Original subtitles

Third date bitches.

Hence the more casual attire.

Met Jason over here at CrossFit.

I usually don't talk to anybody at CrossFit

because I find the toxic masculinity rampant

in here revolting, but if anybody does get through my

"Don't you fucking dare talk to me" aura;

I will at least be pleasant.

I think you could lift more weight than that.

Yeah, but I don't have anything to prove to my father.

Oh boy.

If it's an issue with your forearms,

you should try a hook grip.

Oh, just what I love; unsolicited mansplaining.

'Cause clearly, it's no issue with your legs or glutes.

No, it's actually my lower back.

I get a little twinge and so I'd rather not,

did he just say I have a nice ass?

Why are you looking at my glutes, bro?

This way you can move the bar

with more security and move some heavier weight.

Oh, so like, grip it like I'm masturbating.

I mean, I think I know where you're going with that,

but personally I can't relate

because I've never met anyone

who can fit their whole hands around mine.

Bless.

You undo all the work we just did by drinking that.

It's a protein shake.

I'm getting games, bruh.

It's practically a peanut butter ice cream sundae.

Yeah, and that's practically a salad.

- Yes, a healthy salad. - Liquid salad's gross.

I mean, if you have any complaints

on how this is impacting my body, I'm happy to take them.

- No complaints here. - Right, so shut up.

Don't you see fat people walking sometimes

and you just want to punch them in the back

of the head for moving so slow?

No!

Uh, well, imagine how people must feel about your cock,

from what I'm told.

I mean, I'd invite you to find out,

but considering the repartee we have going on here,

maybe we should get dinner a couple of times

and see if we actually like each other.

Well, I am free this weekend

and I already gave you my number.

Perfect.

Hey, remember it's 2022.

People aren't jerks anymore; no, no, no.

We have to understand where people are coming from.

You know; be better, do the work.

I mean, he's obviously got body image issues,

which he's projecting onto people who have a body image

that he's deathly afraid of becoming.

So, you know, I can't just dismiss him summarily

for one shitty comment.

You know, I've gotta,

I gotta meet him where he is, with empathy.

I wanna see it!

I wanna see it.

- Sorry. - If you were this late

to CrossFit, they would not let you in.

Some kid jumped the turnstile on the NW, so I got delayed.

He jumped the turnstile

and then like, in front of the train?

No, I was just having a hard time

finding a station attendant who actually cared.

But then I found a cop who just took it from there.

You narc'd on someone who jumped a turnstile?

Have you seen how bad the crime rate has gotten

in New York City since the pandemic?

I mean, I have failed to learn

about the great turnstile epidemic.

Giuliani may be a shit show now,

but he was the best mayor this town has ever had.

I'm a lifelong New Yorker, okay?

I know, and his whole thing was law and order.

You've got to have law

and you've got to have order.

Preferably with Mariska Hargitay.

His whole theory was

that if you let somebody break a small rule,

they're just gonna end up breaking bigger rules.

You have to crack down hard at the beginning

or the city just becomes chaos.

Yeah, I mean, I guess I have seen the research

that links turnstile jumping

as the gateway crime to mass homicide.

I know you're joking,

but really, you should do the research.

Seriously, you're better than these leftist talking points.

I have a Rogan episode that walks through the whole thing.

I'll send it to you.

Can't wait.

Are you familiar with Ben Shapiro?

Personally? No.

His very public transphobic bigotry?

Mhm.

That is an oversimplification

of a legitimate point he has.

I mean, you may disagree with it.

It's like what they did to JK Rowling.

Did you actually read what she wrote?

Not just the press coverage of it?

You think Biden's gonna run again?

I mean, I hate Trump,

but I don't think I could ever vote for Kamala.

You just can't help yourself, can you?

You can't help but evade the subject

whenever it comes up. - It doesn't come up.

You bring it up and I'm pretty sure you know

that I disagree with you on those things.

And the fact that you avoid the subject

tells me that your arguments hold no water.

You'll do better.

You're not dumb, I have faith.

You wanna watch something?

Yes, I think changing the subject

will increase the chances of me seeing your cock tonight.

I'm surprised you haven't seen it

because it has become more visible

in the last couple of minutes.

Oh, he would get hard from this!

These Federal Society faggots,

they always find me.

I don't think I can fuck this guy anymore!

Seriously, you'd vote for Kamala?

Please stop talking.

I would vote for a democratic cheese sandwich

over the alternative.

I mean,

if that's the two party system, that's pretty sad.

I cannot overstate how nice his dick is.

Just promise me that you'll vote for Buttigieg if he runs.

I'm sure if he's the candidate,

but I don't particularly like him.

What?

You won't support a gay candidate?

I don't care that he's gay.

I care that his core political philosophy

seems to be, "Become president."

Oh, so you like authenticity.

Yeah! Yes, yes, yes!

I really gotta get you into Ben Shapiro.

He's a bigot!

Yeah, right there.

Oh yeah. Oh, I'm so close.

So close. Oh, I'm close!

Alright, well now that I've gotten what I want

and he's released his floodgates;

I will now release the floodgates

that have been keeping the full brunt

of my personality at bay for the last several weeks,

and give him the piece of my mind

that he deserves.

I think I'm gonna head out.

I'm not in a rush.

I- - This was fun, really.

But I don't think we're a good match.

- Oh, well, yeah, but- - I'll see you around.

Also not voting for Buttigieg,

doesn't that kind of make you the bigot?

Ah!

Oh!

It was still worth it.