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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:02,071 --> 00:00:04,418
[silence]
3
00:00:07,179 --> 00:00:10,527
[electricity crackling]
4
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
5
00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:57,324
[exhales]
6
00:02:04,779 --> 00:02:07,817
And I said, "You better show
me your jingle balls."
7
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,310
[house music pounding
in distance ♪]
8
00:02:18,345 --> 00:02:20,140
[door slams]
9
00:02:24,489 --> 00:02:27,008
[light knocking on door]
10
00:03:10,776 --> 00:03:13,607
[sign squeaking]
11
00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,770
[music blares over speaker]
12
00:03:38,804 --> 00:03:42,877
[music flickers on and off
at lower volume]
13
00:03:42,912 --> 00:03:48,228
[instrumental version
of "Silent Night" ♪]
14
00:04:19,811 --> 00:04:21,295
[music ceases abruptly]
15
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,301
[music plays again ♪]
16
00:04:27,336 --> 00:04:31,581
[coughing]
17
00:04:35,378 --> 00:04:37,587
[music ceases]
18
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,386
[watch beeps]
19
00:04:46,527 --> 00:04:47,494
[single beep]
20
00:04:47,528 --> 00:04:51,946
[whistling "Silent Night" ♪]
21
00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:06,720
[high-pitched tone ♪]
22
00:05:59,945 --> 00:06:02,396
[vomits]
23
00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:20,138
[coughing]
24
00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:23,935
[door opens]
25
00:06:42,885 --> 00:06:45,335
[faucet running]
26
00:06:49,754 --> 00:06:52,791
[sniffing and clearing throat]
27
00:06:56,312 --> 00:06:59,315
[door opens]
Iiit's Christmas!
28
00:06:59,349 --> 00:07:01,213
[laughing]
29
00:07:01,248 --> 00:07:03,906
What a night.
30
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,219
Why are you wearing?
31
00:07:07,254 --> 00:07:09,152
Huh?
32
00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:10,947
Well, it's for the
charity auction, isn't it?
33
00:07:10,982 --> 00:07:12,190
There's a swimsuit round.
34
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,296
No, there isn't
a swimsuit round.
35
00:07:15,331 --> 00:07:16,850
Oh, fuck!
36
00:07:16,884 --> 00:07:18,507
Fucking Evie!
37
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,094
She thinks she's got it
in the bag.
38
00:07:20,129 --> 00:07:21,958
There is no way
that skinny bitch
39
00:07:21,993 --> 00:07:23,443
is gonna get one over on me!
40
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:24,582
No way!
41
00:07:24,616 --> 00:07:26,273
The Managing Director
won me.
42
00:07:26,307 --> 00:07:29,725
I raised over a grand
in this, Debbie!
43
00:07:29,759 --> 00:07:31,174
Who else is in
the auction then?
44
00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:32,486
Heather.
- What?!
45
00:07:32,521 --> 00:07:34,281
Planet Heather?
- Yep.
46
00:07:34,315 --> 00:07:34,971
Really?
47
00:07:35,006 --> 00:07:37,284
No, really.
You retard!
48
00:07:37,318 --> 00:07:39,597
Fucking dick!
[video game sounds]
49
00:07:39,631 --> 00:07:42,462
[indistinct gossiping]
50
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,706
She'd have to use
a tractor tyre as her sash.
51
00:07:45,741 --> 00:07:47,777
She's heavier than
[indistinct]
52
00:07:47,812 --> 00:07:49,503
[laughing]
53
00:07:49,538 --> 00:07:50,987
She's fat.
- Yeah.
54
00:07:51,022 --> 00:07:53,473
She puts the "fuck" in "fat."
55
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:56,337
Do you remember the time at
the office Easter Egg hunt?
56
00:07:56,372 --> 00:07:58,408
You know, when they found her
having an [indistinct],
57
00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:00,065
shoving Kinders in her
cake hole?
58
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,135
No.
59
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,689
That didn't happen!
Oh yeah!
60
00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:04,622
Well fuck it.
Let's just say it didn't.
61
00:08:04,656 --> 00:08:05,692
[indistinct]
62
00:08:05,726 --> 00:08:07,245
Bitch do it.
63
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:08,867
Wait, wouldn't that be an egg--
64
00:08:08,902 --> 00:08:09,834
Look, I don't think her mouth
65
00:08:09,868 --> 00:08:11,421
discriminates when it comes
to food.
66
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:15,149
In the same way that yours
doesn't when it comes to cock!
67
00:08:15,184 --> 00:08:17,220
Wait what?
- Oh, please!
68
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:18,981
The fact that your throat
looks like
69
00:08:19,015 --> 00:08:20,948
the opening titles
to "Look Who's Talking."
70
00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:22,709
Oh, I don't get it.
71
00:08:24,711 --> 00:08:27,783
[soundtrack swells
then fades ♪ ]
72
00:08:29,888 --> 00:08:31,372
[loud thud]
73
00:08:31,407 --> 00:08:33,754
What?
Err?
74
00:08:33,789 --> 00:08:35,445
What is that?
75
00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:39,553
Oh, God!
76
00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:44,178
That pizza delivery boy got
"rapey" under the mistletoe.
77
00:08:44,213 --> 00:08:48,458
But Jeff swooped in
and saved the day!
78
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:50,184
What?
Geoff from accounts?
79
00:08:50,219 --> 00:08:52,601
No, Jeff from I.T.
80
00:08:52,635 --> 00:08:54,672
Jeff!
Jefferoni!
81
00:08:54,706 --> 00:08:57,053
Jefferson airplane!
Huh?
82
00:08:57,088 --> 00:08:59,435
He's the one.
You know...
83
00:08:59,469 --> 00:09:00,747
Heather the Heifer?
84
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:04,267
[laughs]
God!
85
00:09:04,302 --> 00:09:05,579
Then he took me into
the copy room
86
00:09:05,614 --> 00:09:07,374
and photocopied my "O" face.
87
00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:11,205
[laughing]
You are so naughty!
88
00:09:19,697 --> 00:09:21,906
Holly...
What are you doing?
89
00:09:21,940 --> 00:09:24,115
Shhh...
90
00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:25,979
It's a Christmas party.
91
00:09:26,013 --> 00:09:27,567
Someone's bound
to do something stupid.
92
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,914
It might as well be us.
93
00:09:46,862 --> 00:09:48,657
[moans]
94
00:09:51,694 --> 00:09:53,834
[laughing]
95
00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:12,128
[kissing]
96
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:42,883
[man's voice]
Hello!
97
00:10:42,918 --> 00:10:45,679
Shit!
[knocking on door]
98
00:10:45,714 --> 00:10:47,405
Hello!
Hello!
99
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,855
Charlie?
- Charlie?
100
00:10:48,889 --> 00:10:51,374
One of the "crusties" from
the basement.
101
00:10:51,409 --> 00:10:52,721
Are you, are you decent?
102
00:10:52,755 --> 00:10:54,170
No!
103
00:10:54,205 --> 00:10:55,344
I'm indecent.
Now...
104
00:10:55,378 --> 00:10:56,690
fuck off!
105
00:10:56,725 --> 00:10:57,587
Can I come in?
106
00:10:57,622 --> 00:10:59,624
No!
[yells]
107
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,971
I just want my tool box!
108
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:03,214
Fuck off, Charlie.
109
00:11:03,248 --> 00:11:05,112
You're not even supposed
to be here, Charlie.
110
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,389
It's white collar only.
111
00:11:06,424 --> 00:11:08,081
You should be ashamed
of yourself, Charlie!
112
00:11:08,115 --> 00:11:09,220
What?
113
00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:11,118
You shouldn't perv on people
at Christmas, Charlie.
114
00:11:11,153 --> 00:11:12,533
I wasn't!
Look, look!
115
00:11:12,568 --> 00:11:13,983
I'm just looking for my tool
box.
116
00:11:14,018 --> 00:11:14,812
It's Christmas Eve.
117
00:11:14,846 --> 00:11:16,227
I want to be home
with my family.
118
00:11:16,261 --> 00:11:17,815
Someone took my tool box!
119
00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:18,919
Oh!
Fuck!
120
00:11:18,954 --> 00:11:20,058
Here!
121
00:11:20,093 --> 00:11:22,578
[grunting and struggling]
122
00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:24,097
[through door]
It's Christmas!
123
00:11:24,131 --> 00:11:25,685
Weak Charlie.
124
00:11:28,066 --> 00:11:30,241
Real weak!
125
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:36,247
[laughing]
126
00:11:36,868 --> 00:11:38,870
Dick!
127
00:11:42,563 --> 00:11:44,704
[laughs]
128
00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:00,098
What's that?
129
00:12:00,133 --> 00:12:02,411
Oi!
[laughs]
130
00:12:02,445 --> 00:12:06,691
[screams]
131
00:12:20,256 --> 00:12:23,743
[flesh tearing]
132
00:12:36,721 --> 00:12:39,689
[low growling]
133
00:12:43,866 --> 00:12:46,800
[chime tone]
134
00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:49,458
[footsteps]
135
00:12:50,252 --> 00:12:53,945
[heavy breathing]
136
00:13:02,954 --> 00:13:05,370
[pounding on door]
137
00:13:05,405 --> 00:13:09,167
[coughs then speaks
in female voice]
Occupied!
138
00:13:10,548 --> 00:13:13,344
[growling]
139
00:13:38,887 --> 00:13:41,061
[screams]
140
00:13:56,974 --> 00:13:58,872
Sorry, sorry!
141
00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:00,218
Sorry, sorry!
142
00:14:00,253 --> 00:14:03,394
Sorry, sorry!
Sorry, sorry!
143
00:14:03,428 --> 00:14:05,775
Sorry, sorry!
[bones cracking]
144
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:09,055
Sorry, sorry!
Sorry, sorry!
145
00:14:10,090 --> 00:14:12,196
I'm sorry.
Oh God.
146
00:14:31,077 --> 00:14:34,494
[moaning]
147
00:14:57,966 --> 00:15:00,623
[hand dryer blows]
148
00:15:13,843 --> 00:15:16,674
[yelling]
149
00:15:30,412 --> 00:15:32,759
[can hissing]
150
00:15:36,176 --> 00:15:38,730
[zombies moaning]
151
00:15:39,455 --> 00:15:40,456
Fu--
152
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:55,264
..uck!
153
00:15:56,679 --> 00:15:58,750
[catching breath]
154
00:16:08,898 --> 00:16:10,831
[snorting]
155
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,598
Jesus!
156
00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:20,600
Fuck!
157
00:16:22,740 --> 00:16:25,329
Help!
Help!
158
00:16:25,363 --> 00:16:27,572
I'm stuck in the bathroom!
159
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:30,127
There's zombies in your toilet!
160
00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:35,028
Ahh, ahh!
161
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,138
[growling]
162
00:16:41,172 --> 00:16:42,311
No!
163
00:16:42,346 --> 00:16:43,692
Go away!
164
00:16:43,726 --> 00:16:45,314
No, go away!
165
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,730
No, no, no.
I want alive people!
166
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:50,078
[yells]
167
00:17:02,711 --> 00:17:05,438
[moaning]
168
00:18:55,686 --> 00:18:58,861
[strained breathing]
169
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,055
[vomits]
170
00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:58,058
[coughing]
171
00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:12,003
[coughing]
172
00:20:25,051 --> 00:20:28,675
[toilet flushing]
173
00:20:41,136 --> 00:20:43,138
[sniffling]
174
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:45,209
[softly]
Hey!
175
00:20:46,314 --> 00:20:49,317
Hey, hello!
Hey!
176
00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:28,390
Hey!
177
00:21:29,702 --> 00:21:31,462
Hey, hey!
178
00:21:32,567 --> 00:21:34,396
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
179
00:21:49,929 --> 00:21:51,724
[door thuds]
180
00:22:03,874 --> 00:22:07,153
[squishing sounds]
181
00:22:11,502 --> 00:22:13,987
[gagging]
182
00:22:19,821 --> 00:22:21,961
Yeah!
Yes!
183
00:22:23,514 --> 00:22:24,653
Ah!
184
00:22:25,516 --> 00:22:29,209
[yelling]
185
00:22:41,877 --> 00:22:43,569
[video game sounds]
186
00:22:52,474 --> 00:22:55,650
[growling]
187
00:23:07,869 --> 00:23:10,803
[toilet flushing]
188
00:23:12,563 --> 00:23:14,979
[cell line ringing]
189
00:23:19,052 --> 00:23:21,020
Come on, come on!
Come on, come on!
190
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,439
Yes!
191
00:23:26,474 --> 00:23:27,923
[operator]
Hello, Emergency Services.
192
00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:29,338
Police, Fire or Ambulance?
193
00:23:29,373 --> 00:23:31,271
Oh, err?
Who handles zombies?
194
00:23:31,306 --> 00:23:33,101
I dunno?
Police, police.
195
00:23:33,135 --> 00:23:35,172
Police, police.
Police.
196
00:23:35,206 --> 00:23:36,484
OK, I'm just putting
you through.
197
00:23:36,518 --> 00:23:38,313
Thank you.
198
00:23:38,865 --> 00:23:41,212
[line ringing]
199
00:23:41,937 --> 00:23:42,800
[police officer]
Hello.
200
00:23:42,835 --> 00:23:44,146
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
201
00:23:44,181 --> 00:23:44,975
You've got to help me!
202
00:23:45,009 --> 00:23:46,632
I'm really, really trapped.
203
00:23:46,666 --> 00:23:48,599
And there's all these...
there's those...
204
00:23:48,634 --> 00:23:51,430
[officer moaning]
205
00:23:52,016 --> 00:23:52,776
Who's this?
206
00:23:52,810 --> 00:23:55,330
[moaning]
207
00:23:56,573 --> 00:23:58,575
Zombie police.
208
00:23:58,609 --> 00:24:01,819
[moaning on phone
and in bathroom]
209
00:24:02,889 --> 00:24:05,305
Shut the fuck up!
210
00:24:07,998 --> 00:24:10,310
[officer moaning]
211
00:24:14,556 --> 00:24:18,215
["Silent Night" resumes
over speaker]
212
00:24:41,894 --> 00:24:43,965
[sobbing in adjacent stall]
213
00:24:43,999 --> 00:24:45,656
Hey.
214
00:24:45,691 --> 00:24:46,899
No, no, no.
Shush, shush.
215
00:24:47,831 --> 00:24:48,866
Shush, shush.
216
00:24:48,901 --> 00:24:50,903
Hello?
Shh, shh!
217
00:24:50,937 --> 00:24:52,663
Don't cry.
218
00:24:52,698 --> 00:24:54,976
Please...
don't cry.
219
00:24:55,010 --> 00:24:57,392
Shush, shush, shush!
220
00:24:57,426 --> 00:24:59,394
I didn't mean to hurt you.
221
00:24:59,428 --> 00:25:01,638
I didn't mean to smash you
in the head in with a...
222
00:25:01,672 --> 00:25:03,260
toilet seat.
And I didn't mean to stab you
223
00:25:03,294 --> 00:25:04,364
in the mouth
with a screwdriver.
224
00:25:04,399 --> 00:25:06,712
But...
you tried to eat me...
225
00:25:06,746 --> 00:25:08,748
and you stole my trousers.
So...
226
00:25:08,783 --> 00:25:10,370
I'm not a zombie, you dick!
227
00:25:10,405 --> 00:25:11,993
Yeah.
Yeah, you are.
228
00:25:12,027 --> 00:25:14,547
I came in a few minutes
before the peep show.
229
00:25:14,582 --> 00:25:16,860
I'm in the third stall along!
230
00:25:16,894 --> 00:25:18,551
Err...
231
00:25:18,586 --> 00:25:20,380
Okay.
Errr...
232
00:25:20,415 --> 00:25:22,003
Why didn't you say anything?
233
00:25:22,037 --> 00:25:24,557
Uhh...
Because I was...busy?
234
00:25:24,592 --> 00:25:26,110
Busy?
235
00:25:26,145 --> 00:25:27,905
Busy doing what?!
236
00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:30,563
What do you think girls do in
the bathroom?
237
00:25:30,598 --> 00:25:33,566
Um, well from my limited
experience I'd have to say
238
00:25:33,601 --> 00:25:35,534
"lez up" and rip each other's
throats out.
239
00:25:35,568 --> 00:25:36,707
I worked with those girls.
240
00:25:36,742 --> 00:25:37,743
Oh, sorry.
241
00:25:37,777 --> 00:25:40,262
Ahh, don't worry about it.
They were bitches.
242
00:25:40,297 --> 00:25:41,332
You got a phone?
243
00:25:41,367 --> 00:25:42,989
No, it's gone AWOL.
244
00:25:43,024 --> 00:25:45,095
Jesus, we're fucked,
aren't we?
245
00:25:45,129 --> 00:25:46,268
Maybe?
246
00:25:46,303 --> 00:25:49,962
So, are you maintenance,
a pervert or both?
247
00:25:49,996 --> 00:25:50,928
Maintenance.
248
00:25:50,963 --> 00:25:51,929
Well, great!
249
00:25:51,964 --> 00:25:54,138
Have have you got any tools?
You must have!
250
00:25:54,173 --> 00:25:56,555
Come on, something we can
use to like, cut off their heads
251
00:25:56,589 --> 00:25:58,453
or bash in their skulls!
252
00:26:02,284 --> 00:26:04,597
[snarling]
253
00:26:07,807 --> 00:26:09,809
Really good!
254
00:26:09,844 --> 00:26:11,052
Yes.
Yeah!
255
00:26:11,086 --> 00:26:12,985
Yeah, I've got
shit loads of stuff!
256
00:26:13,019 --> 00:26:15,988
It's in my tool...
257
00:26:16,022 --> 00:26:18,024
[snaps fingers]
Oh.
258
00:26:22,650 --> 00:26:23,409
Ahh!
Don't!
259
00:26:23,443 --> 00:26:25,618
No, no, no, no, no!
No, ahh!
260
00:26:25,653 --> 00:26:28,069
What are you doing?
261
00:26:28,103 --> 00:26:30,968
Learning a valuable lesson.
- What?
262
00:26:31,003 --> 00:26:32,004
Nothing.
263
00:26:32,038 --> 00:26:33,626
Where's this tool box?
264
00:26:33,661 --> 00:26:34,662
[sighs]
Sink.
265
00:26:34,696 --> 00:26:36,180
Oh, shit!
266
00:26:36,215 --> 00:26:38,320
Is there anything in your stall
we can use?
267
00:26:38,355 --> 00:26:39,736
Only if you wanna
wipe their arses
268
00:26:39,770 --> 00:26:41,669
and give them a posh wank!
269
00:26:41,703 --> 00:26:42,842
Maybe that's a cure.
270
00:26:42,877 --> 00:26:45,189
Okay, well...
Hey, you go first!
271
00:26:45,224 --> 00:26:46,674
You know what?
Oh, don't worry!
272
00:26:46,708 --> 00:26:48,054
If you die in the process,
273
00:26:48,089 --> 00:26:51,161
I'm gonna make sure
they erect a big statue
274
00:26:51,195 --> 00:26:53,784
of you in the town hall.
You will be like...
275
00:26:53,819 --> 00:26:55,544
jerking off a zombie
with one hand,
276
00:26:55,579 --> 00:26:58,133
scooping out his
dirty crack with the other!
277
00:26:58,168 --> 00:27:01,205
Ahh!
My hero.
278
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,829
[blows raspberry
and laughs]
279
00:27:03,863 --> 00:27:04,830
Woah, woah, woah,
woah, woah!
280
00:27:04,864 --> 00:27:06,590
What's going on?
281
00:27:10,145 --> 00:27:13,562
Er, you've got another
five dead arses to wipe.
282
00:27:13,597 --> 00:27:15,806
Shit!
283
00:27:17,739 --> 00:27:19,189
So, what's your name?
284
00:27:19,223 --> 00:27:20,535
What's your name?
285
00:27:20,569 --> 00:27:22,502
Did you know Romero?
286
00:27:22,537 --> 00:27:25,126
Oh.
287
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,955
[laughs]
288
00:27:26,990 --> 00:27:28,785
Yeah, it's not really.
289
00:27:28,819 --> 00:27:30,649
That would be ridiculous.
290
00:27:30,683 --> 00:27:32,996
It's Smith.
Evie Smith.
291
00:27:33,030 --> 00:27:35,205
So, were you having
a good time?
292
00:27:35,239 --> 00:27:36,516
Woah, woah, woah.
No, no, no, no!
293
00:27:36,551 --> 00:27:38,622
I was just trying to have a poo.
I wasn't doing anyth--
294
00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:39,692
At the party, numb nuts!
295
00:27:39,727 --> 00:27:41,867
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was, it was, um...
296
00:27:41,901 --> 00:27:43,800
kicking.
- Really?
297
00:27:43,834 --> 00:27:45,733
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was partying with Jeff.
298
00:27:45,767 --> 00:27:47,424
Jefferoni!
Jefferson Airplane!
299
00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:48,977
Yeah, Geoff from accounts?
300
00:27:49,012 --> 00:27:51,635
No, ewww.
Jeff from I.T.
301
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,706
You're pals with Jeff from
I.T.?
302
00:27:53,741 --> 00:27:56,157
He is, like, the hottest guy
in the building!
303
00:27:56,191 --> 00:27:57,917
Yeah, people say we look alike.
So, um...
304
00:27:57,952 --> 00:27:58,918
Wow!
- Yeah, yeah.
305
00:27:58,953 --> 00:28:00,748
We're mistaken for brothers
all the time.
306
00:28:00,782 --> 00:28:04,268
Actually, it's funny.
You don't sound...black!
307
00:28:04,303 --> 00:28:05,614
No, err...
308
00:28:05,649 --> 00:28:08,514
I'm more of a...
pale...
309
00:28:08,548 --> 00:28:12,069
vanilla version of Jeff.
Jefferoni.
310
00:28:12,104 --> 00:28:13,415
Jefferson Airplane.
311
00:28:13,450 --> 00:28:15,901
[stammering]
And you're in
a wheelchair too?
312
00:28:15,935 --> 00:28:17,178
What?
- [laughs]
313
00:28:17,212 --> 00:28:19,352
I'm fucking with you!
314
00:28:19,387 --> 00:28:21,561
Hey, um, why don't you
jump up on your toilet
315
00:28:21,596 --> 00:28:22,597
and give us a wave?
316
00:28:22,631 --> 00:28:24,599
Oh, I can't.
I hurt my back
317
00:28:24,633 --> 00:28:26,739
doing my party piece
for the auction.
318
00:28:26,774 --> 00:28:28,741
Hey, you know the
Salt-n-Pepa routine
319
00:28:28,776 --> 00:28:30,294
that snagged three grand for
the headless orphans
320
00:28:30,329 --> 00:28:31,744
of Uganda?
321
00:28:31,779 --> 00:28:34,402
Yep, that was me.
- Thank you!
322
00:28:34,436 --> 00:28:36,128
[whispering]
Thank you!
323
00:28:36,542 --> 00:28:37,888
Hello?
324
00:28:37,923 --> 00:28:41,409
[stammering]
No, I didn't see that.
I totally missed that one?
325
00:28:41,443 --> 00:28:43,652
Don't worry.
I'll live.
326
00:28:43,687 --> 00:28:45,447
Yeah, so what
do you look like?
327
00:28:45,482 --> 00:28:47,553
What, er, me?
I'm like er, er,
328
00:28:47,587 --> 00:28:50,798
a blonde Keira Knightley.
But with boobs.
329
00:28:50,832 --> 00:28:52,075
and skinnier.
330
00:28:52,109 --> 00:28:53,939
Heh, I've always said she could
do with losing a few pounds.
331
00:28:53,973 --> 00:28:56,735
You know, I'm not gonna
apologize for being able to
332
00:28:56,769 --> 00:28:59,910
squeeze into my
size six hot pants.
333
00:28:59,945 --> 00:29:02,395
I mean, the world's media
goes fucking schizoid
334
00:29:02,430 --> 00:29:04,639
when a skinny model pops up
on the cover of Cosmo,
335
00:29:04,673 --> 00:29:07,297
but, you know, who dares go
after that fatty boom-boom...
336
00:29:07,331 --> 00:29:08,332
- Yeah
- ..."big is beautifuls"
337
00:29:08,367 --> 00:29:11,301
for glamorizing heart disease
and diabetes?
338
00:29:11,335 --> 00:29:13,510
I mean, fuck, when, when was
it a bad idea for a kid
339
00:29:13,544 --> 00:29:15,374
to put down a bacon double
cheeseburger, huh?
340
00:29:15,408 --> 00:29:16,685
Never.
341
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,653
I think by the end of the week,
the nations kids are gonna be
342
00:29:18,687 --> 00:29:20,689
living on a diet of intestines
and eyeballs.
343
00:29:20,724 --> 00:29:23,313
That's one hot potato we can
flush down the loo.
344
00:29:23,347 --> 00:29:25,694
Jamie Oliver's fucked
[laughs]
345
00:29:25,729 --> 00:29:27,317
Hey, you must be
in bulimic heaven.
346
00:29:27,351 --> 00:29:28,352
Yeah, why's that?
347
00:29:28,387 --> 00:29:29,491
[exhales hot air]
348
00:29:29,526 --> 00:29:30,803
Well you know.
Living in a toilet,
349
00:29:30,838 --> 00:29:31,942
surrounded by skeletons.
350
00:29:31,977 --> 00:29:33,357
Who said I was bulimic?
351
00:29:33,392 --> 00:29:34,911
Well, the alarm bells are
ringing.
352
00:29:34,945 --> 00:29:36,464
Fuck you!
353
00:29:36,498 --> 00:29:38,121
Alarm bells!
354
00:29:38,155 --> 00:29:39,363
Fucking alarm bells!
355
00:29:39,398 --> 00:29:40,779
Look, I'm not bulimic, okay!
356
00:29:40,813 --> 00:29:42,504
I may be a little anorexic,
but--
357
00:29:42,539 --> 00:29:43,747
No, no, no.
Fire alarm!
358
00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:45,197
We can set off the fucking
fire alarm!
359
00:29:45,231 --> 00:29:48,096
Ahh, great idea!
Zombie firemen!
360
00:29:48,131 --> 00:29:50,961
Bigger zombies...with axes!
Yay!
361
00:29:50,996 --> 00:29:53,205
Get them to pay us a visit!
362
00:29:54,758 --> 00:29:56,139
Okay, where are you?
Yeah!
363
00:29:56,173 --> 00:29:58,658
Okay, all we need to do is bust
the glass on that alarm
364
00:29:58,693 --> 00:30:00,039
and someone's just
gotta come.
365
00:30:00,074 --> 00:30:02,662
And how do we do that?
366
00:30:11,982 --> 00:30:13,121
[elastic snapping]
367
00:30:13,156 --> 00:30:15,744
[laughing]
Oh my God!
Did you see that?
368
00:30:15,779 --> 00:30:17,643
[laughing]
Did you fucking see that?
369
00:30:17,677 --> 00:30:18,817
Yeah, I watching!
I'm watching!
370
00:30:18,851 --> 00:30:20,715
Keep going!
371
00:30:20,749 --> 00:30:22,372
Let's go again.
372
00:30:22,406 --> 00:30:24,961
Cheese and whiskers!
What's her problem?!
373
00:30:24,995 --> 00:30:27,584
Er, I don't think she likes me
using her bestest lingerie
374
00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:29,517
as a catapult.
375
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:33,245
Shit!
- Fuck!
376
00:30:33,279 --> 00:30:35,903
What's the ammo count,
William Smell?
377
00:30:35,937 --> 00:30:37,697
Two.
378
00:30:46,258 --> 00:30:47,880
For the love of fuck!
379
00:30:50,538 --> 00:30:53,610
[cell phone beeps
then crunches]
380
00:30:55,508 --> 00:30:56,475
Last one?!
381
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,547
Yeah.
- Well, make it count!
382
00:31:06,761 --> 00:31:09,453
[soundtrack music swells ♪]
383
00:31:11,283 --> 00:31:13,630
Don't worry guys.
I'm here to get you out!
384
00:31:13,664 --> 00:31:14,700
[Evie]
Whose that?!
385
00:31:14,734 --> 00:31:15,735
It's me, Jeff.
386
00:31:15,770 --> 00:31:18,704
Is that Jeff from I.T.
or Geoff from Accounts?
387
00:31:18,738 --> 00:31:20,499
Jeff from I.T.
388
00:31:22,087 --> 00:31:24,158
Really, really good.
389
00:31:24,192 --> 00:31:26,539
Okay, looks like this
is all that's left.
390
00:31:26,574 --> 00:31:28,300
Everybody else has gone
full mongo,
391
00:31:28,334 --> 00:31:32,235
so let's get this show on--
[gagging]
392
00:31:32,269 --> 00:31:35,376
What do you want to get
the show on Jeff?!
393
00:31:35,410 --> 00:31:39,242
Jeff?
Is it "the road," Jeff?!
394
00:31:39,276 --> 00:31:42,279
Oh!
395
00:31:42,314 --> 00:31:45,973
Are we getting the show
on the road?!
396
00:31:46,007 --> 00:31:47,595
Jeff?!
397
00:31:49,321 --> 00:31:50,460
[gagging]
398
00:31:50,494 --> 00:31:53,946
Oh, please, say we're getting
the show on the road!
399
00:32:13,862 --> 00:32:15,450
What's going on?!
400
00:32:15,485 --> 00:32:17,625
Shut up!
401
00:32:25,184 --> 00:32:27,014
I got it!
402
00:32:43,651 --> 00:32:46,654
We're not getting the show
on the road, are we?
403
00:33:18,168 --> 00:33:20,239
So...
404
00:33:20,274 --> 00:33:23,967
What are "we" doing
for Christmas?
405
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:36,566
Okay, I take it you're not
a Christmas guy, huh?
406
00:33:40,121 --> 00:33:43,849
No, err...
I'm not a Christmas guy.
407
00:33:43,883 --> 00:33:45,954
You don't like Christmas?
408
00:33:45,989 --> 00:33:48,888
God, how can you not
like Christmas?
409
00:33:48,923 --> 00:33:52,064
Do you know when, err,
Garfield's birthday is?
410
00:33:52,099 --> 00:33:53,686
G-Garfield's birthday?
411
00:33:53,721 --> 00:33:56,172
Yeah, Garfield's birthday.
412
00:33:56,206 --> 00:33:59,451
Uhh...
No?
413
00:33:59,485 --> 00:34:02,488
It's June 19th.
It's, it's on June 19th.
414
00:34:02,523 --> 00:34:04,456
Your tool box you forget,
415
00:34:04,490 --> 00:34:07,217
but the birth date of a cartoon
cat you remember?
416
00:34:07,252 --> 00:34:09,288
Wow, that's prioritizing for
you.
417
00:34:09,323 --> 00:34:11,014
Why do you even
remember that?
418
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,292
[sighs[
It's my mum's birthday.
419
00:34:13,327 --> 00:34:16,054
Aww!
That's sweeet!
420
00:34:16,088 --> 00:34:18,090
So what's your point?
421
00:34:18,125 --> 00:34:21,645
Everyday during
my 30-minute break from...
422
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,648
changing light bulbs
and fixing photocopiers...
423
00:34:24,683 --> 00:34:27,548
I sit on the loo,
I drink my coffee,
424
00:34:27,582 --> 00:34:28,790
I eat my sandwich,
425
00:34:28,825 --> 00:34:30,206
and I flick to the back
of the newspaper
426
00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:31,759
to see what Garfield's
been up to.
427
00:34:31,793 --> 00:34:35,245
Okay, it's always ultimately
a slight variation on...
428
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,972
pushing Odie off a table,
or eating lasagna,
429
00:34:38,006 --> 00:34:39,905
or hating Mondays.
But it's enough.
430
00:34:39,939 --> 00:34:42,010
Enough to get me through
my fucking day.
431
00:34:42,045 --> 00:34:43,978
or at least raise
a fucking smile.
432
00:34:44,012 --> 00:34:45,255
I got this job
straight outta school,
433
00:34:45,290 --> 00:34:46,981
so that means Garfield's been
giving me a smile a day
434
00:34:47,015 --> 00:34:48,120
for ten years.
435
00:34:48,155 --> 00:34:50,329
It's a decade of mild chuckles.
436
00:34:50,364 --> 00:34:52,607
Which is infinitely more than
what Jesus Christ
437
00:34:52,642 --> 00:34:54,092
has ever done for me.
438
00:34:54,126 --> 00:34:55,507
So, next June 19th,
439
00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:58,648
will I be singing
my Garfield carols,
440
00:34:58,682 --> 00:35:00,477
sticking up
my Garfield tree
441
00:35:00,512 --> 00:35:01,754
and opening
my Garfield cards?
442
00:35:01,789 --> 00:35:02,893
No.
443
00:35:02,928 --> 00:35:04,861
So, it seems slightly unfair
and hypocritical of me
444
00:35:04,895 --> 00:35:07,139
to celebrate the birthday of
another heavily merchandised
445
00:35:07,174 --> 00:35:09,141
fictitious character that will
never, ever get me to crack
446
00:35:09,176 --> 00:35:11,109
a motherfucking smile.
447
00:35:12,834 --> 00:35:17,287
[laughing]
You are fucking nuts!
448
00:35:17,322 --> 00:35:19,531
Yeah, well...
449
00:35:19,565 --> 00:35:20,946
God, if that's how
you see things,
450
00:35:20,980 --> 00:35:22,396
why do you even wanna
get outta this place?
451
00:35:22,430 --> 00:35:24,639
Fuck, I said I didn't
like Christmas,
452
00:35:24,674 --> 00:35:27,746
I didn't say I was suicidal.
Jesus Christ!
453
00:35:30,058 --> 00:35:32,613
So, you're close
to you're mummy?
454
00:35:32,647 --> 00:35:33,545
What?!
455
00:35:33,579 --> 00:35:35,305
Well, you mentioned
your mum?
456
00:35:35,340 --> 00:35:36,375
Is that who you're...
457
00:35:36,410 --> 00:35:38,136
"uncelebrating"
Christmas with?
458
00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:39,344
Nooo.
459
00:35:39,378 --> 00:35:40,379
What?
460
00:35:40,414 --> 00:35:42,519
You're not even seeing
you're Mum at Christmas?
461
00:35:42,554 --> 00:35:44,659
I mean bug nuts atheist
propaganda aside,
462
00:35:44,694 --> 00:35:47,455
isn't there anyone you wanna
spend the Yuletide with?
463
00:35:47,490 --> 00:35:49,699
All right, well, I could layout
the figgy pudding
464
00:35:49,733 --> 00:35:52,840
and mince pies on my dead
dad's cider-soaked grave.
465
00:35:52,874 --> 00:35:54,704
Or, okay, let me see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
466
00:35:54,738 --> 00:35:56,326
I could visit my cheating
ex-girlfriend and watch her
467
00:35:56,361 --> 00:35:58,294
throw a Brussels sprout
at my fucking head.
468
00:35:58,328 --> 00:36:00,675
Yeah, and what about
your Mum?
469
00:36:02,090 --> 00:36:03,230
Err...
470
00:36:03,264 --> 00:36:05,404
I haven't spoken
to her for a while.
471
00:36:05,439 --> 00:36:08,407
No?
For how long?
472
00:36:10,444 --> 00:36:11,548
Couple of years?
473
00:36:11,583 --> 00:36:12,653
Why?
474
00:36:13,723 --> 00:36:18,417
Kind of, borrowed some
money off her...for college.
475
00:36:18,452 --> 00:36:20,074
Didn't pay her back.
476
00:36:20,108 --> 00:36:23,215
Well, that's not bad.
It was an education.
477
00:36:23,250 --> 00:36:25,252
She's probably proud.
478
00:36:25,286 --> 00:36:29,773
Yeah, proud.
479
00:36:29,808 --> 00:36:30,878
You didn't go, did you?
480
00:36:30,912 --> 00:36:32,017
Of course I went!
481
00:36:32,051 --> 00:36:35,952
I got a BA Honors in fucking
unblocking the shitter!
482
00:36:35,986 --> 00:36:37,367
Course I didn't fucking go.
483
00:36:37,402 --> 00:36:39,921
What did you spend
the cash on?
484
00:36:39,956 --> 00:36:41,854
Errr, I dunno.
485
00:36:41,889 --> 00:36:43,925
Yeah, you do.
486
00:36:46,963 --> 00:36:50,242
I lost it on a bet with Mikey,
the pot-head security guard.
487
00:36:50,277 --> 00:36:53,694
What did you bet on?
488
00:36:53,728 --> 00:36:55,109
2012.
489
00:36:55,143 --> 00:36:57,076
That's a really weird time
to have a horse race.
490
00:36:57,111 --> 00:37:00,079
No, no.
The year 2012?
491
00:37:00,114 --> 00:37:01,736
What?!
492
00:37:02,841 --> 00:37:05,568
Mikey bet me that the whole
Mayan Calendar...
493
00:37:05,602 --> 00:37:08,881
bullshit thing was...
bullshit...and...
494
00:37:08,916 --> 00:37:09,744
Guess what?
495
00:37:09,779 --> 00:37:10,642
it was bullshit!
496
00:37:10,676 --> 00:37:11,470
Yeah.
497
00:37:11,505 --> 00:37:12,782
Okay, tell me.
If you were right,
498
00:37:12,816 --> 00:37:14,473
if you had won that bet.
499
00:37:14,508 --> 00:37:16,717
How were you expecting
to spend the money?
500
00:37:16,751 --> 00:37:18,650
Like a motherfucking
pimp, that's how!
501
00:37:18,684 --> 00:37:20,652
That's not what I meant.
502
00:37:20,686 --> 00:37:24,069
Um...
503
00:37:24,103 --> 00:37:27,348
Well, let's just see how this
whole situation pans out.
504
00:37:27,383 --> 00:37:28,211
[chuckles]
505
00:37:28,246 --> 00:37:30,178
Mikey might be eating
his words...
506
00:37:30,213 --> 00:37:32,698
or his kids.
507
00:37:36,530 --> 00:37:38,083
Give her a call.
508
00:37:38,117 --> 00:37:38,946
Who?
509
00:37:38,980 --> 00:37:40,258
Your mother.
510
00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:41,811
My phone's filled
with brains and piss.
511
00:37:41,845 --> 00:37:44,089
I mean, when we
get out of here...
512
00:37:44,123 --> 00:37:46,505
Just give mummy a call.
513
00:37:46,540 --> 00:37:49,957
That kinda stuff's important.
514
00:37:55,618 --> 00:37:56,998
How about your family
and stuff?
515
00:37:57,033 --> 00:37:58,414
Oh, me?
Ohh!
516
00:37:58,448 --> 00:38:00,968
You know what?
I have a huuuge family!
517
00:38:01,002 --> 00:38:03,004
And we all go to Uncle Keith's
for Christmas dinner.
518
00:38:03,039 --> 00:38:05,421
Like, I mean, everyone goes.
Everyone...
519
00:38:05,455 --> 00:38:07,871
So, there's mummy and
daddy, brothers and sisters,
520
00:38:07,906 --> 00:38:09,321
aunties, uncles,
grandmas and granddads,
521
00:38:09,356 --> 00:38:10,288
nieces and nephews--
522
00:38:10,322 --> 00:38:11,323
You know what I can't
help but think,
523
00:38:11,358 --> 00:38:12,980
when I see
a large family like that?
524
00:38:13,014 --> 00:38:14,153
What?
525
00:38:14,188 --> 00:38:15,534
All those funerals.
526
00:38:15,569 --> 00:38:16,708
You're a dick.
527
00:38:16,742 --> 00:38:17,674
I''m just saying.
528
00:38:17,709 --> 00:38:18,710
Yeah. I don't want to hear it!
529
00:38:18,744 --> 00:38:20,021
You know, just
a witty observation.
530
00:38:20,056 --> 00:38:21,816
I don't want to hear it!
- Didn't mean any offense--
531
00:38:21,851 --> 00:38:23,335
Look, just grab your bra,
532
00:38:23,370 --> 00:38:26,062
pull your finger out and get us
the fuck out of here!
533
00:38:30,446 --> 00:38:32,793
[moaning]
534
00:38:36,279 --> 00:38:37,936
Yeah, yeah!
535
00:38:44,563 --> 00:38:46,324
Jesus!
- Christ!
536
00:38:53,814 --> 00:38:54,849
Oh fuck!
537
00:38:54,884 --> 00:38:55,885
What have you done?
538
00:38:55,919 --> 00:38:56,851
Oh, nothing.
539
00:38:56,886 --> 00:38:58,059
I don't hear any alarms!
540
00:38:58,094 --> 00:39:00,993
Um, you'll be hearing some
bells in a minute.
541
00:39:01,028 --> 00:39:03,548
Okay, I honestly can't believe
I'm gonna say this, but...
542
00:39:03,582 --> 00:39:05,032
have we got company?!
543
00:39:05,066 --> 00:39:07,068
Errr...
Zombie Elf!
544
00:39:07,103 --> 00:39:09,208
What?!
Where?!
545
00:39:09,243 --> 00:39:10,589
Look, he's gonna be popping
up any minute.
546
00:39:10,624 --> 00:39:12,108
Is there anything you can
bash his head in with?
547
00:39:12,142 --> 00:39:13,523
With what?!
548
00:39:13,558 --> 00:39:15,870
Are you sure you haven't got
any weapons of any kind?
549
00:39:15,905 --> 00:39:18,010
Oh well, only this Taser,
550
00:39:18,045 --> 00:39:19,460
but I'm only meant to use it
in emergencies!
551
00:39:19,495 --> 00:39:20,496
You've got a Taser?
552
00:39:20,530 --> 00:39:22,567
No, I haven't got a Taser,
you retard!
553
00:39:22,601 --> 00:39:24,914
Now fucking help me!
- How?!
554
00:39:24,948 --> 00:39:26,881
Think outside the box!
- Ha!
555
00:39:26,916 --> 00:39:27,641
[laughing]
Ah, you said...
556
00:39:27,675 --> 00:39:30,195
Well, I dunno!
Distract him!
557
00:39:30,229 --> 00:39:32,266
Slit your wrists!
Cut your ear off!
558
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:34,061
Use your brains!
559
00:39:34,095 --> 00:39:35,407
[digital recorder playing]
Use your brains!
560
00:39:35,442 --> 00:39:37,133
They eat flesh and blood,
don't they?
561
00:39:37,167 --> 00:39:38,445
Besides self-harming,
where am I gonna get
562
00:39:38,479 --> 00:39:39,963
blood from?
From inside a toilet
563
00:39:39,998 --> 00:39:42,828
cu...bic..cle?
564
00:39:43,484 --> 00:39:45,555
Come and get it!
565
00:39:45,590 --> 00:39:47,419
[laughing]
566
00:39:47,454 --> 00:39:49,628
Oh!
567
00:39:53,287 --> 00:39:55,945
[gagging]
568
00:40:07,474 --> 00:40:09,476
[straining]
569
00:40:31,256 --> 00:40:32,982
We're okay.
Okay.
570
00:40:33,016 --> 00:40:35,640
[whispering]
Be careful!
571
00:40:35,674 --> 00:40:37,814
[slurping and gurgling]
572
00:40:48,031 --> 00:40:49,723
Be careful!
573
00:41:21,340 --> 00:41:24,102
[straining]
574
00:41:46,227 --> 00:41:48,229
Hey [indistinct]!
Look out!
575
00:41:52,682 --> 00:41:54,270
Woah!
576
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,342
[Evie yelling]
Go, go, go!
577
00:41:58,377 --> 00:42:00,794
Quick, go!
Go!
578
00:42:02,174 --> 00:42:04,245
Come on!
Quickly!
579
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:05,592
Do it quick, quick!
580
00:42:05,626 --> 00:42:07,870
Fuck off!
581
00:42:09,492 --> 00:42:11,114
[yelling]
582
00:42:17,051 --> 00:42:19,088
That went well.
583
00:42:39,971 --> 00:42:42,042
[squishing sounds]
584
00:42:42,076 --> 00:42:44,769
[groaning]
585
00:42:59,542 --> 00:43:01,648
[sighs]
586
00:43:04,029 --> 00:43:05,962
[screams]
587
00:43:21,702 --> 00:43:23,739
[screams]
588
00:43:25,188 --> 00:43:27,121
He lives!
589
00:43:27,156 --> 00:43:28,744
Oh...
590
00:43:28,778 --> 00:43:30,331
Oh God.
591
00:43:30,366 --> 00:43:32,368
I was hoping I had
slept through Christmas!
592
00:43:32,402 --> 00:43:35,440
Nope, still one more sleep.
593
00:43:35,474 --> 00:43:36,821
One more sleep.
594
00:43:36,855 --> 00:43:38,616
Wish these fuckers
would sleep.
595
00:43:38,650 --> 00:43:41,619
God, I am sick and tired
of zombies.
596
00:43:41,653 --> 00:43:43,655
Tired and sick!
597
00:43:43,690 --> 00:43:46,071
Ah!
Zombies!
598
00:43:47,694 --> 00:43:49,799
You know, now we know
that zombies are real.
599
00:43:49,834 --> 00:43:51,663
I wonder if other stuff's
real too?
600
00:43:51,698 --> 00:43:52,664
What like?
601
00:43:52,699 --> 00:43:54,701
Ah, I don't know?
You know like...
602
00:43:54,735 --> 00:43:57,393
Frankensteins or...
603
00:43:57,427 --> 00:44:00,016
Pikachus or...
604
00:44:00,051 --> 00:44:01,328
d♪dinosaurs?
605
00:44:01,362 --> 00:44:02,709
Wanna make another bet?
606
00:44:02,743 --> 00:44:05,125
[coughs]
Fuck you.
607
00:44:05,159 --> 00:44:07,334
Are you okay?
- Pain.
608
00:44:07,368 --> 00:44:08,197
Hang on.
609
00:44:08,231 --> 00:44:10,061
When you were out
for the count...
610
00:44:10,095 --> 00:44:12,063
I popped out and did a little
bit
611
00:44:12,097 --> 00:44:13,685
of last minute
Christmas shopping.
612
00:44:13,720 --> 00:44:15,514
Yeah?
- Yep.
613
00:44:15,549 --> 00:44:18,448
The missiles are flying!
614
00:44:19,346 --> 00:44:21,244
It's a Christmas present.
615
00:44:23,039 --> 00:44:24,420
It's not Christmas yet.
616
00:44:24,454 --> 00:44:26,871
Aw, didn't your mummy ever
sneak you an early gift
617
00:44:26,905 --> 00:44:28,044
on Christmas Eve?
618
00:44:28,079 --> 00:44:30,253
I was lucky if I was sneaked a
gift on Christmas day.
619
00:44:30,288 --> 00:44:32,014
Open it.
620
00:44:32,048 --> 00:44:33,429
Better not be
what I think it is.
621
00:44:33,463 --> 00:44:35,017
Yeah, they were all out
of Turbo-Men.
622
00:44:35,051 --> 00:44:39,193
Opennn iiitt.
"It's Turbo Time!"
623
00:44:39,228 --> 00:44:40,229
Mmm.
624
00:44:40,263 --> 00:44:42,507
Come on.
It'll take the pain away!
625
00:44:42,541 --> 00:44:44,647
Yeah.
- Jeepers creepers!
626
00:44:44,682 --> 00:44:46,614
You know what, you should
thank your lucky stars
627
00:44:46,649 --> 00:44:48,375
that you didn't have to learn
to appreciate gifts
628
00:44:48,409 --> 00:44:49,756
the way I did.
629
00:44:49,790 --> 00:44:51,619
What do you mean?
630
00:44:51,654 --> 00:44:54,450
Okay, When I was 15...
631
00:44:54,484 --> 00:44:56,624
all I wanted for Christmas
was my ears pierced.
632
00:44:56,659 --> 00:44:59,869
I mean, like, I really
wanted them pierced.
633
00:44:59,904 --> 00:45:02,251
By this time, all my friends
were wearing earrings.
634
00:45:02,285 --> 00:45:05,288
I was the only one making do
with these shitty clip-ons.
635
00:45:05,323 --> 00:45:07,705
And I knew my mum was
dead set against it but...
636
00:45:07,739 --> 00:45:10,121
You know, I thought I had a
chance if I buttered up Daddy.
637
00:45:10,155 --> 00:45:12,226
So, the week
before Christmas,
638
00:45:12,261 --> 00:45:14,297
mummy was out
getting the turkey,
639
00:45:14,332 --> 00:45:16,886
and Daddy and I were left
alone, trimming the tree.
640
00:45:16,921 --> 00:45:20,890
I asked him if I could,
you know, get 'em pierced.
641
00:45:20,925 --> 00:45:23,928
He ummed and he ahhed
and he did the whole
642
00:45:23,962 --> 00:45:27,207
usual cliche'd responsible
parent bullshit, but...
643
00:45:27,241 --> 00:45:29,312
I gave him the
Disney Princess eyes
644
00:45:29,347 --> 00:45:31,142
and the little girl pout.
645
00:45:31,176 --> 00:45:33,972
I put up a good fight.
646
00:45:34,007 --> 00:45:37,665
So...
after some serious thought,
647
00:45:37,700 --> 00:45:39,667
Daddy strolled over
to the liquor cabinet,
648
00:45:39,702 --> 00:45:40,945
poured himself
some egg nog,
649
00:45:40,979 --> 00:45:43,257
drew the curtains
and then, yeah,
650
00:45:43,292 --> 00:45:46,226
he told me I could get
my ears pierced...
651
00:45:46,260 --> 00:45:49,263
if I sucked his dick.
652
00:45:49,298 --> 00:45:51,058
So, yeah, I soon learned that
I,
653
00:45:51,093 --> 00:45:53,164
I must've inherited my
bargaining skills from him,
654
00:45:53,198 --> 00:45:55,097
because as
"Do They Know it's Christmas"
655
00:45:55,131 --> 00:45:57,582
played in the background,
my knees were...
656
00:45:57,616 --> 00:45:59,342
sinking into the shag pile,
657
00:45:59,377 --> 00:46:02,138
and I was unzipping
Daddy's chords and...
658
00:46:02,173 --> 00:46:04,485
I put my lips
around his cock and...
659
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:05,970
started blowing him and...
660
00:46:06,004 --> 00:46:08,006
even though it was the first
dick I'd ever sucked,
661
00:46:08,041 --> 00:46:10,284
I knew something wasn't right.
It...
662
00:46:10,319 --> 00:46:14,012
It tasted strange.
663
00:46:14,047 --> 00:46:15,945
I pulled his boner
out of my mouth,
664
00:46:15,980 --> 00:46:18,154
and I started spitting.
665
00:46:18,189 --> 00:46:19,984
"What's wrong, Sweetie?"
he said.
666
00:46:20,018 --> 00:46:24,298
"Ooh, daddy!
Your dick tastes of poo-poo!"
667
00:46:24,333 --> 00:46:26,680
Daddy looked me in the eyes,
and he said,
668
00:46:26,714 --> 00:46:30,511
"Yeah, that's because your
brother wants a computer."
669
00:46:30,546 --> 00:46:34,239
[laughing]
670
00:46:37,346 --> 00:46:39,313
Ah, it's good isn't it!
671
00:46:40,245 --> 00:46:41,522
[can pops open]
672
00:46:50,497 --> 00:46:53,741
Computer!
Computer!
673
00:46:53,776 --> 00:46:55,882
I.T.!
674
00:46:55,916 --> 00:46:56,986
Fucking I.T.!
675
00:46:57,021 --> 00:46:58,505
What floor is this?!
- Seventh floor.
676
00:46:58,539 --> 00:47:00,058
Seventh floor!
Fuck!
677
00:47:00,093 --> 00:47:01,335
Shit!
Fuck!
678
00:47:01,370 --> 00:47:02,198
I.T.'s above us!
679
00:47:02,233 --> 00:47:03,510
Yeah.
Jeff's dead, okay?
680
00:47:03,544 --> 00:47:05,098
Your hang-ups can die
with him.
681
00:47:05,132 --> 00:47:06,789
No, no, no, no!
I.T.'s on the eighth.
682
00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:08,515
Which means...
683
00:47:09,757 --> 00:47:11,345
Yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
684
00:47:11,380 --> 00:47:13,692
Motherfucking yes!
- Motherfucking what?
685
00:47:13,727 --> 00:47:16,178
I.T.'s above us.
Which means the hub...
686
00:47:16,212 --> 00:47:16,868
The what?
687
00:47:16,903 --> 00:47:18,559
[stammering]
The hub.
688
00:47:18,594 --> 00:47:19,457
The brains of the computers,
689
00:47:19,491 --> 00:47:20,665
is directly behind
this fucking wall.
690
00:47:20,699 --> 00:47:22,840
Yeah, I really don't need to
upgrade my Dell right now.
691
00:47:22,874 --> 00:47:24,703
No, no, no, no, no.
There's a crawlspace.
692
00:47:24,738 --> 00:47:25,497
A crawlspace?
693
00:47:25,532 --> 00:47:27,258
Yeah, yeah...
694
00:47:28,224 --> 00:47:30,640
[groaning]
695
00:47:30,675 --> 00:47:32,021
Hello?!
696
00:47:32,056 --> 00:47:34,921
Ooh.
Aah.
697
00:47:34,955 --> 00:47:37,199
Uh.
Yeah, uh.
698
00:47:37,233 --> 00:47:38,027
What was I saying?
699
00:47:38,062 --> 00:47:39,235
Are you okay?
700
00:47:39,270 --> 00:47:40,996
No.
- Oh, shit.
701
00:47:41,030 --> 00:47:42,342
Have you popped the pill?
702
00:47:42,376 --> 00:47:44,309
Yeah.
- Okay, listen to me.
703
00:47:44,344 --> 00:47:49,867
We need to get out of here.
Okay, you need to focus.
704
00:47:49,901 --> 00:47:52,214
[female voice]
Hmm...
705
00:47:52,248 --> 00:47:55,010
But the queen is swimming
in my toilet.
706
00:47:55,044 --> 00:47:55,907
Hello!
707
00:47:55,942 --> 00:47:58,013
Oh poo!
He's a light weight.
708
00:47:58,047 --> 00:47:59,704
Okay, dude!
Dude, listen up!
709
00:47:59,738 --> 00:48:00,705
Err?
710
00:48:00,739 --> 00:48:02,465
Okay, you're gonna
have to sweat this out.
711
00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:04,364
Yeah, you're gonna have to get
this out of your system
712
00:48:04,398 --> 00:48:07,401
Ibiza style.
- Ooh!
713
00:48:07,436 --> 00:48:09,403
Hello?
714
00:48:09,438 --> 00:48:11,233
Hello!
715
00:48:11,267 --> 00:48:14,581
Santa's coming
to my hooouuuse!
716
00:48:14,615 --> 00:48:17,135
Right.
Okay.
717
00:48:17,170 --> 00:48:20,414
[house music plays
over speaker ♪]
718
00:48:21,588 --> 00:48:23,590
Ooh, now this is good!
We can use this.
719
00:48:23,624 --> 00:48:25,488
We can use this!
720
00:48:25,523 --> 00:48:26,351
Wooh-hoo!
721
00:48:26,386 --> 00:48:27,974
Now the party
really has started!
722
00:48:28,008 --> 00:48:29,182
Wooh!
- Are you dancing?
723
00:48:29,216 --> 00:48:30,735
This is the Christmas party,
isn't it?!
724
00:48:30,769 --> 00:48:32,392
Come on!
Move it, mister!
725
00:48:32,426 --> 00:48:33,738
Oh.
- Come on, you!
726
00:48:33,772 --> 00:48:35,947
Get up and shake
that boo-tay!
727
00:48:35,982 --> 00:48:38,122
Err, think I'm hemorrhaging.
728
00:48:38,156 --> 00:48:39,468
You know you want to!
729
00:48:39,502 --> 00:48:41,780
Let's party like it's
the last night on earth!
730
00:48:41,815 --> 00:48:43,230
Errr...
- Come on!
731
00:48:43,265 --> 00:48:47,096
Get up and show that toilet
duct what you're made of.
732
00:48:47,131 --> 00:48:50,099
[volume increases]
733
00:48:56,002 --> 00:48:57,831
That's better.
734
00:48:57,865 --> 00:49:00,351
Pick up the pace, granddad!
735
00:49:09,843 --> 00:49:12,708
Hey, Swayze!
You okay?!
736
00:49:12,742 --> 00:49:14,468
Er, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
737
00:49:14,503 --> 00:49:15,538
You sure?
738
00:49:15,573 --> 00:49:17,816
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's wearing off.
739
00:49:17,851 --> 00:49:19,611
It's totally wearing off.
740
00:49:19,646 --> 00:49:23,063
[music kicks in
full volume ♪]
741
00:49:47,915 --> 00:49:50,953
[♪ ]
742
00:50:24,297 --> 00:50:27,127
[song breaks down ♪]
743
00:50:33,961 --> 00:50:38,069
[♪ ]
744
00:51:02,438 --> 00:51:06,063
[song kicks back in ♪]
745
00:51:17,557 --> 00:51:19,731
[Evie]
Hey!
746
00:51:19,766 --> 00:51:22,769
Hey!
Hey!
747
00:51:24,115 --> 00:51:25,461
Hey!
748
00:51:26,186 --> 00:51:27,118
Huh?
749
00:51:27,153 --> 00:51:29,155
I've been calling you
for 45 minutes!
750
00:51:29,189 --> 00:51:31,433
Are you detoxed yet?!
751
00:51:34,781 --> 00:51:36,472
Yeah.
[Evie laughs]
752
00:51:36,507 --> 00:51:38,025
You know, I think
we're onto something.
753
00:51:38,060 --> 00:51:40,614
A party in a toilet.
It's genius!
754
00:51:40,649 --> 00:51:42,237
Urination is expected of you
755
00:51:42,271 --> 00:51:43,824
and it doesn't matter
if you puke!
756
00:51:43,859 --> 00:51:46,137
[laughs]
757
00:51:46,172 --> 00:51:47,276
You know...
758
00:51:47,311 --> 00:51:48,864
You really didn't strike me
as the kind of girl
759
00:51:48,898 --> 00:51:51,108
who sells herself to the highest
bidder on Christmas Eve.
760
00:51:51,142 --> 00:51:52,039
Oh really?
761
00:51:52,074 --> 00:51:54,283
What kind of girl
do I strike you as?
762
00:51:54,318 --> 00:51:55,974
One that's better than that.
763
00:51:56,009 --> 00:51:58,356
Well, appearances
can be deceiving.
764
00:51:58,391 --> 00:52:01,014
You don't strike me
as a low-life thief.
765
00:52:01,048 --> 00:52:03,568
[chucking]
Ah, what?
766
00:52:03,603 --> 00:52:05,018
You really don't strike me
as the kind of guy
767
00:52:05,052 --> 00:52:07,158
who swipes his
boss's tool box,
768
00:52:07,193 --> 00:52:09,367
the kind of guy who steals
a load of cash...
769
00:52:09,402 --> 00:52:10,679
charity cash...
770
00:52:10,713 --> 00:52:12,957
on Christmas Eve.
- Woah, woah, woah!
771
00:52:12,991 --> 00:52:14,648
That's not my fault, okay?
It's not!
772
00:52:14,683 --> 00:52:17,134
They accused me of nicking
toilet paper, which I didn't do!
773
00:52:17,168 --> 00:52:19,308
I didn't!
But they fired me anyways.
774
00:52:19,343 --> 00:52:20,482
I'm low on funds,
so I thought.
775
00:52:20,516 --> 00:52:21,690
"Fuck it!
I'm gonna nick as much stuff
776
00:52:21,724 --> 00:52:23,209
as I can before I fuck off."
777
00:52:23,243 --> 00:52:25,970
Aw, you're like a reverse
Santa Claus!
778
00:52:26,004 --> 00:52:28,628
So, you thieve hard-earned
charity money
779
00:52:28,662 --> 00:52:30,699
and steal belongings from
your work colleagues
780
00:52:30,733 --> 00:52:33,046
at Christmastime?
Wow!
781
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:36,325
You're shaping up to be a real
champion of champions!
782
00:52:36,360 --> 00:52:37,671
Bet you're wishing you'd
waited 'til I was done
783
00:52:37,706 --> 00:52:38,569
shaking my booty,
784
00:52:38,603 --> 00:52:40,916
then you'd be
three grand better off.
785
00:52:40,950 --> 00:52:42,193
Looks like once again,
786
00:52:42,228 --> 00:52:44,713
you took a gamble
that didn't pay off.
787
00:52:44,747 --> 00:52:46,922
Hey, if I'm doing the time.
I'm doing the crime, okay?
788
00:52:46,956 --> 00:52:48,682
I'm only doing this so I can
pay my mum's rent
789
00:52:48,717 --> 00:52:50,374
before New Year's.
- Your mum?
790
00:52:50,408 --> 00:52:51,858
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
My M--
791
00:52:51,892 --> 00:52:55,586
I thought you said you haven't
seen your mum in years.
792
00:52:55,620 --> 00:52:57,657
[sighs]
No, I haven't spoken
to her in years.
793
00:52:57,691 --> 00:52:59,314
Well wait.
[chuckles]
794
00:52:59,348 --> 00:53:03,870
So you live with your mother.
But you don't speak to her?
795
00:53:03,904 --> 00:53:05,354
Is that right?!
796
00:53:05,389 --> 00:53:08,771
[laughing]
You're like an undercover
mummy's boy!
797
00:53:08,806 --> 00:53:10,946
Look, at least I'm the one
telling the truth here, okay?
798
00:53:10,980 --> 00:53:11,981
The shit's meant to go
in the crapper,
799
00:53:12,016 --> 00:53:13,673
not spray out of
your fucking gob.
800
00:53:13,707 --> 00:53:17,055
Ah, accuse me of having
verbal diarrhea, if you will.
801
00:53:17,090 --> 00:53:21,232
But not talking things out can
seriously damage your health.
802
00:53:21,267 --> 00:53:25,202
I'm guessing this whole
zombie outbreak thingy
803
00:53:25,236 --> 00:53:27,790
was probably caused
by some stupid fucker
804
00:53:27,825 --> 00:53:31,518
keeping things bottled up like
a B-list celebrity fragrance.
805
00:53:31,553 --> 00:53:33,244
Probably some mad scientist
806
00:53:33,279 --> 00:53:35,557
too proud to tell
his lab assistant
807
00:53:35,591 --> 00:53:37,144
that his bits
were dropping off.
808
00:53:37,179 --> 00:53:40,941
Or he was beginning to hanker
for a brain sandwich.
809
00:53:40,976 --> 00:53:43,289
And now look!
810
00:53:43,323 --> 00:53:45,946
Life's too short
to harbor silly grudges.
811
00:53:45,981 --> 00:53:47,914
So if--
Sorry!
812
00:53:47,948 --> 00:53:50,434
When...
you get out of here...
813
00:53:50,468 --> 00:53:53,160
Give yourself
a Christmas present.
814
00:53:53,195 --> 00:53:55,439
Call your fucking mum.
815
00:53:55,473 --> 00:53:57,751
She deserves it.
816
00:53:58,856 --> 00:54:00,616
You deserve it.
817
00:54:03,861 --> 00:54:05,725
Wait a minute!
818
00:54:05,759 --> 00:54:06,484
What?
819
00:54:06,519 --> 00:54:07,830
Your phone?!
820
00:54:07,865 --> 00:54:09,211
The one that's full
of brains and piss!
821
00:54:09,246 --> 00:54:10,385
What about it?
822
00:54:10,419 --> 00:54:13,733
It wouldn't happen to be a
black Modasung, would it?
823
00:54:13,767 --> 00:54:15,769
Yeah.
- Fuck!
824
00:54:15,804 --> 00:54:17,219
So the reason I couldn't
call for help!
825
00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:18,462
The very second
this thing went down.
826
00:54:18,496 --> 00:54:21,188
The reason I can't call my
family to check if they're okay,
827
00:54:21,223 --> 00:54:23,950
was because you stole my
phone from my desk,
828
00:54:23,984 --> 00:54:27,264
to film two drunken bimbos
experimenting in a sink?!
829
00:54:27,298 --> 00:54:28,299
Woah, woah, woah!
I didn't fucking do that!
830
00:54:28,334 --> 00:54:29,680
Oh, you are a pig!
831
00:54:29,714 --> 00:54:30,681
It's nothing personal!
832
00:54:30,715 --> 00:54:32,096
I thought it belonged
to that fat chick.
833
00:54:32,130 --> 00:54:36,100
You're a fucking disgrace!
- Oh Jesus, come on!
834
00:54:36,134 --> 00:54:38,447
[door thuds]
Shit!
835
00:54:39,379 --> 00:54:41,450
[moaning]
836
00:54:46,662 --> 00:54:49,286
So what's this
"amazing" plan?!
837
00:54:53,151 --> 00:54:55,292
Uh...
Right.
838
00:54:55,326 --> 00:54:56,776
Wow.
Yeah, okay.
839
00:54:56,810 --> 00:55:00,020
Err, if the blueprints in
the office are right...
840
00:55:00,055 --> 00:55:02,126
there should be
an access panel about...
841
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:03,610
ten feet east.
842
00:55:03,645 --> 00:55:05,094
Well, how does that help us?!
843
00:55:05,129 --> 00:55:07,062
If we can get
into the crawlspace...
844
00:55:07,096 --> 00:55:08,374
we can shimmy our way
to the access panel
845
00:55:08,408 --> 00:55:09,720
and be home
in time for Christmas.
846
00:55:09,754 --> 00:55:11,825
Yeah, I thought
you hated Christmas.
847
00:55:11,860 --> 00:55:14,000
Ho, ho, fucking ho.
848
00:55:14,034 --> 00:55:16,140
So, how wide's
this crawlspace?
849
00:55:16,174 --> 00:55:17,348
Couple of feet, I guess.
850
00:55:17,383 --> 00:55:19,212
I might have to suck in
the guts but you'll be okay.
851
00:55:19,246 --> 00:55:23,320
[scoffs]
This is never gonna work.
852
00:55:23,354 --> 00:55:27,531
How are we gonna
get in there?
853
00:55:27,565 --> 00:55:30,430
Err, hold on a sec.
854
00:55:40,716 --> 00:55:42,787
What the fuck are you doing?!
855
00:55:44,410 --> 00:55:46,032
This is gypsum board.
856
00:55:46,066 --> 00:55:48,068
This is two sheets of gypsum.
I can knock through this.
857
00:55:48,103 --> 00:55:49,587
I can bash through this.
858
00:55:49,622 --> 00:55:51,209
With what?!
859
00:55:52,314 --> 00:55:53,902
My hammer.
860
00:56:02,497 --> 00:56:06,397
[moaning]
861
00:56:21,861 --> 00:56:23,656
[growling]
862
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:33,942
Who the hell is that?!
863
00:56:33,976 --> 00:56:36,151
It's my boss.
864
00:56:36,185 --> 00:56:39,775
Shit, shit.
865
00:56:39,810 --> 00:56:43,158
Shit.
Shit.
866
00:56:51,028 --> 00:56:54,134
[squishing sounds]
867
00:57:02,142 --> 00:57:05,283
I'm scared.
I'm really, really scared!
868
00:57:05,318 --> 00:57:08,355
Oh god!
Do something!
869
00:57:11,842 --> 00:57:13,326
Hey Charlie!
870
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:15,190
Hey Charlie, up here!
How ya doing?
871
00:57:15,224 --> 00:57:16,122
[laughing]
You alright?
872
00:57:16,156 --> 00:57:17,813
Oh, Merry Christmas
and all that.
873
00:57:17,848 --> 00:57:19,850
Um, look, about your tools...
874
00:57:19,884 --> 00:57:21,921
uh, yeah.
I was actually polishing them.
875
00:57:21,955 --> 00:57:23,370
The season of goodwill
and all that.
876
00:57:23,405 --> 00:57:25,027
But I had to throw
them all away
877
00:57:25,062 --> 00:57:27,202
so I could fit in
the money which I stole!
878
00:57:27,236 --> 00:57:29,376
Oh fuck!
- What are you doing?!
879
00:57:29,411 --> 00:57:32,276
Getting hammered!
[yelling]
880
00:57:32,310 --> 00:57:36,418
Jesus!
881
00:57:37,005 --> 00:57:39,628
[Charlie Zombie grunting]
882
00:57:54,229 --> 00:57:56,196
Watch it!
- Come on!
883
00:57:56,231 --> 00:57:58,026
Hurry up!
884
00:57:59,234 --> 00:58:02,099
Evie, I've got it!
I've got it!
885
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,620
[screaming]
886
00:58:06,275 --> 00:58:08,001
What's happening?!
887
00:58:08,036 --> 00:58:10,279
What?!
888
00:58:13,904 --> 00:58:16,251
[glass breaking]
889
00:58:20,117 --> 00:58:22,188
[yelling]
- No!
890
00:58:22,222 --> 00:58:24,224
Oh my God!
No, no, no!
891
00:58:24,259 --> 00:58:25,674
Are you sure?!
Did you--
892
00:58:25,709 --> 00:58:27,918
[yelling]
893
00:58:27,952 --> 00:58:29,678
Fuck it!
- Oh shit!
894
00:58:29,713 --> 00:58:31,438
Fuck!
Fuck!
895
00:58:31,473 --> 00:58:35,270
[crying in pain]
- Oh my God!
896
00:58:37,306 --> 00:58:41,069
Oh God, I'm so sorry!
I'm so, so sorry!
897
00:58:41,103 --> 00:58:44,279
You shouldn't have bothered
to try to save me.
898
00:58:44,313 --> 00:58:46,108
Why not?!
899
00:58:46,143 --> 00:58:48,007
You're worth 3000 pounds.
900
00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:49,595
You know I'm not!
901
00:58:49,629 --> 00:58:53,081
And I'm sorry for calling
you a disgrace.
902
00:58:53,115 --> 00:58:55,497
I know you're not a bad guy.
903
00:58:55,532 --> 00:58:57,706
I know there's a conscience
hidden under that...
904
00:58:57,741 --> 00:58:59,570
grease-stained cap
and all your...
905
00:58:59,605 --> 00:59:02,297
"me against the world"
bullshit.
906
00:59:02,331 --> 00:59:04,541
I mean, who else steals from
their place of work
907
00:59:04,575 --> 00:59:07,371
on their last day but...
completes their shift?
908
00:59:07,405 --> 00:59:10,201
[both laughing]
909
00:59:10,236 --> 00:59:12,479
What?
910
00:59:14,412 --> 00:59:17,277
[laughing]
911
00:59:18,278 --> 00:59:19,486
What?!
912
00:59:20,626 --> 00:59:22,731
Charlie bit me!
- What?!
913
00:59:22,766 --> 00:59:24,250
Charlie bit me!
914
00:59:24,284 --> 00:59:27,115
What, what?!
915
00:59:30,152 --> 00:59:33,086
[laughing madly]
916
00:59:35,088 --> 00:59:35,813
[Evie yelps]
917
00:59:35,848 --> 00:59:37,643
Oh my God!
Ah, ah!
918
00:59:37,677 --> 00:59:39,817
Oh, gross!
919
00:59:39,852 --> 00:59:42,648
[door thuds
and zombie growls]
920
01:00:03,945 --> 01:00:05,291
What are you doing?!
921
01:00:05,325 --> 01:00:08,018
Get ready for our first date!
922
01:01:32,861 --> 01:01:34,345
[knocks twice on wall]
923
01:01:34,380 --> 01:01:37,072
[Evie knocks twice]
924
01:01:37,107 --> 01:01:39,281
It's me you idiot!
925
01:01:39,316 --> 01:01:42,181
Right, okay.
Err...
926
01:01:42,215 --> 01:01:43,389
Stand back!
927
01:01:43,423 --> 01:01:46,150
I'm gonna started
on the wall okay!
928
01:01:47,807 --> 01:01:50,810
Okay?
[Evie knocks]
929
01:02:07,654 --> 01:02:11,728
[laughing]
I can see...
930
01:02:11,762 --> 01:02:13,281
you.
931
01:02:13,315 --> 01:02:17,595
I told you this isn't
gonna work.
932
01:02:17,630 --> 01:02:19,770
Your name isn't Evie,
is it?
933
01:02:22,808 --> 01:02:24,464
You're Heather the--
- Oh, go on say it.
934
01:02:24,499 --> 01:02:25,603
Just say it!
935
01:02:25,638 --> 01:02:29,124
Heather the Heifer!
Heather the fucking Heifer!
936
01:02:29,159 --> 01:02:31,782
I should've known.
I should've known!
937
01:02:31,817 --> 01:02:33,059
How could I have
been so dumb?!
938
01:02:33,094 --> 01:02:34,578
So fucking dumb?!
939
01:02:34,612 --> 01:02:36,269
Why?
Why would Jeff...
940
01:02:36,304 --> 01:02:38,064
Jeff from IT.,
941
01:02:38,099 --> 01:02:42,793
be interested in
a disgusting blob like me?
942
01:02:42,828 --> 01:02:45,589
So yeah, I am "the fat chick."
943
01:02:45,623 --> 01:02:49,282
And I was crying when you met
me because they'd set me up.
944
01:02:49,317 --> 01:02:50,421
They told me to come in here
945
01:02:50,456 --> 01:02:52,492
and wait for my
Christmas present?
946
01:02:52,527 --> 01:02:55,910
And guess what?
It never came.
947
01:02:55,944 --> 01:02:59,085
So, the only reason that I'm
stuck in this upright coffin
948
01:02:59,120 --> 01:03:01,087
is 'cos I'm dumb.
949
01:03:01,122 --> 01:03:04,884
Dumb, fat and desperate.
950
01:03:04,919 --> 01:03:06,783
The big girl who
will never get the guy.
951
01:03:06,817 --> 01:03:11,201
And never, ever fit
in that crawlspace.
952
01:03:11,235 --> 01:03:12,202
Look, Heather...
953
01:03:12,236 --> 01:03:13,686
I don't even know
these people.
954
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,826
I wasn't even invited
to the Christmas party.
955
01:03:15,861 --> 01:03:18,553
Yeah, I know that.
I knew all along.
956
01:03:18,587 --> 01:03:20,486
You're too nice.
957
01:03:20,520 --> 01:03:23,558
I'm sorry I stole your phone.
958
01:03:23,592 --> 01:03:24,697
Yeah well...
959
01:03:24,731 --> 01:03:27,804
I'm sorry I laughed at the
fact that you got no job
960
01:03:27,838 --> 01:03:31,704
and you live with your mum.
[laughing]
961
01:03:31,738 --> 01:03:33,948
I wanna thank you
for this evening.
962
01:03:33,982 --> 01:03:38,676
'Cos this was my first, only
and last date.
963
01:03:38,711 --> 01:03:42,128
And it was a delight.
964
01:03:42,163 --> 01:03:43,336
Last?
965
01:03:43,371 --> 01:03:45,097
I know you don't celebrate,
but...
966
01:03:45,131 --> 01:03:47,685
I'm gonna give you your
Christmas present early.
967
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:48,963
What do you mean?
968
01:03:48,997 --> 01:03:50,965
You really don't need me
weighing you down.
969
01:03:50,999 --> 01:03:52,414
Heather, don't touch that.
970
01:03:52,449 --> 01:03:54,209
Wish your mum
a Merry Christmas for me.
971
01:03:54,244 --> 01:03:55,935
Heather,
don't fucking touch that!
972
01:03:55,970 --> 01:03:57,281
It's a Christmas party!
- Heather.
973
01:03:57,316 --> 01:03:59,249
Somebody's gotta
do something stupid.
974
01:03:59,283 --> 01:04:00,837
Heather, don't--
Fuck!
975
01:04:06,532 --> 01:04:10,605
[growling and flesh tearing]
976
01:04:10,639 --> 01:04:14,781
No!
No!
977
01:04:26,172 --> 01:04:29,658
[whimpering]
978
01:04:41,187 --> 01:04:42,913
[watch beeps]
979
01:04:42,948 --> 01:04:46,296
[catching breath]
980
01:04:53,717 --> 01:04:56,444
[both yelling]
981
01:05:14,220 --> 01:05:15,912
[hammer drops]
982
01:05:31,306 --> 01:05:34,620
[female zombie
gurgling]
983
01:05:34,654 --> 01:05:35,655
[digital recorder playing
Heather's voice]
Use your brains!
984
01:05:35,690 --> 01:05:39,625
[rewinding]
Use your brains!
985
01:05:39,659 --> 01:05:43,525
[rewinding]
Use your brains!
986
01:05:43,560 --> 01:05:47,391
[rewinding]
Use your brains!
987
01:05:49,083 --> 01:05:51,257
[zombies repeating]
Brainsss!
988
01:05:51,292 --> 01:05:54,674
Brains!
Brains!
989
01:05:54,709 --> 01:06:00,335
Brains, brains!
990
01:06:00,370 --> 01:06:04,512
Brains!
Brains!
991
01:06:04,546 --> 01:06:08,516
Brains, brains!
992
01:06:40,030 --> 01:06:41,031
[Heather's voice]
You're a dick!
993
01:06:41,066 --> 01:06:42,929
...a low-life thief.
I don't wanna hear it!
994
01:06:42,964 --> 01:06:45,173
You are shaping up to be a real
champion of champions.
995
01:06:45,208 --> 01:06:46,347
You're a fucking disgrace!
996
01:06:46,381 --> 01:06:48,935
Once again, you took a gamble
that didn't pay off.
997
01:06:48,970 --> 01:06:49,867
You are a pig!
998
01:06:49,902 --> 01:06:51,421
You're an undercover
mummy's boy!
999
01:06:51,455 --> 01:06:53,664
[echoing]
Mummy's boy.
Mummy's boy.
1000
01:06:53,699 --> 01:06:56,253
[zombies]
Brains!
1001
01:07:29,321 --> 01:07:31,978
[zombies moaning]
1002
01:08:24,583 --> 01:08:27,586
[hyperventilating]
1003
01:08:32,384 --> 01:08:35,387
[coughing]
1004
01:08:40,668 --> 01:08:43,015
[catching breath]
1005
01:08:49,435 --> 01:08:51,782
[screams]
1006
01:09:09,317 --> 01:09:11,147
[moaning]
1007
01:09:22,951 --> 01:09:26,438
[instrumental version of
"The Little Drummer Boy" ♪]
1008
01:10:36,646 --> 01:10:39,580
Evie?
1009
01:10:43,756 --> 01:10:47,243
Are you all, like, weird like
those fuck-ups upstairs?
1010
01:10:47,277 --> 01:10:49,486
Err...
1011
01:10:49,521 --> 01:10:52,524
No.
1012
01:10:57,460 --> 01:10:59,427
[sighs]
Thank Christ.
1013
01:10:59,462 --> 01:11:02,430
Top floor is full of 'em.
They're like so annoying.
1014
01:11:09,057 --> 01:11:12,716
[muzak continues
in elevator ♪]
1015
01:11:17,238 --> 01:11:19,620
God, I hope Holly's alive.
1016
01:11:21,898 --> 01:11:23,796
I just wanna see the look
on her fugly face
1017
01:11:23,831 --> 01:11:25,591
when I tell her
I went for three grand
1018
01:11:25,626 --> 01:11:26,696
at the Christmas Auction!
1019
01:11:26,730 --> 01:11:31,528
Three fucking grand!
It's a company record.
1020
01:11:31,563 --> 01:11:36,982
It's lucky I didn't
get this 'til after.
1021
01:11:37,016 --> 01:11:40,226
Woulda got deducted points.
1022
01:11:40,261 --> 01:11:42,884
You got bit?
- Yeah...
1023
01:11:42,919 --> 01:11:45,231
Geoff from Accounts.
1024
01:11:45,266 --> 01:11:48,856
It's so inappropriate
and unprofessional.
1025
01:11:48,890 --> 01:11:53,032
Why does this thing
take so fucking long?!
1026
01:11:55,138 --> 01:11:59,625
I swear Holly only made
700 plus change.
1027
01:11:59,660 --> 01:12:02,801
[laughing]
I said to her...
1028
01:12:02,835 --> 01:12:06,839
I said, "Heather the Heifer
could've done better!"
1029
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:15,296
Heather...
Heather didn't make it.
1030
01:12:15,331 --> 01:12:18,299
Aww.
Heather the Heifer.
1031
01:12:19,335 --> 01:12:21,923
D'you know she seriously
thought Jeff from I.T.
1032
01:12:21,958 --> 01:12:24,547
was gonna bang her
this evening?
1033
01:12:26,411 --> 01:12:28,758
[sighs]
Uh, he's umm...
1034
01:12:28,792 --> 01:12:30,725
He's looking for you.
1035
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:33,176
What, really?!
Wait!
1036
01:12:33,210 --> 01:12:35,558
Jeff from I.T.?!
Jefferoni?!
1037
01:12:35,592 --> 01:12:37,905
Jefferson Airplane?!
Jeff from I.T.?!
1038
01:12:37,939 --> 01:12:41,357
Really?!
He's here?!
1039
01:12:42,392 --> 01:12:45,015
Smell ya later!
1040
01:12:45,050 --> 01:12:46,948
Hey, Evie!
1041
01:12:50,055 --> 01:12:52,126
Merry Christmas.
1042
01:13:40,692 --> 01:13:44,420
[♪ ]
1043
01:14:22,527 --> 01:14:24,425
[change drops into phone]
1044
01:14:28,049 --> 01:14:33,434
[phone line ringing]
1045
01:14:34,262 --> 01:14:37,300
Hey!
Hey mum!
1046
01:14:37,334 --> 01:14:40,890
It's me.
1047
01:14:40,924 --> 01:14:42,408
What do you mean "who?"
1048
01:14:42,443 --> 01:14:44,307
Me, your son?
1049
01:14:44,341 --> 01:14:46,240
Yeah.
1050
01:14:46,274 --> 01:14:49,243
Are you okay?
Yeah, I--
1051
01:14:49,277 --> 01:14:50,589
A work jacket and a cap.
Yeah, I'm warm enough.
1052
01:14:50,624 --> 01:14:53,765
Yeah, mum?
Are you okay?
1053
01:14:53,799 --> 01:14:56,215
Okay, just lock all the doors
and the windows.
1054
01:14:56,250 --> 01:14:58,873
Just check, okay?
1055
01:14:58,908 --> 01:15:01,704
Because I'm worried!
1056
01:15:01,738 --> 01:15:05,535
Because I'm your son
and you're my mum.
1057
01:15:05,570 --> 01:15:09,056
And someone told me to.
1058
01:15:09,090 --> 01:15:11,576
A friend.
1059
01:15:11,610 --> 01:15:13,543
Look Mum, I've got, yeah,
a work jacket and a cap.
1060
01:15:13,578 --> 01:15:16,581
Yeah, mum, I'm fine.
Look, Ive gotta go.
1061
01:15:16,615 --> 01:15:18,444
I'll be home in time
for Christmas.
1062
01:15:18,479 --> 01:15:19,929
Okay?
1063
01:15:19,963 --> 01:15:22,138
Yeah.
1064
01:15:32,044 --> 01:15:33,805
I need the toilet.
1065
01:15:37,049 --> 01:15:40,087
[house music ♪]
1066
01:21:53,425 --> 01:21:56,325
[electricity crackling]
1067
01:23:35,182 --> 01:23:37,391
[sighs]
1068
01:24:05,005 --> 01:24:07,939
[electricity crackling]
1069
01:24:28,546 --> 01:24:30,824
[exhales sharply]
1070
01:24:30,858 --> 01:24:33,516
[door squeaks open]
66647
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