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1
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Ripped By mstoll
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BOBBY:
Do you really have to go?
3
00:00:33,583 --> 00:00:36,017
You're old enough
to be on your own, Bobby.
4
00:00:36,052 --> 00:00:37,349
Pretty soon the
baby-sitters
5
00:00:37,387 --> 00:00:39,184
are gonna be
younger than you.
6
00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:40,314
But... But...
7
00:00:40,356 --> 00:00:41,516
Oh, you'll be fine.
8
00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:43,116
I've gotten rid
of that hat rack
9
00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:44,717
you said looked
like the devil.
10
00:00:44,761 --> 00:00:45,853
Have fun.
11
00:00:51,901 --> 00:00:53,960
MAN:
A Frankenstein monster?
12
00:00:54,003 --> 00:00:55,527
In this day and age?
13
00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:57,403
I'm telling you kids...
14
00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,032
(screams)
15
00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:05,909
HANK:
Chuck Storm
16
00:01:05,949 --> 00:01:07,211
on channel five predicts
17
00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:09,810
"possible moderate breeze"
for the camping trip.
18
00:01:09,853 --> 00:01:11,343
Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.
19
00:01:11,387 --> 00:01:14,823
Yep. I don't know how you girls
get along without us every year.
20
00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:15,847
Heh-heh-heh.
21
00:01:15,892 --> 00:01:17,860
You know, the French onion soup
22
00:01:17,894 --> 00:01:20,260
and the minestrone soup
sound so good,
23
00:01:20,296 --> 00:01:22,161
I think I'm gonna order both.
24
00:01:22,198 --> 00:01:23,426
Two soups?
25
00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:25,161
Yes. In place of an entree.
26
00:01:27,871 --> 00:01:30,362
(phone rings)
27
00:01:30,406 --> 00:01:31,498
Hello?
28
00:01:31,541 --> 00:01:32,906
Dad...
29
00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:34,500
I crawled into your bed
30
00:01:34,544 --> 00:01:37,274
to calm me down, but it
just wasn't the same
31
00:01:37,313 --> 00:01:38,712
without you guys here.
32
00:01:38,748 --> 00:01:41,046
Bobby, everything
would have been fine
33
00:01:41,084 --> 00:01:42,517
if you hadn't panicked.
34
00:01:42,552 --> 00:01:44,452
The problem is
you lack confidence.
35
00:01:44,487 --> 00:01:46,250
Give me confidence.
36
00:01:46,289 --> 00:01:48,849
Well, I can't give it to you,
you have to earn it.
37
00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:51,486
Hey, you know, one
of the best ways to do that
38
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,519
is to rely
on yourself in the wild.
39
00:01:53,563 --> 00:01:55,258
Just you
against the elements.
40
00:01:55,298 --> 00:01:56,595
I don't know...
41
00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:58,396
I don't want you to get married
42
00:01:58,434 --> 00:02:01,130
and have to have your wife
tuck you in at night.
43
00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:03,071
You're coming
on our camping trip.
44
00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:06,303
Fine, but I don't know
what I can learn in the wild
45
00:02:06,342 --> 00:02:08,936
that I can't learn
watching Zoobilee Zoo.
46
00:02:08,978 --> 00:02:10,775
...and I figure
if we make this
47
00:02:10,814 --> 00:02:12,805
an "eat only what
you catch" trip,
48
00:02:12,849 --> 00:02:15,818
Bobby will be forced
to learn some self-reliance.
49
00:02:15,852 --> 00:02:17,649
That's a great idea.
50
00:02:17,687 --> 00:02:20,121
Once you learn how
to light a cigarette
51
00:02:20,156 --> 00:02:22,420
with two rocks, you
feel invincible.
52
00:02:22,458 --> 00:02:24,983
Yeah, man, just like my
dang ol' Ted Nugent said, man.
53
00:02:25,028 --> 00:02:27,553
You know, they can't no grill,
'less you kill it man.
54
00:02:27,597 --> 00:02:29,963
Like, dang, talking
about an old... foom.
55
00:02:29,999 --> 00:02:33,093
Yeah, I use my survival
training every day.
56
00:02:33,136 --> 00:02:35,263
Yep, being alone in the woods
57
00:02:35,305 --> 00:02:39,173
prepared me for being alone,
well... everywhere else.
58
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,973
Oh, I'm gonna
miss Dale, shug.
59
00:02:46,015 --> 00:02:48,074
And I will miss my boys,
60
00:02:48,117 --> 00:02:49,516
but, you know,
I see this
61
00:02:49,552 --> 00:02:50,985
as the perfect
opportunity
62
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,318
to take care of this
"things to do" list
63
00:02:53,356 --> 00:02:55,381
that has been hanging
over my head.
64
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,858
"See boys off."
65
00:02:56,893 --> 00:02:58,588
Done.
66
00:03:04,634 --> 00:03:05,965
The Park Department
67
00:03:06,002 --> 00:03:10,132
is not responsible
for my safety. Oh, God...
68
00:03:10,173 --> 00:03:11,140
That's right.
69
00:03:11,174 --> 00:03:12,971
You're responsible now.
70
00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:17,707
Oh, already that time
of year again, huh, Hank?
71
00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:19,009
Yeah, looks like it.
72
00:03:19,048 --> 00:03:20,811
How are you,
Ranger Bradley?
73
00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:22,545
Working so hard, I
couldn't tell you.
74
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:23,813
What'll it be... the usual?
75
00:03:23,853 --> 00:03:27,289
Yep, ol' lot number 6347.
76
00:03:27,323 --> 00:03:31,191
We watched that possum family
grow up right before our eyes.
77
00:03:35,865 --> 00:03:38,060
So how does it feel
to be setting up
78
00:03:38,101 --> 00:03:40,069
your own camp
for the first time?
79
00:03:40,103 --> 00:03:42,503
I brushed my teeth
with bug cream
80
00:03:42,538 --> 00:03:44,506
and I'm still kinda woozy.
81
00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:45,666
Can we go home?
82
00:03:45,708 --> 00:03:47,733
No, we've
got work to do.
83
00:03:47,777 --> 00:03:49,836
We gotta pick up dinner.
84
00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:53,514
Come here, fish.
85
00:03:53,549 --> 00:03:55,847
I'm not gonna hurt you.
86
00:03:57,420 --> 00:03:58,648
Idiot.
87
00:03:58,688 --> 00:04:01,156
That's three for Dale,
88
00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:04,057
three for me,
four for Boomhauer.
89
00:04:04,093 --> 00:04:06,721
DALE:
And nada for Bobby,
90
00:04:06,763 --> 00:04:09,095
and since it's an
"eat only
91
00:04:09,132 --> 00:04:10,292
what you catch trip,"
92
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,164
tonight, you will
be dining on...
93
00:04:12,201 --> 00:04:15,193
filet of zero.
94
00:04:15,238 --> 00:04:16,205
(sighs)
95
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:18,036
Shut up, Dale.
96
00:04:18,074 --> 00:04:19,803
Maybe he's right.
97
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:21,469
I can't do this.
98
00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,808
Sure you can, Bobby.
99
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,836
Just remember,
to catch a fish,
100
00:04:24,881 --> 00:04:26,849
you have to think
like a fish.
101
00:04:26,883 --> 00:04:32,116
Hmm, I'm wet,
and I don't even know it.
102
00:04:32,155 --> 00:04:33,349
(sighs)
103
00:04:33,389 --> 00:04:35,823
No, where would you be feeding?
104
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,086
Probably in that
105
00:04:37,126 --> 00:04:39,253
algae-covered
area over there.
106
00:04:39,295 --> 00:04:42,093
That algae does
look pretty good.
107
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:44,258
PEGGY:
Nancy, in one day I have
108
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,860
accomplished everything
I set out to do.
109
00:04:46,903 --> 00:04:49,030
Do you think
it would be gilding the lily
110
00:04:49,072 --> 00:04:51,165
to refinance the house
while Hank's away?
111
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:53,038
Uh-oh, someone's beeping in.
112
00:04:53,076 --> 00:04:54,202
Hello, Peggy. This is
113
00:04:54,243 --> 00:04:55,870
Dora Shelwyn from Tom Landry.
114
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:56,879
I teach...
115
00:04:56,913 --> 00:04:57,880
Are you retiring?
116
00:04:57,914 --> 00:04:59,176
Uh, no, actually,
117
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,978
I just needed the number
of your veterinarian.
118
00:05:01,017 --> 00:05:02,109
I have a quick question.
119
00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:03,118
Go ahead.
120
00:05:03,152 --> 00:05:04,517
I meant for the vet.
121
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,749
You see, I bought
this myna bird,
122
00:05:06,789 --> 00:05:08,950
and it just won't talk and I...
123
00:05:08,992 --> 00:05:10,186
Put the bird on the line.
124
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,126
What?
Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
125
00:05:14,497 --> 00:05:17,660
Okay, bird... Awk!
I love Dora Shelwyn!
126
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:18,894
Who's a good bird?
127
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,334
I love Dora Shelwyn!
128
00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:21,667
(Peggy squawks)
129
00:05:21,704 --> 00:05:24,104
Come on, bird. I got all day.
130
00:05:26,175 --> 00:05:28,336
(birdlike):
Awk! I love Dora Shelwyn!
131
00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:39,822
Hey, bro.
132
00:05:39,856 --> 00:05:40,823
What?
133
00:05:40,857 --> 00:05:43,325
Oh, hi.
134
00:05:43,359 --> 00:05:45,827
If you catch anything,
we should use this as a plate.
135
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:48,262
I haven't even seen
a fish all day
136
00:05:48,297 --> 00:05:49,559
and I'm starving.
137
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,294
I've got a hamburger
bun top.
138
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:54,098
Still has most
of its sesame seeds.
139
00:05:55,138 --> 00:05:56,264
Bobby.
140
00:05:56,305 --> 00:05:57,567
Don't take that.
141
00:05:57,607 --> 00:06:00,599
It's okay... we
can split it threezies.
142
00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:02,770
Thank you
for the, uh, bun,
143
00:06:02,812 --> 00:06:04,973
but we are only eating
what we catch this weekend.
144
00:06:05,014 --> 00:06:08,142
I'm trying to teach
my son self-reliance.
145
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:12,052
No, I'm trying
to teach him self-reliance.
146
00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:12,816
What?
147
00:06:12,855 --> 00:06:14,186
Yeah. The thing
148
00:06:14,223 --> 00:06:17,852
about self-reliance
is... it's like, bad.
149
00:06:17,894 --> 00:06:19,452
Hugs for smokes.
150
00:06:19,495 --> 00:06:20,655
Look, I...
151
00:06:20,696 --> 00:06:23,096
Oh, God.
152
00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:25,796
Another one?
153
00:06:25,835 --> 00:06:27,598
Okay, I don't know
what's going on,
154
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:30,868
but you're gonna have to tell
your friends to get out of here.
155
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:32,340
All of them?
156
00:06:38,681 --> 00:06:40,672
What are they, Dad?
157
00:06:40,716 --> 00:06:42,149
(sighs)
158
00:06:42,185 --> 00:06:44,085
They're hippies, son.
159
00:06:45,855 --> 00:06:48,415
I love you!
160
00:06:53,596 --> 00:06:56,087
BOOMHAUER:
Hey, man, I thought
that dang ol' Reagan
161
00:06:56,132 --> 00:06:58,828
got rid of all them in the 'ol
'80s, man, talkin' 'bout
162
00:06:58,868 --> 00:07:00,699
them yippy
to yuppy, man.
163
00:07:00,736 --> 00:07:02,397
This land is our land!
164
00:07:02,438 --> 00:07:04,099
Welcome home,
friend!
165
00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:05,107
(shrieks)
166
00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:06,438
Bobby, back in the tent!
167
00:07:06,476 --> 00:07:07,636
Go away!
168
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,201
And put on some clothes!
169
00:07:09,245 --> 00:07:11,440
Hey, this isn't Kinko's, man.
170
00:07:11,481 --> 00:07:12,914
It's the Gathering!
171
00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:13,847
The what?
172
00:07:13,883 --> 00:07:15,714
The Gathering, bro.
173
00:07:15,751 --> 00:07:17,082
Everyone's here.
174
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,815
Crunchies,
and hempies,
175
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,050
Earth Mothers, vegans,
hyper-vegans...
176
00:07:21,090 --> 00:07:22,648
We're all here.
177
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,182
Thousands of us.
178
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,694
This may be
the saddest day of my career.
179
00:07:31,234 --> 00:07:32,758
Ranger, how could you
have given
180
00:07:32,802 --> 00:07:34,326
all these people park permits?
181
00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:35,530
What were you thinking?
182
00:07:35,571 --> 00:07:38,199
Sorry, Hank,
we were blind-sided.
183
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:41,472
They got a bunch of
ACLU lawyers to sue,
184
00:07:41,511 --> 00:07:43,308
saying the First
Amendment allows them
185
00:07:43,346 --> 00:07:45,280
to peaceably assemble
without a permit.
186
00:07:46,949 --> 00:07:48,246
(groans)
187
00:07:48,284 --> 00:07:50,775
Don't tell me that's covered by
the First Amendment.
188
00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:52,583
Public defecation
is protected
189
00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:54,852
as long as they say
it's a political
190
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,018
or artistic statement.
191
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:59,152
And they do.
192
00:07:59,195 --> 00:08:03,063
(bongos and maracas playing)
193
00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,334
Nothing again.
194
00:08:08,371 --> 00:08:10,532
We'll never
catch anything.
195
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:13,906
Fish hate loud hippie
drums and so do I.
196
00:08:13,943 --> 00:08:15,672
Hey, yo!
197
00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:19,442
♪♪ Beautiful,
drifting Gypsy man ♪♪
198
00:08:19,482 --> 00:08:22,679
♪♪ Collecting
empty soda cans ♪♪
199
00:08:22,718 --> 00:08:26,449
♪♪ He whispered,
"Atlantis is not far away ♪♪
200
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:31,358
♪♪ Just travel
on a manta ray." ♪♪
201
00:08:31,394 --> 00:08:34,761
That music... it's beautiful.
202
00:08:34,797 --> 00:08:36,128
Dang it,
if I have to pull
203
00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:37,632
one more
hook out of Bill...
204
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:38,634
(Bill grunts)
205
00:08:41,304 --> 00:08:43,636
Excuse me, sir, but
I could not help noticing
206
00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:45,265
you're making
your salad wrong.
207
00:08:45,308 --> 00:08:46,468
Where are the beets?
208
00:08:46,509 --> 00:08:47,771
Where are the red beans?
209
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:48,777
I don't know.
210
00:08:48,811 --> 00:08:49,971
You know what, yeah,
211
00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:51,445
we're just going to
have to start all over.
212
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,471
I made a salad last
night that people
213
00:08:53,516 --> 00:08:54,915
are still talking about.
214
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,317
I mean look at us,
we're talking about it.
215
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:02,617
Fire wood.
216
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,525
Log nappers!
217
00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:10,131
I'm starving, Dad!
218
00:09:10,166 --> 00:09:12,999
Can't you teach me self-reliance
at a restaurant?
219
00:09:13,035 --> 00:09:15,401
I'll order
off the adult menu.
220
00:09:15,438 --> 00:09:16,666
Now, calm down.
221
00:09:16,706 --> 00:09:18,571
I found some perfectly
good thorn-apples
222
00:09:18,608 --> 00:09:20,667
and sour berries
in the forest.
223
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,143
You go find us
some sticks
224
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:24,146
and we can roast
them like s'mores.
225
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:26,740
And do not talk
to any hippies.
226
00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:44,792
My name's Fudgie,
and that's Topaz.
227
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,563
We met on a
turnip farm.
228
00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:47,762
Oh.
229
00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,498
Whatcha got in the kettle?
230
00:09:49,538 --> 00:09:50,937
Jumbo Gumbo.
231
00:09:50,973 --> 00:09:52,941
How much does it cost
for a bowl?
232
00:09:52,975 --> 00:09:54,943
Everything here
is free, little guy.
233
00:09:54,977 --> 00:09:57,571
This ain't
the Ronald McMoney scene.
234
00:09:57,613 --> 00:10:00,582
People here share
with one another.
235
00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:04,450
You give what you can
and you get what you need.
236
00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:06,682
I don't know if I should.
237
00:10:06,722 --> 00:10:10,214
My dad said I can
only eat what I catch.
238
00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:11,726
Then catch.
239
00:10:15,131 --> 00:10:17,326
So you're sure this is okay?
240
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:20,062
My dad wants me to be
self-reliant.
241
00:10:20,102 --> 00:10:22,195
In a hundred years,
who's going to care
242
00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:24,001
if you were
self-reliant or not?
243
00:10:30,746 --> 00:10:34,273
You make a good point, Fudgie.
244
00:10:35,685 --> 00:10:37,312
No thank you.
245
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:39,412
I'll probably catch
a deer tomorrow
246
00:10:39,455 --> 00:10:41,548
and I want to make
sure I'm hungry.
247
00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:43,251
Good for you, Bobby.
248
00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:44,850
You're really
hanging in there.
249
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:45,861
You know what?
250
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,328
If you can wait,
I can wait.
251
00:10:47,363 --> 00:10:48,830
DALE:
Good-bye, gentlemen,
252
00:10:48,864 --> 00:10:50,229
and good riddance.
253
00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:53,258
I'm one chorus of "Truckin"'
away from snapping.
254
00:10:53,302 --> 00:10:56,567
Yeah, man, like that dang ol' mandolin,
man ain't never sounded so bad.
255
00:10:56,605 --> 00:10:59,369
Like a dang ol' Bill Monroe spinning
his dang ol' grave, man.
256
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,774
What? You guys can't
get up and leave now.
257
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,904
What kind of lesson
is that for Bobby?
258
00:11:03,946 --> 00:11:05,072
A good one.
259
00:11:05,114 --> 00:11:06,638
He can learn
from our bad example.
260
00:11:06,682 --> 00:11:09,310
Well, I guess
self-reliance
261
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:11,684
isn't for
everyone, Dad.
262
00:11:15,624 --> 00:11:18,286
Stellar gumbo, Fudgie,
just stellar.
263
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:21,160
This time, don't skimp
on the potatoes.
264
00:11:21,197 --> 00:11:22,289
Dig deep.
265
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:24,595
Sorry, but the gumbo's
gone-bo.
266
00:11:24,633 --> 00:11:27,466
Oh. That's okay.
267
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:30,301
I should probably be getting
back to my campsite anyway.
268
00:11:30,339 --> 00:11:32,330
Hold on, little guy.
269
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:33,569
The pot's empty.
270
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:35,600
It's time
for you to share up.
271
00:11:35,644 --> 00:11:37,839
Uh, I don't have anything.
272
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,646
But in a hundred years,
who's going to care, right?
273
00:11:41,684 --> 00:11:44,448
Fudgie's hungry now.
274
00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:48,080
FUDGIE:
...and then I'm going
to share your cooler.
275
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:50,456
You think your dad's got
any money we could share?
276
00:11:53,763 --> 00:11:56,732
Hey, I can trade
these for a burrito.
277
00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:58,597
Wait!
278
00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,659
Those are my dad's
fishing poles.
279
00:12:00,703 --> 00:12:01,897
You can't
take those.
280
00:12:01,937 --> 00:12:03,802
We only want to share, guy.
281
00:12:03,839 --> 00:12:06,171
You didn't mind sharing
our gumbo, did you?
282
00:12:06,208 --> 00:12:08,005
No.
283
00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:09,670
So we're sharing back.
284
00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:11,407
It's the law of Karma.
285
00:12:11,447 --> 00:12:13,347
Promise that
you'll bring them back
286
00:12:13,382 --> 00:12:14,815
before my dad gets here.
287
00:12:17,286 --> 00:12:18,981
So we're agreed, right?
288
00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:20,818
You'll bring them back?
289
00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:24,183
Yeah, man, sure.
290
00:12:27,596 --> 00:12:29,188
Still no sign of Bill.
291
00:12:29,231 --> 00:12:31,358
Probably got his head
stuck in something.
292
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,630
But I'm sure he'll turn up
once we start cooking
293
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,159
those fish
we're about to catch.
294
00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:36,933
Actually, I'm
in the mood
295
00:12:36,972 --> 00:12:38,564
for more
thorn berries,
296
00:12:38,607 --> 00:12:40,131
or maybe a pine cone.
297
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,269
Bobby, the fishing rods
are gone!
298
00:12:42,311 --> 00:12:44,575
You were supposed to be
watching this stuff.
299
00:12:44,613 --> 00:12:48,379
I-I'm sure whoever took them
will bring them right back.
300
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:51,545
Thieves don't
return stolen items.
301
00:12:51,587 --> 00:12:53,214
It's just a thing, Dad.
302
00:12:53,255 --> 00:12:55,018
They didn't steal
something important,
303
00:12:55,057 --> 00:12:57,287
like a smile, right?
304
00:12:57,326 --> 00:12:59,123
Bobby, that's
just hippie talk,
305
00:12:59,161 --> 00:13:01,322
and all the hippie talk
in the world
306
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,160
isn't going
to get our stuff back.
307
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,895
We have to actually
do something about it.
308
00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:18,602
Excuse me, I'm looking for
a couple of fishing rods.
309
00:13:18,647 --> 00:13:21,445
Dual paddle crank handles,
12-pound lines.
310
00:13:21,484 --> 00:13:23,315
Never mind.
311
00:13:23,352 --> 00:13:26,048
I'm really sorry
to hear about
312
00:13:26,088 --> 00:13:28,215
your fishing poles, man.
313
00:13:28,257 --> 00:13:30,054
Uh... okay.
314
00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:33,027
If anyone can help you,
it's the Council Circle.
315
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,758
There's some real
wise bastards there.
316
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:38,824
Uh... thanks.
317
00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:41,428
Hey, can you
give me some money?
318
00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:42,437
No.
319
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:43,938
Fascist.
320
00:13:43,973 --> 00:13:45,600
It's only with teamwork
321
00:13:45,641 --> 00:13:48,201
that we can find Apple-Seed's
missing teeth.
322
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,905
HANK:
Uh, pardon me.
323
00:13:49,945 --> 00:13:52,641
Hank Hill, assistant manager,
Strickland Propane.
324
00:13:52,681 --> 00:13:53,579
Shut up!
325
00:13:53,616 --> 00:13:54,640
Quiet!
326
00:13:54,683 --> 00:13:55,775
What gives you
the right?
327
00:13:55,818 --> 00:13:57,911
BILL: The rules say
you can't speak
328
00:13:57,953 --> 00:14:00,012
unless you got
the feather.
329
00:14:00,055 --> 00:14:01,989
Aw, Bill.
330
00:14:02,024 --> 00:14:03,423
Hey, Hank...
331
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:06,917
my new name is Energy Turtle.
332
00:14:06,962 --> 00:14:08,759
I've found myself.
333
00:14:08,797 --> 00:14:09,923
Bill, fun's over.
334
00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:12,297
Wash that mud off now,
and help me find
335
00:14:12,334 --> 00:14:13,631
my fishing rods.
336
00:14:13,669 --> 00:14:14,897
Oh, Hank.
337
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,838
I bet you searched
for them everywhere...
338
00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:19,204
except your heart.
339
00:14:19,241 --> 00:14:20,674
Get out of
the Circle!
340
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:21,869
He's serious.
341
00:14:21,911 --> 00:14:23,879
No Being may speak
without the feather.
342
00:14:23,913 --> 00:14:25,505
Okay! Where are
my fishing rods?
343
00:14:25,548 --> 00:14:26,947
Hey, why'd you come
344
00:14:26,982 --> 00:14:29,280
to a Gathering
if you didn't want to share?!
345
00:14:29,318 --> 00:14:32,481
I didn't come to the Gathering!
The Gathering came to me!
346
00:14:32,521 --> 00:14:34,455
Oh, yeah? Well, I'll come to you
347
00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,390
and gather... your...
your face!
348
00:14:36,425 --> 00:14:38,188
All right.
Negative vibes!
349
00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:39,626
Negative vibes!
350
00:14:39,662 --> 00:14:40,959
This Circle will
resume discussion
351
00:14:40,996 --> 00:14:44,397
after a round
of jumping jacks.
352
00:14:44,433 --> 00:14:45,593
Oh, God!
353
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,329
Don't ruin jumping jacks.
354
00:14:47,369 --> 00:14:50,600
(grunting)
355
00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,373
Looks like we're going
to have to drive
356
00:14:56,412 --> 00:14:58,312
into town
to get new poles.
357
00:14:58,347 --> 00:15:00,144
Bobby, my truck is gone!
358
00:15:00,182 --> 00:15:01,444
What happened?!
359
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,781
MAN:
Hey, a talking bear!
360
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,045
Ugh! My sleeping bag!
361
00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:08,886
Your nudity!
362
00:15:08,924 --> 00:15:11,290
Calm down.
You can join us.
363
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,522
Yeah, you can hold
the Yanni.
364
00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:15,792
Bobby, what
is going on here?
365
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,130
Dad...
366
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,603
I ate hippie gumbo!
367
00:15:22,638 --> 00:15:24,401
What? No!
368
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,374
I know I was
supposed to be self-reliant,
369
00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:27,636
but I was hungry.
370
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,837
And I didn't think
I'd ever catch anything,
371
00:15:29,878 --> 00:15:31,903
and they said
since they shared with me,
372
00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:33,744
I had to share our stuff
with them.
373
00:15:33,782 --> 00:15:36,342
And then they shared our stuff
all over the place,
374
00:15:36,385 --> 00:15:37,477
and I'm sorry.
375
00:15:44,627 --> 00:15:46,959
My name's Fudgie.
376
00:15:51,433 --> 00:15:53,333
Oh, divine Sun!
377
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,599
ALL:
Oh, divine Sun!
378
00:15:55,638 --> 00:15:58,835
We observe
your holy wisdom!
379
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:01,866
We observe your holy wisdom!
380
00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:04,811
So... the sun is God?
381
00:16:04,847 --> 00:16:06,007
Yes!
382
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:07,481
Wow.
383
00:16:07,516 --> 00:16:09,575
RANGER BRADLEY:
The security camera shows
384
00:16:09,618 --> 00:16:11,779
that your truck
hasn't left the park.
385
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:13,879
We'll monitor the exit
at all times
386
00:16:13,922 --> 00:16:15,389
to make sure it doesn't.
387
00:16:15,424 --> 00:16:17,483
(sighing):
What's your advice here?
388
00:16:17,526 --> 00:16:20,586
Just sit tight. This park covers
1,000 square miles.
389
00:16:20,629 --> 00:16:22,756
And it's
mushroom season.
390
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,358
Your truck could
be anywhere.
391
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,564
Dad, I'm sorry
I ruined the trip.
392
00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:30,367
It was all my fault.
393
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,703
Yes. Yes, it was.
394
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:34,368
But, uh, you just
took responsibility
395
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,809
and admitted it.
396
00:16:35,844 --> 00:16:39,245
That's the first step
towards self-reliance.
397
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,077
What are you doing?
398
00:16:42,117 --> 00:16:44,608
I'm calling your mom
to come pick us up.
399
00:16:44,653 --> 00:16:48,453
I guess I'll have to come back
later and pack out my truck.
400
00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:50,458
You mean, we're just giving up?
401
00:16:50,492 --> 00:16:52,619
The hippies have us
surrounded, Bobby.
402
00:16:52,661 --> 00:16:54,151
There's nothing we can do.
403
00:16:54,196 --> 00:16:55,163
But, Dad,
404
00:16:55,197 --> 00:16:56,391
if we just give up,
405
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:59,094
the hippies might keep
coming back forever.
406
00:16:59,134 --> 00:17:01,602
They are like locusts,
but I don't know
407
00:17:01,637 --> 00:17:03,605
what the heck we
can do about it.
408
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:06,733
I guess we'll just camp
somewhere else next year.
409
00:17:06,775 --> 00:17:08,936
Well, maybe
it's like what you said:
410
00:17:08,977 --> 00:17:12,640
If you want to catch a fish,
you have to think like a fish.
411
00:17:12,681 --> 00:17:14,808
We just have
to think like hippies!
412
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,750
That is impossible.
413
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,582
Come on, Dad.
Just try.
414
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,417
Okay, I'm a hippie...
415
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:24,085
I'm naked,
because I smoked all my clothes.
416
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,093
Uh, yeah.
417
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,185
Yeah.
418
00:17:26,228 --> 00:17:27,957
And I don't like
to work.
419
00:17:27,996 --> 00:17:29,156
Right.
420
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:31,257
I like everything
handed to me.
421
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,825
I'm just like a kid!
422
00:17:33,869 --> 00:17:39,068
Right! An overgrown kid who
can't take care of himself.
423
00:17:42,678 --> 00:17:45,977
Figures this is the
one place they're not burning incense.
424
00:17:46,014 --> 00:17:47,538
Stay in school, son.
425
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:50,177
You know, Ranger Bradley,
the First Amendment
426
00:17:50,219 --> 00:17:52,779
guarantees the hippies
the right to be here.
427
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:54,584
But as Bobby was pointing out,
428
00:17:54,623 --> 00:17:57,922
does it guarantee them the right
to these park services?
429
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,552
Yeah, the ranger station
430
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,722
shouldn't have to deal
with this.
431
00:18:01,764 --> 00:18:03,197
You're telling me.
432
00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:06,167
Did you know that hippies
are the number-one source
433
00:18:06,201 --> 00:18:08,328
of airborne and
riverborne pollution?
434
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:11,237
Right in front of
Dow Chemical and Mexican trucks.
435
00:18:11,273 --> 00:18:13,571
Uh, I'm not sure about that,
436
00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:16,669
but, uh, these hippies
have got to go.
437
00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:18,043
What would you say
438
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,945
to Bobby and me taking care
of them ourselves?
439
00:18:19,982 --> 00:18:21,074
Great!
440
00:18:21,116 --> 00:18:22,583
How many fire hoses
do you need?
441
00:18:22,618 --> 00:18:25,212
I've got some pepper spray
that could take down a bear.
442
00:18:25,254 --> 00:18:26,812
Uh... uh-huh.
443
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:30,052
Or maybe we could just cut off
some of the park's services.
444
00:18:30,092 --> 00:18:32,617
Well, that doesn't sound
quite as interesting,
445
00:18:32,661 --> 00:18:34,185
but you're on your own.
446
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:46,337
Okay, what do we got?
447
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,434
But I'm on a roll!
448
00:18:48,477 --> 00:18:51,935
I want to give strokes
and warm fuzzies to Bubbleman
449
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:54,847
for creating
limitless bartering periods...
450
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:56,942
Bobby, grab the feather
for me.
451
00:18:56,985 --> 00:18:59,351
But I wasn't finished
with my heart song!
452
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:00,616
Attention, people!
453
00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:02,681
Minutes ago, I spoke
with the Ranger,
454
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,817
and due to unforeseen
circumstances,
455
00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:08,557
all services in the park will be cut off,
effective immediately.
456
00:19:08,597 --> 00:19:09,621
What?!
457
00:19:09,665 --> 00:19:11,132
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
458
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:14,294
This means the port-a-potties are
no longer available.
459
00:19:14,336 --> 00:19:16,304
We have a right
to those potties!
460
00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:17,896
Yes, we do. Yeah!
I have the runs!
461
00:19:17,940 --> 00:19:20,807
Clean water will no
longer be provided to you,
462
00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:22,276
and as of this moment,
463
00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:25,041
the park's snack bar is closed.
464
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,775
(wailing):
No snacks?! What?!
465
00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:28,976
Hey, uh, is it just me,
466
00:19:29,017 --> 00:19:32,612
or am I picking up some
negative vibes out there?
467
00:19:32,654 --> 00:19:34,849
Well here's a positive vibe
for you...
468
00:19:34,890 --> 00:19:38,018
you don't need the park
to provide services for you,
469
00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:39,994
because we're gonna
show you how,
470
00:19:40,028 --> 00:19:41,495
with a little hard work,
471
00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:43,430
you can take care
of yourselves.
472
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,726
Grab the feather!
473
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:47,291
Yeah, this'll
be great!
474
00:19:47,336 --> 00:19:49,804
We'll teach you how
to dig your own latrines,
475
00:19:49,838 --> 00:19:53,069
maintain your own roads,
purify your own water,
476
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:54,803
and catch your own fish.
477
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:58,802
So, what do you say?
Who here is ready to work?
478
00:20:06,054 --> 00:20:07,385
Rumsfeld.
479
00:20:07,422 --> 00:20:09,583
So long now.
480
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:11,786
Hank, Bobby...
481
00:20:11,827 --> 00:20:15,456
I came to say good-bye,
and wish you much love.
482
00:20:15,497 --> 00:20:16,862
Where are you going?
483
00:20:16,899 --> 00:20:19,834
Dallas. The Phish is playing
a musical concert there.
484
00:20:19,868 --> 00:20:22,166
We're all gonna live
in the parking lot.
485
00:20:22,204 --> 00:20:23,364
See ya.
486
00:20:23,405 --> 00:20:25,896
Will we ever see
Mr. Dauterive again?
487
00:20:25,941 --> 00:20:27,704
Around the 15th.
488
00:20:27,743 --> 00:20:31,543
That's when he has to report back
to work, or he's AWOL.
489
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:33,980
Go to hell!
490
00:20:34,016 --> 00:20:35,381
Good riddance!
491
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:37,783
Hug this!
492
00:20:40,555 --> 00:20:42,716
Okay, you drive, I'll push.
493
00:20:42,758 --> 00:20:44,692
On three, punch the gas.
494
00:20:44,726 --> 00:20:47,354
I'm on it!
495
00:20:47,396 --> 00:20:48,522
(grunts)
496
00:20:48,563 --> 00:20:50,053
One...
497
00:20:50,098 --> 00:20:52,066
two... three.
498
00:20:52,100 --> 00:20:54,159
(engine turns)
Hit it!
499
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,566
Okay, what do you
say there, son?
500
00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:01,701
Ready to go home?
501
00:21:01,743 --> 00:21:02,835
Not yet, Dad.
502
00:21:02,878 --> 00:21:05,506
We still gotta pick up dinner.
503
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:19,293
Ripped By mstoll
504
00:21:51,860 --> 00:21:54,454
HANK (sighing):
They're hippies, son.
34843
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