All language subtitles for Above.Average.Presents.S06E05.Im.Not.a.Plane.Guy.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Fitz,
I said I'm done.

Do not call me again.

You don't love me.

You love the way you
feel when I look at you.

Ma'am, as a loyal member
of our rewards club,

we appreciate that you continue
shopping at Vie en Rose.

Unfortunately, our return
policy requires a receipt

in order to get a cash refund.

I know.

I lost the receipt, but
the tag is still on.

Ma'am, I understand.

But unfortunately, that
does not negate our return

policy, which requires a receipt
in order to get a cash refund.

It's fine, whatever.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Hi.

I'm Olivia Pope, and my friend--

Rebecca.

Who are you?

Rebecca completely
understands your return policy.

But she would greatly
benefit from a cash

refund over store credit.

Unfortunately--

Yes, yes, it is unfortunate.

It's unfortunate that you would
purposely deny a loyal member

of your rewards club.

Those were your words, correct?

Yes, but--

It's OK.

I'll just take the credit.

No, she won't.

Rebecca, listen, I will
put on the white hat.

I will go to bat
for you with this.

I don't know
what you're saying.

Tell me that you're in it.

Do you want to walk out of here
with cash in your hand or not?

I do.

I do.

Rebecca, how many Twitter
followers do you have?

I don't know, like 32.

Well, I have 2.4
million, and that includes

the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

That's 2.4 million people who
I can galvanize to boycott

this place with one hashtag.

Start tweeting.

You have 432 missed calls
from someone named Fitz.

Ignore it.

Start typing.

"Standing in line at Vie en Rose
and ripping up my loyalty card.

#HOTMESS in all caps.

No.

Stop.

OK, I'll give you the cash.

Just don't trash tweet.

I'll get fired.

How?

It's what I do.

I'm a gladiator.

And I actually
wanted to purchase

this top it was on the sale
rack, but there's no sticker.

So I assume it's still--

Just take it.

Thank you.

I'm going to take
her to dinner, I think.

I said I don't
love you anymore.

She was just,
like, so ...

I think she should
do the next couple.

Start in here?
- Start in here?

Yeah.

No, they want to
in the car to see you.

No.
No!

Yes.
I'm old.

No, literally--

He's mentioning
movies from the '80s I was in.

You weren't even born.

Oh, yes, I can hear you.

Remember, warm them up
with some, where you from?

OK, great.

Oh they're so cute.

Hello.
Hi.

Hey!

Oh, my god.

Yay!
I'm Ellie.

Oh--
- Stacey.

I'm like--

- Stacey, yes, good to meet you.
- Hi.

Ellie.
You're so pretty.

Hi.

Hello.
Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to.

He goes by the name Bello.

That's his only name,
you know, like Cher--

Bello.

So Bello will be driving,
and he's really good at it.

I'm getting better, yeah.

- Leah and Stacey.
- Yes.

Now how did you guys meet?

Through mutual friends, so
we were both in relationships

when we met.

- Oh, you were in relationships?
- Yes.

So how did that go?

Did you take an instant
liking to each other?

I mean, clearly, I
thought she was beautiful.

But I thought-- you
know what I said?

I thought she was
a hand-- she seemed

to me like she was a "handful."

Ask her, are you a handful?

- Are you a handful?
- I mean--

I'm sure I am.

I don't think I'm
high maintenance.

- No, you're not.
- I do think I'm a handful.

Did you instantly
feel like, oh, we

need to start thinking
about getting out

of our current relationships?
- No.

No.

We were friends for a while.

Years.

But it's funny, when we would
hang out as friends in groups,

like, people would be like,
you two are such a cute couple.

And I'm like, no, I
have a girlfriend.

It's not her.

You know, and now here we are.

You're
newlyweds, right?

Yeah, November.
Congratulations.

Thank you.

So how
was that process?

That's a daunting
process, the wedding.

It was fun.
It was good.

She had, like, spreadsheets
and was on top of it.

So the handful delivered.

The handful--

I'm very organized.

the handful came in "handy."

Exactly, right?

We're actually going to pull
over because my colleague

from the Institute--

Your intern.

My intern.

He's not yet my colleague,
but he hopes to be one day.

He's still learning, but
he's going to join us.

He aspires to
be your colleague.

OK.

Wow, hi.
- I'm Alec.

How are you?

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

I'm her intern--

We all have to
start somewhere.

from the Institute.

Yeah, but he
shows great promise.

We're going
to play a little game here.

As a couple?
Fill in the blank.

Don't let each other see.
- OK.

You're going to write down
what you think she is going

to answer, not your answer.

You write down your answer.

OK.

What do I think that she thinks?

OK.

So the question is, her
favorite way to annoy me is--

Mm.

Stacey would probably
appreciate it if I

would do what a little more?

Show it around.

Turn around.

OK.

No offense, Stacey, but your
handwriting is atrocious.

What does it say?

I think I did it wrong, but I
said she talks in baby voices.

Like when you tell me
things and I go, ...

Right.
That's nice.

Right.

And that annoys you?

That, yeah.

You're like, yeah,
it doesn't charm me.

No, no, no.

And what is touching my toes?

I wrote her way
of annoying me.

You were supposed to write
what you thought that I--

You You guessed her
way of annoying, what

she was going to say about you.
About you.

Oh.

Back to the rules.

game.

Back to the rules.

But that's about me.

Is this a problem in the
relationship is listening?

Is listening an issue?

Because you totally effed
up our board game here.

Well, we both got confused.

What advice do you
have for other women

who are getting
married or who are

contemplating getting married?

Do you any advice for them?

We experienced people who--

I think, people who
wanted it to be different

because it's a gay
wedding or that

was a choice because we're gay.

Truthfully,
I don't think

it would be different
advice that I'd

give a straight couple.

Well, it's a wedding
like everybody else.

This is our choice.
Right, healthy.

You have a very
good relationship.

Yeah.
I hope so.

Thank you.
- Yeah, I think we do.

Thank you.

I guess we do feel like
we have a good relationship.

And I feel like Alec
Baldwin would be like, OK,

you guys are doomed, if we were.

So he didn't say that.

So that's probably good.

Yeah.

Hello, idiots!

Welcome to The Idiot's
Guide to Smart People.

Today's topic is
Malcolm Gladwell.

While you've never heard
of him, Malcolm Gladwell

is in the smart
person hall of fame,

with best selling books,
TED Talks, and a job

at "The New Yorker," which is
like the smart person's Bible,

except there's a new
one written every week.

Normally, it's easy for you
to just ignore intellectuals.

But Gladwell's
ideas have trickled

down to the idiot level.

So you're going to
need an overview

of smart people's deluded
reverence for Malcolm Gladwell.

Malcolm Gladwell is a smart
person's idea of a superhero,

able to explain everything
with a single idea.

It's a concept that's
usually reserved for idiots.

But Gladwell's
superpower is the ability

to dress up dumb ideas
with fancy pants phrases

that turns smarties into idiots.

Of course, what Gladwell really
does is a classic idiot move--

steal the ideas
of smarter people,

exaggerate them
until they're wrong,

and pass them off as your own.

It's just like when you copied
off your smart friend's essay

in high school, except
you got a B-plus,

and Malcolm Gladwell
gets showered with money.

This should infuriate
smart people.

But they just so want to believe
his cherry-picked research that

says the world is simple and
understandable, even though it

is random and cruel, a huge
surprise from a guy whose

name is literally the
words "glad" and "well,"

a coincidence so perfect it's
probably his next theory.

But the main reason smart
people love Malcolm Gladwell

is because they share
with idiots the only

universal human trait--

laziness.

Gladwell's books
give smart people

the sensation of learning
without actual learning, which

is perfect because
real learning is

boring, hard, and doesn't
have any anecdotes

about the Beatles.

Sorry.

What it all
boils down to is actually

a very Gladwellian idea--

trust the idiot power of
thinking without thinking.

And just keep ignoring Malcolm
Gladwell because the only thing

he's ever proved is
that the world is unfair

and hucksters can get rich.

Hooray America!

Soft.

Don't touch my chocolate.

Get away from me.

Get away from my chocolate.

Hi.

Happy Valentine's time.

We've been here for months
now without any notes

from the network.

Which we take as
a very good sign.

Today, on "Having a Lovely
Time While Wearing Sweaters,"

we're going to be stimulating
your little noses with

some homemade aromatic candles.

These are just some
of the fresh scents

and chemicals we'll be
using to make our candy.

"Francy" bags,
must be from France.

Ooh la la!

It's funny
you mention the bags.

I bought them from a store.

And when I was
leaving the store, I--

Where'd you get them from?

I got them from a store.

And when I left the store, I
thought to note the address.

And I turned around, and
wouldn't you know it?

The store had vanished.

- Oh, sure.
- OK, sure.

Neato.
Wasn't that a neat story?

When working with chemicals,
make sure your workspace

is properly ventilated.

But it is very
chilly outside right

now, so we've boarded
all of our windows shut.

Well, let's have at it.

Oh, yes.

I believe this sack
has the lemon bosoms.

Ah.

And I believe the
man at the store

said this little guy was
called the Devil's Powder.

No.

Oh, sorry, God.

Huh!

Yeah, do it.

Do it.

Yes.

Hey, man, add some more.

Yeah, mix it up.

Yeah, that's a candle.

Making candles makes me hungry.

I'm going to chop some delicious
heirloom tomatoes for a salad.

Mmm, that looks good.

And now the roast is ready.

I'm
a yankee jingle bird.

I'm a doggy cheeky bird.

Oh!

I'm burning!

Guys, look!

Why did you kill me?

I'm a scary ghost doll.

I'm going to die!

I hate you boys!

#ImDeadNow.

Oh, golden ribbons,
it's hot in here.

I'm going to take
off my sweater.

Yeah, show us
your torso, brother.

Yeah.

My god.

Look!

Is he OK?

Lavender?

What?

No!

What?

Horrible!

No.

Hi, boys.

Huh?

Mama?

Oh, look at you boys.

Hm.

Your lovely time got
away from you, didn't it?

Yes, Mama.

Mama?

What?

Are you dead?

No, dear, I'm
still in Massapequa

Park with your father.

Hey, I'm
watching sports here!

You come over here.

You tell your boys
you love them.

Hi, Dad.

Don't be afraid.

You're all my sons,
except for you.

You're adopted.

What?

I'll always be proud of you.

I love you, Mom.

Also, you going
to die here tonight.

No!

No, no, no!

This is it.

No!

This is it.

Hey, man, are you single?

- No.
- No?

No, I actually
have two girlfriends.

All right, when was the
last time you made love?

Two weeks ago.

That's, like,
20 weeks less than me.

Would you like to be a
part of our dating game?

Sure.

Yeah, you're sure?
All right, let's do it.

- Are you single?
- No, no, no.

We want to set you up.

Excuse me, handsome
man, are you single?

- I'm all set, man.
- You're all set.

Would you like to be
a part of a dating game

in which you meet, potentially,
the man of your dreams?

And maybe you can
have a one-night stand.

Maybe you'll find a husband?
Maybe--

- Yeah, you only live once.
- OK.

Exactly.

All right, so
we've just brought up

all of our contestants
from the street.

The bachelorette has not yet
seen any of the bachelors.

She's going to ask the
men a series of questions.

And based on their answers,
we'll pick her favorite.

Mate.

This is how normal
people fall in love on a show.

All right, let's
get started, guys.

Let's do this.

We have our lovely
contestant here.

What is your name, bachelorette?

My name is Teresa .

Teresa-- ooh, you
might not want to give

your last name
because someone might

come and find you and kill you.

Dave, can you introduce
to us our bachelors?

Bachelor number one,
where are you from?

Holy shit.

He has the sexiest accent
I've ever heard in my life.

Bachelor number two,
where are you from?

Santiago de Chile.

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

What's up now, Dominica?

Teresa, here's how
it's going to work.

I'm going to give
you some questions

to ask these bachelors.

And at the end, when they've
answered all of them,

you're going to decide
who you like the best.

Is that cool?
- Sounds good.

My favorite thing in
the world is running.

How would you ask me out?

Bachelor number two,
how would you ask her out?

I would run behind her
and maybe run over her

and say, do you need any help?

You would run her
over like a truck?

That's what I
was trying to say.

yeah, sorry for
my English, dude.

Yes.

I don't think this
is an English problem.

Yeah, that's
perfect English.

Bachelor number three.

I would ask her to meet me at
Central Park by the reservoir

and have a nice lovely jog
maybe around twilight time.

That's the first
non-disturbing

answer we've gotten.
I know.

In an offensive
accent, tell me one

thing that's great about you.

Yeah that'll do.

If I were your coffee,
how would you take me?

Oh, yeah.

I would take her with
some nice brown sugar, maybe

two creams.

Yeah, that, sounds good.

Yeah, it does.

Did bachelor number three just
have an orgasm on the stage?

If she were your coffee,
how would you take her?

What does it feel like
taking LSD on a Wednesday?

If there was a movie
made about your penis,

what genre would it be?

Science fiction.

It's out of this world.

Good save.

Bachelor number one.

Can you just indulge
me for a moment

and tell me one of the
funny, unexpected things

that happens with your penis.

Right.

The time has come for you
to decide which of these guys

would you like to date.

Will it be bachelor number
one, bachelor number two,

or bachelor number three?

I'm still sold on number
three at Central Park.

Wow.

Number three, wow.

It's the moment we've
all been waiting for.

It's time to meet our winner.

Winner, what is your name?

Chris.

Please meet in the center.

Say hello to one another.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

We actually have
a prize for you.

Right here, I have
a $50 gift certificate

to Friedman's Lunch.

Yeah.

Can you get a shot of that?

Now everybody smile
like it's a picture.

OK, I think we got it.

We would like to dance with the
couple that we've now joined.

Here we go, and we're dancing.

All right.

Well, it's been a
wonderful episode,

this spicy Latin edition.

Dave, you want to say
any parting words?

Mom, I love you.

I'm sorry about what
you walked in on.

Not the time or place,
but goodbye, everybody.

We'll see you for
the next episode.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to "Never Seen It."

This week's episode,
we are going

to be talking to Matt,
Glenn, and Celeste

about the movie "Top Gun."

Danger zone.

I've never seen it.

I've never seen it.

I've also never seen it.

Show's called "Never Seen It."

So none of us have seen it?

I imagine the
movie is about Tom

Cruise and his blonde friend.

They fly in a jet
together at a school.

I think it's a school.

I thought it was about
a beach volleyball team

till very recently.

But now I know that it's more
about the plane part of things.

So it's a plane academy--

It's definitely about
the planes, I think,

because Top Gun, I think,
is the best plane--

- The best plane?
- Plane.

Best pilot.

The best pilot.

That's what it's called.

Not "Plane Guy."

You two characters
are going to "Top Gun."

And they're
playing volleyball,

so it's not, like, that serious.

Right.

Like, what's the
war in "Top Gun"?

There's no war, so it's--

Vietnam?

You stink.

I know the names of every--

a lot of the names
in the movies.

Yeah, there's a Goose.

Goose, Iceman.

Goose.
Goose.

Goose.

Goose He's,
like, a badass, I think.

Oh, really?
Is he the badass?

No, I don't know.

I mean, like--

I think Tom Cruise is
the bad boy of the Academy.

But the hero.

Iceman is the bad
boy of the academy.

Yeah, exactly.
Rocket.

Probably.
Ooh, probably.

Rocket's good, yeah.

Rocket.

One's probably, like, Dallas
or Houston or some Texas town.

Yeah.

Then there all, like,
Houston, we have a problem.

- Yeah.
- He's so annoying.

Houston is the annoying one.

So, beginning of the
movie about a plane school,

possibly military.

Goose is being silly
because he's the funny guy.

He's being silly.

He's being a silly goose.

He's being a silly goose!

- And--
- That's right.

I also know--

I think-- that Goose--

can I say this?

Yes.

Yeah.

I think Goose
dies in the movie.

Yeah.

So in my head, there's
definitely, like, a locker room

scene where two of
the pilots are, like,

just in each other's faces.

That's-- it's either
in a locker room or a bar.

Yeah.

And he says, I'm Iceman.

Ice--man.

I bet they do
a towel snap too,

because I feel
like any '80s movie

with a locker scene has it.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

It's, like,
written into cinema

law that you have to have it.

Stupid.

There is a female
lead in this movie.

Who is she?

And what does she do?

Well, it's the
'80s, so she probably

cleans the plans or something.

The plane cleaner?

The plane cleaner.

This is Cynthia.

She's allowed to come over here
and touch the planes sometimes.

Just let her do her thing.

She'll be really quick about it.

Well, she's got to be
serving the guys' story.

Well, she's
got-- yeah, she has

to be probably pitting
Iceman and Maverick

against each other.

- Or not pitting them--
- Yeah.

like, her-- with intent.

That's more interesting.

But she must be
coming between them.

And that's why Iceman is
like, hey, Maverick, no.

She only wants to
date the top gun.

You didn't learn a
damn thing, did you?

I would love to hear just
how you think this movie ends?

Probably--

A plane race.

That's probably the
final scene is the race.

We're going to have
to watch this movie.

Yeah.

I mean, it's a great movie.
- You--

I thought you've
never seen it?

I've seen this movie.
OK.

You're--

We're the ones
who haven't seen it.

OK.
I keep forgetting who's seen it.

Well, I'm sorry to
say, guys, but you lost.

Over, it's just over.

You got a lot of
that movie wrong.

I'd say outside the call names,
you were not doing great.

We've never seen it.

Show's called "Never Seen It."

Portrait Stu-stu-studio.

What the hell are you doing?

Just fixing your shirt.

Are you trying to
put a flower on me?

What?

Man, last photo
dude I was with,

the guy tried to
put a flower on me.

Yeah, no flowers, Ray.

We promise.

All right?

So you wrote a book.

Who told you that?

You're here to shoot the
cover of the book, so we--

Oh, that's right.

I'm trying to keep
that on the DL.

Dude.

So what's the book about?

Locker room shenanigans.

What's it called?

"Locker Room Shenanigans."

Fun.

OK.

You don't want to know.

We don't want to know what?

The name of the book is
"Locker Room Shenanigans--

You Don't Want to Know."

If we don't want to know,
then why would people read it?

People want to read it.

They just won't want to know.

OK, sounds good.

Um, can we try a couple
without your helmet?

Why don't we try a
couple without your camera?

OK.

Keep the helmet.

And this book better be good.

Well, it's sort of
up to you, right, Ray?

I'm not talking to you.

I'm talking to Clarence,
my ghostwriter.

He does the "writing"
part of the writing,

like a writer helper monkey.

I have a master's degree.

Shut up, writer monkey.

OK, so let's chin up, and
let's see those pearly whites.

Nah, I don't
want to be smiling.

This book is serious.

"Locker Room Shenanigans"?

It's about
serious shenanigans.

Then they're not shenanigans.

Look,
photo boys, locker

rooms aren't all
about inspirational

speeches and ass play.

I don't think
anybody said they were.

OK, that's fine, though.

Um, if this is more serious--

I just-- I guess I
assumed it was more

about, like, horsing around.

Hey, Clarence, start a
new chapter, Horsing Around.

I like that.

What have you written so far?

Shaving cream stuff, drinking,
rampant sexual assault.

Told you, you
don't want to know.

It should be called
"Locker Room Crimes."

Oddly enough, that was taken.

Hey, shut the
up, Clarence.

Portrait Stu-stu-studio.