All language subtitles for Danny.Will.Die.Alone.S02E05.Manpussy.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-Kitsune_track3_[eng]

My hole is fine. Thank
you for your concern.

Yes, my hole is whole again
after last week's misadventure.

If you will recall, I
took a different strategy

and leaned
kink-forward in the apps,

and that led to me getting
Thai bowed in the sausage oven,

so I had a leave of absence.

During that brief hiatus, I
decided to take a different tack

and render my
profile entirely PG

but include the word frisky

in the description of my
potential partner

in order to leave some
subtle indication

that surprise, surprise,

sexuality is important in
a relationship.

I know, what a shock.

That minor course correction
led to me matching with Neil.

Neil seems to have a grasp on
the right level of flirtation

to both capture and
hold my attention.

Daft at innuendo and no
stranger to the devil emoji,

he was also quick to
meet up in person,

which I always prefer over
the constant back and forth

that ultimately leads to
nudes or nowhere.

He is also hitting the right
amount of heteronomativity

that I like in a
potential match because,

despite all of the advances
that our community has made

and rejecting the
traditional gender roles

that have so often
influenced our relationships,

I still like a man that
treats me like a lady.

Now, is that an outdated
point of view?

Sure, but I am simply
too old and too tired

to acclimate myself to the
new relationship models

where I can be
completely content

dating a non-binary
pansexual from Williamsburg

named Blueberry who's
not into using labels

despite all of the labels they
use to identify themselves.

If that's your jam,
more power to you,

but as for me, I'm going
to continue to delight

in the more traditional gestures

of Neil holding the door
for me and buying me a drink

because that is how you
drop Danny's panties, folks.

So, frisky, huh?

So, that's what
stood out to you?

Uh, from your profile, yes.

Currently, what's
sticking out to me

is how that shirt of
yours accents yours tits.

Frisky enough for you?

I actually like to
refer to them as pecs.

If I have anything on my
body that resembles tits,

then I need to get into a
calorie deficit

as soon as possible.

- How was work?
- Good pivot.

Well, I had a hard time
concentrating

knowing that I was
meeting you tonight.

That's very sweet.

So, do you have any
deal breakers

you want to address up top?

Do you want kids?

Unfortunately, I'm barren.

- Oh, hostile womb.
- Hostile everything.

But just because it's futile
doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

So, you're an optimist.

But fortunately for you,
I don't want them either,

which I think is my
only deal breaker.

Then I guess it's time
start planning the wedding.

- Well, hey, fucker.
- Matty, Neil. Neil, Matty.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is it
Matthew tonight?

What's up?

Uh, just enjoying your
friend's company.

Take it you two are friends?

- No.
- Okay.

You know what?

I think I am going to
take this opportunity

to use the restroom.

Excuse me a second.
- Of course.

Well, well, well, interesting
seeing you in daylight.

You know, I do have a life
outside of your bedroom.

Sounds boring.

- Are you on a date?
- Indeed I am.

- Going well?
- I think so.

- Does he?
- Why wouldn't he?

Well, I assume at some
point you open your mouth.

I am delightful and charming,
you walking jizz factory.

Sure you are.

Sure you are.

I have half a mind to
shit on his dick.

So, your place or mine?

Well, you will be going
to your place,

and I will be going to mine.

Oh, you're not gonna let
me suck on your titties?

Not now, I'm not. Can we
please save that for date two?

Only if I can kiss
you goodnight.

Looking forward to
that second date.

See, that's how you do it.

That is how you balance
horny and restraint.

A little bit of sizzle,
a little tease,

but don't give it all
away at the start.

Why is that so hard?

I feel like any other
guy that I date

who is actually looking
for a relationship,

aside from fisty McGee, they
would've started stoning me

if I made an advance like that.

All right, all right,
this is promising.

And the best part is

I get to rub Matty's
smug little face in it.

I'm so horny.

Maybe I should have
traded nudes with Neil.

No, no, no. Good things come
to those who wait to cum.

Oh, do you want to watch
that goblin porn with me?

Dear Lord, that's a good one.
Oh, uh.

No, no, no. I must stand firm.

I can't let something
with potential

turn into another one and done.

All right, Neil.

You send me as many pictures

of that beautiful
anaconda as you want,

but you're waiting
until next time.

Well, I did
just get home,

which technically ends
our first date.

So if I came over right now,

it would technically be
our second date.

Well, you got me there.

Take your clothes off.

Oh, fuck yes, he's a dom.

He keeps getting
better and better.

Bring them to me.

Mmmm, oh my God. It's so hot.

- You want me to fuck you?
- Fuck yes, sir.

That's why I'm here, isn't it?

You wanted me to come
over and fuck you.

- Fuck, yes I did.
- Kiss me.

Oh, I could cum right now.

Go get in bed.

Oh, my God, man, make
me wait for it.

Oh my God, this is so good.
It's so good.

You going do what I tell you?

Oh, fuck yes.

You going to be a good
boy, and do what I tell you?

- Fuck yes I am.
- Say it.

Say, I'm gonna be a good boy.

I'm going do exactly
what you tell me.

Good.

Now get up on those knees,
and show me that pussy.

Okay, well, that's a bit much.

Um, I mean, I've
encountered this before.

Usually, I say shut the fuck
up before my hole seals shut.

But, I mean, this was
really hot so far.

And, I mean, I really
don't want to lose steam,

but, oh, this is just a lot.

Do you want me to
show you my ass?

No, I want you to show me

that pretty

pink

pussy.

Okay, now we're in the
realm of science fiction here

because I'm 41.

I haven't looked at
it in a while,

but I'm pretty sure it's
less pretty and pink

and more slum dog millionaire.

And why do they got to
lean on those peas?

Pretty

pink

pussy.

Pussy.

I don't think it's
unreasonable to say

that there are words I find sexy

and those I find to be a
bit much, right?

Like, if you're getting
ready to do anal,

you don't want to be like,

"Fuck yeah, put it in
my shitter."

You know, no dumper. No pooper.
Right?

I think that's fairly obvious.

And this, this is just really

on the other side of
the spectrum.

And you know what?

We can all agree,
vaginas and asses,

they're very different, right?

They have different tastes,
smells, feels,

not that I've ever done any
of that, and functions, risks.

You fuck a vagina, you
risk pregnancy.

You fuck an ass, you risk
"Shawshank Redemption".

Vaginas expel children.
Asses expel waste.

Though judging from the
children I've encountered,

it really isn't all
that different.

All right, can we, can we
negotiate this?

Can we find, like, a
happy medium?

Okay, help me workshop.

Oh, bussy is revolting.

That's just as bad as pussy.

Bagina?

No, that sounds like
my ass has a drag name.

And, oh, man-cunt sounds like
the worst Batman villain.

Tell me that's my pussy, boy.

That's your pu, pu, pu, uh,
uh, pussy.

Well, I am glad to
see you back in action.

You know, I really
hate to say it.

Like, I really hate to say it.

You're not easy to replace.

You were always so nice to me

before I let you cum inside me.

You know, I got to stop
taking on new hookup buddies.

The world's gone fucking insane.

Last night, I met up
with this dude,

and he had this machine,
and it...

It's not like Brian.
Brian's hot.

No, this machine, it like...

Would you ever let someone
implant an egg in you?

Eggs? What are we,
Mother Goose?

Yeah, it like plants
an egg in you,

and I don't even know
what it's fucking called.

Cleveland omelet?

Whatever happened to
just plain fucking?

I will remind you that
the last time you were here,

we pretended that you
put me under anesthesia.

Okay, okay, that's different.

Is it? Is it?

I don't like this
devil's advocate shit.

I prefer you to be judgmental?

Fine, he's gross. Don't
fuck chickens.

Yeah, just the pigs.

Well, I guess that
means you have come here

to fuck this pussy.

What the fuck are you
saying to me?

Can I ask you a question?

I wish you wouldn't.

Do you ever use,

like, have you ever used
feminine words during sex?

What are you talking about?

Like, would you ever,
would you call it a pussy?

You know what? This
is my fault.

I just need to expect
you not to be normal.

Can you just answer
the fucking question?

Oh, is this new guy
calling you his pussy boy?

I mean, not exactly.

You have the worst
taste in men.

Nice self-own, genius.

- Can I ask you a question?
- I wish you wouldn't.

Why do I even bother with you?

Fuck! Fuck!

Danny. Look at me. Look at me.

Oh, your eyes are so sexy.

Are you close?

- Oh, I'm going to cum.
- Wait for me. Wait for me.

Oh fuck, oh fuck!

That was incredible.

I don't...

I don't think you've
ever gone twice in a row

without a break before.

I think that's going
to be our new normal.

You're really
feeling it tonight.

I always feel it.

What time do you think it is?

Like, 10, 11.

Oh, fuck, it's almost one.

No fucking way.

That means it's been
three hours.

Would it be okay if I
spent the night?

Um, that's pretty intimate.

So is fucking for three hours.

That's pretty intimate for me.

Um, I'd kind of like
to save that.

- Okay.
- It's nothing personal.

I just, I have not slept in a
bed with anybody since my ex.

Yeah, no, it's no biggie.
It's late.

I promise it's
nothing personal.

It's fine.

We could still
cuddle if you want.

Danny, it's 1:00
a.m. I just said it's late.

Well, I don't think
10 minutes is...

Dude, I
gotta get to bed.

- Yo, yo, yo.
- Thanks. Night.

- Fuck, I want you so bad.
- I need you back inside me.

No, no, no, no.

Honey, it is so late
and I got to get back.

It takes me like an
hour to get home.

Do you want to
spend the night?

Are you sure?

- I want you so bad.
- Fuck yes.

Do you have a chance to prepare?

Right before dinner.

Good. Now get in bed and
give me that delicious cunt.

What?

Can we talk about
something for a minute?

Sure.

So, sex with you
is incredible.

10 out of 10, no notes.

It's just that, I mean, you're
very verbal, which I like.

You know, super hot.

It's that you have
referred to...

And you know what? No
judgment, no judgment.

You tend to feminize my parts.

You don't like that?

Well, it's just that this
all identifies as masculine.

You know, it's pronouns
are ass, butt, hole,

and if you're feeling
saucy, Eye of Sauron.

So when you refer to it as a...

When you feminize it,
it's just very jarring.

Okay, well I can try and
back off of it,

but it is kind of part
of my sex brain.

Is it too much to ask why?

Well, I think that I like to
um... separate

the functions of our bodies.

Say more.

Well, an ass is for certain,
you know, biological things.

So, when I have to top,

then I like to sort of
put those things aside.

So, when we're not
fucking it's a butt,

but when we are, it's a pussy.

A butt is for other things,
and a pussy is for me to...

uh, fuck.

Does that make any sense?

You know what? It
kind of does.

Now, I don't have any
problems differentiating,

but then again, I'm not
usually the top

that's gotta stick my
dick in there.

But, yeah, I think I can
get down with it.

Guys, I'm growing as a person.

I am as surprised as you
are. All right, I get it.

Is that okay?

I actually think so.

Now it's gonna be a while

before I can say that
kind of shit back to you,

but I can roll with it.

Thank you.

Thank you for taking the
time to explain that to me.

It actually really helped.

Good, because I cannot wait
to tear those clothes off

and watch you spread
those pussy lips.

Okay, can we lean
into that slowly?

Yeah.

It's funny, isn't it,

how something that I
found utterly revolting

was suddenly palatable once
I asked for an explanation?

I mean, he was
vulnerable with me,

and I think that brought
us closer together.

Sometimes, I forget that
people are different.

I know, that's an obvious point.

But I think we all
believe that people

are going to behave exactly
the same way that we do.

That, you know, whatever's
going on in our heads

is the norm and anything else
is a deviation therefrom.

Plus, you know, relationships
require compromise.

So why would I let something
as silly as a word choice

get in the way of something

that otherwise has some
really great potential?

Can I walk you to the subway?

Oh, how gentlemanly of you.

Let me change. I
will be quick.

Oh, no rush at all.

I just need to pee-pee
and poopy first.

Yeah, this is over.

♪ Woke up first as I sleep

♪ Made the coffee 'cause
you're sweet as pie ♪

♪ When I wake I see that
you're dressed ♪

♪ And I think, oh baby, why

♪ 'Cause I'm lying
here and erect ♪

♪ In our bed waiting for you ♪

♪ I do not know what else
you'd expect ♪

♪ When you look the way you do

♪ The way you do

♪ You say you wanna
catch a flick ♪

♪ See the ladies pick

♪ But what if you
got this dick ♪

♪ I'm about to stab you and I
would just stay in the bed ♪

♪ It's a lazy Saturday

♪ And the cats away

♪ So I think that the
mice shall play ♪

♪ So what if instead you and
I would just stay in bed ♪

♪ You say it's cabin fever
you want to go out ♪