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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:03,837
- ? MTV ?
2
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,776
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,746
[rock music]
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:18,885
? ?
5
00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,298
[school bell ringing]
6
00:00:25,299 --> 00:00:26,992
- Another way
to deter attackers
7
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:30,964
is by using personal defense
devices such as pepper spray.
8
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,867
I happen to have some.
9
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,968
Hmm.
I swore it was in here.
10
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,637
[both chuckling]
11
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,805
It couldn't have
just walked away.
12
00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:40,808
[both chuckling]
13
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,043
- Hey, Butt-Head.
14
00:00:42,044 --> 00:00:43,509
What's that stuff we took
from the Army guy?
15
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,445
- Uh, let's see.
16
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:46,646
Uh...
17
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:47,797
Ma-
18
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,983
mass-
19
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,919
mass-ay?
20
00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:54,254
Mac�.
[chuckles]
21
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,323
It must be from France
or something.
22
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:58,525
- Yeah, cool.
[both chuckling]
23
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,493
[French accent] Monsieur!
[chuckles]
24
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,696
Mon soir.
[chuckles]
25
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:04,364
- Uh, hmm.
26
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,732
[chuckles]
27
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,869
So it's like a little
spray bottle from France.
28
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:10,170
[chuckles]
29
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,706
And that cool Army guy had it.
30
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,408
- And he looked like he scores.
31
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,143
[chuckles]
32
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,647
- Whoa, Beavis,
this must be cologne.
33
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,482
- Yeah, yeah.
34
00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,984
Um, what's cologne?
35
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,881
- You spray it all over you
and then when chicks smell it,
36
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:30,023
they want to, like,
uh, get busy.
37
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,525
- Cool! I wanna try it.
Yeah.
38
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,260
Maybe I'll score, yeah.
39
00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,661
[chuckles]
40
00:01:35,148 --> 00:01:37,229
Whoa.
[chuckles]
41
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:38,965
No, that's not it.
42
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,168
I can't find the spray hole.
43
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:43,304
Let's see.
44
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,172
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
45
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,473
- Wait, Beavis, stop.
46
00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:47,808
- What is it? What?
47
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,710
- [chuckling]
You said hole.
48
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:52,379
[both chuckling]
49
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,781
- Oh, yeah.
50
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,516
I guess I did.
[chuckles]
51
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:57,750
Yeah, thanks, Butt-Head.
52
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,386
That was close.
53
00:01:59,486 --> 00:02:01,488
Now, where was I?
54
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:03,123
[screams]
55
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,557
[groaning and screaming]
56
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,227
- Damn it, Beavis.
57
00:02:06,228 --> 00:02:07,293
Stop hogging it.
58
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,394
- Oh, my God.
- Butthole.
59
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:10,330
Give me that.
[Beavis groaning]
60
00:02:11,032 --> 00:02:12,833
[Butt-Head screams]
61
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,435
[groaning]
62
00:02:14,436 --> 00:02:15,502
- Oh, Butt-Head.
63
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,037
[coughs and groans]
64
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:19,039
Is cologne supposed to hurt?
65
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,440
[Butt-Head coughs]
66
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,175
Yeah, dumbass.
67
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,745
That's how you know
it's working.
68
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,047
- Yeah, but my face
feels all hot and stuff.
69
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,949
And-and it hurts
to see things.
70
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:30,383
[groans]
71
00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:32,980
- Well, nobody said scoring
was going to feel good.
72
00:02:32,981 --> 00:02:34,020
[chuckles]
73
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,255
- Oh, yeah, that's true.
74
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,291
I'm gonna score
no matter how much it sucks.
75
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,392
Ow!
76
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:40,627
[tense music]
77
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:41,828
- What was that?
78
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,731
- I don't know.
- That was a scream.
79
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,400
What happened?
What happened?
80
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:51,238
- See, all of you were
talking to a devil.
81
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,141
- We are going to be
spending the entire night
82
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,276
inside this haunted location.
83
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,811
- [nasal voice] We are going
to be spending the entire night
84
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,948
in this haunted location.
85
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,617
[both chuckling]
86
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,718
- All right, so this was
John Stutt's house.
87
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,286
- I guess no one
told them there's
88
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,656
no such thing as ghosts.
89
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,058
- I don't know, Butt-Head.
90
00:03:11,059 --> 00:03:13,159
I saw a ghost once
in the middle of the night
91
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,830
when I was a kid,
and he told me
92
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,932
that I didn't see him
and not to tell anyone.
93
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:22,870
And then when I woke up,
all my mom's pills were gone.
94
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,504
[chuckles]
95
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,674
They didn't just disappear
on their own.
96
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,542
- Uh, OK, Beavis.
97
00:03:28,543 --> 00:03:30,209
- What we do know
is that John himself
98
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,645
died in here in a chair.
99
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,342
We don't have the chair
anymore.
100
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,580
So he died in the living room
here.
101
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,883
- In the living room.
102
00:03:35,884 --> 00:03:37,183
- [nasal voice]
So he died in the living room.
103
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,686
Was he spanking
any type of an animal?
104
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,656
Say, a monkey, perhaps?
[both chuckling]
105
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,225
[indistinct chatter]
106
00:03:44,226 --> 00:03:45,991
- This place is haunted
with all the girls
107
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,862
he'll never score with.
108
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:51,598
[both chuckling]
109
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,068
- She's like,
if you look in that mirror
110
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:56,770
and say "I've never scored"
three times,
111
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,639
no chicks will appear.
112
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:02,075
[both chuckling]
113
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:04,825
- We're gonna leave the camera
rolling here, though.
114
00:04:04,844 --> 00:04:07,281
Probably the camera
I'm holding.
115
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:10,350
And we're gonna leave
the [indistinct] in here.
116
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:13,220
- He's like, um, if there
are any hot chicks in here,
117
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,856
please make yourself known
at this time, OK?
118
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,458
[chuckles]
119
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:18,998
I left a kickball here for you
120
00:04:18,999 --> 00:04:21,127
in case you and your friends
want to have some fun.
121
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,178
[chuckles]
122
00:04:22,196 --> 00:04:24,532
- It's my favorite sport.
[chuckles]
123
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,500
- The fridge is first base.
124
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,169
[chuckles] You know-
125
00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:31,037
you know, I've never made it
to first base.
126
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,140
With a chick or in kickball.
127
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,441
Interesting fact, yeah.
128
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:35,609
[chuckles]
129
00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:36,909
- I can catch the kickball
pretty good
130
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,146
if you kick it right to me.
131
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:42,049
[both chuckling]
132
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,351
- Curtis!
- Whoa.
133
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,819
Yeah, I think it did
say my name right there.
134
00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:48,289
- He's like,
you're wrong, Curtis.
135
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,490
No woman will ever
say your name.
136
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,626
[both chuckling]
137
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:56,530
- And you're here somewhere
for us?
138
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,732
- The ghost is like, tonight,
139
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,768
you will be visited
by three ghosts.
140
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,337
the ghost of you're never
gonna score past,
141
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,906
the ghost of you're never gonna
score present,
142
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,709
and the ghost of you're never
gonna score yet to come.
143
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,478
[both chuckling]
144
00:05:10,479 --> 00:05:12,811
Only then will you
understand the true meaning
145
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,915
of you're never gonna score.
146
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,617
[chuckles]
147
00:05:16,618 --> 00:05:18,585
- What was that? Whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
148
00:05:18,586 --> 00:05:21,588
There is, like, a figure.
It's jumping on you.
149
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:22,957
- Whoa.
- Really?
150
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:25,625
- The ghost is spanking
his monkey. [chuckles]
151
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:28,495
- Eh, I think he's just, like,
pointing to his schlong.
152
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,397
He's like, heh, yeah,
here it is.
153
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,099
See that?
[chuckles]
154
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,732
Yeah, I got your
spirit swinging.
155
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:34,969
Come on.
[chuckles]
156
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:36,403
Come on, you dorks.
157
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:39,139
You don't have to have bones
to have a boner.
158
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,441
Hey, look at that, huh?
159
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,576
- There's two of 'em?
[both chuckling]
160
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,144
What are they doing?
161
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:48,582
- The time to sleep alone
is every time for this dude.
162
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:52,152
[both chuckling]
163
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:56,957
Uh, unexplained bang?
[chuckles]
164
00:05:56,958 --> 00:05:58,825
- I tell you,
if this guy bangs anything,
165
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:00,426
it's definitely
gonna be unexplained.
166
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:03,263
You know what I'm saying?
He's a dork, this guy.
167
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,233
- This is it, Beavis.
168
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,568
We're finally going to score,
169
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:12,272
all thanks to our
secret weapon of massay.
170
00:06:12,273 --> 00:06:14,907
- You know, a lot of guys
complain about not scoring.
171
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:17,009
Well, we're going
to do something about it.
172
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,880
You know, um, my face is
starting to feel a little bit
173
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:23,416
better now-[screams]
174
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,218
[Butt-Head groans]
175
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,554
- Uh-[coughs]
176
00:06:26,555 --> 00:06:27,686
Now we are ready.
177
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,055
[coughs] Ugh.
178
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,127
- [grunts]
179
00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,194
- Ow.
180
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,463
- Eh, ow.
181
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,664
- Ugh.
182
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:41,001
- [groaning]
Butt-Head, is it working?
183
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,369
I can't see anything.
184
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,737
- Uh, yeah.
185
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,375
[chuckles] The chicks
are already all over me.
186
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,710
Hey, baby.
[chuckles]
187
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,078
First time at the mall?
188
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,379
[chuckles]
189
00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:54,214
Yeah, that's cool, that's cool.
190
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,383
[chuckles]
191
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,533
- Ah!
192
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,021
[groans] Ow.
193
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:02,622
Ow.
[chuckles]
194
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:03,858
- Damn it.
195
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,260
That chick was all stuck-up
or something.
196
00:07:06,327 --> 00:07:07,527
[chuckles]
197
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,028
- Yeah,
I haven't scored yet either.
198
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,079
This sucks.
199
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,365
[chuckles]
200
00:07:11,366 --> 00:07:12,832
- I think you're not
wearing enough cologne,
201
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,169
and it's, like,
messing up my game.
202
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,504
[chuckles]
203
00:07:16,505 --> 00:07:18,737
- You know, Butt-Head,
actually, I'm not sure
204
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:22,876
I want any more of that-
[screams]
205
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:26,613
- Whoa, check it out.
[Beavis continues screaming]
206
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,349
There's a new nachos place
at the food court.
207
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,719
[chuckles] We should go
eat there after we score.
208
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,387
- Ow!
209
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,758
- Get up, dumbass.
210
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:40,861
How are you supposed to get
chicks lying on the floor?
211
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,096
[chuckles]
212
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,498
- Sorry, sorry.
[chuckles]
213
00:07:44,499 --> 00:07:45,598
Hello, ladies.
214
00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,369
[coughs]
215
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:49,636
Ow, ow!
216
00:07:51,992 --> 00:07:55,975
[Kameron Marlowe's
"Tequila Talkin'"
217
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,412
- ? But I had to come over
and ask your name ?
218
00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,447
- Ugh.
Oh, boy.
219
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:02,082
Yeah, yeah.
220
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,819
- Uh, hmm.
221
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:08,155
That bartender's
like, uh, miss?
222
00:08:08,156 --> 00:08:10,022
The stubby-fingered gentleman
over there
223
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,225
wants to talk to you.
224
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,393
[chuckles]
225
00:08:13,394 --> 00:08:14,827
He's also
the only other gentleman
226
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,029
in this entire resort.
227
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,464
[chuckles]
228
00:08:17,465 --> 00:08:19,065
- It's actually not safe
to be here, ma'am.
229
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,400
[chuckles]
230
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:21,968
There have been several
incidents of creepy guys
231
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,470
buying girls shots of tequila
232
00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:24,804
and then taking them out
on a boat,
233
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,039
so be very careful.
234
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:27,441
[chuckles]
235
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,843
- ? That ain't
the tequila talkin' ?
236
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,046
- [chuckles]
It's not the tequila talking.
237
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:34,414
But pretty soon,
238
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,650
it's gonna be
the police talking.
239
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,686
[chuckles]
240
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,021
- ? Ain't
the tequila talking ?
241
00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:43,556
- [chuckles] You know, they
make a pretty cute couple,
242
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,959
you know, except for him.
243
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:47,727
- She's like, uh, hey,
I'm in my bikini.
244
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,328
Why don't you take
your shirt off?
245
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:52,198
And he's like, uh, I'm good.
[chuckles]
246
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,868
- Yeah, I'm good. Maybe-
how about some more tequila?
247
00:08:54,869 --> 00:08:56,169
[chuckles]
248
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,771
- She's like, uh,
249
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,507
how much longer
does this video shoot go?
250
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:03,143
[both chuckling]
251
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,546
- Yeah, 'cause, I mean,
I'm acting my ass off.
252
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:06,947
Come on.
[chuckles]
253
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,381
- I'm playing the woman
254
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,249
who would ever touch you
in a million years.
255
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,953
[chuckles]
- And it ain't easy.
256
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,522
- ? Ain't
the tequila talking ?
257
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,893
- Damn it, Beavis.
258
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,862
We're all out of massay
'cause you used it all.
259
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:23,731
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
260
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,699
Sorry about that.
[chuckles]
261
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,902
- We gotta, like, find
some more. [chuckles]
262
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:33,207
Hey, we need
some French cologne.
263
00:09:33,274 --> 00:09:34,324
[chuckles]
264
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,543
- Yeah, um,
do you have Massoi?
265
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,811
[chuckles]
266
00:09:37,812 --> 00:09:39,078
- Would you like
to sample this one?
267
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,514
It's very nice.
268
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,116
- Uh, OK.
269
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:43,233
[chuckles]
270
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,957
Uh, this cologne doesn't work.
271
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,893
It doesn't hurt at all.
272
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,496
- That's right, yeah.
It does not hurt, yeah.
273
00:09:55,497 --> 00:09:56,629
[chuckles]
274
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,465
- Damn it.
This sucks.
275
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:01,702
Nice try ripping us off,
butthole.
276
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:02,903
[chuckles]
277
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,905
- [sniffs]
I don't know, Butt-Head.
278
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,641
I mean, it smells kind
of good, you know?
279
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:10,176
Like a tree or something.
[chuckles]
280
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,545
- Damn it, Beavis.
281
00:10:11,546 --> 00:10:13,112
Chicks don't want a guy who
smells like a tree.
282
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,449
Chicks want a smell that says,
283
00:10:15,516 --> 00:10:18,285
"I'm willing to pay
the price to score."
284
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,253
- Oh, yeah, yeah, right.
285
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,889
Yeah, the smell of pain.
286
00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:23,424
Yeah.
[chuckles]
287
00:10:23,425 --> 00:10:25,491
- There must be a way that
we can get more massay
288
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,961
out of this stupid can.
289
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,196
Uh, let's see.
290
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,632
Uh, goo-fur-
291
00:10:31,633 --> 00:10:32,698
words.
292
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:35,302
Uh, he-ah-hea-heat.
293
00:10:35,303 --> 00:10:36,435
[chuckles]
294
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,105
I think they want us to, like,
295
00:10:38,172 --> 00:10:39,373
heat it up or something.
296
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,275
- Yeah, yeah.
Fire, yeah.
297
00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,877
Fire, yeah.
[chuckles]
298
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,948
[keypad beeps]
299
00:10:47,949 --> 00:10:50,450
[electrical zapping]
- Well, that ought to do it.
300
00:10:50,451 --> 00:10:51,718
[chuckles]
301
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,220
[electrical zapping]
302
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:56,856
- Yeah, this was a really
smart idea, Butt-Head.
303
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,260
[fire alarm beeping]
- Whoa, cool.
304
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:03,296
- Yeah, yeah. Fire!
[chuckles]
305
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,766
There it is, yeah.
306
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,434
- On the floor!
307
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:10,770
- Uh, can you buttholes
shut up?
308
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,839
We're trying to put on
some cologne.
309
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,108
[both scream]
310
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,225
Whoa.
311
00:11:16,226 --> 00:11:18,011
They're spraying us
with massay!
312
00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:19,913
- Make sure
you get some in my eyes.
313
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,081
Ah!
314
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:24,051
[rock music]
315
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,886
? ?
316
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,292
[both chuckling]
317
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:34,261
[rock music]
318
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:41,368
? ?
319
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,642
- Well,
back to the daily grind.
320
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,310
[chuckles]
- Yep.
321
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,179
Cash the unemployment check,
322
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,849
buy a beer, drink it,
fall asleep on the couch.
323
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,918
Still can't seem to get ahead.
324
00:11:58,019 --> 00:12:00,454
- Yep.
[chuckles]
325
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,089
[tires skidding]
326
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,557
Whoa.
Check it out, Beavis.
327
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,159
It's a free couch.
328
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:07,310
- Whoa, that's cool.
329
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:08,562
[both chuckling]
330
00:12:08,629 --> 00:12:09,679
Lucky day.
331
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,598
- Whoa.
332
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:14,201
This is so much cooler
than our couch.
333
00:12:14,202 --> 00:12:16,202
- Yeah, it looks like
nobody's ever fallen asleep
334
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,236
and peed on it.
335
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,305
Not even once!
336
00:12:18,406 --> 00:12:20,741
- If we had this couch
in our apartment,
337
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:24,478
we could finally start
inviting chicks over and stuff.
338
00:12:24,479 --> 00:12:26,279
- And then they'll want
to sit on our couch.
339
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,381
Yeah.
[chuckles]
340
00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:28,915
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
341
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,385
And then sit on me.
342
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,287
[both chuckling]
343
00:12:33,288 --> 00:12:34,354
- Yeah, cool.
344
00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:35,822
I'll take this end.
345
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,625
- OK.
[chuckles]
346
00:12:37,658 --> 00:12:39,693
- And you take that end.
347
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,761
- Uh, no.
348
00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,063
[chuckles]
349
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,565
- Oh. [chuckles]
Really?
350
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,100
That sucks.
351
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,135
[straining]
352
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,974
- Hurry up already, dumbass.
353
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,475
- Oh, God.
354
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,578
- Welcome to my micro cabin.
355
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:01,115
- [chuckles]
Welcome to my micro cabin.
356
00:13:01,182 --> 00:13:02,316
[chuckles]
357
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:05,686
It's where I keep
my micro penis.
358
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:07,688
- Wait a minute.
That's his house?
359
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:10,390
Oh, boy.
[chuckles]
360
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:13,927
- He's like, I wanna feel
like I'm living in my car,
361
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,430
but not be able
to actually go anywhere.
362
00:13:16,497 --> 00:13:18,465
[both chuckling]
363
00:13:18,532 --> 00:13:23,471
- This mailbox is actually a
kids' lunchbox from the 1960s.
364
00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:26,473
I was out cruising around
looking for a mailbox.
365
00:13:26,474 --> 00:13:29,008
- I was out cruising around,
looking for a mailbox for it.
366
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,543
And I saw a little
kid going to school,
367
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:34,581
and I said, uh,
that lunchbox is mine now.
368
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,283
Run along.
[chuckles]
369
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,285
You can find another lunchbox.
370
00:13:38,352 --> 00:13:40,620
I need this for the
shipping crate I live in.
371
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:41,822
[chuckles]
372
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,724
- It'll double the size
of my home.
373
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:47,728
[chuckling] Yeah, in all
seriousness, though, Butt-Head,
374
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,638
I don't think
he's ever gonna score.
375
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,698
Yeah.
[chuckles]
376
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,400
- Nope.
[chuckles]
377
00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:56,102
- Because of the added room
because of the pop top.
378
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,770
- When he meets girls,
he's like,
379
00:13:57,771 --> 00:13:59,440
come on back to my house,
baby.
380
00:13:59,507 --> 00:14:03,110
You can stand all the way up.
[chuckles]
381
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:04,812
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
382
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:08,515
Chicks are probably
like, uh, glasses-on-hat guy,
383
00:14:08,582 --> 00:14:11,552
I wanna score with you
back at your house.
384
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:14,422
And he's like, hmm, well,
385
00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:16,723
I'm gonna have
to measure you first.
386
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,625
[both chuckling]
387
00:14:18,626 --> 00:14:20,426
- You can bang your head
on the ceiling,
388
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:22,129
and then you can bang me.
389
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:24,598
[chuckles]
390
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:25,932
- Yeah, but hurry up,
391
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,533
because we only have
15 minutes of air.
392
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,204
[chuckles]
393
00:14:30,205 --> 00:14:31,671
There's probably not enough
room for you,
394
00:14:31,672 --> 00:14:33,740
me, and my boner,
so one of us
395
00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:35,241
is going to have
to wait outside.
396
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,610
[chuckles]
397
00:14:36,711 --> 00:14:38,378
And I'm thinking me.
398
00:14:38,412 --> 00:14:39,580
[chuckles]
399
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,781
- I have my kitchen area.
400
00:14:41,782 --> 00:14:43,216
- Yeah, maybe
I can set the mood
401
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,319
by heating up
some canned food for you.
402
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,087
Yeah.
[chuckles]
403
00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:50,557
Maybe a little Chef Boyardee.
404
00:14:50,624 --> 00:14:55,296
I put the D in Chef Boyardee.
[chuckles]
405
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,464
And magnets, oh,
I got 'em, yeah.
406
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:58,933
[chuckles]
407
00:14:58,934 --> 00:15:00,299
[couch scraping on ground]
408
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,370
- [straining]
409
00:15:04,772 --> 00:15:06,406
[groans]
410
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:09,109
- Hey, baby.
Check out what we're doing.
411
00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:10,311
[chuckles]
412
00:15:10,411 --> 00:15:11,578
- Are you moving?
413
00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,875
- Yeah, no one peed
on this couch. [chuckles]
414
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,140
- You're finally leaving.
415
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,051
Tonight,
I am bringing friends over
416
00:15:17,118 --> 00:15:19,219
and we are having a party
to celebrate.
417
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:21,021
This is fantastic.
418
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,623
- Whoa.
Did you hear that?
419
00:15:23,624 --> 00:15:25,491
She's gonna come back
with a bunch of chicks
420
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,160
and party with us.
421
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,796
This couch is working
even better than I thought.
422
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,031
[chuckles]
423
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,600
- Yeah, we better
get it up the stairs fast.
424
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:36,002
- And then we'll get it up.
[chuckles]
425
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,492
- That's right.
[chuckles]
426
00:15:37,571 --> 00:15:40,174
Nothing to it but to do it.
[chuckles]
427
00:15:40,241 --> 00:15:42,175
[Butt-Head humming]
428
00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,277
[Beavis straining]
429
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:46,947
- Come on, Beavis.
430
00:15:46,948 --> 00:15:48,114
You're making me
do all the work.
431
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,750
[Beavis groans]
432
00:15:49,817 --> 00:15:52,920
- Um, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.
433
00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:55,355
- Yeah?
Uh, what?
434
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,157
- Oh, this is really heavy.
435
00:15:57,224 --> 00:16:00,660
Like, can we take a rest
for a second?
436
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,530
- Uh, sure.
437
00:16:02,531 --> 00:16:04,731
I've been resting for,
like, five minutes.
438
00:16:04,732 --> 00:16:05,731
[chuckles]
439
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,601
Feels good to take a load off.
440
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,902
- Ah!
No!
441
00:16:10,704 --> 00:16:13,139
[Beavis screaming]
442
00:16:17,345 --> 00:16:19,012
- Nice job, dumbass.
443
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:23,417
You dropped it.
- [groaning]
444
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:25,252
OK, OK.
Here's my idea.
445
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:28,655
We pull the couch up
with this string.
446
00:16:28,722 --> 00:16:31,558
- Whoa.
That's a good idea, asswipe.
447
00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:33,760
- Yeah, make sure
you tie it really tight.
448
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,147
Like with a knot, you know?
449
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,897
- Shut up, Beavis.
450
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,231
I know what I'm doing.
451
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:41,301
[chuckles]
Just take this here.
452
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,637
Rabbit goes around the tree.
453
00:16:43,704 --> 00:16:45,872
Just tighten this.
454
00:16:45,939 --> 00:16:47,875
- OK, is the string tied
to the couch?
455
00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:51,311
- Beavis, you dumbass,
your dumb string doesn't work.
456
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,014
It tied me up or something.
457
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,349
- I think if you unwrap it
458
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:57,883
from around your butt or
something, and then, like-
459
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:01,955
- Beavis, get down here
and untie your dumb string.
460
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,223
- OK.
461
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,392
[head clanking]
Um, give me a second.
462
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,728
I think my head's caught
in the railing.
463
00:17:07,795 --> 00:17:09,096
I can't get it out.
464
00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:10,497
- I don't care.
465
00:17:10,564 --> 00:17:11,732
- Nah, don't worry.
466
00:17:11,733 --> 00:17:13,299
This happened all the time
when I was a kid.
467
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:14,680
You just have to come up here
468
00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:16,469
and put peanut butter
on my ears.
469
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,771
- Damn it. I'm gonna come
up there and kick your ass.
470
00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:19,772
[Butt-Head groans]
471
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:21,942
- Ah! Butt-Head, help!
Ah!
472
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,110
Ah!
- Oh, no.
473
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,544
Uh-
- Ah!
474
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,379
Butt-Head!
Ah, no!
475
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,196
- Damn it, Beavis.
Look what you did.
476
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,283
- [screaming]
477
00:17:30,536 --> 00:17:32,585
- Oh.
478
00:17:32,586 --> 00:17:35,022
- [pants]
479
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,457
That's better.
480
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:38,658
Are my ears still on?
481
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,228
- Beavis, I'm gonna kill you.
482
00:17:41,295 --> 00:17:42,345
[chuckles]
483
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:49,970
- [sighs] We can't get the
couch up the steps, Butt-Head.
484
00:17:50,071 --> 00:17:52,773
- Uh, yeah, I know.
485
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:54,742
- Well, I guess some guys
486
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:56,978
just aren't meant to have a
cool couch and-
487
00:17:56,979 --> 00:17:58,644
and to have chicks
come sit on it
488
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:02,316
and maybe sit
on their schlongs.
489
00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:04,151
- No, Beavis.
490
00:18:04,185 --> 00:18:06,520
Shut up.
[chuckles]
491
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,663
This is our one chance
to score with Donna
492
00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:09,990
and her dumb friends.
493
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,391
[slow inspiring music]
494
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,026
And that's only the beginning.
495
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,828
After we score with them,
496
00:18:14,895 --> 00:18:17,365
we're gonna move up
to chicks who are even hotter
497
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:20,367
because chicks will, like,
know we do it.
498
00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:21,969
[chuckles]
499
00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:26,039
Beavis, we are going to get
that couch in our apartment.
500
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,240
[chuckles]
501
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,709
- Yeah! Yeah, Butt-Head!
Yeah, let's do it!
502
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:31,011
Yeah!
[chuckles]
503
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,880
- That's right, Beavis.
504
00:18:32,947 --> 00:18:34,948
Let's do this.
- Yeah!
505
00:18:35,015 --> 00:18:37,150
[both grunting]
506
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,152
- Yeah.
[grunting]
507
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:41,122
[triumphant music]
508
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,256
- We did it.
OK, wait.
509
00:18:43,257 --> 00:18:44,890
Now, just gonna
unlock the door.
510
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:45,993
[Beavis screams]
511
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:47,109
- We can do it, Beavis.
512
00:18:47,161 --> 00:18:48,762
- Yeah, let's go.
513
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:50,731
[both grunting]
514
00:18:50,831 --> 00:18:53,200
? ?
515
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,601
- Easy does it.
516
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:56,670
- Almost there.
517
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,372
[both chuckling]
518
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,907
We did it!
Yeah, we finally did it.
519
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,609
[both sigh]
520
00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:04,911
Oh, boy.
[chuckles]
521
00:19:08,048 --> 00:19:09,182
Um.
522
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,352
Um, Butt-Head, um,
523
00:19:11,419 --> 00:19:13,587
I think we're
in the wrong apartment.
524
00:19:13,654 --> 00:19:14,704
[chuckles]
525
00:19:14,722 --> 00:19:18,058
- Uh-oh, yeah.
526
00:19:18,092 --> 00:19:20,427
[triumphant music]
527
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,529
[both grunting]
528
00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:25,132
[objects clattering loudly]
529
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:32,072
? ?
530
00:19:32,073 --> 00:19:33,172
[both grunt]
531
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:34,223
[wood creaking]
532
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,247
- We did it, Butt-Head.
533
00:19:40,248 --> 00:19:41,748
Now, we're finally gonna score.
534
00:19:41,749 --> 00:19:43,316
Yeah.
[chuckles]
535
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,551
- Yep.
536
00:19:44,552 --> 00:19:46,486
All we gotta do
is wait for the chicks.
537
00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:47,788
[chuckles]
538
00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,924
- I am so happy
those two losers moved out.
539
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:53,094
You can't believe what
a relief it is that
540
00:19:53,127 --> 00:19:55,195
they're finally-[gasps]
541
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,596
Goddamn it!
542
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,431
What did they do
to my apartment?
543
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,300
Oh, damn it!
544
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,003
- Uh, we're not gonna score.
545
00:20:03,070 --> 00:20:04,205
[chuckles]
546
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:06,140
- Yep.
[both chuckling]
547
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,508
[rock music]
548
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:09,676
- These guys are unbelievable!
549
00:20:09,743 --> 00:20:11,778
[indistinct shouting]
550
00:20:15,916 --> 00:20:18,852
[rock music]
551
00:20:18,952 --> 00:20:25,959
? ?
552
00:20:37,905 --> 00:20:39,807
[chiming noises]
553
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:40,957
- Chirp.
554
00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:45,541
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