Original subtitles

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Whoa!

♪♪

Oh! That's bull [bleep]!

[ screaming ] what the [bleep]?!

Oh, god! Help! Help!

♪♪

What's up, y'all?

Ooh! Why's it so cold in here?

Hello, I'm the fridge keeper!

It's ice to meet you.

Welcome to "the cold episode"!

Say what? What's the premise of this episode?

This sucks.

♪♪

[ banging ] [softly] help.

Help me!

Ma'am? I'm an air condition guy, I got stuck up here!

There's a thermostat right behind you.

I just need you to turn it from hot to cold.

[ fridge keeper cackling] must not freeze.

[ beeping ] now it's on.

Holy shit!

Are you okay?!

Oh, I-it's okay. Whatever, please --

Don't let my boss know about this.

Shit! She's coming. Just...

[ coughs ] he went that way.

What the hell just happened in here?!

Who pushed the button? I did. He told me to.

This is a lot of damage.

And somebody is going to have to be responsible for that.

He's responsible for it, not me.

Just sit right there.

Hey! Thank you for covering for me.

I did not cover for you, sir.

I saw you and I recorded everything on tape.

And it's being sent to my attorney right at this moment.

I have him on speed dial.

I got stuck up there, and you helped.

Save it for a court. You pushed the button!

Everything is on camera, right here.

Who's that hot guy on your phone?

That's my lawyer. Your lawyer's a hot guy?

Every man's attractive? What about me?

Why you need to leave before I call the police.

Because -- well, I'm feeling

This chemistry now, now I'm confused because

You're giving me mixed signals. She'll be back shortly.

Okay, I got to go.

♪♪

Okay...

That's impossible, you just went out that door, didn't you?

Excuse me, excuse me.

♪♪

[ screaming ] what? What? What?

I-I'm just trying to --

Get out! You just left that --

Get out! I'm so crazy about you.

You feel it, right?

I feel this chair going upside your head

If you don't get out of here right now.

Are you virgo. No.

Aries, the goddess of war, if you don't leave.

I'm aries too -- April 4th. Two fire signs.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. You said every man's attractive,

And it's been a long time.

I'm going through divorce. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen, meagan good!

Hey! How are you?

Meagan good, in my book, you're meagan great.

Thank you. [ fridge keeper cackling ]

Oh, you're in the cold episode, right now,

I didn't even [bleep] tell you. I didn't introduce you

To the fridge keeper. I -- I heard, I heard -- hi.

I am the fridge keeper! [ cackles, lightning crackles ]

I hope you don't think I was giving you the cold shoulder!

Fridge keeper. Mm-mm-mm.

I'mma [bleep] the shit out of you.

I'm sorry about the fridge keeper.

We're obligated to have a cold episode because we're union now.

It has to be cold? Yeah.

There has to be one cold episode.

[ wind whistling ] oh, hell no.

Yeah, well, it's snow. What is happening?

Oh, hell no. [ fridge keeper moaning ]

My weave does not like this.

Totally understandable.

What are you doing? Huh?

I feel like that's not good for your brain.

♪ I'm a muscle man ♪

I'm a muscle man.

I got really... Strong recently.

Okay. Hey, do you mind if I smoke?

Sure. What are you going to smoke?

You mind if you smoke too?

[ air blasting ] oh!

Well, somebody stop me!

♪♪

Oh!

♪♪

So you had those underwear on the whole time?

Yeah. And they're staying on until we're married.

Alright.

What is this? Bro, what the --

[bleep] yo, what the [bleep] are you doing right now?

This elevator's [bleep]. We stay -- stuck in this elevator now?

I think we're stuck in this elevator.

What the [bleep] bro, I am not in the mood for this.

All clear, closing doors.

I am claustrophobic, like, I can't [bleep] take

Shit like this. I'm hungry, man.

Thank god I went to the qdoba at the airport.

Let me off this [bleep] elevator or I'm gonna lose my mind.

I got bad gas, food. Phew! [ gagging cough ]

Can you get me off this [bleep] elevator right now please?

I can't sit here.

Thank you. [ screeching ]

Yo, what the [bleep] is it?!

Get back! What is this sh...

Yo! Why are you lookin' at me like that?

What the [bleep] is going on?

Get me off this [bleep] elevator, bro!

[both] what do you mean, "what's going on"?

You're acting weird.

Why are you both staring at me?

What is this?

Surprise! Hooray!

There's the fridge keeper.

Did you think that this episode was gonna be so cold?

Freaking cold.

Ding-a-long-a-ling-long, welcome, daymond john.

♪♪

Hi. Welcome, daymond john. Welcome.

Alright, just excuse this drunk ass over here, my man.

What's up? You are a legend.

It's a little old, that chair.

You're on "shark tank." yeah.

I [bleep] knew it. [ laughs ]

Right when you came out, I knew I recognized you.

I'm the black guy. Because somebody told me

You were montel williams, and I knew it wasn't right.

No, I get more "skinny cee lo."

Yes, skinny cee lo!

You look like ashy [bleep] timbaland.

Now, do you ever fear that unregulated capitalism

Causes democratic institutions

To deteriorate into oligopoly imperialism,

Exasperating support of counter-revolutionary wars

And various forms of economic and cultural exploitation?

Well, actually, I don't. I really don't.

[ chuckles ] that's sick.

I don't understand exactly what you said.

[ laughing ] me either.

Oh, it's the invisible man.

Uh-uh, the invisible man is coming armed.

Oh, hey, I don't want any trouble.

Oh, god, no. Not in front of the guest.

Oh, god. Oh, no, no, no, don't do that.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

I don't want to, I have to!

No, not the other side! Oh, god!

Don't -- hey, man, don't do that.

Daymond, save me.

Save me!

♪♪

>> announcer: Today on "storage unit scavengers,"

Lee scavenges for a box.

Oh, my god, man!

Oh, my god, I was trapped in there.

How long have I been in here?

It's April?! They pushed me in here in, like,

January when it was cold.

Ice cold! [ cackles ]

Did you meet my diane over here?

My diane.

It's okay, sweetie. He won't hurt you.

[ grunting, squelching ]

Mind if I go to the bathroom?

Oh, you what'd be funny?

I put one of my turds in the box.

No, don't do that, dude!

Nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare!

They gotta water...

They always come when I'm in the middle of an interview.

Okay. I think it's good. You can come back next week.

Thank you.

A lot of things going on here, man.

Ladies and gentlemen, cypress chill.

♪ well, it's the real one, get the funky feel one ♪

♪ cypress hill has come -- ♪

You got to eat -- you got to eat this while you rap.

Oh, boy!

Oh, you mother [bleep] ain't right!

♪ I'm the real one, yes, the funky chill one ♪

Oh, go! [bleep] go, go.

I got to inseminate my desk.

Oh, geez. You know what? She's ovulating.

You got to do it quick or it doesn't...

Ah, geez.

I'm used to it. People get freaked out by it, but...

People get grossed out by it, but I don't think it's --

You get used to it. Yeah.

She can pee if you scratch her, too.

Pee, pee, pee. Pee. Watch this.

[ laughter ] ugh!