All language subtitles for T01E04 - Psicologia Social

Nice day out today, isn't it?
Yeah, shoot.

You forget something?

I forgot to stagger the timing
of my exit with Shirley's.

We both have a class
across campus

and I can't go that distance
with "Oh, that's nice."

That's mean.
No, that's not nice.

I find Shirley
very easy to talk to.

Aren't you supposed to have
a gold medal in jibber jabber?

Yeah, but I'm a sprinter.

I'm at my best during
high speed bursts of wit.

On a Shirley walk,

I'd be winded
by that stoner tree.

Hey, Britta. Hi. What's up?
How's it going?

No worries.
Interesting.

Because I might be worried

if I was playing hacky sack
a decade too late.

My class is that way.
All right.

I wanna point out
we easily walked

more than a hundred yards
with no awkward pauses.

That is the sign
of a true friend. So...

I'm really glad you're not
hitting on me anymore.

There's the awkward pause.

Aah!

Excuse me. Oh, pardon me.

Professor Duncan.
Professor Duncan.

Uh, ooh, sorry.
Annie Edison,

I'm in your 101 lecture.
Oh. Hello.

I've heard about your psych lab.

The Duncan Principle.
Yes.

I know it's limited, but
I had a 4.0 at Riverside High.

I'm not looking down
on this school,

But I'm here because
of an addiction to pills

I was told would help me focus

but made me lose
my scholarship and virginity.

Right.
Let me take your lab early,

it would be a feather
in my transcript.

I've been in this
situation many times,

so I'm just gonna be upfront.

I'm not allowed
to date students.

Oh...

But if you are still interested,
you may join the lab.

Oh!
Ah.

Okay, you need to bring
two human subjects.

I asked politely and the panda
took his pants off.

I never knew what asexual meant.

I wonder what this
express package could be.

Somebody had to get
something to me fast.

You brought your mail to campus.

Oh, yes. My Ear-Noculars.

What is that? Looks like
your blue-tooth.

No, no, no.
This is my cell phone headset.

And this is Ear-Noculars.

For spies.
Gives you sonic hearing.

All hearing is sonic.
What's that?

So who wants to be
in a psych experiment?

Hey, guys, guys.

Annie is talking
about some kind of experiment.

She's behind you.
Not interested.

Please. You get paid.

Do they do stuff to your butt?
No.

Do you get paid more
if they do stuff to your butt?

No.
It's fine, I'll do it, I'm in.

How about you? It's tomorrow.
Oof. Tomorrow,

they're showing all four
Indiana Joneses.

I'm looking forward to the first
three. I bought a whip.

This is important to me, Abed.

Could you go as my friend?
My really good friend?

I didn't realize
we're good friends.

I figured we were
like Chandler and Phoebe.

They never had stories together.

Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.
Oh, thank you, Abed.

Oh.
I'm gonna go save Britta

from that dude.
Looks like she's in trouble.

Hope he doesn't try
to handsome her to death. Ha-ha.

Hey.
What's up, man?

Hi, I'm Vaughn.
You in line?

Oh, no, no.
We're just chilling.

You're not gonna order coffee?
No, just seeing if Britta...

No judgment, bro.
I used to do coffee.

Then I made the switch
to green tea,

it's like filled
with these antioxidants.

It's pretty tight.

Tight. Yes, I've heard that
about green tea.

I like green tea.
I should make the change.

Up top, sugar bear.

Yeah, give me some of that.
Small coffee.

Britta's making the change
to green tea.

Good. It'll be a scandal.

Welcome, research assistants.

Turn your attention
to the monitor,

you will see
our subjects are waiting

for the experiment to begin.
But...

it's actually happening
right now.

You see,
the waiting is the experiment.

The Duncan Principle is simple.
The more control lost by...

Yeah, I'm gonna write
this down too.

That's a good point.

The more control lost
by the ego,

the more gained by the id.

Resulting
in a surprisingly predictable,

emotional eruption
or breaking point.

Known to Ma and Pa
as a good old-fashioned tantrum.

Oh. Annie.

Why don't you, uh, go
and tell our subjects

we're gonna be starting
in five minutes.

And, Annie,

it's never actually
going to start.

Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, I like that.
All day.

Hi, everyone.

Hi, Troy. Hi, Abed.
Hi, Señor Chang.

What, community college Spanish
teacher can't use 80 bucks?

Well, we're just running
a little bit behind,

so we'll probably start
in about five minutes.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!
Unacceptable!

When you say
something starts at 9,

it starts at nueve.

No, no!

And we're off.

Did you know we walk
the same way after class?

You didn't or else we would've
been walking together,

unless you're a jerk, hmm,
just kidding. Heh-heh.

Let's do it.
Mm-hm.

Don't go too fast
for these dogs. Short legs.

Do you like Green...?
You got a kid?

What's that?
Nothing.

So Pierce isn't exactly right
in the head, is he?

I know a lot of men
with radar dishes

coming out of their ears.
He's like Inspector Gadget.

Yeah, go go gadget incontinence.

How about that guy
flirting with Britta?

I know. He's the worst.
Vaughn?

What is with his hair?
It's perpetually moist.

We're three hours in,
let's review what we've seen.

And pay close attention

to every subject's
breaking point.

We've got a shouter.
Ah!

That one's a stomper.
Bye, hippie.

There's a generic whack job,

bouncing up and down
like a 6-foot child.

Shaking, write that down.
Visible shakes.

Look at the little one
chase the big one,

I can make them go quicker,
like Benny Hill.

Whoo. Get them.

Lightens the mood.

And back to the present.

And then there were two.

Break, break.

No, no, no. Annie.
What is going on in there?

I wasted all day here for you.

The Soul Train Awards
were tonight.

You promised...

And he's out. We got him.

Professor,
what is with that last guy?

I've seen this before.

The longer they wait,
the harder they break.

Buckle up, students.

See how often Hacky
Sack takes his shirt off?

He'd play shirts and skins
in a game of checkers.

I'm so glad to be able
to talk to someone.

I wanted to say
something to Britta.

We're supposed to be friends.
She'd think I was jealous.

I don't see why
you aren't together.

Two cute white people
going to school, seems right.

We're not pandas in a zoo.

Oh, Oh, dear.

That is not what I want to see.

And there goes the shirt.

Hey.
Hey, I'm fine. Oh.

Want me to, uh, check you
for grass stains?

I wasn't sure
how or when to bring up

that I was hanging out
with Vaughn.

I figured that you'd make
fun of him and me.

Uh, First of all,

friends don't make fun
of each other,

even if they're being tackled
in the quad by a hippie.

And secondly, Vaughn...

seems cool.

You guys
should hang out sometime.

I gotta go. I, uh...

That was tacky out there,
you won't ever see that again.

Oh, no worries, brah.

Shirley.

Did you see
Señor Chang's socks today?

Tiny bullfighters.
Ha-ha.

I can top that. Did you see
Hacky Sack wears an anklet?

Since when won't you talk
about Vaughn?

I'm trying to be
a good friend to Britta.

She thought I was gonna
make fun of him,

but I wanna be unpredictable.

I'm gonna show her that I'm not
the jerk she thinks I am.

And friend the hell out of that
green-tea-drinking drum circler.

Tell me you noticed
how small his nipples are.

Not engaging. What? It's
not gossip when it's fact.

My kids got hamsters
with bigger nips. No.

Oh, well. Jeff.
No!

Is... Is it on pause?

No, that's just him.

Sorry you've been waiting
26 hours.

It's just gonna be
another five minutes.

Okey-dokey.

Okey-dokey.
Oh, my...

Why won't he leave?

Professor.
What?

I'm sorry,
this guy's not moving.

I have classes to go to.

Go, fine.

Go kill John Lennon again,
you loser.

He's ruined my study.

He has warped
the Duncan Principle.

Damn you,
you outlying piece of datum.

Ow!

Aah!

It's you.
It's your fault.

But you told me
to bring subjects.

Yeah, subjects.
Not Rain Man.

I should never have let you
into this lab,

Miss Annie Fanny
Panties in a Bunch.

Oh. Oh, that's so hilarious.

Think of that the last time
you skipped the dentist?

Oh. Let me answer that question
with another question.

It's not fair.
It's not fair.

What are you doing?
Stop writing.

Put your... Give me that.

Get out!
Get out, you dorks!

Get out!

You have destroyed
the Duncan Principle.

Go home!

Cool.

See you.

So, uh, Britta said that you did
a lot of community service.

Ultimate Frisbee at the Senior's
Center. It is amazing.

What makes Frisbee ultimate?
Ha-ha-ha.

If I had a nickel every time
I wished somebody asked me that.

Gonna get dessert.
Want anything?

Carrots.

Oh, I'm good.

Hey, you two.

Hey.
Well, that's a cool shirt.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Where's it from?
Oh. Uh, psh... I don't even know.

I guess it's, well... Uh...

Hey, look at that.
Hanes Classic.

Oh, that's nice.

You know, people
underestimate the elderly,

but you see these guys out there
throwing the 'bee,

And they're just loving life.
It's just inspiring.

You know, I'm gonna really...
I'm gonna think about it.

All right.
I'm gonna check on Brits.

See you.
See you.

You're the devil.
I know.

Plus... Okay.
I have a question.

"Where do we go on Saturdays?"
You said, "Sunday."

I have a question for you.
You like Vaughn?

Oh, he... he's very cute.

I'm just worried he's thinking

a little bit more intensely
about this thing than I am.

He says stuff, you know, after...

School?

After... Dinner mints?

After... Not having sex.

How was that?
What? Forget that.

The problem right now
is that he's calling me "babe."

He's trying to hold my hands.

It's getting
a little relationship-y.

And he gave me something.

Herpes?
No.

This.
A poem?

How do I respond
to something like that?

"Thank you"?

Well, it's a very good question.

And it's one I will answer...

Uh... Oh, I'm getting a text.

I'm just gonna read it
if you don't mind.

I am reading it and it is read.

"Did you ever notice
Where the ocean meets the sky?

Did ya? It's
The same wizard blue

That I see In your eye, Britta"

Thank you so much.
This brightened my day.

I'm glad we can rip
on that dude again.

Look at this. Look at this.

That is the stain of a tear drop
over the word, "rad."

Oh, rad.
I thought he said red.

That makes it worse.
Ha-ha-ha.

I'm surprised he can read.

- You know?
- I know.

Hey, sorry about bailing
on the psych experiment.

That was the experiment.

We're testing how long people
would wait in the room.

Whoa.
Oh.

Gotcha.
"Gotcha"?

That's all you have to say?
Yeah.

You sat in a room
for 26 straight hours.

Didn't that bother you?

I was livid.
Then why didn't you leave?

You asked me to stay
and you said we were friends.

Wait. Is this still
the experiment?

He's more like a puppy
with a fish mouth.

Right, right, right.
It's more like this:

That's right. Laugh it up.

Wanna know what they're doing?
Yeah.

Sure.
Making fun of all of us.

I heard you
with my own Ear-Noculars.

Pierce,
we are not making fun of you.

Calling me Hacky Sack,

and ripping my...

My six pack abs
and my moist hair.

And that face you made:

That was pretty obviously Annie.

This is definitely
still the experiment.

We were not making fun of you.

We're making fun
of Britta's boyfriend, Vaughn.

Oh, good. Well, in that case,
if we're gonna do something,

do it as a team.
I'll get the ball rolling.

Maybe he has a tiny penis.

Who is this guy?
You all have to see him.

Everything's,
"No worries."

Always says hello
three times in a row.

"Hello, good evening,
how are you?"

And look, he wrote a poem.

Can I read it?
We shouldn't.

- No, it's fine.
- I'll be done in an hour.

Yeah, no worries.

He just said it.

Guys, you've met Vaughn, right?

Hey, what's up? Hi.

Ha-ha. What a fool.

This group's got a
case of the giggles, huh? Heh.

Wait, is that...?

Did you give them my poem?
No.

Why's the dinosaur
rocking a picture of my poem?

Here, read it.

Ha. You guys are...

You guys laughing at me,
aren't you?

Yeah.
No.

That's, uh... Wow.

This is the least tight thing
that's ever happened.

I can't believe you.

Honestly, Jeff, how dare you?

I can hear him outside.
He's crying.

Now, he's barking.

Jeff, wait,
I'm sorry I sold you out.

Britta's never gonna forgive me.

Can't believe
I showed that poem.

Oh, my God,
my life is Degrassi High.

Oh, Jeff.
I have a gossip problem.

I stir the pot, Jeff.
I'm a pot stirrer.

This isn't the only
study group I've had.

You see those ladies over there?

I used to be in their group
until they kicked me out.

They called me Tattle-ina.

It's a bumblebee nickname.
It's cute, but it stings.

Hey, look at the size
of that woman's earrings.

It's like little dogs
should be jumping through them.

Look at them.
This has to end.

Don't do this.
Look, we can still hang out.

It's just, you know,
we won't bag on people.

Come on.
What are we gonna talk about?

My kids, your doctor career?

I was a lawyer.
See, I'm already bored.

Well...

We'll always have tiny nipples.
Heh-heh-heh. They were tiny.

Jeff. Wait, wait.
I know I shouldn't do this,

but one last
little piece of gossip.

Britta told me
she had a sex dream about you.

You still have a chance.

Uh-Uh! Mm. Uh-uh.
Details.

Details. Details.

Abed, here.

I wanna just say sorry
for yelling at you.

Indiana Jones, cool.

I just got
the first three because...

The fourth one blows.

- We're cool.
- Britta.

I do not wanna talk.
I know, and I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
I'm really, really sorry.

And I will go talk to Vaughn...
Vaughn broke up with me.

Oh! Oh.

You broke my trust. You suck.

I know and I'm sorry.

But I was in a tough position.

I couldn't handle
just being one of the girls.

What do you wanna be?

Is...

Is there a spot
on the friendship spectrum

between total stranger

and having to hear
about the guys you date?

And a notch underneath
driving you to the airport

and painting your kitchen.

How about the friend level

where you sometimes
have to cat sit?

Done.

And if I'm naked in your dreams,
I won't complain.

Shirley.
I know, she's got a problem.

She stirs the pot.
She's a pot stirrer.

Sorry, dudes.

No worries, man.

Uh... some worries, man.
Some worries.

♪ Now there was a time ♪

Whoa.

♪ When you loved me so ♪

♪ I could have been wrong ♪

Shirley would've said something
funny about that guy.

Oh, no. Pierce, Pierce,
give me your ear thing.

Got rid of it.

♪ I found a brand new love
For this man ♪

You see, Jeff,
there are certain things

man was not meant to hear.

We were designed
by whatever entity you choose

to hear what's in this range.

And really this range alone.

Because, you know who's talking
to us in this range.

The people we love.

♪ How you like me now ♪

♪ How you like me now ♪

♪ How you like me now ♪

He must've heard us call him
Inspector Gadget.

♪ How you like me now ♪

Oh, I think it's
time for Burning Man.

Oh, I'm Saddam Hussein. Oh.

Nice to meet you, dude.

Wow, I love reading and
being a desperate housewife.

Hey, man, coming through, I
love the Desperate Housewives.

I'm Dr. Doogie Seacrest.

I think I'm better than
everyone else because I'm 40.

I'm not 40.

I can hear you
through the window, morons.

Just pretend like you asleep.

Just pretend
like you were sleeping.