All language subtitles for Above.Average.Presents.S03E06.I.Can.Read.Cant.I.Isnt.That.Enough.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

My name's Janessa Slater.

And I'm a media coach, who's
helped hundreds of bands.

This is "Sound Advice."

So Carrie, my hair
person recognized

you because she said you're
on a show called "Portlandia."

Now, did you all meet because
you were all in low-budget TV

shows that I've never seen?

Corin and I met in college.

That's when we
started this band.

And so was one of the original
members Susan B. Anthony?

I think she was
deceased by then.

And that is sad for all women
that she's no longer with us.

But we carry her message--

be a girl, get dressed
up, look pretty, you know?

Guys are running this place.

But we can do stuff too.

And for every monster truck and
every Lamborghini or whatever,

there's also a flower shop.

At heart, we're all just
little riot grrrls you know?

I feel like your understanding
of riot grrrl is vague,

at best.
- And what is it?

So it was a
movement of activists

who did events, played
music, made art to talk

about violence against women.

And how men need to, like,
treat women nicely, right?

Treat them to dinners, you know.

That could be
part of it, yeah.

I'm gonna get you
the lobster dinner,

and I don't expect
anything back,

you know, except maybe a little
smooch and an extra long hug.

I'm a feminist.

OK.

So now I'm going to read some
lyrics from the title track

of your new album,
"No Cities to Love,"

and give you some feedback.

"Atomic tourist, a life
in search of power.

I found my test site.

I made a ritual of emptiness."

I'm sorry.

I must have accidentally
grabbed the diary

of an angsty pre-teen
girl because there's

no way an adult could
write this garbage, right?

Mm-hmm.

Did you write it
when you were smoking

behind the shopping center?

Did you guys get that
assignment for English?

They want us to write
a three-page paper

about that book.

The book sucks.

That's you guys.

Definitely.

So as an all-girl band, how
many mysteries have you solved?

?

This seems like a
Nancy Drew kind of team.

We did actually set up a
sting at one of our concerts.

Really?

Oh, that's right.

We caught, like, a
real bad guy, a flasher.

Mm-hmm.

He flashed riot grrls.

Now, along the same lines,
do you feel like if a woman

were to flash, like--

I don't know-- her
ex-husband when

he's at dinner with his
new girlfriend, like,

is that also a crime?

It's not, right?

I think indecent
exposure is a crime.

But, like, what
if it's, like, not

indecent because it's, like,
he's seen me that way before.

But I think if
you're in public,

then it's considered indecent.

And if it was at his house,
then it was harassment.

OK.

Well, I thought this
is Sleater-Kinney.

But it's Judge Judy.

If I were
you, I'd get out of the court

right now.

And two months in prison.

And you're an idiot.

Is that your ex-husband?

That's Judge Judy.

I mean, one of my
favorite bands of all time

is an all-girl band.

Usually we don't
put the modifier

in front of the word band.

You wouldn't call
them, like, an--

a male band.

Like, if you were
interviewing U2.

Ugh, I wish I was
interviewing U2.

They are, like, my
favorite man band.

I love "The Joseph Tree."

It's "The Joshua Tree."
Joshua.

It's "Joseph Tree."

I'm pretty sure.

I just feel, like, if
you want to sell tickets,

don't you want to
play good music?

Play good music that's done
by, like, you know, hot chicks.

And if Susan B. Anthony
was here right now,

I think she would say, you
know, use it or lose it.

But she's not.

And we miss you, SBA.

Take that, misogynists
everywhere.

Can you believe that shit
pig from the last episode?

Yeah, some balls.

A guy comes in here, drops
the S bomb in a sidekick bar?

Comes in, and he
calls us sidekicks?

Well, we could call
ourselves sidekicks

because that's what we are.
- Shut up.

We're not sidekicks.
That's what we do.

It's not who we are.
- Me shut up?

You shut up.

Ow!

Man, don't fracture my bones.

It's annoying

Stop!

You got a dumb power man.

Dumb?

I mean, you just
fracture bones.

I do it with my mind.

I can fracture a bone
with a wet loaf of bread

if I swung it hard enough.
- Ugh.

Ow!

Ow!

What did-- what did I do?

Oh!

Ow!

"Ee-wow!"

Oh!

Aw, right in my
doctor reflector.

Being able to shit bricks?

I manifest bricks.

I mean, you manifest them
out of your butthole, man.

It's a lame power.

Evening, fellas.

Norm!

Old man.

I'm just saying
there's got would be

a better word for what we do.

Well, what, would you
rather be somebody ward?

You know what that means, right?

It's getting stuck to you.

I've always been
fine with partner.

Hell no.

Partner sounds weird, man.

It sounds like you hold hands
while you fight crime, which

would be impossible,
by the way, because how

would you punch criminals?

Why can't we just
share the moniker hero?

Try telling that to a hero.

Oh, sorry.

That'll heal.

You know what we are?

We're helpers.

We're just like the fish, like,
the weird fish in the aquarium

that's got no friends and just
sucks goo off the glass, like.

And that's its whole thing.

I'm hammered and
confused right now.

We all are, Blue Jay.

We all are.

We all are.

We all are.

- We all are.
- We all are.

We all are.

Can we help you?

I most certainly hope so.

Could you get that flyer, man?

He's not even allowed to
put up flyers in here.

I don't know what the
hell he's thinking.

We're all a bunch of
glass-sucking goo fish.

What's it say?

It says fellow heroes wanted.

Not looking for sidekicks.

Looking for partners.

Looking for a friend
to fight crime with.

Let's do this together.

And then there's
like a long web address.

But I'm not reading
that out loud.

If you want that, you can
copy it down your damn self.

I'll say it right now.

You ever see me working
for a guy like that,

you have permission to kill me.

Nice.

I will.

It's just demeaning.

What person in his right mind
would take a job like that?

You know what kind of
job I think you'd give him?

What do you mean?

You know what kind of
job I think you'd give him.

I'd
give somebody a job?

I don't understand.

One of these.

He's not asking for a job.

He's offering a job.

How are you not getting this?

What does it look
like I'm doing?

What do people do
with this motion?

A hand job.

I was-- that's what
I was getting at.

Yeah, I'd think about it.

It wasn't worth it.

But we got there.

Hey, we
saw you take the flyer.

We saw you take it.

Oh.

Caitlin.

Oh, my-- what's wrong?

OK.

I was-- I was just having
drinks with my friend.

And out of nowhere she tells me
that her boyfriend dumped her.

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

And you know,
it's hard for her

because she's going
through a breakup.

But it's even harder for
me because I have to listen

to her talk about her breakup.

Sweetie, come here.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

Oh, I can't believe that
she would do that to you.

I don't understand
what happened.

You know, I thought that
they were really happy.

I mean, I never
said anything before.

But I thought she
was an asshole.

This breakup is
bumming me out.

Mm-hmm.

And it sucks because, like,
my life is amazing, you know?

I have a boyfriend.

Do you know what,
though, Caitlin?

There are so many
women out there

with boyfriends who would-- look
at me-- women who would love,

love to be your friend,
who would kill, OK?

Ugh.

She says she wants to
do a girls weekend.

Mm-hmm.

I don't have
time to plan that.

I have a great job.

My life is amazing right now.

Like, it's like I can't
stop getting promotions.

No, no, do not--

do not answer that.

No, Caitlin--

Maybe it's her telling
me they got back together.

- Caitlin, no!
- Maybe.

Give it to me.

Do you want to get hurt again?

OK?

If you go back to her, she is
going to act like everything

is nice and normal.

And then, boom, she is going to
steer every conversation back

to her ex-boyfriend.

This is what she does.
- Yeah.

I know.

This couple is bad for you.

Yeah.

Wait.

He's bad for-- he's bad for
your friend, and that affects--

your friend's boyfriend
broke up with her.

And that's not healthy.

I don't know.

The logic is confusing.

I'm 31, and I have
a single friend.

Hey.

My mom was 35 and
had a single friend.

OK.

Well, that is just
something that sad women

say to other sad women.

- Stop it!
- It is.

Don't even put that
out in the universe.

It's out there!

No, stop it.

All you can do is focus on you.

You have a boyfriend.

Yeah, I know.

And, like, honestly he's, like,
so hot and makes so much money.

Like, it's literally insane
how, like, amazing my life is.

There you go.

OK?

That's enough.

Do you want to open
a bottle of wine

and jerk off to
"Mythbusters" together?

Yes.

- OK.
- It's perfect.

There you go.

Hey, Mom?

Not great.

I have a friend who has a friend
who's going through a breakup.

I know.

It's just so annoying.

Hey, Victoria!

Cool Goth look.

What got into you?

Eleanor Hickox.

I've had to go out with
her every night this week.

Oh, no.

She DJed this
Fashion Week party.

The sun was up when we got out.

like a vampire.

And here I thought you
were so freaking excited.

Yeah, I am so
friggin' excited!

I'll pick you
up in an Uber at 6:00 PM.

Guys, guess who is going to
Cara Delevingne's launch party

tonight?

I hate you.

And I just signed the DJ
for the event, Eleanor Hickox.

Whoa!
- What?

You are kidding!

No, I don't kid.

She has the best Instagram.

Plus, she's so pretty.

And she's British.

And she's my new BFF.

BRB, you guys.

I got to take a "Victoria" lap.

Ha.

"Ka-kow."

BRB-- you really
need to stop doing that

every time you sign someone.

I love gloating
via light cardio.

Pew!
Pew!

Pew!

That's my air horn.

- Beep, beep, beep, beep!
- That's a car.

That's my air horn.

Do you have a cold?

Beep, beep, beep, beep.

Yeah.

This is good.

I'm just gonna--

Delivery!

Eleanor sent you breakfast
and these flowers.

Really cute.

Aw!

Hey.

No.
- Yes.

No.

No.

This is how she
gets me, you guys.

She dangles cool
stuff in front of me.

You are living the dream.

Listen to this text.

Hey, V, it's L. Hope

you had a smash
night last night.

The guy in the fedora
was asking about you.

So funny.
Hee-hee-hee.

Ciao.

Oh, she says ciao?

Oh, my gosh.

She just tagged
me in this Insta.

Unreal.

Oh!

That's a really
good picture of you.

I am asleep.

Uh, FaceTime.

FaceTime-- new client.

- No.
- You have to.

No.

You have to-- new client.

You guys are no help.

ELEANOR HICKOX [ON
Hi, lovely.

Hi!

Ignore my last message.

We've got a charity
cocktail hour tonight.

So I'll need you to
pick up my dress, OK?

OK.

And, oh, darling,
I'm so sorry.

I forgot.
I'm being brain dead.

We've also got a new
club opener tonight.

So I'll text you the addy.

Kisses.

Bye.

Bye.

I just-- I said bye too.

Oh, no!
Why?

Why?

No.

Mm.

I'll go with you tonight.

Really?

Oh, heck, yeah.

I would go, but I have
to go to Whole Foods.

I'm taking a class on aloe.

Why?

At 4:00 AM, she made
me do espresso shots.

And then we had to
go dancing again.

Oh.

I have so much glitter
inside of my underwear.

Ooh.

So much glitter.

She texts me constantly.

She wants to be on the
list for every cool party.

It's crazy.

Look, clients always
want their publicist

to be one of three things--

a mother, a brother, and
a whore in the kitchen.

It's hardest when
they want all three.

For real.

Hmm.

Now, I mean, back in the day--
and I'm sorry to repeat myself.

But I had to go to all
Jared Leto's band's gigs

and pretend to like it.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

The man is gorgeous.

He looks like a pony
boy, like Jesus.

Yum, yum juicy fruit.

But jeez, "30 Seconds to Mars?"

What does that even mean?

What does it mean?

How do you do
this every night?

I don't.
I have a daughter.

That's why I hire a young
publicist such as yourself

to do all the work for me--
easy breezy, taco peasy.

Hey, could you
call her and tell

her I'm on another job tonight?

Victoria, does that look like
something I would do for you?

- It was worth a shot.
- Mm.

My advice?

Learn to deal with her
and learn to get solid REM

sleep in any
five-minute cab ride.

And bring a change of panties.

You don't want that
glitter gumming it up.

Oh, how do you spell uterus?

U-T-E-R-U-S.

Ah.

Ooh.

Images.

I'll go get that panty tube.

Oh, my gosh.

Hey, thanks so much
for coming in person.

I--
- No problem.

didn't want to
do this over text.

Oh, man, I just--

I want to say, girl,
this

is kind of difficult
for me because the time

we have spent these past
few days has been amazing.

It's just some of the
most fun I've ever had.

Like, seriously--

Before I forget.

Yeah?

I've got a prezzie for you.

What is it?

Just tickets to Tom Ford's
birthday party in Mallorca.

Are you kidding me?

His team sent them over.

Oh, my-- wait a minute, how
am I going to get to Mallorca?

We leave Tuesday
by private jet.

You can thank my dad.

Thank you!

What?

Thank you!

Thank you!

Wah!

This is so cool.

This is, like, the coolest--

I love to hook up my team for
their hard work and dedication.

- And I am dedicated.
- Mm.

Yes.

So what was it you
wanted to talk about?

I-- cool DJ stuff.

Yes, perfect.

I've got a big gig
coming up in Morocco.

Mm-hmm.

And I want to
make a statement.

OK.

I was thinking
about showing up nude.

OK.

OK?

But it's not going
to be my body, right?

Not your body.
- Not my body.

- OK.
- We'll have a stand in.

And I'm thinking it's
going to be a projection.

Your head, like,
on someone else's body.

Yes.
What do you think?

I think that I want to
get you all of the things

that you want.

Oh, I'm so happy because
there's so many other things

that I want.

Today we're going
to be making water.

And for your slow
minds out there,

I'm sure that sounds
pretty boring.

That's because I
haven't told you

that there's an explosion yet.

Helping me today is Billy--

he's just a kid-- and Tony.

Tony.

What's up?

Just being cool here too.

I was a cold kid--

nice leather jacket, Tony.

Where'd you get it?

I don't know-- a store.

That's where--

that's where people get
all kinds of jackets,

from different stores.

What?

Right.

Water.

Tony, do you know what
molecules are in water?

I do!
Hydrogen--

Quiet!

Did I ask you anything?

I just wondered if
you knew what molecules

were in water because--

Ah, I'm not a chump.

What?

So the molecules in water--

Two hydrogens and one oxygen.

Thank you, nerd.

Right?

Look, hey, I'm
only here to score

enough cash to fix my Harley.

Oh, yeah, man, hogs.

I love hogs too-- cruising
or just leaning on them

or going to some sort
of, like, show with it.

Mr. Browning, can
you do the experiment?

I can't even remember
what I was saying!

God!

So let's go ahead and put on
our protective eyeglasses here.

And you can-- maybe I won't
put them on because I'm

not scared of it.

Danger is like
watching TV for me.

Hey, Tony, let's
get out of here.

Yeah, all right.

Well, but you're gonna
miss the coolest part.

I'm the coolest part.

Well, I guess it's
just you and me.

OK.

I'm watching them leave.

So you just stay totally quiet.

Carbon monoxide,
the silent killer.

One faulty gas heater or stove,
and that's all she wrote.

It happened to
little Sally Rogers,

my friend and junior high--

killed her whole family.

They gave us two
days off for that--

two whole days.

To test the effects of carbon
"mono-oxide" on the human body,

my producer's leaking
the gas into this

closed set as I speak.

OK.

I'm starting to
experience headache

and light nausea, which is
consistent with exposure

to 50 to 110 PPN.

Yep.

It's confirmed-- unsafe.

Time to get out of here.

I know.

We're here.

Doors are locked
from the outside?

Unsafe.

Not a panicking time.

Where's the janitor?

Janitors that have an
hour-and-a-half lunch break--

unsafe.

Unsafe.
Unsafe.

Unsafe.

It's not real.

Big studio windows-- unsafe.

God!
Oh!

Oh, yeah.
Ooh.

Is someone trying to kill me?

Oh.

Is this your house?

Bye, y'all.

Enjoy Disney World, y'all.

Thanks for coming to
the Mickey Mouse Club.

Enjoy EPCOT too, so
you can also learn.

M-I-C-K-E-- Y did you
bring me here, Justin?

Don't play the full, Britney.

They're obviously
pairing us together I'd.

Rather have control.

I trust you received
the contract?

I had my mother, Lynn,
fax it over this morning.

Yes, my mother, also
named Lynn, gave it to me.

But I read it myself.

Impressive.

Let's begin.

Let's just state facts
right off the top.

I don't like you.

You don't like me.

But if we're smart, we
can milk this for all

it's worth until we're dead--

25 by industry standards.

It's true.

Together we're unstoppable.

We can both sing,
dance, and act.

And I can rap.

Mm-hmm.

But what really sets us apart?

Our ambition.

I'm not afraid to be slutty.

Let's just get into
the parameters, shall we?

Article 1, I propose we delay
our official relationship

until we've both completed
our respective puberties.

Yes, all 14-year-olds are
oily little pigs, even us.

We'll take two years
off from the spotlight.

I'll become a better singer.

And I'll get worse.

Article 2, subsection
B, when we re-emerge,

it will be as sexual teens.

I will be a solo artist.

And you, we'll put
you in a group.

Why do I have
to be in a group?

What about Michael Jackson?

Girl.

All right.

Article 3, when we're
18, we'll announce

that we're officially a couple.

Can we--

Where
matching denim outfits?

Yes.

Cool.

Great.

Same page.

Let's talk the breakup.

I think it should
be long and messy.

I absolutely agree.

Article 3,
subsection C, I retain

the rights to use the breakup
of my first solo single.

Why do you
get the breakup song?

I'm the girl.

Cry me a river.

Ooh, that's good.

Write that down.
- Really?

Yeah.

OK.

There is, of course, the
topic of our competition

and how we dispose of them.

Yes.

Christina Aguilera, she's almost
as good of a singer as me.

Mm-hmm.

We can only defeat
her if we unite

in our power just like Germany
and Japan during World War II.

Are we the Nazis
in this scenario?

I don't know, Mr. I
Went to a Regular School

Not on the Studio
Lot.

I got 45 minutes a day.

And I can read, can't I?

Isn't that enough?

Lower your voice, you animal.

I don't know
if I can do this, Justin.

I feel, like, well,
I'm not a girl.

I'm not yet a woman.

Ooh, write that down.

Really?

Yeah.

Girl-- G--

U?

So close.

G-I-- G-I-R-R-L, girl.

All right.

Sign here, initial here, and
then have your Lynn sign here.

What about your
competition, Justin?

What about JC Chasez?

Oh, my god, imagine.

No.

We should kill him.

No.