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1
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:05,005
Oh my god, guys.
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,268
I am obsessed with
this new podcast.
3
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:08,399
It's called "Pool."
4
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,662
Each episode highlights
a different community
5
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,490
pool in the Toronto Metro Area.
6
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,753
I just started a
podcast called "Will."
7
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:17,408
Two middle-aged lawyers
named Will read the wills
8
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:19,019
of other men named Will.
9
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:20,020
What about you, Amy?
10
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,196
What podcasts are
you listening to?
11
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,720
Actually, I'm not
really into podcasts.
12
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,462
Surely, you listen
to Marc Maron's "WTF,"
13
00:00:27,592 --> 00:00:29,768
a serious look at the
comedy makers of today.
14
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:30,639
No.
15
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:33,163
I-- I prefer music.
16
00:00:33,294 --> 00:00:37,080
Um, we're all pod
people here, Amy.
17
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,517
I thought you were, too.
18
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,824
We don't like to be alone
with our own thoughts.
19
00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,261
We like a dry, low
quality recording
20
00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:47,656
of someone else's thoughts
stuffed into our brains
21
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:49,049
Yeah.
22
00:00:49,179 --> 00:00:50,920
What you just described
is exactly why
23
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,357
I don't like podcasts.
24
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:55,403
That's too bad because
you're in one right now.
25
00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:56,665
Hello.
26
00:00:56,795 --> 00:00:58,406
And welcome to
podcast, the podcast
27
00:00:58,536 --> 00:01:00,147
where we go to parties
and record conversations
28
00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:01,017
about podcasts.
29
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,192
Hi, Amy.
30
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,020
You monster.
31
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:05,456
Who would ever listen to that?
32
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:06,979
Someone will listen.
33
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,852
Someone's always listening.
34
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:19,383
Ira Glass.
35
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:22,778
Act one, a woman
attends a party.
36
00:01:22,908 --> 00:01:23,605
MailChimp.
37
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,998
MailChimp.
38
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,305
Sarah Koenig.
39
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:31,178
The Radio Lab.
40
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:34,746
Act two, the woman
listens to podcasts.
41
00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:37,053
Stamps.com.
42
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,881
Feed me, Father Nerdist.
43
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:42,189
Act three, the woman
becomes one of us.
44
00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,719
I love Serial.
45
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:53,939
Season two is not as good but
I'm going to stick with it.
46
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,289
No.
47
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,856
Podcast are just dry
out nerds reading
48
00:01:57,987 --> 00:02:02,034
their PowerPoint Presentations
about history and true crime.
49
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,428
I'll never be a pod person.
50
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:06,300
Never.
51
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:07,170
Never.
52
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:18,616
6th Ave and 15th
Street, please.
53
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,662
OK.
54
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:21,532
MARC MARON [ON
Hey, folks.
55
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:22,925
Maron here.
56
00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,535
And on today's "WTF,"
we're going to be
57
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,885
listening to me play guitar.
58
00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:29,801
Act four, there's no escape.
59
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,028
Hi.
60
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,160
Welcome to "Never
Seen It," where
61
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,031
we take a popular movie
that we've never seen
62
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,075
and try to guess
what it's about.
63
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,642
I'm Glenn.
64
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:46,992
And today, I'm here with
Andrew, Celeste, and Matt.
65
00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,343
And they have never seen the
movie "The Fault In Our Stars."
66
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:55,087
What do you know
about this movie?
67
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:56,611
Oh, boy.
68
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:59,222
Ugh, I do know it's
about cancer kids in love.
69
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:00,571
It's about something
about cancer.
70
00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,921
I don't know if both
kids have cancer,
71
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,358
but definitely,
one of them does.
72
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,098
You guys think both
of them have cancer?
73
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:07,491
- I do.
- OK.
74
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:08,362
Yeah, who--
75
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:09,972
In our stars.
76
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,408
Oh.
77
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,889
You've just got
a touch of cancer.
78
00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:16,283
Who are the main
characters in this movie?
79
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:17,545
Shailene Woodley.
80
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,111
Do you know what her
character's name is?
81
00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:23,246
It's got to be like a cool
off-kilter name, like Char,
82
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:27,729
So these two lead characters,
Char, and what was the-- what
83
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,600
did you say the guy's name was?
- Like, Dylan.
84
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:30,558
Yeah.
Let's say Dylan.
85
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:31,602
It's like a
classic hot guy name.
86
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:32,777
I'm Hazel.
87
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:34,562
I'm Augustus Waters.
88
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:36,564
In the big crux of this
movie, a big part of this movie
89
00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:38,087
is that they take a trip.
90
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,611
So where do you think they go,
and what do you think they do?
91
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,831
They probably have been told,
you can't go on a big trip.
92
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,093
Like, you have to get better.
93
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,574
But they're like, no, YOLO.
94
00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:47,618
And then they go.
95
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:48,576
Oh, yeah.
96
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,665
They say YOLO a
bunch of this movie
97
00:03:50,795 --> 00:03:52,493
because this movie was
written like two years ago
98
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:53,537
when YOLO was hot.
99
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:54,756
And they were like,
YOLO, YOLO, YOLO.
100
00:03:54,886 --> 00:03:55,626
Yeah, yeah.
101
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,762
So Anne Frank plays a
big role in this movie.
102
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:01,632
Oh.
103
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,808
What?
104
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,767
Why?
105
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,464
What role--
106
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:08,944
Why does this have to have
the Holocaust and cancer?
107
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,119
Yeah.
108
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,686
It's like choose one.
109
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,644
I think that's like one of
the rules of filmmaking.
110
00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:14,515
Choose one.
111
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:15,690
Choose one.
112
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:18,562
She reads the diary of
Anne Frank for school.
113
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:19,868
That's what I'm going to say.
114
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,525
Char and Dylan have a friend.
115
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:27,832
So this friend actually loses
something very important
116
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:28,790
during the movie.
117
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:29,921
What is this?
118
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:32,576
Virginity.
119
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:34,709
Yeah, I think
that's what it is too.
120
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,406
It's the most important thing
you can lose in high school,
121
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:37,842
maybe.
122
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:38,974
In high school, people were
talking about their V cards
123
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:40,280
all the time.
124
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:42,456
You got to lose it.
125
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:43,848
I'm blind, but
I'm not that blind.
126
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,720
Willem Dafoe is in this movie.
127
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,112
The Goblin?
128
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:50,594
Itsy bitsy spider
went up the water spout.
129
00:04:50,725 --> 00:04:54,163
Willem Dafoe plays a pretty
large role in this film.
130
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,382
So he's the Green Goblin.
131
00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,209
He's the bad doctor.
132
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,559
Is he the villain?
133
00:04:58,689 --> 00:04:59,429
Wait, is he--
134
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:00,343
I'm not gonna answer that.
135
00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:01,779
cancer personified?
136
00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:02,824
Oh.
137
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:10,745
Char and Dylan actually
have a little thing
138
00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:12,050
they say to each other.
139
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,748
What do you think that might be?
140
00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,315
YOLO.
141
00:05:15,445 --> 00:05:16,185
I think it's--
142
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:17,055
It's YOLO?
143
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:18,579
Hang in there, buddy.
144
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,583
Hang on, Mary Jane!
145
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,976
I want you guys to describe
the scene with the eggs,
146
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:27,718
if you can imagine
what the egg scene is.
147
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,198
OK.
148
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:34,638
So they're in the kitchen
where you keep eggs.
149
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,814
And they're trying
to bake something.
150
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:39,339
Chard drops one.
151
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:42,211
And it's like a
fragility of life.
152
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,780
And then he's like, hey,
it's not that serious.
153
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:46,868
And he drops an egg.
154
00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:47,782
Yes.
155
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:49,653
And then she
drops another egg,
156
00:05:49,784 --> 00:05:53,657
and then they end up wasting
the entire dozen eggs.
157
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:56,878
And they're laughing and
they're having a good time.
158
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:59,794
And then William Dafoe walks
in and he's like, what?
159
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:02,231
It's Willem Dafoe.
160
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:02,840
I'm not going to say that.
161
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,888
I'm so sorry to say
this, but you lost.
162
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,063
Oh.
163
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,456
I'm not suppressed.
164
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:10,979
Yeah, I was expecting that.
165
00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:13,198
Have you ever stopped to ask
yourself why you care so much
166
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,025
about your silly questions?
167
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,810
Go yourself.
168
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:19,117
The general idea of the
movie you kind of got right,
169
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:21,990
but all of the specifics
were absolutely incorrect.
170
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,121
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
171
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:23,992
Absolutely.
172
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:33,262
Welcome.
173
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,394
Hey, how's it going?
174
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:35,569
- Hey, Judah, how are you doing?
- I'm Chad.
175
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:36,570
Nice to meet you.
- Allie.
176
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,049
Good to see you.
My name is Judah.
177
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:41,575
I'm not only the world champion,
but I am an internationally
178
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:43,751
renowned love expert.
179
00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:46,754
So, did you guys meet in
real life or in-person?
180
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,063
We met through a friend.
181
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:53,543
OK, I call that real life.
182
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:57,547
Ask
him what did he think
183
00:06:57,678 --> 00:06:59,070
the moment he laid eyes on her?
184
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:00,855
Well, I thought she
was really pretty.
185
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:01,725
That's for sure.
186
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:02,987
She is.
187
00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,293
You guys are a good
looking couple.
188
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,250
Well-done.
- Thank you.
189
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:06,295
Pittsburgh has
good looking people.
190
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,339
All right, so
ask them4 how long
191
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:08,776
have they been together now?
192
00:07:08,906 --> 00:07:11,039
Now, how long have
you two been together?
193
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:14,259
Well, we've been together for
four, going on five months now.
194
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,391
Yeah.
Cool.
195
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:16,523
How many kids do you have?
196
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:17,524
None.
197
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:18,742
OK.
198
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:20,831
Hold on, the cops are here.
199
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,006
They might need me for backup.
200
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:22,877
Hold on a second.
201
00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,272
Like, what about your parents?
202
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,665
What do your parents
think of each other?
203
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:30,711
My mom went on a date
with him not too long ago.
204
00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:32,190
- Yeah, we went shopping.
- Like, she took him out.
205
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,104
We like, went shopping.
206
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,628
This is getting
really kinky now.
207
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:35,890
Hold on a second.
208
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,547
You guys been
going out for five months.
209
00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,418
You seem like you're
perfect for each other.
210
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:45,552
But I want to know,
like, how much
211
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:48,424
and how well do you
really know each other?
212
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,034
So what are you doing
five years from now?
213
00:07:50,165 --> 00:07:51,079
Are you married?
214
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:51,993
Do you have kids?
215
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,211
If so, how many?
216
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,823
And where are you living?
217
00:07:55,953 --> 00:07:58,216
Chad's actually counting
on his fingers, five years.
218
00:07:58,347 --> 00:07:59,391
So this is interesting.
219
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,785
To interpret these
results, I'm actually
220
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:04,048
going to bring in a
colleague of mine who I
221
00:08:04,179 --> 00:08:06,355
trained at the Love Institute.
222
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,226
So he's going to be
joining us in a second.
223
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:09,489
He might be a little
intimidating first,
224
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,403
but he's an expert
at what he does.
225
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:12,579
Well-done.
Here I come.
226
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:13,493
This is Alec.
227
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:14,406
How are you?
228
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:15,799
My god.
229
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:16,931
You want me in or out?
You want to be a--
230
00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:18,236
You stay.
231
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:18,498
You want some
alone time with them?
232
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:19,542
OK.
233
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:20,761
We can't-- I can't
do this a little.
234
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:23,546
OK, reveal.
235
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,722
Yes,
you're married.
236
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:27,202
He says, not married.
237
00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:29,204
I mean, you didn't say
anything about kids.
238
00:08:29,334 --> 00:08:30,727
So right away, we know you're
not a very good listener.
239
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,077
Is he a bad listener?
240
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:36,037
Is that one of maybe the slight
issues in the relationship?
241
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:36,994
You and I are going to talk.
242
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,692
As a matter of fact,
cone of silence.
243
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:39,910
Put on the cone of silence.
244
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,134
Am I right?
245
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:49,790
This answer really disturbed
me, looking for a house.
246
00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,836
So in five years, his goal
was to not have a house,
247
00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:57,580
but to finally have the
courage to start looking.
248
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,364
Chad, if you F this up, I'm
going to have you kill, man.
249
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:02,759
You're going to be shopping
for your grocery shit one day,
250
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,065
and you're going to be
putting the groceries
251
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,588
in the back of the car.
252
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:08,373
And another car is going to go,
boom, and hit you from behind.
253
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,810
Anyway, I'm married now.
254
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:10,898
I got remarried.
255
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,334
And it's the greatest
thing of my life.
256
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,510
I have an older daughter
from my first marriage.
257
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,686
I have a little kid and my wife
is pregnant with another kid.
258
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:19,559
I'm 57 years old, and I'm
going to have two kids
259
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:21,212
under two years old come July.
260
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:24,651
Oh, god!
261
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:27,175
Anyway, yeah, so I'm going
to have two little kids.
262
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:29,220
But I remember when I was
young, they were like that girl.
263
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,179
Like, you could
have made it happen.
264
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:32,441
This isn't for you, man.
265
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,051
It's never going to get
better for you than this.
266
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:35,531
You're right, though.
267
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:36,924
You're absolutely right.
268
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,404
I want you to look in
each other's eyes right now.
269
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,189
Now, repeat after me, Allison--
270
00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:42,756
Allison--
271
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,366
I want to make
a pledge to you--
272
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,846
I want to make
a pledge to you--
273
00:09:45,976 --> 00:09:47,369
that I'm going
to be true to you--
274
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,718
that I'm going
to be true to you
275
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:50,677
because you are
a smoking hot woman--
276
00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:52,374
because you're a
smoking hot woman--
277
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,549
you're a fabulous person.
278
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,246
a fabulous person.
279
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:56,596
And if I F this up--
280
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,032
And if I F this up--
281
00:09:58,162 --> 00:09:59,250
I have to set you free.
282
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:00,600
I'll set you free.
283
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,298
I think my exact words
were, I have to set you free.
284
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,169
And you're improvising and I
don't like that, by the way.
285
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,518
But go ahead.
286
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,085
Now, Allison.
287
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,434
Yes.
288
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:10,348
I want
you to say, Chad--
289
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:11,523
Chad--
290
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,395
If/when we get married--
291
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:16,006
If/when we get married--
292
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,529
we are not
naming our son Chad.
293
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,097
we are not
naming her son Chad.
294
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:21,229
Or Chad Jr.
295
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:08,580
What's wrong, baby?
296
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:09,886
Oh, nothing.
297
00:11:10,017 --> 00:11:12,019
It's just my old college
is asking for money.
298
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,542
I'll just unsubscribe.
299
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,152
It's all going to be OK.
300
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:21,768
Hello?
301
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:22,333
WOMAN [ON THE
I'm calling
302
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:23,247
from College University.
303
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:24,422
Would you like to
make a donation?
304
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,642
You've called me
six times this week.
305
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:28,383
Can you please stop?
306
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,037
Our
university depends on the gen--
307
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,952
Listen, I'm still
paying off student loans
308
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,694
from going to your college
in the first place.
309
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:43,659
Damn, I'm tripping.
310
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:55,584
They won't stop calling me!
311
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:56,759
What do I do?
312
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,848
Just make it stop, Michelle.
313
00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:06,334
It's the house phone.
314
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:07,465
It's not 2004.
315
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,252
We don't have a house phone.
316
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,186
No.
317
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,448
I can't help you!
318
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:35,929
I major in communications!
319
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:36,930
9-1-1.
320
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:37,974
What's your emergency?
321
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,584
My college won't
stop calling me.
322
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:40,542
And they keep
changing their number
323
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,283
so that I don't know it's them.
324
00:12:42,413 --> 00:12:45,460
Ooh, I'm
sorry to hear that, ma'am.
325
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,940
But did you ever think
about the benefits
326
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,245
of donating to your university?
327
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:58,429
What do you want?
328
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:02,825
We use the money
to print more flyers.
329
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,051
And wonderful.
330
00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:12,530
Now, can I just get
your zip code, please?
331
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:16,621
90406.
332
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:17,840
Thank you so very much.
333
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:19,537
We really appreciate
your donation.
334
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:20,800
Here's a free tote bag.
335
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:33,769
Where's my boyfriend?
336
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:36,554
Is he dead?
337
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,426
Did you kill Scoop?
338
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:41,559
You'll meet someone else.
339
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:48,828
Welcome to
our Above Average music video.
340
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:57,010
Boy, just open up that
door just a little more.
341
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,881
Just a little more.
342
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:02,363
Can't get in.
343
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:04,278
OK, just open up the door.
344
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:05,757
I'm not going to
do anything crazy.
345
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,672
I promise.
346
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:12,329
We broke up,
and then I fell apart.
347
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:16,464
Came by your job, and I
flipped the mail cart.
348
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:19,989
The chick was in my way,
and you were looking hot.
349
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:23,993
But then you called the cops,
and they restrained my heart.
350
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:27,910
1,500 feet away, so
I tried to call you.
351
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,869
Went straight to voicemail.
352
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:32,480
I sent a tweet too.
353
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:35,787
Refriend on Facebook, but
there was no response.
354
00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,572
Got my binoculars.
355
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,791
Your room is really dark.
356
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:43,360
September 31st, that
means it's Halloween.
357
00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:47,408
And we'll open up the
door for trick-or-treat.
358
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:51,368
I've been waiting so long
to see you face to face.
359
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:56,417
And now there's kids around
you, so you won't use mace.
360
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:57,635
Oh my god.
361
00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:58,767
I so want to be in
your house right now.
362
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,161
I think
you're so funny.
363
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,825
I ring your bell.
364
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,305
It's trick-or-treat.
365
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:19,919
You see some
kids, and then there's me.
366
00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,443
Why can't we work it out?
367
00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:23,705
Why don't you let me in?
368
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,663
So what, I'm creepy, baby?
369
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,752
It's Halloween.
370
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,146
Please don't shut the door.
371
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,105
I need to plead my case.
372
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,715
I'll AirHeads.
373
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,978
Can I please touch your face?
374
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,632
Don't be mad, boy.
375
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:40,026
Just me let me in your place.
376
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,506
And check
out my costume.
377
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,465
Mitt Romney and Bane.
378
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:45,683
It's October 31st.
379
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,337
That means it's Halloween.
380
00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:51,080
And we'll open up the door
for that trick-or-treat.
381
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:55,302
I've been waiting so long
to see you face to face.
382
00:15:55,432 --> 00:16:00,524
And now there's kids around
you, so you won't use mace.
383
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:08,010
With every ghoul that passes by,
another pain strikes my heart.
384
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:17,106
It may be the day of death, but
Halloween's a brand new start.
385
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:18,151
Don't you love my costume?
386
00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:19,021
Is it great?
387
00:16:19,152 --> 00:16:20,022
Don't you love it?
388
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:20,936
Do you love me?
389
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,242
Tell me you like my costume.
390
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:24,505
Will you open up
the ,, please?
391
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:25,419
It's October 31st.
392
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:27,377
That means it's Halloween.
393
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:31,512
And we'll open up the door
for that trick-or-treat.
394
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:34,950
I've been waiting so long
to see you face to face.
395
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:40,086
And now there's kids around
you, so you won't use mace.
396
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:43,263
It's October 31st, that
means it's Halloween.
397
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,788
And we'll open up the door
for that trick-or-treat.
398
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:51,271
I've been waiting so long
to see you face to face.
399
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:55,797
And now there's kids around
you, so you won't use mace.
400
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,407
Let go!
401
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:58,713
You don't understand.
He's my boyfriend!
402
00:16:58,843 --> 00:16:59,670
Stop resisting.
403
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:10,420
Don't use mace in their face.
404
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:15,643
I'm obsessed with you.
405
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:16,774
That address is 1-9.
406
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:17,645
Is that correct?
407
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:18,907
One call.
408
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,214
Briefed on that, please.
409
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:22,737
All right, we're
turning around
410
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,000
so you can all get a better
look at the Statue of Liberty
411
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:25,870
and not me.
412
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,483
I'm a genuine
tourist attraction,
413
00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,659
and you're all getting
suckered by that bronze statue
414
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:32,877
the French gave us.
415
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:49,285
Who here is from Korea?
416
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,507
That's all I got.
417
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:55,378
Please give a warm welcome
for the wonderful Jim Tews,
418
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,249
everyone.
419
00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:59,034
Oh, this is perfect.
420
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,644
This is a perfect setup.
421
00:18:00,775 --> 00:18:01,906
Do you like cats?
422
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:02,777
I love my cats.
423
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:03,952
I have two cats.
424
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:04,779
They were an accident.
425
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:06,389
You know how that goes.
426
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,653
When you're drinking,
fooling around on Petfinder.
427
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,438
Next thing you know,
two little miracles.
428
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:12,569
I don't have kids.
429
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,658
I'll talk to people
with kids about my cats
430
00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:15,790
like they're my kids.
431
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,358
I have a friend
with a human infant.
432
00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,099
And he's like, I
haven't slept in weeks.
433
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:21,491
And I'm like, yeah, I
know what you mean, man.
434
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,102
I got two six-month-olds
at home and they
435
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:24,277
won't stop biting my feet.
436
00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:29,891
I'm competing with a
helicopter right now.
437
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:33,721
I'm being heckled by aircraft.
438
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,245
I bought a mattress recently,
a huge purchase for me.
439
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,421
I was sleeping on a
futon for 10 years.
440
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:40,945
The worst part of it was when
I would bring a lady home.
441
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:42,512
We'd be making out on the couch.
442
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:43,818
I'd be like do you want
to move over to the bed?
443
00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,080
She'd be like, sure.
444
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,603
And I'd be, like, stand up.
445
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:49,258
And then I'd pull it out,
brush the crumbs off.
446
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:50,085
And I'd say, what
do you mean you
447
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,782
don't want to do it anymore?
448
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:53,306
What happened between the
living room and the bedroom
449
00:18:53,436 --> 00:18:54,394
that changed your mind?
450
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,181
Thank you all so much.
451
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:01,357
You've been a wonderful
audience, and you have no idea.
452
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,837
Good night.
453
00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:10,323
Portrait
stu-- stu-- studio.
454
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:18,505
Yeah.
455
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:19,680
Oh, yeah.
456
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,421
You're a good doggy.
457
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:22,552
Yes, you are.
458
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:25,642
Good doggy.
459
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,775
Guess your dog
doesn't like to be on camera,
460
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,211
huh?
461
00:19:29,342 --> 00:19:32,475
I have no idea where
that dog came from.
462
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:34,825
OK, so you're
running for office.
463
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:36,436
That's correct.
464
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,612
I'm running for County Water
Resources Commissioner.
465
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:39,830
Oh, great.
466
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:40,962
That's awesome.
467
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:44,357
And you need photos for
the posters I guess?
468
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:45,880
That's correct,
for my campaign.
469
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,621
I'm going to variety of
posters throughout the county.
470
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,318
Great.
471
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:51,494
There was a woman out there
who said the dog was hers.
472
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,193
She wearing a sun hat?
473
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,890
She got a hat.
474
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:56,891
It was a sun hat.
475
00:19:57,021 --> 00:19:57,935
So good to know
they're reunited.
476
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:03,680
So, water
commissioner, what a--
477
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:05,726
It's a very
important position.
478
00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:08,207
And a lot of times people don't
think about water and what it
479
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:10,687
means to them every single day.
480
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:12,776
Over half the county is water.
481
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:13,951
That's a lot.
482
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,693
90% of your body is water.
483
00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:19,435
And yet we get rid of
it on a constant basis.
484
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:20,871
That seems high.
485
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,264
We get rid of it?
486
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,658
Several fire
departments seem to think
487
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:28,705
that water can just be flushed
away at a moment's notice.
488
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,229
Well, they're
putting out fires.
489
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,362
Some of what they do
is putting out fires.
490
00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:35,103
So the campaign posters--
491
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:36,713
Yes.
492
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,367
so I'm guessing
it will be a shot
493
00:20:38,498 --> 00:20:40,326
of your head with your name?
494
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:43,633
And my shoulders
and my chest as well.
495
00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:44,939
Sure.
496
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:46,984
I don't want it to be
just my head like the woman
497
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,595
in the glass jar or something.
498
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:50,379
That would be strange.
499
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:52,773
And I'd also like to have my
name on there, Burt Campbell
500
00:20:52,903 --> 00:20:54,209
right at the top.
501
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:56,255
That's the kind of work
you do do, isn't it?
502
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:57,734
We do do that.
503
00:20:57,865 --> 00:21:00,998
Hey, you, fire
department, get out!
504
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,870
Exclamation point.
505
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,438
And I'll tack it up right
there at the fire station.
506
00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,527
I don't think
they'll keep that up.
507
00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:11,008
Children, stop
playing with water.
508
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:13,489
Have fun in the dirt.
509
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,751
That's a slogan?
510
00:21:14,882 --> 00:21:16,100
I'm sorry.
511
00:21:16,231 --> 00:21:17,972
I guess-- I don't
need to understand.
512
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:23,194
Another slogan, aquarium,
fish don't need so much water.
513
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:24,805
Get out!
514
00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:26,633
So, Burt, we're just going
to-- let's get a couple
515
00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:27,503
of pictures of you here.
516
00:21:27,634 --> 00:21:28,548
Can you smile for me?
517
00:21:28,678 --> 00:21:29,418
Mm-hmm.
518
00:21:29,549 --> 00:21:30,550
I'm just going to--
519
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,160
Ow!
520
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:35,381
That's a waste of water.
521
00:21:35,511 --> 00:21:36,338
Ow.
522
00:21:36,469 --> 00:21:38,514
Maybe there's a lot of--
523
00:21:38,645 --> 00:21:39,950
you're holding a lot
of tension up here.
524
00:21:40,081 --> 00:21:41,474
Could you just lower your
shoulders a little bit?
525
00:21:41,604 --> 00:21:44,564
I can't It's an
injury, both shoulders.
526
00:21:44,694 --> 00:21:45,478
OK, that's OK.
527
00:21:45,608 --> 00:21:46,522
Then, we'll do--
528
00:21:46,653 --> 00:21:49,525
Got hit by a ladder
from a fire truck.
529
00:21:49,656 --> 00:21:51,832
Just a little boy
and a little dog
530
00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:56,097
playing out on the street
on a summer day, having fun.
531
00:21:56,227 --> 00:22:01,494
Woo, woo, woo, comes the
fire truck around the corner.
532
00:22:01,624 --> 00:22:05,062
Boom, the ladder falls off.
533
00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:07,151
It wasn't hooked
properly, you see?
534
00:22:07,282 --> 00:22:09,066
It hits the little boy.
535
00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:11,939
It hits the dog.
536
00:22:12,069 --> 00:22:14,768
And then it hits me.
537
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,683
Two weeks ago.
538
00:22:16,813 --> 00:22:20,208
And that's what prompted
me to run for County
539
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:24,430
Water Resources Commissioner.
540
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:25,344
Wow!
541
00:22:25,474 --> 00:22:28,477
I'd like to put
that on my poster.
542
00:22:28,608 --> 00:22:30,479
OK, maybe we put a
link to the website
543
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:32,002
and we put all of
that on the website.
544
00:22:32,133 --> 00:22:35,832
I don't have a website.
545
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:38,444
Hey, you, get off the internet!
546
00:22:38,574 --> 00:22:43,405
I do not have a website.
547
00:22:43,536 --> 00:22:44,667
Can I talk to you?
548
00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:45,755
Yeah.
549
00:22:45,886 --> 00:22:47,278
have no idea how
to pose this guy.
550
00:22:47,409 --> 00:22:48,149
I don't either.
551
00:22:48,279 --> 00:22:49,629
I honestly want him out of here.
552
00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:50,499
OK.
553
00:22:50,630 --> 00:22:51,935
Let me just--
554
00:22:53,415 --> 00:22:57,724
Hey, you, bottled water
companies, stop wasting water.
555
00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:58,899
Hey, you,
556
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:03,556
Christopher Columbus,
stop sailing those seas!
557
00:23:03,686 --> 00:23:08,387
Hey, you, enjoy drinking sand.
558
00:23:08,517 --> 00:23:11,999
Hey, you, sun hat,
give me that dog!
559
00:23:17,134 --> 00:23:17,700
See you at the polls.
560
00:23:22,836 --> 00:23:23,663
Portrait stu-- stu--
561
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:24,664
studio.
38871
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