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1
00:00:02,931 --> 00:00:04,206
- I'm glad you decided to
2
00:00:04,206 --> 00:00:05,517
invite me over, Danny.
3
00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:07,689
Me too.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,206
You don't have to be nervous, bud.
5
00:00:11,206 --> 00:00:12,689
You know you can trust me.
6
00:00:13,655 --> 00:00:14,448
I know.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:15,931
Good,
8
00:00:15,931 --> 00:00:19,241
and you also know you've been
my favorite player all season.
9
00:00:19,241 --> 00:00:21,413
I've really enjoyed
getting to know you,
10
00:00:22,103 --> 00:00:23,448
and if I can say so,
11
00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:26,068
I'm here because I want
us to be even closer.
12
00:00:28,689 --> 00:00:29,586
You do, coach?
13
00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:31,344
Very much so.
14
00:00:32,586 --> 00:00:36,000
It feels like that might be
something you're into too.
15
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,827
It's okay. It's okay.
16
00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:40,034
It's very natural.
17
00:00:40,724 --> 00:00:42,379
Here.
18
00:00:43,034 --> 00:00:45,000
I feel exactly the same way.
19
00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:56,206
I've never done anything
like this before, coach.
20
00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:58,551
That's okay. I can teach you.
21
00:00:59,724 --> 00:01:01,655
You ready, bud?
22
00:01:01,655 --> 00:01:02,551
I think so.
23
00:01:03,275 --> 00:01:05,344
Will it hurt, coach?
24
00:01:05,344 --> 00:01:08,448
Maybe a little at first,
25
00:01:08,448 --> 00:01:11,172
but I promise it's
gonna feel so good.
26
00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:14,517
Just breathe. I'll go slow.
27
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,793
Are you sure you've
never done this before?
28
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:31,931
No. I'm really happy my
first time can be with you.
29
00:01:31,931 --> 00:01:34,103
'Cause that went in real easy.
30
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,551
No comedy!
31
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:39,965
Good game, kid.
32
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:47,103
I reject your judgment.
33
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:49,103
Look, I've had a lot of
sex in my life.
34
00:01:49,103 --> 00:01:52,344
Like, too much sex. Like,
a criminal amount of sex.
35
00:01:52,344 --> 00:01:54,172
So, at this point, I gotta
play some games
36
00:01:54,172 --> 00:01:56,137
to keep things interesting,
37
00:01:56,137 --> 00:01:57,724
and at least this time
when I'm being molested,
38
00:01:57,724 --> 00:01:58,965
I'm actually having a good time.
39
00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:00,793
So, Yahtzee.
40
00:02:01,965 --> 00:02:03,931
Oh, I can already see the
comments below.
41
00:02:03,931 --> 00:02:07,310
See, he's a groomer. He's
doing a grooming fantasy.
42
00:02:07,310 --> 00:02:10,310
He's practicing for when
he comes after our kids,
43
00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:12,689
to which I say, one,
it's very likely
44
00:02:12,689 --> 00:02:14,689
that anything that comes
from your gene pool
45
00:02:14,689 --> 00:02:16,206
is too ugly for me to fuck,
46
00:02:16,206 --> 00:02:18,206
and, two, the only thing
gay people groom
47
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,620
are your farm-hand housewives
48
00:02:19,620 --> 00:02:22,137
so they don't look like corn
husks coming down the aisle.
49
00:02:22,137 --> 00:02:23,206
You're welcome.
50
00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:26,827
For the life of me, I
will never understand
51
00:02:26,827 --> 00:02:28,758
how anyone could wanna put
their dick in something
52
00:02:28,758 --> 00:02:31,758
with painted claws and their
nuts sack on their chest.
53
00:02:31,758 --> 00:02:33,068
Gross!
54
00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:36,241
And furthermore, before
you judge my fantasy life,
55
00:02:36,241 --> 00:02:39,448
I'm gonna need to see how
many times the words, oh,
56
00:02:39,448 --> 00:02:42,793
barely legal hot stepmom
and cheerleader
57
00:02:42,793 --> 00:02:44,310
appear in your PornHub searches.
58
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:45,551
'cause it's the same
fucking thing,
59
00:02:45,551 --> 00:02:47,482
so you can eat a dick and die.
60
00:02:48,827 --> 00:02:50,344
Like, I think we all know by now
61
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:53,413
that the straight politician
who's wildly homophobic
62
00:02:53,413 --> 00:02:55,551
is probably in an airport
bathroom somewhere
63
00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:58,724
sucking anonymous dicks,
so it seems to me that
64
00:02:58,724 --> 00:03:01,862
anyone who's calling a
queer person a groomer
65
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:03,965
is probably the type
that hugs their nieces
66
00:03:03,965 --> 00:03:05,413
just a little bit too long.
67
00:03:05,413 --> 00:03:06,310
You know what I mean?
68
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,827
The thing is
69
00:03:07,827 --> 00:03:10,000
I think my fantasy life
is about to be put on hold
70
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,758
because I'm on my way to my
fourth date with Christopher,
71
00:03:12,758 --> 00:03:14,793
and I'm pretty sure
he's gonna ask me to be
72
00:03:14,793 --> 00:03:15,827
his monogamous boyfriend.
73
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,241
He's very handsome,
he's a doctor,
74
00:03:20,275 --> 00:03:22,448
and I do enjoy every
moment I spend with him,
75
00:03:22,448 --> 00:03:25,586
so I think I'm gonna go for it.
76
00:03:26,655 --> 00:03:28,931
The sex is good, just a
little vanilla,
77
00:03:28,931 --> 00:03:32,517
and while our candid
conversations about fantasy
78
00:03:32,517 --> 00:03:35,137
have revealed that he's not
necessarily disinterested,
79
00:03:35,137 --> 00:03:36,379
he is a bit of a novice,
80
00:03:36,379 --> 00:03:39,241
so I'm probably gonna
have some training to do,
81
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,241
but that shit's important to me.
82
00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:44,275
So it's gotta get there
or it's not gonna work,
83
00:03:44,275 --> 00:03:46,620
because I don't want an
open relationship,
84
00:03:46,620 --> 00:03:49,068
so that means Chris eventually
has to take the place of
85
00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:52,862
my current doctor, coach,
therapist, dad,
86
00:03:52,862 --> 00:03:55,896
boss, other dad,
87
00:03:55,896 --> 00:03:58,758
uncle, other uncle, sir,
88
00:03:58,758 --> 00:04:03,137
professor, landscaper, friend
from the war, camp counselor,
89
00:04:03,137 --> 00:04:08,517
stepdad, physical therapist,
masseuse, and other other dad.
90
00:04:10,034 --> 00:04:11,275
My life is very full,
91
00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:14,275
and, yeah, I know I just
fucked someone
92
00:04:14,275 --> 00:04:15,896
before going on a date
with someone else,
93
00:04:15,896 --> 00:04:18,000
but I'm single, so I could
literally suck a dick
94
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,793
on my way to the date and
still be well within my rights,
95
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:24,586
but I would never do
that 'cause I have class.
96
00:04:27,793 --> 00:04:29,758
This was incredible.
97
00:04:30,965 --> 00:04:32,689
You are incredible.
98
00:04:33,551 --> 00:04:35,000
I'm something, all right.
99
00:04:36,517 --> 00:04:40,965
So I want to ask you
100
00:04:40,965 --> 00:04:42,000
something important.
101
00:04:42,689 --> 00:04:43,655
Told you.
102
00:04:43,655 --> 00:04:48,034
I want to talk about
where this is going.
103
00:04:48,034 --> 00:04:49,862
I think it's going
really well.
104
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:50,896
Me too.
105
00:04:50,896 --> 00:04:54,551
So, what do you think about
106
00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:57,620
making things official?
107
00:04:58,620 --> 00:04:59,586
Oh, fuck.
108
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:02,758
No, no, no, that's
not a no. It's not a no.
109
00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:07,965
It's just, look, I have
been pleasantly surprised
110
00:05:09,034 --> 00:05:11,586
with how well we get along
111
00:05:11,586 --> 00:05:13,862
and how much I look forward
to spending time with you
112
00:05:13,862 --> 00:05:16,793
and how much I enjoy
spending time with you.
113
00:05:16,793 --> 00:05:18,965
I mean, we like the
same kind of food.
114
00:05:18,965 --> 00:05:20,482
We hate the same kind of people.
115
00:05:20,482 --> 00:05:22,310
People who believe
in the COVID vaccine
116
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,137
but also somehow astrology.
117
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:27,103
Ugh, thank you, but
118
00:05:28,655 --> 00:05:33,172
I think there is one area that
we need to explore a bit more
119
00:05:33,172 --> 00:05:37,000
before I'm ready to make,
like, that kind of commitment.
120
00:05:39,344 --> 00:05:40,413
Oh.
121
00:05:41,137 --> 00:05:42,000
I see.
122
00:05:43,448 --> 00:05:46,655
So, how about
123
00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:48,827
we start exploring that tonight?
124
00:05:51,034 --> 00:05:52,275
Oh?
125
00:05:52,275 --> 00:05:56,379
I mean, I've never done
anything like that before,
126
00:05:56,379 --> 00:05:59,482
but it does sound exciting.
127
00:05:59,482 --> 00:06:02,137
Listen, it's all just fun.
128
00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:04,724
Whatever happens happens,
and if it all falls apart,
129
00:06:04,724 --> 00:06:08,206
we just have a good
old regular time, okay?
130
00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:09,724
There is never any pressure.
131
00:06:10,586 --> 00:06:13,241
All right, so
what's like a good
132
00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:14,896
beginner-level game to play?
133
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:22,137
Well, we could just
stick close to home.
134
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:30,068
I think it's time that
I saw a doctor.
135
00:06:37,275 --> 00:06:38,137
Danny.
136
00:06:40,655 --> 00:06:42,758
Yeah. Nice to meet you.
137
00:06:43,896 --> 00:06:46,586
I'm afraid I have some
difficult news for you.
138
00:06:49,827 --> 00:06:50,965
Unfortunately,
139
00:06:53,517 --> 00:06:56,206
Danny, I'm sorry to say
that she didn't make it.
140
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:58,000
There was nothing
that we could do.
141
00:06:58,931 --> 00:06:59,896
She?
142
00:06:59,896 --> 00:07:00,482
Your mother.
143
00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:06,655
Unfortunately, as she was
being, well, violated,
144
00:07:06,655 --> 00:07:09,517
there was extended
pressure on her larynx
145
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:12,517
and her brain just went
too long without oxygen,
146
00:07:12,517 --> 00:07:14,034
but, fortunately,
147
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:17,206
the police have taken Mr.
Rodriguez into custody.
148
00:07:18,413 --> 00:07:21,724
There will be justice, Danny.
149
00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:28,000
Okay, so walk me through
your thought process there
150
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,068
and specifically why
the rapist was Hispanic.
151
00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:34,931
Oh, okay, so I thought,
like, if I were an ER doctor,
152
00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:37,620
then I could give you some,
like, really traumatic news
153
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:39,689
and that makes you vulnerable,
154
00:07:39,689 --> 00:07:43,137
and then I could, like, find
a way to console you, huh?
155
00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:45,620
Okay, so A for effort.
156
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:50,379
So the reason that doctor
is like a go-to fantasy
157
00:07:50,379 --> 00:07:52,689
is because there are
plenty of reasons
158
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:55,689
why the patient would
have to get naked
159
00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:58,551
and the doctor examine him.
160
00:07:58,551 --> 00:08:00,034
Right. Gotcha.
161
00:08:00,034 --> 00:08:00,758
Gotcha. Yeah.
162
00:08:00,758 --> 00:08:02,034
Let's take it from the top.
163
00:08:02,034 --> 00:08:02,931
Yes!
164
00:08:12,965 --> 00:08:14,034
Danny?
165
00:08:14,034 --> 00:08:16,586
Uh, yeah, that's me.
Nice to meet you.
166
00:08:16,586 --> 00:08:17,793
You as well,
167
00:08:20,137 --> 00:08:22,896
though I wish it were
under better circumstances.
168
00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:28,000
Uh, oh, yeah, me too.
169
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:31,758
So before they go ahead and
take a statement from you,
170
00:08:31,758 --> 00:08:33,034
I am going to go ahead
171
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:36,689
and perform the exam for
your rape kit.
172
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:45,241
Okay, so I feel like
173
00:08:45,241 --> 00:08:49,793
critiquing him right now
would be pretty damaging, so
174
00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:54,137
I guess I'm gonna have
to win a fucking Oscar.
175
00:08:57,931 --> 00:08:58,862
Okay.
176
00:09:00,137 --> 00:09:01,034
Wow.
177
00:09:02,689 --> 00:09:04,000
They really messed you up.
178
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,827
They?
179
00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:08,689
Well, you said that there
were about eight of them, right?
180
00:09:09,310 --> 00:09:10,413
Honestly, it looks like
181
00:09:10,413 --> 00:09:12,724
they had two to three
in you at once.
182
00:09:14,689 --> 00:09:16,413
I probably shouldn't be
telling you this,
183
00:09:16,413 --> 00:09:19,379
but you're not the first
victim of a Dominican rape gang
184
00:09:19,379 --> 00:09:20,827
I've seen this week.
185
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:25,137
Fortunately, you are
practically leaking with DNA,
186
00:09:26,448 --> 00:09:30,206
so I bet this is gonna
be an open and shut case.
187
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,206
Okay, so how about we
reset from like right here?
188
00:09:34,206 --> 00:09:35,310
You wanna stop?
189
00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:36,379
I just think we can make it
190
00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:38,206
a little less complicated, right?
191
00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:42,000
Let's pick up from here,
but let's just say that
192
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,310
you're doing my annual
prostate exam.
193
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,965
Oh, that's good.
194
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:49,965
Yes, very simple, with
100% less rape.
195
00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:54,482
So you're gonna do the exam
and I'm gonna start to like it.
196
00:09:54,482 --> 00:09:55,310
Perfect.
197
00:09:55,310 --> 00:10:00,241
Okay.
198
00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:03,862
Oh, oof.
- Okay.
199
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:11,068
Everything feel all right?
200
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:14,517
Everything feels great.
I'm just being thorough.
201
00:10:14,517 --> 00:10:15,862
I appreciate that.
202
00:10:17,413 --> 00:10:20,000
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
203
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,413
I can't help it.
204
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,448
Well, it's perfectly natural.
205
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:28,689
In fact, most people
really enjoy this.
206
00:10:32,206 --> 00:10:35,793
Does that feel okay if
I go a little deeper?
207
00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:37,896
Oh, yeah.
That feels real good, doc.
208
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:41,172
Oh.
209
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:42,068
Oh?
210
00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:44,551
I feel something.
211
00:10:44,551 --> 00:10:48,172
Yeah, maybe you need
to use something bigger
212
00:10:48,172 --> 00:10:50,448
for a more thorough exam.
213
00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:51,551
Maybe.
214
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:55,344
I mean, it feels
pretty terminal.
215
00:10:56,758 --> 00:10:59,275
I was trying to get you
into a vulnerable position!
216
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:01,862
Your fingers were in my
hole. I was plenty vulnerable.
217
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,103
I thought that this was
supposed to be no
218
00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:04,827
pressure and fun
219
00:11:04,827 --> 00:11:06,275
because it seems like you have
220
00:11:06,275 --> 00:11:09,758
a lot of really
specific expectations,
221
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:11,965
and that is pressure, Danny.
222
00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:13,862
Yeah.
I have specific expectations.
223
00:11:13,862 --> 00:11:15,620
Those are no ass cancer,
224
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:17,241
and neither my mother
nor I get raped.
225
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:19,034
Also, why are all the
villains Hispanic?
226
00:11:19,034 --> 00:11:20,586
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
227
00:11:20,586 --> 00:11:22,379
This doctor thing is
clearly not working.
228
00:11:22,379 --> 00:11:23,413
You think?
229
00:11:23,413 --> 00:11:25,103
Why don't we just
get real simple,
230
00:11:25,103 --> 00:11:28,206
something where we don't
even really have to talk
231
00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:30,482
and we could both just
be in our heads?
232
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,551
So, what,
233
00:11:31,551 --> 00:11:32,586
like a masseuse?
- Like a mortician.
234
00:11:32,586 --> 00:11:33,793
What now?
235
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:35,758
You go in and you lie
down on the table.
236
00:11:35,758 --> 00:11:38,068
I'll come in and
perform the autopsy,
237
00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:39,758
and I'll get really turned on.
238
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,379
This is not going to work.
239
00:11:47,172 --> 00:11:51,310
Hey, doc, I'm sorry for
calling so late. Are you free?
240
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,000
I'm okay.
241
00:11:56,517 --> 00:12:00,931
I just saw a specialist who
thinks I have prostate cancer,
242
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:03,793
but, I mean, I'd
really love for you
243
00:12:03,793 --> 00:12:05,448
to give me a second opinion.
244
00:12:06,448 --> 00:12:07,310
Can you come over?
245
00:12:08,793 --> 00:12:10,000
Oh, just go with it.
17719
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