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1
00:00:04,482 --> 00:00:07,181
7 minutes in heaven.
2
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:09,879
Oh, yeah.
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,142
Hi, this is "Seven Minutes
in Heaven" with Mike O'Brien.
4
00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:14,362
I'm here today with model
actress Selita Ebanks.
5
00:00:14,492 --> 00:00:15,363
Hi, Selita.
- Hi, how are you?
6
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:16,929
Good.
7
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,106
Have you ever heard of
this supposed button that
8
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,282
like the president has,
where if he pushes it,
9
00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:23,197
everyone who's
considered attractive
10
00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,764
would be considered
ugly and vise versa?
11
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:27,679
Is that like the
staples easy button?
12
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:28,724
I guess so, yeah.
13
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:29,899
I think it's like that.
14
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:30,726
No.
15
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,423
Marry, screw, kill.
16
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,469
You know that game, where
I give you three names
17
00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:36,340
and you have to pick one of
them that you would marry,
18
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:37,863
one of them you would
sleep with, and one of them
19
00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,430
you would kill.
- Oh, god.
20
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:40,866
And the three
people are Donald
21
00:00:40,997 --> 00:00:43,913
Trump, Abraham Lincoln, and me.
22
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,309
This is such a
setup by the way.
23
00:00:48,439 --> 00:00:50,006
Well, Lincoln's already dead.
24
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:51,964
Well, like with
a time machine.
25
00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:57,231
No, I'll sound unpatriotic
if I say I'll kill Lincoln,
26
00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:59,276
like you're setting me up.
27
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,538
I'm not answering this question.
28
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:02,279
That's horrible.
29
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:03,889
And Donald Trump if I say I
sleep with Donald Trump now,
30
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,152
oh, my god.
No, way.
31
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:06,762
And you, I would
totally kill you.
32
00:01:06,892 --> 00:01:08,198
I would hope-- yeah.
33
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:10,548
Well, I think we
got your answer.
34
00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,159
And it's shocking to me.
35
00:01:12,289 --> 00:01:14,030
I've got a series of
adjectives I'm going to say
36
00:01:14,161 --> 00:01:17,468
and I want you to say yes or no
to whether they apply to you.
37
00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,992
Wait, OK.
38
00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:22,038
Motivated.
39
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,213
Yes.
40
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:24,475
Crabby.
41
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:26,651
Yes, at times.
42
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,740
Actually a dude.
43
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,438
What?
44
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,788
Like, would you describe
yourself as actually a guy?
45
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:34,311
No.
46
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,573
Turned on by Gandhi.
47
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:39,577
- His brain.
- Yeah.
48
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,448
Yes
49
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:41,449
Right?
50
00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:42,798
That guy's got an
attractive brain.
51
00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:44,539
So this is called unsafe touch.
52
00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:45,453
Oh.
53
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,585
And I'm going
to-- you're going
54
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:50,153
to touch me in a place where
you think I would feel unsafe.
55
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:53,200
And then I'll do the same.
56
00:01:53,330 --> 00:01:56,290
Unsafe?
57
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,857
I have really long nails,
so this could be unsafe.
58
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,207
Yeah, that's uncomfortable.
59
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:01,382
And I feel unsafe.
60
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:02,383
OK.
61
00:02:09,346 --> 00:02:10,695
This will only take a sec.
62
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,175
I told you.
63
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,874
OK.
64
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,226
OK
65
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,445
Was that-- did
you feel unsafe?
66
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,621
I stick my little clean
finger in your nice clean ear.
67
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,363
My fingers are so clean.
68
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:29,279
If anything, my
finger is now unclean.
69
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:33,501
Well, you know I
think you're a model,
70
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:36,330
but you're super
smart and charming.
71
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,158
I have my moments.
72
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:40,116
And I've had a good
time in the interview.
73
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,422
Yeah.
74
00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:44,599
And it is "7
Minutes in Heaven."
75
00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:51,954
Oh, I didn't sign
my release, did I?
76
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:52,824
OK.
77
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:54,391
OK.
78
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:55,914
All right, you just keep
letting me know if I'm
79
00:02:56,045 --> 00:02:57,916
being safe or unsafe, OK.
80
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:02,356
OK, wait, wait.
81
00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:05,359
I love anytime
I'm kissing someone,
82
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,578
if they yell wait, wait.
83
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:11,365
Ideally, that's when I know
like I'm really in the zone.
84
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:12,540
Oh, my god.
85
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:13,584
Thank you.
86
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:14,585
Thank you.
87
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,413
Thank you.
88
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,762
Oh yeah.
89
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:21,201
Hi, guys.
90
00:03:21,331 --> 00:03:22,550
I'm Dan Chamberlain.
91
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,509
And today, we're going to
be making a birthday cake.
92
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,468
All you need is
store brand cake mix.
93
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,600
I've selected vanilla
here, a couple
94
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,602
eggs, and some vegetable oil.
95
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,909
Now, I know what you may be
thinking, plain old vanilla?
96
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:36,041
That's not very festive
for a birthday cake.
97
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,695
And you're right, it isn't.
98
00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:41,003
But this birthday cake
is for a very bad boy.
99
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,919
This birthday boy has been
misbehaving all over town.
100
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:45,355
And his grades are
in the shitter.
101
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:48,967
Still, even boys with the rudest
tubes and worst sas mouths
102
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,404
deserve a cake on
their birthday.
103
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:51,970
So let's get started--
104
00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,192
You see, this shit.
105
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,237
This right here.
106
00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,935
It never stops with this boy.
107
00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:04,809
Really, you're
just going to want
108
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,724
to follow the
instructions on the back
109
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,073
of the cake mix package.
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00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:09,597
If this was a good
boy, you'd of course be
111
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:10,946
making the cake from scratch.
112
00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,165
But as you just saw
with the shoelaces,
113
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,211
this is not a good boy.
114
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,952
Very bad in fact.
115
00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:20,651
OK, so you're going to
want to grease the--
116
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:21,609
who do you think this was?
117
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,964
That's a bad boy.
118
00:04:32,707 --> 00:04:35,449
Now, as you blend your
cake mix eggs, and oil,
119
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,059
in a mixing bowl,
don't hesitate to throw
120
00:04:37,189 --> 00:04:39,061
in a few swears and scolds.
121
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,236
They'll bake right in.
122
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,194
And your bad boy
we'll definitely
123
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:43,674
be able to taste them.
124
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,633
You're so bad.
125
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:48,200
You bad boy.
126
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,072
We're all fed up with the shit.
127
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:51,682
Dr. Peabody is fed up with you.
128
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:52,857
Guess what?
129
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,338
I don't blame them.
130
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:57,166
Talk to your parents,
talk to your sissy,
131
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,299
you bad .
132
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,431
You're letting everyone down.
133
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,954
They can't stand you
because you're so bad.
134
00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:09,004
Bad kid.
135
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,222
Perfect.
136
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,833
Now, we're going
to get one left--
137
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:16,533
How did he do it again?
138
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,453
Sprinkle to your heart's
delight, not all the way
139
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:25,890
though, the boy
has been very bad.
140
00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:28,980
And there you have it, one
beautiful birthday cake for one
141
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,547
very bad boy.
142
00:05:30,678 --> 00:05:33,245
Now, there's just
one thing left to do.
143
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:37,554
Michael, Michael, Michael.
144
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:38,816
Oh, my gosh.
145
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:42,864
You-- you remembered--
you remember my birthday.
146
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:44,300
Look, Dan, I want to say that--
147
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,041
I know I've been
really bad lately.
148
00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:48,565
And I want to say
that I'm sorry.
149
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,262
I've been having a lot
of problems at work.
150
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,527
And I guess I just get a little
anxious around my birthday.
151
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,529
Thank you for baking me
a cake even though I've
152
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,661
been such a bad boy.
153
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,491
Happy
birthday to you.
154
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:09,499
Cake sucks.
155
00:06:09,630 --> 00:06:11,719
Happy birthday to you.
156
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,285
Happy birthday to you.
157
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,769
You're a bad boy.
158
00:06:27,648 --> 00:06:28,562
I'm going to get
coffee or anything.
159
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,172
I'm kind of starving.
- Yeah, yeah.
160
00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:30,999
Later, let me just finish.
161
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,435
Thanks, honey.
162
00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:34,306
OK, keep rolling.
163
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,308
I just want to say
on camera that Arianna
164
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:39,964
says that Anthony has the
ugliest balls in America.
165
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,663
Rachel, if you were with
a man who had ugly balls,
166
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:43,577
would you tell him that?
167
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:44,708
Would you say that?
168
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,582
I mean a ball is a
ball is a ball, right?
169
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:55,676
Holy cow.
170
00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:56,677
Holy cow.
171
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,159
- I'm Anthony.
- Did you grow up in Massapequa?
172
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,334
Yes, how did--
173
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:03,335
That's where we're from.
174
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:04,728
Right now, yeah,
we just moved out.
175
00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,600
No.
176
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:07,775
Now, where are you
from originally?
177
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:08,906
- Fresh Meadows.
- No.
178
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,081
Yes.
179
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:10,995
Why are you married to him?
180
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:11,866
We could be married.
181
00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:13,694
OK.
182
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:15,783
My favorite pizza
place, all the time,
183
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,262
- Brothers?
- Brothers.
184
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:18,699
- Brothers.
- You know Brothers?
185
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:20,570
- Of course, yeah.
- Oh, my god.
186
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,224
I've never taken you there.
It's good for you.
187
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:23,181
I know you haven't.
188
00:07:23,312 --> 00:07:23,399
You've never taken
him to Brothers?
189
00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,705
No.
190
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,228
OK, that sets
everything up perfect.
191
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,711
- I know a little bit about you.
- Uh-oh.
192
00:07:30,841 --> 00:07:31,929
- As far as you're concerned--
- I know a little bit about you.
193
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,757
That's very good, very good.
194
00:07:33,888 --> 00:07:35,193
But oddly enough, I
know more about you
195
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:36,064
than you know about me.
196
00:07:36,194 --> 00:07:37,805
I'm sure.
197
00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:39,589
Which Is almost impossible
to imagine, isn't it right?
198
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,852
With all the shit people
have written about me.
199
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,332
So you are a stay at home mom.
200
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,202
I am.
201
00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:45,160
I have two kids.
202
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,509
You have two kids.
203
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:47,815
A two-year-old and
a four-month-old.
204
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,164
A two-year-old and
a four-month-old.
205
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:50,121
- Yes.
- How old are you?
206
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:50,992
37.
207
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:52,167
You're 37.
208
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,124
I'm 20 years older than you.
209
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,735
I'm going to be 57 in April.
210
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:57,868
And in July, I'll have a
two-year-old and a newborn.
211
00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,392
You're out of
your fricking mind.
212
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:01,568
Good luck with that, buddy.
213
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,308
Exactly.
214
00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:04,266
What kind of work you do?
215
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,181
I'm an engineer
for the government,
216
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,705
without going too far into that.
217
00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:10,011
No, it's not like--
- You're working with Snowden?
218
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,360
What do you do?
219
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,884
You're an engineer
for the government?
220
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:18,236
So this all
sounds really good.
221
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,847
So what's the problem?
222
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:20,935
Where are the problems
in this relationship?
223
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,240
Oh, my god.
224
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:23,154
Where do we begin?
225
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:24,199
How long of a
ride do you have?
226
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:25,766
Where are the problems?
227
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:28,290
I mean, like most men,
Anthony can't communicate.
228
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,422
So like he'll like let--
229
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:31,859
we don't really talk
when he comes home.
230
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:33,295
It's just like here,
or like I hate you.
231
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:35,558
But sometimes, I'll get
a kiss but not always.
232
00:08:35,689 --> 00:08:36,907
The kids always do.
233
00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:38,518
It's also because
I'm feeding off of you.
234
00:08:38,648 --> 00:08:40,258
It's like I walk in and
literally, I mean, come on.
235
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,304
Every time you walk through the
door after you had a long day
236
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:44,480
and it's just like, oh,
you made it home, uh?
237
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:45,568
You didn't die on the train?
238
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:46,613
Nothing happened to you?
239
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,266
I didn't get your
life insurance, no?
240
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:49,398
Straight faced and everything.
241
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,400
They're competing
for who has it worse.
242
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:54,359
You both are competing in
the self pity department.
243
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:55,970
You have it hard.
And you have--
244
00:08:57,449 --> 00:09:00,104
What I'm saying--
what's missing is unfettered,
245
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:01,889
unfiltered romance.
246
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,112
I want you to write down,
don't show each other
247
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:11,681
the answer, how many times
a month do you have sex?
248
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,425
And reveal.
249
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,861
Minus 10?
- Minus 10.
250
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:18,775
Minus 10?
251
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:20,560
I said 0 to 1.
252
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:23,475
So you're not having sex or
you're not having enough sex.
253
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:25,173
I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted.
254
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:26,827
So at the end of the
day, you're exhausted.
255
00:09:26,957 --> 00:09:29,612
When you want to have
sex, do you communicate?
256
00:09:29,743 --> 00:09:31,353
You never want to have sex?
257
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:32,136
I know he beats me to it.
258
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,747
Like I never--
259
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:34,661
You never have to ask
because he's always asking?
260
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:35,575
Always.
261
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:36,271
He's always, bing
bong, bing bong.
262
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:37,489
And you know how he asks?
263
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:38,926
He Takes his penis
out and he like
264
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,057
hits me in the head with it.
Like, you want to have sex?
265
00:09:40,188 --> 00:09:41,015
That's--
266
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:41,711
I haven't done
that in a very long.
267
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,408
That's romancing his wife.
268
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,457
Ask him if
they hold up in--
269
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,980
romances his balls.
270
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,634
He'll know what that's about.
271
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:52,809
They want to know
about his balls.
272
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,594
Oh, awesome.
273
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,596
That's a really, great
car ride right now.
274
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:57,814
What do you mean ugly balls?
275
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,381
I know one is
always bigger, but
276
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,470
Anthony's like hang super low.
277
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,340
OK?
278
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,777
I love you.
279
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,256
Super low, lots of
skin, and then the ball.
280
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,606
And he has like the--
281
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:07,519
can I be--
282
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:09,130
Are there pretty
balls out there?
283
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,306
Describe the last guy you
were with that had pretty balls.
284
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,047
Yeah, thank you, please.
285
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,526
And who cares about the balls
when there's a nice penis?
286
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:16,616
And he has beautiful penis.
287
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:17,268
Can-- can you believe that?
288
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,835
Aw, thank you.
289
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:22,143
Your wife just said on
TV that you have a good--
290
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:23,057
I'm going to cry.
291
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:24,580
I'm going to cry too.
292
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:29,019
You guys have a great thing.
293
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,368
You need to work harder.
294
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,587
That's a simple
bogus thing to say.
295
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,110
And you want to come home
for a couple of minutes
296
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:34,677
to sit down and go, tell me
what's going on with you?
297
00:10:34,808 --> 00:10:35,460
How you feeling?
298
00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:36,374
What kind of a day did you have?
299
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,246
And shut up and listen.
300
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,204
And then, let him do that.
301
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:41,902
Allow him to be--
302
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:43,730
Alec Baldwin, you old softie.
303
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,166
You think you're like,
well, it's just today.
304
00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:49,474
It's just because
Alec Baldwin told you to.
305
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:50,345
I don't talk like that.
306
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:51,825
No, you don't, actually.
307
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,915
You are a very
1/6 of me.
308
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,612
Now, what's the last thing
you're going to do for me,
309
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,353
promise me, what are you going
to do when you leave here?
310
00:10:58,483 --> 00:10:59,528
Sex.
311
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,661
Not you meatball.
312
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:02,923
Son of a bitch.
313
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,141
What I'm going to do?
I don't know.
314
00:11:04,272 --> 00:11:04,664
You're going
to take him where?
315
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:05,708
To Brothers.
316
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:06,709
Get out of here.
317
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:12,846
Hi, and welcome
to "Cocktales."
318
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:14,848
I'm your host Little Esther.
319
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:19,200
And my guest today is a woman
who I've known for a long time
320
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,984
because she is my mother.
321
00:11:21,115 --> 00:11:22,246
Welcome.
- Cheers.
322
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,074
Cheers.
323
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:27,687
OK, mom, so if I say anything
or ask you anything that makes
324
00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:31,212
you uncomfortable, just use
today's safe word which is,
325
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:34,084
you're my favorite daughter.
326
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:37,653
She's been trying to get me to
say that for the last 25 years.
327
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,002
Why won't you say it?
328
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,308
Because I don't
have favorites.
329
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:41,657
But that's not true.
330
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,485
No, I love you both equally.
331
00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:44,921
Which one's prettier?
332
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,053
You're both beautiful.
333
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:48,142
Who looks more like
you, me or my sister?
334
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:49,056
Neither one of you.
335
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:50,884
Do I look like you?
336
00:11:51,014 --> 00:11:52,581
No, I think you
look like your father.
337
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,844
No.
338
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:57,412
Well, you have my round face.
339
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,675
I also have your
spider veins, thank you.
340
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,677
And my thighs.
341
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:04,245
I'm going to list a bunch
of different qualities
342
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:05,812
and you can just say
whether you find them
343
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:06,856
to be a turn on or turn off.
344
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:07,727
OK.
345
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:08,771
Hickeys.
346
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:09,903
Turn on.
347
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:12,296
Oh, hide out and gave
each other hickeys.
348
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,994
You're my favorite daughter.
349
00:12:14,124 --> 00:12:15,909
Knowing the Jersey Boys
soundtrack by heart.
350
00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:16,736
Turn on.
351
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:17,998
Why?
352
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:19,303
Because I love
the Jersey Boys.
353
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,479
I love their music.
354
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,350
I already forgot.
355
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:23,220
What's the safe-word?
356
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:27,529
What about takes
a lot of baths?
357
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,009
Turn off.
358
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,097
Why?
359
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:32,186
I mean only women take baths.
360
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,578
Mom, that's sexist.
361
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:34,449
Dad takes baths.
362
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:35,624
I know.
363
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:36,581
And what are you saying?
364
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:39,454
He's too feminine.
365
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,326
He does have supermodel
legs that I wish I had.
366
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:43,197
And his skin is so soft.
367
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,679
Have you ever
heard me having sex?
368
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,073
No, thank goodness.
369
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:51,553
Well, dad walked in once.
370
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,555
And dad came home early
from work and my high school
371
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:54,991
boyfriend was on top of me.
372
00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:57,559
And then dad closed
the door and said,
373
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,736
are you guys practicing
your monologues?
374
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:01,955
Oh, no.
375
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,696
Have I ever heard
you having sex?
376
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,612
I hope not, but probably.
377
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,832
You wouldn't have sex when
I'm in the house, would you?
378
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,661
Well, I don't prefer to but
your dad doesn't seem to care.
379
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,359
Oh, my gosh.
380
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:16,926
The show is over.
381
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,015
I'm losing feeling in my hands.
382
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,538
I don't know why,
but every time you
383
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:21,801
come home he wants to have sex.
384
00:13:21,931 --> 00:13:24,281
Why would you say that?
385
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,240
Does being pregnant hurt?
386
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:30,897
When I was pregnant with
you was not a good experience.
387
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,507
Are you still
attracted to dad?
388
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:33,377
Of course I am.
389
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:34,596
Oh?
390
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,641
Yeah, in my eyes
he's handsome.
391
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:38,339
Yeah.
392
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,819
Who do you love more, your
husband or your children?
393
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:41,908
I would give my
life for my children.
394
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:44,998
But then why wouldn't you give
me your jacket when I'm cold?
395
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:47,217
I find that hard to believe.
396
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,349
Do you think I'm talented?
397
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:49,219
Yeah, I do.
398
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:52,440
At what?
399
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:53,833
Bamboozling.
400
00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:57,837
No, I mean, I had my
doubts in the beginning,
401
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,795
but you've proven us wrong, so.
402
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,101
Well, that's what it's about.
403
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,015
Yeah.
404
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,581
Thank you for
being on my show.
405
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:04,844
Thanks for having me.
406
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:09,109
As a parting gift, I got
you a little something.
407
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,459
This is a get out
of a date free card.
408
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,765
And what it is is
a potion that will
409
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,593
make you throw up on command.
410
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,770
So if you want to get out
of a date, or an obligation,
411
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:22,470
or get rid of a big meal,
this will do the trick.
412
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,340
Well, it's so sweet of you.
413
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:24,515
You're welcome.
414
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:27,431
Thank you for having me.
415
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:39,008
Hey, Benjamin.
416
00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,531
Hey, Tim.
417
00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,620
I wanted to talk to you about
that argument we had yesterday.
418
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:43,795
Yeah, you know what?
419
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:44,666
You don't have to say anything.
420
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,189
Please, I really do.
421
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,712
I feel like I do.
422
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:53,153
I said some very hurtful things,
you know, vicious cruel things,
423
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,851
things that could break a man.
424
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,244
I just wanted you to
know that I meant them.
425
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:58,723
What?
426
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:00,856
Yeah, I didn't get carried
away in the heat of the moment,
427
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,727
I chose my words very carefully.
428
00:15:02,858 --> 00:15:05,687
And I'm glad I said what I said.
429
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:06,949
Why are you telling me this?
430
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,212
Well, I just didn't want
you to assume that I was
431
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,127
having a bad day or something.
432
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:13,608
And then not take everything
that I said to heart.
433
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,349
You know, I was actually
having a great day.
434
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:16,872
I mean, I think
what I said was kind
435
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:18,918
of like the perfect
expression of how I
436
00:15:19,048 --> 00:15:21,094
felt about you since I met you.
437
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:25,707
So the thing you
said about my face?
438
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:28,579
Yes, I think that.
439
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:29,711
And my mom?
440
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:32,540
Yes, I do hope that
happens to her, hard.
441
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:38,415
OK.
442
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:39,416
OK.
443
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:43,551
I feel better.
444
00:15:43,681 --> 00:15:44,247
Do you feel better?
445
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:45,248
No.
446
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,249
Me too.
447
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:52,299
You want anything from
the vending machine?
448
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:54,257
Can you give me a Snickers?
449
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:55,128
I don't think they have that.
450
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,176
Soft.
451
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,661
Hello, welcome to
having a lovely time
452
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:08,141
while wearing sweaters.
453
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:09,707
The show about
having a very nice
454
00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:13,320
time with the ones you care
about and who care about you.
455
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,496
Before the break, we put
our muffins in the oven.
456
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,019
Let's recap.
457
00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:28,378
These muffins are going
to be piping hot when
458
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:29,553
you take them out of the oven.
459
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:30,815
So while you make your frosting.
460
00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:33,862
you can go ahead and put
these on a cold porch.
461
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,603
Mmh, those look good.
462
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,997
How did it get in?
463
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:41,826
It's a monkey.
464
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:42,784
It's not a monkey.
465
00:16:42,914 --> 00:16:43,698
It's a monkey.
466
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,178
It's not a monkey.
467
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:46,440
Get it.
Get it.
468
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,310
Get it.
469
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,747
No, no, no, no.
470
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:50,748
Shh.
471
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:54,796
- Where did it go?
- There.
472
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,495
He's looking right at me.
473
00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:00,236
What is it?
474
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:02,238
It's a black warring vulture.
475
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:03,761
He must have escaped
from the old mountain.
476
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,024
Is it a poisonous bird?
477
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:08,766
Oh, my god.
478
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,205
Should I pick up the muffins?
479
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:17,775
No, just stand still.
480
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,259
If we stay too still,
it will think we are dead
481
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:24,695
and try to feed on us.
482
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:29,309
Well, just stand still, but
move just enough so that it
483
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,223
knows that you're not dead.
484
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:31,224
OK.
485
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:39,493
It doesn't matter,
we're already dead.
486
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,277
Relax, relax.
487
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:44,237
We should be OK as long
as nothing startles it.
488
00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:46,848
Right, so let's just keep
trying to have a lovely time.
489
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,940
So slowly.
490
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,342
Today we're making a
classic vanilla frosting.
491
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,039
We're using a lady cow's milk.
492
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:05,780
Oh, no.
493
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:06,824
It's the bird clock.
494
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,358
Oh, no, it's venom.
495
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,189
You get off of him.
496
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,060
You get off of him.
497
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:36,202
The blood has spilled
in the ...
498
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:38,726
It's the dog clock.
499
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:42,860
It's scaring it away.
500
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,044
I've locked it in the OVEN.
501
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,878
Oh, god.
502
00:19:01,009 --> 00:19:02,358
These are filthy.
503
00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:05,709
How are we going to
have a lovely time now?
504
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,419
Look at this delicious fowl.
505
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,598
Ooh, you hit the venom sac.
506
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:25,729
No, jeez.
507
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:44,792
Excuse me.
508
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:48,187
I just wanted to say that are
breathtaking and I would love--
509
00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:49,188
I'm sorry.
510
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:52,191
I'm not emotionally available.
511
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:01,504
Fitz, I said stop.
512
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,203
Hello.
513
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:09,077
Sigh, if this is
about Fitz, I don't--
514
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:10,905
Hello.
515
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:18,434
Jake, I've been waiting
here over 20 minutes.
516
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,654
I'm not some B613
drone who you can just
517
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:22,264
beckon whenever you feel like.
518
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:25,963
You have to earn me.
519
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,067
Sorry, she's teething.
520
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:44,591
I'll get her to quiet down soon.
521
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:45,722
It's OK.
522
00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:48,682
I didn't come over
here to complain.
523
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:52,076
Hi, I'm Olivia Pope.
524
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:53,121
May I?
525
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,078
Uh.
526
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:57,256
Trust me.
527
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:59,997
I said, trust me.
528
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,869
OK.
529
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:07,918
It's chamomile scented.
530
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:09,659
It's a natural relaxant.
531
00:21:09,790 --> 00:21:11,705
Oh, are you a new mom too?
532
00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:13,489
Oh god, no.
533
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,926
But I have had
plenty of experience
534
00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:18,842
hiding a senator's love child
during a fundraising dinner.
535
00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:20,496
Hi.
536
00:21:20,627 --> 00:21:21,845
Hi.
537
00:21:21,976 --> 00:21:23,717
You're so pretty.
538
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,893
And you need to get it together
because you are embarrassing
539
00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:28,069
your mother right now.
540
00:21:28,199 --> 00:21:30,114
And she is starting
to wonder if she made
541
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:32,769
a mistake when she had you.
542
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:35,076
You're not a mistake, are you?
543
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:37,600
No, no, you're not.
544
00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,602
So prove it.
545
00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:41,343
Look, I know you're a baby.
546
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:42,866
And I know you don't
have your words.
547
00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,216
But right now,
you are my client.
548
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:48,568
And you need to
trust me, do you?
549
00:21:52,006 --> 00:21:53,747
How did you--
550
00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:58,099
You know, she may be getting
a bit of an ear infection.
551
00:21:58,229 --> 00:21:59,709
So you can get
her to a doctor, I
552
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,624
suggest a few drops of
children's aspirin right
553
00:22:01,755 --> 00:22:02,495
before bed.
554
00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:04,192
Oh, no, keep it.
555
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:05,541
I'll tell you where
to get one, but it
556
00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:08,762
was given to me by an
80-year-old Icelandic witness.
557
00:22:08,892 --> 00:22:10,981
Thank you.
37969
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