All language subtitles for Above.Average.Presents.S05E11.Lets.Pull.Another.Card.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

OK.

So I really love you guys.

Unwanted.

It's a great band name.

Well, it's The Wanted.

The Wanted.

The Wanted.

Wanted for what?

Cutting pre-algebra?

My name's Janessa Slater
and I'm a media coach

who's helped hundreds of fans.

This is "Sound Advice."

My job is to consult
on your image,

and it's interesting because
you all have different images.

Max, you're the party guy.

You're the baby party guy.

You're the party guy
with a girlfriend.

So it's like, ugh.

And Jay, you're the party
guy with spectacular eyes.

He's got nice eyes.

Everyone talks about
his eyes as well.

Jay's are piercing.

His are bigger.

Oh, and Ziva, you're
the cartoon bad guy, so.

Rounding out the group.

So your new album is called
"Word of Mouth," which

is very funny because I
can't understand a word out

of any of your mouths.

Well, girls kind
of dig our accents

becuase we're from Britain.

Tom, can I do an impression
of what you sound like to me?

It might be better
if you guys used

your real accents and not these
ridiculous, blown up nonsense.

You know, talk like a
human, you know what I mean?

These are our real accents.

What do you mean,
talk like humans?

I have no idea
what he just said.

So, Nathan, on a
more serious note,

you recently had some surgery.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, was that to turn
you into a real boy?

Um.

It's a Pinocchio joke.

You get it?
- Yeah.

Turn you into a real boy.

Was that-- I'm a real boy.

Then turn you into a real--

So right now, I'm going to
read some lyrics from one

of your songs, "I Found
You," and then I'm going

to give you some feedback.

Yeah, go for it.

"I found you in
my darkest hour.

I found you in the pouring rain.

I found you when I
was on my knees."

I wish you guys would find
a Thesaurus, all right?

What if it's just, I
found you on Facebook,

blah, blah, blah,
hit song, relevant.

The end.

Kind of ruined the
poetry a little bit.

Yeah, maybe if there's a genre
of poetry called gutter trash.

So you guys have this reality
show on the E network,

"The Wanted Life."

Did you decide to do a
reality show because you

want to be D-list celebrities?

What's going on here?

So basically,
what you're saying

is you think that we're shitty
musicians, there's only one

with good eyes, and that all
we're good at is partying.

That's what you're
saying, basically.

Yeah.

That's pretty much-- think you
guys have learned a lot today.

this .

I'm done.

OK, well.

Cheers.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, can you sign my
album for ebay.com?

you!

What do you think?

She's beautiful.

Thank you all
for coming to Abby's surprise

birthday party.

I have a feeling this
party will be ...

Why would you clap for that?

That was terrible.

Now, don't forget when Abby
arrives, make sure you yell--

What?

All this for me?

Oh my god.

I am shocked.

Surprise.

Look at how
shocked my face is!

Abi, who are these people?

Are you serious?

This is exactly who
you told me to invite.

Lupe, the delivery guy from
your favorite salad restaurant.

Derek, your most
average employee.

Sweaty Pete from your old gym.

And your sidekick, Ms. Esme.

Your life will be all fine.

Who I'm pretty sure
is not a real psychic.

God.

Why do they keep clapping?

Happy birthday, Ms. Young.

I got you this.

Oh, my favorite salad!

All onions, no lettuce,
and extra ranch.

Ew.

I hate to say this, but
I got to head out early.

I still have to deliver
a ton of salads.

Oh, come on.

Just 15 more hours.

That's absolutely
not going to happen.

Here's 20 bucks.

- Who wants free salads?
- I'll take one.

Who wants them?

Is there one
that's just lettuce,

carrots, and olive oil?

Ugh.

So average.

Happy birthday, Ms. Abby.

I have a feeling this
year is going to be--

Let me guess, fine?

You are gifted in
the ways of the Zodiac.

I'm just a really
good guesser.

You know the
secrets of the Zodiac.

Doesn't everyone?

Let me check.

No.

What are you doing?

My bra hurts.

Who cares?

No one's looking at me.

No, everyone's looking at you.

It's your party.

Also, you keep moving
under that sign.

It's for attention.

God.

Oh, is it?

Come on, Abi.

It's my party and I'll cry.

If you want to?

What?

That's the rest of the lyric.

"It's my party and
I'll cry if I want to."

Oh.

I've been doing it wrong.

Attention, everyone.

Oh, great.

This guy.

I'd like to raise the glass to
Ms. Young on her 25th birthday.

As Mark Twain once said,
"sing like nobody's listening,

love like you've never been
hurt, and dance like nobody's

watching."

Bottoms up.

God, he sucks.

The worst.

Wait, I'm getting something.

I know, I know.

I'm going to be fine.

No, no, no.

You will live a short
and horrible life.

Everyone you know will
die, including you.

And when you die, an ugly
dog will poop on your grave

every day until eternity.

Also, you have something
behind your ear.

Was this your card?

It was.

You're good.

Goosebumps.

Do you think she was kidding?

Don't look at me.

The past, the present,
the future with Emily Heller.

Hi.

I'm psychic Emily Heller,
and I'm sitting here

with comedian, author, and
e-cigarette enthusiast Mosha

Kasher.

Hi, Mosha.

Hi, Emily.

Now, Have you ever
gotten a reading before?

Yeah.

I got my first reading
I guess in high school.

Oh.

We started with a
Crowley deck, obviously.

That's everybody's
first deck, I guess.

Moved on to the writer white.

And from there, I did do some
dabbling in the etymology

of tarot, of course.

Tah from the ancient Egyptian,
royal, and roh, meaning road.

What I want to figure out is--

I'm new to relationships,
and I wanted

a basic love read-- are you
not going to clear the space?

I'm sorry for the--

I cleared it
before you got here.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- That's unusual.
- Yeah.

So it's sufficient.

Right.

So I am new to--

so I'm new to romantic
relationships,

and so I wanted a
basic love reading

to see what things to expect.

Yeah.

Well, women are crazy, so that's
one thing for free right now.

OK.

Doesn't feel really tarot.

It's just a tip.

A sexist tip.

Three of pentacles.

All right.

So that's the
three of something.

Pentacles.

Pentacles.

Right.

Well, in my defense, the
pentacles are normally yellow.

And on this one, that's not--

Of course, the pentacle
is one of the most

famous iconographic symbols
in all of religion, right?

So the color wouldn't really--

Um, I don't know if this
is another interesting thing.

Did you know that
there are some women

for whom being
professionally threatened

is an irresistible turn on.

Hmm.

That's just like a fun--

Let's pull another card.

Did I show you my necklace?

No.

I've never seen any
of your necklaces.

Got this one?

Oh, it said
psychic, so I guess--

Oh, that's the wrong one.

Yeah, it says "horny."

OK.

I don't know if you want to
do anything about that, or.

Emily, I have a girlfriend.

And beyond that, even you
coming on to me in a tarot

reading when I'm this
psychically vulnerable

is pretty inappropriate.

So you have a girlfriend?

I definitely do.

Well, that sounds great.

I'm really happy for you.

Let's figure out if
it's going to work--

Thank you--

between you and
what's-her-face.

The empress.

The empress.

My girlfriend's
literally an empress.

She's officially the empress of
Tobago based on family lineage.

That is so crazy.

God.

That's actually the card
for the type of person

you should break up with, so.

You just said--

We're going to find
out in this last card

whether things are going to
work out with you and Trish.

You don't know her name.

Can I just draw this
card already?

You always do this.

You know what?

I'm sorry.

I'm being nasty.

Just, whatever the card
says, we'll follow it.

We'll find out if
things are going

to work out with you and Trish.

Her name's not Trish.

The lovers.

Lovers.

Come on.

Well, I don't want
this to be real,

but you must go to her now.

Yeah, I mean, I was
going to go to her.

We have plans to get dinner
right across the street.

I was going to go to her.
- OK.

Fine.

That works too, I guess.

Hey, Emily.

I think you're a very
talented tarot reader.

Thank you.

I've never heard that before.

Well, I don't
really believe it,

but I really do feel
uncomfortable right now.

OK.

I'm going to take this, I'm
going to go meet my girlfriend.

Please don't.

You're a good kid
Thank you.

Do you want to--

do you want to see
my necklace again?

I'm here with my wingman Matt.

And I'm here with
my wingman Ford.

And this is the show where
we eat wings, talk about wings,

and sometimes the
topics of the day.

Sometimes.

Sometimes.

And today on this episode,
we have our special guest,

Laura Willcox.

Hi.

Laura, thank you for
coming on the show.

Thanks for having me.

I'm really excited.

And you're the first
wing woman on the show, so.

Yeah.

We're happy to have you.

I speak for all women in
America when I say, thank you.

Everyone ready to
take the first bite.

Yeah, let's do it.

- I'm hungry.
- Yeah.

Huh.

Hmm.

It smells like
fettuccine Alfredo.

That's what they smell like.

You just that feel
Italian influence.

Oh yeah.

Before we get to the
main topic of discussion,

I would like to
make a wingpology.

Yeah.

In episode two,
season one of "Wingman,"

I mistakenly corrected one of
our guests, Michael Antonucci.

He held up a wing and he
just called it a wing,

and I corrected him and I said,
oh, you mean the drumstick.

GEORGE BUSH (ON
RECORDING):--regime

possesses biological
and chemical weapons.

Now, as many
commenters pointed out,

this is not a drumstick.

Right.

It's a drumette.

That's the correct terminology,
and I didn't know that.

No.

Now, we've never claimed
to be wing experts.

We're just wing fans.

Just wing fans.

But we do want to get the terms
right when people correct us.

Yeah.

And I would just
like to apologize,

number one, to any of our
fans that were angry or upset.

I'm sorry.

I'd also like to apologize
to Michael Antonucci

for incorrectly correcting him.

Yeah.
You attacked him.

- Shouldn't have done that.
- You attacked him.

I went over the line.

It takes a big wing man
to admit when he's wrong.

Yeah.

Matt up.

There's a lot of
non-drumettes in this pile.

That can launch us into
our main topic of the day.

Do you prefer the
drumette or the wingette?

So this is the wingette?

That's the wingette.

I like the wingette.

You like the
wingette better?

Yeah.

I like it because I feel
like there's more meat

and there's less possibility
you're going to bite

into something surprising--
Mm-hmm.

and weird.

Like in a drumette.

Like a tendon or like some
magical, mystery ...

Yeah.

Like, look at all this.

What is all of that?

No one's ever
pulled something

out of the bone bucket before.
- Yeah.

That's a "Wingman" first.

Yeah.

I'm all about
breaking glass ceilings.

Mm-hmm.
I agree with that.

I understand that.

I like a clean
eating experience.

Yeah.

But I think the meat is
better on the wingette.

Yeah.

I think it's more flavorful.

It's juicier.

Mm-hmm.

I think you're just getting
a better bite of wing.

And for me, that's
what it's all about.

So I have a question.

When you go out and you
get a plate of wings--

Uh-huh.

Do you expect there
to be an equal number

of drumettes and wingettes?

Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like
they usually are.

Yeah.

But what if we
demanded more wingettes?

If we were like, hey,
this group of people here,

we're wingette crazy.
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

But then what happens
to all the drumettes?

I guess they go the
same way ...

Yeah.

But some idiot
sitting next to us--

- Yeah.
- Well, I don't mean to say--

I'm sorry.
- There are plenty of--

- There are people out there--
- No.

Some idiot who prefers
the drumettes, you're going

to eat the whole plate--

I think it's fine.

like a goddamn idiot.

But we need those
idiots so that--

Yeah.

the smart people, like
us, can get our wingettes.

A lot of people
in the wing circles

are saying wingettes
are worse because they

have double the bone.

Hmm.

So is that a burden
or is that a bonanza?

Well, I don't know
if it's a bonanza

because more bones are not
a good thing for anyone,

unless you're like--

I would say that more
bones equals more flavor.

So double the bones
is double the flavor.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

It's also fun to throw
the bones in the bucket.

So do you always break
them apart like that?

- I like to, yeah.
- Why?

Oh, so you can nibble.
- Mm-hmm.

I do not--

You can get a little
bit closer to the bone.

I don't use that.

I don't do that.
- Wow.

I've never done that before.

Yeah.

I use my little teeth
to pull out the--

Yeah, I just use my
little tiny teeth--

Like a bird's beak.

Yeah.

So this is the final
segment of the show.

This is where we talk about
how many wings we crushed.

So, Laura, how many
wings you crush?

I feel like I crushed 100.

Realistically, I feel
like I crushed maybe 10.

That's a lot.

How many did we order?

That was 20 wings.
So you--

Oh.

Then I feel like I
contributed to a third of 20,

which, again, my SAT scores
were low, so I don't know.

And I think this
is a "Wingman" first.

We completely finished.

Finished.

That's an empty plate.

Sure, there's a
little sauce there

and I'd love to shut it
down, but I'm not going to.

And I think part of the reason
why we have less is not that--

we were a little
hungrier today, I think.

I think so.

But we also
ordered less wings.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

So we had less wings.

Did you order less because a
woman was a guest on the show?

Oh god.

ADOLF HITLER

So, everybody, on the
topic of wing versus drum,

or wingette verse drumette--

Mm-hmm.

I think we landed
as a panel completely

on the side of wingette.

So until the
next episode, just

remember, spread your wings.

Keep winging it.

want to get going?

.

Thank you so much
for coming in, Orson.

You know what?

I think we got a bang
bang double whammy,

a critical and commercial hit.

That's excellent news.

So as you have it
now, this is in the very

early stages of writing, right?

A first draft?

No.

I was hoping that this would
actually be the final draft.

Ooh.
OK.

It's obvious this is one
of your first movie scripts

because, clearly, you don't
know how a movie works.

Let me show you.

Now, on page one,
you start the movie

with the main character dying.

That's wrong.

That's the end of the movie.

Typically, the movie ends
at the end of the movie.

Just make sure to fix that up.

We'd look like complete
morons if we let that through.

Personally, I like
that structural choice.

OK.
Be quiet now.

All right.

So Charles Foster Kane.

We open on him.

His last words are "Rosebud."

Then we go all the way
to the end of the script

when we find out that Rosebud is
the name of his childhood sled?

We have a little
money in on this.

Is that a type?

No.

Rosebud is his sled.

OK.

The problem I
have as I'm reading

this shit smear,
and the whole time

I'm wondering, who
the fuck is Rosebud?

It's very distracting
and annoying to not know

who Rosebud is.

He's got everything
in the world,

but all he cares about
is this stupid sled?

Yes, but over the
course of the narrative,

we learn that he is most
happiest at his childhood.

Mr. Wheels, I don't
want to offend you,

but I've got to tell you,
that's a very stupid idea.

Oh god.

See, that's what I
was worried about,

that the movie was stupid.
- What?

Oh yeah.

I've just never met anyone
who likes sledding so much.

I know.

Is there something about
sleds that I don't know?

I mean, it's just like
a little dumb stick

you ride down a hill, right?

Why would he name this thing?

Who does that?

How are you going to make
an audience like a guy

that's such a big loser?

What if Rosebud
was something else?

Like a sexy woman with big cans.

Oh.

You can change her name to Rose.
- Yes.

And that's who he's thinking
about when he's dying.

That's
good and creative.

I really think it needs
to be about the sled.

Oh my fucking god.

No.

You know, fine.

Let's focus more on the sled.

Because as you
have it, it's only

in the beginning and the end.

10-year-old Charles
Foster Kane wants to be

a professional sledder
when he grows up

but his parents won't let him.

Then at the end of the movie,
you have a big sledding

competition, he wins the whole
thing and we cut to the crowd,

and there are his parents, and
they're really proud of him.

There.
That's it.

That's your movie.
Go write that.

That is so much better.

You know, I was worried
there wasn't a wedding,

there wasn't a
prom, there wasn't

a competition at the end of the
script, and that's what I need.

That sounds a lot
funnier than what you have.

My script isn't
supposed to be fun.

What are you talking about?

It's about a grown man wants
to be a kid so he can ride

in his stupid sled all day.

People are going to be
laughing at him a lot.

OK.

Let's forget about the sled.

Thank god.

It's really about that
moment in his childhood.

I like that.

Focus on the kid.

Kid Kane.

Candy Kane, because he's a
kid who's obsessed with candy.

- Right.
- There you go.

And both with K's.
Both with K's.

Kandy Kane.

Holidays, jingle bells.

Oh my gosh.

That's just not the right
direction for this project.

OK, fine.

He can have a bunch
of stupid sleds.

There.
Are you happy?

I don't even think
you like my script.

That's the smartest
thing you said all day.

The more I've talked
about it, the more

I've learned to hate it.
- We're just trying to help.

No one in the world
is going to make

your stupid sled movie, OK?

Get out of here.

Now go.

You want to get out?

We stopped talking, so
you should just leave.

Just leave the place.

We're actually very sleepy.

We're going to go to bed.

There are millions
of stories in the world.

Some are the lullaby of
your sweet aunt Elmer,

some are about vampires or
werewolves or some shit,

and others can only be told
from the trunk of a car.

This is one of those stories.

Demon, I
cast you back through

the ages from whence you came!

Oh, watch out it's gonna puke!

Oh god!

Forgive me, Father.

Ah!

You know, babe.

You've been acting so strange
since we got this car.

Come on.

I want to go eat.

I make turkey tetrazzini.

I'm sick of noodles!

This one's a real fixer upper.

Found it in the woods
a couple of weeks back.

That's where I found her.

Uh, we met at a frat party.

You kill me.

Young love.

All right, well,
I'll tell you what.

I'll take it.

I can fix anything.
- Great.

Including her
bad moods, right?

- Oh, you.
- Woo.

That's going to cost extra.

I hope to God no one
ever fixes this car.

No, Corey.

How long you think
it's been here?

- I don't know.
- Ooh.

A book bound in human flesh.

How do you know
it's human flesh?

It feels like a handshake.

Oh.

Maybe we should read
it to Josh tonight.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Hey, I found this skull cap.

And this skull.

What?

Maybe if I
leave this cursed book bound

by the flesh of my friend
in this demonic trunk,

they'll cancel each other out.

Or maybe they won't!

I don't know!

I'm so scared!

Yo, man.

I'm not scared.

I'm a documentary filmmaker.

I'll take it.

You should be.

I'm an old, creepy man selling
you an old, creepy car.

Plus, I don't have a
pulse and I don't--

I said I'll take it.

You know, I think
you killed him.

No.

We just got to throw
him in the trunk.

He'll come back to
life like my cat did.

Yay.

Mr. Whiskers, you in there?

All right.

Hey, didn't that old
Chinese guy say not to fill

this thing up after midnight?

Yeah.

And that old French guy said
we look stupid in these berets.

He was wrong.
- Yeah.

Want to go to IHOP?
- gas.

she's like, you
get a car, and you get a car,

and you get a car--

I got this car for free.

Was Gail there?

- So this passed inspection?
- Yep.

Number 666.

And we never found those
ancient Indian artifacts?

No.

No idea where they went.
- Weird.

Did you ever patch
things up with your wife?

Eh, you know.

Check It out.

Whoa.

Pure steel from
Hitler's bunker.

What are you
going to do with it?

Melt it down and sell it.

Steel's steel.

Steel is steel.

Yeah.