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1
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:09,661
Hi and welcome to "Cocktails
with Little Esther."
2
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,533
I'm your host, Little Esther.
3
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:14,057
And my guest today is the
beautiful and talented Alison
4
00:00:14,188 --> 00:00:14,927
Becker.
5
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:15,841
Hi.
6
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:16,755
Hi, welcome.
7
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,279
Thanks for having me.
8
00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:21,586
The safe word for today's
episode is poached eggs.
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00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:23,110
That's a good one.
10
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,981
What advice would you
give to your teenage self?
11
00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:27,027
I'd probably
want to tell myself
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00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:29,377
that small boobs are
dope, and I should
13
00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:31,161
be really happy with them.
14
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,076
When you're in your late 30s,
they're still up nice and high.
15
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:34,730
Small boobs are
fashionable right now.
16
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,297
Yes.
17
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:37,907
But there was an era
where it was unacceptable.
18
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,040
But now it's like-- it's,
like, also big thighs.
19
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,432
I feel like it used
to be bad, and now
20
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:42,868
they're-- it's all about that.
21
00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:43,739
Yeah.
22
00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:45,175
Rock those big thighs.
23
00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:46,916
Yeah, that would be
mine, is your big thighs
24
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:47,830
will come in handy later.
25
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,179
Yeah.
26
00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:50,224
You know, rappers
and basketball players.
27
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:51,094
You'd wink to yourself?
28
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,487
Yeah.
29
00:00:52,617 --> 00:00:54,880
What's your favorite
role-playing scenario?
30
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:56,056
I like to dominate.
31
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:57,709
- You like to dominate?
- Yeah.
32
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:58,667
Are you surprised?
33
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:00,451
Kind of.
34
00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:02,540
Some people I was with just
thought I was, like, wow, you
35
00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,020
have a lot of, like, demands.
36
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:05,804
But then I'm, like, oh,
what if I just own this?
37
00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,241
Right.
38
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:08,329
You go from being, like,
a needy bitch to like--
39
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:09,330
- Exactly!
- a hot fetish.
40
00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:10,635
Exactly.
41
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:11,810
I just was whipped
for the first time.
42
00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:12,898
Have you ever done that?
- Whipped?
43
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:13,812
Yeah.
44
00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,423
By who, like, your dad?
45
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,251
No, no.
46
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:19,427
Like as a punishment for,
like, eating the cookie
47
00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:20,341
that you shouldn't have had?
48
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:21,472
Well, see, you want it.
49
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,345
I once heard a hot
girl say that she
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00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,347
goes on 14 dates with a
guy before they have sex.
51
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:27,739
Great.
52
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:30,829
I have never gone
0.5 dates without it.
53
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,614
But whatever your
thing is, that's cool.
54
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:33,528
0.5.
55
00:01:33,658 --> 00:01:34,529
0.5 days.
56
00:01:34,659 --> 00:01:35,878
Maybe wait one whole date.
57
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,358
Yeah, well, like a
half a date is just
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00:01:37,488 --> 00:01:39,795
like when he comes over
after work because his job
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00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:41,623
is in your neighborhood.
60
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:43,538
He can't sleep over because he
can't find good parking, that's
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00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:44,539
a half date.
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00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:45,801
That's not a date at all.
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00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,107
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
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00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,847
One time I was
having sex with a guy
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00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,153
and I told him how hot he was.
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00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,242
And then he'd never responded.
67
00:01:52,373 --> 00:01:53,461
What?
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00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,549
That guy's a jerk.
69
00:01:54,679 --> 00:01:55,941
Yeah.
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00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:56,855
I'm never dating guys
over 5' 11" again.
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00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,250
Now it's time to
play Turn On, Turn Off.
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00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,904
I'll list a few
different qualities.
73
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,558
And you tell me whether
they turn you on or off.
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00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:04,689
Great.
75
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:05,603
Binge-watching
"Gilmore Girls."
76
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:06,561
Off.
77
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:07,649
The smell of a library.
78
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:08,998
- Turn on.
- Yeah.
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00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,739
One time a guy told
me my mouth smelled
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00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:12,828
like an antique bookstore, but
I don't think it turned him on.
81
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,177
Ironed T-shirts.
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00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:15,091
It's a bit much.
Off.
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00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,048
Yeah.
84
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,049
I don't even own an iron.
85
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:17,963
And get a steamer.
86
00:02:18,094 --> 00:02:19,008
It's 2016.
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00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,575
Big feet.
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00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:23,447
On because it usually
means they have large hands.
89
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:26,494
Can play "Free Falling"
on an acoustic guitar.
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00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:27,408
On.
91
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:28,322
Sea--
92
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:30,062
Sea's too much for you?
93
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,543
Once they, like, need to play
the acoustic guitar for me,
94
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:33,762
I'm just, like, checked out.
95
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,242
No, I like it.
96
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:36,852
Oh, weird.
97
00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:38,375
If that's the only song
they're going to play, then no.
98
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:40,116
But if they can play the
acoustic guitar in general,
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00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,291
it's a turn-on.
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00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,467
It's a time suck,
I'm telling you.
101
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:44,512
Know sign language.
102
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,296
Oh, on, definitely.
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00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:47,906
I know a little bit
of sign language.
104
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:48,951
Whoa!
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00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,996
Somebody has a college degree.
106
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:52,346
I'm going to try
to guess the name
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00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,130
of your first sexual
partner in 10 seconds.
108
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:55,305
Ready?
109
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,741
- Wait, I have a question.
- What?
110
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,439
What does that mean?
111
00:02:58,569 --> 00:02:59,396
Do you mean, the first time
I had vaginal intercourse--
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00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:00,049
- Yeah.
- or the f--
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00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,485
OK.
114
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:02,399
That's such a Catholic
girl question, it's--
115
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,531
- Yeah.
- it's vagina.
116
00:03:03,661 --> 00:03:04,488
OK.
117
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:05,750
Go.
- Bill.
118
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:06,925
- No.
- Robert.
119
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:07,839
Yes.
120
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:08,797
Whoa!
121
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,190
That's crazy!
122
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,629
Have you ever done cosplay?
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00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:15,847
I've wanted to.
124
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Should we do it right now?
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00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,110
Yeah.
126
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:19,373
- Is it going to be sexy?
- Yeah.
127
00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:20,591
Ooh, let's do it.
128
00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,466
I was picturing
something different.
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00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:26,945
Same.
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00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,774
I look like feline
Elvis, don't I?
131
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:32,342
Alison, thank you so much
for coming on my show.
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00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:33,691
I made you this gift.
133
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:34,562
Thank you so much!
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00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:35,476
Should I open it?
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00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:36,433
Yeah.
136
00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:38,087
Wow!
137
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,610
It's edible underwear.
138
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:40,524
Pasta.
139
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,569
Mm-hmm, pasta.
140
00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,135
And there's some pepperoni.
141
00:03:43,266 --> 00:03:45,486
I don't eat pork, but I
could give that to someone.
142
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,009
Or you can let
someone eat it off you.
143
00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:48,402
And then this is the bottom.
144
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,404
Yeah, that's a thong
made of pizza bagels.
145
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,493
When I get hungry, I can
just reach into my pants.
146
00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:53,668
Exactly.
147
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:54,582
Thank you.
148
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:02,416
Are you that dialed into
your partner sexually?
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00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:05,114
Like, if she were to rub your
ass or I would rub your ass,
150
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,813
would you know which one
of us was rubbing your ass?
151
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:09,814
Want to bet?
152
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:10,815
How much you want to bet?
153
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,470
Put this diving helmet on.
154
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,348
Hello, hi!
155
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:22,740
- How are you?
- Nice to see you.
156
00:04:22,871 --> 00:04:23,654
Great.
- How are you doing?
157
00:04:23,785 --> 00:04:24,916
You're Justina?
- Yes.
158
00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:26,222
- You're Luke.
- Luke.
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00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,876
- I'm Alec.
- Alec.
160
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,051
- How are you?
- Good.
161
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:30,008
How are you?
- Nice to meet you.
162
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:32,663
Do you guys know who I am?
163
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,361
Do you even
know who I am, by the way?
164
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:35,971
Of course, I do.
You do?
165
00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:37,364
That's why I'm, like, nervous.
I'm like, oh, my god!
166
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:38,669
But he
doesn't know who I am.
167
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:39,931
I-- I know--
I knew-- I had a feeling.
168
00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,368
- Are you kidding me?
- But I'm not--
169
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,020
You know me from those
credit card commercials?
170
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:43,021
There you go.
171
00:04:43,152 --> 00:04:43,718
There you go.
172
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:46,329
That's awesome.
173
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:47,983
How are you doing today?
- I'm doing pretty good.
174
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:49,114
Yeah?
- A little tired.
175
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,333
Been up--
176
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:51,595
like 4:00.
You have?
177
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:52,770
- I was working.
- You're working today?
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00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:53,728
- Yup.
- Were you cheffing today?
179
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:54,816
Yes.
180
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:55,860
Where do you chef?
181
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:57,122
Bouchon Bakery at Rock Center.
182
00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:58,559
You do?
Yes.
183
00:04:58,689 --> 00:04:59,951
Right there on 49th Street.
Ah-huh.
184
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:01,475
I go there all the time.
185
00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:02,780
How long you been with
them, with Bouchon Bakery?
186
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,478
A year and a half.
187
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,349
I got the job-- we moved up
here a year and a half ago.
188
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,568
Yup.
189
00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:08,569
Moved
up from where?
190
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:09,831
- South Carolina.
- Where?
191
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:10,919
Myrtle Beach.
192
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:12,312
From Myrtle Beach.
193
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:13,443
You left Myrtle Beach
to come to New York?
194
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:14,705
Why?
I hated Myrtle Beach.
195
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:15,619
I know.
I can't believe we left there.
196
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:16,838
- Why?
- It's boring.
197
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,013
Wait,
you said what?
198
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:18,709
I can't believe
we left for this.
199
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,711
Oh, shut up.
200
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,539
So what
would you like to see
201
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:23,932
change in this relationship?
202
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,150
Like, how's it going?
203
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:26,543
We were just
talking about this.
204
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:27,414
Pretend I'm your priest.
205
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:28,328
OK.
206
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:29,372
Father, um--
207
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,242
Father Al.
208
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:31,156
Father, Al?
209
00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:32,941
Yeah, Father Al.
210
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,856
Father Al, I would like Luke
to be a little more adventurous
211
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:36,336
in our relationship.
212
00:05:36,466 --> 00:05:39,904
Um, I feel that he
sometimes holds me back when
213
00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,036
I get excited about things.
214
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,951
Like, I want to
go salsa dancing.
215
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,996
Does she think he'd
be a sexy dancer?
216
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,346
You think he'd make
a good salsa dancer?
217
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:47,738
Who?
Luke?
218
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:48,391
Yeah.
Does he have any rhythm?
219
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:50,959
I think we see the
answer to that, don't we.
220
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,047
Yeah, not really.
221
00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:53,440
He can't even jump rope.
222
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:54,658
You're what I call TWM.
223
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:56,051
You know what that is?
- Nope.
224
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:57,095
Typical white man.
- Basically.
225
00:05:58,619 --> 00:05:59,663
Do you have a sense
of humor about yourself?
226
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:01,099
Yeah, sure.
Kind of.
227
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,013
You don't seem like you do.
228
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:05,321
Where are you from, by the way?
Luke, you're from down there?
229
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:06,757
I'm from Virginia.
230
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,193
Low, like, uh--
The real Virginia.
231
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,630
Yeah.
232
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,893
The part of Virginia
where they don't dance.
233
00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:13,634
Guys, I have a
crazy idea for a game.
234
00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:14,809
You don't have to play the
game if you don't want to.
235
00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,071
OK.
- Don't freak out.
236
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:17,725
OK.
237
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:18,378
Because this
game, which we thought of,
238
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,901
is a crazy game.
239
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:23,078
And you're like the
last guy in the world--
240
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:24,558
when you got in the car,
I thought to myself,
241
00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,168
oh, we're
because you're never
242
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,430
going to want to play the game.
You're so Marlboro man.
243
00:06:27,561 --> 00:06:29,650
And you're so kind
of Clint Eastwood.
244
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:30,564
You're Luke Eastwood.
245
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,304
There you go.
246
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:33,654
But the game would
be that we would put a-- we
247
00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:35,264
would put what we call
the cone of silence
248
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,918
over you, where you couldn't
see or hear anything.
249
00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:37,919
Like, a hood over you.
250
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:38,963
And you turn around.
251
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:41,966
You'd stick your ass in the air.
252
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:44,882
And one of us
would rub your ass.
253
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:47,711
Would you be able to tell
which one of us it was?
254
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,713
I'm definitely not doing this
game with you, but look at him.
255
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:51,498
Luke was like, hmm.
256
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,195
We're
definitely not doing the game.
257
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,023
Because people-- would you be
able to tell which one of us
258
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:57,068
was rubbing your ass?
259
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:58,156
Uh, I have no idea.
260
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,680
You have no idea.
261
00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:00,463
You're completely freaked
out by that, aren't you?
262
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:01,986
- Yup.
- He is.
263
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:02,857
You're like,
how do I get back now?
264
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,293
Not my kind of game.
265
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,294
This is like a scene
from "Midnight Cowboy"--
266
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:07,992
where you're like here
in the big city and like
267
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,341
take me back to Carolina.
- Yeah.
268
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:10,517
We don't do this back home.
269
00:07:10,647 --> 00:07:11,735
This would never happen to me.
270
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:12,954
We don't put
hoods over our heads
271
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:14,259
and guess who's fondling my ass.
272
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,478
He would have to
drink a little bit.
273
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:16,087
And he'll be like,
yeah, let's do it!
274
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:17,524
No.
275
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:18,394
I had
a feeling about that.
276
00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,135
Mm-hmm.
277
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,832
You have a very--
278
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,966
as you can tell, you have a
very practiced, very stoic,
279
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:25,923
you're very quiet.
280
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:26,837
Does that work for you?
281
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,491
Um, yes and no.
282
00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:30,624
Do you think if you'd turn
around and all of a sudden
283
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,190
your boyfriend was
like Nathan Lane.
284
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,888
You know, like vivacious.
285
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:37,587
He was Alan Cumming, like,
a heterosexual Alan Cumming.
286
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:41,852
He was like a really vivacious,
singing, loud, crazy,
287
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,637
you know, colorful, witty.
288
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:44,681
Would you like that?
289
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:45,987
I think so.
290
00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:47,815
Does he know who
Nathan Lane is?
291
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,077
- Do you who Nathan Lane is?
- No.
292
00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:51,383
Do you know who
Allen Cumming is?
293
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:52,776
Nope.
294
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:53,821
So what do you want
to see things-- how do
295
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,170
you want to see things change?
296
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,476
Just be more
adventurous, more-- like,
297
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:57,346
take it to the next level.
298
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,521
Luke's always like, aw--
299
00:07:58,652 --> 00:07:59,217
Be
more adventurous.
300
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,567
Yeah.
301
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,177
Put the dot-- put
the helmet on and stick
302
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:02,873
his ass up in the air and
let one of us rub his ass?
303
00:08:03,004 --> 00:08:03,874
Yes, exactly.
304
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:04,745
You would so--
305
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:08,052
be so glad you did it.
306
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:11,055
Luke, tell her three
things you love about her.
307
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:15,103
Her eyes,
her hair, and her heart.
308
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,975
Her eyes, her hair-- you are
a ma-- you're like a haiku.
309
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:22,240
Her eyes,
her hair, and her heart.
310
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:24,286
Tell him three things
you love about him.
311
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:25,592
His passion.
312
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:26,462
Posture?
313
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:27,637
- Passion.
- Oh.
314
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:28,551
Posture.
315
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:30,901
His passion.
316
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:31,946
What else?
317
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,252
His passion, his patience--
318
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,820
And his-- his p--
319
00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:37,734
p--
320
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,127
P-- p-- p--
321
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,607
Pee-- pee-- peen--
322
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:41,521
peen--
323
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:42,565
pretty eyes.
324
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,567
No!
325
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:48,049
Hello and thank
you for choosing Citi Bike.
326
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:52,532
This video is for your
safety and information.
327
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,273
Bikes are available
for a flat rate
328
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,014
during the first 15 seconds.
329
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:03,281
If your station is full--
330
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:04,935
Blah!
331
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,023
-just head to
one of our nearby locations.
332
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:07,155
Hm.
333
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,853
Checking
in is simple.
334
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,986
Just insert gently, and
make sure the green light
335
00:09:12,116 --> 00:09:14,815
is activated.
336
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:15,946
Insert gently.
337
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,208
Ah!
338
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:18,645
Insert gently.
339
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,171
Gently.
340
00:09:26,522 --> 00:09:29,264
If you can't check in, there are
technicians who can assist you.
341
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,661
Citi Bikes do not
come with helmets,
342
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:37,620
which is fine because it's
only your entire life at stake.
343
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,883
So, please, be cautious
of pedestrians.
344
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:47,108
Remember, while riding your Citi
Bike, cars will try to hit you.
345
00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:48,936
There's nothing we
can do about this.
346
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,463
If any unexpected
problems occur,
347
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,247
just push the repair button.
348
00:09:56,378 --> 00:10:01,339
A trained technician will not
be with you shortly or ever.
349
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,515
Keep waiting.
350
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,606
Go ahead and wait,
you rat bastard.
351
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:09,783
I can wait for as long as
you can, except in my house,
352
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,175
where it's warm.
353
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:14,352
Because I'm an adult
with a bike of my own.
354
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:17,007
We hope you enjoy your
Citi Bike experience.
355
00:10:17,138 --> 00:10:21,882
And if you don't, remember,
we've already got your money.
356
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:24,319
Bye-bye.
357
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,407
Citi Bike.
358
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:28,236
We're in the bike business now?
359
00:10:28,366 --> 00:10:30,717
Katie Jensen, model,
and aspiring actress.
360
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:33,067
Hot girl in two
Justin Bieber videos.
361
00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:34,546
Did a CW pilot.
362
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:37,375
Remind me again why we're
taking this meeting?
363
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:39,987
Katie was my little
in my sorority.
364
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:41,553
I have a hard time
saying no to her.
365
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:43,686
Oh, she's one of those girls.
366
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,688
Totally.
367
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:46,907
But she can be fun.
368
00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:48,386
Really?
369
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:49,823
Because I heard she is
a white-hot nightmare.
370
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,346
No, I think she's biracial.
371
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:52,216
Here--
372
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:53,130
Oh!
373
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:54,523
Babe the Rage!
374
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,437
Hi!
375
00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:56,917
Hi, baby!
376
00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:57,831
Oh!
377
00:10:57,961 --> 00:10:58,788
Hi.
378
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,572
You're so cute right now!
379
00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:04,838
Oh, my god, these
earrings are e-- vry--
380
00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:05,882
thing.
381
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,014
Can I have them?
- Oh, these?
382
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:07,928
Yeah, sure.
383
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,320
They're so cute!
384
00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:10,931
Oh, My god, I would
never in a million years
385
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:14,412
make you give me something
that's off of your body--
386
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:15,979
yeah, unless you wanted to.
387
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:18,242
Please, I insist.
388
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:19,983
Oh, I can't believe it.
389
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:21,593
You're so sweet.
390
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:23,465
This is my
colleague, Victoria.
391
00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,075
Hi, it's so nice
to finally meet you.
392
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,511
Hey.
393
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:28,600
I love that you're Jack
Nicholson-ing right now.
394
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:29,645
Who's that?
395
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,299
Jack Nicholson?
396
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,256
The sunglasses indoors.
397
00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:33,301
Never mind.
398
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:34,650
You're so cute.
399
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:35,695
Super-old reference.
400
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,348
Yeah!
401
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,221
You know, old people, don't
know who they are, right?
402
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:44,921
So tell me all about LeGrand
PR and what you can do for me.
403
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:46,531
We are a boutique agency.
404
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:49,447
And we give each of our
client's individual attention.
405
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:52,059
We will tailor a strategy
for each of our--
406
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:52,973
Great.
407
00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:55,410
I want to scent.
408
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:56,280
What?
409
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:57,629
What's that?
410
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,196
Nicki
Minaj has Minajesty.
411
00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:01,764
Taylor Swift has Wonderstruck.
412
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,505
I want one.
413
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:08,815
I-- I want it to--
to be called Eau de Engenue.
414
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,512
The smell of an engenue.
415
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:11,948
Brilliant, right?
416
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,167
She wants a scent.
417
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,124
- Let's schedule a meeting.
- Oh!
418
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,038
Great, great.
419
00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:16,344
I love it!
420
00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,433
Oh, I have so many
ideas for my career.
421
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:19,347
Great.
422
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:20,435
Let's--
423
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,219
OK.
424
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,743
I want to go to the Met Ball
and sit next to Anna Wintour.
425
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:24,961
Oh!
Next to her.
426
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:25,919
That's-- that's--
427
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:26,833
e--
428
00:12:26,963 --> 00:12:28,878
Easy-ish to do.
429
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,228
I want to host the White
House Correspondents Dinner.
430
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,840
I'm going to be the first DEGOT.
431
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:38,061
Daytime, Emmy, Grammy,
Oscar, Tony, boom.
432
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:41,499
I like, like-like acting,
but I want to love acting.
433
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,370
Yeah.
434
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,243
You know, like Meryl
Streep style, you know?
435
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:51,640
I want to star in the
Whitney Houston biopic.
436
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,815
Oh!
437
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,425
You know you're
not Black, right?
438
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:55,644
Are you saying I
don't have range?
439
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,514
No.
440
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:57,733
Ssh.
441
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,953
'Cos I got [SINGING
BADLY] range.
442
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,302
You know?
443
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:02,651
She has a beautiful voice.
Yes.
444
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:03,957
Acappella?
Any pella.
445
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:04,871
Great.
446
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,133
Any pella.
447
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:09,527
I'm the first
celebrity bachelorette.
448
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:10,964
Yeah, we can do that one.
449
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,227
Yeah, it
can happen, right?
450
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:15,882
25 guys.
451
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:19,799
So tell me what LeGrand
PR can do for me?
452
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:26,370
Have you thought of designing
your own line of toothbrushes?
453
00:13:29,634 --> 00:13:31,854
I love that.
454
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:36,293
Would you like to
DJ for the royal baby?
455
00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:39,949
Everything.
456
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,864
I want to be BFFs with
Jennifer Lawrence.
457
00:13:41,995 --> 00:13:42,778
Samesies.
458
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,084
Me too.
459
00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:45,389
Oh, my god!
460
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,913
I think she is just,
like, so freaking
461
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,044
cute and off-the-cuff funny.
462
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:49,567
I swear.
463
00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:52,483
I think we would be, like,
honestly BFFs fo' life.
464
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:53,789
Do you have her number?
465
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:54,877
Yes.
466
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:55,835
No.
467
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,536
OK.
468
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,799
I like you guys, you know?
469
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,062
I just-- I really
want my publicist
470
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,934
to go with me everywhere.
471
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:12,329
And you guys are medium
hot, which totally works.
472
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:13,330
You know what?
473
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:14,549
I'm sorry.
474
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:15,637
This is not going to work.
475
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,987
We're going to have to pass.
476
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,641
Seriously?
477
00:14:19,771 --> 00:14:20,685
Yeah, seriously.
478
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:21,948
Lilly's ordering you an Uber.
479
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:26,387
OK.
480
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:29,346
You're dumping me.
481
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,827
You're dumping me.
482
00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:32,741
OK.
483
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,611
No, no, no, no, no.
484
00:14:33,742 --> 00:14:34,525
That's not how it works.
485
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:35,918
I never get dumped.
486
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,528
In fact, I'm--
487
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:38,747
I dump you.
488
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,140
I dump you!
489
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:44,971
So sayonara, adios,
don't need ya, goodbye!
490
00:14:46,798 --> 00:14:49,062
Bye.
491
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:50,846
Are you still going to
help me with that scent?
492
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:51,499
No.
- Maybe.
493
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,161
She totally stole my earrings.
494
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:02,553
Yeah.
495
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,294
Too bad they matched your ring.
496
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:05,426
Can you give this to her?
497
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:06,340
Paige.
498
00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:10,953
So you're the guy
that made those "let's
499
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,476
fly to the future" movies.
500
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,696
I heard those were very fun.
501
00:15:14,826 --> 00:15:16,219
Oh, you should have
pitched those to us.
502
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,613
We would have loved to make
money off those movies.
503
00:15:18,743 --> 00:15:20,354
Um, I-- I did, actually.
504
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:21,224
No, you didn't.
505
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,834
Ssh-- t!
506
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:23,705
Anyway.
507
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:24,880
"Forrest Gump."
508
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,664
We love this script.
509
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:27,839
It's got a little
bit of everything.
510
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,058
Yeah, it does.
511
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:30,407
And that's actually
a huge problem.
512
00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:31,495
Oh.
513
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:33,019
Luckily, we're here to help.
514
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:37,371
So we open up on a feather
floating in the wind.
515
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,242
And already I am
bored and angry.
516
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,157
What the hell is
this feather doing?
517
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,072
That feather doesn't talk or
dance or sing or do anything
518
00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:44,944
goofy, so let's just cut it.
519
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,119
It's a metaphor for--
520
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,468
No, it's not.
521
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:48,773
It's just a feather.
522
00:15:48,904 --> 00:15:49,992
Is it a character
in a movie, or is it
523
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:51,515
garbage floating in the wind?
I mean--
524
00:15:51,646 --> 00:15:53,039
Is it duck garbage?
525
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,779
And then we meet our main
character, Forrest Gump.
526
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:57,913
Some doof with dirty shoes, who
hands out chocolates at a bus
527
00:15:58,044 --> 00:15:59,610
stop.
Yikes!
528
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,090
What is this
weirdo even doing?
529
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,918
He's waiting for children
to walk up so he can
530
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,746
take them somewhere far away?
531
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,182
What a creep!
532
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:09,490
Let's make him a cool,
suave, handsome man, who
533
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,580
is regaling beautiful
women with stories
534
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:13,668
in a Manhattan discotheque.
535
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:14,756
Ding!
Ding!
536
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:15,670
Ding!
537
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,671
Barbs turned on.
538
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,455
Now I can think.
539
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:20,718
Then we can change his name
to something sexy and sensual
540
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:24,287
and South American,
like Ronaldo.
541
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:25,549
Oh, now Darry's turned on.
542
00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:29,292
Ronaldo
Gump, the sexy storyteller.
543
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,555
I-- I really, I'd
really like to stick with
544
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:32,730
the story that I brought in.
545
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:34,254
Oh, my god!
546
00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:35,646
Why?
547
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,953
Forrest is a little
off, yes, but that's
548
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:39,607
what makes him so likable.
549
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,261
He's also very kind and loyal.
550
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,002
Yeah, loyal.
551
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:44,829
The guy falls in love with this
Jenny girl when they're five
552
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,789
and keeps following her around
until she's dead from AIDS.
553
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:49,399
Hey, Rob.
554
00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:50,879
Don't end your movie by
killing a nice lady with AIDS.
555
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,707
I guess I could lighten
it up a little bit.
556
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,361
Fix the whole thing
while you're at it, OK?
557
00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:56,450
Forrest Gump is
some big dork who
558
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,669
happens to get lucky
a bunch of times,
559
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,281
only talks about himself,
and literally runs away
560
00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:02,804
from his problems
the whole movie.
561
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,545
He's a dirt bag,
idiot, narcissist,
562
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,155
and I don't like him.
563
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:07,461
Plus, I looked up Forrest
Gump in a big, dusty book.
564
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,115
And you know what?
565
00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:10,116
It turns out that none of
these stories are even true.
566
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,465
What!
It's not true?
567
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,554
Why are you wasting my time?
568
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:14,468
What did you make up?
569
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:15,382
What didn't you make up?
570
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:16,905
It's unclear!
571
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,298
No, no, no, no, he's
not making up this story.
572
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,603
They're from his life.
573
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:21,083
So this is non-fiction?
574
00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:22,084
Well, we don't do
documentaries, so can leave.
575
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,217
No, the movie is fictional.
576
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,218
Oh, right.
577
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:26,741
Forrest Gump's a dirty liar.
578
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:28,960
Well, he's a fictional
character telling stories
579
00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:30,788
in a non-fiction context.
580
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:31,746
So his stories are made up?
581
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:32,834
Yes.
582
00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:33,661
But he's not making them up?
583
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:34,575
No.
584
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,750
But he's made up.
585
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:36,794
- Yes.
- So who's making them up?
586
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,231
The writer.
587
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:39,623
So then the writer is a
dirty liar, case closed.
588
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:40,755
Glad we solved that.
589
00:17:40,885 --> 00:17:42,017
I think we're done here.
590
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,410
W-- wait, Robert,
let's compromise.
591
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,934
Let's compromise.
592
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,805
OK, we cannot save
anything from this script.
593
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,459
It is-- it's horrible,
it's garbage, but--
594
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,071
Why did Robert Zemeckis
just walk out of here cursing?
595
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,246
Who are you?
596
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:54,464
- I'm Alison.
- Oh!
597
00:17:54,595 --> 00:17:55,291
That's our assistant.
598
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:56,336
Oh!
599
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:57,293
That's what she looks like?
600
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:58,686
Little Alison!
601
00:17:58,816 --> 00:17:59,991
Why hello, Alison.
602
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:01,428
I'm not your assistant.
603
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,385
OK?
604
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:03,430
I'm your boss.
605
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,953
You don't have an assistant.
606
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,477
I'm Alison, Allison duBois.
607
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:10,437
You haven't greenlit a
movie in over 80 years.
608
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,395
And so you're fired!
609
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:13,309
But--
610
00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:18,097
You're fired!
611
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,795
You're a bunch of weenies,
little fat weenies.
612
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:21,883
You're garbage!
613
00:18:22,927 --> 00:18:24,277
Don't shake like cats.
614
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,670
You're a bunch of sick
freaks and you're fired.
615
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,585
You don't have an assistant.
616
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,848
You don't have an assistant.
617
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:31,806
But-- but--
618
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,242
Oh, shut the hell up!
619
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,417
But I'm Barb!
620
00:18:34,548 --> 00:18:35,766
You're nothing, Barb.
621
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:37,116
I'm a businesswoman.
622
00:18:37,246 --> 00:18:38,421
No, I'm a businesswoman.
623
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:40,031
You need to drop
the wig at the door.
624
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,424
What are you talking about?
I'm blonde!
625
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:42,338
I've always been blonde.
626
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:43,861
Let Darry be blonde.
627
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:46,125
You're fired!
628
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:47,474
Alison, could you help us?
629
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:48,518
We're scared.
630
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:49,432
There's nobody there.
631
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:50,390
You're fired!
632
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:00,661
Morning.
633
00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:02,489
Got you some water.
634
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:03,838
Thank you.
635
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:07,711
That's very, um,
gentlemanly of you, Bra--
636
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,365
- Seaton.
- Seaton.
637
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:10,323
Thank you.
638
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:11,237
I remember that.
639
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:17,808
- I had a lot of fun last night.
- Mm.
640
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,070
Maybe I can maybe
get your number?
641
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:20,376
We can hang out again.
- Oh, my gosh!
642
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:21,421
Yeah, totally.
643
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,510
Um, could you just give me $20?
644
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:24,467
For what?
645
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:27,514
For my taxi home.
646
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:30,865
We're--
we're at your apartment.
647
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,824
Right, but if we had
gone to your apartment,
648
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:36,000
I would have had to
take a taxi home,
649
00:19:36,131 --> 00:19:37,480
so you should just give
me the money that you
650
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:38,525
would have given me anyway.
651
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,179
It's a sunk cost.
652
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:41,702
I'm--
653
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,051
I'm sorry.
654
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,009
I'm trying to wrap
my head around this.
655
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:49,971
So I need to give you money for
a cab ride that never happened?
656
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:51,755
Well, it's what a
gentleman would do.
657
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:53,409
I don't-- that
doesn't make sense.
658
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:55,803
So you're saying chivalry
doesn't make sense?
659
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,196
I don't think you
know what chivalry is.
660
00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:58,980
Yeah, I do.
661
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:00,547
It's something to do with like
horses or queens or something.
662
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:01,504
I don't know.
- OK.
663
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:02,810
Uh, you have money.
664
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,855
You bought $12
drinks last night.
665
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,205
I don't need to give
you money for a cab.
666
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,772
Yes, you do because
you're the boy.
667
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:09,773
Wow!
668
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:11,122
That's pretty sexist.
669
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:12,080
You think I'm pretty?
670
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,255
No, I said pretty sexist.
671
00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:14,735
Oh, you think I'm pretty sexy.
672
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:15,997
Pretty sexist.
673
00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,999
Oh, I can't be
sexist, I'm a girl.
674
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,827
It's like when you can
make fun of Jewish people
675
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:20,741
if you saw one on TV once.
676
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,351
OK.
OK, listen--
677
00:20:22,482 --> 00:20:23,744
I need to go home, OK?
678
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,006
But you're at home right now.
We're here.
679
00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:26,094
You're at your house right now!
680
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,008
You're right.
681
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,052
I'm sorry.
682
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,053
I was mistaken.
683
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:29,924
OK, thank you.
684
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,578
Good.
685
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,536
It'll be $30 for the cab
because I'm a good tipper
686
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:34,407
because I'm a lady.
687
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:35,756
No way!
688
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:36,974
It's like $15 at most
from the village,
689
00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,498
but which is
hypothetical, which is
690
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:39,760
not the point because I'm not--
- Oh, the village!
691
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,152
My favorite coffee
shop is down there.
692
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:42,893
OK, so after I
leave your place, I
693
00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:45,200
would definitely pop in there to
get a little mocha frappuccino.
694
00:20:45,331 --> 00:20:46,984
So that would be another $7.
695
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:48,116
Oh, because you're
a good tipper.
696
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,683
Exactly.
Lady.
697
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,250
You know, while you're
even at it, it's a nice day.
698
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:52,642
Why don't you get brunch?
- Oh!
699
00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,165
I'm so happy you understand.
700
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,776
That's a great idea.
701
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:57,865
It was so awkward before
when you didn't quite get it,
702
00:20:57,995 --> 00:20:59,562
but brunch would be great!
703
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,390
And also my friend
Trish lives down there.
704
00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:02,913
She's going through a
really rough time now.
705
00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:05,220
So I'd love to treat
her to brunch as well.
706
00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,570
And then maybe we could
pop by Magnolia Bakery.
707
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:09,877
Get one of each, but
there's always a line there.
708
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,705
So I'm going to need something
to do while I'm waiting.
709
00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:13,097
And so maybe you
could get me a Kindle.
710
00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:14,882
A Kindle, of course.
711
00:21:15,012 --> 00:21:18,625
Plus the cupcakes, brunch for
me and Trish, then the coffee,
712
00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:20,322
so we're at like fr--
713
00:21:20,453 --> 00:21:23,107
a hundred and-- oh, you should
get me a calculator, too.
714
00:21:23,238 --> 00:21:24,152
How much is a calculator now?
715
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,414
Like $80?
716
00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:26,589
Let's just add that on.
- OK, listen.
717
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,199
Right, all right.
718
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:29,200
This is all hypothetical.
It's not going to happen.
719
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:30,637
You didn't get a cab ride home.
720
00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,160
You didn't get coffee.
You didn't get brunch.
721
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:33,596
You didn't meet up with Trish.
There's no Kindle.
722
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:34,989
You know why?
723
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:35,990
Because you're at your
apartment right now!
724
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,426
Wah!
725
00:21:37,557 --> 00:21:38,993
All this yelling is
giving me a headache,
726
00:21:39,123 --> 00:21:40,908
so after I get brunch, I'm
going I have to go and get
727
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:42,605
some medicine for the headache.
728
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,694
And that'll be another $15
because I only do non-generic.
729
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:46,174
OK, OK, OK.
730
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,307
So you need real medicine
for this argument
731
00:21:48,437 --> 00:21:50,004
we're having about a
hypothetical situation where
732
00:21:50,134 --> 00:21:51,614
you hypothetically
took a cab ride home.
733
00:21:51,745 --> 00:21:53,442
But in this hypothetical
situation, you'd be in a cab,
734
00:21:53,573 --> 00:21:55,444
and you would pick up this
real medicine for this real--
735
00:21:55,575 --> 00:21:57,228
enough, OK!
736
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,318
I feel like I'm getting stuck
in some kind of bitch inception.
737
00:21:59,448 --> 00:22:00,971
I'm going to give you the $20.
738
00:22:01,102 --> 00:22:05,236
But know if you take this
money, you're a prostitute.
739
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,717
No, because prostitutes
take money for sex.
740
00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:11,242
And I'm taking money
for a cab after sex.
741
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:14,071
There's no cab!
742
00:22:14,202 --> 00:22:16,073
Is there?
743
00:22:16,204 --> 00:22:17,597
Really?
744
00:22:17,727 --> 00:22:18,902
Do you want to
PayPal me the rest?
745
00:22:21,731 --> 00:22:22,515
There she is.
50291
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