All language subtitles for Above.Average.Presents.S04E03.Hey.Ethan.Bring.Me.a.Moon.Rock.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Ba-da-da-da-da,
seven minutes in heaven.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, this is "7 Minutes in
Heaven" with Mike O'Brien.

Joining me today is Hoda
Kotb from "The Today Show."

Hi, Hoda.

Look at us in the
closet together, sexy.

Look at us.
How are you.

Good, how are you?

We got shoved in here.

We're gonna make the most of it.
- We are.

And you brought my
favorite beverage.

Thank you for the red.
- That's right.

Cheers.
- Cheers.

All right.

So here's the new game.

Whisper in my ear the worst
thing about Kathie Lee Gifford,

and I won't tell any--

That is so rude.

No!
- Don't talk to them.

You are evil.

No, OK.

You're the devil.

The worst thing about her?

The worst thing about
Kathie Lee Gifford?

Could you hear me?

Yeah, I actually--

No, what I meant was
everything she says is genius.

- Yeah.
- Brilliant.

I don't-- so--

She's actually-- by the way,
can I just say, in her honor--

Yeah.

she's actually
a great person.

She'd take a bullet for me.

And you know, she's a
cool-- she's a cool kid.

Yeah.

Well, I'll-- I'll--

But what I told
you is still true.

Yeah.

I'll be the one firing a bullet.

Have you dated a pro athlete?

No.

Oh, kind of-- kind of.

Give me.

No, I mean, kind of.

I think he was a pro athlete.

But you didn't date.

You just hooked up?

No, I dated him.

I actually married him.

Oh, wow, you forget.

But I have divorced--

No, I don't think of
him as a pro athlete.

I did play professional
tennis for--

OK.

for a period of time.

OK.

Was it Nadal or whatever?

Not that dude?

What is the-- what's the most
annoying question you get?

Maybe you get a
lot of Kathie Lee.

What's another, like,
annoying question you get?

Annoying?

People ask-- oh, they always--
it's usually a statement.

You're a lot-- I thought
you were a lot fatter.

I thought you
were a lot fatter?

Yeah.

You seem so much bigger on TV.

Turn around.
- Wow.

And I-- and you know what's--

Where are you hanging
out, truck stops?

No, just the mall.

So you work one hour a day.

What the hell?

We have prep time.

That's my question, OK.

OK, here's what we do.

We go in.

We have to prep.

We have to read the segments.

You shoved me just now.

What does La Toya
Jackson have to say.

- You just shoved me.
- I know.

Because--
- Don't shove me, please.

I'm just tactile.

But OK.

And so we study our segments.

We read the papers.

And then at 5 to 10:00,
we're on the air.

So at 11:00, we've
had quite a full day,

as you can imagine-- sitting,
having people put makeup on,

reading.

I get it.

I got-- I'm a
little sidetracked.

Because there's a difference
between being like,

oh, I'm talking to you
and-- but you pushed.

I did?
Wait, how did I do it?

You pushed and--

No, that's love.

No, this is nice.

This is fine.

But you gave a push.

- Maybe I was getting defensive.
- OK, all right.

I don't-- I'll
fess up to that.

All right, the one
hour a day thing.

Yeah.

What's your go-to karaoke song?

We were talking
about this earlier.

Oh, my go-to karaoke
song is I like Flo Rida.

I like anything Flo Rida does.

You know what mine is?

I'm going to sing it.

Apple bottom--

-jeans,
boots with the fur.

Go.

Whole club
is looking at her.

She hit the floor.

Next thing you know Shorty got
low, low, low, low, low, low.

I love that song.

That's a great song.

Why do we love it?

It's simple.

It's fun.

It tells a story about someone
walking into a building.

Oh, yeah.

What's the most drunk
you've done an interview?

First of all, we hardly drink.

Yeah.

Good.

For the record.

Well, that brings us to
the end of the interview.

OK.

And so.

So we're
in the closet.

So.

And this is it.

Yeah.

He got lip, baby.

My boyfriend's going
to be mad at you.

- I did get lip.
- Yeah, you did.

Sorry, lawyer guy.

Oh, yeah.

Six months ago, a virus
spread across the Earth,

turning 20% of
humans into puppets.

My name's Matt, and
I'm one of them.

Every puppet faces
their own challenge.

Mine is high school.

OK, we're here.

I'm so excited.

And little brothers
are not cool at parties.

Wait 10 seconds, and
when you start to mingle,

you do not know me.

Do I know you?

No.

Let's get this shit started!

Will I know you?

Of course, Bradley.

Cool.

Our first house party.

I'm so excited.

Has it been 10 seconds.

Maybe.

But we should
probably play it safe.

The kids are
gone for the night.

We can do anything we want.

Uh, sorry, honey, I
have some work to do here.

Does this change your mind?

No, it doesn't.

But only because I--

I'm so swamped.

OK, then.

I have to take this to
the laundry, anyway.

Um--

I have to go to the bathroom.

Get out of here!

Get out of here!

Sorry.

Mm.

What is that?

I have no idea.

Hi, girls.

Mm!

Oh-- oh, my god,
I love your skin.

Oh, thank you.

See, Taylor, I told
you I was pretty.

- Wow.
- Ethan.

Hi.

I was wondering when
you were getting here.

Babe, I have something to
tell you, and it's way serious.

I got a letter in the mail.

I've been accepted to NASA
Junior Astronaut School.

Wait, this is in Florida.

I know.

That's the sucky part.

And it starts on Monday,
so I have to leave tonight.

My dad is driving me to
the airport right now.

Right now?

But what about us?

You can come visit me.

And they have the
astronauts' ball in March.

But Ethan--

Look, it's going to be OK.

I have to go right now.

I love you.

OK, bye.

I'll call you.

Hey, Ethan, bring
me a moon rock.

All right, bud.

- Yeah!
- Drink!

Drink!
Drink!

Drink!
Yeah!

OK, it's OK.

Let it out.

Um, hey, Claire.

Matt, when did you get here?

I've been here a while.

Just haven't really moved
from the couch much.

Yeah, this couch is awesome.

Are you OK?

Me?

Oh, yeah, I'm just great.

My boyfriend is
moving to Florida

to be a space astronaut.

Wow.

Well, I think he's crazy
to leave you for that.

I agree.

I mean it.

The stars in your eyes
are prettier than any

stars he'll see in space.

Oh, that was so sweet.

I mean it.

Matt, you are so cute.

You mean like puppet cute?

No, like guy cute.

Hey, man, that your sister?

I don't know her.

G'day, mate,
Mr. Peter Jackson.

That's how you sound
in your country.

Yes, thank you for having me.

"The Lord of the Rings," OK.

First of all, this script
is about 900 pages long.

Ooh.

And that's probably
800 pages too many.

Actually, "Fellowship
of the Ring"

is the first third
of the script,

and we're going to break
it up into three films,

like, similar to the book.

Wow, you sure move fast for a
fat guy with tiny, stubby legs,

huh?

We haven't even
approved this script.

Who says we're going
to approve three?

So real quick note, and
don't get too fixated on this,

but I don't understand
where any of this is,

who these people are,
or what's happening.

Yes, that's why
there's the prologue

to sort of catch you up.

For the first 10 pages here,
you have some lady blabbing

on and on about a ring.

Wow.

That is a boring way
to start a movie.

You know who
likes to talk about

rings it's all my ex-fiancées.

I'm sorry.
I'm confused.

You confuse me by the way
you talk and the things

that you say.

If this is so important, all
this talking at the beginning,

just make that the movie, right?

Well, actually, I was
thinking of making another film

in the future, a prequel.

Now Crocodile Chubby thinks
that one movie is four movies.

Let's focus on the one in
front of us, 'kay, Pete

OK.

So after this
long opening, we cut

to our main character,
who's this tiny little,

ugly, hairy miniature man?

Yes, Frodo Baggins.

No one's going
to want to watch

a teensy hairball named Frodo.

So why don't we just rename
him something sexy in American,

like Jay?

You know, that was the
name of my first boyfriend,

who I'm still very
much in love with.

He died, of course.

Can we talk about all the
names while we're at it?

Samwise Gamgee,
Gandalf the magician?

Wizard, not magician.

Bilbo Baggins?

I mean, I'm sorry,
but I think these guys

aren't the only tiny
little ugly hairballs

that are smoking the weed.

Ooh, I found a big
old doobs right here.

I'm about to pass out.

But it was worth it because
we got to make fun of you.

I am not high, and I
didn't make up the names.

Doesn't matter.

Because now they're called
Steve, Gary, and Bob.

Oh, love it.

And could we think
of something better

than this tiny,
dinky ring, please?

Oh, I hate the ring.

It's tacky.

The ring is the centerpiece
of the entire story.

Really?

If it's so important,
then why are

people dropping it into
rivers and losing it

for hundreds of years?

You know who wants rings?

Cheap women and drug
addicts with frosted tips.

Give people what
they really want--

a duffel bag full of cash.

There it is.

My ears are pricked.

Jake finds a bag full of
cash, just like the real Jake,

and puts it in the
back of his BMW.

By the way, this is now set
in contemporary downtown LA,

not some fake, made-up country.

That'd be cheaper
and much less terrible.

Jake opens his trunk.

He's like, what should I
do with all this money?

Is it mine?
Can I keep it?

Should I spend it?

That's a much more exciting
dilemma than a teensy hairball

crying about whether he should
throw a ring in the trash

or kiss his boyfriend, Sam.

Yeah, I don't know
if audiences are

really ready for some
weird, little-person,

homoerotic jewelry movie.

Frodo and Sam are not gay.

Hey, we don't have anything
against people being gays.

These two teeny-tinies can
bump shrubs any time they want.

Some of us have friends
of friends who are gays.

Yeah, but for now, let's
stick with sexy hetero Jake.

Ooh, I can see the
movie poster already.

It's got Jake on it.

Some low-slung pants.

We can see
his treasure trail.

It's too many changes.

I've already altered and cut
the script significantly.

- Oh, I don't care.
- Yeah, that's fine.

None of us care about the book.
- All right.

Well, I'll take my script
to people who do care.

Thank you.

Yeah, while you're at it, go
home and put on a clean shirt.

It's always filthy.

Yeah, and don't have a
magician die at the end--

nothing sadder than
a dead magician.

He's not a magician.

And he doesn't die!

What did he say?

Something about a
sandwich-- a Reuben sandwich.

Ooh, a Reuben.
That sounds good.

I'm in the mood for some meat.

Mm, some creamy dressing.

That does sound great.

Hey, Allison, can you order
us some Reuben sandwiches?

Yeah, the fat man put
us in the mood for food.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Narrow lane in
street discovered

to be for bikes, not tiny cars.

Turns out the Vatican doesn't
recognize our Waco Valley Pope.

In health news, new Groupon deal
offers half off STD screenings

for groups of three or more.

OK.

Now, I'm just going to take
a quick look-see down south.

OK, sure.

Ha-ha.

Mm.

Um, hmm.

Did you just say, mm?

No, no, I said, hmm.

- With an H.
- Yeah.

So something's wrong?

Not at all.

OK.

Uh-oh, what's this?

Wait, what?

Is something wrong?
- Wait.

I'm not sure yet.

Let me just keep--

Oh, man.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, you know, I think
I gotta go, actually.

Don't move.

It might be serious.

Oh, OK.

Ow, my-- oh.

Great.

You have two days to live.

Look, we're gonna make
the most of these two days.

Do you have one of those
bucket lists things--

you know, things you
always wanted to do?

Yeah, but I never
thought I'd use it.

Oh, come on.

$65?

Parking in a red zone?

Oh, I wish I was dead.

Right.

All you have to do
is ask her questions.

That's it.

Get her to do all the talking.

Hi, there.

That's great lipstick.

Where'd you get it?

Why?

You didn't-- you didn't
want to try it, did you?

OK, let's get you home.

Woo.

Woop-woop.

Hey-- hey, man, do you
still enjoy skydiving,

or is it more like
work to you now?

I don't know.

I guess a little of both.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I get that.

Totally.

Hola.

Hola.

Scarlett, you're gonna
be such a good mommy.

Ah, yay.

Not really what I had in
mind but still pretty fun.

Gentlemen, thanks
for coming back.

A bit of a blunder on my
end, but it looks like you

don't have two days to live.

You have two years.

Oh, god, what a relief.

You hear that, buddy?

So I'm still dying?

Hey, ice cream on me.

What?

What a guy.

This guy, huh?

Are there any medicines
I should be taking?

Ice cream is so great.

- Isn't it?
- Like a penicillin--

Oh, my goodness, I--

or something?

Oh, butter pecan, straight up.

No kidding?
Me, too.

Hello?
Yep.

Oh, yeah.
Guys?

It's pretty
much the best ice cream.

This is the
happiest day of my life.

My name's Janessa Slater,
and I'm a media coach

who's helped hundreds of bands.

This is "Sound Advice."

I've listened to
several of your albums,

and I'm just wondering,
why won't you cheer up?

I'm actually
feeling pretty good--

Oh, OK.

in general, in life,
you know-- positivity,

Bob Marley and all that.

- Right, right, right.
- Yeah.

Who is he?

Bob Marley-- legend.

I'll look him up on Hotmail.

You know, there's so many
things to be happy about,

you know, for example
gel manicures, you know?

They last for up to three weeks.

That makes me happy.

I actually think
gel manicures are

probably not the healthiest
thing for women to get.

Oh.

Yeah, I think soaking
your fingers in acetone,

probably not a great idea.

Now I'm sad enough to
write one of your albums.

I'm actually a huge
fan of your old group.

Oh, Rilo Kiley?

No, "Troop Beverly Hills."

How are the gals?

Well, I haven't seen
them in many, many years,

although my sister bumped into
Shelley Long in a supermarket

and got her phone number.

Oh, did she look fabulous?

I wasn't there.

But I-- I would
assume that she did.

She looked fabulous.

Yeah.

But I was hoping we could talk
a little bit about my music.

That's--
- Oh, right, right, right.

- That's why I'm here.
- Right.

That's right.

So if we could refocus it.

So there was a six-year
span between when you released

your last solo album, "Acid
Tongue," and you're more

recent one, "The Voyager."

What were you doing in
that time besides shopping

at thrift stores
for vintage dresses?

Well, you have heard
that weed is practically

legal in California, right?

Oh, yeah, of course.

I love weed, you know?

I love vapes.

I love vaping, you know.

I love rollin' Js.

Got a pretty sweet
gong back at my pad.

Bong.

Right, right.

You sure?

Yeah.

If you want to hang later, I've
got some really great stuff.

It's got a ton of seeds.

What's your favorite strain?

Oh, of-- of--

Grass.

Ganga?

I like, you know, a crisp weed
with hints of vanilla or musk.

You're like a master
sommelier but with weed.

Right, right, right.

I've done so much of
the stuff, you know.

Clearly.

I'm always like doped
out of my mizz-ind.

I can tell.

You know, I could really
relate to your song,

"Just One of the Guys."

Because you know, I'm like that.

I'm a real guy's girl.

You know, I like to watch
football and throw darts

and, you know, eat wings.

That's not really
what the song is about.

Oh.

Well, it's more about being
a woman in a man's world

and being surrounded by
men who opt to date women

a lot younger than us.

I guess I--

I guess I really do
relate to the song, so.

Are you all right?

Can I get you a Kleenex?

They're over there.

Can you get me
another coffee, too?

And, like, a muffin or
something to nosh on?

Where's that gong?

Can someone get us a
gong full of green maj-ick?

Please.

Please.

You're very nice.

That'll take you far.

Guys, we're
gonna make a movie.

The Asian shark who's
now a US double agent

lures all the other
sharks back into the core!

The core of the world!

Ha.

Ha.

Hi, Eric.

Eric, we're excited.

Well, I'm here with
John and Michael,

and they're excited, too.

OK,
let's get right into it.

Overall, we love the film,
but we do have a few notes.

All right, let's hear them.

First, Michael, what kind of
sharks are these, hammerhead?

They could be hammerheads.

I was thinking more
like a mako or a reef.

MC hammerhead.

I'm sorry.

Is that a note?

Greg Chambers here, marketing.

My concern's a little
bit more big-picture.

Do they have to be sharks?

And does it have to be Earth?

Because Mars and robots are
testing like crazy right now.

Yeah, it definitely
has to be sharks.

No, uh, the sharks
are non-negotiable.

Yeah.

Fair enough.

Hi, Linda Marshal, casting.

Let me throw this
hot idea at you,

and I hope it doesn't burn you.

Summer movie, Bieber,
celebrity voice sharks,

$100 million opening weekend.

Yeah, we were actually
thinking more like Andrew

Garfield or Channing Tatum.

You know what, Linda?

Actually, we love that idea.

We have some other names
I want to run past you.

We think the latest
Bachelor would

make a killer hammerhead shark.

Can you, uh, describe
his voice for me?

And Harold and Kumar
for the Chinese shark.

Do you mean Harold,
the Asian one?

Both of them?

You know, we can nail
down casting later, guys.

Were there any plot
issues, likability?

Yes, lots of them.

Ha-ha.

Don't be mad at us.

She's kidding, Eric.

But we do need a
complete rewrite.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

No, yeah, we're not on
conference call, anymore.

Uh-huh.

Well, your team just told
me that they love the idea.

Right.

Well, it's just a first draft.

Yeah, um, guys, I don't
think that bringing

someone else in at this point
would be good for the idea.

No, no, no, no.

We can do it.

I-- we have a million ideas.

Like, well, uh, Bieber.

Justin Bieber is the lifeguard.

Bieber is the lifeguard.

- Bieber is--
- He's already--

the lifeguard.

Guys, did you hear that?

All right.

Yes, OK.

You got one week.

So I couldn't get my
foot all the way in there.

And I was like, did I
leave something in there?

And I was like, oh, my tampons.

Wait, ooh.

Why would you keep your
tampons in your boot?

To keep them warm.

Oh, yeah.

Because there's
nothing like sliding

a toasty tampon up there.

You got that right.

Toasty tampons.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

Who's that guy you
brought with you to the bar?

Oh, that's my
date from last week.

After we hooked
up, he never left.

So I guess he's
my boyfriend now.

Oh, I guess so.

What's his name?

Uh, oh, uh.

Brad.

What?

I told you a million times.

I put it on my jacket so
that you would remember.

My name is Brad.

Come on.

I wish you would be rad
and stop talking right now.

His name's Brad.

Oh, what a classic name.

- I know, right?
- Uh-huh.

Can I ask you a question.

Oh, anything, girlfriend.

Who's the guy that
you brought to the bar?

Oh, this?

This is Devin.

It's Derek.

Ugh, he's homeless, but we
have a very strong, supportive

relationship.

We're not in a relationship.

Oh, he gives me
that good, good D,

and I give him a
roof over his head.

So you took in a homeless man?

OK, he's cute.

He's young.

He's smart.

And yes, he is homeless.

But he's like my
diamond in the rough.

I met him at Whole
Foods, and it was

just like love at first sight.

Come to me, sweet prince.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

And we've been
together ever since.

It's because I
can't leave, though.

Ha-ha.

Can't leave, won't
leave-- so many options.

It seems like you
should let him go.

This is very illegal.

Oh.

Oh, Brian, do you mind taking
care of that check for us?

You didn't even
offer me a drink.

And my name is Brad.

You just said be rad, remember?

That was fun.

That was a fun thing.

I wish you would
be more supportive!

Oh, no, baby.

Derek, baby, can you,
like, pay the bill, please?

Hey, lady, I don't
have any money.

Ugh.

Outrageous!

Wait, wait, wait!

Can you call somebody?

They're not moving.