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1
00:00:14,531 --> 00:00:20,490
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:34,712
HANK:
To Travis.
3
00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:38,482
May you have as many sick days
in retirement as you had
4
00:00:38,521 --> 00:00:42,116
in your 40 years working
at Strickland Propane.
5
00:00:42,158 --> 00:00:43,682
Which is three.
6
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:44,819
Speech! Speech!
7
00:00:44,861 --> 00:00:46,658
Yeah, come on ol' boy.
Go ahead.
8
00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:47,924
(cheering)
9
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,261
Well, it's funny.
10
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,700
This was just supposed
to be a two-week gig
11
00:00:52,736 --> 00:00:54,829
until I got my pilot's license.
12
00:00:54,871 --> 00:00:57,339
But I guess,
like so many other dreams,
13
00:00:57,373 --> 00:01:00,809
time has a way of slipping
through your fingers and...
14
00:01:00,844 --> 00:01:03,074
(sighing)
15
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,740
Cake?
16
00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,350
PEGGY:
Mmm, this
is delicious.
17
00:01:11,387 --> 00:01:12,979
Travis didn't want
to take this home?
18
00:01:13,022 --> 00:01:14,922
No, he's a diabetic.
19
00:01:14,958 --> 00:01:16,858
The cake was just
for ceremony.
20
00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:19,191
Hmm, diabetic, huh.
21
00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,390
Well, Travis does not know
what he's missing.
22
00:01:21,431 --> 00:01:24,992
Yep, the new guy starts Monday
and I'm kinda nervous for him.
23
00:01:25,034 --> 00:01:27,332
It can't be easy coming in
as a rookie
24
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:28,837
to a championship team.
25
00:01:28,872 --> 00:01:30,339
Now, that's true.
26
00:01:30,373 --> 00:01:33,137
13 years later, Lady Bird
still has it out for Bobby.
27
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,143
What?!
28
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,144
(fakes a cough)
29
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,378
Well, who wants coffee?
30
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,481
So the thing
about working here is,
31
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,248
we treat all our customers
32
00:01:44,287 --> 00:01:47,154
like they're purchasing
a Vogner Imperiale,
33
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:49,090
even if they can only
afford the Citizen.
34
00:01:49,125 --> 00:01:51,923
Oh, and even though
the display food is plastic
35
00:01:51,961 --> 00:01:54,794
we still like you to wash
your hands before handling it.
36
00:01:54,831 --> 00:01:58,028
Wow, this sure is a world away
from Taco Bueno.
37
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,625
You've got 40 years.
38
00:01:59,669 --> 00:02:01,364
You'll get the swing of it.
39
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:05,170
Well, I'll let you hit
the books there, "rookie."
40
00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:09,769
(whistling)
41
00:02:12,816 --> 00:02:14,875
Whistling
was Travis's thing.
42
00:02:14,918 --> 00:02:17,079
Oh. Sorry.
43
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,314
That's okay, Rich.
44
00:02:18,354 --> 00:02:19,912
You had no way of knowing that.
45
00:02:22,125 --> 00:02:24,616
Thanks for the coupon
to the Olive Garden, Hank.
46
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:26,720
The Tour of Italy was delicious.
47
00:02:26,763 --> 00:02:28,993
Hey, Rich, why don't you
pull up a chair?
48
00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:30,021
That's okay.
49
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,294
You gota full table.
50
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:32,392
I'll just eat in my car.
51
00:02:32,435 --> 00:02:34,266
Nonsense.
We'll make room.
52
00:02:36,039 --> 00:02:37,939
Oh, yeah. Squeeze in.
53
00:02:37,974 --> 00:02:41,501
We were just talking
about the Olive Garden, Rich.
54
00:02:41,544 --> 00:02:43,375
Oh, I love that place.
55
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:44,846
They got a couple
of waitresses
56
00:02:44,881 --> 00:02:47,076
I wouldn't kick out of bed
for eating lasagna,
57
00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:48,413
if you get
what I'm saying.
58
00:02:48,451 --> 00:02:51,420
(nervous laugh)
(nervous laugh)
59
00:02:51,454 --> 00:02:53,718
Uh, Rich, could you
give me a hand
60
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,418
unloading those meat
thermometers out back?
61
00:02:56,459 --> 00:02:57,585
Sure.
62
00:02:59,062 --> 00:03:00,620
So, where do you
want me?
63
00:03:00,663 --> 00:03:02,893
There are no meat
thermometers out
here, Rich.
64
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:05,457
I just made that up
to save you the embarrassment.
65
00:03:05,501 --> 00:03:09,232
I think you might've learned
some bad habits at Taco Bueno.
66
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,204
Oh, yeah?
67
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,935
That comment about the, uh...
68
00:03:11,975 --> 00:03:13,135
the lasagna.
69
00:03:13,176 --> 00:03:14,837
Well, here at Strickland,
70
00:03:14,878 --> 00:03:17,506
we try not to say things
that are not funny
71
00:03:17,547 --> 00:03:18,844
and also disgusting.
72
00:03:18,882 --> 00:03:19,849
Oh, I crossed the line.
73
00:03:19,883 --> 00:03:20,850
I'm sorry.
74
00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:22,146
It was just off the cuff.
75
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:23,413
I thought Donna laughed.
76
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,920
Well, she was
being polite.
77
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:27,252
That's why we keep her
at the front desk.
78
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,689
Uh, I didn't think
she was just being...
79
00:03:30,159 --> 00:03:31,854
You know what?
Doesn't matter.
80
00:03:31,895 --> 00:03:32,987
Rules are rules.
81
00:03:33,029 --> 00:03:34,087
Attaboy, Rich.
82
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,791
You'll do just fine.
83
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:39,627
(chuckling)
84
00:03:39,669 --> 00:03:42,502
"Eating lasagna in bed."
85
00:03:44,874 --> 00:03:46,501
Hey, Rich...
86
00:03:46,542 --> 00:03:48,942
you get those meat
thermometers put away?
87
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:52,175
Uh, yeah, except for the one
I got right here.
88
00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:54,945
You stole
a meat therm... Oh!
89
00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,884
(both laughing)
90
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,218
Hey, can you toss me
that back brace?
91
00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:01,587
I got some heavy lifting
to do here.
92
00:04:01,624 --> 00:04:02,682
Me, too.
93
00:04:02,725 --> 00:04:03,714
Where's the urinal?
94
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,887
(all laugh)
95
00:04:05,929 --> 00:04:07,897
That was Moretti's Grill.
96
00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:10,399
They're having problems
with the burners again.
97
00:04:10,433 --> 00:04:12,162
I need an eight-inch L-pipe.
98
00:04:12,201 --> 00:04:14,362
That's what she said.
99
00:04:14,404 --> 00:04:15,666
(laughing)
100
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:17,764
Oh, did their hostess call, too?
101
00:04:17,807 --> 00:04:19,206
(giggling)
102
00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:20,334
Uh, yeah.
103
00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:22,037
Huh... oh, here's one.
104
00:04:22,078 --> 00:04:24,478
Well, I should be back by 3:00.
105
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,607
I hope the threading's
not stripped.
106
00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:28,514
I mean, if I have to do it
manually,
107
00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:29,916
I'll be down there for hours.
108
00:04:29,953 --> 00:04:31,716
That's what she said...
Right?
109
00:04:31,754 --> 00:04:33,051
Yes, Enrique.
110
00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:35,523
That is exactly
what she said.
111
00:04:35,558 --> 00:04:37,822
(laughing)
112
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:38,986
(reluctant laughter)
113
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:41,724
Yeah, uh,
114
00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:42,822
I don't know why
I'm laughing.
115
00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:43,854
Sounds like
I'm gonna be
116
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,731
down there all night.
117
00:04:45,768 --> 00:04:47,736
It was really weird.
118
00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:49,931
I showed up
at Moretti's Grill
to do some work
119
00:04:49,973 --> 00:04:52,237
and the hostess didn't
even know I was coming.
120
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:54,209
Hostesses can be very flighty.
121
00:04:54,243 --> 00:04:56,734
That's why they only let them
carry menus.
122
00:04:56,779 --> 00:04:59,373
Yeah, but before I left
the office,
123
00:04:59,415 --> 00:05:00,643
the new guy made it sound
124
00:05:00,683 --> 00:05:02,412
like she was on top
of everything.
125
00:05:02,452 --> 00:05:04,511
Heck, even as I was heading
out the door,
126
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,988
I just mentioned that
I hoped my cordless drill
127
00:05:07,023 --> 00:05:08,490
had enough juice for the job,
128
00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:10,389
and Rich said,
"That's what she said,"
129
00:05:10,426 --> 00:05:15,489
and then everybody
high-fived and... oh...
130
00:05:15,531 --> 00:05:18,898
Oh, no. It was
an "intimate"joke!
131
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,835
God, Joe Jack
was laughing,
132
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:22,201
and Donna was laughing.
133
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,297
I've never seen them
laugh so hard.
134
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:27,036
Yes, people do love
the off-color jokes.
135
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:30,341
You would not believe
how many times the kids ask me
136
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:31,608
how to say poo-poo
in Spanish.
137
00:05:31,647 --> 00:05:32,773
Ugh.
138
00:05:32,815 --> 00:05:34,806
It's la tierra de la trasero.
139
00:05:34,851 --> 00:05:38,048
The literal translation
is "earth of the butt."
140
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:40,851
I made it up but
the kids seem to like it.
141
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:42,585
And how!
142
00:05:42,625 --> 00:05:44,115
Yep.
143
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,560
Yup.
144
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,063
Mmm-hmm.
145
00:05:48,097 --> 00:05:49,064
It's official.
146
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:50,258
I've quit smoking.
147
00:05:50,299 --> 00:05:51,732
I'm off the junk.
148
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:52,894
Well, good for you, Dale.
149
00:05:52,935 --> 00:05:53,959
What brought this on?
150
00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:55,630
Oh, Nancy's
been naggin' me
151
00:05:55,671 --> 00:05:57,605
ever since our bed
caught fire.
152
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,200
I went a little heavy
on the aftershave,
153
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:01,574
lit one up,
and kaboom.
154
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,408
Check out my eyebrows.
155
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,504
It's mascara.
156
00:06:04,547 --> 00:06:05,878
BILL:
Well, congratulations.
157
00:06:05,915 --> 00:06:08,213
I know how hard it is
to quit smoking.
158
00:06:08,251 --> 00:06:10,583
Not with my nifty
little miracle cure.
159
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,713
Yes, gentlemen, it crushes
the craving
160
00:06:12,755 --> 00:06:17,249
without any
of the undesirable side effects.
161
00:06:19,262 --> 00:06:20,786
Chewing tobacco?
162
00:06:20,830 --> 00:06:22,821
That's disgusting.
163
00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:25,766
Will someone please tell me
what happened to good manners?
164
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,429
It's like this new guy at work.
165
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,268
He turns every little comment
into a vulgarity.
166
00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:31,568
It's awful.
167
00:06:31,607 --> 00:06:32,972
I'll tell
you what, man...
168
00:06:33,009 --> 00:06:34,806
it's like the dang old world has
become a sewer, man.
169
00:06:34,844 --> 00:06:35,868
Like them
shock jocks,
170
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:37,311
and them rappers,
too, man.
171
00:06:37,346 --> 00:06:39,007
Like got ol' Miss Manners'
panties in a bunch, man.
172
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:40,015
You're right.
173
00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:41,482
I can't believe the filth
174
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:43,417
they're putting on TV
these days.
175
00:06:43,453 --> 00:06:45,887
And they just beam it right
into my home.
176
00:06:45,922 --> 00:06:48,390
I hit the Pay-Per-View button
and there it is,
177
00:06:48,424 --> 00:06:49,755
right in front of me!
178
00:06:49,792 --> 00:06:52,056
Well, that's life
in the 21st century for you.
179
00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:54,461
We just have to learn
to accept it.
180
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,862
(spits tobacco)
181
00:06:56,899 --> 00:06:58,867
Accept it, Bill.
182
00:06:58,901 --> 00:07:02,667
Well, crudeness might be
"cool" everywhere else,
183
00:07:02,705 --> 00:07:04,866
but I won't accept it
in my home,
184
00:07:04,907 --> 00:07:07,603
and I certainly won't accept it
in my home away from home.
185
00:07:07,643 --> 00:07:10,305
From now on
at Strickland Propane,
186
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:12,405
"she" is going
to say nothing.
187
00:07:12,448 --> 00:07:13,881
That's what I said!
188
00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:17,509
Hey, someone tickle me.
189
00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:20,386
I want to make this stuff
come out my nose.
190
00:07:22,058 --> 00:07:24,891
Hey, Donna, listen
to the new nickname
191
00:07:24,927 --> 00:07:27,395
that Rich thought
up for Enrique.
192
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,398
You mean, Enri-GAY!
193
00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:30,865
(all laugh)
194
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:32,333
Man, you could
be on Mad TV.
195
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:34,029
Yeah, but then
I couldn't hang out
196
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:35,401
here with you
and Joe Jack.
197
00:07:35,438 --> 00:07:36,735
Or should I say
"Low Crack?"
198
00:07:36,772 --> 00:07:37,739
Pull up your pants
199
00:07:37,773 --> 00:07:39,297
before I drop
a quarter in there
200
00:07:39,342 --> 00:07:40,468
and make a phone call.
201
00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:41,807
(laughing)
202
00:07:41,844 --> 00:07:43,277
Hey, what's the matter,
Low Crack?
203
00:07:43,312 --> 00:07:44,472
Can't you take a joke?
204
00:07:44,514 --> 00:07:45,742
I can take it.
205
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,646
That's what
she said!
That's what she said.
206
00:07:47,683 --> 00:07:49,150
(laughing):
Oh, man!
207
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:51,881
Okay, someone want to tell me
what's so funny here?
208
00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:54,981
Maybe you should
ask Enri-Gay!
209
00:07:55,024 --> 00:07:57,618
You'd know better
than me, Low Crack!
210
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:58,957
(all laughing)
211
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:00,428
No. No. That is not funny.
212
00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:03,125
It's the kind of thing
a first-grader would say,
213
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,964
and then he'd get his mouth
washed out with soap.
214
00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:08,027
Now, this is a place of work,
215
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,868
so I want this behavior
to stop right now.
216
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:14,468
It's crude, unprofessional,
and just plain not funny.
217
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,876
Is there a problem here, Hank?
218
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,881
Nope. We were just
having a little discussion
219
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,041
on office decorum.
220
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:21,413
Nothing I can't handle.
221
00:08:21,450 --> 00:08:22,883
Well, all right, then.
222
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,682
Yall should
be well-advised
223
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,620
to do what this
man tells you.
224
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:28,715
He is my proxy when
I am in absentia.
225
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,055
Thank you, sir.
226
00:08:30,092 --> 00:08:31,582
I appreciate you
getting behind me.
227
00:08:31,627 --> 00:08:33,720
RICH (softly):
That's what she said.
228
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,533
(laughing)
229
00:08:38,568 --> 00:08:39,796
"Getting behind me."
230
00:08:39,835 --> 00:08:41,132
(laughing)
231
00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:43,968
Ooo-wee! That's funny!
Damn, you quick, boy!
232
00:08:44,006 --> 00:08:46,531
That's what she said...
about Joe Jack!
233
00:08:46,576 --> 00:08:48,669
(Strickland howling
234
00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:51,942
Stop! Stop! No!
No! No! Don't stop!
235
00:08:51,981 --> 00:08:54,279
That's what she said!
236
00:08:54,317 --> 00:08:55,716
Sir, no!
237
00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:57,150
You're funnier
than that comedian
238
00:08:57,186 --> 00:08:58,676
that ruined
Monday Night Football.
239
00:08:58,721 --> 00:09:00,586
(all laughing)
240
00:09:09,832 --> 00:09:12,357
Here's my specimen sample,
honey.
241
00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:21,168
(Strickland and Rich laughing)
242
00:09:23,246 --> 00:09:25,214
(loud farting)
243
00:09:25,248 --> 00:09:26,715
STRICKLAND:
Good Lord, OI' Top!
244
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:28,046
What you doing
in there?!
245
00:09:28,084 --> 00:09:29,551
No, no. That was not me.
246
00:09:29,585 --> 00:09:31,246
(loud farting)
247
00:09:31,287 --> 00:09:32,754
(Strickland laughing)
248
00:09:32,788 --> 00:09:35,154
It's not funny.
249
00:09:35,191 --> 00:09:38,251
And a waste of a perfectly good
nine-volt battery.
250
00:09:38,294 --> 00:09:40,592
How do the Chinese
let themselves
251
00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:43,155
get talked into
making these things?
252
00:09:43,199 --> 00:09:47,067
Hoo! What did do for fun
before we had one of these?
253
00:09:47,103 --> 00:09:49,401
(farting)
254
00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:51,633
(farting continues)
255
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:54,504
Yeah. Quitting
smoking
256
00:09:54,543 --> 00:09:56,204
is the best thing
I've ever done.
257
00:09:56,245 --> 00:09:57,610
Check this out.
258
00:09:57,647 --> 00:10:01,583
(wheezing)
259
00:10:01,617 --> 00:10:04,381
(coughing)
260
00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:07,514
A couple of days ago,
that would have killed me.
261
00:10:07,556 --> 00:10:09,547
Hey, Hank.
262
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,059
Don't you want a beer?
263
00:10:11,093 --> 00:10:13,823
What I want is a professional
working environment,
264
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,991
where it's hard work
that earns your colleagues' respect,
265
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,900
not the ability to rhyme your name
with a body part.
266
00:10:19,935 --> 00:10:21,835
You got that in
your cooler, Bill?
267
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,032
If I check, you're going
to make fun of me, right?
268
00:10:28,311 --> 00:10:29,938
Was that Hank?
269
00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:32,072
I blacked out
there for a second.
270
00:10:32,114 --> 00:10:34,241
HANK:
I don't get it.
271
00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:35,750
What is so funny
272
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:38,754
about putting a prophylactic
on my Mag-lite?
273
00:10:38,788 --> 00:10:41,723
Not the Mag-lite
I gave you for Christmas?!
274
00:10:41,757 --> 00:10:43,384
Well, needless to say,
275
00:10:43,426 --> 00:10:45,917
it went straight
into the garbage.
276
00:10:45,961 --> 00:10:48,521
Dad, I've dealt with a lot
of bullies in my day,
277
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,897
and I've learned that
the most effective strategy
278
00:10:51,934 --> 00:10:53,765
is to fight fire with fire.
279
00:10:54,804 --> 00:10:57,739
Whoopee cushions?
Plastic vomit?
280
00:10:57,773 --> 00:11:00,071
I thought I banned these things
from the house.
281
00:11:00,109 --> 00:11:02,236
Dad, now is not the time.
282
00:11:02,278 --> 00:11:04,075
Poo in a can!
283
00:11:04,113 --> 00:11:05,774
Remember that creep
Pete Sheldon?
284
00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:08,340
The wet willie guy?
285
00:11:08,384 --> 00:11:11,046
Well, a little
dab of this on
his chair, and...
286
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,818
let's just say his new nickname
is "Peter Pantload."
287
00:11:17,626 --> 00:11:19,856
Hey, what
are you doing?
288
00:11:19,895 --> 00:11:21,362
I'm throwing this stuff out.
289
00:11:21,397 --> 00:11:24,730
When you stoop to their level,
you're no better than they are.
290
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,997
At least leave me the fake barf.
291
00:11:27,036 --> 00:11:28,560
I've got gym tomorrow!
292
00:11:30,306 --> 00:11:32,934
(all laughing)
293
00:11:32,975 --> 00:11:34,772
All righty!
294
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:36,368
Ready to hit the links, Ol' Top?
295
00:11:36,412 --> 00:11:38,346
Don't want to keep
the clients waiting.
296
00:11:38,381 --> 00:11:39,678
You kidding, sir?
297
00:11:39,715 --> 00:11:41,046
I've been looking forward
to it all week.
298
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:42,550
Oh, yeah.
299
00:11:42,585 --> 00:11:44,052
About that, Hank...
300
00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:45,576
What?! You're taking him?!
301
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:48,055
He can't handle
the Vista Village account.
302
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:51,355
Tell me the difference between
a Positive Placement Pump
303
00:11:51,394 --> 00:11:53,191
and a Vertical Turbine Pump.
304
00:11:53,229 --> 00:11:55,789
Um... I know the placement
of my pump.
305
00:11:55,831 --> 00:11:57,696
And, when I see your mama...
306
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:58,722
That's it!
307
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:00,235
I'm kicking your ass!
308
00:12:00,269 --> 00:12:01,634
Ooh! Now who's the potty mouth?
309
00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:03,137
Now, get hold of yourself, Hank.
310
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:04,639
This ain't no fraternity party.
311
00:12:04,673 --> 00:12:06,470
You can't
go around
hitting people.
312
00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:08,272
Come on, Rich.
Let's ske-doot.
313
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,402
Don't worry, boss.
314
00:12:09,445 --> 00:12:10,673
I'll wow these guys.
315
00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:12,408
I worked up this
great little bit
316
00:12:12,448 --> 00:12:13,745
with the ball washer.
317
00:12:13,783 --> 00:12:15,148
And I can't
wait to see it!
318
00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:25,651
(sighs)
319
00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:37,596
(horn honking)
320
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,473
Hey, you made a lane change
without signaling!
321
00:12:42,211 --> 00:12:44,543
Thanks for seeing me,
Mrs. Borginnis.
322
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,980
It's Ms. Borginnis,
but, yes, I'm married.
323
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,007
And Borginnis is
my husband's name.
324
00:12:49,051 --> 00:12:50,177
Uh...
325
00:12:50,219 --> 00:12:52,346
So why don't you
tell me your problem?
326
00:12:52,388 --> 00:12:54,982
Well, as you can
probably tell from my jacket
327
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:56,821
and my hat and my shirt,
328
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:59,885
I sell propane
and propane accessories.
329
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:01,521
Uh-huh.
Now, don't get me wrong...
330
00:13:01,564 --> 00:13:03,794
I have the best job
in the world...
331
00:13:03,833 --> 00:13:07,599
but this guy Rich has been
making a lot of, uh, jokes.
332
00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:08,967
Jokes?
What kind of jokes?
333
00:13:09,004 --> 00:13:10,198
Knock-knock? Ding-dong?
334
00:13:10,239 --> 00:13:11,570
What are
we talking about?
335
00:13:11,607 --> 00:13:15,873
Uh... jokes that, uh...
you know, use vulgarity.
336
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:21,310
You know, jokes about
morning nature functions.
337
00:13:21,350 --> 00:13:25,878
Plus, I can't say the word
"meat" without someone giggling.
338
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:27,650
And, yesterday,
someone took my
339
00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:31,091
"Employee of the Month" picture,
and drew a beard on it.
340
00:13:31,126 --> 00:13:32,650
But not where you think.
341
00:13:32,695 --> 00:13:34,993
Pervasive pattern
of demeaning behavior,
342
00:13:35,030 --> 00:13:38,090
hostile work environment
affecting job performance.
343
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:41,466
Mr. Hill, I believe we have
a strong case for a lawsuit
344
00:13:41,504 --> 00:13:43,904
based on male-on-male
sexual harassment.
345
00:13:43,939 --> 00:13:47,602
Male-on-male sexual harassment?
Ugh! No!
346
00:13:47,643 --> 00:13:51,101
Look, sexual harassment
is just an umbrella term
347
00:13:51,146 --> 00:13:53,979
that covers a wide variety
of offenses.
348
00:13:54,016 --> 00:13:55,313
Do you validate,
349
00:13:55,351 --> 00:13:57,410
or am I stuck
for the 75 cents?
350
00:13:57,453 --> 00:14:00,115
Please,
just take this literature.
351
00:14:00,155 --> 00:14:02,885
You know what?
I'll pay the 75 cents myself.
352
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,392
(pager beeps)
353
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:05,893
Oh! Propane emergency.
354
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,726
Ma'am, I'm gonna need
to commandeer your phone.
355
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,062
This is Hank Hill,
Strickland Propane.
356
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,399
MAN:
Yes. I'd like
to report a gas leak.
357
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,405
Oh, okay. Just remain calm,
and tell me where it is.
358
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:20,067
It's... in your pants!
359
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,599
(flatulence noises)
360
00:14:21,644 --> 00:14:23,578
Hang up, 01' Top,
or he'll know it's us!
361
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,580
(giggling)
362
00:14:25,614 --> 00:14:27,206
Ms. Borginnis,
363
00:14:27,249 --> 00:14:29,217
I'll take
that literature.
364
00:14:33,989 --> 00:14:35,388
See? Sexual harassment
365
00:14:35,424 --> 00:14:36,914
is an umbrella term.
366
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,894
It doesn't just cover
women, but also men...
367
00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:43,092
and "transgender individuals."
368
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:44,190
(groans)
369
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:46,201
Hank, you'll
be a trailblazer.
370
00:14:46,235 --> 00:14:48,499
Now, I know it is not fun
being the first,
371
00:14:48,537 --> 00:14:52,098
but it may mean
you could be the last.
372
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,608
That's a great line
for the movie.
373
00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:57,408
Jo Beth Williams
will knock it out of the park.
374
00:14:57,446 --> 00:14:59,073
(sighs)
375
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:02,539
Ass tag!
376
00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:04,348
(gasps)
377
00:15:05,387 --> 00:15:07,048
(employees laughing)
378
00:15:07,089 --> 00:15:09,614
Hey, you're it!
379
00:15:11,694 --> 00:15:12,922
Hey, Enrique,
380
00:15:12,962 --> 00:15:14,520
I didn't know you were married
381
00:15:14,563 --> 00:15:16,155
to a monkey.
382
00:15:16,198 --> 00:15:17,495
What happened
to the picture
of my wife?
383
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:19,296
I don't know.
Did you check the men's room?
384
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,895
(all laughing)
385
00:15:21,937 --> 00:15:26,340
(forced laugh)
386
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:28,673
I'm married to a monkey.
387
00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:33,938
(whispering):
I got to make this quick,
but I love you.
388
00:15:34,984 --> 00:15:36,349
Someone's coming.
389
00:15:38,821 --> 00:15:40,311
Oh, Hank, I was just...
390
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,846
(hushed):
Shh, we don't
have much time.
391
00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,256
I've been watching you.
392
00:15:44,293 --> 00:15:45,157
You don't think
any of this Rich stuff
393
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:45,990
is funny, either, do you?
394
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,689
What do you mean?
395
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:48,992
I think he...
396
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,328
I hate it. I hate it!
397
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,163
I don't want to come to work.
398
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,327
I have nightmares.
399
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,462
I can't even eat
a hot dog anymore.
400
00:15:55,504 --> 00:15:58,166
Well, I think I know
how we can stop it.
401
00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:02,109
I talked with this lawyer
who thinks we can sue for...
402
00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:06,808
uh, you know, uh,
male-on-male sexual harassment.
403
00:16:06,849 --> 00:16:08,316
Sexual harassment?
404
00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:10,011
It's an umbrella term.
405
00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,987
You and me suing
for sexual harassment?
406
00:16:13,022 --> 00:16:16,014
I'm sorry, Hank.
407
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:23,053
Hey, Enrique, look who just
came out of the closet.
408
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,199
(forced laugh)
409
00:16:29,838 --> 00:16:31,066
Yep.
410
00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:32,095
Yep.
411
00:16:32,141 --> 00:16:33,301
Mm-hmm.
412
00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:35,674
(sucking)
413
00:16:35,711 --> 00:16:37,736
What you got there?
414
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,509
Oh, Nancy's at it again.
415
00:16:39,548 --> 00:16:41,413
Now she's got
some new rule
416
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,509
about spitting
on the carpet,
417
00:16:43,552 --> 00:16:45,918
so now I have to stuff
my chewing tobacco
418
00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:50,118
into this paper cone
and inhale the aroma.
419
00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:52,286
Not...
420
00:16:52,327 --> 00:16:53,885
really...
421
00:16:53,929 --> 00:16:55,055
working.
422
00:16:57,299 --> 00:16:59,767
(sighs)
423
00:16:59,802 --> 00:17:02,327
Boomhauer, you're a genius.
424
00:17:02,371 --> 00:17:04,464
What should we call
this new invention?
425
00:17:04,506 --> 00:17:05,666
Well, I guess
that's a night.
426
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:10,077
Back to the potty factory
tomorrow.
427
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,171
Did Hank get
a new job?
428
00:17:24,226 --> 00:17:26,285
(coughs)
429
00:17:26,328 --> 00:17:27,317
I'm choking!
430
00:17:27,362 --> 00:17:29,057
Need something to drink.
431
00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:33,732
Ass tag time-out.
432
00:17:33,769 --> 00:17:37,899
Hey, I didn't get a time-out
when I cut my thumb open.
433
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,430
Come on, guys,
have a heart.
434
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,067
Joe Jack's choking.
Time out.
435
00:17:45,514 --> 00:17:47,277
Here you go, Joe Jack.
436
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,305
Have a soda.
437
00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:53,544
Nice try.
438
00:17:53,589 --> 00:17:55,386
I think I got a clogged nozzle.
439
00:17:55,424 --> 00:17:56,857
Can you guys take a look?
440
00:17:56,892 --> 00:17:58,883
RICH:
This man needs
to be serviced.
441
00:17:58,927 --> 00:18:01,191
Would you like to service
this man, Enrique?
442
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:02,356
Uh, no.
443
00:18:02,397 --> 00:18:04,729
Look, I got
the extended warranty.
444
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:08,897
Extended, huh?
445
00:18:08,937 --> 00:18:10,302
To hell with this.
446
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,399
Good morning, sir.
Are you being helped?
447
00:18:13,442 --> 00:18:15,706
You're the ones
who need help.
448
00:18:15,744 --> 00:18:17,871
(Joe Jack coughing)
449
00:18:20,048 --> 00:18:22,380
(Rich laughing)
450
00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:24,009
(sighs)
451
00:18:24,052 --> 00:18:25,076
That does it.
452
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,678
This is a place of business
453
00:18:26,722 --> 00:18:28,883
and you've turned it
into a cesspool.
454
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:30,186
Lighten up, Mrs. Hill.
455
00:18:30,225 --> 00:18:31,522
We're just having fun.
456
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,551
(all chuckle)
457
00:18:33,595 --> 00:18:34,892
No, you're having fun.
458
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,898
But I'm not.
459
00:18:36,932 --> 00:18:39,662
And I know for a fact
that Enrique hates it.
460
00:18:41,603 --> 00:18:44,401
Joe Jack, you've been coughing
since I walked in here
461
00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:47,169
because you're too scared
to get up and get a drink.
462
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:50,610
Ha-ha, choking to death
is real funny.
463
00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:51,738
Look at us.
464
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:54,180
Wallowing in
our own filthy behavior.
465
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:57,811
So bent on being crass
we can't even trust each other.
466
00:18:57,853 --> 00:19:00,617
Sure, it's done
in the name of comedy,
467
00:19:00,656 --> 00:19:03,921
but is debasing ourselves
really that hilarious?
468
00:19:03,959 --> 00:19:07,486
Don't you wish we could still
say words like "meat"
469
00:19:07,529 --> 00:19:10,896
and "tool" and "unit"
without someone turning it
470
00:19:10,933 --> 00:19:12,457
into something foul?
471
00:19:12,501 --> 00:19:14,059
Those are our words.
472
00:19:14,102 --> 00:19:16,161
I say let's take 'em back.
473
00:19:18,507 --> 00:19:20,600
Even if we do agree
with you, honey,
474
00:19:20,642 --> 00:19:22,132
Buck thinks it's funny,
475
00:19:22,177 --> 00:19:24,543
and he's the one
signing our paychecks.
476
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,808
(all assenting)
477
00:19:25,848 --> 00:19:28,783
Hank, wow, I guess
I didn't realize
478
00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:31,149
how bad you felt
about this.
479
00:19:31,186 --> 00:19:33,711
But there's something
else you don't realize.
480
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:34,744
You are open.
481
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:35,814
Ass tag!
482
00:19:35,858 --> 00:19:36,916
(gasps)
483
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:38,153
How about it?
484
00:19:38,193 --> 00:19:40,593
Let's hear it
for the number one
Ass-assin!
485
00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:41,926
That does it.
486
00:19:41,964 --> 00:19:44,694
I don't care what Buck
or anyone else thinks,
487
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:47,896
I'm going to do what
your mom should have done
488
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,062
a long time ago.
489
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:50,594
Come on, Hank.
Let go.
490
00:19:50,639 --> 00:19:53,233
Mr. Strickland
isn't going to like this.
491
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:57,038
Oh, going to brush
your teeth before you kiss me?
492
00:19:57,079 --> 00:19:58,307
Well, still not interested.
493
00:19:58,347 --> 00:20:00,247
No, Rich, you've got
a potty mouth
494
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:02,443
and I'm going
to wash it out with soap.
495
00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:03,451
What? No!
496
00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:06,613
Come on, guys.
Give me a hand.
497
00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:09,419
Hank, let him go!
498
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,949
What has gotten into you?!
499
00:20:11,994 --> 00:20:13,655
Buck, he attacked me!
500
00:20:13,695 --> 00:20:14,957
Sir, it's true,
501
00:20:14,997 --> 00:20:18,558
but I just couldn't take
this garbage anymore.
502
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,626
Either it doesn't belong
in the workplace, or I don't.
503
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:24,036
You heard him, Buck.
Fire him.
504
00:20:25,607 --> 00:20:28,269
You all feel
the same as Hank?
505
00:20:31,013 --> 00:20:33,379
Even about the fart machine?
506
00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:37,745
Well, hell, I never thought
it was funny, neither.
507
00:20:37,786 --> 00:20:39,014
Terrible stuff.
508
00:20:39,054 --> 00:20:41,386
Uh-uh. Vulgar
is what it was.
509
00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:42,253
But Buck...
510
00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:43,656
Watch it, Rich,
511
00:20:43,692 --> 00:20:45,216
or I'll turn Hank loose
with a toilet scrubber.
512
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:49,253
(spitting)
513
00:20:53,135 --> 00:20:55,035
HANK:
Okay, team, gather round.
514
00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:58,130
I'm going to tell you
about the new improvements
515
00:20:58,173 --> 00:20:59,800
on the Vogner 2800 series.
516
00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:02,571
The first thing is that it will
smoke your meat.
517
00:21:02,611 --> 00:21:05,842
And it's got a nice big rack
for your buns.
518
00:21:05,881 --> 00:21:07,212
Or wieners.
519
00:21:07,249 --> 00:21:08,841
Or wieners. Why not?
520
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