All language subtitles for Autism.in.Love.2015.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Man: You know, you
want me to tell you

something really
interesting, man?

I was gonna wear a suit
in this interview,

but I thought it would
have been too much,

so I might as well put
these nice sweatpants on

and this nice shirt on.

It's a little too--
you know, too much, I think.

But next time, when we
have a good interview,

I'll wear a suit, OK?

Advertise your product or brand here
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Woman: One thing I
will mention is that

at times, you know,
if you ask a question,

there may be oc-occasions where
I--it may take me a little while

to respond, um, but that's
only because, um, it's--

I'm just trying to process
the--the incoming speech,

and then I'm trying to verbally
process the answer.

So you may hear a pause,
you know, at times, so...

Man, voice-over: I'm
from St. Paul, Minnesota.

I--I like living in St. Paul.

Different man, voice-over:
I never knew for sure

if I was gonna get married
or not, so that is something

that, um, I never was really
fixated on doing.

It's always been important to me
to have somebody in my life,

but whether or not I was
married to that person,

I wasn't sure about.

So, what kind of questions
you got to ask me?

Good. I feel good
about documentaries.

I'm comfortable
with looking at--

anywhere on the camera,
actually, so...

Hello? I'd like to
buy a cigar.

Yeah. Just one?

Let me see that
big one up there.

Hey, I got something
to ask you.

Did you hear about that
one basketball coach

that lived a long
time ago?

What happened to him?

The bask--the Celtics
coach...

Uh-huh.

Red Auerbach.
Did you ever

hear about that guy?

No.

I'll tell you
what he did.

Tell me what you
think about this, OK?

Every time--OK. He was
stubborn, arrogant,

and he was a jerk, OK?

All right.

And every time
he won a big game--

he won 9 championships--
OK.

Every time he won
a big game, he would--

He'd smoke a cigar.

He would smoke
a cigar, and--

It's a celebration.

Hold on.
He would rub it

in the other team's
face.

Well, it's
a cele--

No, he would, like...
He was--

It's a celebration.

How much is this thing?

That's $9.80.

Out of $10.

[Cash register beeps]

20 cents back.
Would you like a bag?

I'm good.

Have a great
weekend.

You, too.

Woman: I knew that there
was something special

with Lenny right away.

And he would always, like,
move his hands, like,

he would, like, get excited
and move his hands,

and he was very--always really,
really meticulous about stuff,

even when he was little,
like where it needed to be.

He just--when he wouldn't talk,

I knew that there was
something going on.

It's been hard.

You've got this kid that doesn't
really want to be autistic,

and Lenny's smart enough to
know that he's different,

and he doesn't like it.

That's a big, big struggle.

Lenny, voice-over:
Sometimes in my life,

I try to pretend
I was never autistic.

I felt like I had to
hide it from people

because if they heard
you were it,

then they would kind of...

kind of laugh at you
a little bit.

People would think to me, like,
you know, "He's cool,"

and when they found out I was
in that situation,

they would be like,
"Oh, he's kind of a weird kid.

We shouldn't be
hanging out with him."

Sometimes I feel
a little bit scared

because let's say you go--
you see a girl

and she likes you
and all this stuff,

and maybe if you admit
that you're autistic,

maybe she'll be like, "I don't
want to be with you no more

because you're autistic."

I don't know. That could be
a little hurtful, a little bit.

I'm single, by the way.

I've been single
for a long time.

Had one girlfriend, but it
didn't quite work out that well.

I don't want to talk about that.
Is that OK?

It's just, you know,
bad memories.

She was really not very nice,

and I know that sex
was a really big issue

because she had wanted
to have sex

and Lenny didn't want to,
and, um,

they split up for a while,

and then when he got back
together with her,

they ended up having sex,

and it wasn't, like,
a good thing.

Like, I really didn't realize
how little Leonard knew

until recently.

Like, he didn't know anything.

I just want to tell those young
kids, "Don't have sex yet."

You know, you're gonna
get screwed one day.

Well, you can have sex
with the girl or the guy

for both of you when--I feel
like it doesn't have to happen

the first day.

No way. You're jumping the gun.

You're shooting
the gun right away.

You've got to do it
when it's, like,

a couple of months
into it, man.

Or maybe a year.

When you get married.
That's what I think.

Don't have sex
on the first date.

That's not love right there.

That's just--that's not love

when you do it
on the first date,

when you meet someone
for the first time or--

that's called reckless love.

That's called reckless.

Kathy: He's lonely.
He wants a girlfriend.

And his dad's not around,
and he just doesn't have

that positive male role model
to kind of tell him, like,

"This is how you do it.
This is what you do.

"This is"--you know,
he's got me.

He's got Mom.

[Indistinct voice on TV]

Dave: I met Lindsey at
a national autism conference

from the Autism Society
of America

in Nashville, Tennessee,
in July of 2005.

We started calling it
a relationship

in the fall of that year,
maybe 3 or 4 months later

when we met up
at another conference,

and I asked her,
"How would you feel

about being in
a relationship with me?"

She said, "Well, I'm confused,
but I could see if this maybe--

this may work."

She was confused at first,
but she could see this working.

"We'll give it a try."

[Door opens]

Hi!

Hi!

How are you?

I'm good.

Welcome home.

Thank you.

Lindsey, voice-over: I think
that autism definitely

presents unique challenges
to our relationship.

Our particular routines

and rigidities and our--our

particular comfort zones and...

we're so fixated on--on that

that it's sometimes difficult

to communicate to each other.

Love your necklace.

Oh! Thanks.

Do you know--
did I ever tell you,

um, one bene--
one reason I love

jewelry so much is
because it gives me

a, um--a sort
of a sh--a shield

to sort of protect
myself from sort of

vulnerable elements?

That's--that's news
to me, actually.

I didn't know that.

Oh, really?

Vulnerable elements.

Yeah. I kind of
discovered that

after wearing
necklaces

for the past
several--you know,

the past--especially
the last 10 years.

I've really been into
wearing heavy jewelry,

and I discovered
a reason why it was--

that it kind of makes
me--because I feel

so vulnerable and feel
so, um, shy and...

Mm-hmm.

you know, introverted

that wearing the jewelry
kind of makes me feel

that sort of false
sense of confidence,

and it kind of makes
me feel less vulnerable.

It makes me feel like
it's sort of a shield,

sort of protect myself
from feeling, um,

more--more vulnerable.

Well, it looks like
the weather just came on.

I was gonna, like,
catch a glimpse here

and see what he says
about the--

Oh, of course. I can't
ever interrupt you

from the weather.

Well, you can always s--
be near me,

but I may not
talk to you as much.

Yeah, but--

[Increases TV volume]

Man on TV: 47. Not gonna
fall that fast tonight.

Winds are still
gonna be a factor.

Northwest at 16.

I'm gonna go.
I'll be right back.

OK.

Man on TV: And it should
all be finished

tomorrow night,

which is a good thing.

Satellite picture...

Man on TV:
and lots of sunshine

and 64 on Monday.

Chance of showers
and rain Monday night

into Tuesday...

[Music box playing]

Should we go rock
in your rocking chair?

Shall we?

Man, voice-over:
We tried to treat her

as normally as
we possibly could,

all the time making allowances
in our own mind

for the fact that she might not
be able to do everything

quite as fast or quite as well
or something like that

but just trying to raise her as
normally as we possibly could.

Here we go. Ah!

Here we go.
Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.
Come on. Lindsey?

Gordon, voice-over: We all,
evidently, come equipped

with a social antenna that we
don't even realize we have.

We know instinctively
when we are getting

too close to someone physically,
when we seem to be pushing them

a little further than
they want to be pushed,

when maybe we should back off

and not be quite so bossy
or controlling.

Lindsey didn't have the antenna.

Gordon: Lindsey,
can you wave?

Say--Lindsey.

Here's the water.

Lindsey.

Woman: She just asked
me to put the hat

back on her.

Different woman: Cute.

Gordon: Lindsey.

[Toddler crying]

Gordon: Can you wave?
Can you wave?

Child: Yeah.

Gordon: Yeah.

Gordon, voice-over:
It's sort of mystifying,

but the absence
of that antenna,

very hard.

That was very
challenging for her.

She wanted to fit in.

Man: Oh. Has anybody
seen Lindsey?

Group: Where is Lindsey?

[Laughter]

Woman: There she is!

There she is. Yeah.

Woman: Lesser-known names
for 600, please.

Alex Trebek: Senator Robert
Wagner sponsored the act--

Man: What is the National
Labor Relations Board?

What is the National Labor
Relations Board?

Alex: Rob.

Rob: What is the National
Labor Relations Board?

Alex: Correct.

Rob: Compound words
for 400.

Alex: Motorcyclist
Evel Knievel

is called this
on his tombstone...

What's a daredevil?

Alex: and by
the Smithsonian.

Man: What's a daredevil?

Alex: Joshua.

Joshua: What is
a daredevil?

Alex: That's it.

I did very well,
huh?

You did very well.

Thank you.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

Woman on TV: Monday
at 6:30...

Matt: What are you having
for dinner tonight?

Uh, sole--fish
with mashed potatoes.

Have you got
mashed potatoes?

Woman: Not yet.

Matt:
Are you cooking?

My mother
is cooking.

Matt: Oh, OK.
Do you ever cook?

I cook hot dogs
every Sunday.

I cook hot dogs
every Sunday.

Matt: When he was young,
did you think

that he would be capable
of a romantic relationship?

[Sigh]

No. I didn't dare hope.
I didn't dare hope.

Man, voice-over: Although, uh,

his expression was not there,

but he had knowledge.

[Stephen reading
prayer in Hebrew]

Mother: But of course,

he still does not elaborate
and doesn't express himself

too--too well about
his real feelings.

His language is still
not up to the way

it should be.

He talks, and he
communicates, and...

But in
a certain way.

In a certain way.

Matt: So tell me more
about your job, Stephen.

Well, I was doing
assembly work,

and I was working
in stamps,

and I worked on trays.

What's trays?

Trays just means
to fold for the U--

for the United
States Postal Service.

Oh, OK. And so
when you do stamps,

what--tell me what
you have to do for stamps.

To put them
in envelopes.

How many do you do
a day, would you say?

Uh, 500.

Wow. That's a big
workload.

Yes.
Wow.

And how many hours
a day do you work?

8 hours, from 7:00
until 3:00.

OK. How do you get
to work?

By bus.

Do you take one bus
or more than one?

Just the bus.
Just one bus.

Just one bus.
Yes.

Oh. Do you like
the bus?

Yes.

Edith, voice-over: Our aim was
he should become independent.

He should be able to
hold down a job.

That, thank God,
we accomplished

without him being
institutionalized.

Lenny: He's a bad man, this guy.

Kathy: What's up,
dude?

Lenny: What's up,
Mom?

Let me finish up
the game first.

Come on.

So we talked about

a dating website
a little bit.

Yeah. I think I might
want to do that.

What would you put if you
were, like, putting, like--

I don't know.
It's hard to say.

I like to keep it
private

to me and you only.

I'm gonna be serious.

I'm not gonna be
no joking around.

OK, if you were gonna
put on a dating website,

like, your interests--

Sports.

OK. What else?

You wouldn't put--
how come you wouldn't

put any of, like,
the Comic-Con stuff?

Do you think
that's silly?

Nope. I won't
do it.

How come?

Because I don't
want to.

OK.

That's you. That's--

But why don't you--
you don't want to find

somebody that likes
that kind of stuff, too?

Nope.

So, what other interests
would you put?

I don't know.

I'll be taken
more serious.

So you want, like,
a serious girl?

Yeah, a little bit.

OK. A businesswoman?

No, not completely,

but I pay
for the dates.

Me. That's the way
it goes.

OK.

That's the way
the show goes.

I'm not gonna let her
pay for everything

and me, you know,
I got to be the one

that...

is the more independent
one than her.

But I don't think
that that's fair.

No, it is fair.

Kind of chauvinistic.

No, it's not.

I think a little bit.

I mean, what if there's
a woman out there

that is perfect for you

but she makes more money
than you do?

Nope.
I won't take her.

I'm serious.
I won't take her.

Kathy: He does not want
to be different.

He just wants to be
like everybody else,

so then he goes above
and, like, kind of goes

beyond trying to fit in,
and everybody--

I can see they're like,
"Why is he acting like this?"

Like, we all know
Lenny's special,

so he just needs to be
who he is, and he's not.

He tries to be
something different.

Lenny: I need to
be the one

making more money.

I hear so many
things about--

I hear so many
YouTube videos

about women.

By men. OK--

No. It's a woman
saying,

"Don't be
with broke-ass men."

Wow.

These are the kind
of women--

No, they're trying
to inform the women

not to be
with broke men,

and I don't want
to be--

I don't want to be
a broke male

with a woman.

I don't want her
paying for everything.

I need to be the one--

You don't have to be
paying for everything--

or she doesn't have to
be paying for everything.

You could be paying
for stuff,

but when you get into
a relationship with somebody,

you're supposed to be
their partner. Partner.

Well, I need to be
the one doing more.

That's the way
it goes.

I don't think
that's the way it goes.

I think that you're
being misinformed

by people that are just
not really great people.

I think you're
being misinformed.

I'm not.

I think you are.

What if you find
somebody--

and I'm just saying
if you love somebody,

it shouldn't matter.

It should be, like,
you just love her,

and maybe one day you'll
be making more money,

and you guys just
support each other

in that good kind of
like foundation and--

It's just hard.

It's just hard
to believe that.

Why?

It's just about being
the more independent one.

But you will be
independent.

You're going to
be independent.

That is gonna
happen, Lenny.

Sometimes it takes
a minute for people.

It's hard. That transition
from fricking--into manhood?

That thing, that's hard.

I know.

I couldn't even--
it was hard--

I'm good,
though, Mom.

I'm trying
to be good.

Well, trying to be
good how?

I want you
to feel good.

I'm just going
through

a little bit
of a struggle.

I'm down on myself
too many times,

and it's too tough
because I feel like

I should be accept--
doing more in life.

Do you think--
do you consider yourself

like less sometimes?

That's kind of what
I get.

Sometimes.

Why?

I feel different.

I feel better than being
autistic sometimes.

Let's get past this.

Let's get over this
and get on with it

because you're
fricking awesome.

I know. I know.

I don't think you do.

I know.

I think you don't
and you need to know.

OK.
I love you.

Kathy: He's really
down on himself.

I think once he starts working,

he's gonna feel
better about himself.

He's gonna feel more productive,

like he's out there
doing something.

Because right now he doesn't
feel like he's doing anything.

Man on TV: Some points
in Massachusetts

and Rhode Island could see
up to a foot of snow,

and in New Jersey,
well, the storm is certainly...

Lindsey, voice-over: I always
knew I was different,

even before I was informed
of my diagnosis of autism,

though I always felt like
I was an odd character

outside of my--my peers.

But I didn't really
understand why.

I would often get turned away,

or people would ignore me,
and I--I thought,

"Well, what am I doing wrong?"

And even after learning about
my own diagnosis,

I still, for several years,
struggled to figure out

why I couldn't, um,
maintain and keep friends,

why I couldn't fit in,
why I couldn't be accepted.

Unfortunately, I think the first
impressions I received, um,

when I was learning about autism
were quite negative,

and as a result,

I felt incredibly ashamed
of being autistic.

Every morning when I get ready,
I look in the mirror

before I step outside the house,
and I think to myself,

"Well, I look OK.
I look OK today."

And the moment I step
outside the front door,

I immediately become
self-conscious.

I've recognized pretty quickly

that the way I perceive myself

in the outside world

is drastically different than
the way I perceive myself

in my own world.

In some aspects
and at some times,

I do feel like I have found
that personal happiness

within myself,
or that personal peace.

But it's still very
difficult for me

to find acceptance
of myself.

I have just learned how
to be a good actress.

Woman: I remember when
you first started at work,

and, um, I wasn't sure--
I wasn't necessarily sure

what to expect
because, you know,

everybody on the spectrum
is different, and...

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.

you never know if
somebody is going to be

very outgoing or--you know,
kind of the classic

description of someone
on the spectrum

is not--you know,
unfortunately,

not interested,
empathetic,

you know, not into--

I always had this fear
people would be

staring at me, that...

people can see
right through me.

I think it kind of
relates to

my frustration I've
had over the years

of...

being pressured to fit
into the social norm...

that I'm not good enough
if I don't fit in.

Have you ever dated
somebody

who was on
the spectrum before?

Actually, all--all
the guys I've dated

prior to Dave were--

yeah, were not
on the spectrum.

So Dave is the first.

And how is it
different?

Dave: For me, it boils
down to 3 things.

I have a formula here.

It's L plus P plus two T.

So each part is 25%.

So you have 25% of the P and L,
and you have 50% of the T,

which results to what that
person's grade would be

in terms of relationship
and dating potential.

Now, you're wondering,

L is how they look physically--

physical appearance
and attributes.

The second--the P
is personality.

What is their lifestyle like?

And most importantly is T
is how they treat you.

Treatment towards you.

If--let's say, for example,

that the person
is relatively ugly.

Then they get, like, a 50%
category in the L category.

But they have, you know,
like a perfect personality

and nearly perfect way
they treat you,

they're gonna score pretty well
in the overall scheme of things.

So the T has greater weight.

It's twice as much weight
in the formula

than the personality and looks
is how they treat you.

[Playing piano]

Lindsey: You know,
it's funny with Dave.

He--he's much more scientific,
and I'm much more artistic.

I think Dave is trying his best
to understand me.

I think he always has
tried his best to understand me.

I think it's still
difficult for him to--

to really have that grip,
though, of understanding,

of why I have
my particular issues.

[Playing piano]

You know, it's
a very good question

whether someone can love you
without truly understanding you.

I still think it's
absolutely possible. Yeah.

You know, obviously
we have, from time to time,

talked about marriage
and, um, if we were

to get married someday
and kind of

some of the fears
we have with that.

Um, uncertainties.

Yeah, and idea of
whether Lindsey

would take my name
or keep her own name.

And talk about, like,
prenuptial agreements

and how they would
be written out

and, uh,
financial matters,

how they'd be, um,
managed.

Um, things like that.

Yeah.

And where the wedding
would take place.

Yeah, well, I think
that's not really fears.

I think that's just
more of, you know,

listing the pros
and cons

and kind of--
it's the whole idea

of whether marriage
is going to dictate

that our identities
are lost.

That's kind of
my main fear.

I'd still support

keeping
our own identities.

I mean, marriage is
just a--kind of like

a social title
we would have,

but we'd still have
our own identities.

Yeah.

Of course. I would
insist upon it.

I mean, Dave has--has been
through a lot with me,

and he's still around,

and that to me is definitely
evidence of--of love.

Dave: I love it when she shows
me physical, um, appreciation,

when she holds me, hugs me,
kisses me, smiles at me.

I always love it when she comes
to tuck me into bed at night.

But I feel like she puts me very
high up on her daily list.

I feel like I'm very much
important to her

and that I'm a big part
of her life.

But the T score also
ties in very much

to how important
that person makes you feel.

If you don't--if you get
the impression

that person doesn't think
you're important,

that hurts your T score.

When I was first dating her
and first meeting her,

I never had stronger feelings
for anybody else ever before.

The fact that they lasted for 8
years I think is a good signal

that things were on a very
solid course here.

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[Chatter]

[Music playing]

Man: When Stephen
first saw Gita,

he was introduced to her.

Stephen said,
"I'm going to marry her."

[Laughter]

And after a few days, Gita said,
"Let's set a date."

[Laughter]

Well, the date is here,

and this is the couple,

and we hope that
this marriage is from God.

It's going to be a lasting
marriage and a happy marriage.

Stephen, voice-over:
I met Gita 20 years ago.

It was on February 7, 1993.

Matt: What day of
the week was that?

It was on a Sunday.

What did you say
to her

when you first
met her?

"Hello."

And what did you think
when you first met her?

It's nice. It was beautiful.

Are you in love
with Gita?

Yes, I'm in love with Gita.

What does that mean?

I don't know.
It means to fall in love,

to give a kiss
and a hug.

How do you know
when you're in love?

I don't know.

Max: Somebody suggested
they knew of Gita.

They said, "Maybe
these two together--

"these two will
get together.

Maybe they'll make--
they'll make a couple."

Edith: They were kind of
complementing each other.

Gita is very verbal.
That's what Stephen is lacking.

Stephen has other qualities
that she was lacking,

so they really
complemented each other.

Max: They lived happily
for almost 17 years,

and then unfortunately,

Gita got ovarian cancer,

and she's fighting with
it for the last 3 years.

Remember 3 years ago,
Gita had chemo?

3 years ago.

Matt: What is chemo?

I don't know.
It's a disease.

Is that bad?

It's bad.

So, what happened
after chemo?

I don't know.

She went to the doctor.

She went to the Mayo
Clinic in Rochester.

What happened there?

Uh, she had to go--

yeah, she had tests
for her cancer.

She had tests.

And what did
the tests say?

Uh, her condition
is, uh, I don't know.

Edith, voice-over:
Stephen is very hopeful

about her sickness.

He says, "Gita's
not gonna die.

She'll be all right."

[Indistinct
voice on TV]

Hi, Marlena.

I feel a little better.
I'm getting better.

Hello.

Hi, honey.

Hello.

Gita, voice-over:
The thing with Stephen

is that he is...

I find that
he understands me

in his own way.

I have a learn--a mild
learning disability,

and, um--ahem--
so but still and all,

I feel in a way that
I can understand him

because he can--because
we both have something

we cannot do
and things we can do,

but being that
we have disabilities,

we can...

we can relate all the more.

Tell me what else
is new.

Nothing.

Nothing? Well,
I--I relaxed all day...

That's good.

trying to feel better.

Uh-huh. That's nice.

Yeah.

I don't know if this is
the right thing to say,

but I feel bad that he's
not able to express himself,

and I'm--and I try to
encourage him,

to make him feel
as if he can,

and you know something?

He has improved a lot.

How was your day?

It was excellent.

What did you do?

Well, I worked--

I worked on towels
today at MBI.

Towels? What do
they look like?

Well, they look
like, uh--

they look like
wash towels.

They look like
dish towels.

Oh, nice.
What colors were they?

They were purple.

Oh, nice. What's
your favorite color?

Blue.

Blue. And my favorite
color is red.

Well, that's nice.

You have a nice hat,
huh?

Yeah. Just look at me.

Yes.
Relax.

It's always difficult.

It's always difficult,
but I got used to it.

I got used to it.

It's extremely difficult,
but I think if I were married

to someone who it--
wasn't disabled

or who isn't disabled,
I'd have more of a problem

because that person might
be--be--ahem--demanding

and want more out of me.

So tell me more.

Well, I'm going to
eat dinner

at my parents'.

Oh, that's good.

Well, I hope
you'll feel better,

and I'll see you
later.

See you later,
honey.

Thanks for dropping by
and wishing me well.

You're welcome.

Matt: How do you
know that Stephen

is in love with you?

Gita: Um...

it's in the way
he looks at me.

I can tell.

He gives me
such loving eyes.

Dave: Love is a very
abstract concept

that many people with autism
have a hard time grasping,

and it's one of those things
that's not concrete.

As a scientist, I wish I could
put it into perspective

as a type of subatomic particle,
but it's not.

Love is basically
more like a force.

Like, in physics,
you have forces--

forces of attraction--
and I have a feeling

that love is--the best way
to describe that

is a force of attraction
between two people

that is neither visible,
measurable, or heard.

There's no way to quantify it.

Lenny: I'm feeling a little
down about myself right now.

Matt: Why is that?

I've just been down lately.

I've been a little...

sometimes you go through
hard times in your life.

I feel like I can't
get a girl.

I don't--there are
no girls at my school.

Everywhere I go,
it's something about guys.

I go home,
I see my stepfather,

and the only women I see
are my good friends

or my--my--my sister, like,

girls are sort of
like my sisters

or my home girls,
and that's so annoying.

You don't see women
anywhere.

It's like--I feel like
if someone came up to me

and said, "Would you--would you
want to go to a women's prison

for a week?" I would
probably say yes.

"Would you--would you go
to a women's jail for a week

and be the only man there?"

I'd probably say yes.

Lenny, voice-over: I feel like,
you know, if I had a girl,

maybe--maybe I'll be
happy right now.

Maybe I'll be--
feel good about myself.

You know what, Matt?

I'm gonna admit
something to you.

Do you want me
to tell you something?

I like girls that are black.

I like them a lot.
What do you think about that?

Do you know what interracial--
interracial relationships are?

Inter--interracial
relationships?

It means when different race
people go out with each other.

I was reading something
on the computer

that...

black women are really
independent,

and it said that
they're lucky girl--

that they're really
intelligent women,

and I feel like that, you know,
I want a girl like that,

but I feel like I can't.

Matt: Why do you think
you can't?

Because, you know,
they're too independent.

I need to be more
independent.

I need to get a good job
and make good money.

Dave, voice-over: You get
married for love, too,

but for me, there's more of
a practical component as well.

Probably 60% practical
and 40% emotional.

I'll always love her.
That won't change.

But for the specific
reasons for the marriage,

that's what it'd boil down to.

Lindsey, voice-over:
I had told him a few years ago

that whenever he was ready
to take that next step,

that I would be
willing to--to accept.

I've--I've yet to hear
any kind of indicator

that that next step
may be taken.

Um, I know that we kind
of brushed over this,

like, when we chatted
about it.

I do believe you
and trust you

when--when you've
told me that

you were in it
for the long haul.

Oh, yeah.

And I do believe you,
and I do--you know,

I do trust you,
and I--I, um, you know,

I definitely am in it
for the long haul

for us, too, and I--
I wouldn't--you know,

I wouldn't be here
if I wasn't.

Well, I know that.

Yeah.

I guess I'm just--
I was just still

kind of just figuring
out, like--

That was a conversation
that made me

a little bit
uncomfortable, too.

Oh, you mean
at the time?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Well, it's
uncomfortable

for me, too, but...

it's important.

It's important.
Sometimes I think

there's conversations
that are uncomfortable

for us, but they're
really important

to have or at least
to address them

in order to us
to understand

where each other
are coming from.

So I--I'm not gonna lie.
So...

But having this on camera,
I don't like at all.

I don't like the idea
of having this conversation

on camera at all.

OK.

It's one of those things
that's best left

off camera, I think.

OK. We can stop
talking about it.

Yes.

All right.
Thank you for--

thank you for
letting me know.

I think--yeah, I just
feel better that way.

OK.

I just feel
uncomfortable

being on camera
talking about it.

All right.
No, thank you

for letting me know.

But you know how
I feel,

so don't worry
about it.

Lindsey, voice-over:
There's been times

that I have questioned whether
he really wants to be with me.

Gordon: Within yourself,
you think you can communicate.

You think you've
said something.

You think it should be
obvious to somebody

that's this, this, and this,

but again you go back
to the antenna.

Maybe you are, but maybe
they haven't picked that up.

Stephen, voice-over: Yes,
this is my apartment with Gita.

Uh, this is our bedroom.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Gita moved here with me, uh--
that was 15 years ago.

[Door closes]

And this is our bathroom.

Stephen, voice-over: She moved--
she had to go--she had surgery

on--in May 2010.

That was 3 years ago.

Stephen, voice-over: I'll take
a shower tonight at 7:00.

Edith: OK, maybe at 7:30
if you go later to Gita's.

I'll go--I'll go see
Gita right now.

I think they're
eating, still.

They're eating--no,

they're
still eating dinner.

They're eating dinner.

Yeah, because Erica
was making it late...

Yes.

because Gita wasn't
feeling well.

I hope Gita
will feel better.

I hope so.

She threw up.

She felt nauseous.

Yeah. Did she
tell you that?

Yeah, she told
me that.

When you were there?

Yes.

I'm trying--I'm trying
to be positive, man.

I'm just--

it's been kind of hard
the past couple of weeks.

Last week I did
something to a girl,

and it wasn't right.

It felt--it felt
kind of stupid, what I did.

I was bored. I wanted to see
what women felt like.

It felt good for a little bit.

Maybe for, like, 20 minutes
it felt good, but it just

felt like you--
two things.

It felt like you wanted
to do it more times,

but it just felt like
whatever at the end

because it just--
that wasn't--

I don't--
I don't know that girl.

I don't--
I don't love her.

I just--
it felt like,

I kind of felt bad for
her a little bit.

People told me that--
I talked to 2 or 3 people.

[Whispers] I kind of
want to say it

when there aren't
that many people around.

I kind of want to say it softly
because it isn't good.

People tell me that, "Oh"--

p-people, they tell me,
"Oh, you got ripped off

for just touching her ass."

People told me that "you
could have gotten a ha--"

People told me that I
could have gotten a ---.

People--you know
what this stuff means?

People told me that
I could have gotten a ---.

People told me that I
could have gotten--

could have ---.

People told me that
I could have...

had --- her.

That's what people told me--

those 4 things,
People told me

people told me that I could
have done those 4 things

with--with the 20 bucks,
that "you got ripped off"

and "delete her number."

She told me
her name was Diamond.

That--that doesn't sound
like a real name, does it?

Dave, voice-over: I've been
together with her for 8 years,

and a lot of people
are wondering,

"Why are you still
just boyfriend/girlfriend?"

A lot of people are asking,

"When are y'all
gonna get married?"

That's, um--that's always a big
step for a guy to take,

and got to make sure
it's the right one.

When we talked about it,
she made me feel like,

"Oh, I do want to marry you,

but maybe now's
not the right time."

That's--it's not likely,

but it's possible
she might say that.

Uh, I--sometimes what she thinks
is different from what I think,

so...

Lindsey, voice-over:
I think before I said yes,

I'd want to ask him...

what in particular
had been holding him back

the past few years,

since when I first
brought it up.

Gordon: Nobody was exactly at
the same place at the same time.

I hope, for her sake, that--
that they will eventually

make a--a firm and formal
commitment to each other.

OK, maybe it's just
a few simple words

or something like that.

Maybe it's just a little
formal ceremony,

something like that,
but it means something.

It makes a difference.

It--it gives a base for someone
to feel self-confident

about giving everything of
themselves to the other person

without restraint
or without holding back.

But I think that's just one
of the challenges

that they've had
to work through.

[Indistinct]

So do you still, um,
continue to think

about the future?

Like next steps
and stuff like that.

Well, I--I thought
we had that conversation

recently about how
I wasn't reading your mind

and I wasn't sure.
Yeah.

And then you--you
reassured me

that, um, you...

that I--I shouldn't
be worried about anything.

Just I was gonna see
if still--

everything is still
the case.

Is that still
the same thing?

You wouldn't be
hesitant

to the idea of
marriage, would you?

I don't think you've
ever been so candid

about this
conversation before.

I guess you've been
thinking about it.

I have.

[Chatter from
other tables]

Well, I--I'll be
honest with you.

I think regardless,
I'm always going to be

afraid of anything
that involves, um,

major life transition.

Right.

Right? And marriage
is one of them.

Is what? I'm sorry.

Marriage is
one of them.

Yeah, it is.

We seem pretty
happy, though,

as a couple,
don't we?

We seem pretty happy
as a couple, right?

Well, the question
is, do we feel happy?

I do.

I--I feel similarly.

Lenny: I am high class.

You know that?

What? You calling me stupid?

I'll call you stupid.

You know what?
Let me tell you something, Matt.

I didn't know what
the hell happened, man.

Let me just tell you
what happened.

I wish I was not autistic.

There. I'm gonna
say it right now.

I don't like it.
It makes me different.

I don't like it.

I wish I could have
been a normal person.

I wish I could have been

a normal, regular person.

My mom says,
"Be autistic. Accept it."

I tried accepting it.

It's hard.

Can I be honest with you?

If I could change something--
if I could--

I'm gonna try to change it,

but I told my mom this
right now

because of how
disappointed I was.

I would rather be
a normal man

than be an autistic person
with a million dollars.

There. If God came up to me
and says, "What do you want?"

I don't want to be
autistic anymore.

I wish you can give me
a new li--me.

I could start my life all over
again and I wasn't autistic.

There. Let me be
a normal person.

I bet you all the damn people
I knew in middle school

and high school, they're all
in fricking college now.

I'm not in college.

That's what I wanted
when I was in high school.

I dreamed of going to college,
and I'm not in college.

I wanted to go to college.
I wanted to go to college!

I don't--I think now I should
have graduated college!

I should have been
in college right now.

I should have
graduated college right now.

I know so many people
that went to college,

and they're done right now.

I can't hang out
with people like that.

I can't.

Matt: Why not?

Because they're higher--
they're higher than me.

Look. They're up here.
I'm down here.

They're--I'm all
the way down here.

They're all the way up here.

That's what I think.

Lenny: I want to get a girl

that's kind of lower than me.

That's what I want.

If I found a girl that
had a job, had a car,

had her own home,
I can't be with her.

She deserves to be with
somebody better than me.

She's up here. I'm down here.

That's the way I see it.
It's hard, man.

It's really hard
to accept it, man.

Yeah, this is--
this is hard, man.

This is tough.

This is--this is probably
one of the hardest things

I have to go through
in my life.

Don't cry, man. Let me cry.

I don't want to see
a tear come out of your eye.

It's hard.

What do you think
about me crying?

What do you think the peop--

the viewers could think
about this?

[Crying]

It's emotional.

I can't let that happen.

I got no job. I got no car.

I'm living with my parents.

I should be doing something.

I'm a good person, man.
I'm not a bad person, Matt.

I'm a good guy.
That's just--

It hurts. It hurts, man.

He once told me that...

that, um--he said, "You ever
walk into a room...

and you know everybody's
talking about you?"

And he said that's how
he feels every day

when he leaves
the house, you know?

So, um...

I just want my son
to be happy.

And, um, I think he needs
to come to terms

with who he is

because he's not comfortable
with who he is,

and if he's not
comfortable with who he is,

I don't know how he could
ever expect anybody else

to be comfortable
with who he is.

Stephen, voice-over:
I feel sad about Gita.

She died last April.

She had cancer. That's sad.

She was laying down.
She was laid to rest.

I miss Gita. I miss Gita.

When Gita died, we went

to the--to work
to tell him.

It was on a workday,
and he was there,

and when I told him,

he just turned white
like a sheet.

He put his head
down on the table.

I could tell
he was very upset.

She was gone.

Matt: Do you feel like

you're still
in love with Gita?

No. I stop loving
someone--they die,

because they die,

because Gita died
on April 9.

No longer in love.

Max: It is a big help
for him to go back--

go back to work.

Edith: We encouraged
him to pick up life

like...

normal, sort of.

Stephen, voice-over:
I fell in love with Gita

for the past 20 years.

And then gave--I gave
Gita a hug.

I gave Gita a hug.

I--I put my arms around her.

Dave: In physics, we have
something called

electromagnetic spectrum--

how much energy
a wavelength has.

You go from radio waves to light

to ultraviolet,
x-rays, gamma rays.

And then how I feel
towards someone

is kind of on a similar scale.

You have different wavelengths

going from just physical lust,

then you go--graduate from

a general interest
in the opposite sex.

Then you graduate from having
a specific intense crush

on a specific person.

Dave: And after that,
it kind of evolves into

another stage, which is
the true love stage

and not having that deep crush
where you're thinking about her

24/7 and you have
a hard time sleeping

because you're so much
in love with her,

but it kind of graduates
into a more subconscious form.

Let's say you're going
from light waves

that you can basically see
to ultraviolet waves.

They're still there,
but you can't see them.

But they're stronger.
Is that making sense?

Lindsey: Are you sure
that was--

are you sure that was
the spot

where we did
that photograph?

I want to say
it was taken

somewhere
around here.

Very--this is
nostalgic, isn't it?

Almost 8 years ago.

It's always amazing
when you look back

in time, how things
have grown and how

our relationship
has grown

and what we've
been through

has been really
amazing.

That says something
when you go

for a relationship
that long,

that is a very
strong signal

that the relationship
is meant to be.

And at first, um, you
were kind of confused

as to where
we were headed,

and I remember
you telling me

you were--you would
have been totally happy

just pursuing
your career

and being a single
woman,

and then...

Remember that slide
you kind of show

on your presentation--

is it the
physics-related slide?

Yes. Yes.

Where you have...

the wavelengths.

The alpha and the beta
and the gamma?

And the delta.

The delta.

And I think how I
viewed our experience

and our adventure
together

is that our wavelengths
might have been different

at different times--

It was a mutual thing.

And I think

having those different
wavelengths

at different times
may have been

a significant
reason why

we both may have
struggled

to...

really understand where
we may be seeing ourselves

in the far future.

But now I feel like

our wavelengths
are in sync.

I feel like
we've grown.

We have.

And I want to
only go

by what's in here...

Absolutely.
In here, too.

and what's in here.

And trust me,
it's in here.

It's in here

and always will be.

And I say that

from the bottom
of my heart.

[Sigh]

[Laughs and cries]

And it's OK to blush
if you want to,

but, um, understand
if you do.

But, uh, this has
been a remarkable

journey, and somebody
as beautiful as you

deserves the very best

and a life of happiness
together.

And I would very much
be honored...

to have you as my wife.

Will you marry me?

Yes, I will marry you.

There you are.

That's why I wore
my vest--

to conceal that.

I--I was wondering
about that.

But definitely
in the delta region

where it's true love.

That's the wavelength
we're both in.

"Your task is not
to seek for love

"but merely to seek
and find all the barriers

within yourself that
you have built against it."

That quote really
resonates with my life.

All the negative things
that I heard on autism

growing up, it definitely made
me feel worthless or less.

I had consistently
set up barriers

to protect myself.

It's very easy to not feel like
that you can trust people.

I thought that perhaps

Dave was holding back
more than I was.

But what I discovered
through a lot of introspection

is that I was really
holding back, too.

Alex Trebek: This
author's losing entry

in a 1948 literary
contest--

Who was Arthur C. Clarke?

Alex: ...2001? Lars.

Lars: Who is Clarke?

Alex: Arthur C. Clarke.
You are right.

Lars: U.S. Cabinet, 200.

Alex: Which Cabinet
department,

the Transportation
Security Administration...

Lenny: I'm gonna throw
a penny in the water,

make a wish.

When I make my wishes,
I make it clear

that I don't tell anybody, OK?

Hey, by the way, there's
some more ducks over there.

Why don't you go
film them all over there?

Lenny: Got one minute
left, by the way.

When that one minute's
over with, I'm gone.

I got to go back.
I like to get there early.

I don't know.
It's kind of fun doing this.

6 weeks I've been
working here at Flora.

Here. Here's your--here's
the one right here.

A famous person that had
a job like this

when he was a young man
was Kurt Warner.

You don't know who
Kurt Warner is?

He's the--he's
the football player--

he's the quarterback who played
for the Rams a long time ago.

You don't remember how
that Super Bowl happened

where it was the last
second on--

they were one yard
short of winning it?

Well, he was the quarterback
of that winning game.

All right. I got
to go back now. Sorry.

Got to go.

Sorry. Got to go back now.

I'm back now. May I have
a drink of water, please?

OK, ready?
OK.

All right.

[Plays note]

So it starts
here, OK?

Ready?

Mm-hmm.

[Playing "Heart and Soul"]

Don't pound it.
Just gently.

["Heart and Soul" continues]

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