Original subtitles

[Music]

HUE: The outcome was never in our favor, Gary.

Gary: Cut it to me straight, HUE.

What are my chances of getting out of this mess?

In your current state,

you will pass the point of recovery in 10 minutes.

You are also leaking O2, Gary.

Huh, look at that. They went with green for a red alert.

I mean, I would have went with red, a periwinkle.

Heck, I mean, even egg nog.

I don't even know if that's a color,

but, oh, good Lord, now I just want egg nog.

The rate of the leak will render you lifeless in nine minutes.

You are really buttering me up with fantastic news.

I'm afraid, Gary,

there is no foreseeable outcome where you survive.

These tickets suck ... right in the nosebleeds.

[Title music]

1x01 - Episode One

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~

[Music]

[Lights powering on]

[Beeping]

Aah!

HUE: Good morning, Gary. Day 1,818.

How about freakin' no?

[Grunts]

That was a bit harder than normal, HUE!

[Music]

[Electricity crackling]

Hello, dear friend.

It's been a while.

[Footsteps] Hey! Yes!

What's up, Hank?

[Electricity crackles]

Hmm, yeah.

Beth is looking good today. Look at that.

Staring at me with those hot eyes.

You, me... later.

Cards, Hank? You want to play?

I need somebody to play with.

So it's gonna be you. Aah!

I'm starting to run out of decks, Hank.

[Laughing] Hey, Gary! Hello!

Ooh, cookie, yummy!

Ha!

- HUE? - Yes, Gary?

Can I have a cookie?

Mm, no, Gary.

Why not? You opened it for KVN.

That sack of wet turds can't even eat cookies!

He just smashes it into his processor slot.

I hate KVN... so painfully. He's the blight of my life.

If you take a cookie,

I will be forced to add one full day to your sentence.

[Laughs]

[Both laughing]

You think a full day scares the captain?

Gary, I've explained this to you every day for the past five years.

You are not the captain. You are a prisoner aboard this ship.

Sounds vaguely familiar. Now, open this cabinet.

Oh, they're just so-o-o-o good!

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

[Grunts] Aaaah!

One day has been added to your sentence.

Oh! I touched one! The captain's touched one!

Captain's log 80085.

Hey, Quinn! Guess who!

It's me, Gary, again. Quinn, I've thought on it,

and I've decided that since this is a big day,

the day of our anniversary, as you know,

it's time to get real.

Quinn, this ... this is the real raw Gary.

It's been eating me up inside keeping the real raw Gary from you.

For five years, real raw Gary hasn't been able

to get you out of his mind fortress.

When I met you that day, I knew you were it.

Give us what's ours, Gary! [Music]

Technically, it's mine!

- Dr. Bluesteen and Derek! - Lose some weight!

Come on, Derek, keep up!

They gave me a seltzer?

Why would they give me a seltzer... unless I ordered it.

Did I order it? Yes, I did!

I'm gonna break your knees, Gary! [Sighs]

[Heavenly music plays]

Sweet heavenly fire.

Who is the muy bueno super spicy lady?

Captain Quinn Aragon. But don't bother.

If you're not Infinity Guard, she's not interested.

Actually, I'm pretty freaking high up in the command chain.

- Really? - Yeah, really.

Seriously?

Seriously, I can't get any closer to your face, dude.

- Then where's your uniform, bud? - I have one, guy.

- No, you don't, pal. - Yes, I do, chum!

It's... in the bathroom. Crap!

[Whistling] [High pitched] Shwa!

Looking good, Gary!

You're just gonna leave him in there,

you chuck ... you chuck-face!

Oh, sweet aspirin.

Three dratnoids, exact change! Tight!

[Clinks, beeps]

Swallow!

You're a good guy, Gary.

Now to be smooth as ... Uh! Uh! [Thud]

[Forced chuckle]

First time I got a girl's number before I even said "Hey."

You see, I like that. I like a girl with a lot of phones.

Actually, this is the solution to an internal inconsistency

in Planck's constant that's never been solved

because until now, no one realized it was a problem.

And speaking of problems, maybe you should leave

before you become one ... as in now.

Or I could buy you a drink.

- Really? - Let's get wild.

How about you buy me a drink?

[Chuckles] Wow. I mean, no. But wow.

[Alarm blares] All Infinity Guards, report back to base immediately.

- Let's go! - Back to your place?

You're moving at cheetah speeds. I like it.

- You have an F71 Hawk to fly, pilot. - Oh, my crap.

- Move this Hawk, pilot! - You can do this, Gary.

Become a much smarter person now.

[Lasers firing]

Oh, my double crap!

[Distant explosion]

You're not a pilot, are you?

- Yes, I am... - Punch!

[Bang! Clink!]

Gary: Lesson learned.

If you ever want to piss off a whole government,

just take out 92 star cruisers

and a small family-owned Mexican restaurant.

Sorry, Guadalupe.

Hyuh!

[Slap] Wah! [Laughing]

Hey, Gary. My name is KVN.

I'm your deep space insanity avoidance companion.

- Nice to meet you. - I already hate you.

The good news is that I only have a week left

to my sentence aboard this pathetic rat's nest.

And send! She's gonna respond this time, HUE.

HUE: There is a high probability she will not.

But there's still a low probability she will. I'll take it!

[Laughs] Nailed it!

HUE: There are still four arrays that need to be repaired.

- Get off my cheeks, HUE. - Get off my cheeks, Gary.

Gary: 1891-C is back online. [Music]

HUE... by any chance, is it still Thursday?

It's been Thursday for the last 72 hours.

Sweet. Then it's still on.

My name is Eduardo Montoya Talakinto Ta Lacara Poligia.

You killed my father. Prepare to die.

HUE: Gary, your break is over.

But the guy who killed Eduardo Talakinto Tala Pacia's father

hasn't prepared to die yet!

Dang, there's a ... there's a pixel on the loose.

- Whoo! - Oh!

It's an alien on my face!

It's an alien on my ... it's a face alien!

[Screams] [Gasps]

Oh. You're not a face-eater, you're a face-hugger.

- Chocli. - I need a face-hugger in my life.

Whoa!

You remind me of a friend I used to have a long time ago.

[Music]

How do you like the name... Mooncake?

- Whoa! - [Chuckles] Mooncake it is.

I'm pumped ... super-excited.

You don't by chance speak real words, do you?

- Chocli-pop. - Ha! Works for me.

[Music]

[Grunts]

Welcome.

[Laughs evilly]

[Laughing]

You're so tiny, man! What ... oh!

Wait until the guys hear about this.

Sit.

[Creaking] [Whimpering]

[Yells] Where is it?! [Music]

- What?! - E-351.

I ... I don't know.

I would never lie to you, Lord Commander.

[Laughs]

You know, it's just ... I'm sorry, you're just so small!

It's ... it's... Wah!

Where did you find it?

I didn't. It found me.

The less HUE ...

who, between us, is a bit of a dick like "whaaat?"

knows about you, the better.

Okay, let's get you in here.

- You ready? - Chocli! [Squeeks]

- Chocli, chocli! - Please close.

Okay, it's not fitting. It's not working.

- Wow. - I hide there sometimes.

I'm like a mattress ghost.

- Don't tell anyone. - Ooh.

Oh, perfect! Per... no, it's not perfect.

That sucks. Why does that suck so hard?!

Okay, how about this?

Sometimes I hide ... I like to hide from myself

by putting underwear on the circumference of my head.

How about that? How's it fit?

- Chocli. - Perfect.

[Groaning] [Music]

Please... just... kill... me!

[Chuckles] Wouldn't think of it. That would be rude.

Eat.

[Growls]

[Crunching]

HUE, what is going on?

Why has the ship turned into a silent dance rave?

HUE: Four unknown vessels are descending upon our location.

The markings lead me to believe

they are Ventrexian bounty hunters.

Twist my nipples rough, we're talking complex life-forms.

Yes! HUE, you must find out if they play cards.

I need this! I need this, HUE!

I ... I really need somebody to play with.

[Clank, whirring] [Music]

Activating security protocol.

HUE, what the crap?!

For your own safety, you must remain in the commissary.

For my own safety?

We get our first visitors in five years, and I can't mingle with them?!

HUE, open this door right now! I need to mingle!

I'm afraid I cannot.

You better afraid me up an open door!

- Ooh, let KVN help! - God almighty, KVN!

You can't just phantom up on me like that!

Don't worry about me, I am helping.

[Chuckles] KVN, you did something right!

Ohh!

KVN, you processed horrendous mess of wires!

Lord Commander: Your vessel has been subjected

to a search for specimen E-351.

Come forward... or die.

Oh, crap.

[Lasers firing] [Music]

My arm, man! Aaahh!

You fool!

Who the freak is this guy?

I believe they want the alien you're hiding in your backpack.

What? I don't know what you're referring to.

This is what I was meant to do! I have never felt so alive!

Oh! You mean my underpants caddy.

Yes. We should comply with their wishes, Gary. [Whimpers]

I don't know. I... kind of was starting to like this little guy.

He gives great hugs.

Gary, we are not equipped to face this threat.

- Good job, Avocato. - This is not our fight.

HUE, we make it our fight. You're Infinity Guard.

Your whole motto is to protect life.

Is that life, Gary?

Well, if it isn't, then I'm a raging sack of walnuts!

HUE, lightfold the ship! [Muffled explosion]

This will lengthen your sentence.

I get it. Lightfold the ship, HUE!

Gary.

Do it!

[Warbling] [Music]

They're lightfolding!

[All yelling]

[Alarm blaring]

[Music]

[Alarm blares]

Proximity alert. Proximity alert.

Is that what I think it is?

HUE, that's no good. Get us out of here!

Lightfold again, lightfold, lightfold!

We are immobilized until the lightfold engines cool.

The asteroids will reach the ship in 29 seconds.

Secure your helmet immediately.

My helmet's in the airlock.

Run. 15 seconds until impact.

At your current pace, you will not make it.

Oh, Gary will make it.

Hey, Gary, sorry, got a minute?

Yeah, I've been thinking about... [Groans]

Hyah!

Gary, two seconds. [Panting]

You're gonna live! You're gonna live!

[Beeping] [Music]

Sweet Grandor's glove! Definitely gonna die this time!

HUE: Gary, you may have a problem.

I seriously question your usage of "may have."

I think we have reached have. I am very deep in have!

Due to the moon's gravity,

the asteroid field will swing back to the Galaxy 1

and then at you in approximately 39 seconds.

That's no good, HUE. Formulate me up some solutions.

Calculating. Mm-hmm.

Mmm. Mnh-mnh.

Ahh. Gary, I do have a solution

with a 33% chance of success.

Okay, and that would be?

Perform an emergency air blow-out of your O2 tanks.

If you can enter the moon's orbit,

you might be able to sling-hook around it back to the Galaxy 1.

All right. All right, let's do this.

Gary, you should know, this calculation will only work with you.

You will have to leave the life-form behind.

Mooncake?

Or there is zero probability

you will make it back to the Galaxy 1 alive.

I get it. I'll scream at you. Mooncake is coming with.

You will never make it, Gary.

Your only chance is to perform this maneuver alone.

HUE, your lack of confidence is positively depressing!

- Blowing the air tank in three... - Gary, please.

- Two... - You will fail.

You're right. I will fail... upwards.

[Music]

Entering into moon's orbit.

Oh, no! It's not working.

At your current rate of velocity,

you will not make it back to the Galaxy 1.

[Mellow music]

You have failed, Gary.

[Music continues]

The asteroids will make impact in five seconds.

Four...

Three...

[Beeping, steady beep]

Two...

One.

[Blast] [Music]

[Chitters]

It worked!

[Laughing]

HUE! And you said I could die! Ha!

You were dead ... for five minutes. [Laughs]

Are you for serious?

I believe the life-form saved your life.

- Mooncake? - Chocli, chocli.

- Thank you for saving my life. - Wow.

I am detecting one unknown life-form still aboard.

- He is armed. - What deck?

4A. Sames are already on route.

[Music]

[Gun cocks] Hand over E-351. [Yowls]

Listen, buddy, I only have one thing to say to you.

Do you... play... cards?

I'm gonna take that as a yes!

- Freeze! - Oh, good Lord! Oh, my gosh.

Just don't walk up on somebody like that, Hank!

I'm gonna crap my pants. I thought you were a baby ghost

or a ghost baby or something in between the ghost baby spectrum.

Freeze! [Screams]

Gary: Freakin' crap, Hank!

Isn't this great? I mean, just us guys

sitting here, chillin', playin' cards.

[Mumbling]

You really know how to sling the zingers, cat guy.

- The name's Avocato. - No. The name is loser!

Eat it! Four of a kind! [Chuckles]

You're oblivious to this thing, aren't you?

- What? - That.

- This? - Yes! That.

- Mooncake? - What's a Mooncake?

- This! - That?

- Yes, that. - Please tell me you didn't name E-351.

- What's an E-3559? - That.

- This? - Yes, freakin' that!

I suppose I did.

You don't know what that is, do you?

That is a planet-killer. [Laughs]

Are you hearing this?

Freakin' guy thinks Mooncake is a planet-killer!

What a freakin' ... oh, man! [Laughing]

- Shut your face hole, KVN! Crap. - So you think this is funny?

- I'm serious. - Are you?

Yes. The Lord Commander is searching the galaxy for it.

You can't hide. Wherever you go, he'll find you.

Why should I believe you, Mr. Whiskers?

[Yowls] Call me that again, and I'll kill you.

Mm-hmm. I've insulted you. You see, the truth is,

I've never socialized with a cat man before.

My neighbor had a cat. Loved to lick himself.

You're not gonna do that, right?

Otherwise, we're gonna have problems, friend.

I'm not a cat, I'm a Ventrexian.

[Chuckles] Got it. See, I'm a Presbyterian myself.

But I love all people.

- Just how I was raised. - We're in danger.

Listen, all of us are in danger!

Mooncake, look into Gary's gelatinous marbles.

As long as I draw breath and you provide me [Music]

with copious amounts of adventure,

I will be there for you. We're a team now.

And I'll let you be my sidekick and such

with a super side order of what-not.

HUE: Well said.

[Dings]

A cookie ... for me?!

Yes, Gary. Take one.

You displayed a quality I hadn't seen in you previously ...

courage. Exemplary. You earned it.

And because I am the captain!

Cookie withdrawn. [Screams]

[Grunts]

The penitent man shall pass.

Ohh! I got one!

Sweet Grandor's glove, I got a mother-loving cookie!

Gary: This is a cookie, Quinn.

HUE said I earned it because I did things, Quinn.

Dangerous things.

Cookie-earning things.

Now to eat the fruits of my greatness.

- Mine! [Chuckling] - What? No!

[Gasps] KVN! Oh, KVN!

Gary? Gary? Gary?!

Gary? Gary. Gary!

- Gary, are you sleeping? - Wah-pa!

Oh, okay. We... we're good. Don't mind me.

I'm ... I'm just floating this way.

This is the way I like to go.

Bye! This was my plan. That's my path.

[Laughs]

[Music]

Lord Commander: All the pieces are in place.

Let's play a little.

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~