All language subtitles for WUK65

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Taxi?

Hm, yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Going to the university, eh?

Um, yeah, that's right. How'd you know?

- Hello, son.
- Looking for residence?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in first year.

Well, welcome to William Bancroft.

I'm Fred McQuilkin, hall
porter and keeper of the gate.

Hi, I'm Peter Saarinen.

Most of the other
freshmen are here already.

There's only a couple of
hours left to register.

Saarinen, well, let's
see what house you're in.

Lowry, that's a mighty fine house.

Lots of fine fellas in Lowry.

You're in room 124.

- Oh, thanks.
- That's on the first floor.

Do you want someone to help
you with your suitcase?

No, no. I'll be able to
manage it myself, thanks.

Lowry's the first house on the left.

Right!

- Here, I'll get that.
- Oh, thank you.

Hey, where are you lugging this thing?

Huh? Oh, um... 124.

No kidding. I'm right
across from you in 123.

- Yeah?
- Next to the can.

Say, why don't you check your things,
and we'll go over to the gym.

I hear there's a coke dance.

You should see the girls.
Boy, they're something.

Oh, well, I don't know.

I think I'm supposed to register,

and then I'll have to call home.

Well, have it your way.

I'm going to check inventory.

- Bye.
- Yeah, see ya.

Fred?

Oh, Fred?

Doug!

- Hi, how ya doing?
- So you're back again this year.

Well, some guys just
don't know when to quit.

I figured I'd better stick around

until we get rid of you,
and protect the residence.

Get rid of me?

Man, you're still gonna have to
contend with that inimitable Freida.

You're looking pretty chipper, Harris.

You don't look like you spent
the whole summer in Hamilton.

Well, I sure did.

I spent three months punching a clock

in the steel mill down there.

Then we drove down to New York
and blew the whole bundle.

That's natural.

Yeah, I picked up this
real hot little MG outside.

You know, it goes like a bat outta hell.

- Wanna take a spin?
- Oh, not on your life!

Any of the guys shown up yet?

Well, you know, Nick, Artie, Larry.

Nick popped in a couple of hours ago.

Oh, but I haven't seen
any of the others yet.

Well, look, I'm gonna go up

and see if the old room
still looks the same.

Hey, by the way, I hope you got us

a better set of freshmen this year.

- Hello, Peter Saarinen.
- My name's Dave Johnson.

- I'm the head waiter.
- Oh, hi.

I understand you're interested
in doing some waiting.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, well, I put my name
down a little while ago.

I guess I could use some extra
spending money around here.

It's not very hard.

You come out around 5:30, and
you're through in an hour.

Put down the food, pick it up, clean it up.

You know, it's not high class,

but it'll keep you in book money.

Okay, well, whenever
you need some extra help,

just call me.

- How 'bout tonight?
- We could use some help.

Say, half an hour.

Oh, okay, fine, half an hour.

All right, I'll see you then.

- Okay, bye.
- Goodbye.

Well, I guess it's just about time

for the march to the mush palace.

Anyone notice what
they're serving tonight?

They call it fried chicken.

Yeah, but any resemblance
to a hen, living or dead,

is strictly coincidental.

Well, gentlemen, I've
come to the conclusion

that ptomaine poisoning is
preferable to malnutrition.

Onward to indigestion.

You better fill up on bread.

That's about the only thing
around here they can't ruin.

Hey, leave some for the rest of us, right?

Pass the salt, man.

Eh, chicken's not half bad tonight.

Yeah, they're trying to make up

for that pickled abortion
they delivered last night.

I hear three fellows actually
passed out at the table.

They must've been freshmen.

And Freida tells me that some of 'em

still even wet their beds.

Oh, look, she's just sore

because none of 'em propositioned her yet.

Oh my gosh.

Hey, look, if it weren't bad enough,

they've put us with a rookie waiter here.

I say, chap. Garçon.

Yes, I mean you. Come.

Tell me, my good man, what
do you call this repast?

- Call it? I don't call it anything.
- I just serve it.

I say, jolly good. This
chap must be the new jester.

And nevertheless, I feel I
must bring to your attention

a rather serious negligence.

I distinctly recall

ordering pheasant under
glass this evening.

And what you have served me
is partridge, undercooked.

Well, I'm sorry.

Young man, I am not finished yet.

Tell me, what is that
thumb doing in my plate?

Is one of the kitchen boys
afflicted with a leprosy?

This offering is quite unacceptable.

I insist that you take this plate back

to old Mush and Guts immediately,
I mean the dietician,

and lodge a formal complaint
on behalf of Hunter House.

- Hear, hear.
- Absolutely.

Are you serious?

I jest you not. And snap to it!

Otherwise, your fingers
may very well end up

in the meatloaf tomorrow.

Boy, that waiter's
gonna make a perfect mark

for our initiations.

I think we oughta lay
off him. He's had enough.

What's the matter, Doug,
you getting soft?

No, I'm not getting soft.

I just think we can find somebody
a little more challenging.

Eight o'clock okay with you guys?

- Fine with me.
- Okay, fine.

Look, I'm gonna check out now.

What the hell? We just started playing!

Yeah, I know, but I thought
I might go up to the library,

stretch out for an hour.

You in the library? You
don't even know where it is.

Wise guy. Hey, look, would
you mind checking my gown?

Yeah, sure.

I thought the library was
out of bounds first term.

Oh, just about.

Just got a couple of freshmen
up there, eager beavers,

but, you know, they
don't make any noise.

It's a good place to catch some sleep.

Too late. They've taken Fanny Hill out.

Okay, look, I'll see you
guys later. About eight, eh?

- Right.
- Take it easy.

And don't hog all
the Bobbsey Twin books.

Fourth for bridge.

- Well, hi.
- Hello.

Hey, listen, pal.

Well, you're not sore, are you?

I mean, about that business
in the dining hall.

Well, I mean, we always give
the new waiters a rough time.

It's sort of an initiation.
It keeps 'em on their toes.

Well, that's all right.

Well, I guess I'll take
this back to my room

and read it there.

What are you reading?

Oh, just some poems, by Eliot.

He's on my course this year.

Well, you like his stuff?

- Yeah, yeah, yes, I do.
- I've read quite a bit of him.

"In the halls, the women come and go,

talking of Michelangelo."

Oh, you know his poetry then.

Yeah, English 110.

Oh, "The Waste Land."

You know, I tried reading
through this once.

I couldn't make much sense out of it.

Yeah, yeah, it is
pretty difficult at first,

but if you work on it, it
does start to make some sense.

"April is the cruelest month."

Obviously a reference to final exams.

- You read the whole thing?
- Yeah.

You must be in English or something.

Philosophy and English.

Well, I'm in Economics myself.

Well, I take English as an option.

So, look, tell me, what
do you think of all this,

this community of scholars?

- Oh, it's fine, I suppose.
- It's a bit big though.

It sort of takes a while
before you can really

get to meet anybody around here.

Well, that's the great
thing about residence.

You don't know a soul. On the first day,

you meet a whole house full of guys.

Incidentally, the name
is Harris, Doug Harris.

I'm Peter, Saarinen.

- Peter?
- Saarinen.

Saarinen. What is that, Polish?

Finnish. But I was born in Canada.

- Yeah, sure.
- Well, it's great to know you, Pete.

Yeah, well, I guess I better
be getting back to my room,

get some work done.

Good luck with "The Waste Land."

- Okay.
- And, look, kid.

Well, I'm really sorry, about
that bit in the dining hall.

- Ooh, The Temptations.
- Never heard of them.

Oh, brother, look what just walked in.

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Check the red hat.

Eh, there's nothing much
here. Let's try somewhere else.

Oh, come on, don't give up so easy.

Oh, it looks okay to me.

Here, puss, puss, puss, puss!
Here, puss!

Hey, what are you looking for?

- Arthur.
- Arthur? Who's Arthur?

You don't know Arthur?

Little black pussy. Here, Arthur!

Puss is under.

- Think of something quick.
- Here they come.

These beautiful blondes. I just...

well, they're just...
I just get so carried away.

Okay, guys, choose your chicks.

Oh, there's only three of them.

I'll tell you what, I'll try the blonde.

That leaves a deuce.

Well, I guess that leaves you out, Larry.

Oh, I'll take Arthur.

Okay.

You really go for the blonde ones, eh?

No, but they go for me.

And then Frank's coming
home from Queens

for the college weekend.

Well, at least you'll get him.

I've got a trick Daddy into
letting me fly down to Boston

for the big Harvard game.

Okay, guys, here goes. Watch this.

Don't forget the dread knot.

Watch the master at work here.

Ladies, I'm a friend of Frank.

That's your problem.

And my name's Doug.

I can foresee no immediate
resolution of the problem.

- Oh, hello there.
- Hello.

I'm awfully sorry to disturb you, sir,

but I've just locked myself
out, and I need a key.

- Oh, well, that's quite all right.
- Do come in, won't you?

I'm sorry, but I haven't learned

all the new chaps' names yet.

I'm Peter, Peter Saarinen.

Oh, have a seat, won't you?

Uh, Peter Saarinen, you're
from Welland, aren't you?

- No, Capreol.
- Oh, yes.

You're down here on an Ontario
scholarship, aren't you?

Congratulations. Well, how
have things been going?

So when this one
stripper came into town,

- and she's got her BA.
- BA?

- Yeah!
- BA? What's that, bare ass?

I suppose it's a perquisite
if you're a stripper.

Listen, if she has her BA
and she's stripping,

I wonder what she would
be doing if she had her PhD.

Tell me, what course are you in?

Philosophy. Philosophy and English.

Oh, well, I won't be able
to help you much with those.

Do you do any history?

- Yes, I do. Medieval.
- Good.

That isn't exactly my area,

but I still remember a
bit of my Middle Ages.

How 'bout it, Bev?

Think you got what it
takes to be a stripper?

I should hope so.

Come on, let's go!

- Show us how it is.
- Oh, no.

- Come on!
- Bev the body,

- out there on the runway.
- Bev the body, here we go!

- Take it off, take it off.
- Let's go.

Take it off, take it off.

Do you do any acting yourself?

Just a bit, in high school.

Oh, well, maybe we'll see you

in one of the college
productions this year.

Oh, yes, you came up for the
key, didn't you? I'm sorry.

- Hey, what's going on here?
- You mean what's coming off.

Hi. I was just telling the
boys about the strip tease.

Look, you don't have to sell them.

They're regular customers.
So, what else is new?

It's Friday, you're taking
me to lunch, remember?

Do I have a choice?

- Hey, my coat.
- Yeah, leopard.

- Hey, wait!
- Come on, come on.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Oh, just a minute!

- She's coming back.
- Hi. Sorry, bye.

- Bye, Bev.
- Bye, Bev.

- We enjoyed your show.
- Hey, girl.

Boy, I wish I had a broad like that.

You wouldn't know what to do with her.

Yeah?

So where'd you get the airplane?

My dad arranged to get...

After all, where else could he find a girl

of my grace, charm, intelligence,
and good looks?

At The Luxury.

Besides, I'll let you all in

on a little secret.

He is mad about me.

- He has to be mad.
- Here comes the mad man now.

- Oh, hi, Doug.
- Oh.

What sort of enchanting drivel

has my girl been feeding you now?

- You'd be surprised.
- Well, Bev has just been

telling us you need congratulations.

Oh, I've had enough of all
this gossip. Come on, Doug.

Well, Doug, why don't you pull up a chair

- and sit down?
- Yeah.

Oh, no, no, we have business

- to look after.
- Yeah.

I will not raise your allowance.

Oh!

We'll see ya, Doug.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye-bye.

Nancy, did I tell you what the jeweler said

- about the ring?
- Uh-uh.

Well, he said we could
put in extra diamonds,

there and there, in a
few years, you know,

- when we get settled.
- Pretty rich, eh?

Ah.

Say, what was all that
bit about congratulations?

Oh, nothing.

Anyway, Doug, I got the
most fabulous pink dress,

so you're just gonna
have to take me dancing.

It's got little puffy sleeves,

and the neckline scoops
right down to there.

It's just great.

How should I wear my hair, up or down?

I was thinking this time I'd wear it up.

Doug, you're not even listening.

- Huh?
- Did you hear a word I said?

Yeah, sure. You were
talking about your hair.

Do you think she's good looking?

No, of course not.

I was just thinking her
hairdo might look good on you.

Yeah, I'll bet.

You can go over and talk
to her if you'd like.

No, Bev, I just wanna sit
here and talk about your hair.

Too late. I've gotta go.

I'm meeting Mom downtown.

We've gotta pick out a present
for Grandma and Gramps.

- Oh, it's tonight?
- Yeah.

Imagine, 50 years ago
today, they were married.

- Marvelous, isn't it?
- Yeah, it's incredible.

It should be a happy family gathering.

- Give 'em my love.
- I will.

Say, you got another one of
those care packages from home.

Oh. Oh yeah.

It's probably some of the blankets

my mother said she'd send up.

Hey, Fred. Any fan mail for me today?

- Not a one.
- Must be losing my touch.

- Oh, hi, Pete.
- Oh, hi.

Who sent the coffin?

Oh, it's just some blankets
my mother sent up for me.

What's the matter, can't you find a broad

to keep you warm?

Quit corrupting the freshmen, Harris!

Say, did your mother send you

any of that Finnish pastry from home?

It was delicious.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, she sends
some up in every package.

- What's this Finnish pastry?
- That anything like Danish?

No, no, it's sort of like a long roll

with nuts and sugar and things like that.

- Oh.
- It's great stuff.

You can take it from an expert.

Well, if old Fred says it's all right,

then I guess it can't be all that bad.

How 'bout a sample?

Oh, well, I was just on my way to lunch.

You can come by my room afterward
and try some, if you like.

Yeah, I may just take you up on that.

So long.

I think Saarinen's

still a little bit lost around here.

Yeah, well, I guess
it just takes some guys

longer than others.

Does he have any close friends?

I don't know. He always
comes in alone around here.

Oh, hi. Just your friendly
pure food inspector.

Come to see if your old lady's bakery

conforms to regulations.

You don't have to worry about that.

- Come on in.
- Yeah, thanks.

Hey, that's quite a
shipment she sent you.

Yeah, my mother
doesn't want me to forget

what good cooking tastes like.

Man, you got the ideal setup here.

What do you mean?

Well, you can just sit
there munching your pastry,

and watch the whole ebb
and flow of co-education

in between classes.

Huh, I suppose so.

I usually can't see very much
besides the traffic though.

Well, I guess the racket
kinda bothers you, huh?

Oh, not so much anymore.

Hey, would you like some
kaffeleipää or some pull a?

Well, I think I'll have some of that ka...

well, the first stuff you had there.

Yeah, here. I think you'll like it.

Well then, have you got some napkins?

Oh yeah, they're in the cupboard.

Hang loose. I'll get 'em.

You just attend to the goodies there.

Hey! Man, this is really wild.

What's that?

- Oh, this thing here.
- Oh, yeah.

What'd you do? You win this
at the Capreol Fall Fair?

No, my grandmother made it.

- Well, I'll tell you what.
- Let's have some of that coffee,

- what, coffee-let?
- Kaffeleipää.

- Leipa, Leipa?
- That's right.

Okay.

Here, I'll give
you one of the inside pieces,

- right here.
- Oh, thanks.

It looks good.

Thank you.

Hey, you know something?

I think I've just developed a
weakness for Finnish pastry.

Yeah, my mother has a
knack for it, hasn't she?

Mm, I'll tell you what,

how would you like to trade her for mine?

I'll even throw in my sisters.

Not a chance.

Well, anyway, tell her

if she doesn't get enough
appreciation at home,

she can send her pastry to me anytime.

You know, just be careful.

Along with the baking, you
get personal directives

to study hard, brush your
teeth after every meal,

go to bed early at night.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it.

She'd give me up as a lost cause.

Are those your folks up there?

Mm-hm.

Well, they look easy to get along with.

We used to sit around the
piano on Saturday nights,

singing folk songs from the old country.

- Do you like folk music?
- Sure.

I just picked this up the other day.

It was on sale downtown.

- Musical Greetings from Finland.
- It sounds great.

Hey, you haven't opened it yet.

Oh, no, one of these days,
I'll borrow a record player

from somebody down the hall.

Hey, look, why don't you
come upstairs to my room?

We can play it on my stereo.

Yeah, and you can listen
to some of my albums.

- Right now?
- Well, you got any classes?

- No.
- Oh, look, no better time.

Oh, well, how 'bout
some more pastry first?

Yeah, sure.

Well, I'll tell you what,
why don't you bring it along?

We can do the whole ethnic
bit while we're at it.

Come on, keep going.

Oh, some climb.

Yeah, well, that's the only
exercise I get these days.

Hey, how about that now?

A love note, from a secret admirer.

Oh yeah?

Oh, it's Artie.

Well, let's see. Hey, my folks called.

They got four tickets
for Belafonte tonight.

Hey.

They wanna meet Bev and me
at Mr. Tony's for dinner.

- Hey, that sounds good.
- Just great.

Bev's gonna blow a gasket.

She has to go to her
grandparents' tonight.

She's been on my back all
week to see Belafonte.

Yeah, I can't blame her.

How would you like to
take in a show tonight?

- Me?
- Yeah, you. Who else?

You wanna be a social leper all your life?

Well, fine, but...

Come on! You get a
decent meal in the bargain.

Well, sure, but I'm supposed

to be waiting on tables tonight.

Well, you go and tell
Johnson to get a substitute.

Tell him that you're gonna be
waited on tonight. How's that?

- Okay.
- Good enough.

- Thanks.
- Well, thank you.

- Hey, you know what, Pete?
- Yeah?

Why don't you come back about 5:30,

and we'll listen to the
record before we leave.

- Right.
- Okay.

- Bye.
- See ya later.

Hey, come on. Take it easy, eh?

You know I'm just a beginner.

Oh, don't worry.

You'll get used to it in a couple seconds.

What do you call this, trial by steam?

Oh, just try breathing
through your mouth.

It's a lot easier that way.

Yeah, sure, it's easier.

Come up here where the action is.

No thanks, man.

- Forget it.
- Oh.

Don't you want more steam?

You know, Pete, it seems to me,

you should get to know the
guys in your house better.

You know, hang around
the common room more,

and go bowling and drinking
with the guys.

Well, I mean, you're letting

some of the greatest opportunities

slip by of your university career.

You know, that's funny.

A guy was just telling me this afternoon

that I was wasting my youth

not joining the protest marches
against the war in Vietnam.

Like, for instance, we're
going on a march next week

in the American Consulate.

Now, come on. Hang on
a sec, will you, Pete?

Now, look, before you get all hipped up

on this Ban the Bomb jazz,

let me clue you in on a
couple things, will ya?

You may think it's great for
kicks now, but in the future,

it's not gonna do your
reputation any good.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, look.

Okay, fine, you get outta college,

and you're looking for a job.

Some guy's gonna discover
that you once held placards

for one of these Ban the Bomb movements.

So, right away, before you know it,
you're blacklisted as a commie.

Ah, knock it off.

They're pretty bright guys,

and a lot of them really
believe in what they're doing.

- Oh, come on, man.
- They're campus weirdos.

- They're misfits.
- No, no, they're not.

Sometimes you gotta take a
stand for what you believe in.

I dunno, everybody thinks

they've got the right answer, I guess.

Well, tonight, I was out seeing the town.

Tomorrow, I'll join a picket line.

You know, Pete, well,
I can't figure you out.

You're a pretty sharp guy.
You got a lot on the ball.

How come I don't see around
with any of the regular crowd?

Oh, I dunno, maybe I just like

to take my time choosing my friends.

Well, time goes pretty fast on campus.

Yeah, it sure does.

The leaves aren't even off the trees yet,

and the guys are already talking about

what kind of sherry they're gonna drink

at the dean's Christmas party.

Well, naturally, man.

That's the number one party of the year.

Fight with love.

Be merry in the tour of life.

This has gotta be the
wildest Christmas party

- the dean's ever had.
- I'll say.

What's the matter, Doug?
You're not enjoying yourself?

- Doug!
- What?

Nick was just asking

how you shave around
the dimple in your chin.

I'm sorry. I was just
wondering about Saarinen.

Yeah, wasn't that a panic
when they dragged him out?

I thought I'd split a gut.

No, I think maybe I'll check in on him

after we've taken the girls home.

Oh, come off it, Doug.

He's old enough to take care of himself.

I know, but he looked pretty rotten

when they took him back to his room.

Hunter House's answer to
Florence Nightingale, eh?

- Come on, knock it off.
- Anybody here want some punch?

- Yeah, just a glass.
- Yeah.

Let's get that stuff rolling, eh?

What happened?

You should've been there.

You were the hit of the
dean's Christmas party.

They even gave you a standing ovation,

as they dragged you out.

Oh, Christ.

Come on now.

Think of the mess.

Look, at least you
made a permanent mark

on Sir William Bancroft residence, right?

You're a hero!

I'd have preferred animate, um...

just plain Peter somebody or other.

- Oh, come on, cut the humility.
- You're not that bad.

I don't mind being plain
old me, most of the time.

It must be nice. Not many
guys around here can say that.

You know, it's like I...

I don't have to prove
anything, you know?

- Like me.
- You?

No, you seem to fit in
without even trying.

You mean the big-man-on-campus routine?

It's not much of a compliment.

I know, but you have a lot
more than that. All of you do.

Why? It's a lot of noise.

Oh, sure, we cut each
other up, and we boast.

We act like we own the
residence and the college

and the president's pet poodle.

So big deal. We don't know
anything. We never do anything.

Oh, what are you talking about?

Well, you're alive. You make things go.

You know, when I first came here,

I really wished I had
your self-confidence.

You have a way with people.

Sure, but what does it matter?

Well, like hell, if I
flunked out next term,

what difference would it make?

Oh, sure, maybe a couple of weeks later,

it might dawn on Artie or somebody,

and they'd say to Nick,

"Hey, I wonder what ever happened
to that Harris character."

That's about all.

Hm, talk about the blues.

"I live with bread like you,

feel want, taste grief, need friends.

Subjected, thus, how can you
say to me, 'I am a king'?"

- What's that, Shakespeare?
- Richard II.

That's the funny thing about you.

What is?

I dunno. You have your
own sort of confidence.

I dunno. Maybe your books help
you see things more clearly.

- Peter?
- Yeah?

Have you ever wished, well,
that you could see yourself

through somebody else's eyes?

All the time.

But I'll be seeing scorpions
soon if I don't get some water.

You can lead me down the hall.

I'm just swimming from mogul to mogul,

and I got completely out of control

and went flying, boom, into the
ass of this fantastic broad.

And there we were,

- rolling around in the snow.
- Doug!

- Hey, Petey!
- Hey, Doug!

- How are ya, boy?
- Not bad. How are you?

Okay.

- Hey, cut it out.
- Hey, come on.

So, how was your Christmas?

Oh, not too bad.

I had to stay indoors
most of the time though.

Keep away from the wolves out
in the streets of Capreol.

Come on, you're kiddin'.

Hey, by the way, my sister Sharon

can hardly wait to meet you.

Well, especially after that
Christmas card you sent.

- Oh.
- You know,

- the handmade one?
- Yeah.

I got a kick outta yours too.

Well, did you show it to your folks?

Yeah. They didn't
really get much out of it.

I think it was a bit too hip for my mother.

But she still sent down

some of that kaffeleipää,
for that nice Doug fellow.

Well, you just tell her
I love Finnish mothers.

Just wait 'til you see
what else she sent out, too.

What? Well, come on, let's have a look.

Wait, wait, back.

Voila.

- Oh, another one!
- It'll last forever.

- Well, no kidding.
- That's how it happened!

My Aunt Beatrice has
spent five years in India.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Well, you know, she was an acolyte
in this Buddhist temple.

Well, then what?

We were all sitting
around the Christmas tree,

and she was showing us
the lotus position.

Now, get this, I'm standing on my head,

and my feet are up in
the air, like a pretzel.

- Like an idiot.
- Come on, come on.

And Aunt Beatrice says,

"Hold this position for 15 minutes,

and it's good for your brain cells."

- What brain cells?
- Yeah.

Do you wanna hear it or don't you?

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Well, anyway, so she goes
out and milks her goat.

- Milks her goat.
- That's obscene.

And 15 minutes later,
I'm still sitting there,

contemplating my naval.

The naval officer.

When all of a sudden, one old goat

runs into the room chasing the other one

and mistakes me for the Christmas tree.

And the next thing I remember

is Aunt Beatrice standing
over me, burning incense,

and chanting some Buddhist prayer.

I'll tell you what. You
better brace yourself, Nick.

He's probably got a whole cast
full of shaggy leg stories.

You should hobble
over to Don Swansman.

I hear he needs a new cast.

- Get that door, man.
- Get the door.

- Get the door?
- Yeah.

Hold the line.

- Oh, hey, Pete.
- Hi. How are ya?

Hey, what's the rush?

I just got back from the theater.

Oh, hi. I got a part in Ghosts.

- Ghosts?
- The play by Ibsen.

So, what do you play, the
third spook or something?

No, he's really the lost soul.

- Very funny.
- Come off it, guys.

No kiddin', what do you really play?

I got the male lead,
the part of Oswald Alving.

- Wow.
- Pretty good.

We got a Barrymore living
right with us in our residence.

- Hey, Nick, you going?
- Yeah, I gotta call my agent

to see if they've accepted
our terms in Hollywood.

Well, wait for me.

I don't wanna be a conversational crutch.

Hey, get his autograph for us, Doug, eh?

- Yeah, I'll do that.
- Come on, you guys, scram.

Oh, so you got the male lead.

Uh-huh.

There's nothing like starting at the top.

What's it all about?

A veil of tears, yes,

and we quite consciously make it so.

But the people over there
will have none of that.

There's no one there

who really believes doctrines
of that kind any longer.

Over there, the...

the mere fact of being alive

is thought to be a matter
of exultant happiness.

Mother, that is why I'm afraid
to stay at home with you.

Good, better, much, much better.

Keep it like that.

We'll have 'em on the
edge of their chairs.

Okay, people, off you go.

- Finish your essays.
- Yeah.

Rehearsals start tomorrow at eight.

And please, people,

- please be on time.
- Okay.

- Hi!
- Hi.

Oh, you're a real trooper.

Have you done much acting before?

No, not very much.

Just a bit part in a
high school play last year.

Well, you were really terrific tonight,

especially in that last scene.

I dunno, I really have to keep on my toes

to keep up with you people.

Oh, come on.

You're the most promising male
actor we've had around here

in three years.

You've been around for quite a while.

The drama club's perennial mother.

Which got you the lead in Ghosts.

That was just bribery.

Spotty promised me a
lead before I graduated.

Even got to pick the play.

- No kiddin'.
- No, not really.

But I've been plugging for
an Ibsen for a long time.

His characters are really marvelous.

Yeah.

People you can really dig into

- and make a lot out of.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.

- Oh, and his language...
- Hello.

- Is really...
- Oh, hi Doug.

See you're not wasting
any time. How'd it go?

Okay, I guess. Oh, Sandra,
this is Doug Harris.

Doug, Sandra Larson.
She plays my mother.

- Hi.
- He plays my father.

How do you do, Mr. Harris?

You coming?

- Oh yeah, just a second.
- I left my script on stage.

- Uh, smoke?
- Please.

Thanks.

So, how'd the little
Barrymore make out tonight?

Very well. He acts
with a lot of conviction.

Must be kinda hard for him

to think of you as his old lady.

Well, it's easy for a good actor.

Enter Oswald, stage left.

Hey, are you sure I'll be able to get in?

I'm under 21, you know?

Look, don't worry. I borrowed
Nick's birth certificate.

Oh, fine.

You really think of everything, don't you?

It's not the least of my charms.

Would you like to join us for a beer?

Well, I'd love to,

but I promised to meet
a friend for coffee.

You know about these actresses

and their midnight rendezvous.

- Yeah.
- Maybe some other time.

- Fine.
- Come on, we'll be late.

Well, I'll see you at rehearsal tomorrow.

Yes.

Hey, it's too bad your friend Sandra

couldn't show up tonight.

- She's quite a gal.
- Yeah, she's not bad.

She's a really good actress, too.

She seems rather warm for your form.

Why do you and your friends
always talk about girls

as if they were nothing
but sex machines, huh?

There's usually a lot more
to a relationship than that.

You oughta know that. You've
been in love, haven't you?

Well, I used to think so,
but I'm not too sure anymore.

Why?

I dunno. Sometimes I,
well, I get the feeling

that I mean more to Bev
than she means to me.

Well, she's obviously not
the right girl for you then.

Just keep looking.

But I can't think offhand of any girl

who's all that important.

Hey, lad, where you going?

You gotta be 21 to drink in here.

This only says 18 here.

Yeah, I'm 18. You only
have to be 18 in New York.

Well, but this is not
New York. This is Ontario.

- Let's go, come on!
- Oh, come on!

- Let's go!
- I'm gonna write

- to my congressman.
- Write your congressman!

Friend of yours?

Come on. Hey, Charlie,
two more over here, will ya?

Hey, hey, hey, take it
easy. I'm just beginning.

Come on, friend. You're
gonna need plenty of antifreeze

before the toilet bowl game.

What the hell's that?

Man, that's the highlight
of Winter Carnival.

See, you get these three
teams on a triangular field.

It's a cross between soccer,
football, and masochism.

Or especially when one of the
teams is made up of girls.

- Yeah.
- You wanna play?

Yeah, sure. I guess so.

I'll try anything once.

Great. Hey, waiter!

Let her face be fair
and her breasts be bare.

Let her have a voice that can warble.

Let her belly be soft.

But to not be a lot.

Let her bounding buttocks be marble.

Oh, that was crude, Doug.

That's a bonafide Old English folk song.

Say, do you remember
the one about the students

and the horny landlady?

Yeah, like this one.

You know, I'm sorry. I gotta go now.

Thanks for the entertainment, Doug.

Well, where are you going?

Rehearsal. We're on in a
week, but you'd never know it.

When's the big night?

Week Saturday. You coming?

Coming? Tidal waves
couldn't keep me away.

Get us the best seats
in the house, Peter.

Front row center.

Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

Hey Pete, come here a minute.

I want you to hear
something I just learned.

Hey, that's from my record.

That was beautiful, Doug.

What does it mean?

Far away is my love.

I gotta go.

I'll see you later, Bev.

Bye, Pete. Break a leg Saturday night.

Thanks.

- Doug.
- Hm?

Why do you do so much for Peter?

I dunno. I suppose I like him.

Well, he's so different from Artie

and Nick and all the guys.

Well, maybe that's why I like him, Bev.

Look, is this the song
you wanted to hear?

There is a brisk young student,
and I have heard him say.

He arrived at an inn in
Newcastle all on a market day.

Oh, if only it had been
something I had inherited,

something I could not help.

But instead of that, to have
disgracefully, stupidly,

thoughtlessly thrown away
one's happiness, one's health.

Oh, no, my darling boy,
that is impossible!

Things are not as desperate as you think.

Ah, you don't know.

And to think, Mother,

that I should bring all
this sorrow upon you.

Many a time, I've almost wished,

hoped that you really did not
care so very much for me.

I, Oswald? My only son?

All that I love in the world,
the only thing I care about.

Oswald, what's the matter
with you? What is it?

Oswald, look at me!

The sun... the sun.

Wasn't it great? Terrific.

Little Peter, I didn't
know he had it in him.

Well, I did. Come on, let's go backstage.

Oh, I hope so.

Oh, thank you!

Oh, they're gorgeous. Here, catch.

Peter? Peter?

- Hi, Doug. How are ya?
- Terrific.

Hi! Yeah, you were just great.

I've never seen a sight in my life.

It was just fabulous. Wonderful.

Yeah, you were marvelous,
absolutely lovely.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Hey people, hey people!

The party's gonna be at Lemiel's place.

Do you all know where that is?

A party, goodie. Can we come?

Well, I don't know.

Come on, what's a party without Bev?

Well, yeah, I know.

It'd be great to have
you and Bev come along,

but, really, it's just a party

for cast and crew members. I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, but they wouldn't mind

if you brought a couple of
friends along, would they?

No, Doug. I'm sorry. It's just for cast.

Oh well, forget it.

Come on, Doug. Let's go
get a drink or something.

We'll make our own fun.

I'm sorry, D...

Well, I just can't get over it. No, really.

I mean, here you are,

probably the only real friend this guy has.

In fact, the first guy who
sort of helped him and all.

And what does he do?

"No, I'm sorry. Cast members only." Sure.

I'm quite sure that an extra two people

wouldn't have hurt any,
especially his best friend.

It's probably all that girl's doing.

- All right, look, Bev...
- let's just forget it, eh?

Well, I don't see how you can.

Two extra people, wouldn't it...

All right, two extra people, you and me.

Okay, now, look, suppose Sandra

and every other member of that cast

decided that bringing along
two extra people wouldn't hurt.

Okay? Peter's right.

If it's a cast party,

it should really be only for the cast.

Now, you can't blame the guy.

Well, I can.

Look, Bev, I'm sure that Peter didn't do it

out of spite or anything or
because he didn't want us.

Now, it's just the kinda guy he is.
He sticks to the rules.

Now, look, if I'm not angry,
why should you be?

All right, I'm not angry.

I just don't like to
see you hurt, that's all.

You are too good, that's your problem.

But then, of course, you're slightly mad,

which, I guess accounts for
your, um, personality.

Bravo, Erica. The best
performance you've had all year.

Anyway, he came to me
after the show was over,

and he says, "Oh, I just love Ibsen.

It makes me so exhausted."

You know, I worked with him last year.

Wanted to do Canada,

but he couldn't bear to have
his boyfriend near the actress.

Hey, Spotty, where the hell's the punch?

Here it is, the joy of life.

Hey Mother, gimme the sun, the sun!

Hey Todd, that's my line.

Well, I want you to go straight over there,

and get me a glass of punch.

- Hi!
- Just watch.

Peter, you were great. I loved it!

Peter, Peter, Peter, darling,

- you were...
- Oh, hi.

Oh, you were so wonderful!

And I just loved the performance.

I've never seen anything like it.

I was just telling George,
"Was he not wonderful?"

Well, I had a lot of fun doing it.

- Here.
- Oh, thank you.

Sorry to keep you waiting,

but I got waylaid by the mob
back there at the punch table.

Oh, that's okay.

Well, what are we gonna
talk about? The weather?

What's the matter? Is anything wrong?

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm always a drag at cast parties.

Well, what do you mean?

I dunno, I just get
depressed when a show closes.

Well, you get to know people
and then it's all over,

and you never see them again.

Oh, come on now.

We'll all be getting
together again some time.

Oh, maybe I'll see you in the exams,

and I'll be so nervous I
won't even recognize you.

Oh, cut it out. I'll be
seeing you again real soon.

- Oh.
- Next week.

- Sure, sure.
- Oh, no, I mean it.

How 'bout having lunch with me?

Good. When?

- I dunno, Monday?
- Fine. Where?

In front of the college, on the steps,

- one o'clock.
- At one.

I got a whole week off
in the middle of mine.

Oh, you lucky bastard.

Every year, you get a great schedule.

Every year, I get a
crummy one. It's not fair.

So quit complaining. You're
gonna get your usual D, Artie.

Oh, well, thanks for the encouragement.

Hey, Doug. You seen it yet?

Oh, I'll just go take a look at it later.

I got a whole week in
the middle of mine. See?

Oh, aren't you great?

Just lucky.

Yeah, he's right up to here with it.

Now, come on, what's gotten you upset?

Well, I got four in four days.

He's afraid of getting chirospasm.

- What's that?
- Writer's cramp.

Well, I mean, how would you feel?

- Four in a row.
- Hey, Pete!

And my French is the
last one of them too.

- I won't even have...
- Hey, weren't you gonna ask him...

Yeah, I was. Well, thanks
for reminding me, eh?

I'll see you guys later.

You better hurry. He's not gonna wait.

Boy, is he ever cool. He
didn't even look at the schedule.

Yeah, isn't he?

- Hey, Pete!
- Oh, hi Doug.

- Hi. How are you doing?
- Not bad. How are you?

- Okay. God, bright day.
- Yeah.

Hey, you see the exam schedule yet?

Yeah, I did. Really threw
me when I saw it up there.

What'd you think of it?

I dunno. I guess they
all have to be written.

Yeah, makes it easy though,

if they're not all jammed
together, you know?

Yeah.

Poor old Artie. He's got four in a row.

Is that right? That's pretty rough.

Hey, well, look, I've
been meaning to ask you.

We're having sort of a
pre-exam party on Saturday.

I wondered if you wanted
to, you know, stop by.

- Saturday.
- Yeah.

Oh, I dunno, I've been
meaning to go to the theater

on Saturday night.

Oh, it's okay. Look, you
can stop by afterwards.

- Taking anyone?
- Yeah.

Sandra said she wanted to go,

so I said I'd get her some tickets.

You're still going around with her.

Yeah. She's a real nice girl, Doug.

Yeah, nice and warm.

No, knock it off. You know what I mean.

She's real easy to get along
with, a lot of fun, you know.

Well, obviously.

I haven't seen you around
here for several weeks,

not since the play.

Well, I haven't had much time, you know,

with essays, exams.

- Hey, you heading this way?
- Yeah.

Oh, come on. I'll walk you over.

I gotta get down to work
sometime this afternoon.

- Right.
- I'm way behind as it is.

I dunno why they have
exams in the spring.

Man, how could anybody
study on a day like this?

Well, it's one of these
administrative plots

- to keep down the birth rate.
- Yeah.

You know, back home, the
weather never got like this

'til sometimes after Easter.

I bet they still have
snow in Capreol today.

Hey, you remember that
first snowfall in December?

- Yeah, how could I forget?
- It's my first hangover.

I don't think I've been
quite the same since.

- Well, neither have I.
- You?

Yeah, I guess you have changed.

Hey, uh... I'll tell you what.

I'll race you over to the library, okay?

- Right.
- Spring fever, man. Let's go.

Yeah, it really must be spring.

Yep.

Look, how long are you gonna be?

Oh, I dunno.

I plan on being finished
in about an hour, I guess.

Okay, look, good. I'll stop
by, and I'll pick you up.

- We can go for coffee.
- Okay.

I was planning on meeting Sandra.

We can all go together then.

- Sandra?
- Yeah, why not?

No reason. I just didn't wanna interfere.

Ah, you won't be interfering.

Yeah, well...

And you should get to
know Sandra better anyway.

Okay, fine. We'll make
it another time then, eh?

We'll see you there Saturday night.

Well, I can't promise
anything, but I'll try.

Yeah, okay. Well, I'll see ya then.

Hi.

Oh, hi. What are you doing here?

Oh, just thought I'd look
over the crop of freshmen

and see if I missed any.

Now, come on. What
are you doing here, Bev?

I wanted to talk to you.

- What, now?
- Well, why not now?

Well, you know that you're not allowed

in residence during the week.

Well, besides, I don't want
that dean to catch you.

He's been pussy-footing
around here lately.

Oh, come on, the dean.

Since when have you been
such a stickler for rules?

I won't stay long.

- All right, come on in.
- But keep your voice down.

- How's that?
- Great.

Now, come on, get in.

So, how you doing?

Fine. How 'bout you?

- Oh, fine.
- You look tired.

- Yeah, well, I am.
- Working hard?

Yeah. Look, Bev, I can't
stop to talk to you very long.

Oh, that's all right. I won't keep you.

I just wanted to talk to you.

We haven't talked in a
long time, not really.

So what do you wanna talk about?

Well, I don't know exactly how to say it.

I don't even know exactly
what it is I wanna say,

but, well, Doug...

Come on, what is it, Bev?

It's just that,

everything seems to have changed with us.

We used to go out and
talk and have a good time.

Well, now whenever I wanna
talk to you, you just...

oh, I don't know.

Well, everything was
fine until you met Peter.

If I didn't know you better,

I'd swear you and Peter...

Oh, come on, Bev. Cut it out.

I don't think that's very funny.

I was only kidding, Doug. I'm sorry.

- Okay, I'm sorry too.
- I didn't mean to snap at you.

There isn't another girl, is there, Doug?

No, it's nothing like that.

- Well, then I don't understand.
- What is it?

Is it something I've done?

No, it's nothing you've done.

I don't wanna lose you, Doug.

I know I don't always know how to show it,

except physically,

but I do love you, Doug.

Love? What do you know?

You don't even know what love means, Bev.

Look, I'm sorry.

Well, it's just, the past couple of weeks,

I've been kinda hung up.

Tell me about it. Maybe we
could discuss it or something.

Well, it's something I
gotta work out by myself.

Doug, kiss me?

Oh, come on. You can do better than that.

Well, I guess I better be going.

Are we still going to the
party on Saturday night?

Yeah, sure.

Enid wants us to come to dinner first.

- Oh, you lucky people.
- The roast's a success tonight.

- Oh.
- Oh, it looks great.

She says that every time.

Actually, Bev, your sister's
a pretty good cook.

Cut out the flattery, and cut the roast.

- Yes, dear.
- Fudge!

Oh, it just looks great.

Come on, let's get a move on here.

- Do you cook, Bev?
- Take it easy.

Who, me? Are you kidding?

I just learned how to make Rice Krispies.

Actually, I couldn't make
a thing 'til I was married.

- Says who?
- Salad, Doug?

Oh, yes, thanks.

Don't think Doug wants

to eat residence food all his life.

- Really, dear?
- Can I have the salad. Thanks.

- Hurry up with the roast.
- Yes, dear.

- Pass the salt.
- Oh, sure.

You didn't get any wine, Richard.

Sorry, but how many things
do you expect me to do at once?

Come on.

Ah.

- Oh, never mind that, Peter.
- I'll do it, it's okay.

No, it's all right.

I haven't done them since I
was at home for Christmas.

It'll be fun.

Well, I guess there's some advantage

to being in residence.

Why the cynicism?

I'd go mad living with
200 girls for eight months.

200 girls for eight months?

Let's see, that'd be 1.4 girls a night.

I'd be pretty worn out by the
end of the year, mind you,

by the time exams came around.

Well, dry the dishes, dear.

I'm afraid you'll have to hurry up.

I'm two steps ahead of you already.

Oh, well, put those
things over there away.

Oh, what do I do with the wine?

Well, cork it and put
it in the wine cellar.

The wine cellar.

- The fridge, silly.
- Oh, the fridge, silly, hm.

I noticed Bev's stealing
the show again tonight.

- Yeah.
- Hey, where's Peter?

I thought you told me you
invited him here tonight.

Yeah, well, I guess he couldn't make it.

Oh.

How did you enjoy the play?

Hm? Oh, wasn't bad, I guess.

How did you find out
about this place anyhow?

Oh, I used to hang around
here a lot a couple years ago.

Yeah? Where, in the wall?

Sorry.

I used to be a waitress,
as a matter of fact.

Yeah? That sounds interesting.

Oh, it was.

I almost ran off with the
owner. But that's another story.

How's the studying coming?

Oh, not very well.

I think I better buckle down

if I'm gonna hold onto this scholarship.

Oh?

- Hey, do you ever smoke?
- Hm? No.

- You wanna try?
- Hm?

- Here, try.
- Sure.

- Have a go.
- I think.

Amazing!

Yeah, I learn very quickly.

Gimme that. Don't put it out.

- Hey, Pete.
- Hm?

- Pete, you there?
- Oh, morning.

Morning. It's afternoon already.

- You missed the party.
- Mm-hm.

So what's with you?

It was a long play.

- Sure.
- A long, long play.

You're grinning at me
like a Cheshire cat, man.

- What's up?
- Yeah, it was a long play.

Then we went out and talked
for a while and walked.

- You and, uh, Sandra.
- Who else?

- Yeah, sure.
- You reach any conclusions?

Hm? About what?

Well, about the play.

Oh, no, no. We didn't get
around to talking about that.

You just walked and walked and walked

and talked about the moon, eh?

And then you, very nicely,
shook her hand

and said, "Goodnight, Sandy."

I call her Sandra.

Oh, I think Sandy's good
enough for old friends.

It's Sandra.

But we didn't shake hands.

You didn't shake hands.

Where's your manners, country boy?

I slept with her, Doug.

You what?

I slept with her.

Doug, you knew I was
a virgin, didn't you?

Well, well, well, so
you finally got her, eh?

I hope it didn't hurt too much.

What do you mean?

You know damn well what I mean.

Fast bitch actress like her.

She'd pick up a country
frosh boy like you, you know?

You know why? Because no
grown-up would lay a hand on her.

I wouldn't touch her myself.

After all, I've gotta consider my health.

- Well, I mean, really.
- Get outta here.

- What's the matter, baby?
- She giving you a rough time?

Philosophy and English!

April is the cruelest month,

breeding lilacs out of the dead land,

mixing memory and desire,

stirring dull roots with spring rain.

Winter kept us warm,

covering earth in forgetful snow,

feeding a little life with dried tubers.