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Hey, whoo!
A day at the beach.

I'm sweatin'.
Shall we set up here?

Uh, no. Let's go
closer to the water.

- Let's grease it up.
- I'm on it.

What's the thinkin' here?

Squirt it out, lay down, roll around.

Just like mustard on a hot dog.

Excellent.

Oh, man. It's hot.

- Can you believe it's November?
- I know.

Ifthis is global warming,
it rocks.

- It's called "Indian summer."
- [Dharma ] Oh.

Well, thanks for that...
and corn, I guess.

- I'm Dharma. This is Jane.
- George.

- Nice to meetyou.
- Hey.

- So, what brings you up here, George?
- I've come here to die.

This land was my ancestors'
sacred burial site.

- For real?
- For real.

Well, we're sunbathing topless,
soyou'll die happy.

You know, I don't lickyour face
when you're doing yoga. Go sniffhis butt.

- Hey, honey.
- Hi.

Haveyou been eating liver?

No. Oh, you're probably
tasting kibble.

Okay.

- Guess what?
- What?

Tomorrow night, the attorney general
ofthe United States...

is taking me to dinner because-
and I quote-

"I don't think I've met
that Montgomery guyyet."

She knows my name!

- Shut up.
- No. You shut up.

Janet Reno's taking you
to dinner.

Janet Reno's buying me
a shrimp cocktail.

Okay. This sounds kinda shallow.

- But I kinda wantyou more now.
- Oh, yeah?

[ Both Moaning ]

- Dharma?
- Hmm?

Why is there an elderly Native American
gentleman wearing my bathrobe?

Oh.

I prefer "Indian."

George, this is Greg.
Greg, this is George.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- Good night.
- Good night?

George is gonna staywith us
for a little while.

- What?
-Just till he dies.

Two, three days tops.

- Dharma, can I seeyou for a second?
- Sure.

- George, doyou need anything?
- No. I said good night.

Um, what's going on?

I met George on the roof,
and he said he's dying.

And he has to do it here
so that the spirits ofhis ancestors...

can find him and help guide his soul
to a place of peace.

Dharma, don'tyou think
that's a bit incredible?

Totally incredible.
It's awesome!

No, come on. A complete stranger
comes up toyou on the street-

- The roof.
- the roof- and says...

"I don't know you, but can I
die in your apartment?"

Gee, it sounds bad when you say it.

Besides, Greg, he didn't ask.
I invited him.

Honey, look, you're a very trusting person,
and I love that aboutyou.

But there are people out there
who prey on people likeyou.

I know that.
George is not one ofthem.

- How doyou know?
- I just know. I have a feeling.

Butyou can't take a risk like this
just becauseyou have a feeling.

Why not? I did it with you.

- Heck, I married you on our first date.
- Fine. Make a good point.

- So he can stay?
- One night.

God, look at that.
Yourwhole aura just changed.

- Shut up.
- No. You shut up.

[ George ]
Whydon'tyou both shut up?

Well, check on aliases,
but for now just run "George Littlefox."

Well, check on aliases,
but for now just run "George Littlefox."

Okay, I'll hold.

I'd do it foryou.
That's all I'm sayin'.

Pete, you're not comin' to dinner
with Janet Reno and me.

Aw, come on, Greg.
I mean, you're a good lawyer.

You're gonna move up
becauseyou win cases.

Me? I gotta kiss some ass.

The attorney general
ofthe United States-

I mean, they don't get any bigger.

You know what? Slap on some ChapStick.
You talked me into it.

- Really?
- Get lost.

- All right. I'll be back though.
- Thatyou will.

What doyou mean he doesn't exist?
He's in my house.

No, no. Littlefox.
Not "Litter Box."

What kind ofan Indian name
is Litter Box?

Well, there's gotta be
somethin' on the guy.

- All right. Call me back.
- Hello, hello.

Mother. What areyou doing here?

Do I need a reason to come and visit
my handsome son?

- Mother?
- All right. I'm absolutely desperate.

The guest speaker at my botanical garden
fund-raiser has backed out...

and I know thatyou are having dinner
this evening with Janet Reno.

- So I was wondering if-
- No.

It doesn't hurt to ask.

Mother, I really don't feel comfortable
askingJanet Reno for a favor.

For God sakes, Gregory! Why are you
so intimidated by powerful women?

All right. How about this?

I'm at another table-
I choke on a crouton, you Heimlich me.

Sure, I get to meetJanet Reno,
butyou're the big hero.

You're too late.
Ms. Reno is speaking at my fund-raiser.

That's no fair. I had dibs.

You cannot have dibs
on the attorney general. She's mine.

Yeah? You willin' to choke for her?

'Cause I'm not gonna fake it.

Okay, you guys.
I have the perfect solution.

I go to dinnerwith Janet Reno-
You hate me, you be disappointed in me...

and somehow- [ Chuckles ]
I live with it.

[ Sighs ] I don't suppose
you would know anybody...

who would speak
at a botanical garden function.

I don't even know anybody
who would listen.

- George, you don't have to do that.
- I know.

No, no, no. You don't wanna spend
your last days on Earth doing dishes.

- Don't you wanna do somethin' fun?
- Like what?

- Is there anything you've everwanted to do?
- You know Debbie Reynolds?

- No.
- Well, I'm okay here.

- [Knocking]
- Hi, everybody.

- What areyou guys doin' here?
- Greg called and asked us to check up on you.

He asked you
to check up on me?

And what else
did he ask us, Larry?

Not to tell Dharma.

I can't believe he did that.

It's no big deal, honey.
He's worried aboutya.

Ifl had a nickel for every time I asked
a neighbor to check in on your father...

could rebuild the garage
he burned down.

Would you drop it?
That was months ago.

George, I wantyou
to meet my parents.

- This is Abby.
- It's an honor to meetyou.

- Nice to meetyou.
- And this is Larry.

Sir, I would like to apologize...

for all the injustices your people
have suffered at the hands of my people.

- Larry.
- Larry, your people were in Latvia...

being chased by Cossacks.

- But iftheywere here, theywould've joined in.
- [ Exclaims ]

My people are joiners,
and, for that, I apologize.

Apology accepted.

Sorry. Last week, he apologized
to a Chinese waiter for a halfhour...

for making him build the railroads.

[ Clears Throat ]
Mr. Littlefox, um...

we understand thatyou're leaving
the physical realm.

And I am a student
ofindigenous cultures...

and ifthere's anything
I can do to help.

I've been told that I do
a very moving Paiute death chant.

- He's not Paiute.
- Oh.

Oh, geez, is my face red.

You oughta see it now.

Doyou mind ifwe just sit here
and shared yourvibe?

Okay, you guys. You're embarrassing me
in front of my friend.

I think George just needs
some quiet time to himself now.

I know, but isn't there gonna be
some sort of death ritual?

I have all my drums
and gourds in the van.

Actually, I do have
some rituals I must perform.

Oh, cool. All right.
So, what are they?

Well, before I go, I must take the feathers
from my headdress...

and let them loose in the wind.

- And at sunset, I must smoke a ceremonial pipe.
- Uh-huh?

What doyou put in that pipe?

Tobacco.

- Larry, this is his ritual.
- Yeah.

Um, what else doyou need,
Mr. Littlefiox?

Some beetroot to paint my face.

How about Love That Red?

Could work.

Good, okay. So, headdress.

Uh, pipe, face paint.
What else?

I must wrap myself
in the skin of a bear.

I'm sorry, Mr. Littlefox,
but we don't condone...

the killing of animals
for any purpose.

The killing oflndians,
we had no problem with.

- Give it a rest, Lar, okay?
- I won't give it a rest.

We took this man's land
and cast him out into the desert.

And believe me,
my people know about deserts.

- Fortyyears, we wandered through one.
- I know.

I know, and that's why
we can't have an Egyptian car.

Okay.

[ Murmurs ]

I just thought of a place
to get a bearskin rug.

- What, you're taking George?
- Don't worry. He's leaving his vibe.

Leaveyourvibe.

- [DoorCloses ]
- Oh, wow. I can feel it.

Hey, don't bogart that vibe.

- Sorry about that.
- It's all right.

- Your father's very amusing.
- Thankyou.

- And your mother's very patient.
- Oh, you have no idea.

Now, this bearskin rug ofimine
is very.valuable.

When might I expect him
to return it?

Oh, that's the thing, Edward.
He's gonna be buried in it.

This guy here?
He's not even dead.

Oh, he will be by-
What doyou say, George, Saturday?

I'm hoping Friday.
I don't wanna ruin yourweekend.

I'm confused here.
What the hell's wrong with a casket?

Oh, I have had it with politicians.

Perhaps I could find a prominent businessman
to speak at my function.

I'd be happy to do it.

Yes, well, let's not panic justyet.
Thankyou.

Dharma, who is your friend?

You are, Kitty.

- Dharma.
- Oh. This is George.

He wants to die in my rug.

[DoorOpens, Closes ]

- Okay, hand it over.
- Greg, what are you doing here?

Dharma, on yourway over, when you
stopped at the bank, Mr. Littlefox here-

- You followed me?
- No, no. Of course not.

I called a friend of mine
at the F.B.I.

You had me followed
by the F.B.I.?

Because that's who I know
who follows people.

- Dharma, he went into a knife store.
- I know, Greg.

He was getting the handle
on his hunting knife fixed.

He wanted to give it toyou as a present
for letting him stay in our house.

God, I am so sorry about this, George.

That's all right.
Your husband really loves you.

Oh, yeah, right. Ifhe loves me
so much, he should "trust" me.

- Dharma-
- Don't even start, Greg.
First, you have me followed...

and then you just rush on in here
like a big old macho cowboy.

Don't say "cowboy"
in front ofthe Indian.

That's okay.
I'm a big Dallas fan.

Ijust-
[Stammering]

God, I can't even
talk to you right now.

- So, you are a Native American person.
- Yes.

- And you're dying.
- Thursday or Friday.

Does that mean
you're free this evening?

Sorry I caused you
so much trouble.

No. It's notyour fault my own husband
doesn't trust myjudgment.

Well, you can't blame him. He spends
all his timewith lawyers and criminals.

Half ofthem, you can't trust.
And the other halfare criminals.

- It's actually kind offunny.
I'll use it in my speech.
- Thereyou go.

Thereyou are. Oh-

What is he wearing?
I said traditional dress.

Kitty, it's Brooks Brothers.
It came with a vest.

Oh! I meant headdress,
fur, leather,jewelry.

Sounds likeyour friends.

All right. Well, we've got at least
this little scarfwe can put on him.

And, uh, oh-
Oh, here, my necklace.

- Put this on. All right.
- This is nice.

Yes, well, I'm going
to need this back.

- I get to keep the bearskin rug, right?
- Oh, yes. That's the deal.

Now, you keep him here and make sure
that he has some good stories.

I rememberwhen 3Com Park
was called Candlestick Park.

- That was threeyears ago.
- That long?

[ Sighs ]
Oh, good Lord.

He's just an old man in a suit.

I told you she's fun to mess with.

- This place is nice.
- Yeah.

I wish we'd have been
better fighters.

George, the sun's going down. Here.

Oh, thankyou.

I can't believeyour father made this
from a table leg.

He's a man of many talents.

Not really.
It's just the one.

Excuse me!
There's no smoking here.

- But we're outside.
- I'm aware ofthat.

There's a city ordinance that prohibits
smoking in public places.

Oh. How about ifwe go over there
where there's no people?

No.

- What ifwe go to the parking lot?
- No.

- Where can you smoke?
- Las Vegas.

This is this man's sacred ritual.

Oh, I understand.
It was my "sacred ritual" for 1 2 years.

But I quit, and so can he.

He doesn't need to quit.
He's dying.

Hmm. A connection maybe?

Hmm.Jerk-face,
schmucko loser maybe?

- What areyou doing?
- Leave him alone.

- Give me that.
- You thinkyou're so tough taking
a pipe away from a dying ma-

See howyou do with a six-foot,
blonde bag of"kickyour ass."

You look nice.

Thanks.

- Really nice.
- Stop sucking up.

It's all I have.

- [Phone Rings ]
- Can you take a message for me?

Oh, a favor? Yeah.
Sure thing. No problem.

Don't have to ask me twice.

- Greg Montgomery's office.
- I'll put a good word in foryou.

Hold on. Dharma's in jail.
You gotta go bail her out.

Pete, you're not comin' to dinner
with Janet Reno.

- Take the call.
- Montgomery.

Okay. I'll be right there.

- [Handset Clatters In Cradle ]
- Pete, you're goin' to dinnerwith Janet Reno.

Yes! I mean, I'm sorry
about Dharma and everything.

But... yes. Yes.

- I need a favor.
- Another favor.

What is it with you?

You gotta cover for me.Janet Reno
can't find out why I missed the dinner.

- What am I supposed to tell her?
- Pete, you're a lawyer. Lie.

But I'm a bad lawyer.

So, what exactly
is the formal charge?

- Smoking in a public place.
- Right on.

We are so proud ofyou.

- Forviolating the smoking ordinance?
- Forviolating any ordinance.

Larry, I think I voted forthat one.

So what? We should protest all laws,
especially those we believe in.

We cannot be slaves
to our own beliefs.

Thereyou are.
Hi, Sergeant.

Greg Montgomery,Justice Department.
There's the paperwork.

- What areyou doing here?
- Bailing you out.

Areyou nuts?
This is San Francisco.

Doyou know how hard it is
to get arrested in this town?

You're supposed to be having dinner
with Janet Reno.

Yeah. Funny thing- I was on myway
out the doorwhen I got a phone call.

- Did you call him?
- Absolutely not.

Well, how did you find-
You're having me followed again?

- And it's a good thing too.
- God, you are unbelievable.

Dharma, I knew
this guywould cause trouble.

- He didn't cause trouble. I caused trouble.
- That's my girl.

- Oh, good. Thereyou are.
- I've already bailed her out, Mother.

Splendid. But I'm looking for the, um,
Native American fellow.

He prefers "Indian."

Oh! Why don't these people just
pick something and stickwith it?

- Where is he?
- I thought he was with you.

No. Oh, Lord.
He's vanished.

Oh, no, he couldn't
have just vanished.

But ifhe's a shaman, he could have
turned into a squirrel and scurried away.

Did you check in the trees?

[ Sighs ] I would have noticed
a squirrel wearing a $5,000 necklace.

- You gave him your necklace?
- Yes.

And a bearskin rug, a $200 speaking fee,
and a Brooks Brothers suit.

I knew it. I never should have
trusted this guy.

- You never did.
- And I was right.

No, you weren't.
I'm sure he's just at the apartment.

Whywould he go to the apartment?
He doesn't have a key.

- Wrong again.
- You gave him a key? Great!

He's probably cleaned out
the entire place by now.

Oh. Oh, I loved that necklace.

Well, think about how he feels.

We took all his land, and, again...

all he winds up with
is a string ofbeads.

[ Sighs ]

He's probably got my computer and theTV
and your new mountain bike and-

Yeah, he's riding over
the Golden Gate Bridge right now...

watching cartoons and sending e-mail.

I just wanna seeyour face
when you open the door and he's not there.

- He'll be there.
- Open the door.

I will.

- See?
- He's probablyjust upstairs.

- George. George. Hold on.
- Dharma.

- George?
- He's not here, Dharma.

That's- Greg, look.
The TV's here.

And the stereo's here
and the computer.

He was smart enough not to come back.
He's still got the necklace and the money.

- He's coming back.
- Oh, come on, Dharma.

Admit it. He ripped us off.

Now, I knowyou want to trust everyone,
butyou can't.

You just can't.
That's not the world we live in.

Fine! You're right!
Does that makeyou happy?

Is that whatyou wanna hear?
You're right!

[Greg]
Dharma? Dharma?

I didn't get to say good-bye.

- And he was here all by himself.
- It's okay.

No, it's not okay, Greg.

[ Sighs ]
I was supposed to help him.

I know. I know.
I'm so sorry.

[ Sniffles ]
Oh, God. His headdress.

What?

He didn't get to finish his ritual.
I'm supposed to-

[ Sighs ]

He's supposed to let the feathers
go out into the wind.

Here.

I guess now would be a really bad time
to say "I told you so."

I graduated at the top of my class
from Stanford.

And, uh, I could've gone anywhere...

but I said to myself,
"Greg Montgomery...

"you gotta work
for the Justice Department...

give something
back to the people."

Ms. Reno, is that your foot?

It's a big foot.

It's 4 to 6 Foot!