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1
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Ripped By mstoll
2
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Take your time, Bobby.
3
00:00:33,917 --> 00:00:35,578
You're not just
wallet shopping;
4
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:37,176
you're learning
a valuable lesson
5
00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:38,482
in money management.
6
00:00:38,521 --> 00:00:40,546
Savor it.
7
00:00:44,894 --> 00:00:46,361
This one.
8
00:00:48,264 --> 00:00:49,959
That'll be $135.
9
00:00:49,999 --> 00:00:51,364
Dad, pay the man.
10
00:00:51,401 --> 00:00:54,165
Now, why would you pick
that overpriced thing,
11
00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:56,570
when there's
a sturdy, reasonably-priced
12
00:00:56,606 --> 00:00:58,301
$15 one right in front of you?
13
00:00:58,341 --> 00:00:59,968
Well, this one's pretty snazzy,
14
00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:03,570
and it looks like
it can hold a ton of money.
15
00:01:03,613 --> 00:01:04,238
Bobby...
16
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,406
That way,
17
00:01:05,448 --> 00:01:06,881
if I wanted to impress someone,
18
00:01:06,916 --> 00:01:08,850
I could pull out
a really big wad of cash.
19
00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:09,852
Bam!
20
00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:12,411
Dad, give me
a big wad of cash.
21
00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:15,754
What are you trying to do,
Bobby, get us mugged?
22
00:01:15,792 --> 00:01:18,090
Hmm!
23
00:01:18,128 --> 00:01:21,120
Why would you go waving your
money around in public?
24
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,358
'Cause it's cool,
25
00:01:22,398 --> 00:01:24,798
and I think
it makes people like you.
26
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,428
How much money
do you make a year, anyway?
27
00:01:27,470 --> 00:01:30,530
Bobby, where did you pick
up that kind of talk?
28
00:01:30,573 --> 00:01:32,905
I thought you wanted
to talk about money.
29
00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:36,571
I did. Quietly and without
mentioning any dollar figures.
30
00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:40,743
Bobby, only jackasses go around
saying how much money they make.
31
00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:42,547
What are you
talking about?
32
00:01:42,585 --> 00:01:46,248
Julia Roberts makes
20 million a picture.
33
00:01:46,289 --> 00:01:48,814
Are you calling
America's Sweetheart a jackass?
34
00:01:48,858 --> 00:01:50,450
It's just vulgar, Bobby.
35
00:01:50,493 --> 00:01:52,586
The amount of money a man makes
36
00:01:52,629 --> 00:01:54,995
is between him
and the professionals
37
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,965
down at the H & R Block.
38
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,059
PEGGY:
Who were we talking to
39
00:01:59,102 --> 00:02:01,730
in Dallas
for 37 minutes?
40
00:02:01,771 --> 00:02:03,636
Oh, I remember.
41
00:02:03,673 --> 00:02:04,799
(shudders)
42
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:07,002
Where did I go
wrong, Peggy?
43
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,034
How did I raise a
son who goes around
44
00:02:09,078 --> 00:02:11,069
with that filthy
money-mouth of his?
45
00:02:11,114 --> 00:02:13,241
He actually had
the audacity
46
00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:15,945
to ask me how much
I make a year.
47
00:02:15,985 --> 00:02:17,077
Hmm. I do not know
48
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,213
where he would get
an attitude like that.
49
00:02:19,255 --> 00:02:20,813
It certainly was not
from us.
50
00:02:20,857 --> 00:02:22,654
We raised him
to be uncomfortable
51
00:02:22,692 --> 00:02:24,250
about anything
that personal.
52
00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:27,991
BOBBY:
Dad, Ladybird's
scooting again.
53
00:02:28,998 --> 00:02:30,659
Oh, uh... hey, son.
54
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,759
You guys were talking
about money, weren't you?
55
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:34,235
No.
56
00:02:35,138 --> 00:02:36,969
Yes, you were!
57
00:02:37,006 --> 00:02:38,030
You were paying bills.
58
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:39,302
No, we weren't.
59
00:02:39,342 --> 00:02:41,674
We... we were...
making out!
60
00:02:41,711 --> 00:02:44,009
Peggy?!
61
00:02:44,047 --> 00:02:45,309
Then what's this?!
62
00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:47,839
42, eh?
63
00:02:47,884 --> 00:02:48,942
Bobby!
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00:02:48,985 --> 00:02:50,384
Let me help!
65
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,547
Why? So you can blab to
the whole neighborhood
66
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,318
how much your mother's
haircuts cost?
67
00:02:54,357 --> 00:02:55,915
I'm not a little kid.
68
00:02:55,959 --> 00:02:57,517
(groans)
69
00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:59,721
Now, where were we?
70
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:00,990
Ah...
71
00:03:01,030 --> 00:03:02,224
Oh, no.
72
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,028
It was the phone bill.
73
00:03:05,201 --> 00:03:06,293
Yep.
74
00:03:06,336 --> 00:03:07,928
Yup.
75
00:03:07,971 --> 00:03:09,404
Mm-hmm.
76
00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:11,737
My boy asked me
how much money I make.
77
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,105
The nerve!
78
00:03:13,142 --> 00:03:14,632
The less kids know
about money,
79
00:03:14,677 --> 00:03:16,645
the less likely they are
to rat you out
80
00:03:16,679 --> 00:03:19,011
under the pressure
of a federal investigation.
81
00:03:19,048 --> 00:03:20,982
I tell you what,
it's tough enough
82
00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:23,850
to teach a kid to judge people
on their character
83
00:03:23,887 --> 00:03:27,220
without TV and the MTV filling
their heads with nonsense.
84
00:03:27,257 --> 00:03:28,690
TV is an open sewer!
85
00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:30,989
Yeah, man, I tell
you what, man.
86
00:03:31,027 --> 00:03:32,255
On dang ol' MTV Cribs, man,
87
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:33,660
talking about ol' Ja Rule
on there, man.
88
00:03:33,696 --> 00:03:35,061
He got a dang ol'
whole refrigerator
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00:03:35,098 --> 00:03:36,725
full of that ol'
"Crystal" champagne, man.
90
00:03:36,766 --> 00:03:38,893
Well, I better head in
for dinner.
91
00:03:38,935 --> 00:03:40,960
Bobby's probably
badgering Peggy
92
00:03:41,004 --> 00:03:43,370
about how much
her wedding ring cost.
93
00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:45,067
(sighing)
94
00:03:45,108 --> 00:03:48,168
So... how much you think
ol' Hank is pulling down?
95
00:03:48,211 --> 00:03:49,678
I'll tell you
what, man.
96
00:03:49,712 --> 00:03:51,839
That dang ol' blue
truck last year,
97
00:03:51,881 --> 00:03:53,508
they don't come
cheap, man.
98
00:03:53,549 --> 00:03:55,483
(grunts)
99
00:03:55,518 --> 00:03:56,746
Gotcha!
100
00:03:56,786 --> 00:03:58,583
HANK:
Yep, got my
check today.
101
00:03:58,621 --> 00:04:01,089
(half-whispers):
So? How much was it for?
102
00:04:01,124 --> 00:04:02,614
Not to be Bobby about it.
103
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:03,887
HANK:
A thousand dollars.
104
00:04:03,927 --> 00:04:05,326
(chuckling):
That's right.
105
00:04:05,361 --> 00:04:06,794
You're going
to have dinner
106
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:09,263
with the man who made
a thousand dollars today.
107
00:04:09,299 --> 00:04:10,698
(chuckling)
108
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,200
(sighs)
109
00:04:12,235 --> 00:04:15,033
Well, that's a pretty
generous bonus.
110
00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:17,005
Yep. Not quite
as good as last year,
111
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,134
but people just aren't grilling
like they did last year.
112
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,041
Boy, last year
was something else.
113
00:04:22,078 --> 00:04:24,046
BOBBY:
So, the way I figure it,
114
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,312
my dad makes a
thousand dollars a day.
115
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,979
That's $365,000 a year.
116
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:31,816
Whoa!
117
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,287
Yeah, whoa.
118
00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:35,382
But check it out.
119
00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:36,892
He's been doing it
120
00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,587
for 20 years.
121
00:04:38,628 --> 00:04:42,223
That's... $7,300,000!
122
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,391
No way!
123
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,799
Yeah, and he barely
spends a dime,
124
00:04:45,835 --> 00:04:48,201
so he's got all that
money just sitting around.
125
00:04:48,237 --> 00:04:49,465
What's he
spending it on?
126
00:04:49,505 --> 00:04:50,529
Our house?
127
00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:51,904
(snickers)
128
00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:55,433
That thing cost a million,
maybe two million, tops.
129
00:04:55,478 --> 00:04:56,775
I don't know.
130
00:04:56,813 --> 00:04:58,440
Are you sure about this?
131
00:04:58,481 --> 00:05:01,678
BOBBY:
There's got to besomething somewhere
132
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,448
that proves we're rich.
133
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:09,749
"Oil records"?
134
00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:15,521
Why is it locked?
135
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:19,661
Because it's about my
dad's secret oil wells.
136
00:05:19,702 --> 00:05:21,260
My dad's got oil!
137
00:05:21,304 --> 00:05:22,566
Dude, you're rich.
138
00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:24,505
You're-you're really rich.
139
00:05:24,540 --> 00:05:26,132
I am.
140
00:05:26,175 --> 00:05:28,609
This is so cool.
141
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,817
Tell you what, Bobby.
142
00:05:36,853 --> 00:05:40,084
Let's say we tally ho it over
to the money room.
143
00:05:40,123 --> 00:05:43,286
Capital idea,
Dad, capital.
144
00:05:56,639 --> 00:05:58,300
Well done, son.
145
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,104
Thank you, Father.
146
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,746
CONNIE:
I don't know, Bobby.
147
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:15,121
We've lived next door
to you guys for a long time.
148
00:06:15,158 --> 00:06:16,523
You don't seem rich.
149
00:06:16,559 --> 00:06:18,459
I mean, you
guys don't have
150
00:06:18,494 --> 00:06:20,086
halfthe stuff we do,
151
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,597
and everything you do have,
we have a better version of.
152
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,759
Well, my dad's always going off
153
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,292
about how cheap stuff
is just as good
154
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:28,633
as expensive stuff.
155
00:06:28,671 --> 00:06:31,538
He spent half of dinner
last night saying,
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00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:34,771
"Anyone who says
they could tell the difference
157
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:38,872
between this and real Coca-Cola
is lying, I tell you what."
158
00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:40,849
Well, I guess it's possible.
159
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:43,875
Maybe your dad
is one of those rich misers.
160
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,012
A what?
161
00:06:45,054 --> 00:06:46,988
A lot of rich people
are just crazy.
162
00:06:47,023 --> 00:06:48,752
They hang on to every penny.
163
00:06:48,791 --> 00:06:50,088
Howard Hughes
would wear
164
00:06:50,126 --> 00:06:51,593
Kleenex boxes
on his feet,
165
00:06:51,627 --> 00:06:53,993
and he wrote
a whole instruction manual
166
00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:57,261
on the exact way his staff
should serve him a peach.
167
00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:01,896
My dad wrote a 13-step system
for putting away groceries.
168
00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:03,872
Oh! And there was
this woman.
169
00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:06,739
They called her
"The Witch of Wall Street."
170
00:07:06,776 --> 00:07:09,643
She was so cheap
that when her son got sick,
171
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:11,977
she wouldn't even pay
for a doctor,
172
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,505
and they had to cut
the kid's leg off!
173
00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,040
Whoa!
Gross.
174
00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:18,610
CONNIE:
Boy, it seems like
the richer people get,
175
00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,019
the cheaper they get.
176
00:07:20,056 --> 00:07:22,616
And the cheaper they get,
the crazier they get.
177
00:07:22,658 --> 00:07:25,422
HANK: Bobby, time to
wrap pennies!
178
00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,122
Dang it, Peggy,
who threw out
179
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,656
this mayonnaise jar?
180
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,135
I use these to
store extra screws.
181
00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:36,365
(gasps)
182
00:07:41,577 --> 00:07:42,771
Look at him!
183
00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:44,973
Breaking his
back to wash his truck.
184
00:07:45,014 --> 00:07:46,140
Oh, God.
185
00:07:46,182 --> 00:07:47,706
I don't want
to lose my leg.
186
00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:48,978
Can you imagine
187
00:07:49,018 --> 00:07:51,043
the cheap fake leg
he's going to buy me?
188
00:07:51,087 --> 00:07:52,782
He'll probably just
make it himself
189
00:07:52,822 --> 00:07:54,756
out of a broom handle
and a shoe horn.
190
00:07:54,790 --> 00:07:56,348
I don't think
he's that crazy.
191
00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,326
BOBBY:
Yet!
192
00:07:58,361 --> 00:08:00,829
But I can't
take any chances.
193
00:08:00,863 --> 00:08:03,127
He just needs
to loosen up.
194
00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:05,794
Maybe if I can get him
to spend a little money
195
00:08:05,835 --> 00:08:08,030
and see it's not
the end of the world,
196
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:09,196
he won't go crazy.
197
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,638
Hey, go ask him
to buy us some horses.
198
00:08:11,674 --> 00:08:13,437
We'll ride them to school.
199
00:08:13,476 --> 00:08:14,670
We'll be legends.
200
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:17,270
No, I've got to find
something he likes,
201
00:08:17,313 --> 00:08:20,282
ease him into prying open
that wallet of his.
202
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:22,409
When he sees
how much fun it is,
203
00:08:22,451 --> 00:08:25,318
there won't be anything
standing between me
204
00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:28,619
and that sweet
chinga-ching-ching.
205
00:08:28,658 --> 00:08:30,956
JOSEPH:
Hey, did you guys hear?
206
00:08:30,993 --> 00:08:32,119
Bobby's rich.
207
00:08:32,161 --> 00:08:33,560
Turns out Mr. Hill
208
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,156
is some kind of crazy
millionaire oil something.
209
00:08:36,199 --> 00:08:37,826
Joseph, Sug,
you know better
210
00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:40,165
than to spread
silly gossip like that.
211
00:08:40,203 --> 00:08:41,864
What did Reverend Stroup say?
212
00:08:41,904 --> 00:08:45,067
It was something about Jesus
and gossip, and it rhymed.
213
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,734
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
214
00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,971
Tell me more of Hank's
fortune, Joseph.
215
00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:50,842
Connie says
he's some kind
216
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,371
of, like, rich miser
orsomething.
217
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:55,475
The Millionaire Next Door.
218
00:08:55,518 --> 00:08:59,454
I read that book, but I had no
idea it was about Hank.
219
00:09:00,856 --> 00:09:02,915
Hank, will you buy me
a ratchet set?
220
00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,221
(sighing):
No, Dale.
221
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,625
How about a nightclub?
222
00:09:05,661 --> 00:09:08,061
I'll call it"Hank's."
223
00:09:08,097 --> 00:09:09,621
HANK:
Just how soft are
224
00:09:09,665 --> 00:09:11,257
these soft begging strips?
225
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,167
'Cause, uh, Ladybird's gums
are very sensitive.
226
00:09:14,203 --> 00:09:15,670
Hey, Dad, look at this.
227
00:09:15,705 --> 00:09:19,903
"Now you and your dog can ride
a burro into the Grand Canyon."
228
00:09:19,942 --> 00:09:22,103
Huh, so they put the reins
right in her teeth.
229
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:25,238
I know.
Can you believe it?
230
00:09:25,281 --> 00:09:27,749
Ladybird gets to keep
the sombrero.
231
00:09:27,783 --> 00:09:29,910
Ladybird looks
great in a hat.
232
00:09:29,952 --> 00:09:31,078
Well, she sure does,
233
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,417
but I don't know.
234
00:09:32,455 --> 00:09:34,286
Don't think about it;
just do it.
235
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:35,483
You deserve it!
236
00:09:35,524 --> 00:09:37,424
God knows Ladybird deserves it.
237
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:38,586
(chuckles)
238
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:40,858
There's a sing-along
at the bottom.
239
00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:42,989
Well, it does sound
pretty great.
240
00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:44,090
It is great.
241
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:45,623
You'll have the time
of your life,
242
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,033
and I'll get
a pinball machine
243
00:09:47,069 --> 00:09:48,366
and have the time
of my life.
244
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:49,200
What?
245
00:09:49,238 --> 00:09:50,262
And then I'll get
246
00:09:50,306 --> 00:09:52,365
a Slurpee machine
and a white tiger.
247
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:55,343
Oh, thank you, Dad.
This is going to be so great.
248
00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:56,640
Dang it, Bobby.
249
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,772
I'm not going to start
tossing money around
250
00:09:58,814 --> 00:10:00,714
like a drunken
roughneck on payday
251
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:03,116
just because you don't
have any money sense.
252
00:10:03,152 --> 00:10:04,278
Look at her.
253
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,480
She's crushed.
254
00:10:06,789 --> 00:10:08,780
You happy now?
255
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,661
Bobby, sit down.
We need to talk.
256
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:19,031
Have you reconsidered
the pinball machine?
257
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,735
(laughs weakly)
258
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:24,569
Son, everything you buy
costs money,
259
00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:26,006
which somebody has to earn.
260
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,270
Now, one way or another,
261
00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:29,141
I'm going to get you
thinking right.
262
00:10:29,178 --> 00:10:31,772
But I'm not the one
thinking crazy.
263
00:10:31,814 --> 00:10:34,476
Now see, that's exactly
why your mother and I
264
00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:36,451
have decided to make
some changes
265
00:10:36,485 --> 00:10:37,918
with your allowance.
266
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,715
But that's how much
I always got.
267
00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,727
Hold on.
I'm not done yet.
268
00:10:45,761 --> 00:10:48,355
Now, you rented that video game
last Friday, so...
269
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:49,728
(garbled shriek)
270
00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:51,892
Oh, and, uh,
you returned it late...
271
00:10:51,934 --> 00:10:53,595
Hey, quit it!
272
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:55,365
And you bought
that Teen People
273
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:56,837
at the Get In Get Out.
274
00:10:56,872 --> 00:10:58,499
I've itemized it all here
275
00:10:58,541 --> 00:11:00,600
on your invoice.
276
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:01,940
Two dollars?
277
00:11:01,977 --> 00:11:04,912
But I wanted to go to the movies
with Joseph today.
278
00:11:04,947 --> 00:11:08,246
That sounds like fun,
and I'd be happy to drive you,
279
00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:10,445
if you can earn the rest
of the money you need.
280
00:11:10,486 --> 00:11:12,852
Hey, you could collect cans.
Five cents each.
281
00:11:12,888 --> 00:11:15,413
It's like the streets
are littered with nickels.
282
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:17,187
You gotta be kidding!
283
00:11:17,226 --> 00:11:19,717
Nope. Oh, you're going
to need a couple
284
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,320
of heavy-duty
garbage bags.
285
00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:22,763
This ought
to cover 'em.
286
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:30,030
Don't be surprised if Bobby comes
around asking for those cans.
287
00:11:30,072 --> 00:11:31,266
(chuckles)
288
00:11:31,307 --> 00:11:34,504
I taught him
an important lesson today.
289
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:43,674
Go ahead there, Hank,
take all the beer you want.
290
00:11:43,719 --> 00:11:46,711
I am so thrilled
my hard-earned money
can make you happy.
291
00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:48,883
It was your turn
to buy the beer, Bill...
292
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:50,357
that's how it works.
293
00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:52,793
Yeah, I guess that's
exactly how it works.
294
00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:55,888
I'm not getting rich
cutting people's hair, Hank.
295
00:11:55,931 --> 00:11:57,728
Well, things are tough
all over.
296
00:11:57,767 --> 00:12:00,759
Oh! I bet they are.
297
00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:03,964
Yep.
298
00:12:04,006 --> 00:12:05,769
Yep.
Mm-hmm.
299
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,435
Please! Just give me
300
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,410
a few thousand dollars,
Hank. Please?
301
00:12:09,445 --> 00:12:12,107
What?
Oh, just give him
the money, Hank!
302
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,708
Yeah, man, you know, that dang ol'
money's like the wind, man...
303
00:12:14,750 --> 00:12:16,183
only feel it when
it's moving, man.
304
00:12:16,218 --> 00:12:19,745
My God, am I the only
sane person around here?
305
00:12:19,789 --> 00:12:21,347
Way to go, Bill.
306
00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:24,052
You single-handedly
derailed the gravy train.
307
00:12:24,093 --> 00:12:27,392
I'm sorry. I just wanted
his money, is all.
308
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:29,227
(scoffs):
Collect cans.
309
00:12:29,265 --> 00:12:31,165
My dad had
his chance at life.
310
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,464
I'm not going to let him
take mine away.
311
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:37,165
If this isn't an emergency,
I don't know what is.
312
00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:38,935
Oh, no way, Bobby.
313
00:12:38,974 --> 00:12:40,942
You're not going to take
your dad's credit card...
314
00:12:40,976 --> 00:12:41,806
are you?
315
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,436
Relax. Whatever we spend,
316
00:12:43,479 --> 00:12:45,606
it's just a drop
in the bucket to him.
317
00:12:45,648 --> 00:12:46,808
Besides,
318
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,682
he won't even notice
this one is gone.
319
00:12:53,789 --> 00:12:55,484
Go, go, go, go!
320
00:12:58,227 --> 00:12:59,626
$43.20.
321
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,630
No problem. Here you go.
322
00:13:06,635 --> 00:13:07,863
Thank you, Mr. Hill.
323
00:13:11,140 --> 00:13:13,131
Wow!
Wow!
Wow!
324
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:18,346
Whoa!
325
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,938
Don't give up,
Connie!
326
00:13:19,982 --> 00:13:22,450
Try it again! I'm rich!
327
00:13:25,354 --> 00:13:28,448
COMPUTER VOICE:
You hooked it. Try again!
328
00:13:31,961 --> 00:13:33,929
Great drive!
329
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:44,804
Oh, Johnny, I am having
a wonderful time today.
330
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,831
Me, too.
331
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,176
So the rumors about
Hank are true.
332
00:13:52,214 --> 00:13:53,681
Hey,
333
00:13:53,716 --> 00:13:56,378
I just remembered, I should get
back to the healing center.
334
00:13:56,418 --> 00:14:00,354
Oh. But we were going
to buy you a bathing suit.
335
00:14:00,389 --> 00:14:03,085
Next time, okay?
That's my girl.
336
00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:11,356
Well, hey there,
John Redcorn.
337
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,492
(voice cracking):
Hank.
338
00:14:12,535 --> 00:14:13,593
(clears throat)
339
00:14:13,636 --> 00:14:15,433
Hank.
340
00:14:15,471 --> 00:14:17,837
America is aging.
341
00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:21,206
The Baby Boomers
will soon become the Senior Boomers.
342
00:14:21,243 --> 00:14:23,643
Yeah... sure, I guess so.
343
00:14:23,679 --> 00:14:24,668
Good, good.
344
00:14:24,713 --> 00:14:26,010
As an established leader
345
00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,811
in the healing community,
346
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:32,082
I am in a unique position to capture
this emerging market.
347
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,521
I think you know where
I'm going with this.
348
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:38,654
For your investment of
only a million dollars...
349
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:40,218
What?
I'm not asking for a handout.
350
00:14:40,262 --> 00:14:43,163
This is an investment
opportunity
351
00:14:43,198 --> 00:14:47,066
in the New Age Golden Years
Assisted Living facility.
352
00:14:47,102 --> 00:14:49,662
Sure, I'll give you
your million.
353
00:14:49,705 --> 00:14:50,831
Would you like it
354
00:14:50,873 --> 00:14:52,500
in rubies or fairy dust?
355
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:57,103
Someone's going to make a
lot of money off this idea.
356
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,875
It could have been us.
357
00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:04,345
MAN (over TV): Coming up next,find out what this man
358
00:15:04,386 --> 00:15:06,718
wants to show your children.
359
00:15:06,755 --> 00:15:07,915
(phone ringing)
360
00:15:07,957 --> 00:15:09,185
(groans)
361
00:15:09,224 --> 00:15:11,089
All right, Peggy,
tell me what happens.
362
00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:13,390
PEGGY: Oh, my God,
that is shocking!
363
00:15:13,429 --> 00:15:14,657
(groans):
Dang it.
364
00:15:14,697 --> 00:15:15,857
Hello?
365
00:15:15,898 --> 00:15:18,059
Yes, Mr. Hill,
this is a courtesy call
366
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,591
from Southwest Mutual
about your credit card.
367
00:15:20,636 --> 00:15:22,570
Uh, I've already got
a credit card.
368
00:15:22,605 --> 00:15:25,574
No, Mr. Hill, we were calling
about some unusual charges.
369
00:15:25,608 --> 00:15:27,940
We've got a spike
of several thousand dollars
370
00:15:27,977 --> 00:15:29,410
over the last two days.
371
00:15:29,445 --> 00:15:33,643
What? N-No. That card's
never been used. Thief!
372
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:36,480
Sir, if you would like
to dispute these charges...
373
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:38,349
Oh, here's something.
374
00:15:38,387 --> 00:15:40,981
There's an attempted charge
coming through right now.
375
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,856
Would you like me
to have them hold the card?
376
00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:50,292
Uh, l-I'm sorry,
Mr. Hill.
377
00:15:50,332 --> 00:15:54,462
This... m-machine is so...
damn slow.
378
00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:56,528
Oh, take your time,
take your time.
379
00:15:56,572 --> 00:16:00,008
You know, Emiglio,
on second thought,
380
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,670
I think I will try on
that vest.
381
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:06,971
(groans):
Where is that bastard?
382
00:16:07,016 --> 00:16:08,278
Ta-da!
383
00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:09,284
Bobby?
384
00:16:09,318 --> 00:16:11,479
Dad.
385
00:16:15,457 --> 00:16:17,084
You stole
my credit card.
386
00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:19,151
My boy stole
my credit card.
387
00:16:19,194 --> 00:16:21,059
Why are you so mad?
388
00:16:21,096 --> 00:16:23,564
Can't you just pump
a little extra propane?
389
00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:28,702
How did you get to be
a spoiled rich kid
390
00:16:28,737 --> 00:16:30,705
when we're not even rich?
391
00:16:36,612 --> 00:16:38,842
BOBBY:
Okay, I'm sorry I borrowed...
392
00:16:38,881 --> 00:16:40,280
Stole.
...the credit card,
393
00:16:40,315 --> 00:16:41,782
but you just
would've said no,
394
00:16:41,817 --> 00:16:43,341
and we both know
you're loaded.
395
00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:46,081
So let's just say
we were both wrong.
396
00:16:46,121 --> 00:16:47,588
I'm loaded?
397
00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:50,456
Has everybody in the
neighborhood lost their minds?
398
00:16:50,492 --> 00:16:52,221
Okay, Dad, I'll come clean.
399
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,751
I know everything.
400
00:16:53,796 --> 00:16:57,357
I heard you talking about
how you make $1,000 a day.
401
00:16:57,399 --> 00:16:59,230
$1,000 a...
402
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:00,860
You mean my bonus?
403
00:17:00,903 --> 00:17:02,894
My once-a-year bonus?
404
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:05,372
But what about your oil records?
405
00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:06,704
In the garage?
406
00:17:06,742 --> 00:17:09,472
You mean my oil
change records?
407
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,979
(sighs):
I used to think
408
00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:15,950
you were too young
for this conversation,
409
00:17:15,984 --> 00:17:17,474
but I think
we've all had enough
410
00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:19,714
of you learning about money
on the streets,
411
00:17:19,755 --> 00:17:22,280
so here goes: Our checkbook.
412
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,560
I didn't even see anything.
413
00:17:26,595 --> 00:17:27,459
(sighs)
414
00:17:27,496 --> 00:17:29,487
Okay, you want to know
415
00:17:29,531 --> 00:17:32,295
about the family finances?
416
00:17:36,905 --> 00:17:38,099
Here.
417
00:17:39,007 --> 00:17:40,975
So this is it?
418
00:17:41,009 --> 00:17:45,070
Please tell me you've at least got
some gold buried in the backyard.
419
00:17:45,114 --> 00:17:47,048
Nope. That's it.
420
00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:49,915
But with responsible
budgeting, we do fine.
421
00:17:49,952 --> 00:17:52,113
That's our
entertainment budget?
422
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:55,419
But I spend that much
on CDs every month.
423
00:17:55,457 --> 00:17:57,584
I use up the whole budget.
424
00:17:57,626 --> 00:17:59,025
Yep.
425
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:01,325
(sighs):
I guess I let you down.
426
00:18:01,363 --> 00:18:02,455
(horn beeps)
427
00:18:03,532 --> 00:18:04,829
HANK:
What the?
428
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:07,392
(quietly):
That must be the jet-ski.
429
00:18:08,737 --> 00:18:10,364
(sighs):
Well, I was able
430
00:18:10,405 --> 00:18:13,135
to pay off everything
except the jet-ski.
431
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,575
Had to use my whole bonus
and then some.
432
00:18:15,611 --> 00:18:16,873
(sighs)
433
00:18:16,912 --> 00:18:19,278
Guess I'll never get
that new shower pan.
434
00:18:19,314 --> 00:18:20,679
Sorry.
435
00:18:20,716 --> 00:18:22,206
So here's your punishment.
436
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:24,515
I'm going to get
whatever I can for the jet-ski,
437
00:18:24,553 --> 00:18:26,020
and you're going
to do chores
438
00:18:26,054 --> 00:18:27,851
until you work off
the difference
439
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:29,619
between that
and what it costs.
440
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:30,818
Okay.
441
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:32,759
Now, uh,
your mother said something
442
00:18:32,795 --> 00:18:34,626
about a date with, uh...
443
00:18:34,663 --> 00:18:36,756
Madam Von Toilet scrubbin?
444
00:18:36,799 --> 00:18:38,858
(Austrian accent):
Anyvun seen Bobby?
445
00:18:44,072 --> 00:18:45,699
Good job, Bobby.
446
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:47,072
Hey, it looks
hot up there.
447
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,872
Why don't you come down
and take a break?
448
00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:51,379
Breaks are for guys
on disability.
449
00:18:51,413 --> 00:18:52,778
Well, I do need some help
450
00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:55,079
getting the jet-ski
down to the lake to sell it.
451
00:18:55,117 --> 00:18:57,210
I'm on it...
just as soon as I'm done
452
00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:59,186
fishing out this squirrel.
453
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,624
So Hank frittered away
his fortune.
454
00:19:07,663 --> 00:19:10,655
God, if Peggy was the best
he could do with money,
455
00:19:10,699 --> 00:19:13,429
what's going to happen now
when she leaves him?
456
00:19:13,468 --> 00:19:16,198
Man, you talk about how the mighty
have dang ol' fallen, man.
457
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:19,366
Mm-hmm. I heard it had something
to do with the Internet.
458
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,842
Usually does.
459
00:19:21,877 --> 00:19:23,469
(Hank sighs)
460
00:19:23,512 --> 00:19:25,275
Brand-new jet-ski
for sale.
461
00:19:25,314 --> 00:19:26,941
Got all the, uh, features
462
00:19:26,982 --> 00:19:30,008
and, uh, really spiffy
paint job there.
463
00:19:30,052 --> 00:19:31,952
Sure was expensive.
464
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:42,628
Hey, Eric, what do you
think of that jet-ski?
465
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:46,633
You promised
me a new one!
466
00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:48,761
This one's probably broken.
467
00:19:48,804 --> 00:19:49,634
It's not broken.
468
00:19:51,139 --> 00:19:52,868
Fine, I'll prove it to you.
469
00:19:54,576 --> 00:19:57,943
Okay, then,
it runs perfectly fine. Happy?
470
00:19:57,980 --> 00:20:00,141
Can't it go any faster?
471
00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:01,740
Of course it can.
472
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:07,789
Heh-heh. Well, I'll be.
473
00:20:07,823 --> 00:20:09,450
Whoo! Giddyap!
474
00:20:11,526 --> 00:20:13,323
Boy, that was fun. Heh.
475
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,091
It's okay, I guess.
476
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,392
We'll take it.
477
00:20:16,431 --> 00:20:19,457
Okay, l-I know
l-I promised you a jet-ski,
478
00:20:19,501 --> 00:20:22,436
but could you at least say...
thank you?
479
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:26,339
Whatever! I'll get mom's
new boyfriend to buy it for me.
480
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:29,310
Sir, for 50 cents,
I will shine this baby up
481
00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:30,936
like a brand-new dime.
482
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:33,140
I want to see my face.
483
00:20:33,181 --> 00:20:34,648
All right!
484
00:20:46,795 --> 00:20:49,093
Dad! Go back!
485
00:20:49,131 --> 00:20:52,032
They're not going
to wait around for us!
486
00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:53,295
We're not selling it.
487
00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:56,736
Now, hold on tight,
I'm going to gun it.
488
00:20:56,772 --> 00:20:59,206
(Hank chuckles and whoops)
489
00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:00,970
We're going to keep it?!
490
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,102
We can't afford it.
491
00:21:03,145 --> 00:21:06,376
I'm not selling your jet-ski
to that little jackass.
492
00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:08,975
I figure the depreciation's
the same on it
493
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,417
whether we keep it
for a day or a year.
494
00:21:11,453 --> 00:21:12,920
Used is used, right?
495
00:21:12,955 --> 00:21:15,321
Really?
Sure.
496
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:17,723
We can carry it on the credit card
for a little while,
497
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:19,386
and then if we sell
it within a year,
498
00:21:19,428 --> 00:21:22,124
it'll be the same
blue book value.
499
00:21:22,164 --> 00:21:24,962
BOBBY: But credit cards should only
be used in an emergency,
500
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,662
and you should pay the balance
off every month.
501
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,194
HANK:
Ideally, yes.
502
00:21:30,238 --> 00:21:36,571
Ripped By mstoll
503
00:22:07,109 --> 00:22:09,703
BOBBY:
Dad, give me a big wad of cash.
35661
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