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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:04,634 [Shrieks] Shh! Shh! 3 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:07,673 My parents don't knowyou're with me in mytent in the backyard. 4 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:11,507 - We have to bevery, very quiet. - Wait. I thought this was an armytent. 5 00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:14,877 Oh, right. I forgot. Sergeant Greg. 6 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:18,817 I know our love is wrong... 7 00:00:21,121 --> 00:00:23,453 but I can't help myself. 8 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,549 Kiss me on the double. 9 00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,993 Where exactlywould that be, Captain? 10 00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:32,088 - [ Laughing Hysterically] - [Knocking] 11 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,156 I'll get it. I'll get it. [ Yells ] 12 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:37,328 - Dharma- - [ Yelling ] 13 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,972 - Superman! - Wait- 14 00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,271 - [ Sighs ] - Hey. 15 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:45,607 Brian. Hi. 16 00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:48,511 Am I early? 17 00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:54,911 - Forwhat? - Um, we had a date. 18 00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,923 [ Indistinct ] 19 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,320 - Right. I forgot to call you. - [ Forced Chuckle ] 20 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,760 I got married. 21 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,597 - M-Married? - That's my husband, Greg. 22 00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:12,695 - Hi. - Don't get up. 23 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:16,507 Wasn't plannin' on it. 24 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,737 Look, I'm-I'm sorry, man. 25 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,303 I wouldn't have asked her out ifl knew she was engaged. 26 00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:23,508 Oh, no, we weren't engaged. I just met Greg- 27 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,915 - What was it, honey, last Friday? - Yeah, last Friday. 28 00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:29,852 I metyou Thursday. 29 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:34,021 Snooze, you lose. 30 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,810 Are you sure? 31 00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:55,041 "Dog-eat-dog world"? 32 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,015 Absolutely. That's the expression. 33 00:01:57,083 --> 00:02:00,610 Come on. It's not a "doggy dog" world? 34 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,552 - No, it's not. - Ready? 35 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:05,557 - Clear. - I mean, it doesn't make any sense. 36 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,559 Have you ever even seen a dog eat another dog? 37 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,720 - Ready? - Clear. 38 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:13,095 No, but it's still a dog-eat-dog world. 39 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:16,033 It means the world's a tough place. It's every man for himself. 40 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:20,505 - It's kill or be killed. - What do killer bees have to do with it? 41 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:22,598 - [ Flushing ] - Aah! 42 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,404 [ Screams ] 43 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:26,672 Ready? 44 00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:29,146 - Dharma, this isn't gonna work. - Sure it is. 45 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,683 You'll toughen up. 46 00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:34,219 No, I mean, thewhole bath thing. 47 00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:39,691 I need a shower so I can stand up and wash myselfin the right order. 48 00:02:39,759 --> 00:02:42,250 You have an order forwashing your body? 49 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,660 Yeah. I mean, it's basically top to bottom. 50 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:48,531 Then you double back for the- Not important. 51 00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:52,401 Aw, that's the same orderyou use for everything, isn't it? 52 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,632 - Hey, Dharm? - Hi,Jane. 53 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:58,677 -Jane! - Sorry. Hi, Greg. 54 00:02:58,745 --> 00:03:02,044 I thought it over. I decided I'll beyour maid ofhonor. 55 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,447 - Rock and roll. - Right? 56 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:08,476 - Hello! - I said hello. Sowhat do I gotta do? 57 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:10,887 You gotta wear a really heinous dress. 58 00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:13,016 Cool. I got a butt-ugly green one. 59 00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:17,392 Too late. Greg's mom already gotyou a butt-ugly purple one. 60 00:03:17,463 --> 00:03:20,728 All right! That's it! I give up! Everybody gets to see Greg naked! 61 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,360 I gotta warn ya, I grew up around horses. 62 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,737 - I think he wants us to leave. - He said everybody gets to- 63 00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:31,572 I know, but he also says dog-eat-dog world. 64 00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,737 - Dog eats dog? - No, it's doggy dog. 65 00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:35,804 Hey, what are you doin' today? 66 00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,715 Gonna hang out at Fisherman's Wharf, give tourists bad directions. 67 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:43,484 - Why? - Well, Greg's playing golfwith his dad and my dad. 68 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:46,081 - That sounds like a bad idea. - I know. 69 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:49,390 But I wanna surprise him and put in a showerwhile he's gone. 70 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,794 - You wanna help? - I don't know. 71 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:56,824 It means a trip to the hardware store. 72 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,030 Well- 73 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:04,202 - We can use our phony English accents. - London or Liverpool? 74 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,939 [ British Accent ] I say, governor, haveyou any brass hinges? 75 00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,675 It's for me house. 76 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,047 [ British Accent ] All righty, then. But this time... 77 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:16,714 I'm the humpback and I'm hard ofhearing! 78 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,950 What? 79 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:23,928 I said, I'm hard ofhearing! 80 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,589 Hello, husband! 81 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,463 Hello, deaf cockney hunchbacks. 82 00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:34,263 I can't believe I letyou talk me into this. 83 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,535 Dad, he's myfather-in-law. 84 00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,543 We've got this big wedding reception coming up. 85 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,545 We're all gonna have to learn to be civil to each other. 86 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:45,607 Of course I'll be civil to the man, old hippie buffoon. 87 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,243 Okay, great. Now, when he gets here... 88 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:51,381 think "old hippie buffoon," but say "Larry." 89 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,357 - Hi, Greg. - Hi, Pete. 90 00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:56,520 Hey, Mr. M. So I hearwe're playing with Jerry Garcia today, huh? 91 00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:59,588 Who's Jerry Garcia? 92 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:02,362 Oh, this is gonna be fun. 93 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:05,029 Pete, Pete, Pete, you're gonna have to help me with these guys. 94 00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:09,131 Ifyou recall, I tried to helpyou. I said, "Do not do this." 95 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:13,838 Man, this is a truly righteous country clubyou got here. 96 00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:17,940 Thankyou, Larry. 97 00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:20,884 Of course, ifyou Republicans haveyourway on immigration... 98 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:23,387 you'll be parking your own cars. 99 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:27,620 Mr. Finkelstein, I'd likeyou to meet my friend from work, Pete. 100 00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,993 Another lawyer. Better put mywallet in my front pocket. 101 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,625 That's very amusing, Larry. 102 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,770 - I wonder if I have time to take a shower before we tee off. - No, no, no, no. 103 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,072 You do not have time to take a shower. Why didn't you do it at home? 104 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:47,669 Dharma's place doesn't have a shower. I had to take a bath. 105 00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,681 What's wrong with a bath? 106 00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:52,479 Well, for one thing, he can't wash himselfin the proper order. 107 00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,112 Gee, I always preferred a bath. 108 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:59,249 It's very soothing. You put in a little sea salt, some oil- 109 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,590 Add a carrot and a chicken neck, and you've got soup... 110 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,062 Larry. 111 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,929 It's goin' well. They're exchanging recipes. 112 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,800 Son, why don'tyou and Dharma get an apartment with a shower? 113 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,465 I can't ask Dharma to move. She loves the place. 114 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,304 - She practically built it herself. - Yeah, you're right. 115 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,346 You don't wanna get in any big emotional discussions. 116 00:06:20,413 --> 00:06:22,472 Why don'tyou just make up some, I don't know... 117 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,607 medical reason you won't live there. 118 00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:26,811 You want him to lie to my daughter? 119 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:29,480 It's not a lie ifit's for the greater good. 120 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:31,580 Where have we heard that before? 121 00:06:31,657 --> 00:06:33,625 What areyou talking about? 122 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:37,993 A little place called Vietnam, my friend. 123 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,191 Hey, who would have seen that comin', huh? 124 00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:43,064 What doyou know about Vietnam? You weren't even there. 125 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,967 I know it wasn't about communism. 126 00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,971 It was about Mr. Corporate America... 127 00:06:47,039 --> 00:06:50,736 finding a place to sell their "sody" pop and "tobaccy." 128 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,074 And next, we put clubs in their hands. 129 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,905 Thanks... Pete. 130 00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:03,513 All right, boys, Mommy's going to the hardware store. 131 00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:05,955 So remember the rules. Play nice with each other. 132 00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:09,426 Stinky, don't open the door for anyone. And, Nunzio, stay out ofthe liquor cabinet. 133 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:12,760 - You rememberwhat happened last time. - [ Phone Ringing ] 134 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:15,528 [ Groans ] Hello? 135 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,933 Dharma, dear, it's Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother. 136 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,234 It's Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother. 137 00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,866 Oh, that Kitty Montgomery. 138 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:26,969 Dharma, for some reason, the dressmaker insists she needs to see the wedding gown on you. 139 00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:30,209 - Could you be a dove and hop by? - You know what? I'd love to. 140 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:33,480 But my maid ofhonor and I are just out the door trying to get stufffor a shower. 141 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,578 - You're having a shower? - Yeah. 142 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:38,419 - When? - Well, we're hoping today. 143 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:41,688 Today? Well, you just can't do it like that. 144 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:44,093 I mean, how are people supposed to know about it? 145 00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:48,759 I just figured they'd open the door and, bam, there'd it be. 146 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:53,397 Oh, you... unusual girl. 147 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,407 - Is your mother going to helpyou? - Yeah. 148 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,705 She read up on it in one ofthose Time-Life books. 149 00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,438 Oh, my God. 150 00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:03,642 Well, I'll- I'll be over right after lunch and I'll showyou what to do. 151 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:08,016 Great! Thanks so much. We'll seeyou then. Bye! 152 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:11,420 [ British Accent ] Kitty Montgomery, Gregory's mother, is coming over? 153 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,255 - Yes, she'll help us with the shower. - Why? 154 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,626 She's probably one ofthose rich ladies who's into plumbing. 155 00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:21,326 - What? - I said she's probably one ofthose rich ladies... 156 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,426 - who's into plumbing! - Oh! 157 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,701 They started it by attacking a peaceful vessel in the Gulf ofTonkin. 158 00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,934 Oh, please. The Gulf ofTonkin incident... 159 00:08:30,009 --> 00:08:32,273 was invented to win over congress. 160 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,472 We were responding to attacks on our servicemen- 161 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:37,243 Pete, I'm, uh, thinkin' of killing myselfwith a golf club. 162 00:08:37,316 --> 00:08:39,546 Any suggestions? 163 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:42,281 Yourfirst instinctwould be to go with a threewood, maybe even a driver. 164 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,721 - But that might bounce right offthe skull. - Really? 165 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:48,624 Yeah. Instead, consider a short iron. Maybe a pitching wedge. 166 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:53,427 - That'll split the skull, lodge right in the brain. - Wedge it is. 167 00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,433 I'll haveyou know, I was in Canada- 168 00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:58,800 You were in Canada becauseyou didn't have guts enough to put on a uniform and fight. 169 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,408 Areyou calling me a coward? 170 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,967 I'm just saying that all ofyour pacifism is just a bunch ofhokum. 171 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,878 How can you call me a coward when you don't even have the courage... 172 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,882 to just come out and call me a coward? 173 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:15,387 Okay. Everyone's a coward. Let's go find our balls. 174 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,453 - Yeah! - It's out ofthe box! 175 00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:23,927 - Girls rule! - [Kitty]All right. 176 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:27,261 I brought invitation samples from my printer. 177 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:31,667 Please pick something simple. My caterer has prepared a choice ofhors d'oeuvres... 178 00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:35,400 and, needless to say, the right hors d'oeuvres make the bridal shower. 179 00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:39,706 Oh, my God! It's a "shower" shower! 180 00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:42,509 Ain't she a peach? 181 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,573 [ Whooping ] 182 00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,815 All I'm saying is ifthe cause had been just... 183 00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:55,019 I could have gone into Vietnam and done exactlywhatyou did. 184 00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:04,400 Areyou saying you could have been a Green Beret? 185 00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,995 - Absolutely. - That's it! 186 00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,007 I've been listening to this long enough. 187 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,704 I cannot believe that my father and my father-in-law don't have the decency... 188 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,838 to at least pretend to get along for one lousy afternoon! 189 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:17,746 [ Mouthing Words ] 190 00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:25,987 You couldn't be a Green Beret at a Halloween party! 191 00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:29,152 - Come on, Pete. - Aren't you even gonna hit? 192 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,532 - Ooh! You got all ofthat one. - Get in the cart. 193 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,762 All right. You're in the Mekong Delta. V.C. everywhere. 194 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:41,102 Your only chance of survival is diving into a rice paddy... 195 00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,107 and holding your breath for four minutes. 196 00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:45,166 Four minutes? 197 00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,279 [ Inhaling Deeply] 198 00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:53,117 Piece of cake. 199 00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:58,321 Oh, don't worry, Kitty. 200 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:01,622 A lot ofwords have two meanings. 201 00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:06,324 Like ifwe had said, "Kitty, get over here, and fast"... 202 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:09,027 do we mean "and hurry," or do we mean... 203 00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:12,832 "Kitty, get over here and don't eat for a long time"? 204 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,517 And I love these little cucumber sandwiches. 205 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,520 Really? I vote for the cheese things. 206 00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:33,820 There is no vote because there is no shower. 207 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:37,590 Um, Kitty, would you like maybe something to drink? 208 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:42,930 Or- I just juiced some cabbage. 209 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:46,096 No, thankyou. Actually, I, uh- I have to go. 210 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:50,108 I-I have, uh, to go. 211 00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:56,613 Dharma, I'm sure I'm going to regret asking this, but why areyou installing a shower? 212 00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,445 - Don't got one. - Yeah. 213 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:02,283 But she does have the bathtub from her old place in Half Moon Bay. 214 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:05,585 I gave birth to her in that tub. 215 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,126 - And that's where Gregory bathes. - [Jane ] Yep. 216 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,719 Seen it with my own eyes. 217 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,134 Why do you people live like this? 218 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,295 'Cause you can't camp on the beach anymore. 219 00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,466 Besides, Kitty, I love it here. 220 00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:25,635 I mean, I did all ofthis work myself. 221 00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:28,043 Did you know this used to be a battery factory? 222 00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:32,710 Ah! And to your credit, you've nearly disguised that fact. 223 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:37,620 Thanks. I just wish once I get this shower installed that Greg will feel more at home. 224 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,817 Soyou're doing this for Gregory? 225 00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:43,419 Yeah. I want him to feel totally comfortable. 226 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:47,364 Dharma, ifyou will indulge me in a brief outing... 227 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,901 I believe I can showyou how to make Gregory comfortable. 228 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,631 Anybody in for an outing? 229 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,639 - Sure. - Oh, bad. 230 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,198 Don't eat the beige ones. 231 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,779 [ Yelling ] 232 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:11,116 - What the hell did you do that for? - No reason. 233 00:13:11,189 --> 00:13:13,589 It's called psychological warfare, my friend. 234 00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:17,219 And now, this soldier is in your head. I own you. 235 00:13:17,295 --> 00:13:18,785 You're out ofyour mind! 236 00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:21,697 Maybe. Maybe not. Spooky, huh? 237 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,695 That's not soldiering. We're talking about actual combat. 238 00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:29,069 I'm talking about creeping up on the enemy and taking 'em out. 239 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,075 Okay. 240 00:13:32,544 --> 00:13:35,877 - You see that foursome over there? - Yeah. 241 00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,915 You see the fat guy with the bad rug? 242 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:42,283 That's Dick Lawrence. He's a cardiologist. Hey, Dick. 243 00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:45,016 Right now, he's Charlie... 244 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:48,116 and that beaver pelt on his head is goin' home in a bag. 245 00:13:49,461 --> 00:13:52,862 No, you lunatic! He's on the membership committee. 246 00:13:52,931 --> 00:13:55,923 What's the matter? Afraid I'm gonna beatyou atyour own game? 247 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:58,299 My game does not include attacking a man... 248 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:01,032 who may be blowing up balloons in my heart one day! 249 00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,973 That kind of namby-pamby attitude... 250 00:14:04,042 --> 00:14:06,010 is exactlywhy you guys lost over there. 251 00:14:06,077 --> 00:14:09,911 All right! That's it! We'll settle this thing once and for all! 252 00:14:09,981 --> 00:14:13,041 Get in the cart, Ms. Fonda! 253 00:14:16,988 --> 00:14:20,981 [Dharma Groans ] I don't know, Kitty. 254 00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:24,119 Do you really see me living in a ritzy-titzy place like this? 255 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,858 No. But let's use our imagination. 256 00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,127 You come home from work. You're exhausted. 257 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:35,106 You're in dire need of pampering, and you open your door to this! 258 00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:43,104 "Wow" is whatyou would say ifyou liked this kind ofthing. 259 00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:48,641 - Well, I mean, you're right, Dharma. This isn'tyou. - No. 260 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,520 However, theJacuzzi tub beckons. 261 00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,525 [ British Accent ] Jacuzzi? 262 00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:57,687 Just the thing to soothe me tired hump. 263 00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:04,161 Or iftheJacuzzi is occupied... 264 00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:09,674 then you can step intoyour fully appointed gourmet kitchen. 265 00:15:09,741 --> 00:15:13,734 With scope in your ridiculously large subzero refrigerator... 266 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:17,248 remove a perfectly chilled bottle ofvintage- 267 00:15:17,315 --> 00:15:21,513 - Papaya juice? - All right. 268 00:15:21,586 --> 00:15:26,182 Well, there are some lovely things here certainly... 269 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,352 but, gosh, Dharma, don'tyou think it's a little cold? 270 00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:32,055 No, no, no, no, no. She will not be cold... 271 00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:34,598 not when she is nestled... 272 00:15:34,666 --> 00:15:37,294 in front ofher Italian marble fireplace... 273 00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:42,898 sipping cocoa and gazing at the harvest moon. 274 00:15:42,974 --> 00:15:45,636 [ Chuckles ] Skylight. 275 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,737 You know, Dharma, living this far above Mother Earth... 276 00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:54,649 can permanently misalign your chakras. 277 00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:56,653 That's true. 278 00:15:56,721 --> 00:16:00,657 When your chakras are messed up, your chi just goes- [ Squeals ] 279 00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:04,753 Well, I certainly can't argue with that. 280 00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:10,062 But there are certain advantages to this elevation. 281 00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:26,707 Dharma home. 282 00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:33,881 Man, I miss having a shower. 283 00:16:33,958 --> 00:16:35,926 Hey, sorry for peeking in on ya. I got a little worried... 284 00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:37,928 afteryou were in there for half an hour. 285 00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:39,930 - That's all right. - You got a nice ass. 286 00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:47,400 - Thanks for noticing. - Here's a wacky idea. 287 00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:49,337 Why don't we stop by the hardware store on ourway home... 288 00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:51,807 pick up a shower, and install it in your apartment? 289 00:16:51,876 --> 00:16:53,537 You know how to do that? 290 00:16:53,611 --> 00:16:57,172 I worked myway through law school as a plumber's assistant. 291 00:16:57,248 --> 00:17:00,740 That's why I know a lot about plumbing and very little about law. 292 00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:02,878 You know, you could have mentioned this earlier. 293 00:17:02,954 --> 00:17:05,923 Sue me. You'll probablywin. 294 00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:11,290 Should we just go, or should we wait around for Samson and Delirious? 295 00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:16,066 Let's just go. They're two middle-aged men. 296 00:17:16,134 --> 00:17:18,068 What's the worst thing they could be doing? 297 00:17:21,873 --> 00:17:23,966 Wanna back out? 298 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,704 You think I'm scared? Hell, you're talkin' to a man... 299 00:17:26,778 --> 00:17:30,179 who watched Fantasia three times without a buddy. 300 00:17:30,248 --> 00:17:34,617 - What? - You're not the only one who has flashbacks, pal. 301 00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:37,854 Okay. Bring it in, tilt it down. 302 00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:40,220 - We got stairs. We got stairs. Careful on the stair- - What? 303 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:42,225 - All right, we're through. - Yes. 304 00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:44,625 All right. Put it down and plant it. 305 00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:52,469 What is that? 306 00:17:52,537 --> 00:17:56,268 I can't be certain, but, uh... 307 00:17:56,341 --> 00:18:00,175 it's either a shower or a writ ofhabeas corpus. 308 00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:05,615 [Screams ] 309 00:18:05,683 --> 00:18:10,484 I can't believe I'm gonna live here! 310 00:18:10,555 --> 00:18:14,821 Aah! I'm gonna have to get so much more stuffto fill this place up. 311 00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:18,920 Oh, and that, my dear child, is why God created shopping. N'estpas? 312 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:22,626 - [JacuzziJets Bubbling] - [Jane Squeals ] 313 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,692 Ridin'thejet stream! 314 00:18:28,406 --> 00:18:32,342 Excuse me. I'm going to get your friend out of the Jacuzzi while it still respects her. 315 00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:38,646 This place is huge! 316 00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:40,684 Ha! 317 00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:44,779 - Hi. - Hi. 318 00:18:44,856 --> 00:18:48,155 - Ooh. Upset. - No, Dharma. 319 00:18:48,226 --> 00:18:52,595 I just wanna make sureyou're not falling under the influence of someone who- 320 00:18:52,664 --> 00:18:57,829 How do I put this nonjudgmentally- may be evil. 321 00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:03,873 You know what, Abby? 322 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:08,641 - What? - I'm not doing this because of Kitty. 323 00:19:08,713 --> 00:19:12,149 I really, really, reallywant to live here... 324 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,208 and I know Greg would. 325 00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:17,277 Oh! 326 00:19:17,355 --> 00:19:19,289 - Okay, okay. - Come on! 327 00:19:19,357 --> 00:19:23,293 - Then I hope that you're both very happy. - Thankyou. 328 00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:24,953 - Hey, you know what? - What? 329 00:19:25,029 --> 00:19:28,021 Come here. You can help me decorate. 330 00:19:28,099 --> 00:19:32,832 [ Scoffs ] Well, I suppose some tapestries would warm the place up. 331 00:19:32,904 --> 00:19:34,838 Definitely. 332 00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:39,866 And every place that she tells you to put an ottoman, put a beanbag chair. 333 00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:41,673 You got it. 334 00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:44,442 Hey, doyou think I can barbecue in that? 335 00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:50,518 Guys, I got about two minutes offuel left. 336 00:19:50,588 --> 00:19:52,749 Ifyou're gonna jump, it's now or never. 337 00:19:52,824 --> 00:19:56,920 You know, even ifwe both jump... 338 00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:58,929 what's it really gonna prove? 339 00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:01,864 Excellent point. Why don't we go back to the clubhouse... 340 00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:03,867 and see who can drink more? 341 00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:08,134 You're on. But I gotta warn ya... 342 00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:13,166 I had my blood replaced in '7 4, and I'm not afraid to do it again. 343 00:20:15,246 --> 00:20:17,271 Greg? 344 00:20:17,348 --> 00:20:19,839 - In here. - I have killer news! 345 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,716 I saw the most ama- 346 00:20:24,122 --> 00:20:28,081 I know. Can you believe we had exactly the same idea? 347 00:20:29,193 --> 00:20:31,787 Huh? Huh? 348 00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:36,292 I did the calking and the knobs, and ran the pipes- 349 00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:39,131 - Well, Pete helped a little. - Wow! 350 00:20:39,203 --> 00:20:41,137 That must have been a lot ofwork. 351 00:20:41,205 --> 00:20:43,867 No, it was great. 352 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,502 Now I understand whyyou love this place so much. 353 00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,672 I mean, I've always lived in those sterile, modern apartments... 354 00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:52,511 where everything's just there and perfect. 355 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,553 Yeah, those perfect places. 356 00:20:56,988 --> 00:20:59,479 This place- you have to get in there... 357 00:20:59,557 --> 00:21:02,321 and put your sweat and your blood in it, and- 358 00:21:02,393 --> 00:21:05,829 - Did you cut yourself? - Yes! Several times! 359 00:21:07,398 --> 00:21:09,923 But it's okay because I live in a place... 360 00:21:10,001 --> 00:21:13,596 where I walk up steps you built, and you shower in a shower I built. 361 00:21:13,671 --> 00:21:17,107 Oh, by the way, "hot" means cold and "cold" means hot. 362 00:21:17,175 --> 00:21:19,109 Anyway, Dharma, thankyou. 363 00:21:19,177 --> 00:21:22,044 Thankyou for sharing this with me. 364 00:21:22,113 --> 00:21:26,379 This is the first place I've ever lived that feels like home. 365 00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:31,582 I love it when you just come out and say all that goopy stuff. 366 00:21:32,757 --> 00:21:34,691 So what's your good news? 367 00:21:37,695 --> 00:21:43,531 Um, a guy at Al's Hardware thought Jane and I were really English. 368 00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:46,434 That is good news. 369 00:21:46,504 --> 00:21:48,938 [ British Accent ] Hey, husband, what saywe go down... 370 00:21:49,007 --> 00:21:52,374 to the hardware store and get us a Jacuzzi? 371 00:21:52,443 --> 00:21:54,536 [ British Accent ] Happy to. 30397

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