547 --> 00:04:55,014
where you wear too much cologne.
120
00:04:55,082 --> 00:04:56,849
It's not too much. It's too many.
121
00:04:56,874 --> 00:04:59,009
I layer musk, citrus,
122
00:04:59,034 --> 00:05:01,575
sandalwood, musk, musk.
123
00:05:03,110 --> 00:05:05,810
Hey, Nichole. I waited all week.
124
00:05:05,863 --> 00:05:09,633
Why have you still not
responded to my e-mail?
125
00:05:09,634 --> 00:05:11,968
I didn't get an e-mail from
you. What did you send me?
126
00:05:12,036 --> 00:05:13,270
A screenplay!
127
00:05:13,337 --> 00:05:16,522
Turns out some of my juices are creative.
128
00:05:17,071 --> 00:05:18,971
- I've written a movie.
- Mm-hmm.
129
00:05:19,038 --> 00:05:21,363
And, as a friend, I
would like you to read it.
130
00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:22,997
I would be honored. Send it to me again.
131
00:05:23,066 --> 00:05:24,033
Do you have my right e-mail?
132
00:05:24,101 --> 00:05:26,702
Nichole@email.stripper.
133
00:05:26,770 --> 00:05:29,972
No. That's not my or... anyone's e-mail.
134
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,475
Email.stripper@Nichole.
135
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:33,809
That's even further.
136
00:05:36,446 --> 00:05:38,651
I can't wait for you to meet my friends!
137
00:05:38,676 --> 00:05:40,077
Callie works at this
fancy Italian market...
138
00:05:41,231 --> 00:05:42,798
...so you can talk about
how everyone mispronounces
139
00:05:42,866 --> 00:05:43,966
"mozzarella" or whatever.
140
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:45,660
It's actually
"moo-tza-rell."
141
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:47,033
Can you just give me one minute?
142
00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:49,106
Yeah, I got to wash the
Jackpot off my hands anyway.
143
00:05:49,869 --> 00:05:52,171
Nichole! Kelsey and Callie just texted me.
144
00:05:52,238 --> 00:05:53,706
They're not coming. They both came down
145
00:05:53,773 --> 00:05:54,974
with a case of greyscale.
146
00:05:55,041 --> 00:05:56,608
That's a rare disease from a fake world.
147
00:05:56,676 --> 00:05:58,077
What a terrible lie.
148
00:05:58,144 --> 00:05:59,778
To be fair, it's the same lie I used
149
00:05:59,846 --> 00:06:02,281
to get out of both their baby
showers, but what am I gonna do?
150
00:06:02,349 --> 00:06:03,916
They were my most interesting friends.
151
00:06:03,984 --> 00:06:05,851
I needed them for cultured conversation.
152
00:06:05,919 --> 00:06:07,987
Bernard, will you talk
to Bryan about cheese?
153
00:06:08,054 --> 00:06:09,722
I will scream at Bryan about cheese!
154
00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:13,041
Wait, I have an idea. Colin?
What are you doing tonight?
155
00:06:13,066 --> 00:06:15,236
Funny you should ask.
Some online pals and I plan
156
00:06:15,236 --> 00:06:17,070
to debate who's the best
Doctor from Doctor Who...
157
00:06:17,138 --> 00:06:18,906
Instead, you should come
to Ronnie's dinner party
158
00:06:18,973 --> 00:06:20,474
and talk about literally anything else.
159
00:06:20,542 --> 00:06:22,843
Oh, a dinner party. The modern-day salon,
160
00:06:22,911 --> 00:06:24,845
as it were... A meeting
of minds and mouths.
161
00:06:24,913 --> 00:06:26,402
- Never mind.
- No, no, please let me come.
162
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,387
I'd like to come.
163
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,122
Did I hear something
about a party of dinners?
164
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,258
I assume I am invited,
165
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,606
because you can't spell
"party" without "Arty."
166
00:06:34,606 --> 00:06:36,901
Oh, I don't know, Artem.
I'm not sure it's your scene.
167
00:06:37,032 --> 00:06:40,995
Yeah, right. I only swam across
two oceans to get to America,
168
00:06:41,063 --> 00:06:44,399
so, yeah, I guess I'm not a
very interesting dinner guest.
169
00:06:44,466 --> 00:06:46,434
Okay, fine! You can come tonight, Artem.
170
00:06:46,502 --> 00:06:48,770
- Did you say Artem or Alan?
- Artem.
171
00:06:48,837 --> 00:06:50,171
Okay, because it sounded
like you might have said
172
00:06:50,239 --> 00:06:51,839
- Artem or Alan.
- It was Artem.
173
00:06:51,907 --> 00:06:53,353
'Cause there's a lot of similarities
174
00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:54,378
between Artem and Alan...
175
00:06:54,445 --> 00:06:55,812
You know damn well she said Artem!
176
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,886
Okay, it's fine. You can come tonight.
177
00:06:57,886 --> 00:06:59,553
- Yes!
- You can all come.
178
00:06:59,622 --> 00:07:01,113
Just figure out what you're gonna bring.
179
00:07:02,618 --> 00:07:04,719
Well, we have our guest list.
180
00:07:05,928 --> 00:07:07,662
- What are you doing?
- Calling pharmacies
181
00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:09,484
to see if they sell Purell by the keg.
182
00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:18,388
I have to admit I'm impressed.
183
00:07:18,675 --> 00:07:20,652
You have hors d'oeuvres, tasteful napkins,
184
00:07:20,677 --> 00:07:23,184
and you showered and didn't just
dump baby powder on your roots.
185
00:07:23,211 --> 00:07:25,980
You see that, Bernard? I'm a
regular Barefoot Contestant.
186
00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:28,261
Uh, will you excuse me?
187
00:07:29,705 --> 00:07:31,921
You-You don't have to drink Artem's wine.
188
00:07:31,921 --> 00:07:33,655
- I've got fancy stuff.
- No, it's okay.
189
00:07:33,723 --> 00:07:35,590
It's Diane Keaton's new wine.
190
00:07:35,658 --> 00:07:37,459
Look, there's a cute little turtleneck.
191
00:07:37,526 --> 00:07:39,661
Hey, did you ever see
Something's Gotta Give?
192
00:07:39,729 --> 00:07:43,298
It's a wonderful movie about
Diane Keaton's kitchen greed.
193
00:07:43,366 --> 00:07:45,500
No, no, no. That's It's Complicated.
194
00:07:45,568 --> 00:07:47,269
Something's Gotta Give
is where she dates
195
00:07:47,336 --> 00:07:48,703
her daughter's ex-boyfriend.
196
00:07:48,771 --> 00:07:51,106
Oh, that is complicated.
197
00:07:51,173 --> 00:07:52,213
No, no. It...
198
00:07:54,110 --> 00:07:55,510
You know what? Just pour me some more wine.
199
00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:57,604
- All the way to the top.
- Good.
200
00:07:59,739 --> 00:08:02,141
Hey! Welcome to my...
201
00:08:02,762 --> 00:08:04,083
Bernard's apartment!
202
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,184
Oh, what a smashing flat!
203
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,952
Good show, Bernard.
204
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,156
What is that? Why are you
playing up the British thing?
205
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,758
There it is. You brought a date.
206
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,993
Well, I wasn't planning on it,
but, uh, then Talia and I had
207
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,496
a cinema-quality meet-cute,
and, uh, here we are.
208
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,731
- Ah, where'd you meet?
- Just on an app.
209
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,433
Mmm, Tinder? Bumble?
210
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,769
Uber. I drove him here.
211
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,070
Mint?
212
00:08:24,506 --> 00:08:26,240
Thank you for your vote, Councilman.
213
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:28,208
As the Deputy Mayor, I'm
taking the lead on this,
214
00:08:28,276 --> 00:08:30,060
and I don't forget my friends.
215
00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:32,778
- Sorry about that.
- Ah...
216
00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:35,213
We have a big vote tomorrow
about whether to start
217
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,683
watering the Calabasas
medians with potable water.
218
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,871
Some people just love
drinking from sprinklers.
219
00:08:39,871 --> 00:08:41,827
Not me. I think all water's gross.
220
00:08:43,253 --> 00:08:45,146
So, I've been meaning to ask.
221
00:08:45,147 --> 00:08:48,668
We might meet some new people
tonight, and I wasn't sure...
222
00:08:49,388 --> 00:08:51,189
You can call me your girlfriend, Dave.
223
00:08:51,257 --> 00:08:54,359
Yes! I guess that makes
tonight our coming out party.
224
00:08:54,427 --> 00:08:56,294
Let's show Bernard how it's really done.
225
00:08:56,362 --> 00:08:58,747
Oh, I'm vibrating.
226
00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:00,579
- Can you hold this one second?
- Uh, yeah.
227
00:09:00,579 --> 00:09:03,567
Hey, you think tonight we
could just put our phones away
228
00:09:03,592 --> 00:09:05,665
and... focus on us?
229
00:09:06,470 --> 00:09:10,061
Absolutely, Dave. Tonight, I am all yours.
230
00:09:15,404 --> 00:09:18,373
Nichole! Do not keep me in suspense.
231
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:20,207
- Have you read the script?
- Uh-huh.
232
00:09:20,237 --> 00:09:21,637
Uh-huh... Hey, wait!
233
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,230
Can you tell me what
was your favorite part?
234
00:09:24,753 --> 00:09:26,387
- Well...
- Oh, yes, the well.
235
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,500
Oh, that is a good scene,
236
00:09:28,500 --> 00:09:30,735
and I know just the well to shoot it in.
237
00:09:31,272 --> 00:09:32,855
What else did you like?
238
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:35,892
Artem, I have to be honest,
I didn't like any of it.
239
00:09:35,892 --> 00:09:38,427
After I read it, I actually
deleted it off my phone
240
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,762
and then switched carriers
so it couldn't find me.
241
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,932
You read it on your phone?
Oh, that's the problem.
242
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,201
And it's not meant for the little screen.
243
00:09:46,269 --> 00:09:48,003
You must read it on the big screen.
244
00:09:48,070 --> 00:09:49,337
The screen wasn't the problem, Artem.
245
00:09:49,405 --> 00:09:50,639
It didn't make any sense.
246
00:09:50,706 --> 00:09:52,307
But it's based on my life.
247
00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:53,341
There were werewolves in it.
248
00:09:53,409 --> 00:09:54,443
Yeah, that was embellishment.
249
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:56,678
In real life it was just dog men.
250
00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:58,847
Ah, I'm sorry Artem. I need to steal her.
251
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:00,379
- Yeah...
- Thank God!
252
00:10:01,117 --> 00:10:02,551
Um... Dave is here with your mom.
253
00:10:02,618 --> 00:10:03,919
Does she still think we're dating,
254
00:10:03,986 --> 00:10:06,421
because I have guests to
entertain, dinner to prepare.
255
00:10:06,489 --> 00:10:08,390
I can't be a fake lesbian
on top of all that.
256
00:10:08,458 --> 00:10:10,025
Don't worry, I told her
we broke up a while ago.
257
00:10:10,092 --> 00:10:11,092
Oh! Good.
258
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,360
I said your drinking was out of hand
259
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:13,662
and that you were a selfish lover.
260
00:10:14,208 --> 00:10:16,415
Well, maybe the drinking
just makes me tired.
261
00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:17,821
Ronnie.
262
00:10:21,015 --> 00:10:23,063
Not judging, but when does the dinner part
263
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:24,222
of this dinner party start?
264
00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:25,381
We're out of hors d'oeuvres.
265
00:10:25,406 --> 00:10:26,689
Artem ate all the blankets off the pigs.
266
00:10:27,162 --> 00:10:29,924
Now I'm full, and you are cold.
267
00:10:30,144 --> 00:10:32,112
We can eat now. I just
have to heat up dinner.
268
00:10:32,179 --> 00:10:34,314
It'll take five minutes. I got Blue Apron.
269
00:10:34,382 --> 00:10:36,383
To be clear, do you think
there's a fully cooked dinner
270
00:10:36,450 --> 00:10:37,984
in that Blue Apron box?
271
00:10:38,052 --> 00:10:40,833
Yes. It's a gourmet meal
delivery service, Bernard.
272
00:10:41,124 --> 00:10:44,160
Wait. Before you open
that, let me grab my wine.
273
00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:47,230
Okay.
274
00:10:47,297 --> 00:10:48,610
Proceed.
275
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:54,623
- What the hell is this?!
- Yes, this pairs very well.
276
00:10:55,048 --> 00:10:56,915
You have to cook?! No!
277
00:10:56,983 --> 00:10:58,444
I thought this came already prepared.
278
00:10:58,598 --> 00:11:00,832
Why the hell would I pay
to cook my own dinner?
279
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,167
I don't have time for this.
280
00:11:02,234 --> 00:11:03,835
You are sleeping with a chef.
281
00:11:03,903 --> 00:11:05,837
No. I can't ask him to help.
282
00:11:05,905 --> 00:11:08,306
This-this whole thing was to
prove that I am responsible
283
00:11:08,374 --> 00:11:10,709
and sophisticated and...
284
00:11:11,048 --> 00:11:12,054
I'm fine.
285
00:11:12,435 --> 00:11:13,968
You go stall and entertain Bryan,
286
00:11:14,036 --> 00:11:15,637
while I put all this together.
287
00:11:15,705 --> 00:11:17,439
Stall? Ronnie, I don't stall.
288
00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:21,409
When I entertain it's an
event, a sacrament, an occasion.
289
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,286
At worst, a moment.
290
00:11:23,846 --> 00:11:25,613
Hey, Alan, can you give us a sec?
291
00:11:25,681 --> 00:11:26,781
Patty and I are gonna take our first
292
00:11:26,849 --> 00:11:28,683
official relationship selfie.
293
00:11:28,751 --> 00:11:30,785
- It's our social media debut.
- Oh.
294
00:11:30,853 --> 00:11:31,986
Aw.
295
00:11:32,054 --> 00:11:33,955
Hold on. Let me fix my hair.
296
00:11:34,023 --> 00:11:36,554
As a public figure, I
have to look appropriate
297
00:11:36,615 --> 00:11:38,759
and hide my hands so no one
Photoshops a penis into them.
298
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:40,695
Ugh. Disgusting. We can
shoot a car into space,
299
00:11:40,763 --> 00:11:43,031
but we can't think of a better
place to Photoshop a penis?
300
00:11:43,099 --> 00:11:44,933
Oh, sweetie. Come here.
Get in this picture.
301
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,768
- She's a big hit with the base.
- Oh.
302
00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:49,431
- Here we go.
- Yeah, sure.
303
00:11:50,983 --> 00:11:52,173
- Hi.
- Hi.
304
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:55,910
Oh, Bernard! Come here, come here.
305
00:11:56,343 --> 00:11:57,992
He checks off a lot of boxes.
306
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,357
- What the hell am I doing here?
- Just smile for the camera.
307
00:12:00,357 --> 00:12:01,943
Oh. Why didn't you say so?
308
00:12:02,259 --> 00:12:04,493
I-It's hard to get all four of us to fit.
309
00:12:04,554 --> 00:12:06,038
Just... this way a little bit.
310
00:12:06,063 --> 00:12:07,121
Perfect.
311
00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:09,865
Nice.
312
00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:12,534
- Your skin is incredible.
- I like the...
313
00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:21,139
Oh, my God! What happened to the dinner?
314
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:22,640
The recipe was gonna take too long,
315
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,409
and I don't know what
to do with a game hen.
316
00:12:24,476 --> 00:12:26,311
So I'm just doing what we do in Bakersfield
317
00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:28,860
and turning a bunch of
things into a casserole.
318
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,316
Ronnie, that looks like
something already ate it.
319
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,151
I know. That's why I need your help.
320
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,343
Grab some of that food. Try
to make it look like a salad.
321
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,930
Avocado, honey, oatmeal...
Where'd you get all this from?
322
00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:41,142
- I raided your beauty drawer.
- My quail eggs.
323
00:12:41,142 --> 00:12:42,476
I also raided your earthquake kit.
324
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,578
My preserved quail eggs!
325
00:12:43,646 --> 00:12:45,146
Sorry, Bernard. Don't be mad.
326
00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:46,447
Well, now I can't get mad.
327
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,954
I don't have anything to smooth the lines.
328
00:12:50,808 --> 00:12:54,555
Hey. Bryan, tell Nichole
what you just told me.
329
00:12:54,623 --> 00:12:56,858
Please don't come into the
bathroom while I'm using it.
330
00:12:56,925 --> 00:12:58,204
No, after that.
331
00:12:58,204 --> 00:12:59,504
You see, I told him the idea
332
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,072
of my movie and he said...
333
00:13:01,139 --> 00:13:02,940
Sounds interesting. Please get out.
334
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:05,009
Interesting, like the movie Get Out.
335
00:13:05,077 --> 00:13:06,577
Artem, I didn't like it.
336
00:13:06,645 --> 00:13:08,379
I thought friends were
supposed to be honest.
337
00:13:08,447 --> 00:13:11,015
Friends are supposed to
focus on the positives.
338
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:14,151
Like when I tell Bryan,
"Oh, that's a nice shirt,"
339
00:13:14,219 --> 00:13:17,354
but never ask, "Why stupid bracelet?"
340
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,377
Come on.
341
00:13:20,224 --> 00:13:21,653
I was just trying to pee.
342
00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:24,075
Hey, Patricia.
343
00:13:24,268 --> 00:13:26,335
So we never actually got
to take that picture before,
344
00:13:26,403 --> 00:13:27,770
if you want to take it now.
345
00:13:27,838 --> 00:13:29,059
No big deal.
346
00:13:29,673 --> 00:13:31,953
Full disclosure, I want
to. It's a big deal.
347
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:32,916
Oh.
348
00:13:32,941 --> 00:13:36,344
You're right. Let's do it.
Let's take it. Right now.
349
00:13:37,746 --> 00:13:40,373
Um... Oh, my God. We lost two more votes.
350
00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:42,341
My non-potable bill's not gonna pass.
351
00:13:42,409 --> 00:13:44,067
I'm sorry. I have to deal with this.
352
00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:50,661
I'll take a picture with you, Dave.
353
00:13:50,661 --> 00:13:51,661
Shut up, Alan.
354
00:13:53,364 --> 00:13:55,065
All right, two regular, one silly.
355
00:13:55,132 --> 00:13:58,416
Okay, and this is my children's
book Fish and Chips.
356
00:13:58,441 --> 00:13:59,388
Oh.
357
00:13:59,413 --> 00:14:01,841
It's two cops, Carl Fish and Wesley Chips.
358
00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:03,266
That's so cute.
359
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,568
Are you happy with the temperature?
360
00:14:04,635 --> 00:14:05,736
I can make it warmer.
361
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:06,826
I'm good.
362
00:14:07,251 --> 00:14:09,920
Now here they are uncovering
a cache of stolen art.
363
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:13,551
The twist is, you see,
that Chips is the fish.
364
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,258
Oh, your battery's almost dead.
365
00:14:15,326 --> 00:14:16,693
Here, I have a charger.
366
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:18,254
Oh.
367
00:14:19,545 --> 00:14:20,989
Hey, Colin.
368
00:14:21,014 --> 00:14:23,604
I don't want to be a bummer,
but I've been watching your date.
369
00:14:23,604 --> 00:14:26,639
Are you sure you're her date,
and not still her passenger?
370
00:14:26,707 --> 00:14:28,241
Yeah, of course it's a date.
371
00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,677
What, do you see any
entry-level hybrids around here?
372
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,679
Okay. But I'd check the app if I were you,
373
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,547
because she's being
tip-conscious level nice,
374
00:14:34,615 --> 00:14:36,849
and you're cute, but not
"pick up an Uber driver" cute.
375
00:14:37,236 --> 00:14:39,504
Thank you for the ego-bruising
concern, but I've...
376
00:14:39,572 --> 00:14:42,055
Tiny water?
377
00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:45,646
Okay, Bernard, what do you think?
378
00:14:47,446 --> 00:14:48,780
It needs more eye cream.
379
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,278
Ronnie, we need to talk.
380
00:14:50,278 --> 00:14:51,879
Oh, don't worry, Dave. Dinner
will be ready any minute.
381
00:14:51,947 --> 00:14:54,115
No, I came to say we have to delay dinner.
382
00:14:54,140 --> 00:14:56,884
Patricia is still on the
phone. Tonight has been a bust.
383
00:14:56,952 --> 00:14:58,319
You seem like you're really stressed.
384
00:14:58,387 --> 00:14:59,820
Why don't you put all that stuff down
385
00:14:59,888 --> 00:15:01,922
- and focus on me?
- Ronnie, quick question.
386
00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,125
I'm trying to log on to
my Uber account for, um,
387
00:15:04,192 --> 00:15:06,494
nothing, but I can't seem
to get a Wi-Fi signal.
388
00:15:06,561 --> 00:15:08,969
Yeah. Bernard doesn't allow any
type of waves in the apartment.
389
00:15:08,994 --> 00:15:10,380
He says it's bad for aging.
390
00:15:10,380 --> 00:15:12,114
Well, now we're eating the
last line of my defense,
391
00:15:12,182 --> 00:15:13,949
so just put the cell
tower right on my face.
392
00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:15,651
Okay, if you're not in the kitchen helping,
393
00:15:15,719 --> 00:15:18,754
- could you please leave?
- Ronnie! You have me sitting
394
00:15:18,822 --> 00:15:21,257
next to Nichole, so I need to switch seats.
395
00:15:21,324 --> 00:15:22,424
What is the problem now?
396
00:15:22,424 --> 00:15:23,724
She doesn't respect me
397
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:25,959
as a friend nor as an artist.
398
00:15:26,027 --> 00:15:27,193
- Oh, so you're an artist now.
- Yes.
399
00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:29,529
You can't spell "artist" without "Arty."
400
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:31,180
Fine. If you want to be a baby about this,
401
00:15:31,205 --> 00:15:32,505
then I don't want to
sit next to you, either.
402
00:15:32,573 --> 00:15:34,007
Colin, will you switch seats with me?
403
00:15:34,075 --> 00:15:35,208
Oh, no, I'm sorry. I have a window seat.
404
00:15:35,276 --> 00:15:36,475
I don't like the middle.
405
00:15:36,475 --> 00:15:37,942
Hey, Dave, why don't you deal with this?
406
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:39,778
I'm sorry, everyone. I
know you're all hungry
407
00:15:39,845 --> 00:15:42,084
and want to get on our food,
but there's been a minor delay.
408
00:15:42,084 --> 00:15:43,852
We're still waiting on Patricia
to come in from the hall.
409
00:15:43,919 --> 00:15:45,253
Once she's arrived at her seat,
410
00:15:45,321 --> 00:15:46,937
we'll have this dinner up and running.
411
00:15:47,011 --> 00:15:49,613
- No. There will be no delay.
- Um, Ronnie.
412
00:15:49,681 --> 00:15:51,615
Oh, Dame Judi Dench!
413
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,362
Oh, no! Why didn't the
smoke detector go off?
414
00:15:54,404 --> 00:15:55,771
Oh, I tampered with and/or disabled it
415
00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:58,508
- so I could smoke a J.
- Alan, weed? Really?
416
00:15:58,911 --> 00:16:01,513
The deputy mayor of
Calabasas is out there, man.
417
00:16:01,581 --> 00:16:03,348
- Is everything all right?
- Oh, I-it's fine.
418
00:16:03,416 --> 00:16:04,916
I have everything under control.
419
00:16:04,984 --> 00:16:07,018
Is the smoke bothering
you? Should I open a window?
420
00:16:07,086 --> 00:16:08,386
Ronnie, I really need that Wi-Fi.
421
00:16:15,461 --> 00:16:18,501
Oh, everybody get out or we
are cancelling this flight!
422
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:20,332
Flight?
423
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:23,330
Oh, my God. That's what this is.
424
00:16:23,603 --> 00:16:27,072
Bernard and I serving you while
dealing with your problems.
425
00:16:27,139 --> 00:16:30,041
Trying to manage Dave,
getting complaints about Wi-Fi.
426
00:16:30,109 --> 00:16:32,248
Yeah, for normal reasons. A sports game.
427
00:16:32,427 --> 00:16:33,995
I wanted to throw this dinner party
428
00:16:33,995 --> 00:16:35,462
to show Bryan my life,
429
00:16:35,530 --> 00:16:37,531
and I guess this is it.
430
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,349
It's one never-ending flight.
431
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:44,283
Well, I have to put up
with that at 30,000 feet,
432
00:16:44,308 --> 00:16:47,410
but I don't have to do it here,
and I can finally do something
433
00:16:47,478 --> 00:16:50,609
that I have always wanted and just leave.
434
00:16:52,932 --> 00:16:55,294
Ha! She thinks that was a dramatic exit.
435
00:16:55,295 --> 00:16:57,429
This is a dramatic exit.
436
00:17:00,365 --> 00:17:01,896
Bernie does it again.
437
00:17:08,771 --> 00:17:10,807
Hey. Can I hide in here with you?
438
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,431
Artem's trying to lighten the mood
439
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:15,533
by acting out scenes from his movie.
440
00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:18,539
It's an action musical,
in case you were wondering.
441
00:17:18,684 --> 00:17:21,052
Still not sure what language it's in.
442
00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:22,960
I'm sorry about tonight.
443
00:17:23,156 --> 00:17:26,025
I wanted to show you this other side of me,
444
00:17:26,092 --> 00:17:28,525
but I've realized I'm out of sides.
445
00:17:28,957 --> 00:17:31,196
Right now, you get the
choice between two Ronnies:
446
00:17:31,196 --> 00:17:33,398
the Ronnie who spends 60
hours a week in the sky
447
00:17:33,465 --> 00:17:34,832
fixing other people's problems,
448
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:37,168
or the Ronnie so exhausted from doing that,
449
00:17:37,236 --> 00:17:39,868
she can't even finish
this heartfelt whatever.
450
00:17:39,905 --> 00:17:41,984
Well, let me finish
this heartfelt whatever.
451
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:44,786
Those are the only two Ronnies I need.
452
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:47,982
Oh, good, because we both like you, too.
453
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:50,368
Also, I was hoping to get
the recipe for that casserole
454
00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:51,816
to serve at my restaurant.
455
00:17:51,884 --> 00:17:52,917
- Really?
- No.
456
00:17:52,985 --> 00:17:54,015
No.
457
00:17:54,112 --> 00:17:55,631
Oh, I thought you would laugh at that.
458
00:17:56,303 --> 00:17:57,837
But seriously, we need to figure out
459
00:17:57,904 --> 00:17:59,505
what else to feed all these people.
460
00:18:02,691 --> 00:18:03,771
Dinner tonight
461
00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:05,538
will have an international flair.
462
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:08,841
Special thanks to Bernard
for allowing this many carbs
463
00:18:08,909 --> 00:18:11,104
and saturated fats into his home.
464
00:18:11,129 --> 00:18:12,831
Yes, I've always enjoyed eating foods
465
00:18:12,831 --> 00:18:15,433
that are given out for free
if a team makes free throws.
466
00:18:15,458 --> 00:18:16,549
Well, I think it's great.
467
00:18:16,590 --> 00:18:18,666
And don't worry, I'll
handle beverage service.
468
00:18:18,691 --> 00:18:19,737
Oh.
469
00:18:20,044 --> 00:18:21,530
I have to use the restroom.
470
00:18:21,554 --> 00:18:23,360
Is there a specific way you want me to go?
471
00:18:23,385 --> 00:18:24,449
Oh, for...
472
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:30,007
Yeah, I'm just curious.
473
00:18:30,032 --> 00:18:32,551
Have you ever been waterboarded
with non-potable water?
474
00:18:33,997 --> 00:18:35,537
Welcome to my childhood.
475
00:18:36,217 --> 00:18:38,363
- How did you manage it?
- You can't play games.
476
00:18:38,363 --> 00:18:39,830
If you want to get anywhere with my mom,
477
00:18:39,898 --> 00:18:41,598
you have to be focused, direct and honest.
478
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:43,100
Doesn't she still think you're a lesbian?
479
00:18:43,168 --> 00:18:44,611
Don't be a dick, Dave.
480
00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:48,424
Hey, Artem.
481
00:18:48,449 --> 00:18:50,283
So, I'm really sorry about before.
482
00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:53,587
Oh, Nichole, I'm sorry.
I-I know, I overreacted.
483
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:55,956
I asked you for your honest opinion
484
00:18:56,024 --> 00:18:57,691
and thank you for giving it to me.
485
00:18:57,759 --> 00:18:59,293
Thank you for letting me read it.
486
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,428
It takes guts to show your art to somebody.
487
00:19:01,496 --> 00:19:05,028
Which, actually, you inspired
me to show you something creative
488
00:19:05,053 --> 00:19:06,120
I've been working on.
489
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:07,680
Uh, they're sketches
490
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,369
from when I was interested in fashion.
491
00:19:09,369 --> 00:19:12,167
I've been playing with dress
designs. What do you think?
492
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:14,300
Uh, you want my honest opinion
493
00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:16,528
or supportive friend opinion?
494
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,415
- The second one.
- I love them.
495
00:19:23,965 --> 00:19:25,246
What is it?
496
00:19:25,314 --> 00:19:27,463
Okay, look. Do you want me
in the front or the back?
497
00:19:28,103 --> 00:19:29,770
That's not a euphemism.
498
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:32,045
It's just, if I sit in
the front, this was a date.
499
00:19:32,187 --> 00:19:34,922
If I sit in the back, it
was just a really long ride.
500
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:36,657
No, of course it was a date.
501
00:19:36,725 --> 00:19:39,306
I stopped charging you as
soon as you asked me in.
502
00:19:39,331 --> 00:19:40,385
Fantastic!
503
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:42,463
So do you want to go back to your place?
504
00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:45,399
Okay, just to be clear, are
you asking as an Uber or...
505
00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:48,235
I'm asking as a woman who'd
like to take your clothes off.
506
00:19:49,294 --> 00:19:50,871
In that case, I will take a mint.
507
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,997
So, you make dinner for people every night.
508
00:19:54,398 --> 00:19:57,421
Not even people...
strangers. That's your job.
509
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,274
Worse than my job, it's my passion.
510
00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:02,311
Seems terrible. I think my
dinner party days are over.
511
00:20:02,377 --> 00:20:05,025
Well, maybe you'll have better
luck with them at our apartment.
512
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:06,703
What?
513
00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:08,385
I've been thinking...
514
00:20:08,717 --> 00:20:11,549
I want you to move to Las
Vegas and live with me.
515
00:20:14,790 --> 00:20:16,223
Ronnie, I'm stepping out.
516
00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:18,726
But if the doorbell
rings, please answer it.
517
00:20:18,794 --> 00:20:21,529
It's my interior designer
Le Marque Bougelet.
518
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:24,332
He'll be burning everything.
519
00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:26,742
Thank you.
520
00:20:27,706 --> 00:20:30,108
Good news. Got the votes.
521
00:20:30,176 --> 00:20:32,310
Ah, those hose water junkies
522
00:20:32,378 --> 00:20:34,813
are gonna have to pay for their
water, like nature intended.
523
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,816
Honestly, Patty, I don't care
how portable your water is,
524
00:20:37,883 --> 00:20:39,918
all I wanted was one picture with you,
525
00:20:39,943 --> 00:20:41,611
and you couldn't even give me that.
526
00:20:41,636 --> 00:20:43,604
I thought tonight was about
us taking a step forward
527
00:20:43,629 --> 00:20:44,829
in our relationship.
528
00:20:44,856 --> 00:20:46,890
Look, my job comes first.
529
00:20:46,958 --> 00:20:48,458
Of all people, I thought you'd understand.
530
00:20:48,526 --> 00:20:49,893
You and the sky.
531
00:20:49,961 --> 00:20:52,562
I'm ready to put the sky aside for you.
532
00:20:53,348 --> 00:20:55,025
And I thought you would do the same for me.
533
00:20:55,871 --> 00:20:57,426
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
534
00:20:57,427 --> 00:20:59,662
I mean, I like the way my life is right now
535
00:20:59,730 --> 00:21:00,854
and how you fit in it.
536
00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:03,997
I don't want to waste my time
being a co-pilot in your life.
537
00:21:05,737 --> 00:21:07,525
I don't think this is gonna work.
538
00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:09,583
Good-bye, Patricia.
539
00:21:17,591 --> 00:21:18,965
That was fast.
540
00:21:23,289 --> 00:21:26,858
Hey, Dave, she missed out on a
lot of fares tonight, so, um...
541
00:21:26,925 --> 00:21:28,992
Who cares? Take me to
the nearest high school.
542
00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:30,394
I'm gonna lie on the 50-yard line
543
00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:32,237
and talk about where it all went wrong.
544
00:21:35,681 --> 00:21:38,169
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